Sanguine Joy

Chapter 3: The Detective

“–ie?” a distorted, female voice said.

Ungh... What?

“–inkie.”

“Wha...?”

“Pinkie!”

“What?!”

The urgency of the voice yanked Pinkie out of her morning daze. It wasn’t just the voice though, it was also the furious knocking, intensifying every moment.

What could be so important at this time in the morning? Is the house on fire, or what?! Or... Did they find the body? Did they trace it back to me?!

Pinkie tried to get out of her bed, but her legs got caught in the bed sheets, which resulted in her falling on the floor face first.

“Pinkie! Are you alright? Talk to me! Talk to me!!!” the mare from behind the door said.

She’s hysterical! Better answer the door or she’ll ram them. That would be quite funny, actually... Nah, I don’t want to repair them.

“Who’s there?”

The voice seemed to have finally gotten his volume levels in check.

“It’s me, Twilight. Open up!”

Pinkie opened the door slowly, carefully checking to see if Twilight was alone. When the empty hall confirmed it, she let Twilight in.

“Come in, Twilight. And don’t break down the door, silly filly!”

Twilight looked terrible. Her mane was a mess, various parts of her body twitched and her eyes were filled with little red veins. When Pinkie looked at the other side of the door, she could scratches all over them caused by the knocking.

“Pinkie, I’m so glad you are alright! Did you hear the news?!”

Pinkie’s eyes shot open and she twitched a little. She took a little step back from Twilight and spoke with a quavering voice.

“What news?”

“Caramel is missing! And the police found traces of blood in a nearby alley. They don’t know for sure whether it was his, but it is a possibility. When I heard something in your room I thought – well, you are friends with everypony in Ponyville, so I was worried that you were taking it... badly."

So they know nothing. Good job Pinkie! Looks like you can do at least something right.

You! Leave me alone! It was you who caused this! It was you who killed Caramel! Why are you doing this to me?

I am doing nothing you don’t want to do, for I am you. But you know this already, don’t you? All I want is for you to survive...

Suddenly, Twilight started shaking Pinkie, bringing her out of her inner monologue.

“Huh?”

“Pinkie? Are you alright? You didn’t respond and kept staring in front of yourself. I was afraid that the message about Caramel disturbed you more than I thought.”

“What? No, don’t be silly Twilight. I’m sure he just fell asleep somewhere or hid from Sassaflash – she’s really bossy, you know? And the blood could mean anything, from... what you mentioned, to a bruised knee. How much of it was there anyway?” Pinkie said and gave Twilight a small smile.

“That... is actually quite a logical conclusion.”

Twilight blinked and looked at Pinkie wide-eyed.

“It is probably better to wait a bit before panicking. You are right that Sassaflash treats Caramel like he was her slave and there wasn’t much blood from what I gathered – only a large smudge, so someone could have had a minor injury and the smeared it all over as he was trying to clean it. I honestly expected you to freak out, Pinkie. You are full of surprises.”

Twilight spoke more calmly now, without all the shouting from before. She also was a lot more relaxed, since the twitches she displayed throughout the whole conversation were finally gone.

“Yep, that’s me! Surprise is my middle name! Right after Diane of course. Or is it the other way around? Maybe Surprise comes before Diane and I am actually Pinkamena Surprise Diane Pie and not Pinkamena Diane Surprise Pie. Or maybe it could be my last name, which would make me...”

She was talking to an empty room.

Oh Twilight, you always fall for this little trick of mine. Now, knowing her, she’ll start investigating the whole thing when Caramel doesn’t show up, and the guards are a danger too. I might have left some clues after me yesterday. Which means I have to hide them today.

———

The room looked exactly like yesterday, save for a pair of guards standing in front of the door. Pinkie had no problem disposing of them – jumping on the roof and then attacking them from above was quite efficient. She smashed their heads together, rendering them unconscious, and dragged them inside. Due to the nature of this particular street, nopony saw her, so she just placed a half finished bottle of cider in each of their hooves.

I’d like to see what kind of excuse you are going to make...

She started to look around. She gathered from the gossip that the guards were just waiting here for the detective from Canterlot to arrive. After all, while Ponyville had the Royal Guard, it had no police force – about the most serious crime that happened here in the past twenty years was shoplifting.

There’s a strand of my mane, and here, and here...

After about ten minutes of intense searching, sweeping and playing with a magnifying glass she brought with her, Pinkie finally got rid of every clue leading to her that she could think of.

Now, how could they find me without any trace of me here...? That’s right, they can’t!

Pinkie left the building, doing a double take before walking out of the door and blending with the crowd at the market.

She then resumed her daily chores but kept her ears open, listening to every rumour.

———

The old, creaky train slowly came to a stop, letting out its steam in an ear-piercing whistle. From inside it a gray, middle-aged stallion with black mane came out, wearing a monocle and a brown suit with a green tie, which was decolorized from repeated washing.

He looked at the group of guards standing at attention on the platform and gave a loud snort.

A bunch of peasants with their tiny village brains. This case will be closed by midnight.

“I’m detective Scisco. Who is your leading officer?”

One of the guards stepped out of line and saluted sharply.

“Sergeant Ignavus is at the barracks. I am Corporal Greenleaf; at your service sir!”

He looked just like the others to Scisco, but had a different insignia on his armor. Instead of a plain blue star that regular guards have, this one had a small griffon in it.

“Alright, Corporal. I trust you and your subordinates have been informed of my status?”

“Yes sir. I and every other member of the Guard is to assist you in any way possible, as stated by the decree Her Highness, Princess Celestia, sent us.”

“Good. Is the crime scene secured?”

“Yes sir. I posted two guards there,” Greenleaf said, puffing out his chest.

Scisco lifted one of his eyebrows at the Corporal’s display.

He did? What about Sergeant Ignavus?

“What does Sergeant Ignavus think about the situation?”

“I don’t know sir. Sergeant Ignavus said that he can’t be bothered with trivialities like this, and that he has to focus on more important things.”

What could be more important than murder in this backwater town? I think I’ll have a word with him later, and I hope he has a good explanation.

“Lead me to the crime scene.”

“Yes sir!” Greenleaf said, and motioned his guards to follow him. “This way.”

———

Scisco stared at the two sleeping guards and grated his teeth.

Those useless idiots! I thought that maybe at least the members of the Guard will have some traces of intelligence, but it seems like I was wrong.

“Wake up!” Scisco yelled.

The two previously sleeping guards jumped up and dizzily looked around them.

“Wha... What happened?”

“I’ll tell you what happened! You two decided that it was too boring to stand guard and went to get some liquor, didn’t you? I’ll have you disciplined for this!” Scisco said.

“But we didn’t... I don’t remember...”

“That is probably the result of the liquor that you two seem to be so fond of. Corporal, I believe you can think of a fitting punishment.”

Greenleaf was sporting a deep shade of pink and was looking down on his shuffling hooves.

“Oh, um, yes sir! You two go back to the barracks and... um... wash the toilets.”

“But sir!” one of the guards said. “We have a cleaner for th–”

“Just do it!”

The two guards quickly saluted and ran from the nearest vicinity, leaving a small cloud of dust behind them.

“I’m terribly sorry for this, sir. We’ve never had problems with those two before.”

What are the ones you do have problems with like then?

Scisco shook his head and loudly exhaled.

“It’s alright Corporal. Now, what evidence have your men found?”

“None, sir. Sergeant Ignavus said that we should put everything on hold until you arrived.”

Detective’s monocle almost fell out, as both detective’s eyebrows shot up after hearing this, and a red pulsating vein appeared on his forehead.

“WHA– I mean... It’s better this way. At least you won’t carelessly destroy anything important.”

You idiotic, incompetent swine! Leave all the peon work to me, will you? And those sleeping guards! Anypony could have gone in and removed all the evidence! This would never have happened in Canterlot. I’ll have to have a long talk with Sergeant, and he better have a good excuse!

The detective looked around the room. The most obvious anomaly was the red smudge, standing out like a snowman in the desert. The room didn’t have much furniture, only a closet and a small table with two chairs.

How strange. Who would want to live here?

“Corporal, who is living in this house?”

“Nopony, sir. This apartment has been abandoned for the past three years. The owners sweep the floor here occasionally and were the ones who found the blood. They knew nothing important, however.”

“Figures...”

Scisco pulled out his magnifying glass and began to inspect the blood stain.

The stray drops mean that the blood fell from height, the amount suggest it was from some major artery. Probably neck area. Somepony obviously attempted to clean it, but why?

The guards leaned in, like they were watching a magician perform his tricks.

The corporal’s theory about a large bruise falls too. Even this amount of blood suggests it was something major and that the person would have to seek medical help. Or an undertaker. Nopony with such an injury has come to the hospital though, so it is safe to assume that the victim is either dead or dying.

“Bring me some light in here! I can’t work like this.”

The Corporal hurried in with a candle. Scisco took it and brought it closer to the blood, shedding light on even the smallest of details.

Let’s see. There is a pattern here – the cleaning was done by a small, almost rectangular, object. It also left some strange marks. It almost looks like...

The detective slowly turned towards Greenleaf.

“Corporal,” he said with an uneasy voice, “come take a look at this.”

Greenleaf walked around the blood towards him and looked at the smudge.

“I don’t understand. What am I supposed to see?

“Look closer, Corporal.”

“I still don– by Celestia... Are– are those...?”

“I’m afraid so. The pattern you see are indeed prints of taste buds. The killer, for I am now sure that the victim was indeed murdered, ate his blood. As to why he did it; I have no idea.”

A small smile appeared on Scisco’s face.

Well, well, well. Seems like this case might yet be more interesting than I thought.

“Corporal, take your men and commence a sweep of the area. Search every basement and every attic. Don’t forget any caves, forests, lakes or whatever else you people have here. Tell your men they are searching for a body.”