No Longer an Enigma

Chapters

Meet the Colt
Meet the Retired Musician
Meet the Supermodel
Meet the Martial Cellist
Meet the New Day
Meet the Drunk Dubstep DJ
Meet the PO'd Prissy Prince
Meet the Homeless Actress
Meet the Sleeping Arrangements
Meet the Challenge
Meet the Occupational Offer
Meet the Withdrawn Writer
Meet the Occupational Obligations
Meet the Destructive Device
Meet the Eccentric Enthusiast
Meet the Fussy Furniture Examiner
Meet the Weather Managing Guru
Meet the Time-Travelling...Dentist?
Meet the Peppy Party Planner

Meet the Colt

A dark red pegasus landed just on the outskirts of the city. He looked around, examining the white buildings, the pristine streets, and the castle perched above it all. He smiled, nervously shifting the saddlebags on his back. "This is it. Canterlot." With a sigh of contentment, he entered the archway, stopping as a unicorn in gold-plated armor - it has to be gold-plated, gold is too malleable to be armor by itself - held a spear in his way.

The guard looked down at him, frowning sternly. "Name?"

The colt pulled a small passport and a completed form out of his bag, holding it up for the guardspony. He gave him his best smile, though he always worried it made him look constipated. It definitely didn't help that he had his papers in his teeth.

The dark gray stallion took them with his magic. He took one look at the name and glared at the smaller pony. "It's not wise to joke, little filly."

The red pony's eye twitched and he frowned deeply at the larger stallion. "I'm a guy. I may look like a mare, but I know my gender, than you very much! And yes," he pointed to the name at the top of the small book, "my name is Enigma. It's not a joke." He paused, putting the hoof up to his chin. " ... well, it was a joke to my grandpa ... " He glanced down, a sorrowful expression on his face. Quickly shaking himself out of his bad mood, he gave a sheepish grin. "Terribly sorry about that. I don't normally lose my head so quickly."

Having successfully recovered from the shock of the pegasus' outburst, the guard took the passport and the forms he was given and, checking everything twice, handed them back to the pony. With a nod, he moved the spear out of the new arrival's way. "Welcome to Canterlot. I hope you'll tolerate living here."

Enigma blinked, looking up at the guard, confused by his statement. Shrugging it off, he continued into the city, trotting into what looked like a park. He moved over to a bench and sat down, holding his head in his hooves.

"Maybe I can join the Royal Guard." He glanced at his flank, knowing that they covered up more red fur. "Then again, who would want a blank flank as a guard?"

That was the biggest issue with his life. He was nineteen and he still didn't have his cutie mark. Ponies always made fun of him for that. Why can't I find a town that won't heckle me about it? He reached into one of the bags, retracting with a list in hoof. He glanced over it again, making sure it was perfect. Or, at least, as close to it as possible.

He sighed once more, reading the list of degrees he put at the top of his resume. "Two masters and one doctorate, and I still can't find my talent." He tapped his hoof to his chin, contemplating as he put the resume back in his saddlebag. " ... maybe I should've chosen something other than mathematics and math-based studies ... "

He glanced at a nearby puddle, examining his reflection as if it held the answers to his problems. He stared at his maroon eyes, noting the sorrow hidden deep in their depths. His gaze shifted to the Peruvian brown mane on his head, lifeless as a rock and as pleasing to see as one, to boot.

The worst part, however, was his effeminate face. He frowned, tracing his curved muzzle with his hoof and glaring at the long eyelashes that had plagued him since birth. I'm a stallion, darn it! Why the buck do I have to look like a mare!? He brushed the fur aside on his muzzle, noticing the beginnings of stubble. Maybe it would help if I grow a beard? No, those always look ugly on me ...

He groaned, taking a small pill bottle from his bag and shaking a single capsule out. "I bet some mare out there has the body I was supposed to have." He chuckled at that thought, pausing long enough to swallow his medicine. "Knew I forgot it this morning. Why else would I be so ... out of it?" He held the bottle up, reading the writing on its label. “I wonder if there are any doctors around here that prescribe Adderall?”

He quickly put his medicine back in his bag, coming back out with a quill, an inkwell and a sheet of parchment in his teeth. He set everything up as he knew was comfortable for him and took in the scenery, carefully sketching every detail he could see.

Four hours later, he was almost done. Carefully, he wiped some sweat off his brow before working on the last flower. Careful ... careful ... A gentle breeze blew, causing the flower to tilt the opposite direction. Enigma paused, the quill just an inch above the drawing.

He carefully set it down to the side, getting up and moving towards the flower. With a gentle nudge, he moved it back to its original position. Looking at it for a moment, he twisted it about five degrees around its stem. Perfect. Smiling contentedly, he trotted back to the bench, situating himself just as he was before. Grabbing the quill in his teeth, he got back to work, carefully beginning on the first line for the rose.

A sound like rushing water met his ears. He stopped mid-stroke, his ear twitching slightly. Am I near a stream? I didn't see one when I sat down. Looking at his picture, he saw that he was correct; there wasn't a stream nearby. Confused, he looked up to see just what was making that noise.

A wave of magenta filled his vision rushing forward at him. With a yelp of surprise, he dropped his quill and shielded his face, squeezing his eyes shuts as he braced for impact.

It never came. Instead, a strange sensation, like moving through a dense fog, covered his body and left as quickly as it arrived. Confused, he peeked open one eye, and then the other. He was still sitting on the bench in the park. Then he hazarded a glance up.

He saw a large magenta sphere, which seemed to be surrounding the city. He stared at it blankly, unsure what to think about it. " ... that's odd. Interesting, but odd." Shrugging, he turned back to his drawing.

It was ruined. The inkwell had overturned, splashing black all over the masterpiece. Instead of looking like a landscape, it was now, to him, a Pollen reject.

He sighed, facehoofing. "Well, there goes my hard work." He picked it up carefully, but he knew there was nothing he could do to rescue his sketch. "Now what do I-"

Music suddenly filled his ears. He tilted his head, curious about the slow yet enticing tune. " ... that doesn't sound like any classical song I've ever heard." Getting up, he followed the wonderful, unique melody, leaving behind the stained piece of parchment completely forgotten.

A few minutes later, a grey stallion and a mustard-yellow mare trotted along, their noses so high in the air it was a wonder they didn't trip on anything. They very clearly cared for their appearance, if his styled black mane and her recently-quaffed hair were any indication. They wore tennis shirts and sweaters draped over their shoulders, but one could still easily see their cutie marks - three jets and three dollar signs. One could only assume that they were married, looking at them.

They moved to the bench previously occupied by the dark red pegasus, promptly sitting down. The unicorn stallion leaped up, his azure eyes wide in shock.

The mare stared blankly, following his flailing motions with her persian blue eyes filled with disinterest. Eventually, she spoke up, raising a perfectly pedicured hoof without any attempt to help. "Jet Set, dear, you have something on your flank."

He turned his head as best he could to look at his rear end, frowning when he saw the sheet stuck to him. He began to move in circles, trying to get closer to the thing stuck on his bottom.

After watching him futilely chase his tail for about three minutes, the mare spoke up once more. "Why aren't you using your magic?"

He immediately froze, straightening back up and removing the problem with his magic. "Thank you, Upper Crust. I don't know what I would've done without you."

With that last comment, he sat back down next to her. She shifted away from him slightly, and they sat there like that in perfect silence.

Upper Crust turned to the stallion, eyes completely void of emotion. "Jet Set, I want a foal."

The stallion, taken completely by surprise, blanched at the prospect, shaking his head as fast as he dared. "Let's discuss this later, dear." He put the parchment up to his face, staring at the smattering of black lines covering it. Slowly, he broke into a smile. "Whoever made this had real talent. Black on tan ... " He turned to the mare, a twinkle in his eye. "I dare say this could be an absolute hit." He rolled the sheet up, placing it into one of his shopping bags so he could sell it later. Silence enveloped to couple once more.

"Is that a yes for us having a foal?"

Okay, so this is another story I hope is good enough for others to like. ^w^ Please let me know what you think, and, I think I should inform you now, the main character has a bit of a mental problem. Nothing too serious, just something called Aspergers Syndrome. And ADD. And anxiety disorder. But that's it.

I am not this character. He shares some similarities, but he has three degrees, had a bunch of jobs, and is completely oblivious to other's feelings...most of the time, at least. Romance gives him issues. And he is not a Mary Sue. A pox on the house of anyone who thinks that!

...strike that, I could never do that to anyone. Just please don't think he's a Mary Sue. Okay?

Just to be clear, 'Pollen' is the ponified version of 'Pollock'. Like Jackson Pollock, the artist. I'm not calling anyone anything, I was just afraid I made the reference too obscure. ^^;

And yes, this is how long my normal chapters are. It's how long it takes me to write a complete thought and feel like there's nothing I'm forgetting. Besides, this story is something for me to write while I brainstorm for "Epic Rap Battles of MLP". If you feel as though you can help me improve this chapter/story, please, let me know. I'd greatly appreciate any help I can get.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Retired Musician

The red pegasus followed the entrancing sound for what felt like miles. He passed pony after pony, ignoring their stares and the odd condescending remark. He weaved through a crowd, focused only on the music.

Eventually, though, he had to look around, lost as to where it could be coming from, due to the acoustics in the circular plaza. His degree in physics couldn't really help him, here. He finally took notice of the unicorns around him, and saw they were all giving passing glares to a large concert hall. He made his way over, almost tripping over a wooden sword in the middle of the street.

He carefully pushed open the door, not wanting to scare whoever was making the wonderful music. As it turned out, his caution was unnecessary, as he was in an entrance hall. He slowly walked down the empty corridor, noting the distinct lack of lighting. "It's a public place, and it's not even noon. Why is it so dark?" He then began to wonder why he was talking to himself, and his thoughts wandered to whether there was a lantern or maybe even a tinderbox nearby.

The hall seemed to go on forever. Every time he thought about turning around to go find his new home, the style of the music would change, spurring his curiosity further. As it grew faster, he rushed to meet the rhythm with his hooves; when it slowed, he slowed to meet it.

Finally, he got to a large set of double doors, each easily four times as tall as him. Curious, and a little unsure, he pressed a hoof to it, pressing gently. It was a lot easier than he expected - mostly because the actual door was only a small panel of the larger door.

As he pressed further, he began to make out words as they filtered through the opening. A song with lyrics? Interesting. He leaned in close, pressing an ear to the door and listening carefully to the words.

Someday, love will find you.
Break those chains that bind you.
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways.
If he ever hurts you,
True love won’t desert you.
You know I’ll still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways.

Enigma couldn’t take it. He just had to know who was making this music!

He burst through the door, startling four stallions who were on the large stage. He stared up at them, giving a sheepish smile. They stared back, their expressions unreadable.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. One of the musicians, a blue earth pony with a brown-orange mane decided this would be the best opportunity to readjust the skins of his drum (no, not real skin - what’s wrong with you!?). The other two, a grey unicorn with black shades and a matching mane and a brown pony with tan-yellow hair that were apparently a bassist and a guitarist, respectively, opted to tune their instruments, instead.

Eventually, the largest, a white unicorn, spoke up, taking a monocle from his pocket and carefully placing it on his face. “I say, old chaps, who is this mare?”

Enigma fell to the floor face-first, groaning and muttering words of resentment into the plush carpet. He could hear hoofsteps coming closer, stopping right in front of him. Finally, having let his frustrations out into the flooring, he looked up, staring at the tall, mustached unicorn.

He arched an eyebrow, an amused smile on his lips. “Apparently not a mare. I apologize, good sir.” He held out a hoof, a twinkle in his royal blue eyes. “The name is Fancy Pants. And you are?”

Enigma stared up at him, unsure what to think. “...um...Enigma...nice to meet you?” He held out a hoof, unsure whether this was proper etiquette.

Fancy Pants chuckled, looking down at the smaller pony. “I say, dear boy, you need to brush up on your social skills. We don’t do that in Canterlot.”

His smile wilted, embarrassment beginning to dig its claws into his heart. “O-oh, sorry.” He quickly withdrew his hoof, unsure what to do now.

The unicorn turned to walk back to the stage, but he paused, glancing back at the pegasus. “You know, this was originally supposed to be a private performance. A last gig, if you will.” He noticed the grimace flash across their feminine face, a sly one growing on his own. “Maybe you’d like to join us?”

Enigma blinked, staring at the unicorn in surprise. Almost immediately, he rushed forward, a grin completely replacing his earlier grimace. “I’d love to, if it meant being able to hear more of that amazing music!” He followed behind the blue-maned unicorn, glancing at the drumset and noticing the winged-scarab logo on the bass drum, layered beneath the band’s name. He turned to the taller stallion, genuinely confused. “May I ask about the name?”

Fancy Pants smiled at him, that same sly look as before. “My boy, we have to choose our way in life. So, in a sense, life is a journey.”

The young colt thought about that for a while, feeling as though he should be learning something. Of course, that thought was soon abandoned when the band in front of him began to play once more. He momentarily wondered if they would allow him to sing a bit.

I would like to thank gordobraveheart for helping me with motivation for this chapter. And giving good ideas, too.

I know it’s an odd place to end this chapter, but I thought it was a good line to end the chapter on.

Like I said before, this story is mostly for fleshing out my headcanons for each character, and the chapters won't be very long, most of the time. This time, it's Fancy Pants. I'll eventually get to more about this fellow later on, as he ties into quite a few characters.

You have a choice of who E gets to meet next! Mostly because I can't decide. Don't worry, order doesn't really matter when it comes to this story. The interactions depend on the ponies being met, not the order. So, will it be...

1) Blueblood,

2) Fleur de Lis, or

3) Pipsqueak?

There's a reason Vinyl's not on the list, yet.

Have a nice day, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Supermodel

Enigma stared up at the quartet of ponies who were playing, awestruck by their amazing music. They didn’t try to conform to the normal classical music he’d heard so often, instead going with a more exciting, possibly even more emotional style.

When they stopped after a song about holding onto a feeling, Fancy Pants held up a hoof, glancing around. “Can’t continue without our pianist, can we?” He chuckled, trotting over to a small table with some refreshments as he wait for the apparently-late band member.

The red pegasus focused on the microphone still on its stand. It was there, and nopony was keeping an eye on it. Dare he try to sing? It seemed easy enough, looking at the sophisticated stallion doing it.

Before he knew it, he was up on stage, holding the microphone between his hooves. He opened his mouth, and-

A rather pitiful squeak came out.

Blushing brightly, Enigma let go of the mic, letting it go back into its original position. He covered his face, groaning softly to himself. Of course he couldn’t sing. He probably would have to practice the rest of his life to even be half as good as-

“My goodness! Dear, who is this?”

He slowly uncovered one eye, taking a peek at the pony who spoke.

He saw the one pony who was undoubtedly the most beautiful mare he had seen in his life, so far. Her slender, graceful legs. Her long, flowing pink mane that framed her majestic face. Those mesmerizing violet eyes. Even the way she was walking towards the stage in slow motion, as if she was from Baywatch. Of course, that last one was most likely just in his head.

She was also carrying a large black case in the air next to her.

Enigma quickly blinked, snapping himself out of his stupor. He smiled, bowing as politely as he could to the lovely unicorn.

She gave him a small smile as she passed, completely missing the quick glance he gave her cutie mark - three fleur-de-lis. She got onto the stage, pulling a keyboard out of the bag and setting it up near the microphone. She glanced over at him, eyes lidded. “You like what you see?”

He blushed brightly. Apparently, he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought. He curled up into a ball, hoping that if he didn’t see them, they wouldn’t see him. A childish notion, but one he held faith in.

At least, until she placed a hoof on his back. “I understand. It’s hard not to look at me; that’s why I decided to work as a model. And I’m flattered. Really, I am. It’s just ... I’m not into other mares.”

With that, the wing that had extended from her touch snapped shut against his side. In his head, he was screaming every single curse word he knew.

“Besides,” she moved over to the tall white stallion, giving him a long, tender kiss, “I’m a married mare.”

He sighed, slowly standing up and looking up at her. “I’m not a mare.” He flew back down into the aisles, sitting himself down and brooding. “Why does everypony keep thinking that I am?”

“Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself?” The mare calmly walked over to him, nodding slightly. “My name is Fleur de Lis. Pleasure to meet you.” When this didn’t garner a response from him, she turned to her husband for help.

Fancy Pants stepped forward, carefully cleaning his monocle on his vest. “Now, my boy, I see you are lacking a cutie mark.” The pegasus flinched as if he’d just been smacked, but the unicorn continued. “While singing doesn’t seem to be your talent, that doesn’t mean you don’t have one in another aspect of music. Why, I bet my daughter would be able to help you with that.”

He finally looked up at them, confusion on his face. Daughter? He looked at the mare on the stage, an eyebrow raised. She doesn’t look like she’s given birth. Not at all.

“Now, don’t get me wrong.” He gave Enigma a firm look, threatening without being threatening. “She is a busy mare, and has no time for romantic pursuits. Still, you should go see her.” He pulled a card out of his pocket, placing it in one of the pegasus’ saddlebags.

He blinked, looking at the two nice ponies in front of him. A small smile grew on his face, and he nodded at them. “Thank you for all the help.” With that, he turned around and left the building, smiling brightly and straining to hear the words of the song being played before the door closed.

As soon as he left, Fleur looked at her husband, an eyebrow raised. “Now, why did you say that? You might as well have said that you wanted him to date her.”

Fancy Pants chuckled, readjusting his lens. “He’s a respectable colt, if a bit unorthodox.”

“What do you mean?”

He nodded at the black bag. “Look for yourself.”

Slightly worried, the white mare carefully made her way over to her bag, peering inside. Seeing only a can of peanut brittle, she felt reasonably confused. Picking it up, she rolled her eyes playfully at her husband. “I fail to see-”

The can burst open, covering her with cookie dough. Shocked, she glanced at the case, seeing writing on the side. Slowly, she read it out loud. “‘Dear Miss Fleur, if you are reading this, I truly apologize. This was meant for Fancy Pants. If this is Fancy Pants, I hope you enjoyed my little prank. Sincerely, Enigma.’” She turned to Fancy Pants, her eyes narrowed. “Well played, dear. Come here.~” She hugged him, transferring the chocolate-chip batter onto him, both of them laughing all the while.

Thanks to gordobraveheart for helping me with the chapter by giving great ideas.

The choices for next chapter are:

1) Pipsqueak,

2) Octavia, or

3) Possible Reader Suggestion

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Martial Cellist

The dark red pegasus continued on his way through the street. Pausing, he noticed the sword he almost tripped over once before. He picked it up, marveling at the design - how it looked so much like a real weapon, despite being made of wood. Contemplating it for a few moments, he carefully picked it up and placed it through the top of one of his bags. Maybe I can take it to a lost-and-found later.

He made his way to the lower commercial district, carefully counting the numbers of the buildings as he passed them. ... 1307, 1309, 1311 ... He stopped in front of a standard store for Canterlot. Rather, it would have been a standard one, had it not been for the record that appeared to be splitting the top of the roof in half. 1313 Stirrup Street. This is the place.

Curious, he stepped inside, glancing around inside. The walls were lined with boxes and boxes of vinyl records. In the background he swore he heard one of the songs that he’d just been introduced to that day; specifically, the one involving ‘restless hearts’ sleeping alone.

Continuing further into the store, he started to hear something he didn’t expect - the faint melody of a stringed instrument. Carefully making sure he didn’t bump any of the merchandise, he followed the surprisingly inviting sound. Up the stairs, halfway down the hallway before it suddenly ended.

He stopped in the hallway for a few minutes, confused and not wanting to chance being heard. Then he wondered why he was worried about that. He tilted his head, an ear cocked, listening for some sign that he wasn’t imagining things. All he heard was the sound of water. Shrugging, he resumed his investigation, peeking into a doorway.

He saw a room that was almost perfectly kept. There was a striking symmetry to the room. There was a clock over the bed, dressers on each side of it, a cello resting precisely at the middle of the edge of the bed and even a tiny mark on the wall was mirrored. Honestly surprised, and even more curious, he leaned into the room, wondering if it continued on the side he couldn't see. It did, the pictures exactly placed in matching places on either side of the doorway, which was in the center of the wall. He rubbed his mane with a hoof, wondering in the silence what kind of pony was this obsessive-compulsive. ... wait, wasn't there the sound of running water a few moments ago?

“Who are you, and what are you doing in my room?”

Enigma turned to the voice, staring in awe at the pony there. An earth pony, ash grey with a charcoal mane, currently dripping wet. The wet hair clung to her cheeks, framing her face ... her anger-filled face.

“Stop staring,” she grabbed a nearby cello bow, violet eyes narrowed, “or you will lose the ability to see entirely.”

He backpedaled, his own eyes wide in horror and frantically trying to find something else for him to focus on. “L-listen, I don’t want troub-” He tripped over the rug, falling flat on his back. He groaned, looking up at her, curling his hindlegs up to protect his vulnerable belly.

The mare stared back at him for a second, her face unreadable. Then she began to smile, shaking her head. “You remind me so much of my roommate.” She put her bow away, holding a hoof out to him. “Octavia Phillaharmonia. Pleasure to meet you.” She glanced at his saddlebag and froze. Slowly, she pulled her hoof back, keeping a wary eye on him.

Confused, he looked down and saw the wooden sword. The wooden sword that was perfectly cut and painted to look like an actual sword. He looked back up, recoiling at the cello bow in his face. He focused on the mare holding the bow, seeing her brow deeply furrowed and the corners of her mouth firmly turned down. Of course, he had no idea what this meant; he only knew that this expression was causing him the most dread he'd ever felt. “... I can explain?”

She glared, kicking a bowl of wax fruit that was on a nearby table. An apple flew through the air, and, with an almost-imperceptible movement of her foreleg, cleanly sliced it into six identical pieces. She placed the razor-sharp edge right up against his throat, pulling so close, their muzzles almost touched. “I will only ask this once, filly. Who sent you?”

He could only stare; the only sign of him still living was a single twitch in his eye. Finally, through the sheer force of will, he was able to say two words.

“ ... n-not female ... ”

He fainted, leaving Octavia staring down at him in surprise.

Thanks to SuperChaosKG for helping me with this chapter! I'll admit, this is shorter than my other chapters, and for that I apologize.

The character choices for the next chapter:

1) Pipsqueak,

2) Lyra Heartstrings,

3) Photo Finish, or

4) None of the above, and continue this for all it's worth.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the New Day

Enigma woke up slowly, squinting at the bright light peeking through the window. “It always hits my eyes...” He groaned, shaking his head. He looked to his left, finally noticing the earth pony sitting by the bed he was in, inspecting the cello bow she’d sliced that apple with. He felt the need to ask two questions.

“...why am I in a bed? And just whose bed is this?”

Octavia looked at him, apparently surprised that he was awake. She placed the weapon on the bedside table, standing up to stare down at him. “You’re in my roommate’s bed. There’s no way I’m letting you in mine, and she hardly uses it. As for the why, I wasn’t very well going to leave you in the middle of the hallway, was I?”

The red pegasus was about to respond, but an itch on his nose distracted him. He lifted a hoof up to take care of it. At least, he tried to lift a hoof. He blinked in confusion, trying to lift any of his hooves, only to meet with resistance.

Seeing his attempt to get up, she smirked, pulling back the covers to reveal the satin bands tying him to the bed. “I wasn’t very well going to leave a potential assassin laying around without taking the proper measures.” She put a hoof on his chest, glaring into his eyes. “Who. Sent. You?”

He groaned, writhing in the agony caused by being unable to scratch the itch on his nose. “Not an assassin. Please untie me!”

She pressed hard on him, frowning deeply. “You think I’m going to take that chance? I have a bounty on my head for who knows what reason. I’m not going to let you go until I’m absolutely certain you’re not a threat.”

Itch itch itch itch itch itch ITCH! Enigma couldn’t stand it anymore. He carefully pulled on the bindings with one hoof, realizing that it was attached to his other forehoof when it started drifting to the edge of the bed. He thought for a few moments, realizing that a knot made with satin would eventually come untied if a force acted on it long enough. Using as much strength as he could muster, he pulled with both hooves, creating enough force to tear it along an imperfection in the cloth, which was more luck than skill, if one was honest. Both forehooves free, he did what seemed logical to him.

He rubbed the outside of his nose like it would disappear without constant physical contact. “Ahhhh!” He sighed, laying his hooves at his sides, looking up at the stunned cellist. “...what?”

“You’re a strange one, no doubt.” She sighed, shaking her head condescendingly. “There’s no way you’d be an assassin. You lack discipline.”

He threw his hooves up in the air, smiling brightly at her, completely missing the subtle insult she’d made. “That’s what I’ve been saying, Octavia!” He glanced down at his hindlegs, realizing they were still tied up. He pulled on one side, then the other, childishly chuckling at the odd amusement it gave him. Eventually, after two minutes or so of this, he turned to the gray mare, a silly smile on his face. “Could you please let me out? I need my meds.”

She stared incredulously at him, probably wondering if he was insane. Sighing, she sliced the silk holding him down.

Enigma immediately leaped up, glided over to his bag and shook a couple pills out. After he took them, he breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to her once more, rubbing the back of his head. “Sorry about that. I tend to get a little wonky if I don’t have my meds.” He coughed awkwardly, sitting on the ground. “...yeah, I don’t know exactly how long it takes to kick in...”

Octavia sighed, shaking her head. “I swear, you are almost exactly like her.” She shrugged, a small smirk growing on her lips. “Still, at least you aren’t WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

The red pegasus had suddenly hugged her, grinning rather foolishly. “Hugs are nice.” He patted her back gently, resting his head on her shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of me. Even though you did tie me down.”

She had no idea how to respond to this strange assortment of words and actions. She slowly wrapped her forelegs around his barrel, awkwardly returning the embrace. After about a minute of this, she pat him on the back, beginning to grow tired of the random display of affection. “You have three seconds to let go of me before I tie you back up. This time with steel chains and in a full-body cast.”

He immediately released her, sheepishly chuckling. “S-sorry.” Dear Luna, this pony is scary!

Octavia rolled her eyes, turning to leave the room. “I have a guest coming over later. You can stay here and help by serving us, or you can leave to go someplace else. I hear the Art Gallery is a nice place to visit, but the Royal Gardens are relaxing, as well.” She glanced over her shoulder at him, eyes narrowed. “Do not assume that I trust you. I trust you as far as I can throw you.” She paused, contemplating that sentence. “Make that ‘as far as you can throw me’. I can throw a pony fairly far.” She smacked his face with her tail before she left, the door closing behind her.

Enigma shivered from the very memory of her icy glare, turning his attention to his saddlebag. He pulled out his pocketwatch, noting that it was early morning. He realized this meant the gray mare was likely keeping an eye on him the whole night...or that she had slept as well and just woke up before he did.

He shrugged, deciding that it was rather touching either way. He began to rifle through his bags for anything he could use to pass the time.

He pulled out a small white plush toy. Blushing softly, he cuddled it to his chest. He took painstaking care of the stuffed toy, a memento from a family member he’d gotten for his birthday a couple years ago. He sighed, remembering the concert he’d gone to with his grandfather. He wondered what he should do, now.

Thanks to Lazypoisonfl for giving me ideas for this chapter!

This chapter was written without any editing from others, so I apologize if the syntax or flow is a little messed up. Also, yes, Enigma is a hugger. Without his medicine, he tends to cling onto other ponies.

The choices for this chapter are actions. Should Enigma:

1) Stay to meet the guest,

2) Go to the Art Gallery,

3) Visit the Royal Gardens, or

4) Wander the streets?

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Drunk Dubstep DJ

Enigma wandered down the street, pausing every few minutes to glance at the card he was given. He sighed, frowning at the address of the concert hall he was supposed to go to. What kind of orchestral hall is called ‘The Basement’, anyways?

A few minutes later, he rounded a corner and was face-to-face with a odd looking building. The structure was comparable to what a pony might see in Las Pegasus, the whole design reminiscent of a high-tech jukebox. At least, I hope that’s a jukebox. I’ve never seen anything like it, before. He craned his neck, looking at the sign above the door. “...the Bass-Ment? This can’t be a concert hall.”

He pushed the door open, glancing around inside. The interior of the building was almost pitch-black, the only light causing from the coats of several ponies to glow brightly. There was a steady bass thumping in the air, powerful enough for the red pegasus to feel in his chest. The one thing that stuck out the most to him, though, was the bartender and the drinks everypony had in their hooves. “This isn’t a concert hall at all!”

He stumbled through the writhing crowd, trying his best to avoid colliding with the dancers or causing any of the drinks to even touch him. After several close calls and a single grope of his flank (which resulted in a kick to the face for the unlucky blonde unicorn), he made it to the stage.

He was stunned by what he saw.

It’s her! The lone pony on the stage was almost exactly as he remembered her. The same white coat that reflected the light whenever she played. Those iconic violet shades that hid the mystery that was her eyes. That wild head of electric blue hair, spiked in style but very likely soft to the touch. As she turned to leave the stage, he got a perfect view of her cutie mark, two eighth notes that accented her perfect flank...

He shook his head, snapping himself out of his stupor, a fierce blush on his cheeks. Stop being a pervert and talk to her, already! He trotted after her, completely ignoring the bluish-gray unicorn taking his place on the stage.

Enigma caught up to her backstage, gently tapping her on the shoulder. “Pardon me, but...aren’t you Vinyl Scratch?”

She looked to him, lowering her shades and revealing a pair of magenta eyes, narrowed and staring right at him. “You aren’t supposed to be back here.” She strode over to him, looking him over, pointedly glaring at his butler’s uniform. “...great, another high-and-mighty pony...what, are you here to tell me that my music’s offensive?” She stepped in front of him, frowning deeply and motioning to his 3D glasses. “You think that makes you cool? Filly, please! My best friend’s granny has better shades to help her read.”

“...did you just rap at me? Because that was-” He froze, realizing just what she called him. Now, the red pegasus was willing to put up with most insults (mostly because they went over his head), but the stress of the day finally got to him. He growled, butting his head up against hers, eyes narrowed behind the novelty glasses. “I’m. Not. A filly. I’m a stallion.” He backed up, shaking his head and sheepishly grinning. “I was going to say that I’m supposed to help you with something. Do you have any problems with your...um...” He paused, trying to recall what the blue unicorn from before had told him.

She didn’t give him a chance, though, smacking the back of his head. “I don’t want help, bro! For all I care, you can go put your ear up against my bass cannon!” She tossed an empty bottle at him. “Beat it!” She shook her head, opening up another bottle and drinking that. “...Luna damn it, this is the sorry pony I’m supposed to fall for?”

...‘pony I’m supposed to fall for?’ What does she mean by- He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t have time to react. The glass container bounced off his face, landing on the ground and joining a number of others. Shocked, he realized that all of them were alcoholic - hard cider, at that. “...how is she able to walk?” ...don’t let her end up like your grandsire. He looked up, a newfound determination in his eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t want help. You need it, and I will do my best to provide it.”

She stared at him blankly, most likely wondering what was wrong with him. She raised her hoof to her face, groaning softly. “...you aren’t going to give this up, are you?” He shook his head, the determined look still there. She sighed, putting her bottle down on a table. “Then we decide this my way. Come here tomorrow morning.” A snide smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Who knows, you may just be a great entertainer.”

Enigma blinked, a grin slowly growing on his face. “Really? Maybe that’ll be my talent!” He glanced at his flank, frowning slightly. “Luna knows I haven’t tried it yet...” He was brought out of his thoughts with a flick of his ear.

Vinyl frowned deeply at him, a bemused look on her face. “You seriously didn’t catch that sarcasm?” She turned away, digging through a shelf behind her.

“...what’s sarcasm?”

She jolted, bumping her head on the shelf above her. “Buck!” She groaned, pulling her head out of the bookcase, a hardback in magical tow following her. “You need this book. Badly.” She threw it at him, hard.

In a slight panic, he held his hooves up to protect his face, squeezing his eyes shut. There was silence for a few moments, and he peeked open one maroon eye. He had caught the book between his hooves. Carefully, he turned it, reading the cover out loud. “...‘Body Language, Sarcasm and You’...” Shrugging, he tucked it into his saddlebag and turned to leave.

Vinyl called after him, wanting to make sure he remembered. “Remember, bro. Tomorrow morning. If you’re late, you forfeit!”

He left the club, a single thought dominating his mind. ...forfeit what, exactly?

Thanks to raybony for helping me flesh out the storyline for this (if only by letting me bounce ideas off of him)!

I apologize for the confusion caused by the last chapter, but I was trying to build up to this chapter, the one with Vinyl Scratch! So, yeah, she and Enigma didn’t really get along at first, since she’s a headstrong pony who didn’t want any help.

And yes, there’s a bit of my OC’s backstory that is slightly tragic, but I don’t think that makes him a Mary Sue or anything.

I’m off to take my Music Appreciation final! Wish me luck!

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the PO'd Prissy Prince

Enigma trotted to a nearby park, enjoying the warm sun on his back. He sat himself down on a bench, carefully pulling the book out of his saddlebag. He pulled a dry quill out as well, using it to flip through the pages. Where is it...ah, here it is! “Sarcasm: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.”

He stared blankly at the book, flipping the page back and forth, wondering if he was missing something. The guide, however, had nothing else to give him. “...that’s not much to go off of...” He sighed, laying his head on his hooves and slowly reading the whole thing.

He eventually got to a section involving actors and how they use body language to convey emotions. “...so that’s why they exaggerate their movements...” He chuckled, shaking his head. “How silly!” He turned the page, intent on reading the next chapter.

The book was yanked out of his grasp, floating towards a tall white stallion. His cold, blue eyes flickered across the pages, a frown on his face. “So this is why you didn’t understand my advances?”

Enigma groaned, standing up and glaring at the unicorn. “Leave me alone. Or do you want a matching mark on your face?” He smirked, indicating the horseshoe bruise under the blonde pony’s left eye. He snagged his book back, putting it in his saddlebag. “Besides, I’m a stallion, not a mare, like you’re probably looking for.”

He raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

The red pegasus groaned again, shaking his head. “Well, you only fondled my flank because you thought I was a mare, and I’m-” He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes slowly growing wider. “...oh sweet Luna...”

The unicorn looked down at him with lidded eyes, a smirk on his lips. “I see you finally understand.” He approached him, the wicked smile on his face the whole time. “Come with me, femcolt.”

In a panic, Enigma’s mind sped up, quickly taking in the details of everything around him. I can’t run around him. He glanced at his saddlebag, calculating the possibility of getting something before the other pony can act. I can’t take anything out of my bag. He looked around, noticing that it was starting to get dark. I can’t even call out to someone. There’s no one nearby to hear.

He turned back to the unicorn, noticing that his jaw was set. ...I suppose there’s only one way to get out of this situation... He lowered his head in a resigned manner and turned around, completely facing the other direction.

The red pegasus quickly kicked the blonde stallion in the face once more, knocking the would-be assaulter on his back, dazed. “Like BUCK I’d let that happen to me!” He rushed off, completely forgetting the quill on the bench.

The white unicorn stood up, frowning deeply. “...go ahead and run, my little pony...I always get what I want...” He noticed the writing utensil on the bench. With a smirk, he picked it up and placed it in his ascot, turning away and leaving, now with matching bruises under his eyes.

Thanks to Sam Cole for giving me an idea that helped bring me back on track with this story!

The next two or three chapters will likely seem odd to everyone, but bear with me through it, mkay? On a separate note, I apologize for the relatively short chapter. I just really dislike Blueblood.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Homeless Actress

Enigma continued to run until his lungs burned and his legs were about to collapse. Even then, he continued to run, going for what felt like miles before finally stopping outside of a fancy restaurant. He sat down in front of a window, trying to catch his breath. “...that was scary...” He chuckled softly to himself, trying to distract himself from the terrifying event.

He leaned back against the building, closing his eyes to help envision more pleasant thoughts. He swiveled his ears, trying his best to monitor his surroundings. He didn’t want that freaky stallion coming after him, after all.

Bumpt.

His eyes snapped open, glancing around in confusion. “...it’s definitely not him...he’d try to be quieter...so where...?” The sound repeated, coming from a shadowy alleyway nearby. “...I don’t trust this...” He pulled the wooden sword out of his bag, hoping that it would help him.

He carefully trotted into the alley, finding the source of the noise rather easily. Though, if he was completely honest with himself, he did not expect it at all.

A little white filly flapped her wings, trying to burrow father into a dumpster and messing up her wavy red and blue mane and tail.. “There’s gotta be something good in here!” she screamed as her stomach rumbled.

Staring in surprise at the scene, Enigma put the wooden sword away and considered his options. Deciding that he really didn’t have any others that weren’t nonsensical or childish, he gently tapped the side of the dumpster to get her attention. “...excuse me, little filly, but are you alright?”

"What's it to you!" she hissed as her head poked up from the dumpster.

He leaped back, shocked at the surprisingly fierce tone in her voice. Trying his best to recover, he held out a hoof. “...I’m sorry...I...I didn’t mean to upset you, or anything...” He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away. “...I was curious about why you’re rooting through...well...” He gestured to the dumpster, which, he noticed, was full of empty food containers.

What he didn’t realize, though, was that his other forehoof was still on his neck. Lacking any support for his front half, he fell flat on his face.

She chuckled a little and flew out of the trash. “It’s fine. You okay though?” She held out a hoof to help him get up. “My name’s Broadway Bound by the way, ma’am.”

Enigma grumbled choice words into the ground, slamming one of his hooves to vent the illogical anger he felt. ...be nice...she’s a just filly...be nice... Eventually, after reciting the mantra a few times in his head, he accepted the hoof, getting up easily with her help. “...it’s ‘sir’, Broadway Bound...call me Enigma...” He considered her for a moment, then, thinking about how she was digging in the dumpster, realized she was hungry.

He pulled his saddlebag off, digging through it for something edible. He didn’t realize it, but by removing his saddlebag, he revealed to the little filly that he didn’t have a cutie mark.

Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t do it... No... “So you look like a mare, and you don’t have a cutie mark? No offence sir, but your life sounds terrible!”

He pulled his head out of a saddebag, frowning around the bag of chips in his teeth. “...ye know, I don’ ha’ t’ gib ye dis.” Realizing he just essentially spoke jiberish, he set the snack food on top of his pack, looking at the filly. “You know, I don’t have to give you this.” He sighed, sitting himself down. “...I know I seem like I have it bad, but I was told to never give up...never surrender...” He thought about that for a moment, chuckling softly. “...now that I think about it, that sounds like a cheesy line from a movie. Still, words to live by...within reason, of course.”

The filly slowly opened the chips with her teeth and nodded. “I hear ya!”

Soon, she finished the bag and looked up. “I better get going. If I don’t get to Briddle Street before five, then there won’t be any good boxes left for me to sleep in tonight,” she sighed pitifully. “Thanks for the chips! They’ll probably be the last thing I’ll eat in a week!”

She slowly began to walk away, sniffling and softly sobbing. Take the bait, Take the bait....

He narrowed his eyes at her. Her actions seemed suspiciously familiar, and the feelings her actions were bringing up cinched it. “...you’re trying to get me to invite you to stay with me, aren’t you?”

“Dang it, I was told I was a good actress!” She chuckled, turning around. “Only if ya got a place though, mister.”

“No offense, but dramtization doesn’t really...pass...in the real world. Plus,” he pulled a book out of his saddlebag titled ‘Body Language, Sarcasm and You’, “I’ve been doing a bit of studying.”

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Listen, I know you were trying to manipulate me, but...I can’t let a filly stay out in the streets.” He quietly repacked and hefted his saddlebag onto his back before turning away, smiling back at her over his shoulder. “It’s not that far; just around the corner, in fact. I bought it before I arrived here.”

“Coolio! Let’s go!” She smiled flapping her wings.

“Umm... What was that book called?”

Author's Note

Yes, I realize this is not a canon/general fanon character. This is an OC, and they belong to my friend, runforever101. I never said that OC’s were unwelcome in this story; just the canon rap battles in ‘Epic Rap Battles of MLP’. So please, bear with me through this. There's a good reason for this character to show up.

Anyways, I pretty much decided that I’d do this for good friends (who don’t already have their first meeting with Enigma established in their own stories. Sorry, gordo...).

Also, I found the Author's Notes thingy!

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Sleeping Arrangements

“Cool place!” Broadway smiled, looking around.

Enigma set his bags down, looking around the decently-sized house. Everything had a similar county style, which reminded him of home. There were a few cardboard boxes stacked in the otherwise-empty living room, and he assumed that his bed was in the bedroom.

Chuckling softly, he pulled a small, white plush toy out, gently placing it on the kitchen counter before resuming his unpacking. He silently wondered where he could find good food in this town that wasn’t too small for the price.

“What’s this?” Broadway called out to Enigma, picking up the doll. “IT’S SO FLUFFY!”

He quickly turned around, his eyes wide in panic. “Please, put that down!”

Broadway narrowed her eyes. “No.”

He frowned, staring at his hooves. “...please...it’s very special to me...”

The white pegasus stared at the doll. Everytime I try to forget, you guys always seem to come back...

“Fine! Take your stupid doll!” She flung it at Enigma and fluttered into one of the many boxes in the room.

The stallion carefully pulled his most treasured object off his face, where it landed, looking over to where the little filly ran. “...did I...upset her?”

“NO! I’M JUST IN HERE CAUSE I’M SO HAPPY!” she screamed sarcastically.

He looked at his plush toy,frowning softly and whispering to himself. “...I’m sorry, grandpa...” He sighed, gently taking it in his teeth and walking over to the occupied box. He set it down, knocking on the box much like he did the dumpster earlier. “...I didn’t mean to upset you...it’s just...my grandsire...he...” He closed his eyes, clenching his teeth tightly. “...dang it...why is it so hard to say?”

“No... I understand...” The filly whispered. “I lost my parents a few years ago... And that doll looked a little like my mom...”

He blinked, staring at her in shock. “...I’m...sorry to hear that...” He sighed, carefully holding his plush toy close. “...he gave me this...from a concert we went to...at the time, I thought it was the cheesiest gift ever, even if it was an amazing replica...” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “...the next day...we found out he was ill...” He looked up at her, a small, sad smile on his face. “...ever since he passed away, I’ve always carried this...made sure it was never torn, never stolen...” Slowly, he extended his forelegs, shakily holding the doll out to her. “...y-you can hold her, if you’d like...”

She slowly nodded, extending her hooves. “I promise I’ll be careful.”

He sighed in relief, giving her a genuine smile. “Thank you.” He stood up, moving over to a sofa behind a few boxes, pulling it out and pushing it up against a wall. Taking the cushions off, he pulled the hidden bed out, setting it up. “You can have my bed. I’ll sleep here.” He poked his head into a box, shifting items around in his search for something.

“It’s fine.” After a few minutes, the filly began to sing *

“Flower gleam and glow,

Let your power shine,

Make the clock reverse,

Bring back what once was mine.

Heal what has been hurt

Change the fate’s design,

Save what has been lost,

Bring back what once was mine,

What once was mine....”

He stopped his search, looking at the little filly in awe. “...wow...you have a nice singing voice...”

“Thank you, some ponies say it sounds different from my talking voice.” she smiled. “Enigma?”

He reemerged from the box once more, a quilt in his teeth. “Yesh?”

“Thank you... For letting me stay here.”

He chuckled, moving over to her, the quilt trailing behind him. He let go of it, playfully ruffling her mane. “Think nothing of it. I’d do it for anypony...” He thought for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “...though I suppose it was good that I did it for you.” He nudged the quilt, smiling softly. “I imagine that the bed in there lacks sheets. I’ll get to putting them on tomorrow, mkay?”

“M’kay!” she chuckled. “Nopony’s ever been this nice to me... Not my foster parents, nopony in the hobo jungle, or anypony that’s ever invited me in. They say I’m a nuisance! That’s cray-cray! Right?

He blinked, momentarily confused. “...I want to answer honestly...but I have no idea what ‘cray-cray’ means...” He shook his head, putting his smile back on. “I can say this, though. You haven’t been a nuisance to me.”

“Aww! thanks!” She was quiet for a moment. “I know who that doll is. Or who the doll is supposed to look like I mean.”

He chuckled, looking at his precious white plush. “...I know, too...I saw her on stage...and, recently, in pony...” He tilted his head, looking at the 3-D glasses on the kitchen counter. “...apparently...she needs a little help...”

“What?”

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s something a strange mare told me earlier today.” He pointed to the glasses, a small smile on his face. “Told me to wear those and his silly butler outfit when seeing her. Somepony called her the ‘Doctor’, but she never introduced herself to me...”

“...I don’t follow...” Broadway said peeking out of the box.

He chuckled once more, grabbing the quilt back up in his teeth. “I shupposhe it’sh too complicated. Hay, even I hardly undershtand.” He dragged it along to the bedroom, carefully laying it across the bed. Digging around the boxes in the bedroom, he located his specially-designed blanket, one with a marbled texture. He slowly started to pull it out.

“Enigma?” she quietly called.

He stopped tugging, looking over his shoulder. “Yesh, Broadway?”

“I’m bored, and I’m not tired, and I’m HUN-GRY!”

Shocked at the sudden shout, Enigma accidentally dropped the corner of the blanket he was holding. It fell, hitting the floor with a loud, heavy thud. “...there goes the down payment...”

“What’s down payment?” She asked flying out of the box.

He thought for a moment. “...I believe...it’s something one pays when renting a home or apartment...a little cash the owner holds onto as a promise that nothing will be broken.” He lifted the blanket up, noticing the cracks in the stone floor. “...yup...it’sh a goner...”

“Hmmm...” she pondered as she looked through his fridge. “Do you have any Oateerios?”

“I think it’sh in the cardboard boxh labelled ‘shereal’.”

She raced over to the box and pulled out the cereal. “Tanks E!” she smiled with cheeks full of the breakfast food.

He blinked, holding a hoof up to his chin. He couldn’t remember the last time someone called him that. Smiling softly, he dragged his blanket over to the fold-out bed, laying it on top of it. “No problem, Bebe.” He silently hoped she wouldn’t mind him calling her that.

Soon, the filly was passed out on the rug, firmly grasping the cardboard box as she softly snored.

Enigma carefully laid the quilt on top of the smaller pegasus, making sure she was comfortable. Yawning quietly, he moved to the sofa, squirming under his weighted blanket. Within minutes, he was fast asleep.

Author's Note

Because one chapter wasn’t enough for the full characterization between these two, and I worry that one with her for a day would just be awkward. Also, yes, I’m pretty much accepting OC’s for this story. Three rules for any OC’s that show up, though.

One: they need to have a valid reason to be in the storyline. This character was here to help build Enigma’s backstory from before ‘No Longer an Enigma’.

Two: no seriously over-powered characters. I understand when they’re used for other stories, or even video games. I don’t want them in my story, though. Sorry.

Three: they are not allowed to have a relationship with any of the Mane Six. Again, sorry, but I would feel absolutely awful if someone thought I was showing favoritism...

And yes, weighted blankets actually help people with autism spectrum disorders feel more relaxed. Trust me, I've had first-hand experience with it.

Anyways, have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Challenge

The next morning, the red stallion woke up to a beam of light filtering through a window. He groaned, getting up and quietly stretching. He glanced at a clock nearby, his eyes widening at the time. “Buck!”

In a panic, he rushed into the bathroom, took a quick shower and flew out the door, hastily fastening his saddlebag on the way. He slammed the door, somehow not waking up the sleeping filly he currently shared living space with.

He made it, with little time to spare. He shot over the packed audience, not bothering to look at them or the multiple posters and banners around them. He landed on the stage, panting softly. “...I-I’m here...”

“Good.” Vinyl didn’t even look up, using her magic to attach a headset to him. “You’ll need that, bro.”

Enigma frowned, tilting his head. “...why do you keep calling me ‘bro’, Vi?”

She froze, straightening up before glaring daggers at him. “Don’t you dare call me that. Only my friends call me ‘Vi’, and you’re not even close to that.” She turned her body towards him, a smirk on her lips. “I call everyone who annoys me ‘bro’.”

“Ah.” The red pegasus fiddled with the strange contraption bopping his nose for a few moments before it dawned on him. “...I annoy you?”

She rolled her eyes, messing with a few wires. “Like a Rickroll, bro.”

He put a hoof to his chest, feeling as though it had suddenly gotten tighter. “...I-I see...” He turned away, sad and slightly confused. “...what’s a ‘Rickroll’?”

He was so lost in his thoughts, which had drifted to whether or not chocolate was healthy for a pony, he didn’t realize that Vinyl was trying to get his attention. At least, until she threw a rubber ball at him.

“Hey!” Enigma blinked, looking over at the irate DJ. “Are you ready or not?”

“...ready for what?”

She nodded. “He’s ready.” She turned to the black-maned unicorn behind the turntables, grinning widely. “We’re ready, Glaze! Let’s spin this sh*t!”

The white unicorn glared at some point on the ceiling, frowning deeply. “...stupid author, censoring my words before the rap battle but not during it...”

The yellow-and-green-maned pegasus mare behind the turntables nodded, suddenly starting up some music.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!

Enigma just stared at the white mare across from him, completely confused by the slightly auto-tuned voice coming from the speakers as well as the situation. “...rap battle?” He looked around, finally noticing the banners with ‘EPIC RAP BATTLE TODAY!’ scrawled across them. “W-”

VS.

BEGIN!

Just step back, bro, and watch me kill you with rhymes.
Beatin’ up a worthless colt like you is a big waste of time!
So you have a pair of wings and claim to be some nice guy?
Yeah, try saying that again and look me straight in the eye!
You’re a snoozer, a poozer, a stuck up little loser.
You’re not even a cannon - just glass against a bruiser!
As far as I’m concerned, you’re a seller pushin’ bad wares.
Go take your stupid offer to somepony who cares!

Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be? Well fine, then!
But you’re gonna do what I say when I take the win.
You think you’re so great atop your pedestal so tall
But you’re in for a shock when I’ll make you take a fall.
Your dubstep’s just trashy, your pop songs are all clashy,
Your rock’s like a rash, see - stop bein’ so brash, V!
If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re drowning sorrows.
Stop killin’ yourself; live t’ see your defeat tomorrow!

You’re not my dame, so shut up, you hack!
Your rhymes are completely messed up, Jack!
You’re scared - I already recognize your tell.
Bro, I could beat you with a single brain cell!
Everypony knows me - my wubs are the best!
What have you done, loser? Oh, but I digress.
I’ll drag your fat flank down to the buckin’ salon,
Get the mares there to take your ugly face on!

Who’s this Jack you speak of? I don’t rightly know.
Especially when you mess up by going slow!
You’re lying - your body’s a clear read any day.
Just one cell? Well, you’re quickly heading that way!
I heard from your roommate you’re the filly of Fancy.
I think you need to follow their advice, B!
Take your turntables and head off into the sunset.
It’s the closest to a ‘happy ending’ you’ll ever get.

Did you just call me a bitch? Bro, you’re DEAD!
I’ll take this blank record and cut off your head!
String you up to four carriages and send them four ways
I’ll watch your limp limbs drag lifelessly for days!
Why do you even care if I drink tons of booze?
It’s as if you’re purposely tryin’ to lose!
Need proof I’m tough? Hick, I’ve got scars on scars.
Run off to your momma like the filly you are!

I’ve told you before, Vinyl, I’m not a fuckin’ filly.
I’ll take your dumb shades and use them to knock you silly!
I’m the better rapper. That’s why I’m the closer.
You can’t even make up your own rhymes, poser!
Oh, and thanks for the book, it’s been a big help, Scratch.
Now I can clearly tell you think I’m a good catch!
I know somethin’ for a fact - go bank on these words.
When you were young, ya carried ‘round a ‘safety record’!

Vinyl's jaw dropped, her shades slipping down her nose in shock. “...how did you...” She growled, turning to the side. “...Tavi...how dare she reveal something so personal!” She stomped over to the red pegasus, pressing her forehead against his in an attempt to intimidate him. “Yeah, I carried a record around like a safety blanket when I was younger. Big whoop, ya wanna fight about it?”

Enigma just stared at the angry disk jockey, his eyes almost popping out of his head from his surprise. “...I just made up that last part so it would rhyme...you really have a safety record?”

There was a small awkward pause. Nopony moved, not even the crowd. Honestly, even the DJ had no idea what to do. So, deciding that it was probably best to break the silence, a gray, black-maned unicorn reached for the microphone. Before he could say anything, though, a random voice shouted from the crowd.

"NOW KISS!"

WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!

Author's Note

Yes, there will be periodical rap battles in this story. No, they will not be the focus of it. Sorry. :twilightblush: Also, yes, Enigma slipped into a Texan accent at the end, there. He's from the pony equivalent of Texas. :scootangel: And I apologize for the lack of title cards. Since one of the rappers doesn't have one made, I figured I would post the chapter and put the title card in sometime later. :derpytongue2:

I do not own Glaze, and I worry about using the OC without her creator's permission. :ajsleepy:

I hope you enjoy this chapter, please vote (I'm fairly certain it's important to the story's development) and Merry Christmas!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Occupational Offer

“Alright!” The yellow pegasus behind the turntables grinned, indicating an area right in front of the station. “Come over here, and we’ll get those votes counted, ‘kay?”

Enigma and Vinyl obediently approached the center of the stage, the stallion with far less confidence than the mare. He felt like his stomach was twisting in on itself. ...I hope Vinyl can forgive me for saying such things...

The white disk jockey hoofbumped her canary yellow friend, positively beaming. “Nice job, Glaze! I gotta say, it’s been a while since I last heard your work.” She lifted her shades, raising a brow in curiosity. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, you know. The usual.” The mare glanced around, a bead of perspiration forming on her brow. She coughed, turning her attention to the crowd and raising her auto-tuned voice. “Here’s how this is gonna work! I will call out the names of the participants, and you cheer as loud as you can for who you think won!” She held a hoof over the white unicorn’s back, grinning widely. “Who here thinks Vinyl won?”

The audience roared in excitement, stomping their hooves to add to the din.

Glaze giggled, moving her hoof over the red pegasus, her smile never wavering. “How about Enigma, folks?”

If the reaction was loud before, the cheers for the feminine stallion were deafening. He was quite literally pushed back by the force of their combined voices, feeling the stomps of their hooves through the mahogany stage floor. Stunned, he turned to his opponent, trying to see if she understood this.

Something about the way her jaw was currently resting on the floor said she was shocked. “...no way...” She groaned, lowering her head. “...I can’t believe I lost...”

Enigma gently rested a hoof on her shoulder, smiling softly. “Don’t worry, Vi...” Her head whipped to him, eyes narrowed in anger. “...nyl. Vinyl.” He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head with his free hoof. Of course, he didn’t learn from the last time he did that, so he fell flat on his face. “...buck.”

Soft laughter filtered through to his ears. Confused, he looked up, seeing the white unicorn giving him a half-smile. “Bro, you are so strange. What happened to your uptight personality from yesterday?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but paused, actually taking the time to think about the question. “...I’m not sure...I woke up, took a shower, rushed over here-” He smacked a hoof against his face, groaning. “Dang it, I forgot my medicine!”

Vinyl raised an eyebrow at this, her smile disappearing quickly. “...uh huh...” She held a hoof out to the still-sprawled pegasus, a completely neutral look on her face as she helped him up. “Listen, I talked to Tavi yesterday, and she told me how you were...well, new.” She tilted her head, pushing her shades back up her nose. “So I have to ask - do you have a job? ‘Cause I could use a bit more help around here. I’ll even...” She shuddered, slightly moving her head towards the crowd still gathered. “...um...let’s discuss this backstage...”

Slightly confused, he followed right behind her. He turned around, seeing that she was closing the door behind him.

“Listen...” She sighed, carefully setting herself down on a pile of pillows. “...I don’t know how or why, but I suppose I’m forced to let you rehab me.”

Enigma held up a hoof, slightly bothered by her wording. “I don’t think that’s how you use-”

“Are you correcting me?”

If looks could kill, the red pegasus would have died about fifty times, then and there. Vinyl sighed, taking off her shades completely and looking at him. “I’ll admit, I’m not completely up for you changing an aspect of my life. I’ve been drinking since I was eighteen!”

He tilted his head, confused. “...but...isn’t the drinking age twenty-one?”

“Details.” She waved a hoof, levitating a card from a nearby cluttered table. “All I needed was the proper identification. I'm so proud of how it turned out!” She hoofed it over to him, a big, cheesy grin on her face.

...this just says ‘McLuvin’’...

“Glad you understand everything, bro. Now get to work.” Vinyl strolled out the room, not even sparing Enigma a second glance.

The stallion looked up, blinking dumbly. “...huh?” He looked up at the clock, completely shocked. How the hay did I lose twenty minutes!?

Author's Note

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded a chapter. I hope I didn’t lose my touch. :twilightblush:

On a separate note, I actually got the next three rap battles ready! :pinkiehappy: Now I just need the story... :ajsleepy:

Also, the dialogue involving Vi and Glaze is actually a bit of foreshadowing. :ajsmug: I wanna see what you all would guess about it, but I’m about to fall asleep. :derpytongue2:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Withdrawn Writer

The red pegasus stood in the backstage room, still trying to comprehend what just happened to him. ...okay, so...Vinyl gave me a job...or, rather, forced a job onto me... He thought for a minute about that, a smile slowly forming on his face. ...well, at least I can help her break her drinking habit...but... His eyes widened, his jaw agape with horror. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do!”

“I can help you with that.”

He whipped around to the source of the somewhat-rough voice, startling the yellow mare behind him. He mentally facehoofed, giving her a sheepish smile. “...sorry about that...” He cleared his throat, looking at the pony in front of him. “So, you know what I’m supposed to do, then?”

She nodded, visibly shaking her nervousness off. “Yes, I do. You’re supposed to move her equipment to and from her cart every morning and evening. Oh, and help her with the upkeep of her equipment.” She moved forward, holding a hoof out to him and smiling brightly. “The name’s Glaze. Nice to meet you, Enigma.”

The red stallion extended his hoof out to the yellow mare’s, bumping it softly. “You too, Glaze.” He looked around, entirely unsure about what to do or say. Then he remembered the letter he’d been given the day before. He set his bags down, carefully rifling through it to find the aforementioned object.

The butter-yellow pegasus moved up next to the other pony, watching him in curiosity. “...what are you looking for, Enigma?”

He emerged from his saddlebag, the unopened letter in his teeth. “Thish.” He set it down, carefully opened it, reading the message out loud. “...Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of...Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captain Shining Armor...” He lowered it, confused, and rightfully so. “...I don’t know who either of these two ponies are...”

A yellow hoof pressed against the page. “Well, the second one is Twilight Sparkle’s brother.” The hoof quickly jerked away, covering the mouth of the attached pony. “Y-you know, the Element of Magic.”

He nodded absently, memorizing the date of said event. He calmly put the letter back in its envelope and the whole thing into his saddlebag. “...okay, then...” He replaced his bag on his back, turning to the other pegasus. “So, you heard about the wedding, then?”

She smiled brightly at him once more, putting her forehooves to her chest. “Of course! I was asked to play music during the cere-” She cut herself off, her eyes growing wide. “...um...n-never mind that.” She gently cleared her throat, her smile turning nervous. “S-so, are you planning to go?”

Enigma nodded, a small smile of his own on his face. “I think I have to...there were three letters, so that means Vinyl’s gonna be there.” He placed a hoof on his chin, frowning deeply. “...I need to keep her from drinking...”

Glaze stared at him, stunned. “...she has a drinking problem?”

He sighed, gesturing to the empty hard cider bottles all around them. “...I certainly didn’t drink all these...”

The yellow pegasus grimaced, rubbing the back of her head. “...oh...I didn’t mean to imply anything...”

He looked over at her once more, freezing in surprise. “...um...you...your hair...”

She stared back at him, uncomprehending. “What about it? I mean, I know it’s styled like Vinyl’s, but-”

“...it’s pink...”

There, on the left side of her face, was a lock of pink hair. The mare froze, her eyes slowly moving to stare at the out-of-place mane color. She quickly turned her head, hiding the little inconsistency from sight. “N-no it isn’t. Y-you’re seeing things.”

Enigma moved closer, his eyes narrowed slightly. “...you know, Glaze, you look really familiar...”

“I-I have one of those faces.” She sheepishly grinned, a squee emanating from somewhere.

He leaped back, bumping against a bookcase, his eyes wide. “What was that!?” A book, previously teetering dangerously on the edge of a shelf, fell and struck him on the head. “Ow!”

The yellow pegasus, forgetting herself, immediately rushed over, examining his head. “Are you okay? Oh, I’m so sorry I made you do that!” Her honeyed voice actually made the pain feel like it was evaporating.

That’s when the realization struck him. He looked up at the doting mare, confused. “...what happened...to your voice?”

She squeaked, holding her hooves to her mouth. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Realizing that this was going nowhere, he sighed, looking down at the book which used his head as a target. He took in the picture of the mare on the back cover, her head resting on her chin, a quill in her mouth. ...wait a minute... He glanced between the pony on the book and the mare in front of him, his eyes widening slightly. ...is it possible?

He snatched the book up, flipping it over and staring at the writer’s name - F.S. Braveheart. ...not much help, honestly... “...Glaze?”

She hid behind her green-and-yellow mane, nervous. “...yes?”

“Is this you?” He held the book up, showing the author’s photo to the mare. “Because she looks almost exactly like you.”

Glaze looked like she was considering bolting, fainting or a combination of the two. Finally, after a full ten seconds of indecisiveness, she sighed, looking up at him with what had to be the cutest eyes ever. “...you caught me...” She pulled off her mane, long pink hair cascading free of their hiding place. “...my name’s not Glaze...it’s...” Her already-soft voice went even softer, her mane moving to cover her face.

He didn’t need to hear her, though. He remembered her from the time when she was a model. “...dear Luna...you’re Fluttershy...”

The timid pegasus looked up at him, her eyes pleading. “...please...you have to keep this a secret...n-not even Vinyl knows...”

Enigma just stared at her for a few moments, stunned. Eventually, though, he moved forward, gently placing a hoof on her shoulder. “...don’t worry...I promise I won’t tell her...but I have to ask...” He motioned to the wig, an eyebrow raised. “...why hide this? You obviously enjoy it...”

She whimpered, looking down at the floor. “...I do...but...I get so nervous...when I’m Glaze, I don’t get nervous...I...I need her...” She sniffled, smiling softly at the red pegasus. “...t-thank you for keeping this between us...” Fluttershy leaned over, gently kissing his cheek. “...you’re a good friend...”

The stallion just sat there, staring off into space. Starting to get worried, the Element of Kindness poked his side, knocking him over.

“Oh my goodness!”

Author's Note

If any of you had paid close attention last chapter, I think this would’ve been obvious. :scootangel: Anyways, yeah, the voting thingy will be back in a few chapters. :moustache:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Occupational Obligations

Enigma slowly opened his eyes, seeing the same yellow pegasus from before standing over him. She had concern clearly showing in her eyes. He stood up, blushing brightly. “...please don’t mention what just happened...ever...”

Fluttershy nodded, blushing just as much. “...I’m really sorry that happened...I don’t know what I was thinking...” She averted her gaze, nervously adjusting the green-and-yellow wig on her head.

A bird flew in through an open window, landing on the table and twittering. Apparently, the yellow pegasus understood it, as her eyes widened in response. “Oh my!” She looked at the red stallion, an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry, I have to go. If you need help, I’m sure Neon Lights would be happy to assist you.” She opened the rear exit, quickly flying off.

The dark red pony stood there for a few moments, thinking hard. “...okay, so I need to help Vi move some eq-”

*THWACK*

He held his hooves to the back of his head, groaning softly. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the mare responsible frowning at him.

She put down the sock full of what he assumed were oranges, sighing. “Don’t call me Vi, bro.” She lowered her shades, her magenta eyes flickering over his body briefly. “...you don’t seem that strong...” The unicorn paced around him, examining him like he was an apple on a food cart. “...decently-sized wings...no cutie mark...messy-”

He glanced over at her, confused as to why she stopped talking mid-sentence. He saw her staring at his flank, her shades precariously perched on her nose, allowing him to see her stunned expression. “...Vinyl?”

Her gaze moved from his flank to his face, her face completely neutral. “...you have got to be bucking kidding me.”

Enigma frowned at the unicorn. “What? I haven’t discovered my talent, yet.”

“What about out there!?” She gestured out the door, growling at him. “You buckin’ beat me in a rap battle, and act like it was nothing!”

He defensively held his hooves up, backing away. “...I-I don’t see your point...I just don’t think rapping is my talent...”

Vinyl facehoofed, sighing softly. “...whatever.” She moved towards the door, a devious grin forming on her lips. “...here’s what I want you to do, first...”

Enigma followed her, smiling brightly. This is going to be fun! I’m sure Vinyl is a great boss!

The feminine stallion slumped against a wall in the back room, struggling to get air into his lungs. This mare is just plain cruel!

He’d spent the last half hour cleaning up multiple messes, adjusting speakers both on the ground and in the air, bringing snacks for Vinyl to eat while playing and, at one point, kicking out an overly-rowdy stallion who tried to get onstage. This wouldn’t have been a problem, had he been given a little time between chores. As it was, he’d hardly had time to breathe.

He groaned, getting back on his hooves. ...I can do this... He gritted his teeth, taking shaky step after shaky step. ...I won’t let Vinyl down...

The white unicorn in question was watching him from outside the door, her head tilted in curiosity. She turned her head to the side, muttering to herself. “...I was sure he’d give up by now...” She tapped her chin with a hoof, her devious smile returning. “...hey, bro...I have another task for you...”

He pulled open the cover of the speaker, inspecting the wiring carefully. “...let’s see here...” He carefully touched a yellow wire with a hoof, following it to where it connected to the motherboard. “...okay...”

Vinyl warily watched over his shoulder, wondering if he had any experience with wires. “I need you to know how to take care of my equipment, so we’re going to start with this speaker. It’s been broken for a while, so I want it repaired.” She turned away, chuckling softly to herself. “...there’s no way he’ll fix this...it was never working in the first place!” She cleared her throat, pointing at a small mass of wires. “Now, this is-”

He bumped her hoof away, startling the unicorn. He practically dove into the device, pulling the wiring loose, stray bits of electronics flying out around his body.

The disk jockey watched in horror as her device was disassembled before her eyes. “Stop! What the hay are you doing!?” She growled, shaking his body in her anger. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to make my bas-”

“Done.”

She blinked, confused. “...what?”

He pulled himself out of the case, carefully putting the cover back. “I fixed it. You were overloading the capacitors, but I solved your problem.” He shrugged, smiling brightly at his boss. “Simple, really. And look!” He pointed at the front, indicating a few spots where it opened up. “I even fixed the spring mechanism!”

She stared down at the silver device, attentively looking at it. She carefully put her hoof on the red button at the top. Frowning slightly, she pulled her hoof away. “Not here.” Vinyl turned to Enigma, smirking slightly.

“Let’s go try this baby out.”

Author's Note

Thanks to runforever101 for helping me with the ideas for this chapter! :pinkiehappy: Also, yes, Enigma was able to fix the device. For those of you who don't think he should, I have one thing to ask: what was his doctorate in, again? :scootangel:

How many of you can guess what the major reference is in this chapter? :ajsmug:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Destructive Device

Vinyl and Enigma arrived in a field outside of the city walls but making sure to stay within the translucent purple shell surrounding the city. The red stallion frowned, glancing around in confusion. “...Vinyl, there’s nopony here...”

She nodded, carefully pointing the speaker at a boulder. “I know, bro.”

He scratched his head, looking at the blue-maned unicorn. “...but...what’s the point of testing out a speaker if there’s no one else around to hear it?”

She glanced at him briefly, shaking her head in exasperation. “So no one gets hurt if it malfunctions.” The disk jockey tapped her chin, humming to herself. “Say, bro, do you mind looking at that boulder, real quick?”

He glanced over at the rock, an eyebrow quirked. “...yeah, it’s a boulder...a small one, but still a boulder...”

Vinyl facehoofed, groaning softly. “I meant up close, bro.”

Enigma thought for a bit, wondering why she wanted him to do that. Finally, he just shrugged, deciding it was probably best that he didn’t question his boss. He trotted up to the huge stone, staring at it. ...what am I even looking for?

The disk jockey watched him, smirking slightly. “...this is sure to get this loser off my back...nopony has the right to keep me from drinking!” She stood up, leaning across the top of the speaker, depressing the big red button with a hoof. “Oops.” The front of the device slowly opened, a hissing sound filling the air. She turned away, snickering to herself, waiting to hear the other pony’s cry of shock.

“...I suppose I didn’t fix it. My bad.”

Vinyl blinked in confusion. “...wait, what?” She turned back, seeing the red stallion staring down at the speaker, which, at that moment, sounded like a broken record.

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-

The unicorn groaned, holding her head in her hooves. “...I can’t bucking believe this...” She flinched as a hoof gently laid on her shoulder. Warily, she looked up, directly into the maroon eyes of the pegasus.

He smiled softly at her, trying his best to make her feel better. “Don’t worry, Vinyl, I’m sure we can fix it, together.”

The disk jockey kept staring at him for a few seconds before breaking it off. She opened the side compartment, frowning once more. “Let’s do this quickly. I can’t stand this noise much longer.”

Enigma nodded, quietly sitting next to her. They stayed like that for a while, examining every inch of the wiring, trying to figure out exactly what was wrong. He started to extend a hoof but hesitated, slowly pulling it back.

Vinyl raised an eyebrow, poking him in the side. “If you have an idea, then share it.”

He audibly gulped, pointing a shaky hoof at a single wire. “...it’s not connected, there...”

She leaned closer, frowning deeper. “...so it is...” Her horn lit up, pushing the wire securely against the contact point. She nodded, pulling her head out of the device. “I can’t see any-”

D-D-D-DROP THE BASS!

The speaker blasted a white light out of the front, twin tendrils of blue twisting about the beam. It shot directly at the boulder, blasting it to pieces and hitting the magenta shell behind it, creating ripples like one would see in a lake.

They both stared in shock at this, slowly turning to look at each other. She was beaming in excitement, but he was scowling at her. They both shouted at the other at the same time.

“We You tried did to kill me! it!”

Vinyl blinked, the gears in her head visibly turning as she tried to comprehend what the pegasus had just said. She pouted, turning her head away. “I didn’t think the bass cannon would be that powerful...”

The red pony just stared at her, jaw dropping in shock. “You call it a bass cannon! What did you think it would do? Shoot rainbows that turn the target into plush toys!?”

She gave him a blank look, an eyebrow quirked. “Why won’t you just be glad it wasn’t working before?”

The feminine stallion sighed, trying to calm himself down. “...I suppose you’re right...it was lucky I didn’t fix it completely in the first place...” He turned to Vinyl, frowning slightly. “...so...what should I do, now?”

“That’s your problem, dude. You have the rest of the day off...at least, until tonight.” She trotted away, pulling her bass cannon behind her and calling back at him over her shoulder. “I hear the Art Museum has a new piece. That sounds like something you’d be interested in!”

Enigma watched her leave, rubbing his hoof against his chin contemplatively. “...that does sound nice...and rather calming, hopefully...then again, I do need to get food for myself and Broadway...”

Author's Note

I'll be going back to college, soon, so both my stories will be a little slower to update. :twilightblush: I hope that's alright.

Oh, and don't forget, Vi calls everyone who gets on her nerves 'bro'. That's why she hasn't been calling Enigma by the pet name she gives him in 'Epic Rap Battles of MLP'. :derpytongue2:

The voting thingy is back! Even if only for a bit. :scootangel: What should Enigma do next? Your choices are as follows:

1) Go into the market center to acquire food for himself and his friend,

2) Wander the streets to familiarize himself with the town,

3) Take a small flight in the air above Canterlot, or

4) Go to the Art Museum.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Eccentric Enthusiast

Enigma glanced over at the remains of the boulder, shivering slightly. “...maybe it’s best I flew around a bit...calm myself down...” As soon as he said that, thoughts of the white filly at his house suddenly came to mind. He frowned slightly, steeling his resolve. “No. I promised I’d get her better food, and I’m going to do it!” He trotted off to the market, head held high.

As soon as he entered the bazaar, he lost all confidence. The open-air trading center wasn’t that full, but there was a large number of stalls laid out in front of him. It seemed every type of goods was being sold there. He even saw one next to him selling exotic animals, including a bemused white tiger.

As he walked along, he noticed that there were several buyers glancing surreptitiously at him. He groaned, ignoring them as best he could, looking for something that his small friend might like. “...let’s see...she liked the cereal from before...so maybe something sweet?”

He walked up to a nearby stall, smiling politely at the sea-green unicorn behind the counter. “Hello there. You sell candy, correct?”

She merely shook her head, an amused smile on her face. “No, we sell bon-bons. Chocolate treats filled with surprises. My marefriend makes them!” She giggled, leaning over the counter, closer to the red pegasus. “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? After all, you and DJ P0N-3 are an item, right?”

Enigma stood there, blankly staring at her, trying to figure out what she meant, as well as why her voice sounded so familiar. Soon, though, the realization hit him, much like his hoof to his face immediately afterwards. He sighed, resting said hoof on the counter. “...two things. One, we aren’t anything even remotely resembling a couple. Two, I’m a colt.”

The mare giggled, placing her hoof atop the red pony’s. “Well then, you’re the cutest stallion I’ve ever seen.” She laughed a bit more, pulling her hoof away. “The name’s Lyra. What’s yours?”

“It’s Enigma.” He glanced around, curious. He looked back up at her, head tilted slightly. “Do you have any that are just chocolate?”

She pointed a hoof at a stack of treats, which looked just as fancy as the others, smiling brightly. “These are hard chocolate shells filled with creamy chocolate mousse.” She sat back, apparently distracted.

The red stallion nodded, pointing at the chocolates. “Yeah, that sounds about good.” He looked up, finally noticing the distant look in her eyes. He followed her line of sight, seeing that it stopped at the wooden sword sticking out of his bag. He turned back to her, an eyebrow raised quizzically. “...can I help you, Lyra?”

She practically leaped over the counter at him, a wide grin on her face. “That sword! Where did you get it?”

He took a step back, shocked at the sudden outburst. “...I found it in the street...I almost tripped over it...” He moved to the side, barely avoiding the swing of the sword as it flew out of his bag and floated in the air in front of the unicorn.

“This is amazing!” She turned the toy around several times, getting a good look at the handle, specifically. “There’s no teeth marks, no trace of other ponies’ magic anywhere on this!” She rounded on the stallion, hugging him tightly. “Thanks for this amazing find!”

He blushed brightly, trying his best to escape her grip. “...need...air...”

“Oops!” Lyra let go of him, smiling playfully. “I forgot that you have a certain mare in your sights!~”

Enigma facehoofed, sighing in slight annoyance. “...I don’t-” At that moment, another realization struck him. “...you.”

The sea-green unicorn laughed, waving a hoof at him. “I’m flattered, really, but I’m taken!”

He narrowed his maroon eyes, staring directly into her golden ones. “...you were the one who shouted...that...at the end of the rap battle this morning...”

She shrugged, grinning widely. “I thought you two were cute together! You agree, don’t you?”

For the longest time, the dark red pegasus just scowled at her. She began to squirm, feeling a little uncomfortable. Eventually, he pointed at the chocolate-filled chocolates, frowning deeply. “Two dozen of those.” He tossed five bits onto the counter, grabbed the wooden sword and his purchase and left.

Lyra merely shook her head, smiling softly. “Those two are perfect for each other, I just know it!” She sat back, staring at the clouds in the sky, trying to find shapes in them.

Author's Note

So yeah, this is probably the only chapter I’ll post before I have to get ready to go back to college. Still, I think it’s alright...if anyone disagrees with this, please let me know. :twilightsmile:

Yes, Lyra is fangirling over a wooden sword that has no sign of being used by ponies. She believes it to be a human relic, or something.

The choices for next chapter. Assume that he’d bought the food by this point. :raritywink:

1) Fly around Canterlot,

2) Visit the Art Museum, or

3) Wander the streets.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Fussy Furniture Examiner

Enigma trotted down the street, having put his groceries up at his home. He looked around, wondering if there was something else he could do. His eyes stopped on a large, white building, noticing the columns outside. A sign near the door touted an exhibit in progress - a collection of statues and equipment that the Princess’s Spartan Stallions used around a thousand years ago.

He walked toward the apparently-pristine building, rather curious. Upon entering, he glanced around, seeing a staggering amount of exhibits - not just paintings and statues, but ancient armor and weapons. “...why is it called an art museum if it has more than just art?”

Shaking his head, the dark red pegasus trotted into the art, examining a portrait by somepony named ‘Da Vinci’. He frowned, noticing the lack of eyelashes on the supposed mare. He moved to walk away, but noticed that the oil earth pony’s eyes seemed to follow him. “...that’s kinda creepy...”

Shivering slightly, he turned and froze, his eyes widening at the sight of a statue of an...aroused stallion. Oh, sweet Luna! He covered his eyes, gritting his teeth as he attempted to remove the image from his mind. Do not want! He quickly moved around the statue, holding a single hoof up to block the sight from his eyes.

He was so busy trying to keep it from his sight, he accidentally bumped into another pony, knocking them over. He panicked, trying to help the gray unicorn up. “I-I’m so sorry!”

Turquoise eyes flickered towards him, anger clearly showing in them. “You should be!” The stallion pointed at a bench, which was likely there for tired parents who had excited fillies and colts with them. “You almost made me hit that!” He returned his attention to it, running a hoof through his black-and-green mane, grumbling about how the color of the fabric didn’t fit the rest of the room’s design.

Enigma blinked, unsure what to think of this pony. He glanced at his cutie mark and, seeing the design was a sharpened quill, pondered what it meant, staring at the floor. Suddenly realizing that this would become awkward if he didn’t try and respond, he decided to try and break the silence. “...well, it’s a good thing you didn’t, then...heh...” He gave a sheepish smile, hoping that it would help get his good intentions across.

It didn’t. The unicorn rounded on him, opening his mouth to rebuke him. His words died in his throat as he actually took the time to look at the now-cowering pegasus. He quirked an eyebrow, frowning slightly. “...did somepony mess up during a transformation spell, or something?”

The dark red pony just stared, unsure what to say. “...I don’t understand what you mean by that...I’ve always been this way...”

The gray stallion stood there for a few more seconds, his eyes unfocused and distant. He quickly shook his head, coughing slightly as he composed himself. “I see. Forget what I said, then.” He held a hoof up, pointing at himself. “I’m Fabric Designer, Canterlot Furniture and Style Director. I apologize for being rude earlier, but I tend to get a little short-fused when dealing with mismatching styles.” He glared at the offending bench.

Enigma almost didn’t catch that, distracted as he was by the other stallion’s messy black-and-green mane. “...it’s perfectly fine...” He wasn’t entirely sure how to mention the disarray of his hair, so he decided it was best not to draw attention to it. “...so...I’ll leave you alone, now, okay?” He slowly backed away, making sure to hold a hoof up to keep a certain shock from repeating itself.

The pony didn’t respond, having re-immersed himself in his work.

The red pegasus shook his head, wondering why he didn’t just move the piece of furniture somewhere else. He turned, halting suddenly as a sign caught his attention. “...‘have you discovered a talented artist? Opening for a new work of art’...” Slowly, a smile began to grow on his lips. “...thank you, Vinyl...”

Author's Note

The pony introduced this chapter is not mine. He belongs to Art Inspired. :scootangel: Again, thank you for letting me borrow him (if only for a bit)! I hope I did your OC justice... :twilightblush: ...I'm kinda sad this chapter is so short, though... :ajsleepy: ...I should really work on that...

No voting this chapter, as I’ve already planned out where he’s going next. :twilightsmile: Also, why’s he thanking Vinyl? She told him to go to the Canterlot Art Museum! :pinkiehappy:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Weather Managing Guru

The burgundy pegasus started to come back to consciousness, though he didn’t even try to open his eyes. No way am I taking the chance of seeing that mare do something crazy again. Never again. Of course, he could still hear, and he finally took heed of a couple voices nearby.

“Pinkie, I can’t believe you just did that! What happened to doing harmless pranks?” His ear twitched slightly, curious about this voice that sounded so much like his own.

Then came the bubbly, high-pitched voice he’d have been glad to never hear again. “He needed cheering up, Dashie! I figured a good laugh would do him some good!”

“Still, I don’t think-” The rough voice stopped for a moment, and Enigma could imagine the look of confusion on the as-yet-unidentified-gendered pony. Probably a mare. Yeah, like I’m one to talk... “...he? Pinkie, why did you-”

“Ooh, he’s awake!” A pair of hooves placed themselves in his side and started to shake him energetically, forcefully. “Come on, sleepy-head! Time to wake up!”

Enigma slowly opened his eyes, groaning softly. His bleary gaze moved around the room, trying to locate the source of the voices. His eyes landed on a patch of rainbow, taking their sweet time focusing. “...who brought the Skittles?”

A hoof thunked him on the forehead, sending him toppling onto his back. “What they hay! Why are you comparing me to...” He looked up at her with one eye, rubbing the sore spot with one hoof, wondering why she’d trailed off. The mare - yeah, definitely a mare - was staring at a spot somewhere below his waist. “...oh. So he is a he.”

Enigma quickly righted himself, glaring at the other pegasus. How did I not notice those wings flared behind her? “Of course I’m a he!” He crossed his legs, blushing a bit. “And I’m sorry about that. Just woke up, and all.”

She gave him a confused stare, her lips in a frown. “Really? I thought you were just excited to see me.” She couldn’t keep the teasing smile from overpowering her disapproving look.

He sighed, rubbing the side of his head. “...sorry, but I have my heart set on somepony else...” He continued to rub his temple, staring off into the distance. ...did I really just say that?

The two mares in front of him looked at each other then back at him, concerned. The blue pony moved forward, poking his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”

He didn’t register this question, his mind having crashed.

‘Dashie’ turned to Pinkie, shaking her head. “His brain’s out to lunch.” She thought for a few seconds before smiling brightly, an idea coming to her. “Maybe seeing my awesomeness in action will snap him out of it!”

Before the party mare could say anything, her friend had grabbed the catatonic stallion and flew out of the building. She sat there for a few moments in silence before shrugging and turning back to her preparations. Her eyes brightened up suddenly, a grin quickly appearing on her lips. “Ooh, I know! The Parasprite Polka! That’ll get everypony moving!”

Rebooting the Mystere Operating System

Please Stand By...

Enigma blinked, shaking his head rapidly, groaning softly. “...ow, that hurt...” He looked down at his hooves, noticing the comfy little cumulus cloud he was sitting on. This is nice. Just like my old bed back home. He glanced around, curious. “What happened to me, anyways?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” His gazed snapped over to the mare with the technicolor-mane in front of him. She seemed to be excited about something. “But I do know what’s about to happen - you’re about to see me practice the Sonic Rainboom for the Royal Wedding!”

He narrowed his eyes at her, his mouth opening slightly. Wedding? What is she talking about. He sighed, shaking his head and latching onto the one thing that made sense to him in that sentence right now. “You’ve gotta be kidding. I mean, there’s only one pony in all of Equestria who can do that, and she’s-”

“Rainbow Dash, that’s me!” She smirked, flicking a hoof through her mane. “Did my mane not give that away?”

He facehoofed, groaning softly. “...how did I not realize that?” He slowly slid the hoof down his face, quirking a brow at the pony in front of him. “Okay, then, ‘Dashie’. Show me this ‘Sonic Rainboom’.” Though he appeared to be indifferent about this, inside he was squealing like a little filly. I’m about to see the Sonic Rainboom in-pony! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

She scowled at his apparent nonchalance, snorting in annoyance. “Fine. You’ll be cheering soon enough - believe it!” She flew over to another cloud, flexing her wings to limber herself up.

Enigma brought a hoof to his chin, thinking a little. “...‘believe it’? Who is she, Na-” Her taking off from the cloud stopped his monologue, his eyes following her every move. “...she’s approaching the sound barrier...well, there goes any thought of duplicating this...that’s easily twice as fast as I ca-”

Suddenly the sky burst into a wave of color, making his jaw drop in shock. He didn’t even realize that his thoughts were interrupted once again. “That was awesome! I can’t believe that she - hey, why is she suddenly going up?” He glanced down and froze, his eyes narrowing to pinpricks.

His cloud was gone.

As he was falling, he facehoofed, groaning softly. “What am I worried about? I can fly!” He snapped his wings out, gently gliding back down to the ground. The force of the Sonic Rainboom must have destroyed the cloud. I’ll have to tell that mare to be more careful the next time I see her. A voice behind him caught his attention.

“Oh my stars, darling!” He turned around, looking at the white unicorn behind him. “Whatever happened to your coiffure?”

Author's Note

The next pony he’ll meet has been decided already (of course, you could probably tell that :derpytongue2: ), so no vote this time. Sorry! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and tell me if there’s anything I could improve. :twilightsmile:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Time-Travelling...Dentist?

Enigma sighed, carefully putting everything back into his saddlebag. “I can’t find anything of interest, nor a reason to leave.” He looked down at the tiny white plushie in his hooves. Certain nopony was around to see, he gently gave it a kiss on the head, the sea of electric blue hair gently tickling his nose. “If only you were real...” He chuckled softly to himself, placing it in his saddlebag and making sure it was securely closed.

He slowly opened the door to the room, peeking out to see if anypony was in the hallway. Not seeing anypony, he left the room, heading downstairs. “Octavia? I don’t really have anything else I need to do, so is it alright for me to-”

A flying tuxedo smacked him in the face. Though he couldn’t see her, he was fairly certain she was staring emotionlessly at him. “Wear that. I want to impress her, and that’s hard enough with a filth-covered pegasus in the house.”

He carefully pulled the clothes off his head, frowning at the mare. “I’m not dirty, thank you very much. Why do you want to impress this pony? And...” He trailed off, noticing that it wasn’t a tux that hit him. No, it was a butler’s uniform. “...you’re kidding.”

She looked at him over her shoulder, the familiar icy glare in her eyes. “Where I’m from, a pony is indebted to another when they’re beaten. You didn’t even put up a fight.” She pointed a hoof at him, then at the stairs. “Now get dressed.”

Enigma quirked an eyebrow, wondering just where she was born that such practices were common. He noticed a small triangle on the bottom of her hoof, but, thinking a bit more about it, decided it wasn’t that important. He shook his head, walking back upstairs with the uniform in his mouth. “...stinking amazonian mare...”

As soon as he was dressed, he returned to the, admittedly well-decorated, living room. He sat on a fainting couch, putting a hoof on his chin as he pondered how he knew it was called that. Eventually, he came to a conclusion.

“This vest is uncomfortable.”

He was smacked in the back of the head. Looking behind him, he saw Octavia, holding a rolled-up newspaper in her hoof. She stared directly into his eyes, frowning deeply. “Did I say you can sit?”

His jaw dropped in shock. “...you...you’re joking, right?”

She remained silent, her eyes drawing Enigma’s, preventing him from looking away. Every moment without a word ate at him, slowly wearing on his nerves. He began to shake; he could hear a strange crunching sound and worried that his sanity was lost. Please, say something! I don’t care if you’re serious or if you want to break my kneecaps, just SAY SOMETHING!

She turned away, a small smile flashing across her lips. “You’re right. I’m not that cruel.” Almost a second later, there was a knock on the door. She glanced at him, her trademark frown back on her face. “Well? Aren’t you going to answer it?”

He stared at her incredulously. Deciding that she was probably just insane, he walked over to the door and opened it. He discretely brushed his tongue behind the door, deciding that he hated the taste of brass.

A blue unicorn soon entered. The mare was intriguing, wearing a long brown coat that stopped right before her flank and 3-D glasses on the bridge of her nose. Her cutie mark, however, was probably one of the strangest things about her. It was an hourglass, nothing more, nothing less, but the simplicity of it was causing him to contemplate the meaning of it more and more. Just what special talent does that represent? Time-keeping?

Realizing he was staring at her flank, he quickly averted his eyes to her slightly shaggy mane. His gaze paused there, intrigued by the unique color scheme. ...that reminds me, I need to buy more toothpaste...

Octavia walked up to the unicorn, shaking her head playfully. “Oh, Doctor, when are you going to dress yourself better?”

The ‘Doctor’ glanced directly at Enigma, a flash of worry crossing her face. “Yes, Doctor of Orthodontics, that’s me.” She held up a small, tan sheet of paper, smiling brightly at him. “Here’s my license.”

The red pegasus stared hard at the sheet, looking for any sign of what the unicorn was saying was on there. Sadly, try as he might, he just couldn’t see anything. “...not to be rude, but I think they cheated you...that thing’s blank...”

The blue mare stared at him, shock clear on her face. “...well that’s odd.” She quickly put it back in her coat, her eyes narrowing slightly. “May I ask your name, ma’am?”

His eye twitched slightly, his teeth grinding as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “...my name is Enigma...and I’m a stallion...”

She shook her head, laughing brightly. “I’ve never met a stallion that looked like a mare!” She put a hoof to her chin, thinking a bit. “...maybe that’s what happened when I-” She cut herself off, remembering who was in her company. “Did my last root canal! Yep, that’s what I meant, nothing more.”

Enigma’s head was spinning. He couldn’t make sense of the mare’s odd behavior, and the strange, whirring stick in his face wasn’t helping. “...I’m sorry, what is that thing?”

She blinked, quickly putting it in her coat with the blank sheet of paper. “Nothing, just a diagnostic device. Anyways! You arrived here yesterday, did you not?” He nodded, wondering how she knew that. The unicorn turned away, muttering to herself. “Ah, so that’s why she brought me here.” She giggled, resting her head on her hoof. “I wonder if she’d still let me call her ‘sexy’.”

Feeling as though his brain was about to melt, he turned to the grey earth pony, seeing her sitting down on a chair. “...how do you deal with her chatter?”

Octavia shrugged, a sly little grin on her face. “One gets used to it.”

“Will you hold these for me?”

Confused, Enigma turned around, only for the unicorn mare to put her 3-D glasses onto him. He stood there dumbly, staring at the apparently blue-and-red pony in front of him.

She grinned brightly, clapping her hooves together. “Brilliant! Don’t change out of those clothes.” She contemplated that for a moment. “Strike that, don’t take them off until you get ready for bed. Keep forgetting ponies need to sleep...oh, and I’ll eventually need those back.” Her carefree smile suddenly turned serious. “Listen, you won’t believe me, but there’s something you need to do, something important, Integer.”

The poor stallion couldn’t think of anything to say, he was so lost from the ramblings of the pony in front of him. “...i-it’s Enigma...”

The mare pulled a card out of her coat, tucking it under the collar of the pegasus’s butler uniform. “There’s an address on that. You need to go there at noon and talk with the pony on the stage. Help her any way you can - with her laundry, with her equipment, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is this.” She stepped in close, staring at him with sad eyes. “...you have to save her from herself...don’t let her end up like your grandsire.”

Enigma’s eyes widened behind the novelty glasses, horror filling his entire being. He had no idea what she was asking him to do, but something told him it was a grave matter. “...wha...bu...w-why me? C-couldn’t somepony else do it?”

The unicorn ignored him, glancing out the window at the sun. “It’s almost noon. You have to go. Take your saddlebag and go to the place on that card, In Vitae!”

He facehoofed, sighing softly. “...still...Enigma...” He turned, heading up the stairs.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Octavia turned to the other mare, an eyebrow raised. “Was that really necessary, Doctor?”

She grinned, readjusting her coat for added effect. “Maybe, but they’re both important to the future.” She looked out a window, her grin relaxing into a small smile. “They just don’t know it, yet.” She turned to leave, calling over her shoulder. “I have to go, now! I have a bridesmaid dress to see.” She laughed loudly, shaking her head as she left. “Fancy that, I’m a mare for a week, and I was asked to be a bridesmaid!”

The now-lone mare rolled her eyes, giggling quietly to herself. “...don’t ever change, Doctor...” She glanced at the coffee table, finally noticing three envelopes on it. Curious, she lifted one, staring the crystal heart-shaped seal on it.

Thanks to runforever101, The Republican Brony and Brony Leader for helping me out with writing for the Doctor in this chapter.

Yes, I know it might be strange that I put Colgate/Minuette/Romana as the Doctor (the pony version of the Tenth one, to be exact) since she is female. But I stand by this little fact...mainly because it was already established in ‘Epic Rap Battles of MLP’, during the chapter labelled ‘Rap Battle #20: Results and Aftermath’ where there was the Atraxi Speech.

Sorry, no voting this chapter, but that’s because the next one is already decided. I’d love to hear who you think it is, though!

Next Monday is my birthday...and the beginning of my exams. Happy birthday to me.

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~

Meet the Peppy Party Planner

Enigma sighed softly, walking back to the Bass-ment. “It was lucky that I went to that art museum. I haven’t tried to get an art cutie mark, yet!” He froze, quickly realizing that a high-class couple were looking at him and daintily laughing. Blushing a bit, he quickened his pace, wishing he could curl up in a ball and disappear.

A few moments and some extraneous turns later, he slowed back down, figuring that he was away from those Canterlot snobs. He groaned, brushing a lock of magenta hair out of his face.

...wait...magenta?

“HI!”

“Gah!” Enigma quickly took to the air and spun around rapidly, trying to get his passenger to get off his back. He rapidly mapped out the graph for a polar function, hoping that the quick changes in direction would dislodge his unwanted passenger.

Of course, it didn’t. If anything, it only encouraged the stranger.

“WHEEE! DO ANOTHER BARREL ROLL!”

He groaned, calling out over his shoulder. “It’s an aileron roll! Those are two completely different things!”

“DO A BARREL ROLL!”

The pegasus groaned, doing a loop-de-loop in the hopes that it would placate the pony on his back. He landed back on the ground, grumbling quietly. “...please...whoever you are...get off me...”

“Oki doki, Loki!” To his surprise, he felt the stranger actually do what he asked. She then stepped in front of him.

The first thing he saw was the wide grin.

He leaped back in shock, staring at the other pony. He saw her blue eyes next, his gaze moving to her magenta mane before resting on her hot-pink coat. ...so much pink...it’s rather...unsettling...

She tilted her head, her smile never leaving her face. “What’s wrong with pink? I think it’s a wonderful color!”

He blinked, looking at her in confusion. “...did you just read my mind?”

“No.” The mare pulled a brown cowboy hat out from behind her back, putting it on her head. “You were thinking out loud!” As soon as she finished her sentence, her nose scrunched up and her eyes shifted back and forth nervously.

“...you’re seriously making it that clear you’re lying?” Enigma sighed, rubbing his temple with a hoof. “Listen...” He faltered, realizing that he had no idea who this pony was.

She giggled, hopping closer. “I’m Pinkie Pie! It’s always nice to meet new friends!”

He stared at her blankly, trying to understand what she just said. “...pardon me, but...we literally just met. You jumped on my back without asking, and then told me to do a barrel roll. You expect me to just be friends with you after that?!” He flinched, seeing a pained expression forming on her face.

She weakly smiled at him. “I’m sorry. You just want your space. I can see that.” She turned away, starting to slowly trot away.

The pegasus facehoofed, groaning softly. “...nice job, Enigma...you just hurt that mare’s feelings...” With a reluctant sigh, he approached her and placed a gentle hoof on her shoulder. “...no, I should apologize...I-I overreacted...” He chuckled a little, sheepishly smiling at her. “...and...I suppose it’s funny, now that I think about it...”

Pinkie brightened up quickly, hugging him tightly. “That’s great! Does that mean you’ll be my friend?”

He stood there silently, contemplating this for a few seconds. Eventually, he looked at her, nodding slightly. “...sure...it’s not like I have a huge number of friends, or anything...”

“Great!” She pulled him close, grinning. “We should throw a party! Oh, but I need to put together the reception.” She gasped loudly, causing his ear, which was in front of her mouth, to be in pain. “I know! I can show you what we’ve made, so far!”

Before he could ask what was going on, he found himself being whisked away, the buildings around him quickly becoming a bouncing blur.

Pinkie pulled the confused pegasus into a large hall. “Here we are!”

He took a second to let his nausea from being shaken so much subside before examining the room he was in. The gray-purple marble of the columns were decorated rather liberally with colorful streamers and balloons of many shapes - some of which didn’t make much sense to him.

“Here we have the games.” She dragged him over to one side of the room, gesturing a hoof at the few items there. He only saw a simple board game and a ‘pin-the-tail’ poster on the wall. Wondering if this was really all there was, he took a step forward.

A small wooshing sound caught his attention. Turning to his left, he saw a white-and-yellow blur rushing at him. Reacting purely on instinct, he ducked and pulled out his wooden sword, ready to beat down whatever it was.

After it reached the peak of its swing, it started to rise. As it did, he finally got a good look at it. “...is that a daisy piñata?”

“Yep!” Pinkie tied the rope she was holding to a nearby column, securing the piñata. She quickly bounced over to the other side of the room, placing a hoof on the record player there. “And this is the music for dancing!”

He approached her, expecting to hear some music for a five-year-old’s birthday party. That’s the vibe I’m getting from everything so far, anyways...

Her grin grew a little wider as she placed her hoof on the needle. “I hope you’re ready!” She lowered the arm and leaped away, singing at the top of her lungs.

“SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKING!”

He stared blankly at her, watching as she started to dance to the song. “...she’s doing the chicken dance to...whatever this is...wha...?”

She saw his lack of a reaction and frowned, lifting the arm of the gramophone. “What’s wrong, Miss Pouty-Pegasusasus? Don’t you like it?”

He groaned, facehoofing once more. "...I'm not a mare..." He sighed and shook his head, shrugging a little. “...frankly, I have no idea what that song is...it seems really weird...”

She thought for a few seconds before an idea struck her. “I know! You just need a laugh!” Before he could protest, she’d placed the needle on a different section of the record.

“Con los terroristas.”

She started to sway back and forth on her hooves, a big grin on her face. He just looked back at her, an eyebrow quirked. “...Pinkie, I fail to see how this-”

“And do the Harlem Shake.”

He blinked in confusion. The wh- His jaw dropped in shock. ...what the...?

In the time he blinked, a large number of ponies in random costumes had appeared in the room. What is the point of this? There’s no rhyme or reason to their actions. It doesn’t even look choreographed, what with all of the clashing dance styles and items being swung or used as instruments and oh sweet Luna what is that magenta mare doing with those fans and -

He was unconscious before he hit the floor, his mind overloaded with what was going on before him.

Author's Note

Pretty much how I’d react in a similar situation. :derpytongue2: I apologize for anyone who feels like that meme is pretty much dead, but I felt the need to use it at least once; why not with Pinkie Pie? :rainbowlaugh: ...on a separate note, the Harlem Shake does not translate well into text. :twilightblush:

The next pony he’ll meet is one of the mane six that he hasn’t met yet. Of course, I can’t decide, so the choice is up to you! :twilightsmile: Who should be next: Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack or Twilight? The pony, not the book. :raritywink:

Have a nice day!

Enigma out.~