Full Metal Pony: The Re-Write

I awoke with a groan to find Star on my bed, more specifically on my stomach, jumping around like a madfoal, shouting excitedly about learning to use swords and imagining himself as a great hero slaying all sorts of monsters with just a single stroke of his blade.

“Come on, wake up Stephen! Geeze, you’re lazy! Wake up!” Star said, still jumping on me. Seriously, how I haven’t thrown up yet, I don’t know.

“Alright Star, I’m up, I’m up. Please get off me so I can get out of bed and stretch my legs.” I said exasperatedly.

“Ok.” Star said, jumping off me and landing on the floor.

“ SSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR! ” Twilight screamed from the kitchen. Spike ran in with a terrified expression.

“Dude, what did you do!?” I asked Star as I turned towards him.

“I..uhhh.....I........I.....” Star stammered, before Spike took the initiative and answered for him.

“He tried to cook us breakfast with magic and set the kitchen on fire, then he barely managed to put it out, and now the kitchen looks like I was running through it breathing flames like there was no tomorrow.”

“Umm....I....I....I-I......I.....I...I...I.....I....I” Star was still stammering when Twilight came in with a look of pure rage on her face. Her eyes were red, her coat had turned white, and her mane and tail had burst into flames. Needless to say, I was terrified myself, but I still managed to step between the two.

“Twi, stop, you’re gonna traumatize him.” I said calmly, despite my fear.

“Don’t stand up for him, he almost burned this place down.” Twilight said, still PISSED, while we looked at Star, shaking like a leaf with a puddle growing under him. When I saw that he’d wet himself out of fear, my own fear was replaced by anger.

“How dare you, Twilight. How dare you scare him like this.” I growled.

“How dare I? How dare he almost burn my home down.” Twilight said, still angry

“And he’s still a little colt. You know, for a smart pony, you sure can be an idiot sometimes. Even I know that getting angry at him won’t help, it’ll only make him terrified of you, and if he’s terrified of you, do you really think he’ll want you to teach him magic? No, he won’t. He’ll be too afraid to even be anywhere near you, and if Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Shining Armor are really coming today, how do you think they’ll react if they find out you traumatized Star over an accident in the kitchen?” I said in a flat tone, not once letting my gaze falter.

“Well even if he is a little colt, he needs to be careful, and he needs an adult around when he is in the kitchen, trying to cook.” Twilight said, though the edge in her voice had disappeared at the mention of the princesses and her brother.

“That still doesn’t mean you can terrify him when all he wanted to do was make breakfast.” I retorted.

“It was a grease fire, and he tried putting it out with water.” Twilight stated.

“And he was supposed to know that wouldn’t work, how, exactly?” I asked venomously.

“I am sure somepony has told him.” Twilight said a little annoyed.

“No, nopony told me about fires before. I didn’t know there were different kinds.” Star said, still a little afraid. I walked over to him, and gave him a hug, rubbing his back trying to console him as he sobbed a little into my chest.

“Don’t worry about it Star, it was just an accident. Stuff like this used to happen all the time to me. I’m still not allowed to enter a kitchen with the intention of cooking after what happened when I was seven.” I said, chuckling as I recalled the massive sea of batter that I somehow created trying to make pancakes.

“Is Twilight going to hurt me now? She seems really mad.” Star asked.

“No Star. I promise, I won’t let anypony hurt you, ever, not as long as I live. I swear on my life that I’ll protect you, no matter what.” I said, while glaring at Twilight, who had finally managed to calm down and return to normal. Well, normal for Twilight anyway.

“Ok Star, go and get cleaned up, and Spike, please clean his mess up.” Twilight said, pointing Spike to the puddle which made him laugh.

“Wait a second, did Star wet himself? Wow this is too funny!” Spike said, laughing at the poor little colt, only to start shaking when I shot him a glare and started reaching for my sword with my magic.

“What, it is a little funny.” Spike said.

“Would you want us laughing if it was you, Spike?” I asked seriously.

“I guess not...” Spike said, getting to cleaning while Star walked out heading to the bathroom with his head hung low. I made a weak smile in the hopes that he would cheer up a little.

“Star, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I would’ve wet myself too.”

“Ya, but you didn’t, so...” Star said

“Star, listen to me. You’re still young. In a situation like that, I’ve seen grown stallions run in terror or crap themselves.” I said.

“Whatever Stephen Cleary.”

“Hey, when you’re washed up, how about we go outside and-WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?” I asked, a little shocked by what he called me.

“I said Stephen Cleary, i just guessed thats what your name is.” Star said

“How did you know my last name, I never told you!” I said, still shocked.

“I just guessed like I said.” Star said lying through his teeth, knowing he had a nightmare again and that name was said.

“Star, please, tell me the truth.”

“I JUST GUESSED IT, OK!” Star was screaming now

“Star, stop it. I promised to protect you no matter what, remember. I can’t do that if you aren’t honest with me.”

“Stephen, remember what that letter said?” Twilight asked, me reminding me not too tell him unless he asked about it. I sighed in defeat.

“I know, I know. Star, I’m sorry, it’s just, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Then stop asking stupid things.” Star said, growling a little.while slamming the bathroom door shut

“Dammit. Why can’t I just tell him. I hate lying to him like this. It makes me feel like I’m betraying him.” I whispered to myself.

“Imagine how his real mother felt about lying to him. She said not to tell him unless he asked.” Twilight kept reminding me.

“I know, but I know what those nightmares are about. Damian used to remember the abuse in a similar manner when he was still human. They were driving him insane, so he chose to end his life so that he wouldn’t hurt anyone in case he did lose it. I just want to be there for him, and I feel like if I don’t tell him, I can’t help him.”

“Well as far as he is concerned, he is a little colt, and son of princess Celestia.” Twilight said.

I nodded silently, letting a few tears make their way down my face. “Ok, but if the nightmares start posing a danger to him in any way, I don’t give a damn what Celestia says, I’m telling him.” I said with absolute conviction.

“The worst they can do is cause a magical discharge.” Twilight said. We didn’t notice Star walking out of the bathroom.

“What are you talking about?” Star asked with the same curiosity he had when he was Damian.

“Nothing dude, just discussing the schedule for your studying and sword training.” I replied a little hastily.

“Oh, ok then, I guess I am going outside for a while.” Star said running down the stairs

“Ok, but be back soon. The princesses are arriving in about an hour!” Twilight called after him. Her face suddenly switched to panic as she realised what she had said.

“Oh no! An hour? Oh, I have so much to do! I have to clean the library, reorganise the shelves, get that bust of Starswirl the Bearded brought up from the basement-” She started hyperventilating until somepony snapped her out of it with a rude comment.

“NERD!” Star shouted from the door before closing it, making me chuckle a little until Twilight started glaring at me.

“AT LEAST I DID NOT WET MYSELF!” Twilight retorted, even though Star was already out of earshot.

“Really you really just did that? You know, he is a child, and he’s acting more mature than you!” I mocked. There was a flash and the next thing I knew, I was falling through the sky several hundred feet in the air.

“DAMMIT TWILIGHT!” I yelled as I fell through a house-shaped cloud...

__________________________________________________________________

Almost an hour later

“Well he is telling the truth Twi, he is still young.” Spike snickered. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Captain Shining Armor walked in.

“TWILY!” He exclaimed, running to embrace his younger sister, while Star ran in behind them, giving his mother, aunt and cousin a hug.

“Mommy, Aunt Luna, Cadance!” Star shouted excitedly.

“Hello, my little Star.” Celestia said lovingly as she embraced her ‘son’. Luna and Cadance smiled warmly at the sight, while Twilight was busy embracing her brother. However, they all jumped a little when I kicked the door open, with one eye twitching and my entire body soaking wet.

“Hi everypony, how’s things?” I said in a calm voice. Twilight immediately released her brother and gave me a sheepish grin.

“Wait Twilight you never made tea.” Star reminded her.

“Not now, Star. So, Stephen, how’d your little trip go?” She asked nervously.

“It was alright. Except for the fact that you ALMOST KILLED ME!!” I shouted.

“What the hell, Twilight?” Star said making everypony in the room’s jaw hit the floor.

“Twily, what is he talking about?” Shining asked his sister with a confused look.

“Uh, well, I uh, that is to say that, eh...” She couldn’t even come up with a straight answer.

“Oh this is hopeless, I’ll tell you myself.” I declared...

__________________________________________________________________

What happened exactly...

After falling through the cloud-house (Yes, it was a house, I was wrong when I initially thought it was just a house-shaped cloud, go figure.), I realised I was right above the lake from the episode Winter Wrap-Up. More specifically, I was approaching it at terminal velocity (ie: The maximum speed I could go at without an external force acting upon me), so I was pretty sure I was about to

die right there and then. Imagine my surprise when at the last second while my eyes are closed the falling sensation stops, yet there is none of the pain that is associated with hitting a large body of water from the sky. When I worked up the courage to open my eyes, what should I see

but the water just below me, neither growing closer nor farther away. Looking up brought me face to face with Rainbow Dash, who was smirking a little, and flying right alongside her was Chris, who was trying, and failing, not to laugh.

“Are you really that desperate to see me you have to get yourself into a life-or-death situation?” She said.

“Sorry, I kinda pissed off Twilight by challenging her about something concerning a friend.” I replied, trying not to move for fear of falling, despite the fact that there was only a few feet between us and the lake.

“Dude, what exactly did you say to warrant an attempt at murder?”” Chris asked, still chuckling.

“I kinda called her more immature than Shooting Star.” I mumbled.

“Who?” Chris asked in confusion.

“WHAT!?” Rainbow exclaimed, throwing up her hooves in shock, forgetting about the pony she had been holding onto.

“DAMMIT RAINBOW!” I shouted as I hit the water.

“Sorry about that!” Rainbow said sheepishly. I ignored her and swam back to shore, and tried my best to dry myself off.

“Oh and Chris, me and you need to talk later today.” I said, before heading back to the library with a long lecture on my mind...

__________________________________________________________________

After the happy reunion, Twilight, Cadance, and Shining Armor had and Star with his ‘mother’ and ‘aunt luna’, and the lecture about almost killing me,  we all sat down to talk.“So princesses, how have you been?” Twilight asked breaking the silence while Star was sleeping in Celestia’s lap, which I found adorable.

“I have been quite well, Twilight. I trust that Star hasn’t been much trouble?” She inquired.While Twilight just sighed, earning her a glare from me.

“Not too much, but he did do a few things.” Twilight said.

“Twilight, he’s still a foal. And like I said before, accidents happen!” I said just loud enough for her to hear.

“Might I ask what happened” Celestia asked

“He nearly burned the library down.” Twilight muttered.

“Oh, come off it, Twi. It was a small fire, and he was only trying to cook breakfast! Spike put it out, right?”

“He almost burned the library down and broke a cookie jar made of jade, and I don’t know how he did it!” Twilight said.

“Twilight, he’s a colt. Children are bound to break things, it’s part of being a child!” I retorted. All the while Star was stirring in his sleep

“Man, I can’t believe I have a crush on-” I clamped my mouth shut before I revealed it, earning a raised eyebrow from everypony in the room.

“Hey, what is everypony talking about?” Star asked.

“Nothing.” I quickly replied.

“Well that’s not true, you were just about to say who you had a crush on...” Twilight said with a smirk, earning a small chuckle from everypony except for Cadance, who was eyeing me seriously.

“Oh, he has a crush on Twilight, I know that!” Star said with a big cheesy grin.

“Ok gotta go, bye!” I quickly said, running out the door before anypony could see the blush appear on my cheeks.I ran out the door passing three fillies, who walked in with a brief look of confusion before they saw Star, causing their moods to brighten considerably.

“Hey Star, what’s up?” The CMC said in perfect sync.

“Hey Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, AppleBloom.” Star said

“Won't Cha look at what ah got?” AppleBloom said, showing off her newly acquired cutie mark. It was an apple made of wood in front of a hammer and saw.

“Lucky, I wish I had my cutie mark.” Star said.

“Ya, we are going crusading. Wanna come with us?” Sweetie Belle asked. Star looked at all of us, in a way of silently asking.

“Go on Star, I will see you later.” Celestia said. “In the meantime, We have something important to discuss with Twilight and Stephen.” Her horn glowed briefly, and I found myself back in the library, completely dry, and confused as to what happened, till I saw Celestia’s horn dying down.

“Ok, see ya!” Star yelled as he ran out the door with the rest of the crusaders, leaving me in the presence of all three princesses, as well as Twilight and her brother.

“Sooooo, what’s up?” I asked sheepishly.

“Well Stephen, I need to know a few things.” Celestia said in a more serious tone.