Luna's Librarian, Twilight's Moon

Chapters

Plan C
Game, Set, Match
Countdown
All the World's a Stage
Every Morning After
Twilight Hustle
Names
Third Time's the Charm
Impossible
Bird
THAT Letter
Early Observances
Your Turn
Trembling Joyful Whispers
The Power Vested in Me
Awkward
Absence
You Were There
Between Sun and Moon
Postcards from the Edge
Traveling
Insert Princess T into Slot S
Ups and Downs
Amethyst Throne
Monster
Closing Thoughts, Bonus Material, and More
Great Minds Think Alike

Plan C

Parting a warm pink-and-white feathered embrace, Celestia’s furrowed brow clashed with her kind and beatific smile. “I didn’t want to interrupt your vacation with Captain Armor, but I felt it was necessary. Thank you for coming on such short notice, Princess Cadenza.”

“Cadance, Auntie!” giggled the smaller mare. “You know I can’t stand formality around family, even surrogate family.” At a motion from Celestia she stepped back to take a seat at a plain and time-worn table and her smile vanished. “I came as soon as I could, Your message said you had something critical to discuss – something about the future of Equestria? Should we be gathering the Elements?”

“Not at the moment, Cadance. There is indeed a growing threat to Equestria, and though the emergency is still far off, I feel it would be prudent to be prepared.” The alabaster Princess sank to her haunches on a cushion across the table and took in a deep breath as she closed her tired eyes for a long moment. “The problem is your other Aunt, so to speak. I fear the Elements were not entirely successful in exorcising the Nightmare from Princess Luna. If I’m right, the Elements and I will not be able to stop her again. That’s where you come in.”

Eyes wide, Cadance recoiled and gulped visibly. “M… Me? Auntie, you’re kidding, right? If you can’t stand against Nightmare Moon, what makes you think I can?”

Celestia stared down, scratching a hoof across the table and tracing lazy circles as she spoke. “Directly, no, you couldn’t. The first time I banished Nightmare Moon, I did so by wielding all the Elements personally. I was successful, but unfortunately doing so is a one-time affair, and as I expected it broke my connection to the Elements. Luna’s connection was broken when she let Nightmare possess her. That left the Elements unusable by the two of us.”

Cocking her head, Cadance asked, “The Elements found new bearers, so where do I…”

Across the table Celestia and raised a porcelain-white hoof. She gently tapped her horn and with a grin, unfurled and fluttered her great white wings.

“An alicorn?” Cadance shook her head and began to inch away from the table. “You’re joking! I can’t do what you do! I don’t raise the sun or moon – Celestia, I can barely cook! I can’t wield the Elements myself!”

The Sun Princess reached across the table and lay a hoof on the shaking pink pony’s shoulder. “But you can, Cadance! I know you can. I know the Elements better than any pony living and all my research confirms it. Each alicorn has this power, though Luna and I are now exempt, of course. You may be young, as ageless Princesses go, but you’re still one of us and this is something you can certainly do, should it come to that.”

Cadance stared down at her shivering hooves but when she next looked up, her jaw was set and her voice lost its quaver. “I trust you, Princess. and if it comes to that, I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, Cadance. We must save that plan as our last resort, of course. There is one other option we need to discuss.” Celestia leaned in and placed her hooves on the creaking table. “Every endgame I play out with Nightmare Moon shows the same result: having been defeated by the Elements twice, her first action would be to separate or cripple the Elements or their bearers.”

Something sharp and hard flashed behind Cadance’s violet eyes. “Twilight? You think she’d try to hurt Twilight?”

“Yes,” Celestia whispered harshly, “I believe she would.” Her face was frozen for long seconds before she cleared her throat and continued, “Twilight was largely responsible for her last defeat, so she would be a primary target. All of the Bearers would be in danger, though. Nightmare may try to eliminate one of them as a tactically easier target, which would break the Elements just as effectively.”

“But what can we do? We can’t lock Twilight and her friends away in some armored tower out of fear that Nightmare Moon might go after them, it’s…”

“I know, Cadance,” said Celestia, raising a hoof to her niece, “and I have a plan to ensure it doesn’t come to that. Last Nightmare Night, I advised Luna to put in an appearance in Ponyville. I told her it would be better to start her reintroduction to Equestrian customs in a small town rather than in Manehattan or Trottingham.”

The corners of the pink mare’s mouth curled into the beginnings of a smile. “You sent her to see Twilight.”

“Perceptive, Princess Cadenza! And if you remember your foalsitting days, what was Twilight’s favorite activity outside of reading?”

Cadance’s smile overtook her muzzle. “Stargazing.”

“And what do you think happened between my faithful student and the Moon Princess?”

“Best friends forever, I’d imagine.”

“Precisely.” Celestia’s grin was gently predatory. “Neither of them have any experience whatsoever with affection, close friendship beyond the platonic sort, and certainly not romance. So…”

Raising an eyebrow, Cadance offered, “You’re saying you want me to nudge them together? Auntie, you realize that I can’t create love, right? I can only bring the love that’s already there to the surface, or give existing feelings a second chance. Are you sure this has a chance?”

“Positive, Princess! I know my student and I know my sister. I see the look in Luna’s eyes every night. Cadance, when she’s on her balcony, Luna’s not looking at the stars or moon – she’s looking towards Ponyville. And with a little help from you, I think Luna can have the kind of relationship that would have prevented Nightmare from possessing her in the first place.”

Cadance squinted and paused. “So what happens in sixty or eighty years, Celestia? Twilight’s not immortal.”

Celestia’s eyes twinkled as she grinned. “We’ll handle that later. First things first.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 224. The Prompt: That’s the power of love!

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
As with all my thematically-linked TMP submissions, this one wasn't written first, and was inserted somewhat later after FiMFiction started allowing authors to re-order chapters at will. This initially caused some consternation with my readers, who at first glance thought Celestia and Cadance had either arranged or engineered Twilight and Luna's relationship. As will be seen in later chapters, this wasn't entirely the case.

I gave Cadance the "limited Love powers" talent here; no outright mind control for her. But do think, for a moment, just how deep that could go! In the comics Celestia had a long-since-ended relationship with Sombra (before his Heel Turn) - imagine the kind of confusion Cadance could've sown in Sombra if she'd known about that relationship during The Crystal Empire 1 & 2.

Game, Set, Match

Twilight Sparkle shifted from hoof to hoof, her brows furrowed as a gold-armored unicorn fitted her with a small silver amulet. “Are you sure about this, Sergeant? I’m not exactly the Royal Guard type. I love a good magic test more than anything, but arena combat?”

“No worries, ma’am,” replied the grey-coated stallion in clipped military deadpan. “These dampener amulets prevent any serious injuries and the arena itself is enchanted to disrupt any potentially dangerous spells. Guard unicorns will maintain a shield over the arena to prevent stray spells from affecting the city. Neither you nor your opponent will be in any danger.”

She looked out into the circular arena, its polished walls and smooth floor devoid of any cover, obstacles, or features of any kind. “Yes sir,” she offered nervously as the officer adjusted the amulet. “But why offensive spells? Why combat? And why me?”

”Our Guard Captain is considering adding regular offensive combat training to the schedule for all Royal Guard unicorns, Miss Sparkle. He and some others worry that defensive and restraining spells may not be enough to fend off a numerically superior and magically capable enemy force.” Finished fiddling with the amulet, he grinned and added, “Not that there's any danger of that happening here, of course. As for you, Princess Celestia herself requested your participation, ma’am. We’ll start you off against a Guard rookie. We are aware of your status as bearer of the Element of Magic, so depending on your progress, we’ll pair you against increasingly more experienced veterans.”

“Negative, Sergeant.” From behind them boomed a voice both silken and imperious. “With due respect to thy Guardsponies, thy roster is insufficient in skill and talent to challenge Twilight Sparkle.”

Both ponies wheeled about to face a midnight-blue alicorn. They cried in unison, “Princess Luna!” and both bent low before her.

The Moon Princess paused, her presence rigid and commanding. “Rise, ponies. Twilight Sparkle, I will serve as thy opponent. Thou art already a friend to me, and it will set my mind at ease if I know thou art able to defend thyself and the Elements should circumstances require. Therefore I shall test thee personally.” She turned to the armored pony who stood at rigid attention before her. “Sergeant, if preparations are complete, send Twilight Sparkle to the Arena immediately. Also, summon an additional squad to assist in maintaining the arena’s shields. Methinks thou shalt need them.” Without further comment she turned and cantered down a stairwell into the waiting arena.

Minutes later Twilight found herself suppressing nervous shakes as she stood across the featureless arena from one of two immortal Equestrian Diarchs. Luna’s star-filled mane flowed and waved serenely despite the still air, her expression firm yet blank and unreadable. A dozen and a half unicorns, some in polished golden Royal Guard armor, some in the blue and purple garb of Luna’s own Night Guard, lined a series of elevated balconies surrounding the sunken stadium. With a nod from the Sergeant their horns glowed brightly and a shimmering translucent dome appeared over the open-topped structure. “Combatants,” began the Sergeant, “you will begin on my count and not before. No structural damage spells are allowed. Physical contact between participants is also prohibited. Any hit which penetrates your personal defenses scores one point. Combat will pause for renewal of defenses after each point. The first to score three points against their opponent will be declared the winner. Combatants, on my mark – “ and he paused, looking briefly between the two ponies below – “Go!”

Twilight bore down and her horn lit with blinding magenta light. Three concentric rings appeared around her, wavering and circling as they pulsed and intertwined. Across the floor, seven hard blue lines appeared before her opponent, flat rectangular planes which rotated and twisted to face the smaller mare. Before the last of Luna’s deflectors materialized, Twilight’s horn flashed and sent two crackling blades of force spiraling across the arena floor. The towering dark figure chuckled as the buzzing blades smashed harmlessly against her outermost deflectors, which flickered briefly before vanishing. “Try again, Most Faithful Student.”

The young pony wrinkled her muzzle and lashed out with rapid-fire purplish blasts, the arena air thrumming as each bolt streaked across the distance. Bolt after bolt flew across the arena, each finding its mark perfectly before exploding against the Royal Sister’s defenses. Two more shifting energy planes vanished yet their owner smiled while remaining frustratingly still. “Celestia believes thy power unrivaled," Luna smirked. "Hath she been duped?”

Still no attacks came from the alicorn, who stood stock-still and grinned. Twilight squinted and launched a glowing hoof-sized orb across the gap, trailing wisps of energy in its path. It sailed wide, missing its target by a hoof’s width. “Is frustration clouding thy aim, Twilight?” As the elder mare shook her head, the glowing orb ricocheted off the far arena wall, rebounding quickly to smash into Luna’s unprotected flank. She winced as a shower of sparks fell from her singed cutie mark.

The Sergeant called out, “Point – Twilight Sparkle.”

Luna grinned as her shields dropped and reappeared, this time as a series of rings mirroring Twilight’s own. “Excellent work! Thou hast passed thy test of Perception. My deflectors were directional, not encircling, and thy point was well earned. Let us even the score, shall we?” Before Twilight could mount a follow-up attack, a pencil-thin beam of purest darkness lanced out from Luna’s horn, striking Twilight’s shields dead center. Concentrating to maintain her defenses, Twilight stumbled backwards, eyes wide and disbelieving as the beam sliced through first one shield, then another, then another, though none of the glowing rings faltered or disappeared, and found its stinging mark in the meat of her shoulder.

Again a voice from above echoed, “Point – Princess Luna.”

This time Luna’s visage was stony and grim. “Thou fare'st poorly in the test of Adaptability, Twilight. Thy shields were attuned to specific attacks – elemental, kinetic, and sensory – and so I merely responded with an assault which contained none of those and rendered thy defenses moot. Rely not on thy opponent to be predictable.” At this Luna broke into a thundering gallop, swinging wide around the perimeter of the arena as her horn sent a shower of icy blue spikes in Twilight’s direction.

Twilight, busy realigning her shields, realized as Luna's hooffalls echoed off the arena floor that she had yet to move from her starting position. She bolted into a run, circling opposite her pursuer as the rain of azure needles continued. The frigid needles shattered behind her and she could feel their numbing shrapnel tickle her rear hooves as she ran, her shields fading further with every tiny strike. Luna shouted to her from across the arena as she ran, “Twilight, thou art a sorceress supreme! Wherefore rely'st thou upon thy hooves?” The eager unicorn took the hint and vanished in a flash of pale lavender, reappearing across the arena just in time to be struck by a rippling wave of indigo flames, her final shield winking out beneath their burn.

“Match Point – Princess Luna,” came the call from above.

“Again, Twilight, thou forgettest thyself,” Luna scolded as Twilight gasped and shook her head. “Assume that I know thy tricks and devise something new – be unpredictable!”

Twilight smiled and vanished again, reappearing across the distance only to disappear again as Luna lashed out with bolts of star-filled darkness. Again and again Twilight teleported, never bothering to launch attacks of her own, and each time Luna responded with force only to meet thin air. Twilight disappeared again and Luna attacked the waver of air that signaled an imminent arrival, only to have her shields shattered as she was slammed to the arena floor by a massive blast of white light from directly above. Cringing, she looked up to see a panting, sweating mare hovering above her, the glow of a levitation spell suspending her midair.

“Match Point – Twilight Sparkle” floated through the arena as Twilight grinned and waved and drifted down to land on her hooves once more, and Luna replied with a nod and a heartfelt laugh of her own. “Well done! The test of Creativity was not lost on thee, my friend. Now 'tis time we ended this, Twilight Sparkle. I hope thou shalt fare as well in a test of Concentration.”

Luna reared back onto her hooves, unfurling her great wings as her horn was encased in flickering blue-black flames. She slammed back onto her hooves, the arena shaking as she unleashed a torrent of raw magical energy which shot toward the exhausted unicorn. Twilight dropped her shields and poured all her energy into meeting Luna’s. Her violet lightning arced across the gap and met Luna’s crackling magic like a whip, the two bolts locked together as each mare let flow vast and terrible energies.

Above them the arena’s shimmering dome flickered and quavered. Several of the Guard unicorns grimaced, another cried out in pain, and one stumbled back, blood trickling from his nose. Across the gallery, two more of their number fell unconscious, their golden armor clattering against the arena walls as the dome began to falter.

Luna wore a predator’s smile as she began to stalk toward her opponent, step by step, hoof by hoof, closing the distance slowly and deliberately as the arc-lightning between them twisted and sparked. Twilight gritted her teeth and dug in, legs quaking under Luna's unrelenting attack. The gap between them narrowed and they stood inches apart, their horns all but touching as blinding and searing force tore at the gap between them, the two mares trembling behind gritted teeth.

Without warning Luna lunged forward and planted a firm kiss on top of Twilight’s muzzle. The lavender pony stumbled back, the lightning which linked their horns breaking instantly in a shower of blue and purple sparks. She shook her head and looked up to see Luna turned away, a shallow smile and a deep blush framing the alicorn’s sweat-soaked face. Luna closed her eyes as her horn lit briefly and a single spark emerged. It floated gently toward Twilight, wafting as if it were a leaf in a spring breeze. The spark drifted toward her muzzle, seeking on its slow and spiraling path the very spot which still burned hot behind Twilight's own growing blush. As it floated down and Twilight’s eyes crossed a bit to watch it descend, she saw clearly that the spark had shape: it was a tiny electric-blue heart, and as it alit on her nose, she felt a tiny shock travel down her spine.

Long minutes seemed to pass before the Sergeant’s voice broke the silence. “Well, this is new. Er... Game Point and Victor – Princess Luna.” The two ponies below looked up, almost having forgotten they were not alone, before the Sergeant cleared his throat. “Er, forgive me, Princess. I, ah… I was mistaken. Correction: Penalty– Princess Luna." He swallowed hard under the combatants' gazes and coughed into a raised hoof before continuing, "Physical contact prohibited by rule. Penalty Point awarded to your opponent. Game Point and Victor – Twilight Sparkle.”

Luna giggled a soft, tiny laugh, like the twinkling of windchimes in a midnight breeze, and cantered out of the arena and up stairwell without looking back. Twilight sat on her haunches, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, staring up the empty stairwell. Her slack-jawed stare barely broke when she noticed a guard pony at her side as he began removing the dampener amulet. "W... What just happened, Sergeant?" she gulped.

"Well, Miss Sparkle, a Princess showed up for Arena combat for the first time ever, and you managed to send her home with a loss in her first match, even if it was on a technicality," he chuckled. "I know you don't exactly lack for accomplishments, but if I were you, I'd add that one to my résumé."

"No, I mean, why did she - " Twilight stammered, "what did she...?"

"Hmm? Oh, that." The Sergeant smiled and turned to leave the arena, then paused to whisper over his shoulder, "If I'm not mistaken, Miss Sparkle, I believe it's called 'flirting'."

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 158. The prompt: It’s not if you win or lose … it’s how you play the game.

At the time of submission, this was the longest single chapter I'd submitted for any of my active stories.

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
This was written with the faintest echo of Eakin's Duel Nature in mind, as much as I wish that story had been substantially different.

When the Sergeant fitting Twilight with her training amulet says "He and some others worry that defensive and restraining spells may not be enough to fend off a numerically superior and magically capable enemy force," he's of course foreshadowing the Changeling attack on Canterlot.

Regarding the Guards - "some in polished golden Royal Guard armor, some in the blue and purple garb of Luna’s own Night Guard" - I decided that the Royal Guards are Canterlot's generic palace guards. Celestia maintains a personal security detail, drawn from their ranks but outwardly almost indistinguishable from the Guard regulars, and rarely referred to separately. Luna, however, chose to outfit her personal security detail in custom livery. Hers are instantly recognizable, if a little terrifying to the general populace. Twilight will eventually get her to tone this down a bit.

Luna's YOBE is in full effect here! I'm terrible at it, really. Luna and Twilight bonded early over Twilight giving her lessons in Modern Equestrian, at Celestia's suggestion (of course). Celestia wondered why Luna never made much progress; she realized only much later that Twilight was a bad influence because she adored hearing Luna speak Old High Equestrian (aka Royal Canterlot Speech).

Countdown

Three thousand one hundred and two years ago I, Luna, Princess of the Moon, confessed my love to a stallion I had but recently met. A dashing pegasus he was, fit and kind and laughing, and in this, but the dawn of my young life, I was smitten. I was as I am now, yet disguised by magic and paltry arts of stage and illusion, for I feared to display my true nature. We were young and foolish and whiled away our days in idle play and gentle embrace. Among the green hills we rolled, grass beneath us and clouds above, carefree and joyous.

Yet it was not to last, for destiny intervened, and I was forced to abandon my disguise. Some beast lately escaped from Tartarus found its way to my stallion’s village. Its few ponies could offer but little resistance to the monster, the spears and feeble magics they mustered paling before the creature’s otherworldly presence. Luck found me in my love’s embrace that day, and I shed my guise.

I rose up in my true form, dark and furious, and in a blaze of spellfire and wrath I smote the fiend where it stood. I rushed to my stallion’s side to see to his safety, and though I did merely my duty as Sovereign in defending my subjects, I was sure that I would find thanks and tearful joy. Instead my love was as horrified as if I had been the fiend itself. He recoiled and once he recovered from the shock of my transformation and his witness of my battle, he fell to the ground, prostrate before me. Despite my pleas, orders, and threats, he refused to rise, claiming himself unworthy of the presence of Divinity, swearing to atone for the sin of defiling my physical presence. I lingered, and visited him unseen, but never again did he speak except in jumbles of confusion and regret. My mere presence in my true form had ruined the mind and broken the soul of this handsome colt, and I resolved that I would never be so foolish as to love again.

Two thousand two hundred and thirty years ago I sat on the Onyx Throne, judging and ruling the Ebon Court as was my sacred task. Before me came a minor noble from a distant outlying province, his family obscure and his lineage unnoted. Unlike others of his ilk he bore no grand scheme, no plan to enrich himself – merely had he come to offer praise to me. This was not unusual, as many ponies sought my favor through unwanted gifts and empty flattery. This stallion, hale and strong yet showing the first grey in his chestnut coat, brought no such useless baubles.

Instead he set easel and palette and quickly and quietly painted a portrait of my seated figure, regal upon my throne, the night sky my backdrop. So perfect was the rendering, so accurate and detailed despite its speed, I was captivated. I offered him a boon yet he declined, excused himself, and returned to his province. I was intrigued and found myself staring at his canvas with more longing than the mere appreciation of art. A season later he returned. I cleared the courtroom and he repeated his feat, this time depicting the two of us side by side, before a lustrous moon. Again he departed for his province and took with him my desire.

Another season passed and again he returned. This time I dismissed my court and he produced nothing save for two brushes. I understood his meaning – that this was art we may create together, the stars and moon my own, our hearts and bodies the blank canvas. I took him to my bed, and all was passion and bliss and hearts aflutter. I awoke with his poisoned dagger in my neck, his scheme of years’ planning having come to this one penultimate moment – a demigoddess slain and this cackling stallion triumphant over half the powers of the universe. I was not so vulnerable to mortal steel and arcane toxins as he thought, and rose to slay him with his own weapon. As I towered over his broken body, the life draining from 'round the hilt of his treacherous stiletto, I resolved never to love again.

One thousand ninety-seven years ago I was blessed with the services of an able and most qualified mare to assist in the running of my Court. She was young and insightful yet wise beyond her years. Recognizing her talent, I advanced her to serve at my side. She was my castellan, my steward, my vizier, my majordomo, and my most trusted adviser. I bemoaned the burdens of rulership to her willing ears and never once did this mare complain, sitting by my hooves with patience and fine advice. I found myself taken with her, though I said naught.

Many winters passed and her loyalty was unwavering. There was behind her eyes the need for more, and through hints and rumors and dreams I knew this, yet I am ageless and took little notice of passing years. Summers passed and her fillyish looks became the beauty of a mare. Autumns passed and the intellect of her prime became the wisdom of her maturity. Winters came and went again and it was as if I had awoken from a drunken sleep, the world different and harsh and cold about me, for she had become aged and infirm and I had yet to notice the passing of our time together. In revelation I rushed to her deathbed to confess, to tell her what I had known with surety but dared not speak, and I was too late. The darkness had claimed her, and as she lay still and as I wept over her I resolved never to love again.

Twenty-two months ago I returned from my exile, my banishment deserved and just. It was at the hooves of a little unicorn, barely a mare, that the Nightmare was exorcised. Even through the haze of the Nightmare her brilliance, her leadership, and her bravery stood through. Never before had I encountered a pony so extraordinary despite her scant years. I spent the intervening seasons eagerly awaiting every letter she sent and every visit she made to grand Canterlot.

Six months ago at my sister’s behest I came to little Ponyville to grace their Nightmare Night festival, which I soon learned was neither held in fear of Nightmare’s reappearance nor in honor of my return, but was its own celebration of the evening and the joy of fright. To my surprise and delight my guide was this selfsame unicorn lately responsible for my salvation. At festivities’ end we returned to her home and spent the night in talk and companionship, securing a fast friendship. Soon I knew this would not be enough, and I refused to let the years pass unnoticed again.

Ten minutes ago I arrived on this windswept midnight hilltop, an invitation to my little Sparkle to meet at this spot delivered days earlier. I wrote only that I had a most urgent and pressing matter to discuss and that it was for her ears alone. Now my heart pounds, my breath is short, and I know not what the morning will bring. There are hoofsteps approaching behind me and I hear her voice carried on the nighttime breeze. O Moon, give me strength! O Stars, give me courage! O Sister, forgive me, for I have resolved to love again!

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 217.

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
Luna dropped the accent here, for reasons of my sanity.

I adjusted the timeframe a bit. Based on the timeline I gave here - which I foolishly never set in stone, lack of a long-term outline be damned - Luna returned from exile in late June, at what would have been the Summer Solstice (the Summer Sun Celebration). Her first Nightmare Night would've been in late October of the following year, Halloween-ish (16 months after her return). This means Luna's confession happened in April of the year following her return, only 22 months after her cleansing by the Elements.

All the World's a Stage

{By popular request I'm moving the audio version of this story to the top instead of leaving it in the Author's Notes.}

“Prithee tell me, my good Guards, for how long hath the door to my quarters lain ajar?”

“Ajar, Princess Luna? Nothing of the sort!”

“Was never open, Your Highness. Sealed like a vault.”

“Locked and shut, almost entirely.”

“Barely a hoof’s width open, really.”

“Mostly closed.”

“Partially open. Mostly.”

“Swung wide like a barn door, in fact, for just a few moments.”

“Could’ve driven an applecart through it for maybe thirty minutes.”

“Open as wide as the palace gates for an hour or more. Since Miss Sparkle arrived, certainly.”

“I… see. And pray tell, didst either of you two fine stallions, ah… perchance, see anything through yon unclosed door?”

“See, Your Majesty? Why, nothing! Nothing at all!”

“No, Ma’am, we were blind as cave bats.”

“Sightless and eyeless, we were.”

“Saw barely anything of any note whatsoever.”

“We hardly noticed the snogging.”

“Barely registered in our dullard brains that you were spit-spelunking your sister’s student for the better part of an afternoon.”

“Nope, we can verify that we definitely did not see you attempting to kidnap Miss Sparkle’s tonsils with your tongue.”

“Probably.”

“Indeed. And this – this was the only untoward sight thine eyes served to thee?”

“Absolutely, Your Grace! Not a thing else.”

“Truly, Princess, we saw nothing else of note.”

“Little else to see, what the door being closed, and all.”

“Right-o. Whatever else we saw was beneath report.”

“Because we most assuredly did not see you hopping about like some giddy schoolfilly after Miss Sparkle departed.”

“Not a chance! We totally missed the sight of Your Highness gallivanting about your room showering every surface with flower petals – ”

“ – and cantering gleefully, and grinning like a lovestruck teenager - ”

“ – and twittering sweet nothings to the evening breeze, and generally bouncing about with sparkling purple hearts in your eyes.”

“Nope, we must’ve been looking the other direction when that happened.”

“Must’ve.”

“How comforting. And though it pains me to ask, tell me, verily – by some unfortunate accident, didst any… sounds… betray themselves to thine ears?”

“Sounds, Princess Luna? What sounds?”

“Quiet as a mouse-house out here, I can assure you, my Liege.”

“Silence of the grave, indeed.”

“Nary a whisper.”

“Thanks be to Thee, O Heavens! For long moments was I worried that perhaps my song had carried.”

“Song? Hardly, your Eminence. Surely we heard only crickets.”

“Nighttime birds. Definitely.”

“Perhaps a note or two.”

“A few bars, nothing approaching a song.”

“A small song. No more than a jingle, really.”

“A ditty. One tiny, brief little tune.”

“With dancing.”

“And choreography. Possibly with props as well.”

“A song and dance number of grand extent.”

“A major production, the scale of which was hardly imaginable in a space as small as your quarters, at least until we saw it - ”

“ – and heard it!”

“Right, saw it and heard it for ourselves.”

“Which we did not.”

“Much.”

“O Ancients, Ancestors, all! Let them not have heard, let them not have seen, I beg of thee!”

“Not to worry, Your Eminence! After all, there was nothing to see or hear.”

“Absolutely not. Nothing to see here, move along, that sort of thing.”

“And if a note or two, or a melody - or even the rather grand operatic interpretation you used on that admittedly stunning fifth refrain – managed to escape, what of it?”

“Agreed! It’s not like the Royal Canterlot Singing Voice carries that far, even with all the windows in your quarters open, Ma’am. Am I correct, Tony?”

“Quite so, Obie. And Canterlot Castle is filled with long, unobstructed stone corridors much like this one. Can’t possibly echo that much.”

“Not at all, not at all. See, Princess? Nothing to worry about whatsoever.”

“So, my Sovereign, if by morning the guards – ”

“ – and Castle staff, and passers-by - ”

“ – and your Most Holy Sister, and the whole of Canterlot - ”

“ – are all humming, singing, and perhaps setting interpretive dances to a certain tune, we can assure you that it most certainly, definitely, probably, will not sound anything like this. Ready, old chap?”

“Ready, chum! Let’s see, how did it go? Ah, yes. And a one, and a two… ”

She kissed me! She kissed me! Twilight Sparkle kissed me!

She kissed me! She kissed me! Tra la la la la!

Oh, I loved it! I loved it! ‘Twas more wonderful than I’d think!

Oh, I loved it! I loved it! She smelled like books and ink!

She kissed me! She kissed me! Twilight Sparkle kissed me!

She kissed me! She kissed me! Tra la la la la!

Oh, I’m happy! I’m happy! So happy I could fly!

Oh, I’m happy! I’m happy! My librarian and I!

She kissed me! She kissed me! Twilight Sparkle kissed me!

She kissed me! She kissed me! Tra la la la la!

“Right. And though, of course, as we all know, none of this ever happened - ”

“ – wink wink, nudge, nudge!”

“Might I say, Princess, ending your song and dance number with jazz hooves was a lovely touch.”

Author's Note

My sincerest apologies to Terry Gilliam, John Cleese, Eric Idle, and Michael Palin, to the collected history of vocal performances everywhere, and to anyone who listens to the audio version of this.

Wait, what?? There's an audio version? Yes, and I am so, so sorry:

A milestone of sorts: this is the first chapter I've posted which did not originally appear as a writing prompt submission for TMP.

Shoutouts: Miss Sparkle, she's a goer, eh? A sport?Wink, wink,nudge, nudge, say no more! The two guards Tony and Obie are named for Broadway and off-Broadway awards, respectively. Nighttime Birds is an album by The Gathering. "My librarian and I" is probably as close as I'll get in this story to a Title Drop.

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
I came up with the song first, and I'd practiced it in traffic jams for a couple of weeks before writing the accompanying framework story. I don't think a passage of text has ever come to me so clear and easy as this little talking-head comedy piece. It's probably my favorite of the whole collection. Sadly I only came back to Tony and Obie once more.

Every Morning After

In the star-domed bedchamber of the Night Princess on a massive silk-sheeted bed lay an indigo alicorn, her hooves held close and her head downcast. Her hooves seemed to hold particular interest as she avoided the ferocious gaze of the lavender unicorn standing opposite her.

“I am so sorry, Twilight,” said the alicorn ruefully, “Please believe me, I did not mean for this to happen.”

The younger mare glared at her. “What, you mean you never wanted last night to happen at all? Ever?” Tears clouded her eyes but her voice remained venomous. “So now you… I… I can’t believe this, Luna!”

Luna looked up tentatively, fear written in her great azure eyes. “No! I mean, Yes, I … Twilight, I would not have changed last night for all the stars in the heavens. I dreamed of it since the moment I realized you meant more to me than anything else. More than my throne, more than my moon!” Tears streamed down her muzzle, staining the disheveled sheets. “Please, you must believe me.”

Twilight held a fierce stance for a few moments then exhaled defeatedly and sat back on her hindquarters. “I do believe you, Luna. And I still love you. You’re the first and only pony I’ve ever dated. Or kissed.” She lowered her voice to a whisper to add, “or… slept with.” Her growing blush faded quickly as she looked up sternly. “So I hope you can understand why I’m a little upset at this development. It’s like I’m doomed - the most perfect night of my life couldn’t end with a happy sunrise, waking up in your hooves. You couldn’t have mentioned last night that sleeping with a Princess results in instant marriage?“

Again Luna was avoiding looking at her lover. “I hope you will forgive me, Twilight. In the throes of passion, such ancient laws were not the first thing on my mind. You – you do still want to get married, do you not?”

“Yes, Luna, one day. The right way.” Twilight walked slowly over and lay next to the Princess, barely noticing the tear-streaked sheets. “But not like this. Assuming we can still get married normally. Actually, is that what we are now, Luna? Married?”

The chastised ruler sighed deeply and lay a great wing across the smaller mare before finally looking ashamedly at her. “Not precisely. I believe the law states that having physical relations with a Princess results in your becoming” – she swallowed deeply before continuing – “my Royal Concubine. Officially, that is.”

Twilight recoiled and nearly shouted, “Concubine? Royal Concubine? You’re joking. Oh, no, you’re not joking, are you? I can see it now, ‘Here lies Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic and Princess Luna’s Royal Concubine’.” She sighed, the barest of grins starting to find its way to her muzzle. “I suppose there are worse titles to have. So how do we fix this?”

Luna covered her eyes with a hoof and winced. “We, ah, don’t. Rather, we can’t. The law comes not from the lower courts but from the Sisters themselves.”

Twilight looked sideways at her moon-marked lover and arched an eyebrow. “You wrote it, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did, which makes my forgetfulness all the more embarrassing. Celestia had a persistent suitor who believed he could become a Royal Prince by bedding her. She had no intention of admitting him to her bed, and she led him on for her own amusement. I was more concerned than she regarding this wretched stallion's schemes and plots, so by decree I passed a law which stated that laying with a Princess outside a marital union would result in Concubinage, which precludes any future marriage. It was rash and ill-considered. That was over a dozen centuries ago, my beloved. Can you forgive me?”

Twilight reached up to nuzzle Luna’s cheek. “Of course. So there’s really no way to change this? One night – and just so we’re clear, one truly amazing night – and I’m a Royal Concubine forever?”

Luna put a hoof to her chin and pondered for a moment. “A pronouncement from Celestia or from me would alter future encounters between citizens and Princesses but would not reverse our current situation. If I recall, the decree did not apply to ponies who were already members of the extended Royal family, only to those seeking a shortcut into it. If you were royalty, then the Royal Concubine title would not apply and we would be free to continue our relationship. Sadly, being Celestia’s student does not count, nor does bearing an Element of Harmony.”

“My Brother is Captain of the Royal Guard – is that close enough?”

“I fear not, love. But if he were to attain a Royal title of his own, even by marriage, then you would be freed from my,” and she broke into a sultry grin, “service.”

Twilight smiled a devious grin of her own. “Then we’ll just have to see to it that he finds a Princess of his own, won’t we? And Luna?”

“Yes, Royal Concubine?”

“Can we keep my, er, ‘title’ just between us?”

“As you wish.” She chuckled and added, “Though I admit, announcing the Entrance of Princess Luna’s Royal Concubine would make the Grand Galloping Gala far more interesting.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #143: “When I Don’t Remember You”. Somepony remembers. But at what cost?

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
I never really came back to this topic, but the idea of a secret union between the two was one I at least wanted to try out. They later made it official, of course. And Twilight's "see to it that he finds a Princess of his own" comment directly lampshades the canon Royal Wedding, and the fact that Shining and Cadance has their own secret romance going the whole time. Yet another idea I wish I'd explored further.

Twilight Hustle

In a quiet country garden in sleepy Ponyville, somewhat off the beaten path and as far distant as it was possible to be from the Golden Oak Library without leaving town, the swaying willows gave shade to a gathering of four friends.

A white-furred unicorn sipped jauntily from a frosty drink, further shaded by the latest in springtime hat fashion. “Girls, my beloved little Spikey-Wikey has assured me that our librarian friend is out of town and will remain so for a few days, and so I’ve gathered us here to discuss a matter most urgent, pertaining directly to our beloved Twilight.” Draining her mint julep somewhat further, she leaned into the circle of ponies, all of whom leaned in conspiratorially, hanging on her every word. She continued with a manic grin, “I have it on good authority that Miss Sparkle has taken a lover!”

The three ponies leaned back from her, exchanging deadly serious glances before breaking out into snorts and snickers. Rarity seemed disquieted. “I thought this tidbit was exclusive gossip! Straight from the highest levels of the Canterlot rumor mills! I called us here to put our heads together, hoping we could divine the identity of her paramour.” Her companions stifled their laughs and broke out into knowing grins. “But… I thought it sounded so romantic! Like something out of a novel - that we, her dear friends, would subtly help poor naive Twilight find - or keep, as it were - her special somepony.” Her expression drooped with disappointment. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Sugarlove,” began Applejack with a smile as wide as her Stetson hat, “Twi don't need no help findin’ romantic companionship. You remember that whole mess with her ‘Need ‘em, Want ‘em’ spell, or whatever it was?” Rarity nodded weakly. “Well, turns out mah brother Macintosh kept Twilight’s old Smarty Pants doll after the whole shindig was over. He thought it’d be a good excuse to introduce himself to our lavender friend." She removed her trademark hat, running a hoof through her hay-blond mane. “Mac musta’ been right, cause Twi came to get her doll back that weekend. He told me not to use the South Barn that day, and from what ah could tell, he was… erm,” and she blushed redder than her cutie mark, “I guess you could say he was givin’ Twi a lot more than Smarty Pants.”

“No! Twilight and Big Macintosh?” Rarity gasped. “I had no idea! How has she kept it hidden all this time?”

“Well, she hasn’t. Ah reckon they, um, gave Smarty Pants back and forth for a couple of weeks, then decided they’d had enough. Ah asked him who got the doll in the end, and the big galoot never would say.”

“So Twilight’s mystery lover wasn’t in Canterlot after all,” sighed the fashionista as she finished her drink.

“Oh, but she is! And she is! They both are! And they’re both she’s!” piped in the effervescent pink earth pony.

Rarity was nonplussed. “Wait - Twilight has another lover? And it’s a mare?”

“Well, duh, unless somehow we got ruled by Prince Celestia!”

“Wait - the… the Princess?”

“Sure as I’m the permanent party pony! After the whole exiling her wittle sister Woona to the moon for a thousand years thing, and not helping stop Nightmare Moon, and almost letting Discord turn Equestria into a big chocolate-rain mudpuddle, and getting caught chipmunking the Royal Cheeks with scrumptious cake,” and even Pinkie Pie needed to breathe once in a while, “after all that, apparently Princess Celestia needing some cuddling and comfies to feel better. If the castle chefs are right, boy, did those two go through a lot of icing getting to the feeling better part! I think she’s still there, because I tried to throw a Party For Two for them, and Luna shooed me away, saying Twi and Princess Celestia had the whole 'Party For Two With the Doors Locked and the Shades Drawn' all in hoof.”

Sounds almost like words came from Rarity’s mouth, but intelligible phrases were not among them. She began to swoon visibly.

Fluttershy’s meek voice strained to be heard. “Well, um, technically it’s her second Princess, if you count Nightmare Night.” Everyone turned to face her, curiosity widening their eyes. “Oh... after the Nightmare Night parties were over, Luna walked Twilight back to the library to thank her for teaching her about friendship and fun. Twilight invited her inside, and, um, well, my birdy friends said they couldn’t sleep in the Library's tree branches that night because Luna was, er, thanking Twilight a lot. All night. Mister Squirrel said he never wanted to hear the word 'Huzzah!’ ever again.”

Moments later a dull grassy thud signaled Rarity’s merciful unconsciousness.

A deft popping sound signaled the end of Twilight Sparkle’s invisibility spell. “Thanks for playing along, girls! Now that’s how you prank!”

Applejack donned her hat once more. “No problem, sugarcube. Ah did feel kinda’ bad, tellin’ them stories to Rarity like that. Element o’ Honesty and all, you know. Funny as all get-out to see, but ah still don’t like lyin’ like that.”

Twilight smiled as she walked merrily back to her library home. “Oh Applejack! I'm sorry I had to ask you and Pinkie to lie for me. Hopefully this will teach Rarity a lesson about gossiping, so thanks for playing along.”

“Well, that’s mighty kind o’ you, Twi, and.. wait, what? Just me an' Pinkie? You meant me an' Pinkie an' Fluttershy too, right, sugar? Uh, Twilight?”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #128: “A Case of the Vapors”

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
Had a lot of fun writing this one, and I'd been waiting for a chance to write Rarity sipping mint juleps on the verandah! Fluttershy didn't make it entirely clear, but Luna and Twilight officially hooked up on Luna's second Nightmare Night visit to Ponyville. Upon hearing how well her first Nightmare Night appearance went, other cities were clamoring for her to make an appearance at the next one, but for (obviously personal) reasons Luna chose to go back to Ponyville for her second Nightmare Night in a row. Thus they were dating for about six months before doing the deed. Twilight was completely inexperienced and Luna was somewhat old-fashioned, and there was courting to be done (by Luna) before advancing that far into the their relationship.

Names

On a windswept grassy hill in a biting wind, two ponies lay close. Neither of them shuddered or shivered despite the bitter cold winter night. The elder of the two lay an indigo wing across the younger as they stared into the infinity of a starlit and cloudless sky.

After many long minutes the larger mare broke the pleasant silence. “Have I done well this night, Twilight Sparkle?”

“It - it’s incredible! I never realized that the night sky could look so.. alive. A new moon, an unclouded day,” blissfully sighed the lavender unicorn, “it’s all so perfect. Thank you, Luna.” She gently rubbed her muzzle against her partner’s mane, which reflected twinkling stars above with unerring clarity. A mischievous grin crossed her face. “Or, since you called me Twilight Sparkle again, maybe I should have said, thank you, Princess Luna.”

The alicorn looked down and raised an eyebrow. ” As you wish. Perhaps then I should revert to the Royal Canterlot Voice as well?” They shared a smile as Luna continued. “Your point is well taken, Twilight. Such names and titles can change relationships and color perceptions, for good or ill.”

Twilight paused for a moment before looking back up at the glittering dome of the sky. “I was reading a book a few days ago - Proceedings of the Royal Court: Ancient Times to Preclassical Era by Mareodotus. I kept running into passages which I was sure referred to you, but I didn’t recognize the titles.”

“Indeed, in times long past I was given many names. As was my sister, though I like to think my own devotees were more prolific in that regard. Which of these forgotten epithets puzzled you?”

“Well… I remember a group of petitioners asked the court’s permission to… er, assassinate someone, I think. They addressed their request to ‘Imperatrix de Umbri’. Was that a title of yours, Luna?”

The Princess closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply. “That was a name I heard only briefly, before my,” and she exhaled a long and steaming breath, “well, before my rightful exile. What does such a name mean to you, Twilight?”

Twilight looked nonplussed to have been asked a question at all, as though she’d expected only answers from her Princess. “If I remember, the translation is something like ‘Empress of the Shadows’. Did that mean they believed you actually controlled the shadows?”

“Some did, yes. They believed I could manipulate all forms of darkness - bending shadows to my will, forming shadow-servants out of gloom and dimness, appearing as in visions where ever light was extinguished.” She managed a chuckle which warmed her sister’s favorite pupil even further against the whipping wind. “I could do no such thing, of course, though I admit I did little to discourage the belief. Does that particular title speak to you of other meanings?”

The young mare looked down, lost in thought. “It could also mean 'Shadow Ruler' - that is, maybe they thought you ruled from behind the throne. That you were really…”

“The true power in Equestria, allowing Celestia to claim the glory while I held the reins, as it were?” Twilight nodded weakly. “Correct again, Twilight. Celestia’s faith in your brilliance was not misplaced. Yes, that was indeed another meaning behind the same title. Again, I did not dissuade ponies from holding such a belief. Just before the start of Nightmare’s reign, it may actually have been true. To some extent, at least. After my return I suspected that my sister had quietly relinquished some of her power and duties to me in a last attempt to placate me, to make me feel important, even needed. Alas, ‘twas too late. By then, I was already lost to the Nightmare.”

The great alicorn of the night hung her head and a sense of quiet shame overtook her. Twilight began to speak again but held back and seemed to shrink a little under Luna’s gentle wing.

“I know what you are thinking, my Twilight. I know that very book, and I know that in your thirst for knowledge you read the remaining chapters. Thus I am certain that you read further and saw the same title used yet again, this time by my detractors.” The smaller pony remained silent, her eyes searching the ground, and huddled closer under her great feathered blanket. “Do not fear to offend or sadden me, Twilight. Such times are long past, and I have come to learn - thanks in no small part to your lessons - that burying the past does not always alleviate it. Yes, Celestia’s supporters also called me by that name. I was still ‘Imperatrix de Umbri’ to them, but as the Shadowed Empress, not Empress of the Shadows. The twist in meaning was a calculated insult. They saw me as a ruler, but one always to be overshadowed by the Sun Princess. ” Luna’s gaze became steely for a moment, then melted away just as quickly. “Always in the shadow of the Elder Empress, second in stature, second in power. Little did they know that by assigning me such a title, they did not break my spirit or ‘put me in my place’ - no, instead they only embittered me and hastened Nightmare’s entry into the world. Ironic in hindsight, yes?”

The look on Twilight’s face was that of a student who’d just seen far more than what her teacher meant to show, and displayed unease rather than the smug comfort she usually found in greater knowledge. She shivered a little, and not from the cold.

She quietly fought back a sob and spoke barely above a whisper. “Luna, I - I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought any of that up. I never meant to dredge up painful memories. I’ve probably ruined the whole night.”

A hoof, immense in power yet feather-gentle, lifted her chin, and she felt a tender kiss on her forehead. She looked up to see two great onyx-and-azure eyes smiling kindly down at her.

“Twilight, what passed long ages ago is not what I now live for, and it has no power over me. No question you can ask me about such matters of history will change what we have.” She leaned down and affectionately nuzzled the violet-and-pink-maned pony. “I have had more titles and names than there are stars in my sky. Each of them has a hundred meanings of its own, and I would be delighted to discuss each of them with you. Yet the only two titles that matter to me, the only ones I hold dear, are the ones you gave me. In all of history you were the only one to give them to me, and until the stars themselves all go dark, they will be the only names I cherish.”

“Names I gave you? I don’t…”

Stars sparkled in Luna’s eyes. “The first name you gave me was Friend. The second was Beloved.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #132: “The Old Days". The time before.

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
Unclouded Day is one of my favorite gospel songs, and I MLP-ified it in my head more than once.

Mareodotus was convenient when I needed the name of an ancient historian.

More than a little LUS going on in this one, but I don't have the heart to change it. And no, "new moon" isn't a Twilight reference. Well, not that Twilight.

Third Time's the Charm

Sapphire Shores looked down her famous nose at the rustic pony beside her. “Scarecrow again, Applejack? Really, dear, you could do so much better. You could have come by the Boutique any time and I would gladly have - “

The hay-stuffed scarecrow waved a flannel-sleeved hoof at her. “Sorry, Rares. Ran outta time again this year. Had to pull this here getup straight outta the North Orchard. And you know Ah’m not about to get gussied up just to go bobbin’ fer apples.” Haystalks poked the orange mare in the neck, eliciting a wince as she looked over an overstuffed shoulder. “Twi! Glad you finally decided to join us. What’n tarnation are ya wearin’?”

The smiling unicorn cantered closer and arched a learned eyebrow. “Same thing I wear every year. Don’t you remember?” Sapphire and Scarecrow shook their bejeweled and haystacked heads. “Starswirl the Bearded? Greatest pony wizard of all time? Ring a bell?”

The earth pony barely suppressed a chuckle. “That ain’t exactly a costume there, Twi. Looks more like what you’d wear every day, if’n you actually wore clothes.”

Bangles tinkled against sparkling gems as Rarity nodded. “Indeed! Why, Starswirl was certainly a wizard, but you are as well, my dear Twilight. Imagine if I had dressed as a fashion designer, or if Applejack here had come as a farmer.”

“So, you think I should change?” Twilight’s face drooped a little and she suddenly found her hooves fascinating. “But I really liked the hat…”

“No buts, Twilight! Even on Nightmare Night,” Rarity said as she put a sparkling hoof to her gemstone-encrusted chest, “we must look our best, and that old rag of a robe simply will not do. I have every confidence in your costuming creativity, dear.”

Applejack patted Twilight’s withers with a hay-hoof and said, “Aw, don’t let Rares get you down, Twi. She’s just in a huff ‘cause Surely Sapphic or whoever canceled a big order.” As the pointy-hatted unicorn trudged home, she added, ” If’n you want to change, Twi, we’ll wait here for ya.”

~~~~~

“Arf wrff argfnff! Yrrfhrf!” exclaimed the soaked scarecrow. She spat out an overlarge apple and repeated, “Ah win again! Yeehaw!”

Rarity shook her head and clucked her tongue. “Applejack, love, it’s not much of a contest. It’s your cutie mark, for Celestia’s sake! I should think a pony of your honest nature would excuse herself from an apple-bobbing contest.”

The dripping orange pony smiled through a crisp bite of apple. “Ah was perfectly honest, Rares. Ah told everypony Ah was the champion three years runnin’, and Ah weren’t lyin’. You seen Twi lately?”

The white mare squinted, her gaze focused intently down the moonlit lane. “I do believe that’s her now. Oh, no…”

A lavender pony-sized copy of Encyclopaedia Equestria, volume 27 trotted up to the pair, beaming a well-educated smile. “Hey girls! I’ve been saving this one. How do you like it? I picked Volume 27 because it covers Nightmare Night through Occipital Lobe, and I thought that - ”

An alabaster hoof to a porcelain-white temple foretold the answer. “No, Twilight, just… No. You cannot possibly expect to be seen in public wearing such a monstrosity of fashion. The night’s costumed festivities do not excuse such a travesty of ponywear.”

“Give her a break, Rarity. Now Twi, Ah know ya tried, but this here giant book thingy”, she indicated with a waving hoof, “this ain’t even workable. This here book costume’s bigger’n an applecart! Ya’ll won’t be able to play games, or get close to ponies, and Ah reckon it ain’t even gonna fit through the door of the dance hall.” Her green eyes looked up sheepishly. “Uh, sorry, Twi. It’s real creative an’ all, but it just ain’t practical.”

Again Twilight turned trudgingly for home. She sighed and admitted, “You’re probably right, guys. I’ll just go back and put on what I was going to wear anyway for later tonight. I’ll see you later. I won’t have time to play games or join you at the dance now, so don’t wait up for me.”

The rhinestone-bedecked mare put an arm around her scarecrow and sniffed back a tear. “Oh, I think we were too harsh on the poor dear. We do have a dance to get to, but afterwards, let’s go check up on her. Shall we?”

~~~~~

“Hoo-wee,” cried the stumbling earth mare, “Ah ain’t been to a hoedown like that’un in years!”

Next to her a unicorn wearing a straw hat laughed lightly. “Oh, Applejack, you were simply marvelous! I never knew you could dance like that!”

After a brief hiccup her partner nodded. “Yep, gimmie some good music, a mug or three o’ Apple Acres’ finest, and a purty mare like you in mah hooves, and ol’ Applejack can cut herself a rug! An’ even - ” She stopped suddenly, swaying a bit before pointing across the now-empty town square. “Hey, that there’s Princess Luna!” The two ponies raced drunkenly up to her, stooping shakily to bow. “Princess! Ah hope you’ve been enjoyin’ the party. This here’s what, yer second Nightmare Night? Third?”

The indigo Royal stood alone under her moon, her starlit mane flowing despite the still night air. She turned at the sound of familiar voices. “Greetings, friends! Rise, please. We require no formalities this night. Twilight Sparkle told us to await her here - do you know of her whereabouts?”

From around a corner bounced the young librarian. Floating above her in the glowing magenta grip of her magic were a black and blue pom-pom and a little black pennant emblazoned with a crescent moon and the letters “I heart NMM”. The grinning mare herself now sported a tight black shirt with “NMM 4 EVER” scrawled across the chest and a slim leather collar. She skipped gaily to Luna and they shared a quick nuzzle.

Rarity stood gaping for a long moment before smiling widely. “Twilight, dear, I knew you were creative, but this takes the cake! I had no idea you could be so fashionably daring. Why ever didn’t you wear this provocatively darling costume to begin with?”

“Well,” stammered Twilight, running the pennant’s stick through her mane, “it’s, um, not exactly a costume, it’s more like…”

Luna happily piped in. “My dear Twilight taught us a term for such activities when we dress and behave as those unlike ourselves. What was it?” She tapped her chin with an indigo hoof. “Ah, yes, that’s the word. Roleplay!” With a clap of thunder and a burst of purple flames, the alicorn transformed before their eyes into a towering, black-coated, cobalt-maned mare. She flared her great onyx wings and turned a cat-eyed gaze to the merrily bouncing unicorn beside her. “Art thou ready to go, Little Sparkle?”

Twilight nodded frantically, a goofy grin plastered across her muzzle. “Oh, I’m definitely ready, Luna! Oh, I mean, er - ” She stopped hopping and her face betrayed a sudden smoldering look as she batted her eyelashes with sultry flair. “I mean… Yes, Mistress Nightmare, I am very… ready.”

The obsidian alicorn bared a fanged smile. “Luna? Neigh! Referring to us by an incorrect title is a great insult, little one. Perhaps we shall punish thee, ere the morning comes.” She swatted the younger unicorn’s cutie mark with a sweeping black wing, eliciting a happy squeal as they trotted down the street. “Now, to thy Library! Er, apologies, what was it we agreed we shall deem it? Ah, yes… To the dungeons!”

Applejack’s mouth moved for some minutes afterwards but no sound emerged. Finally Rarity broke the midnight silence. “I know, my dear Applejack, and I agree. Blacking out would indeed be welcome at the moment. However, there is likely not enough cider in all Equestria to allow us to unsee that.” She shivered a little. “Still, I believe it may be worth the attempt.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #154: “The Nightmare Is Real”. That’s no costume!

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
This is the first appearance of RariJack from The Rustic and the Romantic. In R&R Applejack and Rarity eventually married, but not until well after Twilight and Luna did. Note that in the other linked series (If The Flight Suit Fits), Rainbow and Spitfire never did tie the knot.

Sad that I never did get fanart of sub!Twilight in her "I ♥ Nightmare" getup.

Impossible

"Impossible!" Luna growled as her hoofstamp echoed through the vast gold-domed cavern of the Royal Observatory. "‘Tis an impossible task, a fool’s errand, and here am I, Princess Fool astride it all. A pox on the entire Astronomers' Guild!" As she sat snarling over a tangle of charts and reports a tiny voice broke the midnight silence behind her.

"Everything okay, Luna?" came the small and trembling words.

Luna's ears perked and she sat bolt upright before snapping her head around. "Twilight Sparkle?" She rose and took a few trotting steps to meet the diminutive unicorn as the barest of grins rose on her muzzle and faded as quickly as it had come. "Yes, all is - ah, indeed, no. I am frustrated, Twilight. Annoyed, in truth."

Twilight shifted on her hooves, the weight of a heavy saddlebag dragging her aside. She glanced out the observatory's open dome, past the great brass telescope that dominated the room and into the star-strewn night. "Still trying to fix the stars?"

Luna nodded as her nostrils flared. "Indeed. Upon my return I found my precious stars scattered 'cross the heavens, my own skies barely familiar. 'Twas but two short years ago, and e'en now the task eludes me." She stalked across the room, Twilight in tow, and settled to her haunches on the observatory's balcony, now open to the evening air. "Verily, I cannot blame my dear sister. She was much occupied with sundry more pressing tasks, and tried her best with unfamiliar stars. With her attentions elsewhere, the state of Equestrian astronomy fell to disrepair. Neither can I blame the Guild, I suppose, for they could not rightly be expected to investigate stars whose movements may change year to year, or night to night, as Celestia's attentions waxed and waned."

"Speaking of which," Twilight muttered as she sat down by Luna and set aside her saddlebag, "where are the Royal astronomers, anyway? The staff said I'd find you here, but on a perfectly clear night like this I expected they'd be fighting over the telescope."

Luna snorted and curled back a lip over grinding teeth. "Gallivanting about Canterlot on account of some holiday or another, it seems." Silence crept over them as Twilight seemed to shrink back a little. Her gaze fell to the floor and with a hoof she traced an idle pattern on the glossy tiles. “I am sorry for my outbursts,” she sighed. “They were not directed at you, I assure you. Many things changed in my absence, Twilight. Much of Equestria now stands unfamiliar to me, even foreign. I thought to find comfort here, at least, among my beloved stars, yet even these seem alien to me.”

She managed a weak smile and turned to Twilight. “Forgive me my grousing, if you will. I am prone to such bouts of melancholy in my old age, or so I am told.”

Twilight gave the larger alicorn a quick nuzzle. “It’s okay, Luna. You may be a Princess but you’re still a pony too. You’re entitled to bad days just like the rest of us. Besides, you’re not old,” she chuckled quietly as she smirked. “You don’t look a day over three thousand.”

Luna raised an eyebrow in mock indignation before grinning widely and giving the young mare a playful nudge with her wing. She shook her head and pointed a hoof at the star-marked saddlebag. "So,” she grinned, “what's this burden you've brought tonight, my Little Spark?"

A soft magenta glow from Twilight's horn opened the saddlebag and lifted from it a heavy tome, thicker than her hoof and plain-bound aside from a pair of stars stamped on its cover. "This is…" she began, her voice mouse-quiet and faltering. "I, um, I brought this for you." She levitated the book toward the alicorn and deposited it feather-gentle at her hooves.

Opening the book in her own indigo magic, Luna sifted through page after page packed with charts, diagrams, and notes in a script both dense and precise. "Star charts?" she asked as she ran a hoof over the reams of data, "and… more, it seems?"

"A chart of stellar drift over the last thousand years," Twilight blurted enthusiastically. She cringed at the too-loud echo in the cavernous Observatory before continuing, now subdued and shaking a little. "I dug up old star charts from the Royal Archives and compared them with observations over the last millennium, cross-referenced with anything I could find: collected letters of past Chief Astronomers, constellations woven into the tapestries lining the Royal Dining Hall, whatever I could get my hooves on. I sorted the list by magnitude and spectral class, starting with the brightest. Using this, you should be able to restore most of your stars to their correct positions relatively quickly." A smile almost dared its way across her face before it was drowned in a warm and growing blush as she looked quickly down and away. "At least, the first eight hundred and fifty or so. That’s as far as I got."

“Remarkable,” Luna said quietly, "and now the impossible seems suddenly less so." She slowly closed the book and eased a caressing hoof across its cover. "Twilight, this book represents hundreds, perhaps thousands of hours' work. All of this you did… just for me?"

Twilight inhaled deeply and bit her lip. Looking up to meet Luna's sparkling, star-filled eyes with her own, she whispered, "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Luna."

Author's Note

Originally appeared in shorter form as part of Dark Paradise: The TwiLuna Group Collaboration.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
One of the few non-TMP pieces in this collection. The "Annoyed" and "Impossible" prompts had been languishing for a while in the Dark Paradise collab, so I took them both and wrote this (the original title was 'Impossible Annoyance'). I have to say, this is one of my favorites. It's not as funny or as flashy as some of the others I've done but I still adore the concept: Twilight giving the geekiest gift she could, to possibly the only other pony anywhere who could appreciate both the gift and the effort that went into it. Luna doesn't need any reminders how completely and truly Twilight loves her, but moments like this reinforce it all the same.

Bird

"Oh, Twilight, I'm so sorry Mister Beaky didn't work out for you. He's sorry too." Fluttershy smoothed a ruffled tailfeather on the little macaw and lifted it onto a nearby perch. "Well, not really, but I can be sorry for both of us. Is that okay?"

"It's fine, Fluttershy. I know I said I wanted something more pet-like, now that Owlowiscious has taken over more of Spike's duties, but I just don't think Beaky here is the pet for me." Twilight smiled and turned to leave the pegasus' little cottage. "Maybe next week we can make another pro and con list of other potential animal companions."

From behind the curtain of her mane Fluttershy dared a wispy little smile. "Oh. Okay, if you're sure." She pawed the floor with a hoof for a few moments, then asked, “Um, Twilight?”

She turned, hoof on the door. “Yes?”

“If it’s not too much to ask, and I really hope it’s not – please tell me if it is – can I ask why you’re returning Mister Beaky? I mean, it would be nice to know what we need to work on if I’m going to help find him a forever home, and, well…” She trailed off into mumbling and whimpers, the floor suddenly immensely interesting.

Twilight looked at the ruffled little bird and her eye twitched, just a little. “I, ah...”

“Was he too insistent at mealtime? Oh, I should have reminded you how particular macaws can be about their food…”

“No, he was a perfect gentlebird at feeding time."

"Did he not get along with Luna's opossum? I know sometimes she leaves Tibbles with you, and they can be such shy little friends."

"No, they got along fine. It's just that Beaky is especially - well, he’s…” Twilight gulped and her grin froze a little. “…vocal”.

Fluttershy looked up and nodded. “Oh. Yes, that’s a species trait. They do vocalize a good bit, especially at night. Was he, um, too nocturnal? Keeping you up?”

“No, I’m usually up late anyway.”

“Was he too talkative?”

“Well…”

*SQUAWK!* POLYVECTORAL TELEPORTATION? ARE THEY CRAZY? *BRAAWK!*

Fluttershy held a hoof to her muzzle and giggled, “Aww, Mister Beaky sounds just like you!”

*CHIRRUP!* SPIKE, I NEED MORE QUILLS! SPIKE, WE’RE LOW ON SQUID INK! SPIKE, DID I REMEMBER TO EAT TODAY? *SQUARK!*

“He must really have taken to you to learn your favorite phrases so quickly, Twilight.”

“Yes, that’s the issue. It’s not a problem that he’s so adept at mimicry, it’s that…”

*RUP! RUP! RUP!* I’M A NAUGHTY LIBRARIAN! *BGAK!*

“…he’s….”

*CHREET!* OOOH, MY DECIMAL SYSTEM IS GETTING DEWEY! *KRAAWK!*

“…so…”

*BRAAAK!* USE THE CROP, LUNA! USE THE CROP! *REEP! REEP!*

“…very...”

*SQUAARK!* HEY PRINCESS, WANNA GAZE AT MY STARS? *CHIRRT!*

“…observant.”

Author's Note

This originally appeared in Dark Paradise, the TwiLuna group's prompt collab.

It's a reaaaaally obscure reference, but "RUP! RUP! RUP! BGAK!" and "REEP! REEP!" are shoutouts to Star Control 2. The Pkunk were awesome!

THAT Letter

Dear Princess Celestia,

Since you sent me to Ponyville to learn the magic of friendship, I learned that there is a world outside my books. It’s a world worth sharing, and I have you to thank for showing it to me. I met ponies who would stand by me and by each other through every trial, and I am proud and honored to call them all my true and lifelong friends. I knew that my studies of friendship were far from over but it took somepony very special to show me the next step.

“Twilight?”

Over the past several months I learned that beyond the bonds of friendship lay new possibilities which could only be explored by two ponies who felt as one.

“Twilight Sparkle?”

“Just a moment, Luna. Let me finish the first chapter. Er, paragraph.”

“Thou art rambling.”

“This isn’t rambling, it’s…”

“Speaking much while saying little? I believe this is still the definition of ‘rambling’.”

“I am not rambling! This has to be said delicately, and getting to the point too quickly could ruin the suspense.”

“This is not the next Great Equestrian Novel, Twilight. Perhaps I should assist in penning this letter, in thy voice? It does concern me rather intimately.”

“Maybe you’re right. Here, you give it a try.”

Dearest Sister,

“Luna!”

“Ah, apologies. Force of habit.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

Of late I have discovered that my bed is no longer cold, for thy Sister warms it for me. I find her quite fetching, and we enjoy playing ‘Princess and Royal Vizier’ among other diversions.

“What are you writing? Why are you hiding the scroll? Let me see that!”

In addition I have declared Luna's kisses to be quite legendary - I believe my exact words were ‘I should pursue a Doctorate in Love, because I could write a dissertation about your lips’.

“Give me that quill! Hand it over! Give! Me! That! QUILL!”

Your Sister’s One-Time Royal Concubine,

Twilight Sparkle

P. S. Please forward from the Royal Library a copy of the Kamare Sutra. Luna’s birthday is coming up.

“Let’s put that one on the kindling pile, okay? Please? I see that smirk! There, that’s better. Would you actually have sent that to your sister?”

“Once the scroll is sealed, my Twilight, it looks like any other. It would not be the first time Spike has unwittingly dispatched some truly fascinating reading material to Celestia.”

“Wait, what? Which? Oh, never mind. This is supposed to be a friendship report, after all, so maybe I should have written it as a report to begin with. Let me see, where are my notes?”

“You kept notes? Even during -”

“No, no, no. Afterwards. Two volumes, actually.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am pleased to report that my overall friendship level has increased by sixteen point six percent, though the aggrandized total is closer to a twenty four percent increase thanks to Luna’s stature. I first noticed that she meant more to me than merely a friend as I began to document an average fifteen beat per minute increase in my heart rate when I was around her, a phenomenon I did not observe in other typical friendship situations. The quotient of

“Luna, what are you doing?”

“Sleeping. Does it appear otherwise?”

“No, I mean the snoring.”

“Thy dryly clinical report hath drugged me. Indeed, I believe you have significantly improved on Starswirl’s own ‘Sleep of Ages’ spell.”

“Very funny. If you can do better, then by all means, by my guest.”

“So I shall.”

Dearest Sister,

It is my sworn duty to inform you that the Night Sovereign hath taken a mate. By Lunar Law the subject of which hath been ensconced with all appropriate titles and responsibilities, including Concubinage. We therefore request thy leave to pursue our duties both Heavenly and romantically in tandem with our mate, for her status as

“No. This is a friendship report, not a Royal Proclamation.”

“Do you not wish to announce our relationship? To have heralds carry our good news to all corners of Equestria?”

“I do, but not quite like that. Maybe something less formal?”

“I am a mare of formality, Twilight. For centuries, the comfort of ritual and formality were all that kept me whole.”

“Well… Could we write this together? You can make a formal announcement later, if you like. But let’s get this one to Celestia first, and then we’ll take it from there. She deserves to know.”

“You are correct as usual, love. Your scant few years do not betray the wisdom you possess.”

“Stop, you’re making me blush! Now, how do we start?”

Dear Celestia,

We are in love. We understand that only a Royal of equal or higher rank may perform a marriage of another Royal. We therefore ask if you would consent to perform a ceremony…

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #148: “The Well Runs Dry”. She has no idea whatsoever how to write—or what to write—for this friendship report.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Another fun one to write. All talking heads, true, but I tried to keep the dialogue identifiable without resorting to cheesy gimmicks like colored text. I wanted to write at least a sampler of the "fascinating reading material" Twilight produced which accidentally ended up in Celestia's hooves, though I never got around to it. Twilight was crushing hard on Luna for quite a while (very much returned, though neither knew it) and she produced everything from poetry to artwork to spell-preserved roses, all carefully hidden from prying little dragon-claws. Sadly that doesn't help if you leave the poetry on your writing desk, accidentally mixing it in with spell logs and friendship reports.

Early Observances

The Summer Sun texts say, “Her Royal Highness and Empress of the Daylit Skies and Eternal Sun, Princess Celestia, rises each day in the pre-dawn hours to perform the sacred duty which warms and sustains all Equestria.”

No, I don’t. If I’m awake in the pre-dawn hours then the Apocalypse had better be here and it had feathering well better have reservations. I rise right at dawn and not a bloody second before. If there isn’t a steaming hot mug of Jamareican Blend coffee (double strong, double sweet) waiting for me then the Most Holy sun can frelling hang. Waking me before I’m good and ready is not conducive to a long and happy life.

The moon is still up. It’s dark outside. The sun is still lounging happily below the horizon, and I am far, far too awake. Something or somepony made me ‘rise in the pre-dawn hours’ and they’re going to pay.

“Guards,” I call in my most serene voice to the two fine stallions posted outside my door, “did either of you hear a loud noise just now? A clattering or squeaking, maybe?”

The two gentlecolts snap smartly to attention. One of them pipes up quickly. “Yes, Princess! There was a disturbance in the general direction of the Royal Observatory.”

“Can you describe it?”

The first guard continues, “Yes, Princess. It was like a metal-on-metal scraping, followed by a loud crash.” The second guard clears his throat and adds, “Maybe like a… a banging sound, Ma’am.”

I smile with only the smallest twitch in my beatific eye. “And why are you not investigating this disturbance with all due speed?”

The two fine fellows exchange worried glances. “We’re under orders not to leave this post under any circumstances unless ordered by the Guard Captain or by yourself, Princess. New standing rules since the Changeling invasion, Ma’am.”

I nod. “Very well, then. I shall return shortly.”

Out of sight of the guards my scowl returns with holy vengeance. I have not yet had my coffee and here I am, stalking the halls of my own castle, looking for the source of some mystery squeak which apparently the guards are forbidden to look into and the castle repair staff have conveniently overlooked. I am definitely going to smite somepony for this.

Down the halls I trot, hooves clip-clopping across stone, tile, carpet, and polished hardwood, each hoofbeat inspiring another method with which I could punish the heinous evildoer who woke me, and who had the gall to do so before my coffee arrived. My current favorite: Griffon bait.

I know the path to the Observatory like the back of my hoof, including the shortcuts, secret entrances, and scenic routes. Of course I could simply teleport there, but sadly it’s still early and thinking straight will have to wait for the dawn, which I have no intention of bringing until somepony can tell me what in Tartarus that sound was. Through disused passages I squeeze, and considering how long it’s been since I used some of these shortcuts, squeeze is the operative word. Note to self: keep the caffeine coming but lay off the coffee cake.

So here I am, appearing at the Observatory doors from behind some ancient and abysmally musty tapestry, which I note is highly inaccurate in its depiction of my victory over the Hippogriff legions, which involved far fewer spears and far more games of blackjack. I’m getting distracted again – where am I? Oh, yes, scaring the armor right off of the two Lunar Guards in front of whom I just appeared. Might as well have teleported after all, I guess.

“My good fellows! Sorry to have disturbed you,” no I’m not, “but did you hear a loud clanging, scraping noise? Maybe a banging sound?”

The two wide-eyed Lunar Guards are still panting and shaking from my sudden appearance, from my admittedly unusual question, and from the fact that I almost never have cause to interact with the Lunar Guards at all. They’re Luna’s personal retinue, true (do they count as an entourage?), so technically they don’t answer to me. Technically, they will answer, if they know what’s good for them.

One of them finally catches his breath and stammers out a reply. “N… No, P… Princess. Nothing at all.” The other joins him in not replying in the slightest. “Nope, not a thing. Completely silent. All night.”

I smile, quietly. The three of us stand there, smiling, quietly. I am immortal and as such I can do this eternally if necessary. These two Loonies are not. It’s amazing how quickly a pony’s resolve will crack when faced with a happily smiling ageless alicorn Diarch.

“Well… There was one small noise. A minor tinkle. Just a thump. Or a bump. Maybe a crash, or possibly a deafening smash. Yep, definitely something huge smashing and shattering to bits. Ma’am. Princess.” The Lunar Guards are so cute in their bat-wing armor and their bat-mane helmets, especially when they’re about to wet themselves. Without a word from me, they exchange glances and step aside.

I ease the great golden Royal Observatory doors open and I’m horrified. No, there’s no blood or scene of horror, no invading horde camped out in the Observatory. There is, however, the largest telescope in Equestria, now pointed unceremoniously toward the floor, its primary lens a wreck of glass shards. That’ll cost a fortune to replace – how large a fortune it is, I’m not sure, because it’s a sum I am not prepared to calculate without coffee. The main tube, formerly a polished masterpiece of engineering, is now scraped and bent as well, possibly thanks to the purple and indigo hooves wrapped around it.

Hooves?

I clear my throat. “Luna, Twilight, you can come out now. May I ask what you are doing clutching onto what was formerly the largest working telescope in Equestria?”

Two ponies scramble from behind the other side of the telescope, their manes a tangled mess. Twilight appears to be wearing at least half of Luna’s ceremonial platinum armor. The other half is nowhere in sight. They hem and haw and mumble and blush like there's no tomorrow.

“Sister, we were just – ”

“Observing! We were checking the angle of – ”

“And measuring the declination of a certain, ah – ”

“Planetary body, which we, um – ”

I’d blast them if they weren’t so annoyingly adorable.

I grin the grin of happy, joyous future blackmail. “You two have an hour to finish checking the angle of each other's planetary bodies. Enjoy yourselves, kids.”

I lock the great golden Observatory doors behind me and head for the Royal kitchens. It’s almost time to raise the Sun, and this’ll take a months’ supply of Jamareican Blend to unsee.

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 207. This is the first piece I've ever written in first-person present tense. Bonus points if you caught the Star Trek: DS9 reference.

Also, the two Lunar Guards that nearly wet themselves while cowering before Celestia are none other than Tony and Obie, the singing guards from the chapter "All the World's a Stage."

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Twilight is oddly calm for having wrecked a telescope. It takes a lot to distract her that much. Luna and Twilight are engaged by this point but still as frisky as ever. And it looks like they're still into roleplay!

Another chapter that was especially fun to write. This was before the IDW comics, but after reading them I can only picture this Celestia as drawn and written by Price and Cook.

Your Turn

Around a flickering campfire on the outskirts of the sprawling orchards of Sweet Apple Acres sat five mares, warming their hooves on a cool autumn night. Crickets and crackling firelogs were soon drowned out by the clattering of a bouncing pink pony carrying a jingling, jangling drawstring sack.

“Ooh! Ooh! Party game! Even better than ‘pin the toupee on Cranky’!” Holding the bag open proudly, she looked expectantly at the four ponies eying her suspiciously.

“Pinkie, dear, do you really expect us to thrust our hooves into that bag, completely unawares? Why,” scoffed the white mare, “the last time I did such a thing, I was cleaning alligator spittle off my hooficure for days! Positively ghastly.”

The party pony rolled her sly-blue eyes and thrust the bag closer. “Well, duh! Next time don’t wash your hooves with alligator-bait flavored soap, silly! Now, everybody reach in and pick one. Super-neato, I promise! It’ll be like Truth or Dare, only not.”

Reluctantly each pony put a hoof in the bag, looking at each other hesitantly before retrieving its contents. Four of them now held a golden torc apiece, sparkling jewels forming the centerpiece of each. The fifth, a cerulean Pegasus, held a golden tiara topped with a magenta star.

“Pinkie!” gasped Twilight, “where did you get these? We can’t use the Elements of Harmony for a camp-out party game! We have to get these back to Canterlot! Oh, Princess Celestia’s going to have my horn for this…”

“Relax, sugarcube!” The purple mare cocked her head as Applejack tapped the circlet she held against a rock, each knock forming a dull, clunking thud. “See? They ain’t the real Elements. Mighty good fakes, though.”

Pinkie giggled, nodding furiously. “Mighty righty! Now, here’s the game. Whatever Element you’re holding, you have to do or say something that fits it. I call this game, ‘Comfort Zones are for Wusses’. Oh, oh, can I go first? Yes, me, I can! You can. We can. Okay, here goes…” She held up a shining neckpiece featuring a multi-faceted jeweled apple. Inhaling deeply, she held her breath for a long moment before offering, “Everypony thinks I’m an indiscriminate pansexual polyamourous slut because I try to make everypony happy and smiling and rolling in the hay nonstop with everypony who had a frownie would be one way to do it. Do it! Get it? Anyway… I’m actually a virgin.” Four ponies gasped collectively and stared at her. “I can make ponies happy with games and parties and cupcakes all I want, but there’ll only ever be one first time, and I’m saving that for somepony special, because it’s a gift I hope will make them smile more than a party ever could. And that’s the Honest truth.” She put the Element back in the bag and shrugged. “Okey dokie, Dashie, your turn!”

Shaking her head as if waking from a strangely lucid dream, Dash held up the golden tiara. “Magic? You gotta be kidding me! Do I look like an egghead? Or a unicorn? Sheesh! Okay, okay… I, uh, I admit it. I’m jealous of unicorns. Yeah, I know, laugh it up, ‘horn envy’ and all that. Truth is, I’m terrified of anything happening to my wings. They’re what makes me so awesome. If anything ever happened to them, the only way I could fly again would be through magic. With a spell like the one Twi used on Rarity, just maybe not as un-cool as gossamer butterfly wings. So – yeah. The last time I saw a shooting star, I wished I could do magic, just… just in case, you know?” She tossed the tiara into the bag and sat heavily on her haunches.

Twilight saw the four look at her as she twirled a circlet in her hooves, its gemstone balloon shining in the firelight. “Laughter, huh? Not sure if this will make everyone smile, but here goes.” She cleared her throat but kept looking down, orange flames and blue sparkles dancing in her eyes as a slight frown creased her muzzle. “Last week I said I had to return to Canterlot to answer an important question from the Princess. I said I had to do some research in the Canterlot Archives and I told you all I was working on a new spell. When you all wished me luck with Celestia – well, I lied. I wasn’t there to see Celestia. I wasn’t working on a spell, and I never even went to the Archives.”

Applejack put a hoof on the purple pony’s shoulder. “Sugarcube, you’re right, that ain’t exactly makin’ us laugh. it ain’t like you not to be honest with us. We’re your friends, and whatever made you say all that, Ah know you had a right good reason for it. So why’d you really go back to Canterlot?”

As she looked up, a widening grin crossed the lavender unicorn’s face and her blush was evident even in the warm firelight. “Well,” she smiled, “I was going to see a Princess, and she did have a question for me.” She put down the Element and reached up with both hooves, slowly parting her pink-streaked mane to reveal a gleaming golden band at the base of her horn. She barely had time to whisper, “And I said ‘yes’!” before four smiling mares tackled her and peals of laughter broke the orchard's midnight peace.

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #169: “Alternates”. The Mane Six are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony … but not the Elements they currently possess.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
This was a relatively early prompt, and it shows. I don't think it came off like I envisioned it. Serious LUS in effect, too. It needs more rewrite than I care to give it this long after the fact.

Yes, Fluttershy missed the campout. Insert cliche about an "animal emergency" here. In truth the prompt was only 30 minutes and I was already running long, so her part got cut. Applejack and Rarity made it to the party but their scenes got cut as well.

Trembling Joyful Whispers

“Celestia, your little sister is trembling!”

“Wouldn’t you, Cadance, if you were in her place?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly a stoic rock when Shining lifted my veil, I admit. Luna needs to calm down, or her poor boutonniere will fall to pieces. She’ll do fine. Listen, there’s the Songbird Voluntary. Twilight’s coming!”

~~~~~

“How do I look, BBBFF? My veil’s all wrong! Oh, I forgot my checklist, I thought I had it hidden in the bouquet - I have to go back for it! I…”

“Relax, Twily. One hoof in front of the other. Take my hoof and we’ll do this together.”

“Right. Shining, was Cadance this nervous when she came down the aisle?”

“No, but I was.”

~~~~~

“Oh, Applejack, she’s positively radiant! I can’t believe this is our Twilight, and it’s really happening!”

“Ah know, Rares. Who’d a figured Twi’d be the first one o’ us girls to do this? Rares - you’re shakin’. You cryin’, sugarcube?”

“I can’t help it, dear. I feel awful for thinking this, but… It should have been me. I thought I’d have been the one wearing the veil, I thought after I caught Cadance’s bouquet - I don’t know, it was a foalish notion.”

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with hope, Rarity, or with dreamin’. If this is what you really want, then shucks, I might just have to make you next after all.”

“AJ - AJ, do you really mean that?”

“If’n I do it, I’m gonna do it real proper-like. Now hush, Shinin’s about to give ‘er away.”

~~~~~

“Cutie Mark Crusader Flowergirls! Commence Operation: Rose Petal Avalanche!”

“Girls! Cut it out! It’s hard enough to balance rings on a pillow without you three burying me in pony buffet leftovers.”

“Aw, Spike, quitcher quakin’, yer doin’ fine. Mah sister’n Rarity look more nervous’n you.”

“I’m serious! I have to make a good impression here. I’m a free dragon now, and they say weddings are a great place to meet your true love, and… uh, wow…”

“Sweetie, did you just kiss a dragon on the cheek?”

“You heard what he said! Besides, he’s finally over my sister, so he’ll be on the rebound. Now’s my big chance!”

~~~~~

“Dashie, your tail’s twitching! And your mane! Ooooh, do you have Pinkie Sense too? Or reddie-orangey-yellowy-greenie-bluey-purpley Sense? What are you getting? Is something falling? Is somepony getting hit by a door?”

“Look, fifth row center. Spitfire’s here! She’s really here!”

“So is Bumblesweet, and Fizzy Pop, and oooh, there’s Pepperdance! And Lucky Swirl, and..”

“Yeah, yeah, Pinkie, whatever. But that’s Spitfire!”

“Well duh, you’ve met her before, and showed her the boomy-rainy thing a few times, and saved her life, and oh, I see where you’re going with this.”

“Hay yeah! Tonight’s the night. Best Rainboom ever! She has to notice me. I hope.”

“Aw, is Dashie a little nervousy-wervousy?”

“Mff mff no arm nart.”

“Did your Dashie Sense tell you to munch on the bouquet? Is that what’ll impress Spitfire? ‘Cause I thought asking her to do the flyby with you would be a better approach, but hey, you’re the cool one!”

~~~~~

“Sister, my hooves quake, as does my heart. Am I doing the right thing?”

“Luna, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t certain.”

“I know, but Cadance was the first of us to wed, and neither you nor I have ever - “

“I believe in you, Luna. We all do - your bride to be most of all. I have never seen either of you so happy, and I have never been so sure of anything I have witnessed or performed. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I know you and Twilight are meant to be. I do hope you have a good honeymoon planned. Now that you're back I’m getting a little rusty with raising the moon on my own again, so don’t be gone too long!”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #149: “Higher Harmony”. Ponies attend a religious service.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Another talking heads piece, hopefully easily identifiable. Spike's "I'm a free dragon now" is an allusion to Rustic & Romantic, as by this time it's obvious that (as Applejack assures Rarity) a RariJack wedding really will be next. I never came back to the SpikeBelle angle. I don't consider it creepy at all, and it's not Spike settling for a "good enough substisute" for Rarity. I think his crush was for a type of pony, and once he grew enough to realize it, and saw Twilight embrace romance too, he got over his adolescent fixation.

Songbird Voluntary is Fluttershy's version of the popular wedding music.

As we see here, Dash hasn't yet hooked up with Spitfire, but it's not far off. At some point I'll revise If the Flight Suit Fits to reflect this. Pinkie's list of random attendees isn't made of OCs; it's made of non-show blind bag and toy figure pony names.

Note also the implication that neither Luna nor Celestia had ever been married. They'd had relationships and lovers, definitely, but for reasons of immortality, danger, and barrenness (alicorns are sterile in this universe) they'd never wed.

The Power Vested in Me

No no no no no no, this can’t be happening! Yes it can. It is! No, this shouldn’t be possible. It has to be a Prince or a Princess and I’m not a Princess. I’m just a unicorn. Just an egghead librarian unicorn. Whose sister in law is Princess Cadance, Ruler of the Crystal Kingdom. But that’s by marriage, and it doesn’t count, does it? Of course, my brother was Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard, and now Prince Shining. Or is it Prince Armor? Aaauuugh! Concentrate, Sparkle! Still doesn’t count. I’m not a Princess. Not a noble. So this can’t happen. Can’t be happening. Right now.

The nobles will never accept this. There will be a revolt. Equestria will be sundered, the land torn by strife and… what am I saying? Think, Luna! It does not matter what the aristocracy believes. I am a Princess and my word is law. If I declare that she need not be Royalty, then so it shall be. Until the revolution. No, no, no, that is not right! She is the Bearer of the Element of Magic, hoof-picked personal student of my dear sister, savior of Equestria many times over – that should be enough for any pony. But it is never enough for tradition, is it? We are doomed.

This will never work. She’s immortal. Ageless, undying, never ending, synonym, synonym, thesaurus, and you’re rambling to yourself again, Twilight. I’ll be old and grey and she’ll be old and blue. Well, eons old but young-looking, and really more indigo than blue. Rambling again! Why would she want to watch me grow old? I don’t even want to watch me grow old! Note to self: achieve immortality. Looked it up already. Side effects… unpleasant. No, no, forget it, this will never do.

She is so young! I am ancient. She could never want a decrepit old mare like me. I am older than the hills. No, really, I am older than the hills. I should know, I made them. Ah, focus, Luna! You know this is impossible. You have watched more ponies pass away from the ravages of age than there are stars in your precious sky. She will grow old, and frail, and she will leave you. And still these will be the best decades of your endless life. No, the pain will be too much, too soon. I cannot do this to myself. To us.

Luna can’t live in a tree. I already live in a tree. With a dragon. She’s too tall to live in my tree – our tree. With the dragon. And Ponyville can’t handle a Princess! They can barely handle a couple of parasprites. As it is, every time Celestia or Luna visits, the town shuts down from all the bowing and groveling. And I can’t go to Canterlot, not constantly. Great libraries, great food, great Princesses – no, no, it just wouldn’t work! I have to be near my friends. What if there’s an emergency only the Elements of Harmony can deal with? I’d be too far away in Canterlot! So we can’t go forward with this. It’s a matter of National Security! Right?

I cannot ask her to come to Canterlot. I cannot make her leave those whom she has worked so hard to befriend. Nor can I leave my post. Accursed bureaucrats! Can they not run a nation without my guiding their every decision? But Celestia managed to hold the world together without me for a thousand years. Surely she could handle a century more? No, listen to yourself, Luna! You could never abandon your responsibilities after leaving Equestria and your sibling for so long. There are always days when the Night Court is out of session, and each month there is a New Moon when my services are less critical… No, still I.. No. It is not right. Responsibility, that is what I must adhere to, true? Nothing else. Or – no.

Celestia will never forgive me. I know what she said, I know what she proclaimed to the nation, to our friends, to the crowd, in letter after letter. Surely she couldn’t have meant it! This is her sister, after all! I’m a sister-stealer. That’s it, I’m a goner. It’s the moon for me. Maybe she’ll send us both… Ack! What am I saying? I was supposed to study friendship. She probably thinks I’m a dismal failure, because this is way, way beyond friendship. This is over the hills and far away from friendship, and there aren’t enough Friendship Reports in all Equestria to cover this. This is amazing, and wonderful, and so very, very not what Princess Celestia had in mind when she sent me to Ponyville. Why did she have to let me stay in Ponyville, knowing that’d be the first town to host Nightmare Night after Luna came back? Well, there’s still time. The moon’s up – looks kind of cozy. She could still exile me. Maybe. Hopefully.

Celestia has never lied to me. So why would she begin now? Her blessing, her approval, her encouragement – surely she could not have meant all those things she said. She must harbor some secret disapproval, some deep resentment. I have stolen her most favored pupil, her favorite student, her confidante and surrogate daughter. Will she banish me again for my treachery? Or will her repressed rage at my perfidy turn her heart cold and enrage her, bringing forth the cruel Tyrant Sun? Perhaps I’ve been reading too much into current popular fiction. In any event, there are too many risks to go through with this. There is still time to call this off. For the good of all ponies, I must abstain. I must!

Okay, why can’t I breathe? You’re hyperventilating, Sparkle! Keep it together! You’re becoming a nervous wreck. I can’t do this. It’s too… too… too everything. Someone’s asking me a question, I think, but I’m shaking so much I can’t hear them clearly. Do you really want to go through with this, Twilight? Do I really want to be Luna’s shaking, hyperventilating, nervous wreck?

My sister is speaking but I hear nothing. Have I gone deaf? All I can hear is my heartbeat. I have never heard my own heartbeat before! Why can I not focus? Why have my senses abandoned me? What has this mortal mare done to me? Is this your truest desire, Luna? Do I wish more than anything to be an unfocused, flustered Princess, deaf to all but my own heart?

“I do.”

“I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me as Princess of the Sun, I hereby pronounce you, Princess Luna, and you, Twilight Sparkle, to be Mare and Wife, to have and to hold, until the end of time. May you follow in the hoofsteps of joy and may your hearts know only Harmony!“

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #139: “Tomorrow Is Not Like Yesterday”. The day everything changed.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Another chapter I loved, and an early one at that. I had to resort to the bolt / italic trick to differentiate the internal monologues, but I liked the end effect.

"Side effects… unpleasant." is a line by Mordin from Mass Effect.

For the Twilestia collab I wrote a companion piece to this (which was itself an expansion of the final prompt I wrote for TMP) in which we hear Celestia's thoughts instead: wanting Twilight for herself, jealous and crushed that Luna ended up with Twilight, but performing the ceremony anyway.

Awkward

Uncomfortable quiet reigned supreme in the quaint sitting room of Twilight Velvet and Night Light, mercilessly enforcing its iron rule on the six uncomfortable ponies occupying its uncomfortable furniture. A heavy meal eaten in silence weighted on all present. The clink of a stirring spoon and cautious sips of dessert coffee were the only sounds which dared to challenge the rule of the oppressive calm, Shining Armor having given up on a feeble attempt to strike up a conversation about hoofball. Ponies eyed each other briefly and nervously when not otherwise fascinated by the decades-old carpet or fading wallpaper.

“So, Cadance,” chimed Velvet in her best tone of hesitating inquisition, “how are things in the, er, what is it now? The Crystal Empire?”

“Oh, it’s not really an Empire, Mrs. Velvet, that was just in the old times. Nowadays it’s more like… “ Cadance’s chipper outburst drew shocked glances and twinges of fear from present company, and she recoiled a bit to stare into her steaming drink. “Fine,” she whispered, “things are fine.”

Minutes passed as coffee grew cooler and a ticking clock dared to be heard.

Night Light cleared his throat and leaned in a bit toward his son. “Shining, my boy! Started with Captain of Celestia's Royal Guard and now you've got a whole Empire to yourself, eh? That's my Armor! Or should I call you Prince Armor?”

Glancing about the room, desperate for support or at least fortunate interruption, the stark-white stallion finally gave up on evading conversation. “Always just ‘Shiny’ to you, Dad.” He chuckled too loudly before realizing that nopony was joining him, and the chuckle died a lonely death. More subdued, he continued, “Well, I - technically my official title is Shining Armor, Prince Consort to Her Crystal Majesty Princess Cadance. Officially. Technically.”

Night Light leaned back on his hideously out of date corduroy plaid couch and barely stifled a ‘harumph’. “Great,” he muttered, “another one.” Turning to his stripe-maned wife, he whispered loud enough for the neighbors to hear, “You’d think that marrying two kids to Princesses would’ve added at least one King or Queen to the family. Maybe an Empress or something, but no, we got Consorts.”

The Princess Consort Twilight Sparkle crossed her hooves and glared across the room at her parents. “I heard that, Daddy!” The tone was low but it practically counted as a shout in the current air. “And I’ll have you know that Princess Consort isn’t my only title! I used to be -“

Luna’s indigo hoof found twilight’s mouth in record time. “I assure you, dear ponies, that Twilight’s title is a mere formality, and that her place in Canterlot’s court is a firm one. Oft does she abide with me in chambers as I hear appeals from across Equestria, her advice in all matters I heed with utmost…” The starry-maned alicorn’s speech trailed off as four ponies stared at her in something akin to social horror.

Cadance shook her head a bit and chimed in somewhat more meekly than she’d intended. “Shining is revered by all the crystal ponies! He’s a true hero to them, having stood hoof to hoof with Sombra in their defense. If it weren’t for him, the Empire would have fallen to darkness and all Equestria would suffer for it.”

Velvet sipped her lukewarm coffee gingerly. “So, as Nighty was saying - Consorts.”

Bending low to the sullen Twilight Sparkle, Luna murmured even lower, “Do all meetings with thy parents end with such interrogations, beloved? I confess I briefly thought them changelings, given their hostility, but dismissed the idea. Changelings feed on love and would surely starve here.”

Stillness gripped the household for agonizing minutes as stares bored from one pony into another. Shining leaned to his wife’s ear, whispering “Honey, can you do something here? Anything? I mean, it worked against Chrysalis, maybe...“

The pink alicorn sighed almost imperceptibly. “Sorry, sweetie, my powers only work on romantic love. For this - " she shrugged in utter defeat, "I’ve got nothing. We’re on our own.”

The young purple mare finally extricated a blue hoof from her dental work and pointed a hoof at her parents. “Oh, quit beating around the barn. I know exactly what you two want to ask. It’s killing you trying to restrain yourselves, waiting until the worst possible moment to spring the question. You probably would’ve done it earlier, but this is the first time that the four of us have been here with you, all married, all sitting here like bait for your trap. So go ahead! You may as well get it over with. Do your worst!”

Velvet daintily placed her empty cup on its lonely saucer as she exchanged a nodding glance with her husband.

“So, kids,” they chimed in unison, “when will we see some grandfoals?”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #175: “Family Ties”. Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor face their deadliest foes yet—their in-laws.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Here we finally see both Shining's official title: Shining Armor, Prince Consort to Her Crystal Majesty Princess Cadance. We also find out that Twilight's a Princess Consort, though her full title is only revealed in Rustic & Romantic: Her Royal Highness, the Princess Consort Twilight Sparkle. Also that Twilight never told her parents she was one Luna's Royal Concubine! I styled Twilight's title after Camilla Parker-Bowles.

Twilight probably hadn't told her parents that alicorns are sterile, either. This is actually a "fridge sadness" moment for Velvet and Night Light: Cadance was already an alicorn when she married Shiny, and Twilight married a mare (and would eventually become an alicorn herself), so natural-born foals are out of the question for both the Sparkle kids. They can of course adopt, and they likely will at some point, which covers the fandom idea that Princess Skyla (the huggable toy) is or will be Shining and Cadance's foal.

Absence

On a grassy knoll bathed in the warm breeze of a springtime night sat a regal blue alicorn. Countless twinkling stars were mirrored in her flowing mane as she lifted her eyes towards a full moon - her full moon. The intensity of its light shone starkly down on the ruler, undimmed in the cloudless midnight sky. Many nights she reveled in this, her one responsibility and greatest feat, yet tonight its unrelenting brightness left her feeling alone, isolated, and perhaps diminished, somehow smaller than her imposing royal stature would suggest.

She spoke aloud to no pony in particular, her words coming in slow and measured paces, as if the wind itself would carry her words aloft to their celestial destination. “Why have I come here? To lament, to regret? I suppose that is almost all I have left. You were my aide and comfort, my reason for existence. Indeed, without you I had no purpose on this glorious world. You were and are my greatest creation, and yet I never held you in my own hooves until I was forced to embrace you. Is that my destiny, then? That I can know joy only after I’ve harmed those I once held dear?”

Luna pointed an accusing hoof toward her Moon then stamped it to the ground, the dull boom echoing off the hillside like a peal of thunder, and it resounded in her voice, now mighty with anger and accusation as great indigo wings unfurled and she stood to her full and terrible height. “What were you when I needed you? A thousand winters I lay suffering, aching for warmth, begging the heavens for something, anything to hold me, to whisper even once ‘I forgive you’, and what did I receive for my contrition? Silence! All my begging, all my pleading, and you rewarded me with nothingness!”

Ringing echoes carried across the windswept hill. The Night Princess paused as they died away before she continued in harsh whispers, sitting once more in the cool grasses, her shoulders drooping a little. “And that is what I deserved. I begged forgiveness but I had not yet earned it. I pleaded for comfort but had done, could do, nothing to merit it. And so you, my creation, were to me what was necessary for you to be: cold, hard, and silent. At the end of my exile, I understood why: this was as much a punishment to you as it was for me. I was not myself, and the pony you imprisoned was overcome with rage and hate. Perhaps that is why you could be no comfort to me - even if you had, I would not have accepted it. To do so would have meant suppressing my bile and enmity, and those foul humors kept me sustained for the eon of my banishment.”

“I failed so many times under your gaze.” She slumped to the ground, wings tucked tightly around her and head held low, no longer able to face the harsh moonlight which threatened to interrogate her and lay bare her secrets. “I failed you before I was so rightly sent away, keeping secret the resentment that ate away at my soul and allowed the Nightmare to rule me. I should have looked to you as my rock, my clarity, and instead I looked away and inflicted horrors on those around me.” Her words now were barely audible, hidden behind unrestrained tears which wet muzzle and grass alike. “Did I raise you only to shine your light on my lies? Am I still a failure? Will you take me back?”

The weight of tears and time overtook her and she collapsed on her side, her great wails piercing the still night. A thousand and one years of regret seemed to pour out at once, her body shaking and heaving with repeated sobs. Over and over she whispered, “Please take me back… Please take me back…”, each repetition quieter and more pained than the last.

Minutes passed, perhaps hours, before she realized that her head lay not on the cool earth of the verdant hilltop but on something warm-furred, something solid yet whose steady heartbeat and hushed breathing brought her a gentle peace. Her tears slowed and she soon lay still, a lavender hoof gently stroking her tear-glistened and star-filled mane. Without looking up she gave a great, defeated, heaving sigh and said, “Why do I miss it, Twilight? Why do I miss a prison of featureless stone and seas of dust?”

Twilight Sparkle lay in the grass and continued stroking Luna’s mane with the same gentle motions she’d made again and again since hearing a familiar and troubled voice carried on the wind. She answered with care and quiet tenderness, “It was where you belonged, Luna. You dreamed the Moon, you sculpted it, you raised it, and when you needed it - some part of you, anyway - it was there for you. Everyone calls it a prison, because that’s the legend we inherited. For a thousand years, though, for you,” and she lay her arm around Luna and held her close, “it was home.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt #138: “The Reunion”. Princess Luna visits an old friend.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
This was another early TMP effort. Originally I sited it much earlier in the Luna's Librarian chronology, but I realized I needed more content after their wedding and this piece could fit in nicely at just about any point.

It's a telly piece, I admit. I didn't have many of these under my belt at the time and it shows.

Luna's lament that "I begged forgiveness but I had not yet earned it. I pleaded for comfort but had done, could do, nothing to merit it" bears some similarities to the Buddhist parable of Asanga and the Dog. Asanga sought enlightenment on the nature of loving-kindness and meditated in a cave for years and years to no end. It was only when he'd given up and left to go home that he saw a dying dog and helped it, upon which he received his revelation: he wanted to learn kindness but while he was cloistered in the cave, there was no one to whom he could be kind.

You Were There

Twilight lay sphinxlike on the balcony outside Luna’s quarters, a scattering of hoof-thick musty tomes sprawled before her. At the unicorn’s side Luna sat on her haunches, starting into a moonless and cloudless sky.

“Another one, shall we, Twilight?” said Luna, though her gaze never left the midnight sky. “Celestia, though her efforts be praised, had little diligence in maintaining the stars during my exile. Many thanks to you, Twilight, for assisting me in restoring my heavens to their pristine state.”

“You’re welcome! Okay, give me a second,” Twilight muttered, one ear twitching as she squinted to read a page of cramped hoofwritten notes by starlight alone. Her ears perked as she tapped the page. “How about Epsilon Scorpii? It’s supposed to be a class K1 III red star, at least according to the original text, but it’s been blue since I’ve been stargazing.”

Luna smiled and lifted an eyebrow toward the little mare. “You mean, since you were born? I always assumed you had been a devoted stargazer from the moment you first drew breath.” Her horn flared dimly and briefly as a tiny speck near the horizon shifted almost imperceptibly from faded blue to barely pinkish. “Done! How have we fared?”

“That’s a dozen more we’ve corrected,” Twilight managed before stifling a yawn, “and I’m about done for the night.” Closing the book in her hooves, she returned the smile. “And I plead guilty, too. You’re right, I was fascinated by astronomy and the stars in general as far back as I can remember.”

Pausing for a long moment, the alicorn sighed deeply. “Your recall of ancient astronomy is gratifying, Twilight. Do you remember your ancient mythology as well? The tales of gods and goddesses?”

The smaller pony’s brow furrowed and she cocked her head as she looked up at the Moon Princess. “A little, I think. Probably not as much as I should, I suppose. I was always more interested in magic and the heavens than in old myths, really.”

“Ironic, in truth, for you yourself played a part in one of the grandest events of modern mythology,” she said. “Shall I tell you of your part in history, Little Spark?”

“Me? I don’t remember – “

Turning to face Twilight directly, Luna crouched and spoke in hushed tones. “Tell me, Twilight, of what sort were the old gods? What manner of beings were they said to be?”

Twilight’s heart pounded a little and she closed her eyes in concentration. “Well, there were … First, there were the primal forces which were conceived of as deities by the earliest ponies. Order and chaos, creation and destruction, that sort of thing.”

“Go on.”

“And then there were the more tangible forces, representing the physical world. Ponies worshiped goddesses and gods of storms, and the ocean, and the harvest – things they could touch and see.” Looking up, wide-eyed, she gasped, “And the moon!”

Grinning, Luna nodded. “Perceptive as usual, Twilight! Ponies did indeed worship the moon as a goddess, long millennia ago, and they worshiped me as its manifestation and its avatar. Yet I am here and there are no storm-gods walking Equestria, so something differed between those elder forces and myself.”

“You’re a pony,” Twilight blurted, over-loud, “like us. Okay, not like us entirely, but… I…” Her ears drooped low and she stared down at the mosaic floor. “I’m sorry, Luna, I didn’t mean it like that, I -”

Luna chuckled and lifted the librarian’s chin with a hoof. “You are not incorrect, love, and I am not offended. I am more like unto the ponies of Equestria than they realize. I sleep and eat and love and breathe and bleed just as they all do.” She leaned in close and whispered, “But then, what of Nightmare? She was made of shadow-stuff and dark dreams. What was she, this creature that possessed me?”

“She was,” Twilight started, then swallowed the words and retreated a bit. Her eyes darted back and forth as if scanning the text on some invisible page. Locking her eyes on Luna’s, she said, “A goddess?”

Luna wrinkled her muzzle and glanced away, a thick band of stars reflecting in her eyes. “Yes, Twilight. Nightmare was one of the old deities. Ponies knew her, feared her, and cursed her every time they woke.” She snapped her head back to face Twilight with a suddenness that sent the little mare recoiling and hissed, “And what becomes of these worldly gods when ponies lose their faith and explain away their powers? What happens when ponies forget their very existence?”

Twilight’s heart beat heavy in her throat at the sharpness of the question. She let second after echoing second tick by before whispering, “The old myths say that a goddess without worshipers will… will fade away. If they’re forgotten, they just…” She gulped and shrank backwards, “…die.”

Luna rose back onto her haunches and stared down at the trembling pony. “Twilight, what did the prophecies say about Nightmare Moon?”

Clearing her throat, Twilight lifted her head and spoke clearly, “That much I remember. The prophecies said, ‘the stars will aid in her escape’.” Silence filled the balcony before Twilight’s eyes grew wide and her pupils shrank. Shaking her head, she choked, “No! I…”

Luna sighed and nodded. “Yes, Twilight, you. Nightmare thought her vile actions a millennium ago would seal her place in Equestrian legend forever, but ponies have a remarkable capacity to suppress their worst memories. Nopony in all Equestria recognized Nightmare Moon upon her return. Nopony, that is, except you.”

Twilight stammered, “You mean… If I hadn’t recognized Nightmare Moon that day in Ponyville at the Summer Sun Celebration, if I hadn’t remembered her, then…?”

“Precisely. She would have faded from Equestria on her own, forgotten and all but powerless, regarded as little more than a showmare or conjurer of illusions. But because you recognized her, and because you spread word of her return to others, you gave her power enough to return not as a shadow of her former self, but in her full and terrible glory.” Laying a hoof on Twilight’s shaking shoulder, she said, “Yours, Twilight, were the stars that aided in Nightmare’s escape.”

“Luna!” Twilight rasped, shivering, “That… that’s not possible! That can’t be right! You mean, I - I was the one responsible for almost plunging Equestria in eternal night?”

Luna lay a great indigo wing across the quaking pony beside her. “And for saving it as well, love. You and your stars aided in my escape as well! And had Nightmare returned as but a shadow, and not at the height of her power, you would not have needed the Elements to defeat her. And had you not had cause to rediscover the Elements, we would thereby have been powerless against Discord.” Pulling her closer, she lay her head atop Twilight’s and said softly, “You are the mare of destiny and legend, Twilight. A pony of prophecy in your own right, moreso than you know.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 253. The prompt: ‘Ancient prophecies can be really, really stupid sometimes.’

Epsilon Scorpii is the home of the Mycon from Star Control 2, and of course a real star as well. Any time I name a star in one of my stories, chances are it's from Star Control 2.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Laid on the mythology a little heavy in this one, but it's something I wanted to get into the story. Prophecy can have multiple meanings. 'The stars will aid in her escape' is all well and good, but it never specified which 'her' was escaping: Luna from the madness of Nightmare, Celestia from Nightmare's kidnapping, or Nightmare from her imprisonment? All three, it turns out.

Incidentally, my headcanon says Celestia wasn't overpowered or captured during the Summer Sun Celebration. Either she hid from Nightmare or willingly let Nightmare capture her; without the Elements Celestia still could've beaten Nightmare but only by killing her outright, which would've taken Luna with her. Instead she gambled a million-to-one shot that Twilight could unlock the Elements and use them to free Luna, which she did, and which gave Celestia the confidence to gamble her future and Equestria's on Twilight more than once in years to come.

Between Sun and Moon

Once upon a time there was a little pony who had no one to play with. She was very lonely, so she went to her window and saw something glowing overhead.

“What is your name?” said the little pony.

“I am called Sun,” it said, “and I am very happy to see you!”

“Sun,” she said, “will you play with me?”

“Of course I will play with you!” said the Sun. “I have many friends among the animals and birds and flowers and trees. They would like to play with you too. Come, meet me when I am high overhead, and we will all play together.”

So the little pony waited until the Sun was high overhead and went outside to play. But the Sun was very bright and very hot. The bright light hurt the little pony’s eyes and the heat made her very uncomfortable.

“I am sorry, Sun,” she said, “but I cannot play with you.”

The pony became very sad and went back inside.

Later she went back to her window. The Sun was gone but there was something new in its place.

“What is your name?” said the little pony.

“I am called Moon,” it said, “and I am so glad to see you!”

“Moon,” she said, “will you play with me?”

“Of course I will play with you!” said the Moon. “I have many friends among the stars. They would like to play with you too. Come, meet me when I am high overhead, and we will all play together.”

So the little pony waited until the Moon was high overhead and went outside to play. The little pony and the Moon and the stars played hide and seek and chase-your-tail and peek-a-boo.

The next night the little pony went outside to play again. The Moon was there but it looked a little smaller. Still they played and laughed and had great fun.

But each night the Moon grew smaller and smaller. One night the Moon disappeared and the little pony was very sad. She thought the Moon did not like her any more.

A few nights later the Moon came back. It was very small but it was there! The little pony ran outside and jumped for joy.

“Moon,” she said, “I thought you were gone. Do you still like me?”

“Yes!” said the Moon. “I like you very much. I get smaller and smaller sometimes. Then I have to go away for a few days – just like you have to sleep each night. But then I get bigger and bigger. When I am here, I will always play with you.”

The little pony was very happy to have her friend Moon back. But she was also a little bit worried. She could not play with the Sun, and her friend Moon sometimes had to go away.

“Moon,” she said, “I get very lonely when you go away. I wish I could play with you and with Sun.”

The Moon thought and thought and said, “There is another friend of ours you should meet. Come outside when Sun and I are both low in the sky and we will introduce you.”

So the little pony waited until the Sun and Moon were both low in the sky and went outside. Sun and Moon were there, and there was something new too! The sky was painted with beautiful colors. The land and the clouds were all glowing.

“Little pony,” said Moon and Sun, “this is our friend. Her name is Twilight.”

The little pony was very happy! The light was bright and she saw everything clearly. But it did not hurt her eyes like the Sun. The stars and their friends were there too. But even when Moon had to go away and rest, Twilight was still there waiting for her.

“Twilight,” said the little pony, “will you play with me?”

“Of course I will play with you!” said Twilight. “I will always be here for you. I love you, my little pony, and I will never leave you.”

The little pony had never been so happy! And she was never lonely again.

~~~~~

“She is beautiful when she sleeps, Tia,” murmured Luna as she gently stroked a pink-striped lavender mane, “perhaps even moreso than when awake.”

From a half-open doorway a grinning Celestia whispered, “Isn’t Twilight a little old for bedtime stories, Luna? Is that why you tell her this same story every night, but only after she’s already asleep?”

“The story is not for her,” Luna said as she nodded and smiled softly, “the story is for me.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 243. The Prompt: Somepony tells a bedtime story.

Written for her.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
First time I'd ever tried anything remotely like a children's story.

This didn't really fit as it stood, but I wanted it in the collection so badly and didn't have the heart to change it. So Luna, this one's for you: much like she does for the little pony, Twilight loves you, and she will never leave you.

Also I think Luna sees here a little hope that at some future point, maybe things will calm down enough that she and Twilight could consider adoption. While battling the monster of the week is still a consideration then adoption is off the table, but the hope remains.

Postcards from the Edge

My Dearest Luna,

I know we spoke just a few hours ago but I wanted to leave you this letter anyway. Since the night you and I became involved, we’ve never been apart this long. Three months may not seem like much but even here, in an Equestrian Express sleeper car only a few minutes out of Ponyville, it already feels like an eternity. You and Celestia arranged this trip just for me, and I can’t turn down an opportunity to study non-Pony magic. I know you wouldn’t want me to, even though I’ll be out of contact for almost the entire time. The Shining Hinterlands of the Deer Dominion and the nomads of Saddle Arabia don’t have regular mail service with Equestria so I don’t know when I can get a message to you. I’ll try.

When we’ve been separated before, we always had Spike to send messages anytime we wanted. I still owe the little guy a tub of sapphire-dusted ice cream for our little “Night of A Thousand Texts.” The girls will check on him all day every day, I know, but I do wish I could have brought him on this trip. Celestia said she’ll bring him to Canterlot at least once while I’m gone - don’t let her forget!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for last night! Not that you aren’t the first thing on my mind anyway, but that - honestly, “memorable” just doesn’t do it justice. There we were, perched on the only cloud for miles, floating higher than Mount Everfree, just the two of us under the brightest moon and most brilliant stars I’ve ever seen. If I hadn’t been lying in your hooves, I couldn’t have told with certainty where the sky ended and where you began. And what came after was… sublime. You once told me the stars have eyes; I hope they don’t have ears too, otherwise I might have deafened them a little, and probably half of Ponyville too.

I’m going to teleport this last letter back to Spike, so I need to wrap it up before the train gets too far from Ponyville. Every time I see a moonrise, I’ll know you’re watching over me. I’ll be back as soon as I can, and definitely in time for Nightmare Night. I love you, Luna.

Your Little Spark forever,

Twilight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHIPPED TO:
LUNA, PRINCESS
NIGHT COURT, CANTERLOT CASTLE

BILLED TO:
DASH, R. care of PIE, P. D.
SUGARCUBE CORNER, PONYVILLE

PACKING LIST SUMMARY, ORDER # 20111022

QUANTITY - ITEM# - DESCRIPTION - PRICE
1 - 4LEGLVR/U/M/PR - INFLATABLE LOVE PONY / UNICORN / MARE / PURPLE - $20EB

BUYER’S PURCHASE ORDER NUMBER:
IN_CASE_YOU_MISS_YOUR_LITTLE_SPARKY

BUYER’S REFERENCE NUMBER:
BEST_REGARDS_FROM_PONYVILLE_HA_HA_HA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ATTN: NIGHT MOTHER
FROM: CINC NGF HINTERLAND SECTOR
OPERATION: DUSK ENDEAVOR

Situation report: NGF deployed along primary and alternate rail routes. Subject TS arrived Shining Hinterlands without incident. TS met with Deer representatives, escorted by Deer honor guard to capital. Local threat level is SNOWMAN. TS to commence research at outlying archaeological site 2.2 miles due W of Deer capital, time to completion 20-25 days. NGF cover holding, mission remains ROE White / Weapons Hold. Will continue to monitor TS remotely and escort as necessary. As per your orders, additional NGF squads in Hinterland Sector placed on standby for immediate extraction of TS should recall order be received.

NGF deployed in advance to Arabian sector. Initial scouting reports open terrain and limited cover. Stealth escort probability is low. Local government control over surrounding territory not complete; TS security cannot be guaranteed. Preliminary threat assessment is LOOKOUT. CINC NGF Arabia Sector requests permission to escort TS openly. Request permission for Arabia Sector NGF to advance status to Weapons Free. Please advise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ATTN: NIGHT MOTHER
FROM: CINC NGF ARABIA SECTOR
OPERATION: DUSK ENDEAVOUR

Orders received and confirmed. Primary NGF will hold at Saddle Arabia border and remain on standby for immediate extraction of TS should recall order be received. Per your orders, no open escort of TS required within Arabian borders. Will attempt to covert escort where possible and maintain long range recon. Subject TS has been advised of situation covertly. Subject TS capable of substantial active self defense.

NIGHT MOTHER - can we “borrow” TS when she comes back? If NGF is going to train against magic, then we should be training against the best, and TS is damn sure it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Sister,

I hope this letter finds you well during your stay in Ponyville. It was very thoughtful of you to visit Spike and the Library while Twilight is away, and I know her friends will appreciate the opportunity to visit with you.

Your night skies have been especially lovely these last few months, Luna. I’m sure she knows how eagerly you’re awaiting her return, but the artistry you’ve put on display in building your heavens recently is quite the beautiful reminder. As you know, the Saddle Arabian deserts are cloudless this time of year - given Twilight’s penchant for astronomy, I feel certain she’s spent many a sleepless night just counting your stars.

Who knew my little Lulu would be such a romantic?

Yours,

Tia

P.S. Enclosed is a copy of the Illustrated Kamare Sutra. Thought you might like a little light reading while you’re away. Twilight’s birthday is next month, you know.

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 188. The Prompt: Dear Princess Luna...

Shining Hinterlands is a Homeworld reference.

"Order # 20111022" is October 22, 2011, the date Luna Eclipsed first aired.

The unofficial sequel to this chapter was posted in Dark Paradise, the TwiLuna Group Prompt Collab. See it HERE.

Night Guard lingo:
CINC - Commander in Chief
NGF - Night Guard Forces
R.O.E. - Rules of Engagement.
R.O.E. RED would mean enemy attack imminent or in progress; WHITE would be standard for peacetime.
WEAPONS FREE would give permission to fire at will at all targets not identified as friendly. WEAPONS HOLD means "do not fire unless fired upon".
Alert condition LOOKOUT = attack expected or likely; SNOWMAN = area believed to be safe.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Fun little assemblage! I enjoyed this one, and it had several sequel hooks and callbacks.
- Part number "4LEGLVR" stands for "4-Legged Lover". I presume there's a 2LEGLVR for Minotaur types.
- I never came back to show Luna's return prank on Pinkie and Dash. Imaginative, I'd guess, though given what happened in the sequel, she may have forgotten completely.
- There's that copy of the Kamare Sutra again! I wonder if Celestia really did get the joke letter Luna wrote in "That Letter"?
- The chapter title is borrowed from Carrie Fisher's autobiographical novel.

Traveling

Author's Note: I recommend re-reading the previous chapter "Postcards from the Edge" before getting too deep into this one.

Miss Sparkle,

Attached please find the excerpts you requested from the mission logs of your abortive archeological expedition to Saddle Arabia. As these are the Night Guard forces’ CrystalCom transmission records, the expedition itself is referred to herein as “Operation Dusk Endeavour.” I must remind you that the following excerpts are classified material and that they are not to be distributed. You have been granted access to them by special permission of Princess Luna, or “Night Mother” as her callsign indicates.

Sincerely,
Musty Tome
Archivist, History/Military/Political materials
Royal Canterlot Library

[BEGIN EXCERPT]

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

SAY AGAIN, COMMANDER. LAST TRANSMISSION UNCLEAR. RESTATE MISSION STATUS.

FROM: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

TS IS DOWN, REPEAT, TS IS DOWN. SOME KIND OF ANTI-MAGIC EXPLOSION. TS’S ARABIAN ESCORT UNDER ATTACK. MULTIPLE HOSTILES POURING OUT OF THE RUINS AND SURROUNDING TERRAIN. STANDBY FOR SITREP.

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

ASSESS AND REPORT IMMEDIATELY, COMMANDER. ARE SADDLE ARABIAN FORCES ABLE TO MAINTAIN LOCAL CONTROL?

FROM: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

NEGATIVE. LOCAL FORCES TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE. THEY’RE REGROUPING AND ATTEMPTING TO HOLD POSITION BUT ARE OUTNUMBERED BADLY. ESTIMATE COMPLETE COLLAPSE OF SADDLE ARABIAN ESCORT FORCES IMMINENT.

WE FAILED, NIGHT MOTHER. NEVER SAW IT COMING.

REQUEST PERMISSION TO BREAK COVER AND ENGAGE.

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

APOLOGIZE LATER, COMMANDER.

PERMISSION GRANTED. ENGAGE HOSTILES AT WILL.

NEW MISSION PRIORITY IS RECOVERY OF TS. ALL OTHER CONSIDERATIONS SECONDARY.

FROM: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: @DUSK ENDEAVOUR; NIGHT MOTHER

ALL UNITS, ALERT CONDITION DYNAMITE. WE ARE R.O.E. RED, WEAPONS FREE. RECOVER AND PROTECT TS AT ALL COSTS. ENGAGE, ENGAGE, ENGAGE.

[REDACTED]

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

COMMANDER, REPORT MISSION STATUS.

[REDACTED]

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

REPEAT. COMMANDER, REPORT MISSION STATUS. HAVE YOU RECOVERED TS? CAN YOU DISENGAGE AND FALL BACK?

FROM: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

NEGATIVE, NIGHT MOTHER. TS RECOVERED BUT STILL UNCONSCIOUS. HOSTILES JUST KEEP COMING. HAVE ASSUMED DEFENSIVE POSITION IN THE RUINS BUT WE CANNOT HOLD.

NIGHT GUARD FORCES AT FIFTY PERCENT AND FALLING. AIR ASSETS DEPLETED. REQUEST FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

HOLD THY POSITION. REINFORCEMENTS INBOUND, ETA NINE MINUTES.

FROM: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

SAY AGAIN - NINE MINUTES? REPEAT, NEAREST KNOWN ADDL EQUESTRIAN FORCES EST 12 HRS OUT PER CINC NGF ARABIA SECTOR. UNABLE TO AWAIT REINFORCEMENTS. WHAT FORCES ARE YOU SENDING?

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: CMDR HEAVY GORGET, FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

HOLD THE LINE. RELIEF FORCE INBOUND, ETA SIX MINUTES.

FROM: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

CMDR GORGET AND OTHER OFFICERS ARE ALL KIA. TS STILL UNCONSCIOUS. WE’RE OUT OF TIME. I’M SORRY, PRINCESS.

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

STAND FAST. RELIEF FORCE INBOUND, ETA THREE MINUTES.

FROM: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RELIEF FORCE? WE’RE ALONE OUT HERE! LAST THING WE NEED IS A BLUE ON BLUE INCIDENT. WHAT REINFORCEMENTS ARE YOU SENDING?

FROM: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

PRINCESS, WHO’S ON THE WAY? THERE’S ONLY FIVE OF US LEFT AND WE’RE BLASTING ANYTHING COMING THROUGH THE DOOR. WE CAN’T AFFORD FRIENDLY FIRE. FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, WHO ARE WE WAITING FOR? WHO’S COMING??

FROM: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR
TO: NIGHT MOTHER

REPEAT, NIGHT MOTHER, WHO IN ALL FLAMING TARTARUS IS INBOUND?!?

FROM: NIGHT MOTHER
TO: SGT FALLINGWATER, ACTING FCOM/OP DUSK ENDEAVOUR

I AM.

Author's Note

This originally appeared in Dark Paradise, the TwiLuna group's prompt collab. As you can see, Twilight's expedition to Saddle Arabia didn't go quite as planned.

"Hold the line" is a Mass Effect shoutout.

Sergeant Fallingwater is a reference to the Frank Lloyd Wright building.

The {REDACTED} portions would've shown the battle scenes, which I never wrote.

Abbreviations (not 100% militarily accurate, I know):
BLUE ON BLUE - Friendly Fire
CINC - Commander in Chief
FCOM - Field Commander
KIA - Killed In Action
NGF - Night Guard Forces
R.O.E. - Rules of Engagement.
SITREP - Situation Report

"R.O.E. RED, WEAPONS FREE" would mean a change in rules of engagement, enemy attack imminent or in progress, permission granted to fire at will at all targets not identified as friendly. "ALERT CONDITION DYNAMITE" is essentially the same thing as RED, except on a local level vs. theatre-wide.

TS, of course, is Luna's precious little Spark.

Insert Princess T into Slot S

The night stars and full moon shone brightly through the open windows of Canterlot Palace’s Great Hall where four crowned ponies sat around a great circular stone table. Princess Celestia sat regal and imperious, her gaze cold and piercing as it darted between the three Princesses opposite her. “It seems,” she said slowly and deliberately, “we have a dilemma on our hooves.”

“Indeed,” nodded Luna. “a veritable quandary.”

Cadance ran a hoof through her mane. “Quite a pickle.”

“A problem,” Twilight smiled. “A vexation. A predicament, an impasse, a situation, a -“

“We get it,” the other three answered.

“The reality is this,” Celestia said, leaning forward on her hooves. “Twilight can’t keep wandering aimlessly around the palace with nothing to do. We got around the problem at her coronation by announcing her as 'Equestria’s newest Princess', but we never said precisely what she was Princess of.”

Twilight hopped and bounced in place, beaming and grinning. “I know! I know! I can be Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic!”

Celestia sighed and smiled. “No, my faithful st… er, Princess. Too corny.”

Twilight twisted her head and furrowed her brow. “Too… Too Alicorn-y?”

“Too Unicorn-y,” she responded. “Can’t have you being Princess of just a third of Equestria. And before you answer, yes, all ponies have magic, but good luck getting Pegasi and Earth Ponies to remember that.”

Sinking back onto her haunches, Twilight sat silent for long seconds before her eyes widened and she stood up, head held high and one hoof to her chest. “Then I can be Princess of Friendship!”

Cadance’s eyes narrowed and she glared pastel holes in the newest Princess at the table. “Get your hooves off it, Ladybug!” Twilight stepped back and opened her mouth to protest when Cadance cut her off. “Friendship’s too close to Love, and I can’t have you poaching titles and responsibilities from me. My Royal portfolio’s tight enough as it is.”

Luna leaned close to Twilight, whispering behind a raised hoof. “I have seen thy brother, her husband. Methinks her portfolio may be all about her that remains tight.”

Cadance glared across the table. “I heard that!”

Muzzle twitching, Twilight looked around the room. “Princess of Books?”

“No,” said Cadance.

“Research?”

“No,” said Celestia.

“Learning?”

“No,” said Luna.

Twilight paused. “Princess of Ponyville?”

“No!” shouted the other three.

Celestia rubbed her chin for a moment. “Perhaps Twilight could borrow a heavenly body, Luna." Cadance snorted and snickered until Celestia cut a withering glare at her. "As I was saying, could Twilight share in our sacred duties?”

Luna tapped a hoof to her chin for a moment. “A fine plan, Sister! I believe the Solar Orb would be a most fitting reward for her Royal service.”

"The sun?” Celestia raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible, or even appropriate.”

Smiling a toothy grin, Luna leaned in, hooves on the table. “Whysoever not, dear Sister? Surely there exists enough of thy sun to share with young Sparkle. After all, thy sun is vast and blotteth out the sky, much like the very selfsame sun adorning thy posterior.”

Celestia glared at the younger alicorn. “Funny, Lulu. And no, there’s no splitting up the Sun. I couldn’t share it if I wanted to. Princess Cadenza?”

“Don’t look at me,” Cadance protested, hooves raised. “The skies belong to you two. The only heavenly body I raise is Shining Armor’s - “

“LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!” shouted Twilight, hooves held to her ears.

Luna sat back, sighed heavily, and groaned, “Oh, fine. Twilight, thou mayest have…” She looked through open doors leading onto a sweeping balcony, eyes scanning the midnight sky. Finally she raised a hoof and pointed. “There. That one.”

“The moon? You’re giving me the moon?” Twilight’s eyes grew wide and watery as she trembled. “I - I can’t believe it! Thank you! Thank you, oh, Luna, I - “

Luna recoiled. “The moon? Dear heavens, no! Thou mayest have the star.”

“The.. The stars?” Twilight spluttered.

Luna rolled her eyes. “No, Little Spark. Just that one star. Epsilon Indi B, I believe. The tiny brown winky one, there below the Moon.”

“Ah, I see," Twilight grumbled. "Solving Starswirl’s final spell made me Princess of All Things Tiny, Brown, and Winky. No wonder he died friendless and batpoop crazy.” Rubbing her temple with a hoof, Twilight looked around. “Well, what, then? Princess of Change? Twilight is the time between Day and Night, the time of transitions and new beginnings. Change makes sense, if you think about it.”

Celestia exhaled overloudly as her ears fell flat. “Sorry, Queen Chrysalis has that one locked up.”

“But she’s a bug!” Twilight whined.

“And holey,” Cadance added.

“And greenish,” Luna offered.

“Exactly!” Celestia said, her ears perking up as she smiled beatifically. “Chrysalis may have been a holey traitorous greenish chitin-flanked bug-queen, but she’s still worshipped - well, venerated, hated, and feared, really - as the Dark Goddess of Change. Really, Twilight, Equestria’s had the same borders, equine sub-races, and political system for ten thousand years. When have you ever known ponies to willingly and happily embrace change?”

Twilight banged her head on the table, the repeated clangs from her star-jeweled crown echoing through the Great Hall. “Fine,” she growled, “just pick something.”

Three days later a Royal Herald blew his trumpet and announced grandly, “Dusk Court is now in session! All hail the presence of Her Majesty, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” As the sun set behind Canterlot Mountain, he turned to a little unicorn filly waiting in the entryway, her beaming parents waving enthusiastically nearby. “Petitioner, you may approach the Amethyst Throne.”

Twilight smiled as the diminutive pony cantered forward, cradling a wiggling russet puppy in her flickering magic. “P… Princess T… Twilight?” the filly stammered, “Will you bless my new puppy dog? I even named him in your honor, ma’am!” She grinned and held the tiny critter aloft. “I’m going to call him Little Winky.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 300. The Prompt: Dilemma.

And I even got a FiMFiction Gold Membership! Oh, and a bonus line for you:

Twilight's eye twitched a little as she muttered, "I hate April Foal's Day."

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Yes, Epsilon Indi B really is a brown dwarf system. I can only assume the other stars call it "Little Brown Winky."

"Then I can be Princess of Friendship!” - did I foreshadow her official title, or what? Technically Friendship is Magic, so she's also Princess of Magic, which is what the Equestrian population sees her as anyway, to her consternation and to the other alicorns' amusement.

I borrowed from old-school (2nd Edition era) AD&D the idea that goddesses have "portfolios" of powers and responsibilities which can be delegated or usurped.

Ups and Downs

Luna lied. It had been scarcely two weeks ago, and it was the sort of tiny white lie which seemed inconsequential at the time, but there it was. Truth was starting her in the face, illuminated in her very own moonlight, and there was little use denying it.

Twilight Sparkle did not, in fact, as Luna had so loudly and recently claimed, have the finest flank she’d seen in generations. Though now that it was pointed in her general direction, Luna decided it may have been a partial truth after all. Perhaps it was the finest flank she’d laid eyes on in the last thousand years, given that the moon had not been particularly teeming with eligible ponies, or it may instead have been the most stunning ex-librarian rump in recent history. What it most certainly was, however, was wriggling free of a shoulder-deep mound of dirt and weeds.

“Twilight Sparkle, thy landings are most unconventional,” she chuckled, “though charming in their own way, depending on one’s… point of view.”

“Thersh isnerht herppn, Lerrna!” Twilight mumbled, shaking her head and spitting out a mouthful of pebbles and grass before repeating, “This isn’t helping, Luna!”

“Oh, it hath it helped most greatly,” Luna grinned, “for my mood hath lightened considerably since the Night Court’s early adjournment. Twilight, thou wouldst not believe how many bureaucrats have petitioned for a public revealing of the so-called ‘alicorn spell’.”

Twilight glared at the smirking Moon Princess. “Remind me again why we aren’t conducting flight training in the daytime where I could, oh, maybe, see what I’m – “

“See what thou art crashing into? Learn in the night, Twilight, and thy daylight flights shall be all the more skillful.” Luna’s toothy grin withdrew into a smile as she fluttered her own indigo wings. “Also, it would not do to have the general populace observe their newly crowned Evening Alicorn and Princess of Magic carving apart the Canterlot landscape using naught but her head.”

“Thy training fell to me for more practical reasons, of course,” Luna continued as Twilight’s lips curled into a tiny, quivering snarl. “For Celestia’s wings are far different than ours – great spreading wings they are, griffon-like, and ideally suited for soaring on daytime thermals. Cadance, of course, must needs return to her duties in the Crystal Empire, and she has never been the most apt of fliers.”

Walking to the smaller alicorn’s side, Luna brushed a cloud of dust and earth off Twilight’s ruffled lavender wings. Flexing her own wings wide, she sat back and said, “Thy wings are like unto mine own, Twilight. They are compact and powerful, suited for speed and maneuverability. I suspect that in time you will supplement your flight abilities as I do – with magic.”

Twilight’s head snapped up, eyes wide, and she inhaled sharply. “Magic? You mean, all this time what you’ve been showing me isn’t natural flight? What spells are you using? I didn’t sense any enchantment residue, and I - “

Luna held a hoof to Twilight’s muzzle and shook her head. “Calm yourself, Twilight. I have shown you only that which mine own wings grant, no more. Verily, 'tis most important that you first learn unaided flight before you begin enchanting your each and every feather.” Leaning close, she narrowed her eyes and dropped her voice to ask, “Surely thou art not considering a spell to leave a trail of purple sparks in thy wake?”

Recoiling a muzzle’s length, Twilight stammered, “N… No, of course not! That’d be silly.” She turned away from the other alicorn’s piercing gaze for a few long seconds, then glanced back and said, “They’d have been lilac, not purple.”

“Indeed!” chuckled Luna as she stretched first her forelegs, then her rear legs, as if she were a winged and starry-maned cat. “I will teach you flight magics as your lessons progress. Speed, maneuver, endurance, elemental resilience - all may be enhanced to the benefit of the flier.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow and wrinkled her muzzle. “I’ve never heard of magic like that. If those spells are so straightforward, why doesn’t every pegasus ask a friendly unicorn to cast them? Come to think of it, why aren’t the Wonderbolts practically glowing?”

Cracking her neck, Luna stared up into her midnight heavens. “Thou hast never heard of such because they are the sole purview of alicorns. The natural magic of pegasi interferes with such enchantments, as does that of earth ponies and unicorns. We, as you may have guessed, are not bound by such mortal restrictions.”

Twilight sidled closer to Luna, staring intently at the midnight-blue wings as she murmured, “So do you use the flight spells constantly?”

“Nay. Sorceries of flight are difficult to maintain. They are best used in situations of dire flight or desperate fight,” Luna said. Clearing her throat and keeping her gaze skyward, she added, “Or when making unannounced long-distance flights to visit one’s mistress.”

Moonlight failed to hide the younger alicorn’s sudden blush. “Do you make these ‘unannounced flights’ often?”

“Nay, not since thy coronation,” Luna smiled. “The flight to thy suite in Canterlot Castle is but a short one." Glancing down, she winked and added, "And 'tis possible my wife may disapprove.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 270. The Prompt: Twilight Sparkle’s flying lessons.

I don't generally write Luna's dialogue in quite this faux-"Ye Old English"-ish style. Fun experiment, though.

Twilight’s “Thersh isnerht herppn, Lerrna!” is not a play on ‘ermahgerd’, I promise.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
Mangled the heck out of that Luna dialogue, didn't I? Oh, well, I'll chalk it up to Luna still learning her way around modern Equuish. I wanted to show a flying lesson but showing the aftermath worked better in the end. Canonically Twilight's still not a great flyer, though as with everything, she's learning. Much like Luna learning modern idioms with Twilight's help, having Luna as a tutor may not be the best idea for Twilight: Luna likes having Twilight rely on her, so she may not be too eager to get the flying lessons completed and over with too quickly.

One of the TMP commentators thought Luna sounded jealous when describing Celestia's wings. I didn't intend that, but it works either way.

Amethyst Throne

“Mercy, oh Princess Twilight, mercy!” Rarity wailed, dragging herself across the mosaic floor of the Evening Court. “We beseech you, you whose beauty defies all description, you whose brilliance shines forth from beneath the heavy crown you so magnanimously wear on our behalf!” She collapsed to her side, chest heaving, and held a snow-white hoof to her brow. “Though I dare not look upon your radiance, I beg you to hear the supplications of your humble servants! Our poor village suffers without your guidance and your benevolent presence.” Great tears spilled down her muzzle as she collapsed to the unforgiving floor and keened, “Please, Princess, but look upon our unworthy hamlet once more, and our hearts shall be forever lifted!”

Luna leaned close to the sighing Princess occupying the Amethyst Throne and whispered overloudly, “Methinks these supplicants are – what is the modern phrase? Ah, yes, ‘laying it on a bit thick’, I believe. ‘Tis to be expected whenever a new ruler ascends the throne.”

Applejack stepped forward, hat in hooves, her eyes downcast, and bent low. “Beggin’ your pardon an’ forgiveness an’ all that, Twi. Uh, I mean, Princess Twilight. We ain’t seen hide nor hair o’ your Royal self for right ‘bout half a year now.” She ran an orange hoof through her mane and continued, “It don’t seem right that our esteemed monarch ain’t toured her realm nor set a darn hoof outside this here castle the whole time. It, uh, probably ain’t my place to say so, an’ I’m hopin’ y’all don’t smite my farm or nothin’, but we’d be mighty appreciative of a Royal visit every now an’ then. Ma’am.”

The purple Alicorn shook her head as Luna hummed nearby and muttered, “Do not take it personally, Twilight. The entire Night Guard battalion queued up to accost me on my absence upon my return.”

Launching herself into the air in a flutter of azure wings, Rainbow crossed her hooves and scowled.“What gives, Miss High and Mighty? Cadance had to rebuild the entire Crystal Kingdom after the fight with King Sombra, and she’d toured her whole Empire within a week of getting crowned! This is definitely not awesome, Empress Egghead.”

Something yellow and cowering squeaked behind her. “Um, to be fair, Rainbow, the entire Crystal Empire is half the size of New Hoofshire.” Fluttershy’s eyes grew wide and she shrank behind her mane. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend the Crystal Ponies. Or New Hoofshire. Eep!”

“Too bad! Just because she,” Dash snarled, pointing a hoof at the cringing Twilight, “has to sit on the Royal Throne for a few months doesn’t mean she can just ditch her pals. I mean, look at Pinkie!”

Below, the pink pony sat on her haunches, mane flat and dull, and held up a hoofwritten sign reading “I has a sad nao.”

Dash waved her hoof and wrinkled her muzzle. “You bail on one little Alicorn Party, and look what happens. See, Your Majesty? Ignoring your friends is completely uncool.” Looking furtively side to side, she whispered, “Or your friends’ requests for magical Alicorn-powered speed-boosting flight suits, 'cause that would be a totally awesome way to be all benevolent and generous and stuff.”

Twilight’s star-jeweled crown echoed as it banged repeatedly on the arm of her gemmed throne.

Spike looked around at the kneeling ponies. “What?” he shrugged. “I’ve got no problem if Princess Sparkbutt wants to shack up here! She left me with a sweet bachelor pad, no curfew, and a Royal stipend that buys me unlimited ice cream. No complaints here!” He turned for the great double-doors at the Evening Court’s entrance and made half a dozen strides before he froze and began to quiver. Suddenly he rocketed to the dais below the Amethyst Throne and threw himself around the hooves of the Princess of Magic. Clutching tightly, he sniffled, “But if you… you know, wanted to come back and visit, I’d… I’d be okay with that. Please? It gets awfully lonely back home, and between you and me, Owlowiscious really creeps me out. Please, just for a while?”

Twilight shook her head and smiled as she picked the trembling dragon up and cradled him in her lap, stroking his scales gently. “Girls,” she laughed, “if you wanted me to come back to Ponyville more often, you could have just asked.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 275. The Prompt: A change in management.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
* Not many authors go for New Hampshire - never been there myself, actually - so why not pony-fy it?
* It took me 2 years of re-reads to catch my own unintentional joke where Rainbow rags on Twilight for "sitting on the Royal Throne."
* Luckily when Spike said Twilight "left me with a sweet bachelor pad" he didn't say it was the old Golden Oaks tree, so this can still be slipstreamed into the show, assuming Twilight left Castle Friendship to Spike for a few months so she could sit court in Canterlot (alongside Luna) to gain some first-hoof experience.
* AJ calls Twilight a Monarch. Technically Equestria is a Triarchy (Twilight being a Ruling Princess, not just a Princess in title only), though in practice it's a Diarchy. Applejack's not the fancy type to remember that and Twilight was in no mood to correct her.
* Again I ran out of time for the TMP prompt and wrote off Fluttershy and Pinkie instead of giving them any real dialogue. No, they're not Worst Ponies.

I take it back, I did get fan art for Luna's Librarian - sort of. For Pinkie's 'I has a sad nao' sign I made this:

Yes, I forgot her cutie mark. But then Jondor made me this:

I'll take it!

Monster

“Luna, I’m telling you, it’s me,” Twilight sighed as she sat across her candle-lit bedroom from the Princess. “There’s no other explanation for it.”

“Preposterous! The fault ‘twas mine alone.” Luna bellowed as she pointed a midnight-blue hoof at the little unicorn. “Be not so quick to make of thyself a martyr, Twilight. ‘Tis a blame I must shoulder, and I will not have you thieving it from me.”

Twilight shook her head and tapped her hoof on a hock-high stack of books, papers, and carefully creased charts. “I’m sorry, Luna, but you’re wrong. I searched the Royal Archives, the Ponyville Historical Society’s records, newspaper clippings, and every history text that even mentioned the area. I interviewed every pony alive who remembered Ponyville from when it was just a few scattered farmsteads.”

Luna snorted and the candle's light flickered against the Friendship Castle's crystalline walls. She wrinkled her nose. “I fail to see the relevance.”

“The relevance, Your Highness,” Twilight hissed, “is that for all the recorded history of Ponyville, they’d never had a single significant encounter with hostile non-pony creatures. I found reference to a few sightings of timberwolves prowling the Everfree,” she said as she unfolded a minutely detailed graph and squinted to read it by candlelight, “but none that ever approached the town. There was a single reported sighting of a manticore overflying an outlying farm but it lacked corroborating evidence and was probably just an overweight Pegasus with a bad mane cut. Even the parasprite outbreak eighty years ago was contained within an hour and involved fewer than half a dozen parasprites.”

Luna yawned and lifted a dismissive eyebrow. “Proving my point precisely, little Spark.“

“No, proving my point, Luna. Ponyville didn’t come under siege from fantastic beasts until I showed up. The day I arrived by chariot to oversee the Summer Sun preparations was the day everything went to Tartarus in a hoofbasket. Since then there have been more monster sightings here than in the past three centuries combined. The conclusion is perfectly logical, Luna.” Twilight drew herself up to her full and still diminutive height and took a deep breath. “I,” she declared with a dramatic hoof-wave, “am a monster magnet.”

The fuming alicorn glared at her companion, ears twitching. “Thy importance to Ponyville’s recurrent brushes with doom is overrated, young Sparkle. Clearly their continued trials and tribulations are to be laid at my hooves. When I returned under Nightmare’s influence, the vast and terrible magics I bore twisted the area. Monsters are drawn to their own kind, and such was I. The local ley lines were surely warped by my unholy presence, drawing supernatural terrors and events to poor Ponyville.”

Twilight stalked around Luna, looking up but keeping their muzzles a hoof’s width apart. “Except for the fact that I’ve run multiple deep-field scans of the area, documented, witnessed, cataloged, and repeated. Of over thirty scans I performed, not one revealed even the slightest ley-line distortions within a mile of Ponyville.”

“Hardly proof positive, Twilight. Let the blame fall where ‘tis due.”

“Oh no you don’t, Luna. You keep trying to shoulder the blame for every ill in Equestria, and no matter how much and how often I tell you differently, you don’t seem to get it.” She lay a hoof on Luna’s chest and leaned forward, eyes flashing in the candlelight. “Nightmare wasn’t nearly as destructive as you think, especially not the Nightmare I saw. Widespread thaumaturgic damage of the magnitude you’re claiming would have rendered the entire town a magical disaster area, and there’s simply no empirical evidence for it.”

Luna took an involuntary step backwards and stammered, "But - "

"And Nightmare Moon appeared in Ponyville for under two minutes, hardly enough time to create a dynamic conjurational nexus. Nightmare spent the rest of the fight in the Everfree, miles outside Ponyville's borders." Twilight pressed her attack, inching forward and volume rising with every word. "Since I arrived in Ponyville, the town's been under siege by dragons, manticores, parasprites, hydras, timberwolf kings, ursas, gigantic three-headed hounds, chaos abominations, demon goddesses, overgrown centaur magic-eaters, and the occasional artifact-corrupted unicorn tyrant sorceress."

Snout to snout with Luna, she beat her hoof on her chest and growled, "Monster. Magnet!" After long seconds she backed down a half-step, grinning. "And you're jealous!"

Luna’s jaw worked wordlessly for a few moments as she recoiled. "I am not!”

“Luna’s jealous, Luna’s jealous,” Twilight sang as she grinned.

Luna shook her head, then hung it low and released a drawn-out sigh. "Conceded," she grumbled. "Yes, I envy thee. I am Darkness Visible, Shadow Empress and bringer of nightmares, Twilight! I have a reputation to uphold! Last week I cut the ribbon at the opening of a shopping mall, Twilight Sparkle. A SHOPPING MALL. Dost thou not remember the words of Mareiavelli? 'Tis better to be feared than loved if thou canst not be both? How am I to strike fear when by my side, the virtuous and pure Twilight Sparkle is the one to whom all dark creatures flock?"

Twilight bit her lip before her grin broke wider. "Well," she smiled, "if the monsters all follow me, and you follow me too, then maybe you're…"

"Point taken, Sparkle. I suppose if I must be a monster, ‘tis best to be thine. So," Luna whispered as she snuffed out the candle, "am I thy favorite monster?"

"Maybe," said a purring voice in the darkness. "Do you bite?"

Author's Note

Originally appeared in shorter and unedited form as part of Dark Paradise: the TwiLuna Group Prompt Collab.

Also, I used to listen to Monster Magnet. On cassette, just so you know how long it's been.

Retrospective and extended Author's Notes:
A rare non-TMP story, but still prompt-based. Gee, you'd think Luna'd have learned by now not to argue with a data-armed Twilight be now! This addressed what was to me a huge issue in the show: what did Ponyville do before Twilight showed up and the girls became the Bearers? Did they have a (mostly unspoken) long history of fending off the Monster of the Week on their own, something like Sunnydale High School did in Buffy? I'm guessing not, so we have to wonder where all those monsters came from - were they drawn to Twilight, or did Nightmare's reappearance trigger their awakening? Or both?

This story originally appeared much earlier in the collection, but after rearranging the chapter order, I decided I needed to close Luna's Librarian on a note that showed the kind of relationship they'd have slowly developed into. It was this or "Impossible" but I thought this worked better to show them off as a snarky, bantering, but completely in love couple. Even when they argue they still come out of it snuggling.

Closing Thoughts, Bonus Material, and More

The Rest of the Mane6
Bonus Content #1
Did You Know?
Bonus Content #2
The End

The Rest of the Mane6

Rarity and Applejack were together long enough for marriage to be realistically on the table at Twilight's wedding. Rarity and Applejack eventually married, long enough after Luna and Twilight did that Twilight was their wedding coordinator. She might not be the most artistic or romantically inclined (not traditionally, anyway: Luna loves it when she gets academic), but she can organize like nobody's business. She got to use her "HRH/PC Twilight Sparkle" signature on the wedding papers, too: "Her Royal Highness, the Princess Consort Twilight Sparkle." Twilight rarely uses it in practice but she knew Rarity'd get a kick out of it.

At Twilight's wedding Dash was still pining for Spitfire (fangirling, really). If only she'd known it was mutual! They never did tie the knot, though they did hook up sometime later and stayed together for as long as anyone knew them. Total trainwreck of a relationship, and Spitfire was (as a TMP mod put it) "Cougar of the Wonderbolts" for going full-throttle after a Rainbow Dash at least 15 years her younger.

Pinkie isn't seen with anyone else in my stories: might as well stick her with Cheese Sandwich! I can picture them traveling Equestria, leaving epic parties in their wake. Somehow they'd just know where a party was most needed and pop up out of the nearest potted plant. Fluttershy also never got paired off in my series. I did write a TMP prompt once where she was seeing Zecora, but after the latest Season 5 episode with Tree Hugger, I think I'll picture Shy floating through life, spending her time with whoever she meets that shares her peaceful outlook and insight into the natural world. That does include Discord, though perhaps not romantically. Maybe, though: he's shown he can learn to change, with help. As for Spike - who knows? Maybe Sweetie Belle finally got her wish!

BONUS CONTENT # 1: "Documentary"

This was originally TMP Prompt #182: “The Silver Screen” (Movie Night). It never met my quality standards, and it was a little too ham-fisted and obvious to bother rewriting, so I never came back to it. I did end up re-using two of the lines in the chapter "Bird". The scene: Twilight and Luna are walking through Ponyville when admirers start cheering for them and asking for autographs. Lyra and Bon-Bon (the only time I ever wrote them) thank them, telling them it'll make life easier for ponies like them now that a Princess shares their lifestyle. Twilight thinks they're talking about two mares openly dating, and she thinks the DVD covers she's been autographing are a documentary about their surprisingly open and public courtship. They head to Rarity's to check it out (the only one who owns a DVD player) and stumble onto the rest of the Mane6:

The sitting room and dressmaking nook were dark and deserted while lights shone from the den around the corner. The familiar gravelly voice of a cyan pegasus could be heard over the din of conversation. “Popcorn - check! Cider - check! Settle in, ponies, ‘cause our Friday night watch party just got epic!”

Unicorn and Alicorn paused in the anteroom in silence, tiptoeing across luxurious carpets to peek into the den, the heads of five mares visible above a low couch and a flickering screen visible just beyond them. The two figures on the screen looked oddly familiar.

“Excuse me, darlings, I must refresh my wine. Cider seems entirely unsuited to a momentous occasion such as we are about to witness!” Rarity rose from the couch and promptly dropped her wineglass from its magical grip. The splash of spilled wine and the tinkle of broken glass caused the other heads to turn, their eyes wide as their collective gaze met the two newcomers.

“P… Princess, Twilight, we can explain… “

“Yippee! Now we can have a party of seven to watch a party of two!”

“Ah.. Ah suddenly remembered Ah left a pie in the oven, Ah think Ah’d better be, uh, anywhere but here…”

“Eep!”

Five mares made a mad scramble for the screen, the DVD player, the remote control, the window, and the popcorn, but as Luna’s horn glowed they found themselves held fast and silent in a viselike field of sparkling blue magic. Beyond them, the “documentary” played on, an occasional cyan feather blurring the shot.

“Librarian, thy shelves are dusty and disorganized! Thou art a disgrace to the Royal Society of Librarians! Thy punishment must be severe!”

“Oh, Mistress, I have been a naughty librarian! Shall I pay my own late fee in bits, or...?”

“Librarian, thy decimal system appears… Dewy. I must inspect it closer.”

“Will you help me reshelve these volumes, Mistress? I believe they all go in the… rear aisle.”

“Twilight, dearest… when last I visited, perchance did you leave the balcony window open?

“Perchance.. um, maybe?”

Did You Know?

Did you know...

...that Luna's Librarian was once bound and printed, along with Rustic & Romantic and If the Flight Suit Fits and more? That someone found my stories worthy of that much effort and expense still stuns me. Beyond flattering!

...that Luna's Librarian inspired a side story by another author? Check out "A Moonlit Proposal" by Uniden308 (formerly TimeTravlnDEMON) to see a piece of the saga I meant to write but never got around to.

...that "Luna's Librarian, Twilight's Moon" is ranked 1,269th on Fimfiction? It was Featured story, is the 11,932nd longest story and can be found in 3,360 bookshelves, being tracked by 1,943 users. It currently sits at 1596 upvotes, 39 downvotes, 1,255 comments, 13,225 unique views, and 184,409 total views.

...that the original cover art was a screencap until Crenaiir (formerly Cerraka / xaztein / crenair) OK'd my use of the current amazing picture? That artwork can't be found on Crenaiir's DA page; it was part of the Ask The Royal Couple tumblr. I loved that askblog; the TwiLuna there is ridiculously beautiful. Here's the original cover:

BONUS CONTENT # 2: "End of the Night"

This was originally TMP Prompt #157: “The End of Fear” (The very last house of Nightmare Night). This showed some lead-in to the first time Twilight and Luna slept together, and as such it would've come right before "Every Night After." It was a cute little piece but too short to include here, especially since it didn't really add anything to the story. Fluff, and not enough of it. The scene: yet another Nightmare Night has ended in Ponyville. Luna's walking Twilight home while Twilight gushes about all the great things Luna did for the foals and how wonderful Luna is.

The younger mare looked around at shuttered windows and long-dark lamps. “It’s probably too late to do any more trick or treating. I think we must’ve visited every house in Ponyville. Was there some house we missed? A last house you wanted to see tonight?”

“Yes, there is.” Luna’s starry mane framed her face in darkness, her growing smile shining like a broken halo. “Yours.”

“My house? I don’t have any candy, and I’m sure Spike took whatever he had to his sleepover with the Cutie M – ” A dark muzzle and a crown of stars filled her vision as warm lips met hers and time froze.

“Oh,” she whispered. Long moments passed before the young unicorn’s eyes returned to focus. “OH.”

Despite the midnight dark and her indigo coat, the Moon Princess blushed visibly. “As you pointed out, I have no means to return to Canterlot tonight. Do you know of some place I may stay the night?”

Twilight gulped, trembling. “Have… have you ever spent the night in a tree?”

fin

Heartfelt thanks to everyone who's read, commented, faved, liked, starred, and enjoyed Luna's Librarian, Twilight's Moon! I appreciate all your time and care and attention. You've all been wonderful! See you next time.

Art by SilFoe, from the Royal Sketchbook tumblr.

Great Minds Think Alike

Luna raised an eyebrow and glanced at the pink alicorn walking beside her through the halls of Canterlot Castle. “Princess Cadance, art thou certain my sister meant to schedule a meeting of this import for such a late hour?”

“That’s what she wanted,” nodded the smaller Princess, “and she was very specific. Celestia asked that we meet outside of our usual chambers - something about a fresh setting inspiring us to think outside the box, ‘try something outside our comfort zone’, I think she said. She even volunteered to oversee Night Court for the evening.”

The dark mare’s muzzle wrinkled a bit. “And we are to discuss what, again?”

Cadance lit her horn briefly and a set of great wooden doors swung open as they walked down a torchlit hallway. “Crisis management. Auntie Celestia wants us to compare our experiences from the changeling invasion and the fight against King Sombra.”

Walking on but closing her eyes, Luna moaned, “And could we not merely have compared written accounts?”

Cadance giggled softly, an odd sound which echoed down the passageway above the clip-clop of their hoofsteps. “Well, we could have, but it’s so rare to have the three of us together in one place that we couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

“Three of us?” Luna said, “Will Tia be joining us? Or your husband?”

“No,” Cadance answered with the tiniest of grins, “it’ll be the two of us plus Twilight. Celestia thought that since Twilight was present for both battles, she’d have valuable insights on - ”

Luna’s ears shot up and her wings fluttered as she ceased walking and began to canter down the corridor. “Twilight Sparkle? She is here?”

“You bet! She’s waiting for us on the Observatory balcony. Celestia thought it would be worth bringing her here for the night,” said Cadance, her smile widening, “and of course I agreed.” Torchlight twinkled in her eyes as she sped to keep up with the nearly-bouncing mare by her side. “You seem rather enthusiastic about our little strategy session now, Luna. I knew you two were friends, but…”

The Moon Princess coughed and set her gaze on the cobblestone floors below, her midnight-blue cheeks now blush-purple in the passing firelight. “We… I, ah… Yes, it will be good to see Twilight Sparkle again! There is - there is much I would discuss with her.”

Cadance hummed a sprightly tune and beamed a face-wide smile as she motioned with a wing toward a pair of golden doors ahead. “Good, because here we are!”

There on the sweeping balcony which ringed the great dome of the Royal Observatory stood several tables laden with steaming dishes and racks of bottled wines. Beside them stood a diminutive unicorn, the pink streaks in her purple mane barely visible in the nighttime darkness. Turning at the sound of the creaking doors, her eyes shot wide and she bolted forward and lay a tight hug on the Crystal Princess. “Cadance! I haven’t seen you since your coronation!” Stepping back from the embrace, she inhaled a sharp breath as her cheeks flushed. “Luna! Cadance, you didn’t tell me Luna was coming!”

“Didn’t I? Must’ve slipped my mind.” Gesturing to the table, Cadance said, “I hope you don’t mind that I had our meeting catered. We’ll be here a while and I didn’t want anypony going hungry, after all. Before we begin, I - ” A flash of magic erupted before her as a scroll appeared and hovered a hoof’s length from her muzzle. Her brow furrowed as she read, and as she rolled up the scroll her ears drooped. “Oh, no, not now!”

Luna cocked her head a bit and asked, “What troubles thee, Cadance?”

Cadance signed and shook her head. “Apparently some ponies came before the Night Court demanding the right to strip-mine half the Crystal Empire. It sounds ridiculous, but Celestia thinks it’s urgent enough that she wants me there to deal with it personally.” Her shoulders dropped as she turned toward the doors. “I’m so sorry, everypony. I brought you both out here for nothing, I guess. I’ll be dealing with this,” she said, rolling her eyes as she waved the scroll about, “all night, most likely. We’ll have to call off our meeting. There’s no sense wasting the meal, though.” Looking over her shoulder with a smirk as she left the balcony, she added, “Why don’t you two stay and enjoy a little… private dinner together?”

Hours later the vaulted chambers of the Night Court were empty save for white and pink alicorns seated on the dais near the Ebon Throne and giggling madly. Celestia bent down and whispered, “My little 'summons' worked, I take it. So they were that obvious? And you didn’t even have to use your magic?”

“Not at all!” beamed the smaller mare, “They’re just so perfect together! I’m so glad we decided to - wait, they’re coming!” The two Princesses sat back on their haunches and fought to drop their grins as the Night Court doors opened. Luna and Twilight cantered forward, smiling broadly, tails entwined, with Luna’s great indigo wing draped across Twilight’s back. They stopped and looked at each other before turning to the two smirking ponies.

“Celestia! Cadance!” Luna said, “Twilight and I wish to thank you! You have done us a great service! We have something we wish to declare. Twilight and I could think of no better way to have - “

“Oh, it was nothing!” Cadance laughed, “I just knew you two would hit it off! “

” - spent our seven-month anniversary together. I thought my court duties would occupy me through the blessed event, and Twilight’s research threatened to keep her in Ponyville as well. We have you to thank for bringing us together this glorious night!”

Cadance waved a dismissing hoof. “I told you, it was no problem, really. I - ” She froze and a pink ear twitched a bit. “Wait, did you say ‘seven month anniversary’?”

“Indeed! ‘Twas at the last Nightmare Night celebration that Twilight and I confessed our mutual attraction.” Luna leaned down and lay a kiss behind the ear of a suddenly-blushing Twilight.

Cadance’s eye began to tic as she stammered, “You mean I bribed the Royal Astronomers to give up the whole Observatory for the night, got the weather ponies to clear every cloud for miles, catered a thousand-bit dinner, and you two were already together?”

Twilight nuzzled Luna’s neck and purred, “Well, you could have just asked.”

Author's Note

TMP Prompt # 254. The prompt: Three ponies get together for love. Special rule: At most, only one of the ponies in this trio can be in the mane six.

Retrospective and Extended Author's Notes:
The TMP mods weren't happy that I used this prompt to plug my OTP yet again and encouraged me to branch out a little. Some of them always did seem to have a thing for OT6's, herds, harems, three-ways, polyamory, and the like, but I just couldn't make myself write it. Too bad I wasn't more into Twilunestia back then.

Note that since Cadance is married and the changeling invasion is recently behind them in this chapter, officially here Twilight is no longer a Royal Concubine (unfortunately or not).

Luna's excitement here is genuine, and it's all she can do not to give away far too may details the moment she hears Twilight's name, much less when she sees her.