Our Fearless Leader Hits a New Low
Princess Celestia, after receiving word about the Crystal Empire's victory, traveled to Cosarara to tell his new boyfriend the wonderful news!
That is, until she reached his front porch...
One of his guards was already at the door. "We're not accepting any new visitors at the moment. He's..."
"Well, what is it?"
"Very disappointed about something. You're his friend, am I right?"
"Mm-hmm. May I come in?"
"You may." The guard stepped aside to allow Celestia to enter. Upon her setting foot in the house, she could already tell someone - or something - made the poor boy snap.
"Man, this is a load of baloney!" He could be heard shouting from the kitchen. Taking caution, Celestia and the guard quietly made their way in, where he already began to throw various meats out of the freezer.
"Fuckin' retards!" he shouted before throwing a package of frozen veggies across the kitchen floor. One could tell that the Great Leader was extremely pissed.
The guard intervened. "Calm down. What's going on?"
"Fuck you!" He shot back, continuing to empty the freezer. His voice reduced to a low grumble.
Celestia commented. "I don't get what you're saying - "
"THAT WAS COSARARA'S EASTERN TRADE ROUTES!" the Leader shouted. "That was the way that we traded with the rest of the world for YEARS!...
FOR FUCKIN' YEARS!...
"A-And it's gone!!"
"Please calm down and maybe we can figure out what's going on -" Celestia said, before being interrupted by more meat flying out of the freezer.
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER - IT WAS MINE!!!!!"
The heated young man attempted to slam the freezer door shut. At the same time, he could be heard grumbling a bit as he retrieved his crowbar. "I'm tired of listening to all this fuckin' nonsense - "
He then proceeded to peel off the backing to the freezer door, beating the outside of the fridge as she did so. "Goddamn idiots..."
"Relax! Please..." The guard attempted to intervene once more. The Great Leader was now trying to detach the doors to to the fridge. "You're going too far - "
"Honey, I'll show you too far!"
He then threw his crowbar to the floor. "GODDAMN..."
The carnage continued, as he ripped the burners out of the stove and tipping it over followed by the microwave being slammed down onto it. "Goddamn fuckin'..." He also threw the toaster oven in Celestia's general direction; she got out of the way in time, thankfully. The guard screamed, in shock... This was getting dangerous.
"FUCK YOU LOT! ... That was a part of COSA- FUCKIN'- RARA!!! ... I fuckin' hate y'all, every goddamn one of ya!!"
The Great Leader recovered the oven. "That's it, you've gone too far!" The guard said, still in awe at all of the damage that had been done. "Oh, my word...
"You need to calm down, or you'll get a heart attack!"
By that time, he already took out the oven's racks and kicked the door off. "Damned sons of - "
Celestia spoke again. "Wow... you haven't been taking your medication, have you?" She was referring to a bipolar disorder that he had, the root of today's blowout.
The guard ushered Celestia out of the room, fearing another strike. "Come on. We need to get out of here..."
"Fuck you... that was MY land... MY LAND!"
Still very irate, the Leader finished ripping the door of the oven before chucking it at Celestia and the guard. Seeing the door, the two went running. He launched into yet another rant.
He then began to shout at the guard.
"Stupid bitch..." He slammed one of the cupboard doors while he was at it.
"Calm down!" The guard yelled back.
"Kill't MY FUCKIN' ECONOMY..." He directed his rage at the guard once again. "She HAS to be working for the Virgins... I just KNOW IT!"
"Why would she be working for the Insurrectionists -"
"ASK HER IF SHE'S WORKING WITH THE VIRGINS!
"And of course, that don't matter 'cos it's MYYY goddamn land, an' I can do anythin' ......." he ended in a fake upper crust accent, grumbling towards the end.
Celestia shouted from the other end of the closed doorway. "Just tell us what's wrong and we can - "
"MY LAND!" He wasn't going to have a word of it. As the guard re-entered the kitchen, the outraged Great Leader threw down the remaining contents of the fridge. He went over to the chairs and threw them onto the pile before upending the table.
"Go fuck yourself! I HATE you!"
"Don't - "
Before she knew it, he'd already thrown his radio.
"Stupid bastards... clean it up!"
After a couple of minutes, John picked up his crowbar (which he threw earlier). The guard re-opened the negotiations once again.
"We can work this out! Calm down! ... Chill!"
"...Chinese prostitutes!!" the displeased Leader started up again, taking the crowbar to the glass inside the fridge.
"Oh, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no!" The guard tried to stop him. She already knew that the police had to have been called if one of the workers, either at his estate on up the hill or the windmills, noticed any of the commotion. He kicked the rest of the glass before sending the crowbar hurling towards the door behind which Celestia was trying to forget everything that happened.
Then, the crowbar. Celestia shrieked in terror. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! She was fearing for her life now.
Back in the kitchen, the Great Leader's rant-and-rave was coming to an end. "I've had it wit' yooooouuu... ain't nothin' left now! THE KITCHEN IS FINALLY CLOSED!" He retreated to his bedroom.
"Oh my... you've done it."
"I don't want to hear another word." A brief bout of sweet, sweet silence... "I've never been so disappointed in my entire life."
Once he reached his bedroom, he plopped himself down on the bedspread, with the guard following him inside.
"Sir, I know you're sad, but you need to cheer up. The triumph in the Crystal Empire was also a victory for Equestria - "
"Shut up, bitch.
"You know that land was all mine to begin with. You knew I needed to protect the trade routes to the east, so I built a multi-million kratt military base after the Insurrection to reassure me that we'd be safe. I also feared that the Virgin Empire would invade from the east, so the lot of that territory was set aside as a federally-governed military district, Faz-Carrefour, since that's the trade center; limited Virgin Empire from the north, Cosarara from the west, Equestria from the south, and the rest of the world from the east... And now that the whole thing's gone, those damned northerners will be more than happy to exploit the convenient little breach of the Motherland's defense that Equestria and its government foolishly allowed to be created!...
"I'm sick of this shit. Everything..." The still-frazzled Great Leader then stood up and issued a final warning.
"The Equestrian government has until the end of the Thanksgiving holiday to screw their heads on and get their priorities straight. And if that 'Crystal Empire' piece of shit ain't gone by the end of that weekend, the 25th...
"Well, let's just say that no one will recognize those parts at all. The Cosararan People's Armed Forces will step in. With this ultimatum in place, Faz-Carrefour will live up to its name once again."
The guard gave a slight nod of approval. "I like it."
"Thank you much, my dear. This really isn't for Cosarara's own benefit, it's for the world's benefit, the global economy's survival.
"Go on... have a nice evening. The guards will all be paid Monday." With that, the guard was dismissed.
~~~
End of the first part. Thanks for reading! [Edited 11-14-2012]
And trust me, my romantic date story will be up here eventually, I just haven't gotten any inspiration as of late.
Our Fearless Leader Hits a New Low
Now that's enough! [Independence]
The next day came, and the Great Leader was still frazzled from the Crystal Empire incident. An hour or so after lunchtime, one of the Great Leader's maintenance men entered the front lobby. He had just come down from one of three wind turbines up the hill that provided all of the complex's electricity, when he heard some shouting coming from one of the bedrooms.
"Who cleaned out that goddamn bank account?!" He could be heard shouting from behind the door. Concerned for his safety, the maintenance man cracked the door slightly, only enough so that he could peep inside.
"This is about that insurance settlement we've been talking about!"
Oh boy, the maintenance man thought to himself, this is going to be good!
"I put up my end of the deal; now where's the money?" the Leader continued.
After a minute or two
"Yesterday, you secured the last of the funds, right?" the Leader started off.
"Now where has my insurance settlement gone off to?"
"I thought we agreed on 90,000 kratt, and now I'm hearing 60,000 - the motherfucker's gone!" He said as he kicked the office chair down the floor.
The maintenance man chortled under his breath.
"What? It didn't go through? ... THAT'S MY GODDAMN INSURANCE MONEY!!"
He paused for a few seconds. "I don't give a shit if it WAS past the maturity date!... You could have used the motherfucker!"
Another minute passed with the Leader sitting on the foot of the bed, listening to the indolent blather from the man on the other end of the line. The maintenance man kept peeking inside the door to see if he'd snap again.
"You now owe me... 100,000 kratt and fifty cents, bitch! You fuckin' understand me? I want my god-
YOU HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO NEGOTIATE THAT SONUVABITCH!!" The peeved-off leader could be seen gritting his teeth in disgust.
"DO NOT GET SMART WITH ME! I want my goddamn money from my goddamn insurance!" He kicked the chair once more. "You fuckin' understand me?! I want my goddamn money from my insurance, you understand me?"
"LET ME TELL YOU ONE GODDAMN THING - THAT'S MY MONEY AN' MY MOTHERFUCKING INSURANCE!" He then made his way into the master bathroom and threw a dish of hair color onto the floor, where it splattered everywhere. "...MY GODDAMN INSURANCE! YOU FUCKIN' UNDERSTAND ME, BITCH?! I'M GETTING MY MONEY TODAY - YOU HEAR ME?!!" The angry Leader threw his reciever into the closet.
He stepped out of the bathroom. At the same time, the maintenance man opened the door the rest of the way and stepped into the bedroom. "GODDAMN THEM!"
The maintenance man's turn came to try and console his Leader. "Calm down!"
The rant continued, to his own dismay. "Fuckin' son of a goddamn bitch, I'll bust him right in the damn - " He picked up a hammer out of his toolbox and threw it down as well.
"Relax..."
"LIKE HELL I'M GOING TO RELAX! That was my goddamn insurance money!" At that time, the Leader picked up one of the footstools from the bathroom and threw it.
"What in the world have I gotten myself into? ..."
"IT WAS MINE!!!
"That wasn't his money, it was my money and mine alone! You fuckin' understand me?" The Great Leader made perfectly clear.
He then bolted out of the bedroom, making his way towards his car. He was going straight to the insurance company to collect his money, and he wouldn't be taking any tim-tam from anybody.
~~~~~~~~~
Later that day, at dinner
A modest meal, a French-dip sandwich paired with a small bowl of chips with a glass of ginger ale to side-kick, was laid down in front of the Great Leader as he read the newspaper. Ever since the news of the Crystal Empire victory reached the Motherland, there was literally nothing in the paper but rumor after rumor about the Crystal Empire - it even got so bad that they even began denying requests for advertisements simply to keep up with the word in the streets and in the shops and office buildings.
"Good lord..." he said, reacting to an article about panicking people beginning to stock up on food, gas, and water after the local back-fence talkers heard that the Crystal Empire was already diverting goods bound for Cosarara in Equestria's direction. As a result, shelves at markets and stores were cleared out in a matter of hours, and gas stations were even restricting access to their fuel supplies.
Another article detailed the Crystal Empire's supposed effect on job creation and the economy, with concerned workers fearing for their safety calling in sick on days when tension got especially high, the planned Demus Natural Gas Compressing and Biofuel Processing complex in Vega Beach announcing delays, office towers conducting regular evacuation drills, and exclusion zones being drawn out, all in preparation for supposed massive trade shutoffs with Cosarara's regular trading partners.
Crystal Empire... nothing but the Crystal Empire. Sports teams were postponing their matches, so that section vanished. No advertisements, not even a single Classified. Advice columns, the daily crosswords, puzzles, even the comics - the COMICS - all gone. The paper said they'd need to stay on top of all the information that was coming in...
"This has gotten waaaaaay out of hand."
One of the cleaning people immediately butted right in. "Out of hand? You completely demolished the kitchen yesterday! That's 'out of hand', don't you think?"
"Who gives a fuck?" The Great Leader shot back, then attempted to finish his dinner in the big room. Once inside, he set down all of his stuff and flipped on his HDTV. After that, he diddled with the tuner that was connected to a giant satellite dish below the road - that way, he could get international channels as well as his own domestic. He considered everything; from the news (of course, NOTHING BUT THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE), the movie channels (nothing that would pique his interest), everything.
He eventually managed to tune the TV to Comedy Central, airing Jeff Dunham. The man flopped down in his favorite chair and basked in the hilarity.
~~~~~~~~~
The next day...
A friend of the Great Leader, who was visiting for the day, tuned the television in the big room. The Leader himself was returning with some Chicken King for his employees, who gave him the money... However, he didn't care much for chicken, so he got Subway for himself.
"Here's lunch," he said, setting the bags down. He continued on into the big room, Subway in hand. After lunch was ate, The Great Leader and his friend were having a conversation when the news flashed.
The attention immediately turned to the TV.
The picture being broadcast was that of a newsreader, looking very shocked and afraid. On air, she was seen picking up a piece of paper.
"My fellow Cosararan people... it is with tear-filled eyes and a heavy heart that I must announce... that on this day..." She sniffled. "...a day that will live in dishonour... the 'Crystal Empire', or so it has been named..."
"Has officially severed the Faz-Carrefour district from the rest of the Motherland." The newsreader could be seen breaking down to tears. She was promptly dragged away from the camera's view and another newsreader was put in her place.
Continuing from the last statement as the two friends looked on in confusion, the replacement newsreader picked up where it was left off. "A national state of emergency is expected to be declared in lieu of this tragedy. Expect an economic slowdown beginning next week, with the first cutoffs beginning Wednesday - " The visitor flipped the channel; the Great Leader immediately stormed out of the room.
What is he doing? He thought in his head. Soon enough, the Great Leader emerged with a pair of pliers in his hand. He set it down before starting with his rant.
"They betrayed their own Great General... destroyed everything I ever gave them!"
The irascible Leader shoved his stereo to the floor. "I'm sick of all the nonsense! SICK OF IT!"
"Well, there went that," his visitor commented about the possibly damaged stereo.
"I WANT AN EXPLANATION, AND I WANT IT NOW!" shouted the Leader, looking as though he was about to boil over with rage. With that, he picked up the pair of pliers and sent it speeding towards the TV. He smashed the screen a few more times before tossing the tool.
"Calm down!"
"FUCKIN' CROCK O' SHIT!" He grabbed the television and pushed it to the floor with a smash.
"Hey!"
"I want my entire cabinet at the Party headquarters - RIGHT NOW!"
The visitor was left speechless. Well, I guess we won't be watching James Bond tonight...
The Great Leader hopped in his car, stuck the key in the ignition, and started the engine. After making a right turn coming out of the bottom of his road, he turned on the radio. Expecting to hear his favorite music playing, he waited throughout the silence. As soon as he turned on to the avenue, his worst fears were confirmed.
An announcer came on the air, and could be heard saying, "As far as anyone knows, the Faz-Carrefour district is one of the most profitable in the country. And yet, right now, we are in the midst of the biggest political shakeup I've seen in my lifetime."
He listened intently. "Today... November 12, 2012, the 'Crystal Empire' declared autonomy from the Independent Republic of Cosarara, essentially cutting off that entire region to domestic support. If anything else happened, all would be well, but instead, this act of pure rebellion had to be carried out."
"And that's why I'm going straight to Party headquarters to sort all of this bullshit out," the Great Leader replied, turning onto Elysian Boulevard as he did so.
The announcer continued. "Needless to say, the world theater, not to mention the Motherland, didn't count on ANY kind of cutoff period, and since Faz-Carrefour handles several major trade routes into Cosarara and throughout most of the world, this could completely fuck up the economy in the long run."
"Therefore, this is a huge deal, especially for corporations who've invested in that region for years. But, in the grand scheme of things, the financial and political effects are expected to be numerous as well as tragic..."
"As I've said before, this is the biggest strain on Cosararan relations that we have seen in a long time - this is BIG. This association of 'crystal ponies', or so they're called, clearly overthrew the military consulate and seized power for themselves, and this declaration of autonomy set the fate of Faz-Carrefour in stone; 'the rebels own the region, they claim rule over the area. Shikata-ga-nai - it can't be helped..."
The Great Leader promptly rolled his eyes.
"There is a widely known rule, however, if two nations claim a disputed region, the one that claims principal ownership gets the control... and we've seen that before in the U.S.'s past dealings with the Virgin Empire - but this rule can be applied to this situation because the Virgins claim eight or nine creek heads that flow into that district from the mountains to the north of there as well as the land that it feeds..."
The broadcast was interrupted as the Great Leader's car went under an overpass.
"But unfortunately, the United Nations doesn't appear to want to enforce that rule. I don't know what they're seeing, either in the events that unfolded or all the legal mumbo-jumbo, even after over 15 HOURS of reviewing every single piece of evidence from as early as the 1970's explicitly saying that WE controlled that whole region to begin with - at both hearings, they ruled INCONCLUSIVE. And even more striking, DURING [and in the hours immediately following] the whole Crystal Heart and Sombra fiasco, at least TWENTY diplomacy laws and statutes were unquestionably thrown out the window in order to compound the Crystal Empire lie and basically hand the rebels the principal ownership rights... it's like, 'Diplomacy? The Territorial Charters of 1919, 1971, and 1983? Trading importance? FUCK IT! ...'"
"But in the end, the crystal pony traitors and the heretics that they call their 'leaders' made it a no-win situation for everyone. The people of Cosarara were the first people to raise the People's Banner in the Faz-Carrefour, and as such, the Cosararans have thrived there for several decades... and I would like to see it remain that way for as long as we're here. And honestly, if you congratulated those crystal freaks for saving that false empire of theirs, you should be ashamed of yourself! If people, ponies even, have to lie and steal to be victorious, it's not even worth the concept of victory anymore."
The Great Leader remained in his car to hear the rest of the announcer's words. "And this movement wouldn't have been as disheartening for millions around the world if they didn't know the truth behind it - " Assuming that yet another rumor was circling the country, he shut his radio off, then pulled out the keys and walked towards the Cosararan Socialist Party complex.
~~~~
The radio announcer was still blabbering over the PA. "And this is the Independent Republic Of Cosarara, for heaven's sake! I've simply been throwing up my hands and going, 'What the fuck is wrong with this world that we live in?!' ever since I heard the news. And here I am, in the studio, and I'm witnessing a once-flourishing, bustling trading center for over 70% of the world get shit on by a bunch of ignorant, scum-sucking, ultra-fundamentalists who, apparently, are capable of nothing but bullshit - that is, rob the Cosararan people of territory that they so rightfully own, then go behind our backs and tell the remainder of the world a big, fat LIE that the land was THEIRS in the first place to cover up their demented carrying on, as well as an obvious attempt to keep possession of that illegitimate piece of GARBAGE that they unjustly and unacceptably exterminated all evidence of Cosararan influence in order to add a bit of bogus credibility..." ...et cetera, et cetera.
The Great Leader was escorted to the main People's Conference Hall, where the rest of his cabinet, as well as all high-ranking officers of his military. He took a shot of water before taking his seat, and that is when he delivered one of his best speeches in a long time.
"Stop with the hysterics. I'm sure that you all recognize the root of all of our recent troubles..."
The room then began echoing with the resounding cries of the "Crystal Empire" and all of its ills. Once the mood settled, the Great Leader continued.
"Our only task at this moment is to find a solution to the problem without reaching the breaking point, of which there are many. As this committee before me works together to avoid catastrophe, there are several things that you must keep in mind.
"ONE: Those trade routes to the east are of the utmost importance, and because of this, they must be open to free trade again.
"TWO: The rebels, if you put in into perspective, are opening a security hole for the Virgin Empire's military to invade from the east. We need to, in a sense, patch that hole closed.
"and THREE: and I cannot stress this enough - regain control of the Faz-Carrefour. This is beyond contestation. This 'Crystal Empire', as it is known, is nothing more than a BIG FAT FOREIGN LIE, and must be reclaimed for the Cosararan people at once.
"I trust in this committee to end this tensile moment in our history in a peaceful manner. Also, one last note - the Party sent the rebels a message urging them to drop their egregiously unruly attitude and re-join our union. If we do not recieve a reply by 10 P.M. on November 17th - that's Saturday evening - I have to assume that they have already declared full independence, ergo, cutting off vital trade routes for Cosarara and de-stabilizing the economy... then the military will have to step in and take over. Like I said, the Faz-Carrefour is a very active trading hub for 70% of the world's economy, so we can't tolerate such a move on their part - the Cosararans must continue to administer the area so as to prevent an economic collapse."
"I thank you again for your flexibility and cooperation in this matter, and may our questions be answered." The Great Leader, concluding his speech, left his chair to calm himself down and pull himself together. His cabinet seemed to like the speech, given their resounding approval through their cheers and applause.
As he left the room, ideas began to flow, and for the next two hours, over 100 options would be proposed and voted on, with the top five plans being sent to the Central Executive Committee for review and possible implementation.
Later that evening, after two ginger ales... in idea comes to mind for our Fearless Leader
The Great Leader knew that it would take a while for even the first decisions to be able to leave the conference room, so he decided to go up to the mall and pick up something for home.
He turned his radio back on as he got onto Park Avenue. To his surprise, the radio was actually playing music for once, so he listened contently before news of his Party's committee talks started to trickle in. After that, he turned into the access road, parked the car, and ran inside for some Sbarro. The line was short, so he was able to be in and out in less than 10 minutes. Once out, he made his way back onto the Mango Beach avenue and made his way home.
Once he made his way back inside the front door, however, he was fielding calls from left and right, all about Cosarara's plans for the Crystal Empire, and it continued this way for the better part of seven hours, managing to get two ginger ales breaks in. This all made a turn for the worse when he received a call from a political organisation back in the United States that kept saying that Shining Armor stole Cadence away from him, citing romantic and intimate relations from as early as the late 90s. This went straight to his emotions.
He immediately shut off the phone lines, leaving only his personal cell phone on. He immediately dialed up the first number he could think of that was connected to Cadence.
After being put on hold for what seemed like an eternity, he finally heard a reply. A familiar voice promptly declared, "Hey - this is Shining Armor, Prince of the Crystal Empire. How may I assist?"
"YES!" The Great Leader began.
"I was calling looking for an explanation as to why you stole my marefriend, because I have recently fielded calls on the matter... and what they said broke my heart. And it's making me feel like a piece of SHIT!
"What was that, sir?"
"This is bullshit!"
"Can you hold on? It'll be just one moment."
The phone began playing a tune that he seemed to be familiar with.
"I hope this is the Blue Groove version of this song... not that B-Ran peice of SHIT!"
Before he knew it, the B-Ran version of that song was playing.
"FUUUUUUUCK!" The song stopped.
He paced around the room a bit, and drunk another ginger ale, in an attempt to let out steam.
"Umm, can I help you?"
"Yes! You stole my marefriend from me, I want an explanation - NOW! This has all been making me feel like a piece of shit!"
"I now know who you are, and Cadence is happily married to me - she's gotten over you!"
"I AM PISSED!"
"You know what? You're drunk. Stop drinking and start thinking about stewarding your sexuality as a gift from Celestia herself and abstain until marriage, okay? I've heard things about you!"
"My wife died in '94, motherfucker - I'm looking for a new one - nobody gives a SHIT -"
Shining Armor hung up the phone, cutting him off. "Fuckin' hung up my ass!" The Great Leader shouted, miffed, before throwing the cell phone to the kitchen floor.
He drunk yet another ginger ale, pondering what to do. He picked up one of his home phones and called Shining's number again, only this time, it went to voicemail.
A beep from the other end signal the Leader's turn to retort. "Uh, yeah, this is J with the Cosararan Socialist Party, and just to let you know, we don't tolerate any deviation from our laws and rules, like, period, and, like, really, get with the program, work with us, people!" The Leader called again in his normal voice. "And you've already proven your thoughts on us being BIG FAT LIARS and rebelling against the Party. This nonsense shouldn't be happening - rejoin the Union - NOW. And if you don't go through with it... let's just say that I know enough people and have enough money to get rid of you, faggot." The Leader pressed the 'end call' button on the receiver.
The next few days would be torture.
Our Fearless Leader Hits a New Low
The November 17th, 10:00pm deadline was approaching quickly, and the Party was desperate for an explanation, as well as an apology for their behavior. [November 16th, evening]
The Great Leader was watching TV in his bedroom and having a nice drink after he got home from yet another board meeting when a news flash came up. Crystal Empire Declares Independence. The Great Leader became furious.
"That's it!" he began yelling down the hall. "I've had just about enough!" He threw his crowbar at the TV before sending it crashing to the ground. "Faggots!"
He then proceeded to rummage through what was left of the kitchen (which he destroyed about a week ago) and obtained a couple of knives. He then proceeded to rip and tear up the couches in the living room, cursing out the Crystal Empire and Equestria as he did so. His knives tore up the couch cushions, the backs of them were ripped off, he even went as far as destroying the underbelly and footers of one of them. He then went on another rant-and-rave. Walking back into the bedroom, he threw his hammer into the metal door of the dryer.
He walked up to an open window and shouted derogatory insults out of it. He then chucked the destroyed TV out of it before making his way into the living room. He picked up one of the couches and flipped it a couple times to send it rolling out the door, down the hill, and into the street; likewise with the other couch.
And with that, the two decimated couches lay there, reduced to nothing but a pile of junk in his driveway.
Two hours later, a few members of the Great Leader's staff walked in after getting some last-minute business done back at the Party headquarters. Surprised at the empty living room, his first guard asked "What just happened in here?"
John directed the group's attention outside and simply stated "Fuckin' faggots," matter-of-factly, then pointed to the couches he destroyed earlier.
"You destroyed the couches?"
"Yes." The guard facepalmed in response.
"Now would you please leave me alone? I had a rough evening."
"Why did you destroy those couches?"
The Great Leader paused for a second. "Turn on a TV - to the big channel. They're probably still puttin' out that shit."
One of his cleaning people turned on the small TV in the kitchen. After the satellite box came on, the reporter was still on the air, celebrating the independence of the Crystal Empire.
The Leader was getting riled up again, this time taking a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes and throwing it at the TV. "Fuck all of this. Fuck it." He pulled out a Valor smoke and lit it.
"I'm sure them goddamn niggers are probably burning Worker's Banners as we speak," The Great Leader said forlornly. "Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket."
"Look on the bright side - you can trade with the Crystal ponies!" one of his business friends tried to calm him.
"What do you MEAN 'bright side?' They fucking cut us off - our trade routes!" He puffed on his cig. "We're going to lose so much money..."
"And I can safely bet that the people are just as pissed as you are, Chief. Want to go down there and check? I'll drive."
"Go ahead."
"Maybe you can put out your smoke first?"
"Okay." The Leader put down the cigarette in his tiny ceramic ashtray.
~~~
The two friends have their drive. From their viewpoint, the entire nation was in turmoil; businesses and homes were being raided, groups of people were rioting in the streets, windows in skyscrapers were being smashed, and Cosararan flags and banners with pro-Cosararan messages were being displayed everywhere one can think of.
"We have to get my comrades back in working shape if we're going to get things done in the future," the driver told the Leader.
"You're darn right," he replied. "What could be a good way to snap them out of it?"
The two put their thinking caps on as they drove back down the road to the house.
His friend came up with an idea. "Say, we have a lot of abandoned crap that we could tear down. You think that maybe it'll distract them?"
"That's awesome... The earliest I can do that is Monday. I'll be in America for the rest of that week. We'd better start calling."
"When we get home."
And with that, the two made their way back up the driveway.
The next day - the 17th
The Crystal Empire had all but declared independence and Cosarara, as a direct result, was in a panic. But not the Great Leader and his crew - they were going to get through this from the inside, and have already pledged to not use military force unless absolutely necessary.
Aside from one of the assistant gardeners discovering the remnants of the TV the Leader threw out his window last night, everything was proceeding as normal. Plans were being made for everything to be carefully choreographed - demolishing the building, to carrying off the debris - so that the people's anger can be released in a constructive manner that also got the workers back on their feet.
All they had to do now was choose their targets. [A couple of residential buildings, an outdated office building, and the recently-closed Euclid Hotel was picked]
Perfect. If anything happened that could break the spell of anger and chaos throughout Cosarara, this would be it, alright.
"I have to say - I haven't seen you this happy in a while," The CSP General Secretary commented.
"Well, thank you kindly."
"The Crystal Empire, Equestria, and the U.S. delegates got back to us during our last board meeting," the secretary added. "Sometime when you're in America, you'll be negotiating an all-encompassing deal that will, hopefully, resolve everything. We've yet to find a place where you can meet and not have any trouble."
"I think I can suggest a place... I remember going to a couple of good restaurants when I had my last visit over there. I think this one place was called... "
"Sir?" The secretary blurted out, interrupting he Leader's train of thought.
"Yes?"
"I know a place that you visited on a tour through northern West Virginia. I remember it being 'Waterfront Place' or something of the sort," she looked back. "It's in this place called Morgantown. And get this - the area's situated in the Appalachian mountains, so we think you'll be right at home there."
"That's because I was born and raised in the mountains," the Great Leader affirmed.
"Perfect," she replied contentedly. "I'll get everything arranged."
"And I'll be here in the meantime, watching high-rise buildings get demolished for country," the Great Leader replied with a smile.
~~~
This story will continue. I'm expecting the next chapter to be uploaded sometime next week at the earliest. Toodles! :)