Princess Luna and King Sombra Visit
“Welcome, My Little Victims to another night of DISCORD!!” Discord sang as he sat in a red velvet seat behind a wooden desk. His crooked tooth hung out of his mouth as he flashed a malicious grin. “Now tonight is a very special night, we have our royal hine-ass, Princess Luna!! And after that we have a Spe-“ Discord paused as he chuckled to himself, trying to keep the laughter in. “Special guest.. HAHAHAHA. Don’t worry audience, he’s very special, but not in a good way!” Discord began to laugh at his distasteful joke.
His laugh became more and more maniacal and was finally stopped by Luna who paraded onto the stage. She sat upon a purple couch, which turned instantly into shards of glass.
“OW!” She shrieked. She turned on the laughing god of chaos and gave him a menacing glare. “Discord, I would like to TALK to you.”
“Whatever do you mean; you knew the price of coming on the show.” Discord refuted, chuckling to himself.
This devious chuckle stopped once Luna pulled his face to hers with her magic and began to snarl. Though the laughter stopped, it was easy to tell he was deciding whether or not to do something. As it was Discord, he did do what he was planning.
He kissed her on the nose and laughed like a maniac, howling with joy that shook the building. Luna, however, did not react so well. She raised her hoof as if to strike him, but stopped at the last moment. She looked at her hoof meaningfully, then cast a spell to cover it in spikes then proceeded to wail on him.
Despite her best attempts, Discord (with his magic) was practically immune to her punches as his magic instantly mended any injuries.
As he was taking the hits, he turned to the camera and winked, saying “We’ll be back right after these messages from our sponsor.” Then, a significantly hard punch decked him, knocking out a tooth. “Hrr, bit-“
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Now the two sat across from each other, unblinking. This continued until an intern came onto the stage and whispered something to him.
“Of course we aren’t talking much; she’s horrible at conversation as well as being nice to her host.” Discord snapped at the small earth pony, who scampered off the stage. “Now the question we are all interested in is what is Twilight’s next step of training?” Discord grunted after taking a sip of liquid gold that magically appeared in his coffee cup.
Luna let out a sigh. “Do you really want to know?” she asked.
“Not really. Now tell me, for how long were you plotting your take over?” he asked in reference to the Nightmare Moon incident.
“Finally, the fun has been doubled. Not that that is much better. I never really planned it, its just something that happened.” Luna said as she looked at the camera and occasionally glancing at the evil god.
“It’s no fun to plan things like that. The best laid plans always fall.” Discord said sagely, making eye contact with the princess.
“I wouldn’t know, evil’s not a hobby of mine. It was kinda fun for a bit, but some stuff happened… you know how it goes.” Luna said.
The mood was significantly higher, no longer two enemies, but two acquaintances. Not nice enough to be friends, but rather comfortable with each other.
“Indeed I do Princess. Now, between two serious bad guys, what is your take on the new villains.”
“TWO new villains? There’s only that Sombre guy.” Luna said confused
“It’s Sombra, dear. And you seem to forget that Chrysalis is still relatively new. Chrysalis never took a swing at world domination ‘till now.” Discord said, now taking a sip of hot chocolate.
“That’s right… Well, Chrysalis had a good plan, but towards the end the plan had too many loose ends, it seemed rather lazy on her part and as for Sombra, I didn’t get to see much of him this go around.”
“But you have ran into him before? How was he then?” Discord asked.
“He wasn’t too bad, I had a meeting with him before we locked him up so we could negotiate with him. He seemed nice enough, just a wee bit obsessed with stairs.” Luna said, trying to dredge up the memories.
“Stairs? Are you joking?” Discord asked, chuckling to himself.
Luna laughed “I know right? There was something seriously wrong with him. He made us walk all the way down a set of stairs that went damn near Tartarus and then made us go up another set! It was crazy. Once we got up, he asked us how the stairs were and went on about how beautiful stairs were. I was worried for the empire at the point.”
“That’s hilarious Luna. I’m afraid it’s time for our second guest though, The King that’s hardly a King, King (or should I say queen) SOMBRAAAAAAA!” Discord said, barely holding in the laughter. “Stay tuned after these messages.”
“May I stick around Discord?” Luna said
“Sure you may, I might need help to get in all this taunting.”
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A cloaked Sombra paraded onto the stage and took a seat on the couch, keeping a blank face. His mane billowed behind him as he glanced around the audience.
“Hellooooo Sombra.” Discord sang to the new entrance.
“It’s King Sombra” King Sombra said gruffly.
Everything froze for a moment and then Discord began to laugh crazily and pounding his fists against the desk. Even Luna couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the King’s naïve statement.
“Now, for the audience that doesn’t know, what makes you qualified to be seen as a villain?” Discord asked.
Luna’s eyes shot open. “Audience?” She asked “This was being filmed?”
“Yes dear Luna, it is.”
“Could Tia be watching.” Luna asked, scared.
“One of the requirements to filming this is review by Celestia… Soooooo, yeah, she watches every episode to make sure I don’t do anything bad.” Discord said plainly, not realizing what he had done to the Princess of the Night.
“Oh, Shit. Sorry Celestia, I didn’t mean it, I swear!” Luna said, running off stage. She ran back on stage, picked up Discord’s cup, now full of cider, with her magic and smashed it upon the ground.
“Love you too.” Discord called after her while reassembling the cup with his magic.
“ASSHOLE!” She hollered back. It was accompanied a short time after with a door slam.
The stage went quiet for a moment. Sombra then realized it was his turn to talk. “I am hardly evil Discord, I was a great leader, who was pushed down from his wonderful stairs by those two tyrants. I allowed my people to build one of the most beautiful, majestic things ever.” The King now fantasized with a lost look in his eye. “Stairs.”
“Yeeaaah, right.” Discord said.
“Do you not agree stairs are wonderful?” Sombra asked with an evil look in his eye.
“Yeah, they are pretty great for going up and down, but… in this century, we have these nifty things called escalators.” Discord said.
“Esk… a… late… ors?” Sombra said slowly. “What are these escalators?” Sombra continued curiously.
“They are like stairs, except they move up and down for you.” This statement shattered Sombra’s preconceived notions of stairs being the greatest. His jaw dropped and his mind tried to grasp this concept.
Sombra now began to babble and fell upon the floor, cradling his head.
Discord glanced at the fallen King with wide eyes, then looked at the camera, as if asking it what to do. The shock was very apparent. Though this would have been a very Discord thing to inflict upon people, he was shocked that it wasn’t intentional.
“Ssssooooo, we have about ten more minutes of psychobabble, feel free to change it, because I think I’m going to leave.” Discord snapped his fingers and abandoned the poor King Sombra onstage. Discord returned for a short moment, and once he grabbed his coffee cup he teleported back out.
A group of interns dragged the incapacitated King Sombra off the stage and with a heavy thunk dropped him.
A bright blue Pegasus went onto the stage and announced the end of the show, signally the credits to roll by.
“This has been a live shooting of ‘The Discord Show.’ Feel free to join us next time for more crazy antics of Discord, which this episode was… strangely devoid of. Thank you, have a nice night.” The blue Pegasus sat in Discord’s chair, which teleported without him to the other side of the room, leaving the Pegasus to fall to the ground.