Twilight's Crusade

by Roobles

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2085

Twilight struggles to find the meaning in her cutie mark.

Twilight has been keeping secrets about her special talent and the origin of her cutie mark.

Published 2012-11-22 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-27 17:43:53 UTC

Prologue

"Please... not this again." The words barely whisped away from Twilight Sparkle's mouth, too fragile to carry themselves across the open air. The landscape at her hooves was foreign, yet intimately familiar. An open field that stretched far beyond any Equestrian horizon. Perfectly trimmed blades of grass, shimmering in reflected hues of purple and scarlet. A sky cracked open, alive and bleeding. A single glance upon it, and the heavens would swallow up even the most grounded and conceited of ponies. Lost forever in the great swirling cosmos abroad.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut, and pressed her head into the ground. She could feel each blade of grass, as they tickled at her nose and cheeks. But they had no scent. Nothing had a taste here; nothing had a smell. Everything was just a feeling, a little voice in the back of her head, gently urging her toward the sky.

"No!" Twilight tried to scream, but it came out as less than a whimper. Her flank began to tingle, like somepony was holding ice against her cutie marks. "W-what d'you w-want from me?" The tingling erupted into an itching, burning sensation. Twilight's legs buckled and the hairs on her back stood on end. Nothing escaped from her lips beyond an unintelligible squeal. She frantically started digging at the ground; anything to escape, anything to take her mind off what was going to happen. It felt like the skin on her rear was bubbling and pulling away, while the flesh beneath it boiled and seared. Pain rippled up her spine and washed upon the shores of her body, from the tips of her ears to the tiny crevices of her hooves. Twilight collapsed on the ground, shaking violently and drooling vomit. Her unicorn horn was throbbing, pulsing to the beat of the sky above. Tears forced themselves from squinted eyes as her mind ripped itself to shreds.

She fought it with every ounce of strength and determination she had, taking the pain with gritted teeth. But it was a losing battle. Her horn split open, impregnated with the origins of a spell she did not know. The ground shook beneath her, breaking at the seams. Every ounce of pain, every fear, every doubt, everything she knew and didn't know drained from her body and filtered into her horn, collecting there and adding to the violence of the torrent about her. A force beyond her control took hold of her. It slowly, deliberately opened her eyes and lifted her head from the ground. As her gaze met with the heavens, her horn broken open and shot a spell deep into its heart.

Peace.

Twilight Sparkle burst out of her covers, panting and gasping for breath. Her body was soaked in sweat and shivering despite the mid summer's warmth; cutie marks throbbing with a dull and subtle pain. The clock on the wall told her what she already knew. She hadn't slept a minute more than three hours. But she couldn't submit herself to slumber just yet. She craved a book to read, a friend to talk to, anything to take her mind off the reoccurring nightmare and the shameful secret it held.

"Get a grip on yourself, Twilight Sparkle. Dreams are just dreams, and they can't hurt anypony." Twilight wanted to believe what she said, but her heart just wasn't in it. She thought back to the likely culprit of the dream, her advice to the Cutie Mark Crusaders that very day: "Try something you're already good at to find your cutie mark." The words, insincere and ironic, left a bitter taste in her mouth. Twilight envied those empty headed blank flanks. They would find their special talent, and they would build their lives around it. Their talents were already so painfully obvious to everypony anyway.

"Don't be bitter, Twilight."

Twilight huffed. Every book always said the same thing: a pony first discovers her special talent, then the cutie mark appears. Then and only then. It's like a contract with the Universe, sealed in flesh, plastered on a flank for everypony to see. Twilight sighed, and looked down at her own flank. Why was she different? Twilight Sparkle still had no idea what her special talent was, and feared for the worst. As she laid her head back down on the pillow, her thoughts ventured back to the days of youth. Back in Canterlot, before she was Princess Celestia's prized pupil. When she was just an awkward, lanky, bookish filly, taking the same classes every other pony her age. But she was the top of her class; the kind of pony that made all the other ponies look bad. And they knew it. Keeping up with her reputation, she was even the first to get her cutie mark.

It just wasn't what she expected.

Twilight was hopelessly obsessed with finding her cutie mark. She read every book on the subject she could get her hooves on. Statistics of cutie marks, correlations of special talents across sex, species, and economic standings. A young unicorn's guide to magical cutie marks. Finding the cutie in you. The contents didn't matter. Every turn of the page made Twilight feel closer to finding that special meaning of life. She was convinced it would be related to her favorite subject: magic theory. She envisioned herself buried in arcane tomes, traveling across Equestria to explore uncharted magical sources, unraveling the mysteries of magic locked within time and space itself. A lofty goal for a pony that rarely stepped outdoors, but it was a filly's dream.

Everypony told her that she had her head in the stars.

It happened on an ordinary night. Twilight finished her Equestrian history report before dinner, so she could spend the evening with her latest volume on cutie marks. There was nothing particularly special or inspiring about that book; it was just an over-glorified self help for the low esteemed filly. But it still felt good to read material that reaffirmed what she already knew. When it came time for bed, she didn't protest. She didn't hide under the covers, in a magically illuminated after-hours reading session. She set the book aside, and let the dark cloud of unconsciousness overtake her.

That was the first night she had the nightmare. The dream that felt as real as any waking moment ever had. The dream where her body was set aflame by magic she could not control, bidding her to crack open the night sky. The dream where, deep in her heart she feared, that she destroyed all of Equestria and everypony she ever loved with it.

On that night, when she woke up crying and sitting in her own fresh urine, she had her cutie mark.

She had to make up a story. She would tell everypony all about how she was tracking the known constellations on her free time. About how as soon as she spotted the last one, the cutie mark was sitting on her rear. They would believe it. They had to. Even her name, Twilight Sparkle, reinforced the idea that she should be some kind of space nut. But the truth is, whenever Twilight looked down at her flank, the only thing she saw staring back at her was a gaping hole in the sky.

A bittersweet tear rolled down Twilight's cheek. The nightmare has followed her through the years, ever since that fateful night. Countless hours spent behind books, from classic astronomy to crazy pony tales of the coming apocalypse, and she still didn't have the answers. But the only thing she knew for sure is that she wouldn't stop searching, she wouldn't rest, until she knew the truth behind her special talent.

Daydreams

It must have been morning. The birds were in full choir, while the sun ungraciously pried its way through. Twilight tried to open her eyes. Wanted to lift her head. But her body would not comply. What time was it? What day was it? Did she even remember falling asleep? The air was delicate and gentle; her pillow wondrously soft and inviting. If she could just sleep another...

A hint of stale oats tickled her nostrils. A platter of food beside her bed, that she didn't quite remember putting there. Somewhere in the back of her mind was a little voice. A voice that begged her to wake. Reminding her of something important, some kind of plan. Some kind of meeting. A promise made to Fluttershy. But that voice was fading. Frail. Gone.

"Twilight?"
"Wha..."
"Twilight."
"Huh?... Whaaa'ht?"
"Twi, are you ok?"
"Y-yeah. Just. Just give me a..."

"Twilight!!"
The mare snapped to her senses, primal instincts raging. Something was shaking her vigorously. Something was pulling at the covers.
"WhhhhhaaaAAAAATTTTT?!" Bloodshot eyes sharpened a murderous gaze upon a cowering dragon. Twilight's horn twitched and glowed, itching to release. "Spike! I told- I told you to just give me a minute." Twilight Sparkle gasped, coming down hard off a panic. "What in Celestia's name is so important?! Why can't I have a single moment to wake up and come to my senses?"
"Twi..."
"What?!"
"T-that was hours ago, Twilight. I-I came back up to check on you again, and you weren't moving this time."

A cold breeze drifted through the open window. A corner of her bed lay painted by glowing moonlight that filtered through. The tray of oats was missing; in its place a stagnant soup. Twilight stared at the milky red broth, wondering how long it had been sitting there.

"Fluttershy dropped that off for you today."
Twilight lowered her eyes in shame.
"And uhhh... Pinkie made this card for you. I think it lost half it's streamers already though. She really packed them in there!"
"Pinkie? Card? Spike, what's going on here?"
"Nurse White doesn't know what's wrong. She says you seem just fine."
"Nurse White?! She's been here? In my room? WHILE I WAS SLEEPING?!"
"Twilight... we're all worried about you. I've never seen you this way before."
"What way?! Has everypony gone crazy? I'm just- I'm just tired!"
"I... I don't even know when you last ate, Twilight. You didn't touch anything we left for you."
"I ate last night! With you, Spike! You had those left over gems that you and Rarity found, and I had some apples from the farm. We even-"
"Twi... That was four days ago."
Twilight's eyes glazed over. Vacant and dilated.

"Bu-but you're up now! That's good! How are you feeling?"

A smile curled itself around the corners of Twilight's mouth.
She chuckled.
She chortled.
Purple lips burst apart before a wave of giggles and laughs.

"You can come out now, girls."
"Twi..." Spike took a step back and glanced around nervously.
"I don't know how you did it. But this was a really great prank!"
"It's not a-"
"Getting spike in on it was perfect. You really had me believing!"
"N-now that you're up, maybe you should eat?"
"Come on, girls. It's over now. You had your fun."
"And have some water. You've got to be thirsty."
"Pinkie?"
"Just... Oomph! Come on Twilight, sit up!"
"Dash?"
"Use your hooves! You're like ten times bigger than me!"
"... Anypony?"
"Maybe... I-I know! I'll get Nurse White! She can help! And she'll want to know you woke up. Just-"
Twilight sighed and fixed her attention on the little bundle of noise and energy.
"Oh Spike, stop fussing. I'm fine."
"Bu-but, but Twilight!"
"I'm not hungry. I'm not thirsty. I'm just tired. I've got a little bit of a headache, and I've got a purple dragon pushing on my rear!" Twilight's glare softened. It was difficult to feel cross when such genuine concern was written all over the baby dragon. "Look, thank you for watching over me and caring. I appreciate that. But there's nothing wrong with me. And if half of what you are saying is true, then I have a lot of work ahead of me. If I was out that long, then the backlog must si-"

Twilight's muscles locked in place. Through a blur, she barely saw the ground spiral toward her.

"Oh, my head.."

Twilight opened her eyes and tried to assess the situation. She didn't. Feel. Damaged. Nothing felt bruised or broken. Everything was surprisingly comfortable. Spike wasn't scrambling about, yelling, pushing, prodding. Spike was just...

Not there.

Twilight was alone. In her bed. Under the covers.

A dream?

But... there was an ice bag on her head, and Pinkie's card was on the table.