It was a perfect Saturday morning in Ponyville and Fluttershy was just waking up.
Fluttershy yawn cutely "I better get the mail." she said quietly to herself as she got out of bed. And get the mail she did! She got out of bed eith a hop, skip and a jump and made her way downstairs, humming all the way.
"Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmmm!" Flutters hummed as she walked outside to her mailbox, which she opend with similar energy. She looked throught the mail and read the labels aloud.
"T.V. bill, Phone Bill, Water Bill, latest addition of Cat World magazine, and, wait, whats this?" Fluttershy held up a strange paeice of paper, sealed with the seal of the Russian Army and made out of that official, fancy paper.
Dearest FlutterShy, You have been called to serve our gloryous Mother Russia on the feild of battle. As of now you are officially drafted into the Russian Armed forces Spetsnaz. If you do not report to the nearest recruting station we will send a group to kidnap you and bring you forcfully. -V. Putin
"Whats a Spetsnaz? Or a Russian? I'd better ask Twilight." Fluttershy said to herselfas she took off to Twilight's library.
Twilight was in her library when she heard her featherd friend knock on her door.
"Twilight I need help." Fluttershy said as she walked in and sat her plot on the couch and noticed Twilight's opened book Mommy dearest's guide to parenting. "Oh, I wasn't inturupting anything was I?" Fluttershy said meekly.
"Oh no! Not at all! Spike was just misbehaving so I thought I would pick up a book on parenting. Anyhows, wht did you need Fluttershy?" Twilight said, sitting down next to Flutters.
"Twilight, Whats a Spets-Naz?" Fluttershy said, looking into her unicorn pals eyes. Twilight's eyes widened
"W-why? Why would you need to know that?" Twilight said nevously, her eyes darting around the room.
"Um, I got his wierd letter in the mail today, I was hopeing you could tell me what it means." Fluttershy said, holding the letter up in her hoofsies. Twilight grabbed the letter and read it to herself.
"Forcfully, Hmmm, FLuttershy, I would say that you are royally f-" Twilight started but was cut off when a metal cylander bounced into the room. "Fuck." was all Twilight could say before the flashbang exploded, blinding and defening the two ponies.
"EEEEP!" Fluttershy shrieked as she dove behind the couch. Twilight blocled her eyes so she didn't see the three Russian soilders, dressed in Russina flora camo, bulletproof vests, and toting AK74s storm in the libraries door.
"Какой пони нам нужно?" the second soilder yelled to the first.
"Желтый!Желтый!" The leader shouted to his squadmates.
"Hey, whats going on?" Spike said as he walked into the room.
"Обращаться по лестнице!" The third one said as he aimed his AK and took a shot at Spikes leg, hitting the baby dragon in the kneecap, dropping him to the floor.
Spike screamed in agony and clutched his bleeding knee as the Russians grabbed Fluttershy and dragged her out of the library and threw her into an unmarked white van.
"Привод мать ублюдок! Драйв!" The last soilder in the van yelled. As they drove away the soilder in the passenger seat leaned out the window and yelled "Зуле мать ублюдок! Зуле!" as they sped out of sight.
Twilight stood up and dusted herself off, the effects of the flashbang wearing off.
"Fuck this shit, I need a drink. SPIKE!" Twilight yelled to her assistant, who was lying on the floor holding his knee. Spike just moand from the pain and laid on the floor. "Honestly Spike, what has gotton into you?" Twilight said as she levitated her book over and opened it in need of some parenting advice. "Chapter two, coathangers are your best friend! Ohh! This should work!" Twilight said as she began reading intentivly.
MOSCOW, RUSSIA
Russian president Vladmire Putin was sitting in his chair smoking a cigar and reading the latest L.L. Bean cataloug by the fireplace when his aid walked in.
"Mr.President! We have drafted the pony! She shall begin basic training tomarrow! Our gloryous army shall be the first in the WORLD to have a Pony in the special forces! Prasie the Motherland!" Putin's aid said happily and proud.
Putin calmly closed the magazine and set it on the coffe table next to him and looked his aid directly in the eyes and said.
"Hang on, I gotta tweet this." as he pulled out his I Phone 5 and started typing.
@V.Putin: Just drafted Fluttershy lolnigga #swag #YOLO
WASHINGTON D.C. SITUATION ROOM
President George Dubya Bush was sitting in his chair, waiting for his advisors to arrive as he played Call of Duty on the situation room's massive T.V.
"God Damned quick scoping noobs!" Bush yelled at his game, he then noticed the group of people walking in so he shut off the game.
"President. W-" the secritary of state started but was cut off as Bush said
"Please, call me MR. President." with a smug grin.
The secretary sighed and said "Fine, MR.President, we have an urgent matter at hand, our latest intel believs that the Russians have drafted a pony into the Spetsnaz." The president just burst out laughing
"The Russians have WHAT! Hahahahahaha! My god they're making ME look smart!" George BUsh lauged "A horse! Really? Hahahahaha!"
The Secretary lowered his head and said
"Not just any pony, it was Fluttershy." Bush stopped laughing imediatly and said
"My god. What are we going to do this time?" Bush said sadly becuase Fluttershy was his favorite pony.
'It's not my call sir, but I would recomend that we take things slow and don't do anything rash. I would sa-" The secretary was cut of again as Bush blurted out
"Preemptive nuclear strike!?" in a happy voice.
"*sigh* No Mr.President, I was suggesting that we t-"
"Invade?" Bush said, cutting the secretary off again, just as happily.
"NO! I was going to sa-"
"Invade Iraq?" Bush cut in again, this time his eyes sparkling.
"N- aw fuck it, yes Mr.President, invade Iraq." The secretary said annoyed. George literally jumped out of his chair and yelled "Yippie!" as he ran out of the situation room to go play with his Transformers action figures. Leaving a very sad Secretary sitting with his face in his palms.
