My Little Telemarketers

by Isseus

Rating: teen
Tags: Flim and Flam, Big Macintosh, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 5368

The mane 6 go into telemarketing

The Flim Flam brothers convince the mane 6 to go into telemarketing. It ends exactly how well one'd expect.

Published 2012-11-22 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-22 21:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1

A conversation was taking place somewhere in Ponyville. Probably in a café or something similar so they could sit down. Or the library. Nopony ever went there.

"You want us to do WHAT?" the six mares shouted in unison.

"As me and my brother just explained, all you have to do is call to people and sell them our new products," Flim said with a cheery smile

"And we pay you bits for every successful sale! You'll make loads of bits for practically nothing at all," Flam added. "We'll provide you with the equipment you need and fact sheets of our products! It's like printing money!"

"We use coins for money, not paper," Rarity pointed out.

"Only until we get our funding for our new press! Equestria will soon turn into a paper economy! But that's beside the point, am I right my dear brother?"

"Yes you are, my dear brother. Will you take the job?"

"We don't even HAVE these telly-phonies you're talking about!" shouted Rainbow Dash from 3/4 of an inch from the salespony's face.

"Oh I'm glad you brought that up," Flim started.

"Yes I'm glad you brought that up," his brother continued.

"It's magic, my dear fillies. You make the call, and the closest item able to receive our transmission will act as a receiver!"

"That is... actually interesting. How did you manage that?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

"Trade secret my dear mare. If you succeed in your endeavours as a marketer, we'll naturally make you a part of the management and you will gain full disclosure."

"Well... umm... the extra bits would come in handy for the—" Fluttershy started

"Exxxxxxactly! Extra bits for doing really nothing at all. You can work at your leisure from anywhere whenever you have some free time!" Flam said.
"When you get better at it, you can do it while doing other things too!" Flam said.
"You can work while washing dishes!"
"Or cleaning the house!"
"Or cooking!"
"Or taking care of kids."
"Or whatever you mares do during a normal day!"

"Oooh! So I could make bits while I'm making bits while baking?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"YES!" The salesponies shouted in unison. "We call it.... BIT-CEPTION!"

"Well Ah call it de-ception. Why would we work for the ponies who tried to hustle mah home from the Apple Family?"

"That's in the past, my dear mare," one of the salesponies said.
"That's not who we are anymore," the other added.
"We've changed!"
"Turned a new leaf in our lives!"
"Started a new chapter!"
"Turned our boat around!"
"Went for the br—"

"We got it already!" the exasperated farm pony interrupted. "Well ah've never turned down somepony trying for a fresh start. And the bits wouldn't hurt on the farm."

That seemed to settle the issue. The mares got their gear in large cardboard boxes, and went their separate ways.

Twilight Sparkle was taking her time reading the instructions provided. Apparently the 'phones' they had been provided with would randomly choose ponies (with magic, of course) and call them when you pushed a button. Then you'd talk and sell the product, and write up their address to ship the item on a list, which you'd give to the Flim-Flam brothers. It seemed simple enough. Twilight also scanned the apparatus, trying to decipher the magical auras inside. Whatever her personal thoughts on the two unicorn salesponies, they really seemed to have a knack for complicated technomagic, as she had no idea on how the phones worked. They also seemed to have coated several inside parts with lead, which was a sure way to block her magical prodding.

"So I'll just sell these... things until I get a promotion and find out more. These phones might revolutionise the whole way we communicate in Equestria... I wouldn't have to bother Spike every time I want to send mail to Princess Celestia and I could..."

She ranted on for almost half an hour before Spike finally to see what all the commotion was about. He made Twilight some calming chamomile tea and made sure that the mare also took her daily Ritalin. After another half an hour, the unicorn was again her calm and coherent self, ready to start working. She laid on the couch and read through the fact sheets she'd been provided several times, committing them into memory. Then she took a deep breath, put the headphones on and pushed the button.

There was a foreign beeping sound, and then some rustling. "Uhm... Why is my banana shaking?" came a voice from Twilight's headphone. She immediately thought of Big Macintosh's deep voice, even though it was clearly not him on the phone. That deep, manly voice, gruff from the hard labor and long days at the farm, yet carrying the sweet undertone of honesty and serenity of a stallion perfectly content with his life. A cold shiver ran through Twilight's back, but she tried to concentrate on her work.

"Hello! I am Twilight Sparkle and I'm calling you on behalf of the FlimFlam Corporation!" the unicorn said in her most enthusiastic voice.

"On... my banana?"

"Yes. I'm quite possibly using a correspondence-infused thaumic current matrix to propagate the nearest applicable object in your vicinity to use for communication. And probably quantum."

"That's... nice."

"So, who might I be talking to?"

"You don't know?"

"It is a bit random. Maybe I should suggest some form of receiver recognition to the management. But no, I have no idea who I am calling."

"A pleasure to meet you. My name is Soarin'."

"THE Soarin'? As in the Wonderbolt?"

"Yeah, that would be me."

"So...uhm... how are you doing?"

"Well I am talking to some lovely mare on my breakfast banana. Either I'm going crazy or this is my lucky day."

"Sir, you might be right about that!" Twilight was sure this would be the best tactic. It had been in one of her books, 'Expert Excrement Expedition for Enterprising Enterpreneurs'. "I'm calling you to tell you about FlimFlam corporation's newest innovation in timekeeping. I'm talking about the Tick-Tock Always On The Clock Portable Chronometer One Thousand. It's sure to keep you on time in the bedlam of your urban celebrity lifestyle. In addition to the usual chronometer functions like a secondary face for timing and an alarm function, it also sports a small compass and a compartment for handy instruments, such as hair pins, small photographs or other such paraphemalia. You can customise the clock face easily with an image of your choice, for example a very special somepony. And last but not least, it has a small light source so you can see the time even in the dark, and the illumination is sufficient to even help you open your the lock on your very home door as you return from a night of revelry." Twilight had to pause and pant, having said the whole sales pitch in one breath from memory.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I... never thought somepony would have big enough lungs to say something like that in one go."

"I've had lots of... practice."

"So... " There was a short pause as Soarin' took a small sip of something. "It's some kind of a watch?"

"Seems so. The image shows like it's a bit bigger than a normal one, but doesn't look too unwieldly to be honest." Twilight peered at the tiny image on her fact sheet. "Oh and it looks golden too."

"How much are they asking for it?"

"The price is... 150 bits."

"Might as well take one. It's not like I got better things to spend money on."

"Well I'll sign you up."

After getting the address of the Wonderbolt, Twilight was about to finish the call.

"Twilight Sparkle was it?"

"Yes?"

"I really like your name. Sounds like you're an evening-type of pony. Could you tell me a bit more about yourself?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Well... I was hoping to know what a lovely mare with your lung capacity was like."

Twilight let out a foalish giggle at the compliment. She felt her cheeks start warming up.

"I'm nopony special. Just the librarian of Ponyville."

"Ponyville? Would that make you an earth pony?"

"No no no. I'm a unicorn."

"A unicorn eh. I've always liked unicorn fillies. You always seem to have that spark of magic I like."

Twilight's tongue seemed to have tied itself in a knot. Her answer could be paraphrased as "Ughuuumgh?"

"Doing anything this Friday?"

"Well... I... uhh... don't really have any plans..."

"Why don't I send you a ticket for the Wonderbolts Air Show in Canterlot and we can go for dinner afterwards?"

"I... that would be nice. I haven't been in Canterlot for a while."

"I'll send you a backstage pass along with the ticket, so I can meet the cute mare that brightened up my morning."

"O-okay" Twilight could barely stutter the words out.

"Sorry but I have to go. We have a rehearsal for our new tricks and Spitfire's been busting my flank for slacking off. I'll see you this Friday."

"Well... umm... bye then."

"Cya."

Twilight pushed the button again to cut the call off. She was feeling hot all over and was sure her face was red as a chilipepper. "I just made my first sale and... did I just promise to go on a date... with a Wonderbolt?" She couldn't help but giggle at the thought. "And he called me cute... and hasn't even met me." *squee* "This telemarketing thing a lot more fun than I thought. Wonder how the others are doing?"

Rainbow Dash was reclining on her comfortable cloud in the sky above Sweet Apple Acres. She was looking over the edge of the cloud at the form of a burly red stallion bucking apples out of a tree. The pegasus couldn't help but gaze at the muscular back and hindlegs of the pony as he went on about his work, not noticing the stalker above. As he carried the last basket of apples inside a barn, he gave a short stretch of his shoulders and walked inside the main farmhouse.

The morning show now over, Dash turned onto her back and looked at the blue sky above. She already felt her eyes slowly closing, preparing for a much-needed nap. An hour later she found that her cloud had drifted back above Ponyville proper. With a giant yawn she picked up the box next to her. She'd taken it up with her, and for some reason it hadn't fallen through the cloud yet. She threw the headset on and pushed the button, picking up a fact sheet on random. After hearing some muttering in her earphones, she started talking.

"Heya. It's me, Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pegasus in Equestria."

"You—"

"Yeah yeah yeah. So I'm selling this gym practice thingy. You can do stuff with it and get into better shape."

"I'm not really interested."

"Not interested? Everypony needs to exercise. You wanna be a skinny wimp, or you wanna be like me?"

"I don't really want to be like you, but could be if I wanted."

"Oh please, sister. There's only one Dash and that's me."

"As you say. So skinny am I? That's not how I'd describe myself but I am pretty thin."

"There you go. So you wanna buy it?"

"I would like to hear about the quality of the product you are selling first."

"Quality, schmality. They're BUCKING AWESOME! So how many'll you take?"

"Fine. You have convinced me. Do you deliver outside of Equestria."

"I guess. I'm just selling them, not delivering. I'm FAR to cool to be a mailmare."

There was some laughter on the other end which seemed to echo weirdly in Dash's headphones.

"Well I wouldn't mind having a delivery here. Actually my kids would probably be into that sort of thing too. Do you ship in bulk?"

"Yeah. Sure, sure. So where to?"

"Queen Chrysalis, Changeling Hive, The Badlands."

Rainbow Dash once again proved she was the fastest pegasus in Equestria, as she hammered the call-button so quickly it broke down.

Braeburn was sweating in the apple orchard. The work had been hard, but manly. He rolled a cigarette and put it deep between his dry, muscular lips. With a muddy hoof he brushed his manly brow which left a brown stain on his forehead. He'd never minded getting mud or other stuff on his face. With a quick flick of a hoof, he pulled out his 15 inch Colt and fired it into the air, making the cigarette burn. Braeburn pushed his giant Colt back into it's tight leather sheath and gave his fag a deep blow, enjoying the smoky taste in his mouth.

He thought of the days he'd spent at Sweet Apple Acres, working alongside with his cousin, Big Mac. They'd been the closest of friends while younger, sharing everything and speaking deep into the night about life and what they wanted to do. The thought of his cousin made him smile as the fag emptied it's load into his mouth. He remembered the first time he'd rolled a fag. It had been with Big Mac. They'd been hiding behind a barn and suddenly Big Mac had surprised him from behind and put the roll into his mouth. He'd coughed at first, his eyes tearing, but Big Mac wouldn't let go, making him take it all in, even though it hurt. There was no resisting the burly red stallion, and he soon succumbed, slowly starting to enjoy the burning sensation in his mouth. They'd done it several time together during that summer, but the first time had felt magical. Even now when the family got together, Braeburn and Big Mac would go behind that same barn and roll up together in the hay, exchanging tastes from around the world over each other's manly lips.

As he mused about his ill-spent youth, he stumped the cigarette against a nearby tree. "Still has a good two minutes left. I'll save it for later. Waste not, want not as Granny always says." Braburn pushed the cigarette behind his ear and returned to work, pushing a heavy basket of apples down the hill. He was taken unawares as the cigarette first started beeping and then talking.

"Heya! This thing on? Y'all hearing me?" came a familiar voice from behind his ear.

"Cousin Applejack? What in tarnation are you doing here in..." he paused for a moment to fill his tar-covered lungs and bellowed: "....AAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPLLLEEEEELOOOOOOOOSSAAAAAAAHHHHH!?"

"Braeburn 's that you? Ah'm a-calling you from this doohickey them Flim Flam's went an' gave me."

"Them's the hustlers that were after your farm?" Braeburn asked incredulously, having finally located the voice of the mare actually emanating from the cigarette behind his ear.

"That's them alright. Never trusted 'em as far as Ah could throw 'em. But they seems to have changed their ways so Ah thought to give thems a new chance."

"Y'all was such a sweet lil' filly, AJ."

"Now stop that right this instant, Braeburn. Ah ain't gonna listen to no sweet-talkin' from any cousin of mine!"

They both gave a hearty chuckle. Braeburn sat down in the shade of the tree he'd just recently been bucking and pulled his hat down lower over his eyes. Both of them had a lot of catching up to do, and they spent the next one-and-a-half hours talking over family matters, apple farming, apple sales, baking apple products and lawn gnomes.

Braeburn lifted the tip of his hat and saw the sun already hiding behind the high mountain peaks over the unforgiving frontier. As the shadows grew longer, he had to say goodbye to his cousin once more.

"Ah'm sorry, Applejack. It's been mighty nice to hear how well y'all are doing in Ponyville an' Ah'm sure we'll get to meet up after the harvest is over. And tell thanks to them brothers for this whatchamacallit phony thingy."

"Ah sure will. And stay safe in there, Braeburn. Oh and Big Mac says hi."

"Send all my love to the family."

"Will do."

As Applejack pushed the red button on her machine, a sudden thought occurred to her. "Awww... shoot."

Pinkie Pie was in the kitchen. She was juggling three burning hot pies, a tray of cupcakes, Pound Cake, and a picture of Big Macintosh taking a shower with a large heart drawn around him, so what better moment to put on the headphones and turn on the weird machine tied to her side. Somepony answered in a confused and groggy voice.

"Good morning, sleepyhead! It's time to rise and shine! You should really get up already!"

"Who is this?" came a desperate female groan.

"Why this is Pinkie Pie of course! And I'm in the kitchen cooking so I wanted to call you."

"The Element Of Laughter? In our tiara? Why is there a kitchen inside our tiara?"

"No, silly. I'm in the kitchen at Sugarcube Corner!"

"So... this Sugarcube Corner is inside our tiara? Does this have something to do with Twilight Sparkle?"

"OOH! You know Twiley-Smiley! She's one of my most bestestestestestest friends EVER!"

"Well that's what thee told us when last we met. Incase you didn't know it, you have woken the Princess Of The Night, Luna, from our well deserved rest after guarding the night."

"WOW! My first customer's gonna be a Princess!" The sound of crashing pans and splattering pastries accompanied the energetic exclamation. "This is so fabulowasometastic that I might just..." Pinkie actually stopped for a moment and sat down on the kitchen floor. "I don't really know what I might do. I mean... this is the first time I've called a Princess and sold her a new vacuum cleaner. Or a blender. Wait till I tell the others about this they'll be like 'PINKIE! You didn't call PRINCESS LUNA!?' And I'll be like 'Tehee yeah I did, and I even sold her an ice cream machine.' Which reminds me, I have to get us an ice cream machine too so we can make ice cream and serve it with our pies. It'll be delicious!" she said while licking her lips noisily.

"If... If I buy all of those things, can I go back to sleep?"

"So you REALLY want to buy the ice cream machine, the blender, the vacuum cleaner, the WonderMop: The Mopper Wonder—"

"Yes yes. Send one of everything. And another set for my sister so she has something to play with and stay out of my hair."

"You have ANOTHER Princess in your hair? WOW! I thought I had a weird hair cos it's always so poofy and woofy and goofy and I find the weirdest things inside like lollipops and candycanes and once I found Gummy who is my pet alligator but he doesn't have any teeth so he can take baths with me so—"

"SILENCE! I COMMAND YOU TO ES-TEE-EF-YU AND GEE-TEE-EF-OU BEFORE I HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! NOW LET ME SLEEP!" came the bellowed Royal Canterlot Voice from the speakers, throwing Pinkie around the kitchen like a Pinkie Pie thrown around a kitchen, which was, in a word, bounce-a-licious.

"So..." Pinkie whispered, "I'll send one of everything to you and your sister?"

She only got a content snore as an affirmation.

"Darling, you simply MUST reconsider! The new Lady Lotus Rose Fragrance Excellance Excelcior is to simply DIE for."

"Sis? Why are you talking to the mirror?" came a squeky voice of a filly from somewhere around the Boutique.

"Hush now, Sweetie Belle. Big Sister is working."

The fashionista turned back to the mirror and whipped her expertly groomed mane over a shoulder, which ponies don't actually have. "As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, you simply MUST try it out. YOU MUSSST! What's that, dear? Set you up for one of those? I'll just write it down here. Oh you will be the TALK of the whole CITY! You're only the third pony I called and everypony has just HAD to have one. And I'm CERTAIN that soon anypony who DOESN'T have one of these perfumes will simply HAVE to stay inside because, honestly, whoever could show their face outside without a few drops of this nectar behind their ears! Oh and will you be taking the new lipstick and the Relaxation Socks Mach Four we talked about too? Darling don't say that! You know that there is no substitute for pampering yourself, so don't go thinking about something as CRUDE as the price. Uh-uh. Yes. Canterlot. Yes I got it down. The items will be in mail tomorrow. You too darling. Ta-ta."

Rarity turned around and picked up her cat and twirled around on her back legs. "Oh, Opal, Mama's going to make SO MUCH CASH that they'll need two mailmares and Big Macintosh's broad back and majestic flanks a roguishly messy mane just to carry it inside!" The evil laughter of the fashionista riding on her money high could be heard echoing across the whole room.

"So umm... would you be interested in..." Fluttershy said in a hushed voice.

*click*

"Oh... my. Angel? I don't think I'm cut out for this sort of thing."

The bunny in question got off from his pony-leather couch and bit down hard on his cigar before pistol-whipping Fluttershy several times and spitting on her face. He made a menacing gesture towards the heavy riding crop hanging on the wall, making sure the mare knew her place. With a burp, he returned back to his couch and opened a can of beer with his teeth. He casually turned to the centerfold of 'Farming Illustrated' and let his tongue loll out at the poster-sized Big Macintosh bucking a tree.

"You're right Angel! I can't give up now!"

With a new-found determination, Fluttershy once again pushed the red button on his machine. Soon a female voice answered.

"I am in a bath and speaking to my sponge. This had BETTER be important!"

"I'm... sorry. I... I can call you later if you'd want? It would be a problem for me, even if I don't know how to call the same pony again. Oh dear... maybe there's something in the manual"

"You have ALRRREADY disturrrRRRrrbed me enough. But you are lucky, for I, THE GRRRRRRRRRREAT AND POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFULLL TRRRRIIIIIXIIEEEEEEEE have just gotten out of the bath." Sounds of explosions muffled by water came through the headphone, along with some great and powerful cursing.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Trixie."

"That's GRREEAT AND POWERRRRRFUL TRRRIXXXIIEEEE!!" the Great And Powerful Trixie said.

"Eeep."

"So what is so important that you have to rouse the GRREEAT AND POWERRRRRFUL TRRRIXXXIIEEEE from her bath? Must I explain to you peasants that I am an artist and therefor must take GRRRRREEAT pains to keep my appearance presentable."

"Yes, well, uhm... I was wondering if... you'd like to buy something from me? I mean... if it's okay with you and you don't have anything else to do..."

"The GRREEAT AND POWERRRRRFUL TRRRIXXXIIEEEE..." *fireworks* "...will now listen to your offer."

"Uhm... yes... uhm... well... we are selling these... oh my goodness... "

"What is it?! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!"

"I... I'm sorry I really can't say it. It's so... eeeep!"

"So you have roused the GRREEAT AND POWERRRRRFUL TRRRIXXXIIEEEE from her BATH for NO REASON AT ALL? How DARE you little LOUT disturb me so!"

"I'm sorry."

"Now... you shall have one chance, and one chance ONLY to tell the GRREEAT AND POWERRRRRFUL TRRRIXXXIIEEEE what you are selling, or I will hang up my... sponge."

"WouldyouliketobuyapairofpinkunderpantswithfrillylaceohmygoshIsaidit!"

*splosh* *click*

"Oh... my. That didn't go well at all." A quick look at Il Duce Coniglio told her that failure was not an option if she wanted to keep her kneecaps intact. With a gulp, she dialed up the next pony, only pausing for a moment to look at the majestic picture of Big Macintosh that Angel had dropped on the floor.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHOOOOOOOOO!" The screaming and the thumping music in the background threatened to deafen the timid pegasus. "WHADUP PONYVILLE!?!?!"

"I'm so sorry to disturb you."

"Yo! You're live on air With DJ PON-3! You're the first pony ever to call my earphones so tell you what, you'll get to be my co-host for the show now! Tell us, what's your name!?"

"I'm... Fsh..."

"LOUDER!"

"FLUTTERSHY!"

"And there you have it, listeners. I'm joined here in the broadcast by Miss Fluttershy, or 'DJ P3G' as we know her in the business." A gigantic bass dropped so low it killed several moles and caused a tsunami. "So what brings you to my broadcast, P3G?"

"Well...uhmm... oh dear. I was wondering if you'd want some... lace?"

"Nah, baby. I don't do lace anymore. And neither should you, kids. Drugs are bad for you."

"OH NO! I didn't mean anything like that. I mean... as in... clothes."

"Never been much of a clothes-type of pony. I like to go all natural, ya know?"

"Oh yes so do I but... There are these really tiny pink undies that I'm trying to sell and they have pretty lacework around them and they're kinda cute..."

"So you called me, LIVE, to ask me if I want to put on pink lacy lingerie? In front of thousands of listeners?"

"Oh... my... I'm so sorry... I didn't know people were listening..."

"Hey chillax. Let me tell you what, send me a pair and I'll wear them in my next broadcast and tell everyone how they feel like. And maybe Tavi'll get a kick out of them." There was some screaming from the background. "Sorry! I guess my other co-host had an acute case of PMS. But hey, send them over to the radio station! DJ- PON3 signing offGARGJHH TAVI PLEASE OH NOOH NO NO NOT THE GLASSE—"

*click*

"Angel! I did it! My first sale! This is so wonderful I might even resort to a meme! Yay!" Fluttershy made a quiet 'woo-hoo' hand gesture in her enthusiastic revelry.

"Wonder what kind of a nice pony I'll get to talk to next. Oh I hope it's somepony that isn't as loud as the previous ones..."

She pushed the call button again and was soon greeted by the sound of heavy metal discs colliding together in what sounded like a gym.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Oh... my."

After a full day of busy telemarketing, the mane six met up with the Flim Flam brothers in the same undisclosed place that probably was the library.

"So, ladies. Tell us the good news."

"Well," Twilight Sparkle said. "I made several calls but not too many ponies were interested in the watches. I did sell a few but most just hung up." She couldn't contain her smile any longer. "And I got asked out! By a stallion!"

There was a round of applause from the surrounding ponies, even the brothers joining in.

"I... I kinda sold a few pair of those... ohmygoshes. Here's the... umm... list," Fluttershy said.

"Allow me, miss." Flim took the paper from the unresisting hooves of the pegasus. "You've been working hard! There are a lot of names here. Vinyl Scratch, Snowflake, Dumb Bell, Doughnut Joe, Shining Armor and even Princess Celestia. I must say I'm impressed!"

"Wow, Shy, you actually sold something to the Princess?" Rainbow Dash said in surprise.

"Y-yes. She was very pleased and asked for several pairs."

"And my brother?" asked Twilight Sparkle.

"I sold to a Princess too!" Pinkie shouted before Fluttershy could incriminate Twily's BBBFF and jumped happily up and down. "I was really busy in the bakery and she was my only customer but she bought two of each of your magitronics!"

The two brothers looked at each other with a glimmer of gold in their eyes. As the ponies were smiling happily, a small dragon ran inside with two scrolls labeled with the Royal Insignia. "Twi! These just came in the express mail."

"Let me see," Twilight Sparkle said and unfurled the scrolls. "Umm... I don't really understand but... they seem to be for you, Pinkie."

"OOOOH! What does it say? WHAT DOES IT SAY?!?!" the pink pony could hardly contain her excitement.

"Well... ummm... the first is a Cease And Desist order from Princess Luna and the other one is a restraining order."

"Yay! Does that mean I'm pen pals with Luna now?"

"Not.... quite."

"Nevermind that," the brothers interrupted in unison. "How did you do, ehm, pardner?"

"Well ah don't honestly know what's wrong with your thingumajig. It kept flashing red lights and stopped working."

"That means you've run out of battery! Does this mean that you spent the whole day over the phone."

Applejack looked around for any means of escape, but none presented themselves. "Yeah, I might have done just that."

"So did you make lots of sales?" The brothers leaned forward.

"Well... not as such... no."

"Any?" The brothers leaned even more forward with desperate expressions.

"Well... as it were.... didn't sell a thing. Ah just gossiped with mah cousin. Braeburn says hi by the way."

The greetings were met with a lot of cheer and the emptying of several cups of tea. Once the jubilation was once again under control and the gramophone turned off, Flim turned to look at Rarity.

"So how was your day? Tell me good news!"

"Oh, well... I wouldn't like to brag but... I did several deals today over your phone," Rarity said.

"Several? How many are we talking about?" asked the excited salespony number two.

"Well... a total of... one hundred and seventeen to be exact."

The room fell silent as a library as the rest of the ponies stared at Rarity with their mouths agape. Then the two salesponies exploded. Well... not literally. But they were happy. And greedy. So they happy-greedy-exploded.

"You sold ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN items?"
"...All by yourself?"
"...In just one day?"
"...You are a miracle!"
"...A Celestiasend!"

The two ponies kept cheering the blushing fashionista with their praise until they couldn't invent any more and had to stop for breath.

"So... could we see the list?" asked Flam.

"The... list?" asked Rarity with a befuddled expression.

"Yes... the list of ponies who bought our products from you?"

"No no, darling, you misunderstand. I had a look-see over your assortment of products and they were simply horrid. So I instead sold my own! I got rid of most of my stock and have several items in backorder! The rest of the day was me packing and mailing all the stuff with Sweetie Belle! The Boutique has never been so clean before!" Rarity practically bounced on her seat with excitement.

The room remained quiet for only a few seconds before the cheers and congratulations started raining on Rarity for her deft business savvy and unscrupulous eye for opportunity.

The Flim Flam brother's were not impressed. They turned to look at Rainbow Dash. "So... how did it turn out for you?"

"Nah. It was a total bust."

"Don't say that! I'm sure you made several sales, am I right?" Flim said with the gleam of bits in his eyes."

"I said bust. As in like this." Rainbow Dash pulled the broken phone from her saddlebags. "It broke."

"Oh deary deary me. And on the first day too. This'll have to come out of your pay, of course," said Flam.

"Pay? But I didn't sell anything!"

"Ex-actly, my dear filly. That means that we'll take the money from the rest of your friends as compensation. I'm sure they won't mind. And the cost is quite minimal," said Flim. Or Flam. The one with the mustache anyway.

"Well that sounds reasonable. And all of us girls will happily help out, right?" Twilight said. She was answered by nods and assurances from her friends.

"Splendid! A new phone like that only costs something like two hundred bits, so with your ten percent provision, that leaves you six with a grand total of... three bits."

The two salesponies were found near the Crystal Empire, almost frozen to death and not even remembering their own names. The only words they could utter again and again were: "Big... Macintosh..."