Luna plays a glitched game.

by airbournesquid

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Random
Length: 2115

Luna finds a glitch in her new game, and isn't very happy.

Luna finds a glitch in her new game, and has perhaps one of the most messed up reactions in history.

I wrote this to help deal with some of the horrendous writers block I've been experiencing and to satisfy my unhealthy cravings for violence. Enjoy.

Published 2012-12-30 14:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-30 14:50:02 UTC

I don't even know.

Princess Luna tapped her hoof impatiently upon the stone castle floor. The add said that delivery would take no more than five minutes, and it had already been ten. Next time, she was definitely ordering from Eneigh.

*Poof*

A slender, rectangular package wrapped in brown paper flashed into existence in front of her. Finally! And it only took them... (she gave a quick glance to the ornamental clock which was perched upon the wall) eleven minutes! She made a mental note to fire whatever numbskull was in charge of the postal service before shredding the wrappings which encompassed her purchase. Luna thrust her new video game into the air, waving it about victoriously.

"I HAVE IT! I HAVE MODERN WARMARE 2!" she bellowed in the royal Canterlot voice, shaking the very foundations of the castle.

Upon her return from the moon, Princess Luna had taken on a brand new hobby that Celestia had so kindly introduced her to: gaming. Well, 'hobby' was perhaps too light a word. So far she'd amassed a collection of video games so large that she needed an entire cabinet to store them. It was less of a hobby, more of an obsession. She devoted no less than five hours per day to her gaming habit (six, if it was a Saturday). For the past week she had been more or less living off of Doritos and Coke (diet Coke, of course. A Princess has to take care of her figure, after all), and now that she had Modern Warmare 2, it looked like there wasn't going to be any end to her fanatical gaming spree any time soon.

She skipped off to her royal chambers with the game in her grasp, giggling with anticipation. Several ponies attempted to stop her along the way, insisting that she take a look at some documentation oh the new laws commissioned or a report on the yearly tax income of Equestria. Of course, she ignored them like the ecstatic gamer she was.

She slinked into her chambers, slamming the door shut behind her.

She zipped over to her computer, popped open the disk holder, and slapped in her brand new game. As the monitor flickered to life and the tower began to whir, Luna took the time to gently pull the instruction manual out of the game's case. She flipped it open and stuffed her nose between the pages, inhaling and savouring the smell. She shuddered in ecstasy as the thick scent wafted down her nostrils, tantalising and teasing her senses. Ah yes, the new-game-smell. It was sweeter than the most poignant of flowers and more enticing than even the most expensive of perfumes.

Luna fell back onto the floor, still clutching the manual. a rivulet of drool ran down the corner of her mouth and soaked into the carpet (which was already sprinkled with dorito cheese dust). She sighed deeply in contentment as she brought the manual to her chest and stroked it lovingly.

She was following the same ritual which she applied to every game she had collected. Said ritual could be broken down into six steps.

Step one: acquire game.

Step two: put game in computer.

Step three: take a whiff of the manual.

Step four: enjoy the following high.

Step five: play game.

Step six: profit.

Luna flopped herself into her swivelling chair and plucked up the half-full bag of Cheetos that she had left lying on her desktop before cramming a hoof-full of the cheesy treats down her gullet. Celestia had always disapproved of her more than ludicrous consumption of junk food (which was rather hypocritical, considering how much cake Tia stuffed herself with) and would confiscate any snacks she caught Luna with.

Lucky for Luna, Celestia wasn't allowed into her personal chambers.

Luna tossed the empty bag onto the floor to fester among the countless other pieces of trash (the royal janitors would sort it out later) just as the game finished its instalment process. She tapped on the keyboard and clicked the mouse, eager to start playing. It wasn't long until she found herself staring at the main menu, the cursor lingering over the play button. She smiled widely, quivers of excitement running up and down her spine. Finally, the moment she had been waiting for...

"May the awesomeness... commence!" she cheered as she clicked the play button.

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Loa-

The monitor flickered blue before going black. Luna arched an eyebrow in confusion. This was unusual, her computer never done this before. Was this the introduction or something? She clicked the mouse a couple of times and pressed the keys of her keyboard randomly. Nada, nothing, zilch.

"What is wrong with thou, infernal machine!" she growled through gritted teeth. With a hoof she slapped it across the side, eliciting a strained rumble from the device's innards. The monitor flashed back to life momentarily, and Luna's heart lifted with hope. Sadly, the screen flickered and faded to black once more, as if taunting her.

And Luna did NOT take take well to being taunted.

With an enraged scream, she swept the computer from her desk and hurled it into the wall. Its plastic case split open and its metal workings and copper wires tumbled out onto the floor. The wreckage gave a tiny hiss, and small wisps of smoke began to rise from the machines corpse. Luna stood erect in the middle of the room, small sparks of blue emanating from the tip of her horn. An unfathomable rage built up inside of her, hotter than the terrible flames of Tartarus, colder than the crushing depths of the sea. She had been tricked. Played. fooled. The temptations of gaming had wooed her into a sense of security, and then skewered her with the sharp blade of disappointment.

A brilliant bolt of blue lightning arched from Luna's horn and sliced into the wall, scarring the dark aqua brickwork with a black line. Another shot into a nearby sofa, which levitated from the floor and exploded in a hail of sparks. More of the writhing forks bloomed from her horn, tearing apart the furniture and dismantling her room in a chaotic whirlwind of destruction.

Princess Luna was mad. Very mad.

Celestia's golden horseshoes clicked sharply against the stone floor of the hallway as she marched towards her sister's chambers. She'd received message from her guards that there had been a deafening ruckus coming from Luna's room. According to the messengers, it sounded as if her sister was in immediate danger. Celestia cursed herself for not giving the guards access to the royal bedchambers. The doors were sealed with a spell which would only allow those of royal blood to open them. It had been an idea that she had concocted herself in a bid to increase security, but she had never contemplated what would happen if danger still found its way in.

Four muscular guards, each clad the purple armor of the Lunar guard, were pushing against the door intently in a vain attempt to break it open. Celestia gently brushed them aside and tapped her horn against the door. It glimmered with a translucent golden sheen of magic before swinging open.

"Dear Faust, look at this place!"

The room was a mess, even more so than usual. the furniture had either been upturned or simply ripped apart, the carped was singed and patchy, the walls had been chipped and battered, and the entire room stunk of ash. Luna was nowhere to be seen. Celestia ventured into the bedroom-turned-warzone, sweeping her head frantically from left to right in search of her sister.

"Luna! Luna where are you?" she bellowed.

*Crumple*

Celestia raised her hoof, and found that she had just stepped on a hastily written note which had been left on the floor. She picked it up and scanned it with her magenta-pink eyes. It was in Luna's hoofwriting, and although the message was short, it was none the less terrifying.

Dear Tia, went to get revenge, be back for tea time.

The CEO of Tyrenarch's Equestrian branch sat snugly in his comfy chair, typing an email to his wife on his laptop which he had set up on his desk. The walls around him were adorned with a multitude of certificates and awards, all of which he had earned through his extensive career in the gaming industry. On the edge of his desk sat a small picture frame which held a photograph of him holding his five year old son and four year old daughter closely to his chest. He gave it a quick glance and smiled. Nothing made him feel like more of a stallion than knowing that he was a father to two foals and a husband to the mare of his dreams.

Mr Headshot (first name 'Boom') clicked the 'send' button and leaned back in his chair with a satisfied groan. A beautiful wife, a beautiful pair of kids, and a beautiful job... not bad for a unicorn pushing sixty. His mane had gone grey a long time ago, and his boxy face was being marred by more and more wrinkles each day, but he honestly couldn't care less. As far as he was concerned, he'd already achieved his life ambitions and had lived out his childhood dreams to a point where it actually became physically tiring. Now all that was left for him to do was get old, retire, and watch his children grow into fine, well-mannered adults.

That's what he would have done, had a bullet not soared through the window at that precise moment and blown Mr Headshot's brains all over the walls.

"That's for selling me a faulty product, cur." growled Luna a couple of rooftops away. In her hooves she held the Equestrian military's standard sniper rifle, the 'Haymaker'. Perfect for long range combat and, evidently, disposal of enemy personnel. Her revenge, however, was not over just yet. The twelve story building in which the villainous monster she had just slain had occupied held dozens more ponies who were all just begging to be punished. With an evil grin Luna spread her wings and took flight towards the building's main entrance.

The front doors burst open as Princess Luna rammed her way into main reception. The youthful Pegasus mare who sat at the reception desk bellowed a high pitch scream of shock which was cut short as four rounds ripped into her chest and sent he tumbling to the floor. The horrified eyes of the dozens of ponies who occupied the room fell upon the enraged princess and the smoking semi-automatic weapon which she cradled in her hooves. In the brief silence that followed, Luna regarded each of them with a look of both disgust and distain.

"Thou art ALL GUILTY!" she roared, raising her gun and setting its sights upon the closest of the ponies. The all screamed in unison as Luna pulled the trigger once again and swiftly ended the life of another employee. She turned her remorseless gaze to the rest of them as they scurried towards the nearest exits. With a twisted smile, she aimed her rifle towards them and continued firing.

"TRAITORS!" she screamed over the ear-splitting chatter of gunfire. "TRAITORS TO THE CROWN, ALL OF YOU!" the shuddering squeals of pain could barely be made out over Luna's deafaning shouts and the resounding and continuous crackle of her weapon. Chunks of plaster were torn away from the walls as bullets tore through them like tissue paper, and the spatters of blood which erupted from the ponies soon decorated the room like crude and gory interpretations of modern art. When the final shot left the rifle's chamber, everything without both wings and a horn was dead.

Luna ejected the magazine and replaced it with a fresh one before striding towards the nearest stairway. The broken and shattered corpses of her victims law strewn across the floor, locked in coiled embraces and resting in slowly expanding pools of crimson. Luna's smile widened. There were a lot more traitors who resided within this building, which meant that there was plenty more fun to be had.

If she couldn't play First Person Shooters, she'd simply live them out instead.

Author's Note

Congradulations, you actually read through all of that (personally, I would have given up after the first couple of lines). If you could, send me some feedback on what you thought about this, and for the love of god, please don't dislike because the premise is a little grim. This was written for fun, not to twist the panties of any Luna fans.