As I'm sure you know, the meaning of life revolves around one's abdominal muscles. The only reason Celestia put ponies on the beautiful planet known as Equus, was so she could watch from afar as her subject's six packs glistened in the sunlight. But, something was troubling Celestia. Using her eagle eyes, she zoomed in her vision on Ponyville.
She scanned the landscape, basking in the glow of people's abs. Rainbow Dash was particularly well-toned this morning, and Applejack was glistening with sweat from her farm work. Of course, on any normal occasion the combined abdominal power of those two mares would be able to satiate her stomach lust, but today was different.
Today she would be examining her prized student. She had sent Twilight to Ponyville because that place had an amazing exercise program(while making up some crap about friendship). Celestia peered through Twilight's window, Celestia was hopeful, but also cautious. Twilight was not akin to exercise on basic principle alone, and her being a unicorn didn't help much either. Unicorns had it easier already, but Twilight was so stocked with raw power that she could solve almost any problem with magic, meaning she rarely had to work her body.
Celestia took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, and looked at her student. She gagged at the sight of her student. Twilight didn't have abs, she wasn't fat, so there was still hope, but she was so very plain. It was a disgusting sight to behold, so much so that Celestia had to look away, lest she projectile vomit all over the floor. This was urgent, she just had to get Twilight into shape, so she turned to the only pony who could help.
"Luna, I need your help," Caelestia said with great urgency in her voice.
"How's it hanging dude?" replied Luna.
"Twilight is- wait what?"
"I'm trying to fit in, so I'm adopting the new lingo," replied Luna,"bro," she added.
"Whatever man, I really just need your help right now."
"What's up sis?"
"It's about Twilight, she doesn't have abs!"
"Surely thou jest!" Exclaimed Luna, momentarily rupturing her hip facade,"uhh dude," she quickly added.
"No, I'm not kidding, I need her to be in shape Luna, she's my student for the love of me!"
"What do you want me to do about it?"
"Luna, out of the two of us, while I am far more powerful, you're adeptitude at hypnotism is leagues above my own."
"Adeptitude isn't a word sis, ermm bro."
"Bitch I'm god, I can make new words whenever I want."
"Fine, I'm assuming you want me to hypnotize Twilight into exercising."
"What? No! Just make Rainbow Dash tell her she's fat or something."
"That's a little mean don't you think?"
Celestia slammed her hoof onto the floor, activating her own Canterlot voice.
"DO NOT QUESTION YOUR BIG SISTER!"
"Fine, whatever homie," said Luna as she walked away.
"And stop talking like that!"
"Y.O.L.O"
Celestia had to do a double take. The word Y.O.L.O. had been outlawed four years ago. Celestia walked up to a royal guard.
"I'll give you a hundred bits if you assassinate my sister."
"Deal," said the guard.
Rainbow Dash was meandering around Ponyville Park, waiting for Twilight Sparkle. They had scheduled a play date, in which they would L.A.R.P. their favorite Daring Do novel, and she was running very late. Dash was about to go nap on a cloud when she saw a certain lavender unicorn charging towards her. She was dressed as Auquizotyl, and was dragging Spike behind her for the dragon scene.
"Sorry I'm late Rainbow Dash, I had to practically drag Spoke here."
"You did drag me here!" screamed an irate Spike.
"So when can we start?"
Rainbow Dash was about to reply when she noticed something. Twilight didn't have a six pack.
"You don't have a six pack Twilight."
"Thanks captain obvious."
"You don't seem to understand, six packs are everything! I can't be seen with you."
"Dash-"
"Get out of here you fat, out of shape loser!"
Rainbow Dash covered her mouth, she didn't know why she said it, it just kind of happened.
Twilight started to tear up. She opened her mouth to speak but instead she started bawling. Turning and running back home, Twilight dragged Spike on the ground behind her, effectively grinding the scales on top of his head into dust. Upon arrival into her home she ran into her room and cried into her pillow.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned something. I LEARNED THAT RAINBOW DASH IS A BIG JERK!!! SHE CALLED ME FAT, IM NOT FAT! I'm never going to talk to her ever again.
You know what? I'm not going to let her do that to me. I'm going to show her up, I'll get the greatest abs in all of Equestria. And I know just how to do it. Spike! What are you doing? You were supposed to have a comma! You can't start a sentence with "and". No don't keep writing! Oh god, just start over.
Dear Prince- no, not on the same page! You know what? Just send it.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
Celestia facehoofed and turned to her sister.
"You did a great job hypnotizing Rainbow Dash, dear sister," said Celestia.
"But I haven't even done that yet."
