Geoverse Part Six: A Season Of Adventure

by GeodesicDragon

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Adventure, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 87802

Geo and Twilight deal with more stuff in Equestria — all of it leading to a big surprise for both of them...

Twilight Sparkle and Geo have been together for a while now, and they think they've been through everything. But it would seem that, once again, Fate has other ideas. Now everything from evil kings to lords of chaos (as well as everything else in between) will require their attention.

Just another day at the office, then.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Part Six of the Geoverse.

Rated Teen for bad language, violence and suggestive sexual elements.

Each chapter will be set during or after a Season Three episode, with our three human protagonists thrown in.

Once again, the wonderful Crimson Star is my co-author.

All Bonus Chapters are canon except for the first one, and any with (NC) in the title.

Published 2012-11-29 14:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-27 19:23:48 UTC

The Crystal Empire - Part Two (v1.1)

CHAPTER THREE

The Crystal Empire - Part One

Version 1.1

As Sombra advanced towards us, I glared at him and stood in front of Twilight and Dash, getting into a defensive pose as I did so. Both mares looked at me in horror. I felt something grabbing my shirt. The fluttering of wings soon told me that Dash was trying to pull me away. Unfortunately for her, the fact I was three times heavier than her made it a futile gesture.

"What are you doing?" Twilight said. "We need to hide!"

"I'm sick of being the fucking punching bag." I snarled. "If this fucker thinks that he can threaten my family and my friends, then he's got another thing coming!"

Sombra sensed my defiance, his face twisting into a gleeful smile. Suddenly, the shield sparked into life. Sombra hissed in pain as a part of his horn was caught in the shield, slicing it off. It landed on the ground and sunk into the earth as the shield re-appeared.

I stood down from my pose and looked at Twilight, who was glancing up at the balcony, where a clearly weakened Cadence was coaxing as much magic as she could out of her horn. Twilight looked at me with a forlorn expression on her face as the rest of the girls, along with Spike, John and Ace, arrived.

"I'm going to find the real Crystal Heart." Twilight stated. "Everypony else, you keep the fair going for as long as possible. Do not let the Crystal Ponies discover that this heart is a fake."

"Fake?!" chorused the others.

"Rainbow Dash will explain everything." Twilight replied. "Just keep the Crystal Ponies entertained, and we should be fine. I doubt it will take me all that long to find the real Heart."

She turned and started walking. Spike ran ahead of her and blocked her path, a determined looked on his face.

"I'm coming with you, Twilight!" he said.

"Likewise." I added. "I'd be failing you as a husband if I let you walk into Celestia-knows-what all by yourself. I made a promise on our wedding day that I would protect you, and I intend to keep that promise, come hell or high water."

"No!" Twilight replied, stomping a hoof for emphasis. "Princess Celestia told me that I needed to be the one to solve this problem. If I let you help me, then I fail! I can't let that happen."

"I never said anything about helping you with your test." I said. "I said I was going to protect you. Now enough stalling. Let's go, time's-a-wasting."

"I promise Twilight," Spike interjected, "we won't lift a claw, or a hand, to help you with your test. We'll just keep you safe."

Twilight smiled and nodded.

"Let's go." she said quietly.

She started walking just as Spike was enveloped in a blue aura of magic and floated over to Rarity, who proceeded to pepper his face with kisses.

"My brave little Spikey-Wikey!" she cooed. "Please, do be careful. And that goes for you two, as well."

"We will." I said. "You lot just keep the Faire going, got it?"

John saluted.

"You can count on us, mate!" he said.

Rarity put Spike down and, after he had managed to wobble his way over to us, the three of us set off. As we left, Rainbow Dash grabbed Fluttershy.

"Come on, Knight Fluttershy!" she said. "Let's joust."

Fluttershy swallowed nervously.

"B-b-but isn't that... dangerous?" she asked timidly.

"It is." Dash replied nonchalantly. "But the Crystal Ponies want a show, and by Celestia, I will give them one!"

She paused for a moment.

"And besides, Shy. Even if you do get hurt, you're dating a doctor. I'm sure he'll patch you up in no time."

Before Fluttershy could reply, Dash had grabbed her and began speeding towards the arena, leaving behind a slowly fading squeal.

***

John and Applejack stood beside the fake Heart, the former keeping a close eye on it, and shooing away anypony who came near it, such as an unfortunate couple who tried to peek under the cover, until a hand snatched it from them.

"No peeking!" John said sternly. "Wait until it's time! It wouldn't be fair on everypony else if I let you two have a sneaky look! Now, away with you... for now!"

The couple tutted and walked away. Applejack trotted over to her husband, who adopted a martial arts stance on hearing the hoofsteps on the ground.

"Er, sugarcube?" she asked. "Don't ya think y'all are takin' this guardin' business a tiny bit too far?"

John dropped his pose and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Sorry, hon." he said. "You can take the man out of MI6, but you can't take MI6 out of the man." he sighed, before adding, "Oh well, at least nopony can say I didn't take my training seriously."

Applejack chuckled.

"No, Ah guess they can't." she replied. "But can ya at least try ta take it down a notch? Y'all are gettin' some serious glares from the folks ya turn away. And that ain't the kind of attention we need."

John nodded.

"I'll try." he said. "I just hope Twilight and the others are having a better time of it than we are."

"Twilight's a smart mare." Applejack reassured him. "Ah'm sure she and those boys have got it all figured out."

John looked towards the sky, and the ever-growing black clouds which dominated it.

"I hope you're right." he muttered.

***

Twilight galloped as fast as she could towards the castle, as Spike hung on to her neck for dear life. Bringing up the rear, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, ignoring my lungs pleas for air.

"What do you... mean... Sombra hid the real... heart in his castle?" I said in between gasps and puffs. "Surely he'd... have hidden it... somewhere more... hidden?"

"That's just it!" yelled Twilight. "He hid it in the castle because he knew that nopony would dare to intrude within! It makes perfect sense! Now come on!"

We ran up the castle steps and soon made our way to the throne room. Twilight immediately began looking high and low for something, while I slumped against a wall to recover.

"What are you looking for, Twilight?" asked Spike.

"Even if somepony did enter the castle, there's no way Sombra would have let them have the Heart." Twilight replied. "He would have still hidden it away. That said, I am looking for anything that might open a hidden door."

"Good luck with that." I said, looking around. "There's loads of things in here that could do that. Books, lights, crystals..."

As I spoke, Twilight's eyes had become fixated on a particular crystal. She gazed at it with curiosity.

"What is it?" I asked.

"When she was giving me my test," she replied, "she told me about what Sombra did to the Empire. She said that he corrupted all the crystals which give this place its name, turning them dark. They were all returned to normal when the Empire vanished... all except for this one. Princess Celestia also showed me a spell to unlock the secrets of these crystals. That said... stand back."

I did as I was asked, and watched as Twilight's eyes turned a sickly green colour. Spike and I both gasped as a dark beam of light shot out from her horn, blasting the crystal with a large amount of force. A deep rumbling beneath our feet prompted us to move, as the floor suddenly gave way, revealing a spiral staircase.

Twilight's eyes returned to normal, and she looked at the staircase, which descended into blackness. Picking up a small piece of rubble, she dropped it into the abyss. It hit the ground a good two minutes later, telling us the staircase was quite large.

"I'm going down there." she said. "You two stay here and keep an eye on the Crystal Faire."

"But—" I started.

"No buts." Twilight said sternly. "Just do it."

I knew better than to argue with her, having seen what she was capable of when angry, such as levitating an entire library. I grumbled to myself and went over to the window, followed by Spike, who was almost as displeased as I was. We watched as Twilight set about walking down the stairs, lighting her horn to guide her, before turning our attention to the scene outside.

As we watched, the shield began to flicker as Cadence's magic faltered once again. The next thing Spike and I heard was a series of bumps and grunts. We rushed over to the staircase just in time to see a small purple light bouncing off the walls.

"Looks like Twilight felt that." I said.

"That's not the only thing she felt." Spike muttered.

I snorted out a laugh. Spike looked at me quizzically, before a smile spread over his face and he burst out out laughing. Soon, we were both holding our sides. I felt bad for laughing at Twilight's misfortune, but I'd already had a book fall on my head, so I needed something to raise my spirits. I told myself I'd make it up to her.

Our laughter was soon cut short by Twilight crying out. Sitting bolt upright, Spike and I exchanged a look, before we both ran for the stairs, shoving each other out the way as we raced to get there first. Soon, we were both falling down the endless stairs.

For some reason, as we fell, I found myself thinking about something I had seen on TV... and how much I would kill for one.

As funny as that particular program was, your wife needs you! SNAP OUT OF IT!

Landing at the bottom of the stairs, Spike and I both looked up to see Twilight sitting in front of a door. Her eyes were green, much like when she had cast that spell, but she appeared to have no control over her body.

"I-I-I failed? I can't be your student any more?" she said tearfully. "No, you... you don't mean that!"

"What the hell?" I muttered. "Spike, snap her out of it!"

"Got it!"

He ran over and grabbed Twilight's head, pulling it towards him. As soon as the door was out of her line of sight, she snapped out of her trance, looking pleased to see Spike.

"Are you okay, Twilight?" he asked. "You looked really out of it."

Twilight nodded as Spike turned to face the door.

"What's up with this door any— ... no. NO! Twilight, don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!"

"Spike?" I said. "Spike!... oh, fucking hell."

I marched over and grabbed Spike and Twilight, tossing them lightly away from the door. They immediately hugged each other, Twilight assuring her assistant that she would never leave him.

Then I did something stupid. I looked into the door myself.

I was in a padded cell, wearing a straitjacket and muttering various things about unicorns, pegasi, magic, ponies, Equestria... and Twilight. All the while, I was being watched by a man in a white coat, who was shaking his head and taking notes.

The next thing I remember, Twilight had slammed the door shut and blasted it with her own magic.

"Enchanted door." she said. "It makes anypony who looks through it see their worst fear. For me, that was failing Princess Celestia and her dismissing me as her student. For Spike, it was me telling him to leave, and for you... I assume that for you, none of this was real and you were in a hospital somewhere?"

I nodded.

"Not so much a hospital," I said, "as an asylum."

Twilight shuddered.

"Well we all know that those fears are never going to come true." she said. "Now, let's go get that heart!"

She opened the door, which was now just a door after she blasted it, and we stepped through.

Only to come across yet another staircase.

"Fucking hell." I groaned. "What is it with this prick and stairs? What, are they a fetish of his or something?"

"I can tell you don't want to tackle them," Twilight said, "so go and help with the Faire."

"No." I said sternly. "I said I would help you, and—"

"— and you have." Twilight said, finishing my sentence, though not in the way I was hoping. "You've done enough for me down here. Now you can go back up and help the rest of our friends."

I looked into her eyes. They were practically pleading with me. I nodded dejectedly and pulled her into a hug.

"Be careful." I whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too." she replied. "Now, brace yourself."

"For wh—"

Before I could finish, Twilight had teleported me back to where the fake heart was, which startled John and Applejack.

"What the—?!" John gasped. "... oh, it's you mate. What's up? Did you find it? Where are Twilight and Spike?"

"They're not done yet." I replied. "My lovely wife felt I could do more good up here. So, I intend to."

As I looked around, my eyes picked up the bizarre sight of Fluttershy, wearing a set of armour, being thrown into the air. The faint sounds of a thud and a squeal of agony reached my ears soon after, and a smile appeared on my face as I pointed at John.

"I just remembered," I said, "that I owe you an arse kicking for thoroughly annihilating me at Laser Tag. So, I challenge you to a jousting match."

John's mouth fell open and he stared at me.

"Are you..." he stuttered, "... oh, Celestia. You're serious."

I nodded.

"The masses need to be entertained," I said, "and what better way to do that than the sight of two grown men running around pretending to be knights? Granted, real knights would use steeds, but I don't think the locals would appreciate it if we rode them like ... well, horses."

John smirked.

"I'm not sure." he said slyly, glancing at Applejack. "Applejack doesn't seem to mind when I ri—"

Applejack quickly reared up and stuck a hoof over his mouth.

"Finish that sentence, pardner," she hissed, "and Ah swear ta Celestia, Ah will buck you so hard, yer ancestors will feel it!"

John nodded, though I could tell that he really wanted to finish making his joke. Applejack removed her hoof and John puffed out his chest. He looked at me and crossed his arms.

"Challenge accepted." he said.

***

Upon arriving at the arena, John and I soon realised that the Crystal Empire, having never heard of humans until now, wouldn't exactly stock armour for them. So, we had to duel without it. Not that John cared.

"If I can handle a highly-advanced particle rifle," he gloated from the opposite end of the arena, "then I'm pretty sure I can handle a giant pointed stick."

I glared at him, clutching my own lance to my chest. Dash, acting as referee, took her place in the middle.

"Are you guys ready?" she yelled.

"Yes!" John and I called back.

"Then... JOUST!"

Dash flew up out of the way as John and I rushed each other. As usual, he had taken it a bit too far, and was screaming at the top of his lungs.

It was because of this, he left himself wide open for my attack. As we met, I struck out with the lance, hitting him right in the chest with it. The wood splintered and cracked as John hit the ground, groaning in agony.

"Geo wins!" Dash yelled. "Dude, that was awesome!"

"Paybacks a bitch!" I yelled back. "Isn't it Johnny?"

John stuck a thumb up weakly and groaned.

"Who's next?!" I shouted. "I'm pumped up!"

Ace stepped forward with his hand raised.

"I'll fight you." he said.

Awww, fuck.

***

Twilight and Spike trudged up the stairs, which seemed to have no end to them. Both mare and dragon were tired and sweating. But still they persevered.

"When will it end?" Spike groaned. "I'm just glad Geo isn't here. I don't think he would have enjoyed this. No, wait. I think he should be here. His moaning would certainly make me feel less down."

Twilight stopped walking.

"Down?" she repeated.

"Um, Twilight?" Spike asked. "What's up?"

"Down... upside-down! Spike, you're a genius!" she cried. "These stairs aren't ending because it's another one of Sombra's spells! The Heart isn't up... it's down!"

Her horn sparked to life, and suddenly the two of them were on the underside of the stairs... and sliding down them.

"This is much better!" Twilight said with a smile. "Don't worry, Spike! It'll be all over soon!"

"I certainly hope so!" Spike replied, as he held onto Twilight's neck for all that he was worth.

***

I lay on the floor in a crumpled heap as Ace stood over me with a smug look on his face.

"Do you surrender?" he asked.

I nodded weakly. Getting defeated by him once was bad. Five times was embarrassing. But fifteen times was downright humiliating.

What the hell isn't he good at?

I ignored my body's protests and stood up, stretching my arms as far as I could. I cast my eyes skyward, and baulked at the sight of the sky. It was now almost entirely black. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rarity frantically assembling hats out of anything she could get her hooves on.

Unfortunately, my staring at the sky prompted the Crystal Ponies to do the same. Their eyes widened in fear at the sight above them, and they immediately broke into a stampede. The solid mass of panicky ponies surrounded the 'Crystal Heart', preparing to do... whatever it was they did.

The shield began to flicker again, and soon all eyes were on the balcony. Just in time to see Cadence collapsing again.

Although in hindsight, maybe Pinkie Pie should have gotten off the ball she was balancing on, as well as put down the flugelhorns she was juggling. Her concentration broken, she fell off the ball into a heap on the ground. One of the horns flew through the air... and hit the fake heart.

Which promptly fell off its stand and skidded across the floor, coming to a stop in front of the stunned Crystal Ponies.

"This... this isn't the Crystal Heart." one of them said mournfully.

Rarity came out from behind her booth.

"Don't worry, everypony!" she said cheerfully. "The real heart is—"

"— on the way!" Applejack interrupted.

Rarity facehoofed and sidled up to Applejack.

"If you had let me finish," she hissed in the farmer's ear, "I was going to tell them that it was away being polished."

Applejack's face fell.

"At least you were being honest, hon." John said reassuringly.

The flickering intensified as Sombra reared his — quite frankly hideous — head and bellowed with laughter.

... and then all hell broke loose.

***

Twilight and Spike reached the top of the Crystal Palace, much to the latter's delight. He kissed the ground eagerly as Twilight locked eyes with the real Crystal Heart, which was suspended above a wide circular disc.

"Finally!" Twilight said. "Now to deliver this to Princess Cadence."

"And just in time, too!" Spike said. "The shield has failed, and Sombra is advancing! We don't have much time!"

Twilight took a deep breath and stepped on to the disc. Suddenly, a roar erupted across the Empire.

"No!" Sombra bellowed.

The ground beneath Twilight's hooves began rumbling. Grabbing the heart, she tossed it aside... just as she was surrounded by Sombra's dark crystals. She tried to break them, but found to her dismay that her magic was being cancelled by the dark magic.

"Spike," she said mournfully, "you have to be the one to deliver the Heart. Can you do it?"

Spike looked at her with dread in his eyes.

"But, Twilight." he said. "You'll fail your test!"

Twilight hung her head.

"I know." she said. "But I can't let Sombra win. Please, Spike. Deliver the heart to Cadence. I'll explain everything to Princess Celestia when the time comes."

Spike nodded and grabbed the heart, stepping over to the edge of the Palace. Looking down, he saw that Sombra's magic had created a staircase of dark crystals leading all the way down. With a deep breath, and thoughts of Rarity in his head, he began his descent.

***

I was standing on the balcony with the others, as we looked down on the frantic crowd below, all of whom had lost their bright colouring. Some of them were even shouting that because Sombra had returned, we had failed them. Which I felt was a bit harsh, given everything we had done.

But even a Princess has her limits, and soon the last wisps of magic faded from her horn, leaving nothing behind. Soon the shield around us collapsed entirely, and an eager King Sombra began his advance into the heart of the Empire. However, something caught his attention. He seemed to be fixated on a particular spot, so we glanced up as well, to see what he was looking at.

We soon began to wish we hadn't.

Rarity let out a shriek as we saw Spike gingerly picking his way down the makeshift staircase. Sombra roared in fury and began charging towards the defenceless dragon.

"Shining Armour!" I shouted, pointing at Spike. "Help him!"

As we watched, we saw Spike drop something small and blue. We immediately recognised it to be the Crystal Heart. Shining Armour cradled Cadence in his forehooves. Weakly, she opened her eyes.

Suddenly, Rarity shrieked again. We watched in horror as Spike fell off the crystal he was on, and plummeted to the ground.

"The Heart is mine!" Sombra roared.

A spark in Cadence's eyes caught my attention. I looked around to see Shining Armour holding his wife above his head.

With an almighty grunt, he launched her into the air. We all gasped with a mixture of awe and shock as Cadence sailed through the air, unfurling her wings and rocketing towards Spike.

"I can't look!" Rarity cried, turning her head away.

***

As Spike fell, he became aware of many things. As well as his impending doom, he was aware of his friends watching in horror from the nearby balcony. He was aware of Rarity hiding her gaze.

He was not, however, aware of the pink alicorn who grabbed him and the Crystal Heart from mid air, until he noticed he was going sideways instead of down.

"Huh?!" he spluttered, looking down. "P-Princess Cadence?"

Cadence simply looked back at him and smiled as she begun her descent into the centre of the Empire.

***

"Rarity, it's okay!" John said. "Cadence got him and the Heart!"

Rarity peeked out from behind her hooves and looked out over the city. She breathed a sigh of relief as she caught sight of Spike on Cadence's back, as she descended gracefully into the city, much to the delight of the Crystal Ponies.

"It's the Crystal Princess!" one of them cried as Cadence touched down, allowing a grateful Spike to slide off her back... as well as kiss the ground for the second time that day. Using her magic, Cadence place the real Crystal Heart on the pedestal, before smashing the fake one underhoof. She made a mental note to apologise to Twilight for ruining her hard work.

"The Crystal Heart has returned." she proclaimed. "Use the light and love within you to ensure that King Sombra does not!"

All at once, the Crystal Ponies returned to their vivid colours and bowed before their Princess. The Crystal Heart began spinning, much to Sombra's disdain.

"No! NO!" he roared. "I will not be defeated again!"

A blinding flash of light erupted from the Heart, covering the entire Empire in its glow. Sombra roared in agony as the light enveloped him. On the balcony, the Elements of Harmony, Spike and Shining Armour became coloured just as the Crystal Ponies were, although the three humans seemed to be untouched.

Once the light was cleared, Sombra — as well as his dark crystals — were gone for good.

***

A flash of purple from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned towards it, only for my vision to be entirely filled with purple as Twilight tackled me.

As I hugged her, I noticed her new colouring. She was a brighter shade of purple than before, and it looked really fetching.

"You did it, babe!" I said. "Sombra is defeated, and order has been restored!... Also, I love your new look. It makes you look even cuter than usual. I hope it's permanent."

"You're not the only one, mate." John muttered as he ran his fingers through Applejack's mane.

Twilight sighed.

"I didn't do anything." she muttered. "It was Spike who delivered the Heart, not me. I failed my test."

"Don't talk like that." I said firmly. "I'm sure Princess Celestia will understand when you tell her."

"You hope." Twilight said flatly.

I didn't reply to that, instead preferring to run my hands through her mane in an attempt to comfort her.

***

The journey back to Canterlot had been uneventful. Much to my dismay, Twilight's new colouring only seemed to take effect in the Crystal Empire. So as soon as we were out of the area, she returned to normal. Not that I'm complaining — she looks cute to me no matter what she looks like — but I was hoping to get adventurous at some point.

I was waiting outside the Canterlot Palace with the others, as we patiently waited for my wife to come out and tell us that she had passed... or that she had failed. We were all hoping for the former.

The doors creaked open and Twilight came out. She approached us slowly with a crestfallen look on her face... which soon gave way to a huge smile.

"I passed!" she squealed. "Princess Celestia praised me for using my initiative in getting Spike to deliver the heart, rather than waste time attempting to break free of the prison. She's proud of me... and I'm proud of us. I couldn't have done it without you!"

We all cheered... and then Rarity began singing another song. A song which, to my considerable horror, I found myself singing along with.

"Well, that was certainly something." I said finally.

"Yes." replied Twilight. "It was. I never knew you had such a wonderful singing voice."

"Me neither." I deadpanned.

We all shared a laugh as we walked away from the palace.

Happy to be home at last.

Author's Note

VERSION HISTORY

Version 1.1: Removed lyrics, replacing them with a YouTube video, to comply with the rules of Fimfiction. The PDF of this story has the lyrics, as well as additional dialogue and actions from the characters.
Version 1.0: Original version.

Too Many Pinkie Pies

CHAPTER FOUR

Too Many Pinkie Pies

If there's one thing I've learned about Twilight, it's that she is always determined to learn new spells. Even if they don't have any real use... such as the one she was trying now, which was supposed to turn an apple into an orange. I couldn't see why anypony would have a need for such a spell, as both apples and oranges are in abundant quantities in Equestria.

But remembering what she did when Spike told her that Princess Celestia wanting to see her was 'just a test' — I could still smell burning couch fabric — I kept my opinions to myself, and watch as she focused intently on the apple in front of her as her horn glowed brightly. Spike clapped his hands enthusiastically.

"Come on, Twilight!" he said encouragingly. "You can do it!"

At that precise moment, however, a pink ball of pure energy appeared out of nowhere and tackled Twilight, causing her to fire off her spell. Needless to say, this knocked her aim off, and a few seconds later, I discovered that my hand had been turned into an orange, fingers and all.

"Whoa, cool!" I said, as I admired my new appendage, ignoring the fact that Pinkie Pie was now holding Twilight in her vice-like grip, as she squeezed the life out of her in a hug.

"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight shouted, as she squirmed free. "What in Equestria was that for?!"

"Because hugs are fun-a-rific!" Pinkie said excitedly. "Especially when you share them with your fri— oh, neato! You turned Geo's hand into an orange!"

"I did what?!" Twilight gasped, turning to look at me as I continued to be mesmerised by my fruity hand. "Oh, ponyfeathers!"

Another blast of magic and my hand was back to being a fleshy mass, much to Pinkie's disappointment... and mine, if I'm honest.

"Oh well," she said, "it was nice while it lasted! I'm going to see if anypony else is doing something fun!"

She turned round and began bouncing down the street. A few seconds passed before she bounced right into a pony wearing a shawl. It was Rarity.

"Oh sorry Rarity!" Pinkie said. "I didn't see you t—hey, why are you wearing that? Is it going to rain or something? I hope not, because my Pinkie Sense always tells me when it's going to rain, and it hasn't gone off since that time in the Crystal Empire's library, when that book fell on Geo's head."

I rolled my eyes as Rarity managed to get some words out of her mouth to cut off the hyperactive ball of energy.

"Oh, this?" she said nonchalantly. "I'm only wearing it to protect my latest dress... namely this little number, which I have to say was a lot of fun to make."

She removed the shawl to reveal that she was wearing a dress underneath it, and that her mane and tail had been styled. We all gasped at the craftsmareship, while Spike simply drooled.

Pinkie, however, let out a horrified gasp.

"This is terrible!" she moaned.

Rarity looked at her blankly.

"I'll admit," she said, "that it's not my finest work. But I do say that's it not my worst. Whatever could be wrong with it?"

"Absolutely nothing." Spike said dreamily.

Rarity winked and blew a kiss at him before Pinkie grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, all the while staring into her eyes.

"You mean you had fun without me there?!" she squealed, the horror in her eyes apparent. "Oh, no! What other fun could I be missing out on? I have to find out!"

Before anyone could reply, she had released Rarity shot off down the road. The four of us exchanged a puzzled look before we just shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie." I said. "Come on, Twi. You've got a spell to practice. And I'll try not to get in the way this time."

Twilight nodded as her horn sparked to life again, and soon we were lost in our own little world.

***

"Come on, you stupid cloud! Break up already!"

Dash groaned as the defiant cloud ignored her orders. She batted it with her tail in an attempt to break it, but only succeeded in sending little bits of it everywhere.

"Why don't you just give up," Spark Plug asked, "and let somepony else deal with it? We've missed breakfast because of this thing."

Dash glared at him.

"I'm not about to get beaten by some punk cloud!" she snapped. "Just you wait, Spark. I'll get this done in ten seconds flat!"

"Hey, Dashie! Whatcha doing?"

Dash screamed at the mention of her name, as well as the sudden appearance of Pinkie Pie on the cloud.

"Ugh, hey Pinkie." she groaned. "Not much. This stupid cloud got too heavy and made fog, so I'm trying to get rid of it."

"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" Pinkie squealed. "Let me try!"

She began running in circles around Rainbow Dash. Suddenly, the cloud rose into the sky as a small pink tornado formed. With a pop, the cloud broke into several pieces, which dissipated in the air. Pinkie stopped in her tracks and looked at where the cloud had been. She let out a small cry of joy.

"Whee! That was fun!" she said. "I'm gonna go see what Applejack is doing! Bye, Dashie! Bye, Spark!"

As she took off towards the farm, Spark wrapped a hoof around Dash, who was standing still with a look of dumb shock on her face.

"Well you got the 'ten seconds flat' part right." he said. "It's just a pity you got the part about who would get rid of the cloud wrong!"

He burst out laughing at his own joke. A quick glare from Rainbow Dash made him stop and chuckle nervously.

***

Applejack walked along the road towards her farm, pulling a cart behind her. Apple Bloom sat in the back as John walked alongside.

"Another good day at market, eh hon?" he asked.

"Eeyup." Applejack replied. "Once again, Ah was cleaned out. Folk 'round here sure do seem ta love mah apples."

John cast a glance towards Apple Bloom, who was doing her homework. He leaned down close to Applejack and put a hand on her flank. She suppressed a gasp at the sudden contact.

"I love your apples too." he whispered coyly, running his hands towards her cutie mark. "And don't you forget it."

Applejack blushed and batted him with a hoof.

"You're terrible." she said sternly. "... but Ah still love ya fer it."

John grinned.

"Hey, everypony! What's up?"

John looked around and saw that Pinkie had appeared alongside him. He reacted to her sudden presence by blinking.

How the hell does she do that?!

"Nothin' much, sugarcube." Applejack replied. "Just takin' the cart back ta the farm after a day at market."

"Ooh, and Apple Bloom is getting a ride in it!" Pinkie said excitedly. "That looks like fun!"

She leapt in the back of the cart and threw her forehooves into the air, cheering wildly.

"Wheeeeee!" she squealed. "Well, that was fun. I'm gonna go find Fluttershy now! Toodles!"

She shot off down the road, leaving behind two confused ponies and a bemused human.

***

At a small brook outside of her house, Fluttershy placed a blanket on the grass, as a unicorn stallion levitated food from a basket.

"This was such a wonderful idea, Haywick." Fluttershy said. "It reminds me of all the time we spent together when I was in the hospital after my accident."

"Except this time," Haywick replied, "you're not confined to a hospital bed."

Fluttershy smiled as Pinkie Pie trudged into view. She was panting heavily and sweating profusely.

"Hey, Fluttershy." she muttered. "Are you doing... anything fun?"

Fluttershy and Haywick exchanged a glance.

"Umm, no." Fluttershy said gently. "We're not doing anything fun."

"Oh, thank Celestia for that." Pinkie replied. "Fun is hard."

With those words, she fell to the ground.

***

Pinkie sat up slowly, her vision clouded. She yawned softly as the flock of butterflies flew away.

"Thank you, friends." Fluttershy said. "Are you okay, Pinkie? You passed out, so I asked my butterfly friends to help you relax."

"I'm fine, Fluttershy!" Pinkie replied. "I've just been having a hard time keeping up with all the fun stuff everypony is doing. I've been rushing around town all morning looking for fun stuff to do, and it must have tired me out."

"Oh dear." Fluttershy replied. "That sounds bad."

"It is bad." Pinkie said glumly. "The thought of missing out on fun is just... too horrible to even think about!"

It was at this moment that Applejack and John arrived, followed closely by Rainbow Dash and Spark Plug.

"Heya, Pinkie!" Applejack said cheerfully. "Since y'all are lookin' fer fun things ta do, John an' I came over tah invite ya ta help us with a good ol' fashioned barn-raisin'!"

Rainbow Dash scoffed.

"Or," she said, "if you want something even more fun, you can come with Spark and I. We're going to chillax by the pond and catch some rays. That's gotta be more fun than raising a barn which will probably be destroyed again anyway. Right, Pinks?"

Pinkie's eyes darted between the two couples as she began sweating profusely.

"They both sound like fun!" she said mournfully. "Ahh, it's not fair! I can't choose between my friends!"

Haywick chuckled softly.

"It's a pity you can't be in two places at once." he said. "That way, you'd never miss out on anything."

Pinkie thought for a moment before a light bulb appeared above her head, much to the bewilderment of the others. A small grin crossed her face as she shot to her hooves.

"Of course!" she said triumphantly. "That's a brilliant idea, Doctor H! Thanks a lot!"

She vanished in a puff of streamers as everyone left behind blinked and stared at the spot where she had been.

"Er... you're welcome?" Haywick said. "Honestly... that mare."

***

"Pinkie? Come on Pinks, where are you?"

Ace walked through Ponyville calling for Pinkie, as he looked high and low for any sign of her. Rooftops, under benches, behind trees, in mailboxes; any and all potential hiding spots were scrutinised.

As Ace closed yet another mailbox, he saw Fluttershy and Doctor Haywick. He called out to them and walked over.

"Hey Shy, Doc." he said. "You haven't seen Pinkie Pie by any chance, have you? I've been looking for her all morning. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was up to something. You know how she can get."

Fluttershy and Haywick exchanged a glance.

"Um... we did see her earlier." Fluttershy replied. "She told us that she's worried about all of the fun she's been missing lately. Then Applejack and Rainbow Dash arrived and asked her to do different things with them... she just couldn't decide."

"Yes," Haywick added, "and when I told her it was a shame she couldn't be in two places at once, a lightbulb appeared above her head and she said that it was a brilliant idea. And then she took off to Celestia-knows-where."

Ace scratched his chin in thought.

"Hmm..." he muttered, "... yep. She's definitely up to something. Keep an eye open for her, would you? I hate to think that something is bothering her, and that I can't help her with it."

Fluttershy and Haywick nodded.

"Thanks, guys." Ace said. "I owe you one."

He walked away with a smile on his face as a small sigh of relief escaped his lips.

***

"This is the life, right Dash?" Spark asked, as they each lazed on a sun lounger, the midday rays beating down on them both. "I tell ya, Pinkie sure is missing out on something great."

"Silly Sparky," Pinkie's voice called out, "how can I miss something if I'm there to enjoy it?"

The pegasus and the unicorn sat up with a start. They looked around and saw that Pinkie had appeared between the two of them, a huge grin on her face and an inflatable around her body.

"But," Dash said, "I thought you were going to the barn-raising with AJ and John? Won't they be upset you came here instead?"

"Nope, because I'm already on my way over there now!" Pinkie said cryptically. "I'll find out how the barn-raising went later."

Dash and Spark exchanged a puzzled look as Pinkie dived into the pool. After a brief moment, they shrugged and dove in after her.

***

Fluttershy and Haywick walked slowly along the road, taking in the scenery, the sunlight and the fresh air around them. As they walked, Haywick noticed something bouncing along the road ahead of them. He gently nudged Fluttershy and pointed towards it. As she peered intently at it, she noticed it was Pinkie Pie.

"Oh hello, Pinkie!" Fluttershy called out, causing the mare to stop in her tracks and cock her head towards them. "We were hoping we'd run into you. We're going away for a picnic. Would you like to come with us? It'll be so much fun!"

Pinkie's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no!" she said hurriedly. "This is bad! I've already told Applejohn that I'd help her with the barn-raising! But I don't want to blow you off as well!... Gah! I need help!"

She shot off back the way she came, leaving Fluttershy and Haywick standing with perplexed expressions on their faces.

"Applejohn?" Haywick asked, mulling it over for a moment. "Is that the new collective name she's given to Applejack and John? Because it's quite clever, as it happens."

Fluttershy nodded.

"We'd better go find Ace." she said. "He'll no doubt want to know about this. Sorry, but the picnic will have to wait."

Haywick waved a hoof dismissively.

"It's not a problem, dear." he said. "As long as I'm with you, that's all that matters."

He planted a kiss on Fluttershy's cheek, causing her to squee and blush fiercely. The two of them then turned around and began the trek back into Ponyville to find Ace.

***

"Applejohn?" Ace said, looking bemused. "Are you absolutely sure that's what Pinkie said?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"We think it's a new collective nickname for the two of them." she replied. "It's actually quite clever."

"But Pinkie already has nicknames for them." Ace retorted. "She calls Applejack 'AJ' and John 'Johnny'. I've never heard her refer to the other couples like that. For example, I've never heard her refer to you and Haywick as something like 'Flutterwick' or 'Hayshy'. Or what about Geo and Twilight? She's never referred to them as 'Geolight' or 'Twidragon'."

Fluttershy and Haywick smiled politely as Ace realised he was going off on a tangent. He coughed awkwardly before continuing.

"My point is," he said, "that she doesn't have nicknames like that for anypony else. And if she did, she would tell me. I'm beginning to think that not all is well with Pinkie."

"You don't think it's Changelings again, do you?" asked Fluttershy nervously, glancing towards the sky.

Ace shook his head.

"No," he replied, "I have ways of detecting Changelings. If any were in town, I would be the first to know."

"So what could it be, Ace?" Haywick asked.

"I'm not sure, Haywick." Ace said. "But I intend to find out. Thank you for your help thus far. If you see her again, let me know."

Fluttershy and Haywick nodded and left, leaving a solemn-looking Ace standing in the middle of Ponyville scratching his chin.

***

At the edge of a pool outside of town, a pegasus and a unicorn were fast asleep on a sun lounger, their chests rising and falling in perfect unison, oblivious to the world around them.

Two pink hooves, each one holding a feather, snaked around to the front of each pony's face, moving the object back in forth under their muzzles. They both giggled and sneezed, the force startling them both awake as the hooves disappeared behind the lounger.

"What did you do that for?!" they said together.

"Me?" Dash said, pointing accusingly at Spark Plug. "You did something to me as well! I was having a great dream until you ruined it by tickling me with something!"

"No, you tickled me and woke me up!" Spark replied, before pausing for a moment and adding, "A dream, huh?... Was I in it?"

Dash glared at him for a moment before her face fell and she became focused on something behind him.

"Pinkie... Pies?" she said slowly.

Spark raised an eyebrow and turned around, only to come face-to-face with a pair of Pinkie Pies. Behind them, even more copies of the excitable pink pony were converging on the pool and a faint chant was building up into a crescendo.

"Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!"

Quick as a flash, Dash leapt off the sun lounger and dove underneath it while Spark surveyed the scene in front of him. The chorus of "Fun!" grew ever louder as she covered her ears.

"Gah!" she cried. "This is crazy! I don't know where these Pinkie Pies came from, but I wish they'd all go away!"

Spark joined her underneath the sun lounger and covered his own ears. Amidst the chaos, none of the two noticed one of the Pinkies slinking away in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres, a small smile present on her face.

***

"Come on y'all," Applejack yelled through the rope between her teeth, "put yer backs into it!"

John and Big Macintosh grunted as the three of them pulled with all their might. As the barn wall rose slowly into place, the ground began shaking beneath them. They looked around worriedly as a large pink blob appeared on the horizon.

"What the hell?" John muttered, squinting his eyes. "Whoa... Pinkie Pies! Tons of them!"

As he spoke, one of the Pinkies leapt on his back, taking him by surprise. He gasped in shock and let go of his rope. The sudden change in weight caused Big Mac to grunt under the sudden strain. He spit his rope out as Applejack did the same. The wall section came down with a crash, followed by the rest of the barn as the farmyard was flooded with Pinkie Pies.

A look of fury crossed Applejack's face as the clones skipped away in the direction of Ponyville, chattering happily.

"Hey!" she shouted. "Y'all better get back here pronto and clean up this fuckin' mess ya made, ya hear me?!"

The Pinkies ignored her and continued on their way.

"HEY!" Applejack roared. "Ah said ta get back here right fuckin' now and clean this up!"

The Pinkies disappeared from view. Applejack's breathing was intense, and she was grinding her teeth. Big Macintosh simply stared at her in awe as John nervously approached her and laid a hand on her head.

"Are you all right, AJ?" he said. "Because that was the first time I've heard you drop the F-Bomb."

Applejack's demeanour softened slightly as she turned to look at him, chuckling heartily.

"Ah guess bein' married ta you has had a detrimental effect on mah vocabulary." she said coyly. "But still, we gotta go see Twilight. Maybe she'll know what's going on."

John nodded.

"Okay," he replied, "and I think we should let Ace know as well."

"All righty then." Applejack said. "Let's go. Are ya all right ta hold tha fort until we get back, Mac?"

"Eeyup."

"Good. Come on, John."

The two of them followed the path of the Pinkie cloud into town, not noticing a twinge of movement in a haystack they passed. A Pinkie popped her head out, tears in her eyes.

"I made AJ angry..." she said sadly, "... what have I done?"

***

The first thing I knew about there being something wrong in town was when the angry crowd of townsponies gathered outside the library, demanding to see Twilight. We both went outside, only to be bombarded with questions about Pinkie Pie's whereabouts. At the front of the crowd stood Rarity and Fluttershy.

"I take it you are both aware of the many Pinkie Pies causing trouble around town?" Rarity asked. "They came by the Boutique earlier and proceeded to cause a lot of damage! I am now a week behind schedule!"

"And they also ruined my picnic." Fluttershy added. "It took me hours to calm down all the animals they scared."

All at once the crowd began shouting their own story regarding harassment at the hooves of the Pinkie Pies, demanding that something be done about it.

Twilight tried to respond, but the crowd was too angry to listen. Taking a deep breath, I decided to give her what she needed.

"QUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

A deathly silence descended as everypony stopped talking. I looked at Twilight, who smiled and nodded.

"I don't know what's going on here," she said, "but if you'll bear with me for a few moments, I'll find out."

The two of us walked into the library, where Spike was already taking books off the shelf for us to look through. Something caught his attention and he climbed into an alcove. We heard a click, and then Spike came out holding a book in his claws.

"I found this in a secret door, Twilight." he said, passing it to her. "I think it might be what you are looking for."

"How convenient." I muttered. Twilight hoofed my side and opened the book.

"The Mirror Pools." she said, reading the page. "Apparently, they can be used to make clones of somepony. There's a spell here to send them back... but there's a catch."

"Of course there is." Spike and I replied.

"If we can't figure out which of the Pinkies is the real one, we risk sending her back to the pools." Twilight said glumly. "That's just perfect. How the heck are we supposed to figure that out?"

"I'm not sure." I replied. "But we'll think of something. After all, we're the smart party!"

Twilight and Spike looked at me blankly.

"... forget it," I said, "let's just go."

We left the library and Twilight addressed the crowd of townsponies, who listened with rapt attention.

"We have a way of sending back the clones," Twilight said, "but we need to figure out which of them is the real one."

The crowd looked at us disbelievingly.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Rarity asked.

I shrugged.

"We'll think of something." I said. "We're the smart party, after all!"

The townsponies looked at me as Twilight groaned. Given how hard he laughed, only John seemed to understand what I was referring to, which was hardly surprising.

"Come on." Twilight said. "Let's get started."

Twilight, Spike and I began walking along the road as the crowd of Pinkie Pies continued bouncing around merrily.

All of them, that is, except for one. She was sitting at a table by herself with a forlorn expression on her face.

"That's definitely not the real Pinkie Pie." Spike said, pointing at her. "She would never allow herself to get that sad."

We continued walking, but the Pinkie Pie at the table spoke up.

"If you want to know which of us is the real Pinkie," she said, "then you should set a test. Make us do something that is so dull and not fun, only the real Pinkie could possibly see it to the end."

The three of us stopped in our tracks as we contemplated the idea. The looks on each of our faces suggested that it was a good one, and we rushed off to tell the others about it.

***

As the Pinkie at the table watched them leave, she smiled.

"That was a good idea!" she said to herself, before a thought came to her. "... oh, no! What if I fail the test myself? I'll be sent to the pool, meaning I'd be separated from my friends!"

She hung her head dejectedly as tears began to fall.

***

We had managed to corral all of the Pinkie Pies into Town Hall. One of them, whom I recognised as the sad one who had suggested the test, was dragged in via her tail by Rainbow Dash.

Twilight managed to get them all to quieten down, and then she revealed the test they were to sit.

Watching paint dry.

"Oh, bloody hell." John muttered. "Psst, Ace. Give me another shot of your particle rifle. I want to fucking shoot myself."

Ace shushed him and turned his attention back to the Pinkies, who were now leaning forward and gazing intently at the wall of paint. Suddenly, one of them piped up.

"Hey look!" she squealed. "I can see a BIRD!"

Twilight's horn glowed as she charged the spell to send this clone back to the pool.

"Wait!" Ace said as he suddenly grabbed Twilight and threw off her concentration. "Let’s stop and think about this for a moment."

Twilight looked up at him skeptically.

"Why?" she asked. "The clones need to go back to the pond."

Ace relinquished his hold on my wife and marched over to the Pinkie who had revealed herself. She recoiled in fright as Ace pointed a finger at her dramatically.

"Do you wanna go back to the pond?" he demanded.

The scared clone shook her head.

"N-no…" she said nervously, "... n-not really."

"Why not?" Ace said, a gentler tone to his voice.

The Pinkie looked down.

"Because it’s dark, and scary, and lonely in there."

Ace cocked his head at her.

"Dark? Scary? Lonely?" he replied. "... even with the other clones?"

"We never see each other!" she exclaimed, before looking down. "Being in the lake, it’s like we're... drifting."

"Drifting?" Ace parroted.

The clone searched for the right words.

"It’s like when you’re in a boat in the middle of an ocean, with no way to steer it. There’s no one to talk to, it’s cold, and you’re blindfolded. You can’t feel anything, you can’t smell anything, and you never wash up to shore."

"So in other words," Ace said as he nodded in understanding, "you’re stuck in the void?"

The clone considered his description for a moment, before nodding.

"Yeah." she replied. "I guess you could say that."

Ace turned back to Twilight, and stood firmly between her and the clone. She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, as did I.

"Twilight," he said, "based on what I just heard, I cannot in good conscience let you send them back there."

The others expressed their disbelief. The main argument was that if the clones stayed here, it could cause a lot of damage, and there was the risk that somepony could get hurt.

"Why not?! It’s where they belong!" Twilight explained.

Ace’s eyes narrowed as he folded his arms.

"I think you belong in prison, even though you haven’t committed any crimes." he announced. "Does that seem right to you?"

Although she could see the point Ace was trying to make, Twilight still tried to challenge his reasoning.

"But they’re clones, not actual ponies!" she said. "And how do you know they’re not just saying all of that stuff because they don’t want to leave!?"

Ace stood firm.

"If they’re just saying that because they don’t want to leave, then there must be a reason they fear going back." He raised his pointer finger, as if to state another point. "That’s another thing. They seem cognitive, they think, they feel joy, sorrow, and fear. I fail to see how they aren’t really ponies. Their only crime is ever having existed. And you want to imprison them for that."

Protests came up from the others.

"Doc, you don’t understand!" John said. "They’re ruining Ponyville!"

"Yeah!" Dash added. "We want our Pinkie Pie back!"

Ace put his hands up defensively.

"Hey," he said, "don't get me wrong. I miss Pinkie as much as you do, but this isn’t the way to deal with other living beings. This is execution, plain and simple. And I do not condone it."

Twilight sighed in defeat. She could see that there was no convincing Ace.

"Well then, what would you do?" she asked accusingly.

Ace looked back at the Pinkies, who had stopped watching the wall. All eyes were on him, and he began to pace, thinking. Then, his eyes shot up, and he smirked, an idea forming in his head.

"... take a page out of Superman’s book." he mumbled, before clapping his hands together. "Everypony, listen up! As you can probably tell by our conversation, it’s readily apparent that not every Pinkie can stay here. And because of that, the only one that can stay is the real Pinkie."

"I’m the real Pinkie!" the crowd exclaimed in unison.

"Of course you are," Ace said skeptically, "but let’s see if you sing the same tune after I give you this offer. I have created a portal to another universe. I can easily redirect that portal to more universes. Universes which are far more fun than Ponyville. I can transport each and every one of you to a new universe, where you can live out the rest of your lives doing all the fun things you want. The only one who can’t go is the real Pinkie. What say you?"

A murmur went through the Pinkie crowd, as they chattered excitedly amongst themselves.

"That still leaves room for doubt, Doctor." Twilight said.

Ace looked back at her.

"How so?" he enquired.

"While your offer might get some of the clones to fess up that they’re not the real Pinkie, what about the others?" Twilight replied. "The ones who want to stay in Ponyville, because they might have grown attached to it?"

"Hmm…" Ace thought, turning to the Pinkie Pies. Every Pinkie in the room was grinning ear-to-ear, excited at the prospect of going to a place more fun than Ponyville.

Every Pinkie except one, who had her ears flopped down, and was scraping her hoof across the floor. Ace smiled, and pointed at her.

"Hey, Sulky Pie." he called. "Come up here."

As the other Pinkies parted to look back at the indicated pony, the sad Pinkie looked up at Ace.

"Me?" she asked.

Ace nodded.

"Come up here." he repeated, wagging his finger for emphasis.

The Pinkie hesitantly trotted towards Ace, and looked up at him. Ace crouched down, and looked into her eyes. The Pinkie looked at him quizzically.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

Ace suddenly pointed at one of the other Pinkies.

"Are you the real Pinkie?" he asked her.

"Yep! I sure am!" she replied, bouncing eagerly on the spot.

"Then who am I?" Ace countered.

The Pinkie stopped, and thought for a moment.

"Uhh... you’re Ace Sorou?" she said. "You’re a doctor?"

"A doctor of what?" Ace asked.

"Umm..." the Pinkie flopped her ears back, and backed away sheepishly. "... I dunno."

His suspicions confirmed, he turned to the Pinkie in front of him and looked deep into her eyes. She returned his gaze intently.

"Who am I?" he repeated softly.

"You’re my Acey." the Pinkie answered, suddenly beaming. "You’re Lieutenant Doctor Ace Sorou. You have P.H.Ds in robotics, astrophysics, mechanics, and computer programming. Your birthday is two-hundred-ninety-five days from now, your favorite cake is vanilla topped with butter frosting, you like to study and talk wildly about history and science, and you think the speedo is the most comfortable swimsuit anyone could wear."

All the ponies, as well as John and I, looked over at Ace, who simply smiled and shrugged.

"Fillies and gentlemen," he said proudly, "we have a winner! This Pinkie is right on all accounts. Being that she’s the only Pinkie that doesn’t seem interested in going anywhere else, and the fact that she possesses such intimate knowledge about me, we can safely reach the conclusion that this is the real Pinkie Pie."

The rest of us sighed in relief as I looked at the clones.

"Well?" I asked. "What happens now?"

"Don't worry," Ace replied, "I have a plan..."

***

An hour later and Twilight, Applejack and myself were at Ace's lab. All the other Pinkies were there as well, corraled together while he tinkered with his portal, trying to find a universe they could go to.

Pinkie dictated a letter to Princess Celestia, saying that even though she has to choose which of her friends to spend time with, there are plenty more opportunities to spend time with the others. Twilight looked ecstatic as Pinkie rattled this off, beaming from ear to ear while she scribbled furiously.

It didn't take long for Ace to come across a suitable location to transport the other Pinkie Pies. Due to the sheer amount of energy stored in his lab, it was easy to activate a portal to the new universe, through which the Pinkie clones eagerly hopped through. For some reason, Ace also sent along two of his Tread-bots, and a red Doc-bot.

"Now why in tarnation are ya'll sendin' yer robots with 'em, doc?" Applejack asked.

"They’re not the real Pinkie Pie," Ace replied, "but they're close enough that I care what happens to them. The Tread-bots will build homes and a factory, while the Doc-bot will oversee the new base they set up."

"Why was it red?" Applejack continued.

"Because it was a member of my Loyal Guard." Ace said simply. "I told John about them a while back. So ask him for details if you're really that curious."

"He never mentioned them to me." I interjected.

"As I said," Ace muttered, "ask John for details."

Applejack and I exchanged a puzzled glance, but shrugged it off, deciding that we were probably better off not knowing.

The last clone skipped through the portal, which closed behind her. I saw Ace scribbling down its details, presumably so he could open it again should the need arise.

With the business done, we all looked at Pinkie.

"So what now, Pinkie?" I asked. "You wanna go and do something fun with us?"

Pinkie shook her head.

"Right now," she said with a yawn, "all I want to do is sleep."

And as she flopped onto her back, that's exactly what she did.

Author's Note

I'm sorry this took so long, but I got distracted by another project.

The next chapter will be set after the events of One Bad Apple, given that said episode wasn't about the adventures of Twilight and the Mane Six. Sure, Applejack had some lines — but not enough to justify a proper chapter.

Never fear though, for my wonderful co-author has given me a great idea as to what I could write about instead. Needless to say the chapter will be about John, since he's had very little attention lately.

Traditionalism

CHAPTER FIVE

Traditionalism

"Well, it sounds to me like you three have had quite the productive day." John said to the three fillies in front of him. "Though I have to say that the pursuit of revenge is never a good idea. And I'm speaking from experience when I say that."

Three sets of eyes focused on John intently, as if the ponies they belonged to were expecting him to continue.

"But that's a story for another day." he said quickly, as though trying to avoid the inevitable surge of questions. "In the meantime, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle need to get home."

The two of them groaned and walked towards the door, saying their goodbyes to Apple Bloom as they went. Apple Bloom returned the gesture and then made her way upstairs.

"Ah'm goin' ta bed." she said wearily. "G'night, y'all."

"Goodnight, AB." John replied.

There was a click as Apple Bloom's bedroom door closed. John let out a heavy sigh and turned his attention to Applejack, who was looking at him with concern in her eyes.

"Ah'm guessin'..." she said hesitantly, "... that when ya said ya were speakin' from experience, ya were talkin' 'bout yer brother?"

John nodded solemnly.

"Come on, sugarcube." Applejack said softly. "Ya can't keep yer feelings bottled up ferever. Ya know ya can talk ta me, right?"

"I know, hon." John replied. "But I'm just not ready yet. Maybe soon I can talk about it. But in the meantime, I'd much rather get some sleep."

Applejack smiled and the two of them headed upstairs to their bedroom. As they got into bed, Applejack kissed John tenderly.

"Remember darlin'," she said, "that Ah'm always here for ya."

John returned the kiss and the two of them went to sleep, wrapped in each others loving embrace.

***

The next morning brought with it a loud clatter, causing John to wake up sharply. Rubbing the dust from his eyes, he clambered out of bed and walked to the window, where he was greeted with the sight of Applejack trying to remove something from the mailbox.

"Dangit, Derpy!" she grunted. "Ya really gotta be more careful!"

John chuckled and went through his morning routine. He left the house, chewing on a piece of toast, and saw that Applejack had managed to remove Derpy's head from its prison. The mailmare waved to him in greeting and handed Applejack a small pile of letters. She then adjusted her mailbag and flew off haphazardly towards Ponyville.

"Ah swear," Applejack said, "Ah'm amazed that Derpy is still functionin' after all of the knocks she's taken. That mare must have a skull made o' iron or somethin'."

John chuckled and motioned to the pile of mail.

"That's quite a lot of letters." he said. "Are you sure they're all for you? You know Derpy can sometimes mix them up."

Applejack looked through the letters and nodded.

"Eeyup." she replied. "They're all fer me. We've got the Apple Family Reunion comin' up soon, so this'll be all the RSVPs Ah sent out gettin' returned ta me."

She grinned.

"Ah can't wait fer ya ta meet the rest of the family!" she beamed. "Ah sent out a copy of our weddin' photos with the invite, just to make sure folks know what ta expect when they get here."

John nodded.

"Good idea." he said. "Come on then, let's get these RSVPs sorted out. The sooner that's done, the sooner we can concentrate on getting everything set up for the reunion."

Applejack smiled and the two of them went into the house, seating themselves at the kitchen table, where Applejack opened the letter at the top of the pile. As she scanned the paper, her smile faded, replaced with an angry scowl.

"Ah don't believe this!" she growled. "Of all tha nerve!"

John looked at her quizzically.

"What is it, AJ?" he asked. "... don't tell me that they've decided to cancel the reunion? Or maybe they've decided that we should host it somewhere else?"

Applejack shook her head.

"No, it ain't that." she replied. "It's a letter from mah cousin Apple Seed... and it's about you."

"Me?" John looked perplexed. "Why is your cousin writing a letter to you about me?"

Applejack responding by passing the letter over to John, who began to read it curiously.

Dear Cousin AJ,

How are things going in Ponyville? Us Manehattanite Apples are doing well. Thanks for the invite to the family reunion. You bet that we'll all be there with bells on!

However, this letter isn't just for me to confirm my attendance. There is something else I want to get off my chest.

It's about you and this human. John, I believe its called. It sounds like the two of you have such an adorable little relationship! I bet you must be so proud to have tamed such a beast! How hard do you work it? Is it difficult to get it to comply? What do you do when it refuses? I must know!

I seriously hope it doesn't get you with foal, Applejack. I for one would never be able to endure the shame of having a half breed in the family. Oh, the very thought of such a misshapen, poorly formed creature would make me ill. But hopefully you'll have him fixed before you make such a bad decision.

It was a nice gambit, getting the creature to work for free because of marriage. I just wish you had wound up at least getting a nice stallion out of it, rather than some hairless ape.

Oh, well. There's always adoption.

Your loving cousin,
Apple Seed.

John scrunched the letter up and threw it on the table.

"You're right, AJ." he said. "Of all the nerve!"

"Well, at least she said she was comin' to tha reunion." Applejack replied. "... means Ah get to buck her teeth out fer bein' such a callous mare. Ah honestly thought mah family would be supportin' of me marryin' ya."

She snorted.

"An' who the hay does she think she is, sayin' that if'n y'all got me pregnant, it'd be a half-breed? Why, if Geo and Twilight could produce two healthy little foals, what's ta stop us from doin' the same... or even makin' triplets?"

"Fuck her, and fuck her opinions." John retorted. "If she's too shallow-minded to see what we've got is real, then that's her problem. And if I have to say that to her face at the reunion... then I fucking will."

Applejack smiled and nodded as she picked up another letter and opened it. Once again, her face fell as she read it.

"Oh, for fu—!" she spluttered, cutting herself off. "Listen ta this one, sugarcube. It's from mah cousin Braeburn."

Dear Applejack

First of all, I would like to offer you a huge load of congratulations! Us ponies here in Appleoosa have only just got word of your little scuffle with King Sombra. You sure showed him that the Apple Family isn't one to be messed with! Secondly, I'm personally looking forward to the upcoming Apple Family Reunion. It will be good to see everypony again.

Now, on to a more serious matter. Some of the family here in Appleoosa aren't too keen on you bringing a human into the family. Now I myself am very pleased for you — it'll be great to have some male company other than Big Mac and Spike — but the others just aren't too happy with you and John's future. They're worrying most about foals and basically the future of the Apple Family itself.

What I'm trying to say is: I like John and I think he should stay. However, the rest of the folks think it's a bad idea, for the sake of generations of the family itself. I give you and John the kindest regards and I wish you all the very best in the future.

I just hope everypony else will be so encouraging.

Your gracious cousin,
Braeburn

Applejack looked perplexed.

"Well, at least Braeburn is rootin' fer us." she said. "Pity Ah can't say the same fer the rest o' the folks in Appleoosa."

"Remind me to buy Braeburn a drink next time I see him." John replied. "It's nice to see that somepony is on our side."

"Eeyup." Applejack replied with a nod.

She looked at the pile of letters and sighed.

"So how many o' these d' ya think are from family who don't like the fact Ah married ya?" she said. "Ah reckon... all of 'em."

John stood up and walked around the table, kneeling in front of Applejack. He tilted her head up so he was looking into her eyes.

"When the reunion comes around," he said, "the family will have plenty of time to get to know me. And when they do, they will come to realise that I am as right for you as you are for me. If they still refuse to accept the fact that we're together and there's nothing they can do about it, then that's their problem, not ours. I married you because I love you — not to gain their approval."

Applejack responded to John's words by kissing him. She pulled away with a smile on her face.

"You're right, darlin'." she said. "If Ah wanted their approval, Ah would have damn well asked fer it! If mah family can't accept us bein' together, then they ain't no family o' mine. Ya may not be a pony, but yer still a stallion ta me."

John chuckled.

"Exactly." he replied, taking another letter from the slowly-dwindling stack. "Here's another one... from your cousin Red Gala. Now, I wonder what her problem cold be?"

He opened the letter and read it.

Dear Applejack

A human. Seriously, is that the best you could do? Filly, you should know better! How is a human supposed to carry on the Apple Family name? In case you didn't know, I was part of that convoy to Appleoosa. Yeah, you know the one I mean.

I thought I recognised Derek when I saw his picture in the paper. Then again, it's rather hard to forget ~~somepony~~ someone when they're stealing from you. Before he and his friends robbed us blind, he told us that we were 'weak, insignificant beings', and that he would use his 'technological advantage to its fullest potential'. I didn't know what he meant, until he fired that weapon of his at us. And let me tell you right now cousin, that I have never been so scared in my entire life. I still jump whenever I heard a loud noise.

Anyway, my problem is this. John quite clearly comes from a family of deranged lunatics. Sure, he may look sweet — but on the inside lies a vicious streak just begging to be released. And those other humans, they're probably the same. I suggest that you warn your friends about them before it's too late. Your friend Twilight is a mother now, isn't she? With two precious foals to take care of... well, I'd hate to be there when that husband of hers finally snaps.

And what's this I hear about Pinkie's husband and his army of robots? Not exactly the actions of a rational ~~stallion~~ man, right? The fact is that the three of them are not to be trusted. Mark my words, Applejack — they will turn on you. And when they do, the consequences will be catastrophic.

That's all for now. I'll see you at the reunion in a few weeks. Hopefully I, along with the rest of the family, can talk some sense into you before it's too late.

Your cousin,
Red Gala

John put the letter down slowly, his face changing between various shades of red and purple. Applejack nuzzled him affectionately, her soothing presence acting as a sedative.

"Don't you worry about Red Gala." she said soothingly. "When she comes to the Gala, she'll no doubt be expectin' some talkin' and listenin'. Only thing is, Ah'll be doin' the talkin', while she'll be doin' the listenin'. By the time Ah'm finished with her she'll respect you, Ace and Geo a whole lot more."

John smiled and scratched her behind the ears.

"Thanks, hon." he said. "I guess being related to Derek has had a negative effect on how the rest of the family sees me."

Applejack picked up another letter from the table and tore it open with her teeth, the melancholy atmosphere making her feel less joyous about the upcoming reunion, and more fearful of what her family had to say about her husband.

"What a surprise," she said sarcastically, "another letter against our marriage. And it's actually addressed to you... from mah cousin Caramel Apple."

John raised an eyebrow.

"Caramel?" he repeated. "You mean the same Caramel who tried—"

Applejack raised a hoof to cut him off.

"No, that's a different Caramel." she said. "We ain't related, thankfully. Then again, Ah doubt he woulda cared if we were..."

John shuddered as Applejack unfurled the letter and began to read it out loud.

To John

So, you've managed to get Applejack? First off, congratulations are in order. You probably don’t realize this John, but it takes a special somepony (somebody?) to get an Apple and get this far. You’ve done the near impossible. You’ve actually made AJ fall in love.

And on that note, here's the second part of this letter. I don’t approve. And if I know my cousins and Aunt, they probably don’t approve either, even if they’re too polite to say it to your face.

It seems to me that, well, a pony and a human relationship would never work out. Okay, there have been exceptions, but a human with Applejack? It wouldn’t work out.

This letter is coming off as rude. I’m sorry about that, but the Apple family as a whole is a traditionalist one. Traditions are important to us. And this relationship is anything but.

Even if you two absolutely love each other, the uphill battle that you’re about to face will tear either the family that AJ loves apart, or tear you two apart.

But, I have to say that I am one for surprises. Prove me wrong when I come to the reunion, and we'll get along just fine.

Caramel Apple.

"Well," John said, "at least he congratulated me for getting you in the first place. That's something at least."

Applejack nodded.

"Yeah..." she looked at the letters which remained, "... though Ah have a feelin' that this reunion isn't gonna go well. The way things are goin', it's not gonna be a family reunion... more of a family interrogation, as everypony sits ya down and shines a light in yer face, tryin' ta catch ya out with questions."

John shrugged.

"Let them try." he said nonchalantly. "I worked for MI6. I'm pretty sure I can withstand an interrogation. Hell, I might even interrogate the family, so I can find out exactly what their fucking problem with me is. So far, I've established that they think that I'm a mindless animal who is going to sire you with a sorry excuse for a child."

"Whereas Ah know yer anythin' but." Applejack replied. "Come on, Ah ain't in tha mood fer this. Let's read one more letter, and then go inta town and git some pancakes. Y'all like pancakes, right?"

"Hell yeah I like pancakes!" John replied, as he picked up another letter. "Oh look, it's from your aunt and uncle Orange. Let's see if they've got anything to add to this whole thing."

He opened it and began reading.

Dearest Applejack

At first, your uncle and I were most overjoyed to hear about your wedding to John. In fact, we were even prepared to give you our blessing, and wish you both the best in your new life together.

That is, until we read the newspaper. Neither of us had any idea that John's brother was such a violent man. What if this violent streak runs in their family? What if John raises a hand against you in anger, much like his brother did to him and your friend Geo?

We strongly advise you to be cautious, dear niece. Your uncle and I, we both fear for your safety. We know you are a strong and independent young mare, but even the strongest can falter in the face of overwhelming violence.

If John is beating you, then please tell us. We will then take any and all steps to get you to safety, even if it means alerting the Royal Guard or the Princesses themselves.

Please be safe, and write back as soon as you are able.

Love,
Aunt and Uncle Orange

P.S. Yes, we are coming to the reunion.

"Okay, that tears it." John muttered. "How dare they assume that I'm violent simply because Derek was! He had mental health problems, for fuck sake! He was ill, and that's why he acted the way he did. It's not his fault."

"Ah know, sugarcube." she replied. "But mah aunt and uncle sure as hay don't. Ah guess we can add 'em ta the list of 'relatives we need ta 'take aside' during the reunion'."

"Sorry AJ, but I gotta ask you something." John said. "Why the heck is your family so hung up on you not marrying a pony?"

Applejack sighed.

"The Apple family has always been traditionalist, darlin'." she replied. "Goin' all the way back back ta when even Granny Smith was just a lil' filly. Back in them days, Equestria was a different place. Nopony was allowed ta marry outside o' their species. Ponies married ponies, gryphons married gryphons and minotaurs married minotaurs. Ta marry outside yer species was considered taboo, and doing so got ya shunned from society, or even expelled from town in some cases."

John nodded.

"So I'm guessing the Apple family still sticks to these traditions?"

Applejack shook her head.

"Marryin' outside of yer species became acceptable a few hunner years ago." she explained. "But as y'all know, gryphons and minotaur — like humans — eat meat, and they can be violent. Ponies don't eat meat, and Equestria is the most peaceful place there is. So mah family decided that only pony/pony couples could be truly happy together. And they've stuck to that idea ever since."

John put a hand to his chin.

"So a pony marrying a gryphon or a minotaur would have to live with a meat eater who was potentially violent. Whereas if they married another pony, they would know everlasting peace."

Applejack nodded.

"Eeyup," she replied, "that's exactly what mah family thought. They had it in their heads that a gryphon or a minotaur would simply kill and eat their pony partner if things got bad. Celestia knows where they got that idea from, though."

"I think I get it now." John said. "Your family is worried about your safety because I'm a part of a meat-eating species, which is prone to bouts of violent behaviour."

He paused for a moment as the meaning of his words sunk in.

"Fucking hell AJ," he muttered, "they actually think that I'm going to kill you?!"

Applejack nodded solemnly.

"Lookin' at the letters we've read," she said, "it would certainly seem that way."

John buried his head in his hands. Seeing this, Applejack got up from her seat and walked around to him. She pushed his head up with her own and climbed onto his lap, laying her head against his chest before nuzzling his neck affectionately.

"Don't worry sugarcube," she said softly, "once they see how much we love each other, Ah'm sure they'll see sense. Just remember that ya don't need ta prove anythin' ta them. Ah'm the one who chose ya, and that's all that matters."

John nodded and wrapped his hands around Applejack's body, hugging her gently as he laid his head on hers. The two of them sat in contented silence for a moment before they separated and looked into each others eyes.

"Feelin' better, darlin'?" Applejack asked.

John responded by kissing her softly on the lips. Applejack seemed surprised at first, but soon returned the gesture, both of them moaning softly. John was the first to break the kiss.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked. "Come on, hon. Let's just assume that everypony who wrote these letters is coming to the reunion, and plan accordingly. I'm still wanting to get those pancakes you mentioned earlier."

Applejack grinned.

"Sounds good ta me, sugarcube." she replied. "Let's get goin'."

She got back on the floor as John stood up and opened the door. As the two of them stepped outside John scooped Applejack onto his shoulders, his wife laying her head contentedly against his.

As they began walking into town, they left behind not only the letters on the kitchen table...

... but all of their cares as well.

Author's Note

This chapter is set after the events of One Bad Apple, for reasons that I've already explained.

LETTER AUTHORS

Apple Seed: Shieldmaiden of Luna
Braeburn: Vetnern
Red Gala: Me
Caramel Apple: listener
Aunt and Uncle Orange: Me

Magic Duel

CHAPTER SIX

Magic Duel

On a bright morning (not that there was a lack of those in Equestria), I found myself at Fluttershy's cottage with Twilight, as well as some of Fluttershy's animal friends. The creatures were all rather excited, not that Fluttershy noticed.

"Now now friends," she said soothingly, "don't be afraid. Everything is going to be all right."

Suddenly, her facial expression changed and she turned to face a clearly shocked Twilight.

"So help me Twilight," she hissed, "if anything happens to them, you will answer to me. Got it?"

Twilight nodded nervously.

"Whoa, whoa!" I said, putting a hand between the two. "Don't worry, Fluttershy. Twilight knows what she's doing. Your animals will be fine, I promise. In fact, they seem pretty happy."

The animals must have understood me, since they cheered while Fluttershy changed back to her normal demeanour.

"Oh, okay." she said sheepishly. "I-if you say so."

Twilight mouthed a silent 'thank you' to me and spoke to Fluttershy.

"He's right," she said, "I do know what I'm doing, and I also promise that no harm will come to your friends. Just watch the trick. I'm sure you'll like it!"

Her horn glowed and the animals were slowly lifted off the ground, little cheers coming from them. Concentrating some more, Twilight arranged them into the shape of an infinite symbol, before making them fly around, while still maintaining that formation.

Needless to say, it was rather impressive. And soon, the animals were safely back on the ground, much to Fluttershy's immense relief. She had been holding her breath that much, she nearly blew me off when my feet when she let it out.

"See?" Twilight said with a somewhat smug tone "I told you they'd be fine. Princess Celestia has asked me to provide the entertainment for the delegates from Saddle Arabia. I just hope that it's good enough."

I laid a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"They'd be mad not to." I said. "Princess Celestia wouldn't have asked you to do this if she knew you were incapable, Twi. You know how she thinks better than anypony."

She smiled... just as a blue blur crashed into her and knocked her onto her back. It soon became apparent that Rainbow Dash had pulled a Pinkie Pie and appeared out of nowhere.

"Twilight!" she yelled. "You've gotta come to Ponyville as quickly as you can! It's an emergency!"

Quick as a flash, Twilight had picked herself up from the ground. And soon she, Dash and I were rushing into town.

Right, I thought, what the fuck is it this time?

***

As we entered town, we soon became all too aware of the crowd which had gathered in the market square. Several of the townsponies were chattering amongst themselves, but one voice was much louder than the others... and it was Rarity's.

"You beast!" she cried in horror. "This shade of brown should only be used for accents!"

The crowd parted and Rarity made her way through, followed by Spike. She was wearing a gaudy brown dress which, if I'm honest, caused me to stifle a laugh.

"What's going on, Rarity?" asked Twilight.

"There's a unicorn in town who is using their magic to be downright horrible to everypony." Rarity wailed. "I tried to get them to stop, but they... well you can see for yourselves what they did! I must get into something more fashionable at once!"

She took off down the street as Spike watched her with a forlorn expression on his face.

"Who the hay does this punk think they are?!" snarled Dash.

"I don't know," Twilight replied, "but I intend to find out."

With my help, she gently pushed her way to the front of the crowd and soon we could see the unicorn of the moment. They were wearing a black cape which concealed everything but their horn.

"Who are you," Twilight demanded, "and what gives you the right to come here and harass us?!"

The unicorn chuckled.

"Revenge." the voice was female, and very angry. "Revenge against you, Twilight Sparkle."

With a flourish, the unicorn removed the hood of her cloak, revealing her face. Twilight gasped and narrowed her eyes.

"Trixie!" she snapped.

Dash suddenly flew into view.

"Trixie?" she snorted. "Oh my, is the Great and Powerful Trixie here to put on another show for us?"

Trixie growled and charged a spell. Suddenly, one of Dash's wings grew to a size disproportionate to her body. She flailed around for a while before plummeting to the ground, landing on top of Spark Plug, who grunted as he bore the brunt of the impact.

"Nopony will dare mock Trixie any more," Trixie yelled. "for Trixie's powers have grown far beyond those of even you, Twilight Sparkle! Trixie is here to get justice for how you humiliated her the last time she was in this backwater little town!"

I laughed.

"Do you refer to yourself in the third pony in an attempt to make yourself sound better," I said, "or do you have some sort of mental problem? I'm assuming it's the latter."

Trixie glared at me and turned her attention to a couple of colts who had pushed their way to the front of the crowd. I recognised them as Snips and Snails, mostly because of their cutie marks, but also because of the stories the Crusaders had told me.

"Trixie," Snips said ecstatically, "you're back!"

He and Snails bowed.

What the hell?

Trixie growled at them.

"Not you two again!" she said fiercely. "It is your fault Trixie was humiliated in the first place! And for that, you must be taught a lesson! Let's see how you like being humiliated!"

Her horn glowed again, enveloping the two foals in a blue aura. When it cleared, both of them were attached to the other by the horn, Snails now upside-down. They began flailing around as they tried to separate themselves while Trixie just cackled.

"Trixie," Twilight said pleadingly, "it's me you want, so please stop taking your anger out on other ponies!"

"You want Trixie to stop?" Trixie replied. "Trixie will not stop until she gets what she truly deserves!"

Her horn glowed again as she conjured a small screen. The display showed Twilight in an impressive display of magic, as she used her skills to lull what looked like a giant teddy bear to sleep.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked of my wife.

"It's an Ursa Minor." she replied. "The last time Trixie was here in Ponyville, she claimed to have defeated an Ursa Major all by herself. So Snips and Snails took it upon themselves to find one for her. Thankfully, they got this instead. Trixie admitted that she had been lying and ran off, leaving me to deal with it."

"Yes," Trixie interjected, "and it was humiliating! To be caught out like that ruined Trixie's reputation! Everywhere she went, ponies had heard about what had happened in Ponyville."

The screen changed again to show Trixie standing outside a wagon. A crudely drawn Ursa Minor had been painted on it, and a big red 'X' had been sprayed over the image of Trixie's cutie mark.

"Trixie's career was over." Trixie lamented. "Nopony wanted to give her the time of day. Everywhere Trixie went, ponies laughed and called her a fraud, a liar, a cheat!"

The screen changed for a second time, this time showing Trixie attempting to cast a teleportation spell in front of a crowd of ponies who were openly laughing at her.

Trixie growled at the bitter memories and changed the screen again. This one showed her chipping away at a rock with a pickaxe as sweat poured from her brow.

"In desperation, Trixie found herself working on a rock farm!" she shouted. "A rock farm! Trixie had reached the lowest rung of the ladder, and she knew that there was no going back."

A pink blur suddenly appeared in front of me, much to Trixie's surprise. Pinkie Pie stood in front of the showpony, a look of disgust on her face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Ace had arrived as well... and that he'd brought a few of his bots with him.

"You should be lucky that a rock farm would even consider hiring somepony as awful as you!" Pinkie yelled, as she angrily pointed a hoof at Trixie.

Trixie grimaced at the words for a moment before her horn lit up. Another flash of light... and Pinkie's mouth had been removed from her face and tossed into a conjured trash can.

"Your voice irritates Trixie," she huffed, "so she decided to do something about it."

Ace guffawed at the removal of his wife's mouth, much to Pinkie's dismay. He turned to face Trixie as his bots gathered around him.

"Trixie Lulamoon, by the power vested in me by Princess Celestia of Equestria, I'm placing you under arrest for several charges of assault and disturbing the peace." He drew his sidearm, as the squad of bots powered up their own weapons. "Come peacefully."

Trixie laughed arrogantly at him in response.

"You're arresting me?" Her eyes glowed red, and a shock-wave erupted across Ponyville. When the smoke cleared, every bot in range was down, without power, and unresponsive. "You and what army?" She asked.

Ace gasped, as he analysed the nearest bot. He sighed. "An electromagnetic pulse." He concluded. "Circuits are totally fried." He looked at his rifle and threw it to the ground, knowing that it was now useless. He turned to Trixie and drew a sword.

"Now I'm charging you with assaulting multiple officers of the law!" He shouted, as he got ready to charge. He dashed forward, ready to bring his sword down on the showy unicorn. "I'm gonna tear you limb from—"

His words we suddenly cut short as a blast of magic turned him to stone. He fell to the ground, stuck in his charging pose, his eyes a rock carving of fiery rage.

Pinkie tried to squeal in shock, but found that hard without a mouth. She settled for running over to Ace's statue and laying a hoof on it dejectedly.

Trixie blew at her horn and turned her attention back to Twilight, who was glaring at her fiercely.

"And now for you, Twilight." she said. "I challenge you to a magic duel to determine once and for all which of us is the better mare. The loser must leave Ponyville... forever!"

"No." Twilight replied defiantly.

Trixie simply sighed.

"Very well then," she said, "it is obvious to Trixie that she will just have to convince you to agree to her demands."

Trixie turned her gaze towards Spike, who gulped as her horn began to glow. He was enveloped in her aura and yelped as something happened to him. The aura faded and we gasped in shock as we realised that Spike had been compressed into the shape of a basketball, much to Rarity's horror.

Not content with merely transforming the poor dragon, Trixie then conjured a basketball hoop, and promptly slam-dunked Spike through it, causing him to bounce helplessly off the ground.

"Three points to Trixie!" she said smugly, before glaring at Twilight again. "Now will you accept Trixie's challenge?"

Twilight looked at Spike. Although he couldn't move his body, the look on his face was more than enough to tell her not to agree. She looked back to Trixie and shook her head defiantly.

Trixie muttered angrily to herself and tossed Spike aside as she put a hoof to her chin in thought. A wicked grin appeared on her face as her horn glowed once more. Summoning all her strength, she did what Twilight had done prior to the Crystal Empire incident — and levitated the entire library.

Twilight's jaw hung open as she watched Trixie pull off this feat of magical aptitude with little to no effort. Her jaw nearly hit the ground when Trixie flipped the building onto its side and began shaking it. A small avalanche of books poured out and landed on the ground.

I knew what was going to happen, but I was still surprised when it actually did.

"ENOUGH!" Twilight bellowed. "If it means that much to you, Trixie, then I accept your challenge!"

Trixie's grin widened, and the glow disappeared from her horn. The library, the books and Spike were all back to normal. Only Pinkie and Ace remained unchanged.

"Trixie has not reversed the spells she cast on you for two reasons." she sniffed. "One, she finds your voice annoying and two, she sees that human as a threat."

She clopped her forehooves together and laughed maniacally.

"Now, enough talk! The time for action has arrived! Take a good look at your beloved Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle! For this will be the last time you ever set eyes upon it!"

Her horn sparked to life, and a cartload of apples was lifted into the air and positioned over an Earth pony mare with a blue coat, periwinkle mane and a cutie mark depicting two interlocking horseshoes — one silver, one gold. She saw the cart hovering over her head and screamed.

"I've got it, Shoeshine!" Twilight yelled.

She took control of the cart from Trixie and set it down gently on the ground. Unfortunately, it had been a diversion — and now Trixie had conjured up six large pies, which she promptly threw in Twilight's direction.

Twilight sprung into action and conjured up a parasprite. The creature hungrily devoured the pies and burped up another one. Twilight quickly got rid of both of them. I was thankful — she had told me what happened the last time parasprites came to Ponyville.

Suddenly, Twilight was buried under a large pile of snow. Trixie giggled as she shook it off and fired off a bolt of magic. The spell hit Trixie in the muzzle... causing her to sprout a large black moustache, much to our amusement.

"Way to give her number twenty-five!" Spike cheered.

Trixie gasped and conjured a pair of scissors, which were promptly used to remove her new facial hair.

"You should have kept it!" I yelled. "You could have made a career out of being 'The Moustachioed Mare'!"

Trixie ignored my comments and stomped a hoof into the ground.

"Snips, Snails!" she barked. "Come to Trixie... now!"

The two colts rushed to her side and bowed. Without warning, Trixie summoned a ribbon of red magic which lifted them both into the air as it covered their bodies. They fell back to earth with a bump... but now Snips was a foal, and Snails was an elderly stallion.

Everyone gasped.

"I-I-I don't believe it!" Twilight stuttered. "Only the highest level unicorns are capable of performing age spells!"

She charged up her own spell and enveloped Snips and Snails in her purple aura. The two of them were lifted into the air as she attempted to reverse what Trixie had done.

The spell faded as Twilight fell to the ground, panting and exhausted. She slowly stood up, only to find herself face-to-face with Trixie, who simply grinned.

"Well, well." she said mockingly. "It would seem that Trixie has won. And you know what that means!"

Before Twilight could respond, Trixie had grabbed her in her magic and thrown her across town.

"Whoa, shit!" I yelled, as I raced over to try and catch her. I managed to do so but only barely, the impact knocking me onto the ground in a dazed heap.

Trixie trotted over.

"Consider yourself banished from Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle!" she yelled. "Trixie doesn't want you anywhere near her town again!"

She pointed a hoof at me.

"The fact you ran after Twilight tells Trixie that you care about her. And looking at that necklace you're wearing, Trixie must be right. So, you're banished from town as well."

"Fine by me." I snarled. "I'd hate to stick around out of fear of what I might do to you should I get my hands around your slimy neck."

"Trixie is not afraid of you." she said. "Trixie has just defeated Twilight Sparkle, supposedly the most powerful unicorn Equestria has ever seen! Just go, both of you."

I got to my feet and helped Twilight up. The look on her face was one of doubt.

"Twilight!" Spike's voice rang out. "Wait for me!"

Spike ran as fast as he could, but he was too slow. Trixie summoned a large glass dome, which she put in place around the town, preventing anyone from entering... or leaving. Spike stopped dead in his tracks and gazed mournfully through the dome. He placed a hand on it, which Twilight returned with a hoof.

"I'll be okay, Spike." she said. "Just keep an eye on Azure and Evening for me. That magical blast from earlier will no doubt have disabled the Nurse-bots Ace loaned to me. So please, take care of the foals for me."

Spike nodded and turned away, heading back towards the library. Trixie simply snorted and turned to face the townsponies. She began shouting orders at them as Twilight and I left.

Once we were far enough away, we turned and looked back at the town that had been our home.

And then we wept.

***

I followed Twilight as we walked along a path which was winding its way through the dark and forbidding Everfree Forest. She seemed focused on getting somewhere and given that I trust her impeccably, I followed along.

She soon sighed with relief and I saw that there was a building in front of us. Smoke billowing out of a makeshift chimney indicated that there was somepony inside. Twilight walked up the path, but I stayed back, apprehensive of what we were walking into.

"It's okay Geo," Twilight said, "this is where Zecora lives. She's a friend of mine."

I nodded and followed her up the path. She knocked on the door a couple of times and then we waited. Soon, the sound of hoofsteps reached our ears and the door opened to reveal a zebra. She was a little bit taller than Twilight, and was adorned with what looked like tribal piercings.

"Twilight Sparkle, it has been a while." she said. "Your visit today has made me smile."

Then she saw me.

"Whispers of your kind I have been told." she said. "To see that they are true is a sight to behold."

"Hello, Zecora." I offered. "My name is Geo, and I am Twilight's husband. We come to you now because... well, long story short... we need your help."

Zecora nodded.

"Tell me everything and I will help how I can." she replied. "I aim to help my friends all, be they pony... or man."

We went inside and sat around a large cauldron, filled with a bubbling green liquid.

Once we were comfortable, Twilight told Zecora everything.

***

"... and that's the story." Twilight finished. "Trixie has grown far too powerful, and I fear that her magic will destroy Ponyville if left unchecked. Please Zecora, can you help me?"

Zecora stood up and walked over to Twilight. She laid a hoof on her shoulder and nodded firmly.

"Follow me now, and we shall begin." she said. "And the next time you duel her, you will certainly win."

Twilight smiled and stood up, following Zecora outside. I soon got up and joined them, because I didn't want to be left alone...

... and the decorations in Zecora's hut were creeping me out.

***

The town of Ponyville was cut off from the rest of Equestria due to Trixie's dome. Inside, the rain fell in buckets and the wind howled relentlessly. In the centre of town, Ace remained encased in stone and now resembled a statue instead of a man.

In the Town Hall, a single raised voice could be heard giving orders to the many ponies inside, as Trixie cemented her hold on the town.

"Hurry up with Trixie's banners!" she demanded of Rarity, who was at a sewing machine making banners depicting Trixie's grinning face. The device was producing them at such a rate, it appeared to be on the verge of catching fire. As Rarity finished another one she handed it to Rainbow Dash, who flew up into the rafters looking for a place to hang it.

Trixie turned her attention towards the Cakes, who were making a large seat out of candy.

"Trixie's throne had better be finished soon," she snarled, "or else there will be Tartarus to pay! Trixie's current seat is far too lumpy for her liking."

"You're not the only one who isn't comfortable, bitch." John muttered from underneath Trixie's rear. "Has anyone ever told you that your flank is really bony? It feels someone is poking me with a fucking pitchfork."

Trixie smacked him across the back of the head in response and adjusted the necklace she was wearing. She then looked towards Applejack, who was knee-deep in a barrel of apples.

"Trixie has been waiting far too long for you to finish pressing that applesauce! She demands that you hurry up, so that she may enjoy an applesauce facial."

"You need a facial, all right." John muttered. "And I don't mean the beauty kind either. Perhaps it'll improve your attitude."

Trixie gasped and smacked him again as Applejack stopped stomping the apples.

"Ah ain't doin' this any more!" she yelled. "Ya can do what ya want ta me, but Ah refuse ta listen ta yer crazy orders any more!"

Trixie raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really?" she mused. "Then perhaps this will change your mind!"

Her horn glowed and two large feathers appeared out of thin air. Trixie promptly ran the two of them along Applejack's side, prompting her to burst out laughing.

"Ah, no!" she squealed. "Not the— ah ha ha ha ha ha! No, stop it!... all right, all right! Ah'll git back ta work!"

The feathers disappeared and Applejack let out a sigh of relief, before reluctantly going back to stomping on the apples. She was so caught up in her work, she failed to notice the huge grin on John's face.

Now I know what to do the next time she says no to me...

Trixie grinned at her work and looked around the room. She caught sight of Pinkie Pie, who was dancing half-heartedly as she looked out of the window into town square, where Ace's statue remained.

Don't worry Acey, she thought, I'll get you out of there soon...

"DANCE FASTER!" Trixie yelled.

Pinkie stopped and glared at Trixie furiously.

"Mmpph mmmph mmmm mmmph?!" she mumbled.

Trixie sighed.

"You're not getting your mouth back, so stop asking!" she snapped. "Now start dancing, or Trixie will see to it that you suffer the same fate as your human friend out there!"

Pinkie's eyes shrunk to pinpricks as she began dancing for all that she was worth. Trixie laughed at her antics and continued watching over her slaves.

"Trixie's magic has ruined poor Ponyville." Rarity lamented, as she threaded a needle. "I hope Twilight is able to fix this mess."

The needle was enveloped in a red aura and yanked from Rarity's grip. She gasped and then yelped in agony as the point was stabbed into her hoof.

"Ow!" she squealed.

"Trixie does not wish to hear any mention of Twilight Sparkle!" the demented unicorn yelled. "Instead, she wants... neigh, demands... that you continue making more banners!"

Rarity looked at her sore hoof and let out a sniffle. A small cough got her attention, and she looked down to see Spike standing in front of her. He took her hoof in his hands and kissed it.

"Any better?" he asked.

Rarity smiled and gave him a peck on the nose.

"Much better." she replied. "Thank you, darling."

Suddenly, Spike was enveloped in a flash of light. When it cleared, he found himself in a cage suspended from the ceiling. Trixie's mocking laughter then filled the room.

"Trixie didn't realise that a pony and a dragon could be together." she said. "So if you want him out of there, you will do as Trixie commands, got it?!"

Rarity sighed and went back to her work. As she made yet more banners, she would occasionally look up at Spike in his cage and blow him a kiss, which he would return eagerly.

Come on Twilight. Ponyville needs you...

***

I sat and watched as Twilight stood in the middle of a pool of water while balancing on one leg. Her eyes were closed, and her horn was glowing intently as she levitated three small spheres of the stuff around her.

Zecora stood nearby, also balancing on one leg.

"No noise, no sound, no din, no fuss, must interfere with your focus." she said. "Unlearn what you have learned, only then can victory be earned."

The temptation to repeat this in my best Yoda voice was immense, but I resisted. Then again, everything I was looking at reminded me of the X-wing scene in Star Wars. I half expected Zecora to whip out a lightsaber and tell Twilight to simply cut Trixie in half.

Hey, there's an idea...

"I can't... stop thinking about... how she managed to beat me." Twilight said, her concentration wavering. "And I can't... imagine what... she's doing to our friends... or my children."

Her eyes snapped open.

"The children!" she yelled. "Trixie might be doing Celestia-knows-what to them!"

Her concentration broke and she fell into the pool below. I quickly jumped in and dragged her out.

"Trixie may be a bitch," I said, "but I don't think she'd harm foals."

"Look at what she did to Snips and Snails when she saw them earlier." Twilight replied.

"... fair point." I said. "In that case, you'd better start concentrating. You can do this, Twi. I know you can."

I punctuated this by bringing her in for a kiss, which she returned with just as much passion and fervour. Had Zecora not coughed and distracted us... well, you can probably imagine what might have happened next.

"Clear your head, and try again." Zecora said. "Just try not to cause yourself any pain."

Twilight nodded and got back in position over the lake. Soon, she was deep in concentration, and her lessons were continuing.

Hell, even I learned a lesson that day. Never take off your wet shirt in front of your wife when she's trying to do something as important as this.

... it's just distracting.

***

The door to the library swung open and a crowd entered. Several ponies, a dragon and a human collapsed onto the floor in a tired heap. Spike was the first to crawl to his feet. Walking over to John, he poked him in the side.

"Ugh, what?" John groaned.

"I need to check on Azure and Evening." Spike replied. "Can you give me a hand?"

John nodded and stood up, following Spike upstairs.

"While they're doing that," Rarity said, "I suggest that the rest of us look through these books and find one that can offer some help as to how we can teach Trixie a lesson."

"It's a pity Geo isn't here." Dash muttered. "Give him a few minutes and the book we need would fall right on top of his head."

The group chuckled as John and Spike came downstairs, John holding Azure and Spike holding Evening. Both of them had crestfallen looks on their faces. Applejack noticed and spoke up, her voice full of concern.

"What's wrong, guys?" she asked. "... there ain't nothin' wrong with those two, is there?"

"Far from it." John replied, as he and Spike both held up the foal they were carrying.

Azure and Evening looked at the many faces staring back, goofy smiles appearing on their small faces.

"... Mama? Papa?" they asked together.

A stunned silence soon followed.

"Oh Celestia..." Rarity said, "... their first words!"

"Yeah..." John replied, "... and their parents missed it. They are gonna be pissed when they find out."

He paused for a moment.

"... a hundred bits says that Geo tries to kill Trixie."

Everyone simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Never mind." he said, setting Azure into the carry cot lying on the couch. His sister soon joined him, and the two fell asleep, completely oblivious to the anguish in the room.

"Rarity is right." Spike said. "There's gotta be a book in here somewhere that can help us. Trixie seemed rather keen to keep that necklace she was wearing on. I certainly don't remember her wearing it the last time she was in town. Maybe it is the key?"

Everyone nodded and picked a shelf to look through. The room soon filled with the faint sound of turning pages, intermixed with the occasional sigh. However, in one corner of the room, Fluttershy and Doctor Haywick seemed to have taken a keen interest in a particular book.

"Doesn't this look like the amulet Trixie is wearing?" Fluttershy asked meekly, pointing to the picture.

Haywick studied it for a moment before nodding.

"It does, as it happens." he replied. "We'd better tell the others."

Fluttershy coughed weakly.

"Umm, I think we've found something." she said quietly. Naturally, there was no response.

"Allow me, my dear." Haywick offered, before raising his voice slightly. "Fluttershy has found something!"

Almost immediately, everyone stopped what they were doing and gathered around the two. Fluttershy let out a squeak and hid behind her mane. Haywick laughed and took the book from her, poking the page with a hoof.

"The Alicorn Amulet." he said simply. "Wearing it grants a pony untold magical prowess, but makes them corrupt and evil the longer they do so. The only way to stop it is to take it off—"

"Well what are we waiting for?" John snarled. "I'll hold the bitch down while the rest of you rip her head off to get the thing."

Haywick glared at him.

"Let me finish." he snapped. "Only the pony who wears it is able to take it off... so with that said I think we're done for. Trixie will never agree to remove it, regardless of what it does to her."

"We need to let Twilight and Geo know." Spike said. "I'm pretty sure they'll be at Zecora's place. Her hut is the only habitation in the area, since they can't get to Canterlot."

"Why can't we send a letter to Princess Luna?" Spark Plug said. "Princess Celestia is away, but Luna isn't. I'm pretty sure she could get Trixie to take the amulet off."

"I can't." Spike replied. "Sending a letter to a Princess uses a different spell for each of them, but I only know the one for Princess Celestia. But since she's in Saddle Arabia right now, it would be pointless."

Spark groaned.

"So somepony is gonna have to go into the Everfree and find Zecora?" he asked. "Sorry, but count me out."

"I know somepony who's got the goods to get into that forest!" Rainbow Dash said proudly. "Fluttershy!"

She pointed a hoof at the timid pegasus, who gasped.

"Whaaaaaaat?!" she squealed. "B-but why me?"

"Because you're the one who is good with animals!" Dash replied. "They can help you sneak out of town and into the Forest. Then you can go to Zecora's, tell Twilight about the Amulet, and then be back before Trixie even realises you've gone!"

"I-I can't!..." Fluttershy protested. "B-but maybe I should. After all, I wouldn't want to let anypony down..."

Haywick put a forehoof around her neck comfortingly.

"If anypony can do it," he said softly, "it's you. You are the bravest pony I've ever met. You stood up to a dragon, so the Everfree Forest should be foals play! I have complete confidence in your ability to see this through to the end."

Fluttershy simpered and nuzzled his cheek.

"Okay, I'll do it." she said.

***

Snips and Snails groaned as they pulled a large wooden sleigh around the perimeter of Trixie's dome, the self-proclaimed overlord riding on top. She produced a large whip and cracked it in the air, eliciting a gasp of fear from both colts.

"It would be easier... to pull this..." Snips grunted, "... if it had wheels, oh Great and Powerful one."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't trust wheels." she replied. "Now shut up and keep pulling!"

She cracked the whip again to get her point across.

A dull thumping noise filled the air. Trixie looked around for the source of the sound, and saw a trio of beavers attacking her dome with their tails.

"What is the meaning of this?" she yelled.

One of the beavers began chattering angrily, pointing emphatically towards a nearby log.

Realising what the beaver was getting at, Trixie's horn sparked to life as she slightly raised the dome. The beavers dragged the log through, and the dome came down again.

"There." Trixie said. "You have your log. Now get out of here."

The beavers replied with another chorus of chatters which could have been translated as something rude. Trixie rolled her eyes as they left, before transforming her sleigh into a giant golden bed.

"Pull me back to the town square, pronto!" she proclaimed.

Snips and Snails groaned and began the laborious task set before them. Trixie cracked the whip, unaware of the beavers watching her from behind the log.

As she got out of sight, one of the beavers gave a thumbs up. The other two reached inside the log, pulling out Fluttershy, who was dressed as a rabbit.

"Oh... I don't want to be here." she said, forgetting everything Haywick had said to her earlier. "If I'm going to be scared, it might as well be at home. In my closet. With a teddy bear."

Facing away from the Everfree, she took a step towards Ponyville. Suddenly half a dozen birds grabbed a hold of her costume and dragged her into the forest, Fluttershy's terrified squealing soon fading into a grim silence.

***

Fluttershy produced a book from her saddlebags and placed it on the table. Twilight picked it up and began reading.

"So the key to Trixie's powers is this amulet?" she said. "Interesting... but how are we supposed to get it off her?"

Fluttershy shrugged.

"Oh well," I said, "it looks like it's time for a brainstorming session."

Twilight squealed with glee.

"Oh, I love those!" she said. "Ooh, let's make this one an all-nighter, and see who can come up with the best idea."

"Sounds good to me." I said with a grin. "You know I always look forward to our all-night 'sessions'."

Twilight's cheeks turned a delightful shade of crimson as Zecora cleared her throat.

"To beat this foe, you don't need tricks." she said. "You have something else... why not use the six?"

Twilight furrowed her brow as she worked out the meaning of Zecora's words in her head before she let out a gasp.

"Of course!" she said. "Zecora, you're a genius!"

She took up a quill and began scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment which Fluttershy had brought.

"When I'm done with this letter Fluttershy, I want you to take this back to Ponyville." she said. "Because I've got an idea..."

Fluttershy simply nodded as Twilight continued writing.

Whatever her plan was, I was sincerely hoping that it worked.

***

A few hours passed and I found myself back in Ponyville. Well, the outskirts at least, given that Trixie's damned dome was still there. Twilight and Zecora were with me as well, the former with a smug grin on her face and wearing a necklace.

"Trixie!" she yelled in an almost sing-song fashion. "Come out, Trixie! It's time for round two!"

Trixie approached the dome wearing a grin similar in size to Twilight's. She sneered as she got within talking distance.

"Trixie has already beaten you once," she gloated, "so she has no need to do it again."

"Ah, but that's only because you've got the Alicorn Amulet." Twilight retorted. "So to even the odds I went out and got my own amulet of incredible power, as you can see."

She puffed her chest out so that Trixie could get a look at the thing around her neck.

"This amulet comes from beyond the Everfree, and is far more powerful than the boring old Alicorn Amulet could ever be." Twilight said, before glaring at Trixie. "So what do you say, Trixie? Shall we have a rematch?"

The dome disappeared with a poof as Trixie stepped forward. The spectacle had attracted a large crowd, all of whom seemed keen to witness the duel.

"Very well, Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said. "Trixie will defeat you again, and take your amulet for her own!"

"We'll see about that." Twilight snorted. "Snips, Snails!"

The two of them stepped forward timidly.

"Uhh, yes Twilight?" Snips asked.

Twilight's horn glowed, surrounding both colts in a puff of smoke. When it cleared, two foals were in their place — two foals who promptly started crying.

Trixie's mouth hung open as Twilight polished a forehoof against her chest and held it out in front of her.

"That was just for starters." she said, letting out a sarcastic yawn. "Oh Rarity, Applejack!"

The two mares stepped forward. Once again, Twilight's horn glowed and the smoke surrounded both her friends. When it cleared, Rarity had become a filly, while Applejack had become elderly.

"As you can see Trixie," she said smugly, "this amulet has vastly increased my magical powers."

Her horn glowed again, and suddenly Rainbow Dash found herself looking at her duplicate. The two Dashes mirrored each others shocked facial expressions, as Spark Plug fought valiantly to control his urge to drool.

"And for my next trick..." Twilight said. Another bolt of magic and Pinkie Pie was now a one-pony band, playing ten instruments at once. If she still had her mouth, she would have been grinning.

"Ooh, I'm enjoying this." Twilight said, as she suddenly turned her attention towards Applejack again. "How about I turn a mare... into a stallion?"

Applejack gasped and tried to flee, but was lifted into the air by Twilight's magical aura. Another flash and sure enough... Applejack was now a stallion.

"Eeyup." she (he?) said timidly.

"What the fuck?!" John roared. "You'd better change her back, Twilight because I don't swing that way!... not that I've got anything against anypony who does, of course."

Twilight obliged and soon Applejack was back to normal.

"Hoo boy, that felt mighty strange." she muttered as she picked herself up from the ground.

Twilight smiled and turned to face Trixie.

... who wasn't there. Suddenly, Twilight felt a hoof around her neck as somepony grabbed her amulet.

"Ha! Trixie told you she would get your amulet!" she cackled. She removed the Alicorn Amulet and tossed it to the ground, where one of the Dash clones picked it up. "And now she shall defeat you again, and banish you from Equestria itself!"

She puffed her chest out and closed her eyes.

Nothing happened. Trixie looked at the amulet and then to Twilight, who's grin was threatening to consume her face.

"Oh, Trixie." she said with a chuckle. "That amulet you have there?... yeah, it's worthless. In fact, it's one of Zecora's doorstops. You fell for our little plan just like I knew you would."

"P-plan?" Trixie asked.

"Would you like to know how we did it?" Twilight asked. "... well I'm going to tell you anyway, whether you want me to or not."

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

"Fluttershy managed to get out of town and came to me with details of the Alicorn Amulet. We knew that we couldn't get it off you, and that you had to be the one to remove it. So, we hatched a plan. If I could show you that I had an amulet and make you believe it was more powerful than yours, I knew that you would want to take it."

Trixie didn't reply, so Twilight continued talking.

"I used the magic of friendship, Trixie. We painted Applejack's brother to look like her so that you would think I turned her into a stallion. Granny Smith played AJ as an elderly mare while Sweetie Belle assumed the role of her sister as a filly. Fluttershy made an ideal clone of Rainbow Dash, while my own two foals assumed the roles of a young Snips and Snails."

"B-but what about the pony with ten instruments?" Trixie asked. "What kind of magic was that?"

"That's just one of Pinkie's many talents." Twilight replied. "Nothing magical about it at all. And all of my 'tricks' were merely simple illusions. Everypony hid behind that statue and came out when I laid down a smoke screen for them."

Trixie tried to respond, but instead began to cry. She removed the doorstop from around her neck and slunk away, avoiding the many eyes upon her. As she left, a round of applause broke out from the crowd of townsponies.

"I knew you could do it, Twi!" I said, scooping her into my arms for a hug. "You showed her what for!"

Twilight smiled and nuzzled me affectionately.

"Thanks." she replied. "Now come on, Princess Celestia and the delegates from Saddle Arabia will be here soon."

"Do you think Trixie has learned her lesson this time?" I asked.

Twilight sighed.

"I hope so..." she said, "... I hope so."

***

"Oohs" and "Ahhs" came from the crowd as Twilight once again flew Fluttershy's animals in the shape of an infinite symbol. I could see Princess Celestia, along with whom I assumed to be the delegates, watching with wonder on their faces.

However, I wasn't focusing on the performance. I was still pissed off with Trixie for putting us through the crap she did. Everypony else seemed ready to forgive her, saying that it was the Alicorn Amulet which made her act the way she did. What those fools seemed to forget was the fact that Trixie put the Amulet on of her own free will. So I for one wasn't willing to forgive and forget.

As Twilight set the animals down to a gentle applause, fireworks filled the sky. I looked down to see Trixie letting them off. I clenched my fist and approached her, ready to give her another ear-bashing... and if I'm honest, I wanted to do that both figuratively and literally.

However, Twilight got to her first. I stood with my arms folded, giving her the best evils I could muster.

"Thanks for the fireworks, Trixie." Twilight said. "It was a nice touch for my act. Everypony liked it.."

"It was the least Trixie could do after being so mean to you and your friends." Trixie replied. "In fact, Trixie wants to offer her most sincere apologies for her behaviour."

"Fuck you." I snapped. "You made my friends suffer, and you tore my wife and I away from our children. If you really think that I'm just going to forgive you that easily, you're even more deluded than I originally thought."

Twilight glared at me.

"So you're just going to hold a grudge, is that it?" she asked sternly. "Aren't you forgetting what happened to the last person you knew to hold a grudge?"

I thought about it for a moment before I realised what... and who... she was talking about.

"Derek..." I said. "He held a grudge against me for sending him to jail... and I ended up killing him when he acted on it."

"Which in turn got you taken away from our children on and off for three months." Twilight replied. "And you're angry over one day away from them because of Trixie?"

She's got a point.

"You're right, Twi." I said. "I'm sorry."

I turned to face Trixie.

"She's right. It's not right to hold a grudge against somepony. So, if my lovely wife is willing to forgive you, I guess I can as well."

I held a hand out and Trixie shook it.

"Thank you." she said softly. "Isn't the Great and Apologetic Trixie the most magnificent and humble pony you have ever seen? However, Trixie thinks that she has outstayed her welcome, and must leave. But she has learned a lot from this whole mess, and promises to better herself in the eyes of others."

Twilight smiled and nodded as Trixie ran off. She tripped over a rock and fell on her face, but continued running as if nothing had happened. As Twilight and I stood there, Pinkie approached, still minus her mouth.

"Mmmmpppphhhhhh!" she yelled after Trixie.

"Let me fix that for you, Pinkie." Twilight laughed.

A quick flash, and Pinkie had her mouth back. She squealed in delight and hugged Twilight firmly.

"Thanks, Twilight!" she said. "Oh, it feels so good to be able to talk again! I enjoy charades, but having to use it to try and talk was no fun at all!"

She continued babbling as Princess Celestia approached. Twilight and I bowed to her.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on your performance, Twilight." she said. "And I would also like to know... who built that statue of Ace in town square?"

Pinkie gasped in shock.

"She didn't change Acey back?!" she yelled.

She produced a large hammer out of thin air and ran towards the statue. Twilight, Celestia and I followed her and arrived just as she brought the hammer down, shattering the stone and freeing Ace.

"Oh, my head." he groaned. "I feel like I just got stoned and hammered. What the heck happened?"

"That's a good question." Celestia replied.

"It's a long story." I said, as Spike and John arrived with Azure and Evening. "Hey, there's my two favourite kids!"

I picked them both up and cuddled them, much to their delight. Twilight giggled at my antics.

"Mama and Papa!"

Twilight and I froze.

"Did they just..." I asked, shocked.

"They did!" Twilight squealed. "Their first words!"

We then set the two of them down and began teaching them new words, just like any proud parents would do.

***

"Should we tell them that they've been speaking all day?" Spike asked, as he watched Geo and Twilight attempt to have a communication with their children.

John shook his head.

"No, let's not spoil the moment." he replied. "After all, they need something to take their minds off the day they've had."

Spike nodded, and the two of them watched in silence.

Author's Note

FUN FACT: This chapter is 36 pages long (using 14-point Verdana).

The next chapter will be another made up one, similar to Chapter Five. It will be set during Sleepless In Ponyville and focus on what John, Spike and Spark Plug were doing while their respective wife/marefriend was away camping.

Guys Night Out

CHAPTER SEVEN

Guys Night Out

"So I was thinking," John said to the stallion and dragon in front of him, "that since our respective special someponies are away camping, we should have a guy's night. You know, go out drinking, bowling, whatever. Have some fucking fun!"

"I like the sound of that." Spark Plug replied with an enthusiastic nod. "Count me in."

"Yeah," Spike added, "me too. What about you, Geo?"

Geo looked up from his two foals and shook his head.

"Sorry guys," he said before glaring at John, "but I really want to spend some time with these two. Maybe I'll teach them some words that don't begin with 'F' and have a 'K' at the end or in the middle."

"Ahh, lighten up man!" John snorted. "They're just foals, they won't pick up on that for a few years at least."

"Still," Geo replied, "I'd rather be safe than sorry. And Twilight would kill me if she knew I was letting you swear in front of them."

"Suit yourself," John waved a hand dismissively, "the three of us can have fun without you."

He grinned devilishly.

"And if we can find more guys, I know just where we can go..."

***

"Laser Tag?" Spike asked. "I remember seeing you play this before with Ace and Geo. But I thought that was just for the three of you, and not anypony else?"

"That's where you're wrong Spike," Ace said as he walked out of the arena, "it's been redesigned since we played. I have also developed equipment which can be used by our Equestrian friends."

Excited chatter bubbled up from the small group. John, Spark Plug and Spike had been joined on their night out by Doctor Haywick, Big Macintosh, Worthy Cause, Dusk Wind and Shining Armour.

"This will give me a chance to test the new gamemode I've been working on," Ace said proudly, "Team Deathmatch. And since there are eight of us, that means two teams of four. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, four teams of two."

"Two teams of four sounds fine by me." Spark said. The others nodded in agreement.

"Very well," Ace replied, "there will be two teams, red and blue. Captain Armour will lead the blue team and John will lead the red team. I'll sit this one out so I can oversee the match and note down any problems that might arise. That, and there is somepony whom I need to keep an eye on."

He grinned as the others rolled their eyes before motioning for them to follow him. The group trooped down the stairs, where the happy giggling of a foal could be heard. Ace walked over to the foal, who was a pink pegasus with a curly brown mane.

"How's Chocolate doing?" John asked of Ace who was rubbing his nose against his daughter's, much to her delight. "I'm guessing this is whom you have to keep an eye on."

"She's fine," he replied as he tickled her stomach, "thanks for asking. And she is. I can't exactly watch her if I'm straight up owning all you noobs. You know John, when are you and Applejack going to join the parenting club?"

John blushed and mumbled an incoherent response as Ace resumed playing with Chocolate.

"Daddy loves you Chocolate," he said in a baby voice, "yes he does, yes he does!" The foal responded by laughing loudly, and buzzing her tiny wings.

"I heard that you and Pinkie had a kid," Spark Plug asked, "but how come this is the first I've ever seen her?"

Ace finally ceased his tickle assault on the foal who yawned and immediately went back to sleep. A goofy smile spread across Ace's lips before his stern demeanour came back and he addressed the assorted men, stallions and dragon.

"Okay boys," he said, "let's get you geared up, and then I will explain the equipment and the rules."

***

Half an hour later, the group were in the middle of the arena. John, Spike, Spark Plug and Big Macintosh were on the red team while Shining Armour, Dusk Wind, Worthy Cause and Doctor Haywick were on the blue team.

"Two Royal Guards," John said with a smile, "versus the MI6 man and Big Mac. This will be a victory of legendary proportions!"

"Confidence won't get you anywhere John," Shining Armour said smugly, "but skill and determination will. We're both soldiers, so we know about using tactics. And I assure you that if I was wearing any, all my tactics would be up my sleeves."

John grinned as Ace's voice boomed out over the speakers.

"My Laser Tag game has evolved since I introduced it to Geo and John." he said, "Now unicorns, casting a spell through your horn that isn't Telekinesis will turn your spell into a harmless Laser Tag laser while that ring is on. You can still pick up and use weapons but if you want to use magic during the match, then this is how you can do it."

Each of the assorted unicorns touched the ring around their horn.

"As John already knows," Ace continued, "there are now weapons on the field, and we all start with pistols. If you find a new weapon, you can pick it up and attach it to one of the two weapon cables on your vest. John, could you demonstrate?"

John nodded.

"If you want to switch out a weapon then all you need to do is pull the cord out of the magazine, like so." he demonstrated on his weapon, "And pop the cord into the new weapon's outlet. The outlet is always on the magazine. Keep this in mind when switching out your weapons. That's pretty much it."

"Thank you John." Ace said, "Now since we're doing Team Battles, our lights will indicate what team we're on. Red lights are Red team, Blue lights are Blue team. If you die in the game, find a spawn point that corresponds to your team's colour. Now, does anypony have any questions?"

"No." came the response.

"Okay good. Get to your spawn points, the match will begin in thirty seconds. Good luck, and have fun!"

The two teams dashed to their respective spawn point. Once there, the team captains got them into a huddle.

***

"Stealth." John said flatly. "Stealth is the key to victory here. If they can't see you, then you have the upper hoof. So stay low, make use of cover, and we'll get those kills rolling in. Thankfully, we have a secret weapon in Spike here."

"Me?" Spike looked perplexed. "Why me?"

"Because you're the smallest one here." John grinned. "And I've seen the way you sneak around when you're trying to hide ice cream from Twilight. You're a natural born stealther."

Spike nodded.

"Okay," he said, "I'll do my best."

***

"Since John is a former spy," Shining Armour said, "I can only assume that he's going to use stealth tactics against us. But stealth will only get them so far. If we use stealth as well, then it will make their team complacent. And if they get complacent, then they'll become careless and start making mistakes."

"So," Worthy Cause said, "we're going to fight stealth with stealth?"

Shining Armour nodded.

"I think it's a good idea," Dusk Wind quickly saluted, "er, sir."

"There's no need for that Dusk," Shining replied, "we're both off duty, and this isn't a real battle."

"COMBAT START!" Ace yelled over the speakers.

"Okay gentlecolts," Shining said, "let's take them to school."

***

"First blood goes to Spike!"

Thirty seconds into the battle and Doctor Haywick had been the first casualty, shot by Spike as he attempted to move from one piece of cover to another.

"Blast," Haywick muttered as he moved back to the spawn point, "I'm more used to treating pain, not causing it."

"You'll get me next time." Spike said with a laugh before disappearing around a corner.

"Headshot!"

"I told you confidence wouldn't get you anywhere," Shining Armour taunted, "only skill and tactics! And right now, your tactics are letting you down!"

"It's rather hard to use stealth," John said flatly, "when the arena is lit up like a Hearth's Warming tree."

The sound of a shotgun blast tore through the air.

"Nice shot, Mac!" Dusk shouted, "You sure as hay got me!"

"Eeyup." Mac replied.

"Red team leads by two kills to one!" Ace's voice boomed. "Come on guys, there are plenty more weapons out there!"

"You mean like this one?" Worthy Cause chimed in, before releasing a volley of shots towards Spark Plug.

"Uh oh guys," Ace said in mock horror, "Worthy Cause has found the AK-47! That's Geo's favourite weapon right there!"

Another shot rang out, followed by John laughing triumphantly.

"It's my favourite weapon too!" he said. "Come to daddy!"

"Oh well," Worthy mused as he trotted to the spawn point, "it was fun while it lasted. Human technology is wonderful... and a little bit scary, if I'm honest."

"You guys are aware of the fact I've developed laser grenades as well, right?" Ace asked. "Somepony go and grab th—"

BOOM!

"You mean these things?" Dusk Wind yelled. "They're great, especially for taking out dragons!"

Spike muttered something incomprehensible as he trudged back to the red team spawn point. Dusk grinned and set off looking for his next victim.

"Headshot!" Ace yelled frantically.

"Wow Spark," Shining Armour said, "I'm impressed. I honestly didn't see you there."

"Well," Spark Plug replied, "spending time with Dash has made me conscious of how much noise I make. She hates it when I interrupt her training routines."

Big Macintosh chuckled.

"Well Doc," he said, "looks like y'all are gonna be the one who kills me. Ah hope yer ready fer it."

"Oh but I am, my dear Macintosh." Haywick replied.

BOOM!

"These grenades are also good for taking out large stallions as well as dragons, wouldn't you agree?"

Mac grinned.

"Eeyup." he said, and walked back to the spawn point.

***

The next two hours blazed by in a hail of gunfire, explosions and shouting. Eventually both teams conceded a draw and left the arena tired and panting, but closer together.

"That was fucking brilliant!" John said eagerly. "We've got to do this again some time. Hell, let's make a tournament out of it and invite the whole town to take part!"

"It still needs a bit more work before we're ready for that," Ace said, "but I'll bear it in mind. Thank you very much, gentlecolts, for testing out the new game mode. I need to make some adjustments, especially to those grenades."

"We're going to hit the bar now Ace," Spark Plug said, "make this a proper guy's night out. You coming?"

"I'd love to," Ace replied, "but I can't. Somepony needs to keep an eye on Chocolate, and Pinkie would kill me if I took her anywhere near a bar, unless it was made of her namesake that is."

The guys laughed and said their goodbyes to Ace before walking into Ponyville. Big Mac and Shining Armour both departed, the former saying he needed to work on the harvest the next day and couldn't do that while hungover, while the latter had guard duty.

John, Spike, Spark Plug, Worthy Cause, Dusk Wind and Doctor Haywick soon arrived at the bar. John ordered their drinks and then they all got a table in the corner.

"So guys," John said, "what do we talk about now?"

Silence fell as each one of them scratched the back of their head in thought. Eventually, Spike got an idea and snapped his fingers.

"Why don't we talk about mares?" he said. "We've all got one, so that's something we have in common."

"I'm game," John replied, "and it just so happens that two of our guests are dating Princesses. I've always wondered what that would be like... and now you two can tell us. Worthy, old chap, why don't you start off by telling us about the wonderful Princess Celestia?"

Worthy Cause took a swig of his drink and placed his forehooves on the table before letting out a contented sigh.

"What can I say?" he said. "Other than I still can't get over the fact that a Princess has returned my feelings towards her. Nor can I get over the fact that of all the stallions in Equestria, she chose me."

He looked at the others across the table.

"Did I ever tell you how it all came out?" he asked.

Everyone present shook their heads.

"Well as you all know, Geo served his house arrest at the castle. He and the Princesses were talking, and Celestia told him that I had been continually asking her to dinner. However, she refused because she thought I was just doing it to advance my career."

He let out a small chuckle.

"So imagine my surprise when one day she summons me to the castle for a meeting. She told me to explain myself, so I did. I told her that I wasn't asking her to dinner because I wanted to advance my career. I told her that I was doing it because I loved her. Next thing I know, she's kissing me."

Raucous male laughter filled the air as the others laughed.

"I love Celestia with all my heart," Worthy concluded, "and that's not about to change. Her caring heart and almost maternal approach to her subjects appeal to me. She's also funny and beautiful and calm yet commanding."

"That's great, Worthy." John said. "What about you Dusk? How did you and Luna hook up?"

Dusk Wind clopped his forehooves together nervously as his face turned a bright shade of red.

"I've spent a lot of my life in orphanages and children's homes," he said, "and most of my nights were spent looking at the sky. Once Princess Luna came back to us, she began decorating it like she had before she was banished. It was spectacular."

He sighed wistfully.

"I soon found myself gazing up at her night, admiring it for all it was worth. Beautiful, like her. As soon as I was able, I joined the Lunar guard. I was on duty one night when Luna herself approaches me and engages me in conversation. She brings her face closer to mine... and I just planted one on her."

The others took in a sharp intake of breath.

"I know it was stupid," Dusk said, "so I tried blaming alcohol. Luna summons me to her chambers a few days later and tells me that she knew I was lying because she didn't smell anything on me... nor did she taste anything. She asks me to tell her how I feel, so I do. That's when she tackled me to the ground and kissed me back."

"That's sweet," John said as he wiped an eye, "very sweet indeed. Now what about you Sparky? How did you and Dash get together?"

"Well," he replied, "I always did have a thing for her. You know, because she's so awesome. But I didn't think that she would feel the same way about me. Hell, if I'm honest, I didn't expect her to feel at all. You know how she is about that sort of stuff. But I digress. I had just finished locking up my store when she came up to me and asked me out. Needless to say I accepted and it was a wonderful night, made into a perfect night when she gave me a goodbye kiss on my doorstep."

His eyes misted over as he spoke. Wiping them with a hoof, he continued talking.

"Sure there are times when she snaps at me, but she always apologises afterwards. She's always there for me and I'm always there for her. Just like I was the other day..."

***

The bell above the shop jingled as the door opened. Rainbow Dash walked inside with a sullen look on her face. Underneath one of her wings, a small slip of paper peeked out from behind the feathers. She walked up to the counter as Spark Plug came through from the back room. He smiled when he saw his special somepony but when he saw the look on her face, his changed to match it.

"What's up Dash?" he asked as he gave her a peck on the nose. "You look like somepony has just told you that there aren't going to be any more Daring Doo books."

Dash let out a small chuckle.

"Don't say that," she said, "because that would suck. I've got an application form, but I'm too afraid to fill it in."

"Application form?" Spark parroted. "An application form for what?"

Dash removed the paper from her wing and placed it on the counter, pushing it under Spark's muzzle. He picked it up in his magical aura and looked at it. The familiar Wonderbolts logo was emblazoned across the top, along with the words 'ACADEMY APPLICATION FORM' in a large bold font.

"Oh wow," he said as he put it down, "this is quite good. But why are you so worried about filling it in?"

Dash hung her head.

"I dunno," she said, "I guess I'm just afraid that I'll make a foal out of myself. I know I put myself across as 'the best flier in Equestria', but what if I'm wrong? What if there's somepony out there who is better than me? What if the Wonderbolts think I'm just a cocky show off who isn't worthy to be a part of their team?"

Spark Plug sighed.

"I have seen what you are capable of," he told her firmly, "and they would be fools not to accept you. You have given everything to be as good as you are. And besides, can any of the Wonderbolts pull off a Sonic Rainboom on command?"

Dash giggled and shook her head.

"When you put it like that," she replied, "I guess you're right. But still, what if I'm not cut out to be a Wonderbolt? What if my future is just in weather management?"

Spark trotted out from behind the counter and walked over to Dash. He put a hoof under her chin and raised her head so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

"Listen to me Dash," he said, "I believe in you. Your friends believe in you. And after everything you've done for Equestria, I'm sure everypony else believes in you too. But the question is... do you believe in yourself?"

"I... I guess I do." she replied hesitantly.

Spark shook his head firmly.

"Not good enough." he replied. So I'll ask you again... do you believe in yourself?"

A steely determination flashed across Dash's face as she nodded.

"Yeah," she said firmly, "I do believe in myself. This is my dream, and I'm not gonna let anything stop me from chasing it!"

"That's what I want to hear!" Spark cheered and passed her a quill, "Now you're gonna fill that form in, and then you're gonna go to that Academy and show those ponies how it's done!"

Dash nodded feverishly as she began filling in the form. Once it was complete, she tucked it back under her wing.

"Okay, I'm going to the post office." she said. "Thanks for listening, Spark. And thanks for believing in me."

She gave him a loving kiss and left, once again leaving a smitten stallion in her wake.

***

"That was a few weeks ago," Spark said as he finished his story, "and she's yet to hear back from them. But as I said, they'd be fools not to accept her."

"Damn straight." John muttered. "That was a fine tale, Spark. It's good to know that we all care so much about our marefriends. Or wife, in my case. Now what about you, Doc? How did you end up with Fluttershy?"

Haywick looked surprised to have been placed on the spot, but he eventually composed himself and cleared his throat.

"As one of the Elements of Harmony," he began, "I always knew who she was. But in every one of the photos, she was hiding in the edges, too timid to be in the spotlight. She reminded me of me. When she was admitted to the hospital after a flying accident, I was assigned to care for her. We got talking, and I told her about my past. Of how I was bullied at school and the day I got my cutie mark. She told me that she too was bullied, and that the two of us were both caring individuals."

"You are." Spark said. "You're a doctor and she's a vet. Different patients, but same principles."

Haywick nodded.

"I spent a lot of time with her. We'd have lunch together, and I'd visit while I was off-duty. I realised on her last day in the hospital that I loved her. So I went to tell her, but she was asleep. I poured my heart out to her anyway and turned to leave."

He laughed.

"As I did so, she grabbed my leg. It turned out that she was pretending to be asleep and had actually heard every word I had said to her. So she kissed me, and I kissed her back."

"Yeah, she seemed really eager to do that when I stopped by." Spike interjected. "At least now I know the story behind it."

"You were there?" Haywick said. "Hmm, I never saw you. But yes, that's the story of how Fluttershy and I got together. And quite frankly, I'm damn proud of us. Sure, she can be a bit shy at times, but that just makes me love her more."

"So much sweetness," John said tearfully, "I can't take it. But we're not done yet. Spike, how about you and Rarity then?"

"There's not much to tell," Spike replied, "you all know that I've loved Rarity since I first laid eyes on her. Well one day I just swallowed my fears, went the Boutique and kissed her. I thought she was mad at me when she blocked me from leaving, when in fact she was angry that I was going to leave without letting her return the kiss."

"And given your age," John smirked, "there's no point in asking you for any more details."

Spike thought about this for a moment before the realisation hit him, causing his cheeks to turn red.

"Now what about you John?" Haywick said. "Shining Armour tells us that you used to be a spy. Is that true?"

"The question is," John replied, "how the hell did he find out? Then again, this is a small town. Secrets don't stay hidden for long. Either that or Pinkie Pie let it slip, since nopony was told to keep it a secret."

"So it's true then?" Haywick asked.

John nodded.

"Yes, I was a spy. I worked for MI6, which is the intelligence wing of the British government. I was assigned to a team which was responsible for finding out what Ace was up to. He had applied for permission to build something which people don't normally build, which was enough for the government to treat him as a potential security threat. We had been detecting small pockets of energy in various areas of the town I was living in, which were Ace's portals opening and closing because he hadn't stabilised them yet."

He sighed as he finished the sentence.

"One day my partner Mick and I were watching a location where an energy pocket had been detected. Nothing happened for a few hours, so we prepared to leave. That's when Geo turned up. We thought he was Ace's assistant sent to check on the results, so we stayed and watched him. Needless to say, we saw his scuffle with Derek. That was actually the first time I've seen someone getting shot. It wasn't pretty."

He grimaced but continued speaking.

"As he lay there on the ground, Derek got in his car and drove off. Suddenly, there was a flash of light underneath him and he was gone. A portal had opened right where he was lying. Mick and I looked on in amazement. But then a few minutes later, there was another flash of light and Geo was back. So Mick and I called an ambulance and left the area to report to our superiors."

John wiped his eyes with a napkin.

"I was given the task of gaining Geo's trust in the hope that he would tell me all he knew about Ace, since we still thought he worked for him. It turned out that he didn't, but he still told me about his time here in Equestria. When he got that necklace in the mail, I resolved to help him find a way back. As luck would have it, we met Ace and helped him build his stabiliser. Once we arrived in Equestria, I waited until later that evening before slipping out of Sweet Apple Acres and going back through the portal. I reported to my superiors what I had seen. Naturally, they didn't believe me so I gave them the address of Ace's lab and invited them to see for themselves. A few months later, the Prime Minister had deployed the army to the area and they went through the portal."

His hands began shaking as he related the story. The others could see the pain in his eyes.

"My mission was over, and so I revealed myself to Geo. Needless to say he wasn't happy about it and tried to hit me. But then he told me about how I had let down not only him, but everypony else as well. And I knew... that he was right. For the first time in my life I had proper friends... and I had just been using them for my own nefarious deeds. Geo gave me one chance to explain myself, and I did. I was forgiven, but I still wanted to prove myself. When Derek came back, I got my chance. Of course, this Derek would just happen to be my own brother."

The rest of the table gasped in shock.

"Yeah... that's what I was thinking," John continued, "that my own brother was responsible for me being sent to Equestria. It was because of him that I got my new life. So when he told Geo he was going to kill him, I stepped in. I knew that this would let me redeem myself for what I did to everypony. I took a beating to prove that I valued my friendship with Geo... who then killed Derek to save my life."

"That's quite a harrowing tale," Spark Plug said with a nervous cough, "but where does your relationship with Applejack fit in?"

"I always admired AJ," John said dreamily, "she was a good friend and a hard worker. Always willing to help you out. But I kept telling myself that she wouldn't love me. After all, she is the Element of Honesty, and I was a no-good lying toerag."

He let out a small chuckle.

"But Twilight reminded me that I used to be a spy. That everything I had said since the day I was forgiven had been the honest truth. So, I decided that I would act on my feelings for AJ. I helped her load some apple pies and then she gave me a cider in return. She told me that word around town was that I had a crush on somepony. I confirmed that this was true. When she asked me who it was, that was all I needed to hear. I planted one on her lips right then and there. At first she scared me by making me think she wasn't going to return my feelings. But she did."

"At Derek's funeral, I tried to imagine what it would be like if he was a different person. But AJ reminded me that if he was, he wouldn't have shot Geo... which means he wouldn't have been sent to Equestria, which in turn means I would never have been assigned to gain his trust."

"Which means you wouldn't have met her." Spike offered.

John nodded.

"Exactly." he replied. "So in a way, my brother being the way he was... it was a blessing in disguise. And ever since that day, I have been visiting his grave to thank him for it."

The table grew silent as the assorted males looked around. Eventually John slammed his fist on the table.

"I want to propose a toast," he said, "to our other halves. Without them, we're nothing. They complete us, and I for one am both grateful and lucky to have mine."

Everyone raised their glasses in the air and brought them together. A loud clink filled the air.

"To our other halves!" they chorused.

"I know this is supposed to be a guy's night out," John said, "but... I kinda wish AJ was here."

The others agreed with him, voicing how much they'd like to be in the company of their own special somepony.

"Oh, how sweet," a female voice suddenly squealed, "Ah never knew that y'all were capable of such feelings!"

Applejack's face appeared from behind a wall separating the two booths. Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Celestia and Luna sitting in the booth with her, and all six mares had smiles on their faces and tears staining their cheeks.

"The campin' was a nightmare," Applejack said, "so we came back here ta get some drinks down us. Fluttershy an' the Princesses were here ta pick up their own special someponies, but decided ta join us. We've been listenin' to ya talk for a few minutes now, and we've loved every word."

"Well," John said, "I meant it. All of it."

"Me too." Spark Plug said.

"And me." Worthy Cause added.

Dusk Wind nodded, Spike grinned and Haywick smiled meekly.

"Ah think Ah love ya more right now than Ah ever thought possible." Applejack said, her eyes glistening. "C'mere, you!"

She leapt off her chair and latched onto John's face. Each mare soon followed suit, and soon the air was filled with quiet moaning.

Each couple broke off and stared into each other's eyes. All at once, they spoke a single word.

"Home?"

They all grinned, and soon there was a rush for the exit.

Author's Note

Hooray for character development!* It's about time Lord Sabre's OC (Spark Plug) got some more dialogue.

Also, did you spot the reference I made to an old game during the Laser Tag scene?

Oh, and if you're confused at to who Chocolate Pie is, you'll need to wait until Crimson Star has finished with To Test Is Science!, since all will be revealed there in time.

* Please Note: Your idea of 'character development' may differ from mine.

A Matter Of Opinion (v1.1)

John stared back at the group of ponies in front of him, each of them giving him a look of disapproval. In the background, the Apple Family Reunion was in full swing. Music was playing, ponies were catching up, food was being consumed and foals were playing happily. Applejack stood by John's side.

"Now," she said, "y'all said in yer letters that ya got a problem with me bein' married ta John here. Well we're all gonna sit here and go through yer concerns... so that we can put 'em ta rest once and fer all. Mark mah words, everypony, that your opinion of mah husband here will change for the better by the end of this here reunion."

"And what if our opinions don't change?" one of the ponies asked, "What will you do then?"

Applejack glared at them.

"Then Ah won't consider ya ta be family any more." she said viciously, "Tha whole point of this here meetin' is ta get ya to realise that John ain't as bad as y'all are making him out as. Ah wouldn't have married him if'n Ah didn't care for him, and if none of you can see that what we have is real, then ya can buck off."

The assorted family members gasped at Applejack's outburst and opened their mouths to reply before John gave them a hard stare, causing them to back down.

"Here's how this is going to go down." he said coldly, "One by one you are going to tell me exactly what your fucking problem is, and then I'm going to destroy whatever arguments you put to me."

"Do ya want me ta stay sugarcube," Applejack asked, "or would ya rather do this yourself?"

John scratched her behind the ears and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, much to the visible disgust of her family.

"I'll be fine," he replied, "but you, on the other hand, are needed elsewhere. Granny Smith gave you a lot of work to do, and I know you don't like leaving things unfinished."

Applejack nodded.

"Alrighty then," she said, "Ah'll go see how Apple Bloom is doin' with her cousin Babs. Ah'll be back later."

She shot her family a contemptuous look and trotted away. John leaned back in his seat and crossed one leg over the other, his fingers making a pyramid shape.

"Right," he said, "the sooner we get this done the sooner you can go back to enjoying the reunion. We'll go in the order in which I read your letters. So Apple Seed, you're first. I believe you see me as some kind of mindless creature?"

Apple Seed nodded hesitantly.

"But now that I've met you in person," she replied, "I can see that you are anything but. So I apologise for my remarks."

"Well then," John said sarcastically, "it would seem that we're getting somewhere. But you're also worried about something else, aren't you?"

The mare shuddered at John's tone of voice before replying.

"Foals," she whispered, "I'm worried that you and Applejack won't be able to produce healthy foals."

John leaned forward and planted his elbows on the table.

"My friend Geo," he replied, "is married to Twilight Sparkle. He's a human just like me, and yet they've managed to produce not one, but two healthy unicorn foals. So if they can do it, what's stopping AJ and I from doing the same? Hell, we might even make triplets!"

"Twilight Sparkle is a unicorn," Apple Seed mumbled, "so she could have used her magic to—"

John slammed a fist into the table, causing everypony nearby to yelp in fright.

"Don't you even think about saying that Twilight used her magic to change how her children looked." he hissed, "You and I both know that level of magic is beyond even her. I've read books, Apple Seed, and I know that only alicorns are capable of doing such a thing. And I highly doubt that Celestia, Luna or Cadence would want to, as each of them cares about Twilight in her own way."

Apple Seed tried to reply but instead spluttered incoherently. John looked her in the eyes and grinned.

"Let me guess," he said flatly, "you knew this but assumed that I couldn't read, so therefore wouldn't know any of this information?"

Apple Seed nodded, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Then it would appear that your opinion of me is unfair," John said smugly, "wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm sorry." Apple Seed choked. "I just... I mean I... I have no words to explain how I acted. I can see now that you care a lot about Applejack. If you'll take it, I offer you my support."

John leaned back in the chair again and nodded.

"I accept your support." he grinned, "Now get out of here and enjoy the reunion, you daft mare."

Apple Seed took off as fast as her hooves would carry her as John turned his attention to the next pony.

"Braeburn." he said calmly, "I believe you actually gave Applejack and I your support but were worried about the rest of the family back in Appleoosa, correct?"

Braeburn nodded.

"If Ah can be honest," he said, "Ah was actually sent here ta keep tabs on ya an' make sure ya didn't do anythin' stupid. But just like Apple Seed, Ah can see that you an' AJ go together like apples and pastry. Ya have mah word that the folks back home will hear about how much of a good guy y'are."

John nodded.

"Thanks Braeburn," he replied with a genuine smile, "that means a lot to us. Now off you go and have fun. Come find me later and I'll get you a cider."

Braeburn rose from his seat before tipping his hat and walking away. He turned to the next pony in the queue.

"Red Gala," he said, "I believe that your problem stems from the fact you were unfortunate enough to meet my brother?"

Red Gala nodded.

"Well you're not the only one who has that problem." John snapped, "Because Aunt and Uncle Orange here also feel the same way you do. Isn't that right folks?"

The mare and stallion both nodded.

"So you think that because my brother had issues with violence, I am the same?" John asked, "You think that one of these days I'm just going to pull out a weapon and start killing my friends?"

The three ponies nodded, causing John to narrow his eyes and fold his arms as he glared at them.

"Well it seems only natural to fear something when you don't understand it." he said, "Derek was no exception. Up until he turned sixteen, he was actually a really nice guy. But then he fell in with a bad crowd who got him mixed up in all sorts of bad things. It started with mugging people on the street and slowly progressed to armed robbery and assault."

"When he was eighteen, he and a friend were in the middle of robbing a shop. The owner disappeared under the counter and came back up carrying a rifle. He blasted Derek's friend with it, causing him to run away. That incident changed him for the worst."

"He started having nightmares about that day, watching as his friend died before his very eyes. Those nightmares consumed his mind. I went into his room one night after he woke up screaming and he hit me, screaming that I was 'the bastard who killed Tom'. In other words, he thought I was that shopkeeper. When our father came in Derek tried to hit him too, again screaming about Tom."

"He then opened the window and climbed out. He was missing for three days before the police finally found him. He had gone back to that shop... and killed the owner in cold blood. He told the officers who arrested him that 'it was what Tom wanted'. The officers took this to mean that he was schizophrenic and had him committed to an asylum, where he stayed for seven years."

"He came out and tried to get his life back together, but failed. He couldn't get a job due to his convictions and mental history and fell back in with a gang. On the night he shot Geo he and his friends Frank, Hugh and Edward had just robbed another shop. But the event had brought back memories of that night. So when Geo shouted at Derek about his driving, that tipped him back over the edge and into the abyss."

Red Gala and both Oranges sat in horrified silence, their jaws hanging open slightly as John continued his story.

"Truth be told I never was much of a brother to him." he said, "I always teased him in one way or another and generally made his life hell. In a way that contributed to his mental state. I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Derek's mental health problems and acts of violence are not hereditary. They are the result of his life... and my actions. Ever since he died I have been visiting his grave to pay my respects and hope that one day he will be able to forgive me for how I acted."

The three ponies nodded in understanding.

"I had no idea." Red Gala said hesitantly, "It's easy to make assumptions on somepony just because of how somepony else acted. I can see in your eyes that you regret how you treated your brother, and that you do care for him deep down. Just as much as you care for Applejack."

John nodded.

"And I can assure you Oranges," he said, "that the only time I would raise my fists in anger is if AJ or my friends were in danger. I stood up to King Sombra for fuck sake, so I have no qualms about doing the same to anyone who would dare threaten us."

Aunt Orange smiled.

"You're a good man at heart," she said, "and you have shown me that I was wrong to judge you."

"As was I." Uncle Orange added, "We were worried about AJ being married to a vicious brute... whereas you are anything but. Can you forgive us for our misguided opinions, and accept our support?"

Both Oranges and Red Gala looked at John pleadingly. He smiled broadly and nodded.

"Of course I can." he said with a laugh, "Now get on out there and make some memories, damn it!"

The three ponies waved as they trotted away, leaving just a single stallion at the table. John wiped his brow as he addressed him.

"So Caramel Apple," he said, "you disapprove of AJ and I being together because it doesn't fit in with your traditionalist values?"

Caramel nodded.

"When I say 'traditionalist'," he replied, "I meant in the sense of you not being a pony. However looking at you now I can see that that doesn't matter. Love is also traditional, and I can see that you and AJ are practically full of the stuff. If there were any Changelings here they'd be ready to burst by now!"

John looked at him blankly.

"So that's it?" he asked, "You're going to change your mind just like that? Whatever happened to 'surprise me at the reunion'?"

"You did," Caramel chuckled, "because nopony has ever managed to get stubborn Aunt and Uncle Orange to change their minds about something before."

With those words he got up from the table and left, laughing merrily as he went and leaving behind a very bemused John.

***

"So Apple Bloom," John asked, "how are you enjoying the reunion so far? It's a load of fun, right?"

"Ah wouldn't know," Apple Bloom snapped, "because Ah ain't had a chance ta enjoy it! Applejack keeps tellin' me ta do all sorts of things, when all Ah want ta do is talk with mah cousin!"

Apple Bloom indicated the filly standing next to her. She looked up at John and smiled sheepishly.

"Well," he said, "it's good to see that you and Babs are getting along at least, even if you haven't had a chance to talk. And now that you mention her... where is AJ anyway?"

"Ah don't know," Apple Bloom replied, "but as long as Ah get some peace an' quiet, she can stay there! If Ah have ta eat one more apple fritter or run another race, Ah'll scream!"

John stifled a laugh.

"Come on Babs!" Apple Bloom said, "Let's get outta here before Applejack finds us!"

The two of them waved to John and ran off. He looked around the farm, occasionally catching the eye of a family member who would grin and wave cheerfully at him.

Glad to see that the family have finally accepted me.

A shrill scream suddenly cut through the air. John let out a small chuckle as he glanced in the direction Apple Bloom and Babs had run off in.

"Looks like AJ found them after all," he said to himself, "I'd better go and see if I can't get them out of... is that a dust cloud?"

He squinted his eyes and looked towards the horizon where a large cloud of dust was rising from the dirt trail leading to the farm.

As he watched, a cart full of ponies came over the hill. The occupants, as well as the ponies pulling it, suddenly jumped off as a multi-coloured swarm of bats followed behind. The cart careened over the hill and fell victim to gravity as it fell, crashing into the barn at a high rate of speed. A loud creak filled the air and the bats flew away, before the barn collapsed into a cloud of dust.

"Fucking hell!" John shouted, "Way to jinx us, Dash!"

He sprinted over to the ruined barn, where he was met by a tearful Applejack. She ran over to him and wrapped herself around his waist before nuzzling his legs.

"Ah've ruined everything." she muttered, "The reunion is a disaster because Ah didn't think it through properly. An' now the barn is ruined... dangit Rainbow!"

"Funny," John replied, "I thought the same thing about Dash. And you haven't ruined the reunion AJ. You just got excited in the heat of the moment and made a couple of silly mistakes. Nopony is going to hold it against you."

Applejack looked up at him, her green eyes puffy and red.

"You're right darlin'," she said, "Ah shouldn't beat mahself up about this. But the fact remains mah actions got the barn destroyed."

Applejack looked over the crowd which had gathered around the rubble. Removing her hat she addressed them in a sombre tone.

"Ah'm sorry everypony." she said, "Ah honestly thought that Ah was makin' this the best reunion ever. But all Ah did was ruin Granny's quilt, make everypony eat too many fritters and tire out the kids."

She placed her hat back on her head as a small smile came to her lips. John looked at her worriedly.

"But Ah have an idea of how Ah might salvage this. But... Ah'll need your help. So can Ah count on mah family ta give me their support one more time?"

Everyone nodded.

"Yee-hoo!" Applejack cheered. "Then come on everypony, let's have us a good ol' fashioned barn-raisin'!"

The family immediately began gathering the ruined wood while Applejack began singing a jaunty song.

The song finished with Apple Bloom shouting "Yeah!". The assorted family then broke into applause.

"Thank ya very much everypony," Applejack said tearfully, "Ah couldn't have done it without ya! And who knew mah wonderful husband had such a lovely speaking voice?"

John laughed nervously.

"Don't tell the guys," he said, "I kinda made a bet with them that I wouldn't be caught singing."

Applejack looked over his shoulder and stifled a giggle.

"Sorry darlin'," she said, "but Ah think they might know by now."

John looked behind him. Upon seeing what Applejack was looking at, he let out a loud groan.

"Ace and his fucking BIRDS..." he muttered.

***

"Thanks fer comin'! See ya next year!"

"Bye!"

As the last carriage left, Applejack slumped her shoulders while John cracked his knuckles.

"Hoo-whee!" Applejack said, "What a day that was! But at least the family have come ta accept ya."

John smiled and the two of them went upstairs. As they got into bed, John nudged Applejack gently.

"Can you wake me up when you do?" he asked.

"Uh sure..." Applejack raised an eyebrow, "... but why?"

John grinned.

"I'm going BIRD hunting..."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment before laughing out loud and settling down for the night, wrapped in each other's loving embrace. Before she fell asleep, a single thought crossed Applejack's mind.

Ah knew he'd win 'em round...

Author's Note

And so John becomes the third human to sing a song, thus completing that 'set' I mentioned in the previous chapter.

Also, double update! :pinkiegasp: I bet you weren't expecting that!

Services Rendered

CHAPTER TEN

Services Rendered

John groaned as he flung himself onto the couch, burying himself into a pile of cushions. Applejack jumped up with him and lay on his chest, gently pressing her face next to his. They looked at each other wistfully and smiled.

"What a day, eh hon?" John asked as he put an arm around Applejack's neck. She nodded and allowed him to scratch her behind the ears.

"Ain't that the truth." she replied, "Ah'm just glad that all of this Spike business is over."

"Remind me to tell him that his first hard cider is on me," John said, "as a thank you for saving your life."

Applejack giggled before looking into John's eyes. She stared at him for a moment before biting her lower lip and letting out a sigh.

"Something on your mind AJ?" John said as he cocked his head.

"Havin' Spike try ta help us out," Applejack replied, "but only ta fail miserably... it got me thinkin' about what our lives would be like if'n we had foals."

"I assume you think that because foals would be making lots of noise and mess as well?" John offered.

Applejack chuckled.

"Ah know it was sometimes irritating havin' Spike here," she replied, "but at the same time it was kinda nice. Twilight is always tellin' me an' the girls about what Azure and Evening get up to, and Pinkie is regaling us with stories about little Chocolate."

She sighed.

"Ah just feel like Ah'm missing out on all the fun of motherhood," she muttered, "that mah life just ain't complete. Sure Ah've got you, Mac, Granny Smith, Apple Bloom and all mah friends, but Ah just can't shake the feelin' that I need more."

John leaned forward and planted a kiss on Applejack's lips. The two of them stayed like that for a moment before he leaned back.

"If you want kids," he said gently, "then who am I to deny you that? I think you'd make a great mum."

Applejack smiled as a small tint of red appeared on her cheeks.

"I also think that I'd make a great dad," John continued, "because I sure as hell wasn't the best brother."

Applejack's smile and blush faded as she sighed.

"Are ya still beatin' yourself up over that?" she said, "Ah know ya hate yerself fer how ya treated him, but you've gotta know that it ain't all your fault. Ya told me yerself that there were other things that made Derek who he was, such as yer parents always seeming to look down on him, an' being bullied. Then he joined a gang and it all went straight to Tartarus."

"I know," John replied, "but I still feel I could have been better towards him. Which is why if we have kids, I'm gonna be the best damn father I can be. I'll play games, help them out and do all the things I should have done with Derek... instead of doing crap like putting spiders in his sandwiches."

Applejack's smile returned, smaller than before.

"In several years," she said, "you an' Derek will be reunited in the afterlife. Y'all remember that dream Ah told you about?"

"The one with your parents?" John replied, "Yeah I do. So basically I'll get another chance to be a good brother when I die?"

Applejack nodded.

"An' Ah think Derek will be more than happy to forgive you," she said, "especially considerin' how often ya go to his grave and apologise for everythin' ya done."

John developed a smile of his own.

"You're right," he said, "I will see him again. Hopefully he will forgive me, and then we can spend the rest of our lives together as proper brothers."

"That's the spirit." Applejack said as she kissed his cheek, "You've done enough to redeem yourself. Only time will tell if it was enough. But in the meantime, we're still talkin' about kids. So if ya don't mind, can we carry on?"

John looked at her blankly.

"What is there to discuss?" he asked, "We both want kids, so since we're both on the couch why don't we just make some now?"

He grinned wickedly as Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Ah meant we need ta talk about the possible... side-effects of us havin' kids," she said, "an' Ah think you know what Ah mean."

John's grin vanished, replaced with a frown.

"Don't tell me you actually buy that crap your family was spouting about a hybrid?" he snarled, "We've already established that it won't happen, thanks to Duke and Duchess Sparkle. And even Doctor Haywick has said that the chances of a hybrid being born without magical interference are extremely low."

Applejack pinned her ears to her head sheepishly.

"Ah'm sorry," she said, "Ah know Ah shouldn't believe them. But so many of them said it, so Ah just thought there might be a chance of a hybrid. But if Haywick says it won't happen, then Ah believe him. After all, he knows a damn sight more about this sort of thing than Ah could ever hope to imagine."

John wrapped his arms around Applejack's midsection and squeezed her gently, eliciting a squeak and a giggle, as well as bringing her ears back to their normal positions.

"I can picture it now," John said as he held her close, "you and me sitting on the porch while our children play in the sunshine with Azure, Evening and Chocolate... as well as any other foals that might appear, courtesy of our other friends."

Applejack chuckled.

"Part of me thinks Rainbow Dash won't appreciate gettin' pregnant while she's tryin' out for the Wonderbolts." she said, "Though Ah can see Fluttershy takin' ta motherhood like a duck to water."

"It's just a shame that Rarity and Spike can't join the fun." John mused, "I'm no expert, but I think I can safely say that dragon and pony DNA is one hundred percent incompatible."

Applejack shrugged.

"Ah'm sure they could adopt." she said, "After all, Ah'm sure there are some foals out there who would love the idea of havin' a dragon as a father. And Rarity would be a good mother too, given how she is around Sweetie Belle."

"But they're sisters." John said.

"Yeah," Applejack replied, "but how often do ya see their parents? Ah tell you that Rarity is the one raisin' that filly, and she's doin' a damn fine job at it as well."

John scratched his chin.

"Come to think of it," he said, "I don't think I've ever met their parents. Hell, I've never even met Twilight's or Pinkie Pies."

"An' mah parents are long since dead." Applejack deadpanned.

John winced and squeezed Applejack tighter.

"And I'm sure they'd be proud to call you their daughter," he said, "and remember you can see them any time you want. I'm sure Luna would be more than happy to send you on a visit."

Applejack nodded meekly.

"Yeah," she said before changing the subject, "but enough about that. We're supposed to be talkin' about kids."

"I thought we'd agreed to have some?" John replied, "We both agree that we'd make fine parents. You'd make a proud mum alongside Twilight and Pinkie, and I wouldn't have Geo and Ace constantly asking me when I'm gonna join the Daddy Club."

"So is that a 'yes'?" Applejack asked, "Are ya sure ya want this?"

John responded by getting up from the couch, still holding Applejack around the waist. He planted a deep passionate kiss on her lips and looked into her eyes.

"I like to think this tugging sensation I'm getting is the answer you need," he said with a grin, "so allow me to share it with you."

Before Applejack could respond, John was already half-way up the stairs to their bedroom.

***

"My poor little Spikey-Wikey," Rarity cooed, "you've had such a busy day today, so I insist that you lie down and get some rest."

"I'm fine Rarity, honest." Spike replied, "I've had busier days than this when I've helped Twilight with studying, or re-shelving, or cooking, or cleaning, or—"

Rarity quickly placed a hoof to Spike's lips, silencing him. He looked up at her sheepishly and she smiled back.

"I'm just glad that you're okay," she said, "and I must say that standing up to that brute of a Timberwolf was the bravest thing I've seen anypony ever do. Even braver than when Fluttershy stood up to that dragon!"

"Aw come on," Spike chuckled, "I think a dragon is more dangerous than a Timberwolf. After all, we can breathe fire."

"Now now darling," Rarity replied, "accept the compliment. Don't be so modest. You done a wonderful thing today by saving Applejack. And just so you're aware, I overheard John saying to Geo that he will be thanking you somehow. So be prepared for anything."

"Thanks for the warning," Spike said, "because you can never be too careful where John is concerned."

Rarity smiled and nuzzled Spike's cheek for a moment before kissing him gently. Spike held a claw to the area in awe.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"For saving my friend of course." Rarity replied, "In fact, for saving all of us. If you hadn't have thrown that stone, who knows what would have happened?"

"If I hadn't have done anything," Spike said, "I'm sure Geo would have tried taking on that wolf. After all, he took care of the three original wolves by himself. I never thought I would see a Timberwolf fly, but today has been a strange day..."

"He was only protecting Twilight." Rarity said, "You and I both know how serious those two are. Neither of them can stand the thought of life without the other, and Geo for one is more than willing to protect the life they've built together. Rainbow Dash was telling me how he stood up to King Sombra, so I hardly suspect that an angry Timberwolf would be a problem for him."

The two of them sat in silence for a moment before Spike rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"You do know that I'll do anything to protect what we have, right?" he asked timidly, "I can't bear the thought of anything bad happening to you."

"I do," she replied, "for I feel the same way. You are my perfect little gentledrake, and anypony who wishes to ruin what we have together... well, they'll have to go through me first."

Spike grinned.

"I'm so lucky to have you." he mused, "I'm so glad I took the initiative in declaring my feelings."

"As am I." Rarity replied, "I know how some ponies may disapprove of our relationship, but you and I both know there are things the other couples do that we can't. At least, not yet."

"Yeah," Spike said, "it's not like we're doing anything illegal. Besides, dragons mature a lot faster than everypony thinks. I'm getting taller by the day, and my wings will be coming in soon."

"And when that day comes," Rarity cooed, "we can take ourselves to the next level. But until then, I am more than happy for us to partake in our daily lives together."

Spike took one of Rarity's forehooves in a claw and kissed it.

"I don't mind waiting," he whispered, "just as long as I get to wait with you."

He kissed Rarity's hoof again, eliciting a giggle from her.

"If John was here," she said, "you just know that he would be making all manner of dirty jokes."

"Yeah, he would be." Spike replied, "But thankfully he isn't, as he and AJ are no doubt working out a few things back at the farm."

I can only imagine what that implies. Rarity thought.

"I'm getting kinda sleepy now," Spike said as he walked towards the door, "so I'm gonna head back to the library."

"There is no need," Rarity rushed in front of him and blocked his path, "because apparently she's received a letter from Princess Celestia which has gotten her all worked up. So I said that you could stay here tonight, so she didn't keep you awake. You know what she's like when she gets like this."

"Yeah," Spike muttered, "I do. But at least Geo is there to keep her sane. Though I can't help but wonder why the letter wasn't sent through me. Whatever it is it's either private, or important."

"I'm sure she'll tell us all about it if it turns out to be the latter," Rarity replied as she stifled a yawn, "now come along darling. The hour is late and the day starts early."

"All right," Spike replied as he followed Rarity upstairs, "I'll take the spare bedroom."

"You will do no such thing." Rarity said indignantly, "As I said before, there is nothing wrong with our relationship, which in turn means there is nothing wrong with us sharing a bed. After all, we're not going to be doing anything we shouldn't."

With those words the two of them went into Rarity's bedroom, closing the door softly behind them.

***

"So Princess Celestia wants you and the girls to meet her tomorrow at the park?" I asked. "Did she at least say why?"

I lay in bed, my eyes firmly fixed on Twilight as she continued pacing around the room with a thoughtful look on her face.

"No," she replied, "she didn't say why. But it must be important for her of she sent her message directly to me instead of through Spike like she usually does."

I shrugged.

"Well I guess we'll find out what she wants tomorrow." I said, "In the meantime, I want to get some sleep. Today has been a bit hectic, and my arms are sore from flinging those stupid Timberwolves around earlier."

Twilight stopped pacing and looked at me. I patted the bed and she smiled before climbing in next to me, pulling the blanket over us. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"You're right," she said, "today has been hectic. And I guess we will find out tomorrow what Princess Celestia wants."

"Yes," I replied, "now stop worrying about it and let's get some sleep. Today has been chaotic enough without me having to worry about you worrying."

Twilight giggled.

"At least things can't get any more chaotic, right?" she said.

"Right." I said.

No more words were said as we both drifted off to sleep.

Author's Note

I'm sorry that this is such a short chapter. I hope you liked it, because it was hard to write.

Keep Calm And Flutter On

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Keep Calm And Flutter On

In a field outside of Ponyville, I sat on the grass and watched as Twilight paced around. Princess Celestia had asked to meet us there, along with the other Elements of Harmony and Spike. Ace was with me as well but John, Applejack and Fluttershy were noticeably absent from the proceedings.

"It's not like Princess Celestia to be late..." Twilight muttered, "... I wonder what's keeping her?"

"I hope she gets here soon," Pinkie chirped, "because I got my hooves shined for this very occasion!"

She held up a forehoof, nearly blinding everyone with the level of sunlight being reflected from it. She giggled as she watched us shield our eyes from the angry glare before mercifully putting her hoof back down on the ground.

"On another note," Twilight said, "where are Fluttershy, John and Applejack? They were supposed to be here as well."

"There is an animal problem at the farm," Rarity explained, "and Fluttershy has gone to assist John and Applejack. The three of them should be along momentarily."

Twilight nodded.

"You know," I piped up, "her lateness could be attributed to a visitor. I know she's been very busy with them lately, as Worthy Cause has told me he's not seen Celestia for a while."

"A visitor, hmm?" Rarity said, "That sounds plausible. But I wonder who it could be? No doubt it is somepony important."

Before any of us could join Rarity in her speculation, Spike gasped.

"Maybe," he stuttered, "m-maybe the visitor has a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail!"

"Yeah right." Twilight scoffed, "You do realise that you just described Discord, right?"

"Now why in the wide-wide world of Equestria," Rarity chimed, "would Princess Celestia bring along someone like that?"

Spike pointed at something in the distance.

"M-m-maybe you should ask...HER!" he stammered.

We all turned round to see Princess Celestia approaching in a pegasi-drawn carriage. Another carriage flying alongside had a statue in the back. The statue was unlike anything I had ever seen before, with a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail just like Spike had said. I realised that this was Discord.

The carriages landed and Princess Celestia stepped out and approached us, though Twilight met her half-way.

"Princess Celestia," she said, "might I be so bold as to ask you... WHY THE HECK HAVE YOU BROUGHT DISCORD HERE?!"

She flinched at her sudden outburst and giggled sheepishly while Celestia simply smiled.

"I'm with Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, "though I think she could have asked you that in a calmer manner."

Rarity opened her mouth to speak, only to close it when Princess Celestia raised a hoof into the air.

"I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here," she said, "he created serious havoc."

"If by 'serious havoc'," Dash muttered, "you mean 'turning Ponyville into the chaos capital of the world', then yeah. It was serious."

"Not only that," Rarity added, "he tricked us all into being the opposite of our true selves!"

"And he made yummy delicious chocolate milk rain all over the place without a single dollop of whipped cream to go with it anywhere in sight!" Pinkie Pie squealed, "NOT A SINGLE DOLLOP!"

Celestia looked back at the statue, its face contorted into a look of either shock or pain. Though it was probably both.

"I have a use for Discord's magic," she said, "but only if it can be harnessed to do good instead of evil. That is why I am entrusting his rehabilitation to you and your friends, my dear student."

She presented the box with the Elements of Harmony inside and smiled warmly, though Twilight's sceptical look remained fixed.

"I guess we could try..." she said hesitantly, "... and if he does get up to his old tricks, we can simply reseal him in stone again."

"Oh that reminds me," Celestia said, "the Elements have been enchanted so that they are immune to Discord's tampering. I felt that this was necessary, after what happened the last time."

Twilight and the rest of the girls shuddered. Celestia looked around the field for a moment before she raised an eyebrow.

"I was hoping that Fluttershy would know how best to get started with Discord's rehabilitation," she said, "but she doesn't appear to be here, and neither is Applejack. Whatever could they be doing?"

***

John stood ankle deep in water as Applejack glared angrily at a beaver sitting on a dam with a smug expression on its face. The damn had caused a stream to back up, drenching the orchard in a giant pool of water. It finished chattering angrily to Fluttershy, who then smiled and turned to Applejack.

"He says he will take down the dam," she translated, "but only once you apologise for calling him a 'nuisance'."

She turned to John.

"And he wants you to apologise for trying to kick him."

"Apologise?!" Applejack snapped, "Why, he's lucky I didn't call him a varmint instead!"

"And," John added, "he's also lucky that I don't have feet like Bob!"

The beaver responded with more angry chattering.

"Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth!" Fluttershy gasped, "Such language!"

Applejack and John exchanged a contemptuous look with each other before they both groaned.

"All right," John said, "I'm sorry I tried to kick you."

"An Ah'm sorry I called ya a nuisance." Applejack added, "Now if'n ya would be so kind as ta remove the dam, we can get to this meetin' with Twilight we're supposed ta be at."

The beaver responded by sticking out its tongue and blowing a raspberry at them. John raised an arm, but Fluttershy shook her head furiously. John muttered to himself as he elected to fold his arms and stare daggers at the beaver.

The beaver seemed unphased by John's staring and walked along the dam. It stopped at a small twig sticking out of the structure and gave it a gentle tug. The stick came out and the entire dam fell apart, releasing torrents of water back into the stream.

"Thank ya kindly Fluttershy," Applejack said with a tip of her hat, "Ah don't know what I woulda done without you."

Fluttershy smiled politely as Rainbow Dash suddenly swooped down from the sky above. She landed next to her friends and gave them all a disapproving stare.

"You're supposed to be with Twilight!" she scolded, "Why are you all just standing here doing nothing? Come on you slackers, we've gotta go! Something big is happening, and the Elements of Harmony are needed!"

She took off in the direction she came from, closely followed by her friends, each of whom was pondering the nature of her words.

***

"Oh, I don't think I'm ready for this your Highness." Fluttershy squeaked, "B-but I can certainly try to reform Discord."

"I have every faith in you Fluttershy." Celestia replied, "Because I know that if anypony can reform the Lord of Chaos, it's you."

Fluttershy squeaked and blushed.

"Okay Princess," she said, "if you think I can do it, then I will."

Celestia smiled and returned to her carriage.

"Good luck girls," she said, "and remember that should Discord refuse to co-operate, or if he causes trouble like he did the last time, then you have my permission to reseal him in stone. But I have faith that it won't come to that."

With those words she and her escort took off for Canterlot, while Twilight and the girls formed a circle around the statue. Ace, John and I stood back and watched.

"Okay girls," Twilight said, "let's do this."

The others nodded and soon the Elements they wore lit up. The guys and I shielded our eyes from a bright flash of light. We heard a slight humming noise, and then a loud crack...

... followed by bellowing laughter. We uncovered our eyes to see that the statue was no more, and Discord was standing in the middle of the Elements.

"Oh it feels so good to be out of that infernal prison!" he said happily, "Thank you for finally releasing me."

A nearby beaver caught his attention and he grinned. With just a snap of his fingers, the beaver had developed a six-pack and arms as thick as the trees it was bringing down earlier.

"Oh sweet!" John said as he ran over to it, "This beaver is buff!"

Without warning, the beaver grabbed his leg and threw him across the field, sending him crashing into Ace.

"Ow!" Ace groaned, "Dammit John, you should know better than to approach chaotically enhanced animals!"

"Sorry Ace," John replied, "I just got caught up in the moment."

Their conversation attracted the attention of Discord, who approached them with a small grin on his face.

"Humans?" he said, "My, my. It has been a while since I last saw your kind in Equestria. Tell me, is your species still the grievously savage child-race I remember it as?"

Ace and John shrugged.

"We're not from Equestria," Ace replied as he and John stood up, "we're actually from another universe."

"I see," Discord said, "how interesting. Well Ace and John, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Uhh, likewise I guess." John replied as he nervously shook Discord's outstretched claw.

"You guys all right?" I asked, causing Discord to turn around. His eyes locked on with mine and his grin increased in width. It made me nervous, and intensified when he approached me and laid a hand around my shoulders.

"And you must be Geo." he said cheerfully, "I must say that I have been wanting to meet you for a long time now."

"You have?" I asked, somewhat hesitantly. The fact that Discord somehow knew of my existence was rather off-putting. He nodded feverishly and pointed at Twilight.

"It's thanks to your other half there that I know of you." he explained, "You see, when you ended up back in your own world, she thought you were dead. So she found a spell which allowed her to talk to spirits, in the hope that she would get closure. She got me instead, and I took great delight in telling her where you were."

I looked at Twilight for confirmation on what Discord was saying and she nodded. I smiled, both thankful for, and amazed at, what she had gone through while I was away.

Discord walked away from me and began circling Fluttershy, who looked at him nervously.

"You may not have been aware of this," he said, "but during my imprisonment I could still hear all that was going on around me. So needless to say, I find the very idea that I can be 'reformed'" — he made air quotes with his fingers — "laughable."

***

Sitting in a café in Ponyville, a unicorn mare felt a shiver run through her cerulean coat and up her spine. Her sun yellow mane quivered with her.

"Are you all right Summer Breeze?" the waiter asked.

"Uh yeah," Summer Breeze replied, "I just got this really weird feeling that I was right about something..."

The waiter shrugged and walked away, leaving the mare to her lunch as she shook off the feelings which clouded her.

***

Discord picked up Fluttershy and held her up to his face.

"Celestia seriously thinks that you can reform me?" he spat, "Then she is more deluded than I thought."

Fluttershy narrowed her eyes.

"You'd best watch your step buster," she said sternly, "or I'll give you the Stare!"

"The Stare?" Discord sounded shocked, "Oh no, please, not that! Anything but your disapproving eyeballs!"

He burst out laughing while Fluttershy continued starting at him.

"Oh no! No no no, stop! No, no!" he made a series of choking noises, "I can't! Stop! I can't take it any more! I'll do whatever you say! Because..."

He laughed even harder as he held Fluttershy closer, giving her a noogie before putting her on the ground.

"You are hilarious!" he chuckled, "Did you really think that I would be affected by that? Do I look a woodland creature to you?"

Fluttershy was stunned and mumbled to herself about the whole thing being a bad idea. Seeing this, Twilight stomped a hoof into the ground and snorted.

"Listen up Discord," she snarled, "you have two choices here. Either behave, or go back to being a statue. Your call."

"Fine," Discord pouted, "you win. I'll be on my best behaviour."

With another snap of his fingers the squirrels and beavers were no longer muscular. John went to grab the beaver who had thrown him across the field, but I managed to stop him and we stood around and watched Discord and the Elements continue their conversation.

"I'm guessing I will be confined to living with Fluttershy while you waste your time trying to reform me?" he asked.

Fluttershy nodded, a small smile clearly present on her face. Discord groaned and pointed towards Ponyville.

"Okay," he muttered, "lead the way."

***

Discord lounged on a sofa while Fluttershy ran around tidying up. Her rabbit Angel was sitting on the floor near Discord, and had a very angry expression on his little face. It was apparent that the Lord of Chaos had taken the rabbit's favourite seat.

The rest of the Elements were also eyeing Discord warily, each of them looking ready to pounce on him if even the slightest thing went wrong.

"I'm sorry about the mess," Fluttershy whined, "but I'll do my best to keep you comfortable. Make yourself at home in the meantime."

"Don't worry about it, dear Fluttershy." Discord replied, "Mess is a form of chaos, after all."

He stretched himself out on the couch, breaking a nearby lamp in the process. Fluttershy gasped.

"Oopsie." Discord chuckled.

He snapped his fingers and fixed the lamp. But instead of what it looked like before, it now looked like him. It was holding the lightbulb in one hand and was even wearing the lampshade as a makeshift skirt.

"It's a Discord original," he said proudly, "and as such is infinitely better than what it was before."

"Remember Discord," Twilight said, "you had better watch yourself, or it's back to an eternity in stone."

"I'm shocked Twilight, I really am." Discord replied, "Look at me. Do you really think I can do any harm like this?"

We looked at him and saw that he had shrunk himself down to the size of a rabbit. Angel grinned and hopped up on the couch next to him. Suddenly, Discord was back to his normal size — and Angel was now an indentation in the wall.

I suppressed a laugh at seeing the rabbit suffering. I like animals, but Angel is the exception. In my opinion he's just a conniving little bastard who doesn't deserve the love and attention that Fluttershy lavishes upon him.

"Until we see otherwise," Twilight snapped, "we're not believing a word you say. Come on everyone, let's leave Fluttershy to it."

The girls went to leave, but stopped when they saw that Ace, John and I weren't following them.

"Uhh, guys?" Twilight asked, "What are you doing?"

"I don't know about Ace or John," I replied, "but I'm staying here to help Fluttershy."

"Me too." Ace and John said together.

The girls gasped, Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie's being the loudest.

"What?" Applejack snapped, "How can y'all believe that Discord can be reformed? Ya don't know him like we do!"

"I believe in second chances." John replied, "Geo, Ace and I have all experienced them first-hand, so if there is a chance that a villain like Discord—"

"Villain?" Discord interrupted, "I wouldn't call myself a villain. Chaos is a part of life, and I provide chaos. So I would be inclined to refer to myself as a public servant."

John rolled his eyes and continued speaking.

"If there is a chance that a villain like Discord can be reformed, then who am I to say otherwise? You all gave me a second chance when you found out I'd been lying to you all."

"I agree with John." Ace added, "You all know what kind of life I had before I came to Equestria. I was brought up by gangsters. So when I came here I got a second chance to enjoy a life of peace... but then the Diamond Dogs had to ruin it. But I still got a second chance nonetheless."

"And I nearly died." I finished, "If that's not a second chance, then I don't know what it is."

Our respective wives narrowed their eyes at us.

"Fine," Applejack muttered, "but don't come runnin' ta us when he turns y'all into cotton candy or somethin'."

"As fun as that sound," Discord said, "I've found to my dismay that humans are immune to my powers. Speaking from experience, they don't need me to make their lives chaotic... as they are more than capable of doing it themselves."

Applejack snorted and left the house, followed by the others. Fluttershy saw them to the door.

"Please tell me you have a plan Fluttershy," Twilight said desperately, "and that you know what you're doing."

Fluttershy nodded.

"I believe that the key to reforming Discord is to become his friend." she replied, "So that's what I'm going to do."

Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Okay," she said, "I trust your judgement. But we'll keep our Elements on just in case they are needed."

Fluttershy nodded and waved goodbye to her friends. They left, our wives shooting us another glare, and Fluttershy closed the door.

***

"You do realise," Rainbow Dash said, "that we'll need a backup plan for if, and when, Fluttershy's idea falls on its flank? No disrespect to her, but I seriously doubt that anypony can befriend Discord."

Twilight nodded.

"I think I've got just the thing." she replied, "Let's go the library, because we've got some reading to do."

The five of them set off towards the library, a steely resolved behind each of their eyes.

***

Fluttershy came back into the house to see that Discord had a large bowl and a fork, and was eating pieces of paper. She cocked her head at him nervously.

"Umm, why are you eating paper?" she asked.

"Because why not, my dear Fluttershy?" Discord replied.

"Oh, okay." Fluttershy replied before turning to the guys and I and adding, "Umm, I need to go into town for a while. Will you three be okay with Discord?"

We all nodded.

"Since we're apparently immune to his powers," I replied, "I think we'll be all right. You go and do what you need to do."

Fluttershy thanked us and picked up her saddlebags before leaving the house, closing the door with a soft click. Discord finished eating the rest of the paper and let out a loud belch. He got rid of the bowl and fork and then turned to us with a large toothy grin.

"You may be immune to my magic..." he said, "... but I think you'll find that your surroundings are not."

Our confident smiles were replaced with shock as Discord cackled and snapped his fingers.

***

"The guys are acting really weird if you ask me." Rainbow Dash said as she flicked through another book, "I can't believe they actually trust Discord!"

"I've seen weirder." Twilight replied. "In fact, just the other day Geo told me that he saw Rainbow Dash sprawled out on the ground in front of the library. He ran out to see if she was okay when he heard a gasp from the branches. He looked up — and he swore that he saw Rarity and I looking back down at him! He asked them what they were doing up there and apparently I screamed 'Oh my God, I sent us to another dimension!', before I grabbed Rarity and the unconscious Rainbow Dash and vanished. Then Geo said that the door opened, and there I was."

"I don't remember any of that." Rainbow Dash muttered, "What happened after you opened the door?"

"Geo passed out due to shock." Twilight said, "But he's adamant that it happened, even though I myself have no memory of it."

"Me neither darling," Rarity replied, "after all, why would I be in a tree? It would really mess up my mane."

The five of them giggled as they continued searching through the books. Twilight let out a groan.

"I don't believe it!" she yelled, "Another book which mentions the reform spell has had all references to it torn out!"

"It has to be Discord," Applejack said, "it just has ta be."

"Celestia only knows what he's doing back at Fluttershy's house." Twilight shuddered, "I'm going back there. Spike, you come too and get ready to take a letter!"

A loud moan of displeasure was her only reply.

***

"Oh my," Fluttershy said, "I certainly don't recall my house being all the way up there!"

She looked up to where her house was above the ground, rotating slowly. Fluttershy spread her wings and flew towards it, only to stop when she heard Discord's exasperated sigh.

"Your species certainly is tenacious, I'll give you that." he said, "But I really would like the place to myself, so if you don't mind..."

The house stopped rotating and began shaking from side to side. Doors and windows opened, and a human fell screaming out of each one, landing on the ground with a loud thump. The house resumed its rotation as Discord poked his head out of the window.

"Thanks for the entertainment," he said, "but I— oh Fluttershy, you're back! Do you like what I've done with the place?"

Fluttershy nodded meekly.

"You can't seriously be okay with this!" I shouted.

"I did say he could make himself at home." Fluttershy replied sternly, "And if this makes him comfortable, then it's okay."

I groaned, partly due to what Fluttershy had said but mostly due to the intense pain I was feeling in my legs.

"We're going to the hospital." I said, "Will you be all right on your own with this guy?"

Fluttershy nodded while the guys and I trudged painfully into Ponyville. As we left, Discord appeared next to her, causing her to to squeak in fright. We left them to it and hobbled as quickly as we could towards the hospital.

"Oh Discord?" Ace said as he stopped limping, "I'd appreciate it if you came by my lab later on. I've got something to show you which I think you'll appreciate."

Discord nodded, and the three of us continued walking.

***

Discord watched the three humans leave with a large smile on his face while Fluttershy had a concerned expression on hers.

"Now that those three are out of the picture," he said, "you and I can talk properly."

"Um, okay." Fluttershy replied.

"I admire your boundless kindness Fluttershy," Discord said, "I really do. It's just a shame your friends are being so nasty towards me. I really am trying, you know? It's not easy trying to give up chaos. It is my life, after all."

Fluttershy nodded sympathetically just as Twilight arrived with a look of pure murder in her eyes.

"I just saw my husband, Ace and John limping into town!" she snarled, "Geo's leg is clearly broken, Discord. What did you do?!"

Discord held his arms up in mock surrender.

"It's not my fault they fell foul of gravity." he said, "I gave them plenty of chances to leave Fluttershy's house, but they refused."

Twilight looked up at Fluttershy's house and listened to the many sounds coming from within, smashing crockery and the cries of a terrified rabbit the most prevalent among them. Fluttershy, hearing Angel's pleas, gasped and flew up into the house, emerging a few moments later with her pet on her back. She set him down on the ground and he wobbled on his feet before falling onto his back with his paws sticking up. Twilight rolled her eyes.

"I was just at the library," she said, "and all of the books which contain details of a reforming spell have had the pages about said spell torn out. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Discord shook his head.

"Really?" Fluttershy asked, "And what about that paper you were eating earlier?"

"He was doing WHAT?!" Twilight screeched, "... oh great, now I know what happened to those pages!"

Discord chuckled in response.

"We're not going to need a reforming spell Twilight," Fluttershy said calmly, "because I think I'm making progress. And to prove it, I'm inviting you and the girls – and the guys provided they're out of the hospital – for a dinner party here tonight."

Twilight made a neutral noise in her throat.

"Come on Twilight," Fluttershy pleaded, "just give it a chance. I promise you it will be fine."

"Fiiiiiiiiiiine." Twilight groaned, "But we're still keeping the Elements at hoof, just in case."

"Of course," Fluttershy nodded, "but we won't need them."

"We'll see about that." Twilight muttered as she left.

***

Discord approached Ace's lab with a confident grin on his face. After being directed inside by one of Ace's bots, Discord found himself in a small empty room. He looked around and tutted before he was suddenly trapped in a shield which rendered him unable to move.

Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers to remove the shield, only for nothing to happen.

"You're wasting your time," a voice said, "because that's a special anti-magic shield I developed."

"Doctor," Discord sighed, "if you're going to lecture me, at least do it where I can see you."

Ace stepped into Discord's field of vision with a contemptuous sneer on his face.

"I have to admit," he said, "that I may have been lying when I said I was on your side. Because actually Discord, I never trusted you. Trusting you to reform yourself is like putting your hand in a hungry lion's mouth and trusting him not to bite it. Once a being of evil, always a being of evil, I say. I had this trap prepared just in case I suspected things were getting out of hand."

He let out a long, drawn-out sigh before continuing.

"Twilight might not make plans B, C, D, E, etcetera, until it's too late," he muttered, "but I always have backup plans ready. Quite frankly, I don't think Fluttershy knows what she's doing. You're a cruel and heartless monster, Discord. Right now, I'm the biggest threat to Equestria, and I'd prefer to keep it that way."

Ace continued ranting, unaware of the fact the that Pinkie and the others had arrived as well. They stood in silent shock as they listened to him talk. Discord, however, had noticed their arrival. He folded his arms and concealed a grin as Ace continued his speech.

"I will not let you destroy everything I've worked so hard to protect, and I will not let you ruin my plans! When Twilight and the others find us, you're going back into the statue. Of course, if I had any say in the matter, I would come up with a fate far more cruel."

Discord laughed, giving Ace a round of applause, each clap sounding like a different cartoon sound effect.

"Oh, my dear delightfully deceitful doctor, well done. You've thought of everything, haven't you?" Discord said sarcastically, "But what are you going to tell your friends? After all, you lured me here with the promise of just talking, and decided to trap me in an anti-magic force field? They won't send me back to stone simply because you don't trust me."

"Too true, Discord." Ace replied with a smirk, "However, it's simple enough to say that you attacked me, and I had no choice but to defend myself. And since it's gonna boil down to a 'he said, she said' argument, who are they gonna trust more? The villain they encased in stone? Or the villain that has long been their friend, and treated them as friends should?"

The fact he had referred to himself as a villain came as no surprise to the girls, as they had heard him use the phrase several times before. However, the fact Ace was prepared to frame Discord simply because he didn't like him was enough for them to speak up.

"As much as we'd like to see Discord trapped back in his statue," Twilight said angrily, "we can't do it without a legitimate reason, Ace. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to let Discord go."

Ace sighed in defeat before looking over to Discord, glaring at him with the intensity of a thousand suns. He marched over to the shield, and pointed at Discord before issuing his parting statement.

"Know this, Discord." he snarled, "These ponies care enough about you to issue you a second chance, but if it were up to me you would have been executed long ago. And trust me when I say I would have found a way to kill you."

He raised his PDA and tapped a few buttons on it. The shield immediately lost power, setting Discord free.

"I'm releasing you now only because I care about them." he said, "But if anything happens to them, you will have to answer to me."

With those words he left the room and entered his bedroom, locking the door behind him. Discord simply grinned and vanished.

"That was..." Twilight began.

"... really mean!" Pinkie interrupted, "How could he act like this? You don't do mean things to anypony simply because you don't like them! You don't do mean things to anypony ever! Ooh, I'm going to have words with him about this!"

She went towards the bedroom door, but Twilight stopped her.

"Later, Pinkie." she said softly, "We need to find Discord."

"He'll probably be at Fluttershy's," Rarity replied, "preparing for this party later. We should check there."

"All right," Twilight replied, "then let's go."

The six of them left the lab, Pinkie casting an angry glare back towards the locked bedroom door.

***

I arrived with Twilight and the others, minus Ace, at Fluttershy's house later that evening, where it was back where it belonged. My leg had been healed up by Doctor Haywick, who didn't seem too happy about the fact that Discord was loose again. I was beginning to share his apprehensions, but I still had a point to prove to Twilight about second chances.

The door to the cottage swung open to reveal Discord wearing a tuxedo. He bowed to us as we approached.

"Good evening everypony," he said, "we're so glad you could join us this fine evening. Please, come in."

We walked inside and gasped. The inside of the house looked nothing like it did earlier. Someone – probably Discord – had decorated the place with a large dinner table, cushions and even a chandelier, which hung awkwardly from the ceiling, coming close to touching the table.

The table itself was laid out with many foods and fine silverware. We each took a seat and looked at Fluttershy, who was sitting at the head of the table. She smiled and spoke.

"I'm so glad you're all here," she said, "because I think you'll like what you're going to see. I really think that I'm beginning to get through to him."

We all looked at Discord, who bowed again.

"Thank you for your kind words Fluttershy," he said, "but your food will be going cold. Please, dig in and enjoy!"

"Holy crap," John muttered, "is that a ham?!"

"A fake one, yes." Fluttershy replied, "But I'm sure it will taste just as good as the real thing."

"Who cares if it's fake?!" John yelled, "It's still meat! Glorious, glorious meat!"

"Wait a minute," Applejack said, "didn't ya also say that the last time ya took yer pants off?"

John chuckled.

"Maybe I did," he replied, "but who cares? MEAT!"

He took up the carving knife and cut a piece of the ham off for himself. Setting it onto his plate, he reached out for the gravy boat — which suddenly sprouted a tongue and sprayed him with its contents, covering him in a thick brown paste.

"Ack!" he spluttered, "What the hell?"

The gravy boat then began hopping around the table, spraying everyone with gravy. Pinkie Pie let out a small squeak of glee, even after she got some in her mane. She reached out with a forehoof and began patting it.

"Oh, you're such a cute little gravy boat!" she cooed, "Yes you are, yes you are!"

"It's got the personality of a puppy!" I said as I wiped gravy out of hair and off my face.

The gravy boat then sprayed Rainbow Dash, who growled and took a swipe at it. It let out a small squeak and dove for cover behind the soup dish. As Dash approached, the soup dish spat out its own contents at her, which only served to infuriate the pegasus further.

"Oh come ON!" she yelled, "Discord hasn't changed at all! This is clearly his way of messing with us! Once a mischief maker, always a mischief maker!"

"I agree with Rainbow Dash," Rarity said as she tried to avoid another incoming stream of soup, "this is all too much."

The rest of us nodded in agreement. Suddenly, Fluttershy stomped a hoof into the table. For once, she didn't apologise for her sudden angry outburst, choosing instead to glare at us.

"I am so disappointed in all of you right now," she scolded, "Discord is trying his best, and you're not even giving him a chance to redeem himself. What would you think is worse – making gravy boats come to life, or turning Ponyville upside-down again?"

Before we could reply, the door flew open and Angel entered. He leapt up on the table and began miming using an apple and a glass of water. Almost immediately the girls realised that Sweet Apple Acres had been flooded again. And just as fast, John and Applejack had rushed out of the house and were running back to the farm.

The rest of us soon followed behind.

***

By the time we arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, John was waist-deep in water helping the rest of the Apple family, who were floating in wooden barrels, to salvage as much of the crop as they could. In the distance we could see some more muscular beavers. Needless to say, it didn't take long for us to work out what had happened.

Fluttershy attempted to talk to the beavers, but they simply ignored her and continued building. Rainbow Dash approached her and flared her wings angrily.

"You do know," she snarled, "that Discord is behind all of this, don't you Shy?"

"Well of course I do!" Fluttershy snapped back, "Do you all think I'm a silly, gullible fool? "

"Only in the sense of being silly and gullible..." Rarity said.

"Um, well..." Pinkie said hesitantly.

"Uh... uh, no, not exactly..." Applejack mumbled.

"My aim," Fluttershy said with a sigh, "was to befriend Discord in any way I could, so that in time he could grow to trust me, as well as listen to what I have to say. I guess now would be a good time to put that theory to the test."

She walked over to Discord, who was watching events with glee. He glanced at Fluttershy walking towards him with a stern look on her face. He stifled a laugh and turned to face her.

"Okay Discord," she said, "you've had your fun. Now change those beavers back and fix this mess. Do it for our friendship."

"All right Fluttershy," Discord replied, "I will fix what I've done here, on one condition. For the sake of our friendship, you are to never use your Element of Harmony against me. If you agree to this, then I will undo my magic."

The rest of the girls immediately voiced their concern and anger at Discord's request, pleading with Fluttershy not to agree. To their considerable dismay, she removed her necklace and placed it on the ground before nodding.

"I accept." she said quietly.

"That's wonderful news!" Discord said gleefully, "Do you know what this means?"

"What?" Fluttershy asked.

Discord leaned down next to her.

"It means," he whispered, "that I've won."

Fluttershy's eyes widened as Discord straightened himself up and snapped his fingers, blanketing the farm in a thick layer of snow and turning the water to ice.

"Fucking hell," John yelled, "I'm stuck!"

Fluttershy's eyes narrowed even further and she began scowling. Discord approached her with a set of ice skates. She took them in her mouth as Discord flashed her a cheeky smile.

She timidly stepped onto the frozen lake as Discord skated past, doing a series of spins and pirouettes. He skated past a table at which were seated three copies of himself, who each gave him a score of ten. All the while, he was chuckling to himself.

"Come Fluttershy," he called out, "come and join me! After all, this is what friends do, right? You don't want to be with them, do you? After all, they all doubted you. They didn't believe in you, and thought that you'd fail from the start. Though I guess they were half right. You have a friend, and yet you've failed to stop me."

He chuckled again as Fluttershy looked back towards us. Suddenly her eyes narrowed and she spat the skates out. They slid across the ice, coming to a stop near Discord's feet.

"I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!" she shouted, "If you were a true friend you would listen to me!"

Discord merely shrugged and continued skating.

"Who cares?" he said disdainfully, "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm Discord! The master of chaos! You think you can boss Discord around? You think I'll change all this back, simply because you say so? Because if I don't, I'll lose the one and only friend I've ever had?"

He suddenly paused.

"Huh..." he muttered, "Oh, well played, Fluttershy. Well played."

He looked over at the abandoned skates and sighed.

"What is this?" he muttered, "I actually value her friendship?"

He hung his head dejectedly, a single tear making its way down his cheek and onto the ground.

He suddenly snapped his fingers, blinding us all in a flash of light. When it cleared we saw that the farm – and the beavers – had been restored to normal, although John was clearly shivering.

"I think I'm ready to see Celestia again." Discord said.

And for the first time ever, we all smiled at something Discord had said, while Fluttershy hugged his leg.

***

Discord approached Celestia, who was watching him with a small grin on her face, and bowed before her.

"Princess, I am ready to use my powers for good." he said before adding under his breath, "Most of the time."

Celestia nodded and approached Fluttershy, who bowed.

"Well done Fluttershy," Celestia said gently, "I knew you could do it. However, I think I will leave the Elements of Harmony with you, just in case."

"You were right about Fluttershy all along Princess." Twilight said, "She was the one who found a way to reform Discord. Treating him as a friend made him realise how important friendship was to him. And once he had it, he didn't want to lose it."

Fluttershy nudged Discord, who rolled his eyes.

"Go on," she said encouragingly, "say it..."

Discord groaned.

"All right." he muttered.

He looked around for a moment.

"Friendship is magic." he said quickly

"See?" Fluttershy said proudly, "He can be a real sweetheart once you get to know him. "

The rest of us exchanged wary looks. Eventually, Discord and Celestia got into her carriage and departed for Canterlot.

Twilight approached me nervously.

"I'm sorry I doubted you," she said quietly, "I should have had more faith in Fluttershy, like you did."

"It's fine," I replied, "because I remember acting the same way when you gave Trixie a second chance."

She smiled.

"So I guess we're even." she said cheekily.

I ruffled her mane and chuckled.

"Yeah," I said quietly, "I guess we are."

The two of us then walked back to the library side-by-side, the events of the day long since forgotten.

***

The door to Ace's lab opened with a resounding whirr. Pinkie stormed out, a bag and her foal both perched on her back.

"I don't know what's worse," she yelled, "you trying to frame someone for no other reason than you don't like 'em, or you lying to me about supporting Discord's reform!"

"But, Pinks—" Ace began, only to be cut off.

"Don't you try to 'Pinks' me, Ace!" she snarled, "I've made up my mind! I'm taking Chocolate and going back to the bakery!"

"Pinkie, wait!" Ace said pleadingly, "Okay, yes. I lied to you about supporting Discord. I'm sorry, but I didn't think that you'd be that upset over it."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Pinkie replied, "It's upsetting enough that you lied to your own wife's face in front of all of our friends, but you did it as if it were no fur off your coat!"

"Don't you mean 'no skin off my nose'?" Ace queried.

"Quit digressing!" Pinkie bellowed, "The fact that you did it so easily in front of everyone is disturbing enough but not even AJ could tell you were lying, and she's a living lie detector! If you've lied about this, then you could've lied about so many other things! I don't know if I can trust you any more!"

"Pinkie, please listen to me." Ace said, "I came after you for two reasons: you and our daughter. I love you both, and I don't want either of you to leave."

"Is that a fact?" Pinkie snapped, "Because I'm starting to think you actually enjoyed what you did at Manglanosa's camp."

"You had to bring that up, huh?" Ace muttered, "Fine, leave."

"Gladly!" Pinkie screeched, "And I hope I never see you again!"

She stormed off towards town as Ace watched. As she disappeared over the hill, he let out a sigh and turned to the bot standing near the door.

"I need to think." he said, "I don't want to be disturbed."

"Understood, master." the bot replied.

Ace went into his lab and closed the door, causing another loud whirr and click to echo through the still air.

Author's Note

This chapter contains references to events in Crimson Star's story To Test Is Science! that haven't happened yet. So if you're confused, that'll be why.

A Lesson In Responsibility

CHAPTER TWELVE

A Lesson In Responsibility

The train pulled into the station, announcing itself with a piercing whistle which cut through the silence and jarred us from our slumber. We looked blearily through the windows and saw that we were in Ponyville.

"It was good of them to give us a wake up call." I muttered as I got out of the bunk, "We would have missed our stop otherwise."

Twilight climbed off the bunk as well and stretched her legs while the rest of our friends groaned and yawned, John doing his best impersonation of a hippopotamus in labour.

"Come on everypony," I said as we all stepped off the train and into the cool morning air, "I don't know about you but after all that happened in the Empire I could use a drink."

Twilight jabbed me in the side.

"We can do that at home," she replied, "which is where Spike is, along with everypony's pets. I want to make sure that the library is still standing."

"Twilight," a voice groaned, "I thought you had faith in me?"

We looked around to saw Spike standing on the platform. Standing with him were all the pets as well as Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. The three fillies had an innocent air around them — which made me wonder what they'd done.

"Hey everypony!" Apple Bloom said cheerfully, "We saw tha train comin' and decided ta come and meet y'all here, so we could... er... give ya a proper welcomin'!"

As if on cue, she and her fellow Crusaders shouted.

"WELCOME HOME!"

"Thanks girls," John said as he stuck a finger in his ear to clear the ringing, "it's good to be home at last."

"Oh my darling Spikey-Wikey!" Rarity squealed as she grabbed him in a crushing hug, "It's wonderful to see you again."

"Jeez Rarity," Spike gasped out, "it's not even been a day."

Rarity's eyes widened and she relinquished her hold, blushing sheepishly as she tossed her mane aside with a forehoof.

"Er, yes..." she mumbled, "... well at least you have done a good job in taking care of the pets. Hello Opal, did you miss me?"

Opal responded to the question by turning her nose up and licking a paw indignantly. Rarity smiled and patted the cat on the head.

"I'll take that as a yes." she cooed.

Fluttershy walked over to Angel, who turned around and waggled his tail in her face. At least, I hope he was showing her his tail.

"Oh my Angel," Fluttershy gasped, "your tail looks amazing! Spike, you did an amazing job!"

"Ahh, it was nothing really." Spike said, "I'm just happy to help. Although I will say that it was a lot of hard work. I learned that when you take on a lot of responsibility, you need to make sure you're ready to handle it."

Twilight beamed from ear to ear.

"That's a good lesson Spike," she said, "and hopefully you'll be writing to the Princess about it?"

Spike groaned.

"Do I have to?" he muttered.

Twilight raised her eyebrow at him, as if to say 'did you seriously just ask me that question?'.

"All right," Spike sighed, "I'll write a letter when we get back."

Twilight grinned and nuzzled him affectionately.

"Glad to hear it Spike." she said, "And I'm proud of the way you've handled things while we've been gone. Now let's go home."

Everyone started walking while Dash went over to Tank. The tortoise looked up at her expectantly. Dash sighed and flicked her head around. She then leaned in and nuzzled him with a large grin on her face. Looking up, she saw me watching her and blushed.

Knowing how she is about this sort of thing, I mouthed a silent 'I won't tell a soul' to her. She visibly relaxed and went off to join the others. I followed close behind and Tank soon bumped into the back of my head, shearing a few hairs off in the process.

"Seriously pal," I said to the hapless tortoise, "you need to watch where you're going."

Tank responded by flying into my face. I groaned and took a hold of him, putting him onto the proper flight path.

"All these things hitting me..." I muttered, "it makes me feel like some kind of comic relief in a bad story."

I began walking and soon I had caught up with the others.

***

Back at the library, all was quiet. Everypony had gone home, leaving just Twilight and I with Spike, Owlowiscious and the twins, who had been dropped off by their grandparents. The two foals lay sound asleep in their cot. The temptation to wake them up and play with them was overwhelming, but I resisted.

Spike entered the room with Twilight, the former carrying a tray of drinks and assorted snacks. My stomach rumbled in anticipation.

"Here we are," Twilight said as Spike set the tray down, "freshly made by my number one assistant. We've got fake ham sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. The perfect end to a perfect day."

"And a gemstone salad for me!" Spike said with a lick of his lips, "So, how did it go for you guys today?"

I took a sandwich and bit into it, savouring the taste. I began to wonder if the ham I was eating was in fact real, but my tastebuds couldn't tell the difference.

"Today went rather well," I said after swallowing, "all things considered. It started off good, got worse, and then got good again. It's just been hectic."

"Tell me about it." Spike muttered.

"Okay," I replied, "I'll tell you. But first of all I have something I've been wanting to say to you, Spike."

He looked at me blankly. I leaned in closer to him and grinned.

"Do you honestly think," I said quietly, "that Twilight and I don't know what your rumbling stomach sounds like?"

He looked between the two of us. Twilight was munching on a daisy sandwich, but the grin on her face was blatantly obvious.

"Don't worry Spike," I said as Twilight giggled, "we won't tell anypony that you and the pets were on the train."

He sighed in relief.

"But in the meantime," I continued, "I believe there is the small matter of telling you about our day..."

Author's Note

I know I said I wasn't going to cover this episode, but I felt I should write something. Even if it is really short. A lot of people I know complained about the fact Spike didn't seem to learn a lesson in this episode. Hopefully I have addressed this issue.

Games Ponies Play

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Games Ponies Play

"Are you sure you can handle this Spike?"

"Would you relax Twilight?" Spike replied in an assuring tone, "I've got everything under control. You all go and do your thing in the Crystal Empire, and I'll do my thing here."

He produced a bowl of cake mix and a chef's hat, placing the latter on his head while stirring the mixture and licking his lips. Twilight narrowed her eyes at him while I folded my arms.

"As long as that 'thing' involves taking care of a house full of critters." I said sternly, "That should take priority over filling your face with gems."

Spike grinned sheepishly and put the bowl down.

"Uhh yeah," he said, "totally. But as I said, it's all under control. Now get going already!"

He shut the door and we turned to leave. Suddenly a loud cacophony of noises erupted from within the library. Howling, barking, hooting and screeching filled the air. Twilight stopped and turned around to go back but Rainbow Dash flew up.

"Come on you two!" she said hurriedly, "We're gonna miss our train if you don't move your flanks!"

Twilight groaned and we both followed Dash, albeit somewhat reluctantly in Twilight's case.

We arrived at the station to find the rest of the girls there, as well as John and Spark Plug. Ace and Haywick weren't there; the former choosing to stay in his lab, while the latter had to work a shift at the hospital. Neither Pinkie nor Fluttershy seemed to mind the absence of their husband-slash-special somepony.

"All aboard for the Crystal Empire!" a conductor yelled.

We lined up and got into our carriage, taking our seats. John made himself comfortable and allowed Applejack to clamber onto his lap. I sat down next to Twilight, who leaned into me affectionately. The others made themselves comfortable in their own ways.

"So what's with the sudden trip up north?" John asked, "What's so important that we're being sent to the Empire again?"

"If Sombra has come back," I said, "then I swear that I will kick his arse this time."

"It's not that," Twilight said, "though it would be fun to see you try. But seriously though, I got a letter from Cadence saying that the Crystal Empire is one of the cities chosen to host this years Equestria Games, and that she wants us to welcome the inspector when she comes to... well, inspect the city to see if it deserves to hold the event."

"The Equestria Games?" I asked, "I'm assuming it's a sporting event of some kind, like the Olympics where we come from?"

"It's only the biggest sporting event in all of Equestria!" Dash said proudly, "And if any city deserves to host it, then it's the Crystal Empire. When I was a filly, Cloudsdale lost out on hosting the Games to Fillydelphia. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt, and it hurt."

She sighed for a moment before letting out a small growl.

"These Crystal Ponies lost a thousand years to an evil king's curse." she said, "They've had enough bad news. No way we're letting them experience the pain of losing out on these games."

"Exactly." Twilight replied, "Princess Cadence is counting on us to do our part to convince the Games inspector to choose the Crystal Empire. And we are not gonna let her down, are we?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie screamed dramatically.

We stared at her blankly.

"What?" she huffed, "I was just answering Twilight's question."

We all laughed as the train set off.

***

"Come on girls," Twilight moaned, "I'm still not sure we have this cheer ready for the inspector. Let's try it again!"

The others groaned.

"Fine." Applejack huffed, "But Ah think we're ready, given how many times we've done this already."

They assembled in the middle of the carriage and made a pyramid.

"Two, four, six, ei—"

The squealing of brakes filled the carriage as the train slowed to a halt. The sudden halt caused the girls to be flung around like ragdolls, ending up plastered against a wall or in somepony's lap.

It was because of this I learned that Applejack was a lot heavier than I thought she was. How John copes I don't know.

The door to the carriage opened and the conductor poked his head through, casting a worried glance at the sight of ponies sprawled all over the place.

"Er," he said hesitantly, "we've arrived at the Crystal Empire. Please watch your step as you leave the train."

He left the carriage, but I still heard him snickering. John, Spark and I helped the girls to their hooves and we got off. It was at this point I noticed something.

"Hey John," I said, "I've just realised that the girls don't have their cute-as-fuck Crystal colours."

John looked at Applejack, who simply shrugged.

"It was probably a one-time thing." he replied, "After all, they're not Crystal Ponies. But it's still a damn shame though."

Applejack tossed him a curious glance.

"Because those colours accentuate your beauty," he said quickly, "and make you look more lovely than you already are."

Applejack smiled and turned her attention back to where she was going, while John let out a sigh of relief.

"Nice save." I muttered.

He simply grinned, and the two of us followed our wives and friends out of the station and into the heart of the city.

"Wow," I said as we began walking down the main road, "this place looks a lot different than the last time we were here."

"Indeed it does," Rarity replied, "it looks more livelier."

"And crystallier!" Pinkie said excitedly, "Look at all the decorations they're putting up! The whole city looks set for one big party!"

"Well once we help them win the Games," Dash said, "they'll have every right to party, wouldn't everypony agree?"

We all nodded.

"That's my Dash," Spark Plug said dreamily, "always thinking about the positives. But she's right, we are gonna get those games. What better way to remember my first time in the Crystal Empire than by helping them win the right to host a major event?"

We all nodded again as a group of foals approached us, some of them holding flags in their mouths. They were all laughing merrily while they played their game. Dash smiled at the display but then suddenly stopped them, pointing at a random Crystal filly.

"I remember that feeling of excitement at the prospect of my city hosting the games," she said, "only for it to be replaced with soul-crushing disappointment when we lost out."

The filly's face fell as her smile turned into a pout, her flag falling out of her mouth and onto the ground.

"That." Dash said forcefully, "That right there is what I don't want to see again."

The filly by now looked ready to cry. Spark quickly stepped forward, placing himself between the two.

"Don't mind her little one," he said calmly, "she's still a bit upset about the time Cloudsdale lost out. But I assure you that, with our help, the Crystal Empire will host the Equestria Games."

The filly cheered up immensely, as did the rest of her friends. Spark picked the flag up in his magic and dusted it off. The filly took it from him and smiled warmly before the group galloped away. Dash sighed and rested her head against Spark's.

"Sorry," she muttered, "I really need to stop dwelling on the past."

Spark nuzzled her and she blushed. The display over, we all resumed our walk through the city.

***

"So where the heck is Cadence anyway?" I asked Twilight, who seemed to know better than the rest of us where it was we were going. She looked back at me and smiled.

"She's at the spa," she replied, "making herself look presentable for when the inspector arrives."

"So the inspector is going to award the Games to the city which has the best-looking leader?" I said, "That seems a bit... unfair."

"Why do you think that?" Twilight wondered.

"Because if you were in charge," I said smoothly, "they'd be begging you to let the Empire host the Games."

"Oh you." Twilight giggled as she bumped me with her flank, "You always know the right way to butter me up."

I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows. I looked back towards John and Applejack, who were having a hushed conversation with each other. I was going to try and make out what they were saying, but I stopped myself — after all, if they were whispering, it must be private. And if it was important, they'd share it if they wanted.

Our group soon arrived at the spa, which was clearly twice the size of the one in Ponyville (not that I'd know how big that place is... eh heh heh). We entered the building, although John had to literally be dragged in by Applejack, and saw Cadence in a chair. She definitely looked a lot better than the last time I had seen her.

She caught sight of us and grinned. Twilight rushed over and gave her a hug, and then the two of them did their usual greeting.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves, and do a little shake!"

The two of them fell over giggling.

"It's so good to see you Twilight," Cadence said, "and the rest of you as well."

"Likewise, Princess." I replied, "And what do you know? The fate of Equestria isn't hanging in the balance this time."

Cadence smiled.

"You're right," she said, "and how many more times do I have to ask you to call me Cadence? You obviously keep forgetting about your title, Duke Geo."

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly.

"Yeah," I mumbled, "I do."

Cadence giggled and addressed everyone else.

"I'm sure you men and stallions aren't interested," she said, "but you girls are more than welcome to make use of this spa's facilities. You can get a hooficure, get your mane done, or make use of this wonderful mud bath."

"Mud bath?!" Pinkie squealed, "That's the one for me!"

She leapt into the air and propelled herself towards the mud bath. Twilight's eyes widened in horror as she gasped.

"Pinkie, no!" she shouted.

Pinkie cheered as she landed in the mud bath. However the mud had the consistency of jelly, so instead of splashing she simply got stuck in the top for a moment before sinking."

"How relaxing." she said happily before disappearing under the mud with a large grin on her face. Twilight groaned and took a deep breath, bringing a forehoof to her face. She held it there for a moment before exhaling and bringing her hoof out so that she was pointing at nothing in particular.

"Just a little technique Cadence taught me," she said as she saw me watching her, "to help alleviate stress."

"Oh, okay." I replied. "So Cadence, what exactly do you want us to do while we're here? And more to the point, what will you be doing while we're doing it?"

"When meeting with important guests," Cadence explained, "it was tradition for rulers of the Crystal Empire to weave crystals into their manes in a very specific way. The Games inspector is known for doing her homework, so she will almost certainly be expecting my look to reflect the importance of her visit."

The door to the spa opened and a Crystal Pony wearing a uniform and carrying a saddlebag came in. She bowed before Cadence and cleared her throat.

"Your Highness," she said, "I come bearing two pieces of crucial information. The first is from your manestylist. She regrets to inform you that she has the flu and does not want to do your headdress out of fear of passing it to you."

"Oh," Cadence replied, "that's not good. Does anypony here know how to do it?"

The other ponies present shook their heads.

"I guess I could try it," Rarity said hesitantly, "if nopony else is able or willing to, that is."

"That would be most appreciated Rarity." Cadence said with a sigh of relief. She levitated a piece of rolled out parchment in front of her and added, "Here are the instructions you need."

Rarity took the scroll and looked at it.

"Well this seems like it could be—" she unrolled the scroll to find that it was twice as long as she was, "— oh my."

She shook her head.

"No," she said sternly, "I can do this. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I will certainly try my best. I mean, how often does a simple mare like me get a chance to style a Princess? The inspector isn't due for a while now, so I will have plenty of time to get this done. And maybe I will find a few shortcuts."

"Um, well..." the messenger said, "... that's the thing. The second message I have is from the inspector, Miss Harshwhinny. She will be arriving on the next train due into the city... which is in, er, fifteen minutes from now."

We all looked at her blankly.

"Oh dear," Cadence muttered, "this isn't good."

Before a panic could set in, Twilight took control of the situation and managed to calm everyone down.

"Okay everypony, settle down." she said, "Here's what we're going to do. Rarity, you work on Cadence's headdress as best as you can, and meet us at the castle when you're done. Meanwhile, the rest of us will meet with the inspector and keep her busy. All right?"

Everyone nodded.

"Sounds good to me." John said, "Let's get going."

We left Rarity fussing over Cadence and began the mad dash back to the station.

"Everypony be on the lookout for an Earth pony mare with flower print luggage." Twilight said, "That'll be the inspector."

"Gotcha." I replied.

We got to the train station just as the train arrived. We waited for the passengers to disembark. Sure enough, I saw a pony with flower prints on her luggage. She was peach-coloured with a green mane and a chicken for a cutie mark.

Seems odd, but whatever.

"It's the inspector," I said as I pointed at her, "over there."

Twilight and the girls rushed over.

"Excuse me!" Twilight yelled. "Miss?"

The mare stopped and turned round.

"Yes?" she said in an abrasive tone, "Can I help you?"

"Umm," Twilight replied, "we've been sent by Princess Cadence to formally welcome you to the Crystal Empire."

The inspector narrowed her eyes for a moment before she suddenly grinned from ear to ear.

"Well ain't that the cat's meow!" she said cheerfully, "My very own welcomin' committee! And y'all even got a couple of them human fellers I've heard so much about!"

John and I matched her grin in size.

"My my," the inspector said, "such a warm welcome. I'm thrilled that the Princess has gone to all this trouble just for me."

"It's no trouble," Twilight replied, "none at all. Now if you'd like to follow us to the castle, we can give you a tour."

"I'll get your bag." I said, "Save you carrying it."

"Why thank you kindly!" the inspector said, "Boy howdy, y'all humans are mighty nice."

"It's just the way I was brought up ma'am." I replied, "Please, follow us to the castle."

We started walking, the inspector following close behind.

***

As the group walked away from the station, the train departed. Standing on the platform was another earth pony mare in a formal suit. She looked around impatiently and huffed. At her forehooves lay a bag...

... with a flower print pattern on it.

***

"My golly," the inspector said cheerfully, "the crystal castle!"

She let out a gasp.

"Why, I've seen pictures but I never expected to see it with my very own eyes!" she gulped before adding, "From the inside..."

"She seems nice." Fluttershy whispered.

"It's just an act," Dash replied, "she's just trying to catch us out. Don't fall for any of her mind games."

Their attention turned to Twilight who was addressing the inspector, who in turn seemed to be getting extremely nervous.

"We have prepared something for you," said Twilight, "so if you would like to take a seat, we can show you what we've done."

"Do you mind if I take a quick run outside first?" the inspector asked, "It was an awfully long train ride and my legs could really use a stretch."

Oh, well..." Twilight replied, "we were just about to start."

"Oh!" the inspector said, "Well never you mind. You go on ahead and do your thing, girls. I'm listening."

"She was probably testing us to see if we could remain in control of a complex situation." Dash whispered to Fluttershy as she held up a forehoof, "Looks like we passed. Bump-"

"-cha!" Fluttershy replied as she bumped her hoof with Dash's.

"We'd like to thank you," Twilight said cheerfully, "for this opportunity to introduce you to this wonderful kingdom!"

Oh, well," the inspector said with a dismissive wave of her hoof, "the pleasure is all mine."

"And since we're not even from here ourselves," Twilight continued, "then who better than us to let you know just how welcoming this place can be?"

For the second time that day, she and the rest of the girls formed a pyramid. Except this time they were stationary. They then began a complicated looking dance routine, which ended with Dash flying around them and making a heart shape out of her rainbow trail. As they danced, they chanted.

Two, four, six, eight!
Name a place that's really great!
One, two, three, four!
Keeps you coming back for more!
Two, seven, nine, three!
The place that we all wanna be!
Four, three, two, one!
The Crystal Empire, that's the one!

The inspector applauded and whistled as the girls finished.

"Such a grand reception!" she said excitedly, "Though I must say that I'm surprised the Princess even knows me!"

We all exchanged curious glances. Dash tapped the side of her head with a forehoof, which implied that this was another one of the inspector's attempts to catch us out.

"Speaking of the Princess," the inspector continued, "where is she? Shouldn't she be here by now?"

"That's a darn good question actually." Applejack said as she glanced around, "Where tha heck is Cadence?"

"Well if she ain't here then it's no problem." the inspector shrugged, "Say, is that a balcony?!"

She ran off onto the balcony, where we heard her let out a huge sigh of relief.

"We could show her around the castle ourselves!" Rainbow Dash said. Spark Plug nudged her.

"But from what you've told me," he said, "you've barely been around this place yourselves."

Twilight's eye twitched and she performed her stress relief exercise from the spa again before finally speaking.

"Okay, listen." she said, "Geo and I will go back to the spa to find out what's keeping Rarity and Cadence. The rest of you, keep the inspector busy by any means necessary."

"Right!" they chorused.

They went out to the balcony to fetch the inspector while Twilight and I left the castle and headed back down the main road towards the spa. Along the way we passed a pony pulling a bag along.

"Hello there!" Twilight said merrily as we passed.

"Hello yourself." the mare replied curtly before muttering, "First hello of the day."

As Twilight and I walked down the road, a carriage passed us. We then heard a splash and a groan of displeasure.

"Seems like somepony is having a bad day." I said.

Twilight simply nodded.

Rarity must have seen us coming, because as we approached the spa the door swung open and she poked her head out.

"W-what are you two doing here?" she gasped.

"We finished the welcome committee song," Twilight replied, "and we just wanted to introduce Ms. Harshwhinny to—"

"No, no!" Rarity shrieked, "Princess Cadence isn't ready. Something has gone terribly wrong!"

"But," I said, "we need to speak to the Princess."

"You can't!" Rarity said harshly, "Y-you mustn't! She's in the middle of a delicate conditioning rinse that must go perfectly if there is to be any hope for her mane!"

"Oh come on," Twilight scoffed, "how bad can it be?"

"Imagine her mane," Rarity deadpanned, "turned into a porcupine."

"Eww." Twilight and I said together.

"Please," Rarity begged, "I will bring her back from the brink of tragedy, but you and the others have got to buy me some time! There is no other way!"

Before we could reply she slammed the door in our faces. We looked at each other and shrugged before making our way back to the castle to join the others.

"Well..." I said, "that was a bust."

"Agreed." Twilight replied, "I just hope the others are having better luck keeping the inspector entertained."

***

The inspector walked slowly behind the group of ponies plus one human in front of her, doing her best not to panic. Pinkie Pie had appointed herself as the tour guide, and was now attempting to regale the inspector with her knowledge.

"So, you see this here?" she chirped, "This is, um... a big, round room. It's known for its roundness, and bigness, and did I mention that it's round?"

"I think they call it a rotunda...?" the inspector replied nonchalantly, "A small, confining, rotunda..."

Pinkie blew a raspberry and waved a hoof dismissively.

"Whatever." she said, "Round is round, am I right?"

"Easy Pinkie," Applejack whispered, "let's play this safe! We got her in a good mood, so let's not do anything to ruin that."

"You know..." the inspector said, "I love this sort of architecture. I-I-I detect a neo-gothic inspiration in the design, yes?"

Pinkie looked at her blankly.

"Hey!" she squealed, "Look at me!"

She then started making a variety of silly noises. John rolled his eyes and smiled.

***

Twilight and I arrived back to see Pinkie pulling a face and making various random sounds while the inspector looked back at her with a dumbfounded look on her face. Applejack caught sight of the two of us and waved us over.

"About time y'all came back!" she snapped, "Where the heck is Cadence? Ah thought ya said she'd be with ya?"

"There's a... slight problem with her headdress." Twilight replied, "Rarity is trying to fix it, so we're on our own for now."

As she said this I had a brainwave, and snapped my fingers.

"What about your brother?" I asked, "Surely he could help?"

Twilight gasped.

"Of course!" she said, "If anypony can help, then it's him! Now if I know Shiny, and I do, then he'll be at the new stadium. Let's go."

"Think you can handle the inspector?" I said to Applejack. She simply groaned and rolled her eyes before walking away.

"Is it me," I said, "or does AJ seem to be in a bit of a mood?"

"I'm getting it as well," Twilight replied, "but we don't have time to figure out what's wrong. I'm sure she'll tell us in her own time. Come on, let's go find Shining Armour."

***

Twilight hummed merrily to herself as we approached the stadium. Crystal Ponies were running around a track, at the side of which stood Shining Armour with a cap and a whistle. Other athletes were talking amongst themselves, but they acknowledged our presence with a wave and a smile. Shining caught sight of us and waved.

"Twiley!" he shouted, "Good to see you little sis. And you, Geo."

"Likewise." I replied as I patted him on the shoulder.

"Hi Shiny!" Twilight said, "Listen, you've gotta help us."

"Is everything okay?" he replied.

"I left the other ponies giving the Games Inspector the worst castle tour ever." Twilight groaned, "Any chance you could help out?"

Shining turned his attention to the ponies running around the track.

"Come on, gang!" he bellowed, "Are we gonna gallop, or are we gonna trot?!"

He turned to Twilight.

"A castle tour, huh?" he said while putting a hoof to his chin, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can give you a hoof with that."

He turned back to the athletes again.

"Come on everypony!" he yelled, "Let's move, move, move!"

He turned back to Twilight and I.

"Don't worry Twiley," he soothed, "everything's gonna be okay."

Just then, I caught sight of John approaching. Just as I expected, everypony else was with him. At the front of the group was the inspector, who had a comically large smile on her face. She gasped excitedly and ran onto the track.

"I'm outside!" she laughed, "Oh my, it feels so good to finally stretch these old legs!"

"Uh," Shining said, "what the—?"

"Yeah," Dash said as the group reached us, "it turns out that the crystal castle doesn't have a gymnasium."

The inspector was now racing around the track, even managing to lap the athletes already on it.

"Hey!" Shining shouted, "Watch it!"

The inspector ignored him and continued running, crashing into hurdles and forcing everypony to get out of her way.

"Woo-hoo!" she cheered.

"Make her stop!" Shining demanded.

"Wait!" Dash exclaimed, "That's the Games inspector! Just let her do her thing, trust me."

"Oh, these hooves!" the inspector yelled, "I'm outside!"

"Why would she do that?" Shining wondered.

"I have no idea," Dash replied, "but that's why she's in charge of choosing who gets the Games, and we're not."

Another loud crashing noise got our attention, and we saw that the inspector had somehow managed to get a pail stuck on her head. With her vision obscured she ran straight across the field and out the gates, into a wide open area.

"Look out!" Shining yelled.

"Yeah okay," Dash said flatly, "we need to stop her."

The inspector continued running while yelping hysterically. Dash and Fluttershy took off after her.

"Where's she going in such a hurry?" Fluttershy said.

The two of them managed to close the gap. Dash reached out for the pail and gripped it in her forehooves.

"Closer... closer..." she grunted, "Yes, nearly... I think we've got her... Yaaaaaaah!"

The inspector suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Dash, still attached to the pail, continued forwards. The pail came off the inspector's head with a squeak as Dash hit the ground.

"Hoo-eee!" the inspector said as she trotted on the spot, "Oh, that felt good! There's nothin' like a great run to shake the cobwebs off these old bones."

She looked at Dash, who was sitting on the ground panting heavily.

"Well hey there, speedy!" she said, "These wide open spaces y'all got here remind me of home. This is great!"

"Oh!" Dash said in between gasps for air, "So you're enjoying your visit? I'm glad to hear it!"

While they were talking, the rest of us managed to catch up.

"Oh good golly, yes." the inspector replied, I just love to travel and see new places. Such a beautiful spot you got here, too!"

Shining grinned.

"Thank you so much!" he said as he held out his hoof, "I'm Shining Armour. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The inspector gasped.

"The... the Prince?" she swooned.

"What's going on now?" Twilight asked quizzically.

"From the looks of it," Dash replied, "just locking up the games for the Crystal Empire is all. Ain't no thing."

"My oh my..." the inspector mused, "I've never met a Prince before... never thought I would in my life, either."

"That's a surprise," Shining chuckled, "because you'd think that in your line of work you'd meet princes all the time."

"Hardly." the inspector scoffed, "I'm just an ordinary wild mustang from Mustangia here to enjoy a little vay-cay. Never thought I'd also be meeting royalty to boot."

She giggled as a look of horror appeared on Twilight's face.

"You..." she gulped, "you are Ms. Harshwhinny, the Equestria Games Inspector, aren't you?"

"Inspector what-now?" the mare replied, "No, my name is Miss Peachbottom. But y'all can call me Peachy."

"Oh no," Dash yelled, "we got the wrong pony!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie screamed, "Uh wait, that's not right. I actually meant... YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!"

Twilight began breathing heavily.

"Blast." I muttered, "It would seem we jumped to the wrong conclusion when we saw your luggage. You see, the mare we're looking for also has flowers on her bags."

"You know," Peachbottom replied, "I did see a smartly-dressed mare on the train. Maybe she's still at the station?"

"Hopefully." I said, "Come on everypony! Let's get going! We can still salvage this if we work fast!"

John was the first to leave, using his training to get a headstart by sprinting. Even with Applejack around his neck he managed to stay ahead of us, and soon we arrived back at the station.

We looked around frantically for any other ponies with flower print luggage, but to no avail. Throwing arms and hooves up in defeat, we convened in the middle of the station.

"Okay," Dash said assertively, "here's what we're gonna do. We split the Empire up into five sectors."

"And each of us search a sector." Fluttershy concluded, "But... won't that take up even more time?"

"We could search everywhere." Pinkie chirped, "Well... Except for the spa. What's the point of checking there? That's where Cadence is. If Ms. Harshwhinny is there then it's game over, right?"

The rest of the girls looked at her, and then to each other, before they all gasped in shock.

"To the spa!" Dash cried.

***

At the spa, Miss Peachbottom was enjoying a massage. On the table next to her was a formally-dressed mare enjoying a hooficure.

"Every city and empire wants to host the Equestria Games." she moaned, "So, I have to go through all the big phony-baloney song and dance, though of course, I'm never getting the real inside scoop. It's rather frustrating."

"Oh golly, I've been having a swell time since I got here." Peachbottom replied, "I'm actually thinking of extendin' my stay."

"And what exactly," the other mare snorted, "has made your visit so special?"

"Oohohohoooh gosh," Peachbottom said, "where do I start?"

***

We arrived back at the spa. To our dismay we saw that Miss Harshwhinny was indeed in the spa. On the other side, we could make out the silhouette of Cadence behind a screen.

"There she is!" Dash whispered, "And we're in luck, I don't think either of them knows yet that the other one's here!"

We went inside and saw Rarity with a huge grin on her face.

"Ahh, there you are!" she said excitedly, "I'm pleased to report that I fixed my problem. Presenting Princess Cadence, better than new!"

Cadence stepped out from behind the screen, revealing that her mane had been done up in a most extravagant fashion. I'm no expert, so I can't really describe it, but it still looked good. Though with all those gems in her mane I was glad Spike wasn't with us.

Suddenly a loud voice cut through the air.

"Princess Cadence?"

Another pony came over. Just my luck I would have to recognise her as the one Twilight and I passed earlier in the day. This must have been Miss Harshwhinny.

"So this is where you've been!" she said sternly, "I will have you know that this is by far the worst welcome I've ever had!"

"I-I can't believe it..." Cadence stuttered, "What was wrong with your welcome?"

"There wasn't one!" Harshwhinny said... well, harshly.

"Okay," Cadence said, "what is going on?"

Twilight prepared to explain but Dash beat her to it.

"Princess," she exhaled sharply, "we gave our welcome to the wrong pony, left the right one waiting at the station, and completely ruined everything."

Cadence looked at us. Her eyes fell on Pinkie.

"Cinnamon bun?" Pinkie said with a nervous squee.

"When I was a little filly," Dash explained, "I wanted so badly for Cloudsdale to win the Equestria Games. But it didn't happen. So I thought I could make up for that disappointment by helping the Crystal Empire win the chance to host the Games. But it looks like I ruined your chances instead."

"Not so fast, speedy." Peachbottom said as she trotted up alongside Harshwhinny, who glanced at her.

"I have just finished hearing about how this pony was just treated to the warmest, finest, most fabulous reception she ever had."

"Darn tootin'!" Peachbottom said excitedly while Harshwhinny simply pointed at us.

"Courtesy of these fine ponies, and people, right here." she finished, "Which, in my expert opinion, amounts to the first ever unvarnished, unrehearsed, and unbiased appraisal of a potential host of the Equestria Games. Which can only mean one thing..."

Dash's eyes widened in glee.

***

Cadence stood proudly on the balcony of the Crystal Castle as she addressed the crowd below through a microphone.

"The next host of the Equestria Games is..." she paused for dramatic effect, "the Crystal Empire!"

Loud cheering broke out at this announcement as Rainbow Dash hugged the same filly we'd met earlier.

"We did it!" she said happily, "I told you we would!"

"Congratulations, crystal ponies!" Cadence said.

The sheer exhilaration from the Crystal Ponies over this announcement super-charged the Crystal Heart, which proceeded to shoot a beam of light into the sky that burst into an aurora of colours. I was cheering as well, though John and Applejack seemed unphased by it all.

I shrugged it off. If anything was wrong, they'd tell us. In the meantime, it was time for us to go home.

***

Back at the station, Dash was still feeling giddy with excitement.

"You know," she sighed contentedly, "it feels good to help others get something you always wanted but never had. It's almost as good as getting it yourself... almost."

"And just imagine," Twilight said, "We'll still be able to come back here and watch the games when they're played."

"You're right Twilight," Dash replied, "that'll be awesome!"

Suddenly, the strap holding a pile of luggage steady snapped and gave way, causing a mountain of bags to almost hit Fluttershy.

"Oh my goodness." she squeaked, "That was close."

"All aboard!" yelled the conductor.

We all got into the carriage and took our seats. I leaned back in mine and prepared to go to sleep while Twilight clambered onto my chest and nuzzled my face.

"Huh," Dash mused, "it's a major bummer that Spike had to miss out on all this. He would have had fun here."

"I'm sure he's having a great time watching all the critters back at home." Twilight replied.

"Ya think he's still got a handle on things?" Applejack queried.

Twilight performed her stress relief exercise again.

"If he's staying calm and collected," she said, "then I bet he's doing a terrific job as a leader."

A noise from within the carriage got our attention.

"Did y'all hear that?" Applejack said worriedly.

Everyone looked around the carriage while Twilight and I simply exchanged a sly wink.

***

"And I think you know the rest." I said.

Spike grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, I do." he said, "You came back and told me what happened. But I think it's great that the Crystal Empire won the Equestria Games. Are we going to go back when they're on?"

Twilight nodded.

"Cadence has invited us as VIP guests," she said, "so of course we're going... though I'll need to find somepony to watch the library for a while."

"Worry about that later," I said, "and let's go to bed. It's been a long day, and I'm tired."

Spike yawned and stretched before scratching himself.

"Good idea." he muttered as he headed upstairs, "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight Spike." Twilight and I said together.

There was a creak as he got into bed, then silence.

"What do you think tomorrow will bring?" I asked, "If today was a day for grand announcements, then I wonder how tomorrow will be any different."

"I think we'll be getting an announcement from John and Applejack tomorrow," Twilight said, "because I think I've figured out what's wrong. She's become moody like I was... when I was pregnant."

I gasped.

"It's just a theory," she said quickly, "for all I know she could have gas. Let's just wait for them to tell us, okay?"

I nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"If that is the case," I said, "then I know for certain that AJ will make a wonderful mother."

"And what about John?" Twilight asked, "Do you think he'll be able to act mature enough to be a proper father?"

I looked at her. Her stern demeanour quickly faded as she burst out laughing. I soon joined in.

"You had me going there." I said, "For a moment, I thought you were being serious."

Twilight's laughter stopped and her serious face returned.

"Well I'm being serious now when I say that John will be a great dad." she said, "He took a beating to prove he was a great friend, so I can only imagine what he will do to prove he can be a dad."

"Agreed," I said with a yawn, "now let's go to bed."

Twilight nodded and allowed me to carry her upstairs to our bedroom. No words were said as we fell asleep in each other's loving embrace and awaited the dawn of a new day.

... a day that would change our lives forever.

Author's Note

No, Geo isn't breaking the fourth wall. Remember, he's telling Spike the story of their trip to the Crystal Empire.

Just thought I'd clear that up.

Magical Mystery Cure

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Magical Mystery Cure

I slowly opened my eyes to find Twilight gazing at me dreamily, while the early morning sun streaming in through the crack in the curtains heralded the start of yet another beautiful day in Ponyville.

"Morning." Twilight cooed as she leaned over and kissed me softly.

"Morning." I replied as I returned her kiss, "You know, it never gets old waking up next to you like this."

"I agree," Twilight sighed contentedly, "I hope we share many more mornings like this."

"Me too Twi," I said, "me too. Anyway, I guess we'd better get up."

Twilight nodded and the two of us got up and had a shower together. Afterwards, Twilight went over to the curtains and threw them open, bathing the room in a brilliant orange glow.

That moment brought with it the return of something I hadn't experienced since Twilight's 'test' in the Crystal Empire.

Twilight began singing.

Morning in Ponyville shimmers
Morning in Ponyville shines
And I know for absolute certain
That everything is certainly fine

She danced around the room as she sang and woke up Spike, who promptly went back to sleep. She then headed downstairs and out into the street with me following behind.

There's the Mayor en route to her office
There's the sofa clerk selling some quills

The stallion waved at Twilight and grinned.

"Morning, kid!" he said with a wave. Twilight waved back and continued walking while singing.

My Ponyville is so gentle and still
Can things ever go wrong?
I don't think that they will

Just for the hell of it, I decided to join in. I put Twilight on my shoulders and walked further down the street towards the bridge leading to Fluttershy's house.

Morning in Ponyville shimmers
Morning in Ponyville shines
And we know for absolute certain
That everything is certainly—

Suddenly we were drenched in a downpour of rain. Twilight got the worst of it, her mane now sticking to her face. She frowned.

"Rainbow Dash," she snapped, "that's not funny!"

"Terribly sorry darling," Rarity's voice replied, "I'm afraid I'm... I'm not good with the thundery ones."

We looked at the bridge. To our shock, Rarity was standing on it directing the weather. To add further confusion, she was now in possession of Rainbow Dash's cutie mark.

"Something tells me," Twilight muttered, "that everything is not going to be fine."

She got off my shoulders and shook the water from herself before trotting over to Rarity, who was using her magic to arrange the clouds in a chequerboard pattern.

"Rarity," Twilight asked, "what on Equestria are you doing? What happened to your cutie mark?"

"Whatever do you mean, Twilight?" Rarity scoffed, "I'm simply doing what I've done since the day it first appeared."

Her horn stopped glowing and she smiled.

"There," she said, "doesn't my sky look fabulous?"

The only response she got was the grumbling of passing townsponies as they muttered incomprehensibly.

"What's wrong?" Rarity asked, "Too last season?"

"Okay," Twilight demanded, "where is Rainbow Dash and why isn't she handling this?"

"She'll be taking care of the animals at her cottage no doubt." Rarity replied, "Now if you'll excuse me I need to work."

She trotted off leaving Twilight and I standing on the bridge, the sunlight now giving way to wind, snow and rain.

"Come on," Twilight said, "let's go and find Rainbow Dash. Perhaps she can shed some light on this."

I chuckled.

"Shed some light." I pointed at the sky, "I see what you did there."

Twilight grinned.

***

As we approached Fluttershy's house we could hear the sounds of various animals. And they weren't happy sounds.

"First the weather," I muttered, "and now the animals. What in Tartarus is going on here?"

"It's not about the weather and the animals Geo," Twilight replied, "Rarity had Rainbow Dash's cutie mark and said this was Rainbow Dash's cottage. Something strange is going on here."

She knocked on the door, which a few seconds later was opened by Rainbow Dash. As she did, the sounds intensified in volume. I looked over her shoulder and saw Spark Plug trying to calm down a group of squirrels and beavers.

"Hey guys." Dash said sullenly, "What's up?"

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight yelled as she pushed her way in, "why is Rarity doing your job?"

She stopped upon noticing the commotion in the house.

"And what in Equestria is going on in here?"

Dash sighed and began stomping around the room, a song once again appearing out of nowhere.

These animals don't listen, no, not one little bit
They run around out of control and throw their hissy fits
It's up to me to stop them, 'cause plainly you can see
It's got to be my destiny, and it's what my cutie mark is telling me

She sat on her haunches, revealing that she now had a familiar trio of butterflies on her flank — Fluttershy's cutie mark. Without warning, Twilight teleported her and I to where Fluttershy was. It turned out she was in Sugarcube Corner, trying to entertain a crowd of bored ponies. And if you can't even entertain Vinyl Scratch, you know you're doing a bad job.

As Twilight and I appeared in the middle of the room, Fluttershy continued singing while Doctor Haywick took over trying to entertain the small crowd.

I try to keep them laughing, put a smile upon their face
But no matter what I try, it seems a bit of a disgrace
I have to entertain them, it's there for all to see
It's got to be my destiny, and it's what my cutie mark is telling me

Sure enough, Fluttershy had Pinkie's cutie mark. Twilight's horn glowed again and I braced myself. Sure enough, she teleported us to where Pinkie was — Sweet Apple Acres. She appeared to be doing all of Applejack's chores.

She picked up the song as Twilight and I appeared. Her mane and tail were completely flat, and lacked their usual puffiness.

I don't care much for pickin' fruit and plowin' fields ain't such a hoot
No matter what I try, I cannot fix this busted water chute!
I've got so many chores to do, it's no fun being me
But it has to be my destiny
'cause it's what my cutie mark is telling me

She sat down in defeat and showed us the three apples on her flank. I looked at Twilight who nodded, and teleported us to where Applejack was — the Carousel Boutique. To our considerable shock, she was trying to make dresses... with John's help.

Suffice to say, it wasn't going well.

Lookie here at what I made, I think that it's a dress
I know it doesn't look like much, I'm under some distress
Could y'all give me a hand here and help me fix this mess?
My destiny is not pretty, but it's what my cutie mark is tellin' me

The three diamonds on her flank told us what we needed to know, and once again Twilight teleported us. I had been teleported before, but never so many times in such a short period of time. We found ourselves back on the bridge, which I leaned against as Rarity continued singing the still-ongoing song.

I'm in love with weather patterns but the others have concerns
For I just gave them frostbite over-top of their sunburns
I have to keep on trying for everyone can see
It's got to be

Even though they weren't there, I could have sworn that I heard the voices of the others. Although I was probably feeling unwell due to the constant teleportation.

It's got to be... Fluttershy sang sullenly.

My destiny... Pinkie and Applejack sang together.

And it's what my cutie mark... Rarity, Dash and Fluttershy sang.

It's what my cutie mark... Pinkie and Applejack added.

The five voices then came together for one final flourish.

Yes, it's what my cutie mark is telling me!

***

Twilight and I ran back to the library, the former frantic with worry.

"This is bad," she muttered, "this is very, very bad."

"What's going on?" I asked, "Why is this happening?!"

Twilight pondered for a moment before a moment of clarity washed over her and she groaned.

"Shortly after we went to bed last night," she said, "there was a knock at the door. It a special delivery from Princess Celestia."

She trotted over to her desk and took a letter and a book from one of the drawers. She placed the book on the desk and unfurled the letter before reading it out loud.

Dear Twilight Sparkle

The spell contained on the last page of this book is Star Swirl the Bearded's secret unfinished masterpiece. He was never able to get it right, and thus abandoned it. I believe you are the only pony who can understand and rewrite it.

Princess Celestia.

"I then looked at the book," she continued, "and read the spell. Here, see for yourself."

She levitated the book over to me and I took it. Turning to the last page, I saw a single line of text.

"From one to another, another to one. A mark of one's destiny singled out alone, fulfilled.", I paused for a moment, "That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't even rhyme!"

Twilight giggled.

"That's what I said as well."

She then adopted a more serious expression.

"I cast the spell so I could find out what it was," she sighed, "but nothing seemed to happen."

She looked at the Elements of Harmony which were in a glass case nearby. I looked with her and gasped.

"But now I know something did happen." Twilight said dejectedly, "The spell has changed the Elements of Harmony! That must be why their cutie marks are all wrong!"

"So just cast a counter-spell to switch them back." I offered.

Twilight smiled and took the book from me, flipping through the pages for a moment before sighing in exasperation.

"There is no counter-spell!" she groaned.

"Well," I said, "Why don't you just use that memory spell you told me about? The one you used to fix everypony when Discord was still the bad guy and corrupted them?"

"It's not their memories Geo," Twilight deadpanned, "it's their true selves that have been altered!"

"Zecora's cure for the Cutie Pox?" I shrugged.

"That won't work either..." Twilight replied.

"Well..." I sighed, "maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe our friends will grow to like their new lives."

"No Geo," Twilight mumbled, "they're not who they are meant to be any more. Their destinies have changed, and it's all my fault."

She went upstairs slowly. Her mane and tail were hanging limp and she had a crestfallen look on her face. I followed her upstairs and she lay on our bed.

I sat next to her and laid a hand on her head, running my fingers through her mane as she began singing mournfully.

I have to find a way
To make this all okay
I can't believe this small mistake
Could've caused so much heartache

Oh why, oh why?

Losing promise
I don't know what to do
Seeking answers
I fear I won't get through to you

Oh why, oh why?

She sat up and began crying as she finished. I quickly hugged her, almost crying myself. I hated seeing her like this.

"Oh Geo," she whispered, "what have I done?"

"Aw come on Twilight," I soothed, "you're a smart mare, and you'll figure out a way to fix this. These are your friends."

"You're right, Geo." she replied with a small sniffle, "And they mean more to me than anything."

Suddenly, she began glowing. I backed away in shock and looked into her eyes. I saw the faintest trace of a spark appear before Twilight gasped in realisation.

"My friends..." she muttered.

"Uh Twilight," I said hesitantly, "are you all right?"

She turned to face me, a very large smile on her lips.

"I've got it!" she squealed, I know what to do!"

"You do?" I checked, "And what's that?"

"I may not be able to remind them of who they are," she replied, "but I can show them what they mean to each other. They'll find the part of themselves that's been lost so they can help the friend they care about so much! Come on, Geo!"

She leapt off the bed, taking me with her, and then rushed downstairs. She grabbed the Elements of Harmony and put the necklaces in a chest, while putting the tiara on her head.

"Let's go and find Fluttershy," she said proudly, "and then we can fix this mess and get our friends back!"

***

As it turned out, we didn't have to go far to find Fluttershy. She was at the balloon station in town, a saddlebag on her back. As we approached, she placed some bits on the booth counter.

"Fluttershy, wait!" Twilight yelled, "What are you doing?"

"Oh hello Twilight," Fluttershy replied, "I'm leaving Ponyville."

"But where will you go?" I asked, "And why are you going?"

"I'm moving back to Cloudsdale." Fluttershy sighed, "I don't know what's wrong, but I can't seem to make anypony laugh."

She produced a whoopee cushion and squeezed it. It deflated without even making a sound. Twilight and I looked at each other.

"What about Haywick?" I said, "You can't just leave him."

"I've already talked to him about it," Fluttershy replied, "and he understands. I just need time to get myself sorted out."

"Well before you go," Twilight said, "Geo and I were wondering if you might be willing to give Rainbow Dash a helping hoof. She's really struggling with her animals."

"But," Fluttershy said timidly, "I don't really know anything about animals, so how can I help?"

"That may be," Twilight replied, "but you do know something about Rainbow Dash, don't you?"

"I... know that she's a true friend," Fluttershy said, "and that I'll do anything I can to help her."

"That's the spirit!" I said cheerfully, "Now let's go."

***

As we arrived at Fluttershy's house, the sound of angry animals was still prevalent, as was a dull thump.

"Argh!" Dash's cries were muffled by the thick wooden door.

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight called out, "Are you all right?"

"I'm in here!" Dash called back, "Help! I'm trapped!"

We entered the house and gasped at the sight of Dash tied up in a cauldron, which the animals were dancing around. A closer look revealed that the critters were in possession of forks. Spark Plug was in a cage nearby with a sheepish grin on his face. When a bear walked past using a chair as a back scratcher, I nearly lost it.

"Hurry Twilight," Fluttershy pleaded, "can't you do some sort of spell to get her out?"

"No Fluttershy," Twilight said firmly, "you're the only one who can help. Rainbow Dash needs you!"

Fluttershy took a few steps forward and cleared her throat. The animals turned to look at her.

"Um, hello little... woodland creatures?" she said timidly, "Listen, I know that you're all very upset, and that you feel like giving Rainbow Dash a hard time, but we'd all really appreciate it if you'd calm down and, um, maybe... rest for a bit?"

She looked around and spotted a bowl of freshly cut vegetables. She picked it up and offered it to the assembled critter army.

"Oh look!" she said, also grabbing a nearby bowl of nuts. "Here's some nice, juicy leaves for you to munch on. And some crunchy, munchy acorns too. Uh, wouldn't you like to take a break and have a little snack?"

The animals looked at each other and shrugged, dropping their various utensils and crowding around the bowls. They began eating, much to Fluttershy's delight.

"Aww," she cooed, "look at that. I guess you were all just cranky because you were hungry. Oh, you are very welcome, little friends."

The bear came over and picked her up. At first she was worried, but soon relaxed when the bear planted a small kiss on her cheek.

"Goodness," she said, "it's like I can understand them! I... I feel strange, like... like this is what I'm meant to do, like this is who I am! My destiny!"

She began glowing like Twilight had been doing in the library. Twilight opened the chest and levitated Fluttershy's element over, fixing it around her neck. Fluttershy's eyes sparkled for a moment before there was a flash of light. She moaned and looked around.

"Wha... what happened?" she asked.

Twilight gasped and pointed at Fluttershy's flank. Instead of three balloons, three butterflies were now back in their rightful place.

"Fluttershy look!" Twilight squealed as she bounded around, "Your cutie mark! It worked! It worked! Oh, I'm so happy you're back to normal! Now we need your help!"

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
A friend will be there to help them see

"Oh great," I muttered, "another song. What is this, the West End of London? I feel like I'm in a musical."

Twilight ignored me as Fluttershy joined the song.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
To see the light that shines from a true, true friend

"Um, hello?" Dash said testily, "Friend trapped inside, remember?"

I walked over and untied her before freeing Spark from his cage. Suddenly the scene shifted, and we were in Ponyville.

"Fucking teleportation..." I snarled as Twilight continued singing.

Rarity needs your help
She's trying hard doing what she can

Fluttershy put a hoof around Dash's neck and continued.

Would you try, just give it a chance
You might find that you'll start to understand

Dash flew up to one of the many clouds dotting the sky and tentatively prodded it with a forehoof. It burst, causing her to look shocked for a moment. Within seconds, however, she was clearing the sky and finally allowing the sun to reappear.

As she landed, I noticed that she too was glowing. Twilight and Fluttershy walked over, followed by Rarity.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
A friend will be there to help you see
A true, true friend helps a friend in need
To see the light that shines from a true, true friend

Twilight placed the Element of Loyalty around Dash's neck, allowing the same feeling of realisation to flood her senses. The glow faded, and Dash was back to normal, cutie mark and all.

"Uh, what just happened?" she asked, "And why do I smell like animals all of a sudden?"

"There's no time to explain," Twilight replied, "but we need your help. Applejack's trying to make dresses!"

"Say no more!" Dash grinned as she looked at Rarity, who seemed confused about the current situation.

Within minutes we had dragged the fashionista to the Boutique. It was in a state of disrepair with some windows broken, fabric and paper all over the floor and even spots of blood which, given the number of plasters he had on his hands, used to belong to John.

Rarity began surveying the shop as Dash started a new chorus. As she sang, Applejack looked up from the sewing machine with tears in her eyes.

Applejack needs your help
She's trying hard doing what she can
Would you try, just give it a chance
You might find that you'll start to understand

Twilight and Fluttershy joined her for the chorus while Rarity gently pushed Applejack aside and took over, grabbing fabric and thread and perusing various designs.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
A friend will be there to help them see
A true, true friend helps a friend in need
To see the light that shines from a true, true friend

Twilight applied the Element of Generosity to the now-glowing Rarity, who wiped her brow in relief. Another spark, and Rarity had her own cutie mark back. She slumped over her workspace and let out a small gasp.

"Oh my, what a terrible dream I had." she spotted Applejack standing next to a ponyquin wearing a makeshift dress and added, "Or, maybe I'm still having it."

"Rarity," Twilight said urgently, "Pinkie Pie is about to lose the apple farm. We need Applejack's help!"

"Lose the apple farm?" Rarity said forcefully, "Well we can't let that happen, now can we?"

We grabbed Applejack and hot-footed it to the farm, where Pinkie Pie was still trying to fix the broken water chute. Rarity sang as we walked, while Applejack gained a look of determination. John, on the other hand, was more content with sucking his sore fingers.

Pinkie Pie is in trouble
We need to get there by her side
We can try to do what we can now
For together we can be her guide

The others joined her in singing the chorus. I decided to as well, and was shocked to hear even John singing along. As we sang we helped Pinkie with various tasks around the farm, such as harvesting and planting.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
A friend will be there to help them see
A true, true friend helps a friend in need
To see the light that shines from a true, true friend

The Element of Honesty was placed around Applejack's neck and she returned to normal. She reared up and cheered in delight.

"Yee-haw! Now that's more like it! She said, "Now what's next?"

"The townspeople are furious," Twilight said, "so we need to get the old Pinkie Pie back."

"Ah'm on it," Applejack replied, "an' Ah know just the thing."

She put a stunned Pinkie onto her back and we marched into town. The townsponies were walking around with faces like thunder. Two of them bumped into each other and growled. Applejack's singing attracted their attention and they glared at us.

The townspeople need you, they've been sad for a while
They march around, faces frown and never seem to smile
And if you feel like helping, we'd appreciate a lot
If you get up there and spread some cheer from here to Canterlot!

She slapped a silly nose and glasses combo on Pinkie's face and pushed her in front of the crowd. Almost immediately she began glowing, so Twilight fixed the Element of Laughter around her neck. Pinkie's mane and tail puffed back up and she threw the mask off.

"Come on ponies," she shouted, "I wanna see you smile!"

The crowd went wild.

"PINKIE!" they cheered.

The entire town then turned out for the chorus. It was a majestic affair, with a marching band and everything. Some ponies even did a few backflips.

As the song reached its climax, the girls got together and shared a group hug. John and I were fortunate to get caught up in it as well.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need
A friend will be there to help them see
A true, true friend helps a friend in need
To see the light
That shines
From a true, true friend!

As the girls hugged, I could hear Twilight whispering to herself.

"A mark of one's destiny, singled out alone, fulfilled."

Suddenly she gasped.

"Wait a second, that's it!" she said excitedly, "I understand now, I know how to fix the spell!"

She galloped back the library with us in hot pursuit. She threw the door open and went to her desk. Picking up the book, she grabbed a quill and began writing.

From all of us together," she said, "together we are friends, with the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end!"

***

Twilight closed the book and turned to her friends, who stood in a circle around her. She beamed from ear to ear.

"I did it!" she squealed, "I finished Starswirl's spell!"

Geo scooped her into his arms and held her tight.

"See," he said, "I told you that you were a smart mare. Princess Celestia is going to be so proud of you Twi. But not as proud as we are, right everypony?"

Everyone present nodded.

"I can't wait to tell her," Twilight said excitedly, "I wonder what she'll do with the spell? Maybe it'll go in a museum?"

Before anyone could answer, the Elements of Harmony began glowing with a white light. The respective bearer gasped in shock as her necklace fired out a beam of magic which enveloped Twilight and Geo. A small explosion then rocked the library.

When the dust cleared, Twilight and Geo were gone. All that remained was a a scorch mark shaped like Twilight's cutie mark.

The group cried out in shock.

"What happened?" Fluttershy gasped, "Where'd they go?!"

The exclamations of shock soon gave way to exclamations of worry.

***

I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by nothing but an empty void. Twilight was still in my arms, looking just as shocked.

"Where are we?" she asked, her voice echoing.

"Congratulations, Twilight." another voice echoed throughout the area, "I knew you could do it."

The void soon gave way to space as Princess Celestia appeared. Twilight leapt out of my arms and we both bowed.

"Princess?" she asked, "I don't understand. What did I do?"

"You did something today that's never been done before." Celestia replied. "Something that not even a great unicorn like Starswirl the Bearded was not able to do, because he did not understand friendship like you do. The lessons you've learned here in Ponyville have taught you well."

"And what about me?" I asked, "Why am I here?"

"Because you were holding Twilight at the time the spell cast by the Elements of Harmony sent her here." Celestia chuckled, "But in all seriousness, you have been by her side throughout all the trials she has faced lately. Sombra, Discord, Trixie... You have helped her to prove that she is ready."

"Ready?" Twilight asked perplexedly, "Ready for what?"

Celestia began walking away from us. Confused, we began to follow her. As we walked, several screens began appearing on either side. I took a look at the ones on my right. To my surprise, they were scenes from my life.

Our very first meeting, the time we spent talking while I was in the hospital, moving in to the library, the 'dating/mating' débâcle, our first kiss, the party, making love for the first time... basically everything from the night I was shot to when the Elements blasted Twilight and I was there.

On the other side, I saw scenes from Twilight's life. I saw her as a studious young filly (which nearly caused my heart to explode from a cuteness overload), through to her arrival in Ponyville. I also saw her battles with Nightmare Moon, Discord and the Changelings.

I also saw what she went through after I was shot for the second time. She lay idly on our bed, holding some of my clothing close and taking in its scent. The scene shifted to show her and the girls talking to the spirit of Discord.

"I guess he wasn't lying after all." I muttered.

I also saw the joyous moment when I arrived back, followed by everything up until this moment. It all brought tears to my eyes as I relived my life in Equestria all over again. Twilight joined me, and the two of us simply watched together.

Celestia joined us and, to our surprise, began singing.

You've come such a long, long way
And I've watched you from that very first day
To see how you might grow
To see what you might do
To see what you've been through
And all the ways you've made me proud of you

I was mesmerised. Celestia had such a wonderful singing voice. Twilight seemed to agree, as her mouth hung open at the same level mine was.

It's time now for a new change to come
You've grown up and your new life has begun
To go where you will go
To see what you will see
To find what you will be
For it's time for you to fulfil your destiny

As she sang the last line her horn radiated with light as she picked up Twilight, who began squirming with worry. The light soon enveloped me as well, and I felt myself falling.

***

In Ponyville, John was leading the others in a frantic search for Twilight and Geo.

"Come on mate," he yelled, "this isn't funny any more!"

In the sky above, a blazing flash of purple light distracted their attention. They looked up to see a large version of Twilight's cutie mark, now sporting six white stars instead of five, descending from on high. It manifested itself in the middle of town to reveal Twilight, while Geo came down next to her.

***

For the umpteenth time that day I found that I had been blinded by the light. I opened my eyes to find Twilight standing next to me.

"Twilight? Geo?" Applejack called out, "Is that you?"

I stood up.

"Yeah," I replied, "it's us."

"What in tarnation happened?" Applejack said, "Ya were just standin' there when the Elements went a bit loopy and blasted ya to Celestia-knows-where!"

"Actually," I replied, "Celestia did have a part in this. She basically told Twilight how proud she was of her for solving Starswirl's spell, and then went on to say that she was ready."

"Ready?" Applejack said quizzically, "Ready fer what?"

We looked over at Twilight, who still had her eyes closed. Suddenly, she opened them — while a pair of magnificent lavender wings flared out from her back.

Everyone gasped.

"Wha..." Applejack stuttered, "I, I've never seen anything like it!"

"Whoa, Twilight's got wings!" Dash said as she prodded the new appendages, "Awesome! A new flying buddy!"

She laughed as Rarity spoke up.

"Why, you've become an alicorn." she said, "I didn't even know that was possible!"

Pinkie hopped past wearing a party hat, a pair of false wings and stilts, which caused me to notice that Twilight was now taller than she was before. She now came up to my armpits, when before she had came up to my waist.

"Alicorn party!" she squealed as she blew a kazoo.

The commotion had attracted the townsponies, and they cheered at the sudden revelation.

"Wow..." Fluttershy said, "you look just like a princess!"

"That's because she is a princess."

We all looked up in confusion as Celestia descended from the sky.

"Hold on a second!" Pinkie said.

She produced a glass of water and drank it before spitting it out.

"A... a princess?!" Twilight and I exclaimed.

Celestia nodded.

"Since you've come to Ponyville," she said softly, "you have displayed the charity, compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism, and of course, the leadership of a true princess."

"But..." Twilight looked shocked, "does this mean that I won't be your student any more?"

"Not in the same way as before." Celestia replied, "I will still be here to help and guide you, but we're all your students now, too. You are an inspiration to us all, Twilight."

Celestia bowed, followed by everyone else present, while Twilight and I stood there dumbfounded.

"But what do I do now?" she stammered, "Is there a book about being a princess I should read?"

"There will be time for all of that later." Celestia giggled, "Right now, there is a coronation for us to plan."

***

The Canterlot throne room stood silent as Celestia addressed those present. Beside her stood her sister Luna, as well as Cadence and Shining Armour. The Elements of Harmony stood at the front of the audience along with Twilight's parents, who were beaming with happiness. John too had a huge grin on his face.

"We are gathered here today," Celestia said, "in celebration of a momentous occasion. My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, has done many extraordinary things since she's lived in Ponyville. She even helped reunite me with my sister, Princess Luna. But today, Twilight Sparkle did something extraordinary. She created new magic, proving without a doubt that she is ready to be crowned Equestria's newest princess. Fillies and gentlecolts, may I present for the very first time, Princess Twilight Sparkle!"

The doors opened and Twilight entered on a carriage pulled by a pair of Royal Guards. Behind her, other ponies carried banners with her cutie mark on them. The room filled with a soothing melody as these banner-bearers sang.

The Princess Twilight cometh
Behold, behold
A Princess here before us
Behold, behold, behold

The carriage stopped and Twilight got off, walking up to where the other three Princesses stood. The choir continued singing as Celestia placed a crown, modelled after the Element of Magic tiara, on Twilight's head.

Behold, behold
The Princess Twilight cometh
Behold, behold
The Princess is
The Princess is here

"Twilight Sparkle has faced many challenges over the last few months," Celestia continued, "but she has faced them with bravery, determination and skill. But despite everything, one man has been there to support her every step of the way. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, Prince Geo!"

***

As Celestia called out my name the doors opened, and I walked through. I was flanked by a couple of guards, one of whom I recognised as Dusk Wind. He gave me a sly wink as I approached Twilight and the other Princesses. I knelt in front of Celestia, who placed a crown on my head. It was made of gold, and adorned with rubies, sapphires and diamonds — a combination I was all too familiar with. I stood up and faced the crowd, who bowed.

We then headed onto the balcony, which overlooked Canterlot itself. Below us, the streets were packed with ponies eager to get a look at their new Prince and Princess. Celestia nudged Twilight.

"Say something Princess," she said, "they're waiting."

"Oh, okay." Twilight cleared her throat, "A little while ago, my teacher and mentor Princess Celestia sent me to live in Ponyville. She sent me to study friendship, which is something I didn't really care much about. But now, on a day like today, I can honestly say I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for the friendships I've made with all of you. Each one of you taught me something about friendship, and for that, I will always be grateful. Today, I consider myself the luckiest pony in Equestria. Thank you, friends. Thank you, everypony!"

The crowd cheered and stomped their hooves in approval. Celestia then nudged me and nodded towards the crowd. I stepped forward and they went silent in anticipation.

"Like my wife," I said, "I cared very little for friendship. I had been through so much in my life and had simply given up on the idea. But that soon changed when I came to Equestria and met Twilight. She showed me that having friends was not only possible but that it was, and still is, a blessing. A blessing made even more wonderful when I fell in love with her. So thank you, all of you, for making me see that friendship truly is magic, and for simply being the most wonderful folks I've ever had the pleasure to meet."

The crowd cheered and stomped again. We turned around to see our friends approaching. Shining Armour came up to us first.

"Twilight! I'm so proud of you!" he turned to me and added, "You as well, brother-in-law."

"Thanks mate." I replied as I pointed at his face, "You've, er, you've got a little something there."

"Shiny," Twilight giggled, "are you crying?"

"Of course not!" Shining said quickly, "It's... er, it's liquid pride. Totally different thing."

He and Twilight both shared a laugh as John came up and embraced me.

"Well done mate," he said, "I'm proud of both of you."

"Thanks John." I replied as I patted his shoulder. He took a step away from me and grinned.

"Just you wait until the party," he said, "I've got a surprise for you."

I grinned back.

"I'm looking forward to it." I said, Whatever it is."

Applejack and the girls gathered around Twilight.

"Way to go, y'all!" Applejack cheered.

"Best coronation day ever!" Pinkie squealed in glee.

"We love you, Twilight." Fluttershy added.

"I love you too, girls!" Twilight sniffled, "I really mean that."

They shared another group hug before Luna came over.

"As much as I hate to break this up," she said, "the ponies of Equestria would like to see their new Prince and Princess among them. So if you'd be so kind, follow me please."

Twilight nodded and the two of us followed Luna.

***

The cheering of the assorted ponies was deafening, even with the noise cancelling spell Twilight cast. They lined both sides of the street, the Royal Guard in front of them with their spears forming a guard of honour. Various flowers were being thrown into the carriage. Twilight picked up a rose and sniffed it.

She looked at me. I knew what was coming, so I nodded. She nuzzled my face and the two of us began singing.

Life in Equestria shimmers
Life in Equestria shines
And we know for absolute certain

We jumped out of the carriage we were in and fell into line with our friends who were walking behind. They all joined us in singing.

That everything (everything)
Yes, everything
Yes, everything is certainly fine
It’s fine

Without warning, Twilight levitated me onto her back and took off into the sky. I wrapped my arms around her neck as I held on, while she finished our impromptu song.

"Yes!" she said happily, "Everything’s going to be just fine!"

"You can say that again," I replied, "though it's gonna take me some time to get used to this role reversal."

"Role reversal?" Twilight asked, "I wasn't aware of a role reversal."

"There has been a role reversal." I grinned wickedly, "Because you're usually the one riding me."

I couldn't see it, but I knew Twilight was blushing because of the sudden increase in heat around her face.

She looped around and we flew back to the castle for the after-coronation party, courtesy of a certain pink energy ball.

***

"Could I have everypony's attention please?" John yelled.

The guests fell silent as all eyes turned to him.

"Thank you." he said, "Now, I told Geo... er I mean Prince Geo that I had a surprise for him. Well, here it is."

He walked over to where the band was and picked up a guitar. He strummed a few chords while the stallion on drums began playing.

They continued the same beat for another twenty seconds, before John finally started singing. I recognised the song as 'Prince Charming' by Adam Ant; quite fitting, really, given the occasion.

John finished the song with a final resonating note, to a thunderous stomping of hooves combined with cheering and whistling.

"Thank you everypony," he yelled, "I'm here all night!"

The crowd laughed at his joke.

"But seriously though," John said, "that was for you Geo. I'm pleased to call you my friend. Do us proud mate!"

He stepped away from the microphone and put the guitar down before leaving the stage, where ponies were eager to pat him on the back. I looked at the microphone and then to Twilight, who was talking to Cadence about the upcoming Equestria Games.

Without even thinking, I walked onto the stage and took up the microphone. All eyes were now on me. But I already knew what I was going to do.

"Since we're doing songs for each other," I said, "it's only fitting that I do one for my lovely wife. It's probably not the perfect song, but it matches my feelings right now."

I leaned over and whispered the name of my song to the band. They nodded in agreement and took up their instruments. I took up the guitar John had been using while the drummer began playing. After a few seconds, I began strumming. The music began to build up as I started singing 'Pretty Woman' by Roy Orbison, but I replaced 'woman' with 'pony.'

Once I was finished, Twilight got on stage and kissed me. "That was beautiful." she cooed, "And you're definitely going to be rewarded for that later. But first, I feel as though I should sing a song for you now. So stand aside please, my dear."

I did as I was asked and got off the stage. Twilight talked to the band for a moment and they nodded.

Twilight took up the microphone and immediately began singing 'The Power of Love' by Celine Dion. I began to wonder how Twilight knew the song even existed, unless of course the similarities between Equestria and Earth stretched beyond just our mutual language.

As she finished the song she closed her eyes and allowed a single tear to run down her cheek and onto the floor. While the audience voiced their approval, I leapt onto the stage, sweeping Twilight into my arms and planting one on her lips. She dropped the microphone in surprise before wrapping her forehooves around my neck and leaning back into the kiss, both of us moaning contentedly.

"Does, er, does anypony else want to sing a song?" John asked, struggling to keep his emotions in check.

Everyone shook their heads. Twilight and I eventually pulled away from each other. I picked up the microphone and spoke.

"Thank you," I said, "for the wonderful evening. Today has been one of the greatest days in my entire life, coming second to the day I actually arrived here in the first place. I promise you all that I will not fail you in my duties as Prince... whatever they may be."

"And I will not fail in my duties as Princess." Twilight added, "Also Geo is right. Today has been amazing and I have all of you to thank for it. You are all the greatest friends a pony could ask for."

Everyone cheered in approval. The band left the stage, replaced with Vinyl and Pinkie.

"Hey Vinyl," I said, "I guess this means that I don't have the pleasure of working for you any more?"

"Yeah," she replied, "but do you know what's worse?"

"What?" I asked.

"You're a Prince now," Vinyl huffed, "so that means you're now my boss, instead of me being yours!"

She looked at me for a moment before we both laughed.

"Shut up and get those records playing you silly mare." I said.

Vinyl fired off a mock salute and did as she was asked.

And soon, everyone was possessed by the beat.

***

Hours later, Twilight and I were entering the library. Although Celestia offered us a room at the palace, Twilight and I both insisted on staying in Ponyville. Our reason was that we didn't want to leave our friends behind.

We paid the foalsitter, who left the building with her nose pressed into the ground, and sat with our children.

"Do you think they're going to grow up to be like Blueblood?" I asked, "You know, spoilt brats who think they deserve it all?"

Twilight shook her head.

"No," she said sternly, "and we'll make sure of that. I want them to live normal lives, and not worry about the other foals shunning them simply because they're royalty."

I held her close as we watched the two of them sleep.

"One thing is still bugging me about all of this." I said.

"What?"

"The girls weren't the only ones affected by that spell," I replied, "their special somepony was too. Spark was helping Dash with the animals, Haywick tried to entertain everypony, and John was acting like a mannequin. Not one of them seemed to realise it was wrong."

Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought.

"It would seem," she said eventually, "that because the guys are connected to a bearer of an Element of Harmony, the spell affected them as well."

"I shudder to think at what Ace would have done," I said, "had he been at the farm with Pinkie."

"Yeah..." Twilight trailed off, "Where's he been anyway? Is he still locked in his lab?"

"He is," I replied, "and those damn bots of his won't let me anywhere near the place so I can speak to him."

Twilight sighed.

"I'm sure he'll come out when he's ready to talk." she said, "Though I wish Pinkie would open up about her feelings for him. Every time I even mention Ace's name she changes the subject."

"Those two need their heads banging together," I said, "or maybe they need to be locked in a room until they talk."

"Indeed," Twilight replied, "though it's none of our concern at the moment. What is our concern is rewarding each other for those beautiful songs we sang earlier."

She ruffled her wings and grinned.

"And perhaps," she said sultrily, "we can find some way to make use of these?"

"I'm sure we can think of something." I grinned back, "But if all else fails, we could always wing it."

Twilight groaned at my awful pun and walked upstairs with me following close behind.

And then the festivities began properly.

Author's Note

This chapter has now beaten 'Magic Duel' for Longest Chapter I've Ever Written. Just the Epilogue to go, and then this story is complete! But fear not, for there are still Bonus Chapters to look forward to.

SONGS USED

John sang Prince Charming by Adam Ant.
Geo sang (Oh) Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison.
Twilight sang The Power Of Love by Celine Dion.

I came up with the idea for John's song, while Seven81493 suggested the other two.

Epilogue

Author's Note

Since A Season Of Terror, the original sequel to this story, has now been declared non-canon, a new Epilogue was required.

This is what I came up with, and I hope it is to your liking.

The next part of the Geoverse saga will take place during Season Four — though I'm unsure what title to give it just now.

Crimson Star has told me he is no longer my co-writer, so future stories will be written without his input.

Epilogue

After months of listening to Pinkie always making excuses to avoid talking about Ace, she stunned us all by finally announcing that she was ready to tell us exactly why she had been avoiding him. Rainbow Dash, Spark Plug and John had, at first, been hesitant to let her speak — but she shushed them and launched into a story unlike anything we had ever heard before

"Remember that creepy Nazi guy, Manglanosa?" she asked, to which we nodded. "As you know, he and Ace didn't really get along all too well — a rivalry which escalated, when Manglanosa accused Spark Plug of attacking Ace's base. He took him prisoner, as well as me, and took us to his own base — so Ace set out to get us back along with Rainbow Dash, his bots... and his man on the inside."

She looked at John as she spoke the last four words, causing him to drop his head and look away in shame. Applejack glanced between the two before realising what Pinkie was talking about.

"Wait just a dang minute," she snarled. "You mean to tell me that mah husband was actin' as a spy inside Manglanosa's base?!"

"I had no choice but to do it," John whispered. "When Geo and I helped Ace to build his stabiliser, he made us sign confidentiality agreements — an agreement I broke when I reported back to my superiors at MI6. He came to see me one night and demanded that I helped him... otherwise he was going to take the farm." He looked at Applejack solemnly. "I couldn't let him do that." He continued. "So I agreed. I wasn't prepared to give him the satisfaction of casting us out onto the streets and taking our home away from us, not after all the effort I went to in order to buy it. I didn't tell you because... well, I didn't want you to worry. I was doing it to protect us, AJ, but after everything I saw there... maybe homelessness would have been the better option."

Applejack's anger evaporated as she nuzzled John's hand affectionately. He idly patted her as Pinkie continued talking.

"Ace and his bots stormed Manglanosa's base, and managed to free Spark," she said. "But then Manglanosa's men counter-attacked, and it was revealed that I had been taken prisoner. As well as this, we saw that Manglanosa had been conducting experiments into making super-soldiers who were capable of causing, as well as taking, a huge amount of damage."

Various gasps of horror and disgust filled the room. Rainbow Dash and John both looked crestfallen, with Spark Plug hugging the former as tightly as he could.

"After some fierce fighting against a group of these super-soldiers, Ace found me with the 'good doctor' himself." Pinkie shuddered. "At first, there was a stalemate while Manglanosa held a gun to my head, but Ace had prepared for this and revealed that he had taken Manglanosa's family captive."

"I guess he learned his lesson from the Diamond Dog incident," Applejack muttered. "Sorry, Pinkie, carry on."

"Before Manglanosa could do anything, there was a large explosion which took out the whole area." Pinkie paused for a moment. "An explosion which caused me to die." Everyone looked at her in silent disbelief for a moment before they all started shouting at once. She raised a hoof to quiet them. "I'll explain how I'm alive in a minute, but right now you have to realise that Ace was furious. I was dead and so was Chocolate, given the fact I was still pregnant at the time. At that moment something inside Ace snapped, so he grabbed a weapon and took off after Manglanosa. Along the way he came across some of his bots which had captured a few mercenaries. When one of them asked Ace what to do with them, he replied with the chilling news that all he saw was a pile of corpses."

"And with those few words, all of those poor men were killed on the spot. Ace ordered that all prisoners were to be killed and resumed his search. He caught up with his rival again and was about to kill him when Manglanosa revealed that he had secretly been working on a serum to raise the dead. In exchange for his life he offered it to Ace, who could then use it on me — so he had my body brought to him and did exactly that." She sighed. "I came back to life all right, but the serum also had a side effect in that it accelerated the gestation period of my foal."

"So in other words..." Fluttershy said. "In other words, it made Chocolate grow faster than normal?"

"Exactly." Pinkie nodded. "I went into labour then and there and gave birth to her. Ace allowed Manglanosa, his family and his surviving men to leave alive, we were reunited — and then he simply broke down and told me what he had done. He said that what he did was unforgivable but I told him that, yes, it was a lot to forgive, but if he worked on making things right then he could be forgiven. I then made a Pinkie Promise to stick by him." She sighed again. "A promise I've broken."

***

Twilight and I had been listening outside the door in silent horror. I had always known Ace to refer to himself as a 'villain,' but I always thought he did so as a joke. To hear that it was actually because of this was unbelievable — and the fact that so many of my friends were involved was a lot to take in as well.

After Pinkie finished talking we decided to make our presence known. Twilight was the first to walk into the room, and immediately wrapped a wing around Pinkie's shoulders.

"I know Ace has done some pretty horrible things," she said. "But it sounds to me like he regrets it."

"Oh, he does," Dash interjected. "He made us promise not to tell anypony because he doesn't want us thinking any less of him."

"But he deserves it!" Pinkie shouted. "He blackmailed John, took a family hostage and killed Celestia knows how many people! Do I really want someone like that raising my foal?!"

"Pinkie," Twilight soothed. "I think the real question here is why you left all those months ago, instead of when he told you all of this."

"Yeah, Pinkie!" Dash added. "You said yourself that you forgive him for it, and you promised to be there so it wouldn't happen again."

"Uh huh." Pinkie sighed. "But... now that I think about it, maybe he really does regret it. I know he has nightmares about what happened at the camp, about what kind of monster he turned into. And I was always there to comfort him."

"I've seen first-hand the depravity to which humans are willing to sink," I said plainly. "After all, you were there when Derek pretended to listen to my advice... before he shot me again and then he and his friends tried to kill you and the rest of the girls. I don't know what to think and I can't make your decisions for you, Pinkie, but I'll support you no matter what."

"On the one hoof," Rarity offered. "He seems no better than Derek. But on the other hoof, he doesn't want to be anything like him." She closed her eyes, as if focusing on her thoughts. After a moment she opened them and continued speaking. "Metaphorically speaking, he sounds like a savage beast that is soothed by the presence of a fair maiden." She paused for a moment. "In a way, I pity him — the poor dear sounds like he’s haunted every night by the ghosts of his past. But I suppose he brought it upon himself."

"Pinkie..." Twilight said. "Do you know if Ace want to put that kind of past behind him?"

***

Pinkie awoke to the feel of the mattress shaking. Confused, she looked around for the source of the disturbance to discover that it was Ace, who was in the foetal position. He was shivering, letting out silent sobs, and whispering something to himself.

"Acey?" Pinkie asked, placing a hoof on his arm.

"I'm a villain," Ace whispered. "I'm a monster. I don't belong."

Pinkie listened to him repeat those words over and over. This wasn't the first night something like this had happened, as Ace had been having these night terrors ever since the battle at Dr. Manglanosa's camp. Pinkie looked over at Chocolate, who was safe in her crib, sleeping soundly. Pinkie counted her blessings; she'd hate to explain to her why her father was so upset.

"It's all right, Acey," she told him, wrapping her forelegs around him gently. "It's over, and you'll never have to do it again."

Ace's mumbling turned to sobs, and all he could do was face Pinkie and hold her close. Pinkie felt bad for Ace, as she didn't know how to make the nightmares stop — but she knew that she was going to be there when Acey needed her.

***

"Yes," Pinkie said after a long pause. "Without a doubt, yes."

"If he don't wanna do it no more, then I ain't one to judge him on his past." Applejack nodded "If you wanna go back ta him, sugarcube, ya have my support."

"I... I do wanna go back," Pinkie said. "The more I think about it, the more it seems like I wasn’t being very fair when I left him."

"Well there's the door." I pointed at the object in question. "Just go through it and head to his lab."

"Can you guys come with me?" Pinkie sniffled. "I don't wanna lose my nerves at the last minute."

We nodded, following as Pinkie trotted swiftly out of the room. She moved quickly through the Ponyville streets, returning any greetings with a simple nod. It was almost as if she was determined to get to Ace's lab, and that nothing was going to stop her.

As she approached, the bot guarding the door went to stop her. "Halt," it said. "The master does not wish to be disturbed."

"Step aside," I said. "As crown Prince of Equestria, I order you to stand down and let us past."

The bot shook its head. "Negative," it replied. "This unit, like all others, only obeys orders from the master."

"Well, it just so happens that I'm married to the 'master,'" Pinkie said, stepping in front of me. "What do you say to that?"

The bot was silent for a moment as it pondered its next move. Eventually, it stepped to one side. "You may pass," it said. Pinkie walked up to the door, but the bot stepped in front of the rest of us when we tried to follow her. "The mistress may pass, you may not."

"All right, fine," Rainbow Dash said. "Don't get your circuits in a twist." She raised her voice. "Hey, Pinkie, you do whatever it takes to get him out of there while we support you from back here."

Pinkie nodded, pressing a button on the door. There was a pause, and then some faint crackling as the intercom burst into life.

"Who's that?" Ace's voice said. "Is that you, DB-32?"

"Acey?" Pinkie said sweetly. "It's me, Pinkie. Can we talk?"

"Pinks?" Ace sounded shocked. "Uh, sure, we can talk..." He trailed off. "As long as you're not here to shout at me again."

Pinkie shook her head. "I Pinkie Promise," she said, performing the motions. "I won't shout if you won't." She sighed. "But I'd much rather talk to you face-to-face, rather than through a door. Why don't you come on out, Acey? All of our friends are here, and they'd love to speak to you again." As if on cue, the rest of us began calling out, agreeing with what Pinkie was saying. "See? They're worried about you just as much as I am... and there's a certain little filly who is missing her daddy."

With that, the intercom went silent. Pinkie stepped back, looking crestfallen, but then jumped slightly as the door opened. Ace peered out through a crack, giving us our first look at him in months — and the time alone hadn't done him any favours.

He was unshaven, sporting a bushy brown beard, he had sweat stains under his arms and – if the way Pinkie screwed her face up was anything to go by – he smelled revolting.

"It is good to see you, Master," the bot said. "Would you like me to remove these trespassers?"

Ace shook his head. "No, thanks, DB-32," he replied. "In fact, why don't you go and take a break? I can handle things myself now."

The bot nodded and entered the laboratory, disappearing from sight. Ace slowly took a couple of tentative steps outside, shielding his eyes from the sun he hadn't seen in months of solitude. He looked at us bashfully, not wanting to maintain eye contact for longer than a couple of seconds, but he eventually looked at Pinkie Pie — who, despite the smell, gave him a hug.

"I've missed you, Acey," she said, tears forming. "I wish I'd never left you in the first place — I broke a Pinkie Promise."

"You left me for a reason," Ace replied, returning the hug. "I'm a monster, a villain... not the sort of person you want to be with."

"Well, you did kill a bunch of guys in cold blood," I said nonchalantly. "So it's only natural you'd feel that way." He looked me in shock. "Yeah, we know everything."

Twilight hoofed me in the side. "Way to be tactful," she hissed, before addressing Ace. "Look, we know what you did – and why you did it – but we don't want to think about it. All we care about is getting you back with your family, where you belong."

"Though I'm still mighty pissed ya tried ta blackmail John," Applejack added. "But I guess, in time, I'll understand why ya thought it was a good idea." She turned to John. "An' don't think I've forgotten about you putting yerself in danger."

John looked away, unsure of how to respond.

"Ignore them for now, Acey," Pinkie said. "The reason I came back is because... is because I love you, and I want us to be a family again. Yes, it will take time to put all of this behind us — but I just know that we can work together and do exactly that."

"Do you really think so?" Ace asked, his voice choked with emotion.

Pinkie shook her head. "I don't think so," she replied. "I know so."

Ace blinked a couple of times, then grabbed Pinkie in a bone-crushing hug. She didn't seem to mind, even going so far as to giggle uproariously while her mane and tail returned to their usual fluffiness and vibrant pink colour.

"I'm sorry." Ace addressed all of us as he relinquished his hold on Pinkie. "I'm sorry for everything, and I swear I will do whatever it takes to make amends so that we can put this nightmare behind us." He looked at John and Applejack. "I owe you two the biggest apology — whatever you want of me, it shall be done."

John and Applejack exchanged a cautious glance, but eventually nodded and allowed Ace to shake hands and hooves with them. He made his way through each of us, apologising profusely, and then he got to Twilight and I.

"I'm sorry I did this to our friends," he said. "And I hope you can forgive me for making them keep such secrets from you."

"We accept your apology," Twilight said. "But, like the others said, forgiveness will take a bit longer to bestow."

Ace shrugged. "Understandable," he replied. "And now, if you don't mind me asking... when the hell did you get wings, Twilight?"

I chuckled. "My friend, let me fill you in on what you've missed during your time alone." I wrinkled my nose up. "But first things first..." I turned him around and pushed him towards his lab. "You need a shower, a shave and a change of clothes — in that order."

Ace laughed back and stepped into the lab, stopping just as he was in the door. He turned around and held a hand out to Pinkie. "Well, Pinks?" he asked. "Are you coming home?"

Pinkie nodded once and followed him into the lab, the doors closing behind them with a loud click and leaving the rest of us standing outside. Rainbow Dash was the first to break the resulting silence.

"What do you think, everypony?" she asked. "Will he – or, indeed, any of us – ever get over this?"

Twilight nodded. "I hope so," she replied. "The magic of friendship is strong indeed — it's never failed us before, so I can only hope that it doesn't fail us now."

"Ain't that the truth." I put an arm around her. "Come on, everypony, let's leave those two in peace."

With those words, and a final glance at the laboratory, we all turned around and began the walk back to Ponyville.

*** THE END ***

B1. Spike At Your Service (1st Draft)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

B2. Enough Is Enough (NC)

In the Town Hall, a single raised voice could be heard giving orders to the many ponies inside, as Trixie cemented her hold on the town.

"Hurry up with Trixie's banners!" she demanded of Rarity, who was at a sewing machine making banners depicting Trixie's grinning face. The device was producing them at such a rate, it appeared to be on the verge of catching fire. As Rarity finished another one she handed it to Rainbow Dash, who flew up into the rafters looking for a place to hang it.

Trixie turned her attention towards the Cakes, who were making a large seat out of candy.

"Trixie's throne had better be finished soon," she snarled, "or else there will be Tartarus to pay! Trixie's current seat is far too lumpy for her liking."

"You're not the only one who isn't comfortable, bitch." John muttered from underneath Trixie's rear. "Has anyone ever told you that your flank is really bony? It feels someone is poking me with a fucking pitchfork."

Trixie smacked him across the back of the head in response and adjusted the necklace she was wearing. She then looked towards Applejack, who was knee-deep in a barrel of apples.

"Trixie has been waiting far too long for you to finish pressing that applesauce! She demands that you hurry up, so that she may enjoy an applesauce facial."

"You need a facial, all right." John muttered. "And I don't mean the beauty kind either. Perhaps it'll improve your attitude."

Trixie gasped and smacked him again. John looked up at her.

"Do that again bitch." he snarled, "I dare you."

Trixie grinned and swung her hoof towards John's face. At the last second before impact he grabbed it with his hand.

"You asked for it." he muttered.

He got to his feet, still holding Trixie, and began spinning on the spot. After a few seconds he screamed in fury and let go of the showmare, sending her flying across the room and into a wall. She scrambled to her hooves and growled, steam escaping from her nostrils as she charged a spell.

"You beast!" she screamed, "The Great and Powerful Trixie will show you what happens to anypony who dares defy her!"

"Oh yeah?" John shouted, "Well the Awesome and Magnificent John is gonna show you what he does with tyrants! If I can sneak past an army and assassinate some tinpot dictator, then I'm pretty sure I can handle an uppity unicorn!"

Trixie bellowed in fury and released the spell she had been holding. A blinding beam of red light shot out of her horn and barrelled towards John, who ducked and rolled to one side. The beam struck the wall, causing an explosion to blow out all the windows in the building. John picked up a piece of broken glass and glared at Trixie, who was grinding her teeth furiously.

"My turn." he spat.

He began sprinting towards Trixie, who stood her ground and began preparing another spell. John leapt through the air, his left hand raised above his head and holding the glass, while his right hand was stretched out in front of him in a grasping motion.

"It's time," he yelled, "for me to go all Altair on your flank!"

"I think you'll find," Trixie snorted, "that it's actually time for you to join your friend in Town Square!"

She fired off another beam of magic at the approaching human. Screaming in fury, John threw the glass at Trixie. The makeshift blade skimmed her cheek and left a small cut which began weeping blood. Trixie hissed as the pain caused her concentration to falter. Before she could react, John had grabbed her horn.

"You now have a decision to make." he growled as he brought her face up to his, "Either you lose the necklace, or you lose your horn. You have ten seconds to decide."

Trixie flailed wildly with her forehooves but found herself unable to strike the man holding her at arms length. She groaned in defeat and brought a hoof to her neck. She removed the Alicorn Amulet, which clattered to the ground.

Almost immediately the effects of her spells ended: the weather returned to normal, Ace was no longer a statue, and Pinkie Pie got her mouth back — a mouth which she soon put to good use as she leapt on Ace and began kissing him.

The assorted townsponies gathered around John and Trixie. Their eyes were full of anger, causing Trixie to gulp. The fear in her own eyes was palpable.

"So what will do you with Trixie now?" she said quietly, "Are you going to kill her?"

"To be honest," John replied, "I didn't even think I would get this far. But if anypony else has any ideas..."

"I do." Rarity said flatly, "You should get rid of her in the same way she got rid of Twilight. I trust you know what I mean by that?"

John grinned and nodded before walking outside, followed by the others. Summoning all of his strength he threw Trixie as hard as he could, a rapidly-fading squeal being the only indication as to where she was. John dusted his hands together and turned around.

"MI6 style," he muttered, "motherfuckers."

Everyone cheered as Applejack flung herself around John's neck.

"Remind us never ta get on yer bad side." she said, "But still, Ah'd be lyin' if'n Ah said that wasn't impressive."

John grinned.

"I did it for you hon," he replied, "and all of our friends."

Applejack nuzzled his cheek affectionately.

"Ah know ya did darlin'," she whispered, "Ah know ya did."

"Trixie's gone," Pinkie squealed, "so let's PARTY!"

She produced her Party Cannon and fired it, covering the Town Hall with a plethora of balloons and streamers. John took Applejack's hoof and led her onto the dance floor.

The two of them embraced as the party started, the townsponies basking in their new-found freedom from tyranny. John smiled at the feeling of knowing he was responsible for this.

And it felt good.

***

"Human?" a voice demanded, "Trixie demands that you stop playing games and get up right this instant! You cannot serve as her throne if you are lying on the floor like this!"

A bit of drool escaped John's mouth as he mumbled incoherently. Trixie sighed and prodded him impatiently while Applejack and the others looked on in horror.

"Blast," Trixie muttered, "Trixie must have hit him harder than she thought. Who knew humans were so brittle?"

Author's Note

Lucky424's Idea: John tries to kill Trixie, but fails miserably.

I've got some readers who are Trixie fans, so killing her was out of the question. Which is why I wrote this cheesy dream sequence where he simply got rid of her instead. I hope you enjoyed reading it, because I sure as hell enjoyed writing it.

As for where I got the inspiration for John's leaping pose:

Kudos to anyone who got the reference before reading these notes.

B3. Autopsy Report

Twilight sat at her desk reading a book and scribbling various notes onto a piece of parchment. The only noises in the room were the ticking of the clock and the soft snoring of two foals who lay in a cot near the desk. Twilight yawned and put her quill to one side before getting up and stretching. She looked into the cot, a goofy smile appearing on her face, and trotted into the kitchen.

Moments later she re-entered the living room, chewing quietly on a daisy sandwich and sipping at a cup of tea. As she prepared to park herself at her desk again, there was a knock at the door. A knock which seemed to echo throughout the quiet library. Azure and Evening woke up and started bawling.

"The doors open!" Twilight called as she picked them up from the cot, "So just come in!"

The door opened and John entered carrying a box. He placed it on the couch and went over to Twilight, who nodded in greeting.

"Sorry Twilight." John whispered, "I didn't know they were asleep."

"It's all right," Twilight assured him, "they're due for a changing. Anyway, what brings you here... and what's in the box?"

John grinned and went over to the box as Twilight began the less-than-enviable process of nappy changing. He opened the flaps and reached inside.

"Well," he said, "you know how you were curious as to how Ace's BIRDs worked?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she finished her task. She levitated two bottles into a warmer and trotted towards John.

"Yes," she replied, "but he wouldn't give me one to study. I've always wanted to study new technology and he won't indulge me."

"Well how about I indulge you?" John said, "With this?"

He removed his hands from the crate to reveal that he was holding a small metal object. It closely resembled one of the many birds which dotted Equestria's sky, but had a camera instead of a beak. Twilight squealed with glee and gave the foals their bottles before rushing over to John and taking the object from him.

"How did you get him to give you one?" she asked.

John chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his head before coughing nervously.

"He didn't give me it per se..." he muttered, "I kinda took it."

Twilight dropped the BIRD back on the couch with a gasp.

"You mean you stole it?!" she snapped, "How could you?!"

"Wait a minute," John said defensively, "and let me explain. I took it from the place where I found it."

Twilight furrowed her brow and sat on her haunches. She crossed her forelegs and stared intently at John.

"I'm listening," she said, "so start explaining."

John sat down opposite Twilight and sighed.

"Remember a couple of days ago," he said, "when Trixie was here and took out Ace's Doc-bots with that EMP?"

Twilight nodded.

"Well," John pointed at the BIRD on the table, "it looks like this bot was also affected. Ace must have forgotten about it. Though I suppose getting turned to stone and then getting whacked upside the head with a large hammer would have an adverse effect on your memories."

Twilight giggled.

"But if you don't want to study it," John said as he reached for the bot, "I can always take it back to Ace."

Twilight's horn glowed and John's hand was slapped away from the BIRD by an invisible force.

"This is my only chance," Twilight muttered, "so I'd be a fool not to take it. I'll take it back to Ace when I'm done."

John stood up and nodded.

"All right," he said, "have fun. Oh, and Twilight?"

Twilight cocked her head at him.

"You didn't get this from me," he said sternly, "understood?"

Twilight nodded and picked the BIRD up before heading into the basement, making sure to take the foals as well. John looked around shiftily for a moment before opening the library door and sprinting down the road back towards Sweet Apple Acres.

***

Twilight closed the basement door and trotted back towards the BIRD lying on her desk, looking over it eagerly. A stack of parchment, several quills and lots more ink bottles were levitated onto the workbench.

"Finally," Twilight said eagerly, "I get to study technology from a whole new world. This will go down as one of the best, if not the best, scientific studies in Equestrian history. But the thing is... where do I start?"

She glanced over the object again and came across a compartment labelled 'Power Core'. A small smile came to her lips.

"I guess I could start with where the energy comes from." she said, "It will be interesting to see how this device is powered, given the fact that humans don't use magic and therefore would not have access to mana batteries."

Her horn glowed and the power compartment of the BIRD glowed with it. A small pop filled the basement as the compartment came off to reveal the circuitry beneath. She put the piece to one side and peered in for a closer look.

"Hmm," she muttered, "it looks like the device is powered by solar energy, though some of these parts are burned. Must be the result of the spell Trixie used."

She put a forehoof to her chin in thought.

"Wait a minute, I've seen Ace using these during the night. But solar power doesn't work at night, so how is that possible? Ugh, I've only been doing this for a few minutes and already I've got more questions than answers!"

She let out a snort of displeasure before looking at the BIRD again. She furrowed her brow for a moment before an idea came to her.

"Wait a minute," she said, "I know a spell to generate artificial sunlight! If I use that on the device, then I'll be able to use a power sensor to see where the energy is going and how it is used. Ooh, I'm so clever!"

She clopped her forehooves together in delight before stopping suddenly and looking around, thankful that only Azure and Evening had seen what she did. The two foals studied their mother with curiosity before laughing at her antics.

"Mummy silly!" Azure said.

"Silly mummy!" Evening added.

Twilight giggled and blew a raspberry at the two of them before turning her attention back to what she was doing. She looked closer at the bot and saw a red wire which wasn't connected to anything.

"That must go somewhere," she mused, "and I'm going to assume it goes into that red socket there. Because it's red... as is the wire. At least, I hope Ace colour co-ordinates everything."

She charged her horn and gingerly connected the loose wire. When nothing exploded, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Phew," she sighed, "now to get this thing started."

She charged another spell and a small glowing orb appeared at the tip of her horn. It was a much smaller version of Celestia's sun, but provided the same amount of light, some of which was flooding into the BIRD's exposed solar collector.

A series of beeps came from the device and Twilight stopped channelling the spell. She looked on in wonder as a small red light appeared on the bot's camera. The camera began whirling around rapidly as the bot slowly lifted off from the table.

"It worked!" Twilight cheered, "Now I can study it prop—"

Her words were cut off as the BIRD let out a loud beep. Twilight gasped in fright as the bot suddenly lunged forward, unleashing a surge of electricity which rendered the unicorn unable to move. The bot then flew towards the basement door, smashing a hole clean through it, before flying out of the library through an open window.

Azure and Evening were clearly distressed at what had happened and started crying again. Loud footsteps were heard on the floorboards above before the basement door was kicked open, revealing a very concerned human.

***

I had just arrived back from work when a loud smash scared the crap out of me. Looking around I saw one of Ace's BIRDs flying out of the basement. The device paid no attention to me as it flew out the open window.

Just as I was wondering what the hell was going on I heard crying coming from the basement. Panicking I ran over and kicked the door clean off its hinges. The door landed at the bottom of the stairs, which I ran down three at a time. I saw Azure and Evening in their cot bawling their eyes out. As they saw me they stopped and then pointed at something across the room. I looked to where the were pointing at... and saw Twilight lying motionless.

"Holy—" I cut myself off before I swore and ran over to her, "Twilight? Twilight! Wake up!"

I took hold of her and gently shook her in an attempt to rouse her. When that failed I simply held her close, running my fingers through her mane while I wept pitifully. With Spike gone and me not wanting to leave her or the kids, I had to wait for her to wake up. Which, thankfully, didn't take long.

The first I knew of her being awake was when I felt her nuzzling my chest. I looked down to see her looking up at me with bleary eyes.

"Oh thank Celestia you're all right." I whispered, "But what the fuck happened here? Why was a BIRD in here?"

Twilight explained everything to me: how John found the robot and brought it to her, and what she had done prior to being shocked.

"It must have been the Taser." I mused, "The bot must have seen you as a threat and acted accordingly. But the fact remains that I'm gonna talk to Ace about this and remind him who his friends are."

"No don't," Twilight pleaded, "I think that'll just make things worse. It was my own fault anyway, I didn't think about what those bots were capable of. Sure I read the stories in the paper after the Diamond Dog incident, but to experience it first-hoof is surreal."

I nodded and relinquished my hold on her, allowing her to slowly get to her hooves. She wobbled slightly but managed to get to the cot where Azure and Evening were. Both foals looked at their mother warily.

"It's okay," she said as she nuzzled, "mummy's fine. She just got a bit of a shock from that little robot."

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked, "Do you want to go to the hospital, get yourself checked out?"

Twilight shook her head before picking up the cot and walking upstairs with it. I watched her go before sighing and leaving the basement, picking up the door and placing it against the frame.

Author's Note

Sully48's Idea: Twilight tries to examine one of Ace's BIRDs.

This was fun to write, though I'll admit to almost crying at the part where Geo finds Twilight unconscious. Crimson Star came up with some really good ideas for this chapter, but due to the fact this was getting too long I couldn't use them all. Sorry! :raritydespair:

Because this got too long, Sully, I regret to inform you I won't be writing the chapter for the other idea you gave me. Sorry again, but I hope you understand.

B4. Forgiveness is Magic (NC)

I stood and watched Pinkie Pie as she stomped around her room at Sugarcube Corner, flinging her belongings into various drawers and cupboards. Her foal, Chocolate, stood with her forelegs over her crib, a confused look on her face. As well as myself, the rest of Pinkie's friends were there. Hell, even Discord was there, having just pledged to use his powers for good.

"I can't believe the nerve of him," Pinkie snarled, "lying to us like that! How could he be so callous?"

"Ace only had Equestria's safety at heart," I offered, "so it's only natural he'd want to protect it. And given what Discord did the last time he got loose, it's only natural that Ace would want to keep a close eye on him. So surely you can forgive him for telling one little white lie about being on his side?"

If looks could kill, then I would have died a thousand deaths from the way Pinkie glared at me. I had no idea she could look so intimidating, especially when her mane and tail were straight. Truth be told, it was rather unnerving made me shy away nervously.

"If you knew what I knew," she said coldly, "you wouldn't be so quick to defend him. But I made a Pinkie Promise not to tell, so don't bother asking. The fact is that this is just one more in a long list of lies, and I've simply reached the end of my tether."

"If I may be so bold," Discord interjected, "there are at least two of us in this room who have lied to you in the past and have been forgiven. I, of course, am one of them."

"And I'm the other one," John said, "given my previous job."

Discord nodded.

"I said to Fluttershy that I would reform," he said, "but only so I could stop her using her Element on me. Yet when I realised that I actually appreciated her friendship, which I still do, I was quick to change my ways for the better. You all forgave me then."

"And you already know my story," John added, "so there would be no point in me telling you it again.

Discord raised a claw.

"I don't know your story," he said, "so could you tell me?"

"I was talking to Pinkie," John replied, "but to cut a very long story short: I used to be a spy back in the world I came from. I was assigned to keep an eye on Geo to find out what, if anything, he knew about Ace. To do that I had to become his friend. At first I was lying about being his friend, but then he found out about who I really was and soon made me realise that I wanted our friendship to be real. In the end, I took a beating to prove that it was."

Pinkie looked at us blankly.

"I don't know what Ace has done in the past," I said, "but since you promised not to tell us, then I can only assume that it was something really bad. So if you can forgive him for that, then surely you can forgive him for this?"

"I guess you're right..." Pinkie muttered, "I guess I should forgive him. After all, he's done much worse than this."

"Good." I replied, "Then let's go back to the lab and find him. Once you forgive him you can go back to being one big happy fa—"

"You said I should forgive him," Pinkie snapped, "but you didn't say anything about getting back together with him."

"I thought that getting back with him was implied." I retorted.

"I will forgive him for lying to me," she said, "but I won't get back with him. Not this time. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that being deceitful is the way forward in life."

"She won't," Rarity interjected, "because you will be there to steer her along the right path."

"But if I stay with Ace," Pinkie growled, "then we'll have a conflict of interests. On one hoof you have me with my happy-go-lucky attitude, willingness to help my friends, and my positive outlook on life. But on the other hoof you have Ace with his deceitful ways and, above all else, his uncanny ability to lie and make it sound like the truth. So who do you think Chocolate is going to listen to when it comes to making the right choices in life?"

"You're over-thinking this, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash said gently, "It'll be a few years before Chocolate is at that stage, and hopefully you and Ace will have worked things out by then."

"But what if we haven't, Dashie?" Pinkie deadpanned, "What if he's still lying to me about Celestia-knows-what?"

"Ah have ta agree with Pinkie." Applejack said, "Ace was so darn good at lyin', even Ah couldn't pick up on it. How ironic — the Element o' Honesty didn't see a lie."

"You see?" Pinkie said, "If a living lie detector like AJ can't pick up on it, then who knows what else he's hiding? A man with so many secrets can be dangerous, and is not the sort of man I want bringing up my daughter."

"But Pinkie," I started, "maybe you should—"

"No!" she screamed, "We're done here. You've tried your best, but I've made my choice. So either respect my decision, or leave. I am not going back to Ace, and that's final. As for forgiving him... well, since he's at fault here then he can come and find me. But if he wants to stay cooped up in his lab then that's no skin off my nose."

We all looked at each other nervously. We knew that there was not going to be any way of making Pinkie do something she didn't want to do, and we sure as hell weren't going to force the issue.

"Okay Pinkie," Twilight spoke for all of us, "we respect your decision, and will support you no matter what."

To further emphasise her point Twilight trotted over to Pinkie and gave her a hug. The rest of us followed suit and soon Pinkie was the lucky recipient of yet another Elements of Harmony group hug. As we separated, Pinkie's mane and tail slowly inflated back to their normal level of puffiness and she beamed from ear to ear.

"You're all such great friends," she said, "so let's have a party to celebrate that!"

She produced her Party Cannon from underneath her bed and fired it, decorating the room in a plethora of balloons and streamers. As she rushed off, presumably to get food and drink, we all looked at each other and let out a collective sigh.

We knew that this wasn't over. Pinkie was hiding something, but only time would tell if she would reveal it to us or not. In the meantime we decided to simply enjoy the impromptu party, if only to show solidarity for our friend.

***

John lazed on the couch with Applejack across his lap, idly running one hand through her mane while scratching behind her ears with the other. But despite the attention, Applejack's mind seemed to be elsewhere and she sighed.

"What's wrong, AJ?" John stopped his motions, "Is there something on your mind?"

"Ah'm just worried about Pinkie is all," she replied, "she seemed real upset earlier when she was talkin' about Ace an' his lyin'. It makes me think that somethin' awful happened ta them and they don't want anypony findin' out."

"Secrets," John swallowed nervously, "have a habit of coming out in the end. Whatever they're hiding, we'll soon find out. Though given how Pinkie was, I'd be inclined to say it's a doozy."

"So ya reckon we need ta be prepared fer anythin'?" Applejack asked, "Or maybe somethin' really bad?"

John shrugged.

"I don't know, hon." he said, "But I guess being prepared for the worst wouldn't hurt at all."

"Ah guess..." Applejack replied, "Anyway, Ah'm goin' ta bed."

"I'll be up in a minute," John said. "got a little bit of cramp."

Applejack gave him a peck on the cheek.

"All right," she said, "Ah'll see ya in a minute or five."

She trotted upstairs, leaving John on the couch. Sitting up, he buried his face in his hands before dissolving slowly into quiet sobs.

Author's Note

Crimson Star's Idea: Discord and the others try to get Pinkie to forgive Ace for lying to them.

I realised that the other bonus chapters were all canon to the story, so I did the same here. I know I went against Crimson's idea, but at the same time I think I've done a good job with it. Just what is John hiding?

... you'll find out soon enough. :trollestia:

B5. Sixty-Three

"It's good of you to come and see me, John," I said, "because I've been bored out of my fucking skull with my new duties."

"Yes," John chuckled, "because being a Prince is so damn hard."

"I'd like to see you try and sit through a trade meeting with the gryphons while resisting the urge to throttle them." I snapped, "They're just so fucking picky!"

"Point taken," John replied, "which is why I'm here to help you relax and take the weight off."

"And what better way is there to relax," a voice said, "than by playing a fun game?"

John and I stopped walking and looked at each other. Suddenly there was a small bang and a cloud of smoke appeared in front of us. As we coughed and waved our hands, a familiar face appeared in front of us with a wide grin.

"Oh it's you, Discord." I said, "What the hell are you on about?"

Discord conjured a couch and lay across it with one hand over his face. He let out a loud and sarcastic sigh.

"You're not the only one around here who is bored, your Highness." he said wearily, "Ever since I resolved to give up chaos I have found myself restricted in what I can and cannot do."

"Uh huh," John mused, "and what does this have to do with us?"

Discord snapped his fingers, getting rid of the couch and appearing next to John before draping a hand over his shoulders.

"I'm so glad you asked me that," he replied, "because it just so happens that I have an idea for something fun to do!"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Just get to the point," I said, "and tell us what you've got planned. I'm so bored right now I'm up for pretty much anything."

"Ditto." John added.

Discord clapped his hands together gleefully.

"Good," he said, "because I was thinking. When I first met you I said that humans were immune to my powers. But earlier I realised that you also told me that you're not native to Equestria."

John and I looked at him for a moment before realisation hit us and we started backing away slowly, Discord shadowing our movements with a malevolent grin on his face. John and I turned around to run but Discord had already snapped his fingers and enveloped us in his strange magical aura.

We picked ourselves up from the floor and glared at the supposedly reformed Lord of Chaos as he beamed from ear to ear.

"What the hell did you—" I started, "Wait... why has my voice increased in pitch?"

"Fuck that," John's voice was different as well, "why the hell are you a woman now?"

Discord conjured a mirror and the two of us looked into it, only to be greeted with female faces staring back at us. We gasped in shock as Discord fell over laughing.

"You should see the looks on your faces!" he put his hands to his cheeks, "Priceless! But might I suggest that you find a way to reverse what I've done? I don't think the Royal Guard will take kindly to intruders."

"Change us back you dick," John snarled, "or I'll kick your arse!"

"Now now, Joanne," Discord replied, "that's no way for a lady to behave. You would do well to take lessons from Rarity."

John lunged for Discord's neck only for him to disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving behind mocking laughter.

"Damn it," I said, "we don't have time for this! We need to hurry up and find a way to remove this spell!"

"Maybe Twilight can help?" John asked, "Though to be honest it's a good thing Discord has done this. I was beginning to forget what a human woman looked like. And I look good."

"Yes," I sighed, "and I look just as good, if not better, but now is not the time to admire yourself! We need to move!"

I grabbed John by the arm and dragged him down the hall. He eventually snapped out of his trance and took the lead, helping us both to hide from the guards patrolling the castle.

Although the library was only a few minutes away, it took ten times longer to get there. The guard presence in the castle was higher than normal, but I put it down to Discord being around. I opened the door and bundled John inside.

"All right," I whispered, "I'll look for books while you keep an eye on the corridor. If anypony comes along, whistle."

John nodded and took his place at the door, opening it slightly so he could look out. I turned my attention to the shelves, and the many hundreds of books which were upon them.

"Maybe if I throw myself into the bookcase," I muttered, "I'll find the book we need in a heartbeat."

I elected not to do this because it would obviously attract unwanted attention and started trawling the shelves, reading the spines of the books as I came across them.

"Teleportation, telekinesis, potions, poisons..." I sighed, "this is going to take a while."

***

An hour later and I was at the very limits of my patience. I began to suspect that Discord knew we would come here, and so hid the book we were looking for. I just hoped he hadn't eaten it like he did those pages on reforming spells.

"Come on," I said to John, "let's get out of here and try the Starswirl the Bearded wing. I've got a key, so all we need to worry about are the guards."

"Do you really think the guards will be stupid enough to mistake you as an intruder?" he replied, "You're wearing your crown, and Discord is around. I'm pretty sure they'll know it's you."

"They've never seen a human woman before," I replied, "so they won't know what one is supposed to look like. I'd rather we sneak over there, instead of run the risk of sparking a security alert."

John sighed.

"Fine," he muttered, "then let's go before we're sp—oof!"

The door swung open, catching us both by surprise. John, knocked down by the door, quick scrambled to his feet and hid behind a shelf. The door opened some more and a guard entered. To my relief, it was Dusk Wind.

"Hello," he said cautiously, "Is anypony in here?"

"Psst, Dusk!" I whispered, "Over here."

"What are you doing?" John hissed, "He's gonna bust us!"

"I'm testing your theory." I replied as I entered Dusk's line of sight. He took a step back in alarm and produced a crossbow.

"Don't move," he shouted, "or I'll sh— Prince Geo?"

He looked me up and down, taking in the crown on my head and the royal sash across my chest.

"Yeah Dusk," I replied, "it's me. Discord is up to his old tricks. But he got John as well, so at least I'm not alone."

I pulled John out of his hiding place and we both stood sheepishly in front of Dusk, who promptly dropped his crossbow as he fell over howling with laughter.

"Yeah yeah," I sighed, "laugh it up. But might I be so bold as to remind you of your position, Sergeant?"

Dusk stopped laughing and snapped to attention.

"Sorry your Highness," he said, "I just wasn't expecting this. So, er, this is what human women look like? I'm impressed."

"Yeah," John simpered, "it is impressive. But I think I look better as a man, so we need to fix this. I don't want AJ seeing me like this."

"Too late, darlin'."

John and I went rigid with shock and turned around slowly. Dusk had forgotten to close the library door... which meant Applejack had seen and heard everything as she walked past. She entered the room with a large smile on her face. I was about to gloat, but then Twilight followed Applejack into the room. I facepalmed, John groaned, and Dusk pressed his muzzle to the ground as he bowed.

"Thank you, Dusk Wind," Twilight said, "you may take your leave. And we would appreciate it if you kept what you have seen here under wraps, do you understand?"

"Yes, your Majesty." Dusk replied as he swept out of the room, but not before letting out another small cackle. Twilight closed the door behind him and grinned.

"I must say," she said, "that when Discord said he was going to pull a prank, I thought he meant on Celestia, Luna, or myself and the other Element bearers. Besides, I thought humans were supposed to be immune to his powers?"

"Equestrian humans were," I replied, "but since we're not from Equestria, then of course we were fair game."

"But that's besides the point." John muttered, "Do you have any spells that can change us back?"

"I do," Twilight said, "but I don't want to use it just yet. Applejack, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

The two of them exchanged a sly glance and giggled. John and I looked at them in shock before looking at each other.

"I think we need to run some... experiments." Twilight said coyly, "Wouldn't you agree, Applejack?"

"Ah most certainly do." Applejack replied, "So why don't ya take us somewhere we can... do them?"

John and I barely had time to high-five each other before we were enveloped in the blinding aura of Twilight's teleportation spell.

Author's Note

Vetnern's Idea: Discord turns John and Geo into women and they have to fix it before everypony finds out.

This was fun to write! :rainbowwild:

And before you ask: no, I am not going to write a clopfic about this. :trollestia:

B6. These Friends Of Mine

"Another wonderful day in Ponyville..." Twilight mused, "would it kill the weather team to provide us with rain once in a while?"

She continued walking down the street, the townsponies bowing graciously to their newly crowned Princess. Twilight returned every bow with a smile and a wave, though she was still finding it hard to believe that what was happening to her was real.

As she entered the town square, a mare with an azure coat and pale blue mane and tail caught her attention. She gasped with realisation and trotted in the direction of the mare, who was engrossed in conversation with another mare with a cerulean coat and a sun yellow mane. Her cutie mark was a gaming controller. As Twilight approached the pair, she picked up on their conversation.

"I bet you any money," the mare's companion said, "that Twilight Sparkle's ego has massively inflated since she became a Princess. I wouldn't be surprised if she started thinking that she was better than all of us little folk."

Twilight, now offended, decided to make her presence known. She cleared her throat, attracting the attention of both mares. The azure one bowed graciously while the other one stood frozen to the spot. Twilight raised an eyebrow at her and addressed the former.

"Hello Trixie," she said, "it's nice to see you again. You're not here to cause trouble again are you?"

Trixie chuckled.

"Not this time," she said, "I promise. I'm actually here with my special somepony, who just so happens to be this ball of nerves."

She indicated the mare with the cerulean coat, who giggled sheepishly and looked at the ground.

"This is Summer Breeze," Trixie continued, "whom I met in Manehatten. After I failed to take over Ponyville... thanks for getting rid of that horrible Amulet by the way... I went exploring. Naturally word spread of what I had done and I once again found myself being shunned. But Summer here was different. She accepted that I had made a mistake and wanted to atone for it. We became friends and... well, it kind of grew from there. She even got me to stop talking about myself in the third pony."

"So I see," Twilight giggled before her voice became stern, "but I'm afraid I heard everything Summer said about me, so if it's okay with you I'd like to prove her wrong."

Summer gulped.

"Please don't throw me in the dungeons, your Highness!" she pleaded, "I was only joking!"

"Joking or not," Twilight replied, "I'm still going to prove to you that without my friends, I wouldn't be where I am today. So please come with me, both of you."

Summer and Trixie nodded respectfully and followed Twilight as she trotted through the Ponyville streets. Many of the townsponies grumbled about Trixie being back, only to be silenced by a hard stare from Twilight.

"It just so happens," Twilight said, "that I'm due to meet my friends in Sugarcube Corner for lunch. At least this way you can talk to them all at once, instead of following me around town to their respective homes and talking there."

"Well," Summer Breeze replied jovially, "that's convenient."

She chuckled at her own joke to which Twilight responded by giggling, while Trixie rolled her eyes. The three of them soon found themselves in front of Sugarcube Corner. A customer who was leaving held the door open, bowing to Twilight as she entered.

Sitting at a table were five other mares, all of whom were pleased to see Twilight. She approached them with a cheerful grin on her face. Trixie and Summer stayed close behind, although Trixie's present had not got unnoticed by the five.

"Hey girls," Twilight said pleasantly, "sorry I'm late. I ran into an old acquaintance of ours, as well as somepony you need to meet."

She motioned for Trixie and Summer to approach the table, which the former did nervously. Summer nodded to each of the mares, who tipped their heads in return.

"You already know Trixie," Twilight said, "but I can assure you she's not here to cause trouble. She's with Summer Breeze here. And I mean that literally — the two are together."

Trixie and Summer both blushed at this announcement, the latter then being introduced to the other Elements of Harmony.

"Okay Summer," Twilight said, "tell them exactly what you told Trixie in the market earlier."

Summer swallowed a lump in her throat and looked across the table at her audience.

"Earlier on," she said, "I said that, now she's a Princess, Twilight would consider herself to be better than everypony else. She overheard me and brought me here to see all of you, with the intention of showing me how much you all mean to her."

"And," Twilight added, "that without you I wouldn't be who I am today. I have a lot to thank you all for."

The other Element bearers made various sounds of dismissal as they waved a forehoof nonchalantly.

"I'm serious!" Twilight said sternly, "This is something I've been meaning to say for a while. And, given what Summer has said, now seems like the best time to do it. So listen carefully, all of you."

Approaching Applejack, Twilight draped a wing around her in a hug. Applejack responded by patting Twilight's shoulder.

"Applejack is the most honest pony I know." she said, "I can always count on her to give me her opinion. Sure there are times when her answer isn't what I'm looking for, but at the end of the day she was still being honest, and I respect her for it."

"Thanks, Twi," Applejack replied, "that means a lot."

Twilight removed her wing from Applejack's back and draped it over Fluttershy's. She let out a small squeak at the contact but relaxed as Twilight began speaking.

"Fluttershy is a kind and caring pony, always willing to help whenever and however she can. But at the same time she is fiercely defensive of her friends, and will not tolerate anypony hurting them. And that is why I respect her."

Fluttershy gently nuzzled Twilight as the alicorn moved to the next pony at the table.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight said, "is a fiercely loyal friend and will do whatever it takes to prove that, even if it means getting her hooves dirty. An example is when she helped Fluttershy during the Changelings attempted invasion of Canterlot. Her determination and spirit, as well as her stubbornness, go well together and make her another friend I'm proud to have."

Dash grinned as Twilight moved on.

"Pinkie Pie was the first pony I met when I came to Ponyville." she said, "Honestly, I saw her as crazy. But over time her bubbly personality and happy-go-lucky attitude rubbed off on me, and I grew to enjoy her company. And then there's the fact she did an excellent job with my wedding. In fact, were it not for Pinkie I think I'd still be cooped in the library and unwilling to make friends. So Pinkie is another pony who's friendship I am pleased to have."

Pinkie Pie bounded eagerly in her seat as Twilight addressed the next pony in their group.

"And finally," she said, "we have you, Rarity. You showed me how generous you can be on the very day I met you. And since that day you have been a welcome part of my life. You are always there with a comforting shoulder and a kind word, and have even gone so far as to put our needs above those of your customers. And that, Rarity, is why I am proud to call you my friend."

Rarity wiped a tear away and nodded slightly as Twilight turned to face Summer Breeze and Trixie.

"Now do you see, Summer," she asked, "how each of these five ponies means the world to me? Each of them has taught me something about friendship, and these lessons have helped me on my path to becoming a Princess. Without them, I'd still be a bookworm living in solitude in Canterlot."

Summer Breeze nodded.

"I do, your Highness," she said, "and I apologise for my words earlier. You may be an alicorn, but at the end of the day you are still a pony like the rest of us. It was wrong of me to make assumptions, and I hope you forgive me."

Twilight chuckled.

"I already have." she replied, "Thank you for coming and giving me a chance to counter your argument. I'll let you and Trixie return to your enjoyment of the day now."

Trixie and Summer both bowed and left the bakery, leaving Twilight free to enjoy another group hug with her friends.

B7. The Sketch Artist

The clouds hung low over the sky, the occasional shaft of sunlight peeking through a break or two. The townsponies paid no attention to the sky above them and continued on their way, going to and fro between various stands in the market.

In the middle of all were a pegasus mare and a unicorn stallion, the former with a wing draped idly over the latter's back as they walked close together with loving smiles on their faces.

"Despite the weather," the stallion said, "I think today has been wonderful. Wouldn't you agree, Fluttershy?"

"Oh yes, Haywick," Fluttershy replied, "it has been wonderful. It must be because of the company."

Haywick smiled and nuzzled Fluttershy's cheek, to which she giggled and nuzzled him back. They continued walking along the road, both of them content to relax and enjoy the day. As they approached the edge of the market a pony sitting at an easel caught their attention.

He was a forest green unicorn with a straight brown mane which was sticking horizontally from his scalp. His tail hung low enough to touch the ground and was messy in places, while the pencil on his flank indicated his talent as an artist.

Haywick and Fluttershy stopped walking and watched as the stallion applied the finishing touches to his work. It was a caricature of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, showing them with big heads and little bodies. The three fillies waved at the new arrivals.

"And... done!" the stallion exclaimed, "Here you are girls, what do you think of this?"

He took the picture off the easel and turned it around to show his work off to the Crusaders. Upon seeing it they fell over howling with laughter, before descending into an argument over which one of them had the biggest head.

"Easy girls," the artist said, "you'll ruin it. Anyway, that'll be ten bits for the picture and another ten for each copy if you want any."

"It's okay, Scribbles," Apple Bloom said as she passed the stallion a few coins, "we're gonna hang this in our clubhouse, meanin' there ain't gonna be any arguin' 'bout who gets it."

"All right then," Scribbles chuckled as he put the money in his bit pouch, "I'm glad you like it. Take care now, girls."

The three fillies nodded, waving goodbye to Fluttershy and Haywick as they got into Scootaloo's scooter and took off at high speed. Scribbles turned his attention to the two.

"Afternoon, folks." he said, "The names Scribbles, and I'm an artist. Can I interest you in a caricature or, since I can clearly see that the two of you are together, maybe a lovely romantic scene?"

"That second one sounds nice." Fluttershy replied, "How much would something like that cost?"

"Thirty bits for a black and white drawing," Scribbles replied, "or fifty bits for a full colour picture."

"We'll take the colour option please." Haywick said, "Nothing but the best for my special somepony."

Scribbles nodded and placed a fresh piece of paper on his easel while Haywick and Fluttershy stood in front of him.

"Do you want us to pose," Fluttershy asked, "or would you prefer us to stay still?"

"You two lovebirds can just stand there as you are," Scribbles said, "and let me take care of the rest. My imagination will then work its wonders, and I promise you that you will like the end result."

Fluttershy nodded and Scribbles got to work. He peered at the couple in front of him for a moment before a flash of inspiration came over him. He opened a satchel at his hooves and took out several brushes and pots of paint and got to work.

Time seemed to pass by quickly as Scribbles worked. His tongue was sticking out and his brow was furrowed as he concentrated, occasional spots of paint landing on his face. The brush moved effortlessly over the paper like water flowing over a rock and Fluttershy and Haywick quickly found themselves marvelling at the skill Scribbles was displaying.

Twenty minutes later Scribbles stopped what he was doing and, with a contented smile on his face, put his tools down.

"Done!" he exclaimed, "Come over and tell me what you think. As I said, I think you'll like it... well, I hope so at least."

Haywick and Fluttershy walked over to the easel and looked at the finished painting for a moment before gasping in awe.

The two of them had been portrayed as walking side-by-side along a beach at sunset, with the waves gently lapping at their hooves. Fluttershy's wing was draped over Haywick's back, and the couple were nuzzling each other affectionately.

"Oh my," Fluttershy said softly, "it's beautiful. You've really done a wonderful job with this, and I say it's worth every bit."

"Every bit," Haywick added as he took his bit pouch in his magical aura, "and so much more. Allow me to give you a bonus."

Scribbles shook his head.

"Okay then," Haywick grinned, "instead of a bonus, why don't we call it a tip for your excellent work?"

"If you insist," Scribbles replied, "then thank you very much. Enjoy your portrait, folks, and do come back sometime."

Fluttershy smiled and nodded as Haywick paid Scribbles and took the painting, placing it gently into his saddlebag before he and Fluttershy headed off along the path out of town and towards her cottage on the outskirts.

***

"A bit to the left... a bit to the right... perfect." Fluttershy sighed contentedly, "It looks really nice there."

"I couldn't agree more my dear," Haywick replied, "Scribbles did a fantastic job."

"It's just so detailed." Fluttershy simpered, "I can picture us taking a walk on the beach at sunset. It sounds lovely."

"Art was one of my favourite subjects at school." Haywick said, "I took it as a means of keeping away from the bullies. Time and again I would look hard at one of my paintings and imagine that the picture was alive. It's what kept me sane."

Fluttershy smiled and walked up to the painting. She stared intently at it, her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed. After a few minutes she gasped.

"What is it?" Haywick asked concernedly, "Are you all right?"

"Look at this," Fluttershy said softly, "and tell me that I'm not hallucinating. You're a doctor, so you'll know."

Haywick rushed up to Fluttershy's side and followed her gaze to the painting. His eyes widened in shock and he spluttered, before he and Fluttershy watched their painted selves come to life and go from a slow walk on the beach, to a moonlit dance under the stars.

"Either we're both imagining the same thing," he whispered, "or magic is at work here. And I'm guessing it's the latter."

"Who cares?" Fluttershy whispered back, "It's beautiful."

Haywick took one of Fluttershy's forehooves in his and looked into her eyes, causing her to shudder in anticipation.

"My dear Fluttershy," he said, "might I have this dance?"

Fluttershy nodded and the two of them began to mirror the scene in the painting, ignoring the world around them as they lost themselves to their imaginations.

Five minutes later they finished, Haywick dipping Fluttershy under the moonlight streaming in the window. She giggled softly as she stood up, before the two of them shared a gentle kiss.

"That was lovely, Haywick," Fluttershy cooed, "thank you."

"No, Fluttershy," Haywick replied, "thank you for being so wonderful. I love you so much, my dear, and this night has just made everything so much better."

"I love you too," Fluttershy said, "and I don't want this night to end. But what do you suggest we do?"

Haywick grinned.

"I suggest," he said, "that we go upstairs. After all... there's plenty more space up there for us to dance."

Fluttershy giggled and went upstairs, followed closely by Haywick, and the two danced the night away.

Author's Note

Ikemtz16's Idea: Haywick and Fluttershy are browsing town when they meet a unicorn named Scribbles who is drawing on an easel and charging ponies for funny pictures. He offers to draw the two in a romantic scene. But once complete, the picture somehow comes to life and moves like it's a real scene.

I like how this chapter turned out, and I hope you did as well. Flutterwick is often neglected in my stories, so it's nice to be able to write about it once in a while.

Also, how many of you thought they were going to go upstairs and have sex? :trollestia:

B8. The Neighsayers

A few weeks into my new job as Prince passed and finally the elation had faded. Life returned to normal and I was able to get stuck into the duties that I had been assigned, which mostly involved overseeing trade disputes. With another meeting over I made a mental note to relax in order to reduce the chances of me throttling the next gryphon I saw.

As I left the meeting room my guards started to follow me but I dismissed them, saying that I would be fine on my own as I was just going for a walk around the castle grounds with Twilight. They nodded in affirmation and went back to the barracks.

Walking along the corridor I caught sight of Twilight leaving another room with Celestia close behind. I walked up to the two, both of them acknowledging my presence with a nod, and waited for them to finish talking.

"That'll be all for today, Twilight," Celestia said, "and don't worry about you-know-who. I'll have a word with him if and when I find out where he is."

"Thank you, Pri—," Twilight cut herself off, "Celestia. I'm sorry I had to bother you with this. It just seems so trivial."

"Nonsense," Celestia scoffed, "you are a Princess now, Twilight, and that's not going to change. But as I said, I will have a word with the stubborn mule when I get a moment."

"Thank you, Celestia," Twilight replied, "I appreciate your help."

Celestia nodded and went back into the room. I draped an arm around Twilight's neck as she ruffled her wings.

"Something wrong, Twi?" I asked, "And please don't say there isn't, because I can tell from your conversation with Celestia that there is. Is somepony giving you grief?"

"It is nothing," Twilight replied as she leaned into me, "other than somepony who doesn't like the fact you and I are royalty now."

"Oh," I said as we both started walking, "I see. But why does Celestia have to get involved? Surely this is a matter for the guards and not somepony of her stature?"

"Well," Twilight said hesitantly, "I had to tell her because the pony in question... is her nephew."

"Seriously?" I spluttered, "Wow, that's... I don't know what to say."

"You can start," a voice spat, "by saying you will give up your positions as Prince and Princess and go back to Ponyville."

Twilight groaned as we both stopped walking and turned around. We were greeted by the sight of a unicorn stallion sneering at us with open contempt. He was white with a flowing light amber mane and tail. His cutie mark appeared to be a star of some kind.

"I'm sorry," I said, "but could you say that again? I thought for a minute there that you were disrespecting my wife and I."

"Be silent, ape." the stallion replied, "Equestria has indeed sunk to a new low appointing you as a Prince. I know the story of your kind. You seek to achieve what your primitive ancestors could not, and conquer Equestria in your own name."

"Not this again, Blueblood." Twilight groaned, "Why don't you take yourself away and go find some actual conclusive evidence before you accuse Geo of something like that?"

"The evidence," Blueblood snarled, "is in front of me. He is a human, and humans tried to destroy Equestria all those years ago. I know of the portal he used to get here and how it functions. What's stopping him reaching out to his kind back where he comes from and asking them to bring their army back?"

"My my," I said sarcastically, "you've certainly done your homework like a good little colt. But can I just say that I am nothing like the humans of Old Equestria? You can relax, Blueblood, because I'm not planning anything nefarious... and neither is John."

"And what of the third human?" Blueblood said, "Lieutenant Sorou? My sources tell me that he hasn't been seen for a while."

"Ace is going through a rough patch in his marriage," Twilight countered, "so it's only natural that he would want some time alone to think about things."

"Or he's plotting something." Blueblood snapped, "You never can tell with humans. They are devious individuals."

I sighed.

"Look, Bluey," I snarled, "you are starting to wear down what little patience I had left after talking to those gryphons. So why don't you take your well-groomed prejudices and get the fuck out of my sight before I say something I might regret?"

Blueblood's eyes widened in shock.

"How dare you address me in such a manner!" he roared, "And you are also threatening me as well! I knew you'd revert back to your primitive ways eventually, human. You may not be related to the humans of Old Equestria, but your species is still untrustworthy. Mark my words, Equestrians everywhere will soon see you for what you really are and when they do... you will have nothing but the moon for company."

"And until that time comes," I replied with narrowed eyes, "I am still going to serve Equestria and its citizens, while you get out of my face and do some preening, or whatever is you actually do."

Blueblood stomped a hoof into the ground and snorted before turning around and walking away with his nose up. I cursed under my breath and turned to look at Twilight.

"You know that I'm not bad, right?" I asked, "You know more than anypony else what I'm like."

Twilight nodded and wrapped a wing around me, pulling me to her side. I returned the gesture by wrapping my arms around her neck and looking into her eyes.

"I know that you are a sweet, caring man," she cooed, "who will do anything he can to help Equestria. But always remember that the vast majority of Equestrians support us, and that ponies like Blueblood are thin on the ground."

I smiled broadly and leaned in for a kiss. Twilight giggled and prepared to meet me halfway when a cough cut through the air.

"I'm sorry," another voice said, "but are we interrupting?"

Twilight and I both groaned and looked towards the source of this latest interruption. Two earth pony stallions looked back at us with sneers on their faces. I recognised them both from Ponyville — Filthy Rich and Sterling Silver, the towns two richest stallions.

"Gentlecolts," I said politely, "is there something we can do for you this fine day, or is this merely a social visit?"

"Neither." Filthy replied, "We just wanted to let you know that we don't appreciate how you two noponies have got it made simply because Twilight is Celestia's student. Sterling and I worked our flanks off to get what we've got, whereas you two get everything you ever wanted overnight. It's just not right."

"Awww," I put on a fake pout, "it sounds to me like somepony is jealous of our new-found status."

"Yes," Sterling said sarcastically, "we are jealous of the librarian and her pet ape getting the world on a silver platter simply because Celestia cast a spell and made it so. At least we understand how important it is to work for what we've got."

"So you don't think that we work?" Twilight snapped suddenly, "Contrary to what you believe, we don't have 'the world on a silver platter'. Each of us only asked for half of the standard royal stipend, and even then that money goes towards helping Ponyville and other towns across Equestria. We also have to work for our money — Celestia is teaching me new spells while Geo meets with ambassadors and dignitaries from across the world."

She stomped a hoof into the ground and flared her wings angrily.

"So don't you dare stand there and assume that we don't work." she growled, "Make sure you know the facts before you open your mouths next time."

Filthy and Sterling backed away cautiously before turning tail and galloping down the corridor. Twilight snorted and folded her wings back to her sides before bursting into laughter, followed closely by me. We laughed for a good minute before composing ourselves.

"That was brilliant, Twi." I said, "You really took those idiots down a peg and put them in their place."

She giggled and wiped her eye with a forehoof.

"I know," she said, "but I had every right to. I'm tired of ponies always assuming things before they know the full story."

"Hopefully they've learned their lesson," I replied, "and will take your advice to heart the next time they feel like having a go."

"Yes," Twilight sighed, "hopefully. But enough about them, I believe you and I were in the middle of something before they arrived?"

I tapped my chin in thought for a moment before I grinned and took Twilight into my arms again, to which she responded by draping her wings around me again. We both leaned in for a kiss and this time there was no interruption as our lips met. Several seconds later we separated and smiled.

"Come on," I said, "let's get the kids and go to the park."

Twilight nodded and the two of us started walking back to our room, confident that the neighsayers had been silenced.

At least for now.

Author's Note

Greatodyer's Idea: Twilight and Geo deal with some ponies who aren't happy about them becoming Prince and Princess.

I hate Blueblood so much and I also hate Filthy Rich. Sterling Silver is the name I gave to Silver Spoon's father, as I wasn't aware if he had one. I think it fits him nicely. But I still hate him too because his daughter is a bitch.

Anyway, greatodyer, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

B10. The Boss-Man Cometh

I knocked on the door and waited. This was something I had been meaning to do for a while, but my new duties had got in the way. Needless to say, as soon as a day off became available I was all over it like a moth to a flame.

I knocked again, this time being greeted with a rather angry voice shouting back at me.

"By Luna!" they said as they opened the door, "Just hang on for a second, will y—"

"Hey, Vinyl," I said cheerfully, "what's up?"

A loud bang was my answer as she promptly slammed the door in my face. I could hear panicked hoofsteps echoing down the hall as she ran to Celestia-knows-where to do Celestia-knows-what.

"What the heck is her problem?" I muttered, "Hey, Vinyl!"

"Just a minute!" she shouted back, "I'm busy!"

"Are you cleaning up in there, Vinyl?" I mused.

"Of course not!" she replied, "I'm definitely not cleaning up my messy house simply because of the fact I have a Prince on my doorstep! Don't be stupid!... your Highness."

I groaned and facepalmed before opening the door and stepping inside Vinyl's house. I'd been here before, and I knew about how untidy the place could get. But at the same time I didn't care. As I entered she paid me no attention, instead preferring to run around the house with her horn glowing, picking up various items and taking them somewhere else.

"Vinyl..." I said firmly, "just stop it already, because I seriously don't give a damn about the mess."

She didn't reply. I decided that I'd have to be more forceful.

"Vinyl," I bellowed, "I command you to stop what you're doing!"

She skidded her hooves across the floor as she tried to stop, only to fall face-first onto the floor. She muttered incoherently into the floorboards as I helped her up.

"I'm sorry, Vinyl," I said, "but that was the only way to get you to listen to me. Just relax, will you? This is a social visit, not a fucking inspection, all right?"

She nodded and fixed a smile on her face.

"Okay then..." she replied, "boss man."

We both laughed at that and she led the way into her spacious kitchen. She took a six-pack of cider from the fridge and leapt onto a stool. I sat down and we opened two of the bottles.

"Social visit, huh?" she asked, "Now why on Equestria would you want to visit little old me?"

"Because I'm secretly in love with you," I replied, "and I'm planning on leaving Twilight to be with you."

Vinyl almost dropped her bottle as she gasped in shock. I couldn't see it behind her goggles, but I knew that her pupils had shrunk to the size of pinpricks. Stuttering, she tried to speak... only to stop when I burst out laughing.

"Gotcha!" I chuckled, "I figured I'd try to prank you, like you did to me sometimes when I was working at the club."

Vinyl composed herself and chuckled.

"Good one, Geo." she muttered, "I honestly thought Twilight was going to kick the door in and... hey! I never played a prank on you while you were working for me!"

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh really?" I replied, "What about on my first day, when you got Snowflake to act as a drunken patron and told me to eject him?"

"Oh yeah," Vinyl snorted with laughter, "I remember that. Seriously, though, I wasn't expecting him to take the task so seriously. But hey, at least you learned you could fly!"

"Oh, I flew all right..." I deadpanned, "straight into a wall."

I glared at her for a moment. She looked at me nervously before a large grin came to my lips and I laughed. Vinyl laughed with me and we clinked the bottles together before chugging them down.

"And let's not forget the time you swapped the names of the drinks around in the manual." I said, "I got so many angry patrons that night, I seriously contemplated quitting."

"Oh lighten up, Geo," Vinyl replied, "I prank all of my new staff during their first week. It helps to keep them sharp and ready for anything that the job throws at them."

"Like bottles?" I asked, "Because Celestia knows I've had more than my fair share of those thrown at me."

Vinyl opened another bottle of cider.

"It can be dangerous," she said, "but don't you sit there and tell me that it was all bad. There were a lot of good times as well."

"Yeah..." I mused, "all the laughs we had with the staff and some of the patrons. Hell, even some of the bad shit that happened led to a happy ending. Such as when you got threatened by that crazy stallion with the broken bottle."

Vinyl raised an eyebrow at me.

"I remember being scared out of my mind." she deadpanned, "I also remember you kicking him in the face and knocking him out. How the hell is that a good thing?"

"Because..." I grinned, "when I got home that night I told Twilight about it and she was furious that I'd endangered myself. But then we made peace... and had the best sex we've ever had."

Vinyl turned crimson as she stifled a giggle.

"Too much information, Geo," she said, "but I'm glad some good came of it... and if you make the joke that I know you're thinking of making, I swear I'll buck you upside the head."

"Damn," I pouted, "am I really that easy to read?"

"You are," she chuckled, "but I still love you for it."

I raised an eyebrow at her. She saw me staring and a look of horror slowly spread across her face.

"Oh, crap..." she muttered, "I've just blown it."

"What the hell are you talking about, Vinyl?" I asked, "Blown what? Make some sense, dammit!"

"I was hoping to keep this under wraps," she sighed, "what with you being married and all. But the truth is... well, I think it would be better if I showed you, rather than told you."

She suddenly lunged forward and grabbed my face before bringing her lips to mine. She held the position for a full thirty seconds while slobbering all over my face. Eventually she released me and put on a massive grin.

I was stunned. I sat in horrified silence while Vinyl slicked her mane back and gazed at me intently.

"What..." I finally stuttered, "what the fuck was that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she replied, "I love you, Geo. I know you really love me as well, so let us run away and be together forever!"

"Are you fucking demented?!" I snarled, "I've got a wife and kids to think about! I only said I loved you as a joke, and now all of a sudden that makes it okay for you to try and play tongue wrestling with me? I thought you were cool, Vinyl, but you've just managed to obliterate any respect I had for you."

I got up from the stool and stomped towards the door. As I laid my hand on the handle I turned and glared at Vinyl, who was still grinning mischievously.

"Before I leave," I said, "is there anything you want to say?"

"Uh yeah," Vinyl replied, "there is, as it happens."

She cleared her throat and looked me dead in the eyes.

"... gotcha."

Author's Note

The Casual Bro's Idea: Geo has an awkward (but hilarious) social visit with Vinyl Scratch.

Was this awkward enough for you?

B11. Duel Of The Fakes (NC)

B11. Duel Of The Fakes (NC)

"Nightmare Night." John said jovially, "I fucking love this holiday. Don't you, Geo?"

"Yes," I replied, "but I still don't see why I have to be Obi-Wan."

"Because one," John sighed, "this was my idea and two, I look better as Qui-Gon. Now be patient, my young apprentice."

I groaned. John raised an eyebrow at me.

"What was that?" he asked sternly.

"... yes, Master." I grumbled.

The sound of hoofsteps came from behind us, followed by a sharp whistle from Applejack.

"Hoo-whee," she said, "you two sure know how ta dress up fer the occasion. But... what in tarnation are ya supposed to be?"

"We're characters from a movie back on Earth." John replied, "I am Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master. And this is my Padawan apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Why is Geo the apprentice?" Twilight mused, "He is a Duke, after all. If anything, you should be his apprentice."

"Because this was my idea." John snapped, "And Geo doesn't mind being the apprentice. Right, Geo?"

I put on a fake smile and gave John two thumbs up. He smiled back and laughed.

"See?" he said, "I told you he didn't mind."

"Never mind our costumes," I said, "what about you, girls? What have you dressed as this year?"

"I've come as Daring Do," Rainbow Dash said, "because I've been told that I look like her."

"Ah've come as a cowgirl," Applejack said, "because mah dear husband reckons that I'd look good in flankless chaps."

John licked his lips as Fluttershy spoke.

"Normally I try to, um, avoid Nightmare Night." she squeaked, "But Haywick promised to look after me if I gave it a try this year, so I've come dressed as a bunny."

"I baked a giant cupcake," Pinkie Pie chirped, "and I'm using it as my costume for this year. It's soooooooo tasty... but I think I've ruined my chances of winning the prize for 'Best Costume'."

"I've come as Clover the Clever," Twilight said proudly, "I was Starswirl the bearded last year, so I might as well be another famous pony this year."

"And I," Rarity chimed, "have come as Princess Celestia, as you can no doubt see. Spike should be dressed as a Royal Guard, and will be meeting me later."

John and I looked over the assembled mares and smiled.

"Nice costumes, girls," I said, "but I've just noticed that someone is missing. Where's Ace?"

"I'm right here," a voice said, "Jedi."

John and I turned round slowly to find Ace looking back at us. He was dressed as Darth Maul and was holding a lightsaber with a malevolent grin on his face.

"Who's that?" Twilight asked, "Is Ace the bad guy?"

"He's come as Darth Maul," I replied, "who is one of the Sith. Jedi and Sith don't exactly like each other that much."

John and I removed our cloaks and produced our own lightsabers, which Ace built for us, before activating them. A light humming filled the air as we adopted a defensive stance. Ace looked between us for a moment before he chuckled.

"Let's make this interesting." he said, "Your move, Jedi."

John and I shrugged and charged towards Ace, swinging with our lightsabers. He dodged all our attacks before performing a backflip and activating his own lightsaber.

"I believe it's my turn now," he said, "so prepare to suffer."

He charged the two of us, knocking John aside and focusing his attacks on me. I raised my lightsaber to parry the blow, only to gasp in shock as the item was sliced clean in half.

"Holy shit, John!" I shouted, "Ace has managed to construct a lightsaber that actually works!"

John looked at his own plastic variety.

"Fuck," he muttered, "and we all know what happened to Qui-Gon, don't we?"

"No..." Applejack replied, "we don't. What happened ta him?"

"Darth Maul killed him." I said flatly, "But then Obi-Wan killed Darth Maul, so the bad guy didn't win for long."

John put his lightsaber away and approached Ace. He tapped him on the shoulder and got his attention.

"You're not really going to kill me..." he gulped, "are you?"

Ace deactivated his lightsaber and laid a hand on John's shoulder.

"Of course not!" he said, "I could never harm my friends!"

The two of them burst out laughing. I joined them and the three of us had a manly moment — which consisted of lots of back slapping and making lewd jokes about our wives' costumes.

"You owe me a new lightsaber, Ace," I said, "so you'd better get it sorted as soon as possible."

Ace nodded as Mayor Mare's voice rang out from a stage set up outside Town Hall. The townsponies all gathered around, each of them dressed up as everything from mummies to werewolves. The Crusaders had come as a pack of timberwolves, and were taking great delight in scaring Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon... who had come as each other for some reason.

"Attention, everypony," the Mayor said, "I have here the results of this years 'Best Costume' contest. You have all gone to such great efforts with your costumes this year. If I had my way everypony would win a prize!"

There was laughter from the audience. Mayor Mare was passed an envelope, which she opened with her teeth. She took out a piece of paper and unfolded it.

"And the winner is..." she paused for effect, "Geo!"

All eyes turned towards me before everypony applauded. I made my way to the stage and climbed up to accept my trophy. Unfortunately, not everyone was happy.

"Boo!" John yelled, "I demand a recount!"

"Fix! Fix! Fix!" Ace added, "Royalty doesn't deserve to win!"

I flipped them off and proceeded to hold my trophy above my head triumphantly. The townsponies began cheering and stomping their hooves in approval, while John and Ace continued booing.

But the biggest shock was seeing Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie arguing as well. Still holding the trophy, I said my thanks and leapt off the stage and ran over to the three bickering mares.

"He did deserve to win," Twilight yelled, "because everypony voted for him to! He won fair and square!"

"If ya ask me," Applejack retorted, "he only won because y'all are both royalty, and nopony wanted ta offend ya!"

"AJ's right, Twilight!" Pinkie snapped, "Neither of you should have entered the contest, because it's not fair on everypony else!"

Ace and John, having also heard the argument, came over and voiced their own approval of their wives' statements.

"Well said, AJ," John said, "and I wouldn't be surprised if that turned out to be the case."

"I agree with Pinkie." Ace added, "Geo won as the result of a natural fear of the monarchy."

"Nobody fucking asked you." I snarled, "The only opinions that matter here are the ones of the folk who voted. Which, I'm sure, are the Mayor and her cronies."

"Ah yes," Ace mused, "the government voted... the government which happens to serve the royal family you're a part of."

"I'm not giving up my trophy, Ace," I replied, "no matter what you, John, Pinkie or AJ say."

I stuck my tongue out at them as I held the trophy in front of their faces and made it dance.

"Na-na-na-na-na-na!" I teased, "I won the trophy and you didn't!"

Suddenly the trophy got a lot hotter as Ace sliced it in half with his lightsaber. I dropped it in fright and glared at him. He, John, Applejack and Pinkie were looking back at me smugly.

"If we can't have it," Ace said flatly, "then neither can y—"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as I punched him in the mouth. Within minutes the six of us, including Twilight, were rolling around on the grass tearing lumps out of each other and hurling abuse. The rest of the girls tried separating us, but to no avail.

Needless to say we spent the rest of the night in a cell. But as we glared sullenly out of the window, I had a thought.

"Next year," I said, "let's all go as Jar-Jar Binks. That way we're guaranteed not to win any fucking trophies."

John and Ace both grunted in agreement and we went to sleep.

Author's Note

Tyrannosaurus_Tux's Idea: The humans cosplay as Jedi — but Ace's lightsaber is real.

Strong with the Force, this writer is not.

B12. Party Hardly

I was lying in bed, enjoying the peace of sleep, when I was woken up by a sudden weight pressing down on my chest. Letting out a gasp I sat upright — only for the weight to fall onto my lap. I looked down with a puzzled look on my face, only to see two very scared-looking foals looking back up at me.

"Hey now," I said, "what's got you two so worked up?"

A flash of light, followed by a loud bang, was my answer. I glanced over at the window and saw that it was raining. I looked back at Azure and Evening and smiled.

"I get it," I cooed, "you're scared of the thunder. Hardly surprising, given that this is the first time you've heard it."

The two of them nodded as another flash of lightning announced itself, followed by the rumble of thunder. Almost immediately the two foals dove under the covers and huddled as close to me as they could. I chuckled and lay back down, only to sit up again when I noticed that something, or rather somepony, was missing.

Twilight wasn't in the bed with me, which struck me as odd. Looking at the clock I saw that it was rather early in the morning. With my curiosity piqued I got out of the bed. I then tucked in Azure and Evening as best I could, making a barrier with the pillows to block out noise, before gently kissing them both and heading downstairs to look for Twilight.

I soon found her sitting at her desk, her head on a pile of books, snoring away without a care in the world. Not even the sounds of the weather outside were bothering her. I chuckled and went over, taking a minute to admire her as she slept, before gently poking her in the side with a finger.

She groaned and batted a forehoof at me while mumbling to herself. I poked her again and her eyelids fluttered open. She looked at me blearily, presumably trying to focus, before she sat upright and yawned.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I must have dozed off."

"Don't worry about it, Twi," I replied, "as long as you got your beauty sleep. The kids are in our bed, having just been scared witless by the storm which has finally graced our small town."

"Ahh," Twilight said, "I had a feeling that there was something important about today, but I forgot. I guess it was the storm."

"I guess so." I replied, "Because I don't think it could have been anything else, do you?"

Twilight shrugged and got off the chair, stretching her legs with a series of pops. Another flash of lightning ripped through the sky, followed by the rumble of thunder and the panicked squeals of two terrified foals. Needless to say Twilight and I both rushed upstairs, where we spent the rest of the morning soothing them.

***

By late afternoon the storm had cleared. Neither Twilight or I felt like preparing anything for lunch so once everyone was showered, and in my case dressed, we set off for Sugarcube Corner.

As we approached the bakery I saw that it appeared to be in complete silence. Twilight noticed it as well and we both slowed our pace, approaching the building cautiously.

"It's not like the Cakes to be closed," Twilight whispered, "especially not during lunch. It's their busiest time of the day!"

"I don't like this," I replied, "so I'm going in. You stay here with the kids, and don't come in until I tell you."

Twilight nodded, quickly nuzzling my leg as I slowly approached the bakery. My nerves were on high alert, and I was breathing quickly.

I pushed open the door and stepped inside, ready for anything that any potential intruder could throw at me.

"SURPRISE!" the noise was unexpected, "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!"

I promptly fell on my arse as a particular pink blob attached itself to my chest and choked the life out of me. Twilight, having heard the commotion from outside, entered and levitated Pinkie off me.

"Two things, Pinkie." she said, "One, why weren't we invited to this party and two, who's it for?"

"Well duh," Pinkie replied, "it's your anniversary, so I couldn't exactly invite you both to your own surprise party!"

Twilight and I both looked at Pinkie with puzzled expressions on our faces. Eventually her words got through to us and we gasped.

"What?!" I said, "It's our anniversary?! Crap, I totally forgot!"

"So did I!" Twilight moaned, "I knew there was something special about today, but I thought it was just the storm!"

We both looked at each other for a moment before we burst out laughing. The assembled guests, as well as Azure and Evening, watched in silence as we both rolled around the floor. Eventually we stopped and looked at each other sheepishly.

"I can't believe you forgot our anniversary!" I scolded in a mock tone of voice, "How could you?"

"Me?!" Twilight replied in mock outrage, "It's the stallion's job to remember the anniversary, everypony knows that!"

We started to laugh again before someone decided to interrupt by loudly clearing his throat and tapping on a glass.

"You're both forgetful ninnies," John groaned, "so let's just leave it at that and get on with the party, okay?"

Twilight and I nodded and picked ourselves up from the floor before walking further into the bakery. One table was piled high with gifts from our friends, while another six tables were piled high with various sugary goods. Pinkie obviously wanted us to have fun at this party, and the food was her way of making sure. Either that or it was her gift — only time would tell.

***

The next few hours were spent talking, laughing, dancing and enjoying good company. As the last record drew to a close, Pinkie grabbed a microphone and addressed the various guests.

"Thanks for coming, everypony," she chirped, "but I really think that the time has come for the happy couple to make a speech, wouldn't you agree?"

"Speech! Speech!" John shouted as he applauded eagerly, "Come on, folks, show your support!"

The bakery soon filled with the sound of stomping hooves and cheering. Twilight and I looked at each other and shrugged. We both walked over to the microphone and I picked it up. After looking around the room for a moment I began speaking, letting the words flow naturally.

"I can't believe another year has passed." I said, "Another year spent in the company of all you fine folk, but especially another year spent in the company of my beautiful wife here."

I motioned towards Twilight, who smiled and nodded.

"When I first came here," I continued, "I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me. I was hurt, alone... and scared. But then I met Twilight and her friends. Ordinarily, I would be sceptical of meeting new people, or ponies in this case, but something about these six mares seemed to tame my apprehensions. Perhaps it was the way they radiated friendship and trust, or perhaps it was the genuine concern they showed me when my injuries got worse."

"I spent three long months in the hospital. The girls visited me as often as they could, but Twilight seemed the most eager. I put it down to her inquisitive nature, and wanting to learn all that she could about me. But I was still appreciative of her company nonetheless, and over time I grew to admire her... in more ways than one."

I let out a small chuckle before continuing.

"At first this worried me, as I wasn't sure how Twilight would react if I told her that I had fallen for her in such a short period of time. But to my immense relief, and surprise if I'm honest, she made the first move. And ever since that day I have been proud to have her by my side. And if you add our two lovely children to that mix... you get a recipe for harmony."

I turned to face Twilight and took one of her forehooves in my hands. She held the other one to her face and blushed.

"I love you, Twilight Sparkle, and that's never going to change. I'm sorry I forgot our anniversary, but even if I did remember I wouldn't be sure of what to get you. You already have my heart, and no gift could ever beat that."

I leaned in and gently kissed Twilight on the lips, a gesture she returned to generous applause from the guests. When we separated, the calls for a speech restarted. With a wave of her hoof Twilight quietened them and began speaking.

"When I first met Geo," she said, "I was intrigued by him. I'll admit that I was eager to learn all about a species I had never seen before, although humans as we know used to live in Equestria nearly a thousand years ago."

"I spent all my free time at the hospital learning about Geo — his personality, his species, his life, his hopes and dreams. Over the three months I spent at his bedside I learned everything I could from him. But I also began to realise that my feelings towards him ran deeper than I thought."

"I kept them to myself because I wasn't sure how he would react if I told him how I felt. He might have reacted harshly to my sudden declaration of love, or been against the idea of being with a pony. Heck, he could have been gay for all I knew."

Laughter greeted this statement as my cheeks turned pink. I coughed and looked away as Twilight grinned sheepishly and resumed her speech.

"Even after leaving the hospital I still found myself learning things about Geo. He told me how he had found it difficult to make friends until he was sent to someone who could help. The same applied to me — I found it hard to make friends until Princess Celestia sent me here to Ponyville."

"A few days later I was asking him about... something I can't say in front of foals." she giggled as she saw me facepalm out the corner of her eye, "The conversation turned to relationships, and once again I saw how alike the two of us were. I saw my chance, and I took it. At first, Geo didn't return my kiss, but that's only because he was stunned by my boldness. He told me that he felt the same way, and... well, you know the rest."

She jumped into my arms and wrapped her forehooves around my neck before gently nuzzling my face.

"I love you, Geo," she said, "so very very much. I too am sorry that I forgot our anniversary. But as you said, what could I possibly get you had I remembered when you already have my heart, much like I have yours?"

I wiped my eyes before bringing Twilight in for a long and passionate kiss. The room filled with applause, and some wolf whistling courtesy of John, as we celebrated another year together.

While looking forward to many more.

Author's Note

Chessboard_Jack's Idea: Geo and Twilight both forget their anniversary — and only realise it when Pinkie Pie throws then a surprise party.

This was really sweet, and I am pleased by how it turned out. Though isn't it ironic that while I can write a decent romance scene like this, I myself am still single?

B13. A Different Kind Of Ascension (NC)

In Ponyville, John was leading the others in a frantic search for Twilight and Geo.

"Come on mate," he yelled, "this isn't funny any more!"

In the sky above, a blazing flash of purple light distracted their attention. They looked up to see a large version of Twilight's cutie mark, now sporting six white stars instead of five, descending from on high. It manifested itself in the middle of town to reveal Twilight, although Geo was nowhere to be seen.

All eyes looked to Twilight, who had hers closed. Suddenly, she opened them — while a pair of magnificent lavender wings flared out from her back.

Everyone gasped.

"Wha..." Applejack stuttered, "I, I've never seen anything like it!"

"Whoa, Twilight's got wings!" Dash said as she prodded the new appendages, "Awesome! A new flying buddy!"

She laughed as Rarity spoke up.

"Why, you've become an alicorn." she said, "I didn't even know that was possible!"

Twilight looked around in confusion.

"Two things." she said, "First of all, what the heck is going on? And secondly... where's Geo got to?"

The answer came in the form of a loud scream coming from the library. Twilight gasped and ran towards the building with her friends and mentor in hot pursuit. The door was blasted off its hinges as the group piled inside, only to come to a sudden stop at the sight which lay before them.

***

As Celestia's spell took hold of Twilight, I found myself being affected by it as well. I felt myself falling as the world around me faded to black, and then all was silent.

I don't know how much time passed by before I opened my eyes again. I tried standing up, only to fall flat on my face as my balance was suddenly thrown off. After several attempts with the same result I finally managed to hoist myself off the ground.

As I stood up I caught sight of myself in the mirror. The face which looked back at me was clearly mine, but with a few major differences — chief among them being the horn which was now in the middle of my forehead.

At that moment I did what any rational person would... and screamed louder than I ever thought possible.

"I'm... I'm a unicorn?" I stuttered, "... what the fuck was in that damn spell, Celestia?!"

Something tickled my side and I froze. I slowly cocked my head back — only to find that I also had wings.

Any sense of rational thought was destroyed at that moment as I stood in stunned silence, not even noticing the door as it sailed over the top of my head and collided with the far wall. Nor did I hear the shocked gasps of my friends as they took in the sight before them.

"I... I don't believe it!" Twilight gasped, "Geo is an alicorn as well? Princess, what on Equestria happened?!"

Celestia put a hoof to her chin in thought as she took in my new form. She saw the frozen look on my face and tapped my new horn with hers, which caused a shock to course through my body and thus rouse me from my stupor.

"Er..." I said sheepishly, "hi, everypony. Would one of you mind explaining to me why I'm an alicorn now?"

"I could tell that when you and Twilight got together," Celestia explained, "that you were simply meant for each other. However, I also knew that the time would come when I would transform Twilight... but alicorns, as you know, have long lifespans. So I decided to transform you as well, Geo, so that you both could spend that time with each other — like you deserve."

I smiled as Twilight came up and started looking me over like Celestia had been. Her eyes stopped at my flank which she clearly liked, if her smile and half-lidded eyes were anything to go by.

"That's an interesting cutie mark, Geo," John said suddenly, "but what the hell is it supposed to mean?"

I craned my neck to try and look at it. After much flailing around, John sighed and decided that explaining it would be better.

"It's a shield with a heart on it." he said, "Any idea what it means?"

I shrugged – or did something I hoped would pass as a shrug – and looked around the room to see if the others could guess. Twilight, of course, was the first one to offer an idea.

"I think it shows your willingness to protect the ones you love." she said, "Remember how you stood up to King Sombra?"

"I do," I nodded, "and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"I remember that as well because I tried to drag you away from Sombra with my teeth." Rainbow Dash said with a chuckle, "I should have just picked you up again. That always works."

"Correction," I replied, "it used to work. I'd like to see you try and pick me up now."

Dash rolled her eyes and grinned as John came over. He looked me over like everypony else had been – except at the flank – and then put a hand to his chin in thought.

"So," he mused, "if you and Twilight are alicorns now, doesn't that make you both royalty or something?"

"It does indeed," Celestia said, "for ever since Twilight came to Ponyville she has displayed the charity, compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism and of course, the leadership of a true princess. And Geo has been by her side through all of her latest trials."

"So in other words..." Pinkie said as she suddenly appeared wearing a fake horn and wings while walking on stilts, "we need to throw an alicorn party!"

She blew a note on a kazoo she also acquired from some inexplicable place. Celestia giggled and shook her head.

"There will be a coronation," she said, "but you are more than welcome to plan the after party, Pinkie Pie. In fact, I must insist that you do."

"Okay!" Pinkie squealed before shooting off like a rocket. We watched her disappear into the night before talking again.

"Come, everypony," Celestia said, "Geo and Twilight need time to adjust to the situation. Let us leave them in peace."

"I need time to adjust all right." I retorted, "Time to adjust to life on four legs. I wonder if I'll be able to use magic or fly?"

"I'll teach you how to use magic," Twilight said, "and I'm sure Rainbow Dash would be willing to teach you how to fly."

Dash puffed out her chest proudly.

"Of course!" she said, "It's going to be so awesome having a couple of alicorns as flying buddies! I just hope you'll both be able to keep up with me!"

Twilight and I chuckled as everyone began to file out of the room. John came over and whispered in my ear. I laughed out loud at his suggestion and patted him on the back.

"Don't worry," I replied with a wink, "that's gonna be one of the first changes to my anatomy that I will be investigating, if you know what I mean."

John winked back and soon Twilight and I were left standing in the middle of the library looking at each other.

"This has been some day," I said, "hasn't it, Twi?"

"It has indeed." she replied, "But I think we'll get used to it. Though I think we're going to need a bigger bed."

I replied by nodding. Twilight stood by my side, leaning into my neck while wrapping her tail around mine.

"Are you going to miss being human?" she asked, "Because I'm sure Princess Celestia will change you back if you asked."

"No," I replied, "I'm fine. The loss of my humanity is a small price to pay for getting to spend even longer with you."

Twilight giggled and nuzzled me.

"I guess we'd better go to bed," she cooed, "and work out who's going to sleep where."

"Oh that's easy," I said with a grin, "you lie on me and use me as a mattress. After all, you do prefer being on top."

Twilight gasped and whipped my flank with her tail before chasing me upstairs.

And so began the next chapter in our lives.

Author's Note

Lord Guffington's Idea: Geo becomes an alicorn at the same time Twilight does.

Hmm, maybe I should have made this canon in the actual story. Writing myself as an alicorn was quite fun!

B14. Faceblocked (NC)

"Name, Geo. Occupation, Prince of Equestria. Hometown... I'll keep that to myself, thanks. Current location, Ponyville."

I sat back from the screen and admired my profile on the newly-created Ponybook social network. The magic of science, or perhaps the science of magic, had helped Equestrians everywhere to get in touch with each other in a whole new way.

"And now," I said to myself, "for the final part of the puzzle. My profile picture. Now where is the one John took of me the last time he came to visit?... Ah-ha, here it is. Upload!"

Within seconds the picture had uploaded and was displayed proudly on my profile. I grinned as Twilight came into the room and noticed me sitting at the computer. She noticed my happy expression and came over to sit by my side. I pointed at the screen eagerly.

"What do you think?" I asked her, "Pretty cool, huh? It's just like being back on Earth... but I've got literally thousands of friend requests to go through!"

Twilight nodded and cast her eyes over my profile, taking in all the details that she could. She stopped at my picture and looked at it for a moment, before her eyes narrowed and she turned to glare at me. I shrank back from her sudden change in mood.

"Uhh, Twi?" I said, "Why are you looking at—"

"Do you love me?" Twilight interrupted. I did a double-take and narrowed my eyes back at her.

"Of course I do!" I snapped, "What kind of stupid question—"

"Then why," she demanded, "are you not using a picture of the two of us together for your profile?"

I blinked in surprise before letting out a small laugh. Twilight's eyes narrowed even further, making her displeasure crystal clear. She prodded me in the chest a couple of times in irritation.

"I'm not joking." she snarled, "Are you ashamed of me or something? Granted I may have some baby weight left over, but that doesn't mean you can—"

"The reason I'm not using a picture of the two of us together," I interrupted, "is because the one I'm using was taken using John's camera, and all of the pictures of us were taken by Pinkie Pie. John was visiting the other day and he had his camera with him, so I asked if he could take a photo."

Twilight snorted.

"And Pinkie Pie," I continued, "is still in the middle of her little Ace-induced mood swing, and is therefore very unlikely to pay us a visit now or in the near future."

Twilight sighed and her eyes returned to normal.

"Point taken," she said, "but I still want you to use a picture of the two of us. I want the world to know that you're mine."

"Oh don't worry about that," I said as I pointed at a section of the screen, "because I can assure you that everypony knows."

Twilight looked at where I was pointing and read the screen. After a moment a small smile graced her lips.

"Married to Twilight Sparkle..." she said, "good. Now I don't have to worry about anypony asking if you're single."

I rolled my eyes as Twilight took control of the mouse with her magic and scrolled up.

"Let's see what other photos you have," she mused, "because the one you're using is just... wrong."

"There's nothing wrong," I huffed, "with having a little bit of fun. Even if that 'fun' involves lots of alcohol."

"You're a Prince now, Geo," Twilight scolded, "so you have to come across as... 'a man of the people', I believe the phrase is."

"I like to think I already am," I replied, "because the 'people' love to party and get wasted. If they see that royalty is the same, then they're gonna love me even more."

Twilight sighed and clicked the mouse, opening up the photo album. As she looked through each of the pictures, her eyes started to narrow again. After a moment, she batted the mouse to one side and glared at me again.

"I'm not in any of the photos you've uploaded!" she cried, "It's true... you are ashamed of me!"

"But—" I started, only for Twilight to flare her wings angrily at me and rise to her full height. Tears began to form as she raised her voice at me.

"I thought what we had was special!" she shouted, "I thought that after everything we've been through you would be proud to call me your wife! But you don't even have any photos of me, or even our children for that matter!"

"If you could just—" I said.

"I'm not finished yet!" Twilight interrupted, "I thought you loved your family, but I can see now that we're not even worth the effort of uploading a few measly photos! What about all the times our children have made us proud? The things they've built with their blocks, the playtime we've shared, the looks on their little faces when they're asleep? Does all of that really mean nothing to you?"

We stood in silence for a moment before I realised that she was giving me a chance to answer.

"I can actually talk now?" I said sarcastically, "Good. Now if you would be so kind as to look at the top of the page..."

Twilight cocked her head at me but did as I asked. She took the mouse in her magic and scrolled back up. As she did, her expression changed from anger to embarrassment.

"My Family..." she said sheepishly, "I should have known."

"Need I remind you," I said, "that I am married to a mare who takes her organisation seriously? Of course I was going to put all the photos into their own albums!"

Twilight sat down and looked at me, her ears pinned back against her head while her cheeks blazed red. We looked into each others eyes for a moment before she suddenly lunged forward, wrapping her wings around me and nuzzling my cheek.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "it was wrong of me to say all those hurtful things about you. You would never turn your back on your family or friends like that, and I was a fool to assume otherwise."

"Water under the bridge, Twi," I muttered, "but if it makes you feel better, then there's a camera in this room. Maybe I should update my profile picture, hmm?"

Twilight pulled back and nodded. I got up and walked over to a set of drawers, opening one and taking out a camera. I went back over to Twilight and put the camera on the table, turning on the self-timer. Twilight quickly composed herself and we leaned into each other while sitting nonchalantly on the couch.

The camera started its countdown and we both fixed smiles on our faces. A few seconds later the camera flashed, taking our photo. I picked it up and we looked at the photo.

"I'm happy with that." Twilight said, "Are you?"

"I am," I replied, "now to upload it to my profile."

I tried to get up from the couch but Twilight stopped me, using her wings to drag me back down to her.

"Not now," she said, "because there's something else we need to get done first. You can upload the picture later."

I looked at her blankly, causing her to giggle.

"We've just had an argument," she said, "and what do we always do after an argument...?"

"I'm not sure," I replied as I put the camera down, "perhaps you would be so kind as to enlighten me, dear?"

Twilight rolled her eyes — and then tackled me to the floor, her lips locking with mine.

As the moon rose over Canterlot the two of us proceeded to make amends, the camera showing the smiling faces of a couple very much in love.

Author's Note

CanterlotGuardian's Idea: Geo makes a profile on a social networking site, but Twilight gets pissed when she notices that she's not in his profile picture.

Fucking hell, can't I write a Geo/Twilight scene where they don't end up doing it?

B15. Old Epilogue (NC)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Prologue

CHAPTER ONE

Prologue

For the third time since I came to Equestria, the sound of wedding bells was filling my ears. But instead of a big church in Canterlot, I was standing in a small room in Ponyville's Town Hall, watching John as he fiddled with the collar of his suit. I resisted the urge to slap him, like he did to me at my wedding, choosing instead to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"For fuck sake, mate." I said sternly. "Relax, would ya? You're getting married, and you're standing there like a man on his way to the gallows. Stop fretting, and get your head in the game. Do you really think AJ would want to see you like this?"

John looked at me blankly as he processed what I had just said to him. Finally, he blinked and spoke.

"No, I don't think she would." he replied. "I just feel like I've let her down. You and Twilight and Ace and Pinkie... your weddings were spectacular affairs. But after dropping all those bits on buying the farm, I was barely able to afford this."

I laid a hand on my chin in thought. After a moment, I shrugged — and slapped John across the face as hard as I could, before grabbing both his shoulders and shaking him.

"She doesn't give a fuck about the size of the wedding!" I said. "For fuck sake, you bought a home for the both of you! After doing something like that for her, I doubt she'd care if the two of you got married in a public toilet!"

I released John's shoulders and he rubbed his face, a steely determination behind his eyes. He nodded crisply and composed himself as best he could.

"You're right, mate." he said with a laugh. "As far as AJ cares, as long as the two of us are together, that's all that matters."

I patted him on the back as the wedding march started, taking my place at his side.

"Well said." a voice to my left spoke. "A bit over the top, but still. At least you got your point across."

I turned to the owner of the voice and saw Ace standing next to me in his uniform. I had forgotten that he was chosen as a best man as well, since John didn't want to choose between us — even though I told him I had already been best man at Ace and Pinkie's wedding. He had persuaded me — rather eloquently, in fact.

"Oh, come on." he had said. "I was your best man, and you were Ace's. I only turned down the role at Ace's wedding because of that crap you went through after Derek. You're my best mate, and I won't have you missing out any more. So just shut the fuck up and say 'yes', you dolt."

The chapel door swung open and the Cutie Mark Crusaders trotted in, once again given the role of flower girls. Apple Bloom had a huge smile on her face, which was understandable given that her big sister was getting married. Even Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo was smiling. Probably over how many weddings they had been to in such a short period of time, though I didn't think Scootaloo would have been excited about something she normally views as 'sappy'.

Applejack soon followed behind the three fillies. Big Macintosh stood by her side in a 'father of the bride' role. But given that they didn't talk about their parents, I guess having her big brother there was the next best thing.

Applejack, like Twilight, was wearing her Gala dress, though Rarity had dolled it up a little, adding a bit of length to the hem. Her mane wasn't tied up, and hung loosely around her face, a stray lock obscuring one eye and giving her a mysterious look. Her hat was clearly perched on her head, much to the fashionista's chagrin.

John let out a low growl, clearly liking what he was seeing. Applejack stood by his side and smiled, biting her lower lip.

"Holy crap." John muttered. "You look amazing, hon."

Applejack blushed and brushed the errant strand of mane out of her eye, tucking it behind an ear. She looked at John in his suit and let out a small whistle.

"Yer lookin' mighty fine yerself, sugarcube." she said. "Ah have ta admit, ya can scrub up pretty darn well when ya want."

John chuckled.

"You know you like it when I'm dirty." he replied, wiggling his eyebrows for emphasis.

Applejack gasped and poked him in the side.

"Now don't be talkin' like that in front of our friends, ya hear me?" she said. "Or the Crusaders. Celestia knows they of all ponies don't need ta hear 'bout what we get up to behind closed doors."

John laughed and laid a hand on Applejack's shoulder, running his fingers through her mane.

"Sorry, hon." he said. "I'm just teasing you, that's all."

"Oh really?" she snorted, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Because Ah'm pretty sure teasin' is mah speciality."

Ace and I both stifled a laugh as John turned beetroot.

"Speaking of Celestia," he said, eager change the subject, "where are the Princesses? I thought they'd both be here with their new boyfriends. Boyfriends that Doctor Phil here helped them to get."

He nodded his head towards me at the last sentence, to which I responded by simply smiling and nodding.

"The Princesses aren't here because something important came up that they had to deal with." another voice said. I looked behind Applejack and saw Twilight holding a scroll in her magic.

"Hey babe." I said. She trotted towards me and gave me a kiss. "What's so important that they had to miss the wedding?"

Twilight shook her head.

"I'm not sure." she replied. "The letter didn't say. But they both send you their apologies, Applejack, and promise that they will be in touch with you soon."

Applejack waved a hoof dismissively.

"Ain't nothin' ta worry about." she said. "Ah understand how busy they can get. Ah ain't no expert, but I'm pretty sure that runnin' a country can't be easy. But if I had to choose between that or buckin' four hundred acres o' apple trees... give me the trees, any goshdarned day a' the week."

We all laughed at her joke as the registrar, a unicorn stallion, took his place at the small podium at the head of the room. He cleared his throat to get the attention of the various guests — myself, Ace, the Crusaders, Big Mac, Granny Smith, the other Elements of Harmony, Spark Plug, Doctor Haywick and Spike.

"Mares, fillies and gentlecolts." he said. "My name is Matri Mony, and I shall be your registrar today. We are all gathered here to witness the union of Applejack and John. Could the best man please present the rings?"

Ace and I each took a ring from a pocket and passed it to Matri, who levitated them both in his magical aura. He motioned for John and Applejack to face each other, which they did — both of them smiling and blushing profusely.

"Here today, in front of these witnesses, I ask you, John. Do you take Applejack to be your wife?"

"I do." he said, as his smile consumed his face.

"And in front of these witnesses, I ask you, Applejack. Do you take John to be your husband?"

Applejack didn't even hesitate.

"Eeyup." she said, matching John's smile for width.

Matri looked over the assembled guests.

"And now I ask, is there anyone here today who objects to the union of these two souls?"

A loud "NO!" was his answer. He nodded just as Ace spoke.

"Good, because I'd lock you up if you did." he quipped.

Matri looked back to Applejack and John. He motioned for John to hold up his finger, and slid a ring over it. For Applejack, her ring had a chain, and was slipped around her neck.

"By the power vested in me by the town of Ponyville," Matri said proudly, "I now pronounce you man and mare. May you find everlasting peace together. You may now kiss the bride."

Neither John nor Applejack had to be told twice as they tackled each other and locked lips. A cheer went up from the guests. As John and Applejack separated, she threw her bouquet into the crowd, where it was caught by Rarity. She cheered as a look of horror crept onto Spike's face.

John, Ace and I pointed at him and grinned.

"Join the club!" I shouted. "You'll love being married!"

Spike responded with a blush as Rarity wrapped her forelegs around him, peppering him with kisses.

"I can wait, Spikey-Wikey." she cooed. "At least until you're old enough to be married legally."

Spike returned Rarity's kisses with one of his own, smiling in relief.

"Okay, everypony!" Pinkie Pie cried. "The wedding is over, but the party is just beginning!" She pointed in a random direction before yelling at the top of her lungs, "TO SWEET APPLE ACRES!".

She then grabbed Ace and ran outside to where he kept his Sorou-mobile, a personal transport vehicle he had built. We heard it starting up before taking off towards the farm.

"Come on, everypony!" I called out. "We'd better haul ass if we want to eat anything before they nab it all! Come on, John! Grab your wife and start moving those legs!"

I finished the last sentence by grabbing Twilight. She yelped in surprise, but realised what I was going to do, and allowed me to hoist her onto my shoulders before rushing out of the town hall and into the town square. I can't imagine what the townsponies must have thought when they saw me charging along the road to Sweet Apple Acres as Twilight bounced around on my shoulders, clinging on to my neck for dear life.

Nor could I imagine what they thought when they saw that I wasn't the only one. John tore along the path behind me, Applejack around his shoulders, whooping and hollering as if she was riding a bull at a rodeo. I can only guess that we got a few strange looks.

The rest of the guests proceeded at a leisurely pace. To the Crusaders, this meant a panic-inducing ride in Scootaloo's scooter. It was funny seeing her keeping pace with John and I. It made me wonder why none of them have their cutie marks, even though their talents are blatantly obvious.

We arrived at the farm panting, sweating... and hungry. But when we saw the spread that Pinkie had put on, we realised that our worries about Pinkie eating everything were misplaced, as the tables were groaning under the weight of pies, pastries and cakes.

"Oh good!" Ace called out as we approached the barn. "You made it. We thought for sure we'd have to eat all of this ourselves!"

"Yeah, yeah." John replied. "Not all of us have the benefit of motorised transport, Ace. Now shut up and gimme a pie and cider."

Ace laughed and motioned for John to help himself. Soon, he had a large pile of food, which he and Applejack took into the barn. His greed amazed me. He was like the human version of Pinkie Pie, minus the mile-a-minute talking and bubbly personality.

With everyone finally together, the party started.

***

Hours later, and the party was over. Most of the food had been eaten, but a lot still remained. I asked Pinkie what she would do with it, and she told me that there was a homeless shelter in Ponyville that could use the food more than she could.

"Because everypony deserves to eat." she told me.

I nodded and patted her shoulder, before looking around the party to survey the damage and casualties. Sure enough, everyone seemed to be either asleep, loved up... or unconscious.

Granny Smith was asleep in her chair, Big Macintosh was asleep next to an empty cider barrel, and the Crusaders were snoozing underneath the buffet table, a pile of uneaten sweets around them.

Fluttershy and Doctor Haywick were lying underneath a tree, the formers wings wrapped around the latter.

Above them, Rainbow Dash and Spark Plug were lying on a branch, the latter looking worryingly at the ground below. Dash laughed at his antics before wrapping a wing around him and holding him close, which seemed to relax him a bit.

Twilight was talking to Applejack, lecturing her on married life, and what to expect from it. I was going to feel sorry for AJ, but when I saw the sincere look of interest on her face, I realised she must have asked Twilight to speak to her. Because the Element of Honesty doesn't have a poker face.

Spike and Rarity were talking under the light of a lamp hung on the barn wall. Given that Spike couldn't drink hard cider, Rarity hadn't had a single drop. In return, Spike hadn't had a single cake, given that Rarity was on her latest diet. The fact that each of them was willing to do without to make the other happy showed me that their relationship had a lot of potential.

Suddenly, Spike covered his mouth with his hands. Rarity backed away slightly, and I walked over.

"Spike?" I asked. "You okay, big man?"

He nodded before belching out a bright green flame, which was closely followed by a scroll, which promptly hit me in the face and flopped onto the ground.

Spike laughed sheepishly as he picked it up and looked at it. He saw that it was addressed to Twilight and called her over.

"Twilight!" he shouted. "Letter for you from Princess Celestia!"

Twilight excused herself from Applejack and trotted over. She gave me a quick peck before taking the letter from Spike and reading it. As she did so, the colour drained from her face, and her mane suddenly became dishevelled.

"Oh, no, no, no!" she said. "It's too sudden! I need more time to prepare for something like this! I NEED TO STUDY!"

"What is it, babe?" I asked, my voice full of concern.

"Princess Celestia wants to see me." she replied.

"I gathered that." I said. "But why does she want to see you, and why has it gotten you so worked up? Hell, the last time I saw your mane like this, we had just finished fu—"

Twilight jammed a hoof into my mouth to shut me up, silencing my attempt to cheer her up with my wicked sense of humour.

"Princess Celestia wants me to report to Canterlot..." she sighed, "...because she has a test for me."

"Well that's not so bad." I said through the hoof in my mouth. "You're a natural at magic, Twi. You'll breeze through any test!"

She removed her hoof, wiping it on my t-shirt, before looking into my eyes. I stuck up both my thumbs and put on my best smile, hoping to relax her.

"I STILL NEED TO PREPARE!" she yelled, before teleporting herself away in a blaze of purple.

I groaned.

"I'd better go after her." I said to the others. "You know how she gets when this sort of thing happens."

"I'm coming with you!" Spike said.

I nodded to him, and after saying our goodbyes, we took off down the road to Ponyville. We both knew that Twilight would need help, and we were going to make sure that she got it.

Because what's the worst that can happen?

The Crystal Empire - Part One (v1.1)

CHAPTER TWO

The Crystal Empire - Part One

Version 1.1

I opened the library door slowly, hearing the sounds of things hitting the ground, mixed with frantic hoofbeats. Poking my head inside, I saw Twilight using her magic to levitate several books off the shelves, trying to stuff them into a saddlebag which sat near the door. In fact, if it wasn't for a stray book hitting me in the head, she never would have noticed I was there.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she gasped as her magic faded, causing everything she had been holding to hit the ground. "I must have been more occupied with what I was doing, rather than my surroundings. Are you all right?"

I put on my best pout and rubbed my forehead, prompting Twilight to tenderly kiss the area where the book had struck me. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. Hearing footsteps behind me, I turned around, whereupon I saw that Spike and Ace had turned up, the former with a very concerned look fixed on his face.

"Twilight!" he said. "Is everything okay?"

"No, Spike." Twilight replied as she broke away from our hug. "Everything is not okay. I've just had a surprise test thrown at me, and I don't even know what it'll be about! I have to study as much as I can before I go to the train station. I need books, quills, parchments... oh! And flashcards!"

She opened drawers and took out a pile of cards, muttering to herself about writing down everything she knew on them.

"Jeez, Twilight. Calm down." Spike said. "It's just a test."

Twilight froze, the flashcards ending up in a haphazard pile on the floor. Her eyes narrowed and she snorted.

"Just a test?" she snarled. "JUST. A. TEST?!"

A look of panic crossed Ace's face as he jumped behind the couch.

"Take cover, she's gonna blow!" he yelled. "Dive, dive, dive! Awooo-gah! Awooo-gah!"

I glanced over at Twilight, who appeared to be on the verge of catching fire. I decided to join Ace, and now Spike, in taking cover behind the couch.

Just as the library shot fifty feet into the air, accompanied by a loud scream of displeasure from Twilight. The structure landed back in its place with a loud crash — and the three of us crawled out from behind the couch, if it could even be called that any more.

"Never, ever, ever..." Ace muttered, "... tell an academic that its 'just a test'. That's like standing on a railway line and asking a train to run you over."

The only response from Spike was a pained groan.

I looked over at Twilight, who was still standing in the middle of the room. She looked calmer, though her mane, tail and coat were slightly black in places. I nervously approached her and laid a hand on her head.

"Feeling better, babe?" I asked.

Twilight turned to face me slowly.

And then she nodded.

"A lot better." she replied with a smile. "Thanks."

***

The train ride up to Canterlot had been quiet. Spike and I had accompanied Twilight to the palace. Ace had offered to come as well, but Twilight said that she'd rather have her family with her. Though when Spike and I were stopped from following her into the Princess' chambers, I began to wish we'd brought him along, if only so we could use his rank to get past the guards.

Minutes ticked by slowly as Spike and I sat on the steps outside the palace. I twiddled my fingers while Spike focused his attention towards Ponyville in the distance. The silence was unbearable, and I was keen to break it.

"So..." I said, "... I reckon she's totally nailed whatever test Celestia gave her. Wouldn't you agree, Spike?"

Spike nodded, but said nothing.

As I thought of something else I could say, the doors opened with a loud creak and Twilight walked out into the sunlight. From the way she was hanging her head, I gathered that her test hadn't gone well. Spike, however, seemed oblivious to this.

"So, how did you do?" he asked. "Did you get an A?"

Twilight shook her head.

"... did you get a B? B minus?" Spike gasped. "Wait... did you... you didn't fail, did you Twilight?"

Twilight sighed. I was expecting her to reply with a simple yes or no, but if there is one thing I've learned since coming to Equestria, its that things are never simple. This was proven when Twilight began singing in a flat tone of voice.

Spike threw his arms in the air triumphantly as he leapt off Twilight's back. He smiled broadly, before dropping his arms and gaining a puzzled expression.

"Er, prepared for what, exactly?" he said.

Twilight looked up and saw that the rest of our friends were waiting at the station. Ace had a bag slung over his shoulders, and the rest of the girls had worried expressions on their faces.

"Princess Celestia summoned the rest of the Elements of Harmony." John said. "Something is happening, and I'll be damned if I don't help AJ deal with it."

"Likewise." Ace added sternly. "And then there's the fact it's my duty. Not only to my wife, but Equestria as a whole."

"I'll explain everything on the train." Twilight said. "But I must warn you, it could be risky."

"After everything we've been through," I said reassuringly, "I think I can handle a little bit of risk."

***

"Risk, yes." I muttered. "This fucking cold? Not so much."

Twilight giggled as the ten of us stepped off the train into the cold. None of us had any idea as to where we were, but Twilight did — so we followed her as she walked along the platform, the snow whipping around us as we trudged behind.

"Twiley!"

Out of the haze stepped a pony wearing a covering over their face. The rest of him, however, wasn't covered — so I was easily able to identify Shining Armour from his cutie mark.

"Shiny!" Twilight called, rushing up to her brother and giving him a hug. He returned it eagerly, nodding a greeting to the rest of us.

"I assume you all know why you are here?" he asked.

"I think so." John replied. "But let me go over it real quick, just to make sure I understand."

He took a deep breath.

"A thousand years ago, the Crystal Empire was ruled by King Sombra with an iron hoof. He made everypony's life hell, up until the point he was defeated — but not before placing a curse on the Empire which effectively concealed it from view for a thousand years... or now, if you will. If the Crystal Empire is back, there's a chance Sombra is back as well, and we... I mean, the Elements of Harmony, are here to see if there is a way to stop Sombra from re-asserting control over the Crystal Ponies. Is that about right?"

John finished talking to find that we were all looking at him with bemused expressions. Well, all of us except for Rarity, who had developed a gleeful expression at the mention of 'Crystal Ponies', prompting Spike to wave his hands in front of her in an attempt to snap her out of her trance.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" John said. "Surprised that something other than a dirty joke came out of my mouth?"

"Er, yeah." I replied. "I kinda am."

Shining coughed.

"Yes, John. You are correct." he said. "Cadence has been powering a shield around the Empire for a while now, but her power is fading. We need to help her, and find a way to defeat Sombra once and for all, and thus preserve the peace of the Empire."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Ace asked, adjusting the straps on his bag. "Let's get going."

Shining nodded and turned around, motioning for us to follow him. We left the train station, and soon we found ourselves slogging through snow which came up to my knees. Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie were on my, John and Ace's shoulders. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were hovering above the ground, while Spike was trying to melt a path through the snow for Rarity. All he did was tire himself out, resulting in Rarity throwing him over her back and trudging through the snow herself.

After a while, we could make out a faint glow in the distance. It was the shield that Shining mentioned. Given the size of it, I could see why Cadence was running out of magic. Maintaining something that big can't have been easy on her.

I was so focused on the glow I failed to notice the sky turning dark. Thankfully, John was there to keep me on track.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" he shouted.

I looked up and saw shadows converging on our group. At the front of it was the face of a really pissed-off looking stallion. His horn was black with a red tip.

"It's King Sombra!" Shining Armour yelled. "I'll hold him off, get to the shield! RUN!"

He didn't have to tell me twice. Twilight held on for dear life as I began running full pelt through the snow.

"Hey Twilight! Doesn't this remind you of John and Applejack's wedding?" I yelled.

"It does!" she yelled back. "Except instead of running to get to the buffet, we're running for our lives!"

We made it to the shield, the girls and Spike stepping through. John, Ace and I turned to see Shining facing down Sombra. As we watched, Sombra unleashed a bolt of magic, which Shining avoided. He charged up his own spell, but before he could cast it, the shadows enveloped his horn, encasing it with black crystals.

Shining gasped and tried casting, only for his spell to fizzle out.

"I'm going to help him." Ace said. "John, come with me."

"Why me?!" he yelped. "Why not Geo?!"

"Come on, man!" Ace snapped. "You're a former spy, so you'll know how best to use this!"

He reached into his bag and pulled out a gun, thrusting it into John's arms. John looked at the weapon for a moment, before a smile spread across his lips.

"A particle rifle?" he said. "... Bitching!"

Ace pulled out a pistol.

"Yeah, I built it the other day, along with this." he said nonchalantly. "Now, let's go help Shining. Geo, stay here."

"You got it, Lieutenant!" I said.

The two of them ran towards Shining's location as Sombra circled him, ready to attack.

"Hey, asshole!" John yelled. "Suck on this!"

He fired off a couple of rounds, one of which struck Sombra in the face. He roared in pain and flew higher into the sky.

"Yeah, you weren't expecting that, were ya?" John taunted. "You want some more?!"

Sombra growled in response.

"Come on, Shining!" Ace said, grabbing him. "We need to move!"

Shining rubbed his head and nodded, following Ace back to the shield as John walked backwards, keeping the rifle aimed at Sombra, who was snorting and growling.

The four of us stepped through the shield. John, Ace and I were immediately dumbstruck by the sheer beauty of the Empire. True to its name, there were crystals everywhere. We joined the girls and Spike, Twilight hugging her brother tightly.

"John?" Ace said. "Can I get that back now?"

John grumbled and handed the rifle to Ace, who put it back into his bag. Hoisting it over his shoulder, he walked over to Shining.

"You all right, Captain?" he said with a salute.

"Other than my horn being rendered useless, yes." Shining replied. "Thanks, Lieutenant. And thank you, John."

"Don't mention it." John replied, polishing his fingers on his chest.

"Come on, we need to get to Cadence." Shining said. "Follow me."

We did as we were asked, Twilight levitating a stunned Rarity in front of her.

As we walked, we got our first look at the Crystal Ponies... and how they looked anything but crystal. Their coats were a dull grey, and their manes and tails hung low. They were also looking at John, Ace and I with cautious eyes.

"Oh great." I said. "These ponies have been cut off from the world for a thousand years. So needless to say, we're the first humans they've seen. This is gonna be fun."

John sighed.

"Hopefully it'll be just as easy as it was in Ponyville." John said. "At least this time we didn't arrive on the back of a giant robot."

Ace laughed.

"I should have brought Tiny with me." he said. "He would have made getting through that snow so much easier."

We all chuckled as we followed Shining into the palace.

***

As we entered the throne room, Twilight gasped. Sitting on the throne in front of us was a very weak-looking Cadence. Her coat was matted, her mane and tail limp, and she looked thin.

"Cadence!" Twilight called.

Cadence looked up. Upon seeing Twilight, she found a source of energy and galloped towards her. The two of them met in the centre of the room.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves, and do a little shake!" They said together, before giggling. As they did so, Cadence winced, and the shield around the city faded for a brief moment. She rubbed her head and looked at Twilight.

"One of these days," she said, "we need to get together when the fate of Equestria isn't hanging in the balance."

"Cadence has been using her magic to spread light and love through the Empire." Shining said. "But she's barely eaten or slept. So far, it's kept Sombra at bay, since he was able to bypass my own shield. With all that's going on, we've been unable to gather information from the Crystal Ponies. We were hoping to question them about a way to defeat King Sombra, but so far we've not had any luck. Perhaps you girls... and guys... might fare better?"

"We'd be happy to help you, bro." Twilight said eagerly. "I can do a research paper! And Spike and Geo can help!"

She looked at me with pleading eyes, which caused my heart to almost explode. I nodded, and she squealed happily.

"Okay, everypony!" she said. "Fan out and start questioning the Crystal Ponies! Don't worry, Shiny. We'll handle this. You do what you can to help Cadence."

With those words, she galloped out of the room, the rest of us following close behind.

***

Half an hour later, and I found myself standing on the doorstep of somepony's home as Twilight tried desperately to talk to the owner. The mare, having never seen a human before, was reluctant to talk, believing me to be one of Sombra's tricks.

"If I was one of Sombra's 'tricks', as you so so delicately put it," I said sternly, "then surely the Empire would be his by now?"

The mare looked downcast.

"I... I guess so." she said. "I'm sorry, I want to help you, I really do. But... I can't remember anything from when Sombra ruled over us." she winced before adding, "And I don't want to remember."

She closed the door before Twilight or I could respond. We both sighed and turned back towards the centre of town.

"I just hope John and Ace are having better luck than us." I said.

"Don't worry." Twilight replied, nuzzling my leg. "I'm sure that one of our friends has found something."

***

Ace looked around, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Pinkie?" he called, before muttering to himself, "How can something so pink and fluffy be so hard to find?"

He reached into his bag and pulled out four small robots. He pressed a button on each one, which bleeped into life and hovered in front of him.

"Four BIRDs, four directions." Ace said, pointing at each one as he spoke. "You go north, you go west, you go east and you go south."

The bots bleeped affirmatively and headed off.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Pinkie Pie was lowering herself down a rope towards a couple of unsuspecting Crystal Ponies.

"Colonel," she said to nopony in particular, "I have sabotaged Metal Gear, and am now moving to acquire intel on the Crystal Empire."

The two ponies looked up and gasped.

"A spy!" one of them said, before they both galloped away.

Pinkie groaned.

"Not again." she muttered. "How do they always know?!"

A bleeping noise caught her attention and she glanced skywards, looking into the lens of one of Ace's BIRDs. From out of nowhere, she produced a giant red exclamation point and held it above her head, before dropping it and vanishing in a puff of streamers.

Watching from his PDA, Ace laughed.

"I should keep her away from my computer." he said. "She always finds something on it to give her ideas. But, at least I know where she is and what she's doing."

He put the PDA in his pocket and adjusted his uniform before walking over to a group of Crystal Ponies.

"Now that my wife business is sorted, it's time for me to partake in my other business — protecting Equestria."

***

Ace and Pinkie soon joined Twilight and myself in the centre of town, shaking their heads in defeat. For some reason, Pinkie was dressed as a ninja. I decided not to ask why.

We were soon joined by Rarity, Spike, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Only Applejack and John were unaccounted for.

"Did anypony find out anything?" Twilight asked hopefully.

"Sorry, Twilight." Spike said. "But Rarity and I got nothing."

"Which was entirely my fault, darling." Rarity added. "I'm afraid I got a bit carried away with trying to learn about the Empire itself, rather than how we could save it."

Twilight facehoofed.

"Uhh, yeah." Dash said. "I didn't have any luck either. In fact, I went a bit overboard in my questioning. I scared everypony away."

"And I was too nervous to ask anypony." Fluttershy squeaked.

Twilight sighed.

"What about John and Applejack?" she asked.

"Who, us? We got a lead for ya." We all turned to see Applejack and John approaching.

"You found something?" Twilight chirped. "Then by all means, share it with the rest of us!"

"One of the Crystal Ponies told us about a library." John said, smiling as Twilight's eyes widened. "That's pretty much all the info we got out of him. But it's worth a try, I guess."

"Where is it?" Twilight asked, quavering with anticipation. John pointed down the street and she was off like a rocket. The rest of us followed after her.

***

"Holy crap," I said, "this place makes the Ponyville library look like a news stand."

Twilight didn't reply. She was beside herself with giddy excitement.

"I just... I can't... there are no words for this!"

She began spinning around on the spot, taking in the sight of all the books stacked neatly on the shelves. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small grin on Ace's face.

"Looks to me like the selection of books..." he took a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and put them on. "... is dizzying."

"YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Twilight stopped spinning around, falling to the floor. We looked around for the source of the noise and saw that John was on his knees with his arms in the air, making a horn gesture with his fingers. He noticed us staring at him and stood up.

"What?" he huffed. "Somebody had to do it."

"This is a library!" Twilight reprimanded as she got to her hooves with a stern look on her face. "You're supposed to be quiet!"

"Can I help you?" a voice said. One of the Crystal Ponies, an elderly mare, was standing watching us with a bewildered expression on her face. Applejack walked over to her.

"Howdy." she said. "Mah friends an' I are lookin' fer a history book. Ya know, somethin' that explained how the Empire kept itself safe back in the day."

"History..." the old mare repeated. "I'm sure we have something like that here."

We looked at her expectantly.

"... where, exactly?" Twilight asked.

The old librarian looked even more bewildered.

"I... I'm not sure." she said. "In fact, I'm not sure I work here."

Rainbow Dash groaned and ran a hoof down her face.

"Not to worry." Twilight said confidently. "We'll have a look ourselves. How hard can it be to find one little book?"

***

"Why did I have to say that?!" Twilight muttered, as she put down another book. "We've been here for hours!"

The others weren't faring any better. Spike was weighed down with books he was taking for Rarity to look through. Fluttershy and Dash were flying along the shelves, looking at the spines. Applejack was up a ladder, dropping books to John, while Pinkie Pie was jumping onto the shelves and grabbing as many books as she could carry before passing them to Ace.

I was also up a ladder, passing Twilight books, which she held in her levitation spell before floating them past her and glancing at the titles on the covers.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... NO!" she sighed. "By the time we've been through the entire library, it'll be too late!"

"We just need to keep trying." I said, as I reached out for another book. At the same time, I lost my footing on the ladder and fell off it, landing on the floor with a crash.

"Geo!" Twilight gasped, dropping all the books she was holding. "Are you all right?!"

I was about to answer when a book landed on my head. I groaned and cursed under my breath and grabbed the offending object with both hands.

Upon seeing the title, I forgot about the pain in my body.

"I'm fine, babe." I said. "Because my clumsiness has helped us find what we're looking for."

I held up the book.

"The History of the Crystal Empire?" Twilight smiled with glee. "That's perfect!"

She took the book from me and kissed the sore spot on my head.

"We should hit you with books more often." she cooed.

I grinned and stood up.

"Come on, girls!" Twilight yelled as she put all the other books back. "We've got what we came for. Let's go!"

Quick as a flash, we left the library and headed back to the castle. As we ran, I noticed the shield was slowly getting weaker.

"I hope we're not too late." I muttered to myself.

***

I sat beside Twilight as she looked through the book for ideas. Both of us were hoping that it held the answer we needed.

"Do you really think that there is something in this book that can help us?" I asked.

"We have to try something." Twilight said, still flicking through. "We can't let Sombra— ah-ha!"

"You've got something?" I said eagerly.

"I do." Twilight replied. "It says here that the Crystal Empire held a fair in order to promote peace and love. If we can do something like that, it might provide the boost we need to defeat Sombra!"

"Great!" I cheered. "Let's tell the others."

We walked through to a large room, where the others were gathered around a large circular table, talking amongst themselves. Twilight cleared her throat to get their attention and put the book on the table.

"Girls... and men." she said. "I've got an idea."

There was a chorus of "Great!" from the others.

Twilight took a breath... and started singing again. John and Ace both looked at me with worry, to which I just shrugged.

The song ended and Twilight closed the book.

"Okay, everypony." she said. "Let's get this done!"

The other girls and Spike nodded, before all seven of them tore out of the room, leaving Ace, John and I behind.

"Hey, Ace?" I asked. "Are you still planning on studying this weird phenomenon soon?"

"I am." he replied.

"Don't." I said. "It'll just drive you crazy."

No other words were spoken as we followed our friends and wives out of the room.

***

A few hours later, and the Crystal Faire was in full swing. There was an arts and crafts stall, various food and drink, and even a jousting arena, which Rainbow Dash in particular was keen to do. So much had been done, and I was impressed. I just hoped that the Crystal Ponies would feel the same way.

Thankfully, they did. As soon as they realised the Faire was back, the Crystal Ponies changed. They lost their dull grey colourings, instead becoming vibrant. They shimmered like... well, crystals. It was a sight to behold.

Applejack and John were passing out refreshments like a mare and man possessed, while Spike helped Rarity make hundreds of fancy hats for everypony to wear.

And then I saw Rainbow Dash flying up to us with a panicked look on her face. Twilight looked concerned.

"What is it, Dash?" she asked.

"The Crystal Heart..." Dash gasped, "... is the key to spreading love through the Empire. But King Sombra knew this, and so he hid it!"

She pointed at the Heart Twilight had made. It stood in the middle of the Faire on a pedestal, and shimmered in the glow of the sun.

"That thing won't do any good!" she said. "If the Crystal Ponies realise it's a fake, they'll panic!"

Twilight gasped.

"But the book didn't say anything about that!" she said, as she flicked through it. "Oh no, the last page is missing!"

"What do we do?!" Dash asked urgently.

Before Twilight could answer, the shield around the Empire began to fade. Looking up, we saw Cadence collapse.

As she did, the shield vanished. Thick black smoke began snaking into the Empire. And at the front of it...

"Sombra." Twilight said.

We looked up at the balcony, watching as Shining Armour attempted to revive Cadence.

Guttural laughter soon reached our ears, and we turned to see Sombra's twisted face at the head of the smoke.

"Aw, fuck." I groaned. "Looks like the shit is about to hit the fan."

Author's Note

VERSION HISTORY

Version 1.1: Removed lyrics, replacing them with a YouTube video, to comply with the rules of Fimfiction. The PDF of this story has the lyrics, as well as additional dialogue and actions from the characters.
Version 1.0: Original version.

While Dash Is Away...

Pinkie Pie sat next to the mailbox, her gaze fixed intently on the small metal object in front of her. Nothing else seemed to matter as the party pony kept up her vigil, occasionally opening the hatch and peering inside before letting out a sigh.

Soft footsteps behind her caught her attention and she swivelled around on the spot with a small gasp of delight.

"Is that you Derpy?" she asked, "Do you have mail for me?"

"Sorry Pinks," Ace replied, "but it's not and I don't."

Pinkie's face fell as she turned her attention back towards the mailbox. Ace sat down next to her and put an arm around her neck. Pinkie leaned into him slightly, but still seemed focused on what she was originally doing.

"Come on Pinkie," Ace said gently, "it's only been a few hours. Give Dash some time to settle in first. I'm sure she'll write to you when she gets a spare moment. In the meantime, why don't you come inside and get yourself warmed up?"

"But what if I miss the mail?" Pinkie replied, "If I was inside then Derpy could deliver a letter in the next few minutes, and I wouldn't know it was there until tomorrow."

"Or," Ace said, "I could leave a note on the mailbox asking Derpy to bring all the mail inside. That way she can deliver it to you personally, and you can keep warm and eat something."

A small smile crossed Pinkie's face as she looked at Ace. She nodded and went inside the bakery, much to his relief. Removing a scrap of paper from his pocket, Ace scribbled down a note for Derpy and attached it to the mailbox with a small magnet before following his wife into the building.

***

I sat in Sugarcube Corner with the remains of a plate of pancakes in front of me as I sipped on a banana milkshake. Sitting next to me was Spark Plug, who had been moping for the last half an hour about how much he missed Rainbow Dash.

"Come on Spark," I said to the downtrodden unicorn, "it's only been a few hours. I'm sure Dash will write to you when she's ready, but you've gotta remember the fact that Pinkie Pie is also expecting to receive a letter from her."

Spark Plug sighed wistfully.

"I know," he replied, "but it just feels kinda weird with her not being around. We've been together all this time and now we're apart. It's not something that is easy to adjust to."

I patted him on the shoulder.

"At least it's only for a couple of weeks," I replied, "and not several months like Twilight and I had to go through."

"Sorry," Spark mumbled, "I forgot about that. John was telling us your story at our guy's night out the other evening. And then he told us his. I had no idea he was a spy."

I sighed.

"That's all in the past Spark," I muttered, "and I've forgiven him. He's moved on from all that, and so have I. You should as well."

Spark nodded.

"Let's concentrate on the positives then," he said, "such as Dash getting into the Academy. I just know that she's gonna blow them away with what she can do. And I also know that they are gonna be begging her to join them by the time the semester is over."

I chuckled.

"Damn right," I replied, "but you need to stop worrying about her. Give the mare a chance and let her get settled in before expecting a letter. It's Monday today, so I say that you should only worry if you don't receive one by the end of the week."

A small smile spread across Spark's face.

"That's the spirit." I chuckled, "Now you keep telling yourself that she's gonna write to you. And that when she gets back, you two are gonna have a wonderful heart-warming reunion and tell you all about her epic adventure that would make Daring Doo jealous."

The door jingled and Pinkie Pie trotted in followed by Ace. She saw Spark and I and came over.

"Hi guys!" she said before giving Spark Plug her full attention, "Hi Sparky! I guess you miss Dashie as well huh?"

"Yeah..." he said wistfully, "... but I bet you miss her more."

Pinkie shook her head so fast I could have swore that she actually managed to create a small breeze.

"I'm Dashie's best friend," she replied, "but you're her special somepony! That means we're both super-important to her, and therefore get to miss her equally!"

Ace leaned over to me.

"Thank Celestia for that." he muttered, "I thought for sure she'd turn it into a competition."

I replied with a snicker and resumed listening to the conversation.

"So how do you suppose Dash is fitting in up there?" Spark asked, "I'm guessing she'd be pretty popular given the fact she's an Element bearer who has saved Equestria a bunch of times."

"True," I replied, "but I seriously doubt that the Wonderbolts will care. From what I've heard, they're a pretty serious bunch. Reputation means fuck all to them. If you don't have the skills, you don't make the cut. It's as simple as that."

Spark and Pinkie were looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Not that I'm saying Dash doesn't have the skills of course," I defended, "but you've got to admit that I'm right. The Wonderbolts want ponies with skills, and Dash has them. They'd have to be fucking crazy not to accept her into their ranks."

The raised eyebrows disappeared and were replaced with wide grins. I returned them with a grin of my own as the bell jingled again. As you do when someone enters a room, we turned to look at them. It was Fluttershy and Doctor Haywick. They saw us at our table and came over.

"Hello everypony," Fluttershy said, "is it okay if we join you?"

We all nodded and the two of them squeezed into the booth. Pinkie rushed into the kitchen and came back with a plate of pancakes for everyone. I was reluctant to eat them given my full gut but I dug in anyway, because one does not simply refuse Pinkie's pancakes.

"So Fluttershy," Ace said nonchalantly, "did Dash get up to the Academy all right?"

Fluttershy swallowed her pancakes and nodded.

"Oh yes," she replied, "she did. She was really excited about it. I've never heard her talk so much. I could hardly get a word in... but that was fine. As long as she was happy."

Spark let out a small whine and flattened his ears against his head as he lamented to himself about how he should have hired a chariot to fly the two of them up there, thus allowing him to share in Dash's flurry of excitement.

"I didn't see her all the way to the Academy though," Fluttershy continued, "as I wasn't allowed in. They're very concerned about security up there, as you can imagine."

"I can," I replied, "given that the Wonderbolts are technically part of the Equestrian military."

Fluttershy gasped and I realised what I had just said.

"But Equestria hasn't seen a war for nearly a thousand years!" I said quickly, "So I highly doubt that Dash would be required to do any actual fighting."

I cocked my head towards Ace.

"And even if a war does break out, we've got Doctor Robotnik here to protect us," I said, "so there's nothing to worry about."

Ace developed a smug grin while Fluttershy simply relaxed.

"I guess you're right," she said, "and I know Ace will look out for everypony, especially after what happened with Pinkie and the Diamond Dogs."

Pinkie visibly shuddered, prompting Ace to rub her shoulders and wrap an arm around her neck.

"As a doctor," Haywick chimed in, "I worry about the many different ways Rainbow Dash could get herself hurt. I've treated a few pegasi who fell afoul of the Wonderbolts recruitment process. Broken wings and legs seem to be the most prevalent of injuries."

Fluttershy let out a small squeak and Pinkie's mane deflated. The two mares looked at Haywick as if begging for him to continue. Which he did after I nudged him.

"But we all know that Rainbow won't become another statistic." he said, "Her speed alone should help her blaze through the trials that lie ahead. The only way she could hurt herself would be if somepony were to subject her to potential risk."

The atmosphere around the table was as thick as treacle. Haywick seemed confident in what he had said, but the looks on Fluttershy and Pinkie's faces said otherwise.

"What the good doctor really means," I said, "is that Dash is going to be absolutely fine. She may be a daredevil, but that doesn't mean she will take any unnecessary risks. And I seriously doubt that anypony would be stupid enough to risk their life, let alone hers, for a bit of personal glory."

These words seemed to relax the two mares and they smiled, Pinkie's mane re-inflating to its original puffiness. The bell rang again and we all turned around to see who it was. It was Rarity and Spike, with Twilight and the kids close behind.

"There's my favourite mare!" I said as I rose from my seat and walked over to them, "... how are you doing Rarity?"

"I'm fine darling," she replied, "but I do think that you are confusing me with Twilight."

"Oh crap," I said in mock surprise as I turned to face Twilight, "so I am. Can you ever forgive me dear wife?"

"I can," Twilight said as she dramatically brought a hoof to her forehead like Rarity would, "but you will have to make amends for hurting me like this."

I grinned and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Of course I will," I replied before looking to the kids, "but not now. Hello Azure and Evening! Did you come to see dad?"

The two foals nodded eagerly.

"Hi dad!" Azure said.

"Daddy!" Evening added.

A goofy grin appeared on my face as I launched a tickle attack on two unsuspecting little stomachs. The two of them giggled uproariously as Twilight, Rarity and Spike joined the rest of our group at the table.

"Judging by the look on Spark's face," Spike said, "would I be right in assuming that Dash is the current topic of conversation?"

Spark nodded.

"We're just talking about what she might get up to while she's there," Fluttershy said, "although Haywick here thinks she's going to hurt herself."

Haywick smiled sheepishly and slunk back from everyone's gaze as he attempted to hide under the table. I came over to the table with two foals sleeping in my arms, having worn them out with fun.

"If everypony is so worried about her," Twilight said, "then why don't we go up and see her? Let her tell us herself that she's fine and that we have nothing to worry about?"

"That..." said Pinkie, "is a GREAT IDEA! You have your hot-air balloon and that cloud walking spell! Ooh, we should totally prepare a gift basket and take that with us!"

"A gift basket?" a voice chimed along with the bell above the door, "Why, what's the occasion? Is it somepony's birthday?"

We looked around and saw that Applejack and John had turned up and that both of them were looking at us blankly.

"Hi AJ! Hi Johnny!" Pinkie chirped, "We were just about to go up to the Wonderbolts Academy to see Dashie and take her a gift basket! Do you want to come with us? Please say yes!"

"Uhh," John replied, "you do realise she's only been there for a few hours, right? Let her get settled in."

"That's what we've been saying." Ace muttered as he pointed at me, "But they're not having any of it."

"Well Ah guess," Applejack said, "if y'all really want ta do then, then who am I ta stop ya? Heck, I'll come along too."

"I might as well come too." I said, "After all, I've never been outside of Ponyville before."

"Me neither..." John said glumly, "... fucking hell, we're a pair of hermits! So I'm coming too!"

We both looked at Ace. He sighed and nodded, much to Pinkie's immense delight. She rushed into the kitchen and came back a moment later with a basket on her back.

"Ready!" she squealed, "Twilight, go and get your balloon ready!"

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes before leaving, taking Spike and the kids back to the library. The two little bundles of joy were still fast asleep, the smiles on their faces making me feel like my pancreas was crying out in despair.

"I guess we should go with her." I guess, "I have to say that I'm looking forward to this trip. I've never been on a hot-air balloon before, so this should be a rather pleasant experience."

***

Half an hour later, Twilight's balloon made its slow ascent into the clouds. Normally it would rise faster but given the fact there were ten passengers on board, the speed had been severely reduced.

"So where is this place anyway?" I asked over the sound of the hot air being blasted into the balloon. "Is it far?"

"It's just outside Cloudsdale," Twilight replied, "which is a few minutes away. Now before we land, we need to make sure that everypony has a cloud-walking spell on them. Fluttershy, would you be so kind as to find a small cloud?"

Fluttershy nodded and took off. She flew to a nearby cloud and grabbed it, tearing a small chunk off. She brought it back and placed it in the middle of the basket.

"Okay," Twilight said, "I'm going to cast the spell on each of you one at a time. When I do, step on the cloud. If your hoof, or foot, goes through, then I need to cast the spell on you again."

With the exception of Fluttershy, Twilight then proceeded to go through us one at a time, enveloping us in her aura. Eventually everyone was able to walk on the small cloud, which Fluttershy then returned to the sky.

Soon a small area came into view. It was reminiscent of an airfield, with a landing strip and several hangars dotted around. I could make out a sign saying 'WONDERBOLTS ACADEMY', with the all-too familiar lightning bolt emblem emblazoned across the top.

"There's the Academy." Twilight said, "We'll be there in a couple of minutes. Everypony get ready to land."

Pinkie suddenly developed a wide smile on her face as she pointed a hoof to the sky excitedly.

"Hey look," she squealed, "there's Dashie!"

We looked up and sure enough, there was Dash. We all put on big smiles, ready for when we landed.

Those smiles soon faded when we saw the tornado approaching.

"Well fuck me," John grinned, "it looks like we're about to get the mother of all blowj—"

I clamped my hand over his mouth and shook my head fiercely. Removing the appendage I then gripped the basket as hard as I could and got down.

"Brace yourselves!" Twilight yelled.

Panic set in as the tornado grabbed us in its vortex. Panic gave way to terror as we were tossed around like clothes in a washing machine. Screams faded away to nothingness in the face of the unrelenting wind.

And to top it all off, I lost my grip on the basket. The winds picked me up and carried me away. I could make out Twilight's anguished cries as she watched me disappear from sight.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..." I muttered as I fought the urge to bring up the two plates of pancakes I'd eaten.

Suddenly the tornado vanished completely. My ears rang as I began free-falling towards the ground. I could see that the balloon was upright again, but I could also make out several horrified faces looking down on me.

I shut my eyes, and prepared to meet my maker.

FLUMPH.

I hit something soft. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up. The horrified faces had been replaced with relief.

"Sorry I took so long," a voice said, "but I had to take care of the tornado first."

I looked around and saw Dash standing on the cloud. Without thinking I grabbed her and gave her a crushing hug.

"Thank you." I whispered. "That's twice you've saved my life now."

Dash squirmed free from my grip and blushed.

"As I said the last time I done it," she replied, "it's all in a day's work for Rainbow Dash!" She paused before adding, "And don't make me feel all sappy. Only Spark is allowed to do that. Now come on, let's get you back up there."

And so, for the second time, Dash picked me up under my arms and carried me into the air.

She dropped me in the basket, whereupon a purple blur latched itself onto my chest. Twilight buried her face into my chest as she squeezed the life out of me. As she removed her face from my chest and kissed me, I saw that her eyes still bore the signs of crying. I returned her kiss and ran my fingers through her mane.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be," Twilight replied, "it wasn't your fault... this time."

With those words, Dash led us back to the Academy, whereupon I leapt out of the balloon and kissed the ground.

***

We all stood and watched as Dash gave one of her fellow recruits a verbal tongue bashing.

"You nearly killed my friends, Lightning Dust!" she roared, "What the hell were you thinking, creating that tornado?!"

Lightning Dust simply ruffled her wings and snorted.

"I was thinking outside the box," she replied, "because you don't get through life without making rational decisions."

"And you don't get into the Wonderbolts by endangering the lives other ponies... and people." another voice snapped.

Another pegasus mare stepped forward. She was a shade of orange similar to Applejack, but lighter. Her mane and tail were also orange, and she was wearing a suit. Rainbow Dash saluted, so I assumed that this was one of the Wonderbolts.

"Sorry Captain Spitfire," Rainbow Dash replied, "I know it's not my place to scold Lightning Dust like this, but I felt I had to."

Spitfire walked over to Lightning Dust, who was still wearing her cocky grin. Her grin soon faded when Spitfire reached out and tore something from her tunic.

"Rainbow Dash was right when she came to see me earlier," Spitfire remarked, "in the sense that I was being blind to your risk-taking on account of your skills as a flier. I've come to realise that having somepony like you in the Wonderbolts is not a risk I am willing to take, and this tornado stunt proves it. You are hereby dismissed."

Lightning Dust opened her mouth to say something but instead closed it and trotted away slowly, hanging her head.

Spitfire turned to Dash and presented her with the object she had taken from Lightning — a golden pin shaped like a pegasus.

"Rainbow Dash," she said as she pinned it to Dash's tunic, "for demonstrating loyalty, skill and a hell of a lot of guts, I am officially promoting you to lead pony. Do us proud, kiddo."

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Dash repeated as she began fluttering her wings eagerly. She saluted Spitfire, who then came up to me.

"I apologise profusely for any harm my recruit may have caused." she said, "I feel that you should be compensated somehow."

I shook my head.

"There's really no need," I replied, "because I wasn't hurt thanks to Rainbow Dash getting that cloud. Just as well my wife put that spell on me, otherwise I'd have been royally fucked. But I'm alive, and that's all that matters. You don't need to give me anything."

Spitfire blinked a couple of times in surprise before nodding.

"As you wish Sir," she said with a salute, "but the offer still stands. Should you require anything of me in the future all you need to do is ask, and it shall be done."

I returned her salute sceptically and she flew off.

"What the hell was that all about?" I muttered.

"You mean you haven't worked it out yet?" Ace said from behind me, "I figured that you would have, given how long you've been married to Twilight."

I raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to sigh.

"Twilight's brother is Shining Armour, correct?" he asked. I nodded and he continued, "Right, and he married Princess Cadence. So that would make him a Prince."

"Go on." I said, my curiosity piqued.

"Since Twilight's brother is a Prince, that makes her a Duchess. And since you're married to her, that makes you a Duke."

I copied what Spitfire had done and blinked in surprise.

"So you mean..." I said hesitantly, "... that I'm technically a member of the Royal Family?"

Ace nodded.

"That's right." he replied, "Which is why Spitfire called you 'Sir', because you actually outrank her. Hell... you even outrank me."

I thought for a moment before shrugging.

"Well it's a nice surprise," I said, "but I've gone this far without knowing, so I'll just leave it that way. And I certainly won't use my new-found rank to get what I want. But I'll still keep what Spitfire said in mind."

Ace nodded and the two of us went to join Dash and the rest of our friends, who were chatting away happily. She and Spark were holding each other close, muttering about being separated.

Twilight came up to my side.

"Are you all right?" she asked, "You've had quite the scare today."

"As have you," I replied, "but I'm fine. That's twice Dash has saved my life now. I hope almost dying doesn't become a habit of mine."

Twilight shook her head.

"Agreed," she said softly, "because as I've said before, the thought of losing you again is too much to bear."

"Likewise." I responded as I ruffled her mane, "But the fact is I'm here and I'm all right. And apparently... I'm royalty."

Twilight cocked her head at me.

"... you've only just worked that out?" she asked.

"No," I replied with a sheepish blush, "Ace had to explain it to me. But I assume you've always known?"

"Yes, I have." she groaned, "But I don't like using that title. I don't want everypony thinking of me like royalty to be fawned over."

"Then let's be thankful that this is as far up the ladder as we're going to get." I said.

Twilight nodded and we stood in silence, each of us happy to simply enjoy and appreciate the company of the other.

Author's Note

I've never been on a hot-air balloon in my life, so forgive me for not knowing the proper terminology.

Also, would you believe that I once talked to a pre-reader who claimed to have heard of the phrase 'the atmosphere was as thick as treacle'? For real yo, I find that hard to believe.

Now before you go and read the next chapter, I should point out that yes, it is set during the Apple Family Reunion episode. It will focus on events during the actual reunion itself and not the preparations for it. The chapter will contain numerous references to Chapter Five as John attempts to get the rest of AJ's family on his side. Also, something else will happen that I don't want to spoil. But let's just say it'll complete a set.

Oh, and while you're reading these notes, take a look at what I made especially for this chapter:

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

B9. Let The Punishment Exceed The Crime (NC)

The bell ringing signalled the end of another day at school for the foals of Ponyville. And if that wasn't a clear enough signal, the mass stampede of cheering ponies departing from the building was. At the back of them were two Earth pony fillies, who watched their classmates departing with barely concealed disdain.

"Another day finally over," one of them said, "and we don't have anything to do. Any ideas, Silver Spoon?"

Silver Spoon shook her head and shrugged.

"I don't know, Diamond Tiara," she replied, "maybe we can go to the park? Normally we'd have some fun with the blank-flanks, but none of them were in school today."

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine," she muttered, "let's go to the park. Maybe somepony will fall over or something and we can make fun of them for that."

The two nodded to each other and set off, the afternoon sun beating down on their backs.

***

The Ponyville Park was a hive of activity. Ponies played, talked and laughed in the sunshine and lounged in any shade they could find.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon entered with all the grace and charm of a rabid manticore, scanning the area around them for potential victims with just as much vicious cunning.

After a while, Silver Spoon saw a pair of foals – a filly and a colt – in a sandbox and nudged her partner in crime. Diamond Tiara glanced at them.

"What about them?" she asked, "It's just two foals in a sandbox."

Silver Spoon smirked.

"They're the librarian's foals," she whispered, "so that would mean that their dad is a...?"

Diamond Tiara mulled the question over for a moment before realisation hit her and she grinned.

"Of course!" she said, "Their dad's a human so that makes them half-breeds, which are even worse than blank-flanks!"

The two fillies put on their most angelic smiles and trotted over to where the two foals played in the sand. Each of them would build a sandcastle, only for the other to destroy it. The activity brought laughter rather than tears, as each of them sought to bring down the other castle in the most imaginative way possible.

Diamond Tiara waited until the colt built another sandcastle before casually sauntering over and stomping it underhoof. The colt looked up at her with quavering eyes, only for her to sneer derisively at him in return.

"Look at this, Silver Spoon," she said, "the little half-breed has actually got a backbone. I thought for sure he wouldn't on account of the fact he's a freak, just like his sister."

The colt snorted at her angrily. While unable to reply himself, he was clearly able to understand the harsh words being directed towards him and his sister. Silver Spoon chuckled.

"I think that messing with these two will turn out to be even more fun than messing with the blank-flanks." she said, "Wouldn't you agree, Diamond Tiara?"

Diamond Tiara nodded.

"Oh yes, Silver Spoon," she replied, "Much more fun. They may look like normal ponies now, but you just know they're going to grow fingers or something later. It's just... creepy."

Silver Spoon shuddered dramatically.

"Yeah," she said sycophantically, "it totally is."

The two foals huddled together, as if trying to show their aggressors that they would not be intimidated, but the two fillies looked at each other and laughed. They both took a step forward and prepared to fire off another insult before a loud, and authoritative, voice cut through the air and caused their fur to stand on end.

"Leave. Them. Alone." the voice demanded, "You will not harass the innocent any longer."

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at each other in panic, while the two foals each developed a smug expression. The voice was soon joined by a flash of light, which caused the two fillies to shield their eyes.

When the light cleared they found themselves looking at a dark blue leg. They slowly looked up to find none other than Princess Luna looking down at them, a very prominent scowl on her face.

"P-Princess Luna?" Diamond Tiara and her lackey both bowed, "What brings you to Ponyville?"

"These two," Luna gestured to the two foals now clinging to her leg, "are my responsibility while their parents are assisting Princess Cadence in the Crystal Empire, so you can imagine that I would not take kindly to those who would seek to do them harm, be it physical... or verbal. Now would you kindly explain yourselves?"

"We were just—" Silver Spoon stuttered.

"— messing around!" Diamond Tiara finished.

Both fillies looked at Luna pleadingly. The Princess seemed unphased by their explanations and snorted.

"I think I know a bully when I see one," she said, "because in case you had forgotten, I used to be one myself. I think you two need some time to think about how best to conduct yourselves around other ponies. I think the proper term is 'a time-out'."

The two fillies' eyes widened in horror as Luna's horn glowed. Another flash of light followed and soon the two were gone.

Luna looked down at the foals nuzzling her legs and smiled. They looked up at her and cooed happily.

"That takes care of those two," she said, "but I don't think my sister is going to be happy when she hears of this..."

She walked over to the swings while whistling a jaunty tune, the two foals squealing gleefully with every step.

***

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon opened their eyes slowly, the light from Luna's horn having almost blinded them and were greeted with nothing but blackness.

"Diamond Tiara?" Silver Spoon asked, "Are you okay?"

"I think so, Silver Spoon." Diamond Tiara replied, "Are you?"

"Yeah," came the reply, "I am. What do you think the Princess did to us? Did she turn us into anything... horrible?"

Diamond Tiara scoffed.

"She probably just teleported us somewhere dark to try and scare us." she replied, "We're probably in somepony's closet."

"Well then," Silver Spoon said cheerfully, "let's find the exit and get out of here. Nopony must know of this, okay?"

"Of course not," Diamond Tiara snorted, "least of all those blank-flanks. They'll eat this up for weeks."

The two fillies started walking in the direction they were facing, fixing smiles upon their faces and readying their stories for whomever the closet belonged to regarding how they ended up there in the first place.

After several minutes of walking, the smiles had been replaced with scowls and the stories replaced with what they were going to tell their parents regarding why they were so late in getting home. Diamond Tiara stopped and sat on her haunches, panting heavily.

"This... is too much." she groaned, "Nopony... has a closet... this big. We'd better... turn around... and head back... to where somepony can find us."

Silver Spoon nodded, beads of sweat trickling down her face. The two fillies turned around to head back. They managed a few paces before they noticed what was in front of them.

"Umm, Silver Spoon?" Diamond Tiara asked, "Is that... Equestria?"

Silver Spoon nodded again, her jaw hanging open in shock.

"I think... it is," she replied, "but if that's the case, then that would mean we're... oh no."

They exchanged a horrified glance before raising their heads to the heavens and screaming.

***

Back in the park, Luna's ears picked up a faint sound coming from the sky above. A small smirk came to her lips as she took respite from pushing two foals on the swings.

"I think they've just realised where they are." she said to herself, "Hopefully they'll learn their lesson about being nice in a day, rather than in a thousand years."

She giggled and resumed pushing, the sounds of two happy foals overriding the sounds of two anguished fillies.

Author's Note

Archivist Nightwatch's Idea: Twilight and Geo's kids get picked on by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon — who get sent to the moon for a day-long time-out by Luna after she catches them in the act.

I told you this chapter would be random as hell. I hope you enjoyed it! I hate Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, so I really enjoyed writing this.