Burned Out

by BerkutNWF

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Slice of Life, Zecora, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3182

Twilight goes for a walk for an introspection into her overly-analytical mind.

A lifestyle like Twilight Sparkle's doesn't bode well for the mind. Constantly learning, constantly thinking, trying to find applications for what she's learned wherever she can. But its reached an apex; The world's a big and complex place. There's only so much one mare can take in...

She's burned out, doesn't want to study anymore, and goes for a walk around a snow-covered Ponyville alone with her thoughts which just won't let her relax.

Published 2012-11-07 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-07 02:00:02 UTC

Burned Out

Twilight’s head pounded at the radiant dawn crashing through her window; yet another night of binge studying down the drain and still the empty defeat of being no closer to unlocking the secrets of the universe.

Spike remained snoring at her bedside. He would remain there for another four hours if he were to have his way. Twilight blinked the sand of her eyelids and immediately her stomach responded with a heavy growl. Yet her appetite was suppressed. The very thought of even a tasteless leaf of lettuce made her want to wretch. She looked over at the baby dragon, placing her hoof on his backside…

And there she stopped. Normally she’d shake him out of bed and they’d get started with a light breakfast. Today, though… She just wasn’t into it. She looked over the edge of her loft at a pile of books in the northeast corner. What was she studying anyway? Was it an alchemy recipe? A spell? Thoughts blurred in her mind; an object formed; something about a goblet… And a mask… It was some type of history text she was studying, right?

Strangely, where normally she would be excited to get back to studying, she felt apathetic, perhaps even revolted by the idea of going back to it. And she wasn’t even frightened by this sudden shift in demeanor. She started her thoughts humming again. Maybe she should get something in her stomach. She didn’t want to eat, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

She slowly crept, almost crawled, down the spiraled staircase, making her way to the kitchen on the bottom floor. She pulled out a box of oats and poured it into a bowl, setting it on the round table in the center of the room. She sat behind it.

And there is sat. Minutes past. Then hours. Spike came down the stairs around ten-thirty. Early for his usual time.

“Twi?”

Twilight was awoken from her catatonic state, but her reaction was modest. She looked down at her oats with still no desire to eat.

“Twi…? You… uh, forgot to wake me up.” He walked up to her side and glanced at her bowl. “You know, I would have been happy to make us breakfast,” He noticed the untouched grain inside. “Though it looks like it wouldn’t have made a difference…” He then followed her static form up to her blank stare. “Are you alright?”

“I…” The first noise out of her mouth the whole day, an incomplete sentence with its meaningless letter, would be her last to Spike for the day. She rose from her chair and made her way out the door.

It was here that she snapped a little more back to conscious thought. It was freezing. There was a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. Easily six inches, and it was still coming down steady. Not enough to completely block her vision, but enough to make her squint.

She shivered as she walked. Her mind started up, chattering away. It was going between one thought and another at an unbelievably rapid pace. Why snow now? Didn’t the weather team promise a sunny day today? Dang it, Twilight! You should have brought a saddle, or at least a scarf. The mask of Grecos the Mad, that’s what it was! Was she mistaken? Maybe they were promising the sunny day on Thursday and the snow Tuesday. Man, it’s cold! Rarity’s is around the corner; maybe if she’s open she’ll buy a saddle. Heck, maybe she’d be up for tea.

She trotted up to the fanciful pillars of Carousel Boutique, where a sign on the door dropped her stomach’s rise. Closed due to weather. Figures. She tried knocking on the door a few times. Futile. She sauntered away, keeping her mind fixed in its power band. She had no desire to return home. She knew Spike would be questioning her mercilessly about her unwarranted retreat from the dinner table. He’s probably writing a letter to the Princess right now.

She let herself wander to town square. Few stands were open. Ponies seemed to wander with no real destination. At least she could relate to somepony. They scuttled about, eventually landing outside the few shops open for business, chattering with the shopkeepers. It was a social stigma, not one of restlessness that motivated them. Again, Twilight felt alone.

And with her isolation, her thoughts began wandering once more. They were even more jumbled and numerous than before. What was Spike going to say to her when she got home? How was she going to comfort him; let him know that she was lost in thought, maybe needed a little change. Shoot! She forgot about that book audit again! Heaven knows the late fees are probably through the roof by now. That is, unless they’re just misplaced…because…of…her… But she generally keeps a mental inventory of what she takes off the shelf. She was a good memory. Maybe Spike can help her out. He’s probably going to go see Rarity today, though. Why would Rarity see him and not her? What makes Spike so special? She probably just uses him as a pin—

She was cut off from herself when her muzzle hit the ground. The snow actually felt kind of nice; she almost considered staying there for a while. The snow was a wonderful insulator. It was like standing in front of an open ice box on a scorching day. Her head felt warm, her mind stopped racing. She again felt self-aware and jumped, pulling her head out of snow. She rapidly scanned the area. She had some time ago hit the outskirts of town. Nopony saw her; she was alone, staring at the bridge to Fluttershy’s cottage. The path forked to the right leading to the edge of the Everfree forest. She took this road and made her way to the fringe, racing the path around to the foot of Everfree Mountain. There she stopped to glance upward at the towering summit. Once the home to a rich and sleepy dragon, the smoke had since cleared to leave only the faintest trace of cloud cover blurring the peak. Her eyes traced the path up, her mind filling in the gaps obscured by the mountain. As she reached the base, her eyes focused on the detail of the rocks and surface strata. She sauntered closer to a gleaming note in front of her. She brushed some of the surrounding debris away to reveal a flawless sapphire.

Again, Twilight’s mind got a little louder. She scratched the gem with her hoof. The surface was actually slightly rough. Surprising considering sapphire’s renowned versatility. A near ten on the hardness scale. Related directly to diamond, formed under the same processes of heat and pressure. What would the titanium look like inside it? It would be nice to have access to Canterlot’s science facilities. Their high-powered magic-augmented microscopes could probably make out the matrix itself. To think—she clasped the gem in her front hooves, falling to her flank—the world’s hardest with the world’s strongest; almost perfection. She grasped it harder.

Applications, reflections—light striking the natural facets—wavelengths, creating the prism that reflected back into the eye—four-hundred-forty-five, a near perfect blue. Her eye was nearly touching the point of its sharpest facet.

The light reflected off the back of the retina, the information is flipped and processed through the optic nerve; the optic nerve intersects with the brainstem. It’s reversed; the image processed, its decoded, impulses fire, fire, fire, FIRE—

“ENOUGH!” She screamed. She kicked the sapphire, it flew almost straight up. “Make is stop! I don’t want this anymore! I want to rest! It’s too complex! Its—“
A cracking thunder echoed overhead. Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. She dropped to her stomach at the same time as the gem. The gem lit up, its rich blue suddenly overshadowed with the reflections of yellow, green, purple, red, pink, white spreading across the ground. The chaos seemed overwhelming. Her mind reached an apex…

“I’ve seen this look before, my dear purple mare. A mind racing away with every thought, question, and care. Take a moment; try to clear your mind. The chaos flowing around you is less complex than you might find.”

A hoof was placed on her haunch. She uncovered her eyes to Zecora’s spiked mane upside-down, barely brushing the ground. Her eyes flowed to make contact with Zecora’s. She had on a warm smile. Twilight rolled over onto her back. Zecora had on a pair of saddlebags destined for market.

“You seem distressed, your mind out of room.” Zecora bent down to help her up. Twilight put a thankful hoof on Zecora’s back to prop herself to all-fours. “Traveling without a destination?” Zecora glanced around. “Your thoughts letting you wander, I’d presume.”

Twilight was perplexed. “How’d you know?”

“My Zebra Sense was tingling, made me aware of something queer. So I took a step out of my way and to the fringes of Everfree, glancing at the mountain to see you huddled in fear.”

Twilight's face dropped in disillusion. “Your Zebra Sense? Really?”

“Now that’s the dry wit of the Twilight that I’ve come to know,” Zecora’s smile widened. “I’m honestly not a fan of the one whose face is covered in snow.”

Twilight smirked a little. She looked at the gem next to her.

“Quite beautiful, I must say,” Zecora walked over to the gem and placed it on the Twilight’s outstretched hoof. “Not a bad find for somepony who just needed to get out of the way.”

Twilight started her mind, again churning numbers, facts, and ideas. But suddenly her whole world went blank when Zecora covered her eyes.

“Don’t observe the rock with such a deep curiosity. Sometimes a rock it just a rock, and a tree is just a tree.” Zecora lifted her leg off of Twilight’s muzzle.

Twilight took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. Her senses sharpened slightly. She could hear the faint wind echo through her ear and see the snow fly past the outstretched gem. She could almost—no—could pick out each snowflake. Her eyes wandered away from the gem and focused on the particles on the ground. She closed her eyes.

“…It’s difficult.” She concluded. She faced Zecora. There was no hint of disappointment on her face.

“I understand. It takes a lot to see the world in a brand new light. It would be foolish to think something so large could happen overnight. But consider taking time out of your day to work on such a feat. It can make a sort of serenity, a joy that can’t be beat.”

“Meditation?” Twilight clarified.

“In so few words, yes. But with my dialect, brevity like that comes hard to pass.”

Twilight laughed. Her mind cooled dramatically. Her thoughts began to narrow and align. It touched ground with the present. Zecora smiled back at her. She pulled a small sack out of her bag and placed the sapphire inside it. She slung it over Twilight’s back.

“Out here the gem is only half of what it could be. One of your friends could use it to its full potential…” Zecora paused momentarily.

“You mean Rarity?” Twilight responded. Zecora laughed. Twilight shook her head. “You start me talking in rhymes so easily.” She admitted as they both started back to Ponyville.

“What can I say, my speech is very contagious.” Zecora replied. She glanced over at Twilight, who stopped both of them in their tracks.

“Well?”

Zecora cocked her head to the side.

“Come on, finish the sentence…”

Zecora did not reply.

“AUGH!” Twilight’s face fell again. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

Zecora laughed again. “Of course! I tease your mind with mannerisms that are too hard to ignore. Maybe you should ask yourself if I’ve been taking a lesson or two from your mentor.”

Twilight pounded on Rarity’s door. There was shuffling on the other side, followed by a thunk, the sound of hooves trotting closer, succeeded by a clang of metal, finished by a stumble and what Twilight interpreted as a string of very unladylike language before the door opened.

“Twilight!” Rarity beamed. “Mt goodness, you look cold! Please, come inside!” She flung the door jar to reveal a pile of fabric, gems, string, and a couple of knocked over mannequins.

Twilight slowly entered. “Rarity, this place looks like a tornado ran through it! What are you doing?”

“Catching up on work, dear!” Her glasses were slightly askew and her normally well-pressed curls were splitting at their ends.

Twilight maneuvered around the clutter and barely pulled her tail through the threshold before Rarity slammed the door. She glanced out the window momentarily, her face clearly expressing her mix of discomfort with the cold and concern for Twilight’s rationale for putting herself through the storm without coverage.

“Can you take a break?” Twilight inquired.

“Of course! Tea?”

“It’s…been on my mind today.” She was flanked ahead by Rarity, leading her into the kitchen. “I dropped by earlier, by the way. Nopony answered.”

“Did you? I’m sorry, darling; I was probably in the far back. Did you try the handle? I think I kept it unlocked.”

“But the sign said you were closed.”

“Oh, well… Yes, for regular business, I suppose. But just in case somepony needed something I didn’t want to completely keep them away. I mean, on a day like today someone might have found they needed a saddle or something and accidentally left for work without one…”

“Implying something?” Twilight snarked.

“Yes, a little.” Rarity responded, placing a pot of water on the stove.

Twilight pulled the bag off her back. “Well, it’s actually fortunate I walked on. Look what I ran into out there,” she levitated the Sapphire out of her pack, placing it in front of Rarity’s eyes.

“Oh my… It’s gorgeous!”

“It’s yours.” Twilight placed it on the table.

“Oh, no, no, no… I…”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. Besides, if I took it home I’m sure Spike would find a way to sneak it for himself.” Her voice lowered. “He keeps finding a way into the chest of Garnets I have on the top shelf in the pantry.”

“Twilight, you are just too kind.” Her eyes were wide, examining the gem from tip to stem. An odd expression fell over Twilight’s face, reflected in one of the brilliant facets. Rarity looked up when she caught it.

“Twilight, is everything alright?” She studied her carefully. “Why exactly did you decide to go wandering without a saddle or boots? It’s got to be near freezing out there.”

“I… I had a lot on my mind. I just sorta needed time to myself, I guess…”

Rarity held her gaze. She made a quick glance at her workroom through the door across the hall. “Can I show you what I’m working on?”

Twilight seemed perplexed.

“I want to get some ideas bounced around. Just get some fresh opinions on things. Maybe even have you try some things on, see if they’re to your liking?”

“Rarity, you know I like simplicity. I don’t think I’m the one you want to use. Fluttershy is better attuned to your line of work.”

Rarity’s face fell. She was running out of options. Time for the direct approach. “Twilight, darling… How do I say this—it’s more Applejack’s forte than min—please tell me what’s wrong.” The sad look on Rarity’s face was close to breaking Twilight’s heart.

“Okay… I, well—I suppose getting my opinion on detail probably isn’t that bad of an idea…” she said to no-one in particular. Zecora’s voice echoed in her mind quietly. “It might sound dumb, but I guess I feel sort of overloaded.”

“Been working hard?” Rarity clarified.

“Yeah, but I’ve been getting this eye for detail, like, I’ve got to break things down. I can’t just look at them; appreciate them for what they are.”

“Sounds like you need a break more than me.”

Twilight chuckled. “Yeah, kinda funny, huh?

Rarity’s look never betrayed itself. “Twilight”, she began “How long have you felt this?

“I really just noticed it today. Why, is something wrong?” Twilight felt chastised. Rarity’s tone wasn’t very understanding.

“Not at all. You’re burning out, dear. You do work hard, you never take breaks. We’ve talked about this before…”

Twilight’s face went red under her fur.

“And we screwed up. But it took that to know that we were all going through that sometime or another.” Rarity smiled. “I’m glad that you came to be. I still feel I should apologize for my own behavior…”

“No, no—“

“It’s alright. Come on, let’s get the girls together. We’ll have a picnic, clear your mind—or talk about it, whatever sounds best.”

“But Rarity—" Twilight found herself being dragged by the hoof. “It’s snowing like crazy!”

“Then we’ll have it in the lobby here.”

“But it’s a mess!”

“Well then…we’ll…uh…we’ll…” Rarity stammered, hurriedly looking around for another solution.

Twilight started cracking up.

“Huh? Did I miss something?”

“No! It’s you! You’re so scattered yet so focused! So like me!”

Rarity seemed perplexed.

“Maybe I just needed to know I wasn’t the only one.” Twilight was breathing heavily, still chuckling between words. “It’s weird, but I think that was exactly what I needed.” She wiped a tear of laughter from her eye. She felt lighter. She took a couple more deep breaths. “Thank you, Rarity.” She said with a relaxed smile. She embraced her in a hug.

“Uh… You’re welcome. I’m not sure what I did, but…”

“It doesn’t matter. Here, let me help you clean up and then we’ll go get the others.”

“Alright,” the purple dragon started. “When you’re ready.” He raised his quill to the parchment.

She cleared her throat.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Occasionally life can seem extraordinarily complex, and it puts your mind into a tangled vex. With due dates, dilemmas, and dire consequences to bide, it’s a wonder that everypony’s mind doesn’t explode out from the inside. But we soldier on; dealing with life in our own way, and sometimes that can lead us slightly astray. To believe that we all have to deal with this alone, however, is something that we don’t have to weather. Some of us might find comfort in solitude, some being cheered by an audience. But others might need something a little more intimate; a comforting word with someone in confidence. But regardless of the way, everypony should know that they are not alone in their quest. We all have our moments, and sometimes a lucky coincidence can be all one needs to invest. Friends are friends, regardless of how often together you might speak. Friends help you back on your path when you might be feeling a little weak. The magic of friendship is something that you don’t have to think too hard about, its quality doesn’t have to be judged, nor should it be a quantity to count. In this case just leave it to faith and trust to find that it’s often perfectly placed.

Your loyal subject,

Zecora