Adventures in Ponysitting

Chapters

Worst, Day, Ever.
A Bald Faced Truth
Luna Damn It Kidnapper! (Guest Written Chapter )
Well at least it can't get any worse...why did I say that?

Worst, Day, Ever.

Carrot Top was utterly and thoroughly exhausted when she got home. She had just experienced the worst day of her life. Worse than when Corona had reappeared. Worse than the stress of preparing for that cooking competition that Trixie had talked her into. Worse than that time when she’d accidentally dyed her main green (she still wasn’t sure how it had happened, something about the coloring agent in her conditioner having gone bad). Even worse than that time she had walked in on her parents when…even worse than that!

The day had started out well enough. Her alarm went off a little after sunrise, she had gotten out of bead, had a nice breakfast, and went out to the fields to work. It was then that she discovered that a badger had dug herself a burrow sometime last night. Normally, Carrot Top would have had no problem shooing off the creature from her fields, but with the smaller furry forms clinging to their mother present she just didn’t have the heart to turn them away. Besides, with the new irrigation system there was no need to worry; she could manage a larger number of crops more easily with less of it going to waste. At the time the badger had seemed like a small thing, but in retrospect it was like a flashing red magelight of warning that things would only get worse.

***********************************************

A couple hours later, Ditzy Doo arrived with a message that Trixie wanted Carrot Top in her office in the Residency fast. Expecting another crisis, Carrot Top was instead surprised to find Trixie in the process of actually doing her job. It seemed that the time had come for the annual agricultural report for the various regions, and Trixie was trying to make heads or tails of what the hay the farmers were saying in the reports they had sent. Pointing out that her own had been sent in three weeks ago; Carrot Top learned why Trixie had called her. Apparently, Trixie had been putting it off for weeks and now her evaluation was due tomorrow morning in Canterlot for processing. Trixie had wanted Carrot Top to just write it for her, but the farm pony had been confident that she could honestly teach Trixie what she needed to know to do her job. Three hours later Carrot Top was dictating an evaluation to Pokey, doing her best to ignore his smug look of “I told you so”, while Trixie went off to consult with “Dr. Bourbon” about her headache.

***********************************************

Of course, the attempt to teach Trixie and then dictating a proper response had taken up all of the time Carrot Top had before the meeting of the Farmers Union. In fact she was late to the very meeting she herself had called. Apologizing, and hoping her empty stomach didn’t growl, she proceeded with the business at hoof. Namely, the hiring of farm aids. While the Trust hired most of them year round on part timer hours there were still a number of them available for the other farmers to hire. The only problem was that it was a rather small number. So the purpose of the meeting was to work out a fair hiring schedule amongst the various farms so that everypony got help when they needed it most, based on the various crops growing cycles. The whole meeting, predictably, resulted in so much infighting and arguing about who had the greatest needs at different times that the whole thing didn’t amount to a hill of beans. Especially not with Pinto, who argued that his crops could be grown year round so he shouldn’t have to “volunteer” months where he wouldn’t hire any helpers. And through this whole disaster Carrot Top, who hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, had to keep order while everyone described how perfect and delicious their various crops were and why that should be the reason they deserve preferential treatment.

***********************************************

Exhausted after the meeting that had accomplished nothing, Carrot Top returned home to find out that Ditzy had forgotten to mention she had brought a letter. It was from the ERS. Apparently they were auditing her, but wouldn’t say why.

So it is understandable why tired, hungry, and frustrated she had decided to call it a day. Normally she worked well past sunset on everything, but with the sun still hanging in the sky she came to the conclusion that right then and there she didn’t care; she was done. Grabbing some lettuce, carrots, raisins, onions, and cherry tomatoes Carrot Top proceeded to make herself a beautiful salad with a side of brazed carrots with a wheat glaze and a tall glass of finely squeezed carrot juice. If nothing else good had come out of Trixie’s insane idea to enter the cooking competition at least she had learned how to make a good variety of delicious meals with a few simple ingredients. Taking a moment to smell it and saver the anticipation of the meal, Carrot Top leaned in to take her first bite.

That is of course the moment somepony chose to knock at the door. Carrot Top froze, teeth poised over that first bite, her left eye and ear twitching slightly as she turned to look at the door and silently mouth “No.” The knocking repeated. Maybe if she stayed quiet they would go away? A repeated, and more insistent, knocking dispelled that notion. Resolving herself to get it over with fast Carrot Top stood up and went to the door while doing her best to put on an inviting smile. She was blissfully unaware that her prized mane was starting to frazzle on its own out of sheer frustration and stress.

Opening the door, Carrot Top was greeted by an unusual sight; a pegasus that must have been related to Rainbow Dash. While the multihued main and tail were on display, and the cutie mark was the same, this pegasus was a sea foam green instead of the normal cyan Carrot Top knew well. It wasn’t until the mare spoke that Carrot Top realized this was in fact Rainbow Dash. “Hey…CT…how *mph* howr ya? *cough*” More specifically, a very very sick Rainbow Dash. “Hey could…could I as…..as…*mph* ask ya a favr?” the unwell Dash continued.

Carrot Top was stunned. This certainly wouldn’t be quick and she wanted to get back to her own dinner, but she wasn’t sure she could turn away even Corona if she showed up looking this bad. “Of course. Do you need help getting to the doctors? The hospital? Can you not fly and need a place to stay?” the generous farm pony offered. She really couldn’t think of any other reasons Rainbow Dash would have stopped by.

“No. I can get home. *cough* Get sleep for get good. Suppose help Shy morrow, promiz, need you go.” the pathetic pony asked as best as she could in her groggy state. She wasn’t looking at Carrot Top so much as in her general direction, and it was getting more general by the minute.

She wanted to say no, she truly did. She had so much work to do tomorrow. She had to set up boundaries with the badger family, go one on one with the various farmers to try and salvage the worker situation, and make up for all the field work she had missed today. But it was at that point Rainbow Dash made the one argument that Carrot Top could never refute. She “pitched her hay”, though thankfully not on CT or her house; the pegasus apparently still maintained enough awareness to aim. Feeling utterly bad and guilty at that point for even thinking about saying no to the poor suffering mare, Carrot Top sighed (missing Rainbow’s confused muttering of “When’d I eat corn?”) and asked in a resigned tone “So what time do I have to be there?”

My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?

Carrot Top's new day was going much better so far. She hadn't gotten angry, upset, or frustrated at all. And then her alarm went off. Wondering what sort of Sun blasted sadist would have set her alarm for four in the morning on the other side of the room, Carrot Top dragged herself out of bed and across the floor before finally getting enough presence of mind to remember that she was capable of walking. By the time she'd finally remembered how to turn the alarm off she had also woken up enough to remember why she had set it for so early in the first place. Taking a cold shower to fully wake herself up (she'd have dozed off if the water had been warm), she grabbed a breakfast of a couple of carrots, did her mane care routine, and headed out. It wasn't until she was out the door and on her way to Fluttershy's house that she started to wonder why she had bothered to take the half hour to care for her mane if she was just going to be working outside. She was so distracted by this random thought that she didn't ay attention to here she was going, tripped over a furrow, and landed face first into the badger den. Fun fact about mother badgers: they have been known to fight off grizzly bears when their young are threatened.

***********************************************

Fluttershy opened the door on the first knock. “Hello Rain...bow...oh my goodness! Carrot Top, what happened to you?” she asked, staring at the sight in front of her.

Carrot Top, covered in scratches and with her mane ruined, did her best to just smile. “Oh, just tripped a little. Anyway, Dash is sick and asked for me to fill in for her. So, um, she was a little out of it. What do you need help with?” she asked in a gentle tone. No need to upset the shy pony by raising her voice about a few badger bites right?

“Oh my, I hope she's not too sick. I've never seen her sick before, usually I get sick and then she looks out for me and how can she be sick and...and...I'm sorry I'm being to panicky again aren't I?” the pegasus asked, kicking the ground lightly with one hoof as she looked anywhere but at Carrot Top.

The farm pony smiled. “Nah, it's OK. Dash is your friend; of course you're worried about her. But she said that she would be fine, she just needed some rest. So why don't you tell me what you need help with so we can get it done fast and you can visit her?”

“Oh, that's a wonderful idea. Um, anyway, you see, the thing is, animals are a teensy little bit messy sometimes. And every now and again I need to help clean out their houses, nests, holes, burrows, dens, coops, stalls, and huts. Not that often mind you, just about once a month. Me and Dash go around to all the little animal homes and help clean them up so they're nice and neat for the animals to live in.” Fluttershy finished with a dreamy look and a slight squeaking sound, undoubtedly lost in a happy vision of cute animals in nice clean homes.

Carrot chuckled a bit. That was so Fluttershy. “OK so you basically need my help getting all the dirt and trash and stuff out of the animals' homes. I can do that no problem.”

“Oh, that's great. Here.” Fluttershy said, giving Carrot Top a feather duster. “I'm going to start with the mice holes inside. You can get the rabbit holes in the back yard. It's that group right over there.” she explained, pointing a hoof at a tight grouping of about two dozen holes.

“OK, but what about those holes over there?” Carrot Top asked, pointing to an almost equal number of holes spread out over a larger area.

“Oh, that's where Mr. Skunk, Mr. Hissy, Mrs. Porcupine, Mr. Weasel, and a bunch of others are. Most of them don't like strange ponies, so you should probably avoid them, I'll clean those ones out myself just to be safe. You just worry about the bunnies for now.” the pegasus explained, moving back into the house to grab a tiny broom and dustpan which she then began using to gingerly clean the first of a couple dozen mouse holes.

Glad that she had gotten an easy job, CT trotted over to the first burrow happily, sticking her head in with a slight smile to see the looks on the cute bunnies' faces. From a viewoint just outside the hole, nothing seemed to happen for a moment or two. Suddenly, there was loud growling and the sounds of crashing, yelling, and a small cloud of dust. When Carrot Top removed her head, it was even more damaged and the feather duster had been reduced to a single feather. It was at this point that Fluttershy shouted (relatively speaking) “Oh, I'm sorry, I totally forgot to mention. A new badger familly moved in yesterday near the bunnies. It's the burrow closest to the house. As a new Mommy, she doesn't even like me.”

***********************************************

Some bandages and a new feather duster later, Carrot Top had finished her first job and was now helping Fluttershy clean the bird houses and nests. While the pegasus could simply fly, Carrot Top was forced to use a ladder. It wasn't the sturdiest ladder, but as long as she didn't move too fast or too wildly it was stable enough Aside from a few more scratches, a black eye, and some more tangling in her mane she honestly had been having a good time. It was at this point Ditzy Doo arrived with a letter. Normally Ditzy would have said high to her friend, but in this case she didn't for one simple reason; she didn't see her. With one eye on Fluttershy and the other having wandered over to the far right, she never noticed the ladder just slightly off to her left. Slightly enough that her wing clipped it and sent the mailmare sinning in for a crash landing while Carrot Top proceeded to fall with the ladder, screaming slightly as it spun around and fell.

Flutershy was at Ditzy's side in a moment. “Oh my, is your wing OK, you didn't hurt anything did you?”

Ditzy shook her head to clear it and, with eased practice, did a quick check of herself and noted she was fine. “I'm OK, but the pony on the ladder...” she looked over and noticed with a widening of the eyes that it was Carrot Top who crashed to the ground with her head going down a hole. “Oh my gosh, and you OK in there?” Any reply was cut off with a chorus of growls, thumping, yelling, and a dust cloud rising up from the burrow.

***********************************************

An eye-patch, some more bandages, some soothing cream, assurances that her mane was still fine, and an apology later, Ditzy was helping the others with the chicken coop to make up for accidentally knocking Carrot Top into the badger den. A good thing too, as the chickens were just outright refusing to cooperate with the mares. The three of them were spending as much time preventing the chickens escaping the pen as they were trying to clean the place. Of course, every now and again one would slip out and one of the mares would have to catch it and put it back in.

“I got it!” Carrot Top shouted, sprinting after the latest escapee. This chicken however was willy, weaving through brush to try and shake the larger mare off, but it had evidently underestimated the mares resolve as only a minute into the chase Carrot Top wrapped her forehooves around the offending poultry with a triumphant victory cry. It was now the farmers turn to have underestimated her quarry, for the beast's vigor was great. Though ensnared in the mighty huntresses iron grip, it proceeded to pull its captor along in an attempt to break free. Through brush and under fence it persisted, but the mighty conqueror held on. Seeking one last desperate means of escape, the avian shot like a rocket toward its goal, gaining speed as it went. With a final burst of strength it leaped, clearing the hole before it would enter. The hunter's hooves did leap with the beast, but alas her head stayed on course and soon found itself buried in an all too familiar lair. As the hunters grip finally relinquished as she struggled to free herself from the presence of her bane, she made a mental note to see a learned man for thoughts in such a manner as this may indicate that harm had befallen the seat of knowledge that was hers.

***********************************************

Another whole box of bandages, more slave, and less convincing reassurances that she looked great later, Carrot Top was swaying uncertainly on her feet. “OK, let's do this. We've got more cleaning to do and all that.”

Fluttershy and Ditzy shared an uncertain look. True, the earth pony had stopped referring to herself in alliterative third person and wasn't sneaking like a really old poetry book anymore, but they still had every right to be concerned. Ditzy brought up the obvious concern “Um, are you sure you should keep going?”

“What? Of course. I'm, I'm fine. I promised Rainbow Dash I'd help out, and what sort of pony would I be if I backed out of that? So what can I do now? And can the ground please stop spinning?”

Fluttershy looked even more concerned at the note of visual hallucinations associated with vertigo. (What? She had to know this stuff if she's going to be taking care of animals.) “You know what, why don't we go inside where it's nice and safe and clean out the fish tanks well away from Mommy Badger?” she suggested with a smile, glad that this way there would be no further problems.

***********************************************

“And so how did she fall into the badger den that time?” Dr. Caduceus asked.

“I'm quite frankly still not sure.” Ditzy replied, looking worriedly at the station where the nurses were still treating her friend. “I turned around for like less than a minute, heard a few crashes, a window break, and suddenly her head's in the burrow again!” She'd been forced to take her unconscious friend in herself, Fluttershy's fear of strangers having prevented her from going through the town and into the “crowded” hospital full of sharp pointy objects and sick ponies.

One of the nurses came over with a grim look on her face. “I'm sorry, there's nothing more we can do, she is totally beyond our help.”

“No, it can't be true! You've got to be able to do something! She's my best friend!” Ditzy cried, tears in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, but nothing but a moon blessed miracle can help her now.” the nurse replied, wincing. It was always sad to see friends and family in this sort of situation.

“Huh, was goin on?” Carrot Top asked, groggy and disoriented getting up.

“Oh my Carrot Top, don't move. Oh I am so sorry but the nurses say I mean, I don't know how to say this.” Ditzy sobbed, tears flowing from her eyes.

“What are you, oh my...MIRROR! I NEED A MIRROR!” the earth pony shouted, panic cutting through the haze in her mind as she started scanning the room.

“You really don't want to; I mean it's not that, well only sorta bad, maybe...” Ditzy continued, struggling to find the right words for such a delicate situation.

Finding a mirror and bracing herself, Carrot Top looked in, and it was worse than she had feared. Except for a pair of small frizzled, tangled, dirt smeared slumps sticking out at odd angles she had no mane. She was bald. She took in a deep breath....

***********************************************

Windowpane looked at his latest job with a critical eye. It didn't matter how many times he repaired this window, he always did his best on the off chance this was the one time it would stick around. “Well Representative, are you happy with the job I did?” he asked. His personal satisfaction guarantee, if they weren't happy he'd redo the whole job for free.

Looking it over with a mildly critical eye, Trixie turned and smiled. “Well I can safely say that I am...” At that precise moment, she was overshadowed by the sound of a scream. It was primal, deep, filled with rage and grief, and sounded slightly familiar. The rumble caused by this boom shook the entire room; books fell of shelves while the ponies fought to keep their balance. It was also loud enough to shatter all the glass in the new window. Both ponies stared at it for a moment, before Trixie finally remembered that she could talk. “Not happy with the job done on my window. So you need to redo it. That's your rule.” Smiling, she started laughing happily “I get it done free for once! Free free free! Let Pokey know I'm taking the rest of the day off with Mr. Bourbon to celebrate!” the mare called in glee, practically bouncing out of the office.

Windowpane was a little upset at first that he would have to redo the window at first, but taking a look outside he couldn't help but smile. While he would lose some money on redoing this one job, it seemed that there would be plenty of surplus to make up for it. Cause from where he was standing, it looked like the scream had broken every window between here and the hospital.

Author's Note

I'm puting these in now.

Carrot Facts: Beta Carotine is the vitamin in carrots that helps improve eyesight. However repeated large doses of it can result in skin, fingernails, and eventually even hair taking on an orange hue.

A Bald Faced Truth

Trixie was bored. Sitting at her desk and shuffling cards, she gave a melodramatic sigh. Until Pokey finished with that fifty page analysis report on something or other (emergency something or other) so she could sign the thing she really didn't have that much to do. She'd already made herself a rather good pickle, sauerkraut, and strawberry jelly sandwich, read her mail (all junk), and counted to one hundred in three different languages. Despite this, um, productive day Pokey was still going through those forms. Well, maybe she should work some more on her excuse for not attending the GGG this year. It was a notoriously stuffy affair that she didn't enjoy, and quite frankly she could think of nothing that would make her want to go. And what's worse, Blueblood was always trying to get her to go with him, probably just as a way to get close to Luna. "The day I go to the Gala with him is the day I marry Corona." she thought, bemused by the stupid image of Corona dressed up as a blushing bride while Trixie wore her...usual Gala get up. But then the image passed and she was bored again.

With another dramatic sigh, Trixie looked out her window...frame at the beautiful weather outside. Such weather was distracting enough when only observed, but to feel the warm breeze, hear the singing birds, and smell the fresh flowers (No, bad tummy! She just ate and was not going to snack and get fat!) was infinitely more distracting. Normally her window would already have been placed, but the odd explosion from yesterday had destroyed a couple hundred other windows. The town had needed to dip a bit into its emergency fund (right, that's what Pokey was working on) to cover the damages, but it wasn't that expensive and the town had plenty of funds for something minor like this.

That's when Trixie's razor sharp senses picked up on something unusual. There was a mare wearing a cloak, a head scarf, sunglasses, and a wide brimmed sun hat sneaking her way through shadowy corners towards the Residency. To somepony with Trixie's understating of politics, social norms, and keen deductive intellect, it was obvious that somepony was trying to sneak into the Residency...and that they were probably a spy out to get dirt on her to use as leverage. Well, at least Trixie wasn't bored now. "Hey Pokey, I'm going to go catch the worst spy we've gotten this month, probably in an amusing way. Want to come watch?"

Pokey looked up and considered this. "Nah, the last spy was hilarious enough, and I really need to finish this so you can finish it. But if you're going out, could you bring me back a snack? Maybe a muffin?" he noted, getting back to the stack of papers in front of him.

"Nah, not going that far this time; she's basically right outside. Won't be able to run any errands this time. Which reminds me." she telekinetically floated a note pad over to herself and wrote down Milk, One Gallon, ask for Maybell's on her shopping list. She wasn't sure why, but Maybell's milk had a certain sweetness to it that she'd found enjoyable. Maybe it was her diet? Right, back on track, she had a (rather pathetic) Nigh Court spy to catch. After turning invisible she went downstairs, and found the spy moving in through the back door. The back door only Pokey, her friends, the town council, and herself had the key to. Either this spy had managed to swipe a key, was one of the fastest lock picks ever, one of the town council who'd sold out to the Night Court, or most likely, judging by the familiar tail, this was a case of mistaken identity. "Carrot Top, what are you doing?"

Trixie hadn't expected as strong a reaction as she got. At the sound of her voice Carrot Top had jumped, spun around in confusion trying to find her, and walking backwards into a wall. "Trixie, is that you?" she asked, glancing around in a near panic.

"No, it's your other unicorn friend that can turn invisible who lives and works here." Trixie deadpanned, dropping her invisibility as she brought hoof to forehead. "Look, that's not the point. Why were you sneaking around dressed like that? I thought you were the worst spy ever. Not that I think you're a spy now, it's just that sneaking around dressed like that what should I think and please don't let this turn out bad like with Raindrops I do not want to have to do that spell again and I'm rambling right now. Back on topic. You. Disguise. Why?" she finished by forcefully brandishing her hoof at her friend.

Carrot Top looked nervously around. "Um, I kinda need to talk to you in private. Very private. Like seriously personal private." she admitted, looking very sheepish, nervous, and was that blushing?

Trixie suddenly had an idea what this conversation would be about. A very interesting idea what it would be about. "No no no, my possibly best friend is not confessing, I mean how do you respond to, I don't even swing that, I like stallions! Okay Trixie, no need to panic. Send Pokey out to do the shopping, hear her out, turn her down gently, hope she doesn't hate you...and really really hope this doesn't screw up the Elements and then Corona wipes us all out because you're hetero. Right, just remember don't panic." Having resolved this internal crisis, Trixie calmly dashed up the stairs, ran around in a circle hyperventilating for a few seconds, and then levitated a bag of bits and the shopping list into Pokey's face, sticking both onto his horn. "Here. Bits, shop. Meeting, private, not spy. Go!" she emphasized the last point by literally throwing Pokey out of her office, face first. See? She'd handled that in a perfectly calm manner.

Carrot Top slinked into the office, a look of mild shock on her face. "Well I've never seen anypony literally thrown out of an office before. Anyway, Trixie, I need to ask you something very personal, and I don't want you telling anypony, except maybe Ditzy she already knows."

"Ooookaaaay." Trixie said, growing a bit more confused. "You went to Ditzy for relationship advice? I mean she's a great friend and all but the mare admitted to being terrible when it comes to this stuff and she never makes the right picks...I think I just insulted myself."

"Alright then, the thing is," CT explained removing her sun hat, cloak hood, and head scarf "I was kinda hoping you could fix this maybe?" she asked, showing her completely bald head (the doctors had needed to cut off the last two matter clumps in order to do stitches) to her friend, hoping against hope that her friend wouldn't laugh.

Trixie burst out into relieved laughter for a good ten seconds before she calmed down long enough to talk. "Oh thank goodness, you're just bald. I thought you were confessing your feelings for me or something!" she explained through small bursts of mirth.

Carrot Top on hearing this quietly put away the letter opener, why she had been grabbing it she wasn't sure, and stared at Trixie. "Ummm, no offense, but you do know I like stallions right?" She chuckled a little. Maybe it was a little funny.

"I do too! That's why I was so nervous; I had no idea how to turn you down gently. I never actually liked anypony that I've turned down before so I never learned how to do it nicely!" Trixie explained, still laughing in relief. "I was actually worried for a bit that our friendship would be ruined, the Elements wouldn't work anymore, and then Corona would win, and all because I don't swing that way!"

Okay, CT had to admit that it was kind of funny hearing what Trixie was thinking that whole time. "Maybe we could have gotten some 'equal opportunity' bourbon to sort it out?"

"Hahaha, yeah. Thank the Moon you're not in love with me, just bald." The two of them immediately stop laughing at this. "Wait, why are you bald?"

Carrot sighed. "It's a bit of a long story. See, it all started when Rainbow Dash came to my house two days ago..."

By the time Carrot Top's story was finished, Trixie had decided that she would never get within ten feet of a badger. "So wait, that was you screaming yesterday? You know that startled a demolitions pony enough that he set off his blast charges early? Didn't wreck the building, it just turned the metal skeleton into a tuning fork. Nopony got hurt, but it wrecked like half the windows in town. And apparently I'm low priority because 'it'll just break again' I mean what do they know it could stay this time you know! Ummm, anyways the town's paying for the windows, and then the demolition company is paying back the town. You're technically involved, but I'll either have Pokey find a loophole, or just list the scream as an 'unknown source'." she finished with her hooves doing air quotes. "So, you came here hoping I had a spell to cure baldness, or at least make your hair grow back faster. Well, I do recall reading about a hair growth spell..."

Before the unicorn could finish, the farm pony had her lifted off the ground into a crushing hug. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! I run a small farm, I don't have any fancy clothes or furniture or jewelry or makeup or anything! My mane's basically the nicest thing I own! Thank you thank you thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me!"

"That's...nice...need....to........breath.......to......find.......spell....." Trixie explained, having turned bluer....okay now slightly purple.

Carrot Top, embarrassed, let go of Trixie in a flash. "Sorry, it's just that the doctors said it would take a few months to grow back in, and I'm way too young and single to be bald."

Trixie, picking herself up off the floor, trotted over to the bookcase where she kept the books she had…rescued from Twilight’s wagon, dusting them off. She should probably look at these more often. Or get Pokey to dust more often. “Huh. I didn’t know you were worried about that. You’ve got your eye on somepony then?”

Carrot Top frowned at that. “Um, no not really I’ve been a bit too busy. It’s more the principle of the thing you know?” she asked, looking around and absently pawing the ground a little. “Soooo, what about you? Got your eyes on any stallions?” she said, hoping to change the subject.

Trixie stopped rummaging through the collection as she thought about it. “Um, no not really. I haven’t really given it any thought really. It just sort of never came up in my life really.” The two looked around awkwardly for a few moments, pointedly not meeting each other’s gaze. “Well enough about our mutual lack of social lives. Back to the magic and aha! Here we go! I think.” she announced in triumph, levitating out a rather plain looking brown book. “Let’s see, transmuting rocks into hats, what pony would ever do something that risky? Making leaves into cloths? Getting reeds to play lullabies? What is this, the least practical spell book ever?” the showmare asked. Flipping it over, she read out the title. “Fifty Spells You Never Knew Existed: A Collection of Oddballs and Eccentricities…ahh.” Flipping back through the book, Trixie cracked a huge smile. “Found it! Okay, ready to try this out?”

“Um, I guess so.” CT said hesitantly. On the one hoof, she was going to let Trixie test out brand new magic on her (if she wound up a naked bear Trixie was so dead). On the other hoof, it was a chance to get her hair back. Weighing the risk of becoming a bear possibly forever against being bald for a couple months, she chose the obvious, logical choice. “Oh buck it, let’s do this!”

“I guess that’s the spirit.” Trixie stated, a bit surprised by the intensity in Carrot Top’s voice. Apparently Trixie had greatly underestimated how much the farmer’s mane had meant to her. “Right then, hold still. I need to focus, I’ve never done this before.” Closing her eyes in concentration, Trixie felt out the spell as detailed in the book. She hated learning spells from a book; it killed the details for her. Still, she channeled the energy through her horn in the prescribed pulses, strobes, and frequencies in the right amounts in the right sequence and blah blah blah ugh this is why books are so boring. They take something as wonderful as magic and make it sound so dull, like assembling a bookshelf (and no matter what Pokey said those were clearly extra screws). After feeling the magic surge, she opened her eyes…and her jaw dropped. If this were a foal’s comic book, her jaw would have been on the floor. But since this was real life, the amazed unicorn mage apprentice of the Moon Maiden was simply sitting there stunned. “Um, right well…okay I can fix this.”

“Fix what? I’m not a bear am I?” Carrot Top asked in a panic.

“Why does everypony say? It wasn’t even a bear! And no you’re not, just…don’t look in a mirror.” Trixie explained, flipping through the book quickly to figure out how to fix this.

Carrot Top then felt…something on her face. In a panic she did what anypony does in this situation: ignore the advice and immediately seek out a mirror. Having found one in the bathroom, she stopped and stared. “Trixie.”

“Yeeeeeessss?” Trixie squirmed, drawing out the word like a little filly that knows she’s been caught levitating a cookie out of the cookie jar.

“Is this what I think it is?”

“Well, that would depend on what you think it is. I mean if you think it’s a duck it clearly isn’t that nor is it an apple, a frog, some hay, a manticore”

“TRIXIE! I HAVE A MOUSTACHE! AND A BEARD!” she screamed in a voice that would do royalty proud. Indeed as she left the bathroom to confront Trixie, her facial hair was quite nicely on display. Her beard was long, silken and curly as if her mane had been transferred to the bottom half of her face. Her moustache was well groomed and long, and ended in a double inward spiral curl at either end. “I look like a circus ringmaster! What. Did. You. Do. Wrong?”

“Nothing nothing, see? Apparently the spell is supposed to do this.” Trixie explained, holding up the spell entitled Repairing a Gentlecolt’s Shame: Making Hair Be There. “I thought it was for curing stallion pattern baldness or something! Why are guys obsessed with moustaches?” Seeing her friend glowering, she quickly went back to it. “Look, I can fix this, just give me a minute. Aha! Okay, I can undo this now.” A quick concentration and a flash of light later, and the farmer was restored. “Alright, now that that’s fixed, let’s work on figuring this out. Now then, I don’t recall seeing any other spells about hair, but if I use this one as a base and work from there…”

“You know what, just forget it.” Carrot Top said, fury evident in her voice. “That sounds like a lot of work and as we both know from the number of times you’ve had me, Pokey, or somepony else do your work, you are waaaaay to lazy to do that sort of work. So no, I think I’ll just wait for it to grow back in. I mean, why should I expect anypony to pay me back the ONE time I ask somepony else for a favor!” she shouted to the room in general. Furious, she exited the room in a rush, slamming the door behind herself, leaving a stunned Trixie behind.

***********************************************

Carrot Top marched down the main street of Ponyville, an angry drum beat sounding in time with her determined steps as she glared about her. Some low horns started to accompany her as she started to sing.

I always felt like helping everypony
So I toiled and I worked.
Now I realize they were all phony,
They didn’t smile they smirked.

Everypony took advantage of me,
I went to help without a thought.
I did every favor for free,
And look at what I got.

Upset, she marches by a pony who’s cart is stuck in a mud puddle, ignoring the driver as she desperately tries to get any of the ponies walking by to help her, but nopony stops. A deep cello and bass duet join the unhappy melody.

Oh you shouldn’t help for the reward
Is what I always said.
So they pleaded and implored,
Planned to use me till I’m dead.

Well that’s it I’m through I’m done!
Now to look out for number one!

During this declaration she wasn’t watching where she was going, and so didn’t notice when she bumped over a ladder, leaving a painter pony dangling from the second floor window of the house he was painting. Carrot Top didn’t seem to notice or care as she continued to move on.

No more Miss Nice Mare all smiles,
No more “Please let me help you with all that.”
No more doing all their work whiles
They lay around so lazy and fat!

Well that’s it I’m through I’m done!
Now to look out for number one!

She barreled right through the heart of the farmers market, shoving ponies out of her way as she headed home. A few looked at her a bit angry, but changed their tune when they saw her glare and decided that maybe they wouldn’t complain after all. Her own tune changed as well, becoming faster and more energetic.

I’ve pulled my own weight all my life,
And it seems I’ve done it for others too.
I always carried everypony’s toil and strife,
Well that’s it, I’d one I’m through!

No more favors to the neighbors,
No more doing Trixie’s work.
No more fixing things for strangers,
Or helping Rainbow, that selfish jerk!

Having reached her home, she proceeded to take the garden hose and stick it down the badger hole, and turn on the water. Soon the den was flooded and the mother was carrying her young out and to safety, but not before taking a moment to shake her paw and bark a few times at the smug looking pony that had obviously done this.

Well that’s it I’m through I’m done!
Now to look out for number one!

Yes that’s it I’ve decided!
I’m through I’m done!
Now to look out…
Foooooorrr
Nuuuuumbeeeeer
Oooooooone!

And with that, she slammed her cottage door closed.

Author's Note

Sorry this took so long, RL has been a bitch.

Special thanks to my friends Lux, Tylorgrimm, Khavi, and Skyrim Bear for looking this over. Extra special thanks to everbunny but Lux, the only brony in that group. Really guys, thanks for putting up with my love of tiny pastel horses and their magical adventures.

Carrot Facts: Orange is not a naturally occurring color in carrots. Wild carrots are purple or white. The orange carrot is the result of extensive cross breeding. Originally intended to be a tribute to The Noble House of Orange, it was discovered that they were an almost ideal carrot crop, resulting in its wide spread and use even to this day.

Luna Damn It Kidnapper! (Guest Written Chapter )

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Well at least it can't get any worse...why did I say that?

Pokey Pierce, stallion of the heaven piercing horn, was having a rough day. First, he had to fill out a fifty page document relating to the use and reimbursement of the towns emergency fund. He'd spent five hours on the thing while Trixie flitted about the residency doing all sorts of useless things, just waiting for her wage slave to get her job done. It didn't help that it was a beautiful morning and the warm air and bird song had been pouring in. ((It didn’t matter what Trixie said, there was no way they’d give her another window so soon when others needed them as well.)) Then, after going off to deal with a spy, his boss had rushed back in, said it wasn’t a spy, it was a private meeting, jammed stuff onto his horn (oww) and then literally threw his flank out of the office face first (double ow). He’d then been stuck off doing the grocery shopping, and he knew that on returning to work he’d be right back to filling out paperwork. So he decided to take a pit stop on the way back to work, ducking into Sugercube Corner and picking up a fresh muffin and a cup of coffee. He even talked with Pinkie Pie for a bit. After finishing his snack and learning forty nine non-standard uses for vanilla extract, some of which sounded reasonable and interesting while the rest sounded like things Trixie would try, Pokey felt ready to get back to work and take on whatever else happened today.

Naturally he was disappointed when his hopes for a good day were dashed almost immediately upon entering the office and seeing Trixie lying face down on her desk with an empty bottle of bourbon next to her. He sighed. Some days perseverance seemed like the worst talent to have. If he was anypony else less suborn and determined, he’d have quit long ago. “So…I take it the meeting didn’t go well?”

“I am a horrible friend. I stink as a friend. If friendship was a class in school I would get a quadruple F minus.” Trixie explained, her face still seemingly glued to her desk in depression.

Now Pokey was concerned. It was one thing for Trixie to be drunk, that happened every so often when working with the mare. However, when Trixie was drunk, two things were sure to happen. Trixie became happier, and she started to speak in Prench. Also she apparently had a split personality if she drank enough, but he’d never been around to see it. However, if after downing a whole bottle Trixie was not only still upset but speaking Equestrian without so much as an accent, this was a more serious situation than he had thought. "Alright Trixie, tell me what happened."

*********************

Carrot Top felt aweful. She was upset, bald, and had just yelled at Trixie. Not a good combination. Sure Trixie could be loud, rude, obnoxious, self-centered, oblivious to the needs and feelings of other, manipulative, drank too much...okay buck Trixie.

(Note: We would like to note at this time that Carrot Top is upset, and her views are not an accurate reflection of Trixie. We do not endorse this rage and trauma fueled opinion. Please do not beat us with large sticks Trixie fans. Thank you. We now return you to your irregularly scheduled story *walks off stage* Oh my Luna large sticks! *violence ensues*)

As unreliable as Trixie had proven to be, again, Carrot Top still had the option of just waiting it out. Having sent some letters with Ditzy, she had informed the Farmers Union that she had exhausted all her patience trying to organize them, and they could go buck themselves and find a new leader. Really, they'd kinda forced her to take the job. Just because she came up with the idea didn't mean she had to be in charge of them while they squabbled like school children. Heck, once they got a leader who wasn't a pushover like she'd been back the they'd probably get more done. Quite frankly she was sick and tired of dealing with their manure issues. It wasn't like the stuff was that rare or you needed a ton of it for your fields! Earth pony magic made it so the soil lost its nutrients at a much slower rate while still nurturing the plants just as much, and if you dint have a special talent for farming, what were you even doing in this line of work?

Getting angrier, and hungrier, as she thought more about it, she decided that she could take care of the second one the easiest. Getting a bowl and lining it with some nice crisp lettuce, she proceeded to dice a red onion, stupid thing made her cry, arrange some celery stalks along the sides of the bowl pointing outward, sure to leave strands in her teeth, added some shredded cabbage, probably give her gass, topped it off with a reath arrangement of spinach leaves, and topping each leaf with a slice of beet. Taking her lunch over to her table, she sat down to eat.

And that's when there was a knock on the door. Glaring up from her food at the offending noise, she shouted "Go away!" Apparently whoever was there didn't take the hint and knocked louder and faster. "Go away!" Carrot Top shouted again, but to no avail as the knock repeated. Growling, she got up and grabbed her sun hat, sticking it on top of her head as she opened the door to tell the other pony off to their face...only to find nopony there. Instead, she felt something brush by her legs and turned to see a rabbit, Angel, having rushed into her house and jump on the chair, the proceed to frantically wave his arms about while hopping on the chair. Seeing the animal in obvious distress, Carrot Top proceeded to pick it up by the scruff of its neck and throw him out the front door. "Look, I'm not in the mood to deal with whatever panic attack Fluttershy is having today, so go bug somepony else about it." she explained, slamming the door in Angel's face.

She had just sat down to resume eating when suddenly there was a rapping on the window. Looking over, she saw Angel there waving frantically and trying to get her attention. Carrot Tops response was to simply close the curtains. Sitting down again, another knock sounded, this time from the back door. Braying slightly in frustration, she grabbed a broom in mouth and opened up the back door. Angel's attempted dart into the room was halted by the sweep of the broom, which in the mouth of a farmer pony had plenty of good speed and got some nice distance on that shot.

Having resolved that quite handily, Carrot Top was sure that she'd gotten rid of the pest for good and could finally enjoy her meal. Of course, the universe loves nothing more than to prove others wrong, and before she'd even taken her first bite a nice on the roof caught her attention. A hopping, banging sound headed for...her chimney.
*******************

Angel dropped down into the fireplace, sot darkening his coat with gray streaks in a few places. This would take a while to clean and would taste aweful while doing it, or worse he'd need to recieve a water and foam bath. The things he does for The Lady. Looking around for his quarry, he found the Carrot Pony easily enough as she is standing right in front of him with one of her paws raised over...one end of a fireplace shovel. Dropped over the grate, the other end was, looking down, right beneath him. Like a seesaw. Realizing what was about to happen, Angel's ears dropped and his eyes grew wide as he shook his head back and forth. Carrot Pony just smiled and stomped her paw down, launching him back up and out the way he came. Time for Plan E.
******************

Carrot Top was sure that the dumb bunny would give up after that, but no, the thing was knocking on her front door again. Snorting, she opened it only to find the rabbit holding up one of her own carrots like it was a peace offering. "Idiot, I already have plenty of carrots right over..." she paused indicating the lunch she had prepared. A lunch which had no carrots in the main dish. No carrots as a side dish. Not even carrot juice. That wasn't like her...just like it wasn't like her to yell at her friends, check rabbits up fire places, or dismiss one of her friends without hearing what they had to say at least. Sighing in defeat, she turned resigned to the victorious rodent. "Alright fine you little carrot muncher, but this had better be important."

********************

Carrot Top could only stare at the sight in front of her. Fluttershy's house was devastated. The door was smashed in, the windows were broken, the furnace was overturned, the place looked like a miniature war zone. As for Fluttershy herself, the shy pegasus was nowhere to be seen, no even in her few usual hiding places that were left intact. Turning with a sheepish grin to the annoyed rabbit who was tapping its hind leg while glaring at her, Carrot Top gave a nervous chuckle. "Yeah okay this is definatly important."

******************

Pokey could only stare in horror. Having gotten the story from Trixie he had tried to calm her down and reassure her that she was a good friend. Mind you that was a bit hard to do when not thirty minutes ago you were thinking about how anypony without perseverance as a special talent would have quit on her and the pony who had yelled at her and called her lazy and selfish had been one of her closest friends and the living embodiment of Generosity itself, but at least he tried. He'd also tried to talk her out of the rash course of action she had decided upon for herself, but it was too late. Before he could really think of anything to stop her, she'd telekineticly grabbed the letter opener, what had it even been doing out in the open he wasn't certain, and quickly used it upon herself. Looking at the bloodied instrument now floating in his own telekinetic grip, he said the only thing his kind could think of. "I wonder if I should put on some sunscreen before Luna banishes me to the bucking sun for letting this happen."

Author's Note

Schools out, time for writing!

Also surprise! Trixie was dead the whole time after this fic and has been a zombie ghost! Totally for reals! No way am I trying to trick you with a dramatic cliffhanger at all! Really for reals and honest! *walks of stage* Oh my Luna more large sticks! *idescribable violence ensues*

Carrot fact:Despite the stereotype,, rabbits are not a major danger to carrot crops, as the tend to much the easily regrowing leaves and leave the important root core alone. The main pest is beetles and other burrowing insects that attack the roots directly, and are much harder to spot.