Shit Happens

by Bjornfot

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Spike, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1710

Rarity is dead. Spike goes emo. Shit Happens.

Published 2011-07-10 23:19:45 UTC
Last updated 2011-07-10 23:33:50 UTC

Shit Happens

It was a warm and sunny day, the pegasi had made sure there was not a single cloud in sight. Not today.

Everypony in Ponyville, and many from all over Equestria, had gathered in the field on the outskirts of the town.. Even Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were here. Everypony wore their finest outfits, in honor of this very special, and sudden, event. Streamers, balloons and banners hung everywhere, Pinkie Pie had really outdone herself this time.
But there was no joy. No laughter. Not a single smile on a single face.
This was serious business. Everypony looked like their father had just touched them in the bathing-suit area.
Spike just stared emptily, but intensively, at the ground, like he had a grass fetish.. He tried not to think of her, but it was of course impossible. And it certainly didn’t get any better when Celesta began her speech.
“My dear little ponies. I am happy that so many of you could make it on such short notice...” The sun princess put on a fake smile and looked over the crowd. “We are gathered here today to say farewell to a very special Pony. She will always be remembered, always be with us in our hearts. Some know her only as the Element of Generosity, one of the six helping to defeat Nightmare Moon.” Luna blushed and looked away from everypony. She had long since been forgiven, Nightmare Moon wasn’t even her - it was a demon of hatred that she had allowed to enter her soul after being so desperate, sad and heartbroken. “Some known her as one of the finest designers in Equestria. But for some of us, she was much, much more. She was a friend. She was... Rarity.”
Upon hearing her name, Spike frowned, closed his eyes hard and tried to hold back a tear. He tried to focus on all the good times they had together, but the only thing on his mind was... the incident. How they found her lying on the ground, lifeless, in a pool of blood, her dresses scattered everywhere in a big fucking mess. He tried to clear his mind, but it didn’t work. Images and noises kept popping up in his head. Not only from the incident now, but from way back in the past. The first time he saw her, the first time he heard her laugh, the first time he asked her out...” Spike wiped away the tears from his face. Nothing ever happened between them of course, since he was a dragon, and a baby one at that. And Rarity was very picky, had very fine tastes. But his feelings never died. Well, maybe a bit, maybe it degraded over time... but it was still there. His love for the for the beautiful unicorn they were just about to lower into the ground.

After the ceremony, Spike just sat down under a tree. He needed to think some more. Process everything that had happened. He sat there, waving away his friends as they came to comfort him, not wanting to go home with Twilight, even though it was late. When everypony else had left, and Celestia lowered the sun for Luna to raise the moon, he decided to go for a walk. He went straight through Ponyville. His head hanging low, eyes focused on the ground and lost in his own thoughts, he barely noticed that he passed each of his friends houses. Fluttershy’s cottage, Dash’s cloud-castle, Pinkie Pies bakery, his and Twilights Library, Rarity’s beauty boutique-
He stopped, and looked up. The memories, both horrible and fantastic, flashing through his mind once again. But he shook his head violently, as if to make the thoughts fall out of his head, and walked on. He had walked quite a distance now and began to feel tired. Why was he walking, anyway? He didn’t know, he just carried on.
Finally, the baby dragon reached Sweet Apple Acres. Realizing he had walked all the way through Ponyville, he stopped. He looked up at the beautiful full-moon that illuminated the apple trees, and let out a sigh. It didn’t take long before he felt the huge aching in his feet and legs, though.
He sat down under a tree, closed his eyes, and dozed of.
He woke up when an apple hit his head.
“Ouch!”
A big, red stallion looked around from the other side of the tree.
“Spike? Ah, sorry, di’n’t see ya there. What’cha doin’?”
The purple dragon was a little startled. He looked up and met Big Macintosh’s deep, green eyes.
“What I’m doing? You were the one who made an apple fall on me!” he said, slightly annoyed.
“Well ahm sorry an all as ah said. Ah cou’n’t sleep, so ah decided to go buck sum apples, ya see...”
Spike sighed, his thoughts again wandering away to the white and purple unicorn. Mac saw the sad look on his face and understood what was wrong. He sat down next to the dragon and put a comforting foreleg around him.
“She’s in a better place now.”
“Yeah... but, she was still young. And her last moments must have been horrible!”
Spike leaned forward let out another sigh. “And I loved her... I FREAKING LOVED HER...”
He closed his eyes as a tear drop rolled down his face. “Even though it was meaningless. I never meant a thing to her. The only times she talked to me was when she wanted my help with something, which she knew I’d always gladly accept.”
“But what kept ya feelin’s alive? An how did ya get ‘em in the first place?”
“Well, the first time I saw her, it just kinda... clicked. She was so beautiful, and elegant... I’m not sure why I never gave up, though. I really should have. But there was just no one else that came even close to being as fantastic as her...”
“What ‘bout ya other pony friends? Ah think they’re mighty special each in their own ways.”
“Well... for starters, I knew that Rainbow Dash and Applejack were totally gay for each-other all along. Everyone knew, long before they finally got together. And they’re both so tough and reckless, not my type at all. Fluttershy seemed to be pretty nice though, I was pretty flattered when she wouldn’t even talk to Twilight when we first arrived here, but went totally nuts when she saw me. “OMG OMG OMG A BABY DRAAAGON, HE’S SO CUUUTE! TELL ME EEVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!”” Spike imitated Fluttershy and made wild gestures. “Actually, now that I think of it, it was kinda annoying. Especially when she went “awww the wittle baby dwagon needs to sweep”. But that’s the only time she’s really talked to me, after that “shock” she went back to being her normal, shy, afraid-of-her-own-shadow self. She’s also got all these animals she’s so busy taking care of all day long. And Pinkie Pie... she’s just so bloody random. And annoying. And bitchy. I mean, seriously! Who can stand being around that pony for more than five minutes? Even though I gotta admit she makes the sweetest sweets in all of Equestria. Mmm, baked bads...”
“Uhhh, Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“Ya be droolin’. On me.”
The baby dragon had not noticed that he had leaned against the big stallion, almost hugging him. He wiped his mouth and blushed slightly. “Ooops... sorry, hehe...”
He distanced himself a bit, put his hand behind him and scratched his neck. A few seconds of awkward silence ensued, until Big Mac killed it.
“What about Twilight?”
The little dragons eyes widened, he jerked forward a bit and stopped breathing for a second, as if someone had kicked him in the balls.
“ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE!? Please tell me you’re not serious. No, you are serious, aren’t you?”
Big Mac let out his trademark “Eeeyup!”, leaned back, and put on a soft smile.
“Twilight Sparkle is... she... I’m her assistant! Her slave! She’s an egghead who just reads her smarty books all day long and cares about no one else than herself. And let me do all the dirty work, of course.”
Mac looked a bit worrying at him. “Well, there’s more ponies in ponyville.”
“Yeah, ponies. But not a single dragon, except for myself. I guess this kinda contributes to the fact that I won’t easily get attached to anyone around here. I sometimes miss my homeland. I recall that I had quite a few dragon friends, and even one who was pretty special to me...”
“How was she like?”
“Uhm...” Spike blushed hard. “A-actually it was... it was a he.” He turned his über-red #FF0000 face away.
The big stallion, still holding a leg around him, drew him closer.
“There’s nah reason ta be ‘shamed o’ that! Ya know quiet a few filly-foolers, don’t’cha? No one seems ta be thinkin’ thats so very strange.”
“Yeah... but I’ve never even heard of two colts together! It’s not really the same thing...”
“Well, that’s because you only hang out with that Twilight and her silly filly friends!”
“Might be...” The baby dragon had turned back his face, which was now slowly returning to its natural, purple colour.
He looked up at Big Mac. “Yeah, these fillies are kinda driving me nuts. I sometimes dream of having a big stallion that can hold me real tight...”
Macintosh picked up the little dragon, and laid them both on the ground, a bit away from the tree, the beautiful moonlight illuminating their faces. He put on a big smile when he saw that the dragon was looking at him with wide eyes of anticipation, and reeled him in for a kiss.

Right before their lips met, a huge fucking anvil fell from the sky and crushed both of their skulls. Twilight had survived this in episode 15 thanks to her magical unicorn magic, but these poor bastards were just an earth pony and a baby dragon.
Derpy Hooves was shown no mercy this time, and after throwing a muffin at the judge in court, sentenced to death.

And this, my friends, is why you shouldn’t be at the computer at 3am with a huge god damn fever.
Because, if you do - Shit Happens