Sig Alert - by Dan's Comments
Disclaimer at the end of the file
The screaming agony of pain in his chest suddenly cut off, as well as the pain of many splinters driven into him. He rolled off the pile of gemstones and fell to the cold, stone floor. He looked himself over for a moment and was horrified. The powerful hands, the claws, the magnificent wings all gone. He caught his reflection in a gem nearly the size of his head. The immense gem reflected a ridiculous parody of his previous form. That gem isn't immense, it is merely large, and I am diminished, he thought then cried out in rage at his fate and his murderers, calling down every curse and malediction his heart could remember.
He sat for a moment, and considered. He was no longer sleepy, had no desire to roll himself into those gems and take a nap. Instead, smelling those gems, I feel . . . hungry, he thought. Out of curiosity, he tasted one of the smaller gems. It was as delicious as it smelled. He ate it, and another. Then he forced himself to stop.
If gems are my native food, then I will have to conserve, he thought, and hated the idea the instant it formed. Better to search. Now he laughed, a high, squeaking, yet malevolent sound. I have seen the adventurers and travelers, carrying all they can on their backs and belts. It seems I too have been reduced to that.
The baby dragon walked to the edge of the cave, and glanced around. Just outside the mouth of the cave was a plant with large leaves. He stripped off some of the largest, and carefully wrapped several of the gems in them. At least now I don't have to carry them individually. He marched out of the cave, and looked for any signs that a larger dragon might have been using this place as a larder or lair. He found no evidence. I can find my way back, he thought as he marched into the forest. A forest he once could have burned away in an afternoon.
As an experiment, he tried to light a small stick ablaze, and discovered to his disgust that his once-magnificent flame, could barely char green leaves, and left barely a scorch on the branch itself. "I have truly been brought low," he said, and bowed his head at the high and squeaky nature of his voice. "I sound as threatening as an angry squirrel." He growled and continued to march towards the river he smelled, unaware of the eyes watching him.
The black eyes closed briefly, as if their owner was debating with himself. When they opened again, their owner withdrew to carry out the decision.
[hr /]
He looked up at the surroundings as his hand cupped the water he brought to his tiny muzzle. He'd given up on the angst that his new form would be an easy meal for most predators which would have fled from him before. I am as durable as I once was, he thought, I would merely race down their gullet, and tear them apart from the inside. The thought brought a grin to his face. The flash of yellow and pink above him brought his attention around.
"A baby dragon!" the hovering, pastel creature cried out with joy.
"How can you hover?" he asked in amazement at the comparatively large creature effortlessly hanging over him.
"You can talk!" the delighted, and obviously stupid creature exclaimed.
He breathed a thoroughly pitiful fan of flame the creature easily dodged.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I scared you," the fluttering monstrosity apologized, "I just haven't seen another baby dragon. You must be scared, or are you hurt?" This thing closed in and began looking him over, it circled him so fast he could not turn fast enough to face it.
"Leave me alone!" he shouted, sounding more like a lost kitten than who he'd been denied a treat.
"Oh, you're scared," the yellow and pink fool landed and tried to make itself appear as small as possible, "Is that better? I don't want you to be scared."
The chance to claw the creature's eyes out was interrupted by a white rabbit hopping up to him. The creature was easily a head shorter than he was, but it was faster and better coordinated. The rabbit easily knocked him down.
I was knocked down by a rabbit?! I was knocked down by a rabbit? he thought as his fury grew.
"RARRAWA!" he thundered as he rolled onto his feet and charged.
"Oh, Angel Bunny, don't hurt him," the yellow fool counseled, "He's just a baby!"
The rabbit made a series of incomprehensible gestures as it retreated out of reach. Before he could close, he was hoisted into the air. The yellow one must have had experience, it'd grabbed him where he couldn't turn and attack it.
After several minutes he gave up and let the creature carry him over the forest floor. He mentally marked the route back to his cache of gems, and noted the brighter colors of the trees, grass, and even some of the animals. He briefly considered the ease of hunting. Except I was knocked down by a rabbit, he thought morosely, I, the terror of the north, defeated by a rabbit.
The home was a tiny thing, or would have been at his rightful stature. The creature carried him inside and to a small table near a sink. Unbidden a fear rose up, but not a fear that would fall to teeth and claws. "Oh no! No! No!"
His salvation came in the form of an even more ridiculously colored horse-thing. "Hi Fluttershy, I have the book on . . . is that a baby dragon?"
Another idiotic expression was added to the first. This one in purple. Then, another even more disturbing, a fat, flabby face similar to what his own had been reduced to.
"Whoa! I've never seen another baby dragon. What's your name, little guy? Who are your parents? Did you get lost in the Everfree?"
"Easy, Spike, you're confusing him," the purple one said, "He might not even be able to talk yet."
"I can talk, I assure you. But you all are doing all the talking necessary," he told them. And was immediately plunged into the water-filled sink. Rage and fear at the site and method of his death reared up at him, unexpected, unable to be stared down, and utterly terrifying. He was completely and utterly lost in a maelstrom of panic. For an instant he understood what those who'd faced him must have felt.
The moment he was rational again, I'm flat on my back, wrapped in a towel he thought as he stared up at the stupid faces filled with concern.
"He must have fallen in a stream or something when he got separated," the purple one said.
"I'm sorry little guy," the yellow one told him, "I won't do that again, I'm sorry."
Again the white rabbit looked him over and had the audacity to sniff him. And the agility to avoid a clumsy claw swipe. He jumped to his feet.
"Now, Angel Bunny, I want you to be friends," the yellow nincompoop exclaimed.
The rabbit gave a sly look, which he returned. Then it put on the most ridiculously goofy grin and extended a paw, in parody of handclasps he had seen before. Vicious, underhanded and manipulative, he thought, Perhaps we can be 'friends'. He extended my own taloned hand and clasped the rabbit's. And squeezed. But the rabbit squeezed too. He grinned. The rabbit grinned. He squeezed. The rabbit squeezed harder.
"Oh, they're going to be such good friends!" the purple one exclaimed happily.
The other dragon proved more perspicacious than the two horses. "You aren't seeing what I'm seeing," he muttered under his breath. A moment later he grabbed both of their wrists and separated them. "Those are gonna need ice," he said quietly, then to a wider audience, "Okay, now you're friends." he said sardonically, "Can you tell us a little bit about yourself. Like your name."
Suddenly, again he was the center of attention.
"I am Smaug."
It is tolerable, he thought idly, picking through food he wouldn't have even considered before, As long as I assumed that the yellow and pink one is an overbearing servant, rather than master. The sacker of Erebor, slayer of kings and armies looked around the rather dismal, yet intensely colored surroundings. Watching the other animals getting their breakfasts. His gaze lit on one who, as was his occasional wont, was giving the nincompoop a difficult time. My only real rival in this place is the rabbit, he thought with a touch of gallows humor, But it seems even he is determined to be 'friends'. Although his first loyalty is to his mistress.
Days earlier, Angel Bunny had led Smaug to the small library of books the yellow one kept. It was a welcome challenge to learn and read first the new language, and then the history of the place he had found himself. The most curious was the one Angel Bunny had insisted he read, on pegasi and their biology. Full of new words and some interesting information, it could in no way warrant the enthusiasm the rabbit had exhibited. While the yellow one is a pegasus, her health was neither my direct concern, nor was it likely I could do better than her pony friends.
Rousing him from a mid afternoon nap, Angel Bunny led the dragon to a window. Outside, the yellow one was wilting under the taunts of two large, somewhat muscular stallions. The rabbit showed a rage at someone messing with his possession that Smaug could fully empathize with. The yellow one was clearly expecting the taunts and was already retreating into a mental shell. Angel Bunny caught his attention, he seemed to be simulating hiccups, then he extended his arms and spun in a circle and collapsed.
Smaug grinned and bowed slightly. It is so good to have a teacher so profoundly devious. He jumped down and headed for the door. Angel Bunny had beaten him to it and bowed as a proper door-rabbit, holding it for his liege. He marched out.
"Leave Fluttershy alone!" he roared, then hiccuped and burst of flame, as if over excited.
"Oh you take on talking strays!" one of the stallions said as Smaug easily dodged Fluttershy's frantic grab, and marched over to the stallions. He hiccupped occasionally to keep up the ruse.
The fools are going to let me get away with this? Smaug could barely believe his luck, or their stupidity.
"Don't scare him, please!" Fluttershy pleaded from her crouch.
"Aww, we won't hurt a scale on his head. Right?" one pegasus stallion asked the other, as they extended their wings.
"Naw, all in good fun."
Smaug's hiccup burnt off their pinion feathers. The two, still-smoldering pegasi screamed and raced for the nearby stream. Out of habit, they tried to fly, but with the lift damaged on one side they banked sharply into each other and crashed. They ran to dip their smoldering wings into the stream. They drew out the now-sodden wings and examined the damage. Their expressions changed from horror to fury, as would any bully hoist by their own petard.
"You damaged our wings!" the smaller and somehow stupider of the pair exclaimed.
"You were going to hurt Fluttershy!" he shouted back at them, more so the limping bear coming out of the forest heard.
"Well, maybe we're going to hurt you," the bigger of the flightless pegasi said.
"You don't mean that," Fluttershy told them, noting the bear's rather intense interest in the flightless interlopers into his chiropractor's serenity.
How can they not hear a limping bear? he wanted to ask them.
They clearly heard the roar of the bear. Considering he was so close he blew their manes straight out. Two frightened and very filly-like shrieks of absolute terror, two dust trails and a half-dozen low altitude collisions marked the departure.
"You could have fixed those feathers," Smaug asked as innocently as he could.
"Of course. You're hiccups are gone," the yellow idiot noted.
"He frightened them out of me. I should see to making some tea," Smaug said and headed back into the house. The sight of the yellow marshmallow seemingly killing a bear with her own hooves still disturbed him.
"And some warm compresses," she added as he entered.
The baby dragon accepted the bow from the rabbit, and returned one of his own, before heading to the kitchen. That rabbit can't make decent tea to save his life. And it might.
The small dragon marched through the center of Ponyville. I thought she would never let me go, he thought morosely, moreso when he realized, I again owe that idiot rabbit! I shouldn't care about such things. And yet . . . he has been useful.
"Hey, Smaug," Spike greeted him, "You heading to the library, or Sugarcube Corners, or -?"
Here it comes, he thought.
"Rarity's place?"
"I may stop by there later," he told the other dragon, "But I would certainly not keep you from your mistress." He paused. "Maybe if she styled her hair differently, you'd see the truth." Smaug left that seed to germinate as he marched on to the library.
"Hey! Dragon boy!" came what would have been a challenge anywhere else.
"What, horse-boy?" Smaug replied.
"I'm a pony, and I'm a girl!" the cyan pegasus hovered in front of the two dragons.
"This is Rainbow Dash," Spike added helpfully.
"The one who sleeps so much? From what I heard, I thought she was a dragon." Smaug replied, "Or part-dragon, part-jackass."
"Hey! I'm all pony. All pegasus! And all mare!" the cyan noise announced.
Smaug pinched his nose. "That's not all it's 'all'."
Spike snickered and covered his ears. "You got that right."
"Are you here to be insulted, or just to hear yourself talk?" Smaug asked politely.
The cyan noise struggled for a few moments, as Smaug and Spike walked on towards the library. A few moments respite, the cyan noise was back.
"You torched their wings," the cyan noise announced.
"They should keep their feathers away from dragons with hiccups," Smaug said. "The way they were berating Fluttershy, I would have thought they could fly without wings."
"That's not the point," the cyan noise said with growing frustration.
"So pegasi are useless without their wings?" Smaug asked innocently. "That's seems very cruel to Fluttershy, and any other pegasus. Just hope you never lose your wings, or you'll be useless too."
"That's not what I said either," the cyan noise exclaimed as its confusion grew.
"Maybe you should give up doing stunts, so to keep your wings in good order. I have seen some of your crashes. That you still possess wings, let alone haven't broken them, is a string of luck that cannot last."
"Look, pegasi are not useless if they can't fly. But those guys have to fly to do their job. But their job isn't all that makes them useful," the cyan noise explained in increasingly confused and pathetic tones, "And Fluttershy is a special case and I don't want to stop practicing to be a Wonderbolt, but I . . . " It stared in confusion, as if the brain had shut down and only the flapping wings still had life.
"When you decide what you want to say, we'll be in the library," Smaug said and led Spike away as the pegasus tried to work out exactly where her argument had gone wrong.
"You don't really believe that, do you?" Spike asked.
"That a bit of bone defines a pony? No, but they all do," Smaug explained. "The greatest mana concentration is the party pony, with the apple farmer almost right behind. Your mistress and would-be mistress are well below both of them. Yet your mistress is the premier mage."
"Twilight's the best unicorn in Equestria." The little dragon showed his loyalty.
"I spoke of power flow. Had the partier or farmer been properly trained, your mistress would be their apprentice, and nothing more. But that piece of bone means she received training, and the others did not."
"You talk like ponies do that on purpose," Spike said.
"Has she taught you any spells?"
"Well, not specifically. But I have been there when she researches all her magic!" he replied. More enthusiasm, to hide uncertainty.
"What would your mistress do if you asked for instruction? Even if just to clarify your mistress's studies by explaining the work in process?" Smaug asked. "She would honey-coat it, but no at its heart is still no."
The little dragon looked crestfallen as they entered the library.
"You could just study the material on your own," Smaug pointed out, "Which is what I am doing."
"I've never known a dragon who liked to read so much," the purple one told him.
"You've known two dragons, both young," Smaug commented as he made notes on the principles he'd been studying, "Is that enough to draw conclusions?"
I miss 'Barrel Rider', he at least was interesting, Smaug thought as he set the book back on the shelf, and selected another one.
"There are no book on dragon biology, culture, social constructions," Smaug said, "So your limited experience may make you the first expert on dragons. Don't jump to conclusions that will send hordes of young scholars down the wrong path."
The purple one freezes, as it catastrophizes the possibility of being wrong destroying the lives of hundreds of ponies who haven't even been born yet. It's the main reason I tolerate it. That one is very entertaining, Smaug thought as the purple unicorn paced, unwinding the thought stream of a wrong guess ending the world. The other dragon hung his head, then walked over.
"I wish you wouldn't do that. Now she'll pace until she wears a hole in the floor," Spike confided.
"You should keep what's yours under better control. If you let it get away, it's no fault but your own," Smaug replied, not taking his eyes off the passages in the book.
"Twilight is not mine!" Spike shouted, bringing the unicorn out of her self-inflicted torpor of terror.
"Wrong. Your pony doesn't eat or sleep without your input. What your pony does every minute of every day is dependant on what you read off the endless lists. If you were to write down your pony had to dance on tables at Sugar Cube Corners, that would happen, because you wrote it into the lists that you actually write, and read back. You are the master. You allow your pony to feel in control because it suits you."
"You mean if I changed the list so she bought amethyst-flavored ice cream?" Spike asked excitedly, completely missing the terrified look on the purple one's face.
"What do you think?" Smaug asked back.
"Woah!" the purple one interrupted, "Spike's my assistant, I'm in charge."
"So, he is enslaved?" Smaug asked.
"No!" the purple one exclaimed. "He's my friend!"
"If a friend treated me as you treat him, I would end the friendship," Smaug said flatly, "Do without your lists, your plans, and regimentation that you've given him the heavy responsibility to oversee, for a week."
"But I have my studies, and my responsibilities!" the purple one complained.
"Then he who holds your list, is your master," Smaug said, "It's as simple as that." He enjoyed watching the gears spin in the purple one's head, as thought after thought raced to the horizon of insanity.
"Fine. Then you have proven my point. Spike is your master. That he knows Princess Celestia wants you in operable condition stays his hand in keeping your regimen as you desire. But you are the slave, not him. He could make you dance to his tune as he wishes, and there is no chance you could even realize. 'It is on the list' could be his perfect defense, since those rule your life. He is your friend, but you are his slave, by your own choice and orders."
The purple one hung its head. "Not having lists makes life so disorganized."
"Order is a good servant, but a poor master. You are fortunate that neither Spike nor Celestia have allowed it to completely overmaster you."
The purple one's humiliation was enjoyable to watch. But Angel and the white cat taught me, always give the prey the seeming of an escape, he thought.
"Then trust your 'assistant'. If he is truly your friend, and neither slave nor master, let him decide what things must be done, from your previous lists, and the rest of your time, be spontaneous. Do whatever the spirit moves you to do."
"Make another list," Spike warned me.
"But no lists. No plans. Unless somepony's life or health is endangered."
"Then I can organize it!"
"You can help Spike, or someone else organize it," he told the purple one, "You are to be a leaf drifting with the wind for a week."
"Ooh!" it groaned as if struck a mortal blow.
Smaug waited for the purple one to wander out of the common room. He turned to Spike. "There will be excuses, and misinterpretation of the limitations. You will look for both, and direct them back to reality."
"I understand," Spike said solemnly. Then he grinned. "I'm going to eat so much ice cream!"
"No, you will be too busy making sure your charge doesn't break into houses to rearrange their clothing and alphabetize their pantries."
Spike was about to protest, then decided against it. "I'm not going to have any fun next week, am I?"
"You wish to be absolute master, you will find out. If you wish to be the administrator of the plans drawn up, then you will be that. But you will choose. And you will warn the others of the experiment. I wouldn't want then to unduly influence things."
"So this is a test?" Spike asked happily, "She'll pass for sure!"
"She has failed to this point, miserably. And you have helped her fail. Now is the time to stop," Smaug told him. "Now, to Rarity's."
"Really?!"
"I have an idea, and a challenge for the tailor as well," Smaug said.
Looking at that dwarf-made stuff for a century, I did figure how some of it was done, he thought, Between naps.
Spike looked at the ridiculous clothing Rarity had stuffed him into. Then at the outfit the much younger dragon had managed to inveigle out of Rarity.
"How come you look like a gentlecolt, and I look like an addlepated one?" Spike asked.
"Two things, Rarity was intrigued by the idea of a waistcoat of fine diamonds. And second, I'm a dragon, I can make anything look good."
While Spike grumbled. The arrogant youngster stalked away in his finery.
"Please?" the yellow and pink marshmallow asked, trying to appear as 'cute' as possible.
Nothing could have made the dragon admit how frightened he was of the water. He could remember feeling the waters around Lake-Town extinguishing his fires. Drowning not only his body, what his very essence. Killing him in a way mere mortals would never understand.
"Please?" the pegasus asked again.
It was all he could do to just shake his head, and not run from the edge of the small, muddy pond. His shame at this complete cowardice made him angry.
"All right. I'll be helping the ducklings with their swimming lessons." The yellow and pink shape withdrew as he stared at the flat surface of the water. Smaug saw the white head of the rabbit approach the edge of the water, and sniff at it.
When the rabbit straightened up, and stood beside him, Smaug couldn't look at him. He couldn't even shrug off the comradely arm the rabbit draped over his shoulders.
The shove into the pond came with a scream of rage and terror as he held is arms before him. That ended when the pond came up barely to his wrists.
He turned to see the rabbit giving him a jaunty salute, and hopping over to the yellow face peeking over the shrubbery to understand the scream. Just before he broke through the shrubs, the rabbit turned again and saluted.
"RWARRAR!" he roared and raced after the bunny, intent on rending the offending rabbit limb from limb. He closed on the shrubbery and the gap the rabbit had hopped through. The stick caught his ankles and sent him towards the stream, arms windmilling helplessly as the second time in as few minutes his terror was racing towards him. His hands hit the cold water and it raced towards his face as he rushed towards it. As his death raised up to engulf him again. Then his hands hit the bottom and sank slightly in the mud as his face hit the water.
An instant later he pushed himself up, and the rabbit dragged him out. The rabbit bounced out of reach, but his mistress arrived and wrapped the terrified dragon in a towel. "It's all right. It's all right. It's all right." She repeated it, slowing her delivery and somehow slowing his breathing and heartbeat as she did.
He glanced over at the rabbit, who glared back. I understand, Smaug realized, The rabbit reserves the right to be in charge. I should simply study and master his methods. Before I eat him, he thought and let the yellow bit of fluff baby him for a bit.
The unsymmetric chimera flitted from window to window and laughed at the pony princess' shock at finding the Elements gone. Smaug looked over at Spike riding the purple one's back from his own perch aboard the yellow ninny. He listened carefully to the riddle, and then to the purple one's analysis.
"It's not in the maze, Twilight," Smaug said. "If you guess the maze, then it's back in the Ponyville Library. If you guess the Library, then it will be in the old castle. If you guess the castle, then it will be hidden in your room at Canterlot. There is no right answer. Whichever you picked, before you got there, that fraud would have moved them elsewhere. 'Sorry silly, wrong guess all your trials are for nothing.'"
"Bah!" the chimera complained as it materialized, "Who is this little grouch."
"A better spirit of chaos than you could hope to be, dreary," Smaug said, and ignored Spike's warning gestures, "I too am bored with this world. But unlike you, I let my trinkets have the freedom to choose how they entertain me. You regiment them worse than the unicorn of lists, and wonder why they are stale and colorless. Because you have superimposed your own insipid personality on their behaviors."
"Have a care little dragon. I am a spirit of ever-changing chaos!" The explosion of little stuffed animals reminded Smaug of another magic-wielding braggart.
"Chaos, you? HA!" Smaug laughed. "Misery, perhaps. Sadist, assuredly. But chaos? You are as regular as clockwork, and just as predictable. Your malice towards these makes you as certain as all that you claim to despise."
"I am an artist. You wouldn't understand real chaos."
"You would manipulate them, and claim the mantle of chaos. You are a spirit of chocolate rain, and ice cream flowers, but chaos?"
"Ice cream flowers? Where did you find the ice cream flowers?" the pink party-incarnate shouted as she picked up the chimera and looked beneath it.
"I was trying to teach systematic here some new ideas," he told the pink idiot. Then to the chimera, "If forcing these to jump through hoops is the sole criterion the sobriquet 'spirit of chaos' requires, than I am mightier than you. Oh master of chocolate rain and stilt bunnies. As I just proved."
"What, rooming with an earth pony in all but fact, and playing chess with bunnies?" the chimera countered, "How does that make you the spirit of chaos?"
"Because I, dreary, let them choose how to leap through the hoops I create for them. Because I make them eager to leap through more. You, they run in terror from. They seek me out, beg me to let them entertain me with their antics. And all I need do, is let them rationalize it with 'learning lessons about themselves'. Except for the cyan noise, no one can teach that anything."
"HEY!" the aforementioned pegasus complained.
"There is a trio of bumblers who regularly match anything you could conceive of as chaos, and none will interrupt my fun with them," Smaug told him, "You, are second-rate at best. You invoke the pony princess' ire, and naught else. I have her and her sister as eager as show mares to jump and perform for me. You will break all your fun toys, teaching the survivors only new ways to hide, new ways to run from your tyranny, and wonder why there is no entertainment left. It is not Celestia the Grim you hate, but that she is a greater trickster than you. And beloved for it. It is not order you hate, but your own emptiness. A real spirit of chaos would set chaos upon the world, and sit back to enjoy. But you are a tyrant, demanding both rigid regimen and wild spontaneity, and no reward for either."
"Watch your mouth, kid," the chimera told him.
"If I do not, can I expect eternal boredom as my fate? Watching you ape the cleverness that is never truly yours? I have seen cunning hands and cunning minds. I have watched the plans both intricate and foul unwind slowly over years and centuries. I have watched the mightiest break under the weight of those plans. I shall outshine you, for all your airs. Even as mortal, I will be remembered when you are dust and forgotten ashes. For I live, and you will consume yourself when there is nothing else for you to destroy. Pathetic spirt of deceit and ignorance. You shame all who would call on chaos against the stultifying order of things."
The chimera closed suddenly and touched him. "Face chaos then."
Unlike the ponies, Smaug was a child of Ancalagon, a creature of Morgoth. Drawing him to chaos and evil had a very different effect.
"Uh," the chimera whispered as the dragon tumbled from his perch, and expanded across the floor.
"Oops," Smaug said as he stared down at the pathetic, mismatched worm. "Face chaos then." His jaws closed on empty air, as the coward had fled. He examined himself. "Couldn't even do a complete job, but it shall have to do for the moment." He looked back at the seven terrified ponies.
The yellow ninny actually approached him. Her trepidation manifest, but she would not fear her 'critters'. "You didn't mean what you said, about, about, about just playing with us? For your own amusement?"
He looked at his creature, and realized he did not want what she was broken, unintentionally. "What do you think of the lessons I have set for you and your friends?" he asked gently, picking her up carefully and setting her on his snout so they were eye to eye.
"Per aspera, ad astra," the purple one said, and smiled, " 'Through hardships, to the stars.'"
He set the nodding pegasus down. "I understand," she wrapped her forelegs around his fingers, several of the others did too.
"Is what you said about me true?" the other pegasus demanded.
"That you're unteachable, that is the truth."
The cyan noise squawked as it fell to the ground.
"That still leaves Discord," the pony princess said sharply, breaking the cluster around his fingers.
"He will regenerate from any wound?" Smaug asked.
She nodded.
"And he's made up of all those different pieces," Smaug said thoughtfully, "I wonder if he got the taste correct."
"Taste?" the purple one asked.
"Of course." Smaug licked his chops. "I could eat him forever, and it would always be new." He gave a bow as free of mockery as he could. "Your Highness, I beg your leave, I hear my dinner calling." He caught her faint smile as her horn glowed and the largest window opened outward. Moments later, he was outside and climbing steadily. Enjoying flight after so long.
"Just a nibble," Smaug said, returned to baby dragon form. He looked up at the statue. The picnic basket of condiments at the base of the statue, confiscated by the two pony princesses.
"No," the purple one said.
"Just a bite?" he asked.
"NO!" the eight equines shouted.
"But he was so delicious!" he said petulantly. Looked at the disapproving faces all around him. "Then can I say goodbye?" he asked, turned to the yellow ninny, "Please?"
She could never resist him. Another I owe that stupid rabbit, 'puppy dog eyes', he thought as the yellow pegasus nodded and carried him by the scruff of the neck to eye level with the petrified chimera.
"Hello Discord," Smaug said and patted the statue gently. "When you get out, in a thousand years. We'll do lunch." He laughed full and hearty as the ninny carried him back down.
"You shouldn't tease him like that," she chided.
"I wasn't teasing him." Smaug walked along beside her. "He's just so delicious!"
"Really! Does his tail taste like chocolate? Are his claws like mints? Does his horn taste like apples?" the pink party asked excitedly.
"Well, his eyes are like candies," Smaug admitted.
The pinky party stopped bouncing for a moment. "On second thought, I don't really want to know."
"That's good, because I'd have to ask Miss List what some of the pieces are properly called," Smaug said.
"AUGH!" "Smaugie!" They complained. Smaug merely grinned.
Smaug landed gently on the cloud. The spell he had painstakingly recreated using his own magic let him duplicate the pegasus' trick of flight and walking on clouds. He removed the pot from his head and took the spoon out of his mouth.
He beat the spoon on the pot rapidly. "Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! I have come to demand your immediate and unconditional surrender! Immediate and unconditional surrender!"
The cyan noise stuck its head out of a window in the cloud house. Its eyes were severely bloodshot. "Why can't you say it's time to watch Fluttershy's butterfly migration."
"I said what I meant," Smaug replied.
The cyan noise actually considered. "Yeah, I guess you're right, it does apply. Are you going to be watching Tank? Or should he come with?"
"I believe that the migration will be just his speed," Smaug told the pegasus.
The head vanished back in the house. "Okay, I'll just wind him up." The door opened. "How the hay are you standing there?"
"Well, there was an egg, and the warmth and humidity were just right to -"
"I mean why aren't you dropping through the clouds, and did you use a catapult to get up here?"
"I flew. It's not hard, once you know the trick."
"Are you going to teach that trick to Pinkie Pie?" the cyan noise asked worriedly.
"No, but Big Macintosh is a fast learner," Smaug told the fool.
"Just don't teach AppleJack. " The cyan noise chuckled nervously. "I gotta keep some advantage over the rodeo queen."
"Who do you think taught me?" Smaug asked.
There was a crash behind the door. A moment later, the tortoise flitted around the door, and gave Smaug a mournful look, then back at the still figure of his mistress.
"Yes, I can carry her down. But let's get some ropes first." Smaug said as he considered delivering the hogtied pegasus to the butterfly watching. "So she doesn't fall off. I'm not as good a flier as I let on."
"Revenge?" he shouted, "You? Ha! I, am, SMAUG!" He stomped a foot to punctuate. "The King under the Mountain is dead, where are his kin that dare seek revenge? Girion Lord of Dale is dead, and I have eaten his people like a wolf among sheep. Where now are his son's sons that dare approach me?"
The yellow marshmallow squealed and retreated across her living room.
"I kill where I wish, and none dare resist," he told her as he backed her across her house. "I laid low the warriors of old, and their like is not in the world today. Then I was but young and tender. Now I am old and strong, strong, STRONG!" He stomped to accentuate his strength. The pegasus cowered and whimpered in a corner.
"Thief in the Shadows!" He raised her chin so she would have to look at him. "My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth are swords! My claws spears! The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane. And my breath death." He had showed her the power of each as she tried to draw herself deeper in the corner, whimpering and crying.
Suddenly she threw herself forward and surrounded him in legs and wings. "Oh am sorry. Was new Fluttershy really so mean and terrible?" she whimpered even more pathetically, "I am so sorry." She kissed the stunned dragon on the head and raced off. "I don't deserve wonderful friends like you Smaug. I have to apologize to everypony."
Smaug had the presence of mind to catch her tail.
"Eep!"
"Just apologize to your friends," he managed, "Everyone else, doesn't need to know."
He received another hug and kiss, and then new-old Fluttershy was gone. The dragon looked around, and spotted the rabbit. It stood, mouth agape, its mail shirt hanging off one shoulder, its helmet askew and the meat cleaver that would have served as a battle-axe slipping from nerveless paws. "And you think I understand what just happened?" the dragon asked the stunned bunny.
He marched over to hop up to the writing desk, and selected a parchment and quill. He considered briefly, using his considerable skill with language to craft the appropriate phrases.
Salutations to Her Highness Princess Celestia, Master of the Sun, Liege of All Ponydom, First Bearer of the Elements of Harmony,
I have come to the inescapable conclusion that your subjects, when faced with a show of gross irritation, will rationalize it as an expression of friendship, whenever possible. And will equally misinterpret questionable gestures of friends as somehow abysmally harmful. This has led to the further conclusion that this is Hell, and I have been sentenced here for my crimes in the eyes of Eru Illuvatar. I am content with this.
Respectfully I am, Smaug the Golden, slayer of kings, despoiler of Dale, sacker of Erebor, Last true King Under the Mountain."
He dispatched the note as Spike had taught him, and walked off into the forest to find something that would scream in pain when he damaged it. The battle ax-wielding bunny hopped along beside him to watch.
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Smaug is the property of the Tolkien Estates
Sig Alert 2
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Smaug is the property of the Tolkien Estates
"Freeze!" he hissed and grabbed the ninny's muzzle, then hustled her behind a tree, "I don't think it saw us." He glanced around the gardens outside the Grand Galloping Gala carefully. "Maybe it caught our scent."
Of course the ninny whimpers, he thought as she held stock still, rather than chasing after all the animals in the Canterlot garden.
"Look, you stay here. Don't move a muscle. Don't make a noise. I'll try to draw it off," Smaug said, intending to raid the buffet and maybe check out other victims, leaving the ninny paralyzed where she wanted to be.
He ignored her pleading, tear-filled eyes, and slipped around the tree, and skulked towards the party proper. He positioned himself, and noted a squirrel was investigating the unmoving newcomer that had formerly been chasing it and other animals around. Fine, now you can meet all the critters you wanted to meet before, he thought as he bowed slightly to Luna, who'd been watching from the darkness. He noted her smirk, and he slipped into the main hall. He looked at all the fatuous ponies sipping, noshing and socializing. If I was my right size, what a banquet they'd all be, he thought happily, Ponies always were a real treat.
"You lied to me," the ninny said, vaguely miffed, which on another would be fury.
Smaug knew a denial wouldn't work. "How so?" he asked, as the others ate their donuts in sudden, embarrassed silence.
"You said there was a monster in the gardens." That caught Celestia's attention.
"No, there was 'something scaring the animals'," Smaug said, "I never said it was a monster."
"I never saw it," Fluttershy said sternly.
"That's because you never looked in a mirror." Smaug noted that the ninny made the connection faster than anyone, except the Pony Princess.
"Oh," the ninny said shamed, and pawed the floor.
"That's the difference between truthfulness, honesty and friendship," Smaug directed at Applejack, "I let her mislead herself, but when I did, it was to her benefit."
"Ah don't like lyin'," Applejack replied.
"I never lied, I only implied the monster was outside us. And in hiding from 'the monster' she ceased to be the monster," Smaug said as he dunked his donut in cocoa. "So where exactly was the lie?"
He smiled, munching the donut as the orange one crossed its eyes and tried to work it out.
"I just wish I'd caught Blueblood out in the open," Smaug lamented, "A full bladder and a flight spell can make a stunning fashion statement."
The fashionista and the Princess snorted at that.
The sight of a dragon, a real dragon towering over Lesser Horsieland told Smaug that his warnings about not having the Elements at hand had been proven right, again. One of these days they'll learn. No, I could put the lesson so they'd trip over it, and they'll just get up, dust themselves off and march straight into disaster, he thought as the coloring of the dragon nagged at his mind, I know him.
The roar which was indistinguishable from noise to a pony resolved itself to Smaug as 'Spike want!'
He flew up towards the immense drake. For once the Purple One's master recognized a threat. "Nice improvement, but there's something you forgot," he told the huge creature, withholding the knowledge to inflame the monster's greed for it.
It threw back its head and roared, then tried to seize Smaug, but the small dragon had been practicing his maneuverability, an absolute necessity to avoid the Cyan Noise, and its ridiculous ideas of training. Several swipes and as many misses as the creature's reflexes betrayed it.
Smaug watched the Wonderbolts zip past and attack. "Hey! I'm working here!" he shouted, then withdrew to a safe distance as Spike-zilla grew more surly with the interruption. Ponies, as was their wont, proved utterly ineffective against such a powerful creature. Catching them in a water tower, same as the one his mistress used to dealt with the Ursa Minor, Spike-zilla focused on Smaug again.
With the Wonderbolts properly canned, Smaug again approached. "Here is a riddle for you, what is it that Spike truly treasures? What is the think he cultivated in the capital, what is the think he's extended here, what is the truest power he possesses?"
The look of absolute triumph on the monster's face was swiftly followed by horror as it glanced around the damaged town, the terrified ponies running and screaming in chaos, and the realization of who had caused it. Dragons didn't suffer from Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome, but Spike's reaction was as close as it got.
Smaug didn't expect the sudden reversion, but he raced downward to save the younger dragon as the youngster screamed in anguish and terror as if from a physical wound. "Got you," he assured Spike as he desperately tried to slow their greater, combined mass before the ground manage to hit them.
"Smaug, why are you saving me?" Spike asked as he glanced at the fast-approaching ground and covered his eyes.
"Answer my riddle," Smaug said as the yellow ninny caught them both.
"Friendship," Spike said, "We're - friends."
"No one is more shocked than I," Smaug admitted, "But you have not been too tiresome a companion, and you have been a teacher that the instincts can be an enemy to wisdom. Something I forgot, and wound up here."
Spike nodded as the ninny landed them in front of the rest of the Element Bearers sans their Elements.
Sometimes they make me want to cry, he thought.
They cooed and ah'ed as Spike and Smaug assured them the giant dragon was gone, and would likely not return. Save in dire need, Smaug thought and considered the lesson, and how to exploit it.
"You need books your library lacks, and an end to the paucity of scholarly pursuit of that knowledge," Smaug scolded the Purple One, "As well as for Owlicious, although Fluttershy can help with the latter. It is wrong to have a friend of whom you know so little about his health, psychology and needs."
The Purple One pawed the ground and looked ashamedly at Spike. Considering the ponies' treatment of him, on numerous occasions, they were also caught in the net of unspoken recriminations.
"It is fascinating that the immature, non-pony among you lives your ideals far better than you do. For ordinary ponies this would be regrettable, for those who embody the Elements, it is existentially disturbing," he told them, and enjoyed their discomfort.
"What's 'existentially' mean?" the Cyan Noise asked.
Twilight announced, "If I don't move a muscle, nothing can happen."
Smaug had been listening to the soliloquy of stupidity while he perused the library, and had been expecting such a nonsensical 'solution' to the purple one's blabbering through a warning from the future.
This wouldn't be a problem if you were half the scientist Spike is. Collect the data, then analyze, Smaug thought as he glanced over at the purple librarian. Time for another lesson in 'Dragon', he thought as he considered Spike.
"Spike, it is time to introduce you to the art of Zen Tickling."
He saw the sweat on the purple one. Because she's deduced she's the target, he thought, But also because information is being passed without her intruding.
" 'Zen Tickling'?" Spike asked, glanced at the pleading eyes of his mistress, and said, "Let's discuss this, outside!"
If he stabbed her, he wouldn't get that look of betrayal, Smaug thought as they headed outside.
"Now look, little guy," Spike said, with an edge on the friendly tone, "I can appreciate you and Twilight don't get along. But she's my friend, and you are not messing with her when she's like this."
To Spike's confusion and amazement, Smaug patted him on the head. "Good, very good. 'MINE' is a very dragon way to be, even if the 'mine' is a friend. And you didn't let it overwhelm you. Greed is a dragon's heart, but not a dragon's mind. And you can't let it win." He shuddered at the terrible and fatal clumsiness of his Laketown assault, versus the elegance and cunning of his attack on Erebor and Dale, nearly two centuries earlier.
"You're doing it again," the younger, but larger dragon said suspiciously.
"Your pony goes off the deep-end, and must learn to quit doing that, or she'll eventually do something to the whole town . . . again." Smaug deeply regretted not being present for the whole 'Smarty-Pants' fiasco. Even Spike cringed at that.
"I don't trust you," Spike said, and received another grin.
"You can rely on who and what I am. I enjoy the failings of your mistress. And will keep taking advantage of them, until you start grinding off the rough edges. Let's go inside."
As soon as he was through the door, he raised his voice. "Herself from the future? I bet she was too busy talking about how it was impossible, to even listen to the message. That would be our Twilight." He stood directly under the glare of the purple librarian, but kept looking at Spike. He ignored the warning glances and gestures as he stood in range of an easy bite from the mare. "Spike, do you know how to tickle a porcupine?" Smaug asked, "I doubt there's even a book on it in here." Smaug glanced up at the nervous statue. "You know, if unicorn sweat was rare, or alchemically valuable, we'd have enough to buy a horde for kings."
When the purple one considered, he pointed and shouted, "Her ears! She moved her ears! We're all doomed!"
The purple one panicked and stood even more rigid.
"Can you not do that?" Spike asked, a hint of anger peeking through.
"Of course, but I think she would have preferred the teasing to the lesson. You see, Fluttershy -" Smaug said.
"Fluttershy invented this?" Spike blurted out before his mistress.
"Of course, she figured out how to tickle porcupines. I taught her how to extend it to other animals," he said loftily.
Easy old boy, a little 'my pony's better than your pony' is not the lesson, Smaug reminded himself.
"Is she ticklish, anywhere?"
"Bottoms of her hooves. But not as bad as Rainbow."
Ah, a lesson to be learned and used later, Smaug thought.
"Spike," she said between clenched teeth.
"Not really useful," Smaug considered, rubbing his chin, "Unless we turn her upside down. Anywhere else?"
Spike glanced around nervously, and waved him over. "I don't really know, nobody really tickled her before."
"That's excellent!" Smaug roared, "Then we can proceed to the advanced techniques directly!"
"Advanced?" came a clenched-teeth whimper.
Smaug leaned close, and whispered to Spike. "You just walk around, and occasionally wiggle your fingers at her. No touching, think porcupines, I'll nod when you've found a good spot."
Spike whispered back, "It's not going to hurt her?"
"No, afterwards, we'll get her friends and the mayor together, and come up with an action plan. We'll also get Luna and Celestia warned. In case it's planet-wide."
Spike nodded and walked up to the purple sweat factory. Her eyes strained to keep track of him, then snapped rigidly forward when Smaug gasped. But they were still drawn to the little dragon. As Spike stood beside her, he immediately noticed the ears pulling away from him. He glanced at Smaug, who was already getting a step-stool for Spike.
Spike stood beside his mistress. "This is for your own good," Spike told her, "Tickle, tickle." He waved his claws near her ears. "Tickle, tickle."
The purple one's eyes crossed and her knees bent in. Smaug held up a mirror so she could see her assistant getting close, but not touching. The crazy owl also approached.
"No touching, just get close."
"Who, whooo," it said to the shivering unicorn. Letting the slight breeze of his wings play over her ears, which were fluttering hard enough Smaug half-expected her to lift off.
"Excellent lads," Smaug said and walked up to the purple one, "Now, after you break, we're going to get the mayor, the Princesses and your friends together for some brainstorming. After we're through making you laugh yourself sick."
"Tickle, tickle."
"Who whoo."
The sheer volume of the purple one's laughter bowled Smaug over. And loud, squealing, plaintive pleas for mercy brought most of the people needed for the meeting.
Of course Fluttershy scolded him. And much to her chagrin, had to explain how and why she'd even developed the technique.
"Oh I sent a letter off to their Highnesses about the technique," Smaug told her, "Her Highness is eager to see you all. At your earliest convenience." The complete terror on their faces was well worth it.
He didn't normally follow Opal's lead, and would have left the problem to Fluttershy, but this was one problem the even the yellow ninny agreed had to be left to other solutions. Spike was out, although Angel and Owlicious were elsewhere, working their end of the problem.
The noise came, the noise that had the purple one climbing the walls for days. Someone, something was destroying her precious books. A crime greater than Discord's.
Smaug had always been a 'tunnel rat' squeezing through openings logic demanded were too small for one of his size. Here, he had lost none of his skill. And there are things to run into in tunnels, he thought darkly.
There it is, he thought, and caught the sense of Angel closing from the other side. The cat I understand, Smaug thought as he sighted his tiny crossbow, But Angel only joined us when that rat bit his mistress. If Opal doesn't hurry, Angel may tear the book-eater into very tiny pieces.
He fired, sending the tiny harpoon deep into the creature even the purple one wanted dead. It screamed and charged, but Smaug had fangs and claws too. Opal caught it from the side as it closed on Smaug. Angel clipped his tiny spear together and guarded both exits from the rat warren. Opal wasn't playing this time. Like her mistress, she was a pampered lady with claws, and the skill and willingness to use them.
Smaug watched her finish her kill, and fastidiously eat it, while he and Angel searched the nest. The clutch of babies caused Angel to throw a warning glance to him.
"Yes, the ninny will want to take care of them. I'd rather feed them to her majesty," Smaug admitted and nodded to Opal.
Or eat them myself, he thought.
Angel gave him a warning look. The bunny knew better. A bribe would be needed to stay in the ninny's good graces, especially after what couldn't be anything but a search and destroy. Smaug nodded to the expert. The two gathered 'bedding' and collected the tiny creatures to present them to the yellow ninny and the purple one. "I think we should shrink those ponies down and have them explore the 'cavern' of this tree."
"Are you sure you're all right doing this?" the ninny asked worriedly.
"No, but better for it to be done," Smaug admitted, and stepped into the sink. The water came up only to his waist, but he would be trusting her and Angel, when he lay down in it. "You were right, it's better hot."
"Steaming is more like it," Spike added. He was present, after insisting, begging and pleading to be there to help.
I am not sure anyone ever begged for the opportunity to assist me, Smaug thought muzzily as the hot water soothed his aches, and he felt the terror of water abate ever so slightly.
Angel of course watched, although he'd be parboiled if he tried to intervene in the water.
The startling, familiar belch from Spike produced a scroll, directly over the sink. Spike and the ninny tried to grab it, but only Angel was in position. The rabbit easily caught it, but overbalanced and fell towards the water. Smaug's foot in the middle of his chest saved the rabbit from a rather severe scalding. Then Smaug realized he was underwater, holding his nose and his breath. He shoved the rabbit safely back from the edge, and surfaced.
"I swear that mare does things like this on purpose," Smaug muttered.
The scroll was returned to Spike, right between the eyes. Angel glared at the dragon as he overbalanced and fell to the floor. A moment later Spike opened and read it. "I'm afraid I have to go." He ran towards the door.
A curt nod was all the thanks Smaug got from Angel, but both knew the depth of the sentiment.
Smaug landed on the Librarian's back and caught her purple ears, as she dashed around more than the cyan noise. He pulled back, to rein her in.
"OWW! OW! OW! OW!" she complained as he finally brought her to a halt. "Smaug! I don't have time for games right now."
"Twilight, do you know what Angel, that's Fluttershy's bunny, calls you?" he asked, finally able to show the contempt and sarcasm he normally kept hidden. He hopped off her back and walked around to face her. "He calls you 'the pony who cries vulf'," Smaug told her. "You already forgot all the lessons you taught the party-pony, Pinkie Pie, about clues, evidence, and a logical chain. Or do those only apply to those of us who aren't 'Celestia's prize student'? You charge in there with this 'evidence', and it's going to be, 'oh Twilight's catastrophizing, again'. You will be summarily dismissed, perhaps even from Shining Armor's circle of friends."
She shook off the horror after a moment. "Okay, you're so smart, what should I do?" the purple one tried and failed to match a master's contemptuous tone.
"If you really think there's a problem, get the Elements, now. You should have done that already. If there's a problem, a threat, you should be carrying yourswords with you at all times. Why don't you volunteer to take up your brother's burden for a day or two? Let him and her get on with the plans for defense or the wedding. And if he doesn't accept the offer, then ask Cadance to teach you the spell to ease his pain so she can concentrate on the wedding. Take your concerns directly to Celestia and separately to Luna. Defending the realm is their job, not yours."
"What if they don't believe me?" she asked with her ears folded back.
"Then you did a rotten job of collecting data and presenting it. If you need help doing that, talk to some good, budding scientists."
"Who?"
"Spike, you know him, scaly guy, breathes fire, tries to keep sharp objects and cliff edges away from a oblivious, obsessive unicorn?" Smaug asked and enjoyed her frustration. "The other is the best scientist among you, Pinkie Pie."
"WHAT?" Twilight shouted, nearly bursting into flames in her fury and disbelief.
"Sure, did she run into something impossible, and waste time arguing its existence? Multiple times? Your friends don't believe you, heck you didn't believe you, and you spent all that time worrying when if you'd just listened, you could have solved the problem." Smaug watched the purple one's ears droop, and moved in for the kill. "Pinkie, and Spike, accepted what was happening, looked for patterns, correspondences, and got a workable framework to predict events based on data. That's what a real scientist does. He doesn't treat a new discovery as Rarity would a tradesman with muddy hooves prancing around her shop." He loved her utterly broken expression.
"She didn't do that when trying to find out who ate MMM," it offered lamely.
"As I remember, she picked up the right way to do it, from you, very quickly," Smaug retorted, "Once she quits playing games, she's a very clever pony."
Now I have to give her the sugar, so she keeps coming back, he thought.
"Now, lay out your case. When we've worked out the details, present it to their Highnesses. You are not an investigator, you're a student of magic. Your backups are an apple farmer, a daredevil, a party planner, a fashion designer and the local, cat pony. Leave investigations to investigators, and you concentrate on magic, and planning the wedding. In case it is all just nerves, yours and hers."
The purple one nodded and laid out a lace doily of disjointed facts that wouldn't have served as chain mail it was so full of huge holes. Smaug noted Spike's approach, and he enlisted the other dragon into pulling out corroborations from his mistress' and his own experiences with Cadance and Shining Armor.
They were exhausted when they finally had something that would stand up to scrutiny. "It's so circumstantial," the purple one admitted.
"Now you see why no one would have believed you?" Smaug said, "And it's a vast improvement over where you started."
"How will I remember all that?" she asked.
Spike sighed and held up a much crossed out parchment that held the 'final draft'.
"Oh, thanks Spike, thanks Smaug," she said and trotted off.
"Why did you help?" Spike asked suspiciously.
"Because I can smell the evil around Cadance, but humiliating your mistress before helping her is so much fun."
Spike glared at him, again.
Smaug shrugged. "I'm a dragon, of course I'm better."
His student rolled his eyes and ran after his mistress.
"Spike?" Smaug said, and waited for the little dragon to turn, before he walked around a pillar, and walked out with Princess Luna. Spike banged his head on a pillar several times before racing after his mistress.
"Thank you for bringing this to Our attention," Luna said.
"Like I said, I had groundless suspicions, now you have more," Smaug admitted.
"But with 'more' we can act."
"Fifty bits says she forgets to tell you after she tells Celestia," Smaug said, getting a dig in on her Highness.
"No bet," she replied sourly.
Smaug HATED when his schemes didn't work. Especially when one had landed him in this insane world. His warning and help in trapping Chrysalis early had one, serious side-effect, the bug ponies had moved up their timetable. "At least we're not ruining the wedding," he grumbled, as he looked around the captured throne room, then glanced over at the cocoon containing Celestia. The diarch's eye roved, trying to fix on someone or something to rescue her and her realm.
"What do we do?" Spike asked, oscillating between anger and helplessness. The two of them had bought time for the others to escape, but there were too many guards for two, young dragons to engage.
Waiting for them to return with the Elements is a nonstarter, Smaug thought, then looked closely at Spike, I never considered the ninny's anger management lessons would have been useful to me. Well, a new lesson learned, as he considered the situation, It's amazing what a clear head and the willingness to do anything gets you.
"Spike, you do realize that once she's converted, Celestia won't be your friend anymore," Smaug told his fellow dragon. Spike's stricken expression told Smaug to continue. "Of course, assuming they've laid a trap at the Temple of the Elements, Twilight and Rarity will follow soon enough."
Spike's eyes narrowed as he whipped his head around to stare at the celebrating Chrysalis. Smaug had no idea why the bug-pony was singing at a time like this, when the event could still slip through her wholly holey hooves.
"Of course Applejack and Pinkie Pie are a given, Rainbow might get away, but Fluttershy," he said, smiled as Spike looked back at him and he laid a hand on Spike's shoulder, "I'll sell my life dearly, but I fear it won't be enough. You know her." Smaug shrugged as he dropped his arm to his side. "Who knows what they've already done with Cadance. She and Armor included you in their outings with Twilight, didn't they? Is that why you get so mad that Twilight and the other Bearers don't?" Smaug could practically hear the sizzling fuze.
Smaug looked into the eyes of fury and resolution. Ah yes, the power of SPIKE WANT!! Smaug thought and began rapidly stepping away from the other dragon, So sad Queenie, from satrap to sailcat. I just hope he can contain himself.
Smaug walked through the tunnels, marking the tunnel floor as he advanced. Chrysalis had duplicated Cadence's scent, so the trail where the real Cadance had been dragged was essentially marked as if by signs 'Your Princess is in THIS castle'. The trail out was now marked for the nose-blind. The muted, thunderous booms from overhead demonstrated that the Changeling Army was being swiftly and methodically dealt with. They'd decided to leave Chrysalis to Moon and Sunbutt, while Spike-zilla stamped out the Changeling Army, litterally, as in they'd just be litter.
The wall ended the trail, but Smaug had claws and teeth harder than any crystals. "Ha ha, our moat of cider and gingerbread wall will keep Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie out!" Smaug tore into the wall, and spat it out. "Eww! Well, I don't have to swallow any. How does rock get stale?" He had a decent-sized hole in moments, and an aversion to gneiss that would last a lifetime.
"Hello, Pony Princess! You are my slave, and I command you to follow my claw marks on the floor to save Shining Armor from the impostor who took your place," he told the distraught alicorn.
A moment later, aside from the echos of a sonic boom, he was alone. "It's so nice to find minions with a good work ethic." He trotted back the way he'd come, sneezing occasionally at the dust clouds Cadance's passage had raised. "I wonder if she did just a boom or a sonic rainboom?"
"That's truly brilliant!" Smaug explained as Celestia's tasking of Twilight against Sombra wound down. He was surprised that neither Luna nor Celestia had spotted him slipping in after Twilight had arrived. "If she succeeds at her 'test', you're rid of Sombra, and if she fails, the Bearers and all they've wrought will be preserved forever under Sombra's mantle. Brilliant, and more devious that I had given you credit for." He bowed, slightly, as the princess' expressions curdled in utter revulsion at the take Smaug had put Celestia's plans into. "A truly magnificent game of chess with the lives and fates of mere mortals, and no matter what happens, you win a tremendous prize."
The Big Cream Cheese was stuttering at the completely warranted and unwanted praise, while the Purple Panic and Little Sister stared at her and Smaug in abject horror.
"How couldst thou conjure such an image?!" Little Sister said.
"If this was an expedition against Sombra, we'd have guards, additional mages, supplies, the Elements themselves, and a comprehensive intelligence package," Smaug explained and shrugged, "The only things that keeps this from being a suicide mission is that Sombra is a slaver not a murderer, and your purple sycophant will do anything to stay in your good graces. Sorry, Luna, she's not that devoted to you yet. So if you wanted to keep something locked up forever, you could hardly ask for a better gaoler. The subtle brilliance of it is unimaginable, and such plausibility of denial, it all hinges on Sombra's success or failure to act. Twilight will follow Celestia's 'test' and get that gold star, even if herself, her friends and thousands of innocent ponies would be hurt, killed or enslaved for centuries or millennia. Brilliant. Should something befall Equestria that destroys magic, suddenly a new alicorn, the Elements and the former Captain of the Royal Guard are all there. Like a rescue device behind a sheet of glass, protected but ready for retrieval at moment's notice."
"That is not what I intended!" the Big Cream Cheese announced.
"You mean you intended to send them, well all of us, out ill-prepared, ill-equipped and ill-informed against such a puissant foe? I had no idea the Royal Coffers were at such a low ebb that such austerity measures would be necessary, let alone enacted. You have my heartfelt sympathies. Come Twilight, off to a two-a-penny victory, or a dirt-cheap, eternal undeath."
"Princess Celestia?" the poor mare sounded heartbroken, the Big Cream Cheese looked horrified at what Twilight had to be thinking. Smaug glanced over and fought down a grin as unshed tears pooled in the Purple Panic's eyes and the Big Cream Cheese shied at the expression of betrayal.
"Twilight," Smaug took her chin, turning her to face him, and said softly, "It's for the best, it's for Equestria. It's the same price the guards have to pay whenever they go to battle, some must be sacrificed for others, but like a game of chess, pieces are only useful if they are used, and therefore risked. If we die, it is in a good cause, Celestia wouldn't just throw you against insuperable odds without some hope of success." He could see Celestia's stricken expression reflected in Twilight's eyes.
Then Twilight blinked and nodded. "As Her Majesty wishes," she said and galloped out of the room.
Smaug turned to the stunned diarchs. "I'd have the supplies and a proper briefing waiting for us at the train, just a bit of misplaced whimsy on your part." He turned, then added or his shoulder, "Or she might not come back, even if she wins."
He saw the stake he'd planted in the Royal Sisters' hearts as he bowed, then awaited their reply.
Smaug didn't mind the cold of the icy wind so much. He'd done his duty to extort more troops and resources for the expedition. All the Element Bearers, their Elements, their guards and support staff were well-equipped for the trek across the frozen North. Although the idea that we'll be trapped immortals if we don't get the job done in time explains why the small force. But it does mean the Bearers who imprisoned Discord will be preserved too, along with his prison, he sighed, I'm beginning to really like that mare. But she focuses too much on the long-game and loses the chance for little enjoyments.
The sound that alerted Shining Armor brought Smaug alert as well. While he had fought in the First Age, and destroyed towns in the Second and Third, he was seriously out of practice. Better to defer to the one who knows, he thought as he closed in on Fluttershy.
The figure who rose out of the ice would have given Gothmog pause. "Go!" he shouted to the others, "I have spells which will balance things, go!" He ignored the kiss by Fluttershy, and her urging the others to let him fight. She alone knew the spell he would perform.
He drew on the power of Equestria as Celestia and Luna had reluctantly taught him, he worried it would change him inside, but now was not the time to quibble. He expanded, his armor thickened and toughened, yet lacked the weak spot he'd developed in Erebor. His teeth and claws grew hard and sharp. And my wings, oh my wings, he thought as he leapt into the air to confront the evil shade of King Sombra. Within him, his fires burned deep and hot. Far more than they ever had before, he felt Celestia's hand in that, and he gloried in it.
His first blast drove the foul creature back. It grimaced as it reformed. His second, spread wide, fanned out and the creature's manic laughter became a note of fear.
"Sombra, shade of darkness, I am a Servant of the Solar Fires!" Smaug the Golden thundered in a voice that shattered ice and stone, "YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!"
"Are we ready to play pin the tail on the pony?" faux-Pinky asked, then Smaug removed the blindfold. "Aww!" Then she focused on other two, very agitated, faux Pinkies waiting next to a box clearly labeled 'Without three Pinkies to open, Ponyville will be sad.'
"Can we open it now Smaugie?" the other two asked excitedly, excitedly even for Pinkie Pie.
"Yes," he barely got out before the wrapping was confettied and the train tickets inside were exposed.
"Baltimare, Manehatten, the Crystal Empire?" the three faux-Pinkies said of the 'present'.
"At the moment the other mirror Pinkies are running wild," Smaug began.
"Yeah, we should be helping with that," the three said.
On which side? Smaug wanted to ask.
"Twilight has a solution," Smaug said.
"Like the parasprites," Number One said and waved a hoof in dismissal.
"Worse, she intends to collect all the Pinkies and winnow them down to just one. Whichever survives the gauntlet will be awarded Pinkamena Diane Pie's life, legacy and goods. While I enjoy a senseless slaughter of innocents as much as the next heartless fiend, I'm afraid Fluttershy and Celestia are rubbing off on me."
"We have to save Pinkie!" the trio chorused.
"HALT!" Smaug commanded, knowing the Pinkies would shake off the dragon-spell, so he explained, "She will likely prevail over copies of later generations easily. You, the first copy, and you two the second copies will be her only challenge. Even the second generation copies she didn't participate in are substantially weaker than you three. So keeping you here assures the original's victory."
"Kinda brutal there Smaugie," the first said.
"Frankly, my plan would be to duplicate all the Bearers into groups, and send them free out into the world. Just in case."
"That really is brutal, Smaugie," the second said.
Smaug shrugged. "Mine is a wish, Twilight's is a plan. I am not playing the reaper man, Twilight is and the other have no qualms about it. I will admit, the later generations of 'Fun, fun fun' pronking parasprites in ponysuits are automatons, you earlier versions are capable of independent thought, due consideration of others, to wit, you are Pinkie Pie with all her flaws and virtues. So, the tickets. A bit of a disguise, and off you go. I figure once you're each adequately separated, you can start new lives: party planner, adventurer, just a bright spot in a darker world, whatever you wish."
"But we can't come home," Number Three said.
"I would advise telling your parents, let them contact Pinkie, and go from there," Smaug suggested, "As for coming back to Ponyville, they are exterminating the Pinkie clones with less thought than they gave to the parasprites. What would you assume your fate would be if you returned, or remained."
The three Pinkie Pies sighed. "Better to go, rather than be sent. But how do we get past a town full of ponies looking for us?" the first asked.
"First, we wait for night; second, while we wait we make some changes; third, work on your self-control. Remember your friends may need you later, but now you are just part of the invasion."
The first change was wrought as each Pinkie Pie became Pinkamena.
"Well, it's dye or die, your choice," Smaug said.
"I don't see a press around here," the Second said.
Smaug grinned knowing he'd made the right decision.
It was several days after he'd seen the drab-colored, drab-mane-styled Earth Ponies off to their trains, and endured the tearful, dark of the night goodbyes, that he decided to visit the Purple One. "So, mighty vanquisher of rogue Pinkie Pies, however did you stomach exterminating the last clones? The ones who could have lived their productive, happy lives with a little training." Her utterly stunned expression didn't slow his offensive, "I know killing Sombra was Celestia's orders, but killing say 1st and 2nd generation copies, about 15 all told by my count, how did you stomach that?"
The purple librarian retching all over the floor answered as eloquently as any thesis.
"Ah, you didn't think about it. Well, you're Celestia's axe-pony, so I guess that's a good thing. You and the Cyan Noise have so much in common, orders become actions without the hindrance of introspection, the similarities are frightening."
The Purple One paused in her redecoration of the floor to offer a stricken look.
As he left, he encountered Spike arriving with the groceries. "I'd go around to the kitchen entrance and get the mop," he told Spike, "And never bring up the extermination of the Pinkie Pies, it'll be better that way."
Smaug let the dragon run away, he had the others to ask. Rarity and Rainbow will rationalize it away, Fluttershy . . . no, too weak-willed to oppose. Ah, Applejack, this will be truly amusing. He was chuckling as he took to the air to ask the apple farmer some innocent questions.
"Funny," Smaug said as Big Mac and Applebloom looked on with horror. "Twilight reacted the same way," he said of the retching Applejack. "I'll take it as a warning to avoid angering you, any of you, or my fate will be the same. I did think there would be some profound revelation of deep philosophy from Twilight, or homespun wisdom from you, I'm horrified to discover I was wrong. 'You irritate me ' and 'I didn't think about it' seems the answer."
"They could think, and feel and stuff?" Applebloom asked, eyes filled with tears.
"They became more child-like and childish as they were copies of copies of copies, but talking to the first ones, yes, they were very nearly Pinkie Pie," Smaug said, "Able to live full, fulfilled lives helping people, making friends and generally brightening the world."
Big Mac joined his sister retching his guts out in the middle of the orchard while Applebloom ran away towards the Crusaders' clubhouse. He carved an arrow into the turf indicating her direction and flew back home. He spotted Applebloom running at breakneck speed on the trail to Zecora's place, so he left that to the equines. He was now growing curious about this. Curiosity is going to be my undoing as pride was over Laketown.
Fluttershy was at the house and Smaug's curiosity was all consuming when he arrived.
"Fluttershy, what was the thinking about all the Pinkie Pies that -" he stopped at Angel's warning look and the sniffle from Fluttershy. But here he would show mercy. "Good, then at least one of you will appreciate my actions. I intercepted the three most, let us call them developed, disguised them and smuggled them out of Ponyville. I can be impulsive, but in this case -" He was interrupted by Fluttershy again, this time her hug nearly squeezed the all the air out of him.
"Thank you, the more I thought, the more guilty I got, I should have said something," she told him.
"Did you think Angel or I would think less of you for being yourself?" he asked as he patted her head, "We might not approve, but we know you at least as well as you know yourself." Smaug grimaced at the approving nod from Angel, but the rabbit had become a rival without ever becoming an adversary. "But I wouldn't broach the subject with the others."
"Why not?" Fluttershy asked as she looked at him deeply.
"I asked Twilight and Applejack before I asked you. I never got to mentioning the escape when their responses to the question . . . let us call them very different from yours and extremely disturbing, and leave it at that. I won't repeat the question and suggest you don't either."
"They try to be good ponies," Fluttershy said.
"They are trying, I'll keep that in mind," Smaug said, he cocked his head, "Did you consider duplicating all of you, and sending those duplicates out into the world. A backup for the Elements?"
Fluttershy considered. "Would that even work?" Fluttershy asked.
"Something to consider," Smaug said.
