The Monarch and the Mailmare

by DethPotato

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Derpy Hooves
Length: 3836

[Discontinued]

.

Published 2012-01-08 20:11:13 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-08 20:11:13 UTC

Chapter 1

Arrested by: Officer Coltroy

Defendant: Ditzy Doo

Date: 6/11/1089

Ditzy Doo,

You have been charged with disturbing the peace of the main square of Canterlot, Equestria. The charges include: loud shouting of nonexistent words, knocking over of various market stalls, and ignoring instructions to comply with nearby guards. Rumors have also been coming in of numerous explosions in the area in which you were found committing these actions. Please report to the Royal Palace’s courthouse within at least two days. If you do not come in by your own accord by then, you will be brought in for a trial by members of the Royal Guard, and any punishment that may have been received will be increased.

Ditzy Doo was standing in the palace courtyard, waving a letter around in her mouth. She knew what it said, or at least she grasped the general idea of what it said, because a member of the Royal Guard had read it to her right before he had released her. But it wasn’t because she couldn’t read that it was read aloud to her, but simply because she couldn’t read any lengthy text with full comprehension. That, and the royal guard wanted to make sure she knew her obligations. Now, there she was, sitting on a stone bench just outside the main building of the palace. She had already reported into the main office, where she had been instructed by a receptionist to wait outside in the courtyard for the bell to call her in for the courthouse hearing. As she stood there idly, she began to try to take in her surroundings. Ditzy Doo looked around at the beauty of the palace garden; it was truly a proud portion of the royal palace. Every little rose, sunflower, and lilac bloomed in the garden with utmost brilliance. It was a paradise, and it was impossible to worry about a punishment while amongst these surroundings.

Suddenly, there was a noise. It was a distant, rumbling noise, similar to that of thunder. The rumbling sound rolled in closer and closer, until all of a sudden, a cloud gathered over Ditzy Doo’s head. Just as Ditzy Doo looked up to examine the clouds, water practically gushed from the sky above, drenching not only Ditzy Doo’s face, but her whole body. The downpour was unexpected, and was a great shock in contrast to the sunny weather she had been experiencing just a minute ago. But she hardly even made any movements acknowledging the rain. She just stayed where she was, looking down at the ground stoically. In time, a member of the Royal Guard ran outside into the courtyard. He was trotting rather than moving in the slow pace that the royal guards normally keep when patrolling the grounds. The royal guard flew up into the air and confronted a couple of dazed pegasi who were loitering in the clouds. The conversation between them was brief and held in low voices, and could not be heard except for when the pegasus companions broke the silence to yell at each other.

“I told you it wasn’t our shift today!” one would shout at the other.

The other would merely rub his head with his hoof, saying, "I forgot."

As the pegasus guard and weather ponies came to an understanding, they all departed in different directions. The clouds began to clear, but Ditzy Doo remained where she was. She was wet all over, shivering from the cold droplets of rain that clung to her.

There was someone else watching. It was Princess Luna, one of the great princesses of Equestria. She had seen most of the events unfold. She cried out to Ditzy Doo, “I’m so sorry!” as she flew down from her balcony just above the courtyard. She wrapped Ditzy Doo in a velvet towel with a blue “L” embedded in its stitching. “I should have been more thoughtful,” she said. “I saw you sitting out there and noticed the rain coming. I should have let you inside. Let’s hope you don’t catch a cold.”

“AAACHOO!” Ditzy sneezed.

“Oh dear, let’s get you inside.”

When they got inside, Luna addressed Ditzy Doo. “You really ought not to stand outside when it rains like that, but I suppose it may not be your fault. By the way, what were you doing there?” she asked.

Ditzy Doo began to pass the note to Princess Luna, but as she was doing so, it fumbled from the grip of her mouth and floated to the ground. Ditzy Doo stared at the note for a minute as if wondering what to do, until she finally made as if to go try to pick it up. But before she could, Princess Luna used her magic to levitate it up to her eyes and read it.

Luna read the name stated on the piece of paper. “You are Ditzy Doo?” she asked, mispronouncing the name by emphasizing the last syllable.

The pegasus nodded, ignoring the slight error.

She continued reading the note, and finished it quickly. She then looked up at Ditzy, amused. “Well, I can’t say I see charges quite like this very often... Although there was this one time that this one pony barged into the courthouse and started dancing like a bird on the tables...” She smiled, recalling the memory. “But that’s a story for another day. Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck in your trial.”

Ditzy Doo grinned and nodded gratefully as the letter was passed back to her, but still didn’t speak a word.

Luna led Ditzy Doo along to her study. It was the study in which the princess handled all of her governing affairs. There, she told her, she could make herself at home. Bookcases lined the room, with papers and books cluttered all over. Some books in piles here, some there, with papers strewn all over the desk located in the back of the room. There were two glass doors just past the desk, and beyond them, a balcony overlooking the courtyard. Luna showed Ditzy to a small recliner in one corner of the room. “Make yourself at home,” she said. “You can wait here until it’s time for your hearing. I’ve got a lot of work to do, so forgive me if I cannot be a proper host.”

Ditzy Doo moved her head up and down and slumped herself onto the soft recliner. She was tired after flying and walking all that way from the main square to the palace and began to relax as Luna sat in a chair at the other end of the room, scribbling with a quill and shuffling through her pile of papers. The Princess was silent, occupied with her work. Ditzy Doo, too, was quiet, taking in her surroundings.

Luna was hard at work for a while, levitating a quill and scribbling on documents. But the work soon became too much for the princess who, for whatever reason, already seemed tired. Slowly, a look of frustration grew on the princess’s face as she began to shuffle through her jumbled papers more and more loudly and violently. She was grumbling under her breath something about papers and organization. Then, as if out of spite of her grumpy attitude, the papers all tumbled to the ground in an unorganized heap. The princess seemed about to fly into a fit of rage, but restrained herself, and waltzed out in indignation.

Ditzy Doo looked up to see her running out. She didn’t feel offended at all; she wasn’t picky with hospitality, and all hospitality was good from her viewpoint. She was more concerned for the frustrated princess than she was upset at what might have been regarded as inhospitality by other ponies. Ditzy was the kind of pony to always help other ponies in all ways possible.

She got up and looked over the desk. She was careful to not let her eyes wander over any “confidential” information they might hold, if any, and only read the headings on the papers that she needed to. She sifted through the piles and put them into a neat stack on top of the princess’ desk, and put the books where they belonged on their bookshelves. After a while, new, bare places began to emerge on the desk and on the floor, indicating progress in organizing the room. After what was probably twenty minutes, the room’s opulent carpets were bare and uncluttered, while the shiny wooden desk at the end of the room sat with the princess’ papers categorized into neat piles. Ditzy Doo was satisfied, not only from the thrill of helping another pony, but also from the feeling of accomplishment in the tidying up of the room.

Just as Ditzy Doo had finished and made herself comfortable again, Luna walked back into the room, stopped, and looked around. Seeing what had happened, she slowly broke into a smile. She was grateful, and her heart was warmed by a simple kindness, the kindness of the quiet pony who sat across the room from her on the soft recliner.

Ditzy Doo, however, was oblivious now to the princess’ presence. She was in her own world, happy and silent, but buzzing with activity on the inside of her imagination.

And then the princess smiled again. “Ditzy Doo,” she said, walking up and laying her hoof on Ditzy Doo’s shoulder, “I do believe we will come to be great friends.”

At that, the little pegasus pony looked up. She glanced over towards Luna and gave her an undiscernable look. But soon, this look eased into a beaming expression of delight.

Luna added, “On account of your kindness, I just wanted to say thank y―”

“ACHOO!” Her sentence was interrupted as Ditzy Doo once again let out a loud sneeze. But this time as she sneezed, she was not sad and alone, wet or cold. She had a friend, and the hospitality given by her. Luna smiled as Ditzy Doo recovered from the shock of her monstrous sneeze.

A bell tolled. It was the bell calling Ditzy Doo for her trial. Ditzy hesitated, but Luna urged her on. “Go on,” she said. “I doubt they’d ever give out too large of a punishment to a kind pony like you. The Canterlot justice system is very good and forgiving; no doubt they will invoke a fair judgment upon you that is not too harsh. After all, they go by the motto ‘Punish to protect, not to hurt,’ so I do not think you have any cause to fear.”

Ditzy Doo spoke with her eyes to Luna. In the pegasus pony’s eyes shone compassion, gratefulness, hope, and happiness. She nodded goodbye and walked to the door. She turned around, and with a final wave of her hoof, she bade farewell, for the time being, to Princess Luna as she went to face what lay ahead.

Ditzy Doo walked down a few sets of cobblestone stairs, back into the courtyard, and along the outside of the palace building to another building almost connected to it; it was the courthouse. She slowly approached its oak double doors. It had the letters “IPQE” engraved in big font at the top, and under them small text with the words “Iudic Populusque Equestriam.” Ditzy nudged the door open as softly and quietly as was possible. Despite her efforts, the door creaked loudly and echoed throughout the entire building, only adding to the tension she felt. She walked in, her hoofsteps clopping on the marble floors. Just as she sat down, her name was called. “Citizen Ditzy Doo, resident of East Canterlot, step forward, please.” The words were spoken by an old, grey-bearded unicorn. His voice was deep, loud, and fearful, and it was with some hesitancy that Ditzy Doo approached him. He didn’t seem kind and gentle as Luna had made the judges of Canterlot to be; he seemed, to Ditzy Doo, frightening.

As she stood in front of him, he looked down at her from his elevated place in the room. She said nothing, nor did he. He just looked at her, his gaze piercing straight into her eyes. Finally, he spoke with his booming voice. “Please hand over the note of accusations.”

Ditzy Doo shrank away a little at first, but then brought forward the note that the royal guard had given her. She walked up to the large, elevated desk behind which the judge pony sat and slowly set the note on the top. She then shied slowly back as he put on a pair of eyeglasses and began to read it. It didn’t take him long to read it, but the period of silence in which he read it was nerve-wracking for the small pegasus pony who stood before a nearly empty courtroom.

“Ditzy Doo,” he said, looking up with a serious expression, “these charges are nothing to be simply brushed aside. But first I must ask you; what do you have to say for yourself?”

Ditzy Doo said nothing, shying away, while her fear grew.

“Do you refuse to answer me?” he said, raising his voice slightly.

Ditzy Doo quickly shook her head fearfully, but remained silent.

“Then why do you not speak?”

She twisted her face as her fear began to grow. At this point, she felt backed into a corner.

“Very well then,” he said, “if you refuse to defend yourself, you will be penalized for the crime. You will serve forty-eight hours. Guards!”

A pair of guards marched in and grabbed hold of Ditzy Doo, whose face was welling up with tears. She had trusted Luna that she would be safe, and now she would have to spend two full days and nights in a cold cell, all alone, and with no happiness to surround her. The guards had to drag Ditzy out, for she was very reluctant to go. She was brought outside of the courthouse, and into the palace courtyard. There, she continued to struggle, but it didn’t do much, for the guards were too strong for her. The more she struggled, the tighter the grip on her became. Finally, realizing her efforts were in vain, Ditzy Doo relented and gave up. She stopped struggling and let herself be led by the guards.

* * *

Luna was working, as always, on the political matters of the kingdom. She looked over documents of taxation, the budget, and various other things. Her work flew by speedily due to the recent organization that had been done by her new-found friend, Ditzy Doo. Not a thing had been put in an improper place, and everything was easy to find. Her quill swept across the table as she marked off the various documents. She would mark them off to approve or deny various proposals, or confirm that everything was in order. Sometimes she would have to scribble little notes on the documents. Sometimes they would be noting flaws in laws, and sometimes they would give suggestions for them. Soon Luna reached the end of her pile. As the quill she levitated in front of her finished marking off the last document, Princess Luna sighed with relief; for her work was done.

She looked up and got out of her chair, and went to go outdoors. As she walked outside, she spied a bird running across the palace’s lawn, scouring the grass for any seed it might find to eat. It was a sunny and beautiful day, and Luna couldn’t have asked for a better day to have free time.

Still though, the princess was worried about Ditzy Doo. She had hoped that she would come back after the trial to confirm that she was alright. But what if she wasn’t alright? What if something had gone wrong? Luna decided to go find out for herself.

The princess walked across the sunny lawn. She walked past the pond shaded by a great willow tree, where a frog croaked as she passed. When she reached the courthouse's large doors, she pushed them open, this time with a bit more surety than Ditzy Doo had had. The old unicorn was still there, working at his desk. As he saw her walk in, he stood up, and slightly bowing his head he spoke. “Your Majesty, what brings you here today?”

“Has a certain pegasus by the name of Ditzy Doo presented herself to you?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“And what were the results of the trial?” Luna asked.

“The criminal was punished; a couple of days away from society will do her good. She had the chance to defend herself, but she didn't. So now she has to serve her sentence.”

“I have met this pegasus; she is no criminal.”

“Then why did she refuse to defend herself? Surely that is a sign of guilt?”

“Perhaps not,” Luna said. “Perhaps there is another reason. But I do not believe that she is any danger to society; she must have done those things without bad intent. It is unfair for you to hand out punishments so readily. She is a good pony. Let us go to see her together and I will show you what I mean.”

“If that is what you wish, then it will be thus, Your Majesty.”

The old judge pony set aside his work and got out of his chair. He followed Luna closely as she led him out the door. They walked across the lawn once more, and over to the jail building, which was located on the opposite side of the courtyard.

When they got there, the guards, posted outside to prevent any stranger without permission from entering, let them pass, for no questions had to be asked of the princess and the chief justice. A third guard posted nearby asked them whom they wished to see, so that he may escort them there.

As if he didn't know; they only had one prisoner at the time. The jails weren't exactly occupied very often. They told him to take them to Ditzy Doo.

When they arrived at the cell, Ditzy Doo was lying there, staring at the wall. “Hello, Ditzy, are you alright?” Luna said gently.

Ditzy Doo did not respond. She gave no sign that she had even heard her.

“Do you wish for me to let you in?” the guard said.

Luna nodded to the guard, who subsequently took out some keys and opened the door.

Luna and the chief justice then walked in. But Ditzy Doo still seemed to ignore them.

“She doesn’t want to see us, apparently. Let’s just stop wasting our time,” the judge pony said.

Luna payed no attention to him, and instead approached Ditzy Doo and tapped her on the back.

She turned around and looked at Luna. She smiled upon seeing it was her. She gave no sign that she bore any ill will and she acted as though she was just noticing them.

The judge pony turned around, so as to face away from Ditzy Doo, and spoke to himself. “Deaf and dumb? I should have known.”

Luna spoke to Ditzy Doo once more, asking if she was alright.

Ditzy nodded.

Princess Luna then drew the chief justice aside. "She is not harming anypony, and she could not defend herself in court. How would it be truly fair to keep her locked up for two whole days? Please, she is an innocent pony and deserves to be released."

The judge pondered this for a moment. Then he decided. “If you can vouch for her, Princess, I suppose I can release her. But please, don’t let me hear anymore trouble from her.”

“Do not worry,” Luna said. “I shall be fully responsible for her.”

“Alright then,” the chief justice said, “guard, take note: This prisoner is pardoned of her crimes and is now a free pony.”

Ditzy Doo had been paying attention; she was a good lip-reader. She had understood all that had taken place, and dashed out of her cell, glomping Luna happily. She then proceeded to give the chief justice a great big hug of gratitude. To this he reacted with little more than a grunt. Once the judge pony was done being hugged, he bade a formal farewell to his princess, and walked back out of the courthouse saying, “Remember, she’s your responsibility now!”

“Let us go now, Ditzy,” Luna said, turning to her friend, “for tonight you shall dine in Canterlot!”

Later that evening, Ditzy Doo was sitting at the table with Princess Luna. They were in Luna's private dining room. There, lots of food was laid out for them. It was a great feast, and Ditzy Doo was enjoying herself immensely. After they both ate and were fulfilled, they sat down in the living room. Once they had both made themselves comfortable, Luna addressed Ditzy. "It's much too late for you to go home at this hour, do you not agree? I have a spare bedroom that you could sleep in. So what do you say? Would you like to stay the night here at the palace?"

Ditzy Doo, who was meekly sitting in a comfy chair across from her, merely nodded. She couldn’t argue; it was far too late to make any travels after all.

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door. Luna rushed up to get it. When she saw a royal guard there with an urgent look on his face, she asked what was the matter.

He whispered something in her ear.

She looked shocked.

"Ditzy Doo, listen, there has been an emergency. I must leave momentarily. You just stay here until I get back. In fact, you may be a princess of Equestria while I'm gone; I'll only be gone a few minutes," Luna said, winking.

Ditzy Doo squealed with delight. Even if it was to be only for a few minutes, it had always been her fantasy as a filly to be a princess. Now that dream was coming true.

"Alright, I will be back shortly. Make yourself at home," Luna said as she smiled; it was one of her delights to make dreams come true, even if only in little ways. At that, she rushed out the door, following the royal guard.

* * *

The light in the room had dimmed greatly as candles flickered and began to die down. A clock was ticking as Ditzy Doo snored on the soft chair she had positioned herself on.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Clang!

The clock's bell chimed in the little living room in which Ditzy Doo was still sitting sleepily. The chiming rattled the room, startling her awake. She opened her eyes briefly, but stayed where she was, trying to go back to sleep. The hands on the clock indicated that it had been over an hour since the departure of Luna, and the temporary position that Luna had given to her was only to wear off when she returned.

Thus began the story of Princess Ditzy Doo, co-ruler of Equestria.