Don't Move a Muscle

by Bronystories

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 4602

Twilight refuses to move a muscle to prevent a disaster, while Spike and Rainbow Dash molest her.

To prevent a future disaster, Twilight Sparkle refuses to move until next Tuesday. Spike decides to take advantage of her immobilized state. Rainbow Dash eventually stops by and joins the fun.

This fic is dedicated in loving memory of Hostess Twinkies. Gone, but not forgotten.

Warning! Fic contains unwanted sexual contact and food play.

Another warning! Oily and sugary products are not to be used below the belt. Oil breaks down latex condoms, traps bacteria and irritants close to the skin, and washes off with difficulty. In warm, moist environments, sugar encourages growth of yeast and bacteria. As a result, keep the sweetened whipped cream, jellies, fruit, and sugary beverages on the outside of the tender private parts. Chocolate and champagne are other ingestibles that people often use to set a romantic mood, but are not to be used inside/on the tender parts of the genitals. The ponies featured in this story are professional cartoon characters, so don't try this at home!

Published 2012-11-26 10:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-26 10:30:01 UTC

or Where's the Cream Filling?

Twilight Sparkle paced nervously in Ponyville Library. In spite of preparing the town, she didn't feel any safer. Nothing she did made her feel as though she had prevented the unknown disaster from happening.

"Maybe you ought to give the pacing a rest," Spike said, stifling a laugh, "You've worn a groove into the floor."

Twilight stood in a deep trench of her own making and stared impatiently at her assistant.

"I don't have time for another one of your lectures, Spike," Twilight Sparkle said, "This is serious!"

"My... lectures?" Spike said dubiously. Twilight continued pacing as she worried about what to do.

"I did everything I could think of to change the future, but it didn't work," Twilight Sparkle said, "So maybe it's not what I do, maybe it's what I don't do!"

Teleporting out of her hoof hewn hole, Twilight appeared beside a bookshelf and stood stock still.

"If I stand right here and don't move a muscle until next Tuesday, I can't possibly do whatever it is that future Twilight wanted to warn me not to do!" Twilight said hopefully. Her assistant looked at her dubiously.

"Really?" Spike said, "So, no matter what happens, you're not gonna' move a muscle, huh?" The wheels in Spike's head were turning as he looked at Twilight's immobile frame. He knew that as long as she remained in her current state, he could do anything he wanted.

"Anything," he thought devilishly.

"Then maybe you won't mind if I... eat an entire tub of ice cream!" Spike momentarily left the room and returned almost immediately with a large tub of strawberry ice cream that was nearly as big as he was.

Twilight had prohibited him from binging on sweets, but now that she was immobilized, he was free to do as he pleased. Sweat formed on Twilight's brow as she tried to keep from moving. Spike flaunted his new unfettered freedom in front of her as he savored each scoop of ice cream. He enjoyed it even more because Twilight was watching him do it.

"Mmmm... ah!" Spike moaned delightedly, "So good!"

Twilight exclaimed in frustration as she watched her assistant succumb to his baser instincts. The desire for ice cream was overpowering his self control. Spike took another heaping spoonful as he walked back into the kitchen to get more sweets.

The naughty dragon soon returned with a can of whipped cream, frozen bananas, maraschino cherries and a bottle of chocolate sauce.

Twilight didn't turn her head, but she could hear noisy, messy sounds from behind her. She started sweating as Spike made a sloppy banana split. Whipped cream and chocolate sauce were getting all over the floor.

"Ah, Spike stop!" Twilight said, through clenched teeth. She attempted to reprimand her dragon without moving from her spot, "Think of the stomachache!"

Spike scoffed at her warning, while licking chocolate sauce off his fingers with his long, reptilian tongue.

"Stomachache, huh?" the dragon chuckled, "That's future Spike's problem."

The devious dragon stared hungrily at Twilight's butt. He then looked at the squirtable bottle of chocolate sauce before looking back at Twilight. An evil grin spread across his face as he licked his lips. Spike was determined to test Twilight's resolve. He was curious to see what lengths she would go through in her desperate desire to stand still.

Without any warning, Spike shoved the bottle nozzle up Twilight Sparkle's ass. Her eyes went wide immediately as her assistant anally assaulted her. Spike giggled maliciously as she squirmed in discomfort.

"Spike, pull it out!" Twilight said, panicking, "This isn't funny!"

"Maybe not from where you're standing," Spike said, "but from back here it looks hilarious!"

The dragon squeezed the bottle, filling Twilight's butt with chocolate syrup. The container made a sickening, squelching sound as its contents poured into the unicorn's poo passage. Rich, brown chocolate sauce slowly began leaking from Twilight's anal ring.

"Now that's what I call a fudge factory!" Spike said, eagerly.

After a couple more thick squirts, Spike removed the bottle and watched her purple sphincter dribble chocolate sauce onto her slit. In spite of the anal food play, Twilight refused to budge from where she stood. She breathed heavily as she felt the cold syrup cling to her anal walls.

Spike glanced over at his other sweets while contemplating his next move. Grabbing a frozen banana with sadistic glee, Spike moved it towards Twilight's syrupy sluice chute.

"I think I've just discovered a new way to make chocolate-covered bananas," Spike said, as he pressed the tip of the frozen fruit against her fart factory.

"No!" Twilight said through clenched teeth. The stubborn unicorn was determined to not move, no matter what happened.

"Don't!" Twilight pleaded while clenching her butt, "It's cold." Spike smiled smugly as he listened to her beg.

"If it's cold," Spike said, "then I'd better stick it someplace warm to thaw it out."

Spike then slid half of the frozen banana up Twilight's ass. The unicorn groaned in pain as she felt the chocolate syrup being pushed deeper inside her rectum by the frozen fruit. She wiggled her butt in a futile attempt to dislodge the banana.

"Ah ah ah!" Spike scolded as he grabbed her rear, "I thought you were standing still to prevent the disaster."

Twilight stopped squirming and let out a worried gulp.

"He's right," Twilight thought, "I can't allow myself to do anything; no matter what happens!"

Twilight stopped wiggling and gave an uneasy whimper as Spike pushed the entire banana into her butt. Twilight shivered as she felt each inch slide inside her. She gave an involuntary moan as Spike moved the chocolatey fruit in and out of her hot hole several times. The slick chocolate sauce made her banana buggering more bearable, but it was still painful. The near-constant stimulation of her purple poop chute was causing Twilight to feel a new and different sensation: Pleasure.

The young dragon felt himself grow hard as he painfully pierced her pert, purple pooter with the prodigious potassium proxy prick. With his other hand, Spike clutched his member and slowly started stroking himself. The dragon's musk smelled of brimstone as a bead of his hot precum dripped onto the floor. His "little spikey-wikey" was rock hard by the time he eventually removed the fruit.

The banana had acquired a thick chocolate coating, courtesy of her rectal reaming. Twilight's stretched ass dripped sticky brown syrup onto the floor as her sphincter kept opening and closing.

"Thank Celestia that's over," Twilight thought, "I don't know if I could've taken anymore."

Spike walked around to show Twilight the chocolate-covered banana she made. His stiff cock bobbed up and down as he moved. Twilight stared at the chocolaty banana that had recently been inside her. Spike smiled at her awkward expression. She tried to focus on remaining still, but she couldn't help but blush as she stared at her assistant's erect dragonhood.

"Wanna lick?" Spike asked. Twilight wasn't sure if he was referring to the banana or his penis. Neither one seemed like a pleasant option. Twilight stood still as sweat ran down her blushing cheeks.

Frustrated by her stoney silence, Spike took the banana and pressed it to Twilight's lips; trying to force it inside.Twilight kept her mouth shut and her teeth clenched.

"Mmmm!" Twilight said through clenched teeth, "Stop!"

She could smell the scent of her own ass on the banana as Spike rubbed it against her, smearing chocolate sauce and anal juice on her mouth like lipstick.

After a few moments of Twilight keeping her mouth shut, Spike pulled the banana away in defeat.

"Fine," Spike said as he walked behind Twilight, "If you won't swallow the banana, maybe I can convince your other set of lips to do it instead."

Twilight's eyes went wide and she clenched her vaginal muscles in fear.

Approaching her purple mountains' majesty, Spike felt a sudden swelling of patriotism. "Patriotism" was a euphemism for his penis. With his free hand, Spike spread Twilight's pussy lips as he pressed the chocolatey banana against her hungry hungry hump hole.

Twilight winced as she felt the banana enter her velvet-lined meat wallet. Her wet folds cradled the fruit as Spike pushed until only the tip was sticking out.

"You've heard of a banana split," Spike said, "Well, I've just invented the banana slit!"

Twilight's knees were slightly shaking as she tried to focus on standing perfectly still. Spike stopped for a moment to admire his handiwork. Twilight's ass had a messy, chocolate ring around her sphincter, a frozen banana had been shoved up her cunt, and syrup from her ass was smeared on her lips.

"You're a pretty dirty filly," Spike said bemused, "Don't worry, though. I'll clean you up."

Placing his hands on her flanks, Spike spread Twilight's cheeks to allow him better access to her chocolate-scented starfish. He then proceeded to give Twilight's asshole a reptilian rimjob; removing all the chocolate and tickling her at the same time.

"Please stop, Spike," Twilight whimpered, "This is no was for my number one assistant to behaaaay!"

Twilight's words were interrupted as her number one assistant stuck his tongue inside her number two. Using his obscenely long tongue, Spike flicked and licked as he sucked all the chocolate sauce out of Twilight's ass. His rapacious rectal router completely cleaned her crap canal of sweet syrup.

Once he was satisfied, Spike retracted his tongue. His lips were covered in chocolate sauce, which he wiped away with his arm.

"You did always tell me to clean up after myself," Spike said, "And now that the chocolate syrup's gone, I've got another game we can play."

Around that time, Rainbow Dash entered the library. She was there to report about safety procedures throughout Equestria.

"Hey Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said, "Another pegasus just got back from Baltimare with an all clear and..."

Rainbow Dash stopped and stared when she saw Twilight. The librarian was standing unnaturally still beside a bookshelf. Ice cream toppings littered the area as her assistant was stuffing maraschino cherries into Twilight's asshole.

"Five... six... seven," Spike said calmly as he counted each cherry that went into her tight anal ring. Twilight flinched as her sensitive sphincter reluctantly accepted each syrupy cherry.

Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief before she burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"What's going on?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Aren't you gonna stop him?" Twilight didn't say anything.

"She sure isn't," Spike said mischievously, "In fact, she's not gonna move 'til next Tuesday. She thinks it'll prevent the disaster from happening."

"Oh, this is too rich," Rainbow Dash said. She lazily flapped her wings over to where Twilight was standing. Staring straight ahead, Twilight looked thoroughly humiliated.

"Nice lipstick," Rainbow Dash said mockingly as she stared at the brown syrup smeared on Twilight's lips, "It looks like you've been making out with a chocolate mousse moose."

Twilight ignored Rainbow Dash's comments while still refusing to move. She distracted herself from the cherries in her rectum by focusing on the banana in her pussy. Her vaginal muscles squeezed its thawing surface as she bit her lip.

Spike eventually stuffed the entire jar of maraschino cherries into Twilight's butt. She cried in pain and embarrassment as saccharine red syrup dribbled out her hole. Spike stuck his middle finger up her ass in an effort to push the cherries in deeper. Twilight whimpered and moaned as the various cherries rubbed against her anal canal.

"You can do whatever you want to her," Spike said as he set down the now empty cherry jar, "and she won't say anything!"

"Really?" Rainbow Dash said, mischievously. She had always secretly had a thing for eggheads and was eager to have fun with the statuesque Twilight.

Spike grabbed the tip of the banana and slowly pulled it out. Twilight's warm bitch bisque had helped thaw out the fruit, which was now coated in chocolate sauce and vaginal juices.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Rainbow Dash asked as she looked at the dripping banana, "I'm starving."

Spike tossed the lubed fruit to Rainbow Dash, who eagerly caught it in her hooves. She then began to fellate the banana in front of Twilight. Rainbow Dash cleaned it thoroughly; licking off all the sauce and lube. Twilight was disgusted, but Spike couldn't contain his laughter.

"You do know that was in Twilight's ass at one point?" Spike asked.

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and paused for a moment. After thinking about it for a second, she shrugged her shoulders dismissively and resumed fellating the banana.

Once it was thoroughly cleaned, Rainbow Dash slid the entire banana into her mouth. The oblong shape made her cheeks poke out. After savoring the size, she started chewing it up, but she didn't swallow.

Once her mouth was full of banana mush, Rainbow Dash leaned over and kissed Twilight on the lips. Twilight was so surprised that she slightly opened her mouth. This gave Rainbow Dash enough of an entrance to force her tongue inside.

Like a mother bird giving nourishment to her chicks, Rainbow Dash regurgitated the banana mush into Twilight's mouth, filling her with prechewed potassium paste.

"Gross gross gross gross gross gross gross," Twilight repeated inside her head as her mouth was filled with her friend's saliva slurry.

Rainbow Dash held the kiss as Twilight's cheeks bulged with the already-been-chewed banana. It was warm and wet as it filled every corner of her mouth.

Eventually, Twilight reluctantly swallowed the mush. She shuddered from revulsion as the banana goo traveled down her throat.

After a long pause, Rainbow Dash finally broke the kiss. Her mouth was now the one smeared with chocolate.

"Rarity's not the only pony who's into sharing," Rainbow Dash said, coyly. Twilight just stared ahead, blankly. She couldn't mentally process what was happening to her.

"Ever since Pinkie Pie showed me how much fun it was to combine food and sex, I just can't get enough of either," Rainbow Dash said, "A craving for one triggers a craving for the other. It's a vicious cycle."

Rainbow Dash felt herself getting moist at the thought of food.

"Spike," Rainbow Dash said, "Slide that tub of ice cream over here."

"Sure thing," Spike said as he pushed the strawberry ice cream until it slid to a stop in front of Rainbow Dash. She turned around and set the ice cream in front of her. Rainbow Dash then hiked her tail up and revealed her glistening marehood. Twilight stared at her friend's vulva, which was dripping wet from arousal.

"I know you're a captive audience," Rainbow Dash said as she started rubbing her clitoral hood, "which is good, 'cause I like being watched."

Averting her eyes turned out to not be an issue, as Twilight found that she couldn't look away. She was hypnotized by Rainbow Dash's sensual rubbing motions. The perverted pegasus continued polishing her pearl while feasting on runny strawberry ice cream. She buried her head in the bucket, taking bite after bite as her entire mouth area was dripping with sticky, sweet strawberry goodness.

While this was going on, Spike was shaking up the can of whipped cream.

"This is gonna feel so good," Spike said as he stuck the whipped cream nozzle into Twilight's cunt. With a loud spraying sound, he filled up her cooch with white dessert topping. The light and fluffy whipped cream tickled Twilight's nethers. She tried to keep from laughing as soft cream clung to her vulva.

A cherry stem was sticking out of Twilight's butthole. Spike pulled the cherry out, which further stimulated her stuffed sphincter.

"Bet you didn't think I'd be the one to take your anal cherry," Spike said, bemused.

Spike ate the cherry before placing his hands on Twilight's ass. He looked forward and watched Rainbow Dash clopping inches away from Twilight's face. She made disgusting slurping sounds as the sweet taste of ice cream only served to enhance her pleasure during masturbation.

Spike stood on top of a thick book as he slid his hard dragonhood into Twilight's whipped cream-filled pussy.

"Ah yeah, now that's the stuff!" Spike said, as he shoved his Twinkie inside Twilight's Fruit Pie.

His tool tingled from the texture of the fluffy whipped cream as Twilight took him to the hilt. A gross cacophony of squelching sounds emanated from Twilight's twat as Spike humped her with increasing speed. Flecks of whipped cream were flying from the point of contact as Spike passionately pounded her purple penis purse.

In spite of her earlier objections, Twilight couldn't deny that this was starting to feel good. She was ashamed to admit it, but on some level, she enjoyed being used like this.

When he thought he was on the verge of cumming, Spike pulled out for a moment to cool down; leaving his tip inside. Spike and Twilight's crotches were covered in wet whipped cream.

While he was taking a break, Spike used Twilight's ass as his personal cherry dispenser. Each time he pulled a cherry out by the stem, another cherry would roll into place, with the stem poking out of her butt.

"Tomorrow we should try this with carrots," Spike said to Twilight, "You're always telling me I should eat more veggies."

Rainbow Dash's hoof was slick from her own lube as she mashed her mare mound.

"This feels so awesome!" Rainbow Dash said in between bites of ice cream.

"Please stop," Twilight said, "I've got to stand still to change the future. Just leave me alone."

"Aw, c'mon, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, "I thought you wanted to prevent the disaster."

"How is masturbating in front of me supposed to stop the disaster?" Twilight asked through clenched teeth.

"Think about it," Rainbow Dash said, "When you saw future Twilight, was her face covered in my jizz?"

"No," Twilight said, hesitantly.

"So if I squirt on you and you don't wash it off," Rainbow Dash said, "then the disaster can't possibly happen!"

"But that's disgusting!" Twilight said. She winced as Spike pulled an especially large cherry from her butt.

"Nopony said saving Equestria would be easy," Rainbow Dash said, "You don't see Spike and me complaining, do you?"

"No," Twilight said defeatedly.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her blue nub harder while making the most adorable coos and squeaks. She had what looked like a pink beard made of runny strawberry ice cream. Twilight couldn't help but watch as her friend was pushed over the orgasmic edge.

"I think I'm cumming!" Rainbow Dash said, "Gotta' juice!"

Twilight resisted the urge to turn her head and stood perfectly still as Rainbow Dash squirted her climax on Twilight. Clear clit spit erupted from her blue pussy, spraying Twilight's face and mane. Rainbow Dash's whole body shuddered as she rode out her orgasm. Her spent blue body slumped to the ground in order to better enjoy her afterglow.

Being jizzed on by Rainbow Dash startled Twilight so much that she involuntarily clenched her butt muscles, crushing the soft cherries inside her into red mush. Crimson juice dribbled out of Twilight's ass, looking like blood.

Spike pulled his dick out completely and took a step back to examine Twilight. Whipped cream was smeared all over her vagina. Spike looked down and saw the same cream coating his cock and covering his crotch.

Red cherry juice was leaking from Twilight's ass as she stood there while Rainbow Dash's jizz dripped off her face and onto the ground. The combination of the fluffy white whipped cream, topped with red cherry juice made Twilight's backside look like Jolly Old Saint Clitoris.

Overcome with Hearth's Warming Eve spirit, Spike mounted Twilight. He filled her hotdog hotel while singing his own version of a beloved Hearth's Warming Eve hymn.

"Jolly Old Saint Clitoris,
Rub my throbbing choad!
Don't you spill a single sperm
when I blow my load:
My dick will be coming soon;
Sheltered from this storm.
On this cold Hearth's Warming Eve;
You have kept me warm.

When my cock is pounding fast,
When I'm delving deep,
Big Mac's penis, broad and black,
down your throat will creep
All the stallions you will find
Standing in a row
Watch us as we spit roast you,
while their members grow

Braeburn wants to deep throat you,
Caramel wants a lick
Pokey wants to take your ass,
with his pulsing prick!
As for little dragon me
I won't ask for much.
Make me cum, dear Clitoris,
with your magic touch." Spike said.

Spike felt his orgasm swiftly approaching, so he pulled out in order to delay the game.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash," Spike said, "Bring that melty ice cream over here. I want to try something."

Rainbow obeyed and held the container next to Spike. He looked inside and saw that the container was empty.

"You flying pig!" Spike said annoyed, "I was going to use that melty ice cream as lube so I could fist Twilight's ass. Now what am I supposed to do?"

Rainbow Dash was looking a little ill.

"Sorry, Spike," Rainbow Dash said, her face turning green, "If you need your hand slicked up, I could suck your fingers, or..." Her offer was interrupted as her whole body twitched. Rainbow Dash then proceeded to spray projectile vomit onto the library floor. Twilight winced as she listend to her friend throw up, but she still refused to move from her spot.

Milky vomit flowed from Rainbow Dash's mouth as Spike ran his arm through the stream. When she was done vomiting, Rainbow Dash sat there shaking. A ring of vomit hung around her lips as she drooled onto her chest.

Spike held up his right hand, which was dripping with Rainbow Dash's ice cream vomit. Using his left hand, Spike spread Twilight's ass cheeks.

He could see her butt oozing red juice as the mushy cherries that filled her rectum started leaking out. Spike took his ice cream-covered hand and inserted a finger inside. Then another. Then another. Eventually, he had stretched Twilight's shitter wide enough to fit his entire scaly hand inside. Spike grabbed a clawful of cherry mush from within Twilight's rear and began fisting her mercilessly. The slick vomit reduced some of the sting, but it was still the most painful thing Twilight had ever experienced.

"Bad dragon!" Twilight screamed, as she shook her head, "Bad dragon! Bad dragon!" While not her most eloquent response, it got her point across. Not that it mattered. Spike knew that she wasn't going to do anything to stop him.

"That's right," Spike said, "I'm a very bad dragon." Twilight screamed as Spike pulled his fist out of her ass. In Spike's scaly grip he held a handful of cherry mush. Twilight cried pitiably as her distended rectum protruded out of her anus. Spike looked at her ruined rear end and chuckled.

"Your ass is going to be sore in the morning," Spike said, smirking, "Don't worry though, that's Future Twilight's problem."

After vomiting up her stomach contents, Rainbow Dash was hungry again. She had been watching the fisting happen in silent awe and was now interested in sampling the anally crushed cherries.

"Twilight's cherry mush," Rainbow Dash whispered hopefully, "Give it to me, please!"

Spike smiled as he smeared the red paste all over his cock.

"You want it?" Spike said as he pointed to his dick, "Come and get it."

Without a moment's hesitation, Rainbow Dash rushed forward and began sucking all the cherry mush off Spike's cock. The pleasures of food and sex were interchangeable to her now. Rainbow Dash's sticky blue face was stained red as she slathered his dragonhood with saliva. Spike moaned in delight as Rainbow Dash fellated him like a pro.

"It's so good," Rainbow Dash moaned, "So warm and delicious."

Spike could feel his orgasm swelling from Rainbow Dash's ministrations. His pleasure was nearing its peak and he had no intention of stopping it this time. He smiled as he stared at the several inches of intestinal tract which were hanging out of Twilight's ass. He knew that's where he wanted to blow his load.

Rainbow Dash licked her lips as she swallowed the last of the cherry mush. Spike knew he was about to cum and ran over to Twilight, who was still standing there due to sheer force of will and stubbornness.

Spike used one hand to hold up Twilight's distended rectum and used his other hand to guide his throbbing dick inside. With one hard thrust, Spike pushed Twilight's butt back inside her and came within her bowels. Load after load of hot dragon spunk flooded her bleeding asshole.

The sensation of being filled with her assistant's jizz caused Twilight to turn her head around to look at him. The pleasure from Spike's climax was too much for him to control. He let out a big belch that blasted Twilight square in the face with fire.

The heat evaporated all of Rainbow Dash's cum off Twilight's face. It also singed her mane into a really weird style. Spike pulled out and flopped onto the floor. His cock was still twitching as it shrunk back into its protective pouch.

Twilight ran to a mirror to examine her face. As she ran, cum fell out of her gaping asshole and splattered onto the library floor.

"Oh, no!" Twilight said,"This is the same mane cut as Future Twilight. It's another sign that the future hasn't changed."

"Well, I guess you just can't change the future," Spike said, while basking in his afterglow, "So you might as well accept it."

Twilight looked back at Spike and Rainbow Dash, who were taking turns filling their mouths with whipped cream while lazily playing with their private parts.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, "You should try and enjoy yourself, like us."

Twilight's stern face formed into a sly smile.

"You're right," she said, "You two have shown me how much fun food sex can be."

Spike and Rainbow Dash smiled proudly, until Twilight used her magic to hold them suspended above her in the air.

"What's the big idea?" Rainbow Dash said, "Can't you take a joke? All we wanted was a little fun."

"I know," Twilight said, "And it looked like so much fun, too. I thought you two might like to know how it feels to be raped when you're immobilized."

Twilight tied Spike and Rainbow Dash with ropes so that they were suspended from the ceiling. She then levitated two large cucumbers out of the kitchen and had them hovering in front of Rainbow Dash and Spike.

They both gave an uneasy gulp.

"There's no way that thing will fit inside me," Spike said.

"Please tell me you're at least going to use lube," Rainbow Dash said.

"Of course," Twilight replied. She then revealed a bottle of hot sauce, which she proceeded to pour liberally onto the cucumbers.

"There. Nice and slick," Twilight said.

"How... how long do you plan to keep us here?" Rainbow Dash asked, horrified.

"Oh, just 'til next Tuesday," Twilight said, "If I bugger you from now until then, the disaster can't possibly happen."

Rainbow Dash let out a weak whimper and struggled futilely against her restraints.

"There there, Rainbow," Twilight said, "Nopony said saving Equestria would be easy."

Spike started moaning and groaning.

"What's the matter, Spike?" Twilight asked, patronizingly, "scared to lose your anal cherry?"

"It's not that," Spike said, "I've just gotten a terrible stomachache."

Rainbow Dash forgot all about her impending anal rape and burst out laughing.

"Told you so," Twilight said, "Now, prepare your anus."