For Queen and Country

by Gherkin

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Princess Luna
Length: 19784

After disastrous events in Istanbul, 007 ends up in Equestria.

Commander James Bond was one of MI6's top operatives. Having succeeded in countless missions and bringing down international terrorists such as Le Chiffre and Dominic Greene, Bond is sent to Istanbul to retrieve a hard drive containing the names of every agent involved in undercover affairs. The hard drive in question has fallen into enemy hands, and it's his job to get it back.

After disastrous events in Istanbul during the mission, James finds himself in an unfamiliar land, and soon becomes entangled in a tale of international espionage.

Only one man can protect Equestria and its princesses in this new time of crisis, and his name's Bond.

James Bond.

A sequel has been published: An Equestrian Princess in London.

Published 2012-11-25 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-18 05:16:53 UTC

01: Another Way to Die

"Vesper, she gave everything for you. Forgive her. Forgive yourself."***

Many people wonder what death will be like. How painful it will be, and what will happen to them after. Some believe they go to heaven, others believe they are reincarnated as another form of being. However, no one could be one hundred percent certain what kind of experience death will be.

James had never been much of a spiritual or religious person, so the thought never really crossed his mind. Death for him was just another workplace hazard, considering that killing was one of the main reasons for his employment. It was bound to happen one day however. As he himself had said, "double-ohs have a very short life expectancy." Still, it came as a surprise when he found himself rapidly losing consciousness, plummeting from the roof of a moving train to the ravine below with a bullet in his chest.

And yet, for him, death felt distinctly... alive.

His eyes fluttered open tentatively. By the powers that be, 007 had somehow survived. Surprised, but confused, the secret agent took a moment to observe his surroundings. He seemed to be contained within a dark and dingy cell, the only source of light coming from a barely lit candle that sat on a table, on the other side of a set of iron bars. The cell was old, like the kind of thing people would pay to see in old medieval castles. There was a draft too, and Bond found himself shivering as he pulled himself up.

He sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his head. He had no idea where he was, or how he had gotten there. The last thing he remembered was plunging into a river, bleeding out from a bullet wound. The events leading up to then began to leak back into his mind. He was fighting that bastard on the roof of a moving train. Damn it, he thought. She must have taken the shot and missed. A list of possible scenarios ran through his head. He could have been brought here by someone, but who, he was not certain. Hell, MI6 could have dragged him back to the Tower of London for all he knew.

Standing up, he began to notice more about his surroundings. Namely, the roof of his cell was very low, so low in fact that he could only just stand without hitting his head. Secondly, he was still wearing the same suit, however it was perfectly clean. There were no traces of blood, and no bullet hole. No indication to the fact that he had been shot at all.

Speaking of which, why wasn't he in pain? He had been shot straight through the chest, no one could shrug that off. He tried to feel for his bullet wound, only to find nothing there.

As confused as he was, his mind was pulled towards more important matters when he heard two male voices, rapidly approaching from somewhere outside his cell. Quietly, he leaned against the wall by the door, trying to make out what they were saying.

"How's he doing?" came one voice.

"Fine," replied the other, "But I haven't checked on him in a while."

"This is perfect. Now we have the ultimate weapon, we can finally reclaim what is rightfully ours!"

The two voices were right outside his cell by now. "Of course. From what I've read, human beings were complete savages, and yet they submit easily to pressure. It will be easy for him to do as we wish. But we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves, there is still much to do." Bond heard the sound of something being picked up off the table. "What is this?" the second voice asked.

"I'm not sure. I think it's a weapon, but we'll check properly later."

007 couldn't help it any longer, he had to get a look at who had imprisoned him; the people who obviously had such malicious intentions for him. He peeked through the iron bars of his cell. What he saw was probably the last thing he expected.

Two pastel coloured equines were busy inspecting his handgun. Both of them had dark colour palettes, one with a grey coat and black mane, the other a navy blue coat and dark red mane. One of them seemed to have wings. Overcome with the absurdity of the situation, James burst out into laughter.

Caught by surprise, they both turned around, looking at the spy with confusion. One recovered his composure quickly, despite the fact that James was still in a fit of laughter. “So,” he said, trying to put on the most menacing voice possible. “You’re finally awake. You were in there for hours, we thought you might be dead.”

Bond took a few deep breaths, calming himself down, before looking the pony in the eye. Smiling again, he looked at the other one, the one with wings. “Does he always pull this?” he asked. “Seriously, you couldn’t intimidate a five year old with that.”

The grey pony snorted in anger. “Shut up. You forget, you’re the one behind bars here. You’re going to do as we say.”

Bond burst out laughing again. “Me? Taking orders from a talking horse?" he managed to say, still in hysterics. "So this is where people go when they die? Imprisoned forever by a talking little girl’s toy?”

“I said shut up!” the stallion barked, staring daggers at the agent. His friend, the one with wings, managed to suppress a snigger. Regaining his composure, the grey one continued. “You make no sense, but that doesn’t matter. We didn’t ask for an intelligent creature, and we don’t need one.”

“Well, tough luck,” Bond muttered, having finally calmed down.  “Looks like you picked out the short straw.” Stretching, the human stood up and faced his assailants on the other side of the iron bars. “Well, fine,” he said to them. “If I’m going to be your puppet, or whatever it is you want me to be, then you can at least tell me what the hell you are and what pitiful hole you crawled from.”

The blue one with wings snorted with amusement. “Heh, you weren’t kidding, it really is stupid.” He chuckled, nudging his friend. “Well, since you’re so damn interested, we’re ponies. I am a pegasus, and my friend here, Brute Force, is an earth pony. The mare who brought you here is a unicorn.”

James sighed and looked away, laughing slightly. “Of course. So how did she bring me here, this unicorn friend of yours?”

“You don’t need to know the details,” the pegasus replied flatly. “In fact, the less you know, the better.” He went to leave before turning to the grey earth pony. “I’m going back to Quill to go over our plans. You stay here and watch... it.” He sneered at James and trotted out of the room.

Bond sat down again, trying to think of a plan. There weren't many options for his escape, and even if he did, he didn't even know where he could be escaping to. He studied his cell for a moment, thinking. He could escape if he somehow got the stallion keeping an eye on him closer. He had an idea, but whether it would work was a mystery.

"So," he started, standing back up and leaning casually leaning against the wall. "Where you from?"

"Shut it," the pony grunted, busy reading a dusty old book.

Bond persisted. "Oh, come on. A proud stallion like you can't have just come from any old two-bit town."

The trick worked. Smirking, the earth pony looked up from what he was reading. "You're right. Las Pegasus isn't just any old two-bit city. More exciting than the pathetic capital we call Canterlot, and more sophisticated than a cesspit such as Ponyville." The stallion stood up, advancing towards 007, who now stood in front of the bars of his cell. "And when we are done, Pegasus will be a shining beacon in the middle of the San Palamino Desert. No city shall be more magnificent!" By now he was inches away from Bond's face.

"Really?" the spy deadpanned, before quickly thrusting both hands through the metal bars and slamming the stallion's head into them. The pony collapsed, knocked out cold. "I'm happy for you."

Satisfied with his handiwork, 007 began to look around for the key to his cell. He started by checking his assailant's unconscious body, but there was nothing there. He got up and scanned the room, before his eyes fell upon a set of keys next to his gun. "Shit," he muttered, looking for an alternative way out. He glanced around his room frantically, but there was nothing that could aid him. Instead, he grasped the bars of his cell door, giving them a firm tug. The door shifted slightly.

An idea forming in his mind, Bond stepped back, taking a deep breath, before kicking the door with all of his might. There was an ear-splitting screech, and the door flew open, almost coming off it’s hinges. Smirking, he stepped out of his cell and over the body of his captor. Reaching the table, he scanned a few papers that were scattered around, but they were irrelevant to his situation; mostly just out of date newspapers. Deciding to make haste, he picked up the set of keys and his handgun. Strange, he thought. I remember dropping mine on the train. Still, I'm not complaining.

Before leaving, he checked over his weapon. The Walther PPK, the standard issue firearm for all MI6 operatives. It was mostly clean, and fully loaded. Looking in the desk’s drawer, he found the spare magazines he was carrying before and stashed them in his holster. Satisfied, he swiftly left the room, entering a dimly lit hallway. Keeping his gun ready, he crept further away from his cell room. As he neared the next doorway, he could hear two voices. One belonged to the pegasus he had talked to previously, while the other was unfamiliar.

"He was asking questions," the pegasus stallion growled. "Tell me, how exactly did you get him here again?"

"A complicated teleport spell," came a female voice, who sounded fearful. "This castle is where the Elements of Harmony were originally located, so there is a lot of ambient magic energy floating around here."

“Right.” Judging by his voice, the pegasus only just grasped what she had said. His hooves shuffled along the ground, and he seemed to address someone else. "Keep an eye on her, I'm going to get something to eat."

"Well, save something for me," the stallion he was talking to replied jokingly.

"Ah, screw you." The clopping of his hooves got louder, and Bond found himself pressing back against the wall as the burly pegasus left the room, thankfully not glancing in his direction as he made his way towards the exit.

After his captor was well out of sight and earshot, 007 dared to peek inside the room. He saw a younger looking mare reading through a selection of books and furiously scribbling down notes, all while keeping a wary eye on the muscular earth pony guard on the other side of the room, who was busy entertaining himself by listening to a nearby radio. Taking a deep breath, he strode into the room, advancing towards the guard. Taken by surprise, the earth pony could do nothing as the agent threw him back against the wall, delivering a few brutal punches before the pony went down.

Bond quickly turned to the shocked unicorn scientist, who, while still shaking uncontrollably, was charging up some sort of spell from her horn. James swiftly moved over to her and flicked her horn, which shuddered and stopped glowing.

“Please... please don’t hurt me,” the mare whimpered, trying to scramble away.

007 stood over her, blocking her path. “We’ll see. First, you’re going to tell me three things: where the hell I am, what the hell you are, and what is going on.” He scowled at her. “Now, that won’t be too difficult, will it?”

The scientist shook her head quickly.

“Well, go on.”

The mare looked up at him, and stood up slowly, calming down a little now that Bond had lost the edge of his aggressive demeanour. “Well, you’re in Equestria. The Everfree Forest to be exact. You don’t know where that is, do you?” She asked in response to his clueless expression.

Bond shook his head, before checking on the earth pony guard. He was still unconscious, snoring on the floor.

“And I’m a pony, a unicorn.” She chuckled slightly. “You know, I could ask the same thing about you.”

“I’m asking the questions here.” Bond glared at her, before sighing. “What’s your name?”

“Quill. Lavender Quill.” She glanced towards the doorway, before looking back at him. "Look, I don't know who or what you are, but you have to help me."

James raised an eyebrow. "Help you? And why should I do that?"

"These stallions, they're part of this crazy organization," Quill whispered. "They kidnapped me for this project of theirs, and threaten to kill me if I don't help them!"

Bond scowled at her. "Why should I believe you?"

The unicorn shakily held up an ID card. "I work at the University of Canterlot, I write articles on new types of teleportation spells," she tried to explain. "They grabbed me while I was on my way home, and another one of them cast a spell so I couldn't just teleport away."

Bond pondered this for a moment. "Okay, so you need my help." He held out a hand, which she nervously took. "Then maybe we can come to some sort of mutual agreement," he told the scientist, pulling her to her hooves.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "And what's that?"

"You tell me how to get out and where to go, and I'll get you out of here safely."

Lavender nodded. "Yeah, okay." She had managed to calm herself down, and had put on a brave face.

James smiled slightly. "Then let's get going."

He led the mare back out into the hallway, keeping an eye out for any more patrolling guards. He wasn't too worried about the stallions he'd already knocked out; they wouldn't be waking up for some time.

They both hastily made their way down through the hallway to an old door on the far side. Peering through it, James saw what looked like the battered remains of a medieval-style castle. There was some sort of pedestal in the middle, where there was room for six statues of some kind, however it was empty.

007, on the other hand, was more concerned about the five or so stallion guards that stood beyond the door. Of them all, there were two earth ponies, two pegasi, and a unicorn. Fortunately, all of them had their backs to him. Turning to Lavender, he raised a finger to his lips and motioned for her to stay put.

Pushing open the door slowly, he crept out into the room, keeping his eye on the stallion who was closest to him. Smiling, he stood behind the pegasus and cleared his throat loudly. Everypony in the room quickly whirled round to face him.

"Sorry to interrupt," he announced, putting on his best mock innocence tone as possible. “But it was kind of boring back in my cell. Do you do room service?”

The five stallions before him simply stared at the human, perplexed. Bond laughed slightly, before promptly punching the pegasus in front of him square in the jaw. His friends responded immediately, each adopting a different aggressive stance. An earth pony to James’ left lunged towards him, trying to catch the agent off guard. Bond anticipated the tackle, and quickly sidestepped, before driving the heel of his foot into the back of the brute’s head, sending him sprawling across the floor.

The rest weren’t quite as gullible. They all took up defensive positions, scanning the human as they all stood, waiting for one party to make a move. It was Bond who went on the offensive, quickly approaching the second pegasus, throwing a calculated right hook that sent the stallion spinning. James grabbed him just as a unicorn on the other side of the room sent off a charged bolt of energy. The agent ducked behind his equine shield, wincing slightly as the pony screamed in pain, before going limp.

Three down, two to go. Capitalizing on his opponent’s confusion, he leaped towards the unicorn. The stallion, panicking as he saw the spy barrelling towards him, sent off a wild blast of magic that grazed Bond on the shoulder. It did little to deter him, as he still tackled the unicorn to the ground. His target struggled, trying to break free, but James delivered a quick chop to the neck and snapped his horn off, leaving his assailant unconscious.

All that was left was the final earth pony, who stood on the other room, trying to make himself look as intimidating as possible. Bond could tell, however, that all of his morale had been drained at the sight of his friends being defeated so easily. Still, the stallion reared, and charged towards 007.

“Nice try,” James muttered to himself, before swiftly dodging to the side, whipping out his handgun and firing two point-blank shots into the back of the pony’s skull. The stallion went limp, before crashing to the ground. Wiping off the blood dripping from his hands, he walked back over to the door, where Lavender Quill had been watching the whole time. He opened the old door to let her through, but she didn’t move.

“What is it?” he asked her. “What’s wrong?”

“You... you killed them!” she managed to stammer. “How could you just kill them?”

“It was nothing personal,” Bond answered, without remorse. “Besides, they were going to kill us too, if they found us.” He held out his hand and pulled her to her hooves. “Come on, we need to keep moving. There’s bound to be more of them.”

Stepping over the bodies of the guards, the two of them quickly hurried out of the castle and into what seemed to be some sort of forest. Surrounding the castle was a large, deep gorge, but Bond could see no way across it.

“I think the way out is this way,” Lavender announced, trotting past James. “There’s a rope bridge around here, I think.” 007 watched her canter around the side of the castle, before following. He wasn’t a superstitious person, but he could feel something strange about this place. Something unnatural. Either way, it didn’t matter; he didn’t even know where he was anyway.

The professor lead him to the back of the castle, beyond which lay, as she had noted, a long rope bridge. One thing was for certain. It didn’t look safe at all. “Really?” Bond asked, raising an eyebrow at the mare.

“Do you see any other way out of here?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm, before tentatively stepping out onto the first plank of wood. “Come on. We need to hurry, in case they find out what happened.”

James would be lying if he said he wasn’t apprehensive about crossing the dilapidated bridge, but it seemed to be his only option. “Here goes nothing,” he muttered, tentatively putting one foot onto the bridge. Finding that it held well, he stepped out further. The bridge seemed perfectly capable of holding both the agent and the unicorn, so they made haste to the other side.

“Okay,” Bond called out to Quill once they had finally reached the other side. “Just tell me how I can reach civilization, and you can go.”

“There’s a town north of here, I think,” she pointed out. “I think it’s called Ponyville. The ponies there are really nice, so I think you should be fine.”

James grimaced. He wasn’t sure how the population would react to what was obviously not a common sight in their land. “Fine. And before you go home, tell the guard, or police, or whatever, what happened here.”

Quill nodded, giving a small smile. “Oh, and thanks, Mister...”

“Bond. James Bond.”

“Mr. Bond. Good luck!” She smiled at him sheepishly again, before disappearing in a flash of light.

James just stood there for a moment, pondering the absurdity of the situation he now found himself in, before setting off north further into the woods. He didn’t know how long the walk would be, but, thankfully, the sun was starting to rise.

Well, it’s certainly been a strange day, he thought.

02: From Ponyville With Love

“He's rather a tragic case. As MI6 says, he's difficult to control. Nice way of saying that everything he touches seems to wither and die.”***

The humidity of the mid-morning heat in the middle of the forest hit James hard as he pushed blindly through. It had been about three hours, if his sense of time was anything to go by, since he had parted ways with Lavender Quill and made his way towards what he had hoped would be civilization. Unfortunately, he had not seen any form of life other than birds and bugs at all. He could have been walking around in circles for the past few hours for all he knew.

Swatting flies away from his face, he stumbled through a particularly large overgrowth out onto a dirt path. Finally getting somewhere, he thought to himself. I wonder what they call this hellhole, anyway. He craned his neck, trying to find the location of the rising sun. It was directly perpendicular to the path, thankfully. The sun rises in the east, he reminded himself, turning left and walking down the muddy trail. Quill said there was some sort of town north from here. He didn’t know what he expected to find, or what he was going to do once he got there, but staying in a town full of magical talking ponies sounded a lot more appealing than starving to death in the middle of a forest.

A rustling in the bushes to his right snapped him out of his thoughts. He stopped and, instinctively reaching for his handgun, crept over to investigate. He was about to push through the overgrowth when what looked like a zebra hopped out a few feet away from him. They locked eyes for a few moments, unsure of what to do. James used the time to examine the creature. He could tell it was female, for a start. It’s mane was styled in a mohawk, it was clad in an assortment of golden jewelery, and there seemed to be some sort of symbol emblazoned on its flank, similar to the ponies back at the castle. Before he could investigate any further, it scampered off quickly.

“I wonder if every form of life is sapient here,” he murmured to himself, setting off down the path again. “I don’t even know where ‘here’ is.” I’m no geography expert, but I’m fairly certain nowhere on Earth is home to talking equines, he thought to himself, still smiling at the silliness of his situation. Still, if I’m even going to think about getting home, I’m going to need some help.

After walking through the forest for such a long time, the heat and humidity were finally starting to get to him. He had been trained by MI6 to be adaptable and to survive in a variety of harsh environments. He had performed well during training, having completed the entirety of the course in only eight weeks, but now, out in the open, he was being pushed near his limits. Of all the things I’ve survived, he thought, I’ve been tortured by Le Chiffre, skydived into a sinkhole in the middle of the Bolivian desert, and yet some bloody forest in the middle of nowhere is what finally gets to me.

He squinted his eyes as he noticed a clearing in the distance. Maybe I’m finally getting somewhere. His curiosity piqued, he quickened his pace to a quick jog, eager to find out what lay beyond the edge of the forest. He reached the clearing quickly, and he was relieved to see what lay beyond: a small town, just as Quill had told him. So, this is the ‘Ponyville’ Quill told me about. Hopefully they aren’t too apprehensive about strangers. In the end it didn’t really matter. As long as they allowed him food and shelter, he didn’t care. He’d find a way to get home, to England, he was sure of it.

He wasn’t going to get anywhere just by standing there looking at the place, however, so, without further ado, he sent off down the path towards the edge of town, keeping a close eye out for any of it’s residents.

As he got closer to the town, he could spot some of the townsponies going about their daily business. He decided the best place to go to get his bearings, and, hopefully, find someone who could help, would be the center of town, so he made his way there. Entering the town itself, he noticed many of the brightly coloured residents starting to take note of his presence, however most of them looked too fearful to come and talk to him.

Still, he made his way closer to the square in the center of town. He noticed that many ponies were visibly moving away from him as he approached, with some of them even locking themselves in their homes and shielding their foals from the very sight of him. Perhaps they think I’m some sort of monster, he thought. If they knew some of things I’ve done, I guess it wouldn’t be far from a fair assumption.

After about five minutes of walking, he finally reached what looked to be the center of town. There was a large square, with a tall building on the edge. Must be the town hall, he pondered. He glanced up at the building, taking note of what looked like a recent repair job on some sections of the aged roof tiles. Turning his attention away from the dilapidated place, he made his way over to a nearby market stall, hoping to ask some questions. It seemed to be a florist’s stall; the owner being a cream coloured and red maned mare. She shrunk away at the sight of him, but couldn’t bring herself to leave her post.

“Good morning,” he said to her, giving a polite smile. She gave a weak, nervous smile in response, but avoided his gaze. “Do you know where I could find a place to stay?” he asked.

“There’s a hotel just down the street, past Sugarcube Corner,” she told him, stuttering slightly. An apprehensive bunch, aren’t they? 007 thought to himself. Still, he thanked her, and set off in the direction she had pointed him towards. He kept a brisk pace, which was helped by the fact that many ponies gave him a wide berth.

She said it was past a ‘Sugarcube Corner’, whatever that is. He stopped to get his bearings, looking for any landmarks. Looking up, he saw the building he was standing outside seemed to be a large gingerbread house, with a cupcake on the top. Ah, so that’s what she meant. Must be further down the street then. Bond was about to set off again when he heard a high-pitched gasp from behind him.

He had no sooner turned to investigate the noise when a bright pink blur shot up towards him. He flinched, bracing for impact, but it never came. Instead, he opened his eyes to see an unusually happy pink mare beaming at him. He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it.

“Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie, what’s yours? Ooh, what are you? I’ve never seen something like you before! Can we be friends?” She blurted it all out at what seemed like a million miles an hour, leaving Bond to catch up.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it; you don’t need to know me,” James told her, walking away. “I won’t be around too long anyway.”

There was a small moment of silence as he tried to slip away. The pink pony, however, was undeterred. “Well, like I said, I’m Pinkie Pie, and I work at Sugarcube Corner!” She pointed to the large gingerbread house beside them. “Just you wait, I’m gonna throw you the greatest ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party ever!” She zipped away, calling out, “See ya later!”

007 sighed and shook his head, before pressing on. Soon enough he came across a small motel. It didn’t look like much. Just a two storey building with a thatched roof, like most of the other buildings in the town. Still, it was a place to stay. Hopefully. James half-expected the owner to be some sort of racist or supremacist. It seemed to fit in with the kind of luck he’d been having recently. I wonder if there’s some sort of tension between the different pony races, Bond thought.  Imagine that, a unicorn supremacist. He smiled. Things just seemed to be getting stranger by the minute.

He approached the wooden door (which, similar to the cell he woke up in, was only just higher than him), and knocked on it lightly. He didn’t know who, or what, he would find on the other side, but by that point he didn’t really care. Ponies that were passing by were still giving him strange looks, so he only imagined that the hotel’s owner wasn’t going to welcome him with open arms.

“Coming!” A female sing-song voice echoed from within the building. A few moments later, the door swung open, revealing an elderly bright orange pegasus mare sporting a large, bushy brown mane. “Good morning, how can I help you-” She paused, looking up at the man that stood head and shoulders above her. She stuttered something for a second, before Bond cut in.

“Do you have a room available?” he asked simply.

“Y-yes,” she managed to say. “Please follow me.” She lead James inside, revealing a large hallway beyond the front door. She took him up the stairs and down the upstairs hallway before standing beside a door. “Here it is. It’s ten bits for the night.”

Bond’s heart sunk. “Uh... I don’t have any money.” He went for his wallet, but the mare cringed at his sudden movement.

“No, don’t worry, it’s fine.” Before 007 could say another word, she scampered away to another room.

“Uh, thank you?” James called out, but there was no response. He shrugged, and looked inside his room. It was quite simple: a king sized bed, chest of drawers, an ensuite, and balcony overlooking the street. Nothing special really. Still, it did the job, so Bond, suddenly feeling tired, sat down on the bed, stifling a yawn. Not too soon after, he was dozing off to sleep.

***

Twilight Sparkle trotted around her library, the Golden Oaks, making sure everything was spick and span. Tomorrow was reshelving day, and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect and tidy for the occasion.

She stopped, and took a look around the room. Everything seemed to be in order. Satisfied, she looked up at the clock. Twelve o’ clock. Time for some lunch, she thought. “Spike!” she called out up the stairs.

The purple baby dragon in question soon appeared at the top of the stairs. “Yeah?”

“Wanna go get some lunch?” the unicorn asked him as he hopped down the stairs. “It’s a nice day out today.”

Her number one assistant smiled. “Sure, that’s a great idea!”

Twilight grinned and pushed open the front door to the library, making sure to hang an ‘out for lunch’ sign on it. “Great! Let’s go.”

The pair smiled as they stepped outside, basking in the warmth of the midday sun. It was a beautiful day for a stroll through the town. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Other ponies seemed to have the right idea as well, with many other citizens trotting around enjoying their day.

Their favourite restaurant was only a few blocks around the corner from the library, so it wasn’t too far to walk. It was a simple place really, just a small café on the edge of the town square, with some tables outside next to the street. They arrived swiftly and took their seats. Spike, feeling decidedly hungry, immediately picked up the menu and started to scan through it.

“Still no gemstones...” he mumbled under his breath. Meanwhile, Twilight took the time to sit back and relax, looking over the town square. There was nothing much to see really. Just a multitude of ponies browsing or buying something from the many market stalls. However, she eyed one market stall in particular. It was Rose’s flower stall. From what the purple unicorn could make out, the earth pony was in hysterics, panicking as her friend, Junebug, tried to calm her down.

It’s probably nothing to worry about, she thought, shrugging and turning back to the baby dragon. “You decided yet, Spike?” she asked, picking up a menu of her own.

“They have so little choice here,” he complained. “I guess I’ll just have some hay fries.”

Twilight sighed, silently agreeing with him. They both loved this place, but they agreed it was a case of quality over quantity. Deciding to have the same, she looked over the top of her menu back to Rose’s stand, her curiosity piqued as she searched for something to make the day interesting.

A small crowd of ponies were now surrounding Rose’s small market stall. From what Twilight could see, some looked apprehensive and fearful, while others bore expressions of anger and upset.

“Spike,” the unicorn murmured, nudging him. “Look over there,” she told him, pointing in the crowd’s direction.

“Huh? What is it?” he asked, following her gaze. “What’s going on over there?”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “I’m not too sure. Should we go check it out?”

The dragon checked over his shoulder quickly before turning back to her. “Doesn’t look like we’re going to be getting much service here. Come on.” He hopped off his stool and joined her as they made their way across the square. Many other ponies were joining the crowd by now, all with similar expressions. Ones of anger and fear.

“What’s happening?” Twilight asked a random pegasus stallion as they reached the outskirts of the swelling mob.

“There’s a monster, right here in town, that’s what!” he replied. “It scared the living daylights out of Rose!”

Monster? Confused, the unicorn pushed through the crowd to Rose’s stand, where she stood in the embrace of her coltfriend, a burly unicorn. “Rose, are you alright?” the librarian asked.

The earth pony nodded weakly. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She pointed down the street. “I don’t know what it was. It just asked me where the hotel was and set off.”

“It spoke Equestrian?”

“Does it matter?” Rose’s coltfriend spoke up. “We don’t even know what it is!” He stood up to address the mob of ponies. “Are we just gonna let some thing waltz right into town, terrorizing our citizens?”

There was a hearty “No!” from the crowd.

Rose tugged on his tail. “Please, you’re overreacting. If it really was a monster, don’t you think it would have attacked us by now?” She pleaded with him, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. The mob of ponies set off down the street, calling for the ‘monster’ to show its face.

Twilight gulped. This can’t be good.

***

Shouting. He could hear shouting, and screaming. Opening one eye, James still found himself laying on his back, staring at the ceiling of his hotel room. There seemed to be some sort of commotion outside his window. From the sounds of it, there were at least fifty ponies out there, maybe more. The lynch mob’s finally arrived then, he thought, hauling himself to his feet.

He stepped cautiously towards the window, peeking slightly through the curtains. True to his expectations, a huge crowd of angry ponies were outside, screaming and hollering. Despite his better judgement, he took a deep breath and stepped out onto the balcony.

“There it is!” one shouted, pointing an accusing hoof. The intensity and anger of the mob flared, their rage directed at him. Bond just stood there, dumbfounded that his mere presence within the town could cause such an uprising. Thankfully, while many of them were angry, none seemed violent. How long that would last, though, he wasn’t sure.

“Get out of our town, you monster!” one mare screamed, supported by a cry of approval from the rest.

007 considered saying something in his defense, but found that he was beaten to it by one of the members of the crowd. A purple unicorn mare stood up and, using her magic to amplify her voice, ordered the crowd to be quiet. Surprisingly, they obliged.

“What is wrong with you ponies?” she asked the crowd, but no one spoke a word. “I know this town has had some rough times, what with Discord, and Cerberus showing up during the past few years, but that doesn’t give you the right to outlaw and banish any new creature that might come here!”

A murmur of confusion swept through the crowd as the mare kept on speaking.

“You know it, or he, rather, from the looks of him, speaks Equestrian, so that alone should tell you that he is not some sort of primal beast! How about, instead, we simply ask him who he is, and what he’s doing here?”

The many members of the crowd looked at each other for a few moments, before nodding silently, seemingly ashamed of how hasty they had been in their accusations. One by one, all of them turned their head up to 007, expecting a speech of sorts.

James just stood there in silence for a few moments as the sea of pastel-coloured equines stared up at him with their inexplicably large eyes. “Well, good afternoon,” he finally said, awkwardly. “If you’re looking for information, the first thing you should know is that I’m not good with speeches.”

He stared out at them as they patiently waited for him to continue. “I’ll keep it short. I’m a human being, and no, I have no intention of hurting any of you.”

“So, what are you doing in Ponyville?” the lavender unicorn asked him.

“I’m only here because I’m searching for a way to get home,” he informed them. “Judging by your initial reactions, I can only assume that’s a very long way away.” With that, he decided to step back inside and draw the curtains.

One by one, all of the ponies in the crowd shrugged and went back to their business, trying their best to pretend the whole incident didn’t happen. The purple unicorn, on the other hand, wasn’t put off so easily.

“Come on, Spike,” Twilight Sparkle announced to her assistant. “We’ve got a human to go talk to.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean, you don’t even know what he’s like.”

Twilight scoffed and pushed open the front door to the hotel. “I’m sure he’s just as friendly as every other pony. Besides, I’m not just going to let information on a whole new species pass me by!”

Spike sighed. “Fine, you go on ahead, but I’m going back to the library. I need a nap.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Alright then. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

Her mind racing, Twilight watched as her assistant and best friend walked out of view. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and trotted up the hotel’s stairs, eager for some answers.

03: The Mare Who Saved Me

“Having just met you, I wouldn’t go as far as calling you a cold-hearted bastard, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine. You think of women as disposable pleasures instead of meaningful pursuits.”***

James watched in silence, peeking through a gap in the curtains, as the mob of ponies slowly dispersed and went back to their daily lives. Inwardly, he cursed himself for being so reckless; stumbling into an unknown location like he did was not one of his smarter decisions.

Still, Lady Luck had seen fit to smile upon him, as the hostility of the crowd had been defused by one lone mare. A purple unicorn, if his memory served him correctly. He made a mental note to thank her should he ever cross paths with her again. For now, though, he had to focus on the problem of getting back home. He would obviously have to find a pony capable of performing the same spell that Quill did. In the rush to escape from the castle, it completely slipped his mind that he could have simply asked her to do it. Bloody idiot, he thought to himself.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a light knocking on his door. Finally pulling himself away from the window, he walked over and began to open it cautiously. Opening it just wide enough to see through properly, he saw the purple unicorn that had stood up for him not five minutes ago. She looked nervous, as if she didn’t quite know what to say.

“Yes?” James asked, as she looked up at him. “Can I help you?”

She seemed to snap herself out of some sort of trance. “Yes, um, hi!” she said nervously. “My name is Twilight Sparkle.” She beamed at him.

Bond just stood there for a moment, unsure of how to react. She didn't say anything else, so he decided to continue. "And?"

The mare blinked and snapped out of her own little world once again. "Oh! Sorry. I'm the local librarian, and I, on behalf of everypony here, would like to welcome you to Ponyville!"

007 nodded slowly. "Right. I noticed how they were all welcoming me with open arms."

She picked up on his sarcasm. "Yeah, sorry about that. We've been going through some tough times recently, so everypony's a little on edge."

James nodded again. "Well, I suppose you have questions?"

"Well, I, um..." the unicorn stuttered.

Bond cut her off. "Who am I kidding, of course you do." He opened the door, allowing her to enter. "You might as well come in then. Make yourself comfortable."

She thanked him and stepped through into his room. She looked around for a few moments, examining the place, before sitting down on the sofa next to the bed. James wasn't quite sure what he was about to get himself into, but he figured there was no use in hiding anything from the ponies. Seeing as he was an alien to them, this probably counted as first contact. Besides, maybe she knew someone who could help him get home, or, at least, help him get to Canterlot so Quill could instead.

He took a deep breath, before closing the door and turning to face the lavender unicorn. "So, what did you want to know, Twilight?" he asked simply.

"Well, your name, for a start," she told him as he slowly sat down on his bed, yawning.

"James Bond," he answered simply. "Nice to meet you, Twilight Sparkle," he said with a slight smile, holding out his hand to her. She grinned in excitement, before taking it and shaking politely.

"So, Mr. Bond," she continued. "You said you came from a long way away. How far away do you live, and how did you get here?"

007 pondered on this for a moment, considering the best way to answer her. "How far? No idea, but I'm pretty sure it's nowhere on this earth. As for how I got here..." he paused for a second, jogging his memory. "Well, the last thing I remember is falling into a ravine. I passed out, and woke up here."

"You fell into a ravine?" Twilight asked, puzzled.

"Off a moving train, actually." He smiled at her confused expression. "Let's just call it a workplace hazard." She eyed him quizzically, before starting to speak. However, James cut her off. “So, you’re the studious type, Miss Sparkle? Always eager to learn something new?”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. “Wait, what? How did you know? You’ve only just met me!”

“Well, it wasn’t too hard to figure out; you’re pretty easy to read. Besides, you wouldn’t even be up here if you weren’t,” he answered smoothly.

“Anypony can get curious,” she countered quickly, blushing slightly.

“True. However, the fact that you were seemingly star-struck when you first laid eyes upon me, coupled with the fact that you practically jumped at the opportunity to shake my hand says otherwise,” the agent told her, smirking. “Also, your reaction now leads me to believe that I’ve dampened your pride somewhat, and now you’re trying to cover it up.”

The unicorn stared at him for a moment, speechless. “Wow, you’re good,” she finally managed to say.

“So I’ve been told.”

There was a brief moment of awkward silence as Twilight tried to decide what to say next. James just sat there patiently, eying her closely. She seemed wary, as if she was out of her comfort zone. He shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, he was an alien to them. Still, she was acting better than the other residents of the town, so he could only assume her curiosity had overridden any doubts she had.

“Where do humans come from?” the mare asked suddenly, catching him off-guard slightly. “I’ve never seen or even heard about a creature like you.”

“Earth,” he told her. “I come from a planet called Earth.” God, that sounds so painfully cliché.

“You mean you’re from another planet? Not just a land we haven’t discovered yet?”

“Well, since talking ponies don’t actually exist at all on my planet, I can safely say we don’t share the same home world,” he replied. “Apparently another unicorn brought me here using a complicated teleportation spell, or something.”

Twilight didn’t seem to hear him, however, as she was too busy feeling giddy at the prospect of life beyond her own planet. “Oh, this is amazing!” she exclaimed. “Of all the ponies in the world, it’s actually me who gets to make first contact with another form of life!”

Bond considered telling her that she was not the first pony to actually talk to him properly, but he thought it a bit cruel to burst her bubble of excitement. Instead, he opted to clear his throat to draw her attention. “Do you know anything about the kind of teleportation spells that could bring me here?” he asked her.

She snapped out of her ecstasy and looked at him. “Maybe. I might have some books on complicated teleportation back at the library. They’re not easy to pull off though, and some even believe that they’re just myths.”

“Could you show me?” he asked her, standing up.

“Of course!” she beamed at him again, hopping up onto her hooves. “Follow me.”

James nodded and followed her, adjusting his tie as he stepped through the door. He took care to lock it before following the mare down the hotel stairs. They were both about to go outside when she stopped in her tracks. She sniffed a couple of times, before gagging and putting a hoof to her snout.

“Ugh, what’s that smell?”

James raised an arm and took a sniff. “I think it’s me, I’m ashamed to say. Trekking through the jungle for three or so hours tends to work up a sweat. Sorry.”

“No problem, I guess,” Twilight replied understandingly. “There’s a shower at my place; you’re welcome to use it.” He nodded as they stepped outside into the midday heat. Practically all of the ponies in town had gotten over the earlier disturbance, and were busy going about their day. A few still shot 007 wary glances, but otherwise stayed out of his way.

“So tell me, James,” Twilight spoke up as she lead him back through the quaint town. “What’s life like on your planet? What’s it like to live on Earth?”

“It varies,” he answered simply. “Though, from what I’ve seen, some of it is very similar to society here.”

“Really?” the unicorn wondered, intrigued. “How so?”

“Well, the architecture, for a start.” Bond motioned to the thatched houses and cottages all around them. “Your whole town is very similar to a typical countryside village. Well, one that is about five hundred years before my time, anyway.”

“Fascinating,” Twilight murmured. James could easily tell that she was making mental notes that she would write down on paper later. “So are all settlements similar to this?”

“No. Cultures vary, and settlements can vary from a village with about fifty people to a city with millions.” He looked around at all the sights as he continued to walk, intrigued. “I think the best way to describe your town is that it looks like something from fantasy.”

“So what you’re saying is, Ponyville is almost identical to a place you would read about in a fantasy novel?”

Bond shrugged. “Something like that, I suppose.”

They both continued to discuss the details of each others society on the walk back to the library. Twilight seemed to have trouble understanding that, even though England had a monarch, the queen wasn’t the governmental power in his country. Bond had to explain to her the fine details of modern politics, something she wasn’t used to. James also found it hard to believe that the same princess could rule the land for over one thousand years, but her figured it was just another thing to add to the pile of things that didn’t make sense. Well, I am in some sort of magical land, he supposed.

“Well, here we are,” Twilight announced, stopping. “Welcome to the Golden Oaks library!”

Bond looked up at the unusual structure. It was a tree. A library inside a tree. Now I’ve seen everything, he thought, chuckling as she lead him inside.

“Spike!” the mare called out. “Are you here? Spike!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, Twilight.” Following the sound of the younger voice, Bond looked upstairs to see a small purple reptilian emerge. They locked eyes for a second, before Twilight spoke up again.

“Spike, this is James. He’s the human that showed up earlier, remember?” She smiled at him. “James, this is Spike, my assistant. He’s a dragon.”

Another one to the pile. “Right...” He managed to look up at the dragon, who hopped down the stairs. “Good to meet you.”

“Likewise, pal.” The reptile seemed friendly enough, holding out a tiny claw towards James. He shook it gently, before turning back to Twilight.

“Do you have those books, then?”

“I should do,” she told him, “but it might take me awhile to find them. I haven’t reshelved or sorted this place in ages.” She pointed a hoof up the stairs. “Use the shower if you’d like. First door on the right.”

Bond considered this for a moment. Why not? “Okay then, thanks.” He nodded to her and jogged up the stairs into the upstairs hallway, eager to clean himself up. Stepping into the bathroom, he threw off his jacket and turned on the shower. The warm water sprayed from the nozzle as he stripped off and stepped inside, sighing in relief and comfort. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a decent shower. The water splashing across his aching skin relaxed him somewhat, and he was able to better focus on the tasks that lay ahead for him.

After making sure to wash himself properly, he stayed inside the shower for about ten minutes, winding down. Hopefully now everyone around him wouldn’t be quite as hostile, so he could finally get onto the task of getting home. That being said, he wasn’t in a rush. Everything here was so peaceful, and he had all the time in the world. He could afford to relax for a bit. Maybe he could even get another suit tailored to him. His current one he had worn for the past few days, and was dirty and torn.

His mind ran back to the ponies that had brought him to their world and imprisoned him the first place. The ringleader, whatever his name was, seemed to have some sort of plan involving him. Now that he had escaped, he wasn’t sure how it would be affected, but Bond knew the type. The type that wouldn’t let a small hindrance stop them from achieving what they wanted. James didn’t worry about it too much though. After all, Equestria had two apparently immortal deities as rulers, so he figured it was nothing they couldn’t handle.

Turning off the running water, he could hear the faint sound of Twilight calling him from downstairs. “James! I’ve found it!”

Hastily, he threw on his shirt and trousers before briskly making his way back downstairs. Both Twilight and Spike were huddled around a large, dusty book, reading intently.

“You found it then?” he said to her. “What’s the book called?”

She flipped over to the front cover. “‘Myths and Legends: The Spellcaster’s Edition’. There was only one supposed teleport spell I knew of powerful enough for an inter-planetary jump.” She turned back to the page she was on and pointed at it. “Here. Read it.”

Nodding, 007 came closer and read aloud. “Everypony knows unicorns can teleport. However, this spell was so powerful, even powerful unicorns could only cast it in areas with large levels of ambient magic. It enabled the caster to view an individual from a great distance away, perhaps even across the far reaches of space.”

Twilight nodded. “Keep going.”

“It also allowed the caster to teleport their target to their location, however, due to every being’s natural ambient magic, this was only possible if the target was near death or otherwise incapacitated.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Bond put the pieces together. “So that’s how she did it. She could see me when I got shot on the train.”

Confused, the unicorn looked up at him. “She? Who?”

“A mare called Quill. Lavender Quill. It’s a long story,” James answered. “She’s a professor at the University of Canterlot, apparently, and she managed to bring me here.”

“Huh.” Shrugging, the mare picked up the book in her aura of magic and slotted it back into its place amongst the many others. “Strange. I studied at the University of Canterlot for three years, and I never met a professor called Lavender Quill.”

“Well, maybe she’s new,” Spike suggested.

“Perhaps.” She shrugged again and turned back to Bond. “Sorry, James, but unless you want one of us to try and beat you to a bloody pulp, I can’t replicate that spell. The princesses might though, but there isn’t another train to Canterlot for a few days.”

“Can’t you just ask her to send a few guards down to pick us up?” Spike wondered.

The unicorn shook her head. “All of the guard’s carriages are being used up near Neighagra Falls for a training exercise, remember? The princess told us the other day. Sorry, James.”

Bond smiled. “No, it’s fine. I’m sure I can find something to do for a few days.”

She nodded. “Well, I’d better send a letter to Princess Celestia either way.” She nodded to Spike, who pulled out a quill and parchment, as she trotted over to a chest of drawers. “In the meantime, why don’t you go and see Rarity? She runs the Carousel Boutique on the edge of town. Just tell her I sent you, I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to give you some more clothes. Er, no offense.”

“None taken,” he told her. “I’ve been wearing this thing for days.”

Using her magic, Twilight floated a bulging sack of coins towards him. “Here, have some bits. She’ll probably decline any payment, but take them anyway. Consider them a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ present.”

James took the bag and thanked her, before stepping back outside, leaving her to her business. It was about one o'clock; the sun was shining high in the sky, and all of the townsponies were out in force. After Twilight’s little speech earlier, they seemed to be a lot calmer around him, with a few light-hearted ones even taking the time to stop and say hello. Bond appreciated the change of pace and scenery. Honestly, it was something he could get used to, after a while.

Following the lavender unicorn’s rather obscure directions, James made his way towards the edge of Ponyville, past the town center and the hotel in which he was staying. He half expected to run into the pink pony that had met him earlier, blabbering about a party or something, but, surprisingly, she was nowhere to found. James didn’t dwell on it too much, however, as he soon found the place he was looking for.

The dressmaker’s shop looked, unsurprisingly, like some sort of carousel. At first glance, he didn’t realize that the place was even open, as no one was around except for him. However, upon closer inspection, he noticed a small ‘open’ sign hanging in the front door. Concluding that this was indeed the place Twilight directed him to, Bond approached the door and knocked on it lightly.

“Coming!” came a sing-song voice from inside. The door soon swung open to reveal a pearly white unicorn, with a curled dark purple mane. From what he could tell, the mare presented herself well, almost regally, as if she wasn’t the type of pony you would expect to find in this town. Now that he thought of it, he hadn’t seen another pony like her around the small town. Her look and demeanor were very unique, if nothing else.

James opened his mouth to speak when the mare gasped suddenly at him, before backing away and promptly fainting.

“Great,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes. Sighing, he stepped inside and picked her up, looking for a place to lie her down.

We’re just going to be the best of friends, I can tell.

04: Every Mare's Crazy For a Sharp Dressed Man

"There are dinner jackets and dinner jackets. This is the latter, and I need you looking like a man who belongs at that table."***

The pearly white mare was finally starting to open her eyes. Good. Maybe now the situation wouldn't be quite as awkward. Maybe it would be worse. Bond shrugged. He just needed some new clothes, after all.

Rarity slowly opened her eyes, unaware of her surroundings. She sat up and, noticing the human sitting across from her, gasped suddenly, trying to back away in repulsion.

"It's okay," James reassured her. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Wha... what..." The mare seemed to be recovering from some sort of shock.

"What am I?"

"No, I know what you are," she murmured slowly. "You're that, uh, human who walked into town this morning." She sat up straighter, blinking a few times to bring everything into focus. "No, I meant to say, what in Equestria are you wearing? That suit looks like it's been to Tartarus and back!"

Not quite the reaction I was expecting. Bond had to admit he was slightly taken aback. "Well, uh, I suppose that's the reason I came to you," he told her nonetheless.

"Well, it's good to see you have some sense in you," Rarity commented, now fully awake. "Luckily for you, you've come to the best dressmaker in Ponyville!" She paused for a second, eying up his size, before hopping onto her hooves and continuing. "I do fittings for stallions too, of course, but I don't get nearly as many male customers as I do female."

"Right." 007 nodded, taking it all in. "Sorry if this seems rude, but you don't seem to be at all frightened or intimidated by me. I thought you’d be slightly more apprehensive about an unknown creature. Everyone else was ready to burn me at a stake."

"The whole town's gone through some rough patches recently, so they were likely to jump to conclusions when faced with something unknown and quite possibly dangerous," she explained. "I, however, take pride in being welcoming to everyone and everything, no matter how unpleasant they may be." She grimaced, as if remembering a not too fond memory. James thought it wise not to ask.

“Well, it’s been nice meeting you, Mister...”

“Bond,” he answered. “James Bond.”

“Bond,” she repeated slowly, adjusting to the unfamiliar name. “I hope you’ll forgive me for thinking you have a rather strange name, but who am I to judge what your social norms are?”

“It’s fine, really,” James reassured her. “If I’m honest, the feeling’s mutual.”

Rarity nodded. “Of course. Now, down to business. I should have a collection of garments ready for you in a few hours. No payment required, of course. Not for someone who really needs it.”

Bond paused. “Wait, is that it? No measurements, or anything?”

“I sized you up the moment I laid eyes on you, dear,” she chimed.

“How the-” Bond caught his tongue before he could go any further. He paused for a second, before continuing. “Alright. I already have a suit, though.” He motioned to the clothes he was wearing.

“Please, darling. There are business suits, and business suits. You’re wearing the former, I specialize in making the latter.” She wore a smug look. “Besides, as I said, that thing is in pieces.”

007 rolled his eyes. “Fine then.” She nodded, and turned to trot out, into her work room, before he called out to her again. “Wait. Do you mind if I stay here for a bit? I need to catch up on some sleep.”

The white unicorn smiled gently. “Of course. There’s a spare bedroom upstairs if you want to use it.” With that, she disappeared into the next room.

He stood there for a moment, trying to judge the mare’s character. She was feisty, he knew that much, and was certain that she could more than take care of herself should the need arise. Given the way she was eager to make him clothes free of charge, he thought that she imagined it as more of a hobby than an actual job. Something fun to do that she made money from as well.

He stopped. Could all women immediately size him up when they met? His mind drifted back to the first time he met such a person. He remembered having a similar reaction to the one he'd had just now. Then he actually remembered the woman he was thinking about, and decided to snap back to reality. Some wounds never heal.

Stifling a yawn, he realized he was more tired than he had originally thought. Taking off his suit jacket, he made his way towards the staircase on the far side of the room, feeling more tired with every step. He couldn't help but realize that he had become more weary and less enduring since he arrived. Probably a by-product of the magic that brought him here.

He reached the top of the stairs and took a glance inside the first room on the right. It was simple, with a single bed and children's toys strewn all over the flaw. Bond doubted that Rarity had children, so he assumed it belonged to a sibling. He smiled slightly. The room felt like a impenetrable fortress of innocence; a safe and happy haven for whoever inhabited it. The only place that had made Bond safe when he was a child were the secret tunnels running underneath his family's lodge. They held some rather traumatic memories, too.

He decided to swiftly move on, feeling more tired by the second. A door was ajar at the end of the hallway. Peeking inside, he found that it was indeed the spare bedroom Rarity had directed him towards. Wasting no time, he threw his jacket on the floor, loosened his tie, and lay down. Millions of things were running through his mind, most of them beyond confusing, but exhaustion quickly took over as he drifted off to sleep.

***

The stallion sat behind his desk, waist deep in thought. A large, pungent cigar hung from his mouth, it’s strong odour permeating throughout the room. In his hooves were the latest reports from his men. The complications that had arisen the previous day were surprising, but otherwise irrelevant. It was a minor setback. They just needed time to plan.

A sharp knock on the door pulled his attention away from the report. “Come in,” he called, inhaling from his cigar. The door drifted open, revealing a unicorn mare.

“Good evening, Brute,” she said, trotting inside.

Brute Force smiled, and pulled a bottle of liquor from one of his desk’s drawers. “Ah, good to see you, my dear. Would you like a drink?”

“No, thank you,” the mare replied flatly.

“That’s a shame,” he commented, pouring himself a glass. “This really is some good stuff. Over a century old, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Very interesting. However, I’m sure you’re aware that I’m not here to discuss your taste in drinks.”

Brute took a sip and reclined back in his chair. “No, of course you’re not. Down to business then. I read your report about the escape. Five injured, one dead. We underestimated him." He stared into his glass, lost in thought. "Where did he go, Quill?”

Lavender Quill smirked. “He fell for it. I told him you’d kidnapped me; played the ‘damsel in distress’ card. Worked like a charm.”

“Yes, but where did he go?”

Quill leaned forward. “I sent him towards Ponyville, so it’s safe to assume he’s still there. We shouldn't waste time, though. A train for Canterlot leaves tomorrow. For all we know, he could be on it.”

Brute Force nodded and furrowed his brow, thinking. “We can’t take any risks this time. How many ponies have we got left after his little rampage?”

“Fifteen. It should suffice.”

“Then get them all ready. Tomorrow, we’re gonna get that son of a bitch back by any means necessary.”

Quill stood up. “Will do. I can also have a plan of attack ready by tomorrow morning, if you like.”

Brute smiled, flashing a set of crooked teeth. “Excellent. Good night, Lavender.”

The mare nodded, and swiftly left the room. Perfect, Brute thought, downing the last of his drink. There’s no way that bastard’s getting out now.

***

Refreshed. Yes, that was one word to describe it. James slowly opened his eyes and sighed peacefully. The last few hours had been a godsend. Some good sleep made him feel much better. Looking out the window, he deduced that he must have been asleep for most of the afternoon, as the sun was gently passing away beneath the horizon. He yawned slightly, and stretched, enjoying the satisfying feeling of his bones popping into place.

Now fully awake, Bond noticed a small pile of clothes and the end of his bed. There weren’t many; just a new suit and tie, a casual jacket and shirt, and some trousers. He didn’t know when he’d ever need to wear formal attire around here, as everypony seemed to walk around naked anyway, but he wasn’t complaining. Instead, he picked up a small note on top of the pile, that must have been left by Rarity.

Mr Bond,

I took great delight in making these for you, so I hope they are to your satisfaction. No payment required, of course. I thought it best not to disturb you when I dropped these off. You were out like a light, I must say. I’m afraid I haven’t got time to chat now, though, as my sister, Sweetie Belle, is here for the night. Feel free to stay for as long as you like.

James smiled at the mare’s generosity. Still, he thought it best not to impose, so he decided to head back to the library. Slipping on a pair of trousers and the casual jacket, he made his way downstairs and bid farewell to the unicorn, before stepping out into the brisk early evening air. The agent inhaled deeply, savouring the fresh air, of which he was unaccustomed to. London was all smog and pollution; here he could smell flowers, and fresh grass, and candy, and other such innocent things. It was a welcome relief.

The walk back to the library was uneventful, but relaxing. Rarity had mentioned, while he was on his way out, that Twilight had told her that he was welcome to join the librarian and her assistant for dinner. Realizing that there was no food at his hotel room, and that all of the shops and stalls had closed down for the day, he saw no other alternative. Reaching the front door of the oak tree, he knocked and waited for an answer.

“Come in!” came Twilight’s voice from somewhere inside. “Honestly, James, you don’t need to knock.” She appeared from another room as James stepped inside. “Rarity told you then? Good, the hay fries are just about done.”

Hay fries? You must be joking. Closing the front door behind him, 007 followed the lavender unicorn into the kitchen, where he found the dragon, Spike, already sat at a table.

“They look good on you,” Twilight commented, nodding towards James’ clothes. “I told you Rarity was a natural.”

“She didn’t even need to take measurements,” Bond told her. “Not many people can take someone’s size just by looking at them, much less a being they’ve never seen before.”

“Well, it is her special talent,” Twilight mused, putting piles of the so-called ‘hay fries’ onto three plates. “I hope this is alright for you, James. You didn’t mention your eating habits earlier.”

“No, it’s fine.” James moved through the kitchen and chose a spot at the table. The seats were small compared to what he was used to, but he supposed that was because ponies obviously had such smaller bodies. Honestly, he was surprised they had chairs at all. “Humans are omnivores," he explained. “We’ll stomach just about anything.”

“Omnivores?” Twilight picked up the plates in her aura of magic, and levitated them down onto the table. “As in, you can eat meat as well as other foods?”

"Most do," he said, after thanking her for the meal. "Although some choose not to. I guess it's a choice of preference."

"So, what kinds of meat do you usually eat?" Twilight asked tentatively, popping some fries into her mouth.

"Pork, steak and lamb are the staples, I'd say."

The mare gasped in shock. "Are you saying you slaughter innocent cows, pigs and sheep?" she asked accusingly. "Don't they try to fight back, or say something?"

Bond looked up. "Say something? How could they? They're animals."

Twilight paused. "Wait, so cows and sheep don't talk in your world?"

007 nearly spat out his food. "They do here?"

The unicorn nodded slowly, confused by his bewildered reaction. James' eye twitched slightly. Things keep getting stranger by the minute.

"Humans are the only sapient life on Earth," he explained. "And we make sure any livestock we have live good lives."

“Right...” Bond could tell that Twilight wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but she didn’t hold it against him. After all, what right did she have to argue with his nature? Bond made a mental note, however, to inform her that she needn’t change any of her usual eating habits to accommodate him in the future.

The meal was surprisingly tasty. A little bit of salt went a long way, it seemed. James certainly hadn’t expected to end his day eating hay when he woke up that morning. Then again, he hadn’t expected to end up in a world inhabited by technicolour talking ponies that morning either.

The rest of the evening was mostly uneventful. James spent most of it making idle conversation with Twilight and Spike after dinner. They mostly talked about each others worlds, as Twilight was always eager to learn something different, even if it seemed insignificant. She seemed a bit put off when he brought up some of the more bloody aspects of Earth’s history, so he made a mental note to dance around the subject should it be brought up in any conversations with others.

It was about ten o’clock by the time he reached his hotel room again. He wasn’t nearly as tired as before, but he figured a bit of sleep never hurt anyone. The first order of business for the following morning would be to pick up some food and supplies, but, for now, he was going to rest. For some reason, he felt that tomorrow was going to be an even more unusual day.

05: Forcing His Hand

"Do you see what comes of all this running around, Mr. Bond? All this jumping and fighting, it's exhausting! Relax. You need to relax."***

"Shh. Be quiet, I think he's waking up."

James' eyes flew open instinctively, completely aware and awake at the sound of the unknown voice. Slowly, as to not attract attention, he started to move his arm towards where he kept his gun. Not under the pillow, as was the common misconception and cliché. That was too dangerous, and wasn't worth the risk. No, he always kept his weapon in a bedside drawer, just in case.

As he felt for the knob to pull the drawer open, he carefully looked around the room. He could see light poking in through the curtains, so it must have been morning, but, strangely, the room was still pitch black. Could it be some sort of magic? Maybe. Unsure of what was going on, 007 quietly opened the drawer and pulled out his pistol. He inched out of bed, slowly making his way towards the lamp. His weapon raised, he flicked it on.

"SURPRISE!"

Bond nearly fired the weapon in shock, but he held restraint. Six ponies leaped up from behind the sofa in his hotel room, happy and innocent grins on their faces. He breathed a sigh of relief, recognizing the majority of them. It was Twilight and her friends, although a few of them he hadn't met. Still, they had thrown some sort of surprise party for him, so they had either gotten over their initial fear of him, or Twilight was just really good at persuading them to come. Somehow, he didn't doubt that.

"Good morning, James!" the lavender unicorn called out, beaming at him along with her friends. "Happy 'Welcome to Equestria' party!"

Bond glanced around his hotel room. Nothing much had changed, although they had somehow managed to tie a few balloons to the sofa while he had been sleeping. Before he could think anymore, the pink mare that he had bumped into the previous day bounced up to him.

"Do you like it?" she asked innocently. "It was Twilight's idea, mostly, but I planned the rest." She spoke modestly, yet with an air of pride at the same time.

"It's... nice," he told her, smiling slightly. He glanced around the room, looking for something to drink. There was some orange juiced laid out on the dining table, so he decided to have some. "Pinkie, was it? I never really expected anyone to go to this length to make me feel welcome."

"Don't be silly," she exclaimed. "When you arrived, I saw how everyone was scared of you, and that you were all alone, and that was sad. Everyone needs some friends, right? They're the things we can't do without!"

James nodded as Twilight stepped forward past her friend. "We know all you want to do is get home, James," she said to him. "But we had to at least make you feel welcome while you were here."

"Thank you," he told them all, genuinely touched. Truth be told, he hasn't had many friends, even in his earlier, teenage years. For these ponies to reach out and welcome him as a friend, without hardly knowing him at all, was quite heartwarming, even for a stone cold man such as he. Still, James felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb in Equestria, so he wouldn't waste any time in getting home. That didn't mean he couldn't enjoy his break before then, however. After dying and resurrecting, anyone would think that they needed some rest and relaxation.

They seemed hellbent on making him enjoy himself, so James obliged, idly chatting with a few of them while making himself some breakfast. They were genuinely friendly and happy, if a little timid around him, though that was to be expected. It was Twilight, however, who gave him the day's first piece of interesting information.

"James." The unicorn's formal voice distracted 007 from the light blue pegasus, Rainbow Dash. "I thought I should let you know that I've booked you and me onto the train to Canterlot at two thirty this afternoon. I think we should talk to Princess Celestia."

Bond hadn't really heard too much about the princess, so he wasn't quite ready to trust her. He didn't really know who to trust, actually. It felt as if his world had been turned upside down. "Alright then," he replied to her. "Whatever you think is best."

Twilight's innocent smile spread across her lips once more. "Great! I hope you don't mind, but we'll be staying at the castle for a few days."

"It's fine," he said, popping a slice of toast into his mouth.

As the rest of them chatted idly amongst themselves, James moved across the room and drew the curtains. The brilliant morning sunshine struck him as soon as he did so, and he was able to see the gleaming, bright streets below him; the happy ponies going about their everyday activities with unbridled glee. For a moment he felt a slight pang of envy run through him, but he quickly shrugged it off. In the end, it had been him alone that had chosen the grim nature of his work.

For a while, he just stared out at the world outside, contemplating. Contemplating his current predicament, contemplating his past, and the mistakes he had made. Looking at people, or ponies, as innocent as these, it got him thinking, maybe he could have done things better. For now, though, he wasn't quite sure what to make of things.

"James?" Again, it was Twilight's voice that snapped him out of his thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm?" It took him a second to readjust, after being whipped back into reality. "I'm alright."

"You looked distant for a second there." She, along with the rest of her friends behind her, all looked concerned. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

"I'm sure," he answered, finishing off the last piece of his toast. "I think..." He paused for a second. "I think I just need a walk."

That seemed to perplex Twilight, but she shook it off quickly enough. "Okay then. Would you like some company?"

"No, thank you," he assured. "I appreciate the welcoming party, but I think I just need some time alone, if that's alright."

The lavender unicorn glanced at her friends, gauging their responses. They all shrugged, giving her a facial expression that said 'why not?' "Alright then," she relented. "We'll just stay here and clean things up then, I suppose."

"Thanks." James walked over to the bed and threw on his jacket. "I'll be back in a bit." Giving them a small wave of goodbye, he stepped out of his room and into the cramped hallway beyond, ready to stretch his legs and get some fresh air. The morning air outside was crisp, and it was a relief to be out instead of stuck inside a cramped hotel. Besides, he was going to have to endure a long train ride later, so he needed all the exercise he could get.

As he walked, Bond's mind began to wonder. What would he do if, by some chance, he wasn't able to get home? He assumed that a peaceful place such as this would not require a man of his skills. He smiled at the notion of him settling down peacefully in a village somewhere. Honestly, he thought he'd be dead before he saw something like that.

By now he had been walking for a while, and found himself near the center of town. Random ponies would sometimes wave and say hello as they trotted bye, and he felt obliged to do the same in return. A few still held wary and suspicious gazes, but that was to be expected. Feeling slightly hungry, as he had only had a single slice of toast at the party, James decided to buy a toasted egg and cheese sandwich from a nearby market stall. Bacon would have been nice, but he doubted that he'd be having any of that any time soon.

Hungrily chewing on his sandwich, his attention turned towards the train station as the sound of a whistle reached his ears. The conductor announced the locomotive's arrival from a place called Dodge Junction, and Bond watched as a number of ponies, residents and tourists alike, stepped out onto the platform. Something stood out, however. Throughout the huge crowd, James was certain that a pair of eyes had been following him, and it wasn't just an innocent or curious stare either. No, he could tell from the glimpse he had gotten that whoever was watching him had malicious intentions, but he could not deduce who it was. Deciding to play it safe, and not draw any unwanted attention, 007 started to make his way back to the hotel.

Swiftly, he began to carve a path through the swelling crowd that had poured out from the station into the market. As soon as it had died down a little, Bond decided to try and figure out just who was following him. Stopping at a random stall, he pretended to be inspecting its wares, but instead kept watch over the route he had just taken out of the corner of his eyes. Sure enough, there was a dark blue pegasus, no older than twenty, who had his eyes locked onto him. He suddenly stopped, realizing what Bond was up to, and did the same, waiting for the human to make the first move.

Got you, Bond thought, moving away from the stand. He didn't know who this colt was, but he wasn't about to start taking chances. For all he knew, it could be a lackey of the stallion that had imprisoned him upon his arrival to this world. He needed to get back to his hotel room now, and warn the others if necessary. He had made it out of the crowd now, so it was becoming increasingly obvious that the pegasus was trailing him. Bond could tell that the colt was new at this; there was hardly any subtlety at all. Still, he pretended not to notice, to lull the pony into a false sense of security.

The colt seemed to slow down as James approached the front door of the hotel. Briefly checking behind him, Bond saw that the pegasus had broken off from following him, and had begun to sit down at a nearby restaurant table. From what he could tell, the colt had a perfect view of his hotel room.

Bond's mind raced as he made his way inside and upstairs. Did Brute Force's lackeys follow him all the way from that abandoned castle? Was the whole thing a ruse? Maybe it was something else entirely, but he couldn't be certain. Hoping that nothing had happened to the others, Bond pushed open the door to his room. Luckily, they were all fine. They had just finished cleaned up the room following his party, and were chatting before they noticed him enter.

"Hey James." The cyan pegasus, Rainbow Dash, called out to him. "Feeling better?"

"I'm fine," he answered quickly, before shifting his attention onto Twilight. "Twilight, are there any trains to Canterlot before this afternoon?"

The unicorn, confused by his question, took a few moments to respond. "I don't think so. Trains to the city only run every few days. Why?"

James nodded, before picking up his gun from the bedside table, stashing it in his holster and peeking outside. Sure enough, there was the blue pegasus, along with a few other stallions he hadn't seen earlier. There was no question about it; these were definitely the guys from the other night. "I'm not sure," he responded to her, turning away from the window. "But I think we might need to go somewhere else."

Twilight became even more confused. "What? Why?" she asked, moving towards him.

"It's a long story," Bond tried to explain. "Let's just say that when Lavender Quill brought me here, she was forced to do so by some unsavoury characters."

The six ponies around the room seemed to freeze as they realized what James was implying. However, before any of them could say anything about it, there was a knock on the door. Everyone stopped as they listened out for any voices on the other side. James turned to the rest of them, putting a finger to his lips, before creeping towards the door and opening it quickly.

Beyond the threshold was a light red unicorn stallion, that James recognized as one of the ones who had been waiting outside just now. Surprised by the human's sudden movement, the young unicorn's horn lit up, about to fire off a spell. Fortunately, Bond didn't give him the time. He grasped onto the door frame and pulled himself up, kicking out at the stallion with tremendous force. The unicorn spluttered as he was kicked in the gut and sent flying back into the wall behind him. He tried to get back up, but a swift punch to the temple from 007 ensured that he stayed down.

"Oh my gosh!" The southern-sounding mare, Applejack, cried out. "What was that all in aid of?"

"We need to go. Now," James called out urgently. "I don't have time to explain, but I need you all to trust me." They all crept out of the room and into the hallway. "All of you, get out through the back door and go home," he commanded. "And stay there for a few hours until everything's settled down. It won't be safe out here." As he spoke, he kept his gun trained on the stairs, in case any more of Brute Force's goons came up.

The six of them looked at each other, unsure of what to do, before finally agreeing. Twilight, on the other hand, had other ideas.

"No, James, I'm coming with you. We're still going to Canterlot!"

"Twilight!" It was Rarity who called out. "You can't go out there! Celestia knows what they'll do to you!"

The purple unicorn was adamant. "I know the risks, but James seems to have gotten in a bit over his head. Please. I'll be fine, I promise."

The five of her friends paused, before nodding solemnly. "Okay, Twi," Applejack told her. "Just take care of yourself, y'hear?"

"I will." Twilight embraced her friends quickly before ushering them away. She looked after them for a moment, before turning back to Bond. "Okay, what are we going to do?"

"There was a train at the station," he told her, formulating a plan in his head. "With any luck, it's still there. We can use it to get out of here."

"Steal a train? Are you crazy?!"

"Do you feel like waiting around here until this afternoon with those lunatics?" James snapped at her. The mare recoiled, so he decided to go a bit softer. "Look, we need to get to Canterlot, as you said. Might as well be sooner rather than later."

It was obvious that Twilight didn't like the idea, especially when it came to theft. However, she didn't see any other choice, so she nodded confidently. "Alright then, James. Let's go."

"Right. Stick behind me. Any sign of trouble, just let me handle it." His weapon readied, Bond began to creep down the stairs, just waiting for another one of those bastards to rear their faces. Reaching the bottom of the stairs and stepping into the reception area, he could make out voices coming from outside.

"What's going on in there?" one asked, in a hushed voice.

"I dunno. I can't hear anything," came another, this time deeper. "You think something's up?"

Bond continued to listen as he peeked through the front window curtains. There were four stallions waiting outside the front door; one pegasus and the rest earth ponies. He considered his options. He could gun down all four of them right there through the window, but he felt that they needed to explain themselves first. Motioning for Twilight to stay back, he crept up to the front door. He took a deep breath, and kicked. The door nearly flew off it's hinges, and the four goons were taken by surprise. Capitalizing on this, Bond leaped forward and grabbed the pegasus, putting an arm around his neck while training his gun on the rest, who had recovered.

"Hold it," the human ordered. "Make a move and your friend gets it."

"P-piss off," the pegasus in his grip managed to splutter, barely able to breathe.

There was a tense standoff as the three earth stallions tried to figure out what to do. Eventually, one stood forward. "Drop it," he commanded, desperately trying to sound braver than he felt. "We got the whole place surrounded. You try and pull anything and you'll be leaving this backwater town in a box."

"You wouldn't do that." James called him out on his bluff. "I'm your boss's 'perfect weapon', aren't I? I bet you've got explicit orders to take me in alive somehow."

The young stallion looked uneasily to his friends. Suddenly, Bond caught him looking to the side with hope in his eyes. Quickly whipping his weapon to match his gaze, he saw the pegasus that had been trailing him  earlier barreling towards him. Without thinking, 007 pulled the trigger twice, sending his attacker falling to the ground. Panicked, his friends charged forward, but were caught off guard when Bond kicked the pegasus he had been holding towards them. As they tripped and fell, James dispatched them quickly. The four of them slumped to the ground, their blood pooling on the ground beneath them.

"Oh, Celestia," was all Twilight managed to murmur as she tentatively stepped outside into the carnage. "What have you done?"

"Defended us, and probably saved your life," James said without remorse. "Come on, we need to keep moving."

"You don't care, do you?" Twilight asked quietly, as he began to walk.

"What?" James turned around again to face her.

"You don't care that you just murdered five ponies in cold blood!" Twilight exclaimed, her anger rising.

"Cold blood?" James responded. "In case you hadn't noticed, they were attacking. You'd probably be dead yourself if it wasn't for me." He stopped as she continued to glare at him. "Make no mistake, I don't enjoy this, but sometimes it has to be done. Kill, or be killed. Now come on, we need to get to Canterlot, don't we?"

The unicorn went to say something in retaliation, but stopped herself. She sighed, and looked up at him. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Come on."

They made their way through the town quickly, without speaking a word to each other. Other ponies, having heard the gunshots, watched them with fear, but didn't interrupt them. Soon enough, they arrived at the train station. Thankfully, the train from earlier was still there, and it's driver was nowhere to be found.

"Come on then," Twilight announced, approaching the station. "If we're going to take this train, we need to it no-" She was cut short as Bond stopped her. He pointed towards the station in response to her questioning look. Sure enough, she saw another suspicious looking stallion, this time a unicorn.

Putting a finger to his lips, Bond motioned for Twilight to stay put. He crept up towards the station, making sure to stay out of the unicorn's line of sight. He got closer, and closer, and still the stallion didn't notice him. Finally, he was close enough. In one swift movement, he put one arm around the unicorn's neck and muffled his worried cried with his other hand. The stallion struggled briefly, desperately trying to escape from 007's vice grip, but to no avail. His body went limp, and James laid him down gently. He turned to Twilight, and called her over to him.

"Did you kill him as well?" she asked accusingly.

"No, he'll be fine," James shot back. "Come on, let's go before more show up."

They both clambered into the train car. It was almost identical to any other steam engine he'd seen before, not that he had much experience with them. Still, he assumed he knew the basics, so he ordered Twilight to shovel some coal into the engine while disengaging the brakes. Sure enough, the train started to move, and they were on their way to Canterlot.

"So, what's the plan?" James asked his unicorn accomplice after they had picked up some speed.

"We're going straight to Princess Celestia," Twilight told him. "I'm not sure I trust you anymore, James."

06: Welcome to Canterlot, 007

"Regret is not part of our profession."***

The mountain air was chilly and cut into the both of them as the train made its way up the mountain track. James yawned and looked out upon the valley; upon the town of Ponyville and the adjacent forest that was rapidly fading into the distance. The train was running steady, and he had stolen the only one scheduled to run on the line that day, so he didn’t have to worry about any obstacles getting in the way.

Twilight had calmed down considerably since they had left town. She still had a wary look in her eye, but she seemed to accept the fact that Bond had killed with necessity. Not to say she agreed with it, but she accepted the fact all the same. After all, she’d rather not think about what those dirty stallions would have done to her and her friends had he not been there to protect them and the rest of town. He had explained everything after they had left, so she understood his problem.

The door to the engine car swung open and Twilight entered. She didn’t say a word, but instead used her magic to shovel some more coal into the fire.

"Look, Twilight," Bond spoke up. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Thanks, James," she replied. "But it's alright, I understand. You were just protecting me and yourself." She turned around and looked up at him. "Just tell me one thing, though."

He nodded. "Go ahead."

"How do you deal with it?" she asked. "How do you wash away all the things you've done, and what you'll have to do?"

"You don't," he answered simply. "There's no time to think, you have to act. If there's one thing I've learned, you either shoot first, or don't shoot at all. It's just the way it is."

"Don't you ever look for a non-lethal option?"

"When I draw my gun I'm committed to using lethal force," he explained to her. "If I try to shoot someone non-lethally, I'm either going to hit a vital vein or artery and end up killing them anyway, or miss completely and wind up dead myself." He looked away from the view of the valley and down at her. "In the end, you can't take any chances."

Twilight nodded slowly, processing the information. "I understand where you're coming from, James. Our methods may be different, but our goal is the same."

"And what goal would that be?"

"Keeping innocent ponies safe," she said to him. "After all, I'm the Element of Magic. If some ancient evil threatens Equestria, my friends and I are the only ones who can stop it."

James nodded. There were a few moments of silence, before he spoke up again. “How far are we from Canterlot?"

“A few minutes, tops.” She looked up at him, but didn’t hold her gaze, looking out upon the valley soon after. “I’d bet the elements that the princesses already know we’re coming.”

“Because of what happened back there?” James asked, checking to see the train had enough fuel to keep going.

“Bingo. It’d be a surprise if there isn’t a squad of royal guards waiting for us when we arrive. Heck, my brother’s probably with them.”

“Your brother’s part of the royal guard?” Bond asked, hoping to start a conversation that would steer away from the somewhat touchy topic they had been discussing earlier.

“Try captain of the royal guard,” Twilight corrected. “And Prince of the Crystal Empire, to top it all off.” She smiled distantly. “Still, I couldn’t ask for a better brother.”

“You got along well as kids?” Bond wondered.

She chuckled. “That’s like saying Fluttershy just ‘gets along’ with her animals.” She sighed and smiled again. “We did everything together. He was my B.B.B.F.F.”

James looked at her, a puzzled expression on his face.

“Big Brother Best Friend Forever.” She answered his silent question almost instantly, as if she’d had to do it multiple times before. “Look, we’re almost there.” She pointed upwards as the train reached the top of the mountain and approached the regal city. James gazed up in awe at the tall, gilded towers and majestic architecture, like something out of a fantasy novel. The capital of Equestria truly was a sight to behold, and James finally understood Rarity’s obsession with the city’s culture and society, for it was obviously a place of nobility.

“Ready to face the music?” His companion asked as he started to apply the train’s brakes. “Honestly, I don’t know how Princess Celestia is going to react.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Bond replied. “After all, you are her personal student, right?”

“All the more reason to not disappoint her, James!”

“Don’t worry,” he reassured her. “If she’s anything like you said she is before, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” As for himself, he wasn’t sure. Celestia might not be as welcoming as her student was, after all. On the other hand, the student always learned from the master.

His thoughts were interrupted by the train rolling to a stop in the station. As the steam cleared, both he and Twilight were surprised to see that there wasn’t a welcoming party of guards to greet them. In fact, there was nothing to hint that anything was out of the ordinary at all.

“So, I create a national crisis in a nearby town, and the guard here don’t seem to care?” James commented. “Yet another victory for gross incompetence, it seems.”

"Oh hush, James," Twilight reprimanded. "For all we know, they could have beefed up security in the castle itself."

"They're two immortal goddesses," 007 scoffed. "Doesn't sound like they need much security to me."

“Immortal doesn’t always equal invulnerable,” she replied. “Although I will admit, they do know how to take care of themselves. Still, we better make our way up to the castle.”

James went to say something in return, to continue the conversation, but was cut off when a group of guards approached them. “Well, so much for peace and quiet,” he muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Gross incompetence, huh?” Twilight sighed. She should have known the absence of ponies around the train station was too good to be true. In all likeliness, the guards had cordoned off the train station and the few blocks surrounding it, in preparation for their arrival. “Good evening, gentlecolts,” she called out to them. “How can I help you!”

“Miss Sparkle!” the officer of the group barked towards her, while the rest of them adopted an aggressive stance. “Step away from the creature immediately!”

“He has a name!” she shouted, ignoring his order. “I know you want to take him to Princess Celestia, but the fact of the matter is, he’s not going anywhere without me.”

“Listen to reason, Miss Sparkle!” the officer replied, still glaring at 007. “You don’t know what it’s capable of!”

“I know perfectly well what he’s capable of, sir!” Twilight stepped in front of James in a protective manner. “But I also know he wouldn’t hurt someone for no reason!”

“No, Twilight, it’s fine,” James told her softly, walking past her towards the guards, his hands in the air. The guards immediately surrounded him, spears raised menacingly, and started to escort him towards the castle that towered over the city. Frustrated, Twilight galloped after them.

“For the last time, Miss Sparkle,” the officer hissed. “The princess wants to speak alone with this... thing.” It took all of his effort to remain composed and not raise his voice at the annoyingly stubborn mare. “Accommodation has been provided for you in the west wing of the castle. I suggest you make your way there as soon as possible.”

“No,” she told him, much to his ire. “I’m staying with James. Besides, the captain of the guard wouldn’t want to find out that you’ve been harassing his sister, would you?”

The officer stiffened, and grimaced. After a few seconds, he replied. “No ma’am. This way, ma’am.”

“I didn’t think so.” Twilight smiled smugly, trailing close behind the group of guards as they made their way away from the train station. Confirming her suspicions, the area around the station had been cordoned off by the city guard. A large group of curious ponies had gathered behind the fence, eager to see what all of the commotion was about. When they laid eyes upon Bond, a few of them recoiled in shock, unsure of the strange creature before their eyes.

“You ready?” Twilight whispered to James as they approached the swelling crowd.

“Of course,” he murmured back, scanning the ponies in the crowd. “Besides, it’s not like any of them are stupid enough to mess with the guards, right?”

“I hope you’re right. Ponies in Canterlot tend to be a little more... unsure of new things or people. This is the most heavily guarded city in the world, after all.”

The guards who were guarding the fence noticed them approaching and lifted the tape to let them through. Most ponies in the crowd stepped away as the guards escorted James through, however some made sure to voice their shock and disgust.

“What is that thing?”

“Such a vile creature, in our fair city?!”

The officer’s patience was beginning to wear thin. “Everypony, disperse! Return to your homes immediately!” Shoving a few stubborn stallions out of the way, the group of them picked up the pace, making their way towards the castle. The crowd was not swayed so easily, however, and many curious ponies followed the group through the streets.

They soon reached the front gate of the castle. A few more groups of guards approached from the castle itself to hold back the crowd. Thankful for the new found peace, James continued with his de facto captors into the castle itself. Every single guard seemed to be standing guard in the castle’s foyer, beside two mares; one, large and pearly white, the other slightly smaller and dark blue. Must be Celestia and Luna, Bond assumed.

“Halt!” the officer in front of him barked, turning to face him. “Bow before your ruler!”

Before James could say or do anything in reaction, Celestia, spoke. “Stand down, sir.” She spoke softly, but with a commanding undertone. “My sister and I wish to speak with our guest.”

The officer stiffened again. “Of course, your majesty.” His group of guards retreated from their protective circle around James, allowing him to approach the princesses with Twilight. He took a few steps towards them before Luna stepped in front of him.

“Before you come any closer, please relinquish your weapon, Mr. Bond.”

James scanned her for a few seconds, before relenting. Reluctantly, he reached inside his jacket and drew his handgun, holding it in the air. Luna took the weapon in her magic and gave it to another unicorn beside her, who carefully took it out of the room.

“Try not to point it at anything you’re fond of,” James called after him, before turning back to the royalty before him. They both eyed him warily, but did not seem hostile. If anything, they seemed slightly welcoming. The silence continued, so he spoke up. “Good evening, your majesties.”

“And to you, Agent 007,” Celestia replied, a small yet noticeable mischievous grin upon her face. “I hope the guards weren’t too rough on you.” She took note of his bewildered and accusing expression and laughed. “Don’t worry James, your secrets are safe with us, I can assure you.”

Twilight, meanwhile, was just as confused as he was. “‘Agent 007’? James, what haven’t you told me?”

“We shall explain that to you later, Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Luna told her with a warm, friendly smile. “For now, my sister and I would like to talk to Mr. Bond alone.” Twilight looked up at Princess Celestia, who also smiled and nodded. “If you are hungry, the chefs will be more than happy to cook something for you.”

Twilight sighed. “No, it’s alright, princess.” She looked at James uncertainly. “I think I’ll just make my way to my room; the one that the guard mentioned.”

“Very well.” Luna nodded, holding out a hoof. “Well, I look forward to catching up with you later.”

Twilight smiled and took her hoof, pulling the moon goddess into a friendly hug. Luna was briefly surprised, but soon returned the favour. “I look forward to it, Luna.” Twilight turned and trotted out of the room, waving goodbye as she went.

James watched as she left, before turning back to the alicorns before him. “Well, I’m here,” he said to them. “What do you want?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, before turning around to open the doors of the main hall. The two of them entered, leaving him to follow. The hall itself was massive, yet barely furnished. At the very end of the room were two large thrones, but, other than that, there was not much else of note. Celestia and Luna walked down to the far side of the room and sat on their thrones. Before James could say anything, there was a small flash and another, smaller chair, appeared out of nowhere. Encased in Celestia’s magical glow, it was placed in front of the two thrones.

“Please, Mr. Bond, sit,” Princess Celestia asked softly, gesturing to the chair. “We have much to discuss.”

Deciding to go along with whatever she wanted, James obliged. The chair was comfy enough, but still a little small for his larger body.

Princess Luna cleared her throat, drawing his attention. “So, do you know why we had the guards bring you here, Mr. Bond?”

“I can hazard a guess,” James answered. He felt like a schoolboy, reporting to the headmaster because he was in trouble. “Something to do with the trouble I caused back in Ponyville, right?”

“That would be correct,” Celestia replied curtly. “After all, you did kill five ponies.”

“I was protecting Twilight, and the rest of town.” James defended his case.

“For which we thank you,” Luna interrupted. “We only wish to know why those ponies wanted you in the first place.”

Fair enough. Deciding to start from the top, James started to divulge the course of events that had transpired since his arrival in this strange new world.

***

The room was warm and hospitable, as they always were, for which Twilight was thankful. Still, she couldn’t get any sleep. The things she had seen today proved such luxuries impossible. Instead, the used her time to do some research. If what James had said was true, she needed to know any information about it.

A light knock on the door snapped her attention away from the third book she had been skimming through. “Come in,” she called.

The door opened and James entered, still wearing the jacket Rarity made for him but carrying what looked like a tailored suit. “Hey,” he greeted her softly. “You alright?”

Twilight glanced down at her books and yawned, before looking back up at him. “Yeah, I’m fine, James.”

“You sound tired,” he observed.

She shrugged. “Maybe a little.” A smirk spread across her face. “What’s the suit for?”

“A party,” he told her, pulling out an invitation. “The royals are having a night out to a prestigious casino tomorrow evening, if you can believe that. Apparently, I’m the guest of honour.”

“A party? Didn’t you tell them about the crazy cultists who want to overthrow the throne?”

“Of course I did,” he told her, feigning offense. “Which is why I’m supposedly doubling as security.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, and chuckled. “Of course, because you look so inconspicuous.” James chuckled as well. “I'm guessing you did something similar back home, 'agent'." He nodded. "So, am I invited as well?”

“Not exactly.” James held out the invitation in his hand. “But I can take a plus one.”

She grinned. “Guess I’d better find something to wear, then.” She hopped to her hooves and trotted past him, towards the wardrobe. “Funny,” she wondered aloud. “I didn’t take the princesses for fans of gambling.”

“Apparently, they’re not,” James said. “Their nephew is, though.”

Twilight poked her head out from the wardrobe. “Prince Blueblood?” she groaned. “I should have known.”

“Bad experience?” Bond asked.

“Not personally,” she called out, still sifting through the assortment of garments in the wardrobe. “Talk to Rarity about it sometime, I’m sure she’d be just happy to tell you about it.”

Bond chuckled again. “Maybe I’ll ask her then.” He glanced at the clock, which read eleven o’clock. “It’s getting late,” he told her. “I’ll leave you to it.” He turned to leave, before remembering something. “Oh, and we’re having breakfast tomorrow morning, before a brief of some sort. Eight o’clock sharp.”

“I’ll set an alarm then,” Twilight replied, stepping out of the wardrobe. “Goodnight, James.” She smiled and waved as he bid her farewell and left the room.

Alone again, Twilight glanced around the hotel suite. She knew she needed sleep, but there were more important things to worry about right now. She trotted back to the desk, covered in books and papers, and started to read again. Something evil was out there, threatening the throne as well as the citizens of Equestria, and she needed to find out what.

Sleep could wait.

07: A Game of Chance

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

08: Protect and Serve

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

09: Like a Game of Chess

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

10: Viva Las Pegasus

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

11: Live and Let Die

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Epilogue: Enjoying Death

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Prologue: Let the Sky Fall

"This is the end... hold your breath and count to ten."***

The door was ajar. Not a good sign. Raising his gun, James Bond crept towards the room, apprehensive about what could lie inside. Ronson has kept radio contact for ten minutes, so something must have happened. Staring straight down the sights of his weapon, 007 burst into the room.

It was as bad as he had expected. One agent, lying dead, and Ronson, the second, sprawled out on a chair, slowly bleeding out. Quickly checking the room to check it was secure, Bond picked up the laptop, looking for the hard drive that had caused all all of this trouble. It seemed to have been torn out. "The hard drive's gone," he relayed through his earpiece.

"Are you sure?" M's cold, calculated voice came into his ear.

He picked up the computer, checking underneath. "It's gone," he said, throwing it to the side.

"Then keep moving Bond," M told him. "We can't lose him."

"One second." Picking up a towel, he walked over to the slowly dying agent. "I'm helping Ronson." He smiled at the man, before covering his wound.

"No Bond, you have to get going!"

"I have to stop the bleeding!" he snapped, making sure the towel was in place. He smiled at Ronson again, before setting off. He moved quickly through the building, making sure there were no hostiles nearby, before stepping out into the streets of Istanbul. Almost immediately, a dark grey Land Rover came screeching round the corner. The passenger door popped open, inviting him to enter, and he obliged.

Sitting in the driver's seat was his fellow agent, a young woman. He still didn't know her name, but now was not the time for introductions. As soon as he sat down, she slammed her foot on the gas pedal, roaring off in pursuit of a black car in front of them.

"He's in the black Audi," she informed him as the drove through narrow city streets. Turning a tight corner, she clipped the wall, shearing the side mirror clean off.

"It's alright, we weren't using it anyway," Bond commented, still focusing on the black sedan. Almost immediately after he had said it, they clipped a market stall, breaking off the second mirror as well.

"Wasn't using that one either," she joked, increasing her speed as pedestrians scrambled to get out of the two cars' path. The terrorist veered to the right as she tried to ram him off the road. It was unsuccessful, however, and she cursed as she had to swerve to the left to avoid a fork in the road. The Audi took the right lane, and she could only watch helplessly as their view of him was almost broken by rows and rows of market stalls.

Without a word, Bond reached over and grabbed the wheel with one hand. As the two lanes joined to form one road again, he yanked on the wheel, sending the SUV crashing into the side of the jet black car. The plan worked, and the Audi flipped onto it's side before crashing to a halt. To his horror, James saw the driver's side door open. "Get down!" he shouted, just as the terrorist opened fire on them with an SMG. Flinching as bullets whizzed past his ear, 007 clambered out of the car and returned fire.

His target moved his attention away from James as two police officers on motorcycles hastily arrived on the scene. Shooting them down swiftly, he picked up one of their bikes and roared away. James, trying to keep up, thankfully spotted a bike of his own. He hopped on and quickly gave chase, leaving his fellow agent to follow in her SUV.

The terrorist darted quickly through back alleys and side streets, barely keeping his distance from Bond. Being blocked by a large van, he decided to ride up a set of stairs, soon emerging on the rooftops of Istanbul's Grand Bazaar. This didn't deter him, however, as he kept going along the tiled rooftops, barely slowing down. Noticing 007 on his tail, he took a sharp right, crashing through a window into the hallways of the Grand Bazaar itself. Pedestrians fled as the two rode through the narrow hallways, but thankfully the terrorist led Bond back outside onto the road, heading towards a small bridge.

As they approached, Bond noticed that his fellow agent had set up a roadblock, leaving the man he was chasing nowhere to go. What he hadn't expected, however, was for him to quickly dismount his bike and leap over the fence onto a moving train below. Sighing, and silently cursing himself for what he was about to do, he opened the throttle on his bike, crashing into the side of the bridge. He was sent flying clear of the bike, landing hard on the roof of the train. He almost rolled off, but managed to grasp the side at the last second.

Pulling himself up, he noticed the terrorist was a few cars ahead of him. Between the two of them was a large construction digger, and James was forced to take cover behind it as the man opened fire on him again. He returned fire, but only got a few shots off before running out of ammo. Groaning, he threw the gun away in frustration. Peeking around, he saw that the terrorist's magazine was empty. That gives me a few seconds, he thought, quickly climbing into the seat of the digger. Turning the cab around to face forward, he flinched and grunted in pain as a bullet caught him in the shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

"Bond," came his fellow agent's voice through his earpiece. "He's decoupled the cars, hurry!"

Slamming a lever forward, he smiled the arm of the crane came crashing down on top of the car in front of him, tearing the roof off. Quickly, he hopped out of the cab and sprinted forward, leaping into the carriage at the last moment. Startled passengers could only gawk as 007 readjusted his cuffs and pushed forward. He quickly reached the front of the carriage as the train went through a tunnel. There was a ladder, so he swiftly climbed up and onto the roof of the train.

Daylight hit him again as he leaped towards the terrorist, catching him off guard. The two of them fell over, Bond desperately trying to choke the man with the lanyard that held MI6's hard drive. He was unsuccessful, and was kicked onto his back as the train entered another tunnel. Bond threw a punch, but the man blocked it and jabbed him in the ribs.

The train roared out of the second tunnel, crossing a bridge, approaching a third. The terrorist kicked Bond away and tried to run further down the train, but James grabbed him. The two grappled, trying to throw each other off the roof of the train. 007 struggled, trying to get throw a good punch, but couldn't free himself from the man's grip.

There was a loud crack that echoed through the air.

James suddenly found himself free of his assailants hold, but now instead found himself falling through the air, his chest burning with pain. He saw the bridge and train above him, quickly passing out of sight as he plunged into the raging waters below. He drifted into the depths of the river, slowly floating away. As he quickly lost consciousness, he could only make out two words from his fellow MI6 operative through his earpiece.

"Agent down."

DANIEL CRAIG

AS IAN FLEMING'S JAMES BOND 007 IN

FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY