There’s this shed on the farm that nopony uses, and that I’m sure even Granny Smith forgot about. That is why I have come to this particular part of the farm. I don’t know. There’s nothing particularly special about it; it’s older than dirt. And hell, it’s in worse shape than the clubhouse was when I first saw it.
There are spaces between the boards that made up the walls. Just pressing your hoof on it makes it squeak like a rusty hinge. But today, it is going to finding out what is keeping me from getting my cutie mark, and being just like my friends!
It's a simple plan really, I just sit inside the shed and wait for Scoots and Sweetie to come by for their afternoon get-together. We're still close, of course, but... I don’t spend as much time with them as I used to. Maybe it’s because once you receive your Cutie Mark, it becomes more difficult to come up with another hoof-full of crazy ideas to help somepony else get one. It’s even harder to explain why you’re still doing those things in the first place.
I miss the days when we would hangout at the tree-house. Doing nothing but figuring out ways to discover our talents. It’s funny. In a way, I imagine the two of them coming to this spot to talk about how I could get my cutie mark, and we could spend more time together.
“Well standin’ aroun' thinkin’ about the good ol’ days ain’t gettin’ me nowhere,” I laugh to myself, roughly bashing the old, decrepit doorway to the shed open.
I was impressed to even see anything inside. Besides tons of leaves and dust, the little shack has a few other items. In one corner is a container of fuel and an undersized lantern. The opposite corner has a shaded spot, like if something had leaked there. And on the wall facing me were the leftovers of what used to be a war poster from a time I can’t even recall. I look closer to the scraps of paper, all I could make out is: “What will you give?”
“Anythin’,” I chuckle to myself as the nostalgia of my time as a Crusader comes rushing back for a brief moment.
Thankfully, before I can get too wrapped up in bittersweet memories, I hear something moving in the distance.
I have to control myself from being too forceful with the door as I enter the little shack. I feel my heart pounding with excitement, fear, and anticipation as the sound of hoof steps draw closer.
Propping myself against the door, I peer through the crack between two boards and look for any trace of my friends. Soon they’ll be here! And I’ll learn the special secret to how they got their marks! And.. And...
As suddenly as the hoof-steps started, they stopped. Was I too loud? Did they hear me? Leaning back from the door, I ponder myself with these questions. As the worry and shame swell into my cheeks, I wonder… What will the girls think of me spying on them like this?
I gather what little courage I had. I was getting ready push open the door when I notice something... odd. The light that was originally shining through my peephole is gone. The hot feeling of shame in my cheeks grew to the point that the corners of my eyes were pricking with tears.
“A-ah’m sorry,” I whimper as I pull the door open to face the fillies I had planned to spy on. “Ah didn’t mean ta-” Looking up I was greeted by the sleeping apple trees, an icy river, and snow as far as the eye could see. It isn’t any different than the way I had left it earlier… But I swore...
No, no, it’s nothing; probably some loose flyer or a critter passing by. Yeah, probably just one of the wild animals of the Everfree. I step back inside and return to wait for my friends once again.
As I sit in the dark shed, the words of the old poster haunt me like a specter. The words seem almost judgmental now, pointing out some wrong that I’ve done.
“It was fer mah friends,” I say, ashamed of my desperate actions. But it does nothing to ease my guilt.
I return to peering through the door again, looking for the two fillies. Now even more concerned to take my mind off judgment, I feel even more encouraged to actually see my friends. Continuing to gaze out the peephole, a chill runs through me. It’s not the winter air so much as it is the loneliness.
“Ah wish they were with me right now, yah know?” I speak to nopony in particular. “Ah can see myself doin’ this with them. Ah’d be waitin’ with Scoot, and we’d talk about nothin’ in particular, Sweetie would come by an’ we’d...” I feel a pair of cold streaks run down my face as I stare, more at the door than through the peephole. “...An’ we’d do somethin’ special, together.” The tears flow freely now as I press my forehead to the peephole.
I ball as the lonesomeness hits me like a ton of bricks. “Why cain’t I have my mark! Why can’t we be like we were? Why? Why? Why?!”
My sobbing is interrupted when I hear something; it sounds like a pony hiccupping. It might be them! Did they hear me? I try my best to compose myself as I wipe the tears from my wet eyes. I look through the peephole, only to see a brief flash of color against the whiteness of the fields.
I feel my eyes nearly jump out of my head as I search for a sign of the pony that just walked past my hiding place. Was that Sweetie and Scoots? Did they hear me blubbering to myself like a baby? They can’t have gotten far… I have to catch them, and I have to explain myself.
“Girls, Ah’m sorry! Ah-” Nopony is outside when I open the shed door. I sprint to the middle of the road looking as far as I can in both directions. Still, nothing to be found, but… I was sure I- no! No, I’m just jumpy from the anticipation. That’s all. I’m just seeing things because of the cold and loneliness.
I walk back into the shed and stare at the poster once more. “What will you give?” What will I give…? What haven’t I given?! What more does... life? Or whatever you want from me! I’ve given up two ponies! Two ponies that I wouldn’t trade for all the gold in Equestria to have them taken from me. I’ve had to give up the good times that made the taunts at school bite a little less. I have given up being happy because I can’t get a stupid mark on my fucking flank!
“What do you want from me!” I scream at the wall as fresh tears, once again begin to stream from my face. “They meant everything to me! Everything!” I drop to my knees in the darkness. “Ah just want them back. Ah just want the hurt and lonesomeness to go away. Ah want to be happy again!”
I press my eyes into my fetlocks, trying to control the sobs that escape through strained breaths.
“You have no right to judge me!” I state as I stare sternly at the torn poster. “You have no right!”
I give the stupid paper my back as I return to watch for my friends. They were going to come and that would show it! That would show it, show everypony that I’m right!
“Huha!” I chuckle as I catch myself. Look at me upset at a sheet of paper, and for what? In fact, why am I getting so worked up. I’m sure Sweetie, Scoots, anypony really, would understand my actions.
I close my eyes, allowing the feeling of calmness and peace to sink back in. “Soon Ah’ll be with ‘em… We’ll be the best o’ friends again! We’ll all have our cutie marks. We’ll be one again.” A soft smile creeps onto my face as I imagine the fresh feeling of being with my two dear friends again.
Opening my eyes, I return to staring through the peephole.
I shuffle my hooves away from the door.
There was somepony on the other side of the door, staring at me. It was looking through the tiny knothole. The pupil was a near pin prick, but it seemed to know! Not just that I was here, no, this pony, this pony knows what I was doing. It even looked like it knew why I was doing it. More then what I knew at the least.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I think about my observer. Just sitting outside, studying me. Judging my actions… Judging me!
Wait, the hoofsteps, the hiccuping, the color! This pony… This pony has been here the whole time. They must want me to do something, and clearly they want to frighten me into doing it.
“No!” I rasp at the door. “Yah can’t get tah me that easy, no sir! Yer gonna have tah work a lot harder than that tah break me.” Sitting in the stillness, I can almost make out their breathing from the opposite side of the door. It’s maddening, almost too much to bear.
I take off the glass case of the lantern and smash it into pieces, gripping a sharp, glass armament. Holding the weapon, I move closer to the door. “Now look, Ah don’t want tah hurt yah, so why don’t yah just go back to wherever yah came from, yah here?” I call to my pursuer. No response.
Swinging the door open with a strong buck, I am greeted by nothing except for icy coldness, and a large, setting sun. Hopefully, the other pony had finally taken the hint.
I close the door and turn to poster once more. “Ah guess Ah best be-”
My heart almost stops as I see two eyes staring back at me from an impossible darkness. It’s almost as if the creature eliminated what little light that previously existed in the room.
The eyes are a blood reddish color, along with a small pinch of orange. The left, looking more malicious as the blood that rings the iris turns the structure into a half red orb.
An acrid, bitter smell permeates from the half of the shed where the creature stands. It’s like being next to a chemical fire, so much so that I feel my stomach heave as I try to get used to the awful smell.
I turn and try to open the door and flee, but to no avail. Something warm runs from hoof. Turning to it in a panic, I remember the sliver, my hoof oozing blood from gripping the blade too tight. My heart is in my neck as I look into the creature’s deep, dark eyes.
“What do yah want?” I question, aiming the sharp point of the glass shard in the direction of the eyes. They narrow at me. Whatever it is, they’re positively mad at me. “What do yah want?!” I repeat in a louder voice towards the shadow.
The creature takes a step toward the light. As I stumble to the ground, I see the outline of a small filly. Her body looks wrecked and abused… But I can’t tell how. Something about it tells me that this- this, thing, shouldn’t be standing. She should be dead!
“A-Ah ain’t gonna ask y’all again!” I hiss, trying to sound confident, “What do yah want!” I resorted once again to the sliver, lifting my hoof in protection.
Another step. I can make out the color of the filly. The right side is a pale yellowish color. But the other side is covered in small, painful scars, and unnaturally blackened fur.
Tears are running down my face now as I realize what I am looking at. “No, let me go, just leave me alone. Please?”
Step.
“Please?”
Step.
“Please!”
The filly is staring me squarely in the eyes now. Her eyes are hostile, and burn with hate like irons in a fire.
“Why?” she rasps with a voice like that of ashes blowing across a wasteland.
“Please,” I plead as her presence suffocates any hope I have of escaping, “H- Have mercy.”
Her eyes go wide as warped smile appears on her face.
“Why would Ah do that? Y’all’re the reason Ah lost mah friends!”
-(-)-
I pump my wings harder than I ever have before. I have to find somepony, anypony who can help my friend. She might be- No she’s not! She can’t be! She’s stronger than that!
In the distance, I spot the brown Stetson of her sister. “Applejack!” She turns to me, “Applejack!”
“What is it, Scootaloo? Y’all look like mantachor ate somepony!” I feel tears starting to well up in
my eyes but I keep my composure for her.
“Applejack there’s not much time; Applebloom! She... She...” My words are choked as I try get out what happened.
“What happened tah mah sister, Scootaloo?” she asks placing a hoof on my shoulder.
I look up into her concerned eyes. “Me and Sweetie Belle were just at the clubhouse… A-and we heard an explosion...”
Everypony thinks about life after death, heck when my parents... moved on... I liked to think that they were all around me, you know? Dad would be the morning sun getting me up for another adventure, and Mom would be the moon and stars keeping the bad things from ruining my dreams. But that’s the kind of thing a scared little filly makes up for herself when she’s not ready to let go of somepony she cares for.
I’m older now, and I don’t need to make excuses anymore, I’ve seen what life has to offer and I know that I have to enjoy it before it all ends... But with what’s happened to my friend recently, I’ve started to wonder about these things again.
I guess I’m getting ahead of myself here. My friend, Apple Bloom, she made it! Thank god. She looks different now of course, her coat has more of an ash grey color on the left, her eye’s got this gnarly blood stain around the iris that won’t go away, and the scars are everywhere. Deep down though, I can tell she’s the same Apple Bloom from before the explosion.
Which is why I’ve been avoiding her, I guess. I mean don’t get me wrong I love her like a sister, but, after me and Sweetie got our marks, things between the three of us... changed. Me and Sweetie started doing our own thing and Apple Bloom-.
We weren’t very good friends to her, and she got hurt because of it. Not a day goes by that I’m not reminded of how I failed her. The worst part is I think she knows this. She’s even more distant now than I... than I was to her before the incident.
I’m sorry, it’s getting cold out here by the lake and I have to get back to my place before there are too many eyes on me.
“Scootaloo?” a raspy southern voice calls from behind me. I shuffle my hooves anxiously, a little shocked to see my friend. She looks like she wants to say something important, but can’t find the right words.
“Oh, hey.” Why is she here, its a good thirty minutes out of her way. “What brings you here? You aren’t stalking me are you?” I chuckle.
“Yes,” she deadpans. I feel a nervous look shoot across my face as I wonder why she’s here even more.
“It was a joke,” she smiles, moving a little closer to me, “Ah jus’ thought we could um, yah know, hangout like we used tah.”
“Well, I don’t know,” I say eyeing the setting sun, “It’s getting pretty late.”
“Oh.” A look of hurt falls onto her face as she adjusts a scarf around her neck. “Okay, maybe some other time then.”
As she turns, I can feel the same pain I felt when I saw her burning body in the snow. I can’t just let her go, not like this.
“Wait!” I call as she turns away, “Look, it’s late, but I’m sure your folks wouldn’t mind if you kept me some company tonight. We could stay up late and just catch up, and uh- my Mom can make us some warm apple cider with those Granny Smiths your sister gave us yesterday!”
The yellow and black filly turns to me, giving me a nod. A half smile comes to my face as I walk up next her.
“Besides, I don’t think Applejack would want you walking outside on a cold night like tonight.” I say giving her a playful nudge.
“Yer probably right. ‘N ‘sides Ah cain’t wait tah see yer Ma and Pa.” I keep a smile on my face, but worry fills into my heart as she says that. I am taking a huge risk here. Nopony, not even Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell, has seen my place, because nopony, not even me, knows what happened to my parents.
I never knew what they did honestly, but it must have been important. Everywhere they would go ponies would just give them stuff and thank them for this or that. It felt so good knowing that the two ponies who cared the most about me did so much for others. I had always assumed that nopony could have hated them, but... I was wrong.
One of my favorite things to wake up to was the smell of my Dad’s home cooked breakfast and my Mom singing in the new day. One day I woke up to the smell of smoke, and screaming. I opened my eyes to see my home consumed by flames as I find myself in the bushes. Ponies were everywhere trying to put out the flames, but it was too late to save anything but ashes.
The record says that on that night a filly and a mare died in a blaze started by an abusive colt. Though the story was untrue, ponies began to accept it, and whether out of fear or necessity, it forced me assume a new identity and take care of myself.
Since then, I’ve been squatting in a little shack on the outskirts of town.
It’s nothing to brag about; it’s probably as big as an small apartment without lights or running water. I have to collect wood to keep me warm in the winter, and haul water from the creek. Not mentioning that I have to “borrow” food when I’m hungry. But that little shack is mine, and, well, that means something.
Bringing visitors just means having to explain why the lights don’t work and the toilet doesn’t fill up when you flush it. I worked hard to make that place my own, and somepony finding out about my situation would mean giving up my freedom.
But then again, Apple Bloom’s a friend, I can trust her, and besides, if she doesn’t get too curious, I can actually enjoy a fire with somepony besides Fillyoder Dostoyevsky or Hoofingway.
“Yah know Scoot’s,” Apple Bloom says with some excitement as we reach my house, “I don’t think Ah’ve ever been tah yer place before.”
“I don’t usually have visitors,” I answer, “It's usually pretty crowded with just me and my folks, so I never saw the point of inviting people over.”
“Well yah should, it looks down right cosy.”
“Gee thanks.” I say stroking my mane, a little embarrassed. Whether it’s good or bad, Apple Bloom always has a knack for making things seem bigger than they really are. Glancing at the sun, I judge that there’s just enough time to get her inside without her asking too many questions about why the lights aren’t on yet.
“Say, why don’t you go draw some water while I get the fire started?” I offer pointing at the hand pump water well by side of the house.
“Sure thing, Scoots.”
Grabbing a box of matches and some newspaper, I set to getting the fire started in the hearth. In a few moments, the room is illuminated with the cheery flicker of the flames. I stare at it for a few moments as warm memories wash over me.
“Got the water,” Apple Bloom states, stealing me from my daydream.
“Oh good,” I say grabbing a teapot with the extra long handle that I had fashioned for preparing meals. Scooping some water out of the bucket I place some apple slices, cinnamon and sugar into the pot and set the brew to cook.
“So lets catch up a-” I notice my friend staring at the fire intently, and a feeling of guilt catches me, “Oh geez, um... sorry, I can get some lamps and blankets instead if you like.”
“Nah that’s alright, Ah think its the perfect thing fer a night like tonight.” A warm smile sets me at ease as I settle down next to Apple Bloom by the fire.
For a minute or two, I feel like I’m home for the first time in a while. Not in the sense that I’m in the place where I live when I’m not at school or with my friends. No, right now felt like that time when family is over, and you can feel the life of another pony in the room.
Unfortunately, the feeling disappears as the fire brings back the memories of that day. I glance at Apple Bloom. An odd look has taken over her face, not quite anger or sadness, but it’s certainly not happy.
In the firelight, she almost looks normal as she looks back at me; the good side of her face the only part revealed by the fire.
“Um... Apple Bloom, a-about that day at the farm...” Part of me almost expected her to look away, but she holds my gaze. I turn instead as feelings of guilt and shame surface in my head.
“I know what I did- what we did, to you was wrong and I’m...” I look back up to meet my friends gaze. It’s a look of somepony trying to restrain a sadness that is clawing at them.
“Sorry,” I finally manage as I return my gaze to the fire.
“Why did y’all leave me?” Her voice cracks like the burning wood. I turn to her, shocked by the accusation.
“We didn’t leave you Apple Bloom, we were there to save you. Remember? We’re your-”
“That’s not what I meant!” Apple Bloom booms slamming a hoof on to the floor. I recoil a bit at the agitated earth pony.
“Of all the ponies Ah know, Ah thought y’all would be the mos’ understandin’ o’ what happened. That y’all would be there fer me!” Confusion and pain twist her expression into something akin to rage. I try to put a hoof on her shoulder but stop short.
“Don’ touch me.” Her eyes burn like the flames in the hearth as she glares at me.
“Apple Bloom,” I begin with a worried smile, “I didn’t mean to leave you, I-I was the one who went to get your sister. Remember?” I gingerly place my hoof on the ground.
Apple Bloom’s expression grows colder and colder as the seconds pass by. It almost seems like the light in the room is running away, seeking the relative warmth of outside.
I back away from my friend as her eyes narrow on me.
“Ah want tah know somethin’, Scootaloo,” she stated flatly her glare not easing in the slightest, “Why do you abandon the ponies you love?” My face burns as a white hot fury consumes me.
“How dare you! I came back for you! I was the one who stood up for you! I am your best friend! Did you forget that? Did that explosion make you lose your sense! Is that it?!” I bark at my friend. “You would still be whimpering in the corner because you can’t stand on your own four hooves!”
I cover my mouth as I realize what I had just said. Apple Bloom’s eyes were welling up with tears as a look of pure hate took over her face.
“Apple Bloom I am so sorry! I-I didn’t mean that... I-it was a mistake.” I close my forehooves around her.
“I was upset, I-”
“Do you know what it’s like tah be dead?” My embrace loosens as my friend’s tone becomes darker.
“Do yah know what it’s like tah be somethin’ and nothin’, all at once?”
“Yeah, yeah... when my folks died I-”
“Hush! Y’all ain’t got the slightest clue what its like to have one o’ the only ponies tah ever care ‘bout yah jus’ abandon yah when she gets her cutie mark. Y’all don’ know what it’s like tah watch yer friends, day, after day, after day, after motherfukin’ day, avoid you like yah weren’t good enough fer them.”
I back away from Apple Bloom as the words hit me. Shock, shame, sadness, they all wash over me as I search for an explanation for my actions.
“Apple Bloom, I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”
“‘Cause yah didn’ care jus’ like when yer folks died.”
I look up in shock, Apple Bloom’s dark smile emanating from near perfect darkness, greeting my now tear-filled eyes.
“How did you know?” Her smile broadens into an insane grin.
“Cause they tol’ me everthin’. They even tol’ me when yah stopped believin’ in them.”
“I-I-I, couldn’t catch her, I ran after her into the blizzard, but I just couldn’t catch her!” Scootaloo was on the verge of hysteria as she explained what had happened at her home.
“She knew things, Sweetie Belle! She-she talked to my parents. She even knew when I stopped believing in spirits. She even knows that I don’t think the princesses are gods.”
I try to calm the trembling filly as she paces the floor.
“Scootaloo, you need to calm down, you’re not making any sense.” Her paranoid, confused eyes lock with mine. The feeling of dread and fear overcome me, but I beat it down for the sake of my friend.
“Now it’s going to be okay, Scootaloo, just tell me what we need to do.” A manic smile appears on my friends face.
“That’s the best part! You and me, we bare the same taint! But don’t worry,” an insane chuckle escaping her, “We can get rid of it! We can be clean again!”
