Rage: What the f*ck?

Rage: What the f*ck!?

‘

Finally! Granted, this place is beautiful, but spooky and I’m going insane from this place as it is! And what the fuck is up with Bryan telling them our ages like it’s nothing!? FUCK MAN!’ Grumbling to myself, I stay next to Evan, who’s next to Rarity. On my right, is Pinkie, who has the smirks that just screams: I has a plan. Behind us were Lyra, Bon bon, Octavia, and Kyle. Up front were the rest of the so called Mane 6, and Vinyl. I sent a glare at his back, then looked to the sky since we were about to get out of this damn forest. The sun was up, then all of a sudden, it just moved and the moon was in the sky. “What the fuck? The sun was just up and now it’s night time!? What time is it?” Everyone stopped and looked at me, but Pinkie answered, having pulled a watch from God knows where. “It’s six thirty, silly willy! OHMYGOSH! That means I’ll have to throw your party tomorrow!” She frowned slightly, then smiled and continued bouncing along the road. Everyone just shrugged and continued, then Rarity answered my earlier question. “So you know, Princess Celestia raises and lowers the sun at a specified time, and Princess Luna raises and lowers the moon at a specific time as well. ‘Well…Fuck. This world is fucking crazy.’ Shaking my head, I look forward at the clearing coming up. ‘Great. More Technicolor ponies.’ As soon as we exit the forest, we all just fucking stop and stare. Evan’s jaw dropped. Hell, so did mines, Kyle’s, and Bryan’s. There were ponies with stark white coats in golden armor everywhere at the edge of the town. Pegasi, Unicorns, and the regular dudes. Then, one of the bastards spotted our group.

They dropped whatever they were doing and lined up, single file. When they did this, I noticed there weren’t as many as I thought. Looking to Bryan, to see what his happy ass had to say about this, I swear to god I saw him counting, mouthing the numbers. His right hand was on the hilt of his bayonet, his left hand moving up and to the back of his neck, from which he pulled his hood over his eyes. Before he did, I swear I saw him STUDYING the dudes. Frowning at this, I look to Kyle, putting on my best serious face. “Dude. Get Ready. B-Shit, I mean, Ignition is expecting trouble.” I got a curious look from Aj, but rolled my eyes and adjusted my glasses, looking to the armored dudes again. One of them in golden AND purple armor came out of a building with a BIG ass pony. She was probably a head shorter than us, had a alabaster coat, a rainbow colored mane and tail that waved in some unknown wind, and a horn and wings to boot. When Twilight saw the pony in golden and purple armor, her eyes opened wide in shock, then it turned into a warm smile Upon seeing the big one, she grinned and bolted. Bryan Must’ve had a feeling, as he bolted with her, somehow keeping in step. Evan bolted too, probably to make sure Bryan didn’t do anything stupid. Didn’t stop the guards. As soon as they saw Evan and Bryan running with twilight, they drew a variety of melee weapons. Kyle bolted, I followed, as did the rest of the group. Watching Bryan draw his bayonet from its sheathe and holding it out in front of him in a back-handed style in defense, I couldn’t help but groan. I heard a ring of metal against metal and saw Kyle draw his claymore, holding it in a typical right handed stance, with the blade pointing skyward, right hand over left hand on the hilt. He then rushed forward, going back to back with Bryan, awaiting the first attack. It never came, due to Twilight and Evan getting between then and the guards. I joined them, and them the rest of the ponies from our little group joined.

Then that pony in purple armor and the big ass pony stpped into the quickly formed circle of guards around us. The one in armor barked out an order to the other armored dudes in a sotic voice, kind yet filled with authority. “GUARDS! STAND DOWN!” As they put away their weapons, I looked back at Bryan and Kyle, seeing them do the same. Almost a whisper, Bryan states the number of armored fuckers. “Thirty four guards in total, possibly wearing plate armor of some kind….” Kyle looked at him and frowned. “Dude. Too much Skyrim is bad for you, ya know that right?” ‘Oh hell yes! FINALLY! AN OPENING!’ “That’s what she said.” It was small, but the grin on Bryan and Kyle’s faces, and Evan’s facepalm were worth it. Looking back to the two obviously in charge, I was surprised to see Twilight nuzzling the neck of the tall one. “It’s so good to see you Princess!” Before the *Princess* could respond, Twilight was doing the same to the Guard in Charge, who had his helmet of, revealing a coat like Vinyl’s, and a blue mane too. “Same for you Shiny. It’s been so long!” Shiny smiled and wrapped his forehooves around Twilight. “Good to see you too, Twily.” The *Princess looked at me, then Evan, of whom her gaze lasted awhile, and then Kyle and Bryan, who were still back to back, but returning the look. When she spoke, her tone was motherly, yet filled with an aura deserving respect, and was warm, with a slight hint of curiosity in it. “Twilight, who are these bipedal….friends of yours, who seem to be a mix between a Human, and one of my little ponies?” I growled at that. She said the word Human with a slight hint of disgust. I couldn’t hold my tongue. “We are humans bitch, or we were until we somehow ended up in this fucking place.” Evan looked at me with a shocked expression out of the corner of my eyes, and the guards took their weapons out again. The Shiny bastard and the Princess’s horns started glowing. Evan and Kyle stepped in, Evan taking the lead. “Wait! It’s true, we WERE human, but as my friend Efyu said, we were changed when we were somehow brought here, and from what I’ve heard from our friend Ignition here,” He pointed a finger at Bryan, who had his right hand on his bayonet hilt again, then continued. “We were brought by…..By Khawl to aid him here….But we were able to retaliate. Ignition there also happened to be the one to have saved Twilight Sparkle and her friends.” Kyle jumped in afterwards. “With the help of Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, Lyra, and Bon bon, your majesty.” She blinked at the bit where we told her of Khawl trying to have us work for him, but her jaw dropped at the mention of Bryan rescuing Twilight, and proceeded to stare at him in shock. From under his hood, I couldn’t see, but I could feel him staring back, but in curiosity. One of the guards snorted. “Bah! That one with the hood? He looks easy to beat.” ‘Oh HELL no he didn’t! Come on Bryan, don’t take that!” He didn’t. Bryan’s stare wen to the guard in question, a unicorn with a spear. He reached up with his left hand and pulled back his hood. What I saw made MY jaw drop, for the second time today. His pupils had turned into vertical slits. When he spoke, his voice was dripping with anger. “You wanna try to prove that, ya bloody boggart?” Kyle grinned. “Oh shit. He means business now.” I looked to the Unicorn and grinned as well. “Dude. Your so fucked.” Evan looked to the princess. “Um…Mind if he does this as long as the guard who just insulted him isn’t killed?”

I couldn’t believe she agreed. The mane 6 and the other ponies, as well as myself, Kyle, and Evan, joined the guards, forming a circle around the unicorn and Bryan. First thing Bryan did was pull his bow and quiver off his back and tossing them at me. It fell short, but I reached out anyways, hoping to catch it. Imagine my astonishment when it was enveloped in a dark red aura and just floating inches above the ground, and a similar light above me and out of my field of vision. Kyle came up and clasped my shoulder. “Magic already? Couldn’t wait, could ya?” “That’s also what she said.” Course, this broke my concentration and both objects hit the soil with a clatter. Walking up, I picked up the bow and quiver, finding no arrows were missing, and made my way back to the circle’s edge. Bryan took care of the rules. “No killing, no maiming or purposely wounding of any kind. Three hits with any part of the weapons wins. Also, no magic outside your telekinesis. Deal?” The Unicorn snorted again and grinned. “You won’t make it past one hit.” Bryan drew his bayonet, back-handed as always, and stood there while the unicorn circled him. Once behind Bryan, he tried to stab at Bryan’s midsection, but somehow Bryan knew it was coming and dodged to the left, the spearhead missing by inches. He wasted no time and charged the Unicorn before a reaction was made. One the Unicorn did react, it was from the flat of Bryan’s blade tapping his nose lightly. “One.” The guard growled, and the spear sailed at Bryan again, going for his left. Jumping backwards, Bryan seemed to watch it sail by. ‘He seems so determined. Why is he so pissed off by one stupid ass guard questioning him? He seems….different.” Once the spear passed by fully, Bryan leapt forward, the flat end of his blade smacking into the guards cheek. “Two.” Then he leapt back again. The guard then grinned, his spear coming in low, going after Bryan’s left knee. Bryan looked over his shoulder, finding the spear in time and moved his knee swiftly. The sound of fabric tearing was heard as the spear passed, but from what I could see, no blood. As the spear sailed back around, aiming for his chest this time, Bryan charged it. Time seemed to slow down as his moved to it, and then at the last second, leapt forward, summersaulting under it. Popping to his feet, he leapt at the guard again, the flat of his blade smacking the back of the guards head, which was protected by his armor. “Three. You lose.”

Silence hung in the air as the guards and ponies all stared in shock. The guard who Bryan just beat let go of the magical grip on his spear, letting it clatter on the ground. Bryan removed his bayonet from the back of the guards head, twirled it, and then sheathed it. “Next time you fight something that isn’t afraid to fight back, don’t underestimate it.” And with that, he looked to me, Evan, and Kyle. His eyes flashed and returned to normal, which made me wince. “Shit. I wonder if that even hurts. How did he do that!?’ Bryan suddenly pulled his hood over his head and walked towards us. When he started walking, all the ponies except for the one in the middle, staring at the ground, were stomping their hooves in applause. The Mane 6, Shiny, the Princess, and the other ponies we traveled with came up as Bryan got to us, high fiving us with a smirk on his face. Rarity got to us first, her eyes sparkling. “Ignition my dear, that was amazing! I’ve never seen anything like that!” AJ came up smirking. “Hooooee. That sure was somethin’ pardner. Ah didn’t see much of yer fight with Khawl, but seeing that makes me wish Ah did more an’ more!” RD flew over next, grinning. “That was awesome! He tried you and you beat him without breaking a sweat!” Bryan seemed to shrink back a bit, biting his lip as he moved next to Kyle. ‘Oh, so now he’s nervous?....Meh. Stage fright probably.’ Then the other came up and said their congratulations. I know I heard Pinkie say something about making the party different tomorrow. ‘Oh god no.’ Then the Princess came over, smiling happily. “I do believe we need to be introduced. I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria. Might we go somewhere quiet so we can discuss your presences here?” ‘…….I have a BAAAAD feeling about this…..’