The Incredibly awesome adventures of Rainbow Clash
Authors Note: I regret nothing, this was made by a teenage boy that was hopped up on three red bulls and hadn't slept for three days. In the latest episode Rainbow Dash said that she was writing a novel, I simply emulated what I assumed would be her writing style, personally I think I did quite well. That's not a good thing. I'm warning you, if you wish to keep your sanity, innocence or all of the above, do not read this
Once upon a time there was a mare named Rainbow Clash, who was totally awesome by the way. And she was totally an adventurer, and marefriends with Daring Do, because she was awesome.
Rainbow Clash was like, one of the fastest fliers in Equestria, maybe even the fastest. And she had wanted to be a Wonderbolt ever since she was a filly. But she wasn't afraid to apply for the tryouts, of course not, that would make her totally lame. She was just busy saving Equestria and stuff, you know, awesome stuff. Like having Daring Do for a marefriend and other stuff.
One day Rainbow Clash finally managed to pluck up the courage to apply for the Wonderbolt tryouts. She woke up in the morning and turned to her marefriend and said; "I'm gonna be a Wonderbolt by this evening, 'kay?"
Her marefriend- Daring Do- turned to her with glistening eyes (and shapely flank) and said; "I know you will become a Wonderbolt easily because you are the most awesome and sexy mare in all of Equestria Rainbow Clash!" And then they totally made out, and it was hot.
When they had stopped making out Rainbow Clash got out of bed and started to make breakfast, which she could totally do without setting the kitchen on fire. When she stepped away from the counter there was the most awesome stack of pancakes in the world in front of her, with apple syrup and nuttella, and layered with hay-bacon strips. Daring Do walked in and almost fainted from the sheer magnitude of awesome the pancakes were emitting, which was hard to do, because Daring Do was pretty awesome. But being the bestest and most sexiest mare in Equestria Rainbow Clash wasn't fazed at all.
"You're the best cook in all of Equestria!" said Daring Do, still in shock of her marefriend's skill at everything, ever.
And in the awesomest voice possible Rainbow Clash said, "That's because I'm the best at everything" And then she put on sunglasses and flew out the window and some random stuff exploded which she totally didn't look at because she was awesome.
As Rainbow Clash was flying to the stadium where the Wonderbolt tryouts were being held she did forty-two sonic rainbooms, just because she was awesome. And people were totally fainting and swooning at her amazingness.
When she got to the Wonderbolt stadium people were queuing up for the tryouts. But then they saw Rainbow Clash, and they all got out of line because they knew she was going to be a Wonderbolt and were wondering if she even needed to do the trials.
When she got to the front desk the receptionist looked at her with pure amazement in her eyes. "What's your name oh great and awesome one?" she asked, in awe of the awesomeness that was Rainbow Clash.
"My names Rainbow Clash, kid" She said, lowering her aviator shades to wink at the receptionist, who fainted.
Rainbow Clash walked on by the receptionist who was making kissy-faces and saying her name. Right into the stadium where the tryouts were being held. All of the really really tough looking competitors looked at Rainbow Clash, and their eyes melted because she was so awesome.
The super-sexy captain of the wonderbolts came out of the tunnel that led into the stadium and saw that everyone's eyes had melted. Then she looked over towards Rainbow Clash and her eyes almost melted too, but they didn't, because she was a wonderbolt so that meant she was super awesome too.
"Rainbow Clash wins by default because her awesomeness melted the eyes of all of the other competitors!" cried out the super-sexy captain of the wonderbolts. "And because you are so awesome I am retiring as captain of the wonderbolts and giving the position to you!" She said.
Then, Rainbow Clash walked up to her and they made out. And then Daring Do came over and made out with them too. And it was super hot.
"So Whaddya think Twi?" Asked the author of the self proclaimed 'most awesome book in the history of ever' Rainbow Dash.
Twilight Sparkle, having just read the 'most awesome book in the history of ever' looked up at Rainbow Dash in despair.
"Dash, please, can you do me a favour?" Asked the stunned purple unicorn.
"What? Publish my awesome book right now?" Asked the cocky cyan Pegasus
"No, Just for me, could you never, ever write something else in your entire life?" Asked the purple unicorn again.
"That bad huh?" Asked the cyan Pegasus again, less cocky this time though.
"Yep, that bad" said the purple unicorn.
And then they kissed, and it was hot.
Postscript: Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh god, what have I created?
The alarm clock on twilight's nightstand rang out singing a soothing song. 'COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!' Twilight lazily groped over towards where her clock lay and hit the snooze button. It stood up on newly sprouted legs and tore the hour hand off of itself. It then proceeded to commit seppuku, spewing liquid time all over the floor which burned through Twilight's floor and dripped into the kitchen. "Uhh... Twilight? Did another clock commit suicide?" Spike asked from downstairs. "Geez, they're dropping like flies" he walked up the stairs with a new alarm clock in his claws and placed it on the nightstand, throwing the old one out of the window as he did so. "Anyway Twilight, didn't you have an appointment with Fluttershy at her cottage?" Spike asked shaking Twilight's shoulder to wake her up. "Oh gosh! you're right Spike!" Exclaimed Twilight, jolting up to a sitting position and headbutting Spike in the face. He flew backwards and crashed through a wall. Twilight ignored him and walked past the moaning dragon. "Spike, make sure all of my things are in order, and fix that wall!" She yelled at him.
"Uhh... Yes Twilight..." He mumbled, rubbing a newly formed lump on his head. Just then, a huge 'BOOM' shook the library.
Twilight looked out of the window to see the remains of what was once a climbing frame with Applebloom standing beside it.
"Geez, ever since Applebloom got her cutie mark in demolitions we haven't had a moment's silence. It doesn't help that there's a plastic explosive sale on at the local supermarket constantly too." Grumbled Twilight as she stuck her head out of the window.
"Hey! Keep it down out there Applebloom!" She yelled at the little filly.
"Sorry Twi! Ah just fell offa that climbing frame yesterday and ah wanted to exact mah revenge!" she said back to Twilight.
"Oh, fair enough. Carry on!" said Twilight, turning her head back to her library. "She's such a good girl, I wonder how Applejack does it?" She thought aloud. The cutie mark crusaders had all got their cutie marks by now except Scootaloo, who had been gone off with some ponies who had 'KFC' printed on their uniforms, no one had seen her since. She wondered what had happened to her quickly before dismissing the thought. Twilight was sure she was fine.
Twilight trotted towards her refridgerator but it refused to open. She started pleading with it until it finally spat a bacon strip directly into her face. She put the bacon in a frying pan and lit the stove. The pan screamed in pain and told Twilight to tell it's baby pans it loved them. When the bacon was done frying she took it out of the pan and onto a plate. "Noooo!" The plate wailed. "I'm a vegetarian!" Twilight ignored the wailing china and continued to eat her breakfast. When she was done Twilight threw the plate over her head and Spike bareley managed to catch it. "I'm going out!" she yelled, trotting towards the door. She threw open the door as another explosion wracked the playground, courtesy of Applebloom. "Taste plastic explosives motherbucker!" She yelled, prancing around the smouldering wreck of what was once a see-saw.
"Watch yer mouth missy!" yelled Applejack, smacking Applebloom upside the head in a clean uppercut. She flew dramatically through the air and an announcer from nowhere yelled "K.O!" Applebloom lay in a puddle of her own blood and was quickly bleeding out. "Well ah guess we better get you to a hospital and get you a blood transfusion before the Jehovah's witnesses come and beat us with their pamphlets" Said Applejack, dragging her sister's lifeless body behind her.
Author's Note
I'm so sorry but I can't do this anymore. I need a psychologist. And some ritalyn.
