~Milk~~By Lulamoonsparkle~
It was a beautiful morning in Ponyville. The birds were singing in a melodious harmony, there was a warm, comfortable breeze, and Celestia's sun was shining with glory to greet the new day.
Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the library, and paused to take in a deep breath of summer breeze. Oh, what a lovely day, she thought. It's so peaceful. So quiet. So... peaceful... she trailed off My, with this warmer weather, my flowers will be positively parched! I must go water them immediately!
She trotted back inside, only to emerge on her balcony, levitating a filled watering can. While watering her petunias, she spotted Applejack and Big Mac making their way to the market, a few barrels of apples in tow.
"Hay Applejack," Twilight called. "It's a beautiful morning today, isn't it?"
Applejack looked up, pushing up her Stetson. Seeing Twilight, she broke into a grin, and responded, "It sure as corn is! Didja smell the fresh summer breeze? That's nice, right there,"
Twilight smiled, "Yeah, it's beautiful," she paused, thinking for a moment. "Hay, I was actually wondering... Y'know how we've never actually had a peaceful picnic?" Applejack nodded. "Well... We've tried, but they're always interrupted by something or other... I was thinking, that since today is such a nice day... well... maybe we could get together with our friends, and have a nice, relaxing picnic at noon," She trailed off, seeing that Applejack had a twisted expression on her face.
"Well, it sure would'a been nice to have a picnic today," the farmpony said hesitantly. "But... y'see, I'm only helpin' Big Mac bring these 'ere apples to the market. Afterwards, I hafta go home on account'a Granny Smith is goin' out to some fancy tea thing or other with some of her friends from 'er seniors weekly bridge club," She looked at Twilight apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I have to go back to th' farm and 'sit Applebloom. She's a hoofull!"
The lavender unicorn thought for a moment: se knew how troublesome they were. "Well... I know that Rarity is in charge of Sweetie Belle this weekend... her parents are out of town again, and I was going to invite Sweetie Belle to come along... and..." Twilight faltered; she fully knew the consequences of her next words. "...well... I could extend that invitation to Applebloom... after all, what's the fun if Sweetie has nopony to play with?"
Applejacks eyes widened. "B-but... y'know... y'know that if you invite two... you'll hafta invite the whole... troublesome trio..." she looked at Twilight in concern. "Are... Are ye sure ye want ta do this? You don't have to ruin the entir picnic on account’a me,"
Twilight gave her friend a warm smile. "And that's what's so great about you, Applejack. You're willing to put yourself and your own wants aside for the good of others... and I admire you for that. However, I won't have you not come just because of your sister," she paused, "Besides, I can use that as reason for Rarity to come with her little sis," she added as an afterthought.
Applejack sighed. She knew that she wanted to go and relax with her friends. She looked to her brother for confirmation, "That all right with you?"
"Eeeeeyup." was hiw warm response.
"Great!" Twilight squeed. "I'll go tell the others then! At noon, in the meadow. Can you bring some food?"
"Sure thing! I reckon Applebloom an' I will make some fresh apple fritters."
"Yay! See you soon!"
With that, the lavender unicorn teleported away, completely forgetting about the telekinetically suspended water can. As soon as she was gone, it fell off of the balcony, and landed on an unfortunate baby dragon, who was busy checking the mail outside.
~LM~
Twilight was able to invite the rest of her friends without a snag. Rarity was hesitant at first, but after she heard that Applejack was bringing her little sister, she was delighted to come. Pinkie Pie was exited as always, and Fluttershy accepted her invitation nicely. When Twilight came across Rainbow Dash, the cyan pegasus was busy giving Scootaloo wing exercises to strengthen her muscular endurance, so Twilight graciously invited her to come along too.
She made her way home happily, thinking about what she would bring to eat. Well, I know that Applejack, Rarity and RD are bringing the main courses. Maybe, I’ll bring dessert; Pinkie Pie’ll eat whatever she brings. Again. What to bring, what to bring... Twilight stared into the sky huh... that cloud there looks just like.... Suddenly an idea hit her!!! The unicorn broke into a low chuckle at first, and then rose to a sort of deranged cackle, and then finally a loud, creepy laugh.
“Hah HAHAH hah hah heh heh heh.... HEH...HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAaaa.....” She trailed off, and then suddenly noticed the random crowd of ponies standing around her, watching her intently.
‘You ok?” asked a concerned looking stallion.
Umm... yes.” She answered briefly, after giving an embarrassed look.
She then proceeded to go back home, and looked up ice cream making recipes.
~LM~
At noon that day, Twilight, her five friends, and the troublesome trio (as well as Spike) met up at Sweet Apple Acres and headed on out to the meadow. Once they got there, the brought out the picnic blanket and beach balls, and the CMC headed off to play ball. Meanwhile, the adults dozed in the shade of a nice leafy tree, and talked about the recent wedding, and gossiped about what type of kids Cadence and Shining would have.
“Ooh, Oooh! I know, I know!!!!” Pinkie shouted. “ I’ll bet they have triplets! I love triplets! I already take care of the Cake’s twins all the time, and ooooh, triplets would be so so cool! Do ya think they’ll let me foal sit them? Maybe I can be somepony’s favorite foalsitter just like Cadence is Twilight’s favorite foalsitter, and then there can be a wedding, and stuff, and- mmphh” she choked, because Rainbow Dash had just shoved a hoof in her mouth.
“Aww, chillax Pinkie. Let somepony else speak,” she said with a wicked grin.
Pinkie smiled sheepishly, “Well, I guess I did get a little teensy weeeny bit carried away there...”
Twilight smiled factually. “Well, I was actually wondering if I could break in somewhere. You do know that the statistical probability of triplets is significantly lower than that of twins; let alone the birth rate of single children. Based on this data, it would be safe to assume, for the time being, that any children they may have would be single.”
Rainbow gave a low chuckle, “Well. You do know that when you assume...” she looked at Applejack for support.
The freckled mare sighed, in exasperation, but obliged. “... ye make an ass outah you an’ me.”
Rarity frowned. “I simply cannot believe that the two of you can submit yourselves to such vulgarity. It’s disgraceful,”
Pinkie burst out, “Yeah! What do ya think Cranky Doodle would think if he heard you say that! That’s a mean thing to say, Rainbow McMeanie-pants Dash! And you too, Applejerk!” She glowered.
Fluttershy trembled, “That wasn’t very nice...” she whispered, looking at the ground.
Immediately Applejack apologized. “Oh, I’m sorry y’all... It was just a harmless li’l joke... that’s all we meant by it...” She trailed off uncomfortably.
Rainbow Dash added, “Yeah, but you should know we didn’t mean it that way! I wasn’t thinking of a race thing... That is totally uncool...” she too trailed off, looking at her hooves.
Rarity sighed, and rolled her eyes. “There’s absolutely no reason to be dramatic, dear. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but I am simply opposed to the use of vulgar terminology in general,”
Fluttershy spoke, “Yeah, I guess it’s ok. You didn’t mean anything mean, and then you apologized. That was very nice of you,” she mumbled silently.
“What about you, Pinkie Pie? Are ye still mad at us?” Asked Applejack worriedly, but then frowned. She looked around, to see Pinkie Pie with her head stuck in one of the picnic baskets.
“Hmmph?” The pink pony raised her head from her dessert, face smeared with cupcake frosting. “These cupcakes are really really supercalifragilisticexpialidociously fantabulous!!! I wonder who brought them,” she looked as if she was seriously thinking for a moment, and then continued earnestly, “oh yeah it was me!!!!”
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “C’mon you guys, why don’t we begin our lunch before Pinkie eats it all. It’s about time, anyways,”
With that, Rarity fetched the foals and dragon, and they settled themselves down to eat lunch. After eating their main course, the friends complimented each other’s cooking, and then went for their dessert.
“So, Pinkie, you brought cupcakes, right?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yup-dee-doodley!” cried the hyper pink pony. “I sure did! They’re right in this basket; I made them special!!!” She carefully opened the basket, and pulled back the cover to reveal...”Nothing! What, theyre all gone!” she looked downcast. “I... I didn’t mean to eat them all...”
Twilight intervened. “Never mind about those cupcakes Pinkie, because I brought the ultimate dessert for a hot summer day!”
The five friends leaned in close together and prodded, “Yes?”
“The most deliciously awesome treat ever,”
“Yes?!” They were slightly closer.
“Kept moist and cool through top-notch raw unicorn magical ability,”
“Yes?!?” They were even closer.
“Coming in many different flavors, to suit anypony’s desire,”
“Yes!?!?!?” Inches away now...
“I brought...”
“YES!?!?!?” They were breathing heavily in Twilights face now, they’re mouths watering. It was, quite frankly, a little gross.
“ICE CREAM!!!” The lavender unicorn suddenly shouted, whipping out her basket, and revealing the mouth-watering treat, levitating in her telekinesis. “COME AND EAT!!!”
Suddenly, the other ponies recoiled immediately, the younger ones shrieking in disgust and fear.
“What in hay is wrong with you!?!” Applejack shouted, standing protectively in front of her sister. “Ya coulda gotten us killed! Is this some kind of sick joke?!?”
“Yeah!” added Rainbow Dash crossly from the sky. “What’s your problem, huh?! There are funny pranks, and then there’s just sick humor. That is totally uncool!”
Meanwhile, Fluttershy was trembling with Rarity, who was frantically trying to comfort her. “Look what you’ve done to poo dear Fluttershy!”
“Hay, what’s the big deal!? That was a really jerky thing for you to do, Twilight!” Scootaloo shouted. “Sweetie Belle’s really sensitive,” she added, nudging her friend comfortingly.
“What’s your problem?” shouted Spike. “Who doesn’t like ice cream?!”
Twilight backed away in shock. “wha... wha... What’s wrong with you guys? What’s your objection to ice cream?” she trembled a little, setting the feared container down. She stared at her crippled friends, worry spreading over her face. “I’m sorry... I don’t know... What...” she trailed off, and sat herself down, staring at the ground.
Applejack looked up at her heartbroken friend for a moment before responding, “Ah can see that she’s telling th’ truth y’all... I don’t think... I don’t think she knew what she done was wrong, she’s just... confused, that’s it,”
“Yes, please, would somepony tell me what’s going on?” Twilight cried.
The silent pony hesitated, before stepping forward. “...I... I can tell you what’s wrong,” said Pinkie Pie. “After all, I’m the one here with the most knowledge of sweets. Well, to put it briefly, we all share a disease... Here in Ponyville, everypony has severe lactose intolerance,”
“Huh?” asked Twilight. “Uh, I believe you would be wrong there, Pinkie... Lactose intolerance in such high numbers would essentially be a scientific impossibility. I mean, come on... let’s be realistic here. What in Equestria could possibly have caused that?”
Pinkie gave her an annoyed look. “Well, I was going to continue, but you seem to busy trying to figure it out all on your own, so I guess you don’t need my help,” she sniffed, and crossed her arms.
“Oh, sorry Pinkie. That’s not what I meant... Please, do continue,” she said sheepishly.
“Well alright then. It all started back with the settler ponies... But it wasn’t their fault. They couldn’t have known that the fertile soil was contaminated. They began a farm; they built the great Sweet Apple Acres, and all the others we use today for our vegetation... After they found out about the danger, it was too late to do anything about it... The farm had been in produce circulation for years; the genes had already become mutated... There was no going back.”
“Wait, wait wait... What’re you talking about, Pinkie? What ‘contamination’?” Twilight asked.
“Well, it was a type of radiation poisoning... Actually, the reason it wasn’t discovered by earlier research scientists, was because it was virtually harmless. The only effect it had on those who got contaminated by it, was that they were extremely susceptible to dairy products, rendering them badly lactose intolerant... Unfortunately, it’s a dominant rather than recessive gene in our systems, and everypony’s offspring is born with this gene,
“You may wonder why we keep cows here. Honestly, we keep the cows because they’re immune to the lactose mutation; the generations of cows we have today are actually descendants of the cows that came over with the settler ponies...They ate the same infected produce, but don’t seem to have any of the same issues with dairy. We run tests; we take blood samples...milk... samples, trying to figure out what it is that makes them different... but as of now, the only thing we’ve been able to find out, is that they have a slightly different cellular use for dairy products than us... a slightly different structure, that’s all,
“Doctor Whooves is the head of our research department; and he does a good job. He’s an excellent scientist, the problem is, that we have had excellent scientists working on this for decades, and we haven’t discovered anything new of significant value... The fact is that Celestia doesn’t provide us funds for our research. She checks up on us, and it’s obvious she’s concerned... But the budget’s pretty tight now, and frankly, she’s more concerned with funds for deadly illnesses like canter; ours is a handicap, but not life-threatening when handled correctly,
“That’s why everyone is so upset right now... Because eating that ice cream would cause us to go into anaphylactic shock. And could very easily kill us. But here in Ponyville, we’re safe from it... We don’t sell any milk products. We eat sherbert instead of ice cream, and we use soy milk for our young and when cooking... Honestly, it works just fine... But, yeah. That’s what the problem is,” Pinkie Pie trailed off, and bit her lip; a concerned expression on her face.
Everypony around her was staring at her in awe: they obviously hadn’t known as much about the problem as she had. Twilight shook her head.
“I-I’m having trouble understanding this... I don’t know if I should be more shaken up about this discovery, or more... confused about how you know all of this... Please, how do you know so much about this... this disease?”
Pinkie swallowed. “W-ell, I work with Doctor Whooves, and Derpy to do research...”seeing her friends stunned faces, she snapped, “What? Can’t I be smart and random at the same time? Doctor Whooves says it gives us original ideas for research!”
“Woah, hay... Pinkie... we didn’t mean it that way; we were just... surprised! Apart from constantly defying the laws of physics, you’ve never shown an interest in any type of science!” Reasoned Twilight.
“Well. I guess I did overreact to you guys a little... I’m just a bit sensitive about my research, okay? I really do enjoy it... And I think I’m pretty good at it to,” Pinkie calmly collected herself, and continued. “Anywho, so that’s that...”
Twilight turned to the rest of her friends. “And... are you meaning to tell me that you guys didn’t know all of this?”
Applejack stepped forward. “Well, I did know a li’l about this ‘ere problem, but that’s only ‘cause I work on one of th’ farms that started this whole mess... I do give the researchers samples of the cows blood and milk, and from time t’ time, even soil samples; to track the... the...” she began to stumble over her words.
“To find out if the mutation will come back; what caused it,” Pinkie picked up where Applejack finished. “We have successfully filtered the soil, and we want to make sure that the mutation never comes back to contaminate our food. We do export produce regularly, and there’s nothing wrong with that; no reason to quarantine. The only way we can even pass on the mutated gene is through offspring,”
Rarity spoke. “Well. I did know of our lactose intolerance, but I had no idea it was such a serious problem! I didn’t know anything about... about mutations! Not in the slightest!”
“Well... first off, being a mutation? Pretty cool. But no, didn’t know about it,” added Rainbow.
‘Oh, well... my... I’d never heard about all of this science stuff. I just knew that I wasn’t allowed to drink milk, because it would make me very sick,” finished Fluttershy.
Sweetie Belle piped up, “My parents always told me that milk was bad for me! Same for you, right?” She asked her two friends, who both nodded in agreement.
“So... we have a medical mystery,” said Twilight. “Essentially, there is a mutated gene, that everypony in Ponyville has, and it is passed through offspring only. Dominant. We don’t actually know what caused it, the only thing we do know, is that it makes you guys lactose intolerant,” She finished.
Pinkie blinked. “Well... when you put it like that-“
“Pretty much,” interjected Applejack. “Now, don’t ya worry yerself about us none, Twilight. You just go over there with Spike, an’ eat yer ice cream. We can do without,”
“...but...wha.. hummuna...” gurgled the very confused purple unicorn. “I just learned about a terrible disease that renders everypony in the town unable to consume any dairy produce, and you want me to go over there, with Spike, and eat ice cream,”
The others looked at each other.
“Eeeyup,” they chorused.
Twilights left eye twitched a little. Then, she collected herself, and sniffed. “C’mon Spike, we’re going to go and eat ice cream,”
And that’s exactly what they did.
