Failed Savior
Written by BronyDerp117
Inspired by My Immortal by Evanescence
Pre-read by Zonfic and SilverDream
Lightning crackled and split the sky in a grand display of white-hot light. Thunder played it's loud booms, echoing through the air with its loud drums. Rain fell from the heavens, utterly soaking the land beneath it and anypony who was stupid enough to be out in the storm. I guess that includes myself, but not Fluttershy. No, she's not stupid. I'm the moron. It was a mistake from the beginning, only to turn from a simple mistake to a horrifying nightmare. After a really depressing day, you know how sometimes you get nightmares of the ponies you love? Yeah, well, the real thing is much worse. The shadows of your nightmares are black abysses, the pain in your loved one's eyes replaced by fear and weakness and helplessness. The tears slowly rolling down your face becomes replaced by gushing rapids, flowing down your face and drenching your coat. But I'm getting ahead of myself. It was just a stupid mistake; a bad judgement. Or ignorance, as I've come to call it that. The memories of that day still haunt me, even after fifteen years. The pain was just too real. I'm beginning to fear that it's something that time cannot simply erase. I'm going to live with my failure for the rest of my life, the burden not only cast on me, but all those around me. There I go again; I'm rambling.
As I was saying before my thoughts began twisting my story, lightning split the sky with its bursts of white-hot light the night that it happened. A few weeks prior, Fluttershy asked me if I could give her flying lessons. After we successfully brought up the water to Cloudsdale, I guess she found some faith in herself. I remember how cute her stuttering and blushing was when she appeared on my doorstep that day. That was a nice day, with the sun shining and the sky free of its grey blemishes. But today? Even when it's not, all I see and feel is ice-cold rain drenching me in sadness.
Back to the night. There was a fierce storm attacking Ponyville. I had already been teaching Fluttershy how to fly for about three months. I taught her simple things, like wing positioning for speed. On that night, however, I wanted to crank it up a notch. I decided that flying through the strongest storm of the year would be a good way to teach her how to conserve stamina. I went to her small cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest, and knocked on the wooden door. She opened it, and had at least four layers of clothing on. At the time I rolled my eyes. I told her what I intended for our night, with the lesson I planned, and she gasped, widened her teal eyes, and tried to shut the door in my face. I should have just let her and went home, so that it would have never happened. But no, I had to be stubborn. I had to be the stubborn fool that I used to be in my youth. I stopped the door and pushed my way inside.
"Rainbow Dash, we can't fly in this weather!" Fluttershy began, slightly louder than her normal level of volume. "W-won't the wind, um, knock us down?"
I face-hoofed. "That's the point Fluttershy! I'm going to be teaching you how to fly in rough conditions and still conserve stamina!" I proclaimed. I put my hooves on her rear and began pushing her towards the door, and she was desperately trying to push back. "Now come on!"
"Okay," she barely audibly whispered. She walked on her own without me pushing toward the door, and opened it, letting me pass before herself. We trotted down the street and into the middle of Ponyville, our manes becoming utterly drenched from the freezing rain. She was shivering and smacking her teeth by the time we arrived at the take off spot, as I liked to call our starting points. She stood still next to me, her shoulders slumped and her eyes showing obvious fear.
"Straighten up, trainee!" I ordered. She perked her shoulders and ears up, puffed out her chest, but still let her fear be present. "Now, flying through a storm isn't easy. It takes precise wing angles, knowledge, and wits!" I began, pacing back and forth in front of her like a military instructor. "First, you need to keep your wings at a high angle. Keep the feathers slightly separated, but not so separated that it's visible."
She followed my lesson, unfurling her wings, spreading them to a point where you would really have to look to tell they were separated, and positioned her wings in a high angle. "Like this?" she asked.
"Perfect!" I praised. A smile lit up on her face, despite the fear still lingering in her eyes. "Now, when you take off, flap hard. And I mean hard. Once you are up, try to flow with the wind, kinda like a...a..."
"Leaf?" she suggested.
"Exactly!" I said, a proud smile on my face, and my eyes boasting sharpness. "Try to flow with the wind. This especially helps stamina. The rain won't stop ya much, just annoy you more than anything. So, now that you know how to fly in the rain, you think you're ready to try, Flutters?"
"O-oh, um, I-I don't know Rainbow Dash," she began, shying behind her mane. "Isn't this dangerous?"
I rolled my eyes again. "It'll be fine Fluttershy, I'll be flying right there with you in case you feel like you're losing control. Just yell and I'll help ya."
"Well, okay. H-here it goes," she said, still uneasy, but convinced to at least try. I unfurled my wings, spread the feathers, and cocked them into a high angle.
"On three, Fluttershy. One," I began, counting. "Two...three!" I yelled, and we both gave a mighty flap of our wings, taking to the skies. We flapped up into the air together, and got caught in the stream of the wind. I yelled various commands at Fluttershy. Just simple little things, like slightly adjusting her wings this way and that way, and to flap a little less or a little more. After my commands, she finally got the hang of it. A smile grew across her face, her eyes lighting up.
"I'm doing it Rainbow Dash!"
"Awesome Fluttershy!" I yelled, straining my voice to make it louder than the booming thunder overhead. Lightning followed the thunder, and split the air a few hundred feet to the left of us, scaring Fluttershy.
"Eek!" she squeaked. "R-Rainbow Dash, are sure this is safe?"
"Totally!" I answered, not even thinking about what came out of my mouth. We continued to fly in the storm, the wind blowing back our manes, making them wave violently. The wind howled in my ears, bringing me the same feeling of energy I always got while flying. It was like pure giddiness coursing through my blood and warming me. An irrepressible grin spread across my face, and surprisingly enough, Fluttershy was smiling just as wide.
"Oh my gosh, Rainbow, this is really fun!" she exclaimed.
"I know!" I screamed in response. I didn't actually hear her, for her voice was much to quiet for me to hear over the wind and thunder, but I managed to read her lips. I looked back to the open skies in front of me. I let myself sink into the bliss of flying. That was what I lived for. The wind flowing through my mane, howling in my ears, energy flooding through my blood, warming me. Excitement pushing it's way out, the godly sensation coursing through me. I lost myself in my own bliss. Then lightning broke the sky a few feet to my left, singeing my fur, followed by a painful yelp. It took me a few seconds to regain my sense of sight after the blinding light, but now I wish I didn't regain it at all. I looked to my left, and my heart fell. The lifeless body of my friend, her mane and coat puffed and scruffy, burns visible down her back, fell towards the ground at a deadly speed. By then we were at least a few hundred yards in the air, near the cloud layer. She fell fast, my reaction was slow.
I exploded into a desperate nose dive, plunging at the earth at skin-cutting speeds. But the wind was not in my favor. It was pushing downwards, making Fluttershy plunge even faster. It sped me up too, but it did no good if it made her faster as well. I flapped as hard as I possibly could, but my speed wasn't paying off. The rain catching in my eyes wasn't helping either. She continued to dive, her body completely vertical, her eyes and wings closed. She was definitely unconscious. I knew that I wasn't going to save her if I stayed at this speed. I knew I had the break the sound barrier. Preforming the sonic rainboom itself is easy, but at the altitude we were at, it could have been deadly. We were around a hundred yards in the sky now. Several scenarios played through my mind, none of them good.
If I didn't break the sound barrier, there would have been no way for me to catch her. Not after my initial slow reaction. But if I did preform the sonic rainboom, there would've been a very good chance that we both would have crashed, with me not being able to pull up in time. However, there was the Velvet's pool nearby. It was behind their house, and at least fifteen feet deep. I wouldn't have been able to save myself, but I would've been able to save Fluttershy. I decided that that was the only choice.
I began to flap my wings even harder, straining my strength. A familiar white barrier began to encase me like a cocoon. However, it proved to be more resilient then usual. I tried to flap my wings harder, but they refused. I was exhausted. The physical deterioration was catching up to me, quickly. My wings were burning fiercely, and my head was pounding. I needed just a little more strength. The barrier was cracked, but not broken. Just a little more. I searched deep inside myself. I played what would happen if I failed through my mind. Tears came to my eyes as Fluttershy fell to her death in my mind. I became determined to prevent the catastrophe. Adrenaline pumped through my system, the headache fading, my wings no longer burning. I flapped my wings harder than ever before, speeding up greatly.
We were now less than fifty yards from the ground, or so I thought. The cocoon finally broke around me, making a thundering boom, a rainbow cloud expanding out from the spot. My mane and tail began flowing back a magnificent rainbow behind me. I sped down to Fluttershy, who still showed no sign of consciousness. I blasted through the air, catching up to her. But she was much closer than I thought, and the ground was too. I watched in slow motion as her body slowly reached towards the ground, with me just feet behind. The rainbow cloud that expanded out was cut off by nearby houses, including the house that belonged to the Velvet family. Time stopped. A cloud of rocks and dust expanded out from around Fluttershy's back, blood visible, and my hooves touching hers. Blackness followed. I was too late. I remember my desperate scream as I reached her.
"FLUTTERSHY!!!"
THUD!
I woke up in a hospital bed. The first thing I remember was the excruciating pain that I felt ring throughout my back and head when I sprang up suddenly. Then I noticed the casts. Both my wings were wrapped up in bandages. My chest had a large blood-stained bandage wrapped around it as well, and my left forehoof had a thick white cast on it.I could also feel several band aids placed around my body. There were also stitches on my forehead that I felt. I had a throbbing migraine, more painful than anything I had ever experienced before. After examining my body and all the soreness it contained, I looked around the room I was in.
It was definitely the Ponyville hospital, a place I preferred to see less of. That places has always given me the creeps. The bright white walls and white tile floors gave it a sense of false security. Or sickness. I've never been good at describing this place. It's just so creepy, with its blindingly white walls, the low hum and beeps of the various machines, the occasional crying of a mare or stallion from the waiting room, it was all just so creepy and sad. Sad...
Fluttershy! I realized. I attempted to get up, but unbearable pain met me halfway and forced me back down. On my right hoof was a small button, one that I realized was used to call the nurse. I began to push it furiously in panic mode. The nurse came rushing in a few moments later, concern clear as day in her eyes.
"Miss Dash, you're awake! What's wrong?"
"Where's Fluttershy?! Is she okay?" I asked worriedly. She looked at me, slightly taken back by the panic in my voice, and probably the fact that that was the first thing to come out of my mouth since I had fallen asleep, however long ago that was.
"Um..." she said, sweat escaping her brow and nervousness evident in her voice. She bit down on her lip, not sure how to word what she wanted to say. Finally, she spoke. "Um, I think you'll want to have this conversation with your friend, Miss Sparkle. I'll call her up here," she said quickly, then darted out of the room. My heart began to race like Wonderbolts in action, my fears rising. Anxiety rose in me in the short moments between the nurse's departing and Twilight's arrival. She finally rushed in, a wide smile on her face. Though it looked somehow off...
"Rainbow!"
"Hey Twi'," I said weakly. She trotted over and gently hugged me.
"We've all been worried sick about you! Applejack literally passed out the first night you were here. She refused to sleep."
I chuckled. That was just like Applejack, always there for her friends, without failure. Unlike me. "How long have I been in here?"
Twilight slightly frowned, and her ears drooped. "Y-you've been in a coma for a week, Rainbow."
I gasped, and my eyes widened. "A week?! Is Fluttershy okay?!" Panic found it's way into me. I thought it had only been a day. So much could happen in a week. I began to fear the worst.
Twilight's face fell, her expression grim and her lip began quivering. "S-she's not doing good, Rainbow... the doctors said today might...might..." she trailed off, unable to spit out the words. She didn't need to. She could see by the expression of horror present on my face that I understood.
"I have to go see her."
Twilight snapped her head up, her ears perking up and her eyes widening. "Rainbow, are you sure you can even get up?"
"Did the doctors say I could move when I woke up?"
"Well yes, but-"
"Then yes. I can move," I growled more aggressively than needed. I slowly sat up, ignoring the piercing pain shooting through my chest and head. I slugged to my side, then weakly rolled off the bed, and landed on the floor with a quiet thud. But to me, it felt like I just made a fifteen foot jump. My knees bent low, almost collapsing. I straightened myself though, and began to slowly walk towards the door, Twilight carefully watching me the entire time.
"If you need help, just say so, okay?"
"Sure," I lied. I was in extreme pain, but I deserved it. It was my own stupidity that I and Fluttershy was even there. I walked at a snail's pace toward the door. It became encased in a magical pink aurora and opened as I approached it. I looked behind me and saw the same aurora around Twilight's horn. I slowly made my way out of the door and into the long, white-walled and white-tiled floor hallway. My doctor was just approaching my room when I came into the wide hallway.
"Miss Dash! Excellent to see you on your hooves! I didn't expect you to be able to move so soon."
"Where's Fluttershy?" I asked, completely ignoring him.
He blinked a few times, a little taken back. "S-she's in there," he said, pointing to a room that a nurse had just walked into. I began to walk towards the door, until the nurse came busting out in a rush.
The door flung open swiftly, the mare's neck poking out. She looked down the hall and yelled, "Code blue! Code blue, room 223!" A voice over the hospital's intercom station repeated the code, and half a dozen doctors frantically rushed into Fluttershy's room.
I began to panic again. I turned to my doctor, who's face had fallen. "What's code blue? What's wrong with Fluttershy?!"
The doctor looked at the ground, his ears drooped. "She's dying. We might be able to save her, but you have to wait in your room Miss Dash and Miss Sparkle."
"Dying?!" I gasped. My heart fell and cracked. I didn't want to believe my ears. Yet I knew they were not lying to me. I began to feel guilt. Not sadness or depression, but guilt. It was all my fault. If I had never told her to fly out in the storm, if I had never forced her to fly out there when she didn't want to, if I had never been her teacher, none of this would have happened. Yet here I was, spacing out with teary eyes with my best friend dying in the room down the hall because of my own failure.
"Rainbow." A hoof tapped on my shoulder gently, bringing me back to reality. I looked behind me, and saw the comforting face of Twilight Sparkle.
"R-right," I said with a voice crack. Twilight guided me back to my room, since I was too busy being lost in my thoughts. She brought me around to the side of my bed, and helped me into it. Once I was in it, I wrapped the blanket around me, and simply stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the last week of my life. First I planned out a lesson, took Fluttershy on it, and then all went to hell. She got hit by lightning, I sonic rainboomed right into her, trying to catch her, and then I woke up in this hospital bed. Now she was dying, and the doctors were trying to save her. If I was alone, I probably would have cried. Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't even hear Twilight the first time she said my name.
"Rainbow." She repeated.
I shook my head, and weakly looked over at Twilight. "Sorry. Yeah?"
Her ears drooped, and her eyes took on a look of sympathy. "They said it was a miracle you two survived at all."
"She's not dead yet, Tw-" I began with a small trace of false hope.
"The doctors said it was your adrenaline that kept you alive," Twilight interrupted, ignoring me, which slightly annoyed me, but saddened me at the same time. I wanted to be in denial, but deep down I knew today was the day. I just didn't want to admit it.
"And Flutters?"
"They don't know."
I sighed. No other words needed to be said, and even if they did, I didn't want to speak anymore. The events of that night replayed in my head over and over again. I could almost feel the wind flowing through my mane again, the wind howling in my ears, my scream of desperation as we neared the ground. The sickening crunch and thud, followed by blackness. I zoned out again, and didn't notice that the doctor had walked into the room. He cleared his throat loudly, slightly scaring me and making me jump. My heart began to pump furiously, fear rising. "I-is...is she..." I trailed off.
The doctor slowly shook his head, confirming my worst fears. Just moments ago, I had basically told myself that she was gone. But now I felt fresh panic rising in me, and false hope. I began hyperventilating, my heart rate was way too high to be safe, and tears desperately tried to escape my eyes. "N-no!" I finally said with a voice crack. I looked over at Twilight. She was hanging her head low, her eyes shut tight, and her teeth clenched together as tears ran down her face.
"Twilight, can't you use your magic or something?!" I pleaded. She simply shook her head in reply. I then looked to the doctor, and asked him the same.
"We've done all we could, Miss Dash. I'm very sorry."
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" I yelled. Tears began to stream down my face, the flood gates opening. I frantically pleaded with the doctor, begging him to try something else. Fear pumped through myself, and denial came in. The doctor kept telling me that she was gone. Just...gone.
"No! I can save her!" I foolishly exclaimed. I attempted to spring up, but the doctor rushed over to the bed, dropping his stethoscope on the floor in the rush. He held my shoulders in his hooves and forced me to stay down. I violently thrashed and kicked, ignoring the numbing pain it gave me. "Let me go!" I wailed.
"Rainbow. she's gone!" The doctor exclaimed.
"NO! I CAN SAVE HER!"
"RAINBOW DASH, SHE'S DEAD!"
"NO!" I screamed in agony, and shoved the doctor off of me. He fell to the floor with shock in his eyes. I turned over in my hospital and wrapped the blanket around me and over my head. And then I wept, for hours upon hours, until the well ran dry.
"I'm sorry..."
It's been fifteen years since Fluttershy's death. A few years after her passing, I found my special somepony, and we're now married. She was the pony who helped me the most after Fluttershy passed. I honestly don't know what I would've done without her. But, I still to this day blame Fluttershy's death on my own failure. She constantly comforts me, saying that it was simply a lesson that went wrong, but it's more than that. Not only was it my own stupidity for even flying in a lightning storm, but it was my failure to catch Fluttershy. If I had just reacted quicker, if I had just been a little faster, she would still be alive. Her voice haunts my once pleasant dreams. Towards the beginning, it pushed me to the edge of sanity, nearly crossing the border. Now it just haunts me, throwing my day into something depressed or sad.
Fluttershy was always my best friend. Growing up in flight school back in Cloudsdale, I always looked out for her. She was my best friend. When she cried, I'd wipe away her tears. I'd fight away all of her fears, and I held her hoof through all of the years. She was so special to me, and I miss her greatly. I know she'd be happy to see AJ and I together. Her and Twilight use to joke about AJ and I when we were younger and Fluttershy was still here. I'd always blush furiously, then quickly deny it, even though I knew I had feelings for Applejack. I didn't know she returned them until after Flutters' death.
I've tried so hard for so long to tell myself that Fluttershy is gone, but I just can't. I can't bring myself to say it. It made me realize that without her, I would have been alone all along in my fillyhood and teenage years, and I couldn't admit that. It wasn't my pride interfering, it was my sadness.
Someday, maybe someday, I'll be able to get over her death. But right now, I'd like to snuggle up with AJ and try to enjoy the evening. Maybe I'll go visit Fluttershy's grave later in the week. Her parent's graves too.
