HOPE for the Hopeless

by FeralFox

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy
Length: 1654

The result of my asking myself "What if" on the subject of Humans in Equestria

[Rated Teen for mention of suicide]

Upon one curious morn, I posed myself the question: "What if humans really did end up in Equestria?" This itty-bitty thinga-ma-bob is the result. Enjoy!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-15 16:17:35 UTC

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE....chapter

“HOPE for the Hopeless”

By FeralFox

Forest. As far as the eye could see stretched massive trees and thick shrubs. Confused, Jacob took a few cautious steps forward and touched one of the deciduous trees, noting that it was indeed real. Unsure and worried, he looked down at his wrists, finding them unscathed, yet, just moments ago, he had chosen to end his own life by slashing them to the point of hemorrhaging. Finding no other choice but to move, he began walking through the forest. He wandered for a few moments before the sound of movement behind him caught his attention. He spun around and looked for the source.

“Hello? Is someone there?” He called into the dense growth.

“Yes, wait there.” Replied an unfamiliar male voice. Before long, a small figure emerged from behind a tree. The image before the teen’s eyes was bizarre and unexpected, to say the least. Jacob took a moment to make sense of what he saw.

‘Four legs. Tail. Head. Horn? Armor?’ He thought to himself, noting individual traits of the shape his eyes perceived. ‘It looks like a tiny, armored, horned horse. An honest-to-god unicorn, decked out in some kind of armor, but really small. Like, an armored unicorn…pony.’ The thought alone caused Jacob to double-take. But what really made him consider his sanity was when it spoke.

“Follow me, please.” It said in the male voice he previously heard; calm and authoritative. Jacob’s eyebrow raised and his brain was a train-wreck of scrambled thoughts.

“Uh…wha- how- huh?” He sputtered, dumbfounded.

“Everything will be explained, follow me.” The creature repeated before turning around and walking through the trees with an actual sense of direction. He remained frozen for a moment, still stuck on the thought of some tiny creature not only speaking, but speaking his language, and giving him an order for that matter. Once reflex and instinct assumed control of his motor functions, he more-or-less stumbled along behind it.

Before too long, Jacob and the creature reached the end of the seemingly endless forest and exited. Not too far out in the distance, Jacob could see a small, colorful village of sorts, and beside it, a large compound. It seemed that they were headed to the compound, by the direction the small creature was leading him. They stepped on, eventually reaching the gigantic concrete building. On its face, directly above the two sets of double-doors sat its designation – H.O.P.E. Center.

They entered the so-called “HOPE Center” and came into a large, open lobby filled with rows and rows of chairs. Many of the seats were occupied by other guys and girls, some of them wearing confused looks like his own, while others seemed to be a buzz with excitement. The tiny creature directed him to take a seat before giving him a number and leaving through the front doors. From his seat, he could see one of those counter-type reception looking areas, like at the DMV. A few people were standing up there, speaking to whoever their receptionist was, so it wasn’t very interesting to watch. Looking around the room, he didn’t find anything else to occupy his attention, and he didn’t really want to talk to any of these people. That’s why he offed himself – so he didn’t have to deal with people. So he crossed his arms and slunk down in the chair, glancing over at the bright red number in the corner of the room before glancing at his own. The number on the display read “96” while his little ticket had “135” printed on it. He let out an annoyed sigh and proceeded to wait.

After the millionth *ding*, Jacob looked to see that his number was finally up.

“It’s about time…” He complained, standing up and approaching the desk. Again, he found himself stupefied by what he saw – yet another tiny horse creature.

“Hello. Please take a moment to fill out this form.” It said in a somewhat bored female voice, sliding a clipboard with a pen and some form in front of him. Quite hesitantly, he filled out the information required: his name, date of birth, country of origin, occupation, and place of discovery. All bar the final box were easy enough, but he just shrugged and wrote “forest” as it was his only answer. He put the pen back onto the clipboard and slid it back to the creature. Quickly reading it over, it spoke to him again. “Alright. I have some simple questions I’d like you to answer.” It said as though it were the billionth time having done so. “Do you know who or what I am?”

“No.” Jacob plainly replied, shocked that it would even ask him such a question.

“Kay. Now, were you: {A} Transported here by forces unknown, {B} Using any form of magic/technology to teleport to a distant place, or {C} Found shortly after an attempt at suicide?” It listed several choices.

“Choice ‘C’.” He said, glancing down at his strangely barren wrists, still uncertain about the whole thing. The creature sighed before jotting something down on a piece of paper and sending it through a small chute on the desk.

“Alright. Go down that hallway to your right and enter the second door on your left.” It explained. Jacob nodded and as he turned to walk as directed, the creature spoke up again. “Oh, and welcome to the HOPE Center, enjoy your stay.” It said with the clearest lack of sincerity.

Now, the HOPE Center was a pretty fancy place, built for the express purpose of sorting out a reoccurring problem; randomly appearing humans. Hence its name “Human Orientation and Placement in Equestria”. The “HOPE Initiative” is a program dedicated to finding places for the humans that keep appearing in Equestria, and helping them assimilate into pony culture, or at least giving them a place to stay until a portal can be constructed for their leave. The HOPE Center was built as a sort of introductory phase for them, taking care of some the main priority issues and was divided like so:

Section A: People that knew of the pony race and their world, a.k.a. “bronies” as they went by, were directed to an officer of the law, who would explain Equestrian law, and answer any questions on the topic, in addition to any others the human had. Once having a basic understanding of the rules, they were sent to an occupation coordinator, who tried to find a job for them during their stay based on their previous career and/or skillset. Once placed, they were sent to the residential area for temporary housing.

Section B: Those that came about Equestria by accidental teleportation or mystical unknown forces were taken to a pony whose job was to explain ponies and associated things, while answering the numerous questions asked by the human. Once any and all frantic questions were answered in a calm and professional manner, the human was then escorted to Section A.

Section C: Any who decided to end their decidedly miserable lives, like our little friend Jacob, are directed to a psychologist (depending on the day, it might be either person or pony) and the human is given a thorough grief-counseling session, in addition to answering some of the major WTF’s the human had. The human was obviously in dire straits, so they made that #1 on their list to take care of. The last thing they wanted was someone who killed themselves twice. I mean, who knows what world they’d end up in next. Probably one without an ingeniously designed help program, like Neptune. So after they’re all calmed down, they move to Section B and so on.

The program had been established by Princess Celestia after receiving a bounty of increasingly annoyed letters from her student explaining the appearance of the creatures. Twilight Sparkle had taken on the responsibility of caring for the first human, with the help of her five friends, and things were easy enough. The human eventually adapted and became self-sufficient. Several months later, another showed up. However, unlike the first, this one arrived via a closet-mounted noose and a metal folding chair. Having Fluttershy take care of most of the consoling and counseling, they got that one living easily among the pony population. Next came the first “brony”. He was easy to have understand the setting, but his over exposure to something he adored was overwhelming. He ended up getting in deep with the law, having seriously disturbed some locals. Getting that sorted out wasn’t too hard and not much later, he was on his way.

But with each arrival, the times between became shorter until it was a couple a week. It quickly became too much to handle for the six ponies, so Twilight proposed the HOPE Initiative to expand the efforts going toward helping the humans. The Center was built and things became more stream-lined after many a checklist was completed. One item on a particular checklist involved “informing the masses” of her stunningly brilliant operation. Upon completion of this goal, approximately forty-seven metric boat-loads of pamphlets were distributed throughout every major city, and a majority of the smaller surrounding communities and with them, the gift of knowledge and foresight. The pamphlets brought the pony freak-out factor down significantly. Seeing a strange hairless ape roughly twice your size meander through town tends to spell disaster to the ill-informed.

And so, with every new admission to the Center, eventually a new addition to the pony community will emerge, brimming with all sorts of confidence and motivation. That…or a mix of hopeless depression and a contempt for everything that exists…but we don’t like to talk about those ones. They usually end up on Neptune…

Welcome to the H.O.P.E. Center, and to Equestria! From all of us to you, we hope you enjoy your stay!

Fin