Castle Insanity

by king5327

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 6851

Shut Up!

Don't bother. I gave up a year ago.

Original by Thorax here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5229/Equestria's-Crazies-

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-28 17:25:34 UTC

In which they should burn

Taking place after the 'Announcement chapter' in Thorax's Story

It was a dark and gloomy evening in Canterlot. Everypony was sleeping, with the exception of those who were not, and Celestia was on her way to the record room, also known as Discord's bedroom. Few ponies other than Discord knew what actually went on behind the closed door, and Pinkie Pie was one of them. A while ago, a picture of the enormous cake Celestia was to devour in a record-setting time leaked. She could never hope to beat Pinkie's record of 0.1772... seconds, coincidentally being a tenth of the square root of pi, but she could always beat her own. “That reminds me of a science problem I'll have to ask Luna about.” Celestia muttered, only too late realizing that she said it out loud. Discord chuckled, and gave her a less than pleasant, and definitely not innocent, poke on the shoulder, before leaving the room empty save for Celestia and her double size wedding cake.

7.5 seconds later

Celestia waddled sluggishly down the hall leading to her room, barely noticing Discord, Luna, Moony, Chrysalis, and Flambé whispering, chatting, and, unbeknownst to her, making her as paranoid as possible so that she will expect something extremely horrid. Discord brought Flambé for an obscure reason. Luna pretended to be the first to notice Celestia, and spoke up:

“Hello, sister. We did not observe your passing us.” Celestia looked at her, but was unable to get any words out because her stomach chose that point to regurgitate a mouthful of cake frosting. Discord barely stifled a chuckle at the perfect timing of his mini prank, and he chose the perfect medium as well.

FLASHBACK

(with effects)

Zecora: “This potion, disguised as frosting paste,

   will make the consumer spew regurgitated waste.

   This potion for one half day will last,

   and if the target notices, get out of there fast.

END FLASHBACK

Celestia went back to her room, and noticed that her mouth was still full. She swallowed the frosting. Approximately three minutes later she realized how sleepless a night this would be for her. She decided to go to Discord's room after he was asleep, and give him a nice surprise.

The Next Morning

“EWWWWWWWWWW! Celestia?!” Discord hollered, waking up to a roomful of disgusting, dry, regurgitated food.

“I think he noticed, sister.” Luna told Celestia. They were both in Celestia's room at the time, playing a game of tic-tac-toe. Chrysalis took the opportunity to change into Celestia.

“Lu-lu, my plan worked!!!” Chrysa-lestia exclaimed, jumping into the room. Nightmare Moon walked in approximately three seconds later, coming face to face with two perplexed Celestias.

“Which of you is the real Celestia?” Moony demanded.

“Me!” Both of the Celestias exclaimed. Luna took the time to cast a Changeling revealing spell. Chrysalis was obviously revealed. Moony laughed.

“What is so funny about my being imitated, Moony?” Celestia was quite out of character.

“Chrysalis... took... the... time... to... imitate... your... size... and... weight... precisely. Even... outside... of... the... disguise.” Moony said, snickering in between each word. Celestia was frozen for a moment as she put together the sentence in her mind, regurgitated some more, and looked at Nightmare Moon with hatred in her every expression. Chrysalis also felt somewhat insulted, though she had been eating thirty doughnuts too many every day, to the point where one of her changelings said she wouldn't be able to fly if she ate any more. She flapped her wings experimentally when that thought crossed her mind. She didn't get any lift. At least she could still jump.

“WHAT!?” Celestia screamed. Discord chose that moment to throw a 'full-to-bursting package with a bomb inside it' at Celestia, before returning back to his recently cleaned room.

Later

Celestia had just finished coating Discord's statue with the regurgitated food he had stuffed into the bomb package. Then she unsealed him.

“EWWWWWWWWWW! Celestia?!” Celestia wondered what would happen next. About half an hour later, she got her answer. Everypony who was whispering last evening was back, but this time, Pinkie Pie was in it as well.

“How does that mare get around so quickly?” Celestia thought to herself, as she looked back on the friendship report (on the acceptance of ponies with weird sexual habits) that Pinkie had written herself, and which Celestia had read, becoming disturbed at the level of detail therein, five measly minutes ago. She decided to eavesdrop.

“Herpa-derpa-murpa-quip” Discord said.

“Hi Princess Celestia, I'm so happy you came! You have to listen to this conversation we're having! I think Discord wants to poison your food!” Pinkie said, in her 'normal' tone of voice.

“Murpa-deama-ran-tampan” Luna said, in response to Pinkie's amazingly normal statement. They all turned to look at Celestia right there and then. Celestia swore, she could feel the force of their collective gaze burning into her soul. It was worse than the Slendermane's, and she'd had her share of those. When she had had [sic] enough (It was CREEPY, they didn't even blink) she galloped away. She was never eating food again.

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha...” Pinkie unzipped her skin to reveal a disgruntled Prince Blueblood, who disappeared in a burst of green fire to reveal the changeling who was awkwardly named Thorax.

The Next Morning

Discord went on his weekly raid of the pantry, and activated the enchantment he had set on Celestia two evenings ago before. Celestia's mane suddenly looked grayer than normal, her coat became a dull pink (he reminded himself to thank Moony for that idea), and she gained a very nice moustache. Discord only forgot one thing: he forgot to ask himself what happens when one inverts the personality of the embodiment of all that is good, and plays three pranks on her at the same time. Approximately five seconds later, he does so, and realizes that unlike Nightmare Moon, there's nopony stopping Celestia from doing whatever she wants.

“Oh Tartarus, now I've got to do it to Moony and the others!” He somehow manages to do so.

Breakfast:

Chrysalis checks in with the cook, and says: “I don't eat regular food, emotion, especially love, is enough.” Then she leaves.

Luna walks in with Moony.“We wish to have some Eternal Night, ironically served with sunflower seeds.” Discord walks in, hears Luna's request, wonders whether the Flambé can prepare such a dish, then runs away, remembering that Celestia would soon be there.

“No, Loony-woony, I don't think the chefs can prepare that.” Moony interrupted. Discord, meanwhile, runs into Celestia just outside the dining room. Celestia is walking in a forced manner, and wearing some very nice sunglasses.

“Burn With Me,” she said.

“The sun, its alive!” Discord whimpered, as he realized that his back was pressed up against the wall. Celestia took off her sunglasses, and opened her eyes. After closing them, and putting her sunglasses back on, she walked into the dining hall. Minutes later, some passing pony would wonder why there was a Discord-shaped burn in the wall.

Moony was looking intently at the door. When it opened, she jumped up in hope, but her ears drooped when she noticed that it was only Celestia. Luna, on the other hand, began to shout in her loudest voice.

“It shall be, in all of Equestria, eternal night! We decree it thus!” Celestia, upon hearing those words, looked at Luna with pure hatred.

“It shall be, in all of Equestria, eternal day! I say so! You, on the other hand, will Burn With Me!”

Meanwhile, Discord began to reform in front of the ashes of what was his former body, ran into the hall, and yelled at the cooks to get out, “and quickly.” No sooner had the cooks gotten out, than the doors did slam shut by Celestia's magic. Discord at the time, had been running full speed at what used to be a portal to safety. The magically reinforced doors had something else in store for him.

“Burn With Me,” Celestia said. The three other immortals decided to forgo their food in favour of escaping, or, in Luna's case, defeating her oddly pink sister and bringing upon them eternal night.

“As could be expected, they all ended up on the moon for about three hours, and by the end of that time, the moon was somewhat more plasma-y than usual, or, for that matter, the sun.” Discord recounted to himself. “Not my fault.”

FOUR HOURS LATER

“Pegasus,” Celestia barked at a black pegasus pony flying overhead “come here.” He reluctantly went over to Celestia. “What is your name, Pegasus?” “Er...” He was clearly terrified, since Celestia's coat looked like it was covered in blood, then crudely painted over in white. That walrus moustache didn't help either.

“SPEAK YOUR NAME!” Celestia said in the Caps Lock that is the Voice!

“[size=2]Black Shadow?[/size]”

“SPEAK YOUR NAME LOUDER SO THAT I CAN HEAR LEST I RAIN FIREBALLS UPON YOU, HAVE YOU QUARTERED BY MY GUARDS, HAVE YOUR HEAD SENT TO THE GRYPHONS AS A SNACK, AND I WILL SAVE YOUR EYEBALLS FOR MYSELF! ONLY THEN WILL I LET YOU DIE.”The guards nearby almost snickered, until they heard the eyeball part

“M-m-my n-n-n-name is B-B-B-Black Sh-Sh-Shadow”

“Very well. You, Black Shadow, have the privilege of carrying this bomb- I mean device to Luna, and pressing the button. Extra points if Discord or Nightmare moon is nearby.” The guards actually smiled.

“No?” He replied.

“NO? YOU WILL DO IT, WHETHER I HAVE TO PUT YOU UNDER A MIND CONTROL SPELL, OR NOT.” Celestia hollered.

“I won't do it of my own will!” Even he was surprised at his sudden outburst of courage.

“Very well, you will do it without your will”

Her horn did not glow, and yet he was enveloped in an oddly eerie version of her magical aura.

“Neigh!” He screamed. Celestia was surprised by the resistance he was putting up. A few really old memories of hers seemed to become clearer than usual. Memories so old, they were almost gone. Only when it was too late did they present themselves in full to her mind. She immediately gave up, though the damage was done, and her normal, caring ego almost took control over Discord's magic.

“Leave my sight immediately, but do not leave Canterlot until I have spoken with you on this.” She ordered him. He all too readily obliged, and flew as quickly as possible to the other end of the unicorn city. Rainbow Dash, in Ponyville, heard a loud noise coming from the general direction of Canterlot, and saw a pure black version of a Sonic Rainboom. Celestia turned and spotted a golden-eyed, brown-maned and -colored earth pony.

“Earth Pony, come here!” He did so, and chuckled to himself. What Celestia didn't notice was that he looked uncomfortable in his crudely formed body, which had an interesting and protruding curved canine. By that time, Discord had already returned all the other characters to their normal selves.

Twenty Minutes Later

Celestia's evil personality having fallen off her after she unwittingly gave the bomb to Discord, him tapping her in the process (without her noticing), she proceeded to seek Luna, and give her warning. She couldn't find her, or anypony else anywhere, so Celestia decided to go to her own room and lay down for a while. Inside Celestia's room, however, was a convoluted arrangement. A string tugged when the door opened, turning on a taser, which in turn powered a sign which read "Caka-lestia (d)rules." This in turn activated a pair of paper ponies,and set them a-spinning. Looking ahead, instead of following the motion, Celestia saw that the dolls were winding a key, which was attached to a Discord doll. This looked like it was supposed to walk up to a lead ball, blow on it, making it drop through a series of pipes onto a black device with a button on top. By the time Celestia was a centimeter away from the bomb, the button was pressed. BOOM! When she woke up, Celestia went to the nearest intact mirror to see the damage. Her pink coat was charred, and her somewhat intimidating moustache singed. She would have to take a bath later, and get the nearest barber to restyle the 'stache.... Moustache? Pink coat? That annoying mosaic creature was going to get it, and good....

Midnight, that Night

Discord snapped awake when he heard a click, then a splat. “Celestia, stop draining the light out of this room please, I want to see whatever 'horrible' plan you came up with.” Celestia blushed, though Discord couldn't see it.

“How, my little annoying god of chaos, did you know it was me?”

“Why you, my cake-fattened Alicorn, should know that you're horrible at carrying out revenge plans subtly.” The lights went on just long enough for Discord to notice the paintball gun swinging towards his face, its projectile-shooting purpose forgotten. Celestia decided to try out getting a new special talent. “Lights... out.” She spent the next five days trying to get rid of her second cutie mark (a speech bubble with a sad face in it), representing a talent for horrible one-liners.

Six days later

Celestia was sitting in her throne room, having 'borrowed' all of Luna's sheets of paper, and was busy defiling them. A guard galloped in.

“News from northern Equestria, your, uh, highness.” he said.

“Yes?” She responded, having teleported the now ruined papers back to her sister's room.

“I am simply to tell you that it... has returned.” He then left.

“How am I going to get Luna out of participating in this one...” She thought to herself. She remembered what she did to get Luna out of the Discord incident. It wasn't going to work this time. Outwardly, though, she radiated concern.

One day later

Celestia herself was surprised at how well she had denied Luna any of what was to happen at the Crystal Empire. Luna, however, realized that this was the perfect time to make Celestia regret it. Taking the crystal that sat beside Celestia's throne (though nopony seemed to have noticed it yet), she imbued it with magic, and it split into multiple crystals. Now there were one hundred of them (plus the original), which were scattered around the castle, with one in every key point, and the rest just for support. Each had a clever invisibility spell cast upon it, and nopony would be the wiser.

Celestia was talking to the stallion she had almost turned into a suicide bomber. He wasn't happy to be there, considering what happened last time he saw her. Her horn glowed, and she appeared to be straining to do something, but he couldn't, for any reason, understand what was going on. Celestia gave up on her hopeless endeavor.

“I had hoped that it wouldn't have reached this stage,” she levitated a piece of paper to him “but now, I want you to try to pick this up with your hoof, then your forehead, and finally with your shoulder.”

“Have you gone mad?” He asked.

“No, I know what I ask you, do it.”

“Best to just humor her in this.” He thought to himself. He went up to the paper and put his hoof against the paper and was unsurprised when it stuck, although more easily than usual. All ponies could do that if they just focused enough. It was clumsier than the mouth, though, which was a problem when writing.

“Now think about it moving around, and try to get it to.” Celestia surprised him by saying. When he obeyed, he noticed that the paper was moving the way he willed it to. The same thing happened when he used his forehead, since only the hooves could do that normally. When he used his shoulder, the same thing happened. He never knew that it was possible to obtain a paper-cut on the muzzle.

“Um.... Can I go now?” He asked hopefully.

“No, you will stay here. I must go inform Luna of this. Do not leave.” He waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Repeat fifty times. Just as he was nearing the doors to leave, Luna burst in, Taser in hoof.

“We are here.” Luna said. Celestia walked in behind her, facehoofing at the spectacularly useless entrance Luna made. Luna took Celestia's place on the throne, replacing the crystal when Celestia wasn't looking, and Celestia decided not to worry. The 'special' functions of the fancy seat were hers to use whenever she wanted to, so ten minutes worth of time, she could spare.

“You have placed me in an awkward position,” Both Black and Luna shuddered as they contemplated other interpretations of the statement, “enough ponies have what you have, but only few have the luck to get it activated. Worse still is that I activated it, making its power greater than anypony else who had the same ability and the luck to have it activated.”

“Oh phooey, just tell him!” Luna exclaimed exasperatedly. “We do not have the time to spare, and I believe that he is eager to leave, although I'm not.”

“We have no name for this ability, so it will never be recorded. It is almost useless in your day-to-day life, since the only effect you can actively control is the one you used on the paper. Namely the one of being able to levitate any object you touch, up to the extent of your ability's power. The two other effects, you can only control when their conditions are fulfilled. Firstly, if you can convince a unicorn to cast a spell through you, that is, one which in result occurs as though you cast it, you can take over, maintain, increase the power on, and slightly modify the spell. For all other non-unicorns the power of the spell is significantly reduced, but if it were to be used on... a still heart charm,” (read this for explanation)  “though it is illegal, the non-unicorn would gain the effect. Of course, the non-unicorn can consciously prevent this. Secondly, you can negate any spell affecting you, any object you touch, or any object magically linked to that. You have precise control over that. You, and you alone, could able to see through a changeling's disguise, since the change in appearance affects you directly, or you could tap the changeling, and destroy their disguise for everypony to see. The power of this ability is equivalent to the power of the unicorn (or alicorn) who activated it.”

“Buck it!” Luna silently cursed, since that last effect meant he could destroy her plan for the crystals by simply tapping one of them. “Sister, the irony of it is that every time you use your full power, instead of limiting yourself by using your horn, something like this happens.” Luna soon succumbed to the throne once more.

“If this were a story, I would be glad.” Celestia muttered, loudly enough so that everypony in the room heard.

“If this were a story, I would be cursing the author for inserting me into it in such a way that neither I nor anypony else knows anything about me. Even worse is the fact that I have been given an ability with infinite power which is pretty much useless.” Black complained. “I made up my name on the spot, since you were yelling at me.”

“Well, my little pony, if this were a story, the author must be very lazy. He didn't even care to give you a history. That is the worst way possible for an author to introduce an original character.” Celestia responded sympathetically. “And the ability is not as useless as you think, at least your timeline is intact. One thousand years ago, Luna and I defeated Sombra, and one year before that, I banished Nightmare Moon. Yes, our power is infinite, and we can do anything with it, but nopony seems to need it anymore. You have enough history to have a cutie mark!” She exclaimed at the end, noticing just that.

“We believe the author would therefore be a fat mule.” Luna input. “No offense.” She added, noticing the mule that seems to pop up wherever somepony uses its species as an insult. She finished it off by doing a weird and embarrassing dance that made Black look away after three seconds, and Celestia after twenty. A minute later, the dance was over.

“That dance felt... vengeful.” Luna commented, wondering why she would ever do such a thing.

“Wait, what? He/she gave me a cutie mark? I didn't have one when we met, a week ago.” He looked at his flank, noting the regular octagram on his flank with distaste.

“It doesn't matter. Since nopony cares about, or misses you, how would you like to work odd jobs in the castle?” Celestia asked, making the job offer clear.

“Not too well, but I'm probably not going to get a better offer anywhere else.” He replied, giving Celestia reason to believe that he would willingly subject himself to lessons on how to annoy. Celestia was once had the nickname of Trollestia, and she had to show the world why once more, albeit in an indirect way. It would be much more fun than reading the accursedly boring friendship reports (some were fine, and others were enjoyable, but most were not) she had forced her student (and later, the rest of Ponyville) to write, and even more so than when she was teaching Twilight.

“So it shall be. Go find Discord and tell him I called. You may have today off.” Luna said. Black left the throne room, once again noticing the large amount of eerie looking crystals placed at irregular intervals in the halls.

Chaos (not cuddling) Ensues

Taking Place after my Previous Episode

Discord was walking down the hallway, reflecting on what he did just a few minutes ago.

FLASHBACK

Discord was writing a letter. It read:

Dear Queen Chrysalis,

This letter is to inform you of... what the heck. This letter says one thing: challenge. If I somehow manage to do a certain secret thing to you, I win. What this thing is, I have already decided. You don't want to know. This challenge will last until completion.

Love (hope you're hungry),

Discord

He wondered how worked up Chrysalis would get over some intense {censored} tweaking. Of course, she didn't know what it was... Walking up to a somewhat familiar changeling, he gave him the letter and asked him to take it to Chrysalis, then run out of the room before she finishes reading it.

END FLASHBACK

"DIIIIIIIIISCOOOOOOOORD" Chrysalis yelled, loud enough to rival the VOICE.

"Challenge Accepted, I guess..." Discord snickered. Cue the entrance of Black.

"Luna wants to see you, Discord." He said, before soarin' towards the heart of the city, where he would notice an oddly 'Great and Powerful' blue unicorn, who looked as terrified as if she had recently been chased by something with blades for hooves. The fact that there was griffon nearby was the reason he happened to glance in that direction in the first place.

Discord, having not a care in the world, decided that the best place to look for Luna would be in her lab. He would have to find a way to get in the pantry without becoming a knife storage rack, courtesy of Flambé. Would he succeed, and if he did, would he meet Ford Cruller? He arrived at the pantry. The cooks seemed to be prepared for his arrival, and soon he had to focus so that he could dodge all of their knives. One pony there seemed to have throwing knives as her special talent, and put them out at 50 per second. On top of that, she looked like a freaky flying maid, which unnerved him like nothing had. Curtain fire is always hard to dodge, but the real question was: HOW IN EQUESTRIA CAN THEY THROW 5000 KNIVES, AND STILL HAVE MORE?

Finally, Mr. Pincushion {Don't ask} made it to the pantry, and locked the door. Reaching for the lever, he braced himself for the fall. He pulled the lever, and waited. The fall never came, but an out of place tree trunk with a red lantern on the side slid out from behind the shelf, which swung out to allow it.

"I guess this means jump in." He thought.

"Please keep your hooves and wings inside the cart at all times." He did not.

Upon arrival at the lab, he found an evil looking Luna, and a Moony, sitting around a crystal.

"Discord, we need you. Although evil magic works on the crystal, chaos would probably give a more fun aspect to it all. Help me get revenge on Celestia for her meddling with my papers." Luna said. The moment the word revenge came out of Luna's mouth, Discord smirked. "Oh, and We need you to stop Black from touching the crystals and negating their curse/enchantment. Nice knives, by the way."

"Thanks. Black is gone, he's out for a tour of the city. Moo-ha-ha-ha-ha, what are we waiting for, let's begin!" Discord said.

"Moo-ha-ha?" Moony asked.

"Yes, Nightmare Moo-are we still waiting?" Discord suddenly switched mid-sentence. "I'm gonna start."

"Let us begin." Both Moony and Luna said in sync. Discord channeled his chaotic force into the crystal, while making the room sprout a forest of candy canes and drink parasols at the same time. Then the other two began to put power, Moony's being somewhat more evil, into the crystal, letting Discord's chaos do what it will with it.

"I don't like what you did with the pantry entrance, Luna" Discord commented once the charging was done.

"Then We shall pluck out your eyes!" Luna replied, with a maniacal laugh.

"That Is the purpose of the goggles." He said as she neared him. Then he realized that he didn't have any on. "Er..."

"We're joking, but we guess the crystals have begun to work."

Meanwhile

Celestia was sitting on her throne, defiling the newest batch of Luna's papers, when the crystal beside her began to glow. She galloped out, hoping not to be inside its range of influence. What she was met with, however, was a lot more horrifying. Down the hall, in each of the nodes of the castle, and probably in her bedroom as well, were places where she could probablly find one of these crystals.

They were all glowing, with an eerie, but somewhat intriguing light. She neared one, and it zapped her, making her horn look like a candy cane, and her wings turn into chocolate. Those wings weren't going to give her lift anytime soon, so the only option left was to deactivate the crystal. She tried, only to have the crystal reflect the candy cane beam of magic back at her. Both her horn and her wings turned into cake, and for five minutes, she tried to get at the frosting on them. She then noticed that a statue had fallen of its pedestal in her struggles, so tried levitating it back. Looking back on it, Celestia would realized that the statue should not have turned into cake. The fact that she ate such a priceless artifact, however, would amuse Discord for a long while.

Chrysalis, in the opposite end of the castle, was walking down the hallway, when she got fired at from one of the crystals hanging in the air. She somehow managed to dodge it, but within seconds, she had been hit by at least twenty. Wherever one of those beams hit her body, that part took on an earlier disguise she had worn. The fact that each patch contained a different disguise made her look even more a patchwork-like than Discord. The beams were still firing, so by the time it was over, she looked like everything at once. Then another, thicker beam shot at her, knocking her out, and at least fifty meters back. Her changeling guards had no better luck.

Back in the lab

"Nopony will get hurt, that I made sure of." Discord said.

"Er..." Moony said, hoping nopony would notice that her intentions were the exact opposite.

In the kitchen

"Everypony was wondering where where Discord had gone, since he wasn't in the pantry he clearly entered a few minutes ago. The fridge was watching them intently, and when nopony was looking, shot an éclair at one of their heads. They all slowly turned around, noticing the quite swirly crystal wall which had sprung up behind them. Looking back on it, at least three of them would have wanted to break off some of that crystal for 'recreational' use. On the other side was a fridge which looked quite evil. The thought of it made them all turn around in sync. When they turned back-SWEET SUN AND MOON DID THE FRIDGE MOVE?

"Don't blink."

Moony, Discord and Luna

The aforementioned characters walked through the chaos, though Discord intentionally steered them away from Chrysalis when he noticed her. A challenge is not fun to complete when the target is unconscious.

"Erm.... We think we overdid it, judging by the looks of Chrysalis. Weren't you saying something about nopony being hurt by this, Discord?" Luna asked.

"Well, that was what I was doing. If anypony had the opposite intention," he looked at Moony " then my attempts would have been neutralized."

"Don't blame me." Moony shouted, in a volume that completely disproved her claim.

"We already do..." Either Discord or Luna said. Your pick.

Celestia

"Yum!" Celestia exclaimed, having finished the Black Forrest Cake which was just a statue minutes earlier. She went out to survey the damage. The castle itself was surprisingly intact for what was now a mass of crystal, which emitted a pattern of light so... trippy... that it seemed as if it were warping itself. She was walking along the first floor corridor of the northern quadrant, and went through a door leading into the observatory. From this high vantage point, Celestia got a good look at the grounds. They were surprisingly intact, as though only the castle itself were under the effect. Speaking of the observatory, wasn't it on the fifth floor?

She went back through the door to be greeted with the inside of her room, which had a mass of ponies within it, each with their own story as to how they got in. One was looking for a secret way into her room when this happened. Looking around, she spotted a few Zebras and one Griffo-was that an Eldritch Abomination? She rushed out her door, leaving the group of confused creatures inside. Their confusion increased when Celestia rushed in through the balcony door just as soon as she had disappeared from view out the other door.

"Buck!" She swore internally. She somehow managed to keep her cool. This internal mechanism had saved her reputation many times before. The fact that it did not fail her now was comforting. She ran out, and almost tripped over an unconscious Chrysalis. She was unrecognizable, save for the little crown-like appendage sitting atop her head. It was her guards, though, who gave Chrysalis' identity away. Lighting her horn, Celestia brought Chrysalis back to the land of the living.

"What have I done this time?" Chrysalis asked, since this was the way she usually was woken up after being knocked unconscious by a guard due to one of her shenanigans. Of course, usually she'd still be in disguise or, at the very least, not looking like a patchwork doll.

"Nothing. But it seems-" Celestia was cut off as another beam from a crystal hit the Queen, and, well, you know the rest. This scene repeated itself thrice before Celestia thought to put a protection spell around Chrysalis {Note to self: Change Chrysalis' name to Crissy}. Though it did the job, being encased in cake wasn't something which one would enjoy. Luckily, Celestia was there to save Chrysalis from an eternity in said medium.

Meanwhile

Discord was thinking seriously, a hard task for him indeed, and decided that it would be better to get a certain Changeling Queen to join their party.

"Let's go look for Chrysalis." Discord finally said, realizing that this whole time, he was maintaining a protection spell against his chaos. He quickly dropped it, just in time for a mass of tentacles to round the corner and snatch his party up. He decided against the lack of protection, something he, Moony and Luna appreciated.

"Might as well, who knows what these things will do to her." Luna replied, wiping some slime off her back left leg. "Knowing Moony like We do, I'm betting she's directed most of the ill will towards her, and her changelings. That was when a snarling mass of shadow came in from a north-facing window and landed on the ground. Luna, knowing what it was, decided to put Sombra into a glass phial for the time being. This she teleported it to what she hoped was her room.

The walk to Chrysalis was uneventful, and when they reached her, she was awake. Celestia had just finished eating a cake which seemed to have been encasing the Changeling Queen, though Chrysalis' holes were still filled. Chrysalis was the first to notice Discord, and rushed towards him angrily.

"Look what you did!" She screamed. As she rushed towards him, he did not even seem to notice. As she neared him, he turned to the side, put out a leg, and tripped her. She did not keep her footing. Discord went calmly up to her, and began to

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{THAT'S ENOUGH}

tweak her nose in every imaginable way. It's bad enough when somepony tweaks your nose, but when a paw is put through your (forcibly held) open mouth, stuck out your nose, and inverted to perform a tweaking operation on the latter, anypony would be forgiven for going mad. Chrysalis certainly did, promising hellfire and eternal torment upon Discord, in the form of a child {dafuq am I writing?}. Conclusion: Chrysalis was annoyed.

"Get this enchantment off the crystals, NOW!" Celestia's 'now' was accentuated due to a spaghetti monster flying through the corridor.

"Never. So long as I we three are in the area of the Crystals, this magic shall survive!!!!!!!." Discord said. That was enough to send Celestia into a smirk.

"Er... joking?" Discord said, hoping that Celestia wasn't going to send them all to the moon again. Celestia powered up her horn, which, as she has forgotten, was still made of cake. As the light reached levels that would temporarily blind any normal pony, they were gone.

At the unknown location

Lighting her horn, Celestia soon discovered that they were on the inside of an enormous, hollow cake. Were. By the time Moony had figured it out, the cake had ceased to exist. Moony must have been stunned, since it did not usually take 7 seconds for Nightmare Moon's mind to complete such a simple process.

"Get us out of here, Celestia!" All of the ponies in Celestia's room shouted, once they had gotten over the shock of a cake appearing, disappearing, and their benevolent monarch emerging. Celestia snapped.

"I'M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN AT THE MOMENT. DISCORD REFUSES TO DROP THE SPELL, MOONY AND LUNA WILL SUSTAIN IT IF HE DOES,  I CAN'T FIND ANY KNIVES TO CONVINCE THEM OTHERWISE, AND MY MAGIC IS CAKE THEME-WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" She yelled, being cut off by a flood of cooks, all running into her and pleading for mercy.

"The- The- The fr- The fridge. It's- horr- It's horrible. It's been chasing us for the past half-hour! Help Us!" A certain mare with a special talent for knife throwing screamed. Nopony was looking in the general direction of the door at that time. They all turned around.

"Run for your lives!" Flambé screamed, before running out the door, and back in through the balcony. Repeat. The third time, he stopped. "Oh..."

"Oh-ho-ho. The cooks, cooked. And by a fridge nonetheless." Discord exclaimed, in a tone of voice that ranged from a deep bass one second, to a high treble the next.

"It ate my sous-chefs! It ate all three of them, the latter two as soon as they were promoted to fill the gap," the head cook screeched at Discord, "and all you can do is laugh at my plight?"

"No, your sous-chefs are in the pantry, probably stuffing themselves without limits. This was my personal revenge against you turning me into a living knife rack." Discord said bluntly.

"Did you say pantry?" Luna asked.

"Yes." Discord replied. "Why?"

"Did you close the entry to the lab?" She whispered.

"How could I do so, and get in the cart at the same time?" Discord whispered back.

"That was the point of the new design. This way, you could jump in after pulling the lever back. This way, the entry doesn't stay open until you leave." Luna answered. "Didn't you wonder why We changed it?"

"So I entered, and the way I left it was as though the change wasn't there?" Discord defended himself.

"No, a BUCKING tree trunk is somewhat more noticeable than a hole in the floor, and far more interesting to jump in." Luna was on the verge of not whispering.

"The candy-cane forest smight deter them from the control crystal." Discord said, unaware that Celestia had just begun to eavesdrop, even through the clamor of the room.

"Let's make sure, this is more important than the fridge problem." Luna said. Coming out of a whisper, she continued. "Discord, lets jump into the fridge. Moony, you're coming with us."

"What?" Moony asked, before being picked up in a magical glow. "If I'm coming. so is Chrysalis." She proceeded to levitate the changeling queen to Luna.

"I guess it's time to show Crissy around, then." Luna responded, in a manner which only soured Moony's mood.

"What!?" Chrysalis yelled as she finally figured out what was going on. While they were all looking at Crissy, Celestia took it upon her to jump into the fridge.

"Let's go!" Discord exclaimed, pulling all of them into the fridge. The pantry was somewhat emptier than when he was last there, and he thought he spotted an ethereal mane just disappear through the tree trunk.

"Since the cooks took the cart already, we'll need to call it again." She lifted the red lantern, and a deep rumbling was heard. Whack!

"Oomph!" Celestia said, as the cart whacked her full speed into the pit on the other side of the tracks. Discord sadistically hoped her wings were still cake.

"What was that?" Luna asked.

"Celestia getting hit by the cart" Discord replied.

"Serves her right." Moony grumbled. Crissy nodded in agreement.

"Let us be off." Both Luna and Discord said in approximate sync.

In the lab

"Please keep your hooves and wings inside the cart at all times." The ride was uneventful, probably due to the lack of crystals in the tunnels. If Luna had been stupid enough to set some up in there, then the ponies still stuck in Celestia's room would have been wondering why a cart kept passing through the room, following the now well known balconydoor-maindoor route.

In the actual lab, they found the three chefs playing hoofball with the main crystal. Sadly, before any of them could do anything about it, the crystal hit the floor, and shattered.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Moony screamed. Her voice was not alone. Discord watched the keystone holding up a castle-full of chaos shatter. The ground rumbled, as space-time was returned to its normal configuration. Discord began to weep.

In another universe

"[Insert Eldritch Abomination Name Here]'s got the flu? There's a first time for everything, I guess. This I gotta see."

Back in Equestria

"All that beautiful chaos, so much power in it, ruined. Why. Why? Why! It was to be the greatest prank in the history of Equestria. What possessed you to destroy it?" He said. He then realized what he said. "Oh right, that was me..."

"Er, where are we?" One of the now normal ponies asked.

"Nowhere." Luna replied. Just then, Celestia appeared, and it seems she was shouting something. Discord only caught the last part.

"...AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON." {Don't look for the entire thing on Google, especially not at work} Discord had no idea what that was supposed to mean. "Oh! The control crystal is broken."

"We rode in on a minecart, Celly." Luna answered. Chrysalis facehoofed when she realized what Celestia had finished saying.

"The crystal! Nooo." Both Moony and Discord started to cry.

The crystal being shattered, alongside with all it's siblings, save for the original, due to the magical shockwave, the castle returned to it's normal state of abiotic existence.

"Now what to do with my bottled Sombra?" Luna asked herself.

And they continued their life, as usual.

The End

{P.S. These brackets are author's comments, if all my thoughts were to be revealed, then this chapter would have been doubled (ha).}