And That's Terrible

by InsertAuthorHere

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Other, Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 21158

Lex Luthor steals forty cakes from Celestia. That's as many as four tens.

The nefarious supervillain Lex Luthor has escaped to Equestria, and has even found a way to combine Kryptonite and magic to build the ultimate Superman-killing weapon. Before Superman can arrive to meet his maker, however, he realizes he hasn't had anything to eat in a while. And those cakes look awfully delicious...

Little does he know that Equestria has its own solar-powered protector, and she doesn't like it when you steal her dessert...

Published 2012-11-21 13:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-19 02:39:10 UTC

The Start of the Madness

Princess Celestia smiled as she looked over the various tables and wares laid out before her. Every corner of the Canterlot Castle Courtyard was filled with all sorts of delicious and not-so-nutritious wares, from eclairs and doughnuts to cakes and pies. Ponies from all walks of life licked their chops as they eyed the sugary delights sitting before them, just waiting to be devoured in one swift gulp. And with the judging almost complete, she too would have a chance as well.

There was no denying how much Celestia loved cake. Ever since a pony had stumbled across the first cake recipe over a thousand years prior, she had been infatuated with the pastry above any other kind of sweet. Sure, Luna had her candies, and those were fine in a pinch, but cake had been there every time she needed it. When she needed a treat after a stressful negotiation, a sponge cake was the answer. Bad court? A tiramisu. Realizing how long her sister had been missing?

...Okay, cake wasn't helpful there, but a bit of rum cake eased things just a little. In any case, this year's National Dessert Competition was progressing without a hitch, and before long she, too, would be indulging her sweet tooth. She had been looking forward to this event all year, and had even skipped breakfast and lunch just to make sure she had room for all these snacks. At least nothing could possibly go wrong...

Meanwhile, trouble was brewing at the Foal Mountains. From a distance, the peaks would have seemed to be as typical as ever, save for the occasional camper or adventurous climber. In reality, however, a far greater threat than anything Equestria had ever faced lay within. For behind an illusionary boulder at the base of the mountains lay the most advanced laboratory this world – nay, this dimension – had ever seen. The steel-lined complex hummed with the sound of massive power generators, all of which was dedicated towards the twisted schemes of their nefarious master.

On the far side of the chamber, the man who had built this testament to evil was putting on the finishing touches of his latest plot. Every inch of his body was obscured by his protective suit, just in case the materials involved decided to act up again. His gloved hands wrapped themselves around a cylindrical container, its center emitting a dull green glow. Once he was satisfied that simply walking across the room wouldn't end with him getting blown to pieces, he slowly made his way to his actual invention in the lab's center.

Hanging from the ceiling was something that looked like a crystal cannon, with several large barrels connected to its center. With the utmost of caution, the man lifted the cylinder up and inserted it into one of the empty barrels. A soft click was the only proof that the device was loaded and ready to fire. And soon, it would get that chance...

The reminder that his victory was so near was enough to make the man pull off his radiation-shielding hood, revealing the cackling face of a bald-headed human. "Perfect. Then again, who should expect any less of Lex Luthor?"

The genius unzipped the rest of his gear, revealing a perfectly-pressed business suit underneath. After straightening his tie and dusting off his sleeves, he took a large step back to admire the triumph of his genius. "When I discovered this bizarre universe, I could scarcely imagine it would inspire the Man of Steel's undoing."

The mad genius had to give an evil chuckle at the beauty of it all, even as he walked over to the massive computer console and nest of monitors in the lab's east side. "I suppose I've never been one for magic, but it has shown to have considerable effects on Superman in the past. And with this world positively boiling over with the stuff, an opportunity such as this would be a foolish thing to waste. With the Justice League preoccupied, it was a simple thing to divert funding back to that Dimensional Gateway project. How fortunate was I to discover this pristine, untouched world first. A world ruled by equids, currently at an Industrial level of progress...and almost entirely dominated by magic."

His grin widened. "Once I had this facility constructed, it was simply a matter of learning how this power worked and harness it for my own ends. And now, I have everything I need to bring that alien imposter to his knees."

With a tap of a single key, the image on the monitors changed to a massive blueprint of the crystal cannon. Beneath the picture lay a progress bar, slowly shifting from red to green, along with a timer counting down from four hours. "The magic these...ponies use seems to react to the crystals I've found. By merging these infused crystals and the Kryptonite I had stored for such an occasion, I can create a stream of power capable of assaulting the Man of Steel with both magical energy and Kryptonite radiation simultaneously. Not even he could survive both weaknesses being exploited at once!"

Luthor's fists pounded at the console in manical glee. "And when Superman is destroyed, I can focus on bringing this entire world to heel! Imagine what power like this could accomplish back on Earth! I would have access to the world's cleanest, most efficient energy source! Governments the world over will beg for just the tiniest sample of magic! And nobody will ever suspect that I enslaved another world just to acquire it!" He laughed an evil laugh. "At long last, two worlds will bow before the genius of Lex Luthor, the..."

The future tyrant's gloating session came to a screeching halt as a rumbling emerged from his midsection. Luthor sighed and reclined in his seat, frustrated over the cause of the disruption. "Wonderful. I was so obsessed with my upcoming triumph that I missed lunch." He scratched his chin in quiet contemplation. "I have about two hours before my agent delivers the message to Superman's friends at the Daily Planet, and a few more minutes after that before Lois Lane and that spineless excuse of a man, Clark Kent, delivers the note. I think I have time for a more...celebratory meal than a mere sandwich."

Luthor's fingers glided deftly over the console controls, typing in the commands to switch to his satellite feeds. A few strategically-placed devices was all it took to monitor the surrounding countryside, and after he had calmed down from his discovery that this world's sun and moon rotated around the planet (something he would have to fix), he had learned more than enough about this world to judge its inhabitants. They would be no obstacle. Indeed, this was a land ruled by creatures roughly resembling ponies, with the occasional griffon or donkey thrown into the mix.

In any case, he was on a mission. Each of the satellites zoomed in as best they could, searching for something he could take for his meal. The thought of eating the ponies themselves was out of the question; he never had a taste for horse meat. There was plenty of game and livestock, but a genius like himself had no business preparing his own meals. There was plenty of fruit, including a surprisingly large apple orchard not too far away, but all thoughts of raiding that spot died as he saw the feed from the spy sat orbiting above the massive castle nearby.

There, in what he had to assume was the capital, were a collection of various cakes, sweets, and sugary delights. The ponies gathered within were being handed all manner of medals and awards, signifying a contest of some kind. Luthor had never attended any such baking event, but he knew enough about them to understand that the treats within almost always represented the very best the cooks had to offer.

"And besides," he said to himself, "this gives me a chance to test the new armory..."

"Second prize goes to...Muddy May and her Power Pudding Popsicles!"

A dirt-brown Earth Pony whinnied in delight as a red ribbon was placed next to her table. Already, ponies were sizing up the frozen pudding-on-a-stick, judging whether or not it was worth looking into for their next meal. Celestia's eyes, of course, were on the various pastries. Not that she had anything against pudding, but...

"Sister, we must talk."

Celestia snapped back to reality at her sister's voice. Luna, Princess of the Moon and Night, stood alongside her with a worried, almost panicked expression on her face. Dessert would obviously have to wait. "What is it, Luna?"

"I found more of those flying machines," Luna whispered. Celestia's eyes flared open briefly in surprise, but her royal decorum was enough to rustle them back to normal before anypony else noticed. "We still have no idea what they are, but they appear to have some kind of telescope on the bottom end."

"Spies, perhaps?"

Luna shook her head. "We looked, but there was nopony inside. Even worse, there is no sign of any magic powering them. The panels on the side seem to have some kind of reaction with your own sun. And we still have no clues as to what happened to that strange portal our scouts discovered three weeks ago." Luna's face fell. "Sister...I think we are about to be invaded."

Celestia nodded her head. Between the two of them, they had seen Equestria through dozens of invasions, from the Griffon Kingdoms to the Crystal Empire. Somethings the victories were clear-cut, while on occasion the nation had survived by the skin of its teeth. Nevertheless, they had to be prepared for just such an event. "Tell the Captain to begin preparing our forces. Our scientists will have to hasten their studies if we are to understand just what we are being invaded with. Do we even know what species is capable of such an advanced level of technology?"

Luna shook her head. "It just feels...so alien to us. We might need Twilight Sparkle and her friends to..."

"And first place goes to...SUGAR CUBE CORNER AND THE MARZIPAN MASCARPONE MERINGUE MADNESS TAKE TWO!"

Everypony's eyes flipped over to the massive yellow cake at the far end of the contest grounds, as well as to the bakery's representatives: Pinkie Pie and her friends. A few of the participants mumbled angrily over how the Cakes had managed to enter the same cake twice over thanks to a technicality, but that would have to wait for a private conversation with Princess Celestia. Pinkie's face glowed like a light bulb as the judges stuck a blue ribbon to the table, signifying yet another glorious victory for Sugar Cube Corner.

Princess Celestia approached the winning table, her face wavering back and forth between worry over the day's events and exuberance over soon being able to bite into that tower of calories. Twilight's own eyes blew open as her mentor came nearer. "Princess Celestia! How are you?"

"I'm fine, Twilight," Celestia said softly. She turned her attention to Pinkie Pie. "Congratulations, Pinkie Pie. It seems like you have yet another wonderful entry this year."

Pinkie giggled in response, only to yelp in shock as Applejack reflexively stomped on her tail. Now that her friend was safely detained, Rarity levitated a cake server and chopped off a proper, lady-sized piece. "Would you care for a bite, Your Highness?"

Celestia grinned and licked her lips. The cake was so inviting, so luxurious. No...I have to focus on the task at hand! The dessert sat there, buttering her up with thoughts of sugary sustenance. Grr...Must get Twilight! Must use Elements of Harmony! Must...stop... The cake seemed to be pleading now, telling her it was alright to eat her. W-Well...I suppose a bite won't...

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The cake piece fell to the ground as everypony's attention turned to the far side of the courtyard. The screaming guard tumbled out of the air and crashed into a tree, followed by a dozen or so others. A few seconds later, the source of his defeat came crashing down: a massive metal monstrosity, standing about as tall as Princess Celestia and being painted green and purple. Whatever was inside was hidden behind a tinted yellow glass of some kind, but it was plainly clear from the way it handled itself that it wasn't a pony. Accompanying it were several smaller orbs, about forty in total, with long, narrow arms that ended with lobster-like claws.

Luna slammed her hooves against the ground so hard that it created a small shockwave. "EVERYPONY EVACUATE THE COURTYARD! GUARDS, TO US!" The crowd responded immediately, charging inside in a mass panic that put every other panicky evacuation in the last two months to shame. Guards from all three races heeded the call as well, closing off every possible entrance from every angle. In the end, only Celestia, Luna, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and the Royal Guard remained to confront this strange invader.

"Wh-What is that?" Fluttershy gasped from behind Rainbow Dash. The blue Pegasus was ready to charge, but Celestia's hoof held her back.

"Stranger, whoever you are, you have trespassed into Equestria and attacked my guards. I care not for what your intentions are, but we will no longer tolerate your floating spies. Leave, and I promise you we shall not pursue any undue recompense for your actions today. But if you persist in your invasion, then I shall..."

The rest of Celestia's epic speech died in her throat as she finally noticed what the orbs were doing. Each of the sphere-like monstrosities had floated over to the various dessert tables, nearly all of which were still standing even after the stampede, and grabbed a hold on the serving trays and plates underneath each of the remaining cakes. No sooner had they done this than they simply vanished, cake and all.; the process resembled a teleportation spell, but there was no flash of light or sparkly residue to mark their passing. Even the MMMM had vanished, leaving a clearly distraught Pinkie Pie to mull over how swiftly they had been defeated. They had been so focused on the tallest thing there that they hadn't even bothered to check on the rest of the invasion, and for all their training, the guards seemed too terrified to even move.

Finally, the armor took a few steps forward, with every movement being punctuated by what sounded like whirring gears. The tinted glass slid upwards into the armor's hood, revealing a glowing blue light, much like a film projector. A few seconds later, the light suddenly flashed, followed by what looked like a film projection of...some sort of bald-headed, monkey-like creature in a suit appearing before them. "Greetings, ponies. My apologies for not appearing in person, but I have other, more important matters than you to attend to."

Everypony had to tilt their heads in confusion. Nopony in all of Equestria had seen anything like this, even with magic, and the way the thing spoke and acted seemed almost real. Were it not for the fact that apes never attained any form of sentience, it would almost seem like he really was an alien. The Sun Alicorn, being the highest-ranking pony in attendance at the moment, slowly approached the curious projection. "I am Princess Celestia of Equestria. And you are...?"

"Lex Luthor, of Metropolis." The projected man straightened his tie. No doubt he was of some importance back in this..."Metropolis" or whatever it was, and thus not used to having to introduce himself.

"Very well then...Mr. Luthor, you have assaulted by guards and stolen the hard work of forty bakers. And I can assume that you're responsible for the devices we've found in the sky?"

"You mean my satellites. I was wondering what happened to those. But it doesn't matter. The truth is, 'Princess,' that within hours, I will have destroyed the greatest threat my people have ever faced. But even with his destruction, we will still have need of Equestria's resources. This was more than just a dinner run, you see."

Luna's eyes narrowed. "You were testing our defenses."

"And I must say, I haven't seen a sorrier excuse for an army in some time." The projected Luthor turned his eyes to the downed guards, who were only just now struggling back to their hooves. "Of course, this is just a sample of what I'm bringing to the table, and since you seem to be in charge here, I'm willing to make an offer. Turn over leadership of your country to my corporation, and I'll see to it that the rest of your horses are treated...reasonably well. Don't, and I might have to..."

The projector wasn't able to get another word out before Celestia presented her counteroffer. Her horn lit with the golden aura of a thousand angry suns, charging its power for several seconds before finally unleashing all its energy in a single massive ray of power. The blast fired straight through Luthor's chest and slammed into the armor itself. The sheer heat from the blast tore at the armor's surface, melting away the exterior and exposing whatever devices allowed it to move briefly before they were also reduced to slag. By the time Celestia was done, Luthor's projection had faded to static, while the thing that had brought this to her attention was little more than a pool on the dirt.

The courtyard was dead silent for several seconds prior, until Applejack spoke. "Wh-Wha' 'n tarnation was that?!"

"Is it not obvious?!" Luna snapped in response. "Equestria is being invaded by..." She rolled her eyes at the word. "Extraterrestials. Whoever this 'Lex Luthor' is, he has to be found and stopped."

Twilight and the others looked about each other and nodded in affirmation. "Come on, girls!" said Twilight. "We just need to grab the Elements of Harmony, and..."

"No, Twilight."

Everypony froze as Celestia spoke up. Her voice bore no trace of its usual warmth of cheer, but instead was filled with what amounted to a terrible rage. Her eyes never once left the pile of slag. "Luna, I want you and the others to remain here. I will deal with this Lex Luthor myself."

The entire courtyard gasped in alarm. "B-But Celestia," said Luna, "the last time you fought...with the Changeling Queen, you..."

Celestia grimaced and winced. Yes, she remembered that experience quite vividly. "That is why I must do this alone. This is the second time in a year that an enemy has managed to break into Equestria on my watch, and I will not allow this invader the chance to do so again." She turned to her sister and comrades, her eyes burning as brightly as the sun she commanded. "That is why you must all remain here. Any word now, news of this attack will spread throughout Canterlot, and our ponies will need guidance. If something should happen to me, you must look over Equestria in this hour of crisis."

Luna opened her mouth to protest, but Celestia had already vanished in a sea of sparkles and twinkles. The other ponies just watched the spot she had been standing in for several more moments before Twilight finally spoke. "D-Do you think she will be all right?"

Rainbow Dash grunted and walked up alongside Twilight, her head level and eyes narrowed. "Come on! Are you really going to follow a stupid order like that?"

"I would." Everypony turned to Luna. The one remaining Alicorn in attendance hung her head low. "I know the situation might seem extreme, but Celestia knows what she's doing. She's raised and lowered the sun for thousands of years; she knows the risk she takes every time her life is put on the line. But she will succeed, if not for herself, then for us..."

The first thing to cross Celestia's mind as she reappeared on the clouds outside Canterlot was cold, hard anger. Not only had Lex Luthor offended her with this sham attack, but he had run away with the one thing she had been looking forward to all day:

The cakes.

Her guards would recover; she had seen them take worse blows from training exercises. Luna was a capable pony, and she would be able to handle any crisis or upheaval this sudden confirmation of alien life would create. But Luthor had done far worse than just endanger her ponies. He had used her attempts at parlay to steal her desserts. Many had tried similar tasks, from assassins and thieves to even Luna on occasion, and all suffered the same defeat.

Luthor would be no different.

The suit's microphone spurted one last time, and then went to static. Luthor's visual feed had been lost since the armor had begun to melt, but he had at least been able to hear everything that had been said. So involved was he in his work that he barely even noticed as his probes set the stolen desserts on the tables behind him. "So, this...Princess Celestia is more powerful than I thought. And she raises and lowers the sun? So that's why..."

His eyes widened as the implications came into view. "Wait...the Kryptonian is also powered by sunlight." He turned to his lower-left monitor, which showed a statistical log of the suit's temperature. "And when that weapon of hers struck, the heat level was a perfect match for Superman's heat vision. Could it be...?"

For but a brief moment, a look of primal rage crossed Luthor's face, only to cool right back to his normal, smug expression of contempt. "In any case, at least tonight doesn't promise to be boring..."

The Madness Continues

Celestia splayed herself over the cloud, her mind retracing every step of the journey so far. Okay, Celestia. You are facing an alien invader who loves cake just as much as you do. You have no idea what his plans are or how to fight him. But before you can do anything else, you have to find him...

“I found more of those flying machines. We still have no idea what they are, but they appear to have some kind of telescope on the bottom end.”

Celestia's eyes lit up as a plan began to take hold. Rising back to her haunches, she turned her head upwards towards the sky. The clear blue atmosphere looked as normal as ever to the casual eye, save for a small twinkling in the distance. Having found her target, Celestia snapped her wings until her muscles were sufficiently stretched, crouched back, and gave a might leap...

Luthor's eyes twitched just slightly as he beheld the feast before him. Cakes of every shape and size, spanning every possible interpretation of the pastry's family, were laid out with perfect, delicate precision. A few had pieces missing, but there was no sign of any fingers or hooves run through their surfaces...save for the marmalade cake in the back, which had some evidence of bite marks buried under a fresh application of frosting. The moment the cakes had been put into place, the probes had retracted their extremities and packed themselves neatly on a nearby shelf to await their master's next orders.

“That is an incredible amount of cake,” he muttered to himself. “There's no possible way of storing it all.” Grinning, the archvillain reached into a nearby drawer and removed a stainless steel fork. Its edges glistened and gleaned in the light reflected from the nearby generators, not to mention the gentle green energy humming from the still-charging cannon. “Well, no sense letting it all go to waste...”

“LUTHOR!”

Lex's head spun about at the crackling, almost unintelligible scream of his name. The sound appeared to be coming from the direction of his monitors, but anything beyond that point was drowned in a sea of seeming gibberish and nonsensical screams. Sighing, Luthor set his fork down for the moment and turned away from his glorious meal to return to work.

At first, he had assumed it was Superman. The Man of Steel was never known for keeping to the schedule, always showing up early or late just to spite his genius. But the satellite's side camera feed showed an entirely different story. Staring back at him was the grainy picture of a white horse with a rainbow-colored mane, fluttering away in the evening breeze. Despite his frustration at losing another of his precious surveillance satellites, Luthor couldn't help but smile. “Clever, princess. Well, I suppose I should return the favor...”

“...and furthermore, if you will surrender yourself, I shall see to it that you are treated fairly and given an impartial trial. Decline these terms, and I shall have no choice but to pursue you to the furthest extent of my abilities.”

Celestia had no idea whether or not the device was picking up her voice, nor how it worked to begin with. She had managed to pluck it out of orbit easily enough, but the contraption seemed both incredibly fragile and impossibly advanced. The telescope at the bottom was busted beyond repair, having been bucked loose during the initial fly-and-grab, but there also seemed to be a similar lense on the side, right over what looked like a thick glass window. The metal sheets attached to the sides were shredded from the sudden drop, but otherwise the cylindrical object remained mostly intact. At least we will learn some more of these invaders before...

“Hello, Princess.”

To Celestia's befuddlement, a burst of white light appeared beneath the glass, followed a few seconds later by Luthor's face. If she wasn't so worried about destroying the thing and depriving Equestria of another source of study, she would have dropped the entire satellite right then and there. Her confusion was not lost on the grinning...creature inside the box. “My apologies. I seem to have forgotten how primitive you horses are.”

Celestia's eyes scanned every inch of the object, and found no sign of anypony inside. No doubt Luthor was repeating the same technique he had used with the armor previously. Finally, she turned her eyes back to the window. “Alright, Luthor, where is the source of this projection? What are you planning?”

Luthor's grin grew. “If I were to tell you everything, it would spoil the surprise. You were fortunate to have picked one of the satellites I had put in place for Superman; otherwise, we wouldn't have this opportunity to talk things over.”

“Super...man?” Celestia cocked an eyebrow. “Just who is this, anyway? Was he that enemy you mentioned back at the castle?”

As soon as the question left Celestia's royal lips, a cold change swept over Luthor's very form. His brow creased, his lips pursed, and his eyes watered with white-hot fury. Anger and rage spread throughout his body as his cold, hateful eyes locked with the princess'. “Superman...is a fraud, an alien masquerading as a human so he can meddle in mankind's affairs.”

The sound of something tapping against something else rattled through the device's speakers for a few seconds, followed by Luthor's face condensing to the left to allow another creature the chance to appear. Celestia's eyes widened as she saw the newcomer to this conversation. It was a being roughly similar to Luthor in appearance, but seemingly far more developed muscularly, with a black mane and a frankly ridiculous set of clothing. Even more amazing, however, was what he was doing: flying over a city that resembled Manehatten. I-Is he here already? Do we have another alien to contend with?

“To sate your curiosity,” Luthor continued, completely unaware of his adversary's discomfort, “this is Superman, an unwelcome immigrant from the dead planet Krypton. This meddlesome fool has stood in the way of my plans for far too long, holding back mankind's promise and reveling in their praise.” Another series of taps, and the picture of Superman vanished, freeing up Luthor's own visage to spread across the whole window again. “I have tried to free my world from his corrupted influence for years, but he is almost completely impervious to harm. Fortunately, he is weakened by the unique radiations emitted from kryptonite, the remnants of his home world. I've also noted a lack of resistance to magic, which seems to be commonplace in your world.”

Celestia's eyes narrowed. “So that's why you've invaded. You're bringing this war of yours to Equestria.”

Luthor nodded and smiled. “You're an attentive one, princess. That's why I'm willing to make a deal.”

“A deal?”

“This world has a great deal of potential.” Luthor moved his face away from the window just a bit. “With the magic crystals I've harnessed, I could break my world's reliance on fossil fuels. And my own species can offer you a great deal, princess. After the display your guards put up tonight, imagine how badly they would suffer when faced with more than a single opponent. So my deal is this: you surrender your nation to me, and I will allow you to remain in control. You will be able to run things much like you normally would, while I would offer to share my weapons technology with your defense department. All I ask is that you do not interfere with my battle with Superman, and support whatever decisions I make regarding your ponies...”

“...That way, we can put all this unpleasantness behind us and focus on our real enemy: Superman.”

Luthor leaned back in his chair, his face beaming with a smug assurance of his inevitable victory. He had had his fair share of dealings with nobility on his own world, even marrying one he had the misfortune to cross path with. They were all the same, caring only about holding onto their power and advancing in rank. And she was powerful, as the incident at the castle had demonstrated. No doubt she would be willing to make any deal that would allow her to maintain her position and reputation amongst the ponies.

The answer came within moments. “Luthor...I am giving you two hours to get off my planet.”

That...wasn't what he was looking for. Still, Luthor expression remained as conceited as ever, making even the act of pressing buttons on a keyboard look like he was composing the greatest symphony of destruction Equestria had ever seen. “I attempted to play nice, Princess, but it seems you've forced my hand. I had been saving this for later, but still, a little expedience never hurt business.”

Celestia tilted her head to the left just as the image vanished. “Expedience? What does he...?”

And then she heard the rumbling.

Followed by the screeching of an object pushing against the wind.

And that's when she saw the cone-shaped objects, speeding from the direction of the Foalish Mountains. There were three in total, roaring with the ferocity of a thousand angry dragons, their shiny white bodies broken up just slightly by a few dashes of yellow paint and a glowing green tip. She had no idea what they were, but it was obvious they were some sort of weapon.

And they were heading her way.

Celestia barely had time to scream before she took off, leaving the satellite to fall to the ground. Her wings beat against the air, her horn firing up any enchantments she could muster to increase her speed. And yet, no matter how fast she went, the weapons remained on her tail, inching closer and closer...

Wait...why am I flying?

Once again, Celestia's horn lit up like a Hearth's Warming Eve tree, bathing her entire body in a golden aura for just one second before it – and her – vanished in a puff of white light. A half-second later, she emerged behind the devices, her body barely registering the intense heat given off by their fiery rears. The cones continued to fly straight ahead, completely ignoring their former target. Now that she was finally safe, Celestia let out a sigh of relief. So they're like giant arrows or javelins, travelling in one direction and not stopping until they hit the ground. At least they won't...

That was when she opened her eyes...and saw the missiles make a wide, arcing turn and resume their course...towards her. Celestia gasped in terror before teleporting once again...only for her opponents to spin back and resume their trajectory. Whatever these things were, they obviously had some intelligence, or at least a means of controlling from the ground.

The Alicorn's heart sank as the infernal devices drew closer and closer...

Wait a minute...

Celestia stayed hovering in the air, her wings beating furiously to keep her suspended. The weapons, unaware of the smirk on her lips, continued unwaveringly in their advance. Right as they were about to make contact, however, Celestia vanished in another puff of light, again appearing behind them. The projectiles continued to fly forward, no doubt waiting until they had enough room to turn around. Just as they began to arc, the Princess summoned up as much power as she could muster, focused it on her horn's tip, and let loose a beam of golden energy, slamming into the nose of one of the objects. In an instant, the thing's entire body was consumed in a massive explosion of yellow and green, setting Celestia's mane on end from shock. W-Wait...these things are EXPLOSIVE?!

She had no time to ponder the significance of this revelation, however. The other two objects had still managed to pull off their maneuver, once again barreling in on the Princess of the Sun. Once again, she waited until the last moment, teleported out of the way, and fired upon another one, blowing it apart in a similar explosion. Her smirk grew into a dominating, almost gloating grin as the last of the flying objects prepared to spin about...

A brief flash of rage spread across Luthor's face. His computer beeped away furiously, the monitor pointing out the two missing weapons. “Those were meant to soften the Man of Steel as he approached...and she took them out in but a few moments? Are here powers this comparable to his?”

Then the idea struck home, and his frustration turned to triumph. “Then perhaps she has the same weakness...”

Celestia powered up her horn, preparing to teleport once again as soon as the object came within range. It barreled in closer, and closer, and closer...

And then suddenly turned and sped off.

The sudden change in her opponent's attack forced Celestia to power down. She watched in confusion as the weapon flew away, seemingly vanishing into the distance. I-Is that all? Is Luthor giving up?

And then she realized the terrible cost of her negligence. The weapon suddenly spun about and homed in on a new target, a collection of buildings nestled in the shadow of Canterlot itself. It was an important trading post, the first town travelers would encounter upon descending the capital's mighty summit. And most importantly of all, it was home to her personal student and her friends. And even though they were still back in Canterlot, there were still thousands of other ponies all resting in their homes, preparing to dream of a night where they wouldn't be blown into oblivious.

Ponyville.

The fiend's going to destroy Ponyville!

Celestia sped off almost immediately, even as the weapon continued to lurch downwards towards the unsuspecting ponies below. She briefly considered firing her horn again, but cold reality brought an end to such thoughts. She was too far away and moving too quickly to get a precise shot, sending any errant bolts in the direction of her subjects. And even if she did strike the weapon, the explosion and falling debris would still cause considerable damage. There was no way to simply blast it out of the sky.

That left only one option.

Mere moments before the explosive nose of the craft could touch ground, right in the middle of Ponyville's town square, Celestia's body slammed into its tail. Her legs wrapped around the end and shoved the entirety of her weight downward. Fortunately, the combination of her powerful magic and centuries of eating fattening foods had finally paid off, and the sudden jolt was enough to redirect the weapon's path, sending it hurtling off towards the stars with Celestia still attached.

Once she was certain Ponyville was undamaged (save for some burning from the rocket's flaming base), Celestia spun herself around so she could see the front. Beneath her, the metal tube seemed to fight with a will all its own, bucking her like a steer at a rodeo. But she was not going to let go. All she had to do was guide the weapon into position and...

And avoid the Pegasi family sitting on that cloud, enjoying a twilight picnic to celebrate an upcoming wedding. Celestia shoved her body leftwards, barely avoiding the bewildered bystanders.

She gave a sigh of relief...until she saw the passing flying chariot full of schoolfoals, returning home after a long day of fractions, literature, and experiencing the frill of not being blown up by an alien superweapon.

Another twist...and a near miss at the Cloudsdale Retirement Palace. Fortunately, the only pony still awake to notice the land's ruler saddling a giant metal cylinder was so sedated that he passed it off as a simple fever dream.

Finally, just as Celestia was ready to curse her very luck, she broke free of the clouds and reached into the very atmosphere of the world itself. Her lips flapped and eyes watered from the g-forces around her, but that did little to dull her commitment to this task. Somehow, she had to save Equestria from this madman...and if that meant riding an explosive device into the very depths of space, so be it.

Fortunately, she was finally at the right elevation for her plan. She pulled her legs off the giant device's end, spun about in the air, and gave it a hard buck in a matter of milliseconds. The sudden force sent the weapon hurtling into the distance, far away from any flying civilization...and right into range of her horn's beam. A single blast was enough to detonate the metal tube, endings its threat once and for all.

Celestia remained silent for a few seconds afterward, her lungs pounding from her mane-raising experience, not to mention the air pressure from riding a super-explosive weapon this high into the atmosphere. Once she was satisfied that she wasn't going to die or get hit from behind with yet another rocket or the like, the princess' eyes turned away from the darkness of space and back to Equestria below. She still had a job to do, a villain to foil, and cakes to devour.

The Princess tucked her legs under her barrel, tilted downwards, and began her descent towards the Foal Mountains.

Luthor's clenched fists pounded against the side of the control console, his mouth contorting into a furious sneer. His surveillance cameras and remaining satellites all told the same story. Not only had this pampered princess managed to destroy three of his most advanced missiles, but she now had the audacity to dare a direct confrontation. Even as he fumed, she was darting ever closer to his mountain hideout. “The arrogance! How dare she stand in the way of Luthor and progress! Does she care nothing for her subjects?! Can she not see the advancements I can offer these ponies!”

His gaze shifted to the progress bar for his new weapon. “The cannon will certainly be enough to destroy her, but I only have one shot! I can only waste so many resources on one flying horse!”

Then the idea struck him, and in but the blink of an eye, all his rage had faded away, replaced instead with a gloat of superiority. “Perhaps it's time for a change of tactics...”

An uneasy calm settled across the Foal Mountains as Celestia approached. The small range was mostly uninhabited, although plans had been proposed to raise up a settlement from time to time. Not that it was impossible to live there, mind, but it was a bit out of the way of any road system at the time, which tended to make transporting ponies and supplies a bit of a hassle. But that was besides the point. All that mattered was that any house or structure would stick out like a sore hoof against the landscape, making finding Luthor an easy task.

That is, it would have been an easy task if there had been anything to see. Instead, the mountains seemed as lonely and isolated as ever, with barely even the creaking of a cricket to be heard. Celestia's wings slowed in their flapping, gradually descending to a gentle glide as she surveyed what she had thought would be her next battlefield. But there was no great factory, no fortress, nothing that could possible explain where this madman was hiding and, most importantly, holding her precious cakes.

Nothing up here...

Celestia stopped flying in an instant, barely resisting the urge to smack herself as she went into a hovering position. Of course Luthor wouldn't have his base in plain sight! And even with a cloaking spell, he wouldn't have taken the risk of somepony stumbling across it. That means his base is...

She lowered her eyes, her horn already preparing the vision spells necessary to see through walls. She didn't particularly like to use these enchantments, due to both moral objections and that crusty feeling they always left after they wore off, but this was an emergency situation. All she would have to do was look down for a few seconds, scan every inch of the mountains for some kind of hidden cavern or underground lair, and she would be in business.

That was when the first beam flew past her face.

Celestia reared up, the hot light missing her nose by only a few inches. She had barely enough time to turn her head towards the source of the blast before another shot went out, singing the very tips of her tail. To the princess' horror, the ground beneath her was suddenly peppered with what looked like a checkerboard arrangement of gopher holes, only instead of furry burrowing rodents, the holes were filled with what looked like metal tubes filled with finely-chiseled, glowing crystals.

She would have thought up what this meant, but any further thought ceased as a dozen of the holes began to glow with a red light...

Luthor chuckled as he swallowed his latest bite of vanilla-strawberry-fudge triple layer cake. The monitors that weren't already committed to watching for Superman or displaying the readout for the cannon all displayed the same glorious image: Celestia desperately dodging the waves of laser beams. The flying horse bucked and weaved through the energy grid of death, desperately searching for some way to escape the situation, but Luthor knew there was none to be found.

“Enjoying yourself, Princess?” Luthor chuckled. “I worked the early crystals into my existing anti-air system. The power inside them wouldn't be quite enough to destroy Superman, but it would definitely soften him for the next assault. I wonder how long you'll last...”

Celestia could feel exhaustion overtake every inch of her being, along with the small burns created by the hot lasers. Her eyes scanned for some kind of escape, but there was none to be found; every possible pathway was blocked by a sudden stream of death. She could already taste her strength ebbing with every passing moment; if she couldn't get out of this soon, there was no telling if she could survive. This would doom not only her precious cake, but also her very ponies...

I have to find a way out of here...but how can I do that in...time...

Celestia's horn lit up at the last thought, building up more and more power as she continued to dance with death. Another beam grazed her flank, followed by a shot along her mane, but those were not enough to break her concentration. When the energy collecting finally hit the critical point, she released the stored magic in a single massive shockwave, weaving her spell over every inch of the surrounding area. For the first time that night, however, something finally went right: the beams around her slowed to a crawl before stopping completely, as did the wind, the grass, the insects, and anything else that happened to be in the area. Nothing could defy a Stop Time spell, after all.

With the beams now frozen like deadly stalks of bamboo, Celestia effortlessly slid between the offensive magic until she was finally outside the deadly web. As she looked back at the still-frozen prison, however, she realized something rather important. It's not enough just to escape. I have to prove that we ponies are not to be messed with.

That was when she saw the giant, conveniently-placed sand pile...

As time returned to normal, Luthor's jaw dropped in amazement. “H-How is this?! One moment she was standing in the middle of my defenses, and the next she's gone? There's not even a record of her moving!”

Desperate for answers, Luthor punched a few more keys on his control panel, causing his cameras to rotate about in search of their target. When they finally found her, she was hovering high in the sky, directly in the center of the laser web. Luthor smiled as he pressed another switch. “Enough games, Celestia. Let's see how you handle a concentrated blast...”

The lasers, which had once been set to create an impenetrable field of doom, suddenly shifted about in their holes until they were all facing just above the very middle of the centermost laser. Above them, Celestia simply floated in the air, not giving a care in the world as the beams all fired towards each other, their energy feeding into each other until they transformed into a single giant beam of death, destruction, doom, and a few other things that started with “d.” And yet, Celestia didn't move a muscle, save to smile at the oncoming attack.

The beam finally struck at its target...the glass mirror Celestia happened to have been levitating directly in front of her. The laser struck right back down, slamming into the mountaintop even hotter than ever. The magical impact detonated the energy crystals, resulting in a massive explosion that leveled the very top off the mountain and sent rocks flying for miles around. Fortunately, she was able to catch most of them, allowing only a few large boulders to land somewhere in the distance.

What was most impressive, however, was what the explosion had revealed. A particularly large explosion at one end of the mountain revealed a large, metallic doorway, seemingly connected to some kind of tunnel deeper within. Celestia grinned in triumph as she landed, letting the massive mirror rest against the grass. No doubt, Lex Luthor was inside, just waiting for her to arrive...

The explosion did nothing to shake his lair's foundations, but it was more than enough to rankle Luthor's pride. Growling in rage, he tossed the small dish aside, the plate shattering against the bunker's steel floor, and pounded his fists against the side of the console. “How can this be? What matter of beast is this?”

“LUTHOR! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME THIS INSTANT!”

Luthor's eyes widened as the voice echoed through the chamber. There was an entire corridor between the door she had uncovered, and yet he could hear her voice as clearly as if she was standing right next to him. The supervillain lurched over in his chair, his beady eyes locked on the one thing standing between him and certain destruction. “Superman isn't due to arrive for another few minutes. The cannon is almost fully charged. I just need a little more time...”

His eyes shifted just a small bit to the right, catching sight of the probes sitting in standby mode. “There's dozens of them...but they're not built for combat. A direct assault would be useless. What I need is a diversion...”

Celestia slammed her hoof against the metal door, poking and prodding for some way of opening the blasted thing. Unfortunately, not only was the doorway most certainly not of this world, but it had no handle, no visible lock, no anything that could possibly be used to will it open. She could simply smash it to pieces or melt it down, but she had no idea what was on the other side; for all she knew, Luthor had rigged the doorway with more of those magic beam devices.

Before she could consider another plan of action, she heard a now-familiar, unwelcome voice ring out from all sides, seemingly from the very earth itself. “So you've found me, princess. Clever.”

Celestia cocked her head. “I should thank you for giving yourself away. You saved me a lot of trouble.”

“And I should thank you for standing so still.”

That was when Celestia finally noticed the dark shadow eclipsing her body, the door, and pretty much everything else for that matter. Her eyes widened as she spun about, followed by her jaw slacking downward like it had just come unhinged. For standing in front of her was a gigantic abomination of steel and lights, raising itself on two metal appendages and bearing towards her with what appeared to be rounded claws.

“Allow me to introduce you to the LexCorp Heavy Mechanical Assault Unit. I had originally designed it for sale to the military, but Superman exposed a few...not-so-public business transactions and cost me the contract. He destroyed most of them, but I managed to hide a few just in case. This one I actually had specially made for dealing with the Man of Steel, but I'm sure enough armaments to level an entire continent will be more than suffice to destroy even a creature like yourself.”

Celestia shook her head in disbelief. “How is such a thing possible? Where are the po- humans controlling it?”

Another chuckle, this time longer and more mocking in tone. “So primitive. In my world, we've long mastered artificial intelligence. All I have to do is give it a command from my terminal, and he does the rest.”

“So it's not alive?”

“Of course not, equine! But enough of this prattle. Prepare to-”

Before Luthor could finish his threat, Celestia was already at work. With a defiant cry, she charged towards the waiting machine, her body covered in a golden aura. Every inch of her body became augmented with a combination of strength and speed spells, changing the Alicorn from a mere cake-loving princess to a vengeful juggernaut. Her poor opponent had barely enough time to process what was occurring before Celestia's body crashed straight through its midsection, punching through metal and gearworks like they were little more than wet paper. She paused and turned about fifteen feet away from the monstrosity's body as it tumbled to the ground, shaking everything within fifty years with a massive tremor and spreading all manner of debris about the battlefield.

“...That was a very expensive machine, princess. I hope your treasury can cover the cost.”

Still elated from her recent victory, Celestia veered herself downward and slammed into the ground, her hooves crushing small craters into the earth as she landed. “I don't know how things work on your messed-up little world, but here, the invaded country doesn't pay back the ones trying – and failing – to take it over.”

“...Do you have any idea how corny that sounds? You feel more and more like Superman every time you open your mouth.”

Celestia's eyes narrowed as she regarded the last barrier between her and her prey. She could feel her legs kicking at the earth involuntarily, preparing for the upcoming primeval charge. “Lex Luthor, in the short amount of time we have known each other, you have broken into my palace, assaulted my ponies, and tried to murder me. Right now, I am tired, hungry, and exhausted, and my immeasurable patience has officially run out. Either you surrender yourself and the cakes, or I will have no choice but to tear this door down and haul you back to Canterlot by your leg.”

Luthor slowly turned his gaze to the slice of cake, and then back at the monitor. “Wait...this was about the cake?”

The words burrowed into Celestia's very being, striking her straight in the heart. “B-But I...I love cake, yes, but my country is in danger. My ponies always come first.”

“I must say, Superman never assaulted me for stealing a cake from him. Don't you have...bakers and servants who could just make you some more? It seemed I interrupted a contest; surely one of the other horses in attendance had something.”

Celestia snorted. Not even Discord was this aggravating. “Luthor, do you truly believe you can stand before me? Your weapons are impressive, I admit, but I have faced far worse than you. Now, do you have any last words before your arrest?”

Luthor set the pastry aside and leaned back in his seat. “Yes, I do. Do you remember when I said the Assault Unit was unpiloted?”

“Of course,” Celestia's voice replied.

Then came the grin. “I lied.”

Celestia's eyes widened as she spun about, expecting to see a mangled mess of body parts or something even more damning mixed in with the robot's wreckage. Instead, however, she saw the same orb-like machines that had originally absconded with the cakes, pouring out of the many cracks and fissures of the broken machine like a punctured sandbag. There were hundreds – nay, thousands, all relentlessly drawing closer and closer to the princess.

Grimacing, Celestia charged the tip of her horn for a massive magical blast, but froze as several pairs of hands gripped across her rear legs and flank. Her head turned just in time to catch even more of the infernal machines coming in from what looked like ventilation shafts above the doorway. Once again, she attempted to pull together the magical forces necessary to save herself, this time to create an explosion around her body to fry off the intruders...

And then she felt a needle pierce her skin, followed by several others. And then the world began to spin. She barely even noticed the combined mass of devices pulling her up into the air.

Luthor chuckled as he watched his adversary be carried away like a balloon. “Ah yes, my probes. Such wonderful little devices, the perfect workers when away from anyone I can reasonably trust. It's a shame I'll have to discard of these loyal units, but like people, there is always more when I need them.”

He leaned over the control panel. “I don't know if you can hear me, princess, but each of those probes is fitted with a self-destruct device. Normally, it would have no more explosive impact than a mere hand grenade, but when together, I'm certain their combined heat will be enough to roast even a being like yourself. And if that doesn't work, there's still the matter of the shrapnel. And with the sedatives I've equipped them with working through your bloodstream, you won't be able to manufacture another fantastical escape.”

His finger tapped against the switch, beginning the countdown. “I enjoyed our time together, but Superman should be here within minutes, and I can't waste any more of my resources on you.”

Celestia coughed and gagged, her head still feeling like that time she'd downed an entire cellar's worth of cider two thousand years before. The first thing she realized upon regaining consciousness was the giant, all-consuming blob of round objects grappling her. The second was that she was now five hundred feet above Equestria.

The third was that each of the orbs had what looked like a light-projecting clock on their midsections. And they were all five seconds from zero...

I have to get out here.

Four...

Can't destroy them in time...

Three...

Need another escape...

Two...

Celestia's horn began to glow with the only spell she could think of. Come on, hurry, please...

One...

Got to-

Luna's eyes widened as she saw the explosion. It burnt through the sky like a second sun, shaking everything for miles around before finally dissipating in a rain of ashes and debris. Her eyes struggled for some sign of her sister, but even with the most powerful magicks augmenting her vision, she could find nothing. She couldn't even sense her anymore.

In an instant, Luna's entire world crumbled around her. The Alicorn tumbled to the ground, her head barely able to look over the edge of the parapet, as her strength seemed to vanish. Hot tears began to pool under her eyes. “Sister...what have I done? How could I have...?”

“Excuse me?”

Despite her grief, Luna slowly turned around...and gasped as she saw the sight before her. Standing next to her was another being, similar to Luthor but built differently. She couldn't tell quite what it was, but she could feel a great deal of power and strength in this being. Or perhaps his red-and-blue costume was just so gaudy that he seemed more comical than a serious threat. In any case, she could barely muster more than a squeak as she continued to speak.

“I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for a man named Lex Luthor...”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note

Did Celestia manage to escape? Will Luthor get away with regicide and grand theft pastry? Tune in next time to find out!

The Madness Spreads

The force of the explosion was so great that even Luthor's underground bunker shuddered under its might. Fortunately, Luthor's ingenious foresight had convinced him to reinforce his hideout's supports, and the only casualty was a lone, sad cherry that rolled off a cupcake and bounced against the metal floor. The genius himself remained rigid in his seat for several seconds after, waiting patiently for a sign that he was free to breathe easy again. And fortunately for him, that's exactly what seemed to happen. There was no sign of Celestia on any of his monitors, just the slowly tumbling ash and debris left by his probes.

Luthor slumped back in his chair. “Well, dear princess. I can't say you didn't put up a good fight, but now you know that even flying unicorns must bow to the intellectual might of Lex Luthor.”

He sighed and folded his fingers together. “A shame I had to waste so many of my resources to destroy one horse. It will take months just to make this venture profitable at this rate. But it shall all be worth it once Superman is finally...”

That was when the alarms began. All of the images on the monitors switched to a black screen before flashing the same message: “WARNING! SUPERMAN APPROACHING.” And with the picture change came the crashing ring of alarm bells, echoing through the bunker with an intensity previously not thought possible on Equestria. But that didn't stop Luthor from practically falling out of his chair in excitement. With a devious cackle, he pressed a key on his console, bringing up the cannon's controls. The systems all displayed full power, the magic and Kryptonite were still working in perfect unity, and the firing sequence was prepped and ready to go.

Luthor's fingers tapped along the switches on the keyboard, and the cannon began to rise up. Before long, it was almost completely hidden in the ceiling, not unlike an assassin preparing to drop onto an unsuspecting victim. And it was just in time, as well; another switch to his satellites revealed the Man of Steel barreling towards his now-exposed bunker.

The site of his old adversary made Luthor's hands curl up on his armrests. “Look at him! So gallant, so powerful, so arrogant in his superiority! Were it not for that accursed Celestia wasting my defenses...” He paused for a moment, then grinned. “It doesn't matter. I've already won, and he doesn't even realize it yet.”

Any further gloating, however, had to be put on hold, as the bunker's door suddenly went flying off the wall and into the rest of the lab, small pieces of shrapnel embedding themselves into the walls and furniture from the sheer force of the explosion. Luthor didn't even wince, instead opting to just rotate his chair and face his oncoming attacker head-on. And sure enough, standing at the other side of the broken entrance was Superman himself, floating in mid-air with his arms crossed as a final insult to gravity itself.

“About time you got here.” Luthor leaned back just enough to give him a triumphant slouch, even as Superman slowly floated until he was just about where the villainous fiend needed him to be standing. “I do apologize for those explosives at the museum, but it seemed to be the best way to contact you. Emails and business cards just aren't appropriate for people of our professions.”

Superman's eyes shifted to the cakes.

“Those? Treats from the local inhabitants. I had planned to make my presence known in a more powerful way, but it seems hunger won out in the end. Of course, I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand such things.”

Superman's eyes shifted back to Luthor. The bald genius' hands were inches from the fire button.

“And I apologize for the mess. The local ruler of this Principality thought she could interfere with my plans. To her credit, she did quite well, but now her ashes are spread halfway around this little fantasy land, while I am still sitting here.”

Superman smiled. “Oh, really?”

The first thing to strike Luthor was just how wrong the voice was. His hated enemy's was loud and echoed with his incredible strength, but while this one still betrayed great power, it was much higher pitched, much softer. The second thing was that it was a distinctly feminine voice, far from what he was used to hearing. The third thing was that he had heard the same voice not too long before...

And the fourth thing? The person that voice belonged to was dead.

Luthor shot up from his chair just as Superman's entire body exploded in a burst of white light, not unlike the rising sun peeking into a person's eyes at the dawn of a new day. When the brilliant spectacle had faded, in Superman's place was Princess Celestia, hovering just above the ground, her forelegs crossed and her eyes half-shut in righteous fury. There were small bruises and burn marks on her body, but otherwise none of the damage an explosion like the one she was trapped in would have caused. Lex could hardly believe his eyes as she set herself upon the ground, her golden footwear tapping and scrapping against the metal floor.

“Tell me, Luthor, do I look dead to you? Because I don't feel dead. And if you play your cards right, you won't feel that way, either.”

Lex Luthor's leaned back so hard that his entire chair tumbled with him, crashing against the ground and spinning about a few times before coming to a halt. Its former occupant, however, was fine just remaining motionless, mouth agape. “B-But how is this possible?”

Two…

Celestia's horn began to glow with the only spell she could think of. Come on, hurry, please...

One...

Got to-

She felt something hot, like a thousand fireballs pressing against her body. And in an instant, the sensation was gone.

Celestia's body jerked suddenly as she plopped against the hard earth of Equestria Firma. Fortunately, the distorted ringing in her ears – a byproduct of both her winking spell and the last vestiges of Luthor's poison – saved her the full sonic force of the massive explosion above, but she could still feel a gentle warmth bathe her backside as she struggled back to her hooves. As her vision cleared and she regained a tingling in her taste buds, she shook her head with a furious snort and turned to the cloud of dust and debris that was now descending upon her land.

She shook her head. I doubt even I could have survived an attack like that. Such an explosion could have leveled half of Canterlot in an instant.

Her head gradually lowered the far-away remnants of the Foal Mountains. She had not the time to be picky in her destination, but fortune had smiled on her once again, as the spell had not taken her too far. But I cannot risk another frontal assault. If Luthor has any other weapons at his disposal, he might turn them on me – or worse, my subjects.

She tapped a hoof to her chin. There must be a way inside. He must have some kind of weakness, some enemy, some...

Then she remembered.

“I have been casting illusion and concealment spells since before you were born,” said said, despite not knowing (or caring) about how this species procreated. “The only thing I could not emulate was your enemy's voice, but that didn't matter. I've fought far too many egotists like you to not pick up on your similarities. Just show them what they want and they'll give right in.”

Luthor's jaw twisted into a sneer of contempt. “Do you really think you've won? Have you any idea what I've accomplished on my own world? I am Lex Luthor, and I-”

“Enough!” Celestia's hoof struck the floor with the speed and fury of a sledgehammer, leaving a dent two inches deep in the steel. The impact was enough to break Luthor's final villainous speech and shock him back into silence, which by this point was heaven to Celestia’s ears. “As ruler of Equestria, I hereby place you under ar-”

“SISTER!”

Celestia’s own speech shattered as a dark blue mass hurled into her at the speed of sound, causing her to lose her footing and topple to the ground. Princess Luna paid no heed to either Luthor or the other alien creature hovering behind her; she just kept hugging/attempting to strangle her big sister until the Alicorn managed to crawl free. “Luna? What are you doing here?”

Luna coughed and wiped at her reddened eyes. “Oh sister, I- we were so worried! We saw the explosion and assumed that-” She stopped, took a deep breath, then continued. “We came here to avenge you, and…”

“I was in no danger,” Celestia said, chuckling a bit towards the end. “Luthor’s tricks were certainly inventive, but nothing that couldn’t be defeated with some ingenuity and a little applied magic.”

That was when she noticed the peculiar creature in the red-and-blue suit. Its eyes were locked on Luthor, who was apparently wishing this was all a bad dream and he would wake up at any moment. “I have to say, getting defeated by a unicorn? I don’t think anyone in Metropolis is going to believe that.”

In an instant, Luthor’s composure made a miraculous recovery. That sneer once again crossed his lips as he spat at the massive figure. “Laugh all you want, Superman, but this is far from over. Once we’re back in Metropolis, I’ll-”

“Halt!”

Both figures turned to Princess Celestia, standing tall and proud once again, her eyes burning with the intensity of a thousand candles during a total eclipse. “I have no idea who you are, but Luthor has committed crimes against the ponies of Equestria and must answer for them.”

“He’s also several billion dollars worth of proprietary technology from S.T.A.R. Labs and other organizations.” Superman crossed his arms. “And that’s only his most recent crimes on our Earth.”

“And in the span of only a few hours, he has assaulted my palace, injured my guards, nearly destroyed Ponyville, and has made his plans to conquer all of Equestria known. Whatever feud you two may have with each other, I will not allow the both of you to encroach on Equestria’s safety for the sake of grudges.”

Superman’s eyes narrowed as he caught the last word. “What are you talking about? I’m only here to bring Luthor into custody. This is the last time he’s escaping…”

“You mean he’s eluded you before?” Celestia snapped. “I do not know what passes for a prison in your bizarre dimension, but I would imagine that Tartarus would be far more secure location for such a criminal. Do you not agree?”

Superman shook his head and clenched his fist. “No, Princess. He shall pay for his crimes here as well as on our world, but he belongs back in Metropolis. If he is left here, he might escape and cause more destruction, and our world may not know until it’s too late...if ever.”

“Um...sister?”

Celestia turned to Luna, then followed her eyes to the background. Her sister was staring at the spot Luthor was at.

Both the Princess of the Sun and the Man of Steel charged at the empty spot, the latter forcing his eyes into a squint as he did so. There was nothing to mark that Luthor had ever even been there. “I don’t understand,” Celestia muttered. “How could he have gotten past all three of us?”

Luna fluttered over, her head drooping in defeat. “He must have fled while we were distracted.” She punched a hoof down at the ground, and the floor gave way, breaking apart to reveal a deep shaft. “A trap door.”

“There’s a switch running from the floor to the console.” Superman straightened himself. “It was quiet enough to escape my super-hearing, too. This must have been his backup in case that new weapon of his didn’t work.”

Celestia poked her head into the exposed shaft. “Then where does this tunnel…?”

“No need to concern yourself with such matters.”

The princess pulled her head out of the hole, her worried gaze joining those of her two companions. Luthor’s voice boomed from every corner of the bunker, and yet, there was no sign of him. There was not even a visible loudspeaker; at least then Celestia might have understood the origin of the sound, and perhaps know what wall he was hiding behind. “I apologize for my quick exit, but you don’t become the most powerful man in Metropolis without a little forward thinking.”

“Come out here and face us, Luthor!” shouted Luna. “Do not make us hunt for you, coward!”

“Do not worry your puny equine brain about such matters. I have no intention of galloping away.” Both Celestia and Luna bristled from the insult. “Come on outside, both of you. I have a special...surprise for you.”

It didn’t take long to figure out what Luthor’s surprise was.

The bald creature was standing in the middle of the great grassy fields surrounding the Foal Mountains, in a metal booth that had not been there before. His attire had also changed remarkably fast, as he now wore a suit of armor just like the automaton that had attacked the National Dessert Competition. The only difference was the helmet; instead of a solid mass, the face covering had been removed., Luthor’s head was completely exposed - save for his eyes, which were covered by what appeared to be black straps of glass and glowing machinery.

“So, it would seem I am outnumbered.” Luthor shouted. “I admit, I had not anticipated this much opposition, nor that princess forcing me to waste my resources. But you should know by now that Lex Luthor never does anything without having a backup plan."

“Give it up, Luthor,” shouted Superman. “You’re completely outmatched this time.”

“Surrender, and we may yet be merciful,” added Celestia. Her own words were twinged with no small amount of poison, to the point that even Luna could feel a shudder run down the length of her spine.

“On the contrary…” Luthor’s finger finally pressed on a dark red button. “I have yet to even show my hand.”

The first sound to greet them was the distant pounding of machinery, not unlike the dull beating of a clock tower as heard from the cafe outside. The second was like several glowsticks lighting up, growing louder in tempo with every passing second. And finally, there was the sound - and sight - of the very ground ripping open all around, as even more metal booths rose up. These ones, however, were far more rectangular in shape, and not to mention significantly larger. By the time the crescendo of noise was over, at least two dozen had emerged at every possible corner, trapping the princesses and the strange creatures.

And then the doors opened.

The Alicorns’ eyes opened in horror at the things that emerged. They were creatures not of flesh and blood, but metal and light. Their claws were sharpened into vile talons, each of which glimmered with a dull green light. Their eyes were little more than gemstones, not unlike those harvested from the mines underneath Canterlot long ago, and within them shined a minute - but still frightful - amount of magical energy. Each of the monstrosities stepped forward in perfect synchronicity, and no matter how many poured forth, even more seemed to follow. By the time it ended, there seemed to be well over a thousand of them, and they were all looking at Luthor’s enemies.

Superman raised an eyebrow. “Robots, Luthor? Really?”

Luthor let out an evil cackle. “Not just any robots, Superman. These have been modified to store more minute amounts of the magical energy this whole blasted universe excretes from its every pore! Nowhere near as sophisticated as what was back in my lab, but still more than enough to finish the likes of you.” He turned to the princesses, his hands once again reaching for the controls on his arm. He pressed a switch, and a black visor slid down to block out his face. “I was going to save these for a surprise, but since Celestia has seen fit to waste my resources, I have no choice but to spoil things a bit. Once you’re dead, my machines will spread to wreck havoc all over this country and bring it under my control!”

The next words were almost drowned out from the sound of the fires erupting underneath his boots, raising him higher and higher into the air. “Don’t feel too bad for your ‘subjects.’ I’m sure there will be a petting zoo or two that will pay good money for a real unicorn!”

Celestia shouted something most decidedly un-lady like, but it was drowned out by the roar of Luthor’s engines. The armored megalomaniac took off like a launched firework, his laugh echoing against cold night air. At the same moment, the eyes of the robots began to glow red, no doubt signifying their readiness to strike. The three were surrounded by an army larger than any that had ever threatened Equestria - two princesses and an alien against a possibly unstoppable foe.

Pulsating red beams erupted from the eyes of the monsters closest to the heroes, each ray burning as hot as those that had singed Celestia earlier this night. The beams collided with the earth, and when they were done, nothing remained but a burning black circle of dead ground. Celestia’s eyes watered as she laid witness to the fate that no doubt awaited her beloved land should they fall, as they would have if she hadn’t conveniently remembered that she could teleport and got herself and her companions out of the way while also making it look like they had been destroyed.

The three floated above the battlefield, the alicorns perched on a cloud and Superman - whose flight abilities apparently did not include cloudwalking - hovering behind. “It’s only a matter of time before they realize what happened,” Celestia whispered. “And even if they don’t, their orders are to spread destruction across all of Equestria. We have to stop them and Luthor now.”

“Agreed, sister,” said Luna. “But how can we fight such an overwhelming force?”

“If what Luthor said about these things is true, then they were obviously mass-manufactured only recently,” said Superman. “That means they likely aren’t up to the standards of the usual Lexcorp mechanized weaponry. With enough force, we should be able to break them apart easily enough.”

Celestia nodded. “That seemed to be the case with his other devices. Two of us should be able to delay them long enough for the other to stop Luthor.”

Superman nodded. “Agreed.”

“And I will be the one to go after Luthor.”

“Not agreed!” Superman snapped. “I can’t allow you to...throw him into Hell or whatever it was you suggested! He needs to stand trial for…”

“I will not banish him yet.” Celestia sighed. “You’re right. He has obviously committed great crimes against your people as well. But this is a fight I must win. He attacked my ponies and destroyed one of our most sacred celebrations. And for that, he shall pay dearly.” She turned her eyes in the direction Luthor had fled. “I need to go before the trail goes cold. Once I have incapacitated him, and you and Luna have dealt with his army, we shall meet again in Canterlot to discuss the terms of his extradition.”

She turned to Luna. The younger princess had a look of fear in her eyes, but it was no match for the reassurance emitting from the wise old mare. “I know you will succeed. And no matter what happens, let it be known that Equestria shall never fall to tyranny without a struggle that would shake even the heavens.”

Celestia spread her wings and flew off, quickly vanishing into the distance. Superman smiled as she left. “Your sister...she cares about her subjects, doesn’t she?”

Luna sighed. “Yes, she does.” She turned to the robots. Their heads were beginning to turn upwards; apparently they were finally figuring out what had happened. “Very well, then. Let us not keep our enemy waiting!”

The two fell from their hiding space, the pony’s horn glowing with unbridled power and the alien’s eyes glowing red...

* SQUAD ALPHA-3 ENGAGING ENEMY *

Luthor smirked as the transparent red text filled his helmet’s display, followed by several identical messages highlighting the rest of his squads. The Luthor Bots were a bit crude to be sure, and he would have loved to have spent more time perfecting the symbiosis between the Kryptonite and magic, but he could not argue with the efficiency of their production. “I don’t doubt that the Kryptonian and those princesses could dismantle a few dozen or more, but the numbers are clearly against them this time. Even if they did escape, there would be no place left to hide before dawn. And once they’re disposed of, I can easily rebuild my-”

That was when he felt something hard crash into him, buckling against the armor like a raging bull at a rodeo. He didn’t even need to hazard a guess as to what the source of this was, as the face of Princess Celestia was soon pressed against the helmet. Luthor gasped in surprise, both from the many warning signals and messages popping on his HUD and the realization that the pressure he was feeling was a winged unicorn wrapping her body around his combat armor. He pulled himself upright while willing his arms to grab the princess by the midsection and begin pulling her off. Alas, even the enhanced strength the suit granted him was no match for an angry princess’ kung-fu grip, and she remained stuck to him like a bug on a windshield. “Wh-WHAT?! But...But you were…”

“We have unfinished business, Luthor!” Celestia’s growl was only marginally underscored by her grunts of pain from Luthor’s pulling. “I have seen what you have planned for Equestria, and as long as I draw breath, I swear that it shall never come to pass!”

Luthor scowled. “Do you think your threats scare me, princess?” The rockets in his legs kicked off their ignition sequence again, sending the two roaring into the sky. The combined weight of Celestia brought down the front a bit, but his velocity was such that he still had almost total control of the suit’s piloting systems. “I’ve faced aliens, sorcerers, terrorists, and tax accountants, and I have defeated them all time and again! Do you really think a ridiculous creature such as yourself could hold a candle to my genius!”

Celestia grimaced. Their rapid ascent was taking them far above even a natural cloud level. The air was getting colder, far more than any pony - even her - could stand, while Luthor remained perfectly protected in his armor. There was only one way she was going to survive this...and it was going to hurt.

“Luthor,” she groaned. “I have faced many threats in the past, but never one as egotistical as yourself. I believe it’s time I brought you down to earth.”

Luthor had barely enough time to digest the pun before his suit detected a massive surge of power on its back. On the front, Celestia pulled the full weight of her body backwards, causing the rocketing armor to tip downwards even more. Her horn was glowing all the while, as she used as much of her telekinesis as she could on the armor’s rear section. It did not take a great criminal genius like Luthor long to realize exactly where the princess was taking him: straight down.

Panicking, he willed the suit to right itself and continue its ascent, but the armor resisted. Between the princess’ magic and her considerable weight, she had managed to obtain complete control of the suit. He couldn’t switch off the rockets, as that would just have the same effect. His eyes furrowed as he stared at the mare through his helmet. “Are you mad? You’ll destroy the both of us!”

Celestia grinned as they broke through the actual cloud level and began to make out the pastoral fields of Equestria. “I’ve survived worse, Luthor. Let’s see how much damage your little armor can take.”

That was when they crashed.

The impact was something to behold. The very earth erupted in a geyser of dirt and stone, while the resulting explosion could be heard for miles around. Beneath a dust cloud the size of a three-story building, a deep crater was now blighting Equestria’s once-pristine beauty.

Celestia was the first to emerge, teleporting out of the hole faster than Twilight Sparkle going to class while late for a test. She had acquired a few new bruises, her coat was covered in dirt and gunk, and her barrel was not feeling all that well considering the amount of pressure Luthor had applied to it, but was otherwise surprisingly well for somepony that had just fallen out of the stratosphere. She sucked in one taxing breath after another as she turned to face the dissipating dust.

The screen cleared...and there was no sign of Luthor.

Celestia’s eyes widened as she surveyed one inch of the crater to the next, finding no sign of her opponent besides a few small shrapnels of metal that must have chipped off his armor. No…this isn’t possible! Could he have been driven into the ground? Perhaps he’s hiding underneath…

“Excuse me, princess.”

A surge of pain ran from Celestia’s withers through the rest of her body, accompanied by the sickening crackling of electricity. The mare let out a scream of agony and tried to run, but the agony had caused her limbs to turn uncooperative and she only managed to tumble face-first to the ground. She struggled and squirmed, but the current coursing through her was just too strong, too disruptive, to escape.

After what felt like an eternity, the crackling noise died. The princess’ muscles were still burning in agony, but she was well enough to turn her head towards her attacker. Not that it mattered, as his metal boots would have come into view anyway had she waited just a bit longer.

“Did you really think you were the only one who could teleport?” said Luthor. “This armor was not designed just for Superman, after all.”

Celestia began channeling her magic into her horn, but stopped as Luthor’s hand gripped her by the back of her neck and pulled her head upwards. At the same moment, his right knee - or at least, the joint these monsters had that functioned the same as a knee - crashed into the earth, bringing him even closer to his prey. “You see, the alien has friends. Powerful ones, in fact. Some of them can even use magic, just like you. And when I finally cut that Kryptonian’s heart from his chest, there’s a good chance they’ll be coming after me, next.”

He raised his right arm to the mare, his left tightening around her throat as he did so. The increasing pressure only made concentration more difficult. “This armor was designed to stay put in the middle of an atomic explosion. The metal shielding can withstand temperatures hotter than an erupting volcano. The helmet is equipped with light-amplification devices, so I can see even if they blot out the sun itself. And of course, it comes with the most advanced weaponry LexCorp has ever produced.”

One of the armor panels lifted upwards. As it ascended, a long, metal tube began to unfold out of the suit’s innards, not unlike a jack-in-the-box. “For example, this rifle fires rounds capable of tearing through an entire city block’s worth of metal bunkers without stopping.”

Celestia coughed and hacked out a few bizarre mutterings before finally forming a coherent sentence. “Th-This is...isn’t over, Luthor. I will…”

“No more words,” Luthor snarled as he pressed the tube against the side of Celestia’s head. “You have made my greatest triumph into a mockery. You have set back my conquest of this world by months. I admit that fighting a magical flying horse has been an intriguing diversion, but it is late, I am tired, and I have someone to destroy.”

There was a click.

"Goodbye, Princess."

Author's Note

Yes, I updated this. And it's still not over.

The Madness Ends

Celestia's head was the definition of agony, and the rest of her body wasn't in much better shape. She could see Luthor's weapon pointed directly at her eye, and even though she could not claim to understand how it all worked, it was obvious that whatever would be coming out was not going to be good for her. The only reason she wasn't dead right now was because Luthor appeared to be relishing every fearful moment that passed before pulling the trigger. Between her foe's taunting laugh and the clicking from the tube, she knew she had to escape fast.

I can't teleport...can't focus enough to escape. But...if maybe just for a second...

Luthor closed his eyes, rolled back his head, and gave a cruel and evil chuckle. “It's over, Celestia! Your pathetic little kingdom is-”

“WARNING! EXCESSIVE HEAT DETECTED.”

The sudden announcement, and accompanying flashing red lights from his heads-up display, shocked Equestria's future conqueror back to reality. “Excessive...?”

That was when Luthor realized he wasn't holding the nape of a white winged unicorn's neck anymore, but rather the neck of a winged unicorn that was surrounded in golden fire. He had only a moment to process the sudden change in his opponent's form before an explosion of fire erupted from her form, hitting him with enough force to send even his armor flying back a few feet. Thankfully for him, the suit's auto-orientation software was still operational after being dive bombed, and he was able to land on his feet.

Celestia's fiery form lasted only a moment, but that was more than long enough for it to accomplish its goals. The sudden shock and impact had forced Luthor to release his grip, allowing her to stand and face her foe once more. Even better, the intense heat from an explosion roughly the equivalent of a warehouse full of dynamite was enough to give her a better idea of Luthor's capabilities...and considering his armor was still undamaged, save for the now-melted tube leaking from the half-shut opening in his arm, he was not bluffing about it possibly withstanding the sun itself. Staying in her battle form at this point would be a waste of energy, so she allowed it to dissolve.

“Heh...an interesting strategy, princess! A shame it's such a wasted display.”

Luthor raised both of his arms. From within the metal confines of his armored suit came two metal cylinders, one attached to each of the outstretched limbs. Further attached to the devices were large belts, presumably made of leather, and they were in turn filled with pointed bits of metal. Celestia's eyes widened as the cylinders rapidly began to spin.

She barely had time to leap out of the way as the first hail of gunfire erupted from Luthor's standing form.

Luna's horn glowed, and a dozen robots were telekinetically tossed like bowling balls into the horde.

Superman exhaled, and a dozen more were frozen solid briefly before shattering.

And yet, the machine army continued to press forward. A pair tugged on Superman's cape, stopping only when the Man of Steel kicked them into a mountainside. Another three pounced on Luna like a Diamond Dog trying to enslave a pony, and were met with a great burst of energy from the princess' horn. Another fired a pair of needle-wide beams into Superman's shoulder, causing him to wince in pain before he blew its head off with a blast from his heat vision.

Luna spread her wings out, knocking loose two more attackers, before taking to the air. “It is impossible! There are too many!”

“I'm sorry, but it looks like Luthor's experiment worked.” Superman let out a grunt as another pair of beams struck, followed by another, and finally followed by him slamming the offending robots together into a fine pile of metal debris. “Those attacks are fueled by magic. It's not much, but if this keeps up...”

“We must hold fast!” Luna shouted. “All of Equestria depends on...”

That was when one of the robots leaped into the air, wrapped its metal appendages around the startled princess, and forced her back to the ground. The alicorn let out a snort and fired magical beams at as many targets as possible, but the machine army was simply too large for one mighty princess. Her cries alerted Superman to her peril, but the Man of Tomorrow was weighed down by his own horde of attackers, and while he was still standing, he knew that would not be true for much longer.

A bubble of black-colored magic erupted from Luna's prone form, accompanied by the mare's screams and strained breaths. As she struggled back to her legs, she could only stare in horror at the robots closing in on her and her alien companion. This was an army far larger and more advanced than any she had ever faced, and there was no way she could...

That was when the purple beams came down.

The new energy attacks tore through a half-dozen of the mechanical monsters; this was miniscule in the grand scheme of things, but it opened a window large enough for Luna to hastily retreat to Superman's side and raise a shield around them both. The robots turned their attention to the sky in search of this new attacker, completely ignoring the rainbow-colored blur rocketing from behind until it had scooped up about six of their number in one swoop and discarded their bits and pieces in a number of heaps. But that was nothing compared to the explosion of gunpowder and confetti a few seconds later, the small bits of paper striking miniscule weaknesses in the robot army in such a way that they clogged their vital functions and sent them shutting down permanently.

“What the...?” was about the only response Superman could muster. After all, it was not everyday that he saw armored pegasi flying down while hauling an ornate chariot, which was itself full of other horses with multiple coat colors – in this case, yellow, white, and orange. Flying behind them was a purple pony with wings and a horn, not unlike the princesses. And on the ground already were a cyan one with rainbow hair and a pink one cradling a small, almost cartoonish cannon.

“Twilight Sparkle!” shouted Luna. “Celestia and I both ordered you to stay at the castle! This place is far too dangerous for-”

Twilight's response was simple. “No.” She paused for a moment to blast a couple more robots, then continued. “We saw that explosion, too. We know you and Celestia need our help.”

“We've faced ferocious beasts of all shapes and sizes, darling,” Rarity said as she daintily delivered a roundhouse kick so hard half of a robot's face caved in.

“We've fought a no-good Chaos God and a Changeling army,” said Applejack. She then spun on her hooves and bucked a robot through a dozen more, leaving them hopelessly tangled in a pile of wires and scrap.

“You've gotta be crazy to think we'd sit this one out!” said Rainbow Dash as she flew back into battle.

“Especially after that no-good party pooper Luthor pooped all over our party!” Pinkie's voice echoed with increased disdain with every word, culminating in another blast from her party cannon.

“And...um, I'm here to help, too,” Fluttershy muttered as she walked off the chariot, finally allowing the brave guards to flee for their lives.

Luna and Superman looked at each other. “They seem to know what they're doing,” said the Man of Steel.

Luna nodded in agreement, and released another burst of magic, shattering her shield with enough force to propel the masses of robots gathered around it away. This opening gave Superman enough time to launch himself back into the fray, and her enough time to resume blasting and tossing her foes aside. The relentless machine horde continued to push forward, but the presence of so many new ponies was enough to disrupt their strategic AI, leaving their programming struggling to decide on what to do next. Finally, something was looking up...

“This is just too easy, princess!”

Celestia ducked as another volley of shots came flying in her direction. The veil of rocks still held strong, but more and more was being chipped away; it would not be long before it was too small and weak to hide her form.

“Did you honestly believe you could defeat the most powerful technology my world has to offer?” Another round, more rocks falling away. “I have enough ammunition to take on an army! Do you really think I can't handle one stupid little pony princess?!”

Celestia let out a defiant snort at his words, but it did little to change her situation. I could teleport away, but Luthor will know where I go. I could teleport back to Canterlot, but that risks bringing him there as well. I could try a magic attack against his armor, but if he could survive a fall from that height without a scratch, any spell powerful enough to break through would take too long to charge. If only there was some crack or break in his defenses...

Her eyes widened. Wait, the weapon he had earlier. The heat from my aura was enough to warp the metal! The inside must be weaker than the shell! But if I go out now, he'll certainly see me, and then...

She looked up at the night sky, and smiled. Time to borrow a page from an old enemy's book.

“Not much longer, princess!” Luthor bellowed. “There's not much of that rock left! And after that...”

That was when Luthor noticed something. It was subtle, no doubt because of the way his helmet distorted his vision, but the madman knew the tell-tale signs of the sky darkening when he saw it. Before long, the entire land seemed to be developed in a thick blackness, as if someone had wished eternal night upon the world. The sudden change was enough to alarm Luthor for a moment, causing the guns to cease their endless firing and spin to a halt.

Nevertheless, Luthor was not one to be suckered in with such parlor tricks. “Impressive, my dear princess, but have you forgotten what I said earlier? This suit comes equipped with light amplification technology!”

No sooner had the words left Luthor's lips than a pair of metal lenses popped out of the sides of his helmet, mechanically attached themselves to his eyes, and began to buzz to life. Luthor's field of vision suddenly became bright as a Summer's day, even as the darkness continued to grow outside. And to Luthor's amazement, Celestia was just standing right in front of him, no closer than the chewed-up rock she had been using as cover only moments before. The pony's horn was glowing, no doubt to keep this darkness spell in effect, but she was otherwise putting up no offense.

Luthor chuckled. “Was that your brilliant plan? Make the world go dark, have me stumble about, and make a hasty retreat when I had left? A rather dull plan. I had expected so much better from you...”

“Good,” said Celestia, “because that wasn't my plan at all.”

The light on Celestia's horn suddenly exploded, unleashing a mass of light that illuminated the countryside with the brilliant intensity of the sun for but a second before dissipating, leaving the world with the appropriate amount of darkness for this kind of night.

Celestia's vision returned to normal immediately. The same could not be said of Luthor.

From within the armor, the self-styled tyrant screamed in agony. His arms, operating purely on reflex, clawed at his helmet in a desperate attempt to remove whatever bits of machinery had allowed him to see in total darkness. One of his wild blows struck a small switch on his armor's choker, and the visor of his helmet popped open like a window, revealing the pained, twitching face of Celestia's still half-blinded opponent.

Luthor's eyes burned, and the sudden exposure to the cool night air had made the pain no less unbearable. As his sight returned, he had barely a moment to reconcile the world around him before Celestia's rear hooves bucked his armor like a battering ram. The impact sent Luthor tumbling backwards, but again, his suit's auto-orientation saved him the indignity of staying on his back.

“You are beaten, Luthor,” said Celestia. “Surrender, and I shall have a doctor inspect your eyes before I banish you.”

Luthor growled as the world began to take shape once again, reminding him that he was standing in front of a pony princess with magic powers, and that she had just robbed him of even more of his dignity this night. “H-How? You ponies are so primitive, so backwards! You have no computers, no motorized vehicles, no advanced weaponry of any kind! How could you...?”

“Do you honestly believe my ponies have the life they do because we are ignorant?” Celestia's wings flared briefly before snapping closed. “We may not have the machinery you possess, but that's only because we don't need it. We have spells that can grant a pony the ability to see in the darkness of night as if it were midday, and they come with the same weaknesses that your approach apparently has.”

“Y-You...” Luthor's mouth drooped into something not unlike a snarling manticore about to leap onto its prey. “You think you've beaten me?”

“I have, Luthor. I know your armor's weakness. You no longer have the advantage of surprise. We both know now that whatever you can possibly do will not be enough to win this day.”

“I think that's where you're wrong, princess.”

The visor slammed down with an audible clank. The noise was almost loud enough to drown out all of the metal plates shifting and opening across Luthor's armor, revealing several holes with a red-tipped object stuffed inside. Celestia's eyes widened at the sight, and she found herself flying upwards and backwards just in case. The helmet turned up towards her, and she could feel the eyes of Luthor fixing on her with burning hatred (and burning in general). “This suit was designed to handle an entire army of beings such as yourself! And I will not allow the decal of some little girl's backpack to humiliate me any further!”

A pause. “ALL MISSILES! FIRE!”

At once, every single one of the red-tipped cones launched from the openings in Luthor's suit, revealing themselves to be tinier versions of the missiles Celestia had faced earlier that night. There were dozens in total, and they were all screaming towards their target...

Luthor's laughter echoed through his helmet. He closed his eyes and rolled his head back in triumph. “Now do you see the superiority of humanity, horse? Of me? This is the power that will bring that alien conqueror and his traitorous allies to his knees. This is the power that will make this blasted kingdom into a shining example of my glory! This is the power that will slay the gods!”

He laughed a little bit more, chuckled a bit, and then stopped. In all of his mockery and mirth, he had missed a much more important noise: an explosion. Or rather, several explosions.

He opened his eyes, and saw Celestia still hovering in the air, her wings flapping in a steady rhythm. And all around her were his missiles, every single of them covered in a glowing golden aura. The same aura that was also visible around Celestia's horn.

“Excuse me, Luthor,” she shouted.

The missiles spun around, their payloads now facing Luthor.

“I believe these are yours.”

Luthor had just a moment to whimper quietly before his payload was hurled back.

The missiles struck Luthor's armor one after another, with only the tiniest fractions of a second in between each explosion. The combined force of so many blasts pushed Luthor onto his back, and as the explosions continued, a cloud of dust, ash and dirt began to obscure Celestia's vision of him. Remembering her near-death encounter the last time she dropped her guard, she remained in the air, only moving a body's length to the right in case Luthor was still able to make a retaliatory attack.

When the last missile had done its part, and the smoke cleared, the green of Luthor's armor could barely be discerned from the brown debris that covered it. Any concerns Celestia may have had over the exchange killing him soon proved unfounded, for the invader soon began coughing and struggling to get back into a standing position. “D-Did you think that was going to accomplish anything? This is the pinnacle of my technological genius, and not even...”

Oh, would you please shut up. Celestia rolled her eyes at her opponent's continued bravado, and then returned to her actual objective. Luthor's little tantrum had sped up the process, and what would have potentially taken hours of bucking and (sadly) assistance from her sister and the other alien had been accomplished with one simple bout of magical telekinesis. For right around Luthor's right shoulder was a small, hairline fracture in his armor, revealing a silver metal underneath.

By now, Luthor had pulled himself into a sitting position. Celestia grimaced as the exhaustion of this seemingly endless battle surged forth once again, threatening to bring her back down to Equestria completely. But if there was one force more powerful than her fatigue, it was her resolve. This ends here.

Celestia reared her head back, gathered every bit of magical energy she could muster, and fired a concise and sustained beam of energy directly at the still-muttering Luthor's form. The tiny ray struck directly at the crack...and Luthor laughed. “Really? Is that all you have left, Princess CelestiaaaAAAAAAAAUGGGH!”

That was around the time Luthor began feeling the heat, quite literally. Celestia's magic had struck the endoskeleton holding his armor together, and that tiny ray of sunlight was not striking the vulnerable internal layer at temperatures that made the whole affair resemble an ant being burned by a magnifying glass. As the assault continued, the metal plates that composed Luthor's impenetrable armor began to buckle, crack, and finally burst, as the surface that had been supporting them warped and bubbled. This only increased the area Celestia was able to affect, and she widened her beam accordingly.

From within what remained of his prized suit, Luthor attempted to stand and make a retreat. However, every attempt to do so ended with a flashing message about “TOTAL SYTEM FAILURE” and “MAXIMUM TEMPERATURES EXCEEDED.” He screamed as his opponent, wittingly or not, continued to fry the circuitry that made even the most basic of movement possible. Even his helmet's display finally failed, leaving the supposed genius trapped in the darkness as more and more of his defenses crumbled.

After several minutes of continuous beaming, the magic from Celestia's horn finally ceased flowing. She panted and gasped for air as she lowered her wobbly form to the ground. Hurling that much sustained magic had given her a massive migraine, which only magnified the pain she felt from all the burns, cuts, bruises, and other injuries she had sustained that night. Still, she was a princess, and she would not allow herself to rest before ensuring that her subjects were safe from Luthor's machinations.

Luthor's form remained frozen on one knee. Sparks leaped from the torn, disheveled remnants of his armor, but even these seemed to fade as Celestia came within horn's distance of the fallen villain. Her aura gripped onto the front of the armor and tore it open, much like peeling an orange, to reveal the gasping, beaten form of Luthor within. Small trickles of blood leaked from his nose, and he coughed like a pony that had been caught in the desert without water for days. If Celestia was worn out from the struggle, he was absolutely destroyed.

For a moment, Celestia felt a tinge of pity for her opponent, but the memory of all he had done overrode her compassion quickly enough. She fixed Luthor with a gaze only a monarch was capable of, while he struggled to even look her in the eye. “My offer still stands, Luthor. Surrender, and I will allow a doctor to treat you before I pass judgment.”

Luthor's response was to spit on Celestia's face. The princess did not so much as move to wipe the muck from her cheek, but instead opted to narrow her eyes even further. “Very well. As Princess of Equestria, I hereby banish you to-”

“Emergency...teleport...”

Suddenly, Luthor's entire body vanished, leaving behind only the wrecked shell of his armor. Celestia started silently at nothing in particular for a moment, allowed herself to scream internally, and launched herself back into the sky. Really, Luthor. We know where you're running off to.

After a few seconds of intangibility, Luthor's form rematerialized back where this had all started: right underneath his anti-Superman weapon in his once-hidden lab in the Foal Mountains. The villain quickly ran to his master computer, and before long the entire chamber echoed with the sound of his furious typing. “That contemptuous mare! She thinks she can insult the great Lex Luthor and get away with it? I will make her rue the day she ever thought her kind could stand up to my intellect!”

“LUTHOR!”

Lex didn't even turn around to face Celestia. He didn't need to. The mare's voice echoed her own frustration with this protracted charade. “It's over. You cannot win this day.”

“And neither can you.”

Luthor tapped a final key on the controls. The monitors switched from the standard displays of the magic-Kryptonite gun's deadliness to a detailed map of Equestria itself, with a small green circle denoting each of its major cities and towns. “I knew I might have trouble with some of the equines, so I made certain I was prepared before making my move.”

“Your 'move' was robbing a baking contest,” Celestia growled. Her stomach followed in turn.

“That was just to be a bit of fun, but you had to take it too far!” Luthor slammed his fist on the console, and the entire map suddenly turned dark red. A clock appeared in the corner, counting down from three minutes. “I had my robots tunnel beneath each of your major cities and implant a nuclear device at their center. I had intended to destroy one or two as an example, but because you claim these are your subjects, I fear a more definite demonstration is in order.”

Celestia's eyes narrowed. “Do you really think this is going to-?”

“And before you get any bright ideas, I'm the only one who knows the code to stop the countdown. I'm certain you could have time to remove one or two, if you knew exactly where they were, but millions will still be dead. And it will be your fault, Princess Celestia. Now, do you want to negotiate, or shall we drop the pretense and enjoy the show?”

Celestia's heart sank as she took in her options. She could obviously rush Luthor, but as he said, he was the only one that knew how to stop them. She could try to rip the answers out of his head with magic, but she was so drained that the use of such dark power was beyond her. There was no way to force him to deactivate the weapons, and as he said, there was no way she could get to them all in time. After fighting so hard to take the advantage, she had lost control.

Luthor had won.

“...Very well, Luthor. Name your terms.”

Lex curled his lips into a triumphant sneer. “Very good, Princess. Now...” He pressed a switch on his console, and a loud purring sound filled the chamber as the cannon lowered itself into position. “I want you to stand in front of the weapon. Once it's fired, and you are no more, I will disable my bombs. You have my word.”

Celestia grimaced as she turned towards the cannon. She knew there was no way he was telling the truth, but what else...?

Wait...what's this buzzing I feel?

The tip of Celestia's horn ached, but it was not from the strain of battle. It was the tell-tale sign of overwhelming magical energy pouring out from somewhere nearby. Her eyes scanned the cannon from top to bottom, trying to discern if this was just the weapon's normal operation or something else...and then she saw it. At the very tip of the cannon, right at the only part that was exposed when Celestia had burst in previously, was a jagged piece of metal – a remnant of the steel door she had broken. It had wedged itself inside the cannon and shattered one of the crystals.

And that crystal was now glowing very, very brightly.

Celestia's eyes widened. “Luthor, we have to get out NOW!”

“No, we don't!” Luthor pointed back to the clock on the monitor, which now showed less than thirty seconds. “You just have to let me finish you already!”

“You don't understand!” shouted Celestia. “One of the crystals is broken. It can't hold the magical energy you're still channeling through it. If it keeps up, we'll-”

The first explosion cut off her words. The second engulfed the entire lab in fire.

Rainbow Dash shook the head of the final robot off of her hoof, adding it to the assortment of piles strewn across the battlefield. As the last of Luthor's mechanical army shut down, everybody let out a sigh of relief. “Sweet Celestia, that was a loathsome brawl,” Rarity gasped.

“At least this thread has been dealt with,” said Luna. “I know I was cross when you arrived, but thank you for your assistance.”

“No problem, Princess Luna.” Twilight furiously brushed some metal bits out of her mane before continuing. “But where's Princess Celes-”

That was when they heard the explosion. Everybody turned their attention to the source of the noise: the Foal Mountains. “Luthor's lab!” exclaimed Superman.

Celestia opened her eyes, only to find herself surrounded by catastrophic destruction. It was only thanks to her swift speed that she had been able to throw up a shield in time, but that did little to help her now. The entire left side of the cannon had been ripped apart from the inside, and the crystals were still crackling and bursting from within. Several parts of the ceiling had collapsed, and black wire swung limply in the air, their tips snapping with electrical charges. Luthor was collapsed against his console – which was now short several monitors and a chair – and furiously banging his fingers against the buttons and switches. It was to no avail; the only remaining screen simply showed a red rectangle with the words, “SIGNAL LOST,” flashing in yellow.

“No...NO!” Luthor slammed his fists against the console, causing another shower of sparks to erupt. “The nukes...they were designed to shut down if the connection was ever lost. Why did I have to install that failsafe? Why is NOTHING WORKING TODAY?!”

That was when the ceiling panel right above him finally gave way. He barely had time to scream before the metal crashed into him, pinning him to the ground. With her enemy incapacitated and, it seemed, the threat to her ponies resolved, Celestia turned her attention to the entrance...and whinnied as she saw it buried by debris.

No matter. A quick teleport spell and we'll both be...

Celestia's nose chose that moment to catch a familiar smell. At first, she feared it was a gas leak of some kind, but a quick turn of her head proved otherwise. On the other side of the lab, just out of range of the carnage, were the stolen desserts. All of them were perfectly on display, and only a few had any obvious bits removed. The cakes seemed to scream for her help, and in her hunger she could feel herself wishing to reach out, to rescue them, to bring them home so that she might enjoy them with her subjects.

She turned back to Luthor as another explosion erupted from the cannon, this time from the rear. There was no way she could return once she escaped; the entire mountainside could erupt from the force building in that cannon.

Lex Luthor...you are a monster. You have threatened my ponies time and again. You sought to conquer Equestria, to murder me, and to destroy everything my sister and I have sacrificed to build. If you are this evil in your own world, I doubt anyone will miss you. The only right thing is to leave you to die from your own hubris.

Luthor moaned in agony. He struggled to lift the plate, but his strength was long since spent, and it simply fell back down.

Celestia sighed. Her horn lit up with a teleportation spell...

Luna, Superman, and the rest of the ponies arrived just as the entire mountain exploded. There was no other way to describe it – one moment it was a mountain, and the next it was a fireball covered in dirt. Everybody slowly floated to the ground (Superman and Luna being extra-cautious with the non-flying ponies they were carrying), searching for any sign of life...

There was a flash, and Celestia reappeared. Next to her was the badly-beaten Lex Luthor.

With a fling of her head, Celestia telekinetically hurled the madman to Superman's feet. Luthor looked up at his hated enemy, gurgled something very unkind, and fell unconscious. With one problem dealt with, she turned to Luna. “Luthor planted explosive devices underneath several of our cities. We need to remove them before anypony is harmed.” Her horn lit up again, and a scroll poofed into existence in front of Luna. It unfurled itself into a map of Equestria, with a green “X” on each of the cities Luthor had previously shown. “I was able to memorize their locations, but we will need to be discrete.”

“Understood, sister.” Luna floated the scroll up to eye level and began studying.

“I would be happy to help, your highness,” said Superman. “I have experience dealing with Luthor's mechanisms.”

Celestia nodded. “Very well. And please, take Luthor. When he wakes up, let him know that he is hereby banished forever from Equestria. If he ever shows his face again, I will throw him into Tartarus myself.”

The mare extended her wings, only to hear a certain purple pony's voice call out. “Wait, where are you going? You're hurt!”

Celestia let out a heavy sigh. So heavy was it that the air molecules around her seemed to yelp and break into a sweat under its weight. “Twilight, my most faithful student, I have had a very long night. I wish to have my wounds inspected, wash myself up, and forget any of this ever happened.”

“But you'll be joining us for dessert, right?” added Pinkie. “You know, with all the yummy delicious cakes you rescued! Right...Right?”

Celestia let out another sigh, although this one seemed more pained than the last. She fluttered into the sky briefly before teleporting away.

“So...what was that about a cake?” asked Superman.

Celestia's arrival at Canterlot Castle was met with a flurry of panic and concern. It was not every day where somepony saw their beloved ruler battered, dirty and bruised, after all, and the destructive nature of the night's battle could be seen from as far as this defended castle town. Celestia, to her credit, did not rant or complain about the foe she had finally defeated, nor did she make excuses for the loss of so much of Equestria's natural beauty. She simply asked a guard to fetch the royal doctor, took a quick bath, and submitted herself for an examination.

The physician had just left when Luna arrived. The Princess of the Night had only a few elastic bandages stuck to her fur, but was otherwise as regal as ever. The same could not be said of Celestia; the mare's midsection was completely wrapped in ointment-treated linen, several spots on her coat showed the tell-tale signs of rubbing alcohol, and her mane was still slightly blackened from all the fire and ash she had been exposed to. She barely even acknowledged her younger sister's presence. “What do you want?”

“First, I wish to remind you that you are a princess of Equestria. Hiding in your chambers is far beneath a pony of your stature. Regardless of what happened to some desserts, you stopped a villain from conquering Equestria.”

“Noted,” Celestia said, her voice dripping with that most vile of things – figurative venom.

Luna took a few steps towards her sister. “Second, it was a reckless and foolish thing to rush into danger like you did. You were nearly slain multiple times this night, and all of those could have been avoided if you had merely asked for our assistance from the beginning.” She paused briefly before tapping a hoof against her chin. “Although I suppose it was wrong of me to try and leave Twilight and her friends out as well. Were it not for them, that monster's army would have laid waste to Equestria.”

Celestia sighed. “Noted.”

“And third, there's something I wish I had done before you left...”

Before Celestia could once again press her desire to be left alone, Luna leaned forward and pulled her into a close hug. The elder sister was briefly stunned, albeit more from several of her scraps suddenly being bothered, but familial love soon took over and she returned her sister's nuzzle. “I was so scared you had died,” said Luna. “When I saw that explosion – both of those explosions – I thought I would never see my big sister again.”

Celestia gasped and closed her eyes. “I was scared, too. I thought of you and all of our little ponies, and I knew that if I died out there, I would be letting everypony down.”

Luna pulled out of the embrace, a smile tracing across her muzzle. “Then why seclude yourself like this? Surely it is not because of protocol.”

Celestia's own smile faded back into a frown. She cast her eyes towards the floor. “It's because I failed. I had promised the bakers that I would rescue their desserts. Instead, I've left much of Equestria's beauty scarred and returned with nothing, save for the villain that started this to begin with. And then I end up wounded and having a doctor prod through my body to make certain I'm not critically injured.” She sighed. “Let's face facts, sister. I'm not the young Alicorn that could take down a dragon in five seconds anymore. I'm just a slightly overweight old mare who spends her days sitting on her rear.”

Luna shook her head. “And that brings us to the fourth item...”

Of all the amazing wonders of Equestria, the universe, and the very totality of existence, nothing had prepared Celestia for what awaited her in the castle courtyard. Sitting in the very center was a cake. It was an exquisite affair, with pink frosting and green icing covering a chocolate exterior, and little buckets of whipped cream covered in cherries, strawberries, and other delicious fruits. And on the very top were a pair of cake toppers, one representing Celestia and the other Luna. But that wasn't what made this special.

The real marvel was the size of it.

The cake was built with five layers, and the first swallowed up nearly all of the courtyard, and stood about the height of Celestia herself. The cake toppers were life-sized, and radiated with a sugar coating and delicious candy interior. There were entire chocolate donuts, eclairs, pupping pops, and other dessert items mixed in with the typical cake offerings. And surrounding the cake were all of the bakers that had attended the disrupted National Dessert Competition, as well as Twilight, her friends, and Superman.

Celestia's eyes watered as she took in the beauty of it all. “I-I don't understand...”

“We were able to dispose of Luthor's explosives in record time,” said Luna. “So we got together with the bakers and discussed what had happened.”

“Nopony was upset that you couldn't save their work; they were just happy to know you were alive,” Twilight said from the courtyard below. “So we decided to try and show how important you are to all of us.”

“B-But how?” Celestia choked back a tear. “H-How could you bake an entire cake of this size in just a short number of hours?”

Rainbow Dash pointed to Superman. “Yeah, turns out this guy knows...” She groaned and slapped her forehead. “Super-baking.”

“The bakers really did most of the work,” said Superman. “I just made certain everything was ready in time.”

Celestia choked back a few more tears. Even if she was as stringent on protocol as Luna, she would have zero chance of holding the proper royal poise at this point. “I-I'm so honored, my little ponies. Th-Thank you all...”

Her stomach growled.

“Now, why don't we start carving up that cake!”

With much care and precision, the cake was cut down into nice, manageable pieces, and everypony soon had their share. Celestia, of course, had the first bite, and for the first time that day, her stomach was able to relax. Despite the ridiculousness of it all, the mega-dessert was quite delicious, and there was plenty to spare. Soon pieces of cake were being delivered by Celestia's guards to all the ponies in Canterlot, and soon even further. It seemed like there was enough for almost everypony in Equestria, save for those who just didn't like cake.

Eventually, the mood shifted from simply stuffing oneself to celebrating today's amazing victory. Tomorrow, the Equestrian Geological Society would go out to begin rebuilding the destroyed Foal Mountains, and Superman had to leave and come back in order to ensure that all of Luthor's technology was accounted for, but for this moment, everypony was just happy to be alive and safe.

It was during this time, as she was smiling and looking down on her loving subjects, that Celestia felt something tap her shoulder. She turned and saw Superman, who was holding a plate with a piece of cake in one hand and an iron cage in the other. Inside said cage was Lex Luthor, still whimpering and sobbing to himself. “A pony...I was defeated by a pony...”

Superman chuckled. “I think it'll take him a little while to recover from this.”

Celestia shook her head. “As long as he isn't anywhere near Equestria, he can take all the time he needs.”

“Indeed.” Superman set the cage down with a heavy thud, which Luthor barely showed any sign of reacting to. He then bowed on one knee before Equestria's regent. “I apologize for everything that's happened. This really isn't the best first impression of our world, but I promise you that Luthor isn't a representative for all of us.”

Celestia and Luna both nodded. “We have had our fair share of disastrous meetings with other nations,” said Luna. “If we were judge an entire race by its worst members, we would be no better than Luthor.”

“Perhaps if we meet again, it will be under more pleasant circumstances.” Celestia sighed and nodded. “And I apologize for doubting you. I had only Luthor's word to go on, and I fear I was not in my best mind at the time.”

Superman smiled and rose back up. “I understand. Today's been an ordeal for all of us. But now it's time we went home. Isn't that right, Luthor?”

Luthor rose his head just enough for Celestia to see the hate in his eyes. “Just take me anywhere. Anywhere there isn't any ponies!”

Celestia, Luna, and Superman shared a hearty laugh at Luthor's misery, but since he was evil, it was totally justified. A swirling mass of energy erupted behind Superman and Luthor, there was a flash of light, and the two were gone. The Royal Pony Sisters looked at each other, laughed a little more, and turned back to the still-celebrating crowd.

“So, are you still depressed you aren't the superheroine you once were?” asked Luna.

“You know,” said Celestia as she winked at you, “I think I'm still plenty super.”

THE END

Author's Note

Sorry if this disappoints you all. At least this little tale of madness is over. Now go out and enjoy some cake!