January 12, 2015
Well, I've finally decided to follow Helen's advice and keep a diary, mostly to see if I change at all once I go to the bureau tomorrow.
A bit funny her worry: I am gonna change. Gonna miss my hands and being tall.
But I understand what she meant by that. I'm kind of worried myself. Am I gonna have the same personality and all? I'm not sure, but everyone's been saying that the thing actually works, no mind fucks or anything of the sorts have been reported.
Besides, even if this does have some side effects, long-term or not, I need this. There's no opportunity for me, not without a degree of some sort, and neither I nor Helen can afford three years of study. Hell, there've been rumors that they're gonna start cutting funds for education and social stuff here. Not that I would really blame them, with the barrier this close.
If anything that the ponies have been saying are true then I'm at least gonna have a job. That's all I want in life. Well, maybe a bit more than that, but that would be the icing on the cake for me. I don't want to have to worry that my sister will go broke because of me. And if I can't work here, then why not in ~~Equist~~ Equestria? From the pictures I've seen it at least looks nice. That's gotta count for something at least.
It's getting late. Gonna hit the sack now, though I doubt that I'm gonna be able to sleep easy tonight. Tomorrow's going to be a new start.
January 13, 2015
Didn't sleep much – too anxious. Not surprising though, all things considered.
I've just gotten off the phone with Helen, and I'm feeling really ~~bad~~ ~~sad~~ unsure. But she knows as well as I do that this has gotta be done. She can't keep bailing me out of my financial troubles forever, and I've got to do something with my life. The ponies are offering a chance, and I'm sure as hell gonna take it.
I'll have one last snack before I go. I'm feeling biltong. Might as well make it meat, since I will never be able to eat it again after this.
Well. Good luck to myself I guess.
January 18, 2015
~~Ha~~ Hey I'm ~~t~~ back.
Holy hell is it hard to write. I can barely read this. I'll ~~ka~~ keep this entry short then.
Stayed five days to get used to my new body, ~~lika~~ like learning how to walk and ~~gre~~ grab things. I also arranged for the ~~trig~~ trip to ~~A~~ ~~Equa~~ Equestria. Soonest flight will be ~~soma~~ sometime around next month. In the ~~ma~~ meantime the Crown will be ~~pag~~ paying my rent and food. One thing you'~~va~~ ve gotta admit about ~~pom~~ ponies, they are as ~~altrw~~ altruistic as the Dalai Lama.
I'll ~~y~~ go call Helen and ~~ta~~ tell her the good news.
Still the same Richard as always. ~~Y~~ Just more hairy and with more ~~la~~ legs.
January 19, 2015
Still trying to get ~~w~~ used to writing with ~~h∞~~ hooves. Miss having hands already, hooves e are a bitch to ~~w~~ use. And don't get me start~~a~~ ed on using the bathroom.
Anyways, I talked with Helen last ~~m~~ night, told her all about the process. She sounded surpri~~z~~ sed that I sound so normal. To be honest, so ~~e~~ am I.
The ~~v~~ weirdest thing ab~~c~~ out this is seeing a horse face instead of ~~mg~~ my usual face in the ~~mim~~ mirror. I'm an 'earth pony' now, ~~e~~ as they said, nothing special ~~abw~~ about me but strength and vitality. I ~~da~~ definitely feel stronger, but I've yet to try my body out ~~im~~ in terms of what I ~~g~~ can do.
At least I'm not a god awful colour, like pink or ~~g~~ yellow or green. I like this shade of red. No 'cuti~~a~~ e mark' yet – apparently th~~e~~ at comes later. I'm ~~kim~~ kinda curious as to what it'll be.
Well, since I've ~~y~~ got nothin~~y~~ g else to do, I think I'll take a stroll down waterfront.
So gl~~e~~ ad that I'm home. The looks I ~~ga~~ got from people creeped me out. As a white man in ~~Sow~~ South Africa, I always got stares from the Africans, but thi~~z~~ s was a compl~~a~~ etely different thing. Before it was just because I was a different colour, now peopl~~a~~ e were afraid of me.
I know that aparthaeid's still a fresh memory, but I ~~hom~~ honestly expected better from people. I'm wishin~~y~~ g dad was here ~~ta~~ to accompany me. At least I'd feel ~~se~~ safe with someone his size around me.
~~Me~~ Maybe it's best if I stay indoors until I get word from th~~a~~ e bureau.
January 20, 2015
Been mostly a boring day today. The only thing ~~a~~ of interest that happened was meeting my neighbours. The kids were excited about having a pony next door, and at least the couple weren't judgemental of my transformation. It's refreshing to have people smiling at me rather than staring.
I've practised writing a lot; still not very readable, ~~but at least I'm not making a lot of miste~~ scratch that. Still making some mistakes, but not as many as the last few days. I also tried accessing my laptop but hooves and keyboards don't mix. I had to use a pen to manually pre~~z~~ ss the keys to navigate my way. Somehow the mouse wasn't that difficult to handle with my hoof, but it still was a chore just to check my email.
So with playing or watching videos online not being a ideal option, I decided to watch some tv. Mostly stuck to the news, since everything else consisted of a either reruns or crappy reality shows. Conversion bureaus are really catching on, especially in South Africa. Some hardliners are unhappy at the prospect of ha~~w~~ ving to deal with so many aliens around. Some figured that if people weren't turning into them then they would've kicked the ponies out already. The UN and the Human Rights agencies are applauding the government's decision to keep the bureaus open despite of the sta~~w~~ unch resistance.
Personally I'm happy that there is a choice for the people who need it most. It might not be the ideal one but it is best one for me at least.
Now what am I going to do with all of the stocked up boerwors I've got in the pantry? Maybe the Sisulus might enjoy them.
Heh, a meat delivery pony, that's a first.
January 21, 2015
Thandi came over to visit. I swear she cracked a rib or two when she embraced me. I forgot how much she found the ponies cute. Every time I wasn't looking she would just sigh and go 'ag shame' while she goggled at me.
It was a bit scary, but it was definitely better than the stares I got when I went to the Waterfront.
Anyways, sh~~a~~ e came over to tell me that she lost her job at the Woolsworth store and wanted to tell me that she was going to the bureau tomorrow. I tried to make sure that she wasn't jumping the gun on this and just doing this to be a pony. As I remember, her parents have been on the fritz when the ponies showed up. I can't really blame them – seeing these strange aliens coming out of an island that came out of nowhere shook the faith of a lot of people. I still remember the shitstorm they had in the Vatican. 'Where's your God now?' and all that kak.
Thandi insisted that she we was searching for jobs but drawing a blank with the interviews. I wanna believe that she's doing this for lack of opportunity here, but I can't shake this feeling that she's doing this for the sake of being a pony. I've told her that my life has changed a lot since the change and that those changes were hard to adapt to. I still haven't adapted completely, but I'm doin~~y~~ g my best.
She seems dead-set on this though. I can't stop her, just give her some pointers.
I just hope she knows what she's getting herself into.
January 22, 2015
I'm not sure of what I'm going to write here. I swore to Helen that I'd jot down anything that I felt was wrong with me. I'm not convinced that it's really anything, but a promise is a promise.
Ever since I've changed, I have had no dreams. Normally I do go without dreaming for a while, a few days usually. Now I didn't think much of it when I noticed it, thinking that it was just a long period of dreamless sleep. The last few days though I'm not sure if I'm really having dreamless nights.
It's weird. When I have a dreamless night, the time between me falling asleep and waking up feels like minutes, seconds even. But recently I've been experiencing black. Pure, dark, blackness, for several long minutes. I didn't see, hear, smell, feel anything in that 'dream'. I couldn't move or do anything. Just complete darkness.
Last night was the longest. Felt like a whole hour between sleeping and waking. I'm not sure if this is just a side effect of the change, but it is beginning to get me worried. I'm thinking of going to the bureau to have it checked out.
I'll go as soon as I'm done having breakfast.
Well, the doctors there told ~~ma~~ me that it's a temporary side effect that some people are experiencing. That's a relief, I definitely feel better about it.
I think that I'll tell Helen about it. She did ask me to keep her informed on any complications.
I'm not sure what to do for this coming weekend though. I'm itching to stretch my legs and get out of the apartment. Maybe not to stay out in ~~tha~~ the streets, but somewhere.
Hm. Tomorrow the neighbours' kids will be in for the afternoon. Maybe I can do something for them. After all, I'm a pony now. Might as well as make others happy by virtue of being one.
January 23, 2015
I'm pleased with myself. After talking with the parents, I got to have a walk outside with the kids. We mostly stayed in the Table Bay, visiting the waterfront and the likes.
People still stared, but this time I didn't feel uncomfortable about it. Besides having two kids to make me seem less dangerous (still don't know how people can think of ponies as scary), I think the number of ponies around seems to have tempered moods a bit. Not many Equestrians migrated here, and I can say for certain the number has increased. Whether they are new ponies coming here or people going pony I can't tell.
Anyways the children had a blast. I let them ride me and I wowed them with my newfound strength when I helped a sneeudier moor his boat. Surprised myself actually, pony jaws are quit~~a~~ e strong.
Helen's been calling me non-stop while I was out and when we talked she was very worried with what the voice mail I left her last night. I've managed to calm her down, but she is insisting that I keep her in the loop if anything else happens. Will do sis.
It isn't late yet, I could go do some shopping since I've been stuck in the apartment for a while. I hope that Spar might offer some pony food. Normal veggies and fruit have been more than enough, but I want to try some of their cuisine. Pony cuisine is lekker than veggies if you're a pony right?
Okay.
I'm still kinda creeped out by what's happened, still not really sure what happened.
I was gonna take one last look at the fridge to see how much food I had left, when to my surprise it was filled with new foodstuff. The pantry too. After looking at my stash of receipts, surely enough, I found one from Spar this afternoon, and the items match up with what I found inside.
What's really scaring me right now is that I don't remember ever going out to shop.
I never forget stuff like that. Where I put my keys or my wallet sure, but making dinner or buying things? Something's up. Need to tell Helen about this. This is serious.
I'll give thos~~a~~ e bureau doctors a piece of my mind tomorrow. I'm gatvol with them soeking with me.
January 24, 2015
~~MAAFOEDI~~ ~~FOK FOK FOK~~
They said nothing was going to go wron~~y~~ g those ~~fok~~ bastards! They assured us nothing was wrong with the transformation!
~~BULLSH~~
Why didn't they test this? Why?
I just finished talking with Helen. She's freaking out serious. Not as much as I am. ~~FOK~~
Alright. I went to the bureau as normal, only to find it closed. One of the scrompies there told me that the SAPS forcefully ~~cols~~ closed the bureau under the order of the government. Only after reading the newspaper did I learn why:
People who turned pony are suffering from short-term memory loss, just like I am. And after a majority vote from the UN and a damning report from the Human Rights Watch the bureaus were closed, either by the national governments or by the Equestrian Crown itself, until all of the side effects are discovered and understood.
I'm glad that they did this before more people like me got themselves in this bind, but what really pisses me off is that they didn't check this out before this.
Kak man.
I'm scared. I'm forgetting things I did today
I need to talk to Helen
My name is Richard Pretorius.
I am 23 years old, born in Johannesburg, raised and living in Cape Town by my parents, Gwendalyn and Pieter Pretorius.
I have an older sister, Helen Pretorius, she is 27 years old and is currently working at Oxford England.
My parents sadly passed away in a car crash four years ago – I have been living by myself here while my sister helped me with whatever money she could spare.
I am suffering from strange memory lapses and I may be losing important memories.
These are important memories. Whatever happens I must not forget these ones.
January 25, 2015
I'm hearing whispers in my dreams. They're lasting longer and longer and I'm hearing voices. I am really scared. My talks with Helen are the only thing keeping me together.
Helen's trying to get hold of a doctor for me since I think I keep on forgetting to do so myself. God I'm a mess right now.
I need to do something
My name is Richard Pretorius.
I am 23 years old, born in Johannesburg, raised and living in Cape Town by my parents, ~~Hele~~ Gwendalyn and Pieter Pretorius.
I have an older sister, Helen Pretorius, she is 27 years old and is currently working at Oxford, in England
My parents died
Oh God I had to look back. I can't remember how they died. I'm reading what I wrote but I can't remember. I need to talk to Helen
My name is Richard Pretorius.
I am 23 years old, from Cape Town and living there.
My parents are ~~Genn~~ GWENDALYN and ~~PETE~~ PIETER Pretorius.
I have an older sister called HELEN. She is 27 and is working at Oxford, ~~Enlg~~ England.
My parents died from a car in a car crash a few years back. I have been living alone since.
I'm losing my memories. These are the important ones. I mustn't forget these.
Don't forget ~~Dan~~ Don't forget Don't Forget
I can't reach Helen. I need to talk to someone.
January 26, 2015
I am shaking right now.
I woke up in the apartment next to mine. The Sisulus I think.
I was covered in blood. Everything was bloodied.
There are maimed bodies of a couple and two children.
I think know that they let me in. They must have! The front door is fine!
I killed them.
Oh God I killed them
I am losing my mind
I need to call
She's not anwsering. Can't reach her.
~~What is her na~~
HELEN DAMMIT!
My name is Richard Pret
I am a 23 years old living in Cape Town
My ~~pare~~ My parents are G
Doesn't matter! Look at previous if I need to remember!
My sister is Helen HELEN
Don't forget her Dont forget her
Locked the door and broke the key. If I lose it again, I won't hurt anyone else.
I'll beat this thing. I have to.
THE PHONE IS BROKEN! WHY????
Cant go to sleep whispers are making me do things must stay awake. No sleep tonight.
January 27, 2015
Whispers talking to me. I can't remember anything but them. Why won't they stop?
I slept. I can't remember what I did. I did something. I know that. I just don't know what.
My name is Richard
My name is Richard
My sis
I know I have a sister. I wrote that I had one. Helen. Why can't I remember having her? Oh god why is this happening?
My name is Richard
My Name is Richard
My name is Richard.
~~Mg~~ My name is richard
My name is Richard
i can hear them while awake now! I can't block the noise out of my head!
Richard
I am richard
Richard is my name
my name is richard
richard
I am richard
richard
stop the noise I can't get it out of my head!
richard Richard richarc richard richard ridhard Richerd Richard
noise too much! camt get it owt of head
richardrichar drichardricherdricherdrichar richarrichard richarddrichardricherdricharcrichardrich ar drichardrichardrichardricher
dricherdrichardrichardricherdricharcri chardrichardrichardrichardrichar d richerdricherdrichardrichar d richardricherdricherdricha
richerdricharcrichardri chardrichardrichardrichardricherdricherdrichardric richard hardricherdricharcrichardrichard
April 12, 2015
is it Men i hear?
they ask if riChard is heer
there is no richi E near
an d i feAr
I am pr etty ri
The transcriber's hands hovered over his keyboard as he looked over to his colleague. "Are you sure?" he asked apprehensively. As horrifying it was for him to note it all down, he knew that every little bit of text that could be salvaged would make for a more decisive piece of evidence.
"Yes," the woman replied, as she rapidly flipped through the pages caked with drops of dried blood. "I think this was when he was picked up from the police. Every page between this entry and the last is filled with incomprehensible scribbles and drawings."
The man's eyes perked up. "He filled up over forty pages in a day?"
With a nod as an answer, he slid down his chair slightly, holding his forehead in shocked awe. "Jesus," he muttered, "I knew that the serum was flawed, but this..."
"Tell me about it," the transcriber nodded agreeably. "At least Celestia handed over the ponies responsible to the courts. That tells me that not all of the ponies are careless idiots."
The woman remained unconvinced. "I don't think it'll be enough for us to forgive them though. This thing's gotten thousands of people killed, and it's affected thousands more." She set down the journal and prepared an evidence bag. "I'm sure of one thing," she said, casting a saddened look towards the man behind the computer, "I'm never gonna look at a pony in the same way anymore."
He remained quiet, dutifully returning his attention to the report that he compiled. The investigator, for her part, placed the damning evidence in the bag, labeled CASE PM #106 – EVIDENCE B-41, and stored it in the appropriate drawer. It would stay there until it would be needed in the day in court to remind everyone, human and pony, that the act of generosity of a few ended up being a death sentence for many.
The death of their humanity.
The death of Richard Pretorius.
