Orchestra of Death

~James POV (Before hiding in the bathroom)~

I could hear Clever laughing downstairs. I was sitting on the small toilet that was in the bathroom and I was glowing profusely. “I can’t believe I just did that...” I took a small peak at my breasts before looking at a wall.

I must not think about it.

I sat for a moment more until a scent assaulted my nose. What is... I raised an arm and took a whiff, before reeling back. Found the 1% that stayed the same. “I need a bath...”

I moved over to the small tub they had and started to take off my shirt. I dared not open my eyes and start fondling myself. I quickly took off my pants and looked to my left.

Bad idea considering there was a mirror there. Oh dammit... They’re bigger that Amy’s were... Hell they’re bigger than Alex’s pair!

I started to get curious and raised them with the back of my hands. Perky... I continued playing, for lack of a better word, with my boobs when I noticed for the second time the other change the spell did.

I wasn’t really paying it any attention before... but now that I see it...

I quickly slapped myself across the face before my hand made contact with my nether regions. No. not again. The desert was awkward enough.

I climbed into the shower and found some soap. This will be... interesting. I quickly washed and was smelling like strawberries. Why does that have to be the only soap she has? I was expecting apples if anything.

Outside the room, I could hear Appleslice walking with someone up the stairs. “Ah’ve told him ta go ta the inn, but he still needs ta get a solid income for that ta work.” Is she dissing me! I’ve been working my ass of at the orchard!

I could hear Amy on the other side of the door. “Oh, silly me, I forgot to ask what your name was.” I facepalmed and continued doing so as they continued talking.

“It’s Appleslice dear. Now have yourself a good rest.” I leaned against the door and sighed. She just gave Amy my room didn’t she?

“JAMES YOU’RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!” Yup, she did.

I could hear Alex calling from downstairs. Just hearing his voice right now sent shivers down my spine. He better not slap my ass again... It felt... weird... and oddly arou- NO BAD BRAIN! “Come here James, I’m waiting for ye... In the living chamber!”

OH GOD! DID HE JUST INSINUATE?! I quickly grabbed the bolt and locked the door. “NOT LEAVING THIS ROOM!!” I ran over to the tub, climbed in, and drew the curtain as fast as I could. He is NOT seeing me like this. No one will as long as I have a say in it!

I could hear Alex on the other side of the door. “O rly!?” The door was suddenly kicked open as if the lock wasn’t there, I looked as beheld Alex standing there with a manic grin. “It’s raping time!”

I screamed as he slammed the door shut behind him. I was trying to cover myself with the curtain but slipped in the tub. “Jesus Alex! Get OUT!”

Alex covered his eyes, “Jesus! What the fuck!”

“If you wanted the shower, you could have waited a few seconds!” I grabbed a towel that was hanging from a rack next to the tub and covered myself.

Alex was glowing bright green, “Why the fuck didn’t ye say ‘I am in the shower’? I would have waited.”

I started glowing as well. “Sorry I panicked from what you said!” I sighed “Today has been kinda stressful. You know with the whole...” I gestured to my breasts. “...And yeah.”

He frowned and kicked his foot on the ground while looking at the ground, “Sorry... Didn’t mean to....”

I looked over and barely stopped myself from ogling him. Damn those boobs... “I know... but it’s starting to get to me. My back is killing me from all this stress.”

He looked, “If ye want, I do know how to relieve stress via massage. But if ye don’t want me to....” The thought ran through my brain and I almost had a nosebleed. Massage by hot woman... or stress induced back pain.... massage, back pain, massage, back pain.... Massage.

I gave him a thankful smile. “I’d like that very much...” I groaned as I popped my back. “It’s been getting worse for days now.”

He smiled a little, “Well I need ye to lay down on yer stomach... I promise I won’t do anything bad.” I glowed slightly at the thought, but complied and laid down on the floor.

I felt him place his hands on my shoulders, “Ye sure ye want me to...?”

I grinned a little and chuckled. “Go on. I don’t mind.” His hands started kneading my shoulders gently. Oh... that feels nice...

He slowly started moving down my back, popping the vertebrae. Oooh that kinda huuuuurt... nevermind feels nice again... I had started to drool slightly, Damn Alex is a good masseuse.

He went back up and massaged my shoulders again, causing my muscles to completely relax. Good god I feel like I’m melting... “Is it wrong to be enjoying this as much as I am?”

He chuckled, “No. It’s natural.” He moved back down and got rid of a very tense spot.

I moaned involuntarily. “Whatever you just did. DON’T STOP!”

He did it again and I moaned again, before he swept over everything again. Causing a shiver to go through me. Dammit why was that arousing? FUCKING MAGIC FINGERS!!!

He went back and slowly pressed his palms into the tense areas, causing even more shivers. Damn it damn it damn it I shouldn’t be enjoying it like this but I DON'T CARE ANY MORE!! I moaned loudly and my tongue lolled out of my mouth. I need to head over to a spa more often.

Alex stopped and kept his hands over a really tense spot, “Umm... lad, ye want me to stop or?”

“Finish or get shot.” Oh... wow.... did I just.... God damnit these boobs are making me gay!

He sighed, “Fine... This might feel really good.” He pressed his hands into the tense spot and massaged his fingers into it, causing my back to arch. He then slid his hands back up and hit all of the previously tense areas before swiping them down again, causing every nerve on my back to relax. I squealed as I felt a wave of relief and pleasure wash over me and through my body. Fuck... Me... that... was.... Aaaaaaaawesome...

I was unconscious on the floor after he was done. Drooling slightly on the ground.

~Amy POV~

I was holding a pillow to my face, trying to smother myself into sleep. “Damnit they won’t shut UP!”

I got out of bed and heard a loud squeal from the bathroom. OH GOD! I ran in and saw Alex on top of an unconscious James who was drooling on the ground.

An Unconscious, NAKED, James. They didn’t....

I glared at Alex, “Explain. Or DIE.”

He raised his hands, “He complained about his back hurting so I gave him a massage... He, uh... I think he just came....”

MY MIND!! IT HAS BEEN VIOLATED!!! I facepalmed and glowed silver as I turned away from Alex. “Wh-whatever. Just... Help me get some clothes on his ass and into a bed.”

Alex glowed green and nodded, “Okay.” With as little looking at him as possible we got his pants back on and a shirt draped across his shoulders, covering his chest enough for the moment. I really hope this doesn’t offend Ms. Appleslice...

We laid him down on the couch and threw a blanket on him. He was snoring softly and was clutching his pillow in a death grip. “Huh... Normally his snores are loud and obnoxious.”

Alex glowed again, “I think it’s because of the-”

I stopped him before he could continue. “Don’t say it. Just.... Don’t.” I started for the stairs again and was illuminating the stairwell. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have some nightmares to experience.”

I heard him sigh, “Night.”

I made my way to the guest room and fell onto the bed. Fuck my life.....

~James POV (The Next Morning)~

I woke up in a daze. Oh... what happened? I looked around and saw that I was in the living room. How did I get here?

I sat up and noticed my shirt hanging on my shoulder. I looked at it in confusion and tried to remember what had happened. Okay... shower... awkwardness... massage...an- Oh god, THE MASSAGE!

I glowed brightly as I looked at Alex sleeping on the other couch. Did I... Did I let him... Oh did I really? I remembered the feeling I had before I passed out. OH GOD I DID!! Looking closer, his hand was in his pants... with a wet spot in the front. AND HE’S FANTASIZING ABOUT IT!!

I was staring at nothing as I laid back into the cushions, hoping they would devour me. “I can’t believe it... I... As a woman... Dammit all....” Alex was starting to stir and I hid under the covers. Oh god, this is going to be awkward....

Alex yawned, “Hey James.”

I was glowing under the covers as I pulled them tighter. “Uh... H-hey... Alex.”

“Umm... About yesterday....”

My head shot out of the covers. “Let’s agree not to ever talk about it ever again after you reverse the spell. Deal?”

He glowed, “About that... Amy came in after ye passed out.”

My eyes shrank to pinpricks. “Wh-what?” Oh god............... my life is over.

He glowed brighter, “Yeah... She won’t talk about it.” He looked at me in fear, “D-did ye see the?”

I blinked in confusion. “See what?”

He held up a hand while glowing bright green and trying to hide himself, “Um.... I’d rather not say.”

I glowed and quickly put my shirt on. “S-sorry.... Still used to being a man....”

“Ah...” He looked me in the eyes, “This. Never. Happened.”

“Agreed. Though you are one hell of a masseuse.”

“Thanks.”

Me, Amy, and Choc were standing in an open field in the orchard. Alex was standing in front of us with his book. “You almost done with the spell?”

“Yeah... Okay!” He waved his hand while muttering a few words and we returned to normal.

I walked up to Alex and stared at him in the eyes. Okay brain..... think.........No gay thoughts? Good. I grinned triumphantly and cheered. “The thoughts are gone!”

Amy looked over at me. “Thoughts?”

I grinned like an idiot. “The gay ones those knockers were implanting in my head! THEY’RE GONE!!” I was crying tears of joy as I looked up at the sky.

Alex facepalmed, “Lad... Boobs don’t give ye gay thoughts. That was all ye.”

I snapped my head at Alex. “I’M NOT GAY!”

“Well ye weren’t a man at the time... So therefore ye were attracted to a woman... Ye were completely straight during the whole thing.”

“Exactly! It was just messing with my head having boobs, and being attracted to women. It was like the boobs were telling me I was gay!”

Alex raised a finger before dropping it, “Nevermind...”

Amy started glowing and turned away. “Can you please talk about something else...”

Choc walked up to Alex, “Can ya teach me how ya made Mr. James moan like that!?”

We all looked at him in shock. “No.”

Choc pouted. “Why noooooot?”

I looked around and realised I was on my own, cause Amy had fled and Alex was walking away whistling. “Um... well you see... You learn that... uh... when you... Umm... Go ask your mom. NO! Better yet! Just please forget that ever happened.”

He looked at me, “Well ya looked like ya were enjoying yerself.”

I started glowing with more intensity than a thousand suns. “Well... I... Uh....” Quick man! THINK! THINK!! I quickly picked him up. “Let’s get you back to your mom!” I bolted down the road and got to his house in record time. “Okay, here you go, have a nice day. BYE!!”

I ran back to the orchard and left Choc on his front step. That was close...

Alex stepped from behind a tree, “Hey.”

I glared at him. “Thanks for the help ya jackass.”

“I don’t have a good experience when it comes to explaining sex with children.”

I stared at him and nodded. “That makes sense.”

He sighed, “Well, I survived his mother and I think I should take my leave.”

I nodded again. “Yeah, you probably should... Things can get really weird around h-” A large explosion came from the outskirts of town. I saw a small hole floating in the air. “I just can’t get a break can I?”

Alex sighed, “Might as well help....”

I started walking towards town when a familiar laugh rang through the air. It can’t be... I started running ahead of Alex and through the town.

Ponies were starting to run in the other direction and Amy was standing in the street. She grabbed my arm and stopped me. “James, What is going on?” I looked around and saw a couple kids hiding in the alleys. If I fight him, and he’s as strong as Death says he is...

I tore my arm from her grip and pointed to the kids. “No time. Just make sure to get everyone over to the other side of town.”

I started running towards the disturbance and I could hear Amy calling after me. I ignored her and skid to a halt at the edge of town. Standing right there was the one man I wanted to destroy for what he did.

He grinned as he turned towards me. “Why Hello! It’s good to see you again James~. Having fun?”

“Hamlet.”

He waved a hand in front of himself and leaned forward. “Now now, no need to be a stick in the mud...” He waved his hand over the rip he had come out of. “Just here to drop something off. Oh Peaches~ Daddy’s got a playmate for you!~”

A grotesque fleshy limb shot out of the rip and started to pull it open wider. Soon another limb followed it and pulled a tooth ridden maw from the hole. “Now be a good girl and do what daddy told you to do.” He looked over to me and pulled the head over. “And you can eat him and any ponies you find if you want.”

The teeth shook as it roared and jumped out completely. It looked like an overgrown dog with all the skin ripped off and it’s head replaced by The Thing with beady eyes on the sides. It’s tail was longer than it should have probably been and had some claw like thing at the end. ‘Peaches’ looked over to me and roared.

Hamlet was standing next to the hole. “See ya later James~ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He fell back into the maw before it closed, leaving me with the monstrosity of a pet.

“Shit.”

James vs. Peaches

Rebel 1, Action!

(James vs. Peaches theme)

I jumped to my right when It charged at me. Death... Could use a little help here! I jumped over the thing as it charged again, but the tail grabbed me and started to slam me into the ground.

It roared as it tossed me off to the side. I tumbled as I skid across the ground. I got up in time to dodge to the right and draw my guns. “Okay beasty. You asked for it! Explosive shot.” I switched to the missile pod and fired. the rockets collided with it and sent up a cloud of dust and flame.

I got up and grinned until the thing charged forwards unharmed and rammed into me. It’s teeth chewed at my chest as it rammed me into a nearby cliff face. “GAHH!” WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU DEATH!!

I was tossed to the side and was bleeding profusely from my chest. Hamlet must have blocked him out again... What did Alex say for restrictions? Removing the first limiter or something?

I shakily stood as Peaches charged. “Removing the first limiter.” Golden flames rocketed out of my body as Peaches collided with me, sending the freakish abomination into the air in a roar of pain.

I also was being racked with spasms of pain as the energy seemed to erupt from my body. “L-limiter, one re-released!” The flames cut out and I fell to my knees panting. Good fucking god! It didn’t hurt that much the first time!

I suddenly heard Alex’s voice. Sorry lad... I forgot about the limiter.

I looked around but couldn’t see Alex anywhere. You’re talking telepathically aren't you?

Aye... I can’t control it mind ye, just got lucky. Hold on, I’ll be there soon.

I shrugged and stood shakily as Peaches crashed into the ground a few yards away. He better hurry. I’m not sure if I can hold out much longer.

Peaches quickly stood back up and roared with rage. I was knocked back by it’s tail and collided with the wall. I coughed up some blood and crashed into the ground. “Hurry... up... Alex....”

A yell came from the side, “Frostmourne...” Alex flew from the side and slashed the tail, “Hungers!” The beast roared and swiped at him with a paw/claw/thing as green blood sprayed from the wound. He jumped back as the appendage flew in front of him. He smirked, “Oh please fat man.” He slashed the sword and grinned as the beast roared in pain. “Fun fact! The sword steals your soul after ye touch it!”

I pulled myself off of the ground and readied both my guns. “Scatter shot.” I aimed both of my sawn off shotguns and fired. The blast slammed into the side of the beast and sent it flying. “Take that jackass!” I spit some blood on the ground and leaned onto the cliff. “Fuck this hurts.”

The thing stopped it’s assault and started to burrow underground. Oh, come on! I felt the ground under me shake and the thing slammed into my back. I tumbled for a moment and the beast tried to maul my face. I barely grabbed onto the maw before it got too close.“GAH! Alex! I could use a hand!”

Alex ran forward and slammed his sword into the beast’s side before thrusting his hand in the cut, “SANDS OF TIME!” He pulled the sword out and backed away while it screamed in slow mo.

I crawled out from under the beast and aimed. “Take this! Rapid shot!” I switched to a pair of TMP’s and fired into the things mouth. The bullets tore through the soft flesh on the inside of the beast and it collapsed onto the ground.

I stood there panting and covered in blood as I continued to point at the corpse. I watched as it rapidly started to rot and sink into the ground, leaving a skeleton, before collapsing onto the ground. “Good... fucking... god!... Just what was that thing!”

Alex kicked it, “I don’t know...”

“Awww, I was hoping it would last longer~” I looked up and saw Hamlet staring down at me. “You~ did better than I expected,” He shot a glare at Alex, “even if you did cheat.”

Alex shrugged, “Eh... Say’s the love child of The Joker, Cobra Commander, Queen Azshara, and Emperor Zerg.”

Hamlet grinned insanely, “Oh one more thing~ You’re little activities yesterday were quite enjoyable! Helped push my plans forward in ways even I didn’t expect.” Plans?

I shakily stood up and glared at Hamlet. “Fuck... you...” I took a swing and felt my hand stop two inches from him.

He scowled. “I don’t have time for this. My work here is done anyways.” He raised a hand and flicked me in the forehead. I shot back into the cliff and most of the rock above me shattered from the impact. Rubble fell down and crushed my lower half as Hamlet raised his hand.

“Dimensional Tear.” With the fall of his hand, a tear formed in the air. He chuckled before falling into a maniacal laugh. “I was holding back by the way. I’ll be seeing you around James~” He jumped into the portal and it quickly sealed itself.

Alex quickly walked over and pulled out a banana, “Eat it, quickly.”

I stared at him before grabbing the banana. I took a bite and swallowed. I could feel my bones mending and I started to push the rubble off. “Damn it... He got away.”

I suddenly felt a presence in the back of my mind and heard a familiar voice. James are you there? You were blocked from me again.

I sighed and made a ‘phone call’ sign with my hand at Alex and mouthed ‘Death’. Yeah, I’m here... Just got my ass kicked by Hamlet and his pet... but I’m still here.

I could hear Death’s frustration on the other end of the connection. “How is he capable of blocking me out? I created him! This shouldn’t be possible...”

“Uh... still on this end? And what was that thing?”

Death sighed on his end. “It was what I call a Void Terror. It’s a good thing no one got killed otherwise they would have been lost to oblivion. I was about to give you a mission but you’re in need of rest. Take care James.”

“Alright, I’ll stay in Equestria. Not like I can go anywhere else.” I felt the disconnection and turned to Alex. “Let’s go check on the town. I need to see if he left any surprises when we were fighting that... Thing.”

Alex chuckled, “Aye...”

We ran back into town and Amy was fighting off another one of those things until it had a hole pierce through it by a blast of silver. She slumped onto the ground and sighed as it’s body disintegrated. “Damn that thing was annoying.”

I ran up to her and helped her up. “Is everyone alright.”

She grinned and flexed her arm. “Yep. They barricaded themselves into the barn while I took on this son of a bitch.” She winced as she took a step forward. “Damn thing bit my leg good though.”

I looked at her leg and noticed the large gash that ran clean through. I helped her stand and draped her arm across my shoulder. “I’d be best to stay off that.” I looked over to Alex. “Hey! Got another one of those bananas?”

“Yeah,” He pulled one out, “Here, eat up.”

I caught the banana as it flew over to us and handed it to Amy. She stared at it before turning to me. “I’m not eating that...” I just stared back for a while until she relented and took the fruit. She grumbled obscenities at me as she ate.

She winced as the tendons in her leg healed themselves. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this hurts like hell...”

I smiled. “Try having it heal your entire lower half.”

Alex sighed, “Well... The moment has passed, back to work!”

I turned to him and nodded. We scoured the town and couldn’t find any more of the Void Terrors roaming. “I think they’re gone. For now, at least.”

Amy hopped on her leg and kicked it around. “Aaah that’s better.” I looked at her with a raised brow. “What? You wouldn’t let me walk on it.” I sighed and turned to the orchard.

“Let’s just get the rest of the town.” I headed over to the barn and knocked on the door. Braeburn, of all ponies, stuck his head out after five minutes. “Hey there Brae! It’s good to see you again!”

He perked up at the sight of me and smiled. “James! Where have ya been?”

I shrugged “Eh, I got here yesterday and all kinds of crazy happened. The question is, where were you?”

He nodded “Ah was workin in the barn mosta the day.” Well that explains that... Thank god he didn’t see... well, me yesterday.

Alex nodded at Braeburn, “Hello.”

Braeburn looked at him and smiled. “Well Howdy there stranger!” He grabbed Alex’s hand and gave him a vigorous shake. “Name’s Braeburn! Mind introducing yerself?”

“The name’s Alexander Harris.”

Braeburn nodded and kept smiling. “Well then Mr. Harris, Welcome to Appleloosa!”

I chuckled a bit to draw Braeburn’s attention. “It’s a bit late for that. He came here with me.” I looked over to Amy. “Though I’m pretty sure you’ve already met my sister Amy.”

He seemed surprised for a moment. “She’s your sister?” If I had a dollar...

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Yes, she is.”

He started to smile again as he laughed. “Well ain’t that somethin’? Ya got family here now!”

Alex smirked, “Well... He suddenly reminds me of Pinkie.”

Braeburn grinned. “Ya know Pinkie? How’s she been?”

He blinked, “Eh, she’s fine. Just been breaking the laws of physics.”

Braeburn laughed. “Yeah, that sounds like her. She sure is somethin’.”

Alex blinked before smirking, “Sounds like someone has a crush~”

Braeburn looked past him and seemed to be just content with looking at the sunset. Wow, it’s that late already? “Ah sure do...”

Alex smiled, “Glad to hear that.”

I looked into the barn and saw the rest of the town staring at us impatiently. “Uh, guys. Maybe we should move this conversation elsewhere.”

Braeburn blinked before blushing slightly. “Eh heh, yer probably right...” He stepped out of the doorway and let it open for the rest of the town.

Alex blinked, “Well... That’s a lot of people.”

I turned to him and grinned. “Helps to have an extra-large barn. Repairs are expensive, but it works as one excellent shelter.” I walked into the barn and looked around. “Seems bigger on the inside than it does on the out.”

Amy walked in and looked up. “You’re right, it does.” She turned towards me. “Sure this isn’t the Tardis?”

I fell over laughing as she stared at me confused. “If it was, I would have used it by now!”

Alex grinned, “Ah ah ah, spoilers.” We just stared at him for a moment until I continued laughing.

“I swear Alex, If any ‘Timey Wimey’ stuff happens I’m blaming you.”

He shrugged, “Eh... Good enough for me.”

The rest of the day was bland. Mostly just me entertaining some of the kids and showing Amy around. Alex left early on saying “I must go now... my planet needs me.” This made Amy facepalm but got a good laugh from the kids.

At least until he flew away on a manticore, then everyone was freaking out a bit. Why don’t I have one of those.

Once the sun had set and most of the ponies were asleep, Amy and I headed back to Appleslice’s house and I got stuck with the couch again. I yawned and thought about all that’s happened on this ONE trip away from home.

What a crazy world full of crazier people. And ponies, can’t forget the ponies.

~Meanwhile~

Hamlet floated in the dull gray realm as he watched the universe from afar. “All is going according to plan. The seeds have been planted, and now all~ I have, to do, is wait!”

His laughter echoed through the abyss as he vanished from sight, his presence appearing for a split second as he entered into another world.