Angels in Equestria

by ArguingPizza

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6
Length: 20290

Equestria is a land of Peace, but all lands are eventually touched by the War of Creation

Equestria is a land of Peace, but all lands are eventually touched by the War of Creation. Sent down from Heaven to investigate signs of Hell's encroachment, a High Angel discovers that Equestria is about to become the newest battleground in a war that has lasted almost since Time itself began.

WILL NOT BE PREACHING ANY RELIGION. I will not be preaching any religion, just using elements from some. Think of it like Diablo or Supernatural

Published 2012-11-11 08:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-04 22:36:28 UTC

Descent, Landings, and Pain

God damn it.

No, seriously. God damn it.

Okay, I admit; not a great way to start a story. Without context, that might make me sound bitter, which I'm totally not. I love my Dad, and my job. Is it easy? Hell no, and I do mean Hell no.

Why the emphasis you might ask?

Well, not to brag, but I'm kind of a High Angel of Heaven.

Cool right? Yeah.

I know what you're thinking; "What's with the swearing?" Yes, angels swear. Like sailors, in fact. Though, considering the fact that we've been around since pretty much the Dawn of Creation, you might say sailors swear like angels.

Hmm? What's that loud, roaring sound? Its nothing, just the wind.

Well......technically not wind, so much as the air that's rushing by me at a hair under 10,000 miles per hour.

And that brings me to the first thing I hate about being an Angel. Overall, being a Celestial Soldier of the Highest Plain is awesome, but like every job it has the parts that just absolutely suck ass. First on the list: the descents.

NO! NOT FALL! Its a DESCENT!!! Its DIFFERENT!

….Sorry. Kind of a sensitive subject around the Heaven household. Ever since my big brother and Dad got into it, the whole family's been fighting like crazy.

But yeah, descents suck. Partly because your entire essence is ripped out of the Heavenly Plain and dropped into the Mortal one like a bowling ball through tissue paper.

Partly.

But mostly, its the landings. Landings suck Demon dick, but more on that in a second.

First, a quick pre-ground checklist.

Physical body?

Check.

Wings?

Check.

Sword?

Check.

A long list of obscenities to shout at the top of my newly formed lungs when I slam face first into
the-SLAMBOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!

…....Ow.

I guess that last one needs work. I'll get on that, right after my entire body stops feeling like its been liquified and burned.

…..........

Nope, pain's not getting any better.

With a groan of pain I refuse to call anything less than manly, I pushed myself to my feet. Every single joint popped, and when I looked around I noticed more than a few stark white feathers littering the ground.

They were easy to spot; Angelic white stands out like a candle in the dark against the black, charred glass that was once a meadow teeming with wildflowers.....or possibly just a bunch of boring trees. Hard to be sure.

For nearly a mile in every direction, the ground was cracked and burned pitch black, and I was standing in the center of a crater over a hundred feet deep.

All-in-all, a pretty damn good landing, especially compared to the last time I went physical. That one was a real shame. I really like the dinosaurs. Not the most cuddly of creatures, sure, but Velociraptors in particular were actually pretty friendly. Or, at least, they were when they weren't hungry, then they got all bitchy. And bite-y.

I looked down and double checked myself. One thing about physical bodies; they require maintenance. Eating, breathing, expelling waste. I couldn't help but shudder. That's the main reason why angels try to avoid coming down to the Mortal Plain, or as we call it, 'going physical'. The idea of passing dead plants and animals through your body is just......blegh. We don't actually have to do it, but even just having the equipment available is......unsettling.

My armor was undamaged, though there was a fine layer of soot covering every inch of me from head to toe. With a thought, the grime was dispelled, and the cherub-forged armor, made of Heavenly gold, shined spotless in the light.

Yes, golden armor. The absolute worst possible choice for camouflage and subtlety? Without a doubt. A literal, physical incarnation of Holy Badass?

Hell yeah.

Not to mention its still strong enough to stop just about every weapon in Creation dead in its tracks. In a single smooth motion, I pulled my sword from its sheath, specially crafted to release its charge only to my own hands.

Nameless. That was her name. Yes, her, and after all that hype I bet you'd think that I'd have a better name for her than just 'Nameless', but for some reason from the very first moment I laid my eyes upon her, I knew. It was as if she spoke to me, and I had always known her. Two old friends, meeting for the first time. 'Nameless, Wrath of the High Angel Cornelius'.

Sounds a lot cooler like that, doesn't it? Damn right it does.

The blade, four and a half feet of sanctified silver, practically sparkled. She was just as beautiful down here as in Heaven. I couldn't quite keep a smile off my face as I beheld her. In all the thousands of millennia and billions of battles in which I had carried her with me, not once had she failed me. More demons had met their end from her sharper-than-razor edge than there were stars in all the universe.

I took a deep breath and returned Nameless to her home. I rolled my shoulders, allowing any latent kinks to work themselves out. I closed my eyes and finished settling into my body. The pain of landing faded, and I was once again at peace. With a thought, my wings snapped out to their full fifteen-foot span.

A single powerful flap propelled me a half mile into the air. With vision a thousand times more keen than even the sharpest-eyed of Eagles, I observed a small village resting just outside of the forest I had landed in. From the air, my impact crater appeared as an ugly blemish on the otherwise green landscape, and I said a silent prayer of thanks that I had missed the tiny hamlet.

However, it seemed my arrival did not go unnoticed. Not truly surprising, considering it almost certainly caused a powerful earthquake, not to mention the huge burning trail from the sky.

The streets of the village were filled with short, pastel colored ponies. The skies above, too, teemed with colorful equine life. It almost looked like someone had spilled a bag of enormous skittles, which had come to life and immediately panicked.

“Yep. Definitely in the right place,” I said to myself. “Now let's see......” I scanned the horizon, and, sure enough, to the northeast of the village stood a tall mountain. A large, impractically designed castle was built upon its western face, hanging precariously over the edge.

With a second mighty pump, I rocketed towards the city.

Okay people, I'd like to ask before this goes any further that nobody in the comments try to make this story about religion. Its not. Think of it more like the Diablo games or the show Supernatural; there are elements from religions but they're used more like source material and background than anything. I'm not preaching anything to anyone, and I never will.

But, in terms of just story, please tell me what you think. Review, rate, whatever. If you have any constructive criticism, I'd love to hear it. I especially appreciate having my grammar mistakes pointed out, since I lack a proof-reader.

Accidental Invasions

Canterlot was probably in an uproar. Maybe.

Now, I understand it might be hard to understand why I wasn't completely sure. It sounds like it would be easy to tell when an entire city is going bananas. But, considering the fact that I've spent most of my existence covered in demon blood on the Battleground Plain of Purgatory. I think my unfamiliarity with judging the emotional states of ponies is excusable.

I was completely sure that they were excited over something, with all the running around and yelling. I was just having a bit of difficulty determining if it was the good kind of excited or the-

A pony threw a spear at me. A pony. Threw. A spear. At ME.

Probably the bad kind, then. Was it something I said?

“Halt! Foul creature, submit yourself!” cried one of the golden armored stallions. I couldn't help but think that their armor was probably a lot less durable than mine.

The guard's shout seemed to invigorate his comrades, and almost immediately I found myself surrounded by a dozen white and gray armored ponies, which led me to believe that it was, in fact, something I said. The fact that I hadn't said a word since touching down and deciding to take a stroll through the city was irrelevant.

At that moment, the idea that I was surrounded by a dozen, gilded, completely serious pony soldiers struck me. The long, riotous laughter that I unleashed seemed to unnerve them. Apparently, near seven-feet tall Shining Heavenly Warriors dropping in and rolling around on the ground laughing wasn't covered in their training.

Its not really their fault. Had I been almost anyone else, their little show of strength probably would have intimidated me. A dozen burly, stern-faced stallions is, objectively, a very compelling sight.

But, taking into account the whole 'Soldier of Heaven' thing(another perk of being an angel; all your titles kick ass), and the fact that even the tallest guard barely reached my waist, the whole thing seemed more adorable than anything. Like a swarm of kittens who try to attack a puppy, armed only with hugs.

Sadly, my laughter was brought to an abrupt end when a unicorn guard worked up the courage to try to subdue me through magic. What followed is exactly what you'd expect from anyone with combat reflexes honed through innumerable years of war. The fact that the guards survived at all is a remarkable show of restraint on my part.

When the light faded, I stood and looked around. Everywhere around me, the streets were littered with ponies who had been caught up in my......not quite attack, but something close. They were all alive and laying unconscious on the ground. I sighed sadly. All I wanted to do was take a pleasant stroll through the city. These ponies really need to get out more, learn not to panic at everything.

I realized the same thing would probably happen all the way through the city, so I unfurled my wings and took to the air. Faster than lighting, I soared through the sky. Less than a full second later, I touched down gently in the center courtyard of the Palace. The door guards snapped their eyes to me and tensed to attack, but before they could move an inch I appeared between them. I gently rested my hands on their foreheads and passed a thought through their heads, commanding them to sleep. With two identical thumps, both slumped to the floor. Just for kicks, I made sure their dreams would be about each other and of a type not to be discussed in polite company.

I strode forward and willed the doors out of my way. I realized I had used a bit too much force when the doors exploded off their heavy hinges and shattered against a pair of support columns. Another cool thing about being an angel: the epic entrances.

The chamber I entered was empty except for another pair of guards who quickly joined their comrades in dreamland, though this time without the awkwardness-inducing scenarios. A single gold-trimmed red carpet led directly to another set of almost identical doors. I stopped in front of them for a moment to gauge my own strength. Although it looked cool, ripping doors off hinges in someone else's home was generally considered rude, and considering who I was coming to see, I would have preferred to avoid that.

Before I could resume my journey and open the door, I heard voices coming from the other side. They were muffled, but they seemed rushed, and maybe a little bit panicked.

I decided waiting would only make the situation worse(also I was getting bored, which is never a good thing for me), and I gently pushed the doors open, this time with my real physical hands. However, it seemed Fate wanted me to appear as rude and intimidating as possible, and the doors once again snapped off their hinges. At least the second time they didn't shatter completely.

On the other side of the doors was a long room with an extremely high ceiling. Stained glass windows made up most of the walls, each depicting a different scene. In the center of the far end of the room there stood a dais topped with a large throne. In front of the dais a half dozen ponies whirled their heads around to look at me.

And every single one of them looked terrified out of their fucking minds.

All six suddenly bolted towards the far end of the room, where they immediately tried to hide behind a larger, white-

“UNCLE CORNELIUS!!!!!” Before I could even take a step into the room, I was tackled to the ground by a white blur. I found myself on my back looking up into a massive smile and a pair of sparkling magenta eyes.

I sighed happily. “Hello, Celly. I take it you missed me?” Celestia didn't answer, but proceeded to give me a bone-crunching hug. After a few moments she released me and began to hop in place. All of this took place with her still standing on top of me.

“OHMYMOMYOU'REHEREYOU'REREALLYREALLYREALLYHEREFORREALLYREAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” What followed was easily in the top five most adorable squee sounds in the history of my existence. I simply couldn't help myself when I grabbed her in a hug of my own and jumped to my feet. Celestia giggled as if it was a carnival ride, just like a foal would.

After a few moments, Celestia seemed to remember the other ponies in the room, and her stark white coat blushed a furious red. She coughed a few times and attempted to straighten herself out before taking a step(mind you an extremely small one) away from me.

While Celestia was trying to compose herself, I looked towards the half dozen ponies who had attempted to take shelter behind her. They were all standing stock still and staring at the two of us like we'd suddenly grown Demon heads out of our chests and started singing Brittney Spears.

Celestia shuffled her feet a bit. “Um.....girls, I'd like you to meet my Uncle Cornelius.” Celestia gave a nervous smile, clearly embarrassed about her behavior. I gave a small wave.

Apparently, the combination of an earth-shattering explosion, a(completely unintentional) storming of Canterlot, a large and heavily armed Angel, and their regal Princess acting like a foal on Hearth's Warming was too much for the poor little ponies.

All six fainted, and I swear I tried to catch them. I just didn't try very hard.

So, tell me what you think of this chapter and, as always, constructive criticism is always welcome.

Dainty Ponies and Deceptive Princesses

Its almost funny how frail ponies are. Its so strange, especially considering how durable normal horses are. Honestly, after standing still in the castle infirmary for nearly a half hour, watching nurses and doctors try to wake up the candy-colored prima donas, I couldn't help but think of how badly they'd handle actual danger. Considering they fainted at their princess turning acting childish(and fainted hard, which I didn't even know was a thing), I had to imagine what would happen if they ever ran into any of the half dozen different varieties of Hell-beast I encounter on a daily basis.

Suffice it to say, the images my imagination conjured were not pretty.

I also couldn't help but notice the special care and attention Celly was paying the purple unicorn. I wondered to myself if perhaps my dear niece had spawned a little daughter and neglected to tell me. I waved away the possibility almost as soon as it entered my mind. Harmonia was a stubborn girl, but my sister taught her girls well before returning to the Heavenly Realm. Surely they'd have the manners to call their favorite uncle if something like that had come up.

Although.....the girl does have Celly's eyes........and her ears. Hmm.

My mental comparisons were brought to an abrupt halt when, once again, I was tackled to the ground. This time though, the hit was from behind, and I distinctly saw dark blue before my face hit tile.

Angel Perk # 4: When in physical form, minor injuries(ex: broken noses) heal almost instantly.

Angel Downside #3: When in physical form, pain(ex: broken noses) still hurts. Sometimes like a bitch(ex: Broken. Fucking. Noses.)

Fortunately for me, the fact that my face was pressed into the floor by the weight of a small horse(or a normal Pony Princess) muffled my pain-moans.

With my free hand(my left arm was pinned under my torso, the result of an unsuccessful attempt at catching myself) I rolled myself over, and came nose-to-nose with my other niece.

“Hello, Lulu. I thought we talked about the nose thing.” I wasn't actually referring to the turning and coming nose-to-nose. Believe it or not this was actually the FOURTH time my darling little moon-pie had broken my nose. Actually quite an impressive score. Not a Demon alive or dead could claim to have hurt me so often.

Unlike Celestia, Luna didn't squeal or or jump on me. No, Luna's style was always more subtle than her sister's, appropriate considering her domain over this solar system's Lunar cycles. Not as flashy as the sun, but more the slow-roaming free spirit. Sometimes appearing during the day, sometimes all day, sometimes only at night, and sometimes not at all. And, above all, easily bored. Reminded me a little of myself, if I was honest.

“Boop.”

The dark blue hoof bounced lightly off my (thank-Dad-and-all-His-Grace)just-healed nose. It may have seemed strange to outsiders, but between Luna and myself, the gesture said things an entire library worth of words couldn't have. Even Celestia didn't quite understand our little code.

“Aaaw come here!” I said as I swept Luna up in a hug of her own. This time, instead of just jumping to my feet, I decided to Feather there.

Now, some context here may come in handy: Feathering(not my idea for the name, but once you get something into Luna's head there is no force in Heaven, Hell, Earth or Purgatory strong enough to remove it) is what happens when an Angel takes physical form, but still needs to move quickly. She named it because sometimes when you Feather you lose a couple of wing feathers.

Imagine the process as willing yourself to be in another place instead of actually moving. It's almost like persuading the universe to morph itself around you so that you change locations. I would try to explain it further, but the last time I tried the person I was explaining it to starved to death before I could finish writing down the first equation.

Also, when Luna was a foal, I MAY have used it to take her on a tour of some of the surrounding Solar Systems, and I'll tell you what I told her at the time: do NOT tell her mom. My life may or may not depend on it.

When we reappeared in the same place, now standing, Luna's smile almost exploded off her face. I could tell it reminded her of our little jaunt around the galaxy, because her eyes shined with.....

Wait.

Her eyes.........The smile slid from my face and was replaced with a look of concern as I closely observed Luna's expression. Luna attempted to lean away from me until I grabbed her face with my gauntlet-ed hands and held her head still. After a few moments of careful examination, my eyes narrowed and I shot a glance at Celestia.

I hadn't noticed it until now, but whenever Celestia glanced at Luna, the slightest hint of guilt entered her features. It became more apparent as I saw her confused expression shift between myself and her sister. I let my hands fall to my sides and straightened myself into an authoritative posture.

“Something happened while I was gone, didn't it.” It wasn't a question.

The two sisters immediately became tense and slightly nervous. Celestia attempted to resist the urge to shuffle her hooves, but caught herself a moment too late. Luna flicked her tail the same way she had the day I caught her trying to sneak an extra cookie after lunch(which I gave to her anyway, of course.)

Their tells* hadn't changed in almost four thousand years, and I immediately knew they were hiding something.

“W-what do you mean, Uncle?” Luna asked. Poor girl. She never was a good liar.

“Um-yes? Whatever are you talking about?” Though compared to her sister, she might as well have been the Patron Saint of Deceit. They may have been good at lying to mortals, but they'd never been able to keep a single secret from me.

I knew they weren't going to give up whatever they were trying to hide easily, and pulling it from them would put me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Still, I needed to know and-

…....

I'm an idiot.

I resisted the urge to smack myself(barely) as I recalled what I had seen in the throne room: giant stained glass windows. I recalled that when they were foals and had trouble sleeping, I would read them a bed time story. But, the best uncle ever I'd always added a visual element. And guess how I portrayed the stories?

Stained glass window vision(fine, you come up with a better name, Mr. 'I'm Better At Naming Things Than The GODDAMN ANGEL')

With a tiny smile of accomplishment, I set off back to the throne room. Behind me, I'm sure the girls shared a cartoonish look before scrambling after me if the delayed scraping of hooves on tile was any indicator.

Originally, I was going to walk on my normal meat-legs, but I feel I must point out just how easily I can become bored. Less than ten seconds of walking nearly put me in a waking coma, and I instead simply Feathered into the throne room.

I scanned the high windows all around me, looking for anything unusual. Behind me I heard and felt air rush by me, displaced by twin teleportation spells. Before either sister could even begin to usher me away, my eyes locked on a huge representation of two ponies. One pink, one blue. Celestia and Luna, minus a few thousand years or so. The pink one wore a familiar looking yoke around her neck, and the dark blue one wore unusually threatening armor, and had strangely predatory eyes.

And they.

Were.

Fighting.

*For those unfamiliar with the term, a 'tell' is a poker term that refers to a small action or twitch that indicates stress, usually a bad hand or in this case deception

Alright, that's chapter 3. Tell me what you guys think

An Agitated Angel

Calm.

Calm is good. Calm is key. Calm is what makes the world go round, and calm is what is going to keep me from vaporizing a continent.

Calm. Clear skies, meadows full of flowers. A gentle breeze coming off the ocean, smelling of salt and GODDAMN IT NOT WORKING!!!!

Pissed, so very very pissed off right now.

My hands were clenched so tightly they were literally smoking, and I was grinding my teeth so hard that it made an audible, high pitched whine.

Must.

Not.

Incinerate.

Planet.

I'm sure Celestia and Luna were surprised when the stained glass window portraying their battle shattered. I'm sure they were also surprised when all the little shards of glass melted, then were burned into nothing.

The saying 'stares that kill' has entirely different meanings for Celestial and Hellish beings.

“U-uh....Uncle Cor-” I raised my hand to silence Luna so quickly it produced wind strong enough to shake the crystal chandelier overhead. Luna clamped her mouth shut hard enough for me to hear it.

I stood still and silent for several more moments when I heard Celestia take a tiny step forward. “I-I'm sorry that-”

I whirled on her. “YOU'RE SORRY!? YOUR SISTER NEARLY FALLS FROM GRACE WITHOUT YOU BOTHERING TO SUMMON ME, AND YOUSAYYOU'RESORRY?!?!?!”

The force of my voice blew the two girls off their feet and shattered every piece of glass in the castle. They slid across the room and landed in a pile against the far side of the room. The large door leading into the throne room burst open and a pair of white unicorn guards stormed in, ready to defend their princesses. With a wave of my hand, both were violently ejected from the room and the doors slammed shut again.

I turned my searing gaze back on my nieces, who were attempting to untangle their limbs. I advanced towards them, and unconsciously my hand found the hilt of Nameless.

I froze mid-step. Luna and Celestia's eyes swelled to the size of dinner plates and locked on my right hand.

It was at that moment I remembered who I was looking at; the same two little alicorns who I had helped raise. They were practically my own daughters, and I was watching them cower before me like I was a monster. I had even raised my sword hand, like they were Damned demons!

Instantly, all my anger abated, and I turned to look back at the empty space where the stained glass had been. I decided against trying to repair it.

After several tense moments, I looked back at my nieces, who were leaning against each other for support. Their cheeks were tear stained, and there was still fear in their eyes. I lowered my gaze in shame. The floor around me was scorched.

“I'm sorry.” My voice was quiet, and I made absolutely sure it contained no trace of anger.

Celestia crossed the room and stood in front of me, her head down in shame as well. “I am sorry too, Uncle. But, when Luna nearly Fell, I......I panicked.” Celestia looked at Luna sadly, and Luna herself wore a heavy burden of guilt on her face.

“I recalled all the stories you told me, about all the Fallen, and I was scared. I though that, if I summoned you, y-you might.....h-hurt Lulu.” Celestia began to cry again. Gently, I reached out and cupped her cheek. I caught her eyes with mine, and I gave her a small smile.

“You know I'd never hurt my little Woona.” I gave Luna a smile as well, and before I could say anything else, both sisters had me trapped between them in a group hug. I wrapped an arm around each of their necks in return, before taking a step back and putting on a serious face.

“But you girls know how serious that situation could have been. You both carry the Blood of the Heavens in you. If either of you had Fallen, I would have had to......” I trailed off, unable to finish the thought, but the idea hung heavily in the air.

“So how did it happen?” I asked, eager to distance myself from the subject of consequences.

“It began about fifteen hundred years after we sealed Discord and you and Mother went back to Heaven,” began Celestia. “Luna and I decided that, instead of leaving the ponies to their own fate, we would act as their guides until they could stand on their own and the last of the residual Chaos magic faded.”

Luna cleared her throat before continuing. “We moved the Sun and Moon just as Mother instructed us to, and we kept her Elements close by in case there was a danger we could not overcome ourselves. We ruled together, everything was equal. But eventually....the ponies began to distrust me.”

Celestia draped a wing over her sister and took over the story. “I tried everything I could think of, but after Discord, ponies were so distrustful and just..... scared that they turned away from Luna and her night. They saw my day as a beacon of hope and safety, and in doing so abandoned the comforts of the night.”

Luna nodded slowly. “Eventually I.......I became jealous of Celly. All the ponies loved her, and they would barely spare me a glance. Nobles stopped coming to me for decisions, stallions stopped trying to join my Night Guard, even the common ponies began to think of me as a figurehead, not an equal.

After several centuries of this, I snapped. I simply couldn't accept being ignored in my own country, one I had myself helped free! So....I allowed Evil to enter my heart, to make me strong so ponies would have to acknowledge me! It was my misguided hope that I could make them see how great I was! That I was just as strong, just as beautiful as their beloved Celestia!” Luna dropped her gaze.

“But the Evil was seductive. Before I knew what was happening, I declared myself Nightmare Moon and refused to lower the moon. When Celly asked me to lower it as was my duty, I rebuffed her. I attacked, and nearly killed her. She fled, bleeding from the Castle. Days later, as ponies suffered under my grand 'Eternal Night', Celestia stormed the Castle with the Yoke of Harmony around her neck and gave me a final chance. She begged me. And I laughed at her. She was left with no choice, and banished me to the moon for a thousand years. That was a little over a thousand and two years ago.”

Wet spots appeared on the floor. Luna's tears. Celestia nuzzled the younger alicorn. “It wasn't you Luna. You weren't yourself.”

Luna sniffled, but said nothing. After a few moments, she collected herself and raised a curious eyebrow at me.

“The thought strikes me; Uncle, why have you ventured down to the Mortal Plain?” she asked.

My face hardened and my hand returned to Nameless' hilt, this time intentionally. One word sent a chill through the room.

“Discord.”

Prerequisite Exposition of Elemental Equines

Prerequisite Exposition of Elemental Equines

The throne room of Canterlot Castle cleaned up quite nicely. While it wasn't the grandest Royal Hall in Creation, it was still pretty nice. After the glass from the windows had been swept up, and the two Royal Guards' injuries tended to, I found myself standing in front of the dais beside Luna as Celestia led in the same half dozen ponies that I had frightened earlier.

Celestia strode to the halfway point between the dais and the ponies. “Uncle, I would like to introduce to you six dear friends of mine.” with a slight nod of her head, Celestia motioned over the purple pony leading the pack.

“This is my student and protege as well as the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle.” the purple pony bowed and gave me an unsure smile.

“Next is Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty.” Taking me by complete surprise, the pony with the rainbow mane and tail dashed(I'm so very sorry, but there really isn't any other way to explain it, and I'm almost entirely sure she did it intentionally) to the front and gave a halfhearted bow.

“As well as Applejack and Fluttershy, Elements of Honesty and Kindness.” The blonde pony with a cowboy hat and the pink-maned Pegasus strode forward, while the pink one tried to hide behind the other.

“Lastly there is Rarity, the Element of Generosity and Pinkie Pie; element of Laughter.” The last two walked, or in the case of the pink one bounced, to join their friends.

After the introductions, all six mares stared at me with a look of expectation. For several tense moments they kept their big eyes locked on me.

“.......And I should care why?” I deadpanned. The six mares wilted in cartoonish sync, and Celestia shot me a flat look. Luna jabbed me in the ribs with a hoof and pointed at the now-downtrodden ponies. I couldn't help but give a resigned sigh.

“Hehhhh, fine." I took a deep breath and took a step forward, at the same time unsheathing Nameless and raising Her to shine in the sunlight coming in from the empty windows.

“I AM THE HIGH ANGEL CORNELIUS! SOLDIER OF LIGHT AND DEFENDER OF THE ETERNAL HEAVENS!”

The bearers were thrown blown backwards from the force of the Voice of Heaven. Five of them were left completely bewildered, though the one called Pinkie Pie looked like she had thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

“Uncle!” scolded Celestia, “Please, stay yourself. My little ponies are not used to such.......forceful communication.” I raised an eyebrow. I seemed to recall it being quite popular last time I visited. I pushed the thought out of my mind.

“Will you tell me why I had to meet them before you took me to see the Draconequus?” I asked. Celestia levitated a box from behind the her throne and opened it, revealing six different pieces of jewelry. Each piece had a symbol corresponding to the cutie marks of the six ponies in front of me.

“.......no.” Celestia smiled haughtily and nodded.

“Yes. It was these six mares who not only sealed Discord back in stone after his escape, but also purged Luna of Evil.” I couldn't believe it. I stared, dumbfounded, at the ponies who had managed to right themselves and were busily rubbing their no-doubt ringing ears.

“You're actually telling me these little half-grown meat sacks bested Discord? Discord, evil draconequus, mismatched parts, about yay-high?” I asked, raising my hand to just over my head.

Instead of Celestia, it was Rainbow Dash who pumped her wings and popped up in front of my face with a cocky grin. “You betcha!” she said proudly. “We kicked that mean old Discord's butt halfway across Equestria without breaking a sweat!” I glanced at the other five ponies who nodded fiercely.

I had to give it to them. “Not bad, ponies. Not bad at all.” I gave them a grin of approval.

Next thing I knew, the one I was pretty sure was called Rarity was just all up in my business. She was practically drooling on my armor as she looked over every inch of it.

“Darling, where ever did you get this?!? The hoofsmanship is absolutely gorgeous! Its so simple, yet so fabulous! And the way the light catches it is just so-” Her increasingly incoherent rant was brought to an end by a cloud of purple-colored magic enveloping her. The white unicorn huffed as she was dropped back down to earth by the purple unicorn.

“Thank you,” I said gratefully to the uni-Twilight. That one's name is Twilight. I looked back to Celestia. “I assume they're you're back-up plan?” She nodded sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.

“Fine. But will you lead me to him now? Please?” I almost begged. As nice as it was seeing family again, I did come down for a reason. Celestia responded by igniting her horn. A rectangular segment of wall glowed, the outline of a door becoming clear before sliding out and revealing a passageway.

Without waiting I entered, and saw that it contained a stone staircase that spiraled down. I managed to bite back any comment about the cliche and made my way down, eight sets of hooves following behind me.

Several hundred feet down, I came to a large steel door engraved with dozens of magical runes designed to prevent forced entry. Some were actually quite impressive, and I noticed more than a few I remembered teaching Celly and Luna myself. I smiled with just a hint of pride.

They always were quick studies.

Instead of bypassing the door entirely, I waited for Celestia and the rest to catch up. To my slight surprise, both Celestia and Luna ignited their horns this time. The door glowed a spiral combination of gold and midnight blue, before splitting down the middle and opening into a large, well lit chamber. Inside was a single stone statue in the center of the room.

Discord. He was posed strangely, with his face frozen in a scream.

I walked forward slowly, examining the various spells carved onto the chamber's walls, ceiling, and floor. The array was formidable. It would have given even me some trouble, and that's saying something.

I stopped a few feet from the statue, and noticed the others hadn't followed me in. I raised an eyebrow and Celestia and Luna both strode forward, though slowly and without any enthusiasm. The Element bearers followed in their wake, making sure to keep the two Alicorns between them and the statue. Even Rainbow Dash seemed unsettled, despite her brazen demeanor just minutes earlier.

When the equines were close enough, I nodded, satisfied. I turned back to the statue and moved to only inches away. With a careful eye I walked all around the statue, examining every ward and bind that contained him.

All told, it was a pretty piss-poor job.

I tilted my head as I counted the cracks, dead spaces, and imperfections in the spell casting. Several areas were rapidly decaying, some had already disintegrated. Eventually, I furrowed my brow and pointed at Twilight Sparkle.

“You.” I said, and the mare gave a yelp.

“M-m-me?” she asked, scared. I nodded and motioned for her to approach. She shared a frightened look with the Princesses, who both gave nods of assent, and reluctantly approached.

I pointed to a seemingly random section of the draconequus's torso. “What do you see?” I asked her. She looked at me in confusion before squinting at the statue.

I face-palmed.

“With magic. What do you see in the magic?” I clarified. She made a silent 'O' face and ignited her horn. The room was dead silent for several moments until Twilight's eyes expanded and her pupils shrank. She backpedaled back in terror until she impacted Celestia's chest. All seven observers began shouting questions as I nodded silently.

“Silence!” Celestia shouted, quieting the others. In a calm voice, she gently asked Twilight, “What is it Twilight? What's the matter?” Twilight blubbered for a few moments before answering.

“T-t-t-the spell! I messed up somehow! A-a-an now he's going to break out!” Twilight was nearly in tears, from fear or self-loathing I was unsure.

Celestia and Luna both struck battle stances, and Celestia extended a wing protectively over the smaller unicorn. Luna looked at me as I slowly approached the group, my back to the statue.

“When! Uncle, how long until the beast breaks free?!” she demanded in a slightly panicked tone, her horn aglow with defensive and offensive magic.

I stopped and thought for a moment, rubbing my chin.

“Right abooooooout..........now.”

The stone exploded.

Alright folks, you know the drill. Rate, review, reverse, relay, etc. Tell me what you think and as always, constructive criticism and pointing out grammar/spelling errors is always welcome.

Devilish Deviations

Previously, on Battlestar Galactica.......

“T-t-t-the spell! I messed up somehow! A-a-an now he's going to break out!” Twilight was nearly in tears, from fear or self-loathing I was unsure.

Celestia and Luna both struck battle stances, and Celestia extended a wing protectively over the smaller unicorn. Luna looked at me as I slowly approached the group, my back to the statue.

“When! Uncle, how long until the beast breaks free?!” she demanded in a slightly panicked tone, her horn aglow with defensive and offensive magic.

I stopped and thought for a moment, rubbing my chin.

“Right abooooooout..........now.”

The stone exploded.

Turns out, underground bunkers aren't actually that well ventilated. Surprising, I know.

By the time the dust in the air finally cleared, the place where Discord's statue had been was only empty air, with a small pile of rubble being the only indication that something had ever stood there at all.

“Heheheheh...”

Discord's menacing laugh emanated from every direction. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the cliché. It just seemed like it was gonna be one of those days. The other ponies in the room, however, did not react as well as I.

The Elements of Harmony all collectively screamed in terror and collided in a group-fear-hug*. Celestia and Luna stood back to back so as not to be surprised. Powerful magic flowed in and around their horns, but their hardened exteriors were betrayed by the obvious fear in their eyes.

“Yes, yes. Congratulations,” I said condescendingly as I slowly clapped, “You spooked a half dozen adolescent ponies and my nieces. Well done.”

A grunt of annoyance echoed throughout the room and I head a pair of mismatched feet softly land behind me. I grinned.

Gotcha.

Discord stood with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. His eyes were furrowed just enough to show the contempt with which he held me. To say that Hell-creatures hate Angels is comparable to saying that the intense, raging storms of superheated plasma that roll across the surface of the universe's hottest stars are a bit warm.

The feeling is most decidedly mutual.

“You should treat your elders with more respect. Honestly, didn't your Daddy ever teach you that?”

I shrugged. “Yes, but he also taught me to hold nothing but contempt in my heart for creatures such as yourself.” Discord looked disappointed.

“Well that was a bit of a let-down. I expected a better one-liner from the Angel of Sarcasm himself.”

Instead of replying, I began a slow, casual pace towards Discord. My right hand found Nameless, and Discord's eyes bulged for a moment before he forced himself to return to an aura of dismissive arrogance.

“Sorry, D, but I'm afraid this isn't really a social call. More like tidying up. The Big Show's coming soon, and it was decided we should clean up any strays before the curtain opens.”

Discord laughed insanely and wagged a claw at me. “Oh, I know the Big Show's about to happen. But I know something you don't know!” I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Really? Is that so? That's so weird, because here I was thinking you'd been busy this whole time. What, with being a slab of granite, and all.”

All amusement drained out of the draconequus's face, and he scowled at me. With jerky, unpredictable movements, he slithered close to me, stopping just inches from my face. He stood almost a foot taller than me when standing, so I was forced to look up.

“I'd advise you keep that attitude in check, Child. We were here long before you and your precious Father decided to come in and clean up the town. We have powers and wisdom you could never even hope to comprehend.”

In a flash, Nameless' tip was pressed into the underside of his throat. I applied a tiny bit of pressure and a trickle of blood flowed across her edge.

“Of the two of us, I'd say you should be the one watching what you say.” I applied a bit more pressure, and the blood flow increased. Discord didn't so much as flinch. “Your Kind may be older, but I've slain more of your Kin than there are stars in the sky. I could draw every drop of blood in that disgusting abomination you call a body, and it would be less than a drop in the ocean of what my blade has carved from Hell.”

Any and all pretense was gone. No more humor remained in either Discord or myself, and for several tense moments our eyes were locked. His were filled with unbridled hatred, and I'm sure mine looked much the same.

The ponies were frozen solid, shocked to see any being brave enough, or crazy enough, go toe-to-toe with the God of Chaos himself. My nieces braced themselves for what they knew would come next.

At the exact same moment, we snapped into action.

I thrust Nameless upwards and Discord rolled his upper body away from me. In the same motion, he whipped his tail around and slammed it against my breastplate.

Hard.

I grunted, but used my free left hand to grab the draconequus's appendage and hurl him against the wall farthest away from the watching equines. Without pausing, Discord dug his claws into the floor and tore a hole in the fabric of reality. As he dived in, I took a quick backwards step. Discord's unholy claws sliced through the air inches in front of my nose, only for the entire arm to be cleanly sliced in half by a downward strike from Nameless.

A howl of pain came from across the room, and I turned to see Discord rubbing the same arm I had cut off, it having regrown almost immediately. Discord narrowed his eyes and raised his non-aching hand. With a snap of his fingers, a dozen sharp diamond skewers came into existence around me. As they converged on me, each aimed at my head, I feathered out and reappeared behind Discord.

I grabbed the back of the beast's neck and pivoted into the air, at the same time using my momentum to pull Discord's face into my knee. His face met my gilded knee with a sickening crunch. The Elements cringed, and even my nieces couldn't help but wince at the sound of bone disintegrating. Any normal creature would have been reduced to sobbing from the agony, if not knocked unconscious outright.

But Hell-beasts are not normal creatures.

The sound that came from Discord was a moan of absolute ecstasy.

Instead of finding the feeling uncomfortable, Demons, Draconequus, and other Hell-beasts find pain orgasmic.

Discord's moan faded as he rolled off of my knee. His face wasn't pretty, but it wasn't as completely wrecked as it should have been. Before I could think to question it, Discord contorted his body and slithered behind me. I only managed to spin around halfway before a hoof slammed into my side. A jolt of pain went up my side as I was flung across the confined space. A moment before I would have hit the wall, I flared my wings and stopped in midair. I gracefully dropped the few inches to the floor and tucked my wings back in.

Something was wrong.

Discord was an unusually powerful Draconequus, that much I had known already. But to make a High Angel feel pain? A Seraph sure, but me? Short of the Archangels, I was one of the most powerful surviving Angels in all of Creation.

Something was very, very wrong.

*The 3rd best kind of hug

To any Galactica fans reading, who's voice did YOU hear reading the intro line?

Let There Be Light

Okay, time to evaluate the situation.

The problem: Discord is far more powerful than he should be, and I'm not quite sure how much juice he actually has right now.

What do I have to work with?

I've got Nameless, my two alicorn nieces, and the trinkets my sister left to keep them safe.

Wonderful.

First of all, I needed to move this fight. I can tell our fight is about to become a whole helluva lot more intense, and Celestia, Luna, and the Element bearers are probably going to be caught in the crossfire. Even though the chamber we're in is relatively spacious, a Celestial battle is.......destructive, to say the least. At the very least, I need to move the fight to open air.

Without taking my eyes off of Discord, I edged backwards until I was just in front of Celestia and Luna.

“Girls, get close to me. We're going topside.” The Alicorns nodded, and used their wings to herd the speechless and terrified ponies between themselves. I used my free hand to reach back and touch Luna's neck.

With a thought, sunshine hit our faces. Immediately, all but Luna retched violently.

One tiny thing I forgot to mention; the first time you Feather, it is extremely unpleasant.

Knowing Discord would be at most seconds behind us, I whirled around and began barking commands. “Luna, get everypony in the city under cover. Its about to hit the fan and I don't want anything getting caught in the crossfire.” The midnight blue Alicorn nodded wordlessly before rocketing into the sky.

“Celestia, get these six somewhere safe. If I fail, you're going to need to summon the Others. Do not hesitate. Understand? If I go down, you send the signal immediately, or else this whole damn mudball is going to be chaos-ed to nothing.” Celestia replied she understood, and teleported away with the Bearers.

I was only alone for a moment before the pavement behind me turned to ice cream and melted. Out of the hole arose Discord with a pissed off look on his disgusting face.

I tightened my grip on Nameless and turned to face Discord.

My wings snapped out to their full majestic span. The clouds above dissolved as a column of brilliant, heavenly light shined around me. The light reflected off my armor and Nameless' blade. Every shadow and trace of darkness in the entire city of Canterlot, every room, every closed cupboard, even the light-starved sewers became as bright as the desert at high noon.

The Power of a High Angel, feared across Creation.

Discord disappeared. With all my heightened senses I searched for him, but to my great surprise, I couldn't find him.

With wide eyes, I carefully scanned my surroundings. The spacious boulevard I stood in was empty. Thinking Discord might attempt to attack from below, I pumped my wings and raised myself a thousand feet up. From my high vantage point, I scanned the city below.

All my senses told me the city was empty, only ponies and my nieces remained. I checked on both Luna and Celestia, but both were completely fine. Luna was continuing her mission of telling the residents to take shelter, and Celestia was the Palace Throne Room with the Element Bearers.

For several minutes I searched the city and the air above, but I could find nothing.

Maybe he wasn't in Canterlot. I ascended to a full mile in the air and raised Nameless above my head. A pinpoint of light appeared at her tip which rapidly exploded into an inferno as glorious as the sun itself.

Every shadow on the planet was banished. I could see everything, everywhere. Every single molecule of Equus was in my sight, but Discord was not. With a deep grunt of effort, I expanded my Sight to the entire solar system. Power unrivaled outside of the Highest Heavens poured into all of the surrounding space, giving me insight astronomers could only dream of. But, no matter how far I looked, Discord was gone.

…......

I.......really?

I slowly lowered Nameless and hesitantly returned her to her sheath.

Huh.

With a confused look on my face, I slowly dropped back to Earth. I touched down in the palace courtyard, and ignored the surprised looks of the guards as I walked inside. Deep in thought I found myself-

I mean, really? He just left? Who does that?!

Distracted by my own internal confusion, I accidentally walked into the large wooden doors of the throne room. Or, maybe not 'into' so much as 'through'. I was knocked out of my reverie by the crashing sound of the doors and the uncomfortable sting of a hastily-cast blast of magic.

“Huh?” Admittedly, not my most eloquent response.

I looked up and saw Celestia in a battle stance, placed firmly between myself and the Bearers with a befuddled look on her face.

“Uncle?” She asked while rising out of her stance, “Is the battle over? We heard no sounds of battle, but you used your All-Seeing Spell.”

“Once again Celestia, its not a Sp-” Cue Darkness.

So, how much do you guys hate me now? I know, I dangled a prize fight in front of you like raw steak in front of a dog, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry this chapter is so short. It had to happen this way, though. The next chapter will be normal length. Btw, this is also the point where Cornelius stops seeming OP.

Side Effects

“-ell. Where did everybody go?” I asked as I sat up. When had I been laying down?

Oh God damn it.

I was in a hospital room, laying in a hospital bed, and my two nieces were sitting beside me in hospital chairs. Apparently, I was in a hospital.

“I passed out, didn't I,” I deadpanned. It wasn't a question, but both Celestia and Luna both nodded regardless.

I had forgotten, once again, the one thing an Angel needs to remember when in the Mortal Plain; don't do tough stuff. Angels are native to the Heavenly Realm, and can operate just as well in Purgatory(it being a place shared by all Beings, be they Heavenly, Hellish, or Mortal), but down in the Mortal world everything gets.....funky. That's the best word for it. It is similar to a land-dwelling creature being in water; you can function, but everything is choppier and it takes more effort to do something. If you do something that takes too much power, it tends to burn through the meat suit.

“How long have I been out?” I asked.

“Only about six hours,” replied Luna. I nodded silently. It could have been much worse; if I had used one of my more powerful abilities my mortal body might have been destroyed. Needless to say, it is a very unpleasant experience.

“Any sign of Discord?” Celestia shook her head.

“We have both searched, but can find no trace of him. Until now, it was our theory you had banished him back to Hell.” I sighed.

“No, I didn't banish him. After I Feathered us all up to the surface, Discord followed. Then, right before the fireworks could start, he just left."

The girls glanced at each other in confusion. "He....left?" Celestia asked, perplexed.

I nodded. "Disappeared, I don't know where. He could be anywhere under Heaven right now.” Both sisters looked distressed by the news; Discord had tormented both girls over the ages, and only their Mother had given them the strength to defeat him. To them, he was the boogeyman.

It was at that moment the door opened, revealing the Element Bearers. Twilight Sparkle led them in, and the room quickly became crowded. It was a decently sized room, but equines require a lot of standing room. “You're awake!” Pinkie Pie announced as she jumped and landed on my chest.

“No, really?” I asked in faux wonder.

“Yeah-huh!” she nodded her head rapidly, to assure me that I was, in fact, awake. “Now I can throw you an official Welcome-to-Ponyville-Pinkie-Pie-Party!!!” The other ponies rolled their eyes.

…...huh.

That actually didn't sound like a half bad idea.

“You know what? That's a good idea. Its been what, almost three thousand years since my last party?” I asked, looking to my nieces for confirmation. The last time I had actually attended anything even remotely like a party had been the celebration after Discord was turned to stone. The two sisters nodded.

“Give or take a century,” Luna added. Pinkie gasped.

And gasped.

And gasped.

......

By all under Heaven, how is she doing that?

Finally, after seeming to suck in enough air to fill an entire fleet of Zeppelins, Pinkie Pie stopped gasping and disappeared. I don't mean she bolted out of the room, or teleported away. One minute she was there and then she was just, gone.

“Well, we should probably get moving. Knowing Pinkie she's planning the Mother-of-all-Parties right now,” Applejack said. I nodded and stood up, throwing aside the thin, cheap hospital covers and standing. My wings popped out and cracked, and I exhaled happily.

It was that moment I noticed both my nieces covering their eyes with their hooves, Fluttershy passed out on the floor, Twilight and Applejack staring at me with open mouths and wide eyes, Rarity blushing and trying to discreetly hide a camera, and Rainbow Dash snickering.

After a few seconds of confusion, I realized I was no longer wearing pants.

Right, I know I said that this chapter would be normal length, but I decided I'd have this chapter be short to let everyone know I'm still working on the story. Rate, review, rhino, reload, etc.

Uncomfortable Stares

I had never actually been naked before. When in Heaven or Purgatory, Angels are essentially energy made solid, and I've never been in the Mortal World for more than a solid day at a time. Even when Harmonia and I dwelled in Equestria I would return to Heaven every night when the girls slept, before they were mature enough to take responsibility for their respective astrological charges. The returns in the morning were annoying, but it beat having to do maintenance on my physical body.

It was......freeing, to be honest. At least, until the breeze came. Then it was just cold.

I quickly summoned my armor and clothing to the relief of my nieces and the disappointment of most of the Bearers, most being the operative word. Poor Fluttershy, meek little thing. It took Rainbow Dash and Rarity several minutes to coax the little pony out of what I can only call a fear-coma, though she took care to tuck her camera carefully away before doing so.

Applejack and Twilight continued to steal glances at me, though every time I attempted to meet their eyes their blushes would deepen and they would quickly look away. To be frank, it was a bit unsettling, especially the slightly predatory looks in their eyes.

“So, now what Uncle?” Celestia asked. Luna and the others looked on, curious as well. I shrugged, and ignored an annoying twitch in my wings.

“Right now? There's nothing to be done. Discord is in the wind, and until I can find him and bind him, Equestria is in danger. I'll stay for as long as I can to ensure he doesn't return, but I cannot be sure how long I can remain. The Host of Heaven is preparing for Judgment Day.”

Applejack raised a hoof. “Uh, hold on there partner. What exactly is 'Judgement Day'?” she asked with concern.

“It does sound quite grim,” chimed Rarity.

I suppressed a scowl. “It is nothing for you ponies to worry about. For now, you should all be concerned about Discord.” For a moment, I felt guilty at taking advantage of Discord's legacy of evil to change the subject, but it quickly passed.

“Pff, like Discord would even show his face with us around. We already beat him once, he's probably running scared,” Rainbow Dash boasted.

“So Uncle, I suppose we should discuss lodging if you intend to stay,” said Celestia. Immediately, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash's hooves shot upwards with surprising speed. The four ponies each did a double take and looked at each other, sharing a blush.

“Perhaps it would be better if you stayed here in the castle,” Luna said, eying the four Elements with amusement. I felt that I was missing something, and I was most definitely not comfortable with lodging with any of the mares in front of me.

“Yeah....I like that idea.” All four visibly wilted, though Rarity attempted to hide her disappointment and Rainbow did her best to play it off.

“Yeah, you're right. You'd probably go crazy from all the ambient awesome in my house.” Twilight spared her a raised eyebrow.

“'Ambient', Rainbow? I'm impressed.”

Rainbow Dash huffed. “Hey, I'm not just a pretty face. I got brains too.”

“Oh?” Rarity asked, “And where exactly have you been hiding them?”

“Girls,” Celestia says, interrupting the glares between the two Elements, “Why don't you go and find Pinkie Pie while we go get Cornelius situated, hmm?” Ah, Celestia. Even when she orders her subjects, always the soft-spoken one. Truly takes after her mother.

The Elements nod and make their way out, Twilight giving Celestia a nuzzle before leaving. I raise an eyebrow at Celestia, but she shoots a glare at me that says, in no uncertain terms, 'not a word'. Shivers pass down my spine at the award-worthy rendition of Harmonia's Stare.

I raised my hands in surrender and followed Luna out of the room. I made a point to ignore the younger sister's giggling as she led.

Yes, I know its short, and I do apologize. However, I promised myself when I started this story I would never force myself to go for a minimum chapter length, because then it just becomes a job instead of fun.This chapter is un-edited, so if anyone sees mistakes, please point them out.

Nightmarish Nobility

Bored, bored bored bored bored bored bored.

SOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED.

I flopped around on the soft, plush bed as I desperately tried to entertain myself. I fluffed my wings, ignored an annoying twinge in the feathers, and rolled over again.

A few moments of stillness when I sat up and huffed. Luna had left me in this room for some odd reason, and Celestia was off doing......something.

Wait.

What was she doing exactly? I looked out the window and saw it was still light out, so she was probably doing damage control with the annoying squabbling bunch that called themselves nobles. With nothing else to do, I stood up and started walking. After a few minutes of random walking, I was forced to ask for directions from a pair of guards.

They pointed me towards the throne room without question, which I thought was strange since I was almost twice as tall as them and of a completely unknown species. Apparently gossip in the castle traveled fast enough to warn them about me. I was impressed.

Directions in hand, I headed through the corridors until I came to the magically repaired throne room doors. The door guards glanced at me, blushed, and looked away. I raised an eyebrow, but decided not to question them, or their refusal to so much as glance at each other.

The heavy oak doors gave way with very slight groans, as if they remembered me and wished to provide as little challenge as possible.

The throne room was packed to the rafters with ponies shouting. Quite literally, as more than a few finely dressed Pegasi were hovering above the crowd. Celestia sat on her throne as she attempted to calm the mob, but looked at me when she noticed my entrance. A few moments passed before the ponies grew curious as to what she was looking at and turned their heads.

The room gradually grew quieter as more and more nobles glanced at me and were struck with silence. It didn't take long for the room to grow dead silent.

For approximately four seconds.

Then an uproar engulfed the room like a hurricane. A third of the room began yelling in fear-fueled anger, another third screamed in terror, and the final third were overcome by their fear and stampeded past me, leaving behind a swath of tears and.....other liquids.

God have mercy on the cleaning staff.

Celestia face-hoofed and attempted to pretend that her entire nobility hadn't just been reduced to a mindless, peeing mob of fear and shouting. I stood in the middle of all the chaos and struggled to reign in my laughter. When Celestia peeked at me from behind her hoof, I gave her my best Cheshire cat grin.

I stretched my wings out and casually flew over the crowd to the top of the dais and sat down. I leaned back casually against the side of her throne and watched the guards try to corral the nobles out of the room.

She sighed in exasperation. “Is there something you wanted, Uncle?” she asked, clearly with extra effort to avoid taking an angry tone. I shrugged.

“Not really. I was bored,” I said innocently as I watched a countess buck a guard in the chest.

“......Luna left you alone, didn't she,” she commented flatly. I leaned back far enough to see her upside down and nodded.

“Of course she did. I'm sure she's somewhere nearby, watching right now.”

“She always did love it when I did this. Noble Riot was our favorite game.” I paused to watch a stallion who had lost his helm in the melee wrestle a Duke to the ground after the noble in question had tried to fling him with magic; magic that turned out to be much weaker than necessary for such a feat.

“Though I'm not happy about the way you made your entrance, I am glad you're here.”

“Well I would hope so. Do you have any idea how long the trip here is? Or how painful the landings?” I questioned in mock hurt. Celestia rolled her eyes.

“We both know you always play up how much those hurt. Mother did them all the time and she never complained.”

I pouted. “They hurt,” I insisted childishly.

“I'm sure,” Celestia replied sarcastically. “But I have convened a meeting of the Council of Species tomorrow at noon and I want you to speak.”

I raised my eyebrow.

“Yes, I know, you've expressed your opinion of the Council, and I'm afraid it hasn't improved much in your absence, but the other sentient species of this world need to know what signs to watch for of Discord's presence.”

Her logic was infallible, but that didn't mean I had to like it. “Fine, but in exchange, I want you to take the rest of the week off. Luna too.” Celestia blanched.

“What!? We can't do that! We've got an entire country to run Uncle! We can't just, just take a week off!”

I turned back around to watch the riot subside as the guards finally managed to control the rowdy aristocrats. “Sorry, those are my terms.”

My niece huffed indignantly. “Uncle, I'm telling you, we cannot just-” I placed a finger on her lips to silence her mid sentence.

“Celestia,” I said seriously, “I'm not sure what Discord's game plan is, but whatever it is I need both you and Luna in top shape, which you won't be if you have to waste eight or ten hours a day doing paperwork and stressing out over tax codes.”

Celestia opened her mouth to protest, but it appeared to die on her lips.

“Come now, dear niece, I'm sure there are at least a few ponies who you can leave the keys to, at least for a little while. It's only a week,” I reminded her.

She paused and bit her lip in contemplation; a fillyhood habit I was happy to see had lasted the test of time.

Eventually, she sighed in defeat and nodded. “Alright. One week.”

“What could possibly go wrong?” I asked, intentionally tempting fate to spice up the week.

Here it is, and I have to say this chapter was tough to write. This is actually the fourth version. Once again, please remember the Three R's of Fanfics: Read, Review, and Rhinos

The Council

I stared it down with all the fury I could muster in my body. The endless power of Heaven flowed through me as I relentlessly intimidated my foe. Any other creature in Creation, short of Archdemons would have been incinerated by the gaze I laid upon it, unrivaled in all the Plains of Infinity.

The bed sat there and continued being a bed. But somehow being a real dick about it.

The night had not gone well. After I had crashed Celestia's Day Court, and after I finished cleaning up the resulting mess(not actually a big deal; literally a snap of my fingers and everything was pristine again), she had returned me to my room. After I protested that it was boring, she explained the joys of sleep to me. Celestia herself didn't technically require sleep, being partly Celestial( a description that gets confusing quickly, considering her name) but Harmonia had raised both girls to sleep, and as foal-hood habits are likely to, it stuck.

I conceded, ignored the twinge in my wings, and attempted to sleep. That was where I ran into a problem. As embarrassing as it is to say, I didn't actually know how.

I had often watched over Celestia and Luna while they slept from Heaven, but it quickly became apparent to me that our different physiologies presented a problem. The difference between Celestial Equine and Physical Angel body structure meant I couldn't just copy the way they slept. I tried, but quickly found my muscles aching.

A few dozen different positions later, I found one that was at least vaguely comfortable; on my stomach, my arms crossed in front of me with my legs hanging off the edge of the bed and my head resting just below the headboard. It seemed somewhat right, but with one problem solved I quickly discovered another.

Once I was comfortable, I had no idea what to do next. When Celestia and Luna were little, both had simply curled up, usually into each other(just as adorable a sight as it sounds) and stilled. Before I knew it, they would have fallen asleep and I would say my good night to Harmonia and head upstairs. They would just do it.

One minute awake, the next; BAM, asleep. My problem was the link in the middle. For a while, I just sat still with my eyes closed as I had seen them do. However, that line of tests yielded no results.

Next, I tried humming the lullabies Harmonia had forced me to learn for the nights I had to tuck the girls in while she was away. However, after the thirty-fourth rendition of 'Bringing Forth the Starry Night' and the sixteenth 'In the Meadow', I figured I was doing something wrong.

The next six hours had been filled with every possible technique and combination of techniques I could think of. The castle staff eventually stopped responding to my calls after the ninety-fifth glass of milk I requested. To be fair, over forty of those were ordered at the same time, at one degree intervals between 100 and 140 degrees Marenheit. I was attempting to determine the exact temperature meant by 'warm' milk.

My personal battle with the bed was interrupted by a light knock on the door. “Uncle, are you ready? The Council is waiting on you.” It was Luna's voice, and it meant I had probably been trying to intimidate the mattress for much longer than I had thought.

“Yeah, let's go,” I said as I opened the door. Just before I closed the door I snapped my fingers and lit the bed on fire. When Luna turned back to look at me I smiled innocently and closed the door. I ignored her suspicious face as I walked down the hall just fast enough to make sure Luna didn't notice the smell of smoke.

“Honored Representatives of the Council of Species, I present Their Majesties Princess Celestia and Princess Luna of Equestria, and King Cornelius of the Heavenly Realms,” announced the Royal Herald as I entered the large Council chambers, flanked on either side by my nieces. I had never liked the title I was given, but the girls had insisted. Something along the lines of “we gonna be pwincesses, and you and Mommy can be king and queen!”

To be fair, they were four at the time, and the puppy dog eyes of alicorns are unrivaled for their reduction of willpower to so much putty.

The Council Chamber was a specially crafted room carved out of the far side of Canterlot Mountain from the city itself. A giant open skylight for the winged species took up the majority of the far walls, as well as landing platforms for aerial chariots so the ground-bound dignitaries were not forced to walk up several thousand stairs. A huge, round table took up the majority of the floorspace with various styles of chairs and seats carved from solid mountain granite and customized for each race present surrounded it. Golden plaques on the table itself denoted which seat was reserved for which representative, the largest being a pile of gems for the enormous Dragon Representative; another reason for the massive skylight.

The vast majority of the time it sat unused and empty, usually visited only by the castle cleaning staff who kept it in impeccable shine.

I always thought it was a bit much.

But for once the room was actually crowded; diplomatic parties of Griffons, Diamond Dogs, Deer, Cows, Donkeys, a single dragon(more than one would have been unwieldy, even in the cavern of a chamber), Minotaurs, and even Changelings. The fact that they would show themselves in the open after an assault on Canterlot impressed me somewhat, and helped me repress the urge to squash the half dozen or so buzzing around nervously.

After the normal mundane greetings, Luna and Celestia took their seats, both marked 'Equestria' next to a third-

“Well hello! What do we have here?” I asked with genuine interest as I feathered the short distance towards the pink, unfamiliar Alicorn sitting next to Celestia. I glanced at her plaque, which said 'Crystal Ponies' “And who are you, young one?” I asked of the steadily blushing dignitary.

Luna stepped in between us and extended a wing over the smaller godling. “Uncle, this is Cadence, my....um....” Luna stammered and looked towards the floor, a blush barely visible through her dark coat.

“Your....what was that?” I asked, growing more suspicious.

“My.......granddaughter.”

“Say that again. A little louder, Luna,” I said forcefully. My wings unfurled just slightly.

“She is my.....granddaughter.”

“I see.” I stood upright and tucked my wings back into their proper place, ignoring the annoying twinge.

I put on a smile and grabbed the pink alicorn's hoof gently. “It's lovely to meet you, Cadence. I'd like to get to know my grandniece after this dreadful bit of politics is over. How does that sound?” I asked pleasantly. For once it wasn't sarcasm.

The nervous alicorn smiled gently. “I'd like that, King Cornelius.”

I waved a hand through the air as if batting away the annoying title. “Please, Cornelius or Uncle. Maybe Grand-Uncle. Anything, just not 'King',” I shuddered in mock horror. Cadence giggled and nodded.

As I turned to take my seat, I leaned down and whispered to Luna, whose gaze was still locked on her hooves. “We will talk about this later.” She nodded grimly and took her seat next to me.

“Honored Representatives, I thank you for coming here with such haste. A grave matter has arisen that requires all the great races of this world to work in Harmony,” Celestia announced. The various dignitaries reacted with everything from suspicion to fear. The Griffin and Dragon ambassadors in particular looked disbelieving.

“My sister speaks true. Discord, hated enemy of all, has broken free once again. He is more powerful than ever previous, and his current whereabouts are unknown,” Luna added. The uproar that followed could have been heard on the other side of the mountain.

“Broken free! Again?! What kind of show are you running, Celestia!” demanded the Griffin ambassador. His aides nodded their agreement, whether genuine or just self-advancing.

“How could you not know his location? Is chocolate rain too subtle?” panicked the Bovine diplomat. The other cows were likewise spooked, and near stampeding from fear.

“I'LL BET IT WAS HIS DOING!” accused the Dragon. His deep voice rumbled through the room as he pointed a claw directly at me. He wasn't yelling, not for a dragon at least. It just seamed that way because of the fact he was a damn dragon, and dragons are naturally loud.

I shrugged indifferently. “Yeah, a little.”

A moment of stunned silence passed before the room exploded even louder than before. This time, instead of a mixture of fear and anger, it was all anger. Focused on me. I rested my head in my hand, with my arm propped up on one of the stone armrests of my chair as I let them accuse to their heart's content.

Then, the Dragon said something that crossed the line. Completely.

“I WAGER HE IS WORKING FOR THE BEAST! FOUL CREATURE THAT HE IS!”

That got my attention. I bolted upright and both my nieces put their faces in their hooves. My grand-niece looked at them in confusion, but only for a moment.

Faster than the 'diplomats' could see, I feathered directly into the Dragon's face and roughly smacked my hand on its broad forehead. Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel Kneel
“Kneel" Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel

Kneel Kneel Kneel

The word passed through his mind with such unrivaled absolution and weight, the titanic reptile crashed to its knees. There was simply no way for it to do anything but obey. Its colossal wings slammed into the stone tile as they splayed themselves out as wide as they could; the ultimate form of submission in Dragon society. His head was the only part of his body that didn't seek the floor at my command, and only because my hand was still between his eyes.

I leaned down and glared into one titanic organ. My wings snapped out to their full span and raised themselves slightly higher than my head.

“Listen well, beast,” I growled. The entire room was silent, their gazes locked upon the strange newcomer who had so humbled a dragon with a mere word; a beast normally unstoppable to all but the Royal Sisters or an entire flock of Griffin warriors.

“I forged your kind of lifeless ash and I can return it to such at the slightest inclination. You think yourself mighty for the size and strength given you by ME!” The mammoth super predator quaked in fear again. A whimper just barely escaped its leathery lips.

“But accuse me of such associations again and you will feel such agonies you will pray to the Highest Powers to deliver you to something so delectable as PAIN.”

I raised my hand slowly from its forehead and casually glided back down to my seat. I turned and sat down in silence, ignoring the twinge in my wings. The awestruck Council gawked at me. Even Cadence gazed at me with no small measure of fear in her eyes. Celestia and Luna just sat awkwardly, having seen such a display before.

“So....Discord,” Luna added lamely.

Woo! Longest chapter so far! By somewhere around 700 words. This chapter wasn't actually supposed to come out until next weekend, but I wanted to get a head-start on it and it just sort of wrote itself. And that part with the 'Kneel' all over the place took forever to craft, I'd like to mention. So tell me what you guys think. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

Family Matters

“Well that was....” Celestia began as we walked out of the Council Chambers. Behind us, the disgruntled and newly fear-fueled representatives were boarding aerial chariots to return to their various nations with news of Discord's return.

“Horrible? Terrible? Awful?” I offered helpfully.

“Abhorrent? Appalling? Horrendous?” Luna added, also helpfully.

“Yes, I think that describes it quite well,” Celestia agreed. I had always hated meeting with the Council of Species, as it always seemed species sent the worst possible examples of their race. Such a shame, too, because most of the Dragons I had met had been proud but honorable lizards.

“Blegh, that was gruesome!” Princess Cadence complained as she exited the room behind us. Luna and I shared a look and agreed that, yes, gruesome did in fact come closest and silently awarded Cadence the prize. “Aunt Celestia, now I understand why you never convene the Council.”

“Yes, we were just discussing it. I'm afraid the Council has always been as such, though I cannot for the love of mercy understand why,” Celestia admitted.

“Because the types of personalities that garner enough influence to be sent to these things are self-serving bastards,” I chimed. My voice alerted Cadence to my prescence the young Alicorn couldn't help but take a step back.

Oh, right.

Celestia appeared to notice her niece's reaction as well, and casually saddled next to the smaller alicorn. “Uncle, would you like to join Cadence and I for tea?” she asked innocently.

I smiled. “Sure, why not. I just need to catch up with my dear Woona for a bit, then I'll come find you.” I laid an arm around Luna's neck as I spoke and pulled her close, ignoring the twinge in my wings. I could feel her shift a bit uncomfortably but I ignored it.

Celestia nodded and led a slightly uneasy Cadence down the long, well-lit tunnel back towards Canterlot.

As soon as they were out of sight I dropped my arm from Luna's neck and whirled on her. “You had a child! And you didn't bother to call?!” I yelled. The guards nearby glanced at me uneasily, but did not move. They too had seen my little Dragon-submission trick and didn't want to try their luck.

“I....w-well, I um.......” Luna stammered and avoided my gaze. I gently, but firmly, grabbed her muzzle and forced her to look at me.

“Why? Why would you do that?” I asked, genuinely hurt. I considered the girls my own, and Luna and I had always been close. Celestia was her mother's child, but Luna took after me, no question.

“I......” she looked like she wanted to answer, but then pulled her muzzle away and turned around.

“I.....I wanted to,” she answered at last. I slowly walked forward and placed a comforting hand on her back.

“Then why?”

“I-it was because of what you said. About forming attachments with m-mortals.” Her voice hitched on the last word and I realized she was crying.

I thought back to when the girls were young and had asked me why their favorite nanny had stopped showing up. The mare had died of old age, and it was the girls' first experience with death. Afterwards, I had given them a talk about never forgetting that they would last forever, but any they cared for would not. After a few thousand years away from me, Luna had probably twisted the memory, however accidentally, into me forbidding her to make connections. I cursed myself once again for not finding time to check up on them.

“A-and then, when he died....that was the last step. After he died I let the darkness into my heart, and I almost f-fell,” she sniffed. All the anger left me, and I enveloped her in a hug. I ignored the twinge in my wings as I felt her tears soaked into my surcoat and gently rubbed her neck.

A long moment passed in silence. Eventually, one of the door guards motioned for his compatriots to exit the room, leaving just me and Luna inside.

“Tell me about him,” I said eventually.

Luna sniffed again. “H-he was.....he was an astronomer. Back then, almost nopony enjoyed my nights, but he did. He loved them.” I could feel her smile sadly against me.

“I was holding Midnight Court, and for the third month in a row I had no petitioners, until my Herald announced I had a visitor. I was wary, as were my Guards. By then, the crazier ponies had begun to think I stole the sun each night, and had taken it upon themselves to end my nightly reign of terror,” she laughed mirthlessly.

“He came in, bowed, and thanked me. Just thanked me, for making the nights beautiful. Though, in his words, 'but 'tis tragedy even the most masterful astral canvas pales to your radiance, your Majesty'.”

“A bit cheesy,” I chuckled. Luna wiped a tear away with a hoof and nodded.

“Yes, he was like that. Clumsy with his words, but so pure of soul. It did not take long before I was smitten.”

“I wish you'd called; I've always wanted to play the over-protective father role.” Luna giggled and rested her head back against me.

“Yes, that was a bit of the reason I didn't; most stallions can't stand up to the intimidation tactics of Celestials.” I had to give her that.

“But...it wasn't long before the enemies of the Night turned their malice towards him. After all, it is much easier to harm a mortal than a godling.” Luna paused to collect herself.

“It was not long after his funeral I discovered I was with foal. Celestia thought it would bring me happiness, but every time I gazed upon it, all I saw was him, face down in a pool of blood. It wasn't fair to that poor foal, but that was what pushed me over the edge.” She sobbed once and I tightened my grip, ignoring the annoying twinge in my wings.

“I just wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted to feel appreciated, to feel loved.”

“Shh, shh shh, Luna. My little Lulu. You will always be loved as long as I still exist, not to mention your sister.”

After a long while and many tissues, Luna's tears stopped. I looked towards the sun out of the massive skylight and decided I still had time before I had to meet my grand-niece. I raised Luna's muzzle with a finger and grinned mischievously.

“Say Luna, how would you like it if I took you out for a Feather-ride?” I asked. The brighter-than-bright smile she gave me at the idea was well worth the bone crushing hug that followed.

Celestia POV

As I led Cadence down the tunnel between the Council Chambers and Canterlot, I couldn't help but notice the tension in the younger mare. The tunnel, despite being underground, was well-lit by Light Spells and was long enough to warrant a small rest spot in the middle for the less-than-fit travelers. A small couch and a water cooler were its only amenities, but it was better than nothing.

I stopped abruptly and took a place upon the small couch. I motioned for Cadence to join me and dismissed the two Solar Guards who had been trailing me to Canterlot. Cadence did likewise with the two Crystal Knights(though outside of the Crystal Kingdom they appeared entirely ordinary, other than their unusual armor) trailing her.

“Cadence, we need to discuss what you saw earlier,” I said in my calmest, most motherly tone.

“Really? I'm not sure what you mean,” Cadence said, a bit too quickly and her voice higher than normal. I sighed.

“Cadence, please do not try to deceive me. I can clearly see your discomfort with Uncle Cornelius.” Cadence raised a hoof as if to deny the accusation, but dropped it and wilted.

“Yes, fine. I'm uncomfortable with him, but can you blame me? Did you see what he did to that dragon!?” I nodded gently.

“Yes, I saw, and that is not the most fearsome display I have ever seen from him.” Cadence gawked at the idea.

“All the more reason!” she exclaimed. I relaxed into the couch as much as I could and laid a comforting wing over my niece.

“Cadence, I'm afraid you lack the proper understanding of our Uncle. He, together with our Mother, raised Luna and I from foal hood. I know he sometimes seems intimidating, but he truly does have a good heart.” I paused then chuckled. “It is only natural that he appear dangerous, as it would not be an understatement to say he is one of the most powerful entities in existence.” Cadence blanched and I tightened my wing around her.

“No, fear not Cadence. His power has always been turned against evil. Even more so than mine.” She looked unconvinced so I continued.

“I haven't told you much of our ancestry, have I?” I asked. Cadence shook her head.

“I suppose its time, then. You are aware Luna and I's mother was an Angel, correct?” Cadence nodded.

“Yes, that is essentially ALL you've told me,” she replied with a bit of indignity.

"Angels are....complicated beings, yet at the same time they are quite simple. They are unfathomable eons old, dating back to when all of Infinity was only Darkness. Their home Realm is Heaven, or the Celestial Plane, if you prefer. It is the place from which all Light in the Universe can trace its origin. Their sole purpose is to protect and create Life. "

"So...they're like gardeners?" Cadence asked, not understanding. I shook my head.

"Angels are warriors above all else. Soldiers, charged with battling that which lies in shadows and tempts those in the Light. They spend almost all their time in Purgatory; the place where all souls go after Death. It is the only place in Infinity every being can access equally, and Evil constantly seeks to corrupt it. In Purgatory, Angels battle Evils the likes of which we dare not even dream of, lest be driven mad. So it is only natural he comes off a bit....unnerving. You just need to get to know him.”

Cadence still looked unsure, so I continued. "I promise he won't harm you. Uncle Cornelius is fiercely protective of those he considers family. All angels are. And in your veins run a small amount of Divine Blood. Forty or so generations diluted, but it is there. Your wings are evidence enough of that."

Cadence glanced at her tucked wings. She looked up at me with a mixture of fear, nervousness, and determination. “Then I suppose we should go. It would be rude to keep...family waiting”

I wasn't too sure about this chapter, but after a few rewrites I'm comfortable with this. Tell me what you guys think in the comments. Also, please feel encouraged to point out any errors I have made, as I lack a pre-reader.

Tea Party

“And then, she looks up at me, covered horn to tail in cotton candy, and says, in the most heartbroken way I've ever heard, 'I bwoke da candy', and she just starts bawling!” I burst out laughing, as did Cadence and Luna. I barely managed to stay in my chair, but Luna tumbled backwards off her cushion, her hooves tight around her sides. Beside me, Celestia attempted to maintain a stoic demeanor, but it was ruined by the noticeable blush and small, unwilling smile on her muzzle.

“I was four! It was the only cotton candy machine in the universe at the time! I thought I had ruined it forever!” she defended, which only contributed to make us laugh harder.

“Am I interrupting something?” a new voice asked from behind me. I unwisely chose to attempt to turn around to look at who had entered the room, but the fact that I was off balance from laughing, not to mention the fact that I hadn't actually stopped yet, caused me to fall off the stool I was sitting on. My back hit the floor squarely and I came face-to-face with a wide-eyed white unicorn wearing weird, purple armor.

I shit you not. Purple. Armor. And no, I’m not being a hypocrite when I say that. Gold armor is bitchin’. Purple armor is just…..tacky.

“Oh, Shining Armor. Please, come and join us. We were just having tea and catching up with our Uncle,” Luna said pleasantly. Tacky Armor's eyes shifted between Luna and me for a few moments before he started to edge his way around and to Cadence's side. Judging from the fact he hadn’t bolted at the sight of me, I assumed word had reached him of my existence already, which gave me a moderate appreciation of the Royal Rumor Mill.

The pink alicorn smiled at him pleasantly and laid a wing over him. I lifted myself back up to my perch on the stool with my wings, which twitched in agitation, and cocked an eyebrow at the two. “Are you two....?”

“Married, yes. Quite recently, in fact,” Cadence said sweetly.

“Why am I never invited to anything?!” I yelled, to the girlish giggles of my nieces.

“Captain Armor, I'm surprised you were able to join us. Are your duties for the day over already?” Celestia inquired. Tacky Armor's head sagged and he scowled.

“Not even close. I'm barely halfway through coordinating the emergency food shipments to Zebrica. Normally they export food to the Griffon Kingdoms, so there are almost no trade routes between there and here capable of the kind of traffic-”

“No. Nonono. We are not talking about work right now. Right now is fun time, and if you don’t want to be a part of that you can leave,” I said resolutely. Tacky Armor and Cadence stared at me for a moment before turning their heads towards Celestia and Luna.

Both shook their heads. “It is best not to argue with him on this, as he will inevitably have his way. Whether that ends now, or with the good Captain placed in a low and steadily degrading orbit is the only matter left to be decided,” Celestia said. I gave a nod of my head. I had actually been thinking somewhere around 175 miles or so above the surface. My wings tingled at the thought.

Tacky Armor blanched and wisely decided to drop the subject. There was an awkward beat of silence before something Celestia had said hit me.

“Wait….did you call him ‘Captain’ Armor?” I asked, unamused. Tacky Armor looked mildly offended, but before he could open his mouth Luna butted in for him.

“Indeed she did. It seems Captain Armor made quite a name for himself in the Royal Guard and rose to Captain quite quickly. Managed to ward off a rampaging Hydra single-handedly, if I recall correctly?”

Armor puffed out his chest a bit and nodded proudly. “My first tour along the Everfree Line. I was on watch whil-“ His boasting was brought to an abrupt end by my echoing laughter, which in sheer volume made the cackles at Celestia’s expense seem like a quiet whisper in a Church pew. The twitching in my wings was becoming more difficult to ignore.

“Y-y-you mean to-HAHAHAHAHAHA-pffft…to t-tell me! That this!” I shouted, pointing my finger at the white stallion, “IsssshhhhmmppfffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-is the Captain of your Royal Guard?!” By the end of my question, I was honestly as close to suffocating as I had ever come up to that point. Twinge. My physical lungs could simply not keep up with the air I needed to laugh at the poor specimen of a soldier before me. Twinge.

“What’s wrong with me being Captain of the Guard?!” Tacky Armor twinge demanded angrily. He twinge stood up aggressively. I twinge snorted.

“How about the fact you loo-twinge-…l-like you should be leading a pride parade instead of soldiers?” I laughed, trying not to wince at the pain.

“Uncle, twinge please be twinge silent,” Celestia begged. I Twinge opened Twinge my Twinge mouth TWINGE to TWINGETWINGETWINGE

“MOTHER OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AN RIGHTOUS WHAT IS THAT!” I shouted. My wings sprang forth as I desperately rubbed them against the cold carved marble of the walls. In my desperate bid to relieve myself of the crippling pain that was my feathered appendages.

Celestia and Luna shot to my side as they used their magic to try to alleviate my suffering. Midnight blue magic held me in place, despite my struggles. Celestia’s golden magic cycled through a dozen diagnostic spells before her look of concern fell and she face hoofed.

Luna’s panicked face quickly turned towards her sister, who was groaning in what, if my mind had been clearer, I would have recognized as disappointment. “Sister! What is the matter with him?!” she begged. Celestia’s hoof fell from her face.

“His wings need preening.”

Just as quickly as Celestia, Luna dropped her mask of worry. The two sisters looked at me flatly as I tried not to squirm against the wall again. “What-AAGGH- is preening?” I asked, nearly begging for relief. The pain of fighting a Hell-beast was one thing, it was pain I was long used to. This pain, however, came from inside my fucking wings.

Celestia sighed and lit her horn. A single feather was plucked from my left wing and dropped to the ground.

The feeling of relief that passed through my body deserves its own choir of Seraphs to forever sing of joy to even begin to be described.

Midnight blue magic joined golden as my two nieces spent the next half hour plucking feathers from my wings, each feeling even better than the last. I can’t be entirely sure how long I remained standing, but eventually I found myself lying on the ground with a stupid grin on my face, staring blissfully up at the ceiling.

Eventually my awareness returned in full and I pushed myself to my feet. I stumbled a bit, my legs feeling a bit wobbly, but didn’t fall. I looked around and found that the tea party had resumed without me. Wordlessly I righted my fallen stool and sat down. Cadence’s blue magic lifted the tea pot and refilled my glass. A moment of silence passed.

Then the four ponies, supposedly the most Royal and regal ponies in all of the Pony lands and including three demi-goddesses in their ranks, lost their shit.

Celestia and Luna collapsed against each other as their bodies were wracked with wave after wave of uncontrollable giggles. Cadence crashed face-first into the table and slipped onto the floor as irresistible guffaws overtook her. Tea came flying out of Shining Armor’s nostrils, which seemed to propel him backwards off his cushion. He joined the three Princesses in filling the room with every manner of chuckle and laugh.

I sat quietly and sipped my tea, refusing to make eye contact, all the while thinking of which Lagrange Point and/or planet I should send them to.

Author's Note

Well, here it is. This was an absolute pain in the ass to write. This is draft #7 of this scene, so I hope I nailed it. Tell me what you guys think in the comments, and as always please point out any errors.

Substitutes

It took nearly a half hour of rolling around on the floor and desperately gasping for air before the four ponies of the Royal Family finally managed to calm themselves. After a few minutes of well-deserved silent treatment on my behalf, the meal continued as if nothing had happened.

“So, Shining Armor, my sister and I have a request to make of you,” Luna announced after finishing off the last cupcake, which she had managed to sneak from under Celestia’s nose. Celestia shot her sister a death glare at the theft, which Luna made sure to ignore.

“Anything, Your Highness. You need only ask it.” Bit of a tool, that one.

“No, Shining Armor. This is not an order. It is a request. And, need I remind you, since your marriage to Cadence you are yourself a Crown Prince? All this ‘Your Highness’ and ‘Princess’ business does get rather old after a while,” Celestia replied with a motherly smile, and for a moment I was struck by the mirror image of Harmonia.

Shining Armor hesitated, but nodded. “Very well, P-er….Celestia?” he said, unsurely. Celestia smiled brightly and nodded. It wasn’t often she heard her own name. Very few beings on the planet felt comfortable calling her anything less than Princess.

“You see, Uncle Cornelius has requested-“

“Ordered.”

“….Ordered, that Luna and I take a short…..leave of absence, until-“

“At least a week, plus however long I feel like extending it.”

“Until the business with Discord is resolved.”

Shining Armor glanced between Celestia and I. “Alright, but what exactly does this have to do with me?”

“It is our wish that Cadence and you would be willing to temporarily take over our duties in Canterlot while we deal with the Discord situation.”

Shining Armor’s eyes seemed to glaze over a bit, then with a firm nod he spoke. “I don’t know about Cadence, but I’d be-“

The sound that came next can only be described as ‘Heliscotrio’. The word itself is from one of six languages on a small inhabited moon approximately 1.4 million light years away from Equestria. On this particular world, every nine years an unusual fluctuation in the magnetic field of the gas giant it orbits causes a relatively small slice of the moon’s own field to collapse. A small section, barely a mile across but stopping only thirty miles above the surface, and presents no mortal danger for the natives. Unfortunately, it does allow solar wind, extremely volatile in this particular solar system, to strip away a small piece of atmosphere. After the anomaly ends, usually no more than six to eight seconds later, air rushes in to fill the space. The sonic boom this creates is so indescribably awful, so agonizingly beyond loud, that the natives developed a word for it. Heliscotrio.

“Aaah! What the Hell?!” I screamed, which was echoed by everypony else in the room as they were thrown to the ground by the force of the Love Princess’s cry.

“OHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” Cadence bounced on Celestia’s chest. In one smooth motion she scooped up her aunt in her hooves, enveloped her in a hug tight enough to pop out the Solar Alicorn’s eyes, and repeated the process with Luna.

“Cady! What’s the matter with you?” Shining Armor asked. Or, really, shouted. His eardrums were perforated and he didn’t actually realize he was yelling.

“Shiny! It’s my dream come true! I’m going to be a Princess!” Cadence squealed again, this time hard enough to drop herself to the floor.

For several seconds, we all shared a confused look as Cadence continued to giggle uncontrollably.

“…..Cadence. Honey. You’re already a Princess.” Recovering surprisingly quickly, Cadence gave her husband a flat look.

“I know that!” she shouted indignantly, “I mean I’m going to be a real Princess! In Canterlot! With my own kingdom and everything!"

“Cadence, surely you haven’t forgotten your own kingdom?” Luna added unsurely. Cadence dismissed her with a wave of her hoof.

“Well, yes, I love my Crystal Ponies more than anything, but this is….this is Canterlot! This is every little filly’s dream! Including mine! Especially. Mine.” A dark, unsettling cloud settled itself above the youngest Princess. Outside, lightning flashed and thunder boomed.

Followed immediately by a series of swears and apologies from a negligent weather pony. It’s hard to have foreboding atmosphere in a place where the weather is controlled by flying horses.

“…..Right. Well, I suppose we shall leave you now, to allow you to celebrate in private.” Luna’s hurried excuse was followed by a rapid teleport spell.

“As shall I. Luna and I shall make sure to send you our closest advisors to help the transition.” Most of Celestia’s excuse was actually spoken from the hallway outside the Dining Room as the elder sister made her own frightened withdrawal. The doors slammed shut, sealing me inside with the adorable, terrifying Princess of Love and Regent-to-be, and her totally-not-cowering husband.

The two shifted their eyes to me.

I stared at them.

They stared back.

….

“That was creepy as fuck. I’m out.” A snap of my fingers later and I was gone.

I popped into existence in the middle of an empty hallway. I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding in and wiped some small beads of sweat from by brow.

“By the Light, that girl needs counseling.”

“Hey, did you girls hear something?” A voice came from around a corner in the hallway. A moment later the six Element Bearers came into view.

“Oh my, hello there,” Rarity spoke. I made a point to congratulate myself on remembering her name while she continued. “I’m afraid we never got the chance to-“

“Alright, look, let me stop you right there.” The unicorn closed her mouth, unsure of my intent. “We’re not doing this.”

The six mares looked to each other in confusion. “Not doing what, exactly?” Applejack asked. Another pat on the back for ol’ Cornelius.

I motioned between the Elements and myself. “This. The whole introduction thing. It’s not happening.”

Offence flashed across five faces, and disappointment across the sixth. I’ll let you guess who was whom.

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and came to a hover in front of me. “Hey! What’s your problem! We’re just-“

“Trying to be friendly, I know. I’m not going for it, because I’ve done it a thousand times and I am beyond done with it. I already know exactly what all of you are going to say and do, so I think I’ll skip the whole song and dance.”

Sparkle stepped forward in defense of her friends. “And how, exactly, do you know that? Princess Celestia already told me you aren’t omnipotent.” The smug look on her face was adorable, but I wasn’t fazed.

“You,” I said, pointing at Rarity, “are going to fawn over my admittedly bitchin’ armor and ask me for permission for you to base a new line of fashion on it. You,” I pointed at Fluttershy next, “are going to be too shy to talk at an audible volume for about twenty minutes before I let something slip about slaughtering Hell-Beasts, at which point you will lead the charge in trying to scold me.” The butter-yellow Pegasus squeaked and hid behind her mane.

Pinkie Pie was next. “You are going to invite me to a Welcome-to-Equestria Party, which will become a Welcome-Back-to-Equestria Party a half second later when you remember I was here before any of your ancestors were even born.” Pinkie Pie raised her hooves in surrender and nodded, sheepishly pulling out a half-finished banner from nowhere that read ‘~~Welcome~~Welcome-Bac’”

I moved my finger to Rainbow Dash. “You’re going to challenge me to a race to see how fast these wings go, I’m going to Feather to the finish line, you’re going to get all huffy, and then Applejack here is going to keep your temper in check by tugging on your tail. Kinda weird, by the way, but hey, not gonna judge what ponies like to do behind closed doors.” At that, both Applejack and Rainbow Dash went red. Interestingly, both seemed to be from an equal mix of anger and blushing.

I turned my attention to Twilight Sparkle. “And then there’s you.” Twilight shrank a bit under my gaze, then steeled herself and stood tall. “You’re going to beg me to teach you the secrets of the universe, then freak the hell out when I tell you one of the basic tenants of magic is based on a falsehood. That, or when I break something stupid.”

“I would not ‘freak out’!” Twilight stomped, incensed. She was not a fan of my tirade against her closest friends. Unfortunately for her, I was not a fan of fucks, and as such had never acquired any to give.

Without breaking eye contact, I reached out and lightly tapped a vase that stood on a nearby pedestal. It fell to the floor and burst apart with a crash. Twilight looked away from me to the vase, then back to me in horror.

“That was a seven hundred year old gift from the Fourth Lord of the Minotaurian Principalities!” Loose hairs sprang from her mane and her eyes lost a bit of their coherence. “It was created from Birch’s Clay! It can’t be repaired with magic! It’s destroyed fo-“ I snapped my fingers and sealed her mouth shut.

“Destroyed forever, yes, I know. That’s why I did it. Celly’s always been a bit of a packrat, so I’d say I did her a favor, not to mention proved my point.” Before any of them could respond, I Feathered out again.

This time, I made sure to go where I knew nopony would be.

Author's Note

This story got featured after the last update! Actually, it got the bottom slot three separate times. I was incredibly honored.

In regards to this chapter, the middle piece was what was had me stopped. I just could not get it how I liked, but I think this works. Tell me what you guys think in the comments. And if you are thinking that Cornelius was a bit OC towards the end, trust me there is a reason.

Chick Flick

In an age long past from Equestria, mages renowned for their skill and power dotted Equestria. In those wild days, it was seen as much more important for Unicorns to cultivate their gift; as the only pony species able to openly wield magic, they were often looked to in the darkest of days for the solutions to early Equestria’s problems

However, even mages have off days. Days where everything seems to go wrong, and not even the most basic of things will cooperate. Days when doorknobs seem extra slippery, when cups seem to kiss the floor with the passion of long-lost lovers, when you just can’t find your favorite pair of shoes. Days that just piss you off from dawn to dusk.

During those times, the powerful spellcasters would exile themselves until their minds returned to calm and balance. Unicorn magic is vulnerable to emotional currents, and the wrong thought during the wrong spell could have dangerous results. The more powerful the mage, the more remote the exile. Eventually, it became a point of pride how far away one’s refuge was from civilization. Star Swirl the Bearded’s refuge, though never definitively uncovered, was rumored to be the Moon itself. Luna’s blessing allowed the arcane master to keep himself from harming a soul during his, thankfully few, bad days.

After my encounter with the Element Bearers, I considered following in his hoofsteps and stepping through Reality to touch the white surface of the satellite. It was certainly calm and peaceful, perhaps more so than anywhere else in Creation, bar the Heavens themselves. Stewardship by and Alicorn tends to have that effect.

However, I realized halfway through that thought that ‘Calm’ and ‘Peaceful’ were never really my style. Too boring. So I chose something a little more….me.

Literally.

“Hello, Uncle.” Celestia’s voice cut through the raging Plasma Storm that was the surface of the Sun. I opened my eyes and glanced over across the roaring fires.

Celestia stood in a circle of controlled chaos. Fire hotter than the radioactive furnace of a planet’s core bent to her will as if it were a dog being taught to fetch. Solar Flares burst to life and died at her command as she strode calmly across the six thousand degree surface as if it was no warmer than the grass in a shady meadow.

“Hello, Celly. Come to scold me for not befriending your little minions?” I snarked. Celestia ignored my quip and simply lowered herself beside me. I decided not to push myself up. I was on my back with my arms behind my head, and there was a nice little micro current of heat under my back that felt like a jet on a Jacuzzi, so I was reluctant to give up my spot.

Celestia said nothing for a few moments. As I watched her, she looked at the boiling surface we relaxed upon with a motherly smile. Her hoof toyed with a microflare like it was an infant’s hand. The superheated gas rolled across her pristine white fur as a puppy’s tongue would.

“I was going to, at first.” I raised an eyebrow.

“What changed?” With her free hoof, she gestured around lazily.

“You came here. I talked to Twilight, and when I felt your presence here I connected the dots. I would have brought Luna along as well, but….” Celestia trailed off and glanced sheepishly at the sun.

“Ah, yes. Never did like old Lulu, did she. Moody little brat,” I said as I patted the sun warmly. The star rumbled at my words, but the current on my back didn’t waver.

“Well, you know how stars are.” I did. The balls of fire were just as moody as their nature suggested. Not to say they were cruel or monstrous, just that, being the biggest things in the universe short of their big brothers Black Holes, they tended to have a bit of an ego. Still, Celestia’s was usually quite the sweetheart.

She never did like Luna though.

We sat together in silence after that, simply basking in the radioactive heat of the sun. It was refreshing, and at one point I caught myself dozing. I smirked at the thought. Of course a normal bed wouldn’t have sufficed; oh no, I apparently needed an entire star to fall asleep.

It was Celestia who broke the silence, because of course it was.

“What happened?” she asked.

I didn’t open my eyes. “What do you mean?” I asked innocently, and could almost feel her roll her eyes.

“You know what I mean. If you came here to deal with Discord, you would have done it the moment you arrived instead of piddling around while he broke his bonds. You may have Luna convinced, but I know Discord was just a side note to your visit.” Damn girl. Always was too smart for her own good. Too perceptive, too much like her mother. “So I’ll ask again; what happened?”

I sighed and sat up. I definitely wasn’t going to be able to relax until Celestia was satisfied, so it wasn’t worth the effort to even bother trying.

“I was with the Second Host, guarding the River of Souls. Panamay was called away so I had taken his spot on the rotation. We were nearing the end of our century long deployment, and the Third Host was preparing to relieve us. It had been relatively quiet, not too many assaults on the River and not for nearly a decade. I don’t know how, but the Hellspawn caught us flat-footed. Somehow they bypassed our sentries and detection wards. Before we knew it, they were among us.” I shook my head to keep from falling into the memory. Celestia said nothing beside me, preferring instead to place a white wing over my own for comfort.

I stopped and took a breath. “There were so many, and they were drunk on bloodlust, far more than normal. Even the High Demons were going berserk. We were outnumbered and out of formation. I haven’t seen fighting so desperate since the First Day. There were Hellspawn in the River, snatching Souls and tearing them apart. Their screams…my God Celestia their screams….” The wing tightened around me and I smiled sadly at my niece’s attempts to sooth me. I put my arm over her withers.

“Angels were falling left and right and leaving mountains of monster corpses as memorials, but they didn’t stop. If Gabriel hadn’t personally intervened, we’d have been overrun and I’d be dead right now. Most of the Second Host is gone as is.”

Celestia remained silent. There was nothing to say. I gripped her tighter, taking solace in the feeling of her against my side.

“Afterwards, I had to get away. I needed to see you girls, make sure you were safe.” Celestia rested her head on my shoulder, and together we stared into the starry abyss. And for a while, I was content.

…

But then I got bored.

I know, I know. Way to ruin the moment, right? But what can I say, I love my nieces more than anything, but I still need something to keep my mind occupied.

“Okay, chick flick emotional moment is over,” I said as I stood up and stretched. Celestia rolled her eyes and snorted.

“You always know how to kill a mood, don’t you?” I flashed her a mischievous grin as I popped my back. Celestia shivered and I laughed; she always hated it when I did that, which was of course the only reason I did it in the first place.

Then a thought crossed my mind.

“Hey Celly…” I asked in my sweetest voice. Celestia froze and looked at me with distrustful eyes.

“What do you want?”

I grinned.

The Badlands are the desert wastelands that span the continent south of Equestria. Past the most isolated Buffalo settlement, the climate is so hot and dry it essentially renders the geography uninhabitable.

At least, uninhabitable to most creatures. One species that thrives in the wastelands are the Changelings. Insectoid and weak fighters, the heat and desolation protect them from their enemies, and their large underground complexes protect them from the heat.

Deep underground, in the center of the Hive, there is a massive, opulent chamber. Green-tinted magic torches give off warm light, and the rough dirt walls are surfaced with gem-encrusted stone. What pleasures Changelings desire adorn the room in spades, and a steady stream of servants ensure the lone occupant need never want for anything.

To say that Queen Chrysalis lived a life of luxury is to say that a volcanic eruption is mildly startling.

The Queen’s first warning of my arrival was the flicker of the torches. They pulsed in unison, their sickly green flame morphing across the color spectrum before settling on white. The fires then seemed to evaporate, breaking apart into tens of thousands of individual specks that floated off their wicks. The lights swirled and danced in an intangible wind. Their graceful waltz slowly brought them together to form a geyser of sparkles.

The frothing pillar rose from the floor to form a roughly bipedal shape. As the sparks churned and settled, details began to appear. Two distinct arms, a hood overhanging the head, smooth armor plating.

The final motes faded to nothing around me as I gazed upon Chrysalis who sat frozen on an overstuffed cushion. Her mouth hung open and her eyes were wide. I raised my hand to my face, and with a snap of my fingers, I collapsed every tunnel entrance that led into the chamber.

“How dare you! What manner of beast are you? To storm into my own Palace and demolish my-“ I clenched my hand and sealed her mouth tightly. The anger that had been rising in the Queen was quickly replaced by panic as she ignited her horn to no affect. She pushed herself to her ragged, hole ridden hooves. I scowled and forced her back to her stomach.

Moving for the first time since my entrance, I approached her with apathy. My armored boots echoed on the cold stone tile as I circled her with disinterest. I could feel her struggling against the invisible chains I had placed on her, but I gave no indication. I wanted her to stew for a while.

As I walked, I picked up a few trinkets and knickknacks from around the room and examined them with disinterest. A decorative lamp, a bowl of fruit I’m almost entirely sure was decorative. On the far side of the collapse, I heard the faint sounds of scraping. The Changelings trying to dig out their Queen. I was sure Chrysalis couldn’t hear it, not yet, but just to be safe I threw up a sound buffer around the tunnel exits. I didn’t want Chrysalis anything to focus on except myself.

After a few minutes, I stopped my self-guided tour and squatted down in front of Chrysalis.

“We’ve got a problem, you and I,” I started off calmly, as if I was about to lightly scold a child. “See, you recently made the grave mistake of fucking with a pair, or I guess a trio, of alicorns I’m rather fond of.” Her eyes swelled, whether in shock or fear I don’t know.

“Yeah, now you remember. I bet you thought you were pretty clever, right?” I asked jokingly, “Replacing Cadence’s fiancé and infiltrating the capitol. I mean hell, you fed so much you overpowered the Princess of the Sun! Pretty impressive. But,” I held up one finger, and all my joviality disappeared.

“You didn’t know you were pissing me off. And that’s a very, very bad mistake to make. So I am giving you exactly one warning. One.” I stood and took a step back and snapped my wings out aggressively. Light poured forth from my body, filling the room with brightness and unbearable heat. From under my hood, two bright blue eyes shone out of the dark, the only darkness left in the room. I drew Nameless and put the tip to her throat.

“If you ever step a single, disgusting hoof in Equestria for even a second, I will come back here and flay alive every single one of your bastardized species. I will make you watch as I tear the chitin from them, and when the last of their screams have drifted away on the wind, I’ll turn to you.” It took a bit of concentration, but I was able to open a small portal.

A three inch tear in the Mortal Membrane opened, and on the other side was Hell. The one-way window allowed Chrysalis a view into the darkest corner of Creation, and the look in her eyes became unmitigated terror. The images she was seeing were filtered, I didn’t want her committing suicide the moment I released her bonds. What she saw was just enough to surpass anything her imagination could have thought of in a thousand lifetimes, but not quite enough to destroy her will to live.

After only a few seconds I closed the window and released the bonds holding her. The Changeling Queen didn’t move, she was frozen in absolute horror. I slowly and deliberately leaned down and whispered in her ear.

“If you even think of so much as touching my nieces again, I will make the rest of your existence a thousand times worse.”

I stood and Feathered out without another word.

When I reappeared in Luna’s bedroom my laughter blew out every window in the castle.