Pull my hoof, I dare you.
Thanks to Piedol for being my amazing editor, and to C Note and NoBodyPro for pre-reading.
It was a peaceful night, nothing disturbing the tranquility that spread throughout the whole of the countryside. The animals were asleep, slowly breathing as their thoughts were clouded by drowsiness. The birds, usually so bright and active, were dead to the world - metaphorically of course. It was still almost pitch black, the sun a distant memory, and a far-away prophecy. Only the bright moon illuminated the dark curvature of the ground, and the waving grass attached to it.
Truly, there was nothing to make a sound whatsoever, to disturb the night. Nothing at all.
Except for the chainsaw. Or at least the thing that sounded like one. The source seemed to be in the floating bunch of clouds that slowly drifted through the sky, high above the ground...
Rainbow Dash awoke with a snort, almost gagging through her own snoring as she rolled out of bed and slammed onto the soft floor of her cloud home. She almost thought that there was a light blue glow around her head, banishing her dreams.
But that was probably just her recently-awakened mind...
She quickly surfaced, leaping to her hooves as the floor rebounded her into the air. There was a quick moment of confusion, but nothing that would be out of the ordinary if someone suddenly awoke to find themselves on the floor.
The sleepy pegasus groaned and crawled back into her fluffy bed, ready to leap back into her dream. Her perfect dream of her soaring through the sky a million times faster than the speed of sound, the Wonderbolts left behind in the dust, Soarin’ himself begging her to slow down, Spitfire panting with exertion as she struggled to keep u-
Yeah, she wasn’t falling asleep. The excitement of the day ahead of her was too great, the build up of adrenalin already surging through her system. She would never get back to her perfect dream in the state she was in.
Rainbow Dash gave a quick sigh and hopped out of her bed again to check the clock. Five-thirty in the morning, not bad, not bad. Definitely not the earliest that she’d woken up on that... particular day.
But it was still too early to get started, and nopony would be out and about yet. And she knew that they’d wouldn’t appreciate if she did anything at that Celesia-awful hour of the morning.
Still, didn’t mean that she couldn’t get prepared...
For the next few minutes the only things that could be heard were the numerous clangs and bangs in the household as the enthusiastic pegasus searched high and low for any and all supplies that she could get her hooves on. The darkness of the night prevented her from getting a good look at anything, but that didn’t stop her from trying. And besides, the rainbow fountain outside provided just enough ambient light for her to get a small bearing on her location.
Sometimes it did help to have a glowing centerpiece as a part of your house, even if the neighbors didn’t appreciate it quite so much.
But even the famous Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed fastest pegasus in Equestria, couldn’t search without a break, and about half-way through her search she found that she had to sit down. Just for a few seconds you know, just to catch her breath. Everyone knew she was way too cool to actually be tired. She was just taking a... power nap! Yeah, power nap.
A very quiet, very still power nap.
Horizontal.
On the floor.
And it was just as she was taking her ‘power nap’ that she heard something. Not a large noise, just quiet enough to give the impression that there was nothing there to begin with, that it was all in the imagination of the beholder.
But in the exact same way that an animal, completely attuned to the slightest change in sounds, the change in the routine, will be completely alert, so also did Rainbow freeze up and become a statue in the night as she heard the sound.
They were muffled, barely audible at all, the smallest of peeps on the quietest of nights. Indeed, if she hadn’t been having her ‘break’ at the time she probably wouldn’t have even heard the disturbance at all.
But she had been napping, and she had heard the noises, and as she continued to listen there could be no doubting that they were there, and that they were voices.
Rainbow Dash might not have been the most astute of ponies, but she knew the sound of a voice when she heard one, and she knew that ponies rarely ever went beneath her house.
And she most certainly knew that it was still pitch black outside, the crimson rays of sunrise only now beginning to grip at the very edges of the horizon.
So then what were two ponies doing beneath her house in the dark...
...Unless...
...They were plotting! There could be no other reasoning behind it! They were plotting some sort of dastardly trick, a deed worthy of Ahuizotl himself! And she, Daring Dash, was the only pegasus that could save the day!
Barely suppressing a fangirl-esque squeal of excitement, the would be adventurer sprinted back into her room as fast as she could, only hoping that she could get back outside before the two mysterious voices disappeared into the night. She practically leaped into the room, squeezing under the bed to pull out a small chest holding all of her private possessions...
...And a few more possessions that would not bear mentioning to the younger demographics of the world...
Just to find the one object that would make her night complete, and make her the best detective/chaser/anything out there.
And then moments later she flew out the window of her floating home and around the back wearing a novelty Daring Do pith helmet, positioning herself on the other side of the cloud home to her rainbow feature, stopping any of the small amount of radiance from reaching her.
There were two figures on the ground walking slowly along, far beneath her and her behemoth of a cumulus. They didn’t seem to be in any hurry, though as Rainbow sped out of her window she could have sworn that they sped up, as though they knew that she was there, tailing them. But that was impossible, nothing could detect the amazing Rainbow Dash, no one and nopony either.
She waited until she got the impression that they were looking away before diving closer on silent wings, trailing overhead, only the soft ‘whuff’ of her wing beats giving any clues as to her location. But that could be passed off for a breeze, so there was no reason why that should clue in the shadowy figures either.
The figures themselves were near impossible to identify, cloaked entirely in robes of the darkest hues, near invisible in the night were it not for the glow radiating from her rainbow waterfall as it evaporated on contact with the ground. But even with that faint glow they were still hard to identify, and they’d obviously picked their attire for just that purpose. But why were they beneath her house?
Maybe they were bad at planning locations, or maybe they just underestimated the night-vision of the Amazing Rainbow Dash (tm). Whatever the answer was, she would still be able to track them.
They kept walking at their increased pace, Rainbow floating overhead, trying to listen to any legible wisps of their conversation. Just because she could hear them didn’t mean that she could understand them. It was near impossible to discern which one would say something, but she was able to make out the general details, and assign the voices to each figure herself.
“Plans going ahe...verything ready?” Figure One would ask in a crystal clear voice, if it weren’t partially muffled by the cloak and hem.
“Perfect Sister, our pl...ndeed, they will never realise who exactly start...and then we will have the greatest of them all.” For a moment Figure Two’s voice grew a little louder and deeper, if not only a little, but it was still there.
“Good, good. That is exactly the ki...this is the best day for our plans a...could have been friends, but on this day we will only be adversaries.” That statement sent a small shiver down the eavesdropping pegasus’ spine, even if it was probably irrational. After all, they were probably talking about some random evil pony, the kind of pony that was only ever heard about in nightmares. Like Ahuizotl, or...
...Come to think of it, there really wasn’t another evil pony, or thing in Ahuizotl’s case, anywhere. They must have been talking about Ahuizotl himself! Did they know of him? Did they - dare she say it - know him?! Was Daring real?! That could be the only explanation! If there wasn’t any other bad guy out there then they must have been discussing Ahui-
“Indeed, I’m especially looking forward to getting that blue one, what was her name sister? Rainblow Mash? Straincrow Slash?” She could have sworn they were talking louder, just to make sure that she heard them. Or maybe that was just her heart beating desperately as she tried to prevent herself from hyperventilating. They couldn’t be talking about her, not at all, not in that way. She was the was the most courageous pegasus out there, nopony could think she was bad!
Right?
“Wrong. Those aren’t her name.” Rainbow let out a faint sigh of relief. “I believe that the one you are talking about is the one that they call Rainbow Dash...”
The figures suddenly froze and turned. “What was that noise?” One asked, “Are we being followed?”
Two turned, “Not unless they seek the most dire of consequences... Especially if they’re listening to our plans...”
Rainbow’s blood froze, and within the next second she was in the air and heading back to her cloud home as quickly as she could, eating up the distance as if it was nothing. She crashed straight into a wall, not even caring while promising to fix it in the morning, and collided with the opposite bookshelf lined with trophies, Every one of which fell from its position and onto the floor, only to bounce up again as the cloudwalking spell on them took effect.
But Rainbow didn’t care, she had to get ready. If the two figures were planning what she thought they were planning - which she knew she was right about, come on, she was never wrong - then she had to be prepared to face them down.
There was a reason why she was so on edge, and given her history, and the traditions of Ponyville, especially its residents, it was very much justified.
The first rays of the morning sun finally breached the horizon proper, streaming in through the open window, and the open hole, in the wall. The would-be-spy didn’t care though, she was mentally preparing herself for the day to come.
She would have to give one of her best performances ever if she was going to get the lead on her new opponents.
It was Haypril Fools Day.
It was the day that all hell broke loose. It was more than just an annual day of fun, it was the greatest competition in Ponyville, no, all of Equestria!
Really, it was...
But that wasn’t the reason why Rainbow Dash was worried. No, she was worried about those two ‘strangers’. She didn’t know who they were, and that was a bad thing. If a new group came into Ponyville, if they were going to be contenders for the day to beat all other days, than she was going to be in for a bumpy ride.
And a memory kept replaying in her slightly addled mind. It showed her, in the last few moments of her eavesdropping session with the ‘strangers’. She could hear them make the accusation of a spy, remember the adrenalin of a challenge approaching, and see the last images of their bodies.
And in the last moments of the replay, just before she turned tail and fled, she could remember seeing the incredibly long, incredibly white ebony horn that jutted from Stranger One’s head. A horn so long and straight that she knew only one pony could match it.
If Rainbow was correct, and those two strangers were involved in the day to come, then things just got a whole lot more difficult...
One Trick(ed) Pony
”So, Princess, you said that you wanted to see me about something? Something big? Well, not to brag or anything, but I do seem like the perfect candidate. Right?”
The white Alicorn swept her luxurious mane slightly out of her eyes, “Of course my dear student, you are the one pony that I trust above all other, barring my sister of course, and I think she already knows what I’ve summoned you here to tell you about...”
The question in Twilight’s eyes couldn’t be ignored, but the Princess managed to. Quite easily. Instead, she turned tail and trotted along one of the numerous long and interwinding labyrinthine corridors that swept throughout the hallowed halls of Canterlot Castle. Twilight wasn’t even taken aback, she knew that if the Princess was ignoring her the way she was then there had to be a good explanation, so she followed.
For a while, all that could be heard was the faint clopping of hooves against marble floor, the halls themselves utterly quiet and devoid of life. That brought up a faint question in the back of Twilight’s mind, but she passed it off as nerves, or something like that anyway...
...The whole situation seemed familiar, as if she’d had this conversation before... Many many times...
She shook her head and snapped back to the present. Celestia had stopped in front of a door, her quarters? It was unmistakably the room of the Sun Godess, of that there could be no doubt. But why would she want to talk to Twilight in there? Was there some sort of practice that Celestia wanted her to see? A ritual? Something of the sorts? She’d never actually been inside her Mentor’s room, so she had no idea what to expect. A few strange fantasies darted through her mind, but she shooed them away, there was no way that any of them would come true.
And then one of them did.
Celestia turned to her student, an unidentifiable look in her eyes. It was almost the look that a filly would get if they opened a gift on their birthday, or Hearths Warming Eve. She opened her mouth, a grin already forming. “Twilight, I’ve got a big surprise for you, and I’ve wanted to show you for a long time. Unfortunately up until this moment I haven’t believed that you were old, or mature, enough to process what I’m about to show you.”
Her eyes became half-lidded, “Are you ready?”
Twilight’s knees buckled, “Really? You trust me that much?! Of course! Show me show me show me show me!”
Celestia nodded, “As you wish.” The grin became a full-formed expression of delight, “Prepare yourself Twilight...”
And then the doors opened, and Twilight saw the fantasy she’d dreamed about ever since she’d become the Princess’ protege.
Book, lot and lots of books. They were everywhere, nothing else. The walls of her room were covered in tomes of all shapes and size.
And that’s exactly when the dreamscape collapsed on itself.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
“Mmmmmph, later.”
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
“Mermermmermphph, laaater~”
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-
-HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
SLAM!
“Gah! Twilight, what are you doing on my bed? And why is the alarm so... smoky?”
“...Twilight?”
The curious dragon tentatively reached towards the pile of assorted blankets that was strewn across the foot of his little ‘bed’. It was obvious who was inside, evidenced by the purple horn jutting from one end of the blankets, but what was she doing on the floor in the first place?
...And then again, was the room always so loud? And full of thin smoke for that matter?
A few seconds later the noise stopped, but not in the way that most people would like it to.
The alarm exploded.
Now, few seem to realise the implications of that, but to phrase it simply, it did explode, so that might give some idea of exactly what happened. But there are a few types of explosions. There’s the type where there’s fire, another where a massive shock-wave spreads out, destroying everything.
Twilight’s alarm clock just did the equivalent of a fart, shooting blue gas out in all directions, clouding the room up in the space of a millisecond. Rapid expansion.
Hence, explode.
The tree itself actually jumped out of its roots and a few feet into the air just from the force of the gaseous explosion alone. As the tree landed again, its roots anchoring it securely into the ground, the cyan gas shot out of any orifice in the tree and out into the surrounding area, dousing the streets in blue smoke that spread into the early morning air.
And then there was silence as the blue-tinged countryside tried to digest what it’d just seen. At least until a single unwavering scream pierced the silence, its source being the tremendously frustrated unicorn librarian.
“PINKIEEEEEEEEE!”
“Okay troops, we only have a small amount of time and a lot of things to complete, so if we want to emerge victorious we must prank! My Granny Pie said that, and I’d say that she knows a little more about pranking than you pal! Because she invented it! And then she perfected it so that no living pony could best her in the ring of laughs!”
‘But General, are you sure that we can overcome the odds stacked against us here? There’s many of them and only a few of us!’
“I won’t hear any doubts lieutenant, if you keep up that kind of talk I Pinkie swear that you’ll be pranked just like the rest of them! Is that clear! I can’t have any dishonesty on this day, we have to have everything go perfectly!”
All of the troops saluted, clanging their assorted appendages against their even more so assorted headgear. ‘Yes Ma’am!’
Pinkie nodded, her pasta strainer helmet wavering as she did. It covered almost her whole head, and half of her eyes as well, giving her a faintly familiar look...
...If it weren’t for the pink frizzy hair that sprung up in all directions from the top.
“Good! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that I have such loyal forces following me! A bit like when I’ve eaten hot cake too quickly!” She put a hoof to her chin, “Or would it be hot chocolate? Or maybe hot sauce? NO! It’s definitely the cake!” She stomped a hoof to emphasize the point and one of her troops, a stuffed bear wearing a bottle cap, fell face first to the floor from the table he was sitting on.
“Aha! We have the first drop out! I knew that not all of you would be able to cope with the pressure of our operation!”
She turned her back haughtily on the failure teddy, and one could almost imagine it wilting in shame...
If it was alive. And not a teddy bear.
Pinkie shook her head, again sending tangles of her hair poofing out in all directions, before marching towards a wall and slamming a hoof into it. A map fell out from the roof and unravelled, showing Ponyville. “Now troops, we have an important task ahead of us, and I WILL NOT TOLERATE FAILURE! This is the one day of the year where we’ll get a great chance like this, and I WILL NOT HAVE IT SLIP THROUGH MY HOOVES!”
She drew a pointing stick out from behind her back, not even bothering to wonder where it came from, and pointed at a few locations with large bright red X markers on them, “I have a plan, and I’ve laid the traps, it’s up to us to make sure that nothing goes wrong. CLEAR!”
And that was when the explosion went off.
A few moments later there was a soft thud as Pinkie dropped from her hiding spot amongst the ceiling fans. She looked out the window, “Good, that means that the first stage is complete. Although I didn’t expect the weird explosion thing, that was a nice extra, always good to have that happen. Must have just set the noise a bit too high. Smoke too? Huh, that’s strange...”
“Oh well, the more the merrier I guess!”
She turned to her troops, ready to deliver another motivating speech, but her eyes narrowed as she saw all of them on the ground, having fallen from their perches in ‘fright’.
“Well, I see how it is, none of you are up to the task eh? Well, I guess I’ll just have to go it alone!”
She turned her back in disgust on her former troops and walked to the window, eyeing the sky for a telltale trail of colours that she knew would appear in a few moments to investigate the loud noises and disturbance. Her opponent was out there somewhere, and if she was going to avoid getting left behind she would have to be alert for any traps.
Yep, absolutely nothing was going to sneak up on Pinkie Pie, she was way too observant to be tricked into a trap of any sorts. Yep, nothing would ge-
What was that flying towards her fast?
...Darn.
SPLAT!
“THIS ISN’T OVER RAINBOW DASH!” Pinkie yelled, waving a hoof out the window. The pegasus responsible could only be heard laughing maniacally as she flew out of the bushes she was hiding in, laden down with assorted equipment.
Pinkie put on a small scowl, which was immediately replaced with a plotting grin. “So Rainbow Dash, you ‘sink that you ‘ave outsmarted me ‘eh? Vell, two can play at zat game...”
“Oh, and can you get some sugar while you’re at it? I need some for my cooking, we’re running low for some reason...
“Have you been sneaking it again?”
Lyra shuffled nervously on her hooves, half in and half out of the doorway, “Hehe, nooooo~”
Bon Bon’s head shot out of the kitchen for a split second to watch the green unicorn fiercely, “...Are you absolutely sure?”
Lyra nodded, “Yeah, absolutely, crystal, nope, zip nada, nothin’ here...”
Bon Bon’s eyes narrowed dangerously before becoming thoughtful and going back to normal, “Oh, okay, just make sure to pick some up okay? Thanks!”
Lyra grunted in acknowledgement before shooting outside, trying to avoid any accusations about sneaking sugar, which she totally hadn’t done.
The sun was partially up in the sky, probably about ten in the morning. The sunrise’s colours had all but faded away, to be replaced by a faint blue tinge...
Was that smoke?
Lyra shook her head. It was best to try and ignore these things. Ponyville wasn’t what you could exactly call a... normal place. But the best way to get past these things was to pretend they weren’t there, so Lyra studiously kept her head down and marched resolutely to the market to get supplies.
However, it was only once she got there that she realised her mistake.
She’d been walking along, too lost in thought to pay much heed to the signs. The lack of ponies on the street, the lingering blue mist, the small honking of clown’s shoes as the owner bounced along. Once again, Ponyville.
Wait, no ponies?
Lyra’s head shot up, her eyes widening. The street was completely lacking any form of life whatsoever. Tumbleweeds were actually rolling slowly across the barren market place, normally so full of life. She began to get scared, worried that some sort of horrible tragedy had befallen Ponyville when nopony was looking, kidnapping everyone.
Lyra started to back away from the center of the square, hoping to sneak away into the shadows of the back streets, or something like that, anything to hide from whoever, or whatever, was preying on the innocents. Reasons for the absence of life were rushing through her mind. Aliens? Monsters? She gulped, Humans?
And then she bumped into the pony that was dressed like a clown.
Lyra spun instantly, coming face to face with her ‘attacker’, seeing only a brightly coloured purple and orange costume with a frizzy rainbow afro on its head.
And that was the moment she realised what the reason for the empty streets was. Right then.
Her last thought before getting a pie to the face, a torrent of water, and a blast of foul smelling perfume was, CURSE YOU BON BON! YOU SET ME UP!
Lyra shot away, trailing a roll of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her hooves as she galloped back to her house, possible to berate her roommate for not warning her. The pony dressed as a clown let out a loud snort of amusement and pulled off the afro, revealing more rainbow coloured hair.
Rainbow Dash shook her head to free up her mane and gave another snort.
Right before she had a whole bag of flower shoot out of nowhere and smack into her.
And then have a pillow, full of feathers, split open above her, spilling its contents onto the startled prankster. She twirled, trying to find the attacker, but only managed to get a poison joke-filled balloon to the face.
The blue cloud spread around her, concealing her from sight. It cleared moment later, only to have a confused and disorientated Rainbow Dash spin out and collapse, coughing in an absurdly high-pitched voice.
And wearing an incredibly frilly lace ballerina costume in place of her clown outfit.
She staggered to her feet, trying to find the cause of her predicament, but couldn’t see or hear anything. No matter, she knew who the only other prankster in town was anyway...
“I’ll get you back Pinkie, mark my words darling.” The pesasus clamped a hoof to her mouth as she spouted the most horrid of words, and in the most posh accent possible. "My! What seems to be the reasoning behind my atrocious accent?!"
The things that poison joke does...
But as Rainbow galloped away to find her pink ‘friend’, she missed the muffled giggles coming from the cloaked pony hiding in the shadows created by the rising sun hitting the buildings.
“Skip, skip, skip to my lou~”
The voice drifted faintly in the wind blowing through Sweet Apple Acres. The trees rustled quietly in the breeze, all but completely masking the sound, even to Applejack’s great hearing.
“Skip, skip, skip to my lou~”
This time it was a bit louder, as if the source was growing closer. The orange Farmer’s ears swivelled as she paused in mid-buck, her legs still prepared to unleash a blow to the trunk of a tree.
She listened.
Silence. Wind. Rustling leaves.
Singing?
“Skip, skip, skip to my lou~”
Applejack froze. She had clearly heard the singing that time, the sound easily penetrating the forest of partially aligned tree trunks. It sent a shiver down her spine. But why?
And what was that rumbling sound?
“Skip to my lou my darling~”
“HI APPLEJACK!”
“PINKIE?!”
WHAM!
Applejack didn’t even have time to run as an enormous torrent of colourful bouncy balls cascaded down the orchard, weaving through the trees like a giant pinball machine. Pinkie was at the head of the pack, running along the tops of the balls like they were nothing more than slow barrels, occasionally jumping from one to another as they shot towards her.
But that wasn’t the worst part for Applejack. Wherever the balls went they left a trail of multicoloured paint, putting streaks through the whole orchard. It went everywhere, grass, trees, leaves.
Pinkie laughed maniacally as she juggled herself on top of one of the larger balls, about four times her height. Applejack tried to get away, she really did, but she was instantly flattened by the army of balls, plastered to the ground as they bounced through the orchard. Where Pinkie had gotten all of to those balls she would never know, but it was Pinkie, so she probably shouldn’t even ask.
All she knew was that Pinkie was going to be in a lot of trouble when she caught up to her.
Once the pinball brigade had passed, Applejack removed herself from her indent in the ground with a soft POP! The balls didn’t hurt, but they sure packed a punch when they hit. And for some reason she was having trouble even looking straight, the balls must have been enchanted to mess with a pony’s head, or something of the likes.
The Farmer groaned as she looked around and saw the mess that the balls had left on her farm. The whole thing looked like a filly’s art project. Streaks of paint-like substance were coating everything.
Sure, it would wash away in the next rainfall (hopefully). Sure, it didn’t do any harm (Except for her pride). Sure, it di-
Hell no, it was annoying, but Applejack knew that she’d been bested. She just wished that Pinkie didn’t have to be so over the top with her pranks, even if there was no lasting harm...
...She thought moments before loosing her balance and careening into a nearby tree.
What Applejack didn’t see was Pinkie getting sucking into the large ball she’d been running on as if it were a large bubble, and getting trapped inside. The Party Planner could only ‘laugh’ as she bounced around the squishy inside like a rag in a washing machine.
And then the ball collided with a tree and, instead of bouncing, splattered in a blue explosion, coating the once pink pony with bright blue goo.
And when the pony emerged, all that could be seen were the lanky limbs that made it up. Pinkie’s arms, and legs, had become something that would closely resemble a slinky. Pinkie could only groan in annoyance as she wobbled along on her strand-legs, sputtering silly curses under breath, all directed at the pony that had pranked her.
Rainbow Dash.
It was only after she’d gone however, that the second cloaked pony burst out of the canopy of one of the nearby trees, finally letting out their contained laughter at Pinkie’s predicament.
“Hay girls, are you sure this is a good idea...?”
“Awww stop complaining Sweetie, there’s nothing to worry about anyway. Nopony’s gonna try and prank me.”
“Yeah, that makes me feel real safe.”
“...Well, you’re near me, aren’t you?”
“Uhh, yeah, but I don’t see ho-”
“Exactly! And because you’re near me nopony’s gonna try and get you! See?”
“Scoots, that’s a really stupid rule ya’ got goin’ there, we’re gun’ get pranked anyways, believe me...”
“ARE NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“ARE NOT!”
“ARE T-”
Sweetie Bell shook her head and walked over to her two bickering friends, “Girls! Girls! It’s not that big of a deal! Still, I don’t see why you’d even want to go out on the streets today. I mean, what’ll our cutie marks be?”
Applebloom looked at Sweetie like she was stupid, “How could you even ask tha’?! It’s obvious what they’ll be! They’re gonna be cutie marks fer...” She put a hoof to her chin, “Uhhh, Ah’m stumped. Scoots, why’re we here anyways?”
The orange filly rolled her eyes. “We’re going to get our cutie marks for...” She paused for dramatic effect, “PRANKING!”
“Ohhhh...”
“Ohhh...”
“Huh, that does make sense...”
“Yer, I was thinking fer a sec tha’ it was gonna be fer, I dunno, street walkin’ or somethin’...” Applebloom’s two friends gave her funny looks, “But I mean, yeah! This was totally what I thought we were gunna do! Yeah!” She hastily corrected.
Scootaloo nodded and went to walk further along the deserted main street of Ponyville. It was easily midday, no shadows anywhere, and usually a busy time for ponies to be out and about on the street.
But there weren’t any. Three guesses why, and the first two don’t count.
Scootaloo paused for a moment to check her saddlebags, filled with pranking materials and fireworks. Sweetie Belle snuck a glance at the ordnance and blanched, “Scoots! Is all of that for pranking! Please tell me that’s all you brought, I don’t think that I can handle that much!”
Scootaloo gave a nervous laugh, “Hehe, ahh, yeah! That’s all I brought along! Nothing else! Nothing else at all!”
And then she tripped on a small rock and dislodged the many zappers and other items that were nestled in her mane. Sweetie sighed, Applebloom facehoofed, Scootaloo tried to gather her equipment.
“...You know what, I don’t even care any more, let’s just get this pranking over with,” Sweetie Belle sighed.
“Uhh, girls? One small problem here...” Applebloom raised a hoof and pointed around her, “There’s nopony to prank. Anywhere. They’re all hiding.”
Scootaloo gave an evil grin, “Don’t worry girls, I’ve thought everything out...”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’ve told you already! Stop worrying!”
“Ah’m not so sure...”
Scootaloo gave a soft growl, “Girls, stop fussing, nothing bad’s gonna happen. Besides, they’re enchanted to target certain spots, so even if I do screw up - which I won’t - they’re gonna go to the right spot.
“But I’m way too awesome to screw something like this up anyway, so it doesn’t matter!”
Her two friends doubtfully the pile o’ rockets that was lined up beside the houses of the quiet residents, and very close to the old-ponies home. They’d been primed to actually bombard the houses with various items, some exploding into toilet paper, some into swamp muck. Some into worse...
All of the rockets had fuses that ran back to a single point at the center of the road, and in Scootaloo’s hoof. The prank-happy pegasus gave a wicked grin as she reached into her bag of tricks to retrieve a lighter.
Sweetie Belle looked meaningfully at Applebloom. “Am I the only one who gets a bad feeling about this?”
The young farmer whispered back, “Nope. I’m getting that feeling as well.” They looked at each other, some gut instinct telling them that events were going south.
Sweetie tried to say something to Scootaloo, but was cut off by a hoof and a hurried “Shhhh! I’m working!”
And then it was too late, and the multi-fuse was lit.
The trail of sparks and miniature flames ran quickly along each and every rope, eating up the distance like nothing else. Within seconds, almost every rocket was ready to fire, and moments later the fuses reached their destination and lit the explosive payload.
The rockets zoomed off with a loud whooshing noise, startling the ponies of the town as every single rocket took off, Scootaloo yelling in excitement.
And then something went out of accordance with the plan. The magically targeting rockets were always accurate, that much was true. If it had a destination, it was going to get to it.
And that was exactly why, when they targeted the three helpless fillies in the middle of the road, they didn’t miss.
As the rockets shot towards the group of friends, Sweetie looked at her Applebloom, “Called it. Totally called it.”
FWOOSH!
HISS, BANG!
SPLAT!
“Ewwww, I got’ the one wit’ the swamp wat’r!”
“Scoots! Why am I covered in TOILET PAPER?!”
“Wait, what’s Scoots covered in?”
“...Girls, you really don’t want to know, really...”
The two ponies faced each other down the long stretch of road. The tumbleweeds, not wanting to miss out on the action, hurriedly span across in the gap between the ponies. In the far distance, a faint whistling tune could be heard.
Doors and windows opened slowly, not wanting to attract attention as the owners poked their heads out, trying to catch a glimpse of the action.
It was a sight to see. The two figures were staring daggers in each others’ eyes. Both were covered from head to hoof with various assorted garments of various colours. Electrical equipment and gizmos hung from every available surface. The pony on the left, and earth pony in a zombie outfit, the one on the right a pegasus wearing a clown costume, small bits of lace and dress still visible underneath, partially hidden by her other costume.
And then the two ran at each other, one springing along like a slinky, before colliding in a furious storm of hooves and gadgets. The only thing that could be seen of the skirmish was a roiling dust cloud that drifted along the ground, the occasional hoof - or pie - being thrown out for a second. At one point there was even a rubber chicken poking its head out. Why it was there, nopony knew, but a rubber chicken could be a deadly tool in the right hooves...
The dust storm abruptly stopped for a second, both ponies being outlined by the massive amount of voltage that flowed through them as their hooves connected for a moment. They collapsed to the ground, exhausted and utterly spent.
One of them, a pink earth pony by the looks of it, raised the rubber chicken in her mouth in a weak gesture of defiance muffling something through her mouth. Her opponent shakily stood, wobbling on her spaghetti legs, spitting out a shard of pie crust.
The pink one stood two, and they just looked.
Rainbow Dash looked at her ‘friend’. “So, you thought it was a good idea to prank me, huh? A rude intention in and of itself if I must say.”
Pinkie narrowed her eyes, “Oh, that’s what your game is then! Well, try explaining how I pranked you if you were actually pranking me! Tell me that!”
“Hey! That pie to the face was at the beginning of the day! I didn’t do anything to you later! That would be unladylike!” She raised her nose, but quickly shoved it down again, slapping herself on the muzzle.
Pinkie’s face momentarily became thoughtful, before clearing up. “Okie doki loki, that’s a worry off my mind. Oh, and I like the new accent, very Rarity.” She went to walk away, but stopped, “H-hay! Don’t lie to me! You put the poison joke on me! And you popped my ball! Who does that to a ball anyway?!”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes, “Me? I didn’t do anything! Why did you put poison joke on me darling?! Why would you do that my dear friend? Hmmm?”
Pinkie grimaced at her friend, but her eyes shot open, “Wait, so if you didn’t prank me...”
Rainbow caught on, “And if you didn’t prank me...”
“Then that...”
“Means that...”
“it means that... Wait, what does it mean?”
The pegasus gave Pinkie a bland look. “Darling, it simply means that there is another ruffian that is meddling with our affairs for the day!”
Pinkie nodded, “Oohhh, I was thinking something completely different...”
“...Riiight, anyway, I may not like it Pinkie, but I’ve got an idea. If there’s an unknown troublemaker out there that is causing these derailments to our plans then we have to work together,” She shuddered, “I have a feeling it’s the only way...”
The party planner pulled a detective hat out of nowhere. “Gather the suspects,” She said grimly, “We have a conspiracy on our hooves!”
The door to the library shot open, banging against the back wall. Three disgruntled looking fillies stumbled in, trying to dislodge the concoctions that had melded to their backs, turning them various colours... and smells...
The door banged again as an orange pony stumbled in, trying to maintain her balance through the stars that were spinning around her head. Applejack tried, and failed, to maintain her balance, moments before smashing into the doorframe a few times and falling onto the floor, only to drag herself to the center of the atrium.
Barely a minute passed before another bang ran through the building as Pinkie shot at high speeds through the door and started bouncing around the room on her coil-legs. She was followed by Rainbow Dash wearing a frilly ballerina costume, the previous clown one gone. Twilight, standing in the room, was easily unamused by the procession, partially from the books knocked over.
But it was probably more due to the fact that her head had taken on the shape and colour of an egg, putting a literal meaning to the phrase ‘egghead’. Rainbow, on seeing her, did the most curious thing.
She didn’t laugh.
Not even a peep.
The ponies in the room stared at her for a second, and she rolled her eyes. “You know dearies, I would once have found that funny, but as of the moment I am utterly unamused. It’s probably the poison joke affecting my personality, but I simply don’t care, I’m too worried about being seen in this fashion disaster!” She motioned to her dress.
The gathered ponies gave brief looks of understanding - and discomfort at the mention of Rainbow being interested in fashion - and muttered to themselves. Applejack, in one of her brief moments of stability, lifted a hoof. “Uh, Girls? Are we missin’ somepony? Or should I say someponies?”
She had barely finished speaking when the door opened a final time, creaking open slowly as a pony peered around it. The pony didn’t say anything, instead just peeking around the corner.
The pony was shoved through the door as another one burst through, landing in a tangled heap with the first. Applejack hurried over to help the two, but only managed to spin out of control and smash into a bookcase.
Fluttershy rose to her hooves, shaking her mane out of her eyes. She looked around for a moment before being thrown off her hooves again as the pony she was resting on rolled over, trying to get to her hooves. The other ponies gasped when they saw the two newcomers.
Rarity rolled her eyes, “Oh, please, don’t gawk again, everyone else seems to be doing it...”
The gathered friends hurriedly averted their eyes, trying to look anywhere but the spectrum-shifting pony. Rarity’s mane and coat were slowly changing colours as she stood there, moving from browns to reds to purple and beyond.
Mainly brown though, much to her apparent chagrin.
Fluttershy rose unsteadily, still trying to avoid looking at the others. There appeared to be nothing wrong with her but, much like her last infliction with poison joke, everypony was hesitant to say that there was nothing different about her.
Twilight coughed, diverting the attention to her. “So, you’re all here, and I can assume why, but I still want to know. So, Rainbow, you have something that we all need to know?” She half-smiled at Rainbow and shot a dirty glance at Pinkie, possibly for the unwanted wake up call.
Rainbow stepped up, “Of course dear.”
“Now, as I’m sure all of you have noticed, this day isn’t even over and we’ve all been pranked, which I can say is not a pleasant experience, and this garment clashes horribly with my mane as it is, so I can say that I’m not amused.
“Regardless, this is still the norm for this particular day, so it’s nothing new. What is new however is a prankster in this town. Somepony that we’ve never seen before has been pranking Pinkie and me, and I’m not happy about it, so I’ve come here to organise something.
“Pinkie’s having the same problem a-”
“...Yes Sweetie?”
The filly unicorn shot a glance at Fluttershy, “Sorry for interrupting and all, but I really wanna know something. If we’re all pranked and stuff, then why isn’t Fluttershy... you know, pranked? She looks completely normal!”
Her two friends agreed with her, nodding their heads as well as they could while partially bound by the sticky substances coating them. “Yeah,” Scootaloo said, “What happened to her? Is she just wimping out or something? Did she even get pranked?!”
Rarity looked at her yellow friend cautiously, “You mind showing them?”
Fluttershy shook her head and Rarity nodded, turning her back and plugging her ears. Her friends didn’t realise until it was too late why she did that.
”THIS IS WHY! MY VOICE IS REALLY LOUD! I'M SORRY!"
Silence filled the library while the others tried to get back to their feet after being blown away. The only one that hadn’t been thrown away was Rarity, who was standing behind the animal lover.
“...Wow,” Rainbow said, “You got it pretty bad, you poor dear...”
She then proceeded to slap herself, “GAH! Can anyone help me get rid of this?! I sound like Rarity for ponies sake! I must say that it is a discomforting position to find myself in, the troublemakers of this town will surely be humoured at my apparel!” Her words spoke posh, her eyes spoke murder.
Twilight looked at all of them, her eyes scrunching up in thought. She gasped suddenly, smacking a hoof to her forehead. “Of course! I can see a pattern here! You’ve all been hit with doses of poison joke in some form or another!”
Applejack looked confused, “Wait, how am Ah hit with poison joke? Is Pinkie behind all this?”
Pinkie looked at her sheepishly, “Actually, I didn’t get the joke, I’m not even sure why you’re having these effects...”
“Yeah, and actually, we’re just coated in really gross stuff, it was the rockets that misfired. Don’t know how though, they were enchanted, so a unicorn must have mucked with them somehow when I wasn’t looking! I wasn’t the one that screwed the rockets up! I never get that stuff wrong, never!” Scootaloo boasted. Sweetie Belle leaned over.
“Hey Scoots, you never told us what you’re cover-”
“Don’t Sweetie, just don’t ask, ever.”
Twilight stomped, “Okay, yeah, that’s nice. Anyway, I for one am not happy with the effects that I got, and I want to get cured, so I vote that we do something about this.”
The nine ponies nodded, mumbling agreements. “HAY!” Rarity yelled, “Maybe if we go to Zecora’s place to get the cure, we can ask her if she gave some poison joke to anypony, or if they were acting suspicious! I want to find this new mysterious pony!”
“Sounds good Rar,” Applejack drawled, still staggering, “Come on girls, we’re gonna go to Zecora’s, see if we can’t finish this mystery once and fer’ all!”
“Makin’ my brew, all day long~
While I sing to myself this little song~
Of things once true and times gone by~
Only remembered in the beholder’s eye~
Oh the things that I’ve seen~
And the places I’ve been~
And the things that I’ve learned~
And the favours I’ve earned~
But that was then, and this is now~
As I mix these concoctions for the things they endow~
I sit, and wonder, and watch, and wait~
For those little quirks brought on by Fate~
BANG BANG!
“You in there Zecora?! We need to talk to you! There’s been an outbreak of pranking and we need you help for something!”
The herbalist zebra allowed herself a quick grin as she hummed the tune in her mind to herself quietly. It was obvious that the day had suddenly gotten a lot more complicated.
More so than it already had been.
“Greetings young residents of fair Ponyville,
How might I relieve you of what bears you ill?”
Zecora had to stifle a giggle as she saw the motley crew of ponies standing around outside her house. Some tall, some short, some colorful, some slinky. Zecora drew back and allowed the ponies to walk - and stumble in one case - into her humble abode.
No sooner were they in that Twilight rounded on the striped brewer. “All right Zecora,” she said, “I’ve already said that we have a problem, and I think that you can guess what it is, so if you can help us, that would be very much appreciated.” Her friends made small sounds of agreement as their individual afflictions showed.
”I AGREE!”
Rarity clamped a hoof over Fluttershy’s mouth and giggled softly, before making her horn glow. The glow encompassed Fluttershy’s mouth before mading. Rarity nodded at her yellow friend.
“Umm, yes, I agree with Twilight here...” She said very quietly. Rarity mouthed ‘silencing spell’ to Twilight, who nodded in understanding.
BANG!
Applejack raised a hoof and tried to edge unsteadily away from the wall she'd crashed into, dislodging the zebra's artefacts in the process.
Zecora smiled, immediately realising just what had happened to the group of friends. She walked over to her cauldron, already brewing a small medicinal creation of hers. The zebra glanced back at them and began to talk in a lilting way, almost singing to them.
“Ponies, I will tell you, but only in my way,
The way that closely resembles that of all Fae,
A way of showing with tricks and turns,
But if you listen, the truth it always earns...”
The gathered ponies looked confused, but decided to let Zecora go ahead and tell them whatever she had to say. Zecora nodded and closed her eyes and started.
“You come to me to ask a boon,
Mayhem and mishaps have come to bear,
For some of you, this happened too soon,
You cannot be sure of how you will fare,
Is that why you’ve come on this mission,
Due to a fissure in your lifestyle being rent,
All because of an old and valuable tradition,
Being used against you by a new opponent?
This thing I have seen, many a time,
The plans of the plotters, all backfire,
As your setups all hang on a dime,
So must one of you be a liar,
I will tell you this, so heed me well today,
This other factor is watching in observation,
It could be close, it could be far away,
They could even be in a different nation,
Be aware however, that I know more,
About your predicament than you realise,
Tricks like this I absolutely adore,
I have seen the culprit before with my own eyes,
But in the spirit of the day,
I will not give it away,
That would ruin the fun,
Put them on the run,
And many it would dismay,
So then have a small clue,
About the identity you pursue,
The ones behind the mystery case,
That put you on this merry chase,
Are very dear to you,
But do you know of their darker side,
The one that makes them solely abide,
Like hooligans and tricksters, the things that are them,
As they spread about their own brand of mayhem?
To recognise them better,
I’ll spell it out to the letter,
When I last saw the pair, all mirrors and smoke,
They both wore that of a brown coloured cloak.”
Zecora gave a light-hearted grin.
"Now, for the problems by which you are troubled,
Those ones that get you all muddled,
"I'll make you a cure, but time it will take,
Try to figure out where you made your mistake,
"Now think of the events, the spectacle, the show,
Gather together all that you know,
"And try to deduce the mystery pony,
Who ultimately led all of you to me."
“...Huh?”
That was the general current of the thoughts in the room. Everypony was confused by the sudden turn of events. The pony responsible they knew? They held them dear? What could that mean, apart from the obvious. They’d all been pranked by the mystery pony, Pinkie had only gotten Applejack, and even then it was in a different way to how she expected. It was very confusing indeed.
But not to Rainbow Dash. As Zecora sang her last words, Rainbow’s thoughts were cast back to the early morning, and the two cloaked figures. Something about them was familiar, something that she should have realised earlier, but had slipped her mind...
She could remember the faint details. The large size of them, the elongated horn, massive horn one the figures’ head, the gist of the conversation, the lumps on their back, concealed by the cloaks.
And then the details slotted together. The way that one of the figures called the other sister, their abnormal size, the horn, the ‘ye olde’ time speaking from one of them.
The culprit could only be one pair of ponies, and Rainbow knew just who they were.
“Hay, uhhh, girls?” She started, “I think I might know just who did all of this to us.”
“And I might just know how to get revenge on them, but we need to get some stuff ready...”
“Oh, and where’s Spike?”
“And next on the agenda, item 102: The revisiting of the farmer’s code, page 6783, subsection B, paragraph 35, entailing the exact tax limit on any family that consists of three or less foals.
“I move that we rethink this section, and I suggest that the limit is increased by up to 1.05%.”
“All in favour?”
“Aye!”
“Movement carried.”
Celestia almost let out a faint snore as her head drifted closer to the table of the courtroom. Various old grey ponies were gathered around the edges, getting all fired up over the most boring task in the whole Kingdom.
There was a reason why the pony talking was called Musty Thought, they were the only things that went through the room. Ever.
Luna nudged her sister in the shoulder in an effort to get her to liven up slightly, a near impossible feat, especially considering that Luna herself was on the verge of collapsing right where she was seated due to sheer boredom.
“Sister, how much longer?” Luna asked.
Celestia peered at the clock. The hands weren’t even moving, completely frozen. “Too long Luna, far too long...”
They both sighed. The other ponies didn’t even seem to notice, too wrapped up in their own affairs to pay attention to the Princesses.
They were bored to tears. They could only hope that something, anything, would come along and brighten up their day. Anything at all. Any time now. And, of course, just like all the other times they had that wish in these meetings, absolutely nothing happened whil-
WHOOSH!
Celestia snapped her head up from the table as the unmistakable sound of a scroll appearing reached her ears, the noise giving some form of hope to her in the dark times.
Luna yanked the letter out of the air, and then had that same letter yanked out of her magical grasp as Celestia made a frantic attempt to steal it from her. Luna just rolled her eyes and looked at the letter as it slowly unrolled.
The ponies gathered still hadn’t noticed, but they did a moment later.
As the letter opened, the two Celestial Sisters were given a face full of sneezing powder, milk, and sprinkles. Without warning, another cloud of poison joke shot out and cannoned into their faces before diffusing around the room. The sheer force knocked the sisters back out of their chairs and careening onto the floor, sneezing wildly.
And as if adding insult to injury, two pies, each filled with extra spicy hot-sauce, sailed through the air and onto their faces, lighting their faces a bright red as flames shot from their ears.
The grey ponies, only hit with the poison joke, didn’t even bother to mention anything as they each developed incredibly shaggy hair, until they resembled puffball hippies.
As the blue cloud cleared, the Princesses stumbled to their hooves, one very slowly. Celestia suddenly became aware that she was awfully short, and had to try and fight down the blush that forced its way onto her face as Luna started giggling at the white filly while walking. Very slowly.
The Lunar Princess had, for some strange reason, slowed to a crawl. Every movement was made as if she was wading through treacle. This became even more apparent as she tripped over and slowly drifted to the ground, bumping against it softly.
It was like the gravity of Equis had become that of the moon...
Luna glared at Celestia, “Sister! What is the meaning of this?!”
The Solar Princess glanced meaningfully at the letter, before replying in her filly voice, “I think you may want to ask my student that, she somehow came to the conclusion that we were pranking her...”
The sun had set only a few minutes ago, strangely slightly smaller than it had been earlier that same day. As the rays disappeared, ponies let out relieved gasps that they had emerged from the nightmare unscathed.
Mostly.
In Twilight’s library, one ticked-off unicorn still paced slowly, muttering to herself, massaging the spot where her egghead had once been. Zecora, while not telling them the pony responsible, had been kind enough to give them an antidote to the joke.
But that wasn’t why she was annoyed.
The day just hadn’t made sense to her, and not in the normal way either. For one, the Princesses hadn’t relied in any way about her... surprise. Even more confusing, how had Rainbow known about the Princesses in the first place. Surely if they were as smart as they said - which they were, easily - and had experience with the matters, then they wouldn’t have discussed the problems in the first place underneath Rainbow’s house!
So if the Princesses were better than that, they maybe it wasn’t them...
Maybe it was an imposter. But why dress up as the Princesses?
Unless...
What if they wanted to frame the princesses, maybe it was a plan of theirs! They wanted the Princesses to be ‘found out’ at the end of the day!
But who would do that, who would gain from pranking the prankers. Someone who didn’t like them? No, Zecora said they were friends. Maybe they wanted to get revenge for something? Maybe they wanted to beat the pranking predators at their own game?
But who would want to do that? Who had been pranked many times before, but didn’t have the ability to get back at them? Social status? Did they not want to get their hooves dirty? Or maybe they were too timid to do it under the gaze of everypony?
A combination?
...Oh, those clever girls, those clever, clever girls.
The silhouettes of the two ponies were of stark contrast to the harsh light shining from the kitchen to the doorway.
“Are you sure she can’t hear us?” the pony closer to the outside said.
“Very, she’s gone to bed, we can talk.”
“Oh, okay. I just wanted to say thanks, for today I mean. It was really fun doing this together, I really enjoyed it.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly okay dear, all it took was some careful planning, that’s all, nothing else. And it was awfully kind of you to help with that aspect, I never knew that you had such a devious mind!”
The Outside Stranger kicked a hoof in the dust, “Oh, it was nothing really, we just had to get the wheels turning, and I know Rainbow well enough to know what she suspects, so...” The Stranger trailed off quietly.
The Inside Stranger nodded, “Yes, it helps to have close knowledge on that kind of thing, but I still feel slightly guilty for making Rainbow wake up with that spell, it was rather rude. Oh, and finding those spell books for our ‘symptoms’? Brilliant, I’ll never know how you snuck them out when Twilight wasn’t looking! That reminds me, we need to thank Zecora again for supplying the poison joke, and for not blowing our cover, that was thoughtful of her...”
“It was, wasn’t it...”
The two shadows stood in the silence, not moving. They were content just to enjoy the serenity of the occasion. It was the silence and companionship of a job well done, a plan gone exactly as desired.
Eventually, after an hour or a minute, the outside stranger moved. “Well, I’ve got to go back to my place, I’ve got a lot of... stuff to take care of, preparations for the animals, you know?”
“Of course, I understand, I have the same predicament.”
They stood there again in silence, neither one wanting to say goodbye first. But it had to be said, and the Inside Stranger was moved by the sound of movement inside, as if someone was awake...
“Oh,” she said, “I’ve got to go inside now, but I’ll talk to you later, okay? And we have to meet for our weekly session!” she hoarsely whispered.
The Outside Stranger looked to have smiled, before turning and walking away slowly.
“Bye Rarity.” The Stranger’s voice called, drifting on the faint wind.
Rarity smiled, lit from behind by the house, “Bye Fluttershy,” she called back, careful not to make too much noise, “I’ll see you later.”
Rarity stood there for another few seconds before being interrupted by a small voice. Sweetie Belle stood behind her, “Hey Rarity, who are ya talking to?”
Rarity didn’t even turn, she just watched the dwindling figure of Fluttershy as she disappeared into the quiet, peaceful night. “Oh, just a pony I know.”
“Yeah, but who?”
Rarity grinned wickedly in the faint light.
“How about we call her a planner...”
“Yes, I think that sums her up pretty well...”
