Who Is Twilight Sparkle?

by Running From Time

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Main 6
Length: 14106

Memory makes up who a pony is. I used to be a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle. Now? I have no clue.

I woke up in a room. A hospital room. There were seven visitors. A baby dragon, and six ponies. One of the ponies was obviously a doctor. Other than the doctor, there were two pegasi, two earth ponies, one unicorn, and a baby dragon. "Twilight?" the baby dragon whimpered. "Do you... Do you not... remember us?"

Published 2012-11-24 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-09 22:35:59 UTC

Chapter One

Falling. Falling further and further. I watched as the ground below came closer and closer. There was nothing left but falling to my death. I spun around slowly in the air, waiting for my impact to close in on me, waiting to die. This was it. This was the end. The end that I so graciously thrusted upon myself. The end, for me, at least.

I swooped into consciousness, as I slowly opened my eyes. I was in some sort of room, yes, a hospital room. I was currently alone in this room, other than the medical equipment. I found that if I attempted to get up, every bit of me ached horribly, so I tried not to move around too much. As my mind began to actually turn the gears, questions began popping up in my mind. Why am I in pain? What happened? I attempted to review what happened, to remember what happened to me, which I realized quite important; not only could I not remember what happened, I couldn't recall a single other thing in my life. I had no memory.

I immediately began to panic. Who... who am I? What am I? I looked at my hooves and felt my face. I was obviously a pony, but I had a large bandage on my forehead. I saw a mark on my flank, which in a way I thought would describe who I was. However, if I had no memory, how would I be able to guess who I was by the mark on my flank? I couldn't recall a single thing, event, or pony. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I eventually gave up trying to remember what I lost, since it was useless. I then returned to looking around the room. It was a fairly small room, and somewhat cozy. There was a door across from the bed, with a window on it. The walls were white, and the floor was also white tile. On one side of the room, there were medical equipment. On the other side of the room, there was a window that gave a beautiful view. The scenery included a gorgeous blue sky, with puffy white clouds. Buildings, such as houses and stores, were throughout the home-like town, with ponies walking and talking on the streets, happiness showing everywhere. Next to the bed was a nightstand, where I saw several cards and balloons that said “Get well soon!” including a large balloon that had a pink pony with a fluffy darker pink mane on it along with the phrase. Either who I was had very kind friends, or I got hurt so terribly everyone pitied me. I attempted to reach down and look at a card, hoping it would tell me about myself, but as soon as I outstretched my front leg, pain shot through me and I decided to leave them be. I then just did nothing other than lying there. Well, rather than doing nothing, perhaps I should go to sleep. Yes, for some reason, sleep sounded lovely. A nice, wonderful nap sounding like a very good idea...

I stared across the landscape, off the cliff. It was a very long fall. I closed my eyes and sighed. I inched closer to the edge. A little voice in my head told me to stop. They told me to not do it, to live on, and forget about it. However, it was too late. I had to do it. I soon returned from my thoughts and into reality, and stepped to the edge of the cliff. I was just a step away from the end. I didn't have to do this. I could turn back now. I could act as if nothing happened. I shook my head in denial. No one could live knowing this. Not even me. I then proceeded to step into the air, off the cliff, and fell. As I fell, I could hear someone calling something. It sounded a little like...

“...light... Twilight... Twilight!” I woke up from my strange dream to the same cozy hospital room. Only this time, there were seven visitors. Six ponies, and a baby dragon. One of the ponies was obviously the doctor, as his lab coat and stethoscope around his neck made it quite obvious. The other five ponies were two pegasi, two earth ponies, and one unicorn. Smiles grew on all of their faces to see me conscious.

“Twilight! Oh, I'm so glad to see you alright, sugarcube!” shouted the orange earth pony, with a southern accent, which broke the long silence. The other ponies and dragon joined in with happiness and how glad they were Twilight was alright.

“Ooh! Twilight! Yay! We should totally have a 'Twilight is okay' party and it will be so much fun, and-” The pink pony was interrupted by the cyan pegasus, who told her to calm down.

“Twilight! Thank Celestia! I was getting so worried!”

“Seriously, Twilight, you don't even want to know how terrible the library got. I can't run it without you!”

“Geez, Twilight! You really could live through anything, couldn't you?” As I listened to the ponies and dragon talk, I had trouble understanding. Twilight... who is that? I don't know who that is. Are they mistaken? Or... am I “Twilight”?

“Um... I'm sorry... but... I don't know who this 'Twilight' is. Perhaps... perhaps you could shed light on who exactly she is...?” The room dropped into silence. “I mean, I don't really know you guys, either...”

“Twilight?” the baby dragon whimpered. “Do you... Do you not... remember us?” I shook my head.

“I... I'm sorry. I don't know who any of you are...” I quietly spoke. The white unicorn spoke up.

“Twilight, dear, you've forgotten... everything?” I reluctantly nodded my head. There was nothing in my mind before I woke up the first time. There was just nothing. I couldn't remember anything. The doctor cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

“Ms. Sparkle, I can't say I'm surprised you have amnesia. That fall could have been fatal, but you were incredibly lucky. You still had a head trauma, however, so amnesia would be likely.” He turned to the visitors. “I will start some tests, to see how Ms. Sparkle is healing. You could come back later, to help her with her memories, but I'm afraid you will have to leave for now.” As the other ponies and dragon left, a gloomy atmosphere was left in the room.

The morning sun is way too bright. I don't like mornings. Especially because there is practically nothing to do all day in this boring place. It has been a while since I've seen anybody other than the church staff, other than the occasional visit to see if I was alright. I didn't quite know any of them, however. I may have know them in the past, but I can't remember any of it. It might as well not even exist.

The doctor told me I was to be released in a week or two, because I was healing quite well. He told me I couldn't participate in any athletic activities for a while, either. While, I was bored the whole time, however, I decided to try and use my magic. I used it with ease, since it wasn't my memory that was required to use magic. It's like how I know how to walk and talk even though I have no memory of learning it. I used that magic to read all of the cards I couldn't because it was out of my reach. I learned nothing other than the names of some of my friends, such as Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, and a few others. I figured Pinkie Pie was the earth pony on the big balloon. Apparently I used to be a bookworm. I have no idea, since I haven't really read too much yet. I only read the books that the hospital had. They don't really have too much books.

I was staring out the window when the door creaked open.

"Twilight? You awake?" I heard a pony with a southern accent inquire. I think that's Applejack.

"Yes, come in." Ponies walked in, five of them. I'm guessing they were Applejack, Pinkie Pie Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy. I could guess which one was which since their names sort of match their personality or what they looked like. One of them had a saddlebag with them.

"So, uh, Twilight? How are you? When are you getting out?" the rainbow maned pegasus, most likely Ranbow Dash, asked.

"I was told I would be released in a week or two, since they told me I was healing well. I can't run or do sports, though, for a while."

"That's okay, you never really were athletic before either." Rainbow Dash had a little bit of a laugh, before Applejack kicked her and glared.

"That's great that you'll be out soon, sugarcube. Don't forget that we're be here for you, alright? Oh, and don't let me forget. Rarity brought something for you." I admit, I was curious as to what they had given me. The white unicorn, most likely Rarity, lifted books out of her saddlebags and on the side of the bed.

"We weren't sure, out of all the books, which one you would want to read, so we just got these. We got them from the library, which I'm sure you've read every book. Although it might not help you remember, you would at least have your nose in some good books," Rarity declared. I looked at the books, where there was four. One was a book about magic and its properties, named, well, Magic and Its Properties. Another was, after I read the summary, a love story between two ponies, named As the Petals Fall. The third was the first book of the Daring Do series, Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone. The fourth was a story that takes place in outer space where there is ponies with three eyes and no fur or manes, which was named Stars That Aren't Really Stars. I wondered which one I should read first, since they all seemed really good. I then realized that my guests were still there, watching me look at all the books they gave me.

"Wow, thank you so much for bringing these to me! They look so interesting. I can't wait to read them. Thank you so much!" I beamed, since I really did appreciate what they had done for me. I still sot of hoped they would go soon so that I could read those books. They looked incredibly interesting.

"Geez, Twilight, I know you're an egghead, but you're way too excited to be reading those books. I guess we should go then. See ya, Twilight!" Rainbow kidded, and then she headed out the door.

"Yeah, see ya Twilight! Hope you come out soon!" giggled Pinkie Pie.

"I hope you feel better, Twilight," said the yellow pegasus, obviously Fluttershy, very quietly.

As soon as everyone was out of the room, I had to decided which one to read first. I decided to read Stars That Aren't Really Stars because of its interesting name. I opened up the cover and read into the world that this book created.

Chapter Two

I slowly walked out into the lobby of the hospital. A sigh escaped my lips. Although I would much rather not be in the hospital any longer, everything else was still completely alien. I didn't even know the way to my own home, for Celestia's sake. How would I do anything else? I lagged out into the town, Ponyville, as I was told. Out of nowhere, I watched a pink blur appear in my face. I sighed, as this could be no one other than Pinkie Pie.

"Yay! Yay! You're out! Yay! Let's have a "Twilight is Out of the Hospital" party! Yeah! It'll be so fun! There will be streamers, balloons, and a big red cake! Yeah!" Pinkie shouted. Pinkie ceased her jumping and muttered to herself, planning out everything. I rolled my eyes.

"Pinkie, I don't need a-" I began, but I was cut off by Pinkie.

"Come to Sugarcube Corner at seven! It'll be a lot of fun, I promise!" Pinkie then proceeded to bounce back to Sugarcube Corner to completely plan out her party. Oh well, I might as well do what she says. First, however, I must navigate my way around Ponyville to my house. I scratched my chin with my hoof. Well, since Ponyville is not too big, finding my home won't be too difficult. I began forwards, hopefully where I was supposed to be heading. What did my house look like anyway? They said it was a big tree. I lived in a tree? If I lived in a library, that means the library was in the tree. Not only that, but I had Spike, a baby dragon that can burn with his breath, living in that house with me. I suppose I was truly overly concerned with safety, wasn't I? I shook my head. No matter, I must find my way.

I kept walking until I got to what appeared to be a farm, with apple trees everywhere. I guessed this was Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack's home. I attempted to look past the farm, if there was any development past it, where my home might be. Past Sweet Apple Acres was only forests, which I assume to be the Everfree Forest. I sighed and sat on my rump. I had absolutely no idea where I was supposed to be going. I'll be honest- I was lost. I was lost in a town that I had supposedly lived in for at least three years. I was about to get up and head in the opposite direction, when I heard hooves hitting the ground behind me, coming towards me. They sounded like very small hooves on a small pony.

"Twilight? What are you doing here? I heard you got out of the hospital, but aren't you going home first? Or are you here to see Applejack for something?" asked the voice of a small filly with a southern accent. I craned my neck to see a creme colored filly with cherry red hair. I guessed she was Applebloom, Applejack's little sister, from what I've heard about her.

"Um... Well... Actually, Applebloom, I, uh, am sort of, well, lost." Applebloom cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"Huh? Why are you lost? Did you-?" The small filly then realized her mistake as she remembered something crucial. "Oh. Right. Sorry, Twilight. I forgot." She cleared her throat. "Um, if you were lost, keep heading in the opposite direction until you come to the town hall. From there take a right. After a little while, you'll be at the library, your home, which is a big tree. You can't miss it." I smiled at Applebloom, who smiled back.

"Thanks, Applebloom. You're really a big help." I got up, and started heading where she told me. "Bye! See you later!"

"See ya at Pinkie's party!" I continued towards my home, which I hoped I would find before I really embarrassed myself.

After not long, I reached my home using the directions Applebloom gave me. Although they weren't quite well explained, they were sufficient, and I was home.

"Wow," I said to myself, "It really is just a big tree." I opened the door with my magic (I learned it while I was bored in the hospital) and trotted inside. Inside was a large assortment of books, everywhere. Well, because it's a library. Spike was in there, behind the desk, sleeping soundly. I giggled. "Spike? I see you're a little tired." He did nothing but shift a little and groan.

"Five more minutes, Twilight..." I rolled my eyes. He probably did this a lot before, since he even says that in his sleep. I walked towards him and poked him.

"Spike? You need to wake up now." Finally, Spike opened up his eyes. He nearly jumped out of his scales when he saw me, and proceeded to fall off his seat.

"T-Twilight! What took you so long? I was getting really worried! You took way too long! What were you doing!" Spike scolded, acting like the last five minutes never happened.

"Well, I... got lost. You see, no one really gave me a map to help me around Ponyville. I ended up walking all the way to Sweet Apple Acres. There, Applebloom told me the way here." Silence filled the room until someone entered, breaking the silence. It was Rarity.

"Why, hello, Twilight. I heard you were released from the hospital today. How are you feeling? Is your memory any better?" she politely asked. She lifted a book out of her saddlebags, and put it on the desk. "I'll be returning A Warm Welcome. It was a very lovely book." Spike then put the white card back into the book. He walked over to the ladder and moved it to get up to where the book belonged.

"I'm doing great, Rarity. My memory is still completely gone, however," I replied.

"Yeah, she's completely fine, other than the fact that she got lost on the way home and had to get directions from Applebloom," Spike interrupted, as he inserted the book into the bookcase, and climbed down the ladder.

"Spike..." I growled, not happy that he shared that piece of information. Rarity looked shocked.

"You couldn't find your way home? That's not good at all! No one gave you a map or instructions at the hospital?" I shook my head. I have no idea if they forgot, or thought that I knew how to get there.

"She walked all the way to Sweet Apple Acres before getting instructions," Spike inserted, walking up to the two of us. Rarity shook her head.

"Oh dear, that will not do at all. You do know how to get to Sugarcube Corner for the party, though, right?" Rarity inquired. I thought for a moment, thinking about everything that I passed that might have been Sugarcube Corner. I vaguely remembered a building that appeared as it it was made of sweets. Assuming that was it, I nodded my head, trying to make myself not look stupid. "Well, that's good. See you at the party, Twilight! Hope your memories return soon!" Rarity left the library. A question that really should have appeared much earlier popped up in my brain.

"Wait... How did Pinkie get all the invitations around so quickly?"

I walked up to the building that I vaguely remembered as the one that appeared to be made of sweets. I gulped and really hoped it was Sugarcube Corner. I stepped inside, and it was dark. The door close behind me, and other than the creaking of the door, there was nothing other than silence and blackness. Oh, great. It's either I just trespassed into some idiot's house, or everyone's going to jump out and yell "Surprise!" Unfortunately, my fears were confirmed. The surprise party bit, that is. The lights were suddenly flicked on and everypony at that party jumped out and yelled, "Surprise!" Music came on, streamers flew, balloons were released to the ceiling, and snacks were given out. Pinkie Pie bounced up to me with her bubbly randomness.

"Hey, Twilight with no memory! We're all glad you're out of that hospital and walking around and stuff! Hope my Pinkie party helps you with your problems and stuff and makes you all happy!" After saying her piece, she proceeded to stuff her face with cupcakes. I rolled my eyes, and went over to a different snack table, where, as Pinkie had talked about, red cake was being served. I wondered how much coloring it needed to be so red. I ate it anyway, and to be honest, it was really delicious. It was practically food from heaven compared to the hospital meals.

In not too long, most of the guests had left, and I was stuffed. The only ponies left were Pinkie, Rainbow, Fluttershy, and I. Applejack and Rarity had to leave to make sure their little sisters went home at eight. It was now nine. All of us were pretty tired, and I was pretty much ready to puke from all of the food I ate. I'll have to admit that their food is probably the best I've ever tasted. Or at least the best I remember tasting. Anyway, we all had to head home eventually, so we left.

When I got to the library, I climbed up the stairs to get to my bed. I realized that the upstairs area was completely unexplored so far. The room was connected to a kitchen and a bathroom, which did have a door. In the same room, stairs led up to two beds. Wait, make that three. Spike's little bed was right next to one of them, so I guessed that one was mine, and the other was a guest bed. When I got to the top, I saw little Spike sleeping soundly in his bed. I smiled at how adorable he looked, curled up in his bed. I climbed into bed. Before drifting off, I wondered a little about everything. I peered over at Spike, who was snoring. What was my relationship with Spike? Were we really close friends? Did I feel motherly towards him? Or was he more like a younger brother? I thought of all my friends. When did I meet them? How close was I to them? Were they good friends? My mind drifted to everything I couldn't remember, which was pretty much everything. I wondered about my family and parents. I wondered about my supposed big brother, whom I adored very much, and his wife, Cadence. What were they like? Why does it make me so sad I can't remember all of the important things in my life? I turned around and groaned. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't I have just, you know, kept all of my memories? Why did this happen to me? Wouldn't it be easier if I was dead? I wouldn't be so confused and angry. I'd know why I was dead, and I would be fine with it! However, my mind drifted to those important to me, like my friends and family. How would they react to my death? If they were truly as good as friends or family as I am told, they would be heartbroken. They would all no longer have Twilight Sparkle in their lives. I sighed. They don't have their Twilight Sparkle. They just have a mare who looks and sounds like her, but really isn't her. I'm not really Twilight Sparkle. Am I? Oh, I hate this. I hate everything! I hate it! I sat up in my bed.

"I hate all of this mess! Why did this happen? Why did I lose my memories in this first place?! Augh!" I yelled, completely distraught. Spike's snoring came to a halt, as he woke. I put my hoof over my mouth.

"Twilight... I'm trying to sleep," Spike groaned. He turned around and put the blanket over his face.

"Sorry, Spike." He grunted. I immediately lay back down, and tried to sleep, rather than keeping myself awake. I opened my eyes, and turned to the window. Huh. Is every night going to be like this? Wondering about the mare I used to be, and how she saw everything else? I closed my eyes and just let all of my thoughts disappear, as I drifted off into sleep.

Chapter Three

Burning. That was all it did. Burn, burn, burn. The fire burned. I thought of how much the fire burned to remove it from my mind. I could not. The image played over and over in my head, causing me to shiver. The fire burned. I wanted to touch the fire, let it trickle up my hoof, on my body, to swim in the flames. As if death were a nice plan. Maybe it was.

"Twilight! Come on, wake up!" I groaned and rolled over.

"What is it, Spike?" I asked, still quite tired and unwilling to get up. I had another one of those strange dreams again. I had not had one of those in a while, but I had one today.

"Don't you remember? Your parents are coming tomorrow!" My eyes popped open and I sat up immediately.

"WHAT?!" I screamed, truly not understanding the situation. I stared at Spike with wide-open, tired eyes, and he cocked his head in confusion.

"Didn't you look at the letters you got? I told you there was a lot to see yesterday," Spike responded nonchalantly. I groaned and smacked my hoof against my face.

"You never told me that! I don't even know where they are!" He stepped backwards at my anger. I got out of bed and came up to him. "Where are the letters that you received while I wasn't here?" I asked in a much softer tone. He pointed to a pile of letters on a table in which I considered looking at, but did not due to other things that needed to be finished. I took a look at the letters, where there was a good amount, maybe ten or so. Three caught my eye almost immediately, as it seemed to relate to my situation.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

How glad I am to hear that you are alright! Hopefully it will not be long before you will be just fine. Several things seemed to be occurring in Canterlot currently, therefore I am unable to visit. However, I sent a letter to your parents, and hopefully they will arrive in little to no time.

Your Beloved Ruler,

Princess Celestia.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

How terrible it is to hear you have amnesia, my faithful student. Amnesia is not an unimportant thing, you know. When one has no memories, they are not quite the same person. Hopefully when your parents come, they could help you remember your past. Speaking of which, apparently they hadn't received the letter even after a month! I found out it was due to the guard that was supposedly delivering it instead destroying it! I could never understand why one would do such a thing. Canterlot is still in a worsening state, and unfortunately I will be tied up for perhaps another couple months. As soon as I am able to, I will visit you.

Your Beloved Ruler,

Princess Celestia.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Your parents have decided to come a week after you have been released from the hospital. I reckon it may be because they would want to help you regain your old lifestyle, but I cannot know for sure. Hopefully you may regain your memories when they arrive.

Your Beloved Ruler,

Princess Celestia

P.S.

Has Spike been giving you these letters, or has he waited until the day your parents arrive to show you all of them?

I glared at Spike, then once again smacked my hoof against my face. Just as Celestia had asked in the post script, Spike had waited until today to show me all of these letters. I sighed. No matter, I will just get ready for their arrival. Princess Celestia said in the letters Mom and Dad would arrive tomorrow, and leave in one week. That means they would stay here, so I need to tidy up the guest bed for Mom and Dad. I picked up a piece of paper and my feather pen with my telekinesis and began making a checklist.

"Tidy up the library... Clean my room... Make the guest bed... Buy groceries for an extra two people..." The list continued on until I had written down all of the things I would need to do before they arrived at noon tomorrow. It was seven o'clock in the morning now, so I had some time. Hopefully I would complete everything before then.

It was not long before I checked off the last box on the check list. I had gotten everything done in about five hours. The library was spotless, without a single book or feather pen out of place. I had enough food for all four of us for a week, which were delicious meals Spike knew like the back of his hand. I would try to cook at least a little, but I would much rather have tasty dished for them than my cooking, since I have not cooked at all since I forgot. Other than that, everything was perfect and ready for them to arrive. Completely perfect. I slumped down in the chair in front of the desk, and wondered what they were like. I wondered what sort of memories that they could try to resurface, and maybe I could remember who I was, everything I forgot.

Maybe I could be Twilight Sparkle again.

"SPIKE! Was there any letters? Anything from Celestia? It has been FIVE HOURS since they were supposed to arrive! Oh no, what if they were injured? What if they hurt themselves? What if they were... dead? Maybe there was an accident and they died! But... I need to talk to them!" Tears welled up in my eyes. I haven't even met them yet. They can't die. I need them to remember! My back legs buckled as I worried more and more about this situation. Suddenly, I felt a small clawed hand gently pat my shoulder.

"Twi, you're overreacting. A lot. I'm sure your parents are fine! They probably got held up or something. But, just in case, I'll send something to Princess Celestia, okay? She said she is really busy, though, so it may take a while for her to respond," Spike comforted. I gave a small smile.

"Thanks, Spike." I stood up. "I'll wait here in case they come, maybe read a little." I thought of the books that I really wanted to read that were in the library that I had not the time to read, which were very many, since I had read only about thirty when I was in the hospital, and yesterday my day consisted on very little reading. Spike began his letter, writing himself what to say. I would help him, but I forgot when my mind jumped into the books in the library.

I looked at all the books in my library, to find and choose the first book I'll read. I could not initially choose what to read, but then I saw a book in one of the drawers that looked like a blank book. However, when I looked at the front page, I noticed it was a recorded book of friendship reports. However, when I peered into the next page, I realized it was not just friendship reports, but other letters also. As an added note, it was here that Spike yelled, "I'm done!" and blew the letter into flames. I was too focused on the letters to notice, but later I realized that he set the letter on fire. I assumed that setting the letter in green flame was how to send it to Princess Celestia.

The first letter consisted of some nonsense like "The Mare in the Moon" and how that year was the thousandth year after something or other. I sighed in a confused manner. This made sense to me? Oh well. Perhaps I could ask someone about it later. I read through the pages, and questions built up in my mind to ask someone later. As the questions piled on, I decided there was too much to remember, so I made a list to perhaps bring up in a conversation, and some space below it for the answer. There were questions like "What are the Elements of Harmony?" and "Who is the Mare in the Moon?" that could perhaps be found in the library I sat in. Other questions, like "What happened on this day?" and "What made her/him/me so upset?" needed someone who I knew personally to answer, unless there was a book published of my and my friends' personal lives. The thought of something like that crossed my mind. Unless it were a biography, I would find it creepy if someone was watching our every move. But what if there is? I shivered at the thought. That would be creepy. I shook my head and rid of the frightening thought, and then continued to read through the pages of the recorded letters.

When I reached the last page, I noticed it consisted nothing of the letters I had received. I then felt idiotic when I realized that it was me who had written all those. I could not had written it when I had hurt myself. I suppose I should write it myself, but there might have been other letters, and I should record what was written to her, also. I knew where the letters that Princess Celestia sent were, but I had no idea if copies of the letters sent to her were kept here. I trotted up the stairs up to where the other letters from Celestia were kept. I checked the shelves if there was a couple shelves of where I keep the letter that go to her. I did find many letters I sent to her, but they were all already recorded, and there was none in there past when my friends and I defeated this so-called monstrosity called "Discord".

"Twilight? What are you looking at?" I heard Spike ask.

"I'm looking at the letters sent between Princess Celestia and the rest of us. I saw a journal where all the letters were recorded, but it stops at a certain point, and then nothing afterwards. I'm looking to see what was written afterwards to record what I couldn't when I was in the hospital." Spike then rushed in front of me, as if there was something I wasn't supposed to see. He attempted to appear as if nothing was wrong, but he was very terrible at faking so. I could see the nervousness in his face, plus the beads of sweat running down his face.

"Twilight, maybe you should read other books, you know? You have a lot of books to read in the library, and maybe it would be easier than to try and dig up those other things." He was trying to hide something, which I could not fathom why he would want to hide it.

"This could help me regain what I lost, Spike. If I find something here that will help me remember, I could be the same Twilight Sparkle I was before! What could be so terrible that I shouldn't find?" Spike was speechless. The fake smile left his face, and his arms hung in regret.

"Twi, I'm really sorry, but I pro-" what he was about to say was interrupted by a loud belch and a letter. I picked up the letter with my magic and read it.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I apologize very greatly in advance. I bear unfortunate news of your parents. I had just received word that they were incredibly busy and could not make it. Your mother is very busy with her several novels, and your father is also busy with editing several other novels. I wish I could help, but unfortunately they will be unable to arrive today, or tomorrow. They may not be able to arrive for a while. My greatest condolences.

Your Beloved Ruler,

Princess Celestia

Spike looked in disbelief, and my eyes teared up in anger and disappointment. They are not coming. I was really excited for this, to be honest.

"That... that sounds like an excuse! But why? Why would they not come? Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something bad?" I shouted. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Something so terrible even my own parents shun me. Spike covered his face with his hands.

"Twilight..." he whimpered, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry..." He rushed our of the room and downstairs, and out the door. I had no idea where was headed, but at the time, I didn't care. Spike knew that it was excuse, because he knew of something that might drive my parents away. I wish I could find out, but at this point, I may be afraid to find out. If it was so terrible that my own parents that apparently loved and cared for me did not want to see me, then maybe I should not know.

Author's Note

This took very long to do. Not because I was busy but because I was, I dunno, somewhat uninspired, so I fear this may be the worst chapter of them all. I do hope it would end up alright, since I feel as if it's going downhill. But maybe the next chapter will be more well-written than this. Oh well. Thanks for reading and stuffs.

Chapter Four

I shrieked and thrashed and bit. I yelled and squirmed and scratched. They would not stop me. They could not stop me. I would not stop until I was free. They cannot keep me subdued. They will not keep me subdued. I freed myself. I ran. They followed. I ran faster. They ran faster. I escaped. They lost me. I returned. They did not keep me subdued. They could not stop me. I am too good for them. I am too smart for them.

That is why none of them are smart enough to know the truth.

The light of Celestia's morning sun blinded me. I awoke from a terrible nightmare with a lump in my throat. My face felt dry, and my eyes stung. I pulled a pillow over my head. I looked over at Spike's tiny bed, which sat next to my own. It was empty. I guessed he was already up, perhaps getting a head start on his chores. Or goofing around. I closed my eyes shut and turned on my other side. He and I weren't angry at each other, although I was upset at first. There were a few instances where I attempted to ask what he was hiding, but he only replied that he had promised to never tell me. Any other times I attempted to ask, he either changed the topic or pretended he didn't hear it. I eventually gave up asking Spike, although I did try to ask others. Rarity and Rainbow Dash pretended not to know, while Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie told me the same as Spike; they swore to not tell me. Therefore, I wouldn't get the answer I wanted. I tried to find the letters that weren't recorded, but it appears as if Spike had hidden them somewhere. Or maybe they never existed.

The delectable smell of baked apple reached my nose, and I willed myself to once again open my eyes. Spike walked up to my bed.

"C'mon Twilight, up and at 'em! I made baked apples for breakfast! They're Applejack's best apples!" Spike yelled practically in my ear. I got out of bed. I did have to admit, I did like baked apples. I walked into the kitchen, and levitated a plate to a table. I took a fork and began to eat. I was met immediately with a very wonderful taste.

"Spike, these are amazing!" I shouted, amazed at his skill. I suppose by now I should not be surprised at his cooking skills, but still, these were delicious. Spike lifted his head and but his fists on his hips in pride.

"I got the special recipe from Applejack. Applejack gave it to me when I bought some apples, which she made sure were the best, and told me to write down how to make these apple perfect. She wanted me to make it special just for you, Twilight," Spike told me. I gobbled up the delicious treat, and then wiped off remaining apple bits with a napkin.

"Thank you for making the food for me. It was very delicious." I lifted the plates and silverware into the sink. "I should probably go wash off my face and brush my hair and teeth well." My hair, like usual, had the same bedhead I wake up with a lot. I wonder, did I always sleep like this? I splashed water in my face. Maybe it's only when I sleep when thinking a lot. I suppose those odd dreams I have every once in a while contribute towards my bedhead. I picked up the brushed and pulled it through my knotted hair, wincing at the slight pull. What are those dreams about, anyway? Maybe I should start recording these odd dreams. The one last night was the fourth, though. Do I really remember the other three? I grunted as I brushed through a very resistant knot. Well, I know that the first two were when I was in the hospital, and the third was a week ago... They were about... something to do with dying. Yes. Wait, that is kind of weird.

Well, the first one, I am pretty sure, was about me falling. I don't think it was anything other than that. The second one was about looking down off a very high cliff with the intention of jumping. I slid the brush through my hair a few times more to make sure it was good. As I put the brush away, I took out toothpaste and my new toothbrush. I got it a week ago when I got Spike a new one. I had to do that because I did not know which toothbrush was mine, and Spike forgot to tell me which one was his. Therefore resulting in getting two new toothbrushes. I squirted a pea sized bit of toothpaste onto the toothbrush, and started brushing my teeth. The third dream was about catching on fire. Wait, no, it was about sitting in front of a fire, thinking about setting myself on fire. And the dream last night, the fourth, was about escaping from something. I don't really remember who it was. I do not even know if I saw their faces, or their features. Were they ponies? Were they dragons? Were they Changelings? What were they? It seems as if these dreams meant something. But what?

Are they in an order of sorts? I spit out the toothpaste and cleaned off my toothbrush before putting it where it belonged. I wiped off my face, and once again splashed my face to clean off the toothpaste. Maybe the dreams are going backwards. Say, didn't I fall and hit my head when I got amnesia? Maybe these dreams are from before I hit my head. But that means... I tried to commit suicide. Why would I do that? I walked out of the bathroom, and into the library. These dreams are only bits and pieces. They are like puzzle pieces, with the majority of the box missing. It doesn't make sense. Why did I do that? If these dreams were reality, and what I thought then were my actual thoughts, then... I might have been crazy. How crazy was I? Did whatever than was trying to hold me down drive me mad? This is not enough! I need to know more! But how? Spike walked into the library, and began dusting off the books. I noticed he was dusting off a spellbook. Wait, that's it! I have no idea why I never thought of this before.

I lifted the book out of the shelf, carefully avoiding Spike so that he did not fall. He fell anyway, but it was only about one foot off the ground, so he was fine. He got up, and glared at me.

"Twilight! What was that for?!" he yelled with anger.

"Sorry, Spike, I just wanted to get this book," I commented as I flipped open the book to the back, where the index was, and looked down the columns for what I searched for.

"What for?" Spike moved towards me with curiosity. "Are you going to try to relearn a spell you haven't yet?"

"Yes."

"Well, what is it?"

"A memory spell." I traced down when I finally found it. "Aha!" I flipped to page 251, where the memory spell held its place.

"No no no! You can't do that!" Spike took the book into his own hands and closed it.

"Why in Equestria not?" Spike got that nervous look he gets when he is hiding something.

"Well... You're not allowed to regain your memory by spell. You have to do it naturally." Spike stood up straight.

"Again, why not?" I asked again, with more than a hint of annoyance.

"Because... well... Princess Celestia said so!"

"Why?" Spike sighed and slouched.

"I... I don't know. I would tell you if I could, but she didn't tell me why." I cocked my eyebrows. I was still suspicious.

"Well, I only want a little bit so that I can understand something. I won't restore it all." I grabbed the book and once again flipped to page 251, but Spike just snatched the book again.

"Ask me. You don't need to waste your magic." I once again grabbed the book and went through the pages.

"I don't think you would know." He took it back.

"I've lived with you ever since you hatched me, when you were ten. What makes you think I don't know you now?" I grabbed it from him.

"Do you know everything and anything about my daily life?" He took it back.

"No, because that's creepy. But if it's important, I probably know it." We kind of had a tug-of-war here, both of us thrying to get the book.

"Do you really? Do you know my latest discovery in magic?"

"Yes. You relearned how to teleport over short distances two days ago."

"Do you know my latest discovery in magic before I got amnesia?" He suddenly stopped trying to get the book for himself, and it was mine. "Yes! It's mine!" I flipped through the pages again. I looked at Spike smugly, but then saw that he was in shock. What, don't look at me! I didn't use my magic on him, only to retrieve the book! I put down the book. "Spike?" I poked him in the shoulder. He recovered.

"What? Oh. Yeah. Um... I don't remember." He picked up the book. I didn't try to stop him, still baffled by his reaction. "You can't have this, and I'm sorry, but I will have to take this." He walked up the stairs with the book, most likely going to hide it from me. Was that where everything else was hidden? I guess I don't really have any choice in this matter. However, one question still remained in my head.

Why?

Author's Note

Since I haven't added a chapter in over a month, I'm adding two chapters at once! Yay! Also, I Pinkie promise to never post another chapter later than a month! That's right, I Pinkie promise! Lord help me if I forget. Yeah!

Chapter Five

They're all fools. Every one of them. They're all stupid, moronic, idiotic fools. Even that oh-so-wonderful Princess. They all discounted me as crazy. All of them. Maybe it was not me that was crazy. Maybe they're just stupid. Fools. Idiots. Morons. All of them. I read the letter I had received from Her-Royal-Ignorance.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

You are overreacting entirely too much! All you need to do is calm yourself! Perhaps you need a break from your magic studies. Spend more time with your friends. Forget this madness. You do not need-

I stopped reading there. Even the oh-so-understanding-and-caring Princess discounts my intellect. I crumpled up the paper. This is not going to pass freely. I took out a paper, a pen, and a bottle of ink, and began writing. Spike stood in the corner, frightened out of his wits.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Overreact? OVERREACTING?! You know what?

Buck you.

You are no different than the rest of them! You are a fool, just like them! You discount me as mad! I will follow you no more! You pretend to be understanding, act as if you understand, but you understand none of it! You see it as nonsense because you yourself are unable to understand! You believe yourself to be so intelligent, but then, I surpassed you, therefore leaving you calling me insane! You want to make me believe I am mad so that nobody, not even I, would know that I was smarter! No, your petty tricks will never work on me! You watch your pretty little princess back, Your-Royal-Stupidity, or something will happen. Something terrible will happen.

At exactly midnight in two days.

Good Luck,

Twilight Sparkle

I put my feather pen back in the ink and handed the letter to Spike.

"Send it," I said coldly. Spike looked at the letter, then back at me.

"T-Twilight... Are you sure-"

"Yes," I interrupted. "Send it now." He was so terrified, he obeyed my command without another word. He blew the letter with his fire, sending it to the Princess. I began to laugh. "Dear Princess Celestia, you watch your pretty little princess back, because something will happen!"

My eyes shot open as I gasped. I quickly sat up. Peering out the window, I saw that the sun had not risen yet. I sighed and shook my head. Another weird dream. This time, however, it was much more detailed, and made more sense. Yet at the same time, it didn't. I lifted note pad by my bed, on the night stand, and began to write about my dream.

This was the fifth one so far, and probably the worst, yet the most detailed. After writing down the dream, I wrote notes to remember later, and questions to answer. Why did I get so angry? Why was everyone discounting me as insane? What did I do? Why did I believe myself to be smarter than even Princess Celestia? You would think that a very detailed dream would hand me answers like someone would give candy to a foal on Nightmare Night, but it answers very little, and instead creates more questions. This is probably why Spike and Princess Celestia are determined that I find answers on my own, rather than using magic. If I used magic, I most likely would not have seen how terrible I was, and became exactly the same. However, I am still determined to find answers. What did I do? The action was obviously between that dream and when I hit my head, unless either I did not do anything when I said I would, or all of these dreams happened in a span of two days. Both of which are highly unlikely. Maybe if I find Spike's stuff-to-hide-from-Twilight stash, I could get some answers. I looked over at the little Spike in his bed next to my own, who was still snoring away, as the sun had not come up yet. Perfect.

I slunk out of bed, trying my best not to wake him up. I searched throughout the house. In the closet, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the library, in our bedroom, in the attic... Nowhere. I searched in every nook and cranny, but it was not anywhere. I guess there are hidden spaces I did not know about that Spike knew. Or just hidden spaces I never remember. Or... Maybe he hid them under the mattress in his bed. I groaned. I knew that if I tried to get under his mattress to search while he slept, he would wake up, no matter how hard of a sleeper he is. It appears as if I cannot do anything for now. I guess I will have to wait until he is out of bed before searching. For now, I guess I will read some of the books I have not gotten to. I picked a random book off the shelf, The Daily Life of The Average Bear, and plopped down on the couch. I read further into the book before I yawned and realized how tired I was...

"Twlilght?" I felt a small, scaly hand push me. "Twilight? Why are you sleeping down here?" I groaned and opened my eyes to see Spike. I yawned and sat up, causing the book that I was reading to fall onto the floor. I rubbed my eyes. I guess I fell asleep after I started to read. How far did I get? I picked up the book. I lost my place. Oh well, I'll just read from the beginning.

"Good morning, Spike." I yawned and stretched.

"Good morning. Your breakfast is rice cereal and soy milk." I got up and nodded.

"Thanks. I'll go eat it." After gobbling up the cereal and cleaning my face, I came back downstairs to see Spike reading the book that I had left, and making bear faces of his own. He immediately put it down as soon as he saw me.

"Spike, could you do me a favor? Can you go see if Rarity still needs my help? She asked for something, but I never found out what. Could you go ask her for me?" I asked. His face turned bright red from just the thought of his crush. I did my best not to roll my eyes.

"I'll do it! I'll do it!" He then raced out the door, very eager to see the pony he liked. I finally gave in to the urge to roll my eyes. At least I could check, now.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was not anywhere. What did he do with the stupid books and letters?! It has to be a secret hiding place. Where else would it be? I went into the library. Maybe the secret hiding place is behind the books! I flipped the books out of their places, one by one, two by two, three by three...

Books were everywhere. All of the bookshelves were bare. There was no place where something could be hidden. Maybe... maybe they were behind the bookshelves! Yes! I rushed to the side of one of the bookshelves, and push as hard as I could to get it down. I realized I was not even using my magic. Oh, silly me! Bringing down bookshelves would be much simpler with magic on my side! I crashed down the first bookshelf. It created a lot of dust, and made quite a racket when it fell, but it was down. But... NO BUCKING SECRET HIDING PLACE. I brought down the second one. Same result of the first. Same with the third. And the fourth.

I was in hysterics by now.

"WHERE THE BUCK IS IT?! I NEED IT!" I began throwing around books, destroying the place further. "I NEED IT NOW!" I even ripped the pages off a book and scattered them around, enraged by my failure to find the secret hiding place. It had to be somewhere! Maybe it's not under the mattress, but in the mattress. I galloped up the stairs and to his bed, and ripped it apart. Feathers flew everywhere. It wasn't there either.

I ripped apart every nook and cranny, searching everywhere. I couldn't find it anywhere. Not ANYWHERE! I could not stand it! I need it! I need to know MORE! I clawed at my face in agony. I NEED IT! I NEED IT NOW!

"TWILIGHT!" I heard someone shout from downstairs. Spike. He did this. He hid the book and the letters from me. He caused this mess. He made me destroy everything. He made me destroy everything. Or...

I made me destroy everything.

I put my head in my hooves and began to cry. What have I done? I just destroyed my own home for the sake of just one lousy book and a couple of meaningless letters. What am I to do now? I heard Spike run p the stairs into our room. He was out of breath, like he ran throughout the whole house searching for me.

"TWILIGHT! Are you alright? What happened? Oh, please be alright!" He rushed up to me. "Who did this? Where did they go? What did they look like? What did they do to you? Are you alright?" I tried my best to stop sobbing, but did not bother to lift my head.

"It... it was me..."

Author's Note

I got both chapters done! Yay!
And what is this? Oh no, Twilight Sparkle has gone psycho!

I think I'm abusing this too much.

Chapter Six

"It...it was me..." Spike stared in disbelief. He shook his head and peered once again at the sobbing mess I had become.

"Twilight... you can't be serious! This... this is all a joke! Yeah!" He smiled and his eyes lit up, deluding himself into fake reassurance. His determination that I am still normal, still the good Twilight he remembers... I am not Twilight. I only sunk closer to the floor. I am destructive. I am..."A... joke..." How I wish that it were that simple. All of this as a joke. Maybe I would not be so insane.

Insane. The word rung throughout my head. I saw it in all corners in my mind. I heard it all around me. Just the sound of it made me cower. Did it remind me of something? It did. It gave me nightmares, it gave me fright. I heard them, all over. They all said it together. Every one of them. "You are insane," they told me. "You're nothing less than any other lunatic," they yelled. I put my hooves over my ears. I can't hear them. They do not exist. They are not real. Or... are they?

"Stop!" I screamed, causing Spike to trip and fall backwards. "Stop it! Leave me alone!" I broke down in tears once again. 'I'm not crazy! I'm not!" I am not insane! I cannot be! No! I slipped off the ground. I thrashed around and grabbed at the air, and caught a small thread with my mouth. I hung there, slipping slowly. They all continued there. They taunted, they exploited, they tortured. I could not do this. I screamed, letting go. I started falling. Into a deep pit of darkness, of the one word I feared most.

Insanity.

My world went dark. The lights went out. I was not even sure if they would return. A part of me almost hoped they wouldn't.

"GOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOORNIIING!" I heard a hyperactive voice shout. Beams of light burst into the room, when curtains were parted and I was awake. My head hurt. As I opened my eyes, I noticed I was not home. I sat up as quickly as I could, and pain shot through my head. Black spots danced in my eyes. I put a hoof to my head in pain.

I observed the area around me. Sure enough, I was back in the hospital. But... why? In the room, around me, were my friends. The one who yelled earlier was none other than the bubbly Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash opened the cutains. I had a feeling today was going to be a long day.

"What... happened...?" I asked with a groan. Pinkie Pie stopped her hyperactive jumping, and everybody paused for a moment, before a voice interrupted the silence.

"You blacked out." I stared in the direction of the majestic voice. The five ponies and one dragon parted to reveal an incredibly tall mare with a very long horn and gigantic wings. She had a pure white pelt, with a mane and tail of bluish, pinkish colors that floated freely in the air. She had a cutie mark upon her flank that was a sun, floating in the white fur as if it was a sun of its own Equestria. I recognized her as Princess Celestia herself, from the photos I have seen in the occasional informational book of Equestrian history. Here was the Princess of Equestria, here to visit me! But... why?

"P-princess Celestia!" I attempted to do a bow of sorts while lying down, but my head began to ache, so I ceased my movement, while Princess Celestia tried to calm me down. "It is an honor to see you visiting me," I added, attempting to be calm. I hoped that I was acting correctly before Her Majesty. From the books about her I have read, she is a kind and caring ruler, so perhaps I would not be punished if I falter. Would I? According my letters, I have assumed that I am a protegee of sorts for Princess Celestia. She may be more lenient because of such.

"I apologize greatly for not visiting earlier, my dear Twilight Sparkle, but I have been up to my ears in my duties." I was slightly confused. She was acting somewhat friendly with me. Was I truly that close to Princess Celestia? I remember from the several notes that she planned to visit me, but... Exactly what was I to her? Did she see me as a student, or a friend, or a child? I know from my letters, I saw her as a Princess and my teacher. But what did she see in me? "Twilight? Are you alright? You are being quite silent." I shook my head, and looked back at Princess Celestia. She was concerned, a clear frown upon her face.

"If I may ask, how did I black out? I mean, I hardly remember anything." I paused a moment to think of what happened. Alcohol? No, I do not think I would do something like that, while I am trying to think of what I am. Perhaps it is linked to... my dream? I shuddered. Certainly that did not happen.

"You kinda flipped out... and destroyed the library. When I came back, you kept shouting and yelling at me to stop, to leave you alone, you weren't crazy. Then... you blacked out," Spike quietly muttered, shifting his eyes from me, to the ceiling, to the far corner of the room.

"Poor Spike was so scared. Applejack and I had come to the library to see how you were doing, since you were not really going outside at all. We were afraid you were secluding yourself, blocking off all outside attention," added Rarity, looking straight into my eyes with great concern.

"When we got into your house, we saw it was a wreck. We called your name, and Spike came running down, almost tripping over his own feet. He was blubbering so much, we could not understand him. But when he brought us up to you, we saw you were unconscious," Applejack stated. "We're so glad you're alright, sugarcube. We got so worried."

"The doctor said that you'll leave in a couple days, but..." started Fluttershy in her usual, subdued voice, trailing off as she went along. I was still nervous by the presence of the Princess, but now I was concerned. What does she mean by that? Almost everypony in the room were trying to avert their eyes, save for the Princess, who would probably be the best person to break the news that apparently no one else wanted to tell.

"You will not be going home, but to an asylum." My eyes widen in horror. I am going to an asylum? They... think that I am insane? No... I'm... I'm not! I'm not insane. Tears dripped from my eyes. Princess Celestia sighed. "Twilight, I promise it will be only for a little bit, only until you recover. After you become better, everything will be fine," she tried to reassure me. They see me as crazy. Insane. I am... not... insane. I'm not insane. I'm not insane!

"I'm not insane!" I screamed with every fiber of my body. Everybody flinched, including the Princess. She even backed up a few steps. In her face, did I see... fear? Even the Almighty Princess Celestia fears me! How... how could she?! How could any of them do this to me?! I stood up, ignoring any headaches I received in the process.

"How could you?!" I shouted, my eyes wide with anger. "How could you think I am insane?! You know what?!" I paused for a response. Rainbow tried to stop me.

"Twilight! Stop this! You're not like this!" she yelled at me, as I struggled to get free.

"You can't do this to me! YOU CAN'T!" I kicked Rainbow in the face, but then Applejack tried to hold me down. Princess Untrustworthy tried to get some people to help her. She called her guards that she so happened to bring. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIENDS!" The guards came in, but it was too late. I started to teleport, as I had relearned not too long ago. Applejack backed away, afraid to find what magic I was using. Spike tried to come forth, to stop me, but Rarity held onto him.

"Twilight! Why are you doing this to us again?!" he shouted in despair. Just before I disappeared, I gave him a snarl.

"Me?! I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!" With a burst of light, I was gone. Never would I want to see their faces, filled with filthy lies and deceit, ever again.

Author's Note

I waited too long. Again.

So, apologize for the long wait. Although it was not a full month, it was still too long. Again, I'm really sorry.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Chapter Seven

I shivered as I lay there, on the cold, hard dirt, in the Everfree Forest. I sobbed silently to myself as I relived that moment over and over again in my head, every time doubling my regret.

"I'm not insane!" I screamed with every fiber of my body. Everybody flinched, including the Princess. She even backed up a few steps. In her face, did I see... fear? Even the Almighty Princess Celestia fears me! How... how could she?! How could any of them do this to me?! I stood up, ignoring any headaches I received in the process.

"How could you?!" I shouted, my eyes wide with anger. "How could you think I am insane?! You know what?!" I paused for a response. Rainbow tried to stop me.

"Twilight! Stop this! You're not like this!" she yelled at me, as I struggled to get free.

"You can't do this to me! YOU CAN'T!" I kicked Rainbow in the face, but then Applejack tried to hold me down. Princess Untrustworthy tried to get some people to help her. She called her guards that she so happened to bring. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIENDS!" The guards came in, but it was too late. I started to teleport, as I had relearned not too long ago. Applejack backed away, afraid to find what magic I was using. Spike tried to come forth, to stop me, but Rarity held onto him.

"Twilight! Why are you doing this to us again?!" he shouted in despair. Just before I disappeared, I gave him a snarl.

"Me?! I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

It echoed over and over in my head.

"I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

"Why are you doing this to us again?!"

"Why are you doing this to us, Twilght?!"

"Haven't you done enough the first time?!"

"I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

"No, Twilight, you've let us down. You've let us all down. You've betrayed us all, your very own friends."

"I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

"Why couldn't we just have the normal Twilight?"

"I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

"Why are you here instead?"

"I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!"

"Of course, you're the problem, 'Twilight'. Why else would we try to send you to an asylum?"

...Why? Why did this happen?

I betrayed my friends. I practically spit in their faces. Not only did I betray my friends, I yelled at our very own Princess Celestia. They had only been kind to me, and I was acting in unnecessary and unreasonable hatred. Why did this happen in the first place? Why did I have to lose my memories in the first place? What made me decide to hop off a cliff? Did that mess with my mind? What is making me so spiteful? Why do I feel from the dark pit in my soul distrust for the ones I loved? Why?

The fur on my face was wet and messy with tears and dirt. I curled up in a ball and held on to myself. I treated them all so horribly. I thought not of their side, and what their say was in the problem. I had no empathy for my friends. I judged them based on my own tainted thoughts and ideas. What am I going to do? What will they do to me if I return? Will I be imprisoned? Will I be scorned? Will I be banished? Will I be executed? Who knows what that Celestia will do?

She doesn't care for me. She doesn't trust me. She hides lies and tyranny behind her royal crown. She took my friends from me... No! I ceased my sniveling and shaking. I relaxed my limbs from the curled up position. I will not be fooled by their trickery! My face twisted into a frown of hatred and fury. Those witches were never my friends! No, they just acted as if they were! Why, who would want to be a friend of "that insane unicorn"? I stepped up on my hooves and began to pace back and forth, an expression of loathing plastered on my face. I never should have trusted any single one of them. None of them were ever my friends! What "friend" would send you off to an ASYLUM?! Who ever WAS on my side?!

My family refused to visit me, using the excuse of "being busy". My own "friends" were too afraid to consistently TALK to me; once I was out of the hospital, they avoided me like the plague. And of course Princess Important had no time to visit her very own student. I had learned my own memories from them, thus they had no requirement to simply interact with me. No one ever was on my "side". Not a single person cared about my "side". Not my parents, not my brother, not my "friends", not Celestia! Why would our "powerful" and "majestic" ruler care about some little unicorn mare? "Oh, that student of mine is having emotional issues? Send her to the asylum," she would say, with a nonchalant wave of her hoof. Princess Celestia is a monster beyond all. Hate almost oozed out of my expression, my teeth grinding, my hooves pacing, and my eyes narrowed.

However, realization crashed over me like a tidal wave. My thoughts of despise and loathing do me no good! What am I becoming?! Why am I acting like this?! They're not bad! Tears poured down my face and my expression switched from hatred to sorrow, my lower lip trembling among my tears. This...

This is why I am being sent to an asylum.

Author's Note

Alright, it has been AGES since I last released something. Therefore I will try to do something about the monstrosity we call procrastination. I'm going to work on these a hay of a lot more than once a month, and I promise to try to make them good and not rushed. Thanks for reading!

Chapter Eight

I dipped my feather pen in the ink with my magic as soon as I began writing the letter. Spike at my side, looking at the letter with interest, I started furiously writing the letter with excitement and anxiety.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I have made an astounding discovery! You see, while studying the usual magic of friendship, I came upon a small hole in the logic. However, when I examined this tiny obstacle, I realized it was not a problem, but a whole new plane of existence! This undiscovered area is not bound by logic or physics! It is linked only to magic, which can lead to discovering so much more than I already know! This new spell links to the power of powerful beings, such as yourself and Discord, and channels it into a single pony! A pony can become as powerful as you are yourself! A pony can have the abilities of Discord! So many things could be done at the very hooves of ponies with this spell! The more I study this spell, the more I become intrigued! I am only steps away from completing this mystifying spell!

Sincerely,

Your Student, Twilight Sparkle

Spike titled his head to the side in confusion after reading the letter.

"What exactly is the 'discovery' you're talking about? I'm kinda confused," he asked quizzically. I beamed, glad that Spike was curious.

"Well-" I started.

"You know what? Never mind, forget I asked," Spike deadpanned. "I'll just send this to the Princess now," he added just before he blew green flames upon the letter, which then disappeared. He began to head up the stairs, but before he was even halfway up, he belched loudly, and green fire escaped from his mouth, followed by a letter.

"Well, that was a quick response!" I announced, gleefully prancing over to Spike, excited to see Princess Celestia's response to my new discovery. He walked slowly back down the stairs while reading the letter. "Spike, what did she say?" He stopped reading and looked up at me with an "I told you so" expression.

"Twilight, you really need to read this," he told me in an exasperated tone. I stared at him for a moment before levitating the letter and reading it.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

You are dealing with an illusion caused by the lack of sleep. Twilight, rest for a while, and forget your studies for a bit. Once you feel fully relaxed and calm, check once again and you will not find this "new plane of existence".

Your Beloved Ruler,

Princess Celestia

Spike and I stood in silence for a moment. An illusion?

"She thinks... it's just... and illusion?" Spike looked up at me.

"Twilight, you DO need some sleep. You've been studying way too hard for something that Princess says is fine if you put off! Relax for a while, alright?" Relax? RELAX? Anger seeped through my veins like venom.

"I do NOT need to relax! I am in a PERFECTLY fine state of mind! I found this, and she has no right to tell me it is an ILLUSION!" I roared, causing Spike to flinch and back away.

"Tw-Twi? Maybe you DO need to relax..." Spike muttered nervously.

"I need to RELAX?!" I shouted, pausing a moment to catch my breath. "I NEED TO RELAX?! YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT I NEED AND WHAT I DON'T NEED! YOU KNOW NOTHING! NOTHING!" I saw the terrified expression of Spike, and began to falter. "Spike...?" Oh, what in Equestria drove me to yell at him like that? "Spike, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean it..." Spike said nothing, but instead ran up the stairs, leaving me in the library, alone. I sat on the ground and put my hooves to my face in shock. What... what is happening to me?

Dirt. Forest. Darkness. Noises. Animal noises. My eyes groggily watched the ground that lay under me, which now was beginning to turn my lavender coat a light brownish purple from laying in it so long.

I found it incredible that I was able to sleep at all, considering how uncomfortable the ground is and how shaky my mental state is. I had another dream last night, one of those that seem as if they are past memories. I have abandoned all past hopes of memories and learning. All I wish for now is loss. Perhaps life, or maybe just memories. I understand now why I jumped off that cliff. It was to free myself. With this new memory, I realize now what has been the reason for this curse I have is my own foolish curiosity. I have created a monster within myself. However, Princess Celestia, in her desperate attempt to cease my progression, has only fed the flames. I closed my eyes. Images ran through my head, images of Princess Celestia, then my friends, the expressions I have seen them show; regret, fake happiness, urgency, hurt...

It has been only about two days since I left them. I am truly surprised that I have not been found yet. I suppose it is because Princess Celestia wishes to give me time to recover on my own. She knows by this point that any interference on her part will only make things worse. However, there is little left for me.

I have had an entire day to myself to reflect upon everything. Twice have I almost went to Canterlot to confront Princess Celestia, before realizing how futile it was. What has not been corrupted or affected by the spell is very minimal. Everything important to me has been frightened by my curse I brought upon myself. The very me inside that was not corrupted has lost all hope. My memories are nothing to me now. I know only what has happened to me was brought on by myself. Now that I have possibly permanently affected others, I cannot forgive myself.

Author's Note

To be honest, I can think of no happy way to end this. Well, here is the eighth chapter. Hopefully I will update more often from now on, but here's a(sort of) double update. You know, since I took about three hours to write the second chapter. Oh well. Thanks for reading!

Chapter Nine

I suppose I am right where I started. Or rather, almost ended. Back at the top of a cliff. Perhaps I am back here because I was not creative enough, or I just feel compelled to from my memories. To this point, I truly remember little. I only recall what I relived in my sleep. Perhaps it is too early. Or, more likely, it is too late. My life should have ended from the moment I hit the ground the first time. How much truly is left for me?

I have destroyed every relationship I've ever cared for. My friends, my family, and my teacher, the Princess. Spike now fears me; I do not blame him for feeling that way after how I have treated him. What now is left for me? How else would I cure myself of this curse I brought upon myself?

I stare off at the scenery before me; a giant drop, showing trees far down at the other end, and the already setting sun beginning to turn the sky a fiery red. I sit on my rump and close my eyes.

Maybe... maybe this is a bit too soon. I... Maybe ending my life like this is unnecessary. Perhaps... perhaps Princess Celestia has a cure, and I could return to her, and she would help! Or maybe it is the power of friendship that could save me, as what my old letters all said! However, I shook my head in a mix of despair and determination. If Celestia had a cure, she would have used that in the stead of sending me to an asylum, and my friends would surely have interacted with me more often if I could truly be cured by the "power of friendship". No, this is truly past anything curable. There is nothing left but delusions and frustration.

No. I put my hooves to my face. "No," I said aloud. "Death... death isn't the answer!" I removed my hooves from my face and shot up, wandering away from the cliff. "It's obvious there is a cure. There has to be a cure! Bah, I'm sure Celstia has it somewhere!" I tensed up and my expression switched again to a snarl. "Celestia... Of course she would have it somewhere, The 'Powerful and Mighty' Celestia! Hah! She probably knows it well, but refuses to use it on me for her own personal amusement!" I spat, progressively getting louder, before I truly realized the words that shot from my mouth. I sighed and once again sat down. Another one.

This is why I must end all of this. I have hurt some, perhaps even very deeply. Now it is my turn to remove myself from their lives. I slowly sat up and inched back towards the cliff. This is why I must end it all. I slid my hooves to the very edge, kicking off a few pebbles along with it. Yes, this is my-

"TWILIGHT!" Several voices shouted, causing me to flinch, I turned around, only to see the very people I left behind. Rushing towards me were Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and even Spike. These... these are my friends, the very friends I betrayed and scorned! Why have they returned to me?!

"TWILIGHT! Don't do it! There's so much left for you!" Applejack shouted. Tears fell from my eyes, as I began to sob uncontrollably. Why are my friends back, after I had treated them?! I shook my head.

"B-but... there isn't. I have done so much I regret..." I stepped backwards in the midst of my sobbing. Unfortunately, my hoof reached no solid ground.

I fell backwards, my tears flying through the air. My friends shouted my name louder and louder, as Rainbow Dash dove down the cliff. I fell faster, she flew faster. But just seconds before she reached me, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and it all went black.

Author's Note

You know, that chapter was really short. Doesn't really seem fit for an ending, IS IT?!

It isn't. Don't worry, I know how bad that would be. There's one more, which is kind of an Epilogue of sorts.

Epilogue

"...alright..." Huh? Did I just...? I can hear things....

"I'm sure... alright..." That voice sounded a little like...

"Of course she'll be fine, Fluttershy. The doctor said she's fine." But... how can I hear them here?

"I think I just saw her twitch!" Am I alive? My eyelids flickered, and for a second I saw bright light.

"She just blinked!" I finally opened my eyes, adjusting to the light. I sat up a little, and looked at my surroundings. I was in a hospital room, which had five ponies and a dragon inside: my friends, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Spike. I... I'm not dead! It must have been just a dream.

"Twilight!" "You're awake!" "Oh, Twilight!"

"Everyone!, Oh, I'm so glad I'm here with you!" I gleefully spoke. A lump formed in my throat. It was only a dream! It was just an injury-induced dream! Oh, I'm so happy! It was just a dream! "Oh, I had such a terrible dream! It was about how I thought I discovered something, but it was actually secretly a curse, and it drove me mad, and I was so terrible to you guys, and in the end I committed suicide, but it was all just a dream! Oh, I'm so glad!" Tears streamed down my face. Everyone's face slowly switched from happiness to something like... guilt? "Guys? What... what's wrong?" Fluttershy was the first to speak.

"Twilight... it wasn't just a dream. It... it did happen. But..." Before I could respond or Fluttershy could finish, a new voice spoke up.

"You're cured, Twilight Sparkle. You are no longer afflicted by the spell," said Princess Celestia.

"Yeah, Twilight! Do you have all of your old memories back, too?" rambunctiously asked Pinkie Pie, acting as her usual way.

"Well, assuming that she thought it was all just a dream, I would say yes," added Rarity.

"B-but... If that wasn't a dream, I really did do all of those things! Wh-what do I do now?!" I can't believe it...! Princess Celestia simply smiled.

"You will simply start all over again. Just ask yourself as many times as you think you need to: Who is Twilight Sparkle?"

Author's Note

So, this is the end.

I probably made some of you angry with that last ending, but it's all good, Twilight is forgiven, and no longer afflicted. Yay, happy ending! I suppose it wasn't the best, and not the most unique story, but I thank you so much for reading the entirety of my first story on Fimfiction!