The Princess and the Screwball
Luna sat at the end of the very long dining table, picking at her breakfast, no appetite.
"Luna what's wrong, I thought you loved stuffed eggplant?" said Princess Celestia from the opposite end, looking at her little sister with concern.
"I am not hungry," Luna replied sullenly.
"…What are your plans for today?" Celestia asked after a moment.
"We have no plans, as normal," Luna said, stuffing some eggplant in her mouth.
"Well, since you don't have any plans, I was thinking maybe you'd like to go with me to the-?" Celestia started, but was cut off.
"You thought wrong, dear sister. We would rather have our wings torn off, than go to another 'event' with those, those…Pretentious party ponies, who only care about being seen with thee," Luna said.
She had been drug to a countless number of 'events' by her sister as a way for her to 'socialize' and 'make friends', and she was sick of it. The 'events' were always boring and tedious, and no pony was ever interested in her, they were only interested her sister.
"Oh Luna please, I'll be bored to tears without you there," Celestia said, but her sister did not waver.
Celestia got up, walked down the table to her little sister, and sat next to her like an obedient dog.
“What does thou want?" Luna said, propping her head up with her right hoof, not looking at her sister.
"I love you, Luna," Celestia said pouting, Luna did not respond.
"Did you hear me?" Celestia said getting closer to her little sister, who she could tell was trying her hardest not to cave.
Luna did not respond.
"I said 'I wuve you Luna'," Celestia said, nuzzling her face to her little sister's, who tried to squirm away, but was pulled into a gripping hug by a determined Celestia.
"Unhand me troll!" Luna yelled, trying to push away her annoying big sister, but it was no use.
"But I wuve you so much, Wuna," Celestia said in a baby voice, as she cuddled and nuzzled her agitated little sister, who soon began to cave.
"Alright, alright. We shall go to another 'event' with thee…but we shant like it," Luna said, as she wiggled out of her sister’s grip, and stalked off.
"Works every time," Celestia chuckled to herself.
Luna didn't know why she was here, or why any of this mattered.The 'event' goers didn't talk about anything of importance. All they talked about was other 'events' they'd gone to, 'events' to come, and say nonsense words like 'good show' and 'indubitably' at odd intervals of the conversation. It was a waste of time, and Luna had wasted to much time already.
"What's wrong now, Luna?" Celestia said to her obviously discontented sister, who said nothing.
"Come on, get up, and lets go mingle," Celestia said, ignoring her little sisters groans of displeasure, as she lead her down into to the party.
"I do say, the roses look quite lovely this year," said an older unicorn stallion, whom Luna knew as North Pole, as the sisters approached the little group he was with, unnoticed.
"Good show, but I do say, what is that odd flower right there?" said a young mare earth pony, pointing to a bluish flower bud, that hadn't opened.
"It's a moon lotus, it only opens by the light of a full moon, and they are said to be good luck and great in tea," piped up Luna, who knew much about the plant and many others, for it had been a passion of hers as a filly.
The little group of party ponies turned to see her, and just as soon as they saw her, they saw Celestia and forgot all about Luna. They showered Celestia with questions and compliments, as if she was the one who answered the question. As always Celestia was charming and patient, she tried to give every pony her undivided attention. Soon Luna was forgot and shoved out of the conversation…literally. When the other party ponies became aware of her presence, they all gathered around to hear what Celestia had to say and ask their own unimportant questions. So many came, that there was no room for poor Luna, who stalked off, tired of being ignored.
Luna found herself in the labyrinth, the tricky twist and turns were very familiar to her, but were sure to get her mind off another disastrous 'event'. She knew it would happen, it always did. Ponies would see her, then see Celestia and forget all about her, and it hadn't just been since now, but since they were fillies. At least back then Luna had her own friends that liked her just as much as Celestia, if not more, and they like her for who she was, and not her title. All those friends were long gone now, and she had to start all over again.
She'd found friendship in Twilight Sparkle and her friends, but they live so far, and she couldn't just go gallivanting off to visit them every time she felt lonely, which was very often. The Canterlot ponies were to stuck up and annoying, and she couldn't trust them, and Celestia was so busy until she wouldn't see her for days, and when she did, she'd drag her to stupid 'events'. The whole thing exasperated Luna down to her core, she became so distraught, that she kicked a nearby rock out of pure frustration. The rock went sailing in the air, and lacked with a loud cracking sound.
"That did not sound good," Luna said to herself as she flew over to where the rock had landed.
Luna stood face to face with her once enemy, the Draconequus Discord, who was incased in stone, and curiously missing a horn. Luna looked down to find the rock and horn on the ground.
"Oh no! Celestia willist wring my neck for this!" Luna said, as she scrabbled to fix the statue, before it’s too late.
She recalled a spell for fixing cracks that just did the trick.
"There, good as newith," Luna said, turning to leave, when she ran dead into a very curious looking ponies.
"Aaah!" Luna yelled startled, jumping back, as she was eyed by the strange pony.
"That's some shoty repair work you got there, boss," the strange mare said as she floated over to examine the damage, which made her even stranger since she wasn't a Pegasus.She seemed to be propelled by her beanie, her hair flowing like purple and white smoke, as she moved.
"Beg pardon?" Luna said, mystified and stunned by the strange mare with the hypnotizing purple eyes.
"This horn will fall off if a strong wind comes through, and on top off that, it’s on wrong it should go more like this," with that, the stranger-by-the-minute mare, worked some strange magic to right the horn, and bond it strongly.
"Curiouser and curiouser, I had no idea earth ponies could possess such magic," Luna said to herself, but was heard by the magic earth mare.
"Who the screw said anything about an 'earth pony', I'm Screwball, and nothing else!" Screwball declared with pride.
"And furthermore, who are you?" Screwball said, floating up to the Princess's face, her smoky mane tickling Luna's chin.
"I am Princess Luna," Luna said simply.
"Luna, luuuuuuna, loooona, Lalalaluna…," Screwball said, trying to get the name comfortable on her tongue.
"Yep, that's my name don't wear it out," Luna said, she'd heard some of her sister's students say it, and the joke tore Screwball to pieces.
"Ahahahaha, d-don't wear- Ahahahaha, oh man…that was good, your something else, you know that?" Screwball said, putting a hoof on the delighted Princess's shoulder, trying to catch her breath from laughing.
"I am glad you enjoyed the joke, I have more if you'd like to hear them," Luna said eagerly, glad to have someone’s undivided attention.
"I'm all ears," Screwball said, propping her head up with her hooves, while floating.
Half an hour of bad jokes later…
"Ahahaha, y-your killin' me, Lulu, Ahahahaha…I don't know if I can take any more," Screwball said, wiping away tears at that last joke.
"I have one more," Luna said, she'd saved the best for last.
"Alright, shoot," Screwball said, lips quivering from laughter.
"Why was six, afraid of seven?" Luna asked.
"I don't know, why?" Screwball said, as if such a thought never occurred to her.
"Because…" Luna paused for dramatic effect "seven, eight, nine."
Screwball paused for a second to think about the joke, she was soon hysterical.
"AHAHHAHA, OHOHO HAHAHA, that is so-HAHAHA," Screwball said, beating her hooves on the ground, laughing uncontrollably.
It took her a good while to speak again.
"Man Luna, I don't know where you get this stuff…I sure am glad I met you," Screwball said, wiping away some more tears.
"And I you, dear Screwball," said a very happy Luna.
"Luna, Luna, are you there Luna?" Celestia called from not to far away, as Luna's face fell.
As soon as she saw her, Screwball would forget all about Luna and her jokes, just like every other pony did.
"Who was that?" said Screwball.
"My sister…would thoust like to meet her?" Luna said reluctantly, bracing herself for the inevitable.
"Nah, maybe some other time, I gotta get going," Screwball said floating away backwards.
"Oh alright…when can I see you again?" Luna said, as she watched her friend flow with the breeze like a balloon.
"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day, I'll be back," Screwball said, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Luna expected as much,strange meeting strange good bye, she guessed , as she looked after the place her new found friend was.
"What a strange mare she be," Luna said to herself in wonder.
"Luna, Lun-Oh, there you are, where have you been? Are you alright?" said a concerned Celestia, who found Luna.
"Oh I'm fine sister, don't fret," Luna said rushing over to her sister, and the two made their way out of the labyrinth.
Sorry this took so long, please enjoy...
It had been three weeks since that fateful encounter with the mysterious mare Screwball, and Luna had just about given up on her return. Every day for the past three weeks, Luna would go to Discords statue, at around the same time, and wait for hours. She’d even call to her, tell her favorite jokes out loud, hoping that’d she’d come out…but Luna had no such luck.
Luna came in from another night of waiting, to find Celestia waiting for her. Luna knew what was coming, but it was too late. Celestia had seen her, and if she tried to run, she’d only be caught,
“Hello dear sister, what are you doing up so late? You’re not to raise the sun for at least another hour,” Luna said nonchalantly.
“Luna, I’m worried about you,” Celestia said, eyes filled with concern.
“Aren’t you always, sister?” Luna said, rolling her eyes like a petulant teenager, walking away.
“What’s wrong, Luna? You go out to the labyrinth by discords statue every day, and you come back even more depressed, what’s going on? Is someone hurting you” Celestia started, but was cut off.
“The only person hurting me is you with your constant questions! Leave me alone and let me live my life!” Luna said, like a bratty teenager, as she ran away, to some deep depth of the castle.
“Oh Luna, I only want to help,” Celestia said to herself, tears welling as she watched her sister go.
In the deep depths of the castle…
Luna walked down the barely used hall. It had many mirrors and paintings on its blood red walls. Luna didn’t remember this hall, but the paintings were all too familiar. They were portraits of the royal family. There was one of her and Celestia, that was fairly recent, and another of her mother and father. At the end of the hall, she noticed a new painting...of a pony she'd swear she’d never seen before, but looked familiar all the same. Luna inspected the painting carefully, as she look for the name, and found a small golden plaque that read “If you are reading this, you are officially screwed”
“Odd,” Luna said simply, turning to leave, unbeknownst to her that she was being watched by someone other than her sister.
In Luna’s room…
“Luna, Luuuna…come and play Luuuna,” said voices from the mist.
“W-who go there?” Luna said to the mist.
“Why Luna, you don’t remember us?” the voices said, as the mist lifted, revealing their identity.
It was an assortment of her old friends.
“Star Swirl, Dark heart, Bane and Mystic…where have you all been!” Luna said with glee.
“We’ve been here, waiting for you,” Dark Heart said, his head down sadly.
“We’ve been waiting…for an eternity, it seems,” Bane, the ever dramatic unicorn mare, said.
“Now stop it you two, you’re making her feel bad, and besides…it hasn’t been that bad,” Mystic said, as he was always ready to defend ‘his’ Princess’s honor.
“You only defend her, because she is thou heart’s desire!” The jealous Dark heart said, his need for Mystic’s love never to be met.
“All of you, be quiet…I’m sure Luna has a good reason for being gone and we can discuss it later, but all that matters now is that she back,” the reasonable Star Swirl said.
“Yes, we are back…and we are ready to make up for all the lost time,” Luna said sincerely.
“Come to us Luna, and let’s play like we use to,” Mystic said in a wispy voice, the mist coming back and beginning to turn purple.
“Wait, don’t go!” Luna yelled, running into the mist.
“Follow my voice Luna, and we’ll play again,” Mystic said, his voice very distant.
“Mystic, Mystic please come back…don’t leave me alone again,” Luna said, as she kept running.
Luna ran faster and father, until a blinding white light appeared in front of her and the ground began to shake, and suddenly she was falling, too scared to flap her wings.
“Aaaah!” Luna screamed, waking up from her nightmare.
“Oh, ha...it twas only a dream,” Luna said relieve, but sad.
She had been having dreams like that since she got back...and found all her friends gone. Luna was use to them, but it didn’t stop the hurt she felt each time.
Luna tried to shake it off and get back to sleep. She snuggled as deep into the covers as she could and just when she felt comfortable...
“Hiya Moon pie, are you ready for action!” said an excited Screwball, hovering over Luna.
“Aaahiy!” Luna squealed, jumping out of her bed with a thud.
“Oweth, my head,” Luna said from the floor, as Screwball looked down on her.
Now what did you go doing that for, Lu?” Screwball said, meeting her on the floor.
“Oh I don’t know, the floor just seemed more comfy,” Luna said sarcastically.
“Ha-ha, your a riot Luna, now lets go!” Screwball said, sarcasm being a thing she did not understand.
“Why should I go any where with thou,” Luna said huffily, as she climbed back in bed.
“Because your my best friend Luna,” Screwball said innocently.
“Really?” Luna said, touched.
“Of course!” Screwball confirmed.
“...Then why did thou take so long to come back!” Luna said pouting.
“Have you ever heard of the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow founder’, the longer I was gone, the more you’d miss me!” Screwball said, with a big smile.
“That’s sick manipulation,” Luna said accusingly.
“C’est la vie,” Screwball said in fancy.
“I can’t go with you anyway, Celestia would never let me out so late at night,” Luna said sadly.
“Hold it! You make the night! When you make a cake, you get to eat it, too, Lu!” Screwball said outraged.
“Well you do have a point...but I still can’t, Celestia’s up and she’d stop us,” Luna said.
“Pssh-aw, getting past her will be easy, just follow my lead,” Screwball said.
“*sigh* what do I have to lose,” Luna said, climbing out of bed, and following Screwball out the door.
Some place in the castle...
Screwball and Luna tip-toed down the hall quietly, looking from left to right for signs of Celestia.
“Hey wait, I hear something!” Screwball whispered urgently, stopping Luna.
Celestia sat by the fire place in a small drawing room down the hall, reading a letter from Twilight Sparkle and friends.
“Hmm, so much for going out,” Luna said, disappointed.
“Hey, do give up so easy...I have a plan, let me get on your back!” Screwball said shiftily.
Luna looked at her puzzled, but knelt down without question, as the strange mare hadn’t lead her wrong yet.
“What now?” Luna said.
“Giddy up!” Screwball commanded.
Luna walked downed the hall way as Screwball clutched her back, both scared of Celestia’s reaction. As they came closer and closer, Luna began to feel light...almost transparent. They came to the edge of the doorway and Luna stopped.
“Hey, whats wrong chief?”Screwball said, puzzled.
“She’s going to see us,” Luna said, frightful.
“Trust me, she won’t!” Screwball said reassuringly.
“*Sigh* here goes nothing,” Luna said as she passed the threshold slowly.
“...W-we did, Celestia didn’t see us! How is that possible,” Luna said stupefied.
“Look in the mirror, you can’t see us either,” Screwball said.
Luna walked over to the hall way mirror to look at herself, only to find that she was gone!
“Wow!” Luna said, as she reappeared.
“Pretty neat, huh? Now lets go before she catches us,” Screwball whispered, and they set off.
