Why you shouldn't kiss a horn Or Coffee shop insanity!

by Roarin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6
Length: 3032

Espresso and his coffee shop run into Magical issues when he kisses his Marefriend's Horn.

A short story, about a coffee shop owner and his new marefriend. Espresso isn't the smartest of ponies but he means the best.

This is a short one shot I did explaining what happens when a pony kisses a horn. Not a good idea btw, bad things can happen. Self edit so please if you see something let me know or if their is flow issues and such. not the best writer, just having some fun!

Thanks to Bookplayer for giving me some ideas! *READ HER STUFF IT'S GOOD!

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/bookplayer

Published 2012-11-16 07:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-16 07:00:01 UTC

The only Chapter or Coffee shop fun time!

Why you shouldn’t kiss a horn

I apologize in advance this was an idea at about 2am in the morning

I don’t own the characters in this other than the OCs

Hasbro you rule ect. and such

“Hazelnut latte half sweet with skim milk and an extra shot of espresso for Rarity!” I bellow out across the crowd. Just another busy day in Ponyville’s number one coffee shop, Names Espresso I own this quaint little shop and cafe. Coffee is my life what can I say? Well it was my life until I met her about four months ago, until her I was one of those never take a day off kind of guy. I have to work hard I’m not one of those book smart colts, I hoof learn and do quite well at managing this place. Oh off track! Right her! Silverbell... Just even thinking about her!

“Silverbell Mocca... I mean White Chocolate Mocca extra extra... extra sweet? with only melted chocolate.... Wait am i reading this right?” I look to the barista, then to the name... Pinkie Pie right...

“For Pinkie p-” before I could even finish the line it was whipped out of my hoof and started to be “drank” by the waiting for diabetes to set in party pony. Now their their was crazy pony... anyway back to Silverbell... her Coat was a light shade of gray, to nicely complement her blue short mane and her twin bell cutie mark. What's poking me in the side... Oh geez steam! Steam is my full time barista, his latte art is something to behold, he was a light brown unicorn with a bit of a mean streak in him but I blame it on the fact that he needs a step ladder to get up to the espresso bags.

“Sorry steam, not paying attention! uhh what do we have here... 7 shots espresso in a large cup for Twilight!” I yell across the crowd

“Thanks Espresso!” the purple unicorn says to me levitating her to her lips, pony I like coffee but that's a bit much and she is drinking it black... Wow new respect for the librarian... oh it looks like the whole group of them are here! hmmm AJ is going to be getting apple cider piping hot, you would think that she would have enough of apples eh... Silverbell likes apples... she likes me... shes cute... and... poking again... RIGHT WORK!

“so you still thinking about that mare eh?” Steam ask as he hoofs me the predicted apple cider.

“Well we have been going out for a few weeks so yeah my mind is still on her. Hot apple cider with banana bread for Applejack!” I smile as I hoof her the drink and food. Pon its busy! How I would like to see Silverbell today! speak of the angel(That's the saying right? Again not book smart.) Silverbell walks in... That smile...that mane...she just captivates my heart with that look of panic in her face...why does she have that face anyway? the elements aren’t freaking out... and whats that burning feeling must be love... then why does it hurt? oh thats my hoof... THAT'S MY HOOF!

“AHHHH” HOT HOOF! HOOOT HOOOF!” I scream and run for the tap! Steam looks over to me and shakes his head.

“Oh dear! Espresso! are you alright?” Silverbell asks... that voice... the pain just melts away....

“Hoof is now hurt not.... I mean Its fine i’m good! how.. How are you?” I say with my eye twitching in pain. Must remember to move that heating element sometime, that is the fifth time I’ve burnt my hoof.

“Well better then your hoof! Oh silly you!” her eyes showing a slight caring smile due to my clumsy nature. I don’t know how she puts up with my goofiness that she brings out, whenever I see her I just melt. Its a nice feeling, wouldn’t trade it for the worl- Again poking at my side...

“Yes Steam? oh order... OH right work!” I run over to the server station and start to call out more drinks as quickly as pony possible!

“Iced caramel macchiato! half sweet for rainbow dash! And a lily tea miso for Fluttershy!”
I say as i hand the two pegasus their drinks and start on a few more. Silverbell found a seat and started to read some book, not to sure which one she was reading at the moment there has been quite a few that she has been really into.

“Hello Espresso! Could you get me a coffee and a biscuit for my regular table!” an older colt asks me with his wrinkly grin.

“Sure thing Mr.Pipe! You go and sit down and I will take care of you!” I smile as I grab his order. Well this also give me a chance to take a break away from the front for a few minutes and talk with Silverbell, oh yeah! I look over to steam who rolls his eyes and waves his hoof at me, he doesn’t really understand love, dating and such I find it quite funny. I don't think I have ever seen him spending any time with mares! I mean he hangs out with one of his colt buddies alot, boy are they buddy buddy!

“Here you go Mr. Pipe! Coffee and biscuit!” He is such a great customer! Now that I think about it maybe he is my best customer. Comes in every day, orders the same thing, same time, same bow tie, and same exact change. Oh well, Ninja time! I jump into an action movie and start to look for my pray! As I “sneak” past the elements of harmony pinkie starts to laugh at my silly movements across the floor which alerts the rest of the girls. Heh I’m acting like a total goof right now its great! I personally like to think its the reason why people like to come to my coffee shop, drinks and a show! I think I could hear Steam facehoof. Silverbell was either being polite or she really immersed in her book, because she didn't look up when I approached from behind. The elements started to go daww as i approached to steal a kiss, well all except Rainbow Dash I think that was a gagging noise. Oh the Girls and Mr.Pipe are watching Time to make a bit of show!

“The love ninja Patient pending!” I say pointing at the at crowd, I am such a ham sometimes! I think I heard Silverbell giggle a bit, that laugh makes me warm all over! And the fact that she is playing along, I think makes her the best Marefriend!

“starts to stock his pray! Moving closer and closer on target! Wait what is this?!” I rear up on two hoofs and continue this epic story!
“The evil Samurai Lord Steam!” Steam hates when I bring him into these silly stories, but when I pay him he doesn't have much of a choice! Heh how many times can I make him facehoof today? Its at about 13 time already!

“Stop love ninja, I will not let you continue on your quest to find love.” Steam way to go and sell emotion. Not even getting out from behind the counter! Not getting Tips today buddy!

“Take my Patient pended 'Love suriken'®! HA!” I yell as I throw a cardboard coaster at him! Right in the mussel!

“ow... you have defeated me. Curse you love ninja.” Way to be a robot Steam... he blinks at me a couple of times and walks back towards the coffee makers. Well Back to “sneaking”. Seeing that she back to reading here book pretending that I wasn't actually being silly, I begin my final approach! Now lets see kissing her mouth would be weird from this angle, cheek a very viable option, back of the head? Nah to much hair in the way... Oh I know! Her horn! Hehe I have no idea if she is going to be pissed or not but meh!

“The 'Love Ninja'® attacks! Flurry of kisses!” I yell out getting some laughs and then some gasps and a popping noise? *SMOCH* hah, kissed right on the horn! I think I surprised her! She isn't saying anything... Oh horse apples! I didn't just embarrass her did I?!

“Silver-” I try to get out as the bar explodes into butterflies! Wait WHAT?! Poking again!? Steam! What does he want?! The bar just exploded in to butterflies! Wait he's hoofing me his apron and hat. How can he be clam right now!? The bar just exploded into BUCKING butterflies!

“So call me when the store has stopped being transformed.” he quietly says and leaves the store. And now the door is bunch of toothpicks! Maybe Twilight can help! No wait apparently she is just saving herself and friends...and they're continue to talk with each other with Pinkie laughing about the flying toaster. Flying toaster?! Whats going on?!

Meanwhile in the bubble cave!
I mean the spell bubble...

“So Twi’ what’s goin’ on here? I’m mighty confused...” I could hear Applejack ask in the safety of bubble... wish I could be in the bubble right now... INSTEAD OF FLOATING AROUND!WHY AM I FLOATING!

“Well Applejack...” where did twilight get that chart... and pointer stick... and projector? Pinkie Pie’s mane?! You know what that's almost believable right now... “You see with this diagram here It shows that it shows that a unicorn’s horn is attached to the emotional side of the brain. Hence when a unicorn is happy, and content their aura is strong. However if you ever make a unicorn angry or confused their magic could explode!” Now they tell me... Wow I didn’t think Fluttershy could sink any lower into the seat! Ahhh the flying toaster!

“Oh don’t worry Fluttershy it takes a lot to cause these instances... unless your name is Pinkie Pie and you break physics ...” Wow I thought Steam had a good death glare, Twilight’s makes his look like a smile!

“Now Lets do the math here, Espresso and Silverbell are newly dating so their sex drive is quite high at the moment. Emotions running high right there. Plus the sensitivity of a unicorn's horn during stressful times or using magic for an extended period of time. Now we add the final bit of math, confusion plus bliss. She may have been ready for a kiss but the kiss on the horn was very unexpected as we can now tell!” Well then... Twilight is well informed about this but how does this help me?!

“Well, that is all fine and dandy but how long must we wait my dear? And Silverbell seems to be quite the powerful unicorn to cause all of these changes! Almost as powerful as you darling!” Rarity thank you for asking the questions I can't because I'm too busy dodging coasters!

“Very good questions Rarity! True she seems quite powerful but that is because she had a spark! Normally when a unicorn gets kissed unexpectedly just small things happen, but because of the spark it seems as if she has double or tripled the effect! As for how long I don't know, depends on how strong the lighting bolt that hit her horn was.” Lighting bolts?! How does that even happen! Oh right Derpy... Note to self have a talk with that girl and her love of low flying thunder clouds. Oh hey now I’m falling... *THUD* Oww... first burnt hoof now this?! How can this get worse? dancing chairs tables... great at least they can keep rhythm with the singing cash register.

“THE HORROR! THE HORROR!” Oh dear... Roseluck is going to kill me! I don't think I've ever seen butterflies carry a pony... What are they made of dark matter?!

“Have a nice day Roseluck!” I yell hoping that she will not sue me! Where is Silverbell? Oh there she is! Oh the glowing eyes really don't suit her, but the smile is nice at least? I don't think their is anything this day could throw at me to make it worse!

*ding-a-ling*

Really? a customer? REALLY?! I mean who... Princess Celestia... Buck it... my hoof still slightly burnt, my braista left, my marefriend is floating in the air casting spells that I didn't even know existed, And there is a Princess in my store wanting coffee. I walk behind the now tree stump table which at one point was a counter and ask with my eye slightly twitching.

“What can I get you Princess?”

“Hmmm, I think I will have a Cappuccino with extra foam extra hot please!” she either just doesn't really care that my store is exploded, or just really wants that coffee.

“That will be 7 bits please, would you like any food with that?” why is a fish flying in my across my vision? You know what I don't care anymore, I just want this day to end now.

“hmmmm” she looks to the case which for some reason hasn't been changed, but then again magic... WHO THE BUCK KNOWS HOW IT WORKS! sorry stress, right now my coffee pots seem to be trying to hold up the soup pots.

“oh! Banana bread! please add two slices of that please! they're good for you! Bananas that is, they got plenty of potassium!” Thank you Celestia for the food facts they are so very important right now...

“that will be 10 bits then” I say as I grab a plate from a monkey that is in my cabinet, what is a monkey even doing here...she pays for her coffee and food then just seems the float over to the table where the elements are seated. I place the bread on the plate and look to the coffee cup where I see the most perfect cappuccino in my life! Who made this? I mean its perfect! You know what, questions I need to stop asking them. I lift it onto the plate and take it over to the elements. Now Espresso don’t drop this... Mr.Pipe is still here?! as I pass by he looks up and shakes his head and laughs a bit.

“Oh young love, they didn’t teach you about unicorns eh? Aheh heh!” he continues to laugh as he went back to conversing with a talking balloon. I approach the table and place the coffee and treats in front of the princess, with no spills!

“Thank you so much espresso! You’ve got quite the lively shop here! Twilight was telling me that you always seem to have the most welcoming cafe in equestria! I can see why! This coffee is amazing!” She starts to drink the coffee and is seeming to enjoy it! on any other day I would have smiled and cheered but today I just kind of wanna collapse.

“But I take it you would like your store to be restored back to what it was?” She can do that? She can stop all of this madness!

“YES! I mean yes please princess! That would be amazing!” I yell maybe a bit too loud. she laughs and then she seems to ponder a bit.

“I will repair your cafe, but only if this banana bread is good!” she said laughing. Did...did she just say that?! oh princess Celestia when did I make that?!

“You made this about...” she says as takes a bite. “about 7.5 hours ago so still fresh today and it tastes good, but it is a little dry... Maybe add some more butter next time. But is it good enough to return you store to normal?” she continues to eat the bread in the chaos driven shop! Mr.Pipes floats by my head and he looks like he's having a blast! You know what maybe I should join him in this madhouse of a coffee shop! Yes maybe I will dance with the tables and chairs! They’re not judgemental! Or maybe I will start judging them! They can’t dance they are chairs for princess Celestia’s sake!

“Just so you know my little pony, I’ve known some very good dancing chairs! Mr. Lounge was a better dancer than most royalty i know!” she looks up to me still eating the bread. Wait how does she know what i’m thinking?!... Don’t think dirty things! Ummm Apples are nice and rounds and so are plots! Wait what! No! Not dirty thoughts! Out of my head! Why is hitting myself in the head not working! Why is twilight laughing at me! Oh wait right making a fool of myself!

“I think we should help him out Princess it looks as if hes about to go right off the deep end.” Thank you twilight for saying that because I’m going out of my MIND!
“Ok, ok! Just so you know even if Twilight didn’t say anything I was going to change your store back... eventually. The banana bread was good but not the best I’ve ever had.” she says playfully as she sticks her tongue out at me. Well then I just had royalty stick their tongue out at me.

“Best part is no one is going to believe you about this story Espresso, see you in about an hour hope you can start up a new batch of banana bread! ” she laughs as her horn glows bright. Wow that was a really bright flash... My store... My store is back to normal and wait... Where is Silverbell?! Oh! There she is! reading her book... Roseluck still having coffee with another pony, The elements are waiting for me to kiss Silverbell, Steam is behind the counter and the Princess isn't here... *SMOOCH* I smile and walk away from the now blushing Silverbell drawing more dawwws from the costumers. The cheek is a much better choice now that I think about it. I trot over to the counter and look at Steam.

“Steam can you pull out the ingredients for banana bread...” I say as I walk behind the counter. Steam looks up to me looking a tad confused.

“The stuff in the fridge is dry...”