Longing For Harmony

Fluttershy had decided to revisit the same hill she'd been at with Rainbow Dash during what felt like a week ago, but in actuality wasn't really that long at all. Something about it appealed to her, the way she felt so relaxed and serene the very first time she'd visited it, as well as how it's calming effect seemed to reach her fellow pegasi as well. She had, of course, used the sands to stop time once again, wanting to spend as long as she needed to sorting out her thoughts and figuring out which pony to help next.

She wasn't sure how the majestic beauty of the waterfall had evaded her sights until Rainbow Dash had pointed it out to her. Perhaps because, in the past, there was a lot on her mind whenever she visited, just as there was now, except that she was now aware of it's calming presence. Peering down on the captured stream, the water was like a shimmering banner of light and purity reflecting the world around it, hanging off of a giant edge. She was losing herself in it's beautiful splendor that pulled her in deeper with each moment.

Fluttershy was both relieved and surprised that, even with everything that just happened with Scootaloo, Dash and herself, no memories of her painful childhood in Cloudsdale were brought up, at least, not verbally. Seeing the two pegasi play and fly together, she found them playing roles that were nonexistent in her own life; Scootaloo was Dash's constant supporter, relentless in pursuing her company and experiencing all the good things that she could with her, and Dash was Scootaloo's maternal guardian figure, always offering protection, comfort, and reassurance.

Fluttershy had never been all that great at flying herself, at least not up to a moderately strenuous point, and seeing Dash support Scootaloo in learning to fly better herself, she'd only wished somepony were there to do that for her when she was so young. She even caught herself trying to practice Dash's instructions when she thought they weren't looking. And in spite of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash having gotten closer long after they parted ways in Flight Camp, Dash had still apologized to Fluttershy, perceiving that she'd neglected her in their youth, but in all honesty, she was instead one of the only people who ever paid any attention to her or cared about her at all.

But no matter what came back, they all paled in comparison to the traumatizing shock she underwent from her recent, all-too-vivid nightmare where she truly believed she was drowning, and dying. The part that bothered her the most about it wasn't that it was yet another dream that she hated so much, or that it was excruciatingly painful, and she was at death's door. The worst part was something she dare not think, something she couldn't bear to admit to herself, a thing she pushed back in the darkest corners of her mind and tried to obscure until she could snuff it out entirely.

'How can I think such horrible things when I still have friends that I need to help?'

Fluttershy then noticed that the clouds above her had started to dim. They were slowly coming together, progressively blotting out the sun, with only enough of it's light left showing to tell that it was daytime. A light drizzle of rain began cascading all around her.

'... So odd... This is the first time anything's moved in this state of time that I didn't try to do. Did I forget to take Rainbow Dash back to Ponyville's normal flow of time?'

Her musing was cut short when another loud, rushing sound made it's way to her ears. It wasn't the clap of thunder, or the rain getting heavier. She slowly looked back down to notice that, to her shock, the waterfall resumed moving on its own.

'I-I definitely didn't do this... What's going on? Did I mess something up? Oh, Celestia, please tell me nothing bad will happen!'

A deafening clop of hooves shattering the earth with each slow step resounded from behind her. Trembling, Fluttershy turned to face the source. It was another pony. But not just any pony. A pony shrouded in complete blackness, through a billowing aura that clung to it's coat, like flames licking the air. It spoke with a voice like nails scraping against one's soul.

"Fluttershy... Why did you do it?" it's words grated.

Fluttershy felt her heart stop. She was cold. A paralyzing fear possessed her, the same fear that she felt in her drowning nightmare. She forced herself to stand facing opposite this enigmatic entity, but couldn't muster any further effort, wanting more than anything to run or fly away.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about... Never seen you before..." she rasped, her face turning a ghoulish white.

"I tried to help you, and you pushed me away," it growled, drawing closer.

"P-please, stay away... I don't want anything to do with you... If I hurt you, I never meant it, I swear..."

The dark pony merely stopped a few yards away from her, outstretching one hoof. "Then let me finish helping you..."

Fluttershy could feel her knees wobbling. Cold sweat trickled down her mane and face. She tried to speak, only for choked noises of fright to barely escape her throat. "... H-help me?... Wh-what do you mean?..."

The stranger resumed slowly approaching her, still keeping one front hoof reaching towards Fluttershy. "I'm here to relieve you. Set you free from all torment and pain. From hope, desire, and life. All they do is make you suffer longer."

"N-no!!!" she exclaimed. Her words had halted it again. "I-I can't go! Not when I have to help all my friends!"

This only angered the mysterious pony. "You were ready to drown. Ready to die. We both know you wanted it."

Fluttershy felt her heart sink.

'He's right.'

She shuddered, looking down at her hooves in guilt and shame.

'I-I'm so tired of being here... Of hurting... I love all my friends... I love all my pets and all the animals... I love all the nice things in life, in the world, and in Ponyville... But, it seems no matter what I do, or how hard I try, the bad always, always outweighs the good. Not just for me, but for everypony else, too. It's just not enough. I'm sick of it... I can't hang on anymore... I just, want to go to sleep and never wake up...'

"The eternal solution to every problem there is. Endless rest," the dark pony continued. "To stop having dreams that will never come true. To avoid everything you've ever struggled for collapsing before your eyes after so much wasted time and futile efforts. To spare yourself the pain of disappointment and betrayal from everyone you know and everything you believe in."

Fluttershy shook her head, sobbing through her closed eyelids. "I can't... Not before I do what I have to... And fix everything..."

The pony's fury escalated. "What? Patch the gaping holes in your friendships with mere bandages? You believe you can just have a chat with each of them individually, or grant yourself a few wishes here and there, and nothing bad will ever happen ever again? What do you think this is, a fairytale? You've given them everything you had on countless occasions before, yet time and again, they always regress back into disharmony, worse than they were the last time."

Fluttershy fell to her forelegs, still trembling. "Just, please, give me a chance... Let me try to do it at least... I don't care if it's still the same after, I just want to know that at least once, I was able to make things right with them..."

The pony shook it's head disapprovingly. It snarled, "All you're doing is making things worse for yourself. Suffering more. It's not hard to weep once you finally accept that everypony you care about will shun you, or perish someday in the first place anyways."

Two clasped dark hooves laid out, pulling apart from one another to unfold a somehow intangible moving picture. It shifted from various events Fluttershy remembered witnessing in the past, such as the Cutie Mark Crusaders' embarrassing entry in a talent show, the highly disappointing Grand Galloping Gala, and the arrogant, gloating Trixie's sham magic show. Last but not least was the Hearth's Warming Eve, the very same pageant that Fluttershy had lamented over the truly deep meanings behind it somehow being lost on her friends, let alone right after it was over.

"Life is a performance. If you've sat through half of it, and each and every moment stank so far, it won't improve to make it worth your time at the very end. Nopony can blame you for walking out early."

The pony's speech and display had chilled Fluttershy even further. She blinked -- and was laying in her bed, alone in her room.

In the natural flow of time, the week Fluttershy spent with Rainbow Dash was really only a moment. But it still took it's toll on her. She was so tired that it was hard to not go to sleep, retiring back to bed within frozen time every few hours and staying there for days. Now, it was hard to not stay awake. Her newest, chilling nightmare had shocked all exhaustion out of her.

At first, it was hard for her to do anything. She would shrink at a shadow, or freeze at a small noise, alert in fear of the mysterious visitor who threatened to take her life. Even worse than that, it knew her secrets. Even if they were just dreams, it didn't change that the experiences felt too lifelike to not be believed.

She wanted to go outside, see her friends, do anything and everything needed to forget the horrible event, but her nerves were too shot, her anxiety and paranoia still fresh. Fluttershy abandoned her thoughts, following instead wherever her instincts took her throughout her house; drinking a glass of water, taking a shower, crying in her bed, staring out the window, humming a soothing song. Frozen hours passed until her cathartic expressions played their part, giving her the refreshment and courage needed to continue her task.

With her recent experiences making it harder and harder to tell between dreams and reality, Fluttershy hadn't quite trusted Vesper enough to talk to him about all this, even if he was right there in the house and could see and hear everything. She thought about asking him to leave, but if he was as powerful and malevolent as she feared he might be, something bad could come of that. And yet, something in her wanted to believe that maybe he really had nothing to do with it at all. Something about the way the dark figure in her dream mentioned granting wishes had weakened her suspicions.

The next thing she would do was head to Twilight Sparkle's house. Fluttershy used the sands to resume the flow of time, then gently rapped on the door. A few moments later, the unicorn she wanted to see answered, looking flustered, possibly from a recent argument with Spike.

"Oh, hello, Fluttershy. What brings you here?"

"Twilight, I... I need to ask you a favor. It'll sound really confusing, and I can't explain it right now, but it's really important to me. Will you please help me?"

Twilight was initially perplexed, but seemed to be alright with trying to help. "Well, okay. What is it, exactly?"

"I'm trying to find some people who live here in Ponyville. I thought I remembered you having an index of residents somewhere in your library..."

"Ah, yes! Come on in, we'll get started. Who is it you're looking for?" Twilight asked as they entered her house. She was already using her magic to levitate a book from a high shelf within reading distance.

"Well, one of them is a pegasus... His name is Skylar... He had a gray coat, and a blue mane... I think he's one of the weather ponies... And... He had no cutie mark..."

Twilight paused at the last detail. "No cutie mark? I didn't think they'd let underage colts work for the weather team!"

"No, that's the thing... He wasn't underage... He was about as old as you and I, maybe even a tiny bit older than that..."

Twilight's ears lowered as her face scrunched in confusion. "A full grown colt... And no cutie mark?... That's unheard of... And so... Sad..."

Fluttershy nodded softly. "Please, see if you can find him... I... I needed to talk to him about something..."

"Alright then." Twilight started to comb through the pages, searching for Skylar's name, but couldn't seem to find it. She then closed her eyes and concentrated yet another spell, causing the book to close, open, and flip through each page front to back before closing again, searching for the specific piece of knowledge Fluttershy was searching for.

Twilight frowned. "Sorry, Fluttershy. There's nopony by that name living here. Maybe he's from out of town."

Fluttershy averted her eyes.

'I had a feeling that was going to happen...'

"What about an earth pony? Her name is Auburn. Her cutie mark's a house. I think she's a carpenter."

Twilight repeated the process at Fluttershy's request, but alas, came up empty-hoofed once again.

"No, no one by that name, either," she sighed. "If it really means that much to you, I can pull up additional resources from Canterlot, or ask Princess Celestia. I'm supposed to get a whole bunch of new books from there today any ways; I have them on a list, and I think none have to do with finding ponies, but maybe there's one I forgot about."

Fluttershy's ears lowered in disappointment. "That's okay, Twilight. You don't have to go through all that effort just for me."

"Really, I don't mind! Of course, I probably won't get to do it until tonight since those new books will probably take all day, but I'll make sure it gets done. But, if this Auburn is an earth pony, and a laborer, there might be a chance she's related to Applejack. Granny Smith helped found Ponyville after all, so maybe she stopped by for a family visit once. I would go ask them."

'I was going to see Applejack next any ways, so that's a good thing. I'll have to remember that.'

"Thank you, Twilight."

Twilight's eyes slightly lowered. "Say, what do you have in that pouch?"

Fluttershy was briefly startled. "J-just, some birdseed I picked up at a store."

'That's the second time I've had to tell her the same lie. Time travel sure is confusing.'

She hadn't wanted to bring up the sands, or the Panacea Crystal around the unicorn, knowing Twilight would launch into another fevered rambling spree about what she should do with it. Thankfully, Twilight didn't probe any further, and with a polite goodbye, Fluttershy was on her way out.

Fluttershy was in a hurry to get back to Sweet Apple Acres. It didn't matter that she'd frozen time again, she felt bad for not going back to check back on Applejack earlier to make sure Rainbow's damage wasn't still there. She wanted to, but the momentary week she'd spent with the pegasi tuckered her out so much that she'd hit the ground as soon as she tried to fly out the door, ending up ruefully dragging herself back to bed.

'I never thought I'd be glad that a nightmare scared me enough to get active again...'

Upon arriving, she had found Applejack in the same state she was before the Rainbow incident; just starting another tiresome, grueling day of harvesting apples. She was about to buck a tree that she had placed an apple cart next to. Applejack looked worn out, like she was ready to fall back asleep at a moment's notice. Hoping she wouldn't startle her too badly, Fluttershy placed one hoof on the sands and the other on Applejack while she focused, bringing her to life.

"What in the hay -- Fluttershy? What brings you here so early in the morn --" Applejack's eyes grew wide as she immediately noticed a strange sight on the horizon. "Why are those birds stuck in place?"

"They're okay, Applejack. Everything's okay," Fluttershy reassured her. "Well, actually, everything's not okay... I mean, it is okay, in the we're-all-safe-and-nothing's-going-to-kill-us way, but, not in the everyone-is-happy-and-getting-along way..."

Applejack's mouth was still agape from the strange phenomena, but she nodded softly. "... Uh huh..." she shook herself out of her seeming trance and refocused her attention to Fluttershy. "So what's this now about people having problems? Somepony got an issue they need to take up with me?"

Fluttershy bit her lip, remembering what happened with Rainbow. "I'll get to that in a minute... But first... Does your face hurt?" she tilted her head to the side curiously, truly concerned.

Applejack blinked. "Nah, it feels fine," she replied flatly. She then snickered slightly, "Why, is it killing you?"

Fluttershy blushed and averted her eyes. "N-no... Just... Never mind... Anyhow, you haven't done anything wrong, Applejack. I just wanted to talk, because, frankly, I've noticed that we've all been pretty uneasy lately... Like, things just aren't the way they used to be, we're not as close as before..."

Applejack frowned, and her ears lowered. "Well, I reckon you're correct. I was meaning to go see Rainbow later today after I get my work done, but, I don't know if she'd want to see me. Every time I'd go looking for her lately, I couldn't find her anyplace she normally goes. And when I ask around, everypony says they thought they saw Rainbow heading to some hill, and I can't ever seem to find that either."

Fluttershy started to feel nervous. "Um, yeah... About Rainbow Dash..."

After a long pause, Applejack blinked. "Yeah, what about her?"

Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't bring herself to do so.

Applejack started to get impatient. "Come on, spit it out! Spill the beans!" she pressured her.

Finally, it all unfurled. Fluttershy told Applejack about how upset Rainbow was with Applejack's apparent disposition towards her, as well as Rainbow's frustration with trying to patch up her friendship, with all the pain that it caused her. She detailed Rainbow's willingness to resolve the problems between them. However, Fluttershy left out the part about Rainbow beating Applejack to a pulp while time was frozen, fearing it would discourage her.

"But I can see that you've been wanting to help, too, and maybe she just didn't realize it. I don't know, but, maybe her going up to that hill or wherever she was all the time was because it started to hurt too much and she didn't know how to talk to you. That's just what I think it is, anyways," Fluttershy murmured, finishing her recap of the pegasi's concerns.

Applejack was worried. "Oh, my. I had no idea she thought I was... I got over all those things she did, the pranks and the mistakes, but there's just been a lot of my mind. It wasn't anypony's fault." She hung her head.

Fluttershy felt something starting to call to her from within her chest. It was similar to the 'beckoning' sensation she felt when she first found the Panacea Crystal, which she now associated with the 'emotional bleeding' she'd experienced with Rainbow Dash. Whatever Applejack was feeling, it was intense, and bothering her greatly.

"... Does it have to do with your family?" Fluttershy asked, following some newfound instinct.

Applejack started to look nervous. "Well... Yes..."

The sensation grew stronger. A growing onslaught of mixed emotions; guilt, frustration, bitterness, sympathy, pain, and affection all bubbling in one chaotic stew. "... Is it Granny Smith?"

"Now, look just a darn minute here," Applejack promptly replied. "I love my Granny more than anything in Equestria, I swear! I just... I just..."

"Applejack... You don't have to tell me anything that you're not ready to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But, anything that you would like to tell me, I won't judge you for, and I won't tell anypony anything you don't want them to know. I promise."

This seemed to partially reassure Applejack, helping calm her down. "Well, okay... See, the thing is... Granny Smith... Says these things to me sometimes that really bother me... I don't think she means them, I mean, I don't think she means to make me feel the way they do... But I still feel that way when she says it anyways..."

"Like what, Applejack?"

The 'emotional bleeding' was getting stronger; the mixed feelings contained within Applejack were rising in intensity. Fluttershy suddenly started hearing Granny's voice, slinging many phrases simultaneous with Applejack remembering them, in an endless flow, imprints that were made carelessly or impulsively;

"Well, this is just like when you left for Manehattan as a filly. We went ahead and let you do what you wanted, and you saw where that got you."

"This isn't what your parents would have wanted from you."

"That is not how I raised you."

"Our family would be so ashamed of you."

"Now don't you remember when you almost left us all because you didn't make first place in the Canterlot Rodeo? Your siblings and I were heartbroken. You were going to stay there until you raised enough money to fix town hall, but in your letter all you told us was you weren't coming back. What were we supposed to think that meant?!?"

"I need your help. You know I have a bad hip. You wouldn't leave behind your poor, old Granny Smith, would you?"

Applejack was shuddering. Fluttershy was still recoiling from the sudden rush of emotions and memories that hit her, coming straight from her friend.

"... Applejack? Are you okay?"

Applejack bit her lip, squinting her eyes, trying desperately to contain the pain she was experiencing, not wanting to lose herself in front of Fluttershy. "My Granny Smith is good to me... She fed, sheltered, and looked after me nearly all my life, and she still supports me now... Just because she says or does a few things here and there doesn't change any of that..."

Fluttershy felt a pang of guilt sting her. These were private things that Applejack hadn't meant to reveal. She could understand wanting to keep personal secrets, especially since one of her own was unearthed by the dark visitor this morning, but this sounded unhealthy. Maybe it would be good for Applejack to get this out.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Applejack promptly shook her head. "It's nothing to worry about. I'm just dealing with it, like anypony should."

"Let me show you something, Applejack," Fluttershy insisted as she closed in. She gently placed one hoof on the back of Applejack's mane and the other on the sands. "You see those birds up there?"

"Yeah," Applejack nodded.

Fluttershy focused, and right before their eyes, the birds started flying backwards, slowly. She concentrated again, and the birds froze in place once more, along with the rest of the world.

Applejack was astonished. "By golly, that's incredible! H-how'd you do that?!?"

"These sands, in here... They can control time, Applejack. All you have to do is touch them, and concentrate really hard on whatever it is you want them to do." Fluttershy promptly took the pouch off from around her neck, and placed it on Applejack's instead. "If you say something that you want to take back, or I react in a way that you don't want, all you have to do is rewind time, and I'll forget all about it. I promise. Okay?"

Applejack was still overwhelmed, trembling at the amount of power that had suddenly been placed in her hooves. She felt deeply touched for Fluttershy's level of trust in her and a willingness to hear her out, but wasn't quite registering that just yet out of all the recent surprises. That, and her capacity towards independence tended to lead to her holding a lot in.

"... I... I don't know..." Applejack was looking nervous, conflicted. She was frightened of possibly showing more discomfort she thought wasn't worth paying attention to, or saying something to hurt Fluttershy, but her inner demons were desperately wanting out.

"Fine. I guess I'll give it a try."

Applejack had insisted on going back to her bedroom with Fluttershy. It was where she first experienced many of the feelings waiting to come out, and she felt odd about standing outside on the farm discussing the matter. She sat on the foot of her bed, with Fluttershy sitting opposite of her in a chair across the room. Applejack was still holding the sand pouch in her hoof, as if afraid to let go. She took a deep breath, and then got started.

"Alright, so... I've been really worried. About Granny Smith," she began. "She's... She's getting pretty old, and she's not like she used to be... I mean, she's definitely the same person, loving and caring and all, but, her body's not doing so good, and every day it gets a little worse. She's in pain a lot, and it's really hard for her to move, and do things. I've gotta help her out often, which I don't mind at all. She's gotta be really careful, because she can get hurt easy, maybe really badly. We both know it's a natural part of getting old and all, but I always see how she gets all misty-eyed when she gets reminded of times she was better than she is now... Just a really sweet mare, and I can't stand how she had so many things taken from her so early."

Applejack shook her head slowly, her eyes glossed with grief. "People don't take her so seriously or treat her like she's important anymore, even though she helped get this town going in the first place. Some of the younger ponies, like Apple Bloom's classmates, make fun of her. It's like nopony respects her anymore. It's bad enough she's not doing too good health-wise... And then, we lost my parents, and she took on the burden of raising all three of us..."

The earth pony began to shudder. "She was good to us, though, just like she was good to them. But my Granny Smith herself didn't have it as nice as we did when she was our age. Her parents would hit her whenever she got in trouble, and put her to work in labor all by herself way too young. And, well, she promised that she'd never do those kinds of things to us or my parents, and she never broke that promise." She sniffled softly, and looked up.

"I still remember the day it happened. Apple Bloom was still really, really little, and Big Macintosh and I were in our early teens. She'd just gotten us started on working the fields applebucking. Sure, we were in our physical prime, and she wasn't, but applebucking's such a rough task, especially if you're not used to it. So she'd help us out. She enjoyed it. She liked walking and running out in the sun, jumping around, kicking trees, feeling alive. But after about two months of showing us the ropes, well..."

Applejack bit her lip, and looked away, covering her eyes with her empty hoof. She stifled back a few more sniffles, and attempted to regain her composure, wanting to continue. "We were just getting started in the sunrise. Two hours in, Big Macintosh and I were aching something fierce, because our hooves were still only just getting acquainted with the act. So there was Granny, trying to pick up our slack, when she... Her..."

Applejack squinted, and a tear squeezed out from her eyelids. Her sniffles were getting louder. "She kicked this one tree a little too hard, and her hip gave out... I still remember how awful it was, her falling over and unable to get up. I've never heard Big Macintosh shout so loud in my life, yelling for help. Apple Bloom was really scared. Hell, we were all scared. Ponyville Urgent Care was able to do enough to keep her safe, but, she couldn't get surgery to fix it entirely, because it was too expensive..."

She released a shuddering sigh, hanging her head. "She would've been able to cover it if she wanted, between the farm's earnings and the savings my parents left behind, but she insisted she use it on raising us instead, since she got injured. The choice wasn't up to us three, since we were all still underage at the time. But I felt so guilty. If only I could've been stronger, like her, and kept bucking those apples, it wouldn't have happened... I promised her I'd get the money to fix it right away. It's been years, and I still don't have it..."

Applejack's face twisted into bitter self-loathing. Her empty hoof quivered. "Granny could still do a lot of things. She still can. They're just... Slow, and difficult... And every day, it gets even harder for her, and there's less and less things she can do. She was so upset when it'd gotten so bad that she couldn't even play with Apple Bloom anymore. They always had so much fun, and it hurt her so much that it went away. She cried all day. So, I... I tried to return the favor, and pick up where she left off. I love Apple Bloom anyways, and try to do everything I can for her."

At this point, Applejack paused. Fluttershy had been listening intently the whole time, giving her her full attention, never once interrupting. A heavy, tense silence hung in the air. Applejack was hesitating, becoming nervous. She was surprised at how liberating and refreshing it felt to voice her troubles, but still wasn't used to expressing them so freely. A grueling, familiar nerve shot throughout her, equal portions of anger and affection resurfacing, which Fluttershy was able to pick up on.

"Now, the thing about Granny having all these issues -- getting old, being disabled, being in pain -- make her act in ways I'm sure she doesn't mean to. Like when she tells me things that hurt my feelings. I know it can't be easy putting up with all the things she's had piling onto her saddle. I'd probably be pretty cranky and angry too if I ever had those things happen to me. It's just... Sometimes, it hurts a little too much, and the way she looks at me, or talks to me, and how she treats me makes me feel unwelcome. Like I'm some stranger, instead of her granddaughter. I try to remember that it's just her own troubles making her be that way, but, I just can't stand it..."

Applejack slammed her empty hoof on the bed, slightly startling Fluttershy. "I probably deserve it for not being able to live up to my promise yet, or find some other way to make up for everything she's done for me all these years, but I just hate it! It's not like I don't care, or I'm not trying! And she labels me like I'm some ungrateful, selfish kid! It's not fair! I know that she's worked harder her whole life than I ever have, I know she's a great grandma and a great person, I'm not trying to deny those things at all! I just wish she could see how hard this is for me, but she can't believe that I'm not what she thinks I am!" She started to breathe heavily, intimidating Fluttershy.

Applejack took a moment to calm down, becoming morose. "B-but... I still love her... I appreciate her, and how she raised and supported me, and I want her to stop hurting and get better and be happy again," she explained. "I-I miss when I could wake up in the morning and head downstairs and feel... Warm, loved, instead of scared, or disapproved of..." she started wiping tears from her eyes. "Any way... As I was saying... I doubled my efforts to be there for Apple Bloom, since Granny Smith couldn't do as many things with her anymore, and that made Apple Bloom sad, too."

"This whole thing with Granny... Hurting my feelings on accident, had been happening for a really long time, and it only got worse as it continued. I didn't want the same thing to happen to Apple Bloom. I wanted to make sure she grew up feeling like there was always somepony who cared about her. That she could come home and feel safe, warm, welcome, loved. I think, sometimes, I didn't do as good at this as I'd have liked to, cause Granny hurting me was making me a little fussy, just like her old age and bad hip were doing to her. So sometimes I'd kind of snap at Apple Bloom without meaning to, or even be short or ornery with you and our other friends. Like the time I cheated at the Running Of The Leaves because Rainbow did it, too, and I shouldn't have," she blushed.

Applejack took off her hat and placed it beside her. "And that made me feel bad, too. So when I couldn't do it all by myself, I'd try to find other things to help Apple Bloom. With the money we made every day from the apple farm, I'd split my share in half. One would be saved for Granny's hip surgery, and the other would be used to take out Apple Bloom to have fun. We'd go eat lunch at places she liked, see shows, go to amusement parks, and I'd also buy her games and toys."

Applejack looked at her hat somberly, beginning to caress it. "Except, I couldn't necessarily fix everything that was bugging her... She wanted her cutie mark more than anything. All her schoolmates would be mean to her because of it. She knew about how we Apples tended to be the last in our class to get their marks, and it just killed her. It bothered her so badly she did crazy things, like coercing customers into buying apples and stealing that one potion from Zecora. So I made another promise. I promised I'd do everything I could to help Apple Bloom find her cutie mark. Except I had no darn clue how to go about doing this, and I don't think I could make her age faster in order to get it."

"But buying her all those things and taking her everywhere couldn't make Apple Bloom forget those bullies teasing her. Not even my promise." Applejack paused, and started to slightly smile. "So, I gave her the next best thing I could think of. Everypony has a birthday. But not everypony has their own holiday, just for them. I came up with the tradition of the Sisterhooves Social, just for Apple Bloom. Sure, it's not a real holiday, but it's a yearly celebration. I wanted to show her she didn't need a cutie mark, cause she's already the best little sis I could ask for. I wanted to show all of Ponyville -- no, all of Equestria -- how much she meant to me."

Applejack slowly grew saddened once more, and released a sigh. "But, you see... Granny Smith always trying to call me selfish made me feel bad... She did it so much that I actually believed I was selfish, even though I think about everypony else all the time... So, I tried to be as unselfish as possible by never asking for help. I had a little sis and an old, frail grandma depending on me -- how could I help them if I couldn't even help myself? And even so, it'd get out of control sometimes, like that one Applebuck Season when Twilight was still new in town," she blushed again. "I just... I just didn't feel good accepting help I thought I didn't earn. That's why I tried to help you all first."

"I think it all started when I wanted to move in with my Uncle and Aunt Orange in Manehattan while I was still a young filly. I told Apple Bloom and her friends that it was because I didn't want to do farm labor all my life. But it was also because I was afraid of Granny. I couldn't understand why somepony who's supposed to love you and take care of you could make me feel so loathed and unwanted. I was petrified at the idea of having to face that every day, unsure whether she'd smile and hug me or yell at me to go to my room. But of course I was so little I didn't know she acted that way because of her pains and aches yet."

She looked back at Fluttershy. "And that time I'd gone to Dodge Junction cause I'd lost the Canterlot Rodeo... Well... That year, the prize money would've been enough not just to fix Town Hall, but to get Granny her hip surgery, and even some more left over. I wanted to use the remains to get Apple Bloom anything she needed in order to help find her cutie mark, and fulfill both promises in one shot. And, of course, it didn't pull through the way I'd hoped..." Applejack sighed.

"But being there, where everypony was a stranger, and I'd be spending quite a while making the money I needed to bring back... Well... It was good and bad. Of course, I missed you all, and the rest of the Apple family, but I'd needed some time to sort my problems out anyhow, because I was supposed to be independent, of course. I didn't have to wake up every morning and hear Granny berate me for some other mistake I made, and spend all day afterwards hating myself for being mad at her hurting me while knowing I love her and want to help her get better. But the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about how she needed me. How Apple Bloom needed me."

"I'd wrote Ponyville that I wasn't going to come back because I didn't know how long it would take for me to cool off. Maybe it might've taken forever and I would've had no idea." Applejack had another small, bittersweet smile as she shook her head. "And then you and our friends came to see me. Boy, that sure surprised the heck out of me. It was so... Nice, and scary, at the same time. I missed you guys, too, but I felt like I wasn't ready to come back yet, even if I did have the money I needed. I didn't have enough alone time to myself to sort out my problems, so that I could stop snapping at all of you and quit depending on you for so much."

Applejack looked ashamed. "And silly Pinkie trusted me so much that she thought she could hold me to her little Pinkie Promise... You all wanted me to tell you what it was that made me leave Ponyville, and I just wasn't ready yet... I was supposed to be the loyalest and most dependable pony of all, I couldn't let you guys see that I was... Weak, needy, and selfish, and so upset over such little things... And I made another promise I couldn't keep. Just like with Granny's hip and Apple Bloom's happiness. And when we finally got back, and I returned home... Granny really, really let me have it. Everything I was trying to escape was waiting for me there, building up and catching up to me tenfold."

Applejack tried to keep herself from crying. "That's when I realized, I'm not the Element Of Honesty. I make promises I can't keep all the time. I hide things from my friends and family. I let other ponies drag me down to the level of their actions when I get upset. I'd kept telling Granny and Apple Bloom that I'd help get them everything they needed, and after all these years, I've never been able to do it. I'm a failure. A disappointment. Just the way Granny makes me feel. She's completely right."

The tense silence returned, as Applejack forced herself to choke back on her tears. The entire tale was a double-edged sword; reopening old wounds in order to let their pain out. Fluttershy waited to see if Applejack had anything else to say. She had listened all the way through without ever losing focus on her. She could literally see and feel Applejack's anguish being pulled out from inside.

Finally, Fluttershy spoke. "I don't think you're a failure or a disappointment, Applejack. You're a really great person. You do everything you can to help others, and you care and think about them all the time. You deserve to be treated the way you treat them. To be given good things, for all your good actions."

"Oh, yeah?!?" Applejack snapped, startling Fluttershy. "Then why do I hide things?!? It's dishonest, it's not right!"

Fluttershy paused, remaining calm. "Keeping secrets and lying are two different things, Applejack. Everypony needs their own level of personal space and confidentiality. Some people need more privacy and solitude, and others need more openness and connectivity. We all have our own unique, individual needs. Needs that should be respected. Nopony can know or understand your own needs better than your own self. It didn't make you selfish or a bad person for wanting some space to cool off; it's good for you since it helps you, and it's good for everypony else since you'll be more refreshed and relaxed once you come back."

Applejack started to mull over Fluttershy's words, slowing to a halt. "Well, I reckon you're right, I guess. But I still didn't want to leave Apple Bloom and Granny Smith behind. I just keep feeling like I need that space, and I haven't been able to get it. I could stay in Ponyville where you guys live and be badgered by Granny, or go further out and you'll all be left behind. There's nothing I can do where everypony wins."

Fluttershy's ears lowered. "Well, no, maybe there isn't a perfect solution here, but... If you want to, you can stay with me for a while. I'll let you do anything you need to help make it better. That way you'll still be close enough to Ponyville that you can maybe visit Sweet Apple Acres once a week. Maybe, if it's okay with them, you could even bring Apple Bloom to stay with you. We'd still be able to take her to school in the morning, and pick her up after. That way you'll still be able to spend time with her. You can still love Granny Smith and try to help her get better while being away to heal from what she's done to you."

Applejack started to calm down. "That sounds really nice... I think both of us would like that." She picked up her hat and placed it in her lap. "I... I still feel bad about not being able to keep promises to all of you, though..."

"Nopony can see the future. We have no way of knowing for sure whether we can keep promises. All that matters, Applejack, is that you still try your best to complete them, and you honestly mean to. That's why you're the Element Of Honesty. Your honest intentions. You always mean well, and value honesty very highly. It shows more through your actions than what you say, and that's completely okay."

Applejack nodded, more and more relief washing over her as Fluttershy continued to support her. "... I'm just so intimidated by Granny... I don't know how she'll take the news of me leaving the farm again, even if it's only for a little while, and still close to Ponyville... It's one thing to sit here and tell you all these things, but, I'd break her heart or she'd break mine if she heard all this..."

Fluttershy hesitated. "Maybe... You can tell her right now..."

Applejack was immediately alarmed. "What?!? No!!! She -- she'll scold me and never give me a chance to say everything I mean!!!"

"Wait a moment," Fluttershy asserted. "I don't mean it like that. What I mean is... Time's frozen right now... And we're the only ones moving. You can go downstairs and sit with Granny to tell her all this. She won't be able to interrupt you. She won't even hear it. It'll be like... Writing a letter to somepony with everything you need to tell them, and not sending it. I think it might help. Do you want to try it?"

"So, that's why I'm going to be leaving the farm for a little while," Applejack sniffled. "I'll still work the farm, and come to visit every week, but, right now I need to do this. I just hope you know I still love you. I always will. And even if sometimes the way you treat me makes me not believe it, I know you love me, too. I'll be at Fluttershy's the whole time, and I'll come back and stay as soon as everything is alright." She had followed Fluttershy's suggestion and let all of her woes pour out onto Granny Smith, who was frozen in time, eased back in her rocking chair.

Fluttershy had stood by and watched the entire time. Applejack still had the sands around her neck, and was holding them readily in her hoof in case she needed to use it for anything, but surprisingly, she never used them even once. Getting herself to confess all of her true feelings to Granny had been an arduous task, even though she couldn't react and was completely oblivious; Applejack would occasionally shrink or flinch upon saying things she thought were unwelcome, normally used to rejection, interruption, and criticism. By the very end, a wave of tension and pain slowly ebbed away, and she looked much more relaxed.

Applejack smiled softly, slowly getting up from her chair and handing the sands back to Fluttershy. "Thanks, Fluttershy. That was very... Therapeutic. I think that was really good for me."

"Oh, it's no problem, Applejack. If it's okay with you, though, can I please ask you something?"

"Sure thing, Sugarcube. What's on your mind?"

"I was wanting to know if you knew anypony named Auburn. She's a carpenter. I asked Twilight, and she thought she was possibly a relative of yours."

Applejack looked perplexed. "No, I don't think I know anypony named Auburn, but it does sound a tiny bit familiar for some reason. Why don't you come with me and I'll look and see."

She lead Fluttershy through a series of different rooms, until she retrieved a large book. The Apple Family Tree.

"Let's see here... Ah, here she is," Applejack affirmed, placing a hoof next to Auburn's name.

Fluttershy was startled at the details. She'd been dead for nearly twelve hundred years. "She... She never married, or had any children?"

"Apparently not. Well, according to this, anyhow. Pretty sad. Maybe she was going to, but kicked the bucket before she got the chance. I'd never heard anything about her from Granny Smith or any of my other relatives, at least I think so. I'll have to ask around and see. Is there any particular reason you wanted to know about her?"

"... No. Never mind.  It's not important."

Applejack found this strange, but decided to drop the subject. "Well, okay then." She closed the book. "I... I might find it a little hard to tell Granny Smith about staying with you once I'm ready to do it for real... Could you maybe be there with me again, just to be there for me and back me up?"

Fluttershy nodded.

Applejack embraced her. "Thank you ever so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Fluttershy's bewildering discovery about Auburn had lead to her returning to Twilight Sparkle's house. She'd placed Applejack back in Ponyville's regular timeline before freezing time once more. She looked through the window at Twilight, starting to use the sands to move the timeline forward for the first time. Within mere minutes, the day passed, showing Twilight bickering and arguing with Spike all day long while they struggled to organize all the newly arrived books.

'Poor Spike... Maybe when I finally get around to Twilight Sparkle, I can help them both, like Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo...'

Finally, she froze time again upon seeing Twilight vigorously studying a book similar to the one she had earlier. Fluttershy let the time flow and return to normal, and knocked on the door gently. Twilight answered, looking exhausted once again from a stressful day, although she appeared glad to see Fluttershy at her doorstep.

"Hey, Fluttershy! I was just about to come look for you! Please excuse the mess, we... We didn't get as much done today as we'd hoped to. And it's too late to continue, so we'll pick up and finish tomorrow. However, I was looking through more ways of trying to find that Skylar pegasus you mentioned."

"Yes?" Fluttershy beamed with interest.

Twilight Sparkle frowned. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but, it looks like Skylar doesn't exist. In fact, we couldn't find anypony by that name at all. Even Princess Celestia wasn't able to find him."

Fluttershy's heart sank. "Oh... Okay..."

Twilight eyed the pouch again. "Still got that bird seed? Aren't those blue jays at your house starving by now?"

Fluttershy blushed, feigning surprise. "Oh my gosh, yes! I completely forgot! I'm sorry Twilight, but I need to go right now so I can take care of them!" As soon as she galloped off out of her eyesight, she froze time once more, and rewound it to the night before.

"Coming, Mother."

Skylar trotted into the bedroom and placed the bowl of soup on the nightstand.

"Where have you been lately?"

Skylar blushed. "Busy, Mother. The weather team keeps me overtime because of my shortcomings. I told you that. You know that."

"Are you sure it's not because you've been seeing that earth pony again? You two aren't serious, are you?"

Skylar wordlessly continued about his chores.

"She doesn't make a lot of money. You know that. How are you two ever going to be able to support yourselves if you both make minimum wage? You know what people are going to say if they see a pegasus and an earth pony together. I don't mind it, but you could get into a lot of trouble!"

"Mother, she's really nice," Skylar sighed, irritated and hurt.

"I'm not saying she isn't! I'm just worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt. I want you to find the right girl. Somepony who can give you everything you need, for all your life. I'm sorry, son, but she just isn't the one."

Skylar continued trying to ignore his mother's criticisms the best he could. He loved her, and she was a good mother, but something about her kept holding him back. She was so smothering, and overprotective. So judgmental.

He found it endearing that Auburn and her father built homes for people who couldn't afford them. That they accepted the lowest prices possible, not out of competitive salesmanship, but genuine concern for the wellbeing of their fellow ponies.

It was hard enough that he was in his twenties without a cutie mark. It was hard enough that he was the most loathed weather pony on the team. It was hard enough that he had to keep his romance with Auburn a secret. It was hard enough that his mother always dictated the course of his life.

But he never minded having to take care of her. She was crippled. Reduced to only the bed and the wheelchair. He'd take her around town and help her do everything she needed to. They were the only ones living in the same house; she depended on him for everything. He worked to repay everything she'd done in raising him, and excused every time she hurt him, knowing that it was unintentional, an unforeseen result of her own suffering.

Fluttershy awoke, dumbfounded by yet another dream of the nonexistent pegasus. Her curiosity outweighed any fearful inhibitions she held towards asking Vesper about the situation. How is it that she had lifelike dreams about complete strangers, one who was a real person she never even knew about, and the other entirely nonexistent somehow? How was it that she thought she saw them in Ponyville, when Granny Smith was a pioneer long after Auburn died?

When Twilight first told her that neither Auburn nor Skylar could be found in her records, she initially thought she was going insane. That, or her dreams really were getting too intense, and lucid. Maybe it was both. She timidly approached the genie, still unsure as to whether or not he was responsible for her recent nightmares and suffering. Surprisingly, he was as calm and patient as ever, as if Fluttershy had never gotten angry towards him at all. After confirming he was indeed content, she softly asked about the connection between Skylar and Auburn, if indeed she was real and he wasn't.

"Skylar is a real person," Vesper answered. "His mother, April -- the crippled pony you saw -- she had an affair with a unicorn, and was impregnated by him. She was already married to another pegasus, and back in that age it was considered illegal to have interracial copulation. When the father discovered Skylar would be born an alicorn, he cast a powerful spell on him while still in the womb. It took away his horn and magic abilities, but at the cost of erasing his cutie mark for life."

Fluttershy was stunned. "So he... Never... Got his cutie mark?..."

"No, he didn't."

"... What would it have been if he did get it?"

"A heart, for caring."

"I watched a change in you

It's like you never had wings

Now you feel so alive

I've watched you change"

• Deftones's "Change (In The House Of Flies)"