My Little Barbarian

by CuchulainSetanta

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 2670

Nanok of Jericho is sent on a quest for the Horn of Epona, and finds himself in Equestria

Nanok of Jericho, a warrior of the ancient world, is sent on a quest to recover a mysterious artifact known as the Horn of Epona. Legends claim this artifact can gift horses with extraordinary powers, and a ruler that possesses it could command an army unlike any other. Nanok is no stranger to seeking powerful artifacts, but there is a catch. The Horn lies in another world, a world radically different from his own. A world called Equestria...

Published 2013-01-22 09:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-22 09:20:01 UTC

Nanok of Jericho

Ah, welcome to you, traveler! Pull up a seat and open your ears! If you've come for a story, than you've come to the right place. The tale I shall spin for you is on the house! The mead is not. Buy it yourself.

Where shall I begin? Let's see... In the mists of the distant past, two worlds lay beneath the heavens. The first was a dangerous place, torn by conflict. The kingdoms of men were constantly at each other's throats, battling for supremacy and land. Father fought against son, brother fought against brother, and wives offered only daggers in the back to their husbands. Beyond the borders of civilization, wild beasts lay in wait for those foolish enough to wander into their paths. Even the gods did nothing but stand back and gamble on the lives of mortals. Only the strong, the cunning, or the dead inhabited this world. If this sounds familiar, it should. This was our very own world.

The second world was radically different. Firstly, the feet of men did not rest upon the ground of this world. Instead, the inhabitants of this world were...ponies. Quit laughing and wipe the mead from your face, I know how it sounds. Bear with me. Aye, ponies, of every color and kind imaginable. Normal ponies, or “earth ponies” as they called themselves (aye, these beasts were gifted with the power of speech) walked on the ground and tended to the fields. Pegasi soared through the air and manipulated the elements of the heavens. Unicorns (very different from our own, but I'll get to that) were the third kind, blessed with magic not terribly different from that our magi wield. Instead of a pantheon of uncaring gods, the ponies knew only two, which they called Celestia and Luna. These gods cared for their mortal subjects without demanding worship in return, and the world knew only peace and harmony.

Now, in those days, the first world produced a powerful warrior. Hailing from the city of Jericho, he was known as the mightiest of all men. Nanok, he was called. A soldier of fortune, Nanok made a name for himself by taming the land wherever he roamed. No army could stand against him. No beast could slay him. No sorcerer could match wits against him. No god would lay claim to him. For years, Nanok cast down his enemies, staked claim to whatever artifact he found, and made kings and emperors grovel at his feet.

This is the story of what happened when Nanok left his own world and found himself in the other.

It was a moonless night on the moors of Albion, and Nanok at last found himself facing his goal: the ancient barrow said to be the resting place of the Horn of Epona. It had been 20 days and nights since his quest had begun, but now it was in reach. Retrieving a torch and flint from his pack, Nanok struck a fire and entered the tomb.

Guttural snorts and mumbling greeted the Lion of Jericho as he strode deeper into the barrow. The followers of the horse goddess may have been long passed on, but it seemed he was not alone. Nanok made a quick mental check of his weapons: dagger, hand axe, bow and quiver of arrows, and his personal favorite, Lotan, his trusty broadsword. As he entered the main chamber, he found what he was sharing the barrow with.

The creature was no less than 26 feet tall. Filthy hides covered a warty and knotted gray hide in place of clothing. A gnarled face that seemed a mockery of a human topped the beast. There were three arms in all, two in the place where a normal man would have them, and the third, stunted appendage grasping at the air from between the shoulder blades. In its right hand, it clutched a well-used club. Nanok grimaced in disgust. A fomorian had wandered into the barrow in search of lodging.

The hideous brute had not noticed Nanok's presence. If he was quick, the warrior could slip by unnoticed and search for the Horn. Nanok briefly considered that option before moving on to his favorite one. Unsheathing Lotan, he stepped forward to do what he did best.

“Ho, creature of darkness!” Nanok shouted, announcing himself to the fomorian. “Savor your last breaths, for now you face the wrath of Nanok of Jericho!” The monster regarded his aggressor with confusion briefly before bringing its club up to smash Nanok's skull in. Taking advantage of the opening, Nanok surged forward, slashing deep into the giant's hamstrings. Roaring in pain and anger, it reached down and grabbed the warrior, bringing him up to its face. Hot, reeking breath blasted Nanok in the face, but he still had his arms free. Swinging his sword around in front of him, he plunged it into the fomorian's fingers, forcing it to release its grip. Falling back to the ground, Nanok evaded another strike from the wounded brute. This time, he latched on to the fomorian's arm and clambered his way up to the beast's head. With a mighty war-cry, Nanok plunged the blade of Lotan into the fomorian's neck, ending the battle.

Hopping off the fomorian's body, Nanok cleaned his blade of the foul blood that stained it. He looked up to the ceiling. “Another falls before me. Can the gods truly create nothing on this earth that can stand against the Lion of Jericho?” He was met with silence. “As expected. Keep your words to yourselves, then. The Horn of Epona awaits me, and then we shall see what challenges my next assignment brings.”

His sword cleaned, Nanok left the fomorian's lair, and at last gazed upon the gilded statue of Epona, the horse goddess. The statue was of a magnificent horse, but unlike any breed Nanok knew of. Wings were spread wide from the statue's sides, and upon its brow rested a long horn, such as that one fight find on a unicorn. Nanok ascended the stairs leading up to the statue's base, upon which was a runic inscription. Bringing his torch forward, Nanok read the runes. “'The world fell beneath Epona's gaze, and she found it swamped in blood. A warrior stepped forward to claim the Horn, and Epona set her judgement upon him. The six virtues he possessed, and the blood was cleaned from the world.'”

Nanok regarded the inscription, its words turning in its head. “Nergal's blood,” he cursed to himself. “A meaningless ode to a long-forgotten goddess. I have no time for such nonsense.” So saying, he reached up to grasp the horn. As his fingers wrapped around it, his torch was snuffed out. Before Nanok could react, flames shot from the horn, enveloping Nanok's hand, then encompassing his entire body. The Lion of Jericho roared in pain before he disappeared from the face of the earth.

The flames died away, and Nanok found himself grasping at air. Blinding light greeted his eyes. “What sorcery is this?!” he exclaimed. His eyes adjusted to the light, and he saw it was coming from the sun. The sun! It was night when Nanok had entered the forsaken barrow! Nanok scanned his surroundings. No longer was he before the statue of Epona in the bowels of the earth. In its place, Nanok found himself a grassy field.

“Where in Irkalla am I?” Nanok breathed. In answer, a twig snapped behind him. Grabbing his bow, Nanok notched an arrow, turned, and aimed in the direction of the sound. What he saw, nothing in his 39 years of life could prepare him for. Nanok had faced strong warriors, powerful sorcerers, fearsome monsters, and foul demons, but this was none of those.

Nanok found himself gazing down his arrow at a violet-colored unicorn.

A Guide to the World of Nanok

Jericho:

Best known as the city whose walls "came a'tumbling down" in the Bible, Jericho (located in what is now the West Bank in Palestine), is one of the oldest cities in the world, with evidence of human habitation as far back as 9,000 BC.

Albion:

Meaning "white hill", Albion is one of the oldest names for Great Britain, being used as early as the 6th century BC.

Epona:

Some of you might be familiar with this name as being that of Link's horse in the Legend of Zelda series, but Epona's origins actually lay in Celtic mythology. The Gauls worshipped Epona as a goddess of fertility and a protecter of horses, donkeys, and mules. Unusual for a Celtic goddess, Epona was later worshipped by the Romans and added to their pantheon.

Lotan:

Lotan is a seven-headed sea serpent from Mesopotamian mythology, often identified with the Biblical Leviathan.

Fomorian:

Also hailing from Celtic myth, the Fomorians were a race of deformed giants who dwelled in Ireland before the gods arrived there. In a similar manner to the Titans of Greek and Roman myth, the Fomorians fought against the gods, and were ultimately defeated.

Nergal:

Worshipped by the Babylonians, Nergal was a god of war who invaded the underworld in a bold attempt to take power from the goddess Ereshkigal, queen of the dead. Instead, impressed with her power, he married her, and the two shared the underworld between them.

Irkalla:

The Babylonian underworld, Irkalla was the final resting place for anyone who died, regardless of their deeds in life. Ruled over by Ereshkigal and her consort Nergal, Irkalla was guarded by seven gates. Visitors were forced to remove a part of their clothing as they passed through each gate so they arrived naked and powerless, unable to escape.

Stranger in a Strange Land

Nanok eyed the beast before him warily. By all appearances, it was a unicorn, but not like any he had seen before. Firstly, while a horn was visible upon its brow, it was much smaller than the deadly weapon other unicorns had. Second, the creature was a rich violet color, with a mane and tail of a darker hue. Third, while Nanok expected a unicorn to attack on sight, the beast seemed almost afraid of him...highly unusual for an animal said to impale elephants on its horn and carry off the body. There was one more surprise.

"Uh...hello?" it spoke with a female voice.

It spoke.

Nanok's grip on the bow tightened, but he did not release the arrow aimed between the unicorn's large eyes. "So, you have a speaking tongue in your head," he growled. "Tell me, then, what manner of creature are you?"

"Well, I'm a unicorn. I was going to ask you the same question."

"I am human, a man of Jericho."

Again, silence reigned between the two.

"I don't suppose you could stop pointing your weapon at me?" the unicorn finally asked. Nanok slowly did so, but remained on edge. He did not know what else this creature was capable of.

"Thanks," it said.

"Before you thank me, beast, I would ask some questions of you. It is obvious I am unusual to your eyes. What place is this, and how did I come to be in it?"

The unicorn shifted uncomfortably. "First off, my name is Twilight Sparkle, not 'beast'. We're just outside of Ponyville, in Equestria. As for why you're here, your guess is as good as mine.”

Nanok weighed his options. It did not seem this creature was being dishonest with him. “Very well. I assume this 'Ponyville' of yours is a town?” Twilight nodded. “Good. I suppose I will have to ask for more information there. Be on your way, daughter of Sparkle.” With that, Nanok began forward.

“Daughter of...wait! I told you what I know, now it's your turn!” Twilight began as she followed Nanok. “You're obviously not from here, you just pop up the hay out of nowhere, point a weapon at me, and then you just want to walk into the middle of town? Who are you anyway?”

Nanok continued walking, not even shifting his gaze to acknowledge the strange beast following him. “You have an active tongue, daughter of Sparkle. Be wary, lest it get you into trouble.”

“That's not answering my question! And stop calling me that!”

“I did not intend to answer your question. And I shall call you whatever I see fit. This conversation is over.”

“Now, hold on there!” Twilight shouted. A glow arose around her horn, and a violet bubble formed around Nanok, stopping him in his tracks. He tried reaching for his bow, but the bubble prevented him from moving his arms.

“Sorcery!” he hissed. “Release me, creature, or I shall...”

“You're not doing anything until your attitude improves. You can start by telling me your name.”

“You'll have my name when I choose to give it,” Nanok growled at his captor.

“Well, you better choose quickly. I can do this all day if I want.”

Nanok did not know if Twilight was going to follow through with her threat. She seemed to small and weak to pose a threat for him, but he had no idea she was capable of magic in the first place. “If I tell you my name, will you release me from your foul spell?”

“I'll start considering it.”

He sighed. “Very well. I am Nanok, the Lion of Jericho.”

“There, now that wasn't so hard, was it?”

“Spare me your mockery, beast-witch.”

“That's another thing,” Twilight intoned, glaring at her captive. “The name-calling is really uncalled for. It's Twilight Sparkle. Let's hear you say it.”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Nanok groaned.

“Finally, if you're serious about going into town, I'm not going to have you trying to kill anyone. You'll have to take off your weapons.”

“I would sooner die.”

“Alright, then I can just hold you up here until you change your mind,” Twilight threatened.

“Very well, Sparkle. You may take my bow, sword, and axe, but I insist on keeping my dagger. You'll have to kill me before you will see Nanok unarmed.”

Twilight considered this. Nanok was in no position to demand anything of her, but then, how much damage could he do with just a dagger? “Fine. Give them here.”

She loosened her magic, and Nanok crumpled to the ground. Slowly, he removed his weapons and laid them in a pile at Twilight's hooves. Stepping back, he watched as her horn glowed again and the armaments disappeared from sight. “There now, they're not gone, I've just put them someplace safe.”

“Very well,” Nanok said. He turned to continue in the direction he was walking but, before Twilight could react, he drew his dagger and was at her throat, one hand holding the weapon inches from her jugular and the other solidly gripping her horn.

“Now you will hear me, Twilight Sparkle. You caught me off guard once, but now that I know what you can do, it will not happen again.” The warrior glared deep into her eyes. “You have the eyes of a peasant, one who has never experienced fresh blood splashing upon you. You do not have what it takes to claim the life of another. I, on the other hand, have laid low sorcerers with powers you cannot even fathom. I will spare your life, but if you test me again, I will not hesitate to end you. If you think you can continue to order me around, you are sorely mistaken.” Nanok released her, put the dagger back in its scabbard, and strode off. Hesitantly, Twilight followed.

A Guide to the World of Nanok

Unicorns:

During the Middle Ages, unicorns were portrayed very differently than they are today. Bestiaries of the time refer to unicorns as fearsome beasts native to Africa and India, so savage that they could not be captured alive and so strong that they could fall from a cliff, land on their horn, and survive without a scratch. No hunter, human or animal, could take a unicorn in combat, but in the presence of a maiden, they became gentle and harmless.