Chapters Princess Celestia paced her luxurious room nervously with her long, succulent legs. She had a lot on her mind, thankfully it was nothing too important, so she hadn't lost any sleep or anything. That would just be the absolute worst thing.
Eventually, just the pony princess she was waiting for entered the room. "My sister, stop all this pacing! You know the joints in your spindly legs can't handle as much stress as the normal ponies!" Luna scolded.
It's an unfortunate but all too real side effect of being an alicorn. Throughout their seemingly eternal lives, their legs never stop growing. Eventually it gets to a point where it becomes a health issue. For Celestia they've gotten so long that even walking has become difficult. They may be immortal, but the bane of all alicorns is their own legs.
Celestia knew that her sister's words held no malice, but she couldn't help but feel a stinging in her heart at the unwanted memories they brought up. She remembered when she was young and her parents were still alive. More specifically, when she was walking around the castle with her dad. His legs were over eleven feet long since he was so old, making him tower over even the tallest of regular ponies. Unfortunately, though, as they went to walk down a flight of stairs, he lost his balance. It was very messy. So, so very messy. There was literally blood everywhere.
Their mother lived for a few more years after that, but her legs were already so long... There was no saving her. One day they just snapped in half. Like twigs! It was all so sudden, no pony could have possibly predicted it. Once again, it was very messy.
Celestia tried hard not to start crying at the memories, but no matter what she did the tears were still prevalent in her eyes. Her sister didn't seem to notice though, or she just didn't care. Still, Celestia thought she saw a hint of a smile appear on her sister's face for just a moment. Perhaps this was some kind of small payback for a thousand years of imprisonment in a barren, airless wasteland. Then again, she could have just imagined it.
"Anyway, what is this about?" Luna asked, as though she had important things that needed to be done (she didn't).
After a few seconds, Celestia was able to get control of her tear ducts back, and she promptly sucked all the moisture from her eyes back into them. "It's king Sombra." She stated simply.
"Really, Celestia...? Really?" Asked Luna, who now seemed thoroughly pissed off and slightly insulted that her sister would waste her time with something as stupid as this.
Celestia must have caught on to why her sister was so annoyed by the idea, and butted in to explain before Luna could overreact too much. "Don't worry." She reassured. "It's not how you think." She took a moment to organize her thoughts before continuing. "Twilight explained to me that when the crystal heart was used by the crystal ponies in crystal city, it disintegrated king Sombra."
Luna's eyes immediately widened in surprise. "But... That's not possible!" She sputtered out worriedly.
Celestia simply placed a hoof on her sister's shoulder to calm her down.
"He can't have been disintegrated, that would imply that he was killed!" She continued. "This is Equestria, he can't have possibly died!"
Celestia nodded her head as though she understood exactly what her sister meant. "I was thinking the same thing. There's no way he could have possibly been properly killed."
Luna's shock died away and was instead replaced with a frown. "Now that I think about it, I fail to see how this is important. King Sombra is a background villain at best. I mean, I've seen scarier things in my toilet. Why does this concern us?"
Once again, Celestia understood exactly what her sister meant. She had seen some really horrifying things in her own toilet, and she could only imagine what twisted demonic spawns inhabited her sister's toilet. If only she just explained everything herself, it would have saved a lot of everyone's time. "He may just be a background villain, but we don't want to leave open ends." Otherwise who knows how many fanfics there will be about him?
"So what, do you suggest we just fly into the arctic wherever he is and vanquish him? That sounds like a big waste of both our time if I do say so myself." Said Luna as though her time is important in the slightest. She's a background princess at best (which is still more important than the average pony).
Like always, Celestia seemed to have all the answers. "No. We are much too important to go deal with a background villain ourselves. What I'm suggesting is that we send less important ponies to deal with him instead."
Luna instantly understood her sister's reasoning. "Of course, it's brilliant! We send a bunch of less important ponies to do our dirty work." Her mood drooped a bit as she thought about it. "We can't send Twilight or any of her best friends, though. The elements of harmony are much too important for such a rudimentary task. And we can't send any of our guards. They're all worthless. Who would lead such a group?"
Celestia smiled widely as she knew exactly who she could send.
--
"Kicking trees, kicking trees, kicking tree-hee-hee-hees!" Sang Applejack as she kicked trees in the apple orchard that everypony in her family is named for. After filling up yet another cart full of scrumdiddlyumptious red apples she lifted her hat and wiped the sweat off her brow. "Wooo-wee! Nothin' like ah good hard days work!" She yelled to herself in her southern accent, despite the fact that there is no southern United States in Equestria world.
Redepositing the stetson back onto her big, orange head, Applejack hitched the cart to herself using her ultra-malleable hooves and started pulling it back towards the barn where the cargo would be deposited with thousands of its piers. She was hardly half way down the road when she saw none other than her big red brother coming down the road towards her.
"Yeeup." He stated once he got within spitting distance of the mare.
Using the powers of earth pony magic, Applejack understood exactly what he meant, but she was kind enough to repeat it in question form for all our sakes. "Twilight Sparkle is at the house?"
"Yeeup." He once again said, somehow both answering her question and providing more information at the same time.
"She has a letter from the princesses?"
"Yeeup."
"And she's waiting for me?!" Applejack practically jumped out of the cart, but then she remembered she isn't Pinkie Pie. Instead she was forced to unstrap herself before running off towards the house, completely forgetting about the cart full of apples.
Big Mac sighed as he realized now he would have to do all his sister's work as well as his own as she would likely go running off somewhere with all her friends.
No more than thirty seconds later, Applejack barged through the door of her house. She had used her ultimate earth pony magic to run really extra fast, so it hardly took any time at all to reach the place. She didn't want to leave Twilight waiting, after all.
Twilight was sitting in the living room on a comfortable looking reclining chair sipping a cup of tea that Granny Smith had brought for her. She was wearing a small pair of black-rimmed glasses that rested on the end of her snout as she read some book she had. Applejack approached her and the purple mare reluctantly put the book down on a side table.
"Howdy there Twilight, haven't seen you for a few days." She greeted her unicorn friend politely.
For her part, Twilight did a good job not outright laughing at the orange pony's ridiculous accent, however, she couldn't stop a small smile from spreading across her muzzle. But it was gone a moment later as she remembered why she was forced to come all the way out here. "Hello Applejack, I assure you I'm here for business and nothing more." She said in a professional manner that was completely unfamiliar to the farm-raised pony.
She cleared her throat before continuing. "A little over half an hour ago I got a letter and package from the princess along with a set of instructions. The instructions wanted me to deliver the letter to you without reading it myself, for some reason. Though I hate being forced to act the part of a delivery boy, I trust the princesses wouldn't make me do this unless it's very important."
"Wow." Was all Applejack could say for a few moments. She'd never gotten a letter from the princess specifically for her before. "Why thank ya' Twilight, I much appreciate you comin' all the way down here just fo-." She was promptly cut off as Twilight used her magic to close her mouth.
"Yes, yes. Say no more." Twilight picked up her book as she walked towards the door. "Now then, I was doing some very important things before I was forced to walk all the way out here." With that said she walked out with her book being levitated behind herself. She wasn't at all upset about having her personal mentor send Applejack a letter instead of herself. Not at all...
Applejack stared after her for a few moments before remembering that she had a very important letter that required her attention. "Boy, I sure wonder what the princesses could want." She asked herself as she picked up the tightly wound scroll that was left on the table in her magical hoof-grip.
It took her a few minutes to pry it open, as removing a royal seal is difficult without unicorn magic (or fingers). Eventually, she got though it, and was able to begin reading.
Dear Applejack,
I trust this letter has reached you well as I am in need of your assistance.
"Yeeeee-haw!" Shouted Applejack, excited at the concept of helping out the princesses. Thankfully it was written in plain old times new roman size 12 font instead of those strange wing-dings that Twilight reads, so she was able to read it easily enough (even if it is italicized for some reason).
I'm going to cut right to the chase here. We suspect that king Sombra is still alive out there somewhere. Seeing that we're very busy, we need somepony else to deal with this for us. My sister and I could think of no pony better suited for the job than you. We would send Twilight Sparkle, and the other elements of harmony, but I'm afraid they are much too busy for the time being and should, under no circumstance, be bothered with this.
"What does she mean 'other' elements a' harmony?" She wondered, seeing as she's the element of loyalty. She quickly pushed those thoughts aside. Every pony trusted the princesses' judgement too much to question it. "Oh well, I'm sure it was just ah small mistake."
I need you to collect a group of other ponies that would be willing to come (NOT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!), and go to the crystal pony's city to stop whatever evil schemes king Sombra might be up to. I trust you also received the package that came with the letter. Do not under any circumstances open it until it's time to defeat the king. Inside are instructions on how to use it. I have the utmost faith in your abilities.
Princess Celestia
PS: Only show this letter to ponies you're bringing with you, the last thing I need right now is a mass panic over such a small thing.
Applejack put the letter down and looked over to the box that was set down beside it. It was just a small cardboard box sealed with clear packaging tape. She briefly wondered what was in it, but decided that she could figure that out when the time came.
"Hey Granny!" She called. "I'm gonna' be out fer a couple a' days!"
"WHAT?!" Questioned the senile hag from the other room, but Applejack had already walked out the door.
"Well then, time to go round up a proper group a' ponies." She said in the best accent I could type as she walked into town with her package and letter now secured in a saddlebag.
Applejack wandered into the somewhat busy market area in the middle of Ponyville. Where better to find a group of adventurous ponies than in the middle of one of the most messed up towns on the planet? I mean, the place gets destroyed at least once every few weeks. If ponies weren't made primarily out of magic and empty space they would probably all be dead by now. Not to mention most of the town's residents have mental problems. It's probably a result of inbreeding.
She walked around a bit in an attempt to find ponies that weren't too busy to ask for help. Eventually she walked past a cafe with some outdoor tables. At one of those very same tables I mentioned 10 words ago, were two ponies. Thankfully, ponies have very distinct color combinations, so it wasn't hard to identify the teal unicorn and the beige earth pony with the purple and pink mane.
They didn't look particularly busy, so Applejack decided to approach them. As she did so, she was able to catch part of their conversation.
"And then Adolf Hitler and his army of SS killed almost six million jews!" Lyra yelled out excitedly. "I don't even know what a 'jew' is, but that sounds pretty cool! Right?"
Bon-bon just gave her friend an unamused expression as she continued to lazily chew on her hay sandwich. She didn't find mythology very interesting so it was always annoying when Lyra went off on these rants.
Lyra was used to her friend's grumpy attitude, though, since they had been roommates for over two years now. So she continued spewing information from her mouth. "Then, later. President Truman, the leader of some place called America, ordered for an 'atom bomb' to be dropped on Japan. None of the books I've read explained what an 'atom bomb' is, but it sound really cool!"
By now, Applejack was standing right next to their table awkwardly and they both took notice of her. Once both their eyes were on her, she cleared her throat. "How'r ya' girls doin'?" She asked in an attempt to break the ice.
It only succeeded in making things even more awkward, but Lyra replied anyways. "Ummm, I'm fine. I was just telling Bon-bon all about humans. Oh, do you want to hear?" She finished excitedly.
Bon-bon instantly shot Applejack a terrified look and mouthed the word 'no'. Applejack decided it would probably be smart to take that advice and just cut to the reason she was there, lest she listen to mythology all day. "Actually, I came to ask the two a' you somethin'."
Lyra frowned slightly at not being able to talk about humans, but she was too hipped up on sugar from the multiple slices of cake she ingested to stay upset for long. "Well what is it?"
Applejack took a moment before answering. She hadn't really given this much thought. Finally she gave what she thought was a good explanation of what she wanted. "The princesses sent me a letter asking for me to help them and they told me to bring some ponies with." She smiled widely as she waited for their response.
"What?" Asked Bon-bon in one of her many voices.
Lyra was inclined to agree with her friend's confusion. "I'm confused."
Bon-bon nodded as she thought over what the apple pony had said before pointing out some obvious flaws. "If you need help, why don't you just go ask your friends or something? Aren't you guys supposed to be like super magical or something stupid like that?"
Applejack looked slightly flustered at Bon-bon's wording, but she quickly remembered that Bon-bon isn't the politest of ponies. She decided not to point it out or anything. She was asking for their help, after all. "The princess said specifically not to bring them." She reasoned.
Bon-bon wasn't buying it and donned her signature unamused expression. "If this is some kind of joke..." She trailed off, leaving the rest for the imagination.
Lyra decided that she would clarify. She knew her friend didn't have the best pony interacting skills. "What she means to say is, this sounds really... How do I say this politely? Hard to believe."
"Yeah." Butted in Bon-bon before Applejack could say anything. "Aren't you like the element of laughter or something? How do I know you're not trying to prank us?"
Applejack stared at them both for a few seconds unsure of what to say. This wasn't going nearly as well as she had imagined in her head. Finally she remembered the letter she received from the princess. She flashed a smug smile as she pulled the now poorly-rolled-up letter from her bags and tossed it on the table. "Read that an' then tell me ah'm tryin' ta' prank ya'."
So they read it. "Well, this looks pretty authentic..." Concluded Lyra as she examined the royal seal.
"Even if it is, why should we help the princesses in any way? They're dictators who live in an extremely expensive castle while we live down here in a horrible little town that's constantly getting attacked by monsters and stuff. They play with super powerful artifacts that could destroy all of Equestria as though they were toys. They're irresponsible, and worst of all they only let you see what they want you to see. They censor everything and spew out poorly contrived lies yet everypony is too dumb to see it for themselves! We're all just they're playthings!!!!" By the time Bon-bon was finished she was breathing heavily and had a crazed look in her eyes.
Every other pony in the immediate area was staring at her like she had just committed blasphemy, which she likely had given the pony's religion. She suddenly felt very afraid as she knew that if any of them reported her she would likely be thrown in a dungeon for the rest of her life or banished to the sun. That's how they deal with blasphemers in Equestria.
She chuckled a bit and gave a really awkward smile. "Hehe... Just joking?" She offered. The other ponies didn't seem to buy it, though as they started talking amongst themselves in hushed voices.
Applejack was at a loss for what just happened and simply looked to Lyra for an explanation. Instead of clarifying what happened, though, Lyra was busy contemplating what to do. After a moment she was back to her excited self. "Sure, I've always wanted to go on an adventure!" She replied.
"I'm coming with you!" Shouted Bon-bon quickly afterwards.
Lyra looked confused. "But I thought you didn't want to help the princesses."
Bon-bon was frantically looking around at this point as beads of sweat began to drip down her face. One of these ponies was going to report her for sure. She had to get out of town for a while. Perhaps this would even get her on the princesses' good sides. "Huh, that? Nooooo that was just a joke." She replied loud enough for everypony in the area to hear. "I'd love to help the princesses with their... Thing."
"Great!" Shouted out Applejack as she picked the letter back up. "Now we jus' need three more ponies and we'll be all set ta' go!"
"Wait wait wait..." Stopped Lyra as Bon-bon was too busy trying not to call attention to herself to say anything right now. "Why do we need six ponies?"
Applejack gave her a look like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Everypony knows that six is the perfect adventurin' number. Speakin' a' which, do ya'll know any other ponies that would join us?"
Lyra looked around the immediate area for a few seconds before she spotted Derpy Hooves flying around upside down like the intelligent and well-educated pony that she is. "Hey, Derps, come here."
The gray pegasus known as Derpy stopped flapping her wings instantly as her name was mentioned. Then the force of gravity- that only works sometimes in Equestria- decided it didn't like her and pulled her to the ground. "Oof." She shouted out as her back suddenly made contact with thousands of tiny rocks and chunks of decaying biological matter, also known as dirt.
The group walked up to the now-downed pegasus. Her eyes were rolling around in her head like some ungodly rolling demon and her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth. Bon-bon poked her a few times with a hoof, but got no response. "I think she's dead. You killed her Lyra." She stated in a flat tone. Everypony always knew Derpy would die in some tragic accident eventually.
"No... No!" Denied Lyra as she remembered that the first step of grief is, in fact, denial. "It was an accident. I didn't want it to end this way!" She continued as several tears started protruding from her humongous eyes.
"You murdered her..." Continued Bon-bon. "You're a monster... A monster! You'll rot in prison for this!"
"So will you!" She countered. "If I'm going down, I'll report you for your blasphemous ways!"
"Not if I kill you first!" Bon-bon threatened while rearing up on her back hoofs, ready to strike.
Suddenly, Derpy sucked in a huge breath and stood up. The group just stared at her as her eyes continued to roll around in her skull. Lyra quickly wiped her tears away now that she realized that the pony wasn't dead. It wouldn't do good to show her sympathy, lest she start thinking that other ponies actually like her. "Hey Derps." She finally replied in as straight a tone as she could manage, though it came out somewhat raspy because of her recent crying episode. "We're going on an adventure, come on!"
"Ok!" Replied the possibly spinal damaged pegasus despite the fact that she's a single mother and has a child at home. It's okay, I'm sure Ditzy will enjoy being taken by the child protection agency and forced to work in their sweet shops. That is, if Kony doesn't kidnap her for his army first.
"Well paint me brown and call me gravy! We got four ponies now! This is shaping up to be a right proper group, we just need two more!" Applejack drawled. Thankfully, there are plenty of worthless ponies around Ponyville looking for an adventure. It only took them a matter of minutes before they bumped into Berry Punch who was wandering around town aimlessly in a drunken state even though it was still early in the afternoon. They asked if she wanted to join them, to which she mumbled incoherently. She passed out in a pile of her own vomit shortly after that, so Applejack volunteered to cary her around with her insane earth pony strength.
"Hey, let's ask that pony!" Shouted out Lyra as she pointed a tentacle-like leg at a random pedestrian. The pony in question was a brown pegasus with green hair. She seemed like a pretty cool pony, just the kind of pony they need to complete their group, so they trotted up to her.
"Hiya there pardner." Greeted Applejack. Oddly enough, she didn't recognize this pony, which is strange considering that she knows almost everypony that lives in town (mainly because there are only a few hundred ponies living in Ponyville since it's such a horrible place).
The pegasus just looked at her like she was covered in stupid or something. "Ummmm, hi?"
"I'm Applejack, what's you name?"
"Nunchucks ." As soon as she said this, her arm was brutally assaulted by Applejack who shook it violently. If you need a simile to help better understand this hoof shake, it was like a crocodile with a Zecora firmly clenched in its jaws thrashing around wildly. Needless to say, it was both awe-inspiring and horrifying at the same time.
A matter of seconds later, Applejack released the poor pegasus' arm and took a step back. It was a miracle the limb was still attached. If it weren't for magic, it would probably have been pulled out of its socket, then this conversation would have turned awkward really fast. Once her leg was free, she pulled back a few steps to avoid being physically abused again.
Applejack continued as though she hadn't just committed battery. "Would you like to go on an adventure with us to help the princesses?"
Nunchucks stared at her for a few seconds before noticing a trail of liquid flowing down her side. Apparently the unconscious pony on her back was urinating, but Applejack either didn't notice or didn't care. She looked back at the rest of the group. It only took her a second to decide that she didn't want anything to do with this group. The fact that they were asking her, a complete stranger, to accompany them on an adventure was enough to prove they were pretty weird. Besides, they were probably just planning on taking her out into the wilderness to violate her or something.
"No..." She said slowly, trying not to offend them lest they become violent. Without saying anything else she quickly turned around and trotted off into the crowd.
"What a weirdo." Said Bon-bon as she looked after the retreating pegasus.
"Yeah." Agreed Lyra.
"Well that's just great. Who are we gonna get to join our group now?" Asked Applejack who was already getting frustrated by how long it was taking to get a group together despite how easy it had been so far.
"Did somepony say an adventure?" The group looked over to see none other than Vinyl Scratch- a white unicorn, and a super cool pony- approaching them.
"Sure did." Confirmed Applejack before remembering that they still needed another. "We're lookin' for one more pony ta' join us. Would you be interested?"
Like it was even a question. Of course she'd come, Vinyl Scratch loves adventures! But she played it cool, like always. "An adventure huh? I think I have some spare time, so why not? I'll come with you."
"Yee-haw! We got six ponies!" Cheered Applejack. The group immediately set off towards the train station to begin their epic journey.
And so began the greatest adventure of our time.
"This is going to be sooo awesome! We'll be heroes for sure!" Shouted Lyra despite the fact that the whole group was pressed into a small car and therefore shouting wasn't necessary. "I bet the princesses will make statues of our heroic deeds and put them in the canterlot gardens!"
"I don't care what they do so long as we get paid..." Grumbled Bon-bon who wasn't enjoying the train ride so far. She could be doing far more important things than sitting here. Like... Not... Sitting here.
Lyra put an arm around her friend while shaking her head. "Tsk tsk, Bon-bon. Can't you see the greatest currency is the memories we'll make with our good friends? We don't need money." She looked to the rest of the car for support. Derpy was far too deep in thought while looking out the window to answer, Berry Punch was still passed out and drooling on the floor, and Applejack was talking at Vinyl Scratch about apples and apple accessories. Vinyl didn't really seem to be listening.
"Money is all that matters." Argued Bon-bon. "Without it society wouldn't function. Then the only memories you would have are of fighting for survival your whole life before eventually being eviscerated by a pack of hungry wolfs."
Lyra was about to give one of the best retorts in pony history, when there was a knocking on the door. "Food!" Shouted a strange voice from the hall.
Applejack immediately jumped up and opened the door to see an overly-muscular green stallion with a spiky orange mane pushing a cart full of food and beverages. "Why hello there, sir." Said Applejack, but she was promptly ignored as the pony was far too busy doing his job to engage in rudimentary greetings.
"AROuuugh! Would anybody like some a-pound cake?!" He questioned.
"I'd like some pound cake!" Responded Vinyl as she pushed Applejack out of the way. She purchased a big chunk of orange-ish cake and the green pony continued on his way. Vinyl pushed the door closed and once again took her seat, just now with a great big delicious food clenched firmly in her hooves.
Having their conversations interrupted, the rest of the group was now staring at her as she smelled her treat. She payed them no mind, though. She poked her nose against the orange cake, noting how squishy and moist it is, yet still solid enough to avoid crumbling into pieces. She took a deep whiff of its succulent hide filling her nostrils with the scent of freshly cooked pastries that brought back fond memories of her childhood. She poked it with her tongue, instantly receiving an orgasmic sensation from her taste buds as they salivated in complete bliss. This was truly a cake to behold.
By now, the rest of the group had caught a smell of the pastry and were thoroughly jealous that they didn't buy any. All except Lyra who was determined to get a piece. "Hey Vinyl. Can I have some of tha-." She stopped speaking as her mouth fell open in horror. She could only watch as Vinyl suddenly devoured the entire thing in one bite. There weren't even crumbs left...
"What were you saying?" Asked Vinyl a few seconds later, but Lyra was still in too much shock to answer.
The group remained quiet for a few moments, before Applejack turned and looked at Derpy who seemed to be deep in thought and had yet to join in any of their conversations. "Hey Derpy, what are ya' thinkin' about?"
"I'm just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds." She stated happily.
"Huh?" Applejack questioned. She had never eaten a bird in her life, nor did she know any pony that ate birds. For a pegasus that's practically cannibalism since they are birds. They have wings, after all. After a moment, she decided she didn't want to know about that. "That's nice." She stated, cutting off the conversation as she turned away.
Bon-bon was now busying herself with seeing how hard she could poke Berry Punch without waking her while Lyra cheered her on. In the mean time, the purplish mare on the floor was snoring loudly in her alcohol-induced nap.
"Come on! You call that a poke?" Taunted Lyra. "I've seen better pokes on facebook..."
Bon-bon wasn't finished though. Her pokes may have been ineffective as of yet, but she had barely scratched the surface of her true power. She quickly charged her earth pony magic to 110%(that's even more than 100%!) as she pulled her right forearm back, ready to deliver the most powerful poke any pony has ever seen. Her hoof began radiating some ungodly light as she pulled it all the way back, nearly touching the wall behind her.
"Super... Bon-bon... POOOOOOKE!" She yelled out as she shot her hoof forward at several hundred frames per second. The pony eye can only see 30 frames per second, so that's really fast. It instantly collided with the drunk mare's snout, lightly bopping her on the nose. The light cleared after a moment and everypony was amazed to see that not only was Berry Punch still asleep, but she was even more asleep than before.
"Impossibru!" Shouted Bon-bon, who was more than a little disappointed that her earth pony magic had failed her yet again.
Vinyl snickered to herself from across the car, catching all the ponies attention. "Amateurs."
"What, you think you can do better?" Question Bon-bon.
"I know I can." She responded before lowering her shades and looking at the assembled ponies with her blood-red eyes. "And I'm gonna prove it." Without wasting any more time, she got up and placed her hoofs firmly on Berry Punch's shoulders and started shaking her. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" She added a slap or two in for good measure.
After a moment Berry's eyes shot open, before shutting tightly from the intense light in the room, and she started flailing. "AHhhhhhhhhh!" She screamed out in confusion.
Satisfied with the results, Vinyl stepped away from the now panicking pony and once again took a seat. After a few seconds the pony calmed down a bit and groaned. "What's going on?" She questioned without even opening her eyes.
"We're going on an adventure!" Responded Lyra excitedly.
After hearing the noise she turned her head and opened her eyes a peek to see who it was. "Lyra?"
"Howdy there. I was wonderin' how long it'd take you to wake up." Stated Applejack.
Surprised by even more voices, Berry rolled over and noticed the group of ponies staring at her. Thankfully, her body was able to quickly eliminate the headache she had since her special talent is getting shit-faced. She stood up and took a look around, thoroughly confused about what was happening. "What's going on?" She asked even though she had already asked that question.
Lyra saw fit to answer the question the same way as before. "We're going on an adventure!"
"Ummm... What?" She asked, looking for more of an explanation. "An adventure?"
"Sure are!" Confirmed Applejack. "We're helpin' the princesses!"
"Ok, wait. Anyone want to give me a more thorough explanation? I'm really confused right now."
Seeing that most of the other ponies in the immediate area are pretty dumb, Bon-bon decided to take charge. "Applejack got a letter from the princesses asking us to go defeat some guy or something. Applejack roped us all into helping her. Now we're on a train heading north to do some stuff."
Berry was having a hard time believing this. It's not every day you wake up on a train with a weird group of ponies on a mission from the government. Then again, Berry Punch had woken up in much stranger situations (like this one time she woke up in bed next to some horrible wasp monster ). She shuttered just imagining some of them. After a moment she turned to Applejack and gave her a stern look. "I didn't agree to this!"
Before Applejack could respond, Lyra butted in. "You didn't not agree to it either."
"I would have if I wasn't drunk!" She yelled back.
"Well maybe you shouldn't have been drunk in the first place. Did you ever think about that?" Lyra's logic was rock solid, so it was to everypony's great surprise when Berry Punch smacked her in the jaw.
"I do what I want!" She called out.
"Hold it there pardner!" Called out Applejack, hoping to stop the fight before it escalated. "No need to get ruff, we're all friends here."
"Friends? We're not friends! You kidnapped me! I'm out of here, and once I get back I'm reporting you all to the guards!" She took a step towards the door and Applejack panicked. They couldn't possibly complete this adventure with only five ponies! They need six. No more. No less. Six is the magic number. Seeing no other alternative, she pulled a long piece of rope from under her hat. Before Berry Punch could even make it two steps she was already hogtied and once again laying on the floor in the middle of the car.
It took her a second to realize what happened, but when she did she was pretty angry. "Let me go!"
Applejack considered that for about half a second before deciding that that wasn't a good idea. "If I let ya' go you'll leave, then we'll never be able to finish this adventure."
"Yeah." Agreed Lyra. "The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance. This is beyond any one of us now."
"You can't keep me here against my will! I'll just yell until I get somepony's attention, then you'll go to jail!" She threatened.
Applejack shook her head in disappointment. If she had learned anything from her friends, it's that tying somepony up solves all your problems. So imagine her surprise when Berry Punch was tied up and yet all her problems weren't solved. Perhaps she just needs to take it a step further, if they give Berry some time, surely she'll see that they need her help and she won't deny them. All they need to do is keep her from yelling.
Seeing that this was the only way, Applejack pulled an apple from some orifice on her body and shoved it in Berry's mouth, promptly shutting her up. "Problem solved." She stated happily.
Bon-bon was about to spout out something about how unethical that is, but she decided to let it go. The sooner they got this dumb quest over with the sooner they could go home and Applejack seemed dead set on having a six pony group. Not to mention she was kinda scared of being tied up and having an apple from god knows where forcefully inserted into her mouth.
She opted to just sit quietly, hoping that the train ride would end soon so they could finish this dumb quest.
The train pushed snow out of the way with its super magical snowplowing technology as it rolled up to the station. It let forth a series of loud, high-pitched whistles before finally coming to a stop. The doors slid open, and out stepped our protagonists in all their protagonistic glory. No other ponies seemed interested in this destination, so they were all alone. Applejack was in the lead as the small group walked across the wooden platform, holding her hat on her head with one hoof while Berry Punch was tied and gagged on her back in a very compromising position. The wind was howling in their ears as it flung snow that had been kicked up into their faces.
Bon-bon asked the question that was on all their minds. "Why does the train stop here? The crystal city is like a mile away!" She wasn't particularly fond of walking through several feet of snow in what seemed like a blizzard. Then again, who is?
"Why is the crystal pony city even in the middle of the tundra? That just seems stupid." Complained Lyra as they stepped off of the platform.
"Where else would they build it?" Asked Dirpy who failed to see the problem. She loved the snow, even if this was a little more than she was used to. She assumed the crystal ponies probably just really liked snow ball fights or something.
"I don't know, maybe someplace habitable." Replied Bon-bon sarcastically.
"But they're rocks, they can't even feel cold." Dirpy replied, surprisingly using a small amount of logic.
"Minerals." Lyra corrected. "Crystals are minerals, not rocks. There's a distinct difference."
"Now ah don't know what the hay the difference between rocks and minerals is, but ah don't think the crystal ponies are actually made a' crystals." Stated Applejack. She was the group's crystal pony expert, being the only pony there who had ever seen one. Aside from Berry Punch, that is, but she was all tied up. "Now let's get movin' before we freeze out here."
They stepped off the platform and started walking towards the big crystal tower that was faintly visible in the distance through the storm. Mainly because it was all lit up. After a moment, the train blared its horn again before moving away, using the magic of a coal-fueled combustion engine to get the hell outa' there.
"So if they're made of crystals, do dragons eat them?" Wondered Lyra. "Maybe that's why they live out here in the cold. There are no dragons since they're cold blooded." Little known fact; dragons aren't cold blooded. In fact, they don't even exist in real life.
"Dragons can eat meat too. If they wanted to eat ponies they wouldn't have to eat crystal ponies." Reasoned Bon-bon.
"Yeah, but crystals probably taste better than meat." Argued Lyra, but none of them could know for sure since they weren't dragons and didn't have any dragons to ask. Then Lyra remembered that Twilight had a pet dragon or something and she turned to Applejack. "Did Twilight bring her dragon when you guys came here before? Did it eat crystal ponies?"
Applejack was about to reply, but then she thought about it. She hadn't been with Spike the whole time they were there. Maybe he did eat crystal ponies. Finally she shrugged. "I don't know. I recon ah wasn't watching him the whole time we were here."
They all sighed in defeat as their conversation hit a dead end. "I guess we'll just never know whether dragons eat crystal ponies or not. Then again, do we really want to know? Is having all the answers really going to make us happy? Is it really going to fill the voids left in all our souls? Perhaps the greatest knowledge we can ever acquire is the knowledge that we tried, and that we spent time with friends doing friend-like things." Reasoned Derpy.
The others looked at her like she was retarded, probably because she is. Finally, Bon-bon decided to voice what everypony was thinking. "That's just stupid. Knowledge is power."
"But with great power, comes great responsibility." Reasoned Lyra, pulling out a movie quote as though it could actually be used as a reasonable argument. "Do we really want that?"
"Knowledge is a double edged sword." Agreed Derpy, unbeknownst to the fact that that metaphor makes hardly any sense.
"But knowing is half the battle!" Countered Bon-bon.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge!" Shouted Lyra, unaware that this argument was derailed a long time ago.
"A good decision is based on knowledge, not numbers!" Shouted back Bon-bon.
"The true knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing!" Came Lyra's response.
Bon-bon was about to yell another stupid quote out, when Applejack decided that she had had enough. "Will ya'll stop fightin'? It's gettin' us nowhere."
Unfortunately, this did nothing to stop the constant arguments, and they spent the rest of the walk spouting out horrible quotes by Thomas Jefferson and other famous hu-humans, some of which I admittedly had to look up on google, in an attempt to validate their dumb arguments. Thankfully, after about an hour of trudging through the snow, they made it to the crystal kingdom-which is more of a single city than a kingdom-and the plot was able to progress.
The first thing they noticed upon stepping inside the boundaries of the city is that there was suddenly no snow. Apparently the power of crystal pony love holds snow back because crystal ponies don't love snow. It makes sense if you read it really fast and don't think about it too hard. Then again, thoughts have no mass, therefore 'thinking hard' doesn't make any sense either. But I digress.
Anyway, our group of protagonists were just happy to finally be out of the snow. They were also happy that they now knew how the crystal ponies live up in the tundra. Magic makes everything possible!
"Woooo weeee!" Cheered Applejack in her cute, but badly typed stereotypical accent. "We finally made it."
"Yes! Mission accomplished!" Called Lyra as she jumped up raising one hoof above her head in triumph.
Bon-bon just sighed. "Now can we hurry up and kill this king Sombra guy and leave? The less time I have to spend in this dumb crystal themed city, the more time I have in my life to do other things."
By now, the group had made it through the green field surrounding the city and were walking through the crystal streets that ran between the crystal buildings and were lined with crystal lamps that shone crystal light through the crystal air into the awaiting crystal eyes of the crystal ponies. The previously mentioned crystal ponies, for their part, looked like normal ponies. Aside from the obnoxious, seizure-inducing colors shining off their crystalline coats, that is. Also, they were all filthy earth ponies. Not a single superior unicorn among the lot of them.
The group walked quietly through the streets, drawing a lot of stares from the locals. Thankfully, the filthy crystal earth ponies didn't try conversing with the group of pure-bread regular ponies as they walked through the street. It was all pretty awkward. After a while, Bon-bon decided to speak up, albeit in a hushed tone.
"Where are we going?"
Applejack was the one to respond, seeing as she's the group's crystal empire (s)expert. "To the castle a' course." The answer to that question was fairly obvious in hindsight, since the castle is the biggest building by far and is in the direction they were traveling.
Bon-bon examined the castle for a few moments, taking in the exquisite crystal architecture and the sheer size of it. "The princess must be compensating for something. Just look at the size of that place."
"Why are we going there anyway?" Asked Lyra, getting right to the point instead of trying to insult the princess and her blatant waste of money like her heretic friend Bon-bon.
"If anypony can help us find king Sombra it'll be princess Cadence and Shining Armor. We're goin' to the castle to talk ta' them." Answered Applejack like the big fat know-it-all that she is. Seriously, she thinks she's so cool riding around on her high horse like she owns the place. I'm fucking sick of it.
Vinyl Scratch trailed slightly behind the group, observing their every move from behind her purple-tinted shades like a jungle cat... that wears purple-tinted shades. She couldn't help but scoff at the foolishness of this group, although she made sure to do it quietly. The last thing she needed was for her cover to be blown. It was difficult not outright laughing in the faces of these impotent creatures that call themselves 'ponies', though. How idiotic they were, thinking that their friendship could protect them.
The very concept of friendship sickened her. Putting your trust in another? What a foolish notion. The only one you can truly trust and rely on is yourself. That is a lesson they will have to learn the hard way when the ones they trust turn on them. Soon enough, their so called 'friendship' will be their downfall. Unfortunately for them, by the time they learn that valuable lesson their precious Equestria will already be ashes.
She felt compelled to just use her magic right then and there to murder all the ponies and be done with this foolish charade, but she quickly snuffed out that urge. The time would come soon enough. All she had to do was be patient. For now, she just had to continue blending in with the horrid creatures. She simply continued her swagger-filled gait down the street, following closely behind her fellow non-crystal flesh beasts.
It didn't take long for the group to make it to the castle, where there were surprisingly no guards. Clearly the crystal ponies trusted in the power of their love to keep all unwanted things out. The group simply walked inside, going up a few flights of stairs until they got to a big room with a crystal pony behind a desk. He looked really bored, just sitting there by himself, until he noticed the ponies approaching him.
"Hello...?" He said, wondering why they were here. The castle clearly didn't get very many visitors.
"Howdy there pardner." Responded Applejack as she tipped her hat respectfully. "We're here to see the princess. Is she here."
The secretary pony's mouth dropped open for a second before he managed to compose himself. "You're here to see the... Princess...?"
"Of course." She replied, oblivious to the crystal pony's surprise.
"Well um..." He looked back down at his papers, sifting through them, before returning his gaze to the group. "Sorry, we've just never had guests before. I'm not sure exactly what to do..."
The group of ponies exchanged looks, before Applejack took the lead again. "Ah'm sure the princess would want to see us. Me and her are actually good friends. Ah'll just go on inside." She started walking towards the door with her 'friends' in tow. The secretary looked extremely nervous as he began to chew on his lip, but he didn't move to stop them.
After a matter of seconds, they walked up to the big crystal door and pushed it open. Inside was a huge magnificent chamber, decorated in all manner of crystals just like everything else in the city. The center back wall was dominated by a massive crystal throne on which Cadence was laying with her hair all disheveled. Straddling her, was Shining Armor, who was covered in sweat. As soon as they heard the doors creek open, the two of them stopped what they were doing and turned their heads to see the group of wide eyed ponies staring at them.
Both groups sat there for a few moments, looking at each other in confusion, as the tension rose. Finally, Lyra decided to break the silence. "Well... This is awkward."
Our favorite group of protagonist ponies (and possible space demon in Vinyl Scratch's case) found themselves once again braving the arctic weather as they left the crystal city. Thankfully, the wind had died down a little, allowing the group to not freeze to death. Freezing to death will put a damper on any adventure.
After barging in on Cadence and Shining Armor having sex, the group was able to ask a few questions and get some much needed information. Namely, where king Sombra lived. Apparently he lived in some cave a few miles north of the city. They would have gone and dealt with him themselves, but they didn't feel like he was very much of a threat. At least not a big enough threat to merit walking a few miles through the snow to deal with him. Contrary to popular belief, crystal ponies don't like snow.
The group of regular, pure-bread ponies didn't much care about the snow. Sure it was annoying and they complained about it, but in the end most of them just wanted to get this over with so they could go back to their mediocre lives in Ponytown.
"So, what are we going to do when we get there? Are we going to kick his door down and engage in an epic magical duel or what?" Asked Lyra who was now wearing a wheat hat that she bought in the crystal city. It looked more like a pot than a hat, and if they ever ran into Zelda he would likely break it with his sword in search of rupees, but she had no fashion sense whatsoever so it was alright. Pot hats are so one-thousand years ago. Get it? Because the crystal ponies were gone for a thousand years? Yeah, I know, it wasn't supposed to be funny.
"Considering the fact that you couldn't magic your way out a paper bag, I doubt that that's what's going to happen." Pointed out Bon-bon who wasn't particularly happy about being out in the cold again.
"My magic is red hot. Your magic aint diddly squat." She countered.
"I'm an earth pony and I likely have more magical talent than you." Said Bon-bon in all seriousness. Bon-bon is one of the most magically gifted earth ponies in all of Equestria. In fact, she's pretty much the earth pony equivalent of Twilight Sparkle. Sadly, she's a filthy earth pony so no matter how talented she is, she's still a lesser breed.
"Will you two quit yer bickerin'?" Butted in Applejack who still carried a tied up Berry Punch on her back. "Yall argue more than a pair a' june bugs in a tiny box." Applejack's similes are lacking today (but seriously, if you put a bunch of june bugs together they hiss at each other). "What we're gonna do once we get there is use this here box that tha princess gave me." She gestured to the cardboard box sitting securely in her saddlebag.
"Well what's in the box? How will we know what to do if we don't even open it?" Questioned Bon-bon.
"Now hold on a second there. Tha princesses told me not ta open it 'til we get there and that's exactly what ah'm gonna do."
"I bet it's a super secret and powerful artifact that has been hidden under Canterlot castle for hundreds of years." Wagered Lyra.
"I doubt the princesses would trust us with a 'powerful artifact'. Heck, I can't even trust you with a plastic bag." Pointed out Bon-bon.
Lyra blushed at this. "Sorry, I just can't help myself. When I see plastic, I have to eat it."
"You're like a Celestia damn cat." Grumbled Bon-bon.
Applejack turned around and gave her a dirty look. "Don't you use Celestia's name in vane." Everypony in the apple family was notorious for being a religious zealot and Applejack was no exception.
"I'll use Celestia's name however I want." Shot back Bon-bon.
"Not while I'm here you won't!" By now the two of them were pressing foreheads together, angrily staring into each other's eyes. If this was a romance, this would be the part where they started making out. Sadly, it's not, so Lyra had to step in to keep them from murdering one another.
"Woah woah woah. No need to fight, that's exactly what king Sombra would want us to do." The two mares didn't let up, so she tried a slightly different approach. "Can't you at least wait until after we finish our mission to kill each other?"
"Buck that. I won't stand by while this heretic befouls the good name of our lord an' savior, Celestia." Said Applejack, surprisingly using several grown-up words for once.
"If Celestia is so amazing, why couldn't she do this on her own? Why does she need a redneck earth pony to go deal with her enemies for her?" Asked Bon-bon, prompting an angry growl from Applejack.
"She's testin' us. She wants to know that we're faithful to her."
"If she was all knowing as you say, she wouldn't need to test us."
"Celestia works in mysterious ways." She said, basically saying that she doesn't know without admitting that she doesn't know.
Thankfully, this didn't devolve into a full fledged religious debate as Derpy was there to save the day with the magic of changing the subject. "I think I see the cave over there." She had been flying above the group, giving her a better view of everything despite her derp eyes.
Applejack and Bon-bon continued to glare at each other before both deciding that they would finish this later. For now, they had murder to commit in Celestia's name. Blood for the blood gods and such.
"Where?" Asked Applejack.
"That way!" She pointed into the distance where about a mile away there were some rocky outcropping jutting out from the snow.
"Good. Maybe it'll at least be warm in there." Stated Bon-bon as the group picked up their pace towards the cave entrance.
Vinyl Scratch continued to trail slightly behind, watching their every move like a hawk watching a field mouse.
--
"Grghhh." Grumbled 'king' Sombra as he flipped through the channels on his TV. He wasn't really a king anymore, but everypony still referred to him as one. He didn't much care what they called him, though. After being nearly incinerated in the crystal city, he decided that he didn't want anything to do with the ponies of the outside world. He felt that he couldn't relate to them, and that they didn't understand him either. It was kinda frustrating for a while, but he got over it.
Now he lived alone in his cave home in the middle of the tundra. It was a cozy little place, filled with little nicknacks he had picked up over the years. It could get kinda cold sometimes, but he liked the quiet out here away from pony society. Not to mention, being alone gave him plenty of time to think and pick up some hobbies. He'd recently taken up knitting and he made a nice green and red plaid turtle neck sweater which he was currently wearing.
He flipped through a few more channels until he got to his soap operas. He never had an interest in them before, but after living alone for a long time without much to watch on TV they grew on him. He put the remote down and snuggled into his lazy boy reclining chair and took a sip from his hot cocoa as the characters on screen argued endlessly.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and he jolted upright. In all his time living out here he hadn't had any visitors. He grumbled a bit to himself as he exited his comfortable position and left his show unattended. The front of the cave consisted of a wooden wall that he had built to separate his home from the cold tundra winds. The middle of the wall had a small door from which came a second set of knocks.
Sombra wasn't sure who would possibly visit him out here, but he imagined it probably wouldn't be anyone good. He had no relatives or friends who would have a reason to visit him. God forbid it's Celestia's witnesses. The last thing he needed was some adolescent ponies trying to get him to accept Celestia into his life.
He didn't have to wonder who it was for long, though, as he opened the door to reveal... A bunch of mares? Did somepony order strippers? One of them was tied and gagged, so perhaps that one was into bondage, and another had a really dumb pot hat on. "Ghhhhhrugh?" He said.
Thankfully, Applejack was there with her earth pony magic to translate for the rest of us. "'Hi?' What do you mean 'hi?'?"
Sombra was kinda confused by this ponies' weird way of speaking. "Graghhh crystals." He continued.
"Who are we? That's not important."
"Ghraaaagh slaves."
"What do you mean it is important?" Sombra gave the orange mare a dejected look. This pony was really annoying repeating everything he said. This is why he hated interacting with other ponies. Finally, he decided they were probably just cold and stumbled upon his home or something. Why else would they be out here? He would ask them, but clearly these ponies weren't capable of hosting a normal conversation and he was missing his soap operas.
"Graaagh guuuuuurgh." He invited them in before stepping aside to let them by.
"He invited us inside his house." Said Applejack. They all shared a nervous look before deciding to just go ahead with it. The inside of his house was pretty small, but they all managed to find a spot to sit.
Sombra, thinking they were cold, went to the closet and pulled out some extra blankets, tossing them to the group. He then went into the kitchen and used his magic to prepare six cups of hot cocoa for them. With that done, he went back to his chair and settled down to watch what remained of his soap opera.
The group huddled up on the other side of the house, pretty confused as to what was going on. "Why did he give us blankets and drinks?" Asked Lyra with a whisper.
"It's probably poisoned." Whispered back Bon-bon. "Don't drink it!" The group turned to see Derpy gulping down the hot liquid. They stared at her for a few moments before she noticed.
"What?" She asked wondering why everypony was looking at her.
They continued to observe her for a few moments, wondering when the poison that was no doubt in the drink would take affect. Finally Bon-bon shrugged and whispered to the rest of the group, excluding Derpy. "It must be slow acting poison. Poor Derpy'll probably be dead in a few hours." The group shared a moment of silence in the honor of Derpy's inevitable death.
"That monster!" Whispered Applejack angrily. "He'll pay for that!" The group nodded in agreement as Applejack pulled Berry Punch and her saddle bag off her back. She left Berry on the ground for now, she would only be a liability, and instead focused on the cardboard box. It was wrapped in clear packaging tape making it a worthy adversary for even the toughest of earth ponies. It's hard to remove tape with hoofs.
Thankfully, Lyra stepped in and used her dull horn to gouge a hole in the box. Her magic is too weak to be of much help here and Vinyl Scratch was too busy being discreet to help. Eventually, they managed to get it open. Applejack would later recall the glorious tale of how she opened a box in only a matter of minutes with only a small amount of help. A feet only accomplishable by the greatest of earth ponies.
Inside the box lay a glock 22 on top of a note. Of course, none of the ponies knew what the mystical artifact could possibly be as they had never seen a gun before. "Woah!" They all said at once.
"What is it?" Asked Lyra.
Applejack shrugged, pulling out the note that came with it. The note consisted of step by step instructions accompanied by drawings of how to use the weapon. "It says it's a 'gun'." She said, straining to read the note. She wasn't particularly good at reading.
"Step one. Pick up the gun like so." She picked it up like the picture showed her before moving on. "Step two, turn the safety off. Step three, point it as king Sombra's head. Step four, pull the trigger. Step five... Proliferate? What the hay does that mean?"
The rest of the ponies shrugged, so Applejack decided that it wasn't important. She instead snuck into the other room until she was standing behind Sombra's chair. He was sitting quietly, enjoying his soap opera, completely unaware of his impending demise.
Applejack gulped, expecting him to jump at her at any moment with murderous intent. She wasn't about to let that happen, though. She walked up right beside the chair before leveling the gun at his head. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see what she was pointing in his face.
BANG!
After successfully murdering king Sombra, the ponies were glad to be able to go back home to Ponyville. It wasn't a very long adventure, in fact it was quite short as far as adventures go, but it was tiring all the same. Applejack returned to the farm to continue with her life, but it was apparent to everypony that she had changed. She had that look in her eyes, the look of somepony who had seen death. Likely because she shot Sombra's face off with a gun. She never told anypony about that, though, and the rest of the group agreed to keep quiet about it as well.
A few weeks after getting home, she ran into Bon-bon in town and they got into another argument. Sadly, Derpy wasn't there to distract them this time, and it broke out into a fight. Despite Applejack's superior muscle mass, Bon-bon simply had too much earth pony magic, and the fight didn't end well for her. After having both of her back legs broken, Applejack was hospitalized. Sadly, she would never make a full recovery.
It was with a heavy heart that the rest of the Apple family decided that they had to put her down. What purpose does a workpony have if it can't work? Everypony is Ponyville attended her funeral, and the element of loyalty was passed down to her daughter, Applebloom.
A few days after Applejack was injured, the Ponyvillians formed a lynch mob and went after Bon-bon for her heretic ways. Speaking ill of the God princess Celestia was punishable by death, and they publicly hung her before tossing her into an unmarked grave.
Lyra, disheartened by the death of her only friend, Bon-bon, took up drinking to try to forget her sorrows. Her depression only grew, though, and she eventually lost her house and job. Finally, she decided that she couldn't even look at Ponyville anymore, and she left for parts unknown.
Derpy came home only to find that her daughter had been taken by the child protection program and placed in a foster home. What's more, she was charged with negligence and was imprisoned for several years as well as fined, as Equestrian law isn't lenient when it comes to children. When she was finally released, she tried to rebuild her life, managing to get a job as a waiter in Manehattan. Unfortunately, much like Lyra, she battled constant depression, and about five months after her release from prison she was found dead in her apartment, overdosed on pain medication. Officially, the police labeled it an accident, but everyone who knew her thought differently.
In the group's hasty exit from Sombra's house after killing him, they forgot something very important. Berry Punch was still gagged and tied on the floor. Sadly, no one realized she was missing until it was too late.
Vinyl Scratch went back to her life among the flesh beasts. Nothing had changed for her, she'd seen death countless times in her seemingly eternal life and she considered the lives of these ponies insignificant. She continued to blend in, biding her time until the opportunity presented itself to strike.
Nothing changed for princess Celestia. She was still a stuck up asshole like before. She felt great joy in trolling her little ponies. Especially Twilight. Celestia's long legs continued to grow, and after a few hundred years the spindly things finally snapped under the weight of her massive ego. She died in a pool of her own blood.
With her sister no longer able to contest her, Luna was finally able to plunge Equestria into eternal night. There were no survivors...
And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
