Xenophilia: Cultural Norms

by Goat Licker

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Lyra, Romance, Sex, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Rainbow Dash
Length: 3754

Lero continues learning about the cultural norms of Ponyville. He'll have plenty of help. Based in the Xenophilia universe.

Since arriving in Equestria, Lero has struggled to fit in with Pony society. His beloved herdmates, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Lyra, will continue to help him adapt to Pony culture.

Meanwhile, Berry Punch attempts to deal with the absurdity of her life. It mostly involves drinking.

Published 2012-11-12 08:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-11 01:36:54 UTC

1. Bath Time

Cultural Norms

Even though Lero had long since told her that she could come in without knocking, Twilight Sparkle still had to fight feelings of awkwardness entering Lero's house. It felt as if she was breaking some immutable social law. To make herself feel better, Twilight would slowly open the door before making known her presence.

“Hi Lero, hi Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said. Lero was lying on the couch, resting up after a hard day’s work. Rainbow Dash was sprawled atop him, reading a book. Twilight trotted toward the two and gave Rainbow Dash a peck on the cheek.

“Hey smart stuff, glad you got that report done!”

“Oh yes, I rushed over here as fast as I could,” Twilight said, as she leaned toward Lero with a big smile. Lero reached out and held her head as they both kissed their greeting.

“Mmm, thanks,” Twilight said. “So, are you guys ready?”

Lero raised his eyebrows. “Ready for what?”

“The spa! Today’s the big day!”

Rainbow Dash’s book made a thunderous bellow as she slammed it shut. She let out a nervous, forced laugh. “Oh yeah, ha ha! The spa!”

“The spa?” Lero said, sitting up as much as he could without knocking Rainbow Dash to the floor.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said. “You didn’t tell him!”

“Hey, I forgot!” She leapt off his chest with an impressive display of acrobatics before landing on the rug. “You could have told him!”

“You told me you wanted to be the one to tell him, so it wouldn’t look like we were ganging up on him!”

“Well, you should have reminded me!”

“Ladies,” Lero said, sitting up. “I’m fine with going to the spa. Relaxing with you two after what I had to do today is a great idea.” The average pony’s diet of grasses and vegetables did not make working in raw sewage any less unpleasant.

Both mares looked askance and made hesitant noises.

“Okaaay,” Lero said. “There’s something I’m missing here. What’s going on?”

“Well...” Twilight said, scuffing her hoof against the rug.

“We’re not the only ones who’ll be there,” Rainbow Dash said. “Fluttershy will be there.”

“And Rarity,” Twilight said.

“And Applejack.”

“...and Pinkie Pie.”

Lero shrugged. “That’s fine.”

“The main thing is that we’re going to be in the big tub together,” Twilight Sparkle said. “You know...naked.”

“Including you, big guy.”

That was the cue for embarrassment and shyness to prance in and paint Lero red.

“Dude, it’ll be okay.” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s with ponies you’re friends with! It's not like you're going out in front of the whole town.”

“Dash, we’ve already talked about this,” Lero said. “It’s... it’s just hard for me to get over, okay?”

Rainbow Dash huffed at Lero’s ever-present nudity taboo. He stood up from the couch and rocked from one leg to another, a sign Rainbow Dash recognized from him as nervousness.

Twilight Sparkle stood next to Rainbow Dash, viewing Lero with a gentle smile. “Lero, you’re always talking about how hard you try to fit in with us ponies, but you always wear clothes when you go out amongst us.”

“’Amongst’? Really egghead?”

“Dash,” Twilight said, turning to face her. “Don’t interrupt!”

Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof and held it out to Lero as if she was presenting a new guest. “Have at it,” Dash said.

“As I was saying, you’d fit in a lot better if you’d stop wearing clothes all the time – a human custom, not a pony custom, I might add. Like Dash said, we don’t expect you to go out in public naked. Consider this spa visitation foal steps to help you learn to fit in better with us ponies.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said. “If you think about it, you stand out more for wearing clothes than for not wearing them!”

“Oh, so a sapient bipedal hominid walking around Ponyville doesn’t stand out at all,” Lero said.

Rainbow Dash groaned while Twilight Sparkle giggled. “I’m afraid you’re always going to stand out,” Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Look, I’m sorry we’re ganging up on you like this. I should have asked you about it sooner.”

“It’s okay,” Lero said with a smile. “I know you aren’t trying to pressure me.”

“But, could I ask one question?” Twilight said as Rainbow Dash shot her a dirty look. “Is there anything outside of the taboo that’s holding you back? Like, is your natural bashfulness that difficult to overcome?”

Like you have anything to be bashful about, Rainbow Dash thought. She knew it would only make him blush harder if she said it, though.

With as impassive a poker face as he could muster, Lero said, “The human body is a shameful, disgusting thing and should be covered at all times.”

“What!” Rainbow Dash shouted, her wings lifting her off the ground. “That’s crazy!”

“It’s not shameful!” Twilight Sparkle said, taking a hard step forward.

“It’s beautiful!” Rainbow Dash said.

“I love every inch of your body!” Twilight Sparkle stood as if taken aback by what she said, and then blushed deeply, hanging her head as her ears flattened. Rainbow Dash’s laughter at her sudden confession wasn’t helping her mood either.

“Ladies,” Lero said, holding up his hands in a placating gesture, “I was just joking. I don’t believe that at all.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyebrows rose at this reveal. He got one over on me, she thought. I can always tell when he’s joking. A smile crept across her mouth. I’ll get him next time!

Lero walked toward the still blushing Twilight Sparkle with a gentle smile. He knelt down and lifted her head, gently kissing her on the lips. Twilight closed her eyes and sat on her haunches, putting her forelegs over his shoulders.

Lero broke the kiss and smiled into Twilight Sparkle’s searching eyes. “Twilight,” Lero said. “I love every inch of your body, too.”

Twilight Sparkle blushed again, but this time in deep pleasure. “Oh, thank you Lero! That- that means a lot to me!”

“Hey, are you forgetting someone?” Rainbow Dash said, flapping in place. She folded her forelegs over and viewed her two mates with mock irritation. “It’s not nice to show favoritism.”

“Not at all,” Lero said, standing up as Twilight Sparkle released his shoulders. Rainbow Dash landed on her hind legs and couldn’t help but lick her lips in anticipation, a gesture Lero noticed and acknowledged with a grin. Rainbow Dash threw her forelegs around his neck and lunged into his kiss, letting his tongue enter and play with hers. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and finished the kiss.

“Rainbow Dash,” Lero said. “I love every inch of Twilight Sparkle’s body.”

“I love ev- hey!” Rainbow Dash shouted as Lero got out from under her forelegs. Twilight Sparkle broke into merry laughter. Rainbow Dash looked at the two and shook a crude fist at them both. “Oh ho ho! Trying to be a joker, huh? How about we have a little competition? See which one of us is the best at pulling jokes!”

Lero’s eyes widened in terror. “I don’t have a chance of winning against you.”

Whoops, Rainbow Dash thought, maybe I’m coming on too strong there. “Don’t worry big guy, I’ll handicap myself. It needs to be a fair fight, after all.”

“Maybe some other day,” Lero said. Still, he bent down to hug Rainbow Dash and put his mouth to her ear. “I love every inch of your body, love. You know that.”

Rainbow Dash let the warmth flow through her. “Yours too.” A lascivious grin spread across her face. “But some inches I love more than others.”

Lero pulled back and smiled at her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

“Alright!” Rainbow Dash said. “First person to get pranked ten times loses! Nothing that hurts though, so no shockers.”

“No, I mean I’ll go to the spa. Naked. With you two.”

Twilight Sparkle clapped her hooves together. “Oh, I’m so proud of you Lero! This is big step for you, and I promise we’ll do everything to make you comfortable.”

Lero nodded, trying to regulate his breathing. Come on, Rainbow Dash thought, you can do it! “Sounds like a plan. As long as you two are with me, I’ll be okay.”

“Of course we’ll be with you, Lero,” Twilight said.

“I just need to prepare,” Lero said as he headed toward the bathroom. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

***

The walk to the spa was pleasant, despite Twilight Sparkle sharing the non-classified parts of an obtuse and bizarre report she had just finished for the Princess. Dash noticed that Twilight had a little more spring in her step and light-heartedness in her voice, and she knew why – Lero telling her he loved her body had made Twilight extremely happy. Dash couldn’t help but smile at the loving eyes Twilight wore when she looked up at their stallion. Good going, Lero, Rainbow Dash thought. I haven’t seen her that giddy in a while.

The three entered the spa, greeting Aloe and Lotus. Both told them the rest of their group had already arrived, and Lero’s two mares could sense the tension in his body. Rainbow Dash was hoping they would have made it early enough to beat everyone to the bath – no such luck. Well, this will be his baptism of fire, except with water, Rainbow Dash thought. Ugh, what a terrible joke.

The three entered the changing room – really a place for bathers to set aside any personal effects - and waited for Lero to disrobe. He was taking deep breaths to calm himself.

“Are you gonna make it?” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s okay if you want to turn around.” He’s trying so hard to make us happy. We have to find a way to pay him back.

“We’ll be happy to go back with you,” Twilight said, and she meant it.

Lero nodded. “I’m good. Let’s go.”

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash watched Lero look around the room. Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Uh, you need to take off your clothes first.”

Lero hesitated, and then removed his articles of clothing, laying them out one by one on a wooden bench. Twilight Sparkle couldn’t help herself, and used her magic to fold them into neat stacks.

Rainbow Dash instantly noticed what he had done, and started laughing. “Did you go to the bathroom to trim your pubic hair?”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight hissed.

“Well... I wanted to make sure I was presentable. No need to be, um, untidy.”

“Heh,” Rainbow Dash said, grinning from her laughter. “You trimmed your chest hair too. Actually... you look really good.”

“Thanks,” Lero said, a little tersely.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle approached Lero and stood on their hind legs, placing their forelegs on him for support (both for them and for him). Lero wrapped an arm around each one, pulling them close to his body.

“Thank you both,” Lero said. “I’m sorry I’m making such a big deal about this.”

“You’re fighting a deeply ingrained cultural norm,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Of course you’re going to feel nervous.”

“We’re with you,” Rainbow Dash said. Forever, she thought, her heart filling with a sweet pain. The broke the embrace and entered into the spa, where their friends were waiting.

***

So the first problem, Rainbow Dash decided, was going to be keeping their pony friends from making Lero uncomfortable with shows of affection. While he had adapted well to the tactile, affectionate nature of ponydom during his stay in Equestria (Rainbow Dash was a lot like him, in eschewing a majority of public displays of affection), it didn’t take an egghead to know Lero receiving embraces, nuzzles, or kisses from his friends, while naked, would cause him intense discomfort. Pinkie Pie’s normal greeting of assault hugging was not the way to go, and Rainbow Dash was ready to be a pony shield for any attempts at violent displays of affection.

The second problem would be comments on the parts of his unclothed body most different from ponies, specifically his penis shape and lack of a penile sheath. One time Rainbow Dash had inadvertently hurt his feelings by teasing him about his penis being smaller than the average stallion. After Dash’s passionate, though confused, apology, Lero explained this aspect of his home culture, where a large penis was valued as a symbol of sexual prowess and manhood, and smaller penises were considered undesirable. Dash thought it borderline psychotic – he uses it so well (“You’re the best rut in all Equestria!” which Lero thought hilarious due to her lack of sexual experience), so why does size matter? Dash explained that a mare’s only preference for penis size was that it fit, and his fit beautifully (this was also why Big Mac had not yet been approached by a mare – his would be too huge for the average mare in Ponyville to take). Ultimately, Lero seemed more embarrassed that he had taken offense at her teasing than the actual teasing itself.

Twilight Sparkle, upon hearing this story, opined that the confusion had to do with patriarchal and matriarchal differences in their respective societies. Since a penis was the most obvious defining characteristic of a male, and physical size denoted strength and power – things important in patriarchal societies – then a large penis would be valued as well, at least symbolically. Twilight echoed Dash’s sentiment that penis size was far less important to the mares in Equestria, who wouldn’t want their canals being brutalized by overly large stallions (“Though there is a fetish for everything...” Twilight Sparkle trailed off).

The three entered the main bathing area, Lero between the two as if they were his bodyguards. Four ponies sitting on short stools turned toward the late comers and exchanged greetings, with Lero mumbling something and displaying a lethargic hand wave. He didn’t so much as look at the mares as pass his eyes over them.

The two herdmates tried to stick to their stallion, but the seating arrangement wouldn't allow this. There was a space between Applejack and Rarity that Lero took, mostly because it was closest to him and allowed him to sit down quickly. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle took the two spare seats on the other side of Applejack.

Since the ponies were sitting on the stools with their haunches, Lero folded his legs under him. Rainbow Dash didn’t think it looked comfortable, but she didn't want to bring attention to him by pointing it out.

“Darlings,” Rarity said, amongst her collection of shampoos, moisturizers, conditioners, soaps, and creams, “I’m so glad you were able to make it.” Using her magic, Rarity lightly dabbed her body with a sponge. “Lero dear, you especially deserve a nice long soak, after that awful job the mayor had you doing.”

“That was more than I bargained for,” Lero said with a forced laugh. He lifted the bowl over his head and deluged his body with crystal-clear water. He had already showered as soon as his job had been finished that day, so he made a rudimentary lather from the soap instead of an intense scrubbing.

“Mr. Handy’s a hard worker,” Applejack said, her sparse display of one bar of soap a striking contrast to Rarity’s opulent layout. “There ain’t much ponies willing to do dirty work like that, being frilly and all.”

“It’s good I scheduled our bath for today, then,” Rarity said, ignoring Applejack’s attempt at causing trouble. “It’s a little too late for the full spa treatment, but a comforting soak in hot water should suffice.”

“You know, there are cultures on earth that do communal bathing,” Lero said, this fact causing Rainbow Dash’s ears to pick up and a grin to spread across her face. There are humans not scared to be naked in public?  “Ha!” she said, “so you mean not every hu-” what am I doing? Dash thought. “Um-”

“That’s interesting,” Twilight said, interrupting a conversation she and Fluttershy were having. “Is it done the same way too?”

“Pretty much,” Lero said. “They would douse themselves in water like this, soaping up and rinsing off before soaking in the tub, or even a hot spring.”

“Hot springs!” Rarity said, her eyes lighting up. “We must schedule some vacation time this winter and visit a hot spring! Say you’ll come, Lero.”

“It’s a plan,” Lero said, managing to look Rarity in the eye as he said it.

Eventually the seven rinsed off and made way to the tub. Lero was quick to enter, and Rainbow Dash and Twilight made sure to sit on both sides of him. Fluttershy drew an imaginary line with her hoof while waiting for the rest to enter the tub. Applejack and Pinkie Pie waited outside, watching Rarity slowly immerse herself into the tub before assaulting her with a double cannonball. Only then did Fluttershy enter.

Rarity tried to pout, but was too angry to pull it off. “Seriously? The both of you? This is supposed to be relaxing!”

“Come on Rarity, lighten up a little,” Applejack said, saddling up next to her. “It’s fun when it’s your friends.”

“I don’t know what definition of fun you’re using,” Rarity huffed, “but there’s more to life than the mindless pursuit of constant stimula-”

Pinkie Pie, who had remained submerged, immediately burst out of the water and pointed a hoof at Lero. “You have encountered a Lero! Attack, Magic, Morph, Item? Attack! Critical hit! 132HP damage! Yay!”

Bafflement mangled Lero’s face. “You know what RPGs are?”

“Know what what is?” Pinkie Pie ducked back under the water, and Lero crossed his legs.

“Relax,” Rainbow Dash whispered, putting her cheek on his shoulder. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

The friends soaked in the tub, with the usual oohs and ahs punctuating the conversation. Eventually, it drifted toward the incident Rainbow Dash experienced with the ponies trying to pick a fight with her over Lero. “It’s a good thing Lyra showed up when she did,” Rainbow Dash said. “There would have been some hurt ponies.”

“I’m really sorry that has to happen here,” Fluttershy said as Applejack nodded. She looked at Lero. “I’m glad no one has tried to start a fight with you.”

“Me too,” Lero said. He smiled at Dash and nudged her with his elbow. “There would have been a hurt human if it was just me.”

“Hey, you’re pretty tough,” Rainbow Dash said. “You get some over me every now and then when we’re play fighting.”

“Play fighting,” Lero said.

“Your hands might sure be useful,” Applejack said, “but they ain’t as hard as hooves. Can’t see ‘em doing much damage there.”

Lero smiled at Applejack’s brutal, and sometimes tactless, honesty. “It’d be better for me to grapple or get them in a choke hold instead of striking,” Lero said. “Which may be fine for a one-on-one battle, but it wouldn’t work against a group.”

“Pardon me for butting in,” Rarity said, “but could we please put this dreadful conversation aside?”

“That goes for me too, please,” Twilight said. “I can’t stand thinking about some pony wanting to hurt you. It makes me mad.”

The bath time had continued splendidly after that, and Lero didn’t rush to cover himself when it was time for everyone to exit the tub. However, he did dress more quickly than normal. The group had said goodbye, and, as the sun was setting, Lero headed toward home with his two mares as civil workers began lighting the gas lamps. The first stars shuffled in to take their seats for the night.

“I’m glad I did that,” Lero said.

“I’m so proud of you!” Twilight said.

“Yeah, and I’m surprised everypony acted so normal about it,” Rainbow Dash said. “I was afraid they’d make a big deal about you being naked and make it worse.”

“Of course not,” Twilight Sparkle said with a smile that could only be read as pride of accomplishment. “I talked to them about it a week ago. No staring, no touching, just normal conversation.”

Her two mates looked at her. “Wow, you had this... oh yeah!” Rainbow Dash said, as she pounded one forehoof into the other. “We discussed that when I was supposed to tell Lero.” She made a sheepish grin at Lero, who was now propping an eyebrow at her forgetfulness. “Sorry guys, I really dropped the ball there.”

“No damage done,” Lero said. “It all went well.” He patted Twilight Sparkle on her shoulder. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“Of course!” Twilight said, as she rushed ahead of Lero and turned around. She got up on her hind legs and rested her front hooves against his chest, and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “Someone has to!”

Expecting more praise, Twilight Sparkle looked at Lero’s frozen face with some confusion.

“Twilight, come on,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Twilight said. “I forgot about the public affection thing!” Twilight Sparkle was never one to hide her emotions, and her raw feelings of shame made themselves manifest with her downcast glance, her drooping shoulders, and eyes coated with shame at her faux pas. Lero and Dash could see this clearly.

Lero bent down and scooped Twilight into his arms, flipping her over on her back and cradling her in his arms. She yelped and squeaked, and then laughed joyfully when Lero kissed her tummy.

“It’s fine if it’s you,” Lero said. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Twilight Sparkle said, with an odd note of shyness. “But I promise I’ll try my best not to embarrass you.”

“You’ll never embarrass me,” Lero said. Twilight Sparkle smiled and gently caressed his cheek with her hoof. He turned his head and kissed the bottom of her hoof.

He adjusted his holding of Twilight so that she was sitting upright in his arms. His fingers intertwined to form a seat for her rump, and her forelegs arced over his shoulders as she nuzzled Lero’s neck with closed eyes and delighted sighs. Her tail swished gently against his legs.

She opened her eyes and grinned. “Don’t look now, but I think we’re being followed by a lecher.”

Lero turned around and laughed at the cartoonishly perverted leer Rainbow Dash was wearing.

“Enjoying the show, Dash?” Lero said.

“What show? It hasn’t started yet,” Rainbow Dash said. She took to the air and flew next to Lero as he carried Twilight Sparkle to his home.

2. Steam Donkey

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3. Heat Season

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Interlude: Berry Punch Visits Her Father

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4. Going to Canterlot

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5. A Massage and a Message

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Interlude: Honeydew's Complaint

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6. The Decision

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7. The Aftermath

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8. Some Oneshots

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9. The Last Visit

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10. Confrontation

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11. Ponyville Flattened Affect part 1

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12. Ponyville Flattened Affect part 2

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