I have found myself in many strange positions when I’ve woken up, but face-first in a train is a new one. "How did I get like this?"

Amy was sitting in her seat and yawned. “You rolled out of the bed again. Now get up, the train stopped.” I blearily raised my head and saw light coming in from the window. I think it’s about sunrise.

I glanced out and saw the train had stopped at Ponyville station. Just over the buildings and streets I could see apple trees. “Well come on Amy, we got someone to pick up.”

Amy looked at me with confusion. “Who we picking up?”

“Just a kid who followed me to Canterlot, and was brought here to his cousin’s place by a friend.” NOT GONNA MENTION DEAN!

Amy shrugged and followed me out of the train and looked around at the buildings. “Quaint.”

“Yeah, now...” I jumped onto a bench that was next to the entrance and posed. “ONWARDS!”

Amy stared at me before facepalming. “Really James?”

“Yes.” I leaped off of my perch, startling a few ponies, before running down the road. I don’t know why, but this place felt... How do I put it?.....Uh....Schme, I’ll think of something later.

The apple on the trees were becoming visible as I felt something grab onto my shirt. Looking back I saw Amy yet again. “Would you stop doing that?”

I crossed my arms and huffed. Why am I acting like such a kid? “Fiiiiiiine. we’ll walk like normal people.” I looked to my side and saw a mixture of reactions, ranging from surprise, giggles, and indifference.

Amy apparently noticed too. “I was expecting a bit more of a reaction.”

“Maybe we’re not the first wraith they’ve seen?” Oh god, I hope she doesn’t find Dean. I felt a shudder run up my spine.

“You okay?”

I glanced around nervously. “Uh, yeah. Peachy.”

She narrowed her eyes and I could feel her glare on the back of my head. “Dean’s here isn’t he?”

“Um...” I could feel my hand twitch as I looked for a distraction. Unfortunately, Sarah wasn’t here with her huge pet wolf. “I-”

I was interrupted by a yell coming from above us, “Oh sweet Jesus help me!” I looked up as a kid ragdolled over us. “CATCHMECATCHMECATCHMECATCHME!” He landed a few dozen feet behind us. “Ow, my nose...."

I blinked a couple times before walking over to him and helping him up. “Dude, you okay?”

Amy smacked me upside the head. “He just fell out of the sky and you’re asking if he’s okay!?” I grumbled obscenities at her under my breath as the kid popped his back.

“Aye... Just had a little trouble.” He looked at us, “Oh! Ye two staying here, or passing through?”

“Passing through. I’m just here to pick up a friend.”

“Ah... Just a warning, ye might want to stay away from Sweet Apple Acres.”

I sighed as I slumped forwards. “Well crap, that’s where we’re headed.”

“Oh... thats bad.” He looked off to the side. “Oh god...” He grabbed both of us. “Third Hollow.”

Both me and Amy blinked. “Huh?”

“Shh! She’ll hear ye.”

“Hear who?” A pink pony popped out of the kid’s shirt. Just... what... what just happened? “I don’t see anypony.”

“Oh hey Pinkie,” The kid acted like the pony popping out of nowhere was normal. Which is far from that. Why isn’t he freaking out?! “I think I heard someone break a Pinkie Promise.” Just what the heck is a ‘Pinkie promise’?

She gasped, “Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise!” She vanished back into his shirt. I stared at it for a while before tapping his hand.

“She’s gone. Reveal.” I stared at where the pony was for a second, and was unable to form a coherent sentence.

Amy was making this rather funny face from her confusion. “Uh... I’ll take your word for that. That sounded... Unnaturally demonic for a pink pony.”

He shrugged, “Alright then... Well since ye can’t hang around here or go to the Acres I’m going to have to improvise.” He held out his arms, “Grab on.”

“Okay?” Me and Amy grabbed on and he pulled out an old book. “By the way, what’s your name?”

He grinned while flipping through the pages, I looked at the pages and saw nothing but what looked like scribbles. “It’s Alexander.” He stopped on a page and looked at me, “But call me Alex.” He muttered a few words under his breath as the wind around us began to increase in speed.

Amy let go of Alex and grabbed onto me instead. “What the fuck!”

He lurched back as blood came dripping from his nose, “Don’t do that!” he tilted his head forward. “The magical backlash hurts like shit.”

Amy started to glow a faint silver, which confused the living shit out of me. Why is she... Oh wait that was a bit of an awkward moment.... “Sorry.”

“Ugh... I need a towel, I’ll be back.” He started walking away as blood started leaking from his ears. “God damn it all.”

I ran up next to him as he started to walk away. “How ‘bout we come with you. I mean, you know this town better than us so...”

“Good idea, but hurry please. I’ll start bleeding from my eyes soon.”

Amy paled slightly. “I’m so sorry. I just... have had bad experiences with magic.”

We looked at her for a couple seconds before he was looking at me, “Ah... I see. Secret?” Uh......what?

“Yeah.” Again..........What?

“My lips are welded shut.”

I looked between the two of them. “Okay seriously? What secret!?”

Alex looked at me, “Ní dhéanfaidh aon ní.”

“Uh....” I sighed and threw my hands in the air. “Screw it. I’ll just find out later.” We followed Alex through the town until we came across the most interesting house I had ever seen. “Is that a giant gingerbread house?”

Alex grabbed my arm. “Unless ye want to meet the pink one, I suggest ye keep moving.”

I made a silent ‘oh’ before I continued following him with Amy in tow. She was being oddly quiet, but considering she just accidentally made a guy bleed from his ears ‘cause she freaked out... I’ll leave her alone for now.

“Oh cock sucking damn it.” I looked at Alex only to see blood dripping from his eyes. “I can’t see... Ye’re gonna have to lead me.”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and place him in front of me. “Okay, we’re in front of...” I looked to my left and read the sign on the building next to us. “Sofa and Quills with it being to our left. Were to?”

“Go right then turn left at the fountain, then head to the giant tree.”

“Alright,” I turned him to the right, “FORWARD MARCH!” I pushed on Alex’s back to help him move and Amy just followed. The directions were simple enough and we all arrived at the tree quickly. “Okay, we’re at the tree, That surprisingly has windows and a door... Now what?”

“Knock on the door, a purple unicorn should answer the door.”

Amy was laughing slightly. “Yeah, or maybe I’ll see a baby dragon.” She went up to the door and knocked. The sound of small feet rather than hooves could be heard from inside.

Alex chuckled, “Ye just had to say that didn’t ye.”

Amy looked at him for a moment before the door opened revealing a small purple lizard. Oh, look. A baby dragon. “Uh... What...”

The dragon looked up at her and then at me. “Hey Alex... Who are they.”

Amy was standing there frozen. “What...”

I quickly moved her over to the side and smiled. “Hello, Do you mind if we come in? Alex needs a towel.”

The dragon looked at Alex and sighed, “Another experiment?”

“Interruption.” Amy was glowing a faint silver as the dragon gave a swift nod and opened the door.

I was about to talk until I saw the walls. So... many... books... Just who needs this many books! “What’s with all the books?”

“Uh... It’s a library.”

I facepalmed quite audibly. “Of course it is...” Okay seriously brain, you couldn’t piece that together? WTF!

The dragon walked up and handed a towel to Alex, “Here.”

As Alex accepted the towel I looked at some of the books and noticed that almost all of them were boring as fuck non-fiction or were really sciencey. “Where’s the fiction?” The dragon pointed to the shelf behind him and I moved over to see what there was. “Thanks.”

Amy looked around herself and eventually asked a question that probably should have been on my mind. “So... are you the librarian here?”

The dragon looked up and smiled. “Nah, That’s Twilight. I’m her number one assistant!” He finished by puffing out his chest. Heh... Macho, macho man. He Just needs a mustache and his image shall be complete.

Again I blinked in confusion to my own thought processes. Again... WTF brain!

Alex sighed in relief as he blinked his eyes, “SUCCESS!”

“Good to see your eyes are better. Now could you explain why it would be a bad idea to head over to the Apples at the moment?”

He shivered, “They multiplied.”

Amy looked over at him. “They?” Oh, I have a pretty good idea what he’s talking about.

“The CMC...”

I sighed. “I’m guessing that by multiplied you meant that there was a small colt with them?”

“Ye know him?”

“Yeah, I had De-ahhhhhh I mean a friend, bring him here cause he followed me to Canterlot a couple days ago.”

He frowned, “Ye mean Dean?” I started to panic and started waving my arms in front of me for him to stop talking.

Amy narrowed her eyes and kept looking at him. “Could you elaborate further? On both subjects please.”

He stared at her, “ Firstly, the CMC are four little ponies that somehow managed to get their hands on medieval weaponry and stole a couple spells from my book.” An explosion rang out and Alex groaned and stood up, “And they just summoned an Infernal.”

I looked at him with an expression of confusion and concern as I stood next to him. “I don’t know what an Infernal is, but it doesn’t sound friendly, and I am not going to let it hurt a kid.”

"Think giant pile of boulders that decided to take a humanoid form and light itself on fire... With Demonic. Green. Fire." He turned towards the door, "Come on, we need to hurry."

I sighed and shook my head. “That sounds like something Choc would cause. Let’s go save him before Ponyville is ashes.” Amy went wide eyed as she looked at me in disbelief. “And yes, it really is. I had to kill a sandworm he led into town last week. Now let’s get off our asses and GO ALREADY!”

Alex held out his arms, “Quickly, grab my arms!” Amy reluctantly grabbed back onto his arm with worry on her face.

I smiled as I clamped on. “ADVENTURE!”

He glared, “Ye ruined it.” He sighed and muttered a couple words under his breath before the world became a flash of light, and we found ourselves outside of a farm. “Ta-da!” Amy seemed to be checking if she was missing any body parts for some reason.

I looked around and saw nothing but apple trees. Not a trail of smoke, flame, or fleeing towns pony. “So where-” I was cut off by an explosion behind us. “Nevermind.”

Alex turned and stepped back, “Scratch that... They summoned an army of them.”

Amy looked at the wall of flaming rocks and groaned. “This is going to take a while.”

I was about to make a comment when I felt something crash into my legs. Looking down I could see four little ponies with capes heaped together in a tangle of legs. “Choc. What is this?”

The small colt looked up at me and gasped. “Mr. James! Ya gotta help us! We were readin’ that book Scootaloo got us and all the rocks lit on fire!” Only Chocolate Apple can defy physics enough to light stone on fire

“Ye mean my book?”

The orange pegasus, who I'm assuming is Scootaloo, popped her head up from the heap of pony. “Hey, it was in a library!”

Alex stared deadpan, “Chained to my pants and sealed with a key around my neck.”

The four of them hug their heads and looked at his feet. “We’re sorry.”

I looked at Choc and shook my head. “This is a new record.” A ungodly roar rang from the flaming mass. I turned away and stared at the Infernal army as it got closer, My guns at the ready. “But you four need to head to the farmhouse. Now.”

Choc started to protest. “But-”

I looked over my shoulder and stared him in the eye. “No, buts. Just go!”

Amy readied her bow and shot an Infernal that was starting to get close. “I’d listen to him, and see if you can find some help.”

The yellow filly perked up. “Ah’ll go get Dean!” My inner self started bashing it’s head on the inside of my skull as the four of them ran towards town. GOOD FUCKING GOD DAMNIT! She just HAD to say his name!! Now Amy knows Dean is HERE!!

(OST)

Alex thrust his hand towards an Infernal, “Lightning Bolt!” A bolt of lightning flew from his hand and impacted the closest Infernal, which promptly exploded.

“Gaia’s Wrath!” An giant fist made of rock sprouted from the ground and struck a large group of infernals, crushing them into dust, “Honestly, I expected something a little more... stranger. But then again, this is Ponyville...” I looked towards the source of the voice and saw what I think was a ‘stoner Jesus’ standing there. I have no idea who that guy is, but wow that was cool.

Alex groaned, “Hello to ye to Jay.”

Jay groaned, “Don’t tell me. It was you Alex.” Jay facepalmed.

I raised an eyebrow at them. “Let’s save this for later, excuse me, Explosive shot!” I switched my pistols over to a missile pod and fired, blasting three of the Infernals. “But we have an issue right now.”

Jay smiled, “That we do.” He brought his hand up, making the ground shake, “I love doing this around noobs...” all of the sudden, an axe sprouted from the ground and flew into his hands, he flourished it and got into a battle ready stance, “Lets dance.” He charged into the group of Infernals and started swinging his axe, leveling one of the Infernals in a single swing.

I whistled as it fell to the ground. “He’s got a nice swing.” I readied my missile pod “My turn, Ex-” I stopped when my face plowed into the ground. Looking up I could see Amy had used me as a springboard and launched herself into the air. “Fucking really!”

Amy ignored me as she charged an arrow in her bow. “Lunar Arrows!” She fired and the arrow split into five before piercing the heads of some of the Infernals that had started to surround Jay.

Jay laughed, “I should thank you, but I had it!” He charged his axe with energy and swung at five in a row, cleaving them in two, “Try to keep up!”

“It didn’t have to end like this.” Some of the Infernals exploded as Alex grinned. “Doom Paul anyone?”

I blinked as what was left of the Infernals vanished into dust. “Well, I didn’t expect that...”

Jay face palmed as he dodged a fiery fist from an infernal, “Really? memes? God how un-original...”

“Says the hippie Jesus.”

“At least I don’t need memes to do my fighting.”

Amy fired more arrows into the remaining Infernals “Would you two stop bickering like a married couple and help!?” She dodged a shot and her leg started glowing. “Howl of the Wolf!” She charged at the Infernal and kicked the center out. The Infernal started grasping at the hole before it collapsed and extinguished. When the hell could she do that? And what's with all the wolf and moon references?

Alex appeared on top of one and slammed his staff into it’s head before he blasted another one with the dead one. “I know how to fight thank ye.” He jumped off and blocked a fist with his staff. “Arcane Beam!” Another Infernal exploded into rubble.

I looked around and saw that there was only about five of the things to my left. “Rapid shot!” I charged at the head of the group as my guns changed into their machine gun form and the Infernal swung his fist down at me. I jumped onto it and let him fling me into the air causing me to peak at about fifty feet.

Amy looked up at me and gawked. “What are you doing you idiot!”

I could only grin, “BULLETSTORM!” I fired as I twisted myself to be facing the Infernals from above. The bullets crashed into their bodies and chiseled away at what I believe to be the head. It had eye sockets so I think it was the head. But I have been wrong before...

“Guillotine Driver!” A large cross like beam erupted from the ground and destroyed at least twenty Infernals. I looked and saw Jay swinging at even more Infernals, “This is just too much fun!”

I landed back on the ground with my hands and flipped over to Jay. “You are absolutely right! Standard shot!” I switched back to pistols and fired at two that were in front of me. “Nice axe by the way.”

“She’s my baby! Couldn’t work well without her!” Jay laughed as he cleaved another two Infernals.

Amy was holding her own and looked over at me. “How are you doing so well? I was expecting something to happen to you by now.”

I looked back. “Like what-” I was interrupted by one of the Infernals punching me into a tree. Oh just perfect...

Amy blocked an attack without even looking as I pried my face free. “Like that.”

I glared at her. “Fuck you.” The Infernals started to pound on my back as I was pinned. All I could do was take the hits. “A little help!?”

The Infernal glowed a bright green as it was lifted into the air and slammed down again, causing it to explode. “Ye’re welcome~”

I growled as I stood back up and popped my back. “Okay, now I’m pissed. Explosive shot!” I brought back out my missile pods and aimed at the remaining Infernals. “EXPLOSIVE INTRO!” A wall of missiles flew forwards and smashed into the remaining Infernals leaving nothing in their wake but charred earth.

Jay laughed, “Guns are so impersonal.” He grabbed one of the infernals heads and jumped into the air, “Emerald Driver!” When he landed, the shockwave shattered surrounding infernals, “I prefer getting up close!” he shouted as he swung at even more of them.

Amy was finishing off yet another Infernal and was starting to get angry. “Just where in the everliving FUCK are these things coming from!”

Alex blinked before speaking up, “They should have vanished by now, unless...” He looked to the sky. “FUCK ME!”

I looked up and gawked at what I saw. There was a giant fucking hole in the sky. A GIANT. FUCKING. HOLE! And more of those things were pouring out of it! JUST GOD DAMN IT CHOC!

Jay laughed jovially, “This party’s getting crazier!” he began to glow, “Let’s get wild!”

“RESTRICTION LEVELS 1 AND 2, RELEASED!” he erupted with power as he charged into the fray, “Let’s kick some ass!”

I stared at him as he ran before turning to Alex and pointing. “How did he...”

He grinned, “Like this lad. Restriction level 1, release!” Alex’s body began to crackle with energy. “Then ye move to number 2. Restriction level 2, release!” His body gave off even more energy. “Lets-a go!” He ran towards the infernals, “LEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRROY!”

In the crowd, Jays voice could be heard, ‘JEEEEEEENKIIIIIIINSS!!!!”

Amy and I blinked as we looked ahead. Eventually I just threw my hands into the air. “Fuck it. Restriction level 1, release!” I felt a surge of energy rush through my body as I gave off a faint glow. “Whoa... That was... Cool.” I grinned as I started to run into the battle. “CHAAAAAAAAARGE!” I could hear Amy behind me as I ran. I looked back and saw a quick flash of silver fire before Amy joined me in my charge.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

I laughed and did my best german accent. “I HAVE NO IDEA!!”

All of the sudden, a hand smacked me on the back of my head. It was Jay, “No more memes, only fighting.”

Alex spoke up, “Wait, what was that from?!”

Jay shouted back, “Don’t worry about it!”

“Fine, Standard shot.” My guns changed again. only this time they formed a pair of revolvers rather than my desert eagles. ......Wat..... “Uh... okay, this is new.”

“Dream A Lonely Dream!” Giant tentacles with teeth burst from the ground around us and started to attack the Infernals. Alex thrust his hands towards the rift, “Keep them busy!”

Amy nodded and charged into the cluster that was in front of us. “Lunar Bane!” Five Infernals shot into the air from behind the front most drawing their attention as the airborne ones crashed into them. Oooooooh that sounded painful.

I was firing at any that were getting too close and was starting to get overwhelmed. Shit. If this keeps up I’m screwed. I looked up as a bird flew overhead and got an idea. I focused on the thought of flying and felt light beginning to coalesce on my spine. “Solar Winds!”

A pair of wings shot out of my back and slammed into the nearby Infernals. I took a closer look and saw they seemed to be made of golden glass, but ran around my hand as if they were water. Light construct wings? Me Gusta... Me gusta a lot.

“NO!” I felt something whack my head, “NO SAYING THAT STUPID MEME!”

I turned and looked at Alex as he continued focusing on the spell. “Okay, who hit me. I know it wasn’t an Infernal!” I shot an Infernal that got too close to Alex and took off into the air. The wings worked better than I thought they would.

Alex piped up, “That would have been me lad.”

I glared at the mage from above as I shot down another Infernal “Well fuck you, I didn’t say any memes!”

“Then explain the ‘me gusta’ please!”

I blinked in surprise. “You heard that? I was thinking it not saying it!”

“Oh... Not again!”

“Now you can read minds? I call bullshit.” Jay deadpanned as he blocked a fist from an Infernal and threw it into a group of other Infernals.

“Nope! Just accidentally read the previous paragraph.”

My brain froze for a moment as I tried to register what Alex was saying. Uh......... Wat? I just threw my hands in the air. “Whatever Dr. Insano. Explosive shot!” I flew over the Infernals as my guns changed into a pair of bazookas. BAZOOOOOOKAAAA!............Okay brain, I'll let that one slide.

“Just don’t pay attention to him! It’s what I do!” Jay shouted as he dodged a fist from an infernal and cleaved it in two.

I blasted the Infernals as they were falling from the portal. It was getting to be kinda fun. “This reminds me of Duck Hunt, but with rocket launchers.” Okay, for the third time now. WTF BRAIN!!

“Minus that annoying dog! Oh wait... SORRY ALEX!” Jay shouted.

“Thanks fer the compliment!”

I looked around below me and grew confused. “Anyone see Amy?” Before anyone could answer, Amy burst from a pile of Infernals and was coated in silver fire.

“ANYONE ELSE WANT SOME!?” An Infernal came up from behind and got an axe-kick to the face. “NOT FUCKING TODAY!”

I blinked and looked down to Jay. “Nevermind, shouldn't have even asked.”

“Hell hath no fury like a womans scorn.” Jay said as he smiled. He has no idea, and I hope it stays that way. I internally shuttered at the thought of what would happen if Amy found Dean here. There would be no place to hide.

Alex suddenly yelled from below. “GOT IT!” I looked up and saw the rift was starting to close. Thank god that’s over.

Jay shouted, “It’s about fucking time!”

“Ye can’t rush... Perfection.” Alex groaned as he fell on his ass, “Gimme a sec.”

Jay sighed as he helped Alex up, “That’s what you get for overextending yourself ya moron.”

“Well pardon me fer closing a giant hole into the Twisting Nether.” LOLWAT!?

Jay stared at him, “You already know I have the highest endurance out of all of us. Next time, tell me how it closes and I’ll do it.”

“I highly doubt ye can handle fifteen separate spell matrixes whilst keeping yourself from getting your soul sucked in.”

Jay glared at him, “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you even know what I can do?”

I rapidly waved my hands in front of me and shook my head. “Whoawhoawhoawhoa Hold on a sec. That lead to the Twisting Nether? As in WoW’s Twisting Nether?”

Alex looked at me, “Yeah... And it’s not only attached to WoW. It’s the space in between worlds.”

I blinked in shock before leaning back against a tree. “Wow... Didn’t expect that.”

Amy walked with a spring in her step as she emerged from a clearing that was blocked off by some trees. “Ah, I needed that.”

I looked at her in confusion. “You NEEDED to be attacked by flaming rock monsters?”

Amy shook her head. “No, It was a pretty good workout.” I could only stare as my eye twitched. Workout.... WORKOUT!? SHE CONSIDERED THIS A WORKOUT!?!? IS SHE NUTS!?

“I agree.” I stared at Alex, “I haven’t had that much fun since the third war!” WHAT!

Jay sighed, “I haven’t worked up a sweat... ugh... I miss going to other worlds and fighting big bads... I want to fight Kefka again.” LOLWAT!!!

Alex looked at him, “Really? That insane clown thing... Though I must admit, destroying a world fer fun. He totally stole that from me!” BIGGER WHAT!!

Jay glared at him, “That came out before you dumbass. Besides, Kefka does it better. Then again, I would also like to fight Chaos again.”

“I would have prefered him to Yogg Saron... I still feel violated from the tentacles, and the tongues. So many tongues...”

My jaw had hit the ground by this point and buried its way to the core of the planet. My eye was twitching at such a rapid pace it looked like it was closed and see-through.

Amy looked at me and giggled. “I think we broke him.”

Alex looked at her and grinned, “Aye... I did something like that with the murlocs. God damn that was funny.”

My brain had decided that it had had enough and promptly shut down. In simpler words I fell back and fainted.

Author's Note

Another Chapter! and even More crossover and background for Amy!
If you want to piece the puzzle together, Read the Soul Reaver by Serpenti

Jay belongs to Serpenti
Alex belongs to Jimmy the grape.