I was woken by the ringing of my alarm clock. Jumping out of bed, I bounded across the room to my mirror, making sure my pink poofy mane was as wild as ever.
Poofy! What a funny word! I thought to myself. Poofy poofy poofy poofy!
"Looking good, sweet stuff," I heard a voice behind me say. Turning my head, I saw Gummy grinning up at me.
"Why thank you, good sir," I said in a passable imitation of Rarity. "You do know how to make a lady feel special."
"Well, Pinkie Pie, you are one special lady," the toothless alligator said. I mock swooned at the complement, falling to the floor in front of him. I held the act for a moment, before remembering one crucial fact; alligators can't talk.
"I'm dreaming," I said, disappointed, as the world collapsed around me in a white blur.
This time I really did wake up, but instead of bounding out of bed I flopped out—flopped! Another funny word!—onto the floor.
Staggering over to my desk, I took one look at the reason for my reluctance to get out of bed.
Hearts and Hooves day. I thought bitterly, looking at the calendar. Might as well as be Singles Awareness day.
I felt a tugging on my tail, and turning around I saw Gummy—the real Gummy—firmly attached to it, his big blue eyes staring into mine.
"You're right, Gummy," I said as I struck a heroic pose, the alligator still attached to my tail. "It doesn't matter that I don't have a special somepony at all. I still have a job to do—today couples all over Ponyville are going to be coming here, and it is my job to ensure that they have the best romantic date possible. After all, making ponies happy is my special talent."
I gave Gummy a quick kiss on the top of his head, before bouncing my way downstairs to the shop floor of the Sugarcube Corner, where Mr and Mrs Cake were opening up for the day.
"Hiya, Mr Cake! Hiya Mrs Cake! Today's going to be real busy, huh?"
"Hi Pinkie!" Mrs Cake called back. "I expect it shall be very busy today. It is Hearts and Hooves day after all."
"Now Pinkie," Mr Cake said, "are you sure you want to work today? Wouldn't you rather have the day off to spend with somepony?"
I smiled, not wanting them to know that I had nopony to spend the day with. "I'm sure. It's going to be so super–duper busy today you're gonna need my help."
"Well, if you are sure, can you get behind the till, I think I see our first customers arriving."
"Okie–dokie–lokie!" I stood behind the till just as Applejack came into the shop, followed by a yellow coated stallion. "Hiya Applejack! Ooh, is this your Hearts and Hooves date?"
"Howdy, Pinkie. It sure is—you remember Braeburn right?"
"Yep—wait a minute, isn't Braeburn your cousin or something?"
Applejack snorted defensively. "I'll have you know that marrying cousins is a fine—and legal—Apple Family Tradition. Besides, Braeburn is more Pear than Apple."
At the mention of the dreaded 'M' word, Braeburn went as stiff as a board, eyes rolling wildly in his head. "Ma–ma–marriage?"
Applejack turned to her date. "There something wrong with marriage?"
"Yes—wait, I mean no, no wait—" the poor stallion stammered out.
"Here, let me show you to your booth," I nervously said, running to the kitchen as soon as they were seated. "We're going to need a Hearts and Hooves special over here." I left before hearing a reply, the jangle of the bell over the door indicating a new customer.
"Hey Pinkie," Rainbow Dash called as she came in by herself.
"Hi Rainbow! No date?"
"She's meeting me here. Could I have a coffee and one of those raspberry doughnuts whilst I wait?"
"Sure thing. Why don't you take that table over there—you can easily see the street from it." I pointed to a table by the front of the shop. Rainbow picked up the tray in her mouth and with a muffled thanks took her seat.
I glanced over at Applejack, where the situation appeared to be deteriorating, if their body language was any indication.
I ducked my head back into the kitchen. "How's that HnH special coming along?"
"5 more minutes," Mr Cake assured me. Satisfied, I darted back to the till, where two unicorns were waiting for me.
The first was tall, her white coat giving giving of an air of wisdom and command. The second was smaller, with a coat of ocean blue, and appeared to be very nervous.
I frowned. I had never seen either of them before, but at the same time I just knew I recognised them. Glancing at their cutie marks—a golden sunburst and a purple star—I figured it out.
"I bet you two want a private booth, right?" I asked with a wink.
"Yes please!" The blue one said, her voice cracking with panic. I led them to one of the private booths and sat them down. Closing the curtains, I prepared to take their order.
"So, Twilight, I guess you want a black coffee with two sugars and a slice of chocolate fudge cake, and a pot of jasmine tea and a slice of vanilla cheesecake for the Princess?"
The white unicorn—really Princess Celestia—nodded her thanks, whilst Twilight gapped soundlessly at me. I winked at Twilight before miming zipping my mouth shut and darting off to grab their order before she could think to start asking questions.
As I returned to the till I noticed that Applejack's special—a large bowl of ice cream with sauces, sprinkles and lumps of chocolate—was ready, so I carried it over to the bickering pair.
"Here you go, one Hearts and Hooves special," I said, placing it on the table between them.
Braeburn looked at me. "We didn't order this."
"No, but you need it." I giggled. "Besides, it's on the house."
"Thank you, Pinkie," Applejack began, "but there's only one spoon and we're earth ponies." She waved a hoof at me in demonstration.
"You'll work it out," I said with a laugh. As I returned to my post I looked back and saw Braeburn pick up the spoon in his mouth, scoop up a piece of ice cream and offer it to Applejack as a peace offering. She looked at it, before cautiously biting the other end of the spoon, the couple's lips barely touching.
Content that they had worked out the secret to the Hearts and Hooves special, I checked to see if anypony was looking my way before grabbing a hoofful of bits out the tip jar and placed them into the till. Then I concentrated on Twilight's and Celestia’s order. Once it was ready, I balanced the tray on my back and trotted over to their booth.
Inside the booth, I noticed that despite the disguise Twilight was looking very panicky—almost on the verge of a massive freak out.
Celestia stood up. "Excuse me, but I have to use the little fillies room."
I watched her walk out. "Huh. I didn't even know she used the little fillies room." A chuckle from Twilight told me my joke had succeeded. "What's wrong Twilight?"
"How did you recognise us?" She asked, avoiding my eyes.
"It was quite simple—you're a terrible actor. Instead of acting like any old pony, you acted like yourself. Throw in your cutie marks and it was kinda obvious." This seemed to make her more depressed.
"So my disguise was useless." She didn't say it as a question.
"No, it was quite good," I said, but I saw that this wasn't going to work. "How long have you two been together?"
"A few months now."
"And are you happy?"
"Yes."
"Is she happy?"
"I think–" Twilight swallowed when she saw my stare. "Yes, she is."
"Then why does it matter if people find out?"
Twilight jumped and stared at me. "Because she's the Princess! I'm just a unicorn! I'm not good—" My hoof stopped her from saying anything more.
"Twilight, you are one of the most wonderful mares I know. Hoofpicked by the Princess herself, you are one of the Elements of Harmony and the saviour of Equestria multiple times over, making you a national hero. You are more than good enough for the Princess. And if anyone says differently then they are just a big old grumpy-meany-pants."
This seemed to calm Twilight down. "I—you're right Pinkie. I'm not sure how, but you're right."
"I need to go before Mrs Cake starts calling for me," I said, happy that Twilight was happy, and left, almost tripping over Celestia on my way out, who mouthed a silent thank you to me.
Returning to the till, I noticed a small queue had formed in my absence. I quickly served the various couples and the queue diminished until I found an odd pair before me.
"Spike! Rarity! I didn't know you were together!"
Rarity blushed and smiled. "Spike finally asked me out yesterday."
"Good on you, Spike. I knew you could do it!" I congratulated him. It appears that all my friends are finding love, I thought to myself.
Spike frowned at me. "Did everypony know about my feelings for Rarity?"
I giggled and patted Spike on his head. "What are you ordering?"
"Whatever my lady desires," Spike gazed dreamily at his 'lady'.
"Oh you charmer," Rarity giggled, "a coffee—milk, no sugar—and a piece of millionaire shortbread please."
"Okie–dokie–lokie!" I turned to the dragon. "And you, Spike?"
"One of those gemstone cupcakes and a hot chocolate, please." He blushed and looked at the floor. "Twilight says I can't have coffee."
Rarity and I laughed at this as I assembled the order for them and directed them to a table. Rarity went and sat at it, but Spike hung back for a moment.
"This is going on Twilight's tab, right?"
I giggled. "Of course." I walked with with him to table, placing their order on it. As I walked away I heard Rarity begin talking about the latest in fashion, Spike staring with rapt attention. They're going to be fine.
I returned to my till to find that there were no more customers. Glancing round, I saw that all the tables were filled with happy couples. All but one that is. Dash was still sat by herself, face like thunder.
"You okay, Dashie?" I asked, wiping down her table.
"No. She promised she would come." Rainbow sighed. "I'm being too harsh. I should have known that she would be too nervous to actually turn up."
"Nervous?" I mentally reviewed all of my friends. "Fluttershy is your date?"
Dash looked at me in surprise. "Yeah, how'd you—never mind. But yeah, she finally asked me out last week. I've been waiting for almost a year now for her to do that."
"I thought you would be the one to do the asking," I said, sitting opposite her.
Rainbow shrugged, before looking at the bottom of her empty mug. "Normally, yeah, but this is Flutters we're talking about here. She's so timid I was scared that she would say yes just to make me happy."
I stared out the window in contemplation. "Ooh, I know! I could go speak to her for you! Convince her to turn up!"
Dash looked at me incredulously. "You'd do that? Thanks, Pinkie, you're a good a friend."
"Well, yeah, tell me something I don't know!" I giggled, before standing up. "Mrs Cake! I'm taking my lunch break!"
"Okay dear! Be back soon!" Mrs Cake called back.
Quick as a Dash—flash, Dash! Get it?—I darted out the door and down the street. Five minutes later I was outside Fluttershy's cottage, panting heavily. I knocked at the door, but there was no answer.
"Hello, is anyone in there?" I called through a window.
"...no," came a small voice from inside.
"Okie–dokie–lokie!" I turned and walked back down the path. As soon as I was out of sight, I ran around the back of the building, onto the roof and leapt down the chimney.
"Hiya Fluttershy!" I waved a soot covered hoof at her. "Aw shoot. I'm covered in soot. Soot soot sooty soot–soot. Huh, doesn't sound like a word anymore. Aw well, how are you doing?"
Fluttershy looked up from where she had been lying on the floor, with a face like a poorly raincloud. "I'm okay."
"Well, that's good, because you have a special somepony waiting for you."
"No!" Fluttershy all but shouted at me. "Rainbow Dash doesn't want me!"
"What makes you say that?" I asked, concerned.
"If Rainbow wanted to be with me, she would have asked me out by now. She only said yes so not to hurt my feelings!" She burst into tears. "I can't go on a false date, a pity date!"
I giggled. "Oh you silly filly, it's not like that at all. Dashie didn't ask you out because she was frightened that you would say yes to not hurt her."
Fluttershy looked at me with hope in her eyes. "Really?"
"I Pinkie Promise." I acted out the movements of the most sacred of promises. "Now lets dry your eyes, shall we, you have a date!"
15 minutes later we were stood outside the Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy nervously pawing the ground with a hoof.
"Come on Fluttershy, it’ll be great," I said encouragingly.
"But what if it isn't?" She asked in a voice so small I could barely hear it.
"Well, we won't know until we find out, will we?" I grabbed her and threw her through the doorway—right into Rainbow Dash, who had been waiting on the other side. The two pegasi tumbled across the floor, before coming to a rest, Fluttershy on top of Rainbow.
“Oh, hi Rainbow—” Fluttershy began, but stopped when Rainbow kissed her. The two melted into each others embrace.
“Well, finally,” I heard somepony call out from the back of the room, causing Rainbow and Fluttershy to jump to their hooves in embarrassment.
“Come along, you two lovebirds,” I said, giggling at my own joke as I directed them back to their table. Taking their order of two coffee’s, I wandered back through the tables, checking on the other patrons. I noticed that Spike was sat by himself, looking as glum as a plum.
“What’s up Spike?” I asked as I passed him.
He sighed and looked at me. “Rarity just told me that I was the only one who asked her out on a date.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And?”
“Well, what if she’s only with me today because I was her only option? What if she doesn't want to be with me, but didn’t want to be alone either.”
“Spike, if Rarity accepted your invitation, it's because she wants to be with you.” I said.
“Really?”
I nodded. “For years, Rarity kept receiving Hearts and Hooves day requests from dozens of ponies, but she always turned them down. A couple of years ago they just stopped coming, and Rarity didn’t mind at all. You are her first Hearts and Hooves date ever, and she wants it with you—she could have asked any stallion in town, and he would have accepted on the spot.”
“I’m...her first?” Spike said in wonder.
“Yup, so don’t worry about it and be happy!” I said, bouncing away as I saw Rarity return. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them strike up an animated conversation. Huh, I thought. How did I end up being a couples counselor today?
Taking up position behind the till, I glanced at the clock. Half one already! Today has flown by! Soon our customers will be wanting to leave, to go on romantic walks on the beach or whatever it is couples do.
It wasn’t long before various couples rose to leave their seats and wandered outside, leaving me to clean down the tables. Suddenly the other customers gasped at something behind me. Turing, I saw Princess Celestia, wings and everything, emerge from her booth, quickly followed by Twilight. They had apparently dropped their disguises in favour of their normal selves.
Twilight looked very nervous at all the attention, but one look at her mentor ended any obvious discomfort, a huge smile blooming on her face. Slowly, Celestia bent down and kissed Twilight on the lips.
The silence in the cafe was deafening as everypony watched their Royal Princess make out in public with her student.
“You go girl!” Someone cried out. It took a few moments me to realise that I said it. This was the start of a deluge of applause and congratulatory cheers for the pair, and it took several minutes to die down. Twilight looked like she was going to die of embarrassment, but her big goofy grin remained.
As they walked past me, Twilight looked at me. “Thank you Pinkie—you made today wonderful.”
“It was my pleasure, Twilight, Princess.” I said, bowing to the Princess. Internally I was squealing with joy. I made Twilight happy! Applejack and Braeburn were the next to leave. As I swept down their table, Applejack approached me.
“Thanks Pinkie for that Hearts and Hooves special—certainly made today special.” Applejack turned to Braeburn, who was wearing a big smile. Suddenly, he reached over and licked some ice cream of the end of Applejacks nose. “See you later, Pinkie!” Applejack cried as she grabbed Braeburn by the hoof and dragged him out of the shop.
I don't think I have seen a stallion as happy as that before, I thought, giddy with the idea that two of my friends were happy because of me. I felt a hoof tap me on the shoulder.
“Pinkie, darling, may I just say thank you for whatever it was you said to Spike.” Rarity said. “It really cheered him up, and made this date memorable.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” I said modestly. Three for three. Or is that four? But if I include Spike, do I have to include Princess Celestia and Braeburn? I wondered to myself as they left.
Soon, the shop was empty except for one couple sat by the window, who had spent the entire afternoon gazing into each others eyes.
“Come on lovebirds,” I said to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, “it’s almost closing time.”
“Oh, sorry,” Fluttershy said, glancing away from Rainbow Dash.
I snorted. “Don’t be. Go on, shoo and do whatever it is you lovebirds do.”
Dash groaned as she stood up. “You're going to keep calling us that forever, aren't you.”
“Only as long as it takes for you two to stop being so lovey-dovey.” I giggled.
“You know, you’re the reason we’re together right?” Dash said, punching me lightly in the shoulder. “Thanks for that, by the way.”
“You're welcome!” I called as they left, flying off down the street together. And six for six. You really outdid yourself today, Pinkie.
I slumped in one of the chairs, exhausted from my busy day. Mr and Mrs Cake joined me, equally tired.
“Thanks for all your help today, Pinkie,” Mrs Cake said, pushing an overflowing tip jar towards me. “Here, we think you deserve this.”
“Thank you,” I said, accepting the money.
“Its only fair,” Mr Cake said, “seeing as we kept you from spending time with your special somepony today.”
“Oh, but I spent all day with them!” I corrected. I ignored their confused looks, already composing the letter in my mind.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I learnt that I don’t need a Special Somepony, because I already have six very Special Someponies...