Celestia Wins the Election
“Are you ready, Tia?”
Celestia sighed heavily. “Truthfully, no, I’m not.” The makeup pony had already cleared out of Celestia’s dressing room. The reporters and cameras were waiting just meters away for the sun princess to speak. But for the first time in centuries, Celestia was unsure of herself.
Luna dipped her ears in sympathy for her sister. “How can this even happen? You are the ruler of our little ponies, not the griffons!”
“I sometimes forget what sort of political changes you missed when... changes that happened during your absence.” Celestia shook her head, trying to push some darker memories from the forefront of her mind. “You and I are so used to a diarch rulership, it can be difficult to adjust to the government systems of other countries.
“The short version is that the Griffon Republic votes in a new leader every four years. Any given griffon may serve in that role twice in his life. The griffon political parties each put forth their own candidates, and the population votes. The full details of the system are a little bit more complicated, but that’s the basic idea.”
Luna stroked her chin in contemplation. “But... if the griffons are voting on griffon candidates nominated by griffons... my question stands: how can this even happen?”
Celestia slammed her head onto the table in front of her mirror, leaving a dim red spot as she lifted her head. “The griffons thought it would be a good idea to allow write-in votes. If a griffon doesn’t want to vote for one of the candidates, he or she can write in somepony else’s name. ‘Princess Celestia of Equestria’ for example.”
Luna’s jaw dropped. “Enough griffons wanted you specifically over their own kind that you won the entire election?!”
“I don’t understand it either. The last ambassador to the Griffon Republic we hosted fled back to her own country after being the butt of a series of pranks at a party held in her honor. Now, what was her name...?” Celestia tapped a hoof to her chin. “Gil-something, I think. Last I heard, the ex-ambassador managed to blow the entire event out of proportion and convinced the government to pass a series of strict emigration laws.”
“Perhaps the griffons who voted for you felt that you would be able to reverse those emigration laws?”
“I suppose there are flaws to being the bringer of the day and a near-immortal godlike figure; everypony wants a piece of me.” Celestia rubbed her forehead to try and make the red spot disappear. She really didn’t want that fussy makeup pony to come back. “If it makes you feel any better, I hear some of them wrote down your name, too.”
Luna let out a derisive snort. “Oh, I’m sure it was all the club DJs and late night talk show hosts!”
Celestia couldn’t help but giggle at her sister, and Luna joined in. It was good to know that Luna was comfortable enough with her position that she could poke fun at herself. “Oh, but Lulu! You mustn't forget the working griffonesses and the sneak thieves who spend all their working hours during your night!”
Luna immediately stopped laughing. “Not funny, Tia.”
Celestia’s eyes went wide with horror; this was not a subject that was worth pushing too far, not matter how funny the jokes might be. The small dressing room echoed with the silence of the two princesses, until Luna finally cracked and began rolling on the floor in laughter. “Oh, Tia, you should see the look on your face!” Luna leapt up and grabbed Celestia’s head in her hooves, and turned her towards the mirror. “Look, look! You’re so horrified! Bwahaha!”
Celestia relaxed, but let out a small harumph, pointing her nose up and away from her sister. “Sometimes I wonder why I ever wanted you back, Lulu.”
The elder diarch jumped a bit in surprise when she felt herself wrapped in a tender sisterly embrace.
“Hey, Tia?”
“Yes, Lulu?”
“You still have a public address to make.” Luna released her sister and began walking out of the room. As she closed the door, she poked her nose back in to say, “And you’ve still got that red mark on your forehead.”
Celestia paused. Then, “MAKEUP!”
The small stage had nothing save for lighting, a velvet blue curtain serving as a backdrop, and a podium with the seal of the President of the Griffon Republic on the side facing the audience.
The audience was primarily composed of reporters, as the words from the princess’s lips would be the result of an unprecedented upset in the flow of the government of a major world power. As the room was located in Canterlot Castle, most of those reporters were ponies. A few griffons were in attendance, whether because they moved to Equestria before the anti-emigration laws were put into effect, they were on some assignment in Equestria, or because they flew their wings off to attend this speech, but they were far outnumbered. In addition to the griffon and pony reporters, no less than seven different camera crews had set up around the room to document the proceedings. The footage would be shown live around the world, and many griffons were watching with baited breath back home.
The general murmur around the room fell to a hush when Luna walked onto the stage. “Welcome everypony, and welcome to our griffon friends in attendance as well. My dear sister will be just a few more—”
“MAKEUP!” Although it was muffled by several walls and doors, the Royal Canterlot Voice was unmistakable.
“She’ll just be a few more minutes. Thank you all for waiting patiently!” Luna stepped back from the podium and took a seat to the side near the velvet curtain.
True to Luna’s word, a few minutes later Celestia stepped onto the stage. Nopony could possibly see what remained of Celestia’s self-inflicted trauma. The effects of the cameras erased all traces of the expertly-applied concealers. Unfortunately, much like ponies are separated into three breeds with different skill sets, griffons are also separated into several breeds. Several of those breeds share exceptionally sharp vision as a trait. Several such griffons happened to be in the room, reporting on the princess’s speech.
Celestia looked straight into the camera ahead of the podium and launched into her speech.
“Hello, Griffon Republic. It is an honor and a privilege you have bestowed upon me today, choosing me as your chief elected official. I want to extend wingtips of friendship to my esteemed opponents: the incumbent Garrik Öbelmane and his challenger Claus Raw-Knee. While you have spent months and hundreds of thousands of bits campaigning and I have done nothing to draw attention to my actions, I wish to congratulate you on a job well-attempted.
“I understand that it is a conflict of interest to rule the Griffon Republic and Equestria simultaneously. However, I want to assure the world that I will continue my duties controlling the sun’s orbit around our planet, preventing any of you from freezing to death or bursting into flame. During my absence from the Equestrian government, my sister is fully capable of ruling on her own.” Celestia turned to give a slight nod to Luna, who returned the gesture with as much elegance and grace as she could muster for the cameras. “And to my little ponies of Equestria, please understand that the same laws which permitted the return of my sister after her thousand-year absence will permit me to return to my position in Equestria after my time serving the Griffon Republic.” The crowd gave a soft chuckle at Celestia’s “politician-level” joke.
“Yes, I have already renounced my crown in private with my sister, which is sufficient for the Equestrian government. For all of you faithful griffons who wrote my name on their ballots, that does mean that I will not be capable of annexing the Griffon Republic, even if I had the desire to do so. I am sorry, but I do not feel such an act would serve either the griffons or the ponies enough good to justify the costs and complications that would result.
“Now, I understand that it is ‘tradition’ for a newly elected President to create a bill during her acceptance speech. I also understand that it must still pass the muster of the legislative branch of your — sorry, my — government, but the traditional bill has not failed to pass in almost two hundred years.
“So, let’s see if I can cut this speech a little shorter, shall I?” Another soft chuckle circled the room as Celestia paused and smiled for the cameras. “For my first act as President of the Griffon Republic, I propose the abolishment of the write-in option on future ballots.” The crowd grew silent, and a few lone individuals tried to start another room-circling chuckle, but it didn’t catch on. “No, seriously,” Celestia said, “I don’t want to get elected for this again.”
One week later, Celestia’s proposed bill had been passed and entered into the griffon lawbooks. She spent her intervening time learning the “behind-the-scenes” parts of the griffon government, but beyond the change in nationality and location, her days hardly differed. Celestia still conversed with Luna regularly by dragonfire, Twilight Sparkle and her friends still sent friendship reports (the first had been prefaced with “I know you’re President Celestia now, but do you mind if we keep sending you letters anyway?”), and she still set the sun on its course each day.
Eight days after her election, Celestia called a press conference at the foot of the White Aerie. The conference went down in history as the shortest press conference ever given by a ruler; griffin, pony, or otherwise.
“Thank you all for coming. I quit.”
Celestia flew away from a crowd of dumbstruck griffons, returning to Luna’s side before the day was out.
After a short reunion with her sister, Luna asked, “What happened to ‘I renounced my crown’ and ‘I’ll come back when I’m done serving the Republic’?”
Celestia smiled. “I never said I’d serve a full term, Lulu.”
