Fluttershy Tricks A Troll
Fluttershy was not a pony for adventures. She had been on adventures, but she certainly had not enjoyed them. If you gave Fluttershy a choice between raiding the treasure hoard of a ferocious dragon or staying at home and brewing a cup of tea, she would choose the tea every time.
And so, when Fluttershy found herself walking through an unusually bright meadow in the middle of the Everfree Forest, she was rather surprised. Mere minutes before, she had been tending to a badger’s broken leg. The poor little cutie.
As the tall, long grass brushed against her face, Fluttershy supposed she must have got lost. Yes that was it. She certainly wouldn’t have wandered off into the Everfree Forest on purpose. Only brave ponies like Rainbow Dash and silly ponies like Irwin the Beast Botherer did that.
Now that she thought about it, she supposed there really wasn’t much difference between the two.
Still, Fluttershy had to admit that the meadow was oddly beautiful. The Everfree Forest was usually dark, damp, unnatural and full of terrifying monsters whose favourite hobby was rearranging your vital organs. The meadow, on the other hoof, was bright; the long grass swayed in the wind and somehow reflected the sun perfectly. A babbling stream split the meadow in two. Fluttershy walked towards the small, stone bridge that arched over the peaceful stream.
As Fluttershy walked over the bridge, as she was at its uppermost arch, she heard a voice.
“Hello, little pony,” said the voice. It was deep, dark and gruff. Three qualities you didn’t want a mysterious voice to have.
Fluttershy stopped in her tracks. She prayed to Celestia that this wouldn’t result in yet another adventure. She knew that leaving her cottage this morning had been a mistake.
The yellow pegasus plucked up all her courage. “Um, hello?”
“Come under my bridge, little pony,” said the voice again. There was a coarse and rough quality to it; it was as if the owner of the voice was not used to speaking, or hadn’t had need to for a very long time.
She wasn’t sure why she did it but, cautiously, Fluttershy walked down to the bank of the stream. Thick mud caked her hoofs. Rarity would have fainted. Fluttershy, very cautiously, peered under the bridge. Unlike the meadow, it was damp and dark under there.
Suddenly, there was a huge shape in the shadows under the bridge. Fluttershy’s heart almost jumped ship and leapt straight out of her chest.
Whatever it was, it was huge. At least six ponies high; it looked like fitting under the bridge was not very uncomfortable for it. It had pasty, white skin and patches of matted, greasy hair peppered its disgusting body. It looked like somepony had tried to shave a gorilla and not been entirely successful. To top it all off, the creature had a knife-like claw on each long, bent finger, jagged fangs hung from its mouth and its eyes were black and sunken.
Fluttershy felt like throwing up. The cause of that urge may have been the bridge creature’s appearance, but it could also have been the disgusting stench emanating from it. The smell was a combination of dead fish and month-old sandwiches. Fluttershy was standing a good few meters away from the monster, on the muddy bank of the stream, but she could still smell it.
Fluttershy decided to talk to the creature. She needed an excuse to breathe through her mouth.
“Um, who are you?” she said.
“I’m a troll,” the creature said as it absently scratched its vast chest with one of its claws.
“W-why couldn’t I see you before?” The troll was so big, Fluttershy was sure she would have spotted him on the other side of meadow.
“Trolls only appear when there are ponies to see them.”
There was a moment of silence. Fluttershy wasn’t sure how long it went on for. The troll picked dirt out of its tangled hair and Fluttershy looked down at her muddy hooves.
“I’m going to gobble up your life,” the troll said, almost matter-of-factly.
Fluttershy suppressed a squeak. “You’re going to eat me?”
“No. I’m going to gobble up your life.” This time the troll sounding almost annoyed, as if the difference should be obvious to anypony with half a brain. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I want to gobble up a little pony’s life.”
“Um, how long did it take for you to come to that conclusion?” Fluttershy had a suspicion the troll wasn’t too smart; maybe she could distract it.
“Eh?”
Suspicion confirmed.
Fluttershy cleared her throat. She sounded like a mouse with a cold. “How long have you been thinking about gobbling up a pony’s life?”
“Not sure,” the troll scratched its misshapen head with one of its razor-like claws, “Lost count around ninety winters ago.”
“Oh my. It took you that long to make a decision?”
“Trolls take a long time to decide anything,” the troll shrugged its shoulders as it spoke, “not like ponies. Ponies rush too much. Far too much.” It almost sounded like Granny Smith when she complained about the young ponies of today.
“Why are you under that bridge?” Fluttershy tried to steer the conversation away from ponies before the troll remembered that his lunch was standing right in front of him.
The troll fell for it again. “Sun not good for trolls. Sun makes our skin melt like snow and our eyes pop like squished bugs.” The troll made a loud popping noise with its mouth for emphasis.
“Oh my. That must be terrible. You poor thing. But why don’t you just come out at night?”
“Not sure if I want to yet. Give me another ten or twenty winters.”
“Oh, you poor, poor, poor thing –”
“Now come under my bridge so I can gobble up your life, little pony.” The troll made an almost inviting gesture with one of its vast arms.
Fluttershy almost pouted. So it hadn’t worked. The troll’s arms were very long. It could probably grab her before she had a chance to run away and the troll would only be exposed to the sun for a split second.
“Wait!”
The troll looked exasperated. “What is it now, little pony?”
“You don’t want to gobble up my life,” Fluttershy looked down at her hooves in an attempt to look sorry for herself, “I’m still young and I haven’t done anything exciting. I just stay at home all day, drinking tea and looking after my animals.” She decided to leave out all those times she’d saved Equestria with her friends.
The troll scratched its triple chin with one of its claws. “What are you talking about, little pony?”
“Well, my life won’t be very tasty will it?” Fluttershy continued to stare at her muddy hooves. “I’m sorry, Mister Troll. But I know somepony whose life I’m sure would be very tasty.”
“Go on.” The troll kept scratching its chins.
“Her name is Princess Celestia. She has lived a very long time and has done lots of interesting things. She lives that way.” Fluttershy pointed in a completely random direction. “Oh, and she’s a god.”
That grabbed the troll’s interest. His black, sunken eyes seemed to light up. “God? Never gobbled up a god’s life before. Don’t think any troll has.”
“You’d be the first in history. You’d be famous.”
“My mothers always said I’d be famous one day.” The troll was looking more and more excited by the second.
“Oh, but there’s just one problem.” Fluttershy tried her best to sound despondent.
“Problem?”
“Princess Celestia is the sun goddess. She raises the sun every day.” The yellow pegasus looked up at the sky for emphasis. “And sun is not good for trolls……”
The troll let out a roar of frustration. Some birds flew out of a nearby tree and Fluttershy’s heart almost jumped ship again.
“Now what?” the troll snarled.
“You know what I think you should do? It’s just a suggestion and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but, um, I think you should think about it.”
“Yes, yes, think about it.” The troll calmed down and sat in the brown water under his bridge. “Do I want to eat sun pony god or not?”
After several minutes, when it was clear the troll was deep in thought and would be for quite some time, Fluttershy quietly walked out of the sunny meadow and made her way home to her cosy cottage.
Many winters later, when Fluttershy had grandchildren and a mane full of grey, she found herself thinking about the troll again.
She wondered if it had come to a decision yet.
