It's been 216 days, 4 hours and 16 minutes since the occurrence of the incident. I don't know why I choose to write about it, or even why I find it comforting to put my words onto this parchment when all they do is sit there. It may be that having an outlet to put my feelings out somewhere, even if it isn't my friends, but that seems to be all too comforting. But the simple thing is that it happened, and there is nothing in all of Equestria that I can do to change that fact.
One thing, after the other was all it was. We had just come back home to Ponyville from the Crystal Kingdom, and the girls and I were all hanging around Applejack's orchard when he stopped by. It wasn't that I don't like it when he came by, but it startled me that he would come without notice and would actually scour the town just to find me. At first, I thought that it was a great visit with him coming from Canterlot and all. But once he broke the news to me, I didn't know what to say or even what to feel for that matter. Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes, and my heart nearly broke in half. Nothing he said worried me, from him telling me that he was leaving to some place far off in the borderlands... except for him telling me he would most likely not be returning.
Of all the things, telling me that he would not be returning. It didn't make much sense to me, why he would come to tell me he would not be coming back. But it would be much worse if he hadn't told me what was going on, I would have worried much more than I would have. And still to this day, I watch the horizon every day waiting for him to come back over it, along with those that he left with.
“I'll be back, I promise.”
That's what he told me, right after he said that he wouldn't be coming back. It seemed like a blatant lie, but it gave me some hope for what the future may hold. I don't know what I could do if I ever lost him... He has truly been my very best friend from the beginning. I don't want it to hurt with the fact he left, but it stands that he isn't here. I don't know if in my mind I realize exactly what is happening with him going off and all, but I know that he isn't coming back. I can at least wish that he does, and give myself something to look forward to in the near future.
I try to keep a smile up in front of all my friends, whether it be Applejack or Pinkie Pie, so I don't worry them over my own predicament. They do, after all, have their own things to worry about, and I don't want to be selfish and pull them away from their work. Even though I put on a smile, they know something is troubling me. They ask every day if I am alright, sometimes just as soon as I leave my home, and other times at the end of the day. I know that they care, which means the world to me, but sometimes I feel like they care a bit too much. Maybe it is just that they are my friends and only wish for me to be happy, or they know something that I don't. And at this point, I don't know what much is anymore.
I've been losing a considerable amount of sleep lately, which is strange, because with the amount of crying that I have been doing within the walls of my home, I should really be sleeping soundly. That's what my studies have shown before at least, that releasing your stress in the form of tears often helps you sleep at night, but I guess this is just one of those times where it doesn't apply.
“I'll be back, I promise.”
That phrase... it keeps playing itself back in my mind. I listen to music to try and free my mind, but not even the catchy jingles can rid me of that one, and last, phrase he spoke to me as he walked off. Hope is a powerful thing, something I should have put more consideration into when I studied the psychological nature of our kind. Something that is intangible, but yet it lies so deep within our hearts with every waking move. It gives us the drive we need to push on through the long nights, and the determination to keep going for a wish of something better that may lay ahead. And whether or not it will actually be there, it the determining factor with our mental state. If it comes, we are overjoyed and excited. When it doesn't come, we become devastated. Everything we know falls apart, and we lose our drive in life. I often fear the latter, but I know that he is a strong pony. And I know that he can make his way back to Equestria safely, leading those he took along for the journey.
No matter what anypony could tell me could every change the way that I lead on through my days. Somethings just have to stay the same, as some would agree, while others would come and say that every day needs to have something different in order to be a new day. For me, a new day is simply one where I can live happily, and hope that he comes home at the end of the day, walking down the roads with the sun on his back.
Sometimes, I even sit on the same roads he left on and just watch as the sun sets below the mountains. I just watch, and wait. Sometimes.
“I'll be back, I promise.”
One day, I thought he had actually came home. I saw him walking over the crest in the hill, a proud smile across his face, eyes filled with determination, and the same ponies he had taken along walking close behind in formation. I rushed to him, jumping in the air to land on him in a grappling hug, excited to see him once again. To my dismay, he wasn't there. The figures kept walking along as I phased right through what would have been his body, chills running down my spine. I looked into my hooves, wondering what had just happened. Wondering how I could just let it slip through them, as he kept walking away, getting further and further with every waking minute.
In the end of each day, I sit and wait for him to come over the crest, coming the way he had once disappeared before. He instilled hope in my heart, and even if the figures I see coming over that hill are just ghosts of a past time, or hope creating the event I wish for in my mind, I sit and wait. I will sit and wait each and every day, just for him.
Because he is my big brother best friend... Forever...
“Twily?”
