Did I do something wrong? I will never know what I did to have this happen. How did I come to this, looking down upon this endless abyss? Will I ever know what I did? 'ell I guess that I will never know what happened. My family is dead and my mind is broken. If I end it all, will the pain stop? It probably won't, but I know that I think better when I'm in the air. However, I haven't been able to fly for a while now. My wings had stopped working and I can no longer feel the rush that I had once gotten from the wind blowing by my head. The ever flowing breeze that would flow through my mind and soul. The pumping of my blood through my entire being was all that I had needed. But then I met her, she was the one who helped me when I had fallen out of the sky and obliterated my wings. They had to be removed.
I take a quick step off of the cliff and start to fall down toward the endless blackness. Will you be waiting there when I come over? Will you both greet me with those warm and caring smiles that you would show me when I came home from a long day on the farm? I hope that I will go to the same place as you do. I miss you so much. I have the wind in my hair and I can feel my heart begin to race as the old muscles that let me fly so effortlessly pain as they tried to flap a wingless back. I hope I can see you soon my love. I can feel the gravity getting heavier as I come closer to the ground. I miss you. I can see the ground now. Lush and green with overgrowth. Flowers where scattered across the whole jungle floor and the trees lay on the outskirts of the flower garden that the family of three had planted and taken care of for years.
My mind goes dark as I feel the ground under my whole body. I can see the stars of my home country. Oh how they shined inside the nights sky, sparkling like a million rubies and fireflies. My eyes open and I'm on my back, I can feel the blood stains on my clothes. I look down and see some flowers on my broken and mangled body. Some of my ribs where broken and sticking out, one leg was shattered and lay at an awkward angle with multiple bones sticking out. It looked like the same as my wings. One of my fore hooves was broken and I lay on top of it. I couldn't feel it. In fact I couldn't feel anything at all. I knew that I had probably lost a lot of blood and I should have been dead. The loss of blood had probably dulled my senses. I look up again and I see that I'm in a huge hole. I look left and I notice that it goes down a ways and turns upward.
I try to get up, but realize that my spine was either fractured or had broken in the crash. I cough up blood and just lay there waiting for someone to find me. I pull my broken hoof out from under me and set it on top of my chest where it began to bleed again. I wont survive for much longer. I stare up and through the hole. The night stars began to shower the world in its heavenly lights. My breathing becomes shallow and I know that I'm almost gone. I can feel the life ebbing away from under my chest. I can feel it getting smaller and flowing away upwards. “Is that where things go when they die?” I hear a voice say.
“I don't know honey.” I hear a different voice then a warm, soft, and sweeter voice climbing out from the back of my head.
“Then, where do people go when they die?” the quiet voice asked in wonderment. It was my little girls voice. Oh how it sent warmth down my splitting spine. I can see my wife now, putting down a dish and crouching down so that she was eye level with the little girl in a yellow dress.
“They go to a better place where the grass is always green and you never have to worry about anything again. Where everyone will be and everyone is happy where every day is a new adventure.”
“Will little brother be there too?” the woman cringed and a shutter ran up her spin as a memory came into her mind.
“Yes... even your little brother will be their.” A tear escaped my eye.
I can hear voices coming closer. Will I go before they come? Will I go knowing that I left in peace? Or will I be harassed by these new people that will just make my passing take longer. My eyes no longer see and I can feel my bones going cold. The stars are engraved into the back of my eye lids and the wind in my ears. I no longer hear the voices. Instead I'm now walking in a big crowed, the peoples faces are empty and lifeless. They don't talk, and just move forward with these unknown and
large crowed, so I join them. I feel relived to be left alone. But there is no personal space between each person, their just a huge mass moving onward. No one bumps anyone but they still move forward. Some of the people however are rushing after other people, trying to get to them, however they seem to always be out of reach. Those people are shouting, trying to get to the people but I can't hear what they're saying. I tern forward and walk on with the crowed.
My life, has been one of constraint and frustration. At the age of five my father beat my mother to death in our family living room. I can still remember how her blood splattered against the walls, family photos, and eventually came to rest on the floor. The blood on the walls began to run down and I looked wide eyed at the bloodied face of my father. He started to shout at me, “What?! You didn't see anything! Ya hear! Now go back to your room wile I clean up!” I begin to shake. I can't move and just look at the swollen flesh that lays at his feet in a pool of crimson red. “You stupid little brat,” the mans face darkens and walks over to me with those hands that ran with death. He reached out and grabbed my neck. I feel his immense hands coil around it as the breath flees my lungs. I try to cry out but hes just holding my neck so tight that nothing will come out. My eyes roll back into my head and drool starts to come out of my mouth. Then, almost heaven sent, I hear sirens in the distance getting closer. I feel him drop me and I slump to the floor and curl up into a small ball, coughing and wheezing for air. I can feel his heavy boots thudding against the ground as he ran for the door.
At the age of twenty my girlfriend filed a harassment lawsuit against me and I lost everything that I had accumulated over the years. I didn't touch her but she made it look like it was me,I got a restraining order put on me; I wasn't allowed to come within one hundred miles of her. So I moved away and out to the country, a few states away, where I bought some land and built myself a new home. I finally felt at ease again and really liked my new town, I even started to date again, but it was not to last. At the age of twenty five she found me and burned my house down with her inside of it. I was charged with man slaughter and was imprisoned with twenty five years of jail time with one thousand hours of community service. They also restrained my wings so that I couldn't use any of my abilities that I was born with.
Fifty four years old and I can fly again. I missed that sensation, I miss it now actually. The stifling smell of where I was, was like a thick bog that put an eminence pressure on your chest and made you feel like you where drowning. When I flew toward my old house I heard a loud banging sound and a burning sensation on my wing. I fell out of the sky, even falling felt nice. I look up at the cloudless sky and see that some of my feathers where falling out. The person who probably shot me was that womans new boyfriend or was it old now, maybe non existent boyfriend? I plummeted out of the air and hit the ground, hard. I could feel my wings shattering as I bounced off of the ground and skited a few feet and fell unconscious.
Fifty nine years old and I'm drafted into the army, to fight in an over seas war that no one wanted. I'm now married and have a wife and a beautiful little girl. I kiss her good by and hurry over to the truck that was waiting for me. The others that were in that truck all had a sad and glum expression on their faces. Some looked young, while others looked as though they where on their last legs of life. “How many of them would come back in a casket,” I wondered. “Would I also be in one?” The guns blaze and I can feel the explosions rocking through our tanks armor. An explosion rocks the tank around and I'm disoriented. I feel a warm splatter against my face and I open my eyes. Everyone inside of the tank was shouting. Some of them where just piles of mangled flesh while others where screaming. A little boy is crying in the corner. I grab my gun and exit the scrapped tank. A pony with a sword comes running at me and I shoot him with my gun. I turn around as another one of the ponies slashes me open with his sword. I can feel my warm fluids come spurting out.
Sixty four years old. We won the war and we were released back into society, to return to our homes. However I believe that some of us was left behind on that battle field and only empty husks returned, while others only came back with only a smug of who they once were. I couldn't wait to see my wife and little girl. I wonder how big shes gotten. I then remember that almost everyone that I had served with had died, how could I be going home to a happy family while they had died. I can still see their faces in the back of my mind and sometimes when I close my eyes. Jonathan, a little squirt from Hoovington who loved to play pranks on people, shot through the head at point blank range. Alexandre the third, an elderly fellow who would listen to peoples problems, he was our doctor;jumped on a grenade when it landed in the center of our platoon. Beans, an awkward and very shy person, the very first friend that I had made on that awful battle field. Bleed out from a shot to his leg, I held him and listened to his last request, he wanted to be buried on a hill that over looked his filed that he had farmed all his life so that he would always to be able to watch it grow. Bruce, a slender man with wild eyes, he could never really focus much on anything. Had his heart ripped out for one of the enemies sacrificial ritual. They ripped it out while he was alive, went under the ribs and through the lungs to get at it. Max, a younger boy that loved art, he'd always be doodling on a piece of paper or on his helmet or gun. He was pretty good at what he did and I believe that if he had survived then he would have been one of the best artists in all of Equestria. He stepped on a land mine and blew his lower half two feet in the air. Trey, a weird man that had long fingers that was always doing something. He was either ripping something apart or putting it back together. He was a thinker, and liked to see how things worked. He, like most of my other comrades, where tortured to death, having his legs and arms pulled out of their sockets and bleeding out, I can still remember his screams. He died of the pain first before he actually died from blood loss. James, Felix, Allen, Mark, Spooler, Davis, Bret, Mathew, Luke, John, Haven, Frank, Hobbs, Kyle, Tyler, Jordan, Victor, Johny, Jack, and Landon, all where killed inside of our tank when a ripper burst through the armor and exploded inside of the tank.
My head raises from looking at the ground, I was jarred from my thoughts and was now approaching a stopping point where everyone around me was coming to a halt. I tried to look up at what they where all looking at, but could only see darkness. Then,without warning people began to be pulled upward and disappear into the darkness. Their blank faces didn't even react as they where pulled upward. I could only wonder where they were going. People then started to walk forward again and I joined them. I came to a blinding light that was in front of me and just walked on through it, like it was only natural for me to do this.
I'm walking down the street. I just got off of the boat and the train ride back to town was long and hard. Not to mention that my legs where tight and cramped from not having enough room to stretch out. I breath in, smelling the warm, and fresh bread that had just been taken out of an oven. The flowers created a sweeter smell though, as I walked past some wild flowers blooming under a street light. I made the familiar journey back to my house. Oh how I missed them both. The way my wifes voice could calm anything and bring a warm and fuzzy feeling into ones heart. My little girl, She was probably older then the last time that I saw her but I was sure that she would be dazzling just like her mother. The sidewalks where cracked and grass had started to grow out of it. The houses that had once been so lovely where now in disarray. Time had past so quickly that I didn't even recognize some of the houses. Street signs where faded and no children where to be seen. Before I had left their was a lot of kids running around and playing games in the streets. I walk up to the front door, of my house, and see that its a jar. I slowly push the door open and look inside, my heart begins to race. The furniture is over turned and the picture frames where shattered and strewn around the floor. Tables where split and I could see the shine of glass on the floor. It looked like it was raided. I slowly walk into the house, I'm aware of a splatter of some kind of liquid in the middle of the living room. It didn't take long before I realize that its blood; being in a war for a few years will sharpen your scenes.
I look up the stairs and rush up it. Where are they? I throw open each door that I'm able to get close to. Finally I come to our last door and I step in something wet. I look down and notice that my combat boots are smeared in something red. I'm in a puddle of blood. The door creaks open as I raise my hand. Blood is everywhere, its sprayed up onto the walls, its in puddles on the floor, and on the bed is situated two mangled and torn bodies; one was a child's body and the other was an adults. I look on, not able to move and not able to say anything. I just stand there, speechless. My eyes begin to sting as the realization comes to me. My wife, who I had done all of those terrible things to those other ponies, was dead, and I was never going to see how much my little girl had grown. I rush over to the bed and pick them both up in my arms, I began to cry and retch into their lifeless forms as I hold onto them.
I just stay there, crying into the late hours of the night and before dawn comes I call the police. Their bodies where taken away and I was taken down to the station. They asked me a few questions but they didn't get much out of me, for my mind was somewhere else. It was jumping around from our wedding to the time that our child was born. Oh how beautiful she was, she had her eyes and my grandfathers curly hair. It then jumped to when I had received my orders to be enlisted for the army. She was sad and she told me that their were other ponies that would be able to take my place and that we could just run away together so that we wouldn't have to be separated. But I couldn't do that to our child. Always running and never being able to stop and have a real life. No, I couldn't do that to her; I couldn't do it to either of them, and yet, I knew that going would break her heart and that she wouldn't be alright without me. Taking care of a child on her own would be hard, but at the end of the enlistment order it had a welfare thing to take care of anyone who had a family so that they would be provided for. So, I enlisted. How would things have ended if I had just left with them? Would they still be alive? No I wouldn't think of that. If I didn't go, then we would have been one man short on some of my platoons very important missions. They where all important, even the most minuscule.
9:54 am. I'm standing over my wife and child's freshly made graves. In loving memory of Fluttershy and Sparkle. A loving mother and a faithful wife. My eyes look down, lifeless and empty, at the grave. It starts to rain. How many people died on that battle field and yet now you grieve over two people. Your worthless, and a pitiful man that doesn't even know the meaning of pain. We all suffered and yet you only suffer over two bodies. “They where my world.” I said out loud into the empty grave yard. “They where my life. My passion. My very existence on life. The only thing that kept me going!” I shout out. “And yet, many people die, and many people suffer every day and every hour, how could your loss be any better then another's.” My mind begins to fall into a black abyss and my features begin to sage.
11: 45, I bye a case of alcohol. 1:23 I walk through the forest to my families little flower garden. 4:44, I climb up the long cliff that over looks the garden. 7:56, the sun sets and I dangle my feet over the edge of the cliff. 8:10, I begin to drink and look up at the sky. 9:21, I finish the fifteenth bottle and emptied the case of alcohol. 9:45, I through the bottles over the edge and watch them spiraling down into the blackness. 10:00, I'm up on my feet and crying. Wondering why I did that to them, why did I leave them. I look down, and take one step over the edge. I slowly start to fall down and catch a glimpse of my family looking at me with sad expressions.
I look around and I'm in a dark place with only a table and a chair, with a light shining down upon them. I walk over and sit myself into the chair. The table has long scrapes in it as though someone had tried to claw at something. My eyes are still lifeless and empty. I just wait their looking at the long scrapes in the table. I finally notice a pencil on the corner of the table. I grab it and begin to doodle around the scratches. It looked like a ten year olds stick figure war. The long scraps were the bombs falling on the little stick people. They where running toward the light at the opposite end of the table, but where being shot at by guards on the towers. Fires where burning and blood was flowing off of the table. Then a large figure behind everything stood in a menacing pose. He outstretched his hands and his face was covered by a hood. “Thats an interesting drawing.” a voice comes out of the shadows.
“I guess,” the man sitting at the desk says.
“What is it exactly?”
“My life.”
“And what is it exactly that you did in life?”
“I... can't remember.” He stops drawing and begins to think. “What did I do in life? What did I do to stop what happened around me? What did I do for the ones that gave everything so that I could live? I can't really remember.” A puzzled look crosses his countenance and he shuts his eyes trying to think. The voice doesn't say anything, instead it grows some eyes and looks around.
“What is it that we did? Where are we going? Where have we come from?”
“What do we do when we get their and what do we do when we don't go anywhere?”
“What happens to those that don't know?” The eyes looks at the light, “I want to go somewhere where its bright like that light.” the eyes start to move toward the lamp at the sealing and the man opens his eyes only to reveal dark holes that go into his head and disappear into darkness. Blood runs from his eyes and down his face and onto the table.
“Where is whats left going?” the body begins to fall apart and flow away into darkness and all thats left is a heart thats shriveled and cracked that falls onto the table. It looks so worn and bandaged that it hardly resembles a heart anymore. It seemed to have been stitched back together in some places but those stitches are coming undone. A long chain goes through one end of the heart and out the other end. It connects together and on it are dogie tags, each one caries a name. Each person that he has offended or wronged is on it. And each one is engraved a sad word that would bring one to they're knees if uttered. The heart beats slowly and some blood leaks out. It joins the blood coming out of the dead stick figures that died in the war. A war that no pony wanted, and yet was heaved upon by some ruler in a far off land. A woman holding a little girls hand comes up to the table and takes the heart in between both of her hands, “Welcome home dear.” the little girl seems happy and they both walk off into the darkness.
My eyes slowly open and I'm in a field of gold looking up into a deep, and piercing blue sky where other Pegasus are flying around in it. I can smell the fresh smell of spring and feel it at my toes. A smile crosses my face and I get up and dust off all the dirt that was weighing me down. I look over and my wife is looking at me with a smile that shown like a million sunsets. A little girl is right next to her with curly pink hair and beautiful eyes, she holds my wifes hand, a big grin is spread across the little girls face. On the other side of my wife is a little boy with green eyes and a face that showered the world in sun light. I start to walk toward them and I feel everything falling off of me, the weight that had weighed me down all my life just seemed to lift in that one instant and fall to the earth, all the chains of life seemed to come loose and I declared those delightful, and yet delicate words, “I'm home.”
