...But I'm Ready To Wake Up Now

by TeXXy

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad
Length: 2096

Lies. Deceit. Life. It's all a sad reality.

The lies that they tell you to make you believe that you have not been replaced. Ridiculous. A lifetime of deceit. Truth and Trust? A delusion. My emotions. Me. It's all so unreal.

—
I don't know why I typed this, lol. It is dumb, Cadence goes insane way too quickly. Women, eh?
A journal of Cadance's life. Delve into her mind as reality takes an unexpected change.
Inspiration for story:
https://yuumei.deviantart.com/art/Don-t-Be-Selfish-337588873

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-11 23:20:01 UTC

How do I start?

How do I start this? A journal. The last thing to keep my memory. My brain is overrun with emotion. That is, quickly changing emotion, something I despise greatly. I can't remember many things that are not routine. I know my name: Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. That's an easy one. I know my age: 23 years. I know my husband's name: Shining Armour. We live... between two places. Canterlot and the Crystal Empire. My life is stuck on repeat, if you will.  I wake up every morning at 5:00. The light of Celestia's sun becomes visible within fifteen minutes. I make myself breakfast. Hay bacon and toast is my usual. I eat, shower, and tidy myself. Shining Armour wakes soon after, at about 6:00. He toasts himself a wheat bagel. I kiss him, he smiles. He leaves. He protects Equestria.

Today is different. Abnormal, odd, weird. I awoke normally this morning. I ate. I had hay bacon and toast. I showered. I tidied myself. I am a very pretty pony, if I might say so myself. Shining Armour woke up. He trotted apathetically out of bed and into the kitchen. He made himself a hay bagel. I kissed him. He left with no word. I have spent the day alone - it is my day off. I enjoyed most of it. Something did not feel right though. I looked around our abode to find something. Throughout the day so far I wondered, "Is something out of place?". I could not find anything. Shining Armour is not home yet. It's lunch time. He will arrive home within two hours. Something is abnormal. Something is wrong.

I trotted into the kitchen, carelessly as always. Using my hooves, I pulled a loaf of bread from the counter. I put a piece into the toaster. I turned away. I reached into the cabinet, pulling out a jar of peanut butter using my teeth. The lid came off easily. I could not find a butter knife. Instead, I used a steak knife. It glowed in synchronization with my horn, enveloped with an azure aura. I lost focus. My mind was suddenly filled with random, emotionless thought. I wish that never happened. I dropped the knife onto my forehoof. The knife cut through my coat and through my skin. I let out a loud yelp as I saw a trickle of blood begin to flow. Leaving the bread behind, I walked on 3 hooves into the bathroom. In the medicine cabinet was a bandage. I began to wrap it around my hoof, then pinned it tightly. On all four hooves once again, I made my way back into the kitchen. The toast burned. I did not care, though, because I lost my appetite from the sight of blood. I wasted my time.

I cleaned up my mess, the few drops of blood and peanut butter on the floor. I threw away the burned toast. I walked into the living room, and hopped onto the couch. It cracked and fell beneath me.

It is going to be a long day.

Something is wrong.

Shining Armour is not home yet. It is 22:00. He is late, very late. Something is wrong. I need to sleep. I hope he shows up.

I woke up. It was already light out. Shining Armour was not laying next to me. A bout of fear struck me and flowed through my body. I trotted out into the kitchen. He was heading out through the front door.

"Hey, Wait!" I shouted to him.

"Wh-huh?"

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh." I frowned.

"Yeah. Well, bye."

He trotted off. No kiss, no smile. Something is wrong. I can feel it, I can sense it. I'm determined to find out. This shouldn't happen.

I will start tomorrow. My hoof is not healing correctly. I’m worried about Shining Armour. Something is wrong. Well, I think you get it by now. I need to get to work.

I got home a few hours ago. Shining Armour is late again. I can’t take it. I want to know where he is. I need to know where he is. I will find out, and I will find out soon. I don’t know how. I just will. I need some time to think. I’m worried. I won’t sleep until he arrives. I hope he arrives. Wait, no, I know he will arrive. Nothing is wrong, he is okay. Everything is fine.

Dammit, no, everything is wrong...

I can see him. He’s trotting up the path to our front door. He looks awful happy. I wonder why? His saddlebags look larger than usual. I wonder what is in them? I’ll report back soon, journal.

I just... I implied that my journal was sapient. Oh well. Shining Armour told me that there’s been trouble, a threat to security, which is why he was late. I don’t believe it. He seems much too calm. He was happy earlier, I saw it. I’ll let him sleep. I’ll figure this out. My hoof hurts. There were papers in his saddlebags. Nothing more.

I’m much too worried. Maybe I should try to relax again. I tried that once before. Relaxing didn’t work. Not since the uprising of King Sombra. It’s too hard to be calm. It’s too hard to be relaxed.

I’ve been told that I’m overly paranoid. I think I’m being realistic. No one can be trusted anymore, it seems. Did I do something wrong? Was it me? I’m tired of this. I wish I could feel a more neutral emotion. I don’t like this anymore. I don’t like life anymore.

It’s too much to handle. I can’t escape. There shouldn’t be a reason to want to escape. I shouldn’t have to feel this way. I miss my old life. I miss my days as a foalsitter for little Twilight, when I’d put her to bed and Shining Armour and I would spend the day together in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. I miss the simple life. I miss my life.

I miss it all, but I’ll never get it back. I’m a “princess”. I wish I didn’t hold this title. Someday it will be over. Someday.

Something is wrong.

Something is wrong. I called sick to work. I am not sick. I entered the living room earlier this morning. The broken couch was gone. I assume Shining Armour had someone remove it. Him and I haven't talked much. I need help. I will never get through this alone. I don't know what is wrong. I can feel it. Something is wrong.

I miss my Shining Armour, my one and only soul mate. My other half. My life. It seems like we drifted over the past few days. Maybe I am going insane. I'm not sure what is happening. I can't think straight. I need to leave. I need fresh air.

The security guards wouldn't let me leave. They claimed that I looked much too disheveled, and if the media managed to get a picture my reputation would be ruined. I did not care. My horn glowed. An azure aura captured the guards. They were propelled backwards with much force. One of the stallions yelped in pain as he hit the wall. The other fell into a rose bush. It probably hurt. I wasn't thinking. I walked away. I did not care. I miss Shining Armour. My hoof hurts, it is not healing correctly. I continued forth as they groaned behind me.

I walked through town. The fresh air offered contrast from the bottled emotion stuck in my mind. I enjoyed it. I saw nature. I enjoyed nature. There were birds and turtles. There were frogs and insects. They were so peaceful. I did, however, realize that their soothing sound was... well... them trying to... reproduce. I guess I'm not the only one missing a partner. I miss Shining Armour. I think I'm going to get some confectioneries from the bakery. Shining Armour would enjoy that. Yeah, he'd love it.

I purchased a chocolate cake and various other sweets. I walked home, embracing the nature as the sun set. I’d compliment the royal sisters if they were here.

Wait.

That’s it. They can help me. I will explain my situation. They will help. They will fix everything. It’s going to be okay.

Shining Armour is not home. Perfect.

I can’t get a hold of the princesses, they are dealing with political matters. Fuck them. I got another idea. I’ll be on my way to Ponyville. My train leaves in 20 minutes. I’ve packed. I’m leaving no notice. I’ll leave through the window. The guards... the new guards... will notice if I leave. I wonder what happened to the old guards. I hope they aren’t hurt. That is one lawsuit I am not looking forward to. Perhaps if I pay their hospital bills, it will be okay. Why did I get myself into this mess? I can’t turn back now. It’s too late.

I made it out. I am on the train. I made sure to dress tightly and lightly. No one has recognized me yet. This is good. I can do this. I’m nervous. This will all be over soon.

Somepony recognized me. I faked a deep voice. She looked at me suspiciously. I smacked her. She backed off. She looked at me angrily.

“You’re right. Princess Cadance would never hit a citizen. You are trash.”. She spat at me. I resisted the urge to use the same magic that I used on the guards. I need to keep my cover safe. It is 23:00. Shining Armour should be home now. I wonder what he is thinking. I miss him. I hope he misses me.

Something is wrong, but it won’t be wrong for long.

I’m in Ponyville. I arrived at Twilight Sparkle’s library. I figured, if anyone can help me, she can. She knows her brother better than I do. However, she did not answer the door. I assume she is asleep. I’ll have to break in. I’m nervous. If I get caught, I’m dead. I keep breaking things. First, my own heart. Then, the couch. Next, the guards. Now, Twilight’s house. I’ll enter through her balcony. It’s usually open.

I’m inside. Twilight is asleep. Spike was awake, cleaning. I startled him. He suggested that I wait until the morning to speak with Twilight Sparkle. Understandable, she is a very hard working pony.

I ought to get some rest as well.

It is morning. I spoke to Twilight Sparkle. She’s more concerned about my mental health than her brother’s activity. One thing at a time, Cadance. Take it slow, it will all be over soon. I miss Shining Armour. I want to go home. Why am I so stupid? Something is very wrong. Shining Armour misses me. I know it. I can feel it.

I need to pull myself together. No more paranoia, no more stupidity. I can do this.

Twilight Sparkle took me to lunch today. We had sandwiches. They were delicious! I am enjoying this... socialization. I guess it is all I need. Change is nice. We are going to see all of Twilight’s friends later. I’m so excited. I missed all of them, they make great social companions. Today will be fun. Maybe this is all that was wrong. I can express myself. I like this interaction.

We went to the lake today. Nopony saw us, it was peaceful. Fluttershy’s animal critters joined us. They were adorable swimming in the water together. I need to return home soon. I don’t want to. I like it here. It is much better than city life. I don’t want to be a high class pony any more.

Spike fell down. It was funny.

Twilight just received a letter from Princess Celestia.

“Dearest Twilight Sparkle,

This is urgent. Princess Cadance has gone missing. Shining Armour and his special forces team are searching the entire land of Equestria for any kind of clue. She harbors a lot of power and emotion around this time, she could be dangerous to somepony if she fails to control herself. As you know, emotion is her centerpiece. If you have any clues, please do not hesitate to respond as soon as possible.

Yours truly, Princess Celestia”

I don’t know what to think. I... I can’t... I... Emotional... Power... What?