Spike the King of Swag

by Lionblaze103

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1018

A day in the life of the swag master.

Spike is the king of swag. Do not take this story seriously.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-24 02:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

It was an average day in Ponyville as Spike swaggered down the streets. He was wearing a white tuxedo, and an awesome ass pimp hat sat atop his head. In his grip was a cane made of solid gold with a dollar sign on top. Mares looked upon him with lust, and stallions with envy.

Swagmaster Spike decided he was hungry, and wanted to get something to eat, so he set off for the town's finest eatery. Along the way there he was stopped by a tan mare with a bright red mane. "Is there something you want Rose?" he questioned. The mare nervously shuffled her front legs.

"Well I'm in heat, and I was wondering if you could help me." she said.

"Sorry babe, but I'm too busy being awesome right now." he told her, flexing his manly muscles. Rose swooned, and fainted, and Spike just walked around her as he continued on his way. When Spike reached the restaurant he sat down at a table outside, and a waiter quickly scurried over.

"What would you like sir?" he asked nervously.

"Get me a ruby salad with a side of sapphires." he told the waiter. The waiter wrote it down on a note pad, and quickly ran inside. Five minutes later he came back out, and put two plates in front of Spike, one containing rubies, and the other sapphires.

"There you are sir. On the house." the waiter told him.

"Good." said Spike, nodding his head, signaling that the waiter could go. When the waiter was gone Spike started on his meal, and quickly finished it. When he was done he decided that enough was enough for the day, and stood up before starting off towards the Golden Oaks Library which he had made his home.

On his way there he suddenly found himself surrounded by several mares, all a gleam in their eyes. "Oh, I forgot that it was that time again." he said, "Ah well, only one way to solve this." Suddenly Spike grew a mustache. "Ladies, please, contain your orgasms." he said.

In spite of that every mare within a 50 mile radius had juices flowing down their legs. The one's closer to him came so hard that they fainted, and he continued his way home. When he was nearly there he was stopped by his friend, and admirer, Rainbow Dash.

"Spike, you're like sooo awesome." she said, "You're like 200 percent cooler than me. I wish I was you."

"I know." he said, "Everypony does."

"I just wanted to say you're so awesome, and that Twilight is so lucky that she gets to live with you." Rainbow Dash said.

"I'll tell her that." Spike said, with a wink, making Rainbow Dash swoon, and get a wing boner.

"I-I'll see you later." she stuttered, "I just gotta take care of... something." With that she galloped off. Spike made his way to the door, and opened it to find the library cluttered with books.

"Twilight!" he called out.

"Yes Spike?" she asked, galloping down the stairs, "And I was definitely not smelling your pillow."

"Twilight, this place is a mess. Clean it up." he told her.

"Right away." she said

"Oh, and get me some paper, I want to write a letter to the Princess." he said.

"On it." she said before levitating him a piece of paper. "Do you need a quill?" she asked.

"Yes." he said. Twilight quickly levitated him a quill, and he snatched it out of the air, and then started to write. When he was done he rolled it up, and blew a green flame, burning it. In Canterlot the letter materialized in front of the Princess, and she quickly opened it.

Dear Princess Celestia

I learned today that I am awesome. In fact I am the most awesome person in Equestria, also I look great in a pimp hat. You probably already knew that though, because I am so great.

-Spike

P.S. I am awesome.

Princess Celestia fainted from sheer awesomeness, her throne soaking wet. Back in Ponyville Spike smirked as his bat senses tingled, making him aware that he had just made another pony faint from his coolness. "Twilight I want you to read me my checklist." he told the purple unicorn.

"Right." she said, "1. Spike is awesome. 2. Spike is amazing. 3. Spike is great. 4. Spike is cool."

"Great. You can check all those off." he told her.

"Done, done, done, and done." she said as she put a check mark in the boxes.

"Right, I think that's enough awesomeness for one day." he yawned, "I'm going to sleep."

"I made your bed for you." Twilight said, "And if you feel anything wet it's just water. Yeah... water."

Spike rolled his eyes, and made his way to his huge pimped out king sized bed. Spike put up his awesome tux, and his cool ass hat before he curled up underneath his gold trim blankets and let out a loud yawn. "Today was a good day to be a pimp." he said, "I really like trains." Then a train suddenly burst into his room.

--

"Spike!" the voice of Twilight called, snapping Spike out of his daydream, "Spike, have you seen my parchment? I could have sworn I bought some yesterday." Spike quickly scrambled to gather up all the paper as the door opened. When he had gotten them all he took a deep breath, and burned them with green flames.

When Twilight walked in she was greeted by the innocent face of her dragon assistant. "Sorry Twilight, I haven't seen them." he told her.

"Well then could you please go buy me some more? I need some if I want to write a letter to the Princess." Twilight said.

"On it!" he said before scurrying out.

--

In Canterlot Castle Celestia was sitting on her throne when a pile of papers materialized in front of her. "My, Twilight must have been quite busy." she said to herself as she picked up the first page. It read, 'Spike, the King of Swag'.