Finding the Hay in a Stack of Needles
"Dear, fetch me my needles please?"
"Oh sweetie, could you try this on for me?"
"Come on darling, it's time for bed!"
"Applejack, 'sugar cube', it's for me!"
"Come on! Just this once..."
"Pleeeeeease..."
"I need you to!"
"You don't have an option, darling."
"Don't argue with me! Now!"
"When I say something, I mean it now."
"Don't use that tone with me!"
"Please? Please?"
"I do not have the time for this."
"Get that lazy flank over here and do this for me!"
"Sweetie! I didn't mean to! Come on darling!"
"I didn't want to hurt you!"
"You're worthless, you know that? You won't even help me, when you're supposed to love me!"
"You're going to hurt me? No one will love you like I do!"
"You can't leave me. I'm all you have, dear."
"Slapped you? I did no such thing."
"I'm sorry honey! Please, Applejack, I need you!"
~*~
Everything she said, everything she did. It was a slap in my face, literally. I tried to talk to her, from the very beginning. I really did. But would she listen? No. And if I can't leave her physically, then I suppose leaving her in every other way possible is the best option. Before I do though, I'll tell you my story. From the very beginning.
~*~
We were in love. I'd even say we were madly in love. She was my diamond, my sparkling idol. When I asked her out for the first time, the way her whole body lit up, I'd say she was a crystal pony again. The date was amazing. We held hooves across the table, shared a meal, drank a little too much, and went back to her boutique for the night.
That was a mistake, I'll admit it. I was sober enough to have fought her, but I wasn't going to. I decided to be selfish, and it was a mistake.
When we woke up, she was shocked. Her mane was a mess. And when I leaned in to kiss her, she kicked me in the gut. I'm glad I'm as strong as I am, or that would've hurt. The mare's got quite the kick. She apologized, of course. Then we had one of those dramatic scenes where we confess our feelings, and it was like a movie. Perfect in every way. Then I made her breakfast, and we enjoyed it.
We did that for the next few days, for the rest of the week actually. Sometimes we just cuddled, sometimes we didn't. But the breakfasts were the best. Until the day she insisted she make the breakfast instead of me. The rest of the day, I ended up doing her favors, but I didn't really mind. We were in love, my judgement was askew. I was her servant, doing everything she asked before she could finish a sentence. We did that for another week.
Our friends were concerned until we confessed to them. Then they were happy for us. But I remember Dash pulling me to the side.
"AJ, you're as beat as a rock from Pinkie's old rock farm. What's she doing to you?"
"Ah'm jus' helpin' her with 'er work," I brushed her off, then ran ahead to catch up with her and carry her home. We were like newlyweds, but giddier. It was great.
Then we got to the third week. She was as stressed as a sheep giving birth, but I helped her out. Then I messed up. I really didn't mean to, not like that matters. I ended up tearing one of the dresses she was having me try on. Granted, she hadn't told me explicitly to try this one on, but she said to help her out, so I just assumed to try it on. I didn't know it was a special order from Fleur de Lis, with such a weird body frame.
"Sugarcube, can' y'all fix it with yer magic?"
"No! I can't! This was a special order!" she had squealed. Then she got angrier. "You broke it! I spent days working on this! You destroyed it!"
Then... she slapped me. It wasn't hard, at least to me. Probably because I was so shocked. The minute she did it, she looked so shocked, so apologetic. So I pushed the dress out of the way and kissed her, just like when we had kissed for the first time. It was beautiful kiss, like one two schoolponies share. There was no intent behind it. Then she led me upstairs, and we made up well. Then it happened again, two days later. She slapped me again.
I know she didn't mean to then, because she was apologetic. But this time, her apologies seemed faker, like she was going through the motions. She was still mad the next day, and I tried to make it up to her, but I couldn't. I brought her flowers and gems, rare gems from Canterlot. I brought her cider, I tried to help with her sewing. But I couldn't make it up to her.
After her orders were done, it was a little better. she was nice again, and we got along well again. I was making her breakfast again, we were cuddling by the fireplace, or taking Sweetie Belle to the park. Then, two weeks later, it got crazy.
I still don't know what set her off. I just know she stomped in there and began yelling at me, like I should know. I took it, like the big strong mare that I am.
"You think you can simply destroy everything and make it up by being cute? Do you realize how much you hurt me? I am tired of you!"
That time, she didn't look sorry after slapping me, or hitting me. Or kicking me, for that matter. I should've gotten out then, but I didn't. I let her keep it up, blaming it on how busy she was. I was pretty stupid, now that I think about it. My parents never hit each other, not that I know of anyways. I wish I knew what bugged her so much.
This time, it was the apple that broke my back. This whole relationship has become hers, and if anyone saw us, they'd assume I was her servant instead of her lover. If I could even call myself that.
She didn't just hurt me, she attacked me. I don't know why, or what led up to it, but she got pretty mad about something or another. I'm still sore. I was reading one of her books, and that's how I figured out what was going on here. She was abusing me, and I don't know why. I know that I can't do anything right, that it feels like I'm worthless. Maybe I am. My friends don't miss me, my family hasn't come by, and she doesn't even think I'm worth looking at any more.
It's over. Everything. I tried to leave, and she wouldn't let me. I remember that. It was right after she hit me.
"Rarity, can I—"
"You aren't leaving. You are mine, and I'm not letting you go anywhere again."
Why she wants me when I'm worthless, I don't know. But I'm not letting her have me. I'm done with everything.
Finding the Hay in a Stack of Needles
So that's my story. That's why I'm here, in her bedroom, with one of her scarves wrapped around my neck. If I'm truly this worthless, then I think I'm just going to let it go. Look at that, Rarity. I beat you this time. You thought you could stop me, by saying I couldn't leave. By wearing me down so much I felt worthless. But I know I am. You succeeded, at least halfway.
The scarf's kinda itchy. I chose a pretty one, one with reds and blues and oranges and yellows and whites and purples. It was in a box with my name on it. The hardest part was tying it without magic, but I just tied it around a stick then loosened it to fit over my head.
She always said she loved my mane when it was down, so I took it out of it's ponytail. It's kinda pretty, I suppose. Not as pretty as she used to be to me.
I'm dressed up nice too. I borrowed the dress from the box with my name on it too. It's big and puffy white, like a cloud. It has a pretty yellow band around the waist, and a little red apple on the side. I crawled up on top of her bed. I feel a little bad, because her bed's so pretty and I got it messed up, but I'm sure she won't mind. It is just a bed, after all.
Anyways, I climbed up onto her bed, and it's nice under my hooves. Then I stepped up onto her dresser, then onto a taller one. Then I tied the rope up to the bar across her ceiling, and I'm ready now.
I know from Twi's old books that it's faster if I jump down instead of swing off, so I will. I wrote a nice letter to her, d'ya wanna see it?
Dearest,
I used to love you. Now you abuse me, and I just can't love you anymore. I'm sorry, I suppose, but it's mostly your fault. I should've said something sooner, but I didn't. So here's two words I will say, the only two I'll really say.
Good bye.
That's all I really have to say, and I think I'll jump now. I'm awful sorry about it, and I know my other friends will miss me a little, but they'll get over it. So I'll say it one last time, and then I'll jump.
Good bye.
~*~
The elegant mare trotted into her room, a scowl plastered across her face.
"That worthless waste of space. Missing all day. I love her, I think. She's such a pain though."
She turned towards her bed, flipped on the lights, and screamed.
There hung 'that worthless waste of space', strung up by a specially made scarf with the dress the mare had made on her. The worst part was the expression though.
Her eyes were open, full of apology and shame, though empty at the same time. A note was clenched tightly in her teeth, but the only words the mare caught were 'good bye' before she vomited. Running out of the room, she rushed to the hospital, and the nurse returned with a bored look on her face until she saw who it was.
~*~
"I stand before you today," began Princess Celestia, tears in her eyes, "to bring sorrow. One of our own is gone today, by her own hoof. We know what drove her to it, which is why yet another is imprisoned. I apologize for them, and I apologize to all of you. You trusted the Elements of Harmony to be your saviors, and they brought destruction upon themselves. We will all mourn for them, for while only one is truly gone, the other should be. Today shall be remembered as the Apples' Day, to remember our loss for all eternity. Please step forward if you show wish to say your farewells."
Four mares and a dragon approached the open casket first, tears filling their eyes. One was simply red eyed and nosed, another with flattened hair. Yet another seemed to have a completely white mane, as if all color had vanished. The final was hidden behind a sheet of pink hair. The dragon was purely downtrodden, looking as if his heart had been wrenched from his chest and eaten in front of him. They all set flowers into the casket, then turned. One stepped towards the podium.
"She was one of us. I am Magic like she was Honesty, and Generosity is now gone. We shall all mourn them for all times, but remember what they did to themselves. It was not a selfish act, nor was it selfless."
She turned and walked away, then broke into a run. The white-maned mare followed, flying droopily in a half-attempt to catch up. The flat-maned one seemed to melt into the ground, becoming a shapeless lump. As they all began to break apart, a single thought echoed through all their minds.
'Good bye,' it whispered, with the faintest scent of apple cinnamon. 'Never forget me.'
They all perked up, just the tiniest bit then, but it was just that. A tiny bit. Unnoticeable. But it was comforting to each of them as they nearly gave in.
~*~
In a scruffy dungeon sat the same elegant unicorn, her eyes sunken and her mane destroyed. She heard the whisper too, but it had more.
'Never forget what you did to me. Never forget,' it warned, and the mare began to sob. A guard outside the cell turned to see her, a look of disdain on his face. He had been warned that she had to be guarded carefully. She was risky, potentially mental. Why the Captain of the Royal Guard was called to guard it, even he didn't know. But when he turned to look at her, he was shocked. He had known this mare once, and now she was broken.
Broken, lost. One to be forgotten. But she had a few words to say as well.
"I'm sorry."
