SINCERELY, DINKY HOOVES
For the first time in her life, Derpy Hooves wasn't late; as a matter of fact, the mare was punctual. Derpy Hooves flew quickly through the streets of Ponyville, her crossed eyes darting every which way possible. She'd woken up hours earlier than usual, and almost every mail-box was filled with her daughter's letter. Derpy's heart filled with pride as she remembered the goal of her quest.
Perhaps misfits like herself would finally have liberation.
Sure, Ponyville was lovely and peaceful. But almost everypony in town was shockingly good-looking and happy. A little too happy. Foals were spoiled, everybody ate cake on a regular basis, ponies hardly ever were diseased. They were living in ecstasy and ponies quickly became judgmental gluttons. Derpy Hooves had been made fun of her entire life for her clumsiness, her crossed eyes, her messy mane, her cutie mark...
Shaking her head and readjusting her satchel the mare shoved those painful memories aside and filled the last mailbox. She was now standing in front of Filthy Rich's home and he trotted outside in a fine robe. Derpy had only dreamed of owning something so luxurious and comfortable. His daughter, a mare named Diamond Tiara, followed him outside in a gorgeous sapphire gown. Her hair fell in glamorous waves and her blue eyes were surrounded by insanely long lashes.
"Daddy, I absolutely MUST have that dress! My whole pageant career depends upon it!"
"Now Diamond, it's made of spider's silk and costs 2000 bits! Are you certain you can't find a high-quality gown at any less cost?"
Derpy Hooves' jaw dropped at the very number. 2000 bits?! She'd never been in possession of that kind of money and she certainly wouldn't spend it on a gown if she did have it! Her already large eyes were even wider as she stared at the pink mare before her. Thank goodness she hadn't raised her daughters to be so spoiled!
Almost immediately the purple-and-white maned mare stared back at her, facial expression annoyed.
"What are you staring at, retard?" she asked, stomping a hoof.
"Oh. Sorry, Miss..."
"I already get enough of being stared at by perverts at work!"
"You work?" Derpy challenged. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and trotted fancily down her driveway. She was soon quite near Derpy Hooves, and the gray mare felt suddenly frightened. She really had stepped out of line, what if Tiara called the police? What if she hurt her?
Lucky, Diamond Tiara didn't even touch her, she simply explained.
"Miss Hooves, us ponies with a particular kind of beauty work on a higher level than blue-collar. I'm Miss Equestria, I do modelling, I cut the ribbons at charity events. My job is simply to be me," Diamond Tiara put a hoof to her chest and fluttered her eyelashes, adding with a vicious wink, "don't be too envious. You simply weren't born like...us." Tiara snarled at the gray mare, speaking in the most cruel tone of voice possible.
Derpy Hooves was shamed and slowly trudged off the property. She was now used to this kind of treatment, but it still stung at times. Out of her little brown satchel the mare pulled the last existing copy of Dinky's letter, saved for herself, and read over it once more.
"Dear citizens of Ponyville,
My name is Dinky Hooves, and you probably know me. Or at least you've seen me. Or perhaps you've laughed at me to my face. That would make you almost like every other pony in your Celestia-foresaken little town. I'm going to tell you about my life, my life in Ponyville. This town is charming to any onlooker, but living in it is putrid. Every experience as I've grown has been painstaking. I need you all to hear my story and learn from it. If you continue to treat ponies like this, psychological damage is definitely going to happen.
Do you remember your first day of school? I do.
I was supposed to have had a fun day. I was supposed to have learned new things and felt more sure of myself, working constantly towards my cutie mark. Instead I was mocked, laughed at, and pushed into the ground. All because my mother, Derpy Hooves, dropped me off at the door.
“Bye Dinky!” Mom called, waving goodbye as I entered the building. I could feel the burning gazes of other students as I entered. Dozens of eyes stared me down skeptically, some disbelieving my very existence. I looked around desperately for the teacher but she was nowhere in sight.
I really did look like an outcast among these fillies. I was an awkward, color-clashing shade of purple even though my parents were gray and brown. Mum said I got that trait from my grandmother. My wavy blonde mane was hard to style and constantly frizzed up to unbelievable volumes. My eyes were also a topic of conversation because they faced two separate directions. I thought my eyes were quite beautiful, a bright creamy yellow. But not once had I been complimented on my appearance by anypony except my mother.
I looked around to see a light pink filly start laughing…then a silver one. I prepared myself for the harassment I had expected.
“Are you, like, Derpy Hooves’ daughter?” Diamond Tiara asked. Soon a chorus of giggles in my direction arose as I took a seat in the back of the room and put my back-pack on the floor.
“What’s up with your eyes?” Silver Spoon laughed, mocking their very existence. I stared her down, making sure she knew I could see her dorky little face. The fillies’ hair was in an uneven braid, and she was wearing glasses. In my opinion this gave her no right to make fun of MY appearance.
“It’s called a derp, Silver Spoon. It’s a birth defect; recessive and luckily very uncommon. Thank Celestia MY parents were selective with their breeding!” the pink filly said, putting a hoof on her chest in pride. She flipped her purple and white mane and I noticed atop her head a tiara. Spoiled brat. I could hear other foals begin to giggle, admiring her bold confidence. I couldn’t believe she would dare say a word about my parents, but I really couldn’t fight back this time.
“You are so smart, Diamond Tiara!” the foal I had learned to be called Silver Spoon complimented her friend. I wanted to disappear or maybe even stop existing. I had hoped to make some friends; instead I was already the laughing stock of my peers. Suddenly, the teacher entered and all laughter ceased.
“Good morning class,” Miss Cheerilee greeted her students, eyes drifting over to me, “and good morning, Dinky! Welcome to the schoolhouse! Why don’t you come up here and introduce yourself to the class?”
I dragged myself out of my seat, reaching the front of the classroom and basking in shame.
“Hi. I’m Dinky,” I said, head towards the floor. Giggles erupted once more, as if I wasn’t already aware that my name was ridiculous.
“Hi, Dinky! Why don’t you tell us a little more about yourself?”
“I um…?” I looked back at my teacher, no words entering my head.
“What do you do for fun?” Cheerilee prompted, smiling.
“Um…I like drawing and playing with my big sister and helping my Mom deliver the mail…”
Of course my mother had to come back into conversation. As if it wasn’t already obvious I was her daughter. Even though my eye problems aren’t as bad as hers, I still wasn’t doing so well. Luckily my Dad and older sister didn’t seem to suffer from visual impairments.
I looked into the audience and noticed Diamond Tiara mouth the word “derp” straight in my direction, sneering and winking at me. Silver Spoon and a few other ponies followed her lead. As I sat back down into my seat, I tried to focus on Miss Cheerilee’s lesson, which was about the history of Equestria. I even took notes, trying to distract myself from all of the ponies around me whispering the stupid word in my direction.
Derp, derp, derp...
I felt like Princess Luna banished to the moon. These are the foals you raised, parents of Ponyville. I'm certain you're proud of them.
That day, as I ran home in tears, the rain was pouring down hard. My pelt, my backpack, and all of its contents were suddenly drenched in thick mud. I slammed the front door, entering my cozy (yet chaotic) household once more. My big sister, Sparkler, was listening to her radio at the kitchen table, humming along as she read up on the latest pegasus races. My mother was in the kitchen baking muffins, not an unusual activity. Muffins are her favorite treat, and she baked them for every occasion. Even though Mom is a clumsy mare, her kitchen activities are usually graceful and almost clutter-free.
“Welcome home, Dinky!” Misses Hooves called, bumping into a few cabinets as she made her way towards me.
“Hi Mom,” I sighed, taking a seat next to Sparkler, who was fully occupied.
“I’m baking muffins!” my Mom declared, plating one for me. It smelled sweet and looked intoxicating but I pushed it away. My stomach was upset, possibly too much to risk on my mother’s cooking.
“What’s the matter honey? I thought you loved my food!”
My eyes filled with tears, and I wondered how my mother could be so ignorant to my struggles. Surely she had been made fun of as a foal as well, right?
“Mommy…everybody’s mean to me! They don’t like me at all! They made fun of me all day long!”
I broke out into a fresh batch of sobs. I felt Mom sympathetically wrapped a foreleg around me, squeezing me in a tight but comfortable hug. I always felt safe in my mother’s arms, even though she was possibly the most unintentionally dangerous pony of all time.
“Oh honey, I know what that’s like. I went through it all MY fillyhood. In fact, ponies still make fun of me today. But you’ve simply got to learn to be strong.”
The part that stung about her statement is how true it was. I saw them making fun of her constantly. I looked up at her, tears streaming down my face. I blinked my golden eyes at her, voice barely managing to work at all.
“But how? How can I be strong?”
I suddenly heard the door opening and hoofsteps in the hallway.
“Hullo, luv!”
My father called, his Trottingham accent finally spoken. At my house, everypony was free to be who they really were. In the utopia that Ponyville was you could be anything you wanted...within the realm of mediocrity. It was so unfair. The ponies in this town called him Time Turner, but in our household we called him by his real name, Doctor Whooves. He wasn't really a medical worker, so Ponyville's finest made him change his name to prevent confusion. As my father entered the room, he set his briefcase down and gave my mother a little kiss on the cheek, Mom snuggling closer to him and returning the favor. Sparkler and I were often astounded at how in love they were. Soul mates.
Soon my father noticed my tears and was suddenly concerned. He bent down to my eye-level and began trying to comfort me.
“Dinky, sweethaht, ah you alright?”
I shook my head, avoiding his caring gaze. My mother explained my predicament to him softly. He nodded in understanding.
“Oh Dinky, I went through that too, ya know. Foals used ta make fun'a my Trottin’ham accent. But’choo know thaht they wont get too fah in life with their attichude.”
“Yeah Dinky. They can go fuck themselves!” Sparkler added, proudly. At the time my sister was going through a rebellious phase. Unfortunately, she was never rebellious and her swearing always seemed awkward and forced. My mother gave her a warning glance as best she could with the eyes. I smiled, realizing I was surrounded by a loving family who would accept me no matter what. That was a good feeling.
I soon discovered that I wasn’t the only outcast in class. I was befriended by a few other misfits over a span of weeks, invited into their little clique. Twist’s glasses and lisp stopped her from fitting in well. Snails was lanky and his best friend Snips was much too short to go out with any of the girls. Featherweight hardly spoke to anypony, expressing himself through a camera.
These were my friends as I grew up. And life was okay with them. Twist often invited me to her house to play dress up. As we grew older we painted each other’s hooves and gave each other make overs. As older fillies we gossiped and cried together, crushing on the same stallions. She was always my closest friend.
Snips and Snails were a blast to hang out with in general. They had a brilliant sense of humour, and were quite deep when you got to know them. It was incredibly unfair how their appearances kept them from having many friends or going far. It scared me a little how appearance-driven our world was. I had come to except that I was never going to be an Equestrian elite or celebrity because of my eyes, but it still stung every once and a while.
Featherweight and I always had a special relationship. As I found my Cutie Mark in painting he found his in photography. The two of us were incredibly close and at times very flirty with one another. We shared our loneliness, as few people liked to acknowledge our existence. That’s how I got my first kiss. And it was a great one might I add!
Feathers and I were on a picnic talking about our lives in general. It was a lovely setting, the birds chirping and the sun shining. Featherweight had cooked a delicious meal, at least he had tried very hard to. But I was okay with my grilled cheese being burnt and my tomato soup being watery; the thought of him cooking for me was lovely.
Now, Feathers and I may have been mildly crushing on one another, but even after the kiss we stayed friends. Just. Friends. I was actually pretty terrified of dating anyone, despite my loneliness and safe surroundings; I just didn’t like to be touched. I was informed by psychologists later that that was probably because I’d been treated so poorly as a foal by other people.
“So, how's the grilled cheese?” he asked, embarrassed. I opened my mouth to speak, but he waved a hoof. "That was sarcasm, I know it's terrible. You don't have to eat that if you don't want to.”
“No no no! It's alright, it's not THAT bad,” I reassured him, giving him a side hug and gulping down the last of my sandwich. Featherweight sighed and hugged me back.
“Oh Dinky, you're so sweet. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I broke the hug and we continued to talk about small things for a while. At the next silence, however, I decided to ask the question on my mind. “So, Featherweight, have you found a very special filly yet?”
“Me? Oh no. Nobody in particular. Why, have you found a colt of your own?”
“Of course not. Nobody wants to date a filly with a derp.”
Featherweight looked at me seriously then, putting a hoof on my shoulder. “That's not true, Dinky. Your mother found somepony. I'm sure you will too!”
“But I haven't even had my first kiss and I'm almost a mare!”
Feathers chuckled, blushing, and replied in shame,
“Me either.”
The next few minutes were awkward, filled with giggling and kind of…staring at each other. Then Featherweight moved a little bit closer to me, and I moved a tiny bit closer to him. Soon we were shoulder to shoulder, and he asked me,
“Do you...uh...is it okay if I...?”
To which I replied,
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes and leaned close to him, placing my head on his shoulder. As our lips pressed together I saw fireworks, and I felt warm and tingly down to my hooves. His lips were soft and warm, his breath smelling of the rosemary garnish in our meal. As we drifted apart, I started laughing and he did too. All we could do was gape and each other and mutter things like “Wow”, and “Oh my Celestia”. I think that’s my happiest memory. But the happiness didn’t last very long.
One rainy day I was pulled out of school early, Sparkler sending Miss Cheerilee a little note via unicorn magic. She looked nervous, and excused me from class.
“Dinky, your mother and sister are here to pick you up,” she said, lifting the note and handing it to me. Sparkler’s usually neat and tidy scrawl was messy and jagged. I knew something bad was coming. As I left the classroom I heard Diamond Tiara whisper “derp!” at my general direction, and I felt ashamed of my own face. I've always wondered if Miss Cheerilee noticed my bullying and ignored it. As I stepped outside I noticed my mother and Sparkler sitting underneath a thick rain cloud, letting it wash down their faces and manes. What I didn’t know is that it was hiding the many tears they had and were shedding.
My mother’s cross-eyed, but her depressed gaze made me shake. I dropped my backpack and lunch-box, realizing that something serious must have happened. Something close to my Mother’s heart. And nothing was closer to her heart than my father.
It turns out my young intuition was correct. My father left a note on our kitchen table that read “I’ll be home when time allows, my darlings. Until then, think of me often and remember that I love you –Doctor Whooves.”
My mother no longer baked muffins and no longer smiled unless it was called for. I could hear her crying when the doors were closed. The mail never came exactly on time again and for this she was chastised by the Ponyville community. She was constantly being chastised by mildly angry customers. My mother was always the one to apologize. She no longer had much to live for, my father being her very sunshine. She still tried her hardest to raise us right, despite the serious lack of strength, organization, or grace. I acknowledged her efforts, and made sure she knew it. Unfortunately, she was living the life I knew I would have to live.
Sparkler left for Canterlot soon after my father left, accepted into a nice college where she could follow her dreams of being a geologist and examining precious stones and minerals. Soon it was just me and my mother, the laughing stalks of the neighborhood. Pegasi made fun of my mother’s flying and unicorns berated my weak magic. We just couldn’t win.
During the hard times, I grew closer to Featherweight. His artistic, sensitive soul was truly awe-inspiring to be around. Additionally, I found a hidden charm and delightful sense of humor hidden beneath layers of silence.
Featherweight took me for a picnic every single week. He’d show up at my doorstep, and we’d go sit under a beautiful tree in the park. There we’d sit and talk about our lives. And while Featherweight knew that he mostly liked to listen, when he spoke his words were deep and careful. Nopony knew me better than him. I knew I was falling in love with him. I really did. And I think he knew it too. But Featherweight only saw me as a friend, as a fall-back girl in case no romance was born in his life. My best friend was soon deeply infatuated with a filly named Sweetie Belle, who’d become a successful singer. Sure, she was beautiful. But I’d grown into my looks too. I could style my hair, my colours all corresponded perfectly.
For once in my life I actually felt beautiful, and I remembered that Featherweight was the first to tell me that. He was my first kiss. Why didn't he like me? Why wasn't I ever good enough? I should have been the mare he sang to sleep at night. I should have been the one he took care of and called his angel. I wanted Featherweight to hold ME at night. Not Sweetie Belle. And the thought that he was made me want to cry. I often did, really.
I still remember the night that Featherweight knocked on my door at 8AM with big news, a smile on his face. A small part of me was hopeful, until I saw the kiss-mark on his cheek.
“It finally happened."
“Pardon me?" I wanted to take back my words right after I said it, Featherweight's facial expression showed it all. Those gazing eyes, flushed cheeks, mane a total mess and lips spread in the widest smile I've ever seen. He'd lost his virginity.
“You...you...did you and Sweetie Belle...?”
Featherweight grinned. My heart broke.
Within six months of that a wedding, and soon after foals. Twist and Snips soon got hitched too, while Snails made his move on a filly named Archer. I still don’t know what to do with my life. My friends are all getting married, having foals, and I can’t imagine wanting to do anything else but sit and write. My mother is only getting older, and the stress is wearing her down. My father still hasn’t come back. My mother still thinks he will return home, she sometimes sits and stares out windows. Maybe she’s looking for him in the distance.
I’ve lost hope in my father, he’s probably dead. I haven’t seen my sister in years. But I haven’t lost hope in one thing: myself. My parents really did teach me to be strong. That’s why I’m still fighting. And someday, things will work out for me. At least, I hope so. This is the reason I'm leaving this town, where only the good-looking archetypes will succeed. I'm better than this; I don't deserve the fate of my mother.
I realize that this letter has been awfully personal, but I'm sure you understand me better. I'm sure you understand my family better, and all the misfits. I'm sentient, I'm feeling, and all the abuse the ponies in this town threw on me has made me feel my lowest. Do you understand what kind of pain you've made me feel? No foal deserves to cry herself to sleep every single bucking night because she's been made fun of all day at school. No foal deserves to feel undesirable to the other gender just because of her eyes. No foal deserves to watch her mother's health and sanity slowly fade away. Do you get it now, Ponyville? Do you?
Goodbye forever, I'm off to make my future brighter.
Sincerely,
Dinky Hooves."
Derpy Hooves wiped a tear from her eye and began to fly home crookedly. On her way she saw ponies sneer at her queer pattern of flight, upside down and zig-zagged. They yelled insults at her, laughed when she ran into things. Despite this, Derpy felt justified and shameless. For once in her life, she didn't care. Things were going to change for people like herself, and perhaps Dinky's daughters would someday know how it felt to be free of cruel judgement.
Perhaps.
Author's Note
Thanks to Black Moon for helping me get through the hard times as I was writing this. Couldn't have done it without you.
Thanks for reading! If you liked this story, go ahead and give it a thumbs up!
