Wie Ein Floh

Chapter 2:  On the Lam

Kurt slowly approached the gray horse, though it’s size was closer to that of a pony, and it had wings as well.  He unclipped his holster revealing the grip of a Walther P38, just in case.  Alright, it was mostly just because he always wanted to intimidate someone by doing that, but the pegasus seemed oblivious to the weapon.

“Schönes Pferd, laufen nicht weg...” He cooed gently.  The Pony raised an eyebrow at his words.

“Wow, are you a space alien?” She blurted out.  Kurt stopped and looked at his outfit.  His outfit was odd even for humans.  The gray suit consisted of seven pieces.  His boots, gloves, and helmet were all made of a soft PVC known as Mipolan designed to keep the pilot safe in the event of a T-stoff leak.  His flight suit was made from the same material, and covered him from ankles to neck.  The only thing not made of Mipolan was a yellow armband used to distinguish him as a Luftwaffe pilot. He also had some goggles over his fa-

Then he realized the pony had spoken to him.

“You-you speak English?” He asked.  Like every single pilot in the world, he knew English.  Odds were, this encounter wasn’t why, but those English lessons did manage to pay off regardless.

“You mean Equestrian?  Yeah, everyone speaks it here!”  Kurt grunted Close enough.  His military instincts began to kick in; he had landed a highly advanced aircraft in God knows where and wasn’t sure if the local military was friendly.

“Is there any chance I could go inside?  I think everyone saw my plane go down and this place will be swarming with others.” “That’s right, everypony’s gonna want to see a space alien!  Sure, you can come inside.” She turned and led him through the doorway.

“I’m not a space alien, I’m a human.” The pilot said.  The mare turned around cocked her head, as if trying to process what he said.

“A human?" She paused, "Oh, I know what you mean!  I know a pony who knows all about them.  Well, I think she does, she talks about them a lot.”

Gut, there are humans here… Kurt thought.  The two ended up in the kitchen.

“Can I get you a muffin or something?  Humans eat muffins, right?”  Considering the crappy rations he had eaten in the previous months, he jumped at the chance for decent food.

“Absolutely!”  She opened up a cupboard. “What kind?  I got blueberry, poppy seed, chocolate, chocolate chip…” “It doesn’t matter.” Kurt replied.  He just wanted decent food.   The Pegasus handed him a blueberry muffin.

“Danke, Miss…er…” He realized he had managed to go this long without knowing her name.  He briefly wondered what kind of name a pony could have.  “I’m Ditzy Doo, but a lot of ponies call me Derpy.”  It wasn’t what he was expected, more akin to American race horses than any horse he knew in Germany.  Granted, he didn’t know many horses, but still.

“Danke, Miss Doo.”  As he began to enjoy the muffin, Ditzy began to speak.  “So…What’s your name?”  Kurt’s eye’s bulged, realizing that he wasn’t being that great of a guest.  After all, he already crashed a plane into his host’s yard.

“Entschuldigung.  My name is Kurt Paulus.”  He took a bite out of the muffin.  It was possibly the best thing he had ever tasted since he joined Jagdgeswader 400.  As he enjoyed his muffin, Ditzy struck up a conversation.  “So, what were you doing?”

“Huh?” He asked, his mouth full of chewed-up muffin.  “Like, how’d you get here?”  Kurt swallowed the muffin.

“I don’t know.  I was supposed to intercept some bombers when my plane flipped.  I blacked out for a moment, next thing I knew I was here.”  “What’s a bomber?” she asked.  It nice when the creature from another world asks an easy question.

“Well, a bomber is like what I came here in, but bigger and built to drop bombs.”  "Oh, that makes sense!  Bombers drop bombs.”  Said Ditzy.  Kurt had to admit, she wasn’t the brightest thing he met, but it did make her rather adorable.  And there was something freakin’ mesmerizing about her eyes.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘intercept’ them?”  Well, he knew this part would come up eventually.

“…Well…My country was at war.  Those bombers were going to attack us.  My job was to stop them.”

“Oh, did you get them?”  She asked.  “I ended up here before I even saw them” He replied.  “Oh yeah.  So, were you winning the war?”  She seemed to take the idea of war pretty well, surprisingly.

“…Not exactly.”  “Oh…” Her mood seemed to drop like a brick.  Kurt decided it was best to change the subject.

“What do you do?  You seem to have a nice house.”  Her mood instantly improved.

“I’m the town’s mail-mare!”  She declared proudly.  “Really?  for the whole town?”

“Well, sometimes I get some help,” she admitted, “But I do most of the work!  I know where everyone lives.  I always deliver on time…No matter what anypony says…”  He felt he may have hit some nerve at that point.  But before anything else could happen, biology interjected.

“Uh, Ditzy?” She snapped out of her stupor, “Huh?” “Do you have a bathroom I could use?”  “Oh, yeah, up the stairs on the left.”

By all means, Kurt was not expecting for a fully furnished bathroom complete with a working toilet.  He momentarily wondered how ponies used toilet paper before he splashed some water on his face.

Keep it together!He thought, I need to find a way home before I lose my mind!  Believe it or not, going from a world torn apart by war (And being on the losing side) to a pony-filled technicolor paradise was a bit stressful.  There came a knock at the door.

“Royal Guard!  Open up!” Came a voice.

“Scheiße!” cursed Kurt as Ditzy obliviously answered the door.  He could hear some of the guards come inside.

“Hello ma’am.”  He said.  “Heya!” she replied.  The pilot facepalmed.  As long as she kept quiet about him, he should be safe.

“Are you aware of a metal craft that crashed in your yard?” He gets right to the point, Noted Kurt.

“Yep.  I saw it crash!”  “Was there any,” He paused, ”You know, aliens on board?”  The moment of truth!

“Nope, no aliens here.”

“Yes!” Kurt silently cheered.

“But there was a human!  He’s upstairs in the bathroom.” Ditzy declared happily

“Oh, Ficken…”  “Guards! Upstairs, now!  We have our alien!”  The lead guard bellowed.  Kurt burst from the bathroom, searching for any way out of the house.  He briefly caught sight of the lead guard.  He was a somewhat large white stallion with a two-tone blue mane under his helmet and a horn on his head. “Unicorns, too?” Kurt dashed down the hallway before reaching a window.

“Halt, alien!” Yelled the guard.  Naturally Kurt didn’t listen.  No one ever does.  He smashed the window at the end of the hallway and blindly jumped through it.  Now, he flew for a living, but that was with the aid of a plane.  He ungracefully tumbled out of the window and hit the ground with a dull thud.  His landing sprained his ankle, but he scrambled to his feet.  A few guards who had been inspecting Kurt’s Komet turned in shock at the human.

“After it!” The lead guard called from the window before vanishing in a flash.  He suddenly appeared in the yard only a few feet away from the pilot.  Kurt pulled out his Walther and tried to fire off a few shots.  None of them hit anything, but it distracted the guards long enough to let Kurt escape into the nearby forest.

“Sir, should we pursue him?” One guard asked.  “No.  That’s the Everfree forest.  He won’t last an hour in there.”

The hapless pilot watched from a bush as two guards lead Ditzy into a carriage.  The Pegasus seemed oblivious to the fact that she was going to be questioned regarding Kurt.  He made a note to try and bust her out, if he had the chance.

And that was a big “if”.

For now, he just needed to last the night in a forest before he could try sneaking into town and try to find out a way home.

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