Because subtlety just doesn't do the job
This is it, your big day! The day you finally ask out the mare of your dreams, Rarity. You sweat profusely, heart beating rapidly, as you head to Carousel Boutique. No more playing around with hints, no more chickening out, you’re gonna put her right on the spot and ask her out. You even researched showering tips because, if you’re being honest, there is probably a reason there’s a bad odor everywhere you go.
Reaching the boutique, you knock on the door a bit too hard. Actually, you’re probably standing too close, so you back up. Wait, what if you’re too far now? If you have to raise your voice, somepony might eavesdrop. Oh god, what if somepony’s watching you right now and you accidently pick your nose or something? You start to look back to check when the door opens.
“Hello—Oh, no need to be impatient. I didn’t take that long to answer,” Rarity quips with a smirk.
“No, I’m not being impatient!” you blurt. There’s a pause and you feel you should add something witty.
“Then what brings—”
“I’m not ornarl—” You mispronounce. “o-ornery like Rainbow Dash.”
Another pause and Rarity raises an eyebrow. “...I hope you didn’t come here to insult my friends.”
Avoiding eye contact, you mumble, “Uh no...it was just a joke.”
“Darling, I can hardly hear you from back there, do come closer! Actually, why don’t you just come in,” she suggests. “My store is open for business, after all.”
You blush at her invitation, she must like you! “Yep,” you say, but she’s already gone back inside. With wobbly steps, you follow into the boutique.
Rarity’s already behind the sales counter. “So, did you want to make an order?” the unicorn cheerfully asks.
You scratch the back of your head. “Nah really. I just wanted to talk in private.”
“Oh, personal matters? Delightful, why don’t we sit at the couch?”
Wowsers, she wants you to sit next to her! You ecstatically wiggle a bit before catching yourself. She leads you into the next room and sure enough, there’s a coffee table and couch in the center. She sits down and after gesturing, you plop down unceremoniously. The couch shakes.
Squirming and sweating, you look around the room, some paintings catching your eye.
Rarity prompts you, “So, what did—”
“Some picture!”
She cocks her head. “Um...I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
You shift your eyes and repeat, “Some picture!”
“No...I heard you the first time.”
You jerkily turn your head and point to it. “Man, I said—I said that’s a good picture.”
“Oh, thank you. I quite like it myself,” she grins.
The couch is irritating your fur, and you itch yourself for the third time. Rarity’s smile flickers but she doesn’t say anything.
“You better, paint uses resins and those are expensive in this economy.” You try to smile, but something’s not right. Rarity giggles a bit at the site of your mouth twitching.
She asks curiously, “Now what was it you wanted to discuss?”
You see some fabric sticking out from under the coffee table and recognize the stripe pattern. “Hey! I have some just like those,” you point. You both have common interests!
Mortified, Rarity blushes and snaps them up. “Oh my goodness!” she exclaims, hiding it behind herself.
“No, you don’t have to be afraid! I have those too,” you admit.
The fashionista purses her lips. “You...you have panties?” She scoots away.
You reach over and awkwardly put your hoof on her shoulder. “NO, socks with that stuff, whatever.”
The unicorn gives off an anxious chuckle. “...Oh, of course.”
“Yes.” Your hoof is still on her shoulder.
“Um, what was it you wanted to talk about?” She shrugs it off.
“Well, since—Well I,” you start. Deep in thought, you start to drag your hoof in circles on the coffee table.
“Please don’t do that, dear. You’ll scratch the table.”
And just when you almost had your thought! “Bzzrooo,” you say in frustration, frowning a bit.
Rarity looks away, pretending she didn’t hear that. Her posture wilts as she asks, “...Did you have a question?”
Wow, how’d she guess?! “I did, yep. I mean I want to ask you do, uh, will you, I mean, do some things with me?”
“...Well, that depends. What activities did you have in mind?”
“Well, I actually want to date with you!” you finally rasp. “Geez, I must sound like a retard in a closet or something,” you snort, relieved.
But Rarity grimaces at that and springs off the couch. “Well! That’s certainly no cause to mock others!”
You leap to defense like the hero you are. “Yep, no, I’m a—I didn’t mean it, I just really want to be with you and touch you and stuff!”
“And here I thought you were a gentlepony! Why, you only want to bed me!” Rarity barks, pointing a hoof accusingly.
You take a step towards her. “Well yeah—No, it’s just that you’re way sexier than your sister, yep!” Nice job.
“What?! Why did you bring Sweetie Belle into this, do you have sexual thoughts towards her?! Are you a pedophile?!”
“Neh! Don’t be faggot!” you shout back. Before you can help yourself, you add, “Besides, I’d—I rather rape Scootaloo.” The thought gives you an erection, regardless of gender.
“Eww, you...You disgusting pervert!” she squeals, fleeing the room.
You like it. You chase after her.
